In Therapy with Alex Howard

This series we're following Hayley, whose traumatic upbringing has resulted in severe depression and anxiety, as well as debilitating obsessive compulsive disorder. Hayley has come to In Therapy because she's decided enough is enough, and wants to live the rest of her life free from the constraints of the past.

Have you ever asked yourself: "Am I worthy of therapy?" Most of us, at some point, have needed help but haven't asked for it. We tell ourselves it's reserved for "people with real problems" and that we don't qualify. But the truth is, we all struggle and we're all worthy of help. This week, we meet Hayley, whose lifelong feeling of low worth has had catastrophic consequences...

One of the impacts of childhood trauma is that we can feel overly merged with and responsible for those around us. Creating healthy boundaries is a critical step towards liberating ourselves from the past and creating life on our own terms. This is some of what Hayley and I get into in this week's episode...

So much of our energy in life goes into what other people think about us. But, we can never know what people truly think, and ultimately it doesn't matter. What matters is what we think of ourselves. In this week's episode, Alex and Hayley work on cultivating an accurate and loving self-image.

One of the challenges when we've experienced trauma is that we learn to focus on what is wrong about ourselves and the world around us. As a result, we not only ignore only our inherent sense of goodness, but also our achievements and accomplishments in life. By shifting our focus to celebrate and embody the best of ourselves, we are learning to invite more of this into our lives.

A common misconception is that anger is a “bad” emotion. But in its purest form, anger is our life force energy rising up and standing up for our boundaries, along with the power behind us stepping forward for the things that matter most to us in life. We need our anger and to unlock its potential for living our best life. This is just some of what Hayley and I get into in this week's episode…

The foundations of how we relate to ourselves and those around us is almost entirely established in childhood. In this week's session, Hayley and I begin to explore how she was related to as a child, and what effect this has had on her life. Ultimately, to heal the traumas of the past, we need to listen that younger us, and give them the boundaries, safety and love that they needed.

When we've experienced traumas in childhood, the conclusion that we often draw is that we must have been weak; but often the opposite is true. The very fact that we survived the experience, and managed to develop the coping strategies to function in the world, is a sign of how strong we are. Unlocking and owning this strength is often the key to building our future the way we want it.

Is it ever too late for a clean slate? Often, the stories we tell ourselves stem from childhood and, although they might have served us at the time, they aren't always suitable for life as an adult. In this week's session, Hayley and I explore whether it's possible to rewrite our story.

Hayley and I catch up after a two-month break for her "final" session. Hayley reflects on her therapeutic journey, specifically what she's learnt about herself and how her relationships have changed. We also discuss the next steps Hayley will take to ensure she keeps moving forward in her healing journey.

This week, I talk a little bit about how In Therapy first started, how we find our participants and what sort of process people go through to be selected for the series.

If you've been following Hayley's journey in recent months, you'll no doubt have resonated with some of the feelings and experiences that Hayley shared. This week, I explore some of the key themes from Hayley's journey (I also answer some of your questions) and invite you to reflect more deeply on some of these themes, as well as learn some ways to work with them more directly.

This week, I explore the subject of trauma – what it is, how it can shape our lives, and what you can do about it. If you want to go deeper, sign up to my free, five-part video series where I'll walk you through how to decode your trauma: www.decodeyourtrauma.com

This series we're following Pierre, whose life is overshadowed by a sense of unworthiness and a fear of rejection. Pierre has come to In Therapy to overcome childhood trauma and realise his true self-worth. Follow Pierre's journey over the coming weeks as we release weekly episodes of his sessions with me.

This week, we meet 44-year-old Pierre, who's come to In Therapy to overcome childhood trauma and achieve authentic self-worth. In this first session, Pierre and I explore his past and how it has affected him in adult life.

In this week's episode, Pierre explains that one of his overriding feelings from childhood is that it must have been HIS fault that he was neglected; this is a common conclusion in many people who have experienced childhood trauma, and can only be healed from within...

People often think anger, hatred and rage are bad emotions, and should be avoided. But the more you process and move through these emotions, the more power and control you'll have over your life.

When we weren't given the love and holding we needed as children, what can happen in adulthood is that we experience a sense of insatiable deficiency. To solve this, people often look to outside sources such as relationships, achievements, drugs or alcohol. However, the only true way to fill the void is from within...

Many of us feel like imposters in our lives. We either feel like we don't deserve the success we have now or that which we dream of creating in the future. If we want to change our lives for the better, we have to let go of the old stories we tell ourselves...

Feeling enough doesn't come from achieving goals or having success; it comes from a place of unconditional self-love. But it isn't enough just to understand this; we have to really feel it deep inside of ourselves. Once we do that, we can begin to meet the world from a place of true strength.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” – Dalai Lama Pierre has learnt that when things become uncomfortable, procrastination is the safest response. The problem is, this only delays the inevitable pain and causes more suffering. Changing patterns we have been practising for decades is not easy, but it is absolutely possible with diligence and patience.

What's the best way to achieve your goals? We are led to believe that by fixating on what we want, it will come true; however, the opposite is often true. Instead, by focusing on WHO we are becoming, and what we can influence in our lives now, we are growing regardless of whether we achieve our goals or not.

This week, we deep-dive into four of the stand-out themes from Pierre's journey over the last eight weeks, and I provide some ways in which you can work with them more directly too.

Last week, we sent out an email asking those who signed up to the bonus materials to ask questions relating to Pierre's journey (thank you so much to those of you who did). This week, I try my best to answer them. If you'd like to receive the bonus materials, and have a chance to ask me a question when we next do a Q&A video, please go to intherapy.alexhoward.com and follow the instructions.

Life After Loss takes you on an emotional and transformative journey alongside Paul, a father bravely confronting his unimaginable grief following the loss of his daughter to suicide. Throughout this season, we delve into ways to navigate grief, liberate yourself from childhood trauma, and unlock your full potential in life. We also explore a fundamental question: Is it possible to heal after the loss of a child?

In Part 1, we meet Paul, a 60-year-old father who lost his daughter to suicide just six months ago. Paul has locked all of his emotions in a box since he lost his mum at age three, and that this recent deeply traumatic event has caused the box to explode open, leaving him in a state of complete emotional overwhelm. In his first session with Alex, we learn that Paul is ready to confront the dark places he's spent his life trying to escape and meet his pain head on.

In Part 2, Paul embarks on the path of addressing deeply buried emotions that have haunted him since childhood, all from a place of vulnerability and self-compassion. Together, we explore the concept of listening to and connecting with your inner child, peeling away the layers of trauma, and learning to give voice to suppressed feelings. We also discuss the significance of creating distance from your inner critic, a powerful force that can often hinder your progress in healing and growth, and we emphasise that childhood trauma is not your fault.

Part 3 represents the most pivotal moment in Paul's journey yet, as he confronts the darkest depths of his trauma head on. In the first part of the episode, Paul struggles to let himself feel the uncomfortable emotions he has towards his late daughter – feelings of anger, hate and rage. To get him out of his head and more into his body, in the second half of the episode I take Paul out of the therapy room for some trauma release work in the woods, yielding unexpected and cathartic results.

In Part 4, witness the culmination of Paul's extraordinary inner transformation. After weeks of intensive healing work, he has now reached a place of emotional depth where he is able to listen to and hold his inner child, allowing him to process his childhood trauma. In the second half of this emotional closing episode, Paul writes and reads heartfelt letters at Zoey's memorial. Through this profound act, Paul's journey comes full circle, demonstrating the resilience of the human spirit and the capacity to find solace and closure even in the face of unimaginable loss.

Join Alex and Paul for an insightful Q&A session as they delve deep into Paul's remarkable therapy journey and the transformative impact it has had on his life. In this candid conversation, they address questions from you, the audience, shedding light on Paul's personal experiences, offering valuable advice for those who've encountered life-changing events, and exploring the profound moments that have shaped Paul's life through this transformative process.  Paul's Just Giving page: https://rb.gy/fb2cw Awakening Program: https://www.alexhoward.com/awakening Mentorship Program: https://www.alexhoward.com/mentorship-program