KMFFL Podcast

ALLEGEDLY. I REPEAT, ALLEGEDLY. Referenced readings: The Onion's Bid to Buy Infowars Is Rejected in Court The Most Popular Recipes of 2024 The Story Behind the Greatest Internet Recipe Comment of All Time Interlude music: klez_sped.wav by shorthopper -- https://freesound.org/s/172858/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

an annual tradition. nobody shared the links, sorry. this is also the 7/11 episode, season 7 episode 11. important stuff https://www.foxnews.com/sports/paul-tyson-ring-girl-sydney-thomas-reflects-newfound-fame-career-goals

"Schwatz needs to hear this." - Male Crab

Well, it wouldn't be a return to KMFFL greatness if I didn't mess up the audio once. I don't think you can recognize it, but this was supposed to sound a lot better than it does. Not too bad tho IMO.

Not those bits you perv! (actually those bits too. any bits will do.)

A pod!

Make em, cowards.

We do seem to be "aging," and I, for one, don't like it.

As promised: Eitan Levine interview. Boo cancer, yay baseball, good for the jews. Did you do the remember today?

How do you warm up? If it's not at an angle you must not have nice long hair.

Wally pipping is in the air. Good luck today

We're old enough to do a haftarah I guess. Woe to the O's, nabors galore, and drama about the theater. We're so back boys.

There's only one asscaast, but there is always the next cast. In this case, it's Ezra's cast.

The vibes are here, the host is back, i doubt you're listening

Left the music on my other laptop.

THE NSFW LINK I PROMISED Schnabel Studios Rank em

The only thing less serious than the NBA is the Ben Shap*ro

No, not Tommy also not Tani. But, Danny. Like our guest. Ezzy

when did kevs become kevo? happy thanksgiving

You wish i hyperlinked to things we mention in the show notes. Cowards, all of you.

He doesn't know about this either

Spoiler content. We have two guests, a bombshell, and a few games. Solid ep IMHO. Welcome to the new listeners.

takes baby. rank em: forgotten luggage tanks tiers national parks babka french toast this year's keeper crop the guy who got the shas

I decided I won't be naming episodes for pets

If you're here for engagement things, you are legally obligated to give a five star rating on apple podcasts or spotify. Shoutout to leeb shoutout aqib talib

Uriel really wanted me to call this episode Ham Horn App (not a sponsor, yet). For not 100% clear reasons I decided against that, but I did promise I would make this the show notes. Anyway gut moed for the next couple hours

Freeze your meat with us in the Dan Zone™️

We near a time when every day is Yom Adin. Something to pray for this year on Yom Hadin.

Happy new year. Happy marriage. Happy contingency season. We're so fucking back baby. Be early.

As we enter our 11th year, the commish joins the pod to answer the most important question facing the league: is it too early to book KMS for the league's bar mitzvah?

Is this the first emergency podcast in KMFFL history? Someone sound off in the slack. Late Sunday evening we got a Woj Bomb from KMFFL's own woj, Qewman. A detailed investigation has uncovered a secret society hiding in plain sight among the Kemp Mill Elite (itself a gated community –  technically they don't live behind gates but you get it). 7 families joined into 1, and have anointed themselves The Mishpacha. Who are the 7 families? Which family began the assembly? Are the T and M capitalized in the title of their whatsapp group? What will Qewman drop next? Is The Mishpacha a Russian Hoax? A Ukranian Hoax??? A QATARI HOAX?!?!?! (Hamevin Yavin.) The KMFFL Podcast convened with a special guest to discuss all that and more, in four distinct sections. 1) Haircut, D-Fish, and special guest waffle about nothing, wish Mazal Tovs and gut shabosses, and onboard a new show into The KMFFL Podcast Network 2) #TheMishpacha (with special guest & Qewman) 3) What is Kemp Mill Elite (with special guest & Qewman) 4) Haircut and D-Fish talk keepers (because this is a fantasy pod, isn't it?) Read the article about Haircut's great-grandpa here (you won't believe the title of this bad boy, but don't click the link until after you finish the ep). Additional optional reading for after the pod. Intro Music: The Godfather by NME aka Enemy Outro Music: Clique by Kanye West, Jay-Z, and Big Sean KMFFL Sidequest

I don't remember why I named this episode as I did. It's got a loose connection to the theme, but not much else. Kinda like some of the team names... Anyway, it's good to be back. Sorry for the bombshell. Wacky day. NGL this new logo rips. I'm gonna win the league with these keepers. Good to be back. Missed you shmucks.

They wouldn't let me share their registries. Still, two simchas means two intros. Gulp your fantas it's time for shtick. Remember that stuff we did? Yeah. Me too. It's all recorded in kmffl. Anyway, Mazals

This podcast is six of the last seven championships. Pay attention and maybe learn something. We're sweaty? You're sweaty. Get your drink up. Keep your webcam steady. I swear to god if you aren't secure and hydrated, you won't win KMFFL. But really, when you think about it, if you rap about your nihilism to a bbno$ type beat it doesn't feel nearly as crushing. So if—just as a hypothetical—you are the losingest finals appearer in league history, or you commish a league of people who love you but won't follow your vision, or you are en route to another continent to forget your pathetic footballing rooting interests ... and you want to put your feelings in a place that isn't your heavy heart, get a bouncy beat, a few claps, and write a few bars that pop with the pocket. It will all be okay. If you're not those people it works too. Until next season, I remain the greatest that ever was. But #playa is your champion. Bow down. It's a privilege to slack with greatness. How's that for boasting?

Good luck in the finals

Two episodes in a week? IYH. History, but boring history. Good, maybe great fantasy finals incoming. Dinner. Elite Four. Poetry in motion. Jesse, if you see this, let us know if you killed the baddie in the slack.

surprise. there are a bunches

Busy week, sorry bout that

what did you eat today

The only podcast that talks about shitting out the mouth

"Feel your balls in the shower." -- Male Crab

I scheduled a vaccines, ordered falafel, and got another dub. Pity was there, paying a long-owed debt. DFish is ill but an FP. He was there too. Do you remember the juice boxes?

les gens ne sont pas des dollars. les gardiens sont tout, mais toujours une honte. Adin savait. derp.

Today was an experiment. You are the subject. Even when tent is low, the poles raise up high. Higher, even, than a monitor above its table. Prestige keepers / signature keepers / tragedies abound. I remembered you, but left myself behind. If you rub a rodent in the belly, does a dolphin attack? Shownotes are no longer for you. They are my domain. I am shadow. Are you in or out? Do your best, Slackbot will decide.

Doghouse, parents' house, greenhouse, we all have houses of one type or another. What room are you in while you listen? It's trade manna from heaven for our 10th year. LCQ, what was on the menu in the 10th year of wandering the desert? Sorry Adin. Sorry Sarah. HBD fork.

Judgement day in t-minus 3 hours... just enough time for you to listen to the longest episode of the year and make it to shul in time to say tfillat zakah. Is this our 100th episode? it might be... *shrugs in erev yom kippur stress*

In his darkest hour... he faces the music. LCQ, what poison is DFish growing

Games! Food! Jesse? Follow along, answer sheets below.

Which is more impressive? 10 years of the league or 5 seasons of the pod? Who needs to choose!! We have both. Other leagues are inferior. We talk jewish foods, parallel rankings structures, and run down week 1 in the leeb. @Leeb lmk what you think about that trade

This week's episode is brought to you by Super Bowl Champion, the inspiration of both Nelly's best bar and multiple *redacted* team names: Julius Peppers. Episode #90 is a quickie, but a goodie. As :drake-yes: once said, we're here for a good time, not a long time. Haircut is out of the Covid protocols and ready with TAKES. Meanwhile DFish is in the finals and all the sudden is a believer in the prophecy. Playoff review, finals preview, and some quality trivia that might have been just for us. The Ad T-Pain's YouTube Clips

Action packed one. Skimping on show notes to get it out quickly. Get your booster, mask up, and stay safe y'all.