10 Things We Hate About Your Movie

"Return" Month (return of the jedi... May 4th...) continues with the point of none of it. Its what I thought was an action movie but not really. Its like a romance thriller but not really. Its not really that good.. or bad... Kind of like Brigette Fonda. Enjoy!

May the Fourth... so we did Jedi and the rest of the movies have "return" in the title... idk.. who cares? I bet you can't guess which character Justin spanked it to? Its penguin. Enjoy

Here we have one of our favies return of the jedi. Nick has a lot of fun while shaking yoda and laughs way too much. Justin and Chase barely talk at all and Ashton is perfect once again. This is a fun one, enjoy!

We end Parkinson's awareness month with this.... terrible movie. No one wanted this movie; no one needed this movie. We love Michael J, but this ain't it. Goodbye Parkinson's disease.

We're shaking and spilling our way through Parkinson's Awareness month with another Michael J. joint. This one is has everything; ghosts, serial killers, eccentric FBI agent, Sean Astin's dad, a box cutter, flashbacks and black guy sass (Justin's favorite). Remember, 1 in 6 people will get Parkinson's. So always ask yourself, is it just that you haven't eaten or haven't had a cigarette OR is it The Palsy. Happy April!

Parkinson's Month continues with another Michael J. jam. He turns into a wolf and is even more cool in high school. He better be thanking his lucky stars that Justin wasn't in this universe because he would have snatched up Boof before teen wolf realizes how special she really is. BOOF!

April is Parkinson's awareness month so Michael J Fox movies made sense. Muhammad Ali just doesn't have the catalog. I guess we could watch his fights and list 10 things we hate about it, but doesn't really align with our podcast. Also, how would that work? Like I hate that punch in the 2nd round. Doesn't work. Anyway... The Hard Way - Chase was very disappointed that this was not rated X. Enjoy!

Charch (Chase and March combined) is coming to a close. Far worse than regular red dynamite; black dynamite will blow suckas away. Same with black kung fu, black deductive skills, black heroism, black writing, black acting, and black tar heroin. It's like seeing the world with the lights off. Obviously, Justin hated it. But Charch goes out with a bang, a black bang which is larger in both size and effectiveness. Enjoy!

Charch is afoot. Its the month of March combined with the name Chase because Chase is choosing movies this month.. The month of March. 2025. And this week, its Ravenous. A documentary on Walkathons to raise money for scurvy, a disease cause by lack of vitamin C and can lead to the gum disease GINGIVITIS. Its a boring film. Enjoy!

Chase Month continues with a banger. I don't even know how to describe this movie. Terrible in all the right ways. The awe of this movie would not allow for traditional hates. We just had to cover this film chronologically with the script to have any semblance of a cohesive conversation. A just watch prior to listening.

Its Chase Month. God help us all. He's picking all the films this month based on the high impact of the films in his life. Which means we need to prepare ourselves.. He started light with the lighthearted Hackers that ushered in a whole generation of people changing halting the use of the password "God". Justin has some complex feelings about Angelina's role in this one. Enjoy!

Its the Fifth Element and we love it. Don't worry, we get back to hates next week. That is all.

SciFi-bruary continues as we list the ten things we LOVE cuz Valentines. I think this one gets rowdy. I don't really remember. I'm sure it's a fine episode. Justin and Ashton probably argue, Chaseface probably drones on about something, and Nick probably says something inappropriate followed by awkward silence because no one thinks it's funny. Enjoy!

Continuing SciFibruary and top ten loves, today we have Serenity. Its got action, intensity, pretty sweet special effects, rape-first cannibals, government overreach and corruption, spirituality, and heart. So, Justin doesn't get it. Enjoy!

It's SciFi-bruary! Finally... So, SciFi movies. AND In honor of St. Valentine, a 3rd century Roman clergyman who's skull is on display in Rome and is the patron saint of epilepsy, we're not doing 10 hates. We self-induced seizures, and when we came to, we decided to do 10 loves! Boom! Subverted!

JAMSuary is finally coming to an end. Thank God. What do all the following have in common: A dog with headphones, a cat with sunglasses, a lemur with a jacket, an iguana with an earring, and a raccoon with a poncho? Give up? Chaseface. nailed it.

Its a movie with music as an element to the film, so we watched it for JAMSuary. I'm sick, so this is all you get for a description. It's coyote ugly... what do you want?

JAMSuary forges on with a little hidden gem of a musical. This movie is like the mighty and majestic giraffe. It looks weird and has oddly weird features and behaviors, but runs 30 miles per hour and when they're born they're dropped out of the womb on to the ground from 10 feet above.

JAMSuary continues with a Rock & Roll fable set in another time and another place. A story about young Willem Dafoe who's only dream was to make fly-fishing apparel fashionable enough to wear everywhere. He will do anything to achieve this dream: kidnapping, possibly rape, disturbing the peace, and hammer fights. But Rick Moranis, the inventor of bow ties, throws his money around to make sure that dream doesn't happen. Listen to this one!

JAMSuary is here! That means we're watching movies with music being an element of the movie. This movie.... The Whoopster (as Justin refers to her when he's taking a late night bubble bath) leads this ridiculous movie. It's like Pitch Perfect and God had a litter of nuns and then one of the nuns didn't know she was a nun growing up and became a lounge singer (straying from God) and witnesses a murder and then finds her way back to God by singing oldies and replacing the word "baby" with God. Nailed it.

I know what you're thinking... Another movie about going to a Wendy's in Miami on Fourth of July. You could not be more wrong. Its about a chiseled snow sculpture that comes to life because of a hand-me-down scarf that still has "magic" on it from previous use... He comes to life and is aware of his birth from snow to man and can communicate amazingly through God's Language.. American English. Don't expect much.

I guess we're doing Snowman movies.... Another Jack Frost. Its different than the last one. Felt like a teenager wrote it, a 9 year old filmed it, and weirdo directed. Let's be honest, we watched this so no one else has to.. Terrible film, but some lovable moments. Like when a psycho killer is fuzed with snow to form the ultimate killing machine in a sleepy town. I got nothing for this.. just listen

Jack Frost... This movie cost $85 million. Michael Keaton plays a 40 something trying to break in to the music industry with The Jack Frost Band playing the same music that hasn't gotten him anywhere in 20 years. Then finally several people enjoy it ,and the record company wants him to sign! Hold on! He has to play at the record execs house on Christmas Day in a battle of the bands and then he dies. He comes back as a snowman and nothing really happens. $85 million. Sadly, it lost $50 million. Those are real numbers. Movies are bullshit! Merry Christmas Jesus. Sorry your movies suck...

December is here, and its a time when we celebrate Jesus's birthday by watching movies that have a slight connection to it starting with "Santa's Slay". Justin's favorite Christmas movie. It stars Goldberg (it's not ironic - Jesus was Jewish). I don't know if Goldberg, the wrestler, is jewish. Honestly, this is the first time I've even thought about it. A big bulky Jewish wrestler that play Division 1 football? Idk... Anyways this movie is Santa as Satan that lost a 1000 year old bet.. but 1000 years is up. Enjoy!

Hey, all you Goofy Goobers out there! I've got one word for you... Hey! Now that I've got you, I have more words. This buddy comedy tells the tale of two buddy comedians with interaction, misadventures, and camaraderie between the two main characters who often had opposite personalities, background, and circumstances. The comedic dynamic arises from their contrasting traits, resulting in humorous situations leading to personal growth. Join us as we shit on a kid's cartoon movie.

Good Burger. Soooooooo... Justin's favorite was Dan Schneider. End of description.

Nickelodeon November continues with a Jim Carrey vehicle... Post 9/11 Jim Carrey sucks. There. Now its out there. Seriously, go look at his catalog. Its real. Justin will talk about the greatness of Eternal Sunshine, but its not great or good or thought-provoking or any other hyperbolic superlatives... Its so-so at best. So the real questions we should be asking ourselves is.. What role did Jim Carrey play in 9/11? Was the weight of his conscience manifesting in his films? Does he have a secret sexual relationship with Justin? We have to be brave enough to confront the truth and ask questions. Anyway This movie sucks. Enjoy.

Nickelodeon November! Its similar to no-shave November except you shave and watch a Nickelodeon movie. Which is an odd statement. We start the month off with a weird one. Its the story of an 11 year old voyeur who writes down everything except "everything" is just her talking shit. The people find out, cancel her, and she totally redeems herself by existing... Its like 90's twitter. Back when you couldn't blast your thoughts to the ether instead you had to write them down with pen and paper. Also, too many weird feet shots.. Just odd.

The SpookTWOcular finally ends... with a less of a bang and more of a thud. Halloween II sucks. You know they made like 14 of these effing movies!? These are not smash hits in other countries either.. This is all your fault America. You had a choice in 1981 and you made the wrong one.. then kept making the wrong one to the tune of around 14 movies and counting.. Here's one: would you rather be stricken to watching Halloween II every night for the rest of your life or vote Kamala? Take your time... Enjoy

The SpookTWOcular continues with Scream 2. If you're unfamiliar, Scream is a terrible slasher franchise that thinks its clever but its not. This one is no different. The scientist from TMNT 2: Secret of the Ooze is in it. That's highlight. Anyway, October so "scary" movies..... Enjoy

I'm always recording....

The 3rd entry in our October SpookTWOcular (2nd films in a horror franchise). This one is not as good as you remember it to be. It was fine in '98.... We find out Chase is heterosexual... or do we? We still don't actually know. There's a significant amount of evidence on both sides of the argument. However, very little to support bisexuality. So its gotta be one or the other, right? That's probably a -phobia.... Anyways... Enjoy us talking about a terrible film.

The October SpookTWOcular continues with the exciting, thrilling, and much anticipated sequel to Halloweentown (one word). We went looking for the meaning of this film, and instead, we lost a Chase and found ourselves. That's right... Its a Chaseless episode but we try to make up for it with more Justin and fail. ....What do you want from us? Its Hallloween.... enjoy.

We're back for Season 3! And October is SpookTWOcular.... Which just means we're watching the 2nd movies in a horror franchise. We're not even trying anymore with the themes. Its just whatever we want. Justin and Chaseface love this film soooooo much. Its fine. Some chuckles and fun moments. But this might be Justin's favorite movie in ever; probably because of his affinity for asian culture and keeping them out of the US. Got 'em! Now listen

Season 3 is coming. accept it

Lay back and accept it. This is happening. Enjoy

We reveal our most hated movies of the season. We watched 45 movies this season. Chaseface probably like 25-30. Justin has some deep cut trivia from our season that only he knows. He rigged the game and made a mockery of this very serious podcast. It's shameful just like Justin's evenings... and Chase's face. Got 'em! Enjoy!

Yes.. Anything goes August goes out with a tap. Buckaroo Banzai is a half-American, half-Japanese brain surgeon, rock star, crime-fighting ninja who has perfected inter-dimensional travel with his invention of the mighty over-thruster. Buckaroo and his crew/band (The Hong Kong Cavaliers) must stop aliens, that are trapped in the 8th dimension, from taking over Earth. None of that is hyperbole. Its the movie. Justin doesn't get it and Justin hates it. And when Justin hates it, he gets angry. Enjoy!

Anything Goes August still in effect, Justin chose this movie because he was an extra in it. Terrible film and it made bank... All of you people are the reason that movies suck. You shell out money for crap you know sucks. Be honest, you knew this was going to suck when you bought tickets for it, and you did it anyway. You weren't even an extra in the film. Do better, America. Also, The Donger is in this for some reason. Enjoy!

I wrote out a whole big funny description for this episode and it got deleted somehow. All I remember was Katie Holmes' face. It's not the worst but oddly disproportionate. Like a walking talking Picasso without talent. I'm really pissed about it getting erased. Just listen to the episode...

A documentary about the longest tennis match in ever. Does a great job exploring the two players involved, their highs and lows, backgrounds, and arch. You watch, and before you know it, you start to feel for the people involved. The grueling physical toll and exhausting mental anguish leave you cheering for both competitors. Also, a lot of penises. Enjoy!

We're finally done with movies with two names in the title. What a silly theme. Only half of us watched this one. Bad drive-in experience ruined all the 4th wall gay sex jokes. We promise we will never do this theme again. Thanks and enjoy.

Last movie with two names in a title month. Ending on a middle note. Its fine. Its not as good as you remember it but its fine. OH and Justin has chase hates on this one. Napoleon goes to a water park named waterloo. That's fun. Anyway. Just listen.

Two names in a title month continues with Disney's Tom and Huck. Things I learned from this movie: Hard work is worse than death, Mark Twain, or should I say Samuel Clemens, was, himself, a Muff Potter, Injuns are bad, and brown-face is ok when you're hiding from native americans. This movie sucks Walt's ancient, shriveled, antisemitic balls. But the show is good. Just look at it.

Yes... the month of watching movies with two names in a title continues with CJ Forevs. That's what I call it. CJ Forevs. Anywho, this movie sucked. It's not good. I know we like Andy and Rashida, but it was bad. Just a sad movie about a horribly selfish person. Well its not the worst. Just listen.

July is two names in a movie title month. Its like gay pride month but with two names in a movie title instead of all the gay sex... We start with a bang watching Billy Crystal meet Meg Ryan for a lifetime. The movie blows the load immediately. Seriously, they meet in the first scene. You don't wait long to see the titular scene. Anyways... Just listen.

The last film in in the Proud month of Dad. Its all about shrinking your bodies but growing your heart. That's a good line. I should have wrote this film WHICH I could have because it the first movie but lazier. My kind of writing gig, take something already written and cut stuff out that will take too long. Nailed it! Listen to us, though. We're fun.

It's still Dad month for us, so what better way to celebrate fathers than committing felonies while commenting on the healthcare system in such an odd way. Its got the little guy from Entourage AND James Woods. Good movie that was almost great. Listen to it and you'll like it.

Macauley Culkin reprises his role of Kevin McCallister except he goes by a different name and his family is different. But all the other pieces are there... Oh and the hair is different. Its awful. Its like a halfsy-mullet. A little more business in the front with a dash of party in the front and a weekday party in the back. Anyways its Getting even with Dad because of June... Just gut through it.

What the Chuck?!?!? No Nick or Ash2k ? That's alright because you've got Justin and Chaseface and our favorite Good Guy Doll Dad...Chucky. It's Father's month and we start off with one of the worst father figures in history but unlike some of our founding father's, the Chuckster did not own a single slave. Even Chucky has a redeeming quality, as for the movie please listen and suffer along with us.

Even more destinationy than the previous 4. Death really doesn't make a whole lot of sense in this movie... He (or she but probably not) gives obvious hints to the people that cheated him. Is he just playing with his food? Is that how we're going to explain this cash-grab garbage? Also, 16 bit Mortal Kombat called and its wants it's fatalities back... I am right? Anyway, I think Nick drops the "R" word in this one, so just listen.