POPULARITY
Happy Going! We're all getting punchy heading into the weekend, as if the weekend will be a breather for any of us. David Waldman effectuates our weekending KITM, and I facilitate that with this summary, I hope. Donald K. Trump pardoned a corporation, yet has not appointed a horse to Senate, which might be more of a late term thing. Polytheism seems to be wearing thin in Trump/Musk circles, with Elon Musk's pride goething before his fall. Thou shalt bow down thyself only onto Trump in Cabinet meetings. (Graven images available at the door.) Two people guilty of not praising Donald enough are being investigated for treason, while Trump shops for his presidential Luger. Marco Rubio is punishing the country of South Sudan for not accepting the Democratic Republic of the Congo citizen he sent there by mistake. The commander of a Greenland military base was ousted when she failed to rattle her saber loudly enough for JD Vance. US tells Greenland “I see you have Injuns! We have Injuns!” Kennedy Center president Richard Grenell believes people boycotting the Kennedy Center hate Republicans, when mostly they hate Richard Grenell. What happens when the courts can't trust the Executive Branch? Well, we are about to find out, because the courts can't trust the Executive Branch. Learn more about courts of equity, such as the Court of Chancery. Kash Patel plans to work remotely in his FBI position but wasn't remotely working in his ATF job. Hey now… there's no proof that Marjorie Taylor Green participated in insider trading this week, or placed pipe bombs prior to Jan 6… It just looks like that. RFK Jr. will discover the cause of autism by this fall, but if you have cancer, you'll need to wait a little longer. It's only TLDR if you don't take the time to read it! How did the President lose and when did he lose it in the SCOTUS Alien Enemy Act case? Curtis Yarvin always wanted to destroy the United States and the global economy, yet somehow still feels empty inside.
First fully mobile podcast takes me to the Leathershop of local man of talent and mystery- Cody Hessman. We discuss the DNC and such. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/samuel-engelman/support
Two names in a title month continues with Disney's Tom and Huck. Things I learned from this movie: Hard work is worse than death, Mark Twain, or should I say Samuel Clemens, was, himself, a Muff Potter, Injuns are bad, and brown-face is ok when you're hiding from native americans. This movie sucks Walt's ancient, shriveled, antisemitic balls. But the show is good. Just look at it.
This week, we play a new version of cowboys and Indians called Homos and Hopi. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss HORIZON: AN AMERICAN SAGA - CHAPTER 1 and share their top 5 long-ass movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you've ever wondered what it would be like to be a pioneer in the Old West while Indians burn down a town and a hot mother and her hot daughter hide in a makeshift cellar, and you realize you've got to head West and while you're in another town, a fetching hot whore flirts with you and you shack up with her, but a bad dude shows up who is about to kill your whore girlfriend and her kid, so you shoot him and then the other bad dudes are royally pissed and they're after you, and the mother and daughter are rescued from the makeshift cellar, and the cavalry is there to deal with them Injuns, but those bad dudes are hot on your trail and you lead a wagon train outta there and head toward a town called Horizon and two ne'er-do-wells watch a lovely but upper crust woman bathe and the upper crust husband asks you to talk to the two voyeurs but that doesn't go well, and the hot daughter gives a gift to the cavalry men as they head off to war, and then your hot whore girlfriend fucks another dude, and then she fucks you and leaves you, then this podcast is for you!
As we approach November when the country highlights the histories of Indigenous Peoples of North America, it's fitting that Martin Scorsese's Killers of the Flower Moon, based on the book by David Grann, calls our attention to the heinous crimes committed against the Native American Community. In contrast to the narratives many of us have grown up with that cast the "Injuns" and "Red Man" as savages and bad guys, this movie highlights the deception and murder, as well as the racial jealousy that we've begun to see in Black historical films, but that are still new themes in films about Native American Narratives. The fact is, if you grew up learning "Columbus sailed the ocean blue..." or singing the famed Disney line, "Why does he ask you 'how'?" then there are probably a lot of nostalgic moments involving beloved relatives that are hard to let go of. And thinking of heroic leaders as the same people who forcibly removed and killed millions of people to get their land is difficult to process. But if we want to grow and be better as a nation, doing the next right thing starts with acknowledging and teaching the truth to the next generations. Here are resources to help you further explore narratives that should have been amplified long ago. Watch The Osage Murders from the 2022 PBS Short Film Festival to hear the story of the Osage murders told from the Osage perspective. Explore and support cultural endeavors in Native American Communities by listening, watching reading or donating. Watch movies and clips written and produced by indigenous voices. https://native-land.ca/. Join the Smithsonian's National Museum of the American Indian and Teaching for Change for a day of online conversation, curriculum highlights, and ideas exchange. If you can't, explore the other links and resources on Smithsonian's NMAI site. It's never easy seeing the dark side of someone we esteem. But if we are truly to love our nation, it has to include loving all of her. In November, take the chance to get to know America's origin story. As usual, all the resources are filled with resources, so you have more than enough to discover with your team, your students or even your family. Finally, here's a short read from Edutopia that you can share in a newsletter or morning email. I wish you a great month of discovery and learning. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/hedreich/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/hedreich/support
A quirk of fate brings both Lem and Fanshaw face to face with people from their pasts. disagreeable reunions bring up disagreeable memories, and show a taste of what makes a man into a gunslinger. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid - J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw - J. Hoverson ~~~~~~ Grisham - Bill Hollweg (BrokenSea Audio) Lisette Carmichael - Robyn Keyes Commander Bannington - Glen Hallstrom Scotty - Mike Campbell Other Voices: Episode 1 Bartender - Rick Lewis Episode 2 Townsfolks - Mark Olson, Candace Behuniak, Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 3 Juliet - Alexa Chipman (Imagination Lane) Glen Hallstrom Episode 4 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Piedmont - Russell Gold Mr. Roberts - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Episode 5 Nanny - Jennifer Dixon Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 6 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Mark & Connor Olson Russell Gold Cover Design: Brett Coulstock Announcer: Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme: "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson No gunshots herald his approach. No trademark left behind him when he leaves. The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify. Some say he rides alone. That's the Deadeye Kid. ****************************************************************** Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 1 MUSIC 1_ARRIVAL SOUND HORSES, RIVER, BOAT TRAFFIC LEM Largest town I been near in a good passel of time. I hear tell it started out as a frontier fort, but the frontier moseyed west and left it a-setting behind. FANSHAW Will it be safe? LEM Safe? FANSHAW I had rather assumed you were avoiding larger towns. For ... notoriety's sake. LEM Meaning I don't want be invited to a necktie party? 'at's part of it, though I'm purty sure I ain't never been posted in this territory. FANSHAW Is it worth the risk? LEM [shrug noise] Time to time a man wants a bath and a night in a bed. FANSHAW There are some distinct benefits to being deceased. LEM [laughs] I don't gotta listen to you bellyaching about aches and pains and sleeping on the ground no more. Never mind being all prissy and citified about finding you a comf'table bush now and then-- FANSHAW [rolling eyes] Yes, yes. LEM Sides, I'm outta coffee. And low on shells. FANSHAW [teasing] Heavens. How DO you manage? 2_STROLLING AMB IN TOWN SOUND WALKING ON WOOD LEM Lotta trade hereabouts. Reckon I'll be able to get what all I need. FANSHAW Lem! LEM [voice low] We'll go on over yonder. [beat] Must still be a fort within spitting distance. FANSHAW I did notice that the old fortification appears to have become the mansion for an authority of some kind. LEM Probly best to get my business done and skeddaddle. SOUND SALOON DOOR OPENS, JUST OFF, PEOPLE COME OUT FANSHAW I say. Isn't it a bit early for a drink? LEM [shrug] Three weeks. Don't seem early to me. FANSHAW I'll-- LISETTE [off a bit] Clary? FANSHAW [stunned and horrified] Oh god. LISETTE [off a bit] Clary? I'd know that voice anywhere! LEM Friend o'yourn? FANSHAW [stiff, covering] Old acquaintance. Go on ahead! LEM 3_SALOON SOUND HE WALKS INTO SALOON AMB SALOON LEM One here. SOUND DRINK POURED BARTENDER There you go. SOUND COINS SOUND LEM DRINKS GRISHAM [angry growl] Lemuel Roberts. LEM [SPIT-TAKE] SOUND GLASS SLAMMED DOWN BARTENDER Something wrong, fella? LEM [coughing, trying to clear his throat] Hit like a snakebite. GRISHAM You look at me, you pissant slab of gun leather. BARTENDER [sympathetic] Tarnation. You need it yonked? Barber can‑‑ LEM [finally getting clear] No, no. I kin handle it. SOUND COINS, GLASS DOWN LEM And sorry about the-- BARTENDER [dismissive] Ain't no nevermind. SOUND MORE COINS LEM Give me the bottle. GRISHAM Now I found you, you could float a heap o rotgut and won't never drown me! BARTENDER You drink more careful now, you hear? LEM 4_LISETTE AMB OUTSIDE LISETTE [close, laughing] Oh, good lord, look at you! Mustache and all. Aren't you a little brigadier? FANSHAW [acknowledging] Carmichael. LISETTE Oh, how formal. Just like at school. What have you been up to Clary, dear? FANSHAW "Fanshaw," if you please. LISETTE And we used to be such chums. However did you end up here? FANSHAW I'm quite sorry to see that you are dead, Carmichael. LISETTE [laughing] Oh, I rather doubt that! You're only very sad to see that I'm here, aren't you? FANSHAW Would you prefer that I said I am pleased to find that you died, since that would be the only circumstance that could ever have stopped you from tormenting every living soul around you? LISETTE [not amused any more] At least that would be closer to the truth. FANSHAW Jolly good. Happy you're dead. Must get along. LISETTE Don't run off so quickly, Clary! FANSHAW [long breath of self-control] LISETTE There's been no one interesting to talk to or listen in on for simply ages. FANSHAW How unfortunate. Must rush. LISETTE I noticed you speaking to that fellow. FANSHAW [quiet] Bloody hell. [up] I speak to a lot of people. LISETTE I'm sure. But he replied. Might I speak with him as well? FANSHAW I-- LISETTE Oh, just watch your face! You're trying desperately to come up with a lie! You never could hide anything from me, mustache or no mustache, silly Clary-- FANSHAW Stop calling me that. LISETTE Oh, how I've missed these little moments with my dearest friends - ever since I made the leap. I shall have to spend a great deal of time with you - and with your rugged looking friend. FANSHAW [gritted teeth] Jolly good. 5_SALOON2 AMB SALOON SOUND LEM DRINKS, SLAMS DOWN GLASS GRISHAM I know you kin hear me, you toad-bellied worm. SOUND CHAIR SHIFTS, KICKED OUT FROM TABLE LEM [low] Sit. GRISHAM What makes you think I'd sit with you? You done went and killed me! LEM That's one reason I'm plumb surprised to see you. You went down all the way to Fayetteville - damn far north o' here. GRISHAM I ... drifted. LEM That's just what's got me hornswoggled. Ain't no one drifts. GRISHAM Well I did, and I's planning to get you back for what you done, one way or t'other. LEM [sigh] SOUND DRINK POURS 6_PIGS SOUND PIGS LEM Why'd you drag me out to the slaughterhouse? FANSHAW That woman - ghost woman. LEM An old flame? FANSHAW Nonsense! We knew each other as ... children. She is-- [changing the subject] She is unlikely to follow us here. LEM Spect not. Womenfolks ain't fond of this sort of messy business. FANSHAW [disgusted] Yes... LEM So? You'd best'a brought me here fer a reason. FANSHAW Lisette Carmichael. She [hard to say] is a person who likes to know things. About other people. She likes to -- LEM Hold a grudge? Like a noose over yer head? FANSHAW Aptly put. LEM You cain't have much in the way of dark secrets, though, can you? Leastways not no more. FANSHAW You might be surprised. LEM Who's she a-gonna tell? [realizes] Oh. FANSHAW And while I'm fairly certain you think you could overlook any past indiscretion on my part, I don't doubt there are a few things that might shock even you. Lord knows, she's not even above the occasional fabrication. LEM [after a moment] Did it involve a sheep? FANSHAW What? LEM Whatever it was you done. FANSHAW It isn't - it's not like that at all. LEM [shrug] Sounds like we should jest ride on out. FANSHAW What? LEM Got my coffee, ain't no reason to lollygag. FANSHAW You would leave? Over this? LEM I figger you saved m'life more'n once, and ain't much I can do in return. SOUND WALKING IN MUD LEM Let's get gone before you start a-thanking me. 7_BARN AMB BARN SOUND TACK, HORSES, ETC. LEM You distract her, I'll get the gear. Come and find me when you feel the pull. FANSHAW Righty-ho. SOUND LEAVES GRISHAM Running away, eh? Allus knew you'ure yella. LEM [sigh] You're lucky ain't no one about but us. Otherwise, I wouldn't dignify none of that with an answer. GRISHAM You kilt me! LEM We had it out, fair and square. I never shot no one in-- [breaks off, a bit choked up] I never din't kill any one not a-gunning fer me. Not on purpose. SOUND LAST BIT OF TACKING UP GRISHAM Are you saying I was asking fer it? LEM I seem to recall you a-calling me out in the middle of a fairish game of cards. Yellin blue bloody murder that I should step out and face you. GRISHAM Well, yeah, but I was drunk. LEM I din't do THAT to you neither. You called me out, without no good reason agin me. GRISHAM [losing some of his bluster] I fancied making a name for myself. SOUND LEM GETS INTO THE SADDLE LEM By shooting the Kid? You ain't the first. GRISHAM But you still kilt me. LEM And I won't never forget none of it, but you got what you asked for, and not a jot more. Blame providence if you cain't blame yerself, but don't put this guilt on me. Hee-yaw! SOUND RIDES OFF 8_DISTRACTION FANSHAW Lisette? LISETTE There you are! Just like a naughty boy, running off to filthy places to get away. FANSHAW So sorry. Didn't have much choice. My friend is quite fascinated by... hogs. LISETTE Did you make a clean breast of it? Or just warn him not to believe a thing I say? FANSHAW You don't understand what you're threatening to do - you never did. LISETTE So bothered over trifles! How much people change! FANSHAW Ruining someone's life never meant anything to you! Do you recall poor Selfridge? LISETTE Carmela? Served her right. FANSHAW She threw herself off a bridge! LISETTE She also let herself be compromised! I didn't put her in the family way, and she was the one lying and hiding-- FANSHAW Are you trying to imply that you are somehow in the right? A champion of truth? LISETTE Shall I point out what it is you are doing that flies in the face of nature? FANSHAW History is replete with-- LISETTE Oh, spare me. Next you'll be quoting Shakespeare. FANSHAW Very well. I shan't try and justify myself, but I will point out that whatever I am doing, it cannot be changed. Being dead, there's not much one can do about such trifles. LISETTE Then why should it be such a catastrophe were I to tell? FANSHAW [beat] You've never had a real friend, only people who fawned on you in order that you would not reveal their shortcomings. LISETTE [outraged] I--? You--! FANSHAW Kindly allow me to finish. There is a certain camaraderie among men that simply does not - cannot - occur once a woman is involved. Once you put your nose in, I fear it would never be quite the same. LISETTE No doubt. I'll just go and find your friend now, shall I? FANSHAW [strange gasp, ending on a laugh] No, but I think I shall. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVING NOISE CLOSING Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 2 1_MOSEYING AMB OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, nighttime SOUND HORSES WALKING LEM I still cain't reckon how he got so far from where he-- I-- where we had it out. FANSHAW How odd. Have you ever encountered other ghosts who could travel? LEM Present comp'ny only. FANSHAW And we know the how and why of that. Perhaps this fellow has a similar... arrangement? LEM How? And who with? Ain't no one would carry that ugly cuss a dog's walk, let alone some hundred miles. FANSHAW Well, every one of we "spirits" seems to be a bit different. LEM Like your lady friend back there? FANSHAW [sigh] From her current appearance and [disapproving] "costume", she had fallen on ‑ahem- hard times indeed. Possibly drifted west - whilst alive - in hopes of making something better for herself. LEM Lot of people can say that, out this way. FANSHAW [a bit snotty] Frankly I'm not surprised at her misfortune. When you alienate all those around you, no one will step in to help if things take a turn for the worse. LEM Cain't say I ain't never been that fella. FANSHAW [chagrined] Oh. MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK NOTE Lem is younger, more cocky, more superior in the falshback - need to really show who he used to be 2_THE OLD KID AMB SALOON LEM Gimme two. SOUND CARDS LEM [pleased noise] I'll see you and raise-- SOUND CROWD HUSHES GRISHAM [snarling declaration] I hear tell the Deadeye Kid's here in town? LEM [ignoring him, smug] Raise ten. DEALER [shaky] Uh, Kid? GRISHAM Which one o' y'all's sposed to be this weasel? LEM Your call. PLAYER1 [shaky] Um... I fold. LEM [chuckles] PATRON1 How can he--? Patron2 Shh! SOUND HEAVY SPURRED BOOTS CROSS FLOOR, PEOPLE SCUTTLE OUT OF WAY GRISHAM [heavy menace] You the deadeye kid? LEM [offhanded] I'm the man playing a nice civil hand of cards. Mebbe you can hold your hosses there, whistle stomper. GRISHAM Either you come out and face me now, or I swear'n I'm gonna shoot you where you sit. SOUND CHAIRS SCOOTING OUT, PEOPLE LEAVING TABLE LEM [long dramatic sigh] Now that sounds a mite like a threat. PLAYER1 [muttered] Uh, yeah. I'm done. Fergot my wife wants me home. GRISHAM Are you coming, or am I shooting? LEM If everyone's takin' leg, I guess I win by forfeit? DEALER Um, I don't think anyone's gonna argue you on that. GRISHAM You turn around now and face me, you yellow bellied dog! SOUND MONEY BEING SHOVED TOGETHER LEM Give the frog a chance to jump, knuckles. Cain't just leave all this layin around. SOUND G's GUN DRAWN AND COCKED GRISHAM Now! LEM [to dealer, cocky] You'll look after this til I get back? DEALER .. certainly. GRISHAM I'll do it! I will! SOUND CHAIR SLOWLY MOVES, LEM'S SPUR-STEPS, STANDS LEM Rightchere in front of all these good folks? And leave the dealer to clean up the mess? [tsks] Let's at least be civilized and take this on outside. 3_EASIER MUSIC BACK TO NOW SOUND HORSES WALKING FANSHAW Seems as if it would be a great deal easier. LEM Whazzat? FANSHAW Shooting someone in the back. LEM And killin a chicken's easier than takin down a buffalo, but ain't a thing to swell over. Ain't no pride in the easy way. FANSHAW Backshooting would gain you notoriety just as quickly. LEM It's all about how folks look at you... and how they see you. MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK 4_WARMUP GRISHAM Are you stepping? LEM What flavor of tarantula juice got you fit to wake snakes? Milk? [insulting that he can't hold his liquor] GRISHAM [furious noise] I got a pill to run you on, and I'm gonna chew back every moment of it. LEM [to the crowd] Righchere's a rumbustious fellow for you. SOUND DRINKS DOWN HIS LIQUOR, SLAMS IT DOWN LEM Barkeep? Have me a shot of top mark waitin. SOUND WALKS OUT, SLOWLY GRISHAM You look at me while I'm a talking to you! LEM [walking out] You say somethin' more wheat than chaff, mebbe I will. 5_RATTLING FANSHAW Were you trying to upset his equilibrium? LEM What's that when it's at home? FANSHAW uh - Throw him off - make him upset and more likely to make mistakes. LEM Yup. There's as much head as hand in a proper showdown. Not that this was one o' them. FANSHAW Why not? He called you out. LEM He was halfway round on rotgut. Not a nugget's chance agin me. Even if he had all his [careful] equilibriums about him. FANSHAW But you stepped out with him? Even knowing he had no chance? LEM A'course. He wouldn't take no. Drunk fellers who ain't gettin their way are as likely to shoot just about anyone. I reckoned I was a-helpin, putting him down. FANSHAW [a bit touchy] And you couldn't simply injure him or knock him out - he had to die? LEM Ain't no place for fine feelins when there's a man with a gun a-facin you. And ain't no time to aim all purty and shoot him just so. You hit hard and put him down, cause if you don't, he'll do it to you. That's the part you cain't get away from - one or t'other's likely for boot hill, and you GOTTA face it that way. 6_SHOWDOWN MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK SOUND OUTSIDE NOW GRISHAM You ready? LEM Why trouble yerself to call me out anyhow? I kill someone yer riled over? GRISHAM [duh] Yer the Deadeye Kid! LEM [duh] Yep. [beat] That's your sole entire reason? You wanna walk in my boots? GRISHAM No faster way to make a name, than laying out a name. SOUND THEY MOVE TO EITHER SIDE OF THE SOUNDSCAPE SOUND GUN BEING CHECKED, LEM LEM And o'course it gots to be a callout. [digsut, sarcasm] No one wants to be the next Robert Ford. [man who backshot his friend Jesse James] GRISHAM Come on! Kick it up, Deadeye! Less'n yer yellow! SOUND LEM - DIRT PATTERS - checking the wind] LEM [maddenginly cool] Oh. I'm ripe and ready to drop. SOUND TENSION NOISE, CROWD NOISE, THEN SUDDEN FLURRY OF GUNFIGHT. SOUND G - BODY DROP SOUND LEM - GUN INTO HOLSTER. A MOMENT. FEET WALK BACK UP INTO SALOON 7_ENJOY MUSIC BACK TO NOW FANSHAW [relenting a bit] I suppose it's very like being in battle - not a good place to have consideration for the other fellow. LEM Have to ice over that pond. Hard and cold. Hard and cold. FANSHAW I- I do apologize for sounding disapproving. I want to assure you, it's the process that... well... seems so very pointless. LEM [a litle lighter] Men'll be men. FANSHAW But men can behave in a civilized manner! Look at we Brits. LEM [grunt - half laugh half dismissive] FANSHAW Do you enjoy it? LEM [very mixed feelings] Enjoy? FANSHAW Throughout history there have been men who reveled in killing, in battle. LEM [musing] There's a fire that burns you at that moment, like bugs in the skin. LEM S'like the best whiskey and the moment you almost fall off a cliff, and being with the love of your life, all at the same damn time. FANSHAW The thrill of danger? LEM That, but even more so. If'n you just want danger, you go climbin cliffs or breakin broncs. This is starin into the eyes of death - death right there and then and ain't no "maybe so" about it. Kill or be killed. [beat, then not quite truthful] Enjoy? FANSHAW Sometimes a person's strength is in making the right choice, even when it might pain them to do so. LEM I reckon. 8_WINNER MUSIC FLASH BACK AMB INSIDE SALOON, HUSHED SOUND GUNSHOT, OUTSIDE WOMAN [gasps] SOUND [CROWD NOISE, OUTSIDE], THEN OMINOUS BOOTS ON WOOD, SALOON DOOR OPENS SOUND PIANO PLAYS, CHATTER BEGINS AGAIN LEM [voiceover] there's also this way people have of lookin at you - like yer the best. Used be I din't see the fear beneath it. SOUND BOTTLE POURS, GLASS SET DOWN BARTENDER Your shot, Mister. LEM [drinks big, then bragging] My second shot in two minutes! SOUND Forced laughter from the crowd, warps out a bit. 9_HUNKER MUSIC BACK TO NOW LEM [brisk] It's coming down dusk. Need to find a place to hunker fer the night. FANSHAW I shall keep an eye out for-- [dread] oh! LEM Whazzat? FANSHAW Look - the horizon! LEM Signal fires, and a lot of em. FANSHAW They're a little far off to get a better look at. We shall... have to return, shan't we? LEM Someone's gotta warn the town. Whether it's injuns or sumpin else, looks like an ambush on the march. FANSHAW [weakly] Surely the garrison maintains lookouts? LEM Not so much that I saw. They're purt near closed up shop, from the looks back there. FANSHAW [heavy sigh] Right, then. SOUND DISMOUNT, SHIFTING A FEW THINGS FROM HORSE TO HORSE LEM You worried about your lady friend? FANSHAW She's neither a lady nor a friend. But whatever she might have to say will matter to none but me. [change of tone] We are a couple of hours out. LEM Horses ain't fresh, but I weren't pushin. We can get back before them out there can get into spittin distance. SOUND MOUNT OTHER HORSE FANSHAW [resigned but determined] Shall we? MUSIC Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 3 1_WONT SPOOK SOUND READYING FOR BATTLE LEM If'n you got a fresh horse, I kin go scout some fer you. COMMANDER You've done enough already, stranger. Ain't even your fight. LEM I know where they're at, and I got some idea of where they're likely to be by the time I get back there. Give me one horse ain't like to spook, and I'll-- COMMANDER I'll have to send a man along with you. LEM That's fine. Make sure he ain't like to spook neither. 2_LISETTE SOUND [above scene plays out in the background] LISETTE And here I thought you had run away and left me all alone. FANSHAW [sigh] Why don't we step outside to have this conversation? LISETTE I like seeing what the "menfolk" are up to. [frustrated noise] What I wouldn't give to be able to leave this rattletrap town. I'm still not sure how you did that. Or why you came back. FANSHAW We had to warn the garrison. LISETTE Always full of suprises, aren't you - and yet still sanctimonious. Fanshaw, dear old chum. Are you not afraid of what I might say? FANSHAW Any concern you might cause me is negligible when weighed against the potential danger to others. LISETTE [surprised laugh] Hah! All you superior little snobs, with your noses in the air! And deep down, all just as afraid as the rest of us. FANSHAW I've no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care to find out. Whatever you plan to do, just get on with it. We have a job to do. LISETTE Wait! FANSHAW [long sigh] Yes? LISETTE Shall I wish you "good luck"? FANSHAW I doubt I shall need any. But I thank you for the sentiment, Miss Carmichael, however grudgingly bestowed. 3_JULIET FLASHBACK JULIET Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself. FANSHAW I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo. JULIET What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel? ROMEO By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself-- SOUND POUNDING LISETTE Oh heavens! Not again! MAN [calling from off] Sorry. SOUND POUNDING STOPS LISETTE Try that scene again from the top. Romeo? FANSHAW [sigh] Yes? LISETTE Couldn't you try to be a bit more ... masculine? JULIET Oh, I like "him". So terribly byronic. FANSHAW I'll see what I can do. 4_SCOTTY SOUND PACKING A HORSE SCOTTY Sir? LEM Yeah? SCOTTY Private Scott. Commander Bennington told me to report to you. LEM [sigh] Right. You ever shot that for real? SCOTTY O'course. LEM Against a person? SCOTTY Well, against animals. LEM GRISHAM Not everyone can be you. LEM [sighs] SCOTTY Don't you worry! I ain't afraid! GRISHAM This pullet ain't even got pinfeathers yet. You get him killed, you gonna adda a notch fer him too? LEM You got a horse, Scott? SCOTTY Everyone calls me Scotty. GRISHAM Later, they'll just call him dead. LEM Right. You gotta horse? SCOTTY Over there. GRISHAM [rueful] My damn horse. Serving in the army like the rest of the idjets. LEM Well, go and get'im. SCOTTY Right, sir! GRISHAM Ain't he a little young? You should oughtta throw him back. LEM I'm stuck with him. And I never kept notches. GRISHAM That ain't what I heered. LEM Lot o' tales goin round - ain't a one of 'em naught but sagebrush smoke. GRISHAM And the tale 'bout how you kilt me? LEM [sharp intake] I don't brag on none o' that no more. GRISHAM So, you think I like being plumb forgot? LEM If I thought tellin about it would ease you on to the next thing, you think I wouldn't? SCOTTY Tell me about what? Injuns? [certain] I know all about them. LEM [sigh] 5_SCOUTING AMB CRICKETS SOUND HORSES FANSHAW They're still out of range. I can just barely catch snippets of sound at my farthest reach, but I'm fairly certain it is not Indians. LEM Hmm? FANSHAW I can make out English and Spanish. Are we anywhere near the Mexico territories? LEM [quiet] Ain't impossible. Deserters, mebbe. SCOTTY What ain't impossible? LEM We're gettin close. Best to go on foot. SCOTTY These here horses are my responsibility! LEM Best you stay and watch'em, then. FANSHAW Don't forget the satchel. SOUND CREAK LEM Like I'd forget that. SCOTTY I wouldna gone through your kit or nothin! I ain't no finger monkey. FANSHAW [laughs] I ne'er heard that one before. SOUND REMOVING SPURS LEM Ain't that I don't trust you, son, just might need me some things. If I was you, I'd take them horses up yonder - forge as far into the high rough as you can, but keep where you can see if I come tearin out of there. You reckon? SCOTTY How'll you find us? LEM I'll find you. Just be ready. And don't shoot me. SOUND QUIET FEET ON DIRT 6_JULIET2 FLASHBACK echoey hallway LISETTE [running up] Fanshaw? FANSHAW LISETTE [trying to start a fight] We've been reconsidering your costume. Those leggings are positively scandalous. FANSHAW [bland] Romeo can hardly appear in bloomers. Would be rather difficult to climb to the balcony. LISETTE Perhaps plain trousers, then. [sly] Though I understand you were quite keen on showing off your legs. FANSHAW [rueful] There is a great deal to be said for the freedom of movement. [dismissive] But a costume is a costume. I certainly shan't make a fuss. LISETTE [annoyed at not being able to get a rise out of F] Very well. 7_FANSHAW SCOUTS SOUND SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES LEM [very quiet] Close enough? FANSHAW I'll have a look round. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM [very loud] You hiding from something? LEM [reaction noise, quickly stifled] GRISHAM Ooh! Scairt you, din't I? LEM [whispered] Made me jump damn near out my skin. GRISHAM [smug and evil] Well that's good, then. Looks like I can get my own back on you. LEM What all do you want? GRISHAM Apart from you in a pine box? I'm hankerin to be alive agin, but that ain't gon happen. LEM Not likely, nope. How'd you follow us? GRISHAM What kind of tenderfoot you take me for that I can't follow my own damn horse? LEM [half realizing something] Damn. SOUND FANSHAW COMES BACK FANSHAW Who the devil is this? GRISHAM Who the devil are you? LEM What'd ya find out? FANSHAW A motley crew, but definitely girding themselves for battle. GRISHAM What kinda girlie man are ya? Highfaluting slicker talk! FANSHAW [sigh, but determined] They're half mounted already, but I could make out that they're waiting til after midnight, to make certain of finding as many people abed as possible. GRISHAM Put you in a dress, and I bet everyone'd wanna dance! FANSHAW We need to get moving. GRISHAM I think you need a shave, girlie man. SOUND KNIFE FANSHAW [finally breaking concentration] God damn you all to hell! SOUND PUNCH, KNEE TO GROIN LEM [trying not to laugh] GRISHAM FANSHAW Marquis of Queensbury be damned. We need to go. GRISHAM [different kind of ooooh - like he's falling, or being dragged off] SOUND SUCK NOISE AND GRISHAM VANISHES LEM What'd you do to him? FANSHAW I didn't! I couldn't-- I... haven't the faintest idea? 8_JULIET3 SOUND TAP ON DOOR LISETTE Fanshaw? FANSHAW Come in. LISETTE I've brought you your hat-- whatever are you doing? FANSHAW I was considering what I might do with my hair. To create the right ilusion. LISETTE That is what the HAT is for. FANSHAW I prefer not. It looks like an ottoman on my head. LISETTE And Romeo does not wear a moustache. FANSHAW Whyever not? LISETTE On the stage, moustaches are only for villains and army colonels! FANSHAW [considering] I might just cut my hair. LISETTE That is the final straw! Miss Peabody said this would happen. FANSHAW What? LISETTE That you would take too many liberties. You are out. FANSHAW Out? LISETTE [snidely satisfied] You are no longer a member of this production. 9_DEAD SCOTT SOUND QUIET BOOTSTEPS LEM [very quiet] Scotty? FANSHAW [off a bit] Oh, good god. LEM Do I need to keep quiet? FANSHAW I don't see anyone. .. hostile. SOUND QUICK, NOISIER FOOTSTEPS SCOTTY [as if waking up] Oooh! LEM What is-- [tragic regret] Ohh. SCOTTY They come in out of nowheres! FANSHAW I don't doubt it. SCOTTY And they took the damn horses, Mister Roberts! FANSHAW I think that just might explain-- SCOTTY And who in blue blazes is this feller? LEM [heavy sigh] CLOSING Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 4 1_DROP EVERYTHING SOUND UNBUCKLING, BAG DOWN, ETC. LEM Good thing I had that with me. Though now I gotta leave it. SOUND SATCHEL DOWN FANSHAW Of course. SCOTTY I'm really sorry about this, sir. LEM I doubt me you coulda stopped it, son. And you been punished enough. SCOTTY What do you mean? They musta knocked me out, but I don't even feel it. FANSHAW I'll deal with him. LEM I'll leave you to it. SCOTTY What are you doing? LEM Gonna haveta hoof it back to town - cain't take naught but my guns. You gon' be all right? SOUND RUSTLE OF BUSHES FANSHAW Well, we won't be able to do much to stop them if they came across your bag, but that looks like a good hiding place. Especially in the dark. SCOTTY Can't do anything? What are you talking about? FANSHAW Hush, Scotty. Let Lem get moving and we'll have a good long talk. SOUND BOOTS RUN OFF 2_REBEL CAMP SOUND MANY HORSES, MEN CHATTER, etc. SOUND GRISHAM STUMBLES IN GRISHAM Where the hell? [Thunder?]! Goddam rustlers! SOUND MEN WALK BY LEADER Two horses, two saddles. I don't like it. SECOND Guerrero had the kid down before we realized. But if there's another scout, he won't be able to get anywhere - at least not soon enough. LEADER [thinks, then definite] We must move up the charge. SECOND We're nearly ready. 3_NO HEAVEN SCOTTY [trying not to cry] So that's IT? I mean this is it? No nothing left? No heaven? FANSHAW There are so many things even I don't understand. I wish I could offer you more in the way of consolation. SCOTTY But don't no one ever pass along? FANSHAW Most do. And I'm even aware of those who spend some time like this, and then pass on, though there's no easy answer for how or why it happens. SCOTTY And I won't never even get to be with a woman. FANSHAW [uncomfortable] Oh, dear. That is a shame. SCOTTY What's it like? FANSHAW [dread] What is ... what... like? SCOTTY Being with a woman? FANSHAW ... 4_RUNNING LEM [heavy but measured breathing] SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - TROT, NOT DASH LEM [muttered] Dammit. Leastways there's a good moon. 4A_FLASHBACK MUSIC FLASHBACK SOUND NIGHT, DOGS, CHICKENS - ALARUMS SOUND ANGRY MOB, OFF ROBERTS [yelling, off] Leastways, there's a good moon! PIEDMONT [up close, heavy breathing, trying to be quiet] ROBERTS [off, yelling] Spread out! Don't let that traitor get away! Where's that rope? PIEDMONT [gasp, then trying to breathe even quieter] SOUND VERY SLOW CREAK, SHUTTING DOOR ON THE NOISE. YOUNG LEM [about 12] Whatchoo doin', mister? PIEDMONT [terrible gasp, smothers a scream] 6_EXPERIENCE FANSHAW My experience is not ... vast, but I have had one or two ... romantic encounters. SCOTTY Well, you're a man of the world, ain't you? You been all over the place! FANSHAW Oh dear. [up] I've spent most of my life deep in study. I suppose I've always felt there would be time - later - to settle down to a family and all. SCOTTY Me too. Not the studying, but the ... "later". FANSHAW [after a moment] Women are.... soft. SCOTTY [eager] Yeah? FANSHAW And round. In places where men aren't. SCOTTY But they do got legs, don't they? FANSHAW [flabbergasted] What? SCOTTY You never don't see none of them out of skirts! Who knows what they got under there? FANSHAW Well, that I can answer - generally, women are made the same as men. Arms, legs, heads - well, one head. You understand. SCOTTY [avid] And bosoms. FANSHAW Yes, that. 7_VARMINT SOUND RUNNING, LEM'S HEAVY BREATHING UNDER THIS? PIEDMONT Shh! Don't let anyone know I am here. YOUNG LEM You the varmint they's looking fer? PIEDMONT There is no call to use such language, boy. Do you know this area? YOUNG LEM I should hope I do! My pa's Mr. Jorgenson's top man. PIEDMONT [sarcastic] So he's the one leading the search. YOUNG LEM [pride] Yup. SOUND OUTSIDE, THE ROW GETS CLOSER ROBERTS [outside] Get him, Honeysuckle, there's a good bitch! YOUNG LEM [pride and fear] That's my pa! PIEDMONT But you're not going to tell him I am in here? YOUNG LEM I don't fancy getting whupped. I ain't sposed to be in the barn at night. 8_YOUNG LOVE FANSHAW I was in love. When I was very young. SCOTTY Was she really purtty? FANSHAW [sigh] I thought the sun rose and set with my beloved's face. Have you ever seen hair so fine and blonde that your fingers desperately wanted to touch it? SCOTTY You talk so flowery, I bet all the girls jest love you! FANSHAW Our parents objected. They said we were too young, and I was packed off to school. SCOTTY What didja do? FANSHAW I waited. I nursed my deep love, and remained constant, like patience on a rock. SCOTTY You waited on a rock? FANSHAW I waited at school. I was determined that one day, when we were old enough that no one could object, I would return and we would be joined forever. SCOTTY What happened? FANSHAW I made my way to the object of my affection and...discovered... SCOTTY Yes? FANSHAW That I was the only one who had bothered to wait. SCOTTY She'd gone and -- FANSHAW My "dearest love" had married another. Had, and I quote "almost forgotten about that summer." SCOTTY Damn! Women are right terrible. FANSHAW Don't fault women, boy. There are quite as many constant and sweet-natured females as there are fickle and wicked men. We all deserve a "heaping helping" of the blame. 8_DISCOVERED SOUND UNDER - LEM WALKING NOW, STILL BREATHING HARD, PACING HIMSELF YOUNG LEM They're fixing to hang you? PIEDMONT YOUNG LEM Why? What for? PIEDMONT We were on opposite sides in a fight. YOUNG LEM You mean the war? My pa says why keep slaves when you can hire men for even cheaper and don't have to sell them if'n they don't do the job right. PIEDMONT [incensed] You think your pa knows so much about everything, don't you? YOUNG LEM [a bit afraid] Well, he knows where you are. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN ROBERTS There he is! MAN Get him! PIEDMONT [scream] SOUND SCUFFLE, KNIFE DRAWN YOUNG LEM [gasp, cut off by hand] PIEDMONT I'll kill your boy, just see if I won't! 10_STUCK SCOTTY You said you know about some folks what was like this for a time and then moved along? FANSHAW We've encountered one or two. SCOTTY How'd it work? FANSHAW Work? SCOTTY I mean, I don't wanna be stuck out here, middle o' nowhere, all by my lonesome, forever! FANSHAW I don't know that I have an answer for you. I've only been - like this - for a... a couple of years, myself, and haven't seen a fraction of what Lem has. SCOTTY Years? You been dead for years and ain't moved on? FANSHAW .. help people. And I get to see the world - [half pleased, half rueful] hmph... in perfect safety. 11_SHOT SOUND LEM RUNNING AGAIN PIEDMONT [panicky, but trying to be placating] I am going to have to ask you to take a step back, sir! My hand could slip a fraction of an inch, and that's all it would take. YOUNG LEM [gasp] Pa? SOUND GUNSHOT SOUND TWO BODY DROPS ROBERTS [cold] You understand we cain't leave that kind of critter running loose, don't you? 12_BUSINESS FANSHAW Some folks stay because they have unfinished business, and once the business is completed, they are able pass on. SCOTTY Business? I ain't never been in business. FANSHAW No, no. For instance, one young man was able to move along once his murderer was uncovered and hung. SCOTTY I spose that could happen. FANSHAW Or perhaps when the horses have been recovered, since that was your task at the time of your death. SCOTTY [very down] Oh, right. FANSHAW [cheering] Or, when the town has been warned. That could very well have been at the forefront of your thoughts. SCOTTY [wailing] Oh no! FANSHAW Whatever is the matter? SCOTTY What if it's ladies? FANSHAW [careful] What if what is "ladies"? SCOTTY What if I can't never pass on til I been with a lady? FANSHAW [cold, practical] That would be most extremely awkward. Worry about that once we find out if you can get back to town or not. 13_WHUPPING YOUNG LEM [sniffles a bit] ROBERTS You crying, boy? YOUNG LEM [stifling it] No sir. ROBERTS Now run and let Mrs. Roberts have a look at that scratch. SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS, THEN TURN YOUNG LEM [blank] You shot him dead. ROBERTS YOUNG LEM In the dark, and on the draw, and din't even hit me. ROBERTS [beat] You asking something? YOUNG LEM What if he'd'a kilt me? Or what if you did? ROBERTS [long pause] Life's hard, boy. You cain't let folks get away with wrongdoing, no matter who they got a grip on. YOUNG LEM SOUND BARN DOOR SWINGS OPEN, COUPLE OF STEPS ROBERTS Lem? YOUNG LEM [almost a gasp] Yessir? ROBERTS [casual] Don't think I'm not gon' whale you for being in the barn by night, neither. [neeether] YOUNG LEM [quiet, resentful] Yes, sir. 14_CRICKET SCOTTY It ain't fair! I'm being punished and I ain't never even done nothing! FANSHAW Life is not fair. Death even less so. SCOTTY I-- FANSHAW [cutting him off] Still, I expect there must be some sort of answer. SCOTTY Answer? FANSHAW Very likely, when they take your body back to town, you will accompany it, and there will find what you need to do to pass on. SCOTTY What if they don't take it - me back? FANSHAW Lem will see that they do. SCOTTY And what about you, Mister Fanshaw? FANSHAW What about me? SCOTTY Don't you get to pass on too? FANSHAW But you see Scotty, I have no wish to. SCOTTY No? Why? FANSHAW I still have many things to see. And I feel like I'm doing good here. There's a story I read some time back, a sort of fable, about a puppet that comes to life. SCOTTY That's crazy talk. FANSHAW That's why it's a story. In the tale, a cricket is asked to stay with him and make sure he does the right things. SCOTTY All right. Wait, a cricket, like a bug? FANSHAW A talking bug, but yes, a bug. SCOTTY That's just plumb crazy. FANSHAW [gasp] Look at the horizon! I think they are on the move! SCOTTY Is there something we can do? FANSHAW This is one of those times I truly wish there was. CLOSING Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 5 1_COMING SOUND IN TOWN - HORSES, MEN, READYING FOR BATTLE COMMANDER [commands] We need more shot at the western boundary! Get someone over there! SOLDIER Yessir! SOUND FEET RUN OFF SHARPLY SOUND DISTANT APPROACH OF PAINED, SLOW RUNNING SOLDIER2 Sir! Someone's coming! On foot! COMMANDER On foot? SENTRY [off] Halt! LEM [breathless, with long gasps] I can't... If I stop... I'm gon fall down... And I gotta get to... The commander. SENTRY Stop, I say! COMMANDER Let him on through. LEM They're a-movin. Deserters 'n comancheros. Have guns. COMMANDER Why are you-- LEM Kilt Scotty. Took the horses. Look sharp. Ungh! SOUND FALLS DOWN COMMANDER Are you all right? [up] Someone get Doc! LEM I'll be [coughing fit] fine. Jest let me lie till the shakin goes off. 2_SPOOK HORSES SCOTTY We got to do something! FANSHAW And just what do you have in mind? I've already done all I can, scouting them for Lem. By the time they come close enough for us to get a look at, they will be moving fast enough that we shall hardly have time to observe. SCOTTY Can't we spook the horses or nothing? That's what haints do, isn't it? FANSHAW I was with you the entire trip out from town. Did the horses seem spooked to you? SCOTTY [really down] No. FANSHAW If Lem makes it back in time, there are ways we can help him. Otherwise, we are merely spectators at this show. 3_TONIC DOC Can you get yourself around this? LEM [still hoarse, puffing] Tonic? DOC [shrug] Mostly brandy. LEM [rusty chuckle] Thanks, doc. [drinks] LISETTE Oh, goodness. I believe you are Fanshaw's dear friend. LEM [coughs] DOC Din't say it was GOOD brandy. LEM [hawks, spits, clear throat] Hits the spot. LISETTE [calculating] And not able to walk away. [cruel chuckle] How perfectly jolly. DOC The commander's gone off to rally the men, but they're like to need you to guide them. You up fer it? LEM Will be... shortly. Any chance of a mite to eat? It's been a powerful long night, and not looking to roll up any time soon. 4_DO SOMETHING SCOTTY He's the only one what can hear us? FANSHAW We've come across... others. But they are very rare. SCOTTY [yelling] I want to DO something! I want to help! FANSHAW There is no need to make such a ... a ruckus! I am in precisely the same predicament! SCOTTY But I-- GRISHAM [off] Will you two shut up? They're trying to sneak up on your position! FANSHAW Oh dear. Come along. SCOTTY Where? FANSHAW To do the only productive thing - gather as much information as possible. 5_SADDLED SOUND MEN READY TO GO SOUND MOUNT UP LEM [sigh of relief, but also soreness] COMMANDER You doing all right, there, feller? LEM Better saddle than boots. I fair run the soles offa these. COMMANDER Morning comes, we'll stand you a new set. Least we can do. Let's go. SOUND HORSES MOVE OUT LEM Commander? COMMANDER Hmm? LEM Rather than meet them headlong, since ain't no way to know how far they come, might could I suggest a defensive position? COMMANDER This town is not a good place for that. Too spread out. And there's no way to get everyone into the fort, not without leaving near everything they own ripe for the picking. LEM Nah - I'm a-thinkin just this side of the bridge, right about halfway out. Bridge and creek - they ain't much, but if we can catch them this side of it, put their backs to water, and use the treeline for cover-- COMMANDER I like the way you think, hombre. [up] Company! [attention!] 6_FIGHT GRISHAM Ain't no way you're taking me by surprise again, you-- ow! SOUND PUNCH FANSHAW [casual] shut up. SCOTTY That was a good'un! But what if he lands one on you - he's awful big! FANSHAW Leave him! [quiet, moving away] We can't actually be hurt. But not everyone realizes that, and many feel the pain, even when there is no reason to. I learned that the hard way. GRISHAM [off] I'm a-gonna get you! FANSHAW Blast! He may not be able to harm me, but he can annoy and distract, and make it difficult to get anything constructive done. SCOTTY Maybe - maybe I could keep him from bothering you? FANSHAW How? SCOTTY Well, I been plumb angry since I got kilt, and my momma says sometimes the best way to get over anger, if you don't got no pie, is to-- GRISHAM Kill you, you girly man! SCOTTY [grunt as he punches him] GRISHAM oof! SCOTTY Better'n pie! You go on, Mr. Fanshaw, and do what you gotta. FANSHAW Good lad. 7_GRANDKIDS LEM [muttered] Fanshaw? Too far out. COMMANDER What's the terrain like beyond the bridge? LEM Nothing much to speak of. Some hills. A ridge off to the north where first we saw them. No place fer them to make a stand tween here and there, though. COMMANDER Cain't let this sort of thing go. LEM Course not. COMMANDER You got the extra shot you needed, did you? LEM Had to leave all o' mine cached back with Scotty. COMMANDER You're sure he's ... dead? LEM I'm afraid I do know dead when I see it. COMMANDER [sad] That's too bad. LEM Kin? COMMANDER LEM [trying to ease] He went down fightin. COMMANDER That don't give my sister grandbabies. LEM [symp] Nope, it shore don't. 8_PIRATES SOUND MUCH CREEPING FANSHAW Looks like about three score. Hardly a fair fight, sneaking up on a defenseless town at night. Like pirates. 8A_FLASHBACK MUSIC FLASHBACK AMB BRIGHT SUNNY DAY NANNY Come along in now, bunny bug. YOUNG CLARA Stop calling me that, nanny! I'm very nearly 10 years old. NANNY You'll always be my little bunny bug. Oh! Whatever is that tea towel doing on your head? [gasp of fear] Did you hurt yourself? Show nanny! YOUNG CLARA No! I am a pirate. NANNY Do not be so silly. There are no pirates. YOUNG CLARA Of course there are. They are in books, so they must be real. NANNY Besides, you cannot be a pirate. YOUNG CLARA Well not just NOW. When I am bigger, I shall be able to do whatever I want. 9_WASPS COMMANDER Did you see how big a force they had? LEM Not to count them, but it was bigger'n I thought. At least 30, probably more. COMMANDER [skeptical] Really? LEM They had a dozen cookin fires goin, and you don't make a fire to feed a lone fellow. COMMANDER [considers, then agrees] No, you don't. LEM 'Sides, better to expect a whole hive of wasps than be surprised by one too many. COMMANDER [chuckles] Sound thinking. [up] Lieutenant! 10_BAG SOUND STILL MUCH MOVEMENT SOUND SCOTTY AND GRISHAM, FIGHTING SCOTTY [pleased] You tired yet, feller? I ain't even blowed! GRISHAM [tired] You little whippersnapper! Think you can pull a man's whiskers and walk away! FANSHAW [muttered] There are some distinct benefits to being dead. More than he will ever know. [gasp] No. RUFFIAN1 Hey! I found something! SOUND CREAK OF LEATHER - LEM'S GEAR FANSHAW [worried] Damn! Lem's bag! RUFFIAN2 What? SECOND Silence! RUFFIAN2 [whispered] bring it - we'll split it later! RUFFIAN1 Split it? Nonsense! It's mine, whatever it is! SECOND [whispered] Keep moving! 11_SCOUT AHEAD COMMANDER [ordering, but hushed] Take your men and circle round up thataway. Get to high ground and cut off retreat. BOB Yessir! LEM If you don't mind, sir, I'us thinkin I might scout on up ahead a mite. COMMANDER You aren't even being paid to be part of this, fellow, why do you keep risking yourself? LEM [shrug] Someone's gotta. 'sides I had to leave my kit behind, and wanna get it if I can before someone else lays hands on it. COMMANDER Valuables? LEM Nothin worth money, but some things cain't be replaced. COMMANDER [teasing a bit] Go on then, but if you see them coming, you'll come back and tell us first, eh? LEM [chuckle] I reckon. 12_LEAD ROPE SCOTTY Mister Fanshaw! That fellow just vanished! Like he flew away, whilst I was a-hittin on him! FANSHAW I fear I shall be gone shortly as well. SCOTTY Why? FANSHAW I am not sure of his reasons, but I must stay with the bag. Now that it has been found... SCOTTY Why? Keeping an eye on it? FANSHAW There's something in there - Oh! It's moving. Stay with me as long as you can. SCOTTY Why can't I--? FANSHAW Shh! [very hurried] Picture a rope tied to something, say, to you - your body, over there. And you are on the other end. SCOTTY Like a training rope? [ASK PAT] FANSHAW Basically, yes. You can go anywhere, within the circle made by that rope. SCOTTY [figuring it out] So you're ... tied to that bag? FANSHAW Yes! [gasp] Bloody thieves! SOUND FANSHAW SUCKED AWAY 13_BE A BOY YOUNG CLARA I am going to be a pirate! I shall sail the seven seas and steal all the gold! NANNY Stealing is very wicked. YOUNG CLARA But you can't be a pirate without stealing! Then you're just a sailor! NANNY And young ladies do not become pirates. Young ladies become mommies. YOUNG CLARA Or nannies. NANNY [reassuring] Don't fret yourself, bunny bug. You shall be a mummy. YOUNG CLARA I should rather be a nanny. Mummies are boring. Nannies have things to do. NANNY [sigh] Mummies have things to do too. YOUNG CLARA I don't want to be a mummy, I want to be a pirate! I want to see the world! NANNY [stern] There are many thing in this world, Clara Fanshaw, that are only meant for boys. YOUNG CLARA Then I want to be a boy! END Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 6 1_READY SOUND NIGHT, MEN BEING QUIET, HORSES OFF COMMANDER Yer sure you wanna go on out there, all on your own?? LEM I'm best on my own, and I don't want another of yer boys on my conscience. COMMANDER [acknowledging] Scotty. LEM If I can't see my way to get back and warn you quick enough, I'll shoot off twice-- COMMANDER [warning] They'll know you're there. LEM I kin look after myself. Two shots means it's a-comin, and I spect after that there'ull be plenty more shots to keep y'all busy. I best get a move on. COMMANDER One thing. LEM Yeah? COMMANDER One of my men swore he'd seen you before. LEM [down] Oh. COMMANDER And that you're the Deadeye kid. LEM I- COMMANDER [overriding, but clearly lying] I told him not to be so credulous. Deadeye Kid looks nothing like that man that's about to save our town. LEM [realizing] Ri-ight. COMMANDER [serious] Don't make me a liar. LEM I kin only do my best. SOUND WALKS AWAY 2_BLACKGUARDS SOUND COMMOTION, MANY MEN, HORSES, TRAVELING LEADER [loud whisper] We'll leave the horses near the stream and sneak up. FANSHAW RUFFIAN2 [whisper] What's in that bag you found anyways? RUFFIAN1 [whisper] Ain't had no time, but it's shore heavy. RUFFIAN2 [whisper] Heavy is good! Mebbe it's gold! RUFFIAN1 Well, I still ain't sharing! FANSHAW Such stimulating conversation. I wonder how far ahead of these ruffians I can manage to stay. 3_TALLYHO SOUND STEALTHY MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH, STOPS LEM [angry hmph] They cain't be too damn far off. And ridin. FANSHAW [distant] Tally-ho! LEM [starts to laugh but turns it into a snort] FANSHAW Halloooooo! Halloo- [suddenly cut off] LEM What the devil? [shrugs, to himself] Well, you can take care of your own damn self. SOUND RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF 4_STRUGGLE AMB IN THE ATTACK FORCE GRISHAM Now I gotcha sorted out! FANSHAW [muffled noises] SOUND STRUGGLING GRISHAM Oh, no you don't! SOUND MORE STRUGGLE GRISHAM I finally figgered out cain't do nothing to hurt me. Long as I ignore it. But I can still keep a tight grip on you. FANSHAW [noise of effort] GRISHAM [ouch!] Hey! You bit me! FANSHAW Keep ahead of them!!!! GRISHAM [disgusted noise] FANSHAW [to grisham] Damn you all to--[muffled again] GRISHAM Stop with all the wiggling, you stupid-- [stunned!] whatthehell? FANSHAW [noise of effort] SOUND STRUGGLE, BREAKS FREE GRISHAM You're a-- ? FANSHAW You may be stronger than me, but I am faster. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM what the hell? A female? 5_SIGNAL COMMANDER He's been gone a fair piece. SOUND [DISTANT] TWO GUN SHOTS COMMANDER [commanding, but quiet] They're coming! SOUND [command passes along ranks - GET VOICES] COMMANDER [a bit superior] I knew that that fellow was no sort of outlaw. 6_PLAN DOS LEADER Shots? SECOND Sir? LEADER Someone has seen. Get El puerco and his fellows. Tell them plan dos. SECOND Plan dos, sir? LEADER They'll circle south and get behind the town. We get some children in hand, no one will fight any more. SECOND Yessir! SOUND RUNS OFF SCOTTY [torn] I can't just let them-- [plaintive] but what can I do? 7_BUCKETFULL SOUND HORSES APPROACHING NOTE - Lem is lying in wait, letting the group go past, and plans to pick them off from behind. FANSHAW [distant but closer, yelling] Lem! That dead friend of yours is about - watch out! LEM [muttered] Damn. And I don' want to go shootin no good horse jest to lay a varmint like that down. SOUND HORSES BEGIN TO PASS LEM [very quietly] 30...? Nearer fifty. That's a bucketful of wasps. SOUND SHOTS! (where the horses went to) LEM [muttered to self] hold on. SOUND NO MORE HORSES COMING LEM [muttered] almost... GRISHAM There you are! LEM [sharp intake of breath] That don't work on me twice. Specially when I been warned. GRISHAM Oh, that girly friend of your'n? Funny thing about that-- SOUND GRISHAM IS YANKED AWAY LEM Good riddance. And jest in time. SOUND BEGINS SHOOTING MaN [shot, fall] 8_HOLD THE LINES COMMANDER [roaring now] Hold the lines! More shot, boy! BOY Yessir! MAN [hit, argh!] COMMANDER Stay low! FANSHAW All seems rather well here. GRISHAM There you are. FANSHAW Bloody hell. GRISHAM [nasty chuckle] I was just wondring - if I kin grab you, I bet I kin kiss you, little lady! FANSHAW [dodging] I doubt you'll catch me again, now that I'm watching for you, but I will admit that one advantage to being a ghost is that I needn't make an effort to remain upwind of you. SOUND FANSHAW OUT 9_RELOAD SOUND COMMOTION OFF, NOT RIGHT HERE SOUND RELOADING SOUND NEARBY HORSE PFFS LEM That's nine. SOUND SLAPS GUN SHUT SCOTTY [distant, yelling] Someone! They're circling round! There's some fellers as are going south to get behind lines! LEM [listens for a second] Fanshaw? Damn. SCOTTY [yelling] Please! Don't let them hurt nobody in town. LEM [muttered] boy'll yell himself hoarse. [chuckles] dead don't get hoarse. But I gotta get one. [clucks to horse] SOUND HORSE BLOWS LEM [grunts as he swings into the saddle] Come on. FANSHAW [a bit distant] Lem? LEM Wazzat? There you are! FANSHAW Close as I can get just now, and can't stay. That blighter keeps trying to grab me. LEM Grisham? FANSHAW The commander seems to be holding well. The villains have taken heavy losses and are starting to fall apart. LEM Can you yell to Scotty, let him know I got his message? FANSHAW What message? LEM Just try and tell the boy. So he can rest hisself. [to the horse] Geeyah! SOUND HORSE TAKES OFF FANSHAW Scotty? Can you hear me? 10_YOU STAY COMMANDER Let's clean this up - leave none of them to try and harm the town. CORPORAL Yessir! Should we capture them, or-- COMMANDER This is no time to be peaceable. They set themselves up to attack a settlement, and we have to take serious measures. SOUND HORSE APPROACHING LEM [distant] Commander! COMMANDER Let him through. [up, to Lem] Looks like we've got nearly all of them. SOUND GUNSHOTS DISTANT COMMANDER A bit of tidying up to do, but-- SOUND HORSE PULLS UP and STOPS LEM [to horse] Whoah! I overheard a couple at the back, saying they had a force circlin south - dozen men mebbe - to get round any resistance and come up behind. COMMANDER My god! LEM Horse up a few good men, load em up and come with me. COMMANDER You, boy! BOY Yessir? COMMANDER Bring my horse, quickly! LEM You're needed here, surely? COMMANDER You're the one who needs a rest, mister Roberts. My corporal, here, will be happy to hear any other suggestions you might have, but I will be leading my men. LEM Sound thinkin. I have been going a bit. COMMANDER Corporal? CORPORAL [acknowledging] Yes sir. FANSHAW Lem? I think I got through to Scotty, but there's such a distance. Poor lad, he merely wants to do his duty. SOUND LEM DISMOUNTS LEM Let's you and I see if we cain't root out a few more of these varmints. I see purty well in the dark. CORPORAL Excellent! FANSHAW I'll see what I can turn up. GRISHAM Found you! FANSHAW Oh, damn! GRISHAM You ain't never getting away from me, you-- FANSHAW [hits out] GRISHAM [ungh!] FANSHAW Have to get him out of here, Lem. Too distracting. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM [laughs triumphantly] Coward! But I don't suppose I should be surprised. LEM [quietly, but deadly serious] You don't stop making a fuss, I'm gon' kill your horse. GRISHAM What? LEM You sit still and be quiet or that horse yer so attached to is gonna find itself on the wrong end of a bullet. You hear me? GRISHAM [all the bluster gone] LEM I don't fancy killin no animal just fer this, but this here's a battle-- SOUND GUNSHOT LEM [gasp, hit!] Damn! SOUND QUICKDRAW, GUNS BLAZE GRISHAM Hah! I still gotcha! LEM [weakening, through gritted teeth] Din't no one see them a-sneakin up? CORPORAL [commanding] Men! SOUND MORE GUNSHOTS LEM [groan] SOUND BODY DROP AS HE COLLAPSES END NEXT EPISODE BEGINS SOUND FADES IN AND OUT COMMANDER Hold on, there, fellow. LEM [vague] all's well? COMMANDER We got em. LEM My pack? COMMANDER I'll set someone to finding it. FADE OUT DOCTOR Bite down on this. He's lost a lot of blood. FADE OUT BOOTMAKER I'll have a new pair ready before he'll be walking anywhere on them. You sure I should even bother--? FADEOUT WOMAN Just a little bit of broth, mister. You need to get some o'yer strength back. SICKROOM LEM [annoyed moan] FANSHAW You're awake. LEM [quiet] Anyone--? FANSHAW Not close enough to hear - as long as you stay quiet. LEM I been shot? FANSHAW At least twice, judging by the bandages. Once in the chest, once in the leg, I should say. I should have been watching. LEM [reassuring] Can't leave you to do everythin. FANSHAW [awkward pause, then stiffly] Should I ...go? LEM Go? go where? FANSHAW [covering] I - I mean, leave you in peace. To rest. I don't doubt you will still be needing a great deal of it. LEM [straining a bit] Did you see, did it go alla way through? FANSHAW I don't know, but you were very fortunate - or so the doctor declared. LEM [satisfied] FANSHAW I'll leave you to your rest, then, shall I? LEM Go or stay, I ain't so wrung out I cain't tell you got somethin on yer mind. FANSHAW LEM Is it that female ghost o'yours yer frettin over? FANSHAW [bracing breath] LEM [exasperated snort] Yer worried she said sumpin, izzat it? FANSHAW LEM [playing it up a bit] You furriners and the trifles that plague you. FANSHAW So she did--? LEM [shrug] So? FANSHAW [surprised] So? LEM You cain't be the first. FANSHAW First? LEM Nor the last, like enough. FANSHAW But it... doesn't... bother you? LEM Well, you don't do it no more. FANSHAW .. don't? LEM 'sides, plenty of little fellers wet up the bed right up til they'us in long pants. FANSHAW What? END
A quirk of fate brings both Lem and Fanshaw face to face with people from their pasts. disagreeable reunions bring up disagreeable memories, and show a taste of what makes a man into a gunslinger. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid - J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw - J. Hoverson ~~~~~~ Grisham - Bill Hollweg (BrokenSea Audio) Lisette Carmichael - Robyn Keyes Commander Bannington - Glen Hallstrom Scotty - Mike Campbell Other Voices: Episode 1 Bartender - Rick Lewis Episode 2 Townsfolks - Mark Olson, Candace Behuniak, Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 3 Juliet - Alexa Chipman (Imagination Lane) Glen Hallstrom Episode 4 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Piedmont - Russell Gold Mr. Roberts - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Episode 5 Nanny - Jennifer Dixon Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 6 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Mark & Connor Olson Russell Gold Cover Design: Brett Coulstock Announcer: Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme: "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson No gunshots herald his approach. No trademark left behind him when he leaves. The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify. Some say he rides alone. That's the Deadeye Kid. ************************************************************* Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 1 MUSIC 1_ARRIVAL SOUND HORSES, RIVER, BOAT TRAFFIC LEM Largest town I been near in a good passel of time. I hear tell it started out as a frontier fort, but the frontier moseyed west and left it a-setting behind. FANSHAW Will it be safe? LEM Safe? FANSHAW I had rather assumed you were avoiding larger towns. For ... notoriety's sake. LEM Meaning I don't want be invited to a necktie party? 'at's part of it, though I'm purty sure I ain't never been posted in this territory. FANSHAW Is it worth the risk? LEM [shrug noise] Time to time a man wants a bath and a night in a bed. FANSHAW There are some distinct benefits to being deceased. LEM [laughs] Ayup. I don't gotta listen to you bellyaching about aches and pains and sleeping on the ground no more. Never mind being all prissy and citified about finding you a comf'table bush now and then-- FANSHAW [rolling eyes] Yes, yes. LEM Sides, I'm outta coffee. And low on shells. FANSHAW [teasing] Heavens. How DO you manage? 2_STROLLING AMB IN TOWN SOUND WALKING ON WOOD LEM Lotta trade hereabouts. Reckon I'll be able to get what all I need. FANSHAW Lem! Soldiers. LEM [voice low] Right. We'll go on over yonder. [beat] Must still be a fort within spitting distance. FANSHAW I did notice that the old fortification appears to have become the mansion for an authority of some kind. LEM Probly best to get my business done and skeddaddle. SOUND SALOON DOOR OPENS, JUST OFF, PEOPLE COME OUT FANSHAW I say. Isn't it a bit early for a drink? LEM [shrug] Three weeks. Don't seem early to me. FANSHAW I'll-- LISETTE [off a bit] Clary? FANSHAW [stunned and horrified] Oh god. LISETTE [off a bit] Clary? I'd know that voice anywhere! LEM Friend o'yourn? FANSHAW [stiff, covering] Old acquaintance. Go on ahead! LEM Right. 3_SALOON SOUND HE WALKS INTO SALOON AMB SALOON LEM One here. SOUND DRINK POURED BARTENDER There you go. SOUND COINS SOUND LEM DRINKS GRISHAM [angry growl] Lemuel Roberts. LEM [SPIT-TAKE] SOUND GLASS SLAMMED DOWN BARTENDER Something wrong, fella? LEM [coughing, trying to clear his throat] Toothache. Hit like a snakebite. GRISHAM You look at me, you pissant slab of gun leather. BARTENDER [sympathetic] Tarnation. You need it yonked? Barber can‑‑ LEM [finally getting clear] No, no. I kin handle it. SOUND COINS, GLASS DOWN LEM Another. And sorry about the-- BARTENDER [dismissive] Ain't no nevermind. SOUND MORE COINS LEM Give me the bottle. GRISHAM Now I found you, you could float a heap o rotgut and won't never drown me! BARTENDER You drink more careful now, you hear? LEM Ayup. 4_LISETTE AMB OUTSIDE LISETTE [close, laughing] Oh, good lord, look at you! Mustache and all. Aren't you a little brigadier? FANSHAW [acknowledging] Carmichael. LISETTE Oh, how formal. Just like at school. What have you been up to Clary, dear? FANSHAW "Fanshaw," if you please. LISETTE And we used to be such chums. However did you end up here? FANSHAW I'm quite sorry to see that you are dead, Carmichael. LISETTE [laughing] Oh, I rather doubt that! You're only very sad to see that I'm here, aren't you? FANSHAW Would you prefer that I said I am pleased to find that you died, since that would be the only circumstance that could ever have stopped you from tormenting every living soul around you? LISETTE [not amused any more] At least that would be closer to the truth. FANSHAW Jolly good. Happy you're dead. Must get along. LISETTE Don't run off so quickly, Clary! FANSHAW [long breath of self-control] LISETTE There's been no one interesting to talk to or listen in on for simply ages. FANSHAW How unfortunate. Must rush. LISETTE I noticed you speaking to that fellow. FANSHAW [quiet] Bloody hell. [up] I speak to a lot of people. LISETTE I'm sure. But he replied. Might I speak with him as well? FANSHAW I-- LISETTE Oh, just watch your face! You're trying desperately to come up with a lie! You never could hide anything from me, mustache or no mustache, silly Clary-- FANSHAW Stop calling me that. LISETTE Oh, how I've missed these little moments with my dearest friends - ever since I made the leap. I shall have to spend a great deal of time with you - and with your rugged looking friend. FANSHAW [gritted teeth] Jolly good. 5_SALOON2 AMB SALOON SOUND LEM DRINKS, SLAMS DOWN GLASS GRISHAM I know you kin hear me, you toad-bellied worm. SOUND CHAIR SHIFTS, KICKED OUT FROM TABLE LEM [low] Sit. GRISHAM What makes you think I'd sit with you? You done went and killed me! LEM That's one reason I'm plumb surprised to see you. You went down all the way to Fayetteville - damn far north o' here. GRISHAM I ... drifted. LEM That's just what's got me hornswoggled. Ain't no one drifts. GRISHAM Well I did, and I's planning to get you back for what you done, one way or t'other. LEM [sigh] SOUND DRINK POURS 6_PIGS SOUND PIGS LEM Why'd you drag me out to the slaughterhouse? FANSHAW That woman - ghost woman. LEM An old flame? FANSHAW Nonsense! We knew each other as ... children. She is-- [changing the subject] She is unlikely to follow us here. LEM Spect not. Womenfolks ain't fond of this sort of messy business. FANSHAW [disgusted] Yes... LEM So? You'd best'a brought me here fer a reason. FANSHAW Lisette Carmichael. She [hard to say] is a person who likes to know things. About other people. She likes to -- LEM Hold a grudge? Like a noose over yer head? FANSHAW Aptly put. Yes. LEM You cain't have much in the way of dark secrets, though, can you? Leastways not no more. FANSHAW You might be surprised. LEM Who's she a-gonna tell? [realizes] Oh. FANSHAW And while I'm fairly certain you think you could overlook any past indiscretion on my part, I don't doubt there are a few things that might shock even you. Lord knows, she's not even above the occasional fabrication. LEM [after a moment] Did it involve a sheep? FANSHAW What? LEM Whatever it was you done. FANSHAW No. It isn't - it's not like that at all. LEM [shrug] Sounds like we should jest ride on out. FANSHAW What? LEM Got my coffee, ain't no reason to lollygag. FANSHAW You would leave? Over this? LEM I figger you saved m'life more'n once, and ain't much I can do in return. SOUND WALKING IN MUD LEM Let's get gone before you start a-thanking me. 7_BARN AMB BARN SOUND TACK, HORSES, ETC. LEM You distract her, I'll get the gear. Come and find me when you feel the pull. FANSHAW Righty-ho. SOUND LEAVES GRISHAM Running away, eh? Allus knew you'ure yella. LEM [sigh] You're lucky ain't no one about but us. Otherwise, I wouldn't dignify none of that with an answer. GRISHAM You kilt me! LEM We had it out, fair and square. I never shot no one in-- [breaks off, a bit choked up] I never din't kill any one not a-gunning fer me. Not on purpose. SOUND LAST BIT OF TACKING UP GRISHAM Are you saying I was asking fer it? LEM I seem to recall you a-calling me out in the middle of a fairish game of cards. Yellin blue bloody murder that I should step out and face you. GRISHAM Well, yeah, but I was drunk. LEM I din't do THAT to you neither. You called me out, without no good reason agin me. GRISHAM [losing some of his bluster] I fancied making a name for myself. SOUND LEM GETS INTO THE SADDLE LEM By shooting the Kid? You ain't the first. GRISHAM But you still kilt me. LEM And I won't never forget none of it, but you got what you asked for, and not a jot more. Blame providence if you cain't blame yerself, but don't put this guilt on me. Hee-yaw! SOUND RIDES OFF 8_DISTRACTION FANSHAW Lisette? LISETTE There you are! Just like a naughty boy, running off to filthy places to get away. FANSHAW So sorry. Didn't have much choice. My friend is quite fascinated by... hogs. LISETTE Did you make a clean breast of it? Or just warn him not to believe a thing I say? FANSHAW You don't understand what you're threatening to do - you never did. LISETTE So bothered over trifles! How much people change! FANSHAW Ruining someone's life never meant anything to you! Do you recall poor Selfridge? LISETTE Carmela? Served her right. FANSHAW She threw herself off a bridge! LISETTE She also let herself be compromised! I didn't put her in the family way, and she was the one lying and hiding-- FANSHAW Are you trying to imply that you are somehow in the right? A champion of truth? LISETTE Shall I point out what it is you are doing that flies in the face of nature? FANSHAW History is replete with-- LISETTE Oh, spare me. Next you'll be quoting Shakespeare. FANSHAW Very well. I shan't try and justify myself, but I will point out that whatever I am doing, it cannot be changed. Being dead, there's not much one can do about such trifles. LISETTE Then why should it be such a catastrophe were I to tell? FANSHAW [beat] You've never had a real friend, only people who fawned on you in order that you would not reveal their shortcomings. LISETTE [outraged] I--? You--! FANSHAW Kindly allow me to finish. There is a certain camaraderie among men that simply does not - cannot - occur once a woman is involved. Once you put your nose in, I fear it would never be quite the same. LISETTE No doubt. I'll just go and find your friend now, shall I? FANSHAW [strange gasp, ending on a laugh] No, but I think I shall. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVING NOISE CLOSING Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 2 1_MOSEYING AMB OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, nighttime SOUND HORSES WALKING LEM I still cain't reckon how he got so far from where he-- I-- where we had it out. FANSHAW How odd. Have you ever encountered other ghosts who could travel? LEM Present comp'ny only. FANSHAW And we know the how and why of that. Perhaps this fellow has a similar... arrangement? LEM How? And who with? Ain't no one would carry that ugly cuss a dog's walk, let alone some hundred miles. FANSHAW Well, every one of we "spirits" seems to be a bit different. LEM Like your lady friend back there? FANSHAW [sigh] From her current appearance and [disapproving] "costume", she had fallen on ‑ahem- hard times indeed. Possibly drifted west - whilst alive - in hopes of making something better for herself. LEM Lot of people can say that, out this way. FANSHAW [a bit snotty] Frankly I'm not surprised at her misfortune. When you alienate all those around you, no one will step in to help if things take a turn for the worse. LEM Cain't say I ain't never been that fella. FANSHAW [chagrined] Oh. MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK NOTE Lem is younger, more cocky, more superior in the falshback - need to really show who he used to be 2_THE OLD KID AMB SALOON LEM Gimme two. SOUND CARDS LEM [pleased noise] I'll see you and raise-- SOUND CROWD HUSHES GRISHAM [snarling declaration] I hear tell the Deadeye Kid's here in town? LEM [ignoring him, smug] Raise ten. DEALER [shaky] Uh, Kid? GRISHAM Which one o' y'all's sposed to be this weasel? LEM Your call. PLAYER1 [shaky] Um... I fold. LEM [chuckles] PATRON1 How can he--? Patron2 Shh! SOUND HEAVY SPURRED BOOTS CROSS FLOOR, PEOPLE SCUTTLE OUT OF WAY GRISHAM [heavy menace] You the deadeye kid? LEM [offhanded] I'm the man playing a nice civil hand of cards. Mebbe you can hold your hosses there, whistle stomper. GRISHAM Either you come out and face me now, or I swear'n I'm gonna shoot you where you sit. SOUND CHAIRS SCOOTING OUT, PEOPLE LEAVING TABLE LEM [long dramatic sigh] Now that sounds a mite like a threat. PLAYER1 [muttered] Uh, yeah. I'm done. Fergot my wife wants me home. GRISHAM Are you coming, or am I shooting? LEM If everyone's takin' leg, I guess I win by forfeit? DEALER Um, I don't think anyone's gonna argue you on that. GRISHAM You turn around now and face me, you yellow bellied dog! SOUND MONEY BEING SHOVED TOGETHER LEM Give the frog a chance to jump, knuckles. Cain't just leave all this layin around. SOUND G's GUN DRAWN AND COCKED GRISHAM Now! LEM [to dealer, cocky] You'll look after this til I get back? DEALER Uh... certainly. GRISHAM I'll do it! I will! SOUND CHAIR SLOWLY MOVES, LEM'S SPUR-STEPS, STANDS LEM Rightchere in front of all these good folks? And leave the dealer to clean up the mess? [tsks] Let's at least be civilized and take this on outside. 3_EASIER MUSIC BACK TO NOW SOUND HORSES WALKING FANSHAW Seems as if it would be a great deal easier. LEM Whazzat? FANSHAW Shooting someone in the back. LEM And killin a chicken's easier than takin down a buffalo, but ain't a thing to swell over. Ain't no pride in the easy way. FANSHAW Backshooting would gain you notoriety just as quickly. LEM It's all about how folks look at you... and how they see you. MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK 4_WARMUP GRISHAM Are you stepping? LEM What flavor of tarantula juice got you fit to wake snakes? Milk? [insulting that he can't hold his liquor] GRISHAM [furious noise] I got a pill to run you on, and I'm gonna chew back every moment of it. LEM [to the crowd] Righchere's a rumbustious fellow for you. SOUND DRINKS DOWN HIS LIQUOR, SLAMS IT DOWN LEM Barkeep? Have me a shot of top mark waitin. SOUND WALKS OUT, SLOWLY GRISHAM You look at me while I'm a talking to you! LEM [walking out] You say somethin' more wheat than chaff, mebbe I will. 5_RATTLING FANSHAW Were you trying to upset his equilibrium? LEM What's that when it's at home? FANSHAW uh - Throw him off - make him upset and more likely to make mistakes. LEM Rattlin. Yup. There's as much head as hand in a proper showdown. Not that this was one o' them. FANSHAW Why not? He called you out. LEM He was halfway round on rotgut. Not a nugget's chance agin me. Even if he had all his [careful] equilibriums about him. FANSHAW But you stepped out with him? Even knowing he had no chance? LEM A'course. He wouldn't take no. Drunk fellers who ain't gettin their way are as likely to shoot just about anyone. I reckoned I was a-helpin, putting him down. FANSHAW [a bit touchy] And you couldn't simply injure him or knock him out - he had to die? LEM Ain't no place for fine feelins when there's a man with a gun a-facin you. And ain't no time to aim all purty and shoot him just so. You hit hard and put him down, cause if you don't, he'll do it to you. That's the part you cain't get away from - one or t'other's likely for boot hill, and you GOTTA face it that way. 6_SHOWDOWN MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK SOUND OUTSIDE NOW GRISHAM You ready? LEM Why trouble yerself to call me out anyhow? I kill someone yer riled over? GRISHAM [duh] Yer the Deadeye Kid! LEM [duh] Yep. [beat] That's your sole entire reason? You wanna walk in my boots? GRISHAM No faster way to make a name, than laying out a name. SOUND THEY MOVE TO EITHER SIDE OF THE SOUNDSCAPE SOUND GUN BEING CHECKED, LEM LEM And o'course it gots to be a callout. [digsut, sarcasm] No one wants to be the next Robert Ford. [man who backshot his friend Jesse James] GRISHAM Come on! Kick it up, Deadeye! Less'n yer yellow! SOUND LEM - DIRT PATTERS - checking the wind] LEM [maddenginly cool] Oh. I'm ripe and ready to drop. SOUND TENSION NOISE, CROWD NOISE, THEN SUDDEN FLURRY OF GUNFIGHT. SOUND G - BODY DROP SOUND LEM - GUN INTO HOLSTER. A MOMENT. FEET WALK BACK UP INTO SALOON 7_ENJOY MUSIC BACK TO NOW FANSHAW [relenting a bit] I suppose it's very like being in battle - not a good place to have consideration for the other fellow. LEM Have to ice over that pond. Hard and cold. Hard and cold. FANSHAW I- I do apologize for sounding disapproving. I want to assure you, it's the process that... well... seems so very pointless. LEM [a litle lighter] Men'll be men. FANSHAW But men can behave in a civilized manner! Look at we Brits. LEM [grunt - half laugh half dismissive] FANSHAW Do you enjoy it? LEM [very mixed feelings] Enjoy? FANSHAW Throughout history there have been men who reveled in killing, in battle. LEM Hmmm. [musing] There's a fire that burns you at that moment, like bugs in the skin. LEM S'like the best whiskey and the moment you almost fall off a cliff, and being with the love of your life, all at the same damn time. FANSHAW The thrill of danger? LEM That, but even more so. If'n you just want danger, you go climbin cliffs or breakin broncs. This is starin into the eyes of death - death right there and then and ain't no "maybe so" about it. Kill or be killed. [beat, then not quite truthful] Enjoy? No. FANSHAW Sometimes a person's strength is in making the right choice, even when it might pain them to do so. LEM I reckon. 8_WINNER MUSIC FLASH BACK AMB INSIDE SALOON, HUSHED SOUND GUNSHOT, OUTSIDE WOMAN [gasps] SOUND [CROWD NOISE, OUTSIDE], THEN OMINOUS BOOTS ON WOOD, SALOON DOOR OPENS SOUND PIANO PLAYS, CHATTER BEGINS AGAIN LEM [voiceover] there's also this way people have of lookin at you - like yer the best. Used be I din't see the fear beneath it. SOUND BOTTLE POURS, GLASS SET DOWN BARTENDER Your shot, Mister. LEM [drinks big, then bragging] My second shot in two minutes! SOUND Forced laughter from the crowd, warps out a bit. 9_HUNKER MUSIC BACK TO NOW LEM [brisk] It's coming down dusk. Need to find a place to hunker fer the night. FANSHAW I shall keep an eye out for-- [dread] oh! LEM Whazzat? FANSHAW Look - the horizon! LEM Signal fires, and a lot of em. Damn. FANSHAW They're a little far off to get a better look at. We shall... have to return, shan't we? LEM Someone's gotta warn the town. Whether it's injuns or sumpin else, looks like an ambush on the march. FANSHAW [weakly] Surely the garrison maintains lookouts? LEM Not so much that I saw. They're purt near closed up shop, from the looks back there. FANSHAW [heavy sigh] Right, then. SOUND DISMOUNT, SHIFTING A FEW THINGS FROM HORSE TO HORSE LEM You worried about your lady friend? FANSHAW She's neither a lady nor a friend. But whatever she might have to say will matter to none but me. [change of tone] We are a couple of hours out. LEM Horses ain't fresh, but I weren't pushin. We can get back before them out there can get into spittin distance. SOUND MOUNT OTHER HORSE FANSHAW [resigned but determined] Shall we? MUSIC Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 3 1_WONT SPOOK SOUND READYING FOR BATTLE LEM If'n you got a fresh horse, I kin go scout some fer you. COMMANDER You've done enough already, stranger. Ain't even your fight. LEM I know where they're at, and I got some idea of where they're likely to be by the time I get back there. Give me one horse ain't like to spook, and I'll-- COMMANDER I'll have to send a man along with you. LEM That's fine. Make sure he ain't like to spook neither. 2_LISETTE SOUND [above scene plays out in the background] LISETTE And here I thought you had run away and left me all alone. FANSHAW [sigh] Why don't we step outside to have this conversation? LISETTE No. I like seeing what the "menfolk" are up to. [frustrated noise] What I wouldn't give to be able to leave this rattletrap town. I'm still not sure how you did that. Or why you came back. FANSHAW We had to warn the garrison. LISETTE Always full of suprises, aren't you - and yet still sanctimonious. Fanshaw, dear old chum. Are you not afraid of what I might say? FANSHAW Any concern you might cause me is negligible when weighed against the potential danger to others. LISETTE [surprised laugh] Hah! All you superior little snobs, with your noses in the air! And deep down, all just as afraid as the rest of us. FANSHAW I've no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care to find out. Whatever you plan to do, just get on with it. We have a job to do. LISETTE Wait! FANSHAW [long sigh] Yes? LISETTE Shall I wish you "good luck"? FANSHAW I doubt I shall need any. But I thank you for the sentiment, Miss Carmichael, however grudgingly bestowed. 3_JULIET FLASHBACK JULIET Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself. FANSHAW I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo. JULIET What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel? ROMEO By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself-- SOUND POUNDING LISETTE Oh heavens! Not again! MAN [calling from off] Sorry. SOUND POUNDING STOPS LISETTE Try that scene again from the top. Romeo? FANSHAW [sigh] Yes? LISETTE Couldn't you try to be a bit more ... masculine? JULIET Oh, I like "him". So terribly byronic. FANSHAW I'll see what I can do. 4_SCOTTY SOUND PACKING A HORSE SCOTTY Sir? LEM Yeah? SCOTTY Private Scott. Commander Bennington told me to report to you. LEM [sigh] Right. You ever shot that for real? SCOTTY O'course. LEM Against a person? SCOTTY Well, against animals. LEM Right. GRISHAM Not everyone can be you. LEM [sighs] SCOTTY Don't you worry! I ain't afraid! GRISHAM This pullet ain't even got pinfeathers yet. You get him killed, you gonna adda a notch fer him too? LEM You got a horse, Scott? SCOTTY Everyone calls me Scotty. GRISHAM Later, they'll just call him dead. LEM Scotty. Right. You gotta horse? SCOTTY Over there. GRISHAM [rueful] My damn horse. Serving in the army like the rest of the idjets. LEM Well, go and get'im. SCOTTY Right, sir! GRISHAM Ain't he a little young? You should oughtta throw him back. LEM I'm stuck with him. And I never kept notches. GRISHAM That ain't what I heered. LEM Lot o' tales goin round - ain't a one of 'em naught but sagebrush smoke. GRISHAM And the tale 'bout how you kilt me? LEM [sharp intake] I don't brag on none o' that no more. GRISHAM So, you think I like being plumb forgot? LEM If I thought tellin about it would ease you on to the next thing, you think I wouldn't? SCOTTY Tell me about what? Injuns? [certain] I know all about them. LEM [sigh] 5_SCOUTING AMB CRICKETS SOUND HORSES FANSHAW They're still out of range. I can just barely catch snippets of sound at my farthest reach, but I'm fairly certain it is not Indians. LEM Hmm? FANSHAW I can make out English and Spanish. Are we anywhere near the Mexico territories? LEM [quiet] Ain't impossible. Deserters, mebbe. SCOTTY What ain't impossible? LEM We're gettin close. Best to go on foot. SCOTTY These here horses are my responsibility! LEM Best you stay and watch'em, then. FANSHAW Don't forget the satchel. SOUND CREAK LEM Like I'd forget that. SCOTTY I wouldna gone through your kit or nothin! I ain't no finger monkey. FANSHAW [laughs] I ne'er heard that one before. SOUND REMOVING SPURS LEM Ain't that I don't trust you, son, just might need me some things. If I was you, I'd take them horses up yonder - forge as far into the high rough as you can, but keep where you can see if I come tearin out of there. You reckon? SCOTTY How'll you find us? LEM I'll find you. Just be ready. And don't shoot me. SOUND QUIET FEET ON DIRT 6_JULIET2 FLASHBACK echoey hallway LISETTE [running up] Fanshaw? FANSHAW Carmichael. LISETTE [trying to start a fight] We've been reconsidering your costume. Those leggings are positively scandalous. FANSHAW [bland] Romeo can hardly appear in bloomers. Would be rather difficult to climb to the balcony. LISETTE Perhaps plain trousers, then. [sly] Though I understand you were quite keen on showing off your legs. FANSHAW [rueful] There is a great deal to be said for the freedom of movement. [dismissive] But a costume is a costume. I certainly shan't make a fuss. LISETTE [annoyed at not being able to get a rise out of F] Very well. 7_FANSHAW SCOUTS SOUND SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES LEM [very quiet] Close enough? FANSHAW I'll have a look round. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM [very loud] You hiding from something? LEM [reaction noise, quickly stifled] GRISHAM Ooh! Scairt you, din't I? LEM [whispered] Made me jump damn near out my skin. GRISHAM [smug and evil] Well that's good, then. Looks like I can get my own back on you. LEM What all do you want? GRISHAM Apart from you in a pine box? I'm hankerin to be alive agin, but that ain't gon happen. LEM Not likely, nope. How'd you follow us? GRISHAM What kind of tenderfoot you take me for that I can't follow my own damn horse? LEM [half realizing something] Damn. SOUND FANSHAW COMES BACK FANSHAW Who the devil is this? GRISHAM Who the devil are you? LEM What'd ya find out? FANSHAW A motley crew, but definitely girding themselves for battle. GRISHAM What kinda girlie man are ya? Highfaluting slicker talk! FANSHAW [sigh, but determined] They're half mounted already, but I could make out that they're waiting til after midnight, to make certain of finding as many people abed as possible. GRISHAM Put you in a dress, and I bet everyone'd wanna dance! FANSHAW We need to get moving. GRISHAM I think you need a shave, girlie man. SOUND KNIFE FANSHAW [finally breaking concentration] God damn you all to hell! SOUND PUNCH, KNEE TO GROIN LEM [trying not to laugh] GRISHAM Oooohhhh. FANSHAW Marquis of Queensbury be damned. We need to go. GRISHAM [different kind of ooooh - like he's falling, or being dragged off] SOUND SUCK NOISE AND GRISHAM VANISHES LEM What'd you do to him? FANSHAW I didn't! I couldn't-- I... haven't the faintest idea? 8_JULIET3 SOUND TAP ON DOOR LISETTE Fanshaw? FANSHAW Come in. LISETTE I've brought you your hat-- whatever are you doing? FANSHAW I was considering what I might do with my hair. To create the right ilusion. LISETTE That is what the HAT is for. FANSHAW I prefer not. It looks like an ottoman on my head. LISETTE And Romeo does not wear a moustache. FANSHAW Whyever not? LISETTE On the stage, moustaches are only for villains and army colonels! FANSHAW [considering] I might just cut my hair. LISETTE That is the final straw! Miss Peabody said this would happen. FANSHAW What? LISETTE That you would take too many liberties. You are out. FANSHAW Out? LISETTE [snidely satisfied] You are no longer a member of this production. 9_DEAD SCOTT SOUND QUIET BOOTSTEPS LEM [very quiet] Scotty? FANSHAW [off a bit] Oh, good god. LEM Do I need to keep quiet? FANSHAW I don't see anyone. Anyone... hostile. SOUND QUICK, NOISIER FOOTSTEPS SCOTTY [as if waking up] Oooh! LEM What is-- [tragic regret] Ohh. SCOTTY They come in out of nowheres! FANSHAW I don't doubt it. SCOTTY And they took the damn horses, Mister Roberts! FANSHAW I think that just might explain-- SCOTTY And who in blue blazes is this feller? LEM [heavy sigh] Ayup. CLOSING Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 4 1_DROP EVERYTHING SOUND UNBUCKLING, BAG DOWN, ETC. LEM Good thing I had that with me. Though now I gotta leave it. SOUND SATCHEL DOWN FANSHAW Of course. SCOTTY I'm really sorry about this, sir. LEM I doubt me you coulda stopped it, son. And you been punished enough. SCOTTY What do you mean? They musta knocked me out, but I don't even feel it. FANSHAW I'll deal with him. LEM I'll leave you to it. SCOTTY What are you doing? LEM Gonna haveta hoof it back to town - cain't take naught but my guns. You gon' be all right? SOUND RUSTLE OF BUSHES FANSHAW Well, we won't be able to do much to stop them if they came across your bag, but that looks like a good hiding place. Especially in the dark. SCOTTY Can't do anything? What are you talking about? FANSHAW Hush, Scotty. Let Lem get moving and we'll have a good long talk. SOUND BOOTS RUN OFF 2_REBEL CAMP SOUND MANY HORSES, MEN CHATTER, etc. SOUND GRISHAM STUMBLES IN GRISHAM Where the hell? [Thunder?]! Goddam rustlers! SOUND MEN WALK BY LEADER Two horses, two saddles. I don't like it. SECOND Guerrero had the kid down before we realized. But if there's another scout, he won't be able to get anywhere - at least not soon enough. LEADER [thinks, then definite] We must move up the charge. SECOND We're nearly ready. 3_NO HEAVEN SCOTTY [trying not to cry] So that's IT? I mean this is it? No nothing left? No heaven? FANSHAW There are so many things even I don't understand. I wish I could offer you more in the way of consolation. SCOTTY But don't no one ever pass along? FANSHAW Most do. And I'm even aware of those who spend some time like this, and then pass on, though there's no easy answer for how or why it happens. SCOTTY And I won't never even get to be with a woman. FANSHAW [uncomfortable] Oh, dear. That is a shame. SCOTTY What's it like? FANSHAW [dread] What is ... what... like? SCOTTY Being with a woman? FANSHAW Ohhh.... 4_RUNNING LEM [heavy but measured breathing] SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - TROT, NOT DASH LEM [muttered] Dammit. Leastways there's a good moon. 4A_FLASHBACK MUSIC FLASHBACK SOUND NIGHT, DOGS, CHICKENS - ALARUMS SOUND ANGRY MOB, OFF ROBERTS [yelling, off] Leastways, there's a good moon! PIEDMONT [up close, heavy breathing, trying to be quiet] ROBERTS [off, yelling] Spread out! Don't let that traitor get away! Where's that rope? PIEDMONT [gasp, then trying to breathe even quieter] SOUND VERY SLOW CREAK, SHUTTING DOOR ON THE NOISE. YOUNG LEM [about 12] Whatchoo doin', mister? PIEDMONT [terrible gasp, smothers a scream] 6_EXPERIENCE FANSHAW My experience is not ... vast, but I have had one or two ... romantic encounters. SCOTTY Well, you're a man of the world, ain't you? You been all over the place! FANSHAW Oh dear. [up] I've spent most of my life deep in study. I suppose I've always felt there would be time - later - to settle down to a family and all. SCOTTY Me too. Not the studying, but the ... "later". FANSHAW [after a moment] Women are.... soft. SCOTTY [eager] Yeah? FANSHAW And round. In places where men aren't. SCOTTY But they do got legs, don't they? FANSHAW [flabbergasted] What? SCOTTY You never don't see none of them out of skirts! Who knows what they got under there? FANSHAW Well, that I can answer - generally, women are made the same as men. Arms, legs, heads - well, one head. You understand. SCOTTY [avid] And bosoms. FANSHAW Yes. Yes, that. 7_VARMINT SOUND RUNNING, LEM'S HEAVY BREATHING UNDER THIS? PIEDMONT Shh! Don't let anyone know I am here. YOUNG LEM You the varmint they's looking fer? PIEDMONT There is no call to use such language, boy. Do you know this area? YOUNG LEM I should hope I do! My pa's Mr. Jorgenson's top man. PIEDMONT [sarcastic] So he's the one leading the search. YOUNG LEM [pride] Yup. SOUND OUTSIDE, THE ROW GETS CLOSER ROBERTS [outside] Get him, Honeysuckle, there's a good bitch! YOUNG LEM [pride and fear] That's my pa! PIEDMONT But you're not going to tell him I am in here? YOUNG LEM I don't fancy getting whupped. I ain't sposed to be in the barn at night. 8_YOUNG LOVE FANSHAW I was in love. When I was very young. SCOTTY Was she really purtty? FANSHAW [sigh] I thought the sun rose and set with my beloved's face. Have you ever seen hair so fine and blonde that your fingers desperately wanted to touch it? SCOTTY You talk so flowery, I bet all the girls jest love you! FANSHAW Our parents objected. They said we were too young, and I was packed off to school. SCOTTY What didja do? FANSHAW I waited. I nursed my deep love, and remained constant, like patience on a rock. SCOTTY You waited on a rock? FANSHAW I waited at school. I was determined that one day, when we were old enough that no one could object, I would return and we would be joined forever. SCOTTY What happened? FANSHAW I made my way to the object of my affection and...discovered... SCOTTY Yes? FANSHAW That I was the only one who had bothered to wait. SCOTTY She'd gone and -- FANSHAW My "dearest love" had married another. Had, and I quote "almost forgotten about that summer." SCOTTY Damn! Women are right terrible. FANSHAW Don't fault women, boy. There are quite as many constant and sweet-natured females as there are fickle and wicked men. We all deserve a "heaping helping" of the blame. 8_DISCOVERED SOUND UNDER - LEM WALKING NOW, STILL BREATHING HARD, PACING HIMSELF YOUNG LEM They're fixing to hang you? PIEDMONT Yes. YOUNG LEM Why? What for? PIEDMONT We were on opposite sides in a fight. YOUNG LEM You mean the war? Hmph. My pa says why keep slaves when you can hire men for even cheaper and don't have to sell them if'n they don't do the job right. PIEDMONT [incensed] You think your pa knows so much about everything, don't you? YOUNG LEM [a bit afraid] Well, he knows where you are. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN ROBERTS There he is! MAN Get him! PIEDMONT [scream] SOUND SCUFFLE, KNIFE DRAWN YOUNG LEM [gasp, cut off by hand] PIEDMONT I'll kill your boy, just see if I won't! 10_STUCK SCOTTY You said you know about some folks what was like this for a time and then moved along? FANSHAW Yes. We've encountered one or two. SCOTTY How'd it work? FANSHAW Work? SCOTTY I mean, I don't wanna be stuck out here, middle o' nowhere, all by my lonesome, forever! FANSHAW I don't know that I have an answer for you. I've only been - like this - for a... a couple of years, myself, and haven't seen a fraction of what Lem has. SCOTTY Years? You been dead for years and ain't moved on? FANSHAW We... help people. And I get to see the world - [half pleased, half rueful] hmph... in perfect safety. 11_SHOT SOUND LEM RUNNING AGAIN PIEDMONT [panicky, but trying to be placating] I am going to have to ask you to take a step back, sir! My hand could slip a fraction of an inch, and that's all it would take. YOUNG LEM [gasp] Pa? SOUND GUNSHOT SOUND TWO BODY DROPS ROBERTS [cold] You understand we cain't leave that kind of critter running loose, don't you? 12_BUSINESS FANSHAW Some folks stay because they have unfinished business, and once the business is completed, they are able pass on. SCOTTY Business? I ain't never been in business. FANSHAW No, no. For instance, one young man was able to move along once his murderer was uncovered and hung. SCOTTY Oh. I spose that could happen. FANSHAW Or perhaps when the horses have been recovered, since that was your task at the time of your death. SCOTTY [very down] Oh, right. FANSHAW [cheering] Or, when the town has been warned. That could very well have been at the forefront of your thoughts. SCOTTY [wailing] Oh no! FANSHAW Whatever is the matter? SCOTTY What if it's ladies? FANSHAW [careful] What if what is "ladies"? SCOTTY What if I can't never pass on til I been with a lady? FANSHAW [cold, practical] That would be most extremely awkward. Worry about that once we find out if you can get back to town or not. 13_WHUPPING YOUNG LEM [sniffles a bit] ROBERTS You crying, boy? YOUNG LEM [stifling it] No sir. ROBERTS Good. Now run and let Mrs. Roberts have a look at that scratch. SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS, THEN TURN YOUNG LEM [blank] You shot him dead. ROBERTS Yup. YOUNG LEM In the dark, and on the draw, and din't even hit me. ROBERTS Yup. [beat] You asking something? YOUNG LEM What if he'd'a kilt me? Or what if you did? ROBERTS [long pause] Life's hard, boy. You cain't let folks get away with wrongdoing, no matter who they got a grip on. YOUNG LEM Oh. SOUND BARN DOOR SWINGS OPEN, COUPLE OF STEPS ROBERTS Lem? YOUNG LEM [almost a gasp] Yessir? ROBERTS [casual] Don't think I'm not gon' whale you for being in the barn by night, neither. [neeether] YOUNG LEM [quiet, resentful] Yes, sir. 14_CRICKET SCOTTY It ain't fair! I'm being punished and I ain't never even done nothing! FANSHAW Life is not fair. Death even less so. SCOTTY I-- FANSHAW [cutting him off] Still, I expect there must be some sort of answer. SCOTTY Answer? FANSHAW Very likely, when they take your body back to town, you will accompany it, and there will find what you need to do to pass on. SCOTTY What if they don't take it - me back? FANSHAW Lem will see that they do. SCOTTY Oh. And what about you, Mister Fanshaw? FANSHAW What about me? SCOTTY Don't you get to pass on too? FANSHAW Oh. But you see Scotty, I have no wish to. SCOTTY No? Why? FANSHAW I still have many things to see. And I feel like I'm doing good here. There's a story I read some time back, a sort of fable, about a puppet that comes to life. SCOTTY That's crazy talk. FANSHAW That's why it's a story. In the tale, a cricket is asked to stay with him and make sure he does the right things. SCOTTY All right. Wait, a cricket, like a bug? FANSHAW A talking bug, but yes, a bug. SCOTTY That's just plumb crazy. FANSHAW True. [gasp] Look at the horizon! I think they are on the move! SCOTTY Is there something we can do? FANSHAW This is one of those times I truly wish there was. CLOSING Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 5 1_COMING SOUND IN TOWN - HORSES, MEN, READYING FOR BATTLE COMMANDER [commands] We need more shot at the western boundary! Get someone over there! SOLDIER Yessir! SOUND FEET RUN OFF SHARPLY SOUND DISTANT APPROACH OF PAINED, SLOW RUNNING SOLDIER2 Sir! Someone's coming! On foot! COMMANDER On foot? SENTRY [off] Halt! LEM [breathless, with long gasps] I can't... If I stop... I'm gon fall down... And I gotta get to... The commander. SENTRY Stop, I say! COMMANDER Let him on through. LEM They're a-movin. Deserters 'n comancheros. Have guns. COMMANDER Why are you-- LEM Kilt Scotty. Took the horses. Look sharp. Ungh! SOUND FALLS DOWN COMMANDER Are you all right? [up] Someone get Doc! LEM I'll be [coughing fit] fine. Jest let me lie till the shakin goes off. 2_SPOOK HORSES SCOTTY We got to do something! FANSHAW And just what do you have in mind? I've already done all I can, scouting them for Lem. By the time they come close enough for us to get a look at, they will be moving fast enough that we shall hardly have time to observe. SCOTTY Can't we spook the horses or nothing? That's what haints do, isn't it? FANSHAW I was with you the entire trip out from town. Did the horses seem spooked to you? SCOTTY [really down] No. FANSHAW If Lem makes it back in time, there are ways we can help him. Otherwise, we are merely spectators at this show. 3_TONIC DOC Can you get yourself around this? LEM [still hoarse, puffing] Tonic? DOC [shrug] Mostly brandy. Medicinal. LEM [rusty chuckle] Thanks, doc. [drinks] LISETTE Oh, goodness. I believe you are Fanshaw's dear friend. LEM [coughs] DOC Din't say it was GOOD brandy. LEM [hawks, spits, clear throat] Hits the spot. LISETTE [calculating] And not able to walk away. [cruel chuckle] How perfectly jolly. DOC The commander's gone off to rally the men, but they're like to need you to guide them. You up fer it? LEM Will be... shortly. Any chance of a mite to eat? It's been a powerful long night, and not looking to roll up any time soon. 4_DO SOMETHING SCOTTY He's the only one what can hear us? FANSHAW We've come across... others. But they are very rare. SCOTTY [yelling] I want to DO something! I want to help! FANSHAW There is no need to make such a ... a ruckus! I am in precisely the same predicament! SCOTTY But I-- GRISHAM [off] Will you two shut up? They're trying to sneak up on your position! FANSHAW Oh dear. Come along. SCOTTY Where? FANSHAW To do the only productive thing - gather as much information as possible. 5_SADDLED SOUND MEN READY TO GO SOUND MOUNT UP LEM [sigh of relief, but also soreness] COMMANDER You doing all right, there, feller? LEM Better saddle than boots. I fair run the soles offa these. COMMANDER Morning comes, we'll stand you a new set. Least we can do. Let's go. SOUND HORSES MOVE OUT LEM Commander? COMMANDER Hmm? LEM Rather than meet them headlong, since ain't no way to know how far they come, might could I suggest a defensive position? COMMANDER This town is not a good place for that. Too spread out. And there's no way to get everyone into the fort, not without leaving near everything they own ripe for the picking. LEM Nah - I'm a-thinkin just this side of the bridge, right about halfway out. Bridge and creek - they ain't much, but if we can catch them this side of it, put their backs to water, and use the treeline for cover-- COMMANDER I like the way you think, hombre. [up] Company! [attention!] 6_FIGHT GRISHAM Ain't no way you're taking me by surprise again, you-- ow! SOUND PUNCH FANSHAW [casual] shut up. SCOTTY That was a good'un! But what if he lands one on you - he's awful big! FANSHAW Leave him! [quiet, moving away] We can't actually be hurt. But not everyone realizes that, and many feel the pain, even when there is no reason to. I learned that the hard way. GRISHAM [off] I'm a-gonna get you! FANSHAW Blast! He may not be able to harm me, but he can annoy and distract, and make it difficult to get anything constructive done. SCOTTY Maybe - maybe I could keep him from bothering you? FANSHAW How? SCOTTY Well, I been plumb angry since I got kilt, and my momma says sometimes the best way to get over anger, if you don't got no pie, is to-- GRISHAM Kill you, you girly man! SCOTTY [grunt as he punches him] GRISHAM oof! SCOTTY Better'n pie! You go on, Mr. Fanshaw, and do what you gotta. FANSHAW Good lad. 7_GRANDKIDS LEM [muttered] Fanshaw? Damn. Too far out. COMMANDER What's the terrain like beyond the bridge? LEM Nothing much to speak of. Some hills. A ridge off to the north where first we saw them. No place fer them to make a stand tween here and there, though. COMMANDER Good. Cain't let this sort of thing go. LEM Course not. COMMANDER You got the extra shot you needed, did you? LEM Ayup. Had to leave all o' mine cached back with Scotty. COMMANDER You're sure he's ... dead? LEM I'm afraid I do know dead when I see it. COMMANDER [sad] That's too bad. LEM Kin? COMMANDER Nephew. LEM [trying to ease] He went down fightin. COMMANDER That don't give my sister grandbabies. LEM [symp] Nope, it shore don't. 8_PIRATES SOUND MUCH CREEPING FANSHAW Looks like about three score. Hardly a fair fight, sneaking up on a defenseless town at night. Like pirates. 8A_FLASHBACK MUSIC FLASHBACK AMB BRIGHT SUNNY DAY NANNY Come along in now, bunny bug. YOUNG CLARA Stop calling me that, nanny! I'm very nearly 10 years old. NANNY You'll always be my little bunny bug. Oh! Whatever is that tea towel doing on your head? [gasp of fear] Did you hurt yourself? Show nanny! YOUNG CLARA No! I am a pirate. NANNY Do not be so silly. There are no pirates. YOUNG CLARA Of course there are. They are in books, so they must be real. NANNY Besides, you cannot be a pirate. YOUNG CLARA Well not just NOW. When I am bigger, I shall be able to do whatever I want. 9_WASPS COMMANDER Did you see how big a force they had? LEM Not to count them, but it was bigger'n I thought. At least 30, probably more. COMMANDER [skeptical] Really? LEM They had a dozen cookin fires goin, and you don't make a fire to feed a lone fellow. COMMANDER [considers, then agrees] No, you don't. LEM 'Sides, better to expect a whole hive of wasps than be surprised by one too many. COMMANDER [chuckles] Sound thinking. [up] Lieutenant! 10_BAG SOUND STILL MUCH MOVEMENT SOUND SCOTTY AND GRISHAM, FIGHTING SCOTTY [pleased] You tired yet, feller? I ain't even blowed! GRISHAM [tired] You little whippersnapper! Think you can pull a man's whiskers and walk away! FANSHAW [muttered] There are some distinct benefits to being dead. More than he will ever know. [gasp] No. RUFFIAN1 Hey! I found something! SOUND CREAK OF LEATHER - LEM'S GEAR FANSHAW [worried] Damn! Lem's bag! RUFFIAN2 What? SECOND Silence! RUFFIAN2 [whispered] bring it - we'll split it later! RUFFIAN1 Split it? Nonsense! It's mine, whatever it is! SECOND [whispered] Keep moving! 11_SCOUT AHEAD COMMANDER [ordering, but hushed] Take your men and circle round up thataway. Get to high ground and cut off retreat. BOB Yessir! LEM If you don't mind, sir, I'us thinkin I might scout on up ahead a mite. COMMANDER You aren't even being paid to be part of this, fellow, why do you keep risking yourself? LEM [shrug] Someone's gotta. 'sides I had to leave my kit behind, and wanna get it if I can before someone else lays hands on it. COMMANDER Valuables? LEM Nothin worth money, but some things cain't be replaced. COMMANDER [teasing a bit] Go on then, but if you see them coming, you'll come back and tell us first, eh? LEM [chuckle] I reckon. 12_LEAD ROPE SCOTTY Mister Fanshaw! That fellow just vanished! Like he flew away, whilst I was a-hittin on him! FANSHAW I fear I shall be gone shortly as well. SCOTTY Why? FANSHAW I am not sure of his reasons, but I must stay with the bag. Now that it has been found... SCOTTY Why? Keeping an eye on it? FANSHAW No. There's something in there - Oh! It's moving. Stay with me as long as you can. SCOTTY Why can't I--? FANSHAW Shh! [very hurried] Picture a rope tied to something, say, to you - your body, over there. And you are on the other end. SCOTTY Like a training rope? [ASK PAT] FANSHAW Basically, yes. You can go anywhere, within the circle made by that rope. SCOTTY [figuring it out] So you're ... tied to that bag? FANSHAW Yes! [gasp] Bloody thieves! SOUND FANSHAW SUCKED AWAY 13_BE A BOY YOUNG CLARA I am going to be a pirate! I shall sail the seven seas and steal all the gold! NANNY Stealing is very wicked. YOUNG CLARA But you can't be a pirate without stealing! Then you're just a sailor! NANNY And young ladies do not become pirates. Young ladies become mommies. YOUNG CLARA Or nannies. NANNY [reassuring] Don't fret yourself, bunny bug. You shall be a mummy. YOUNG CLARA I should rather be a nanny. Mummies are boring. Nannies have things to do. NANNY [sigh] Mummies have things to do too. YOUNG CLARA I don't want to be a mummy, I want to be a pirate! I want to see the world! NANNY [stern] There are many thing in this world, Clara Fanshaw, that are only meant for boys. YOUNG CLARA Then I want to be a boy! END Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 6 1_READY SOUND NIGHT, MEN BEING QUIET, HORSES OFF COMMANDER Yer sure you wanna go on out there, all on your own?? LEM I'm best on my own, and I don't want another of yer boys on my conscience. COMMANDER [acknowledging] Scotty. LEM If I can't see my way to get back and warn you quick enough, I'll shoot off twice-- COMMANDER [warning] They'll know you're there. LEM I kin look after myself. Two shots means it's a-comin, and I spect after that there'ull be plenty more shots to keep y'all busy. I best get a move on. COMMANDER One thing. LEM Yeah? COMMANDER One of my men swore he'd seen you before. LEM [down] Oh. COMMANDER And that you're the Deadeye kid. LEM I- COMMANDER [overriding, but clearly lying] I told him not to be so credulous. Deadeye Kid looks nothing like that man that's about to save our town. LEM [realizing] Ri-ight. COMMANDER [serious] Don't make me a liar. LEM I kin only do my best. SOUND WALKS AWAY 2_BLACKGUARDS SOUND COMMOTION, MANY MEN, HORSES, TRAVELING LEADER [loud whisper] We'll leave the horses near the stream and sneak up. FANSHAW Blackguards. RUFFIAN2 [whisper] What's in that bag you found anyways? RUFFIAN1 [whisper] Ain't had no time, but it's shore heavy. RUFFIAN2 [whisper] Heavy is good! Mebbe it's gold! RUFFIAN1 Well, I still ain't sharing! FANSHAW Such stimulating conversation. I wonder how far ahead of these ruffians I can manage to stay. 3_TALLYHO SOUND STEALTHY MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH, STOPS LEM Nothin. [angry hmph] They cain't be too damn far off. And ridin. FANSHAW [distant] Tally-ho! LEM [starts to laugh but turns it into a snort] FANSHAW Halloooooo! Halloo- [suddenly cut off] LEM What the devil? [shrugs, to himself] Well, you can take care of your own damn self. SOUND RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF 4_STRUGGLE AMB IN THE ATTACK FORCE GRISHAM Now I gotcha sorted out! FANSHAW [muffled noises] SOUND STRUGGLING GRISHAM Oh, no you don't! SOUND MORE STRUGGLE GRISHAM I finally figgered out cain't do nothing to hurt me. Long as I ignore it. But I can still keep a tight grip on you. FANSHAW [noise of effort] GRISHAM [ouch!] Hey! You bit me! FANSHAW Keep ahead of them!!!! GRISHAM Waitaminute. [disgusted noise] FANSHAW [to grisham] Damn you all to--[muffled again] GRISHAM Stop with all the wiggling, you stupid-- [stunned!] whatthehell? FANSHAW [noise of effort] SOUND STRUGGLE, BREAKS FREE GRISHAM You're a-- ? FANSHAW You may be stronger than me, but I am faster. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM what the hell? A female? 5_SIGNAL COMMANDER He's been gone a fair piece. SOUND [DISTANT] TWO GUN SHOTS COMMANDER [commanding, but quiet] They're coming! SOUND [command passes along ranks - GET VOICES] COMMANDER [a bit superior] I knew that that fellow was no sort of outlaw. 6_PLAN DOS LEADER Shots? SECOND Sir? LEADER Damn. Someone has seen. Get El puerco and his fellows. Tell them plan dos. SECOND Plan dos, sir? LEADER They'll circle south and get behind the town. We get some children in hand, no one will fight any more. SECOND Yessir! SOUND RUNS OFF SCOTTY [torn] I can't just let them-- [plaintive] but what can I do? 7_BUCKETFULL SOUND HORSES APPROACHING NOTE - Lem is lying in wait, letting the group go past, and plans to pick them off from behind. FANSHAW [distant but closer, yelling] Lem! That dead friend of yours is about - watch out! LEM [muttered] Damn. And I don' want to go shootin no good horse jest to lay a varmint like that down. SOUND HORSES BEGIN TO PASS LEM [very quietly] 30...? Nearer fifty. That's a bucketful of wasps. SOUND SHOTS! (where the horses went to) LEM [muttered to self] hold on. SOUND NO MORE HORSES COMING LEM [muttered] almost... GRISHAM There you are! LEM [sharp intake of breath] That don't work on me twice. Specially when I been warned. GRISHAM Oh, that girly friend of your'n? Funny thing about that-- SOUND GRISHAM IS YANKED AWAY LEM Good riddance. And jest in time. SOUND BEGINS SHOOTING MaN [shot, fall] 8_HOLD THE LINES COMMANDER [roaring now] Hold the lines! More shot, boy! BOY Yessir! MAN [hit, argh!] COMMANDER Stay low! FANSHAW All seems rather well here. GRISHAM There you are. FANSHAW Bloody hell. GRISHAM [nasty chuckle] I was just wondring - if I kin grab you, I bet I kin kiss you, little lady! FANSHAW [dodging] I doubt you'll catch me again, now that I'm watching for you, but I will admit that one advantage to being a ghost is that I needn't make an effort to remain upwind of you. SOUND FANSHAW OUT 9_RELOAD SOUND COMMOTION OFF, NOT RIGHT HERE SOUND RELOADING SOUND NEARBY HORSE PFFS LEM That's nine. SOUND SLAPS GUN SHUT SCOTTY [distant, yelling] Someone! They're circling round! There's some fellers as are going south to get behind lines! LEM Damn. [listens for a second] Fanshaw? Damn. SCOTTY [yelling] Please! Don't let them hurt nobody in town. LEM [muttered] boy'll yell himself hoarse. [chuckles] dead don't get hoarse. But I gotta get one. [clucks to horse] SOUND HORSE BLOWS LEM [grunts as he swings into the saddle] Come on. FANSHAW [a bit distant] Lem? LEM Wazzat? There you are! FANSHAW Close as I can get just now, and can't stay. That blighter keeps trying to grab me. LEM Grisham? Yeah. FANSHAW The commander seems to be holding well. The villains have taken heavy losses and are starting to fall apart. LEM Good. Can you yell to Scotty, let him know I got his message? FANSHAW What message? LEM Just try and tell the boy. So he can rest hisself. [to the horse] Geeyah! SOUND HORSE TAKES OFF FANSHAW Scotty? Can you hear me? 10_YOU STAY COMMANDER Let's clean this up - leave none of them to try and harm the town. CORPORAL Yessir! Should we capture them, or-- COMMANDER This is no time to be peaceable. They set themselves up to attack a settlement, and we have to take serious measures. SOUND HORSE APPROACHING LEM [distant] Commander! COMMANDER Let him through. [up, to Lem] Looks like we've got nearly all of them. SOUND GUNSHOTS DISTANT COMMANDER A bit of tidying up to do, but-- SOUND HORSE PULLS UP and STOPS LEM [to horse] Whoah! I overheard a couple at the back, saying they had a force circlin south - dozen men mebbe - to get round any resistance and come up behind. COMMANDER My god! LEM Horse up a few good men, load em up and come with me. COMMANDER You, boy! BOY Yessir? COMMANDER Bring my horse, quickly! LEM You're needed here, surely? COMMANDER You're the one who needs a rest, mister Roberts. My corporal, here, will be happy to hear any other suggestions you might have, but I will be leading my men. LEM Sound thinkin. I have been going a bit. COMMANDER Corporal? CORPORAL [acknowledging] Yes sir. FANSHAW Lem? I think I got through to Scotty, but there's such a distance. Poor lad, he merely wants to do his duty. SOUND LEM DISMOUNTS LEM Let's you and I see if we cain't root out a few more of these varmints. I see purty well in the dark. CORPORAL Excellent! FANSHAW I'll see what I can turn up. GRISHAM Found you! FANSHAW Oh, damn! GRISHAM You ain't never getting away from me, you-- FANSHAW [hits out] GRISHAM [ungh!] FANSHAW Have to get him out of here, Lem. Too distracting. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM [laughs triumphantly] Coward! But I don't suppose I should be surprised. LEM [quietly, but deadly serious] You don't stop making a fuss, I'm gon' kill your horse. GRISHAM What? LEM You sit still and be quiet or that horse yer so attached to is gonna find itself on the wrong end of a bullet. You hear me? GRISHAM [all the bluster gone] Yeah. LEM Good. I don't fancy killin no animal just fer this, but this here's a battle-- SOUND GUNSHOT LEM [gasp, hit!] Damn! SOUND QUICKDRAW, GUNS BLAZE GRISHAM Hah! I still gotcha! LEM [weakening, through gritted teeth] Din't no one see them a-sneakin up? CORPORAL [commanding] Men! SOUND MORE GUNSHOTS LEM [groan] SOUND BODY DROP AS HE COLLAPSES END NEXT EPISODE BEGINS SOUND FADES IN AND OUT COMMANDER Hold on, there, fellow. LEM [vague] all's well? COMMANDER We got em. LEM My pack? COMMANDER I'll set someone to finding it. FADE OUT DOCTOR Bite down on this. He's lost a lot of blood. FADE OUT BOOTMAKER I'll have a new pair ready before he'll be walking anywhere on them. You sure I should even bother--? FADEOUT WOMAN Just a little bit of broth, mister. You need to get some o'yer strength back. SICKROOM LEM [annoyed moan] FANSHAW You're awake. LEM [quiet] Anyone--? FANSHAW Not close enough to hear - as long as you stay quiet. LEM Good. I been shot? FANSHAW At least twice, judging by the bandages. Once in the chest, once in the leg, I should say. I should have been watching. LEM [reassuring] Can't leave you to do everythin. FANSHAW [awkward pause, then stiffly] Should I ...go? LEM Go? go where? FANSHAW [covering] I - I mean, leave you in peace. To rest. I don't doubt you will still be needing a great deal of it. LEM [straining a bit] Did you see, did it go alla way through? FANSHAW I don't know, but you were very fortunate - or so the doctor declared. LEM [satisfied] Good. FANSHAW I'll leave you to your rest, then, shall I? LEM Go or stay, I ain't so wrung out I cain't tell you got somethin on yer mind. FANSHAW Oh. LEM Is it that female ghost o'yours yer frettin over? FANSHAW [bracing breath] Yes. LEM [exasperated snort] Yer worried she said sumpin, izzat it? FANSHAW Yes. LEM [playing it up a bit] You furriners and the trifles that plague you. FANSHAW So she did--? LEM [shrug] Yup. So? FANSHAW [surprised] So? LEM You cain't be the first. FANSHAW First? LEM Nor the last, like enough. FANSHAW But it... doesn't... bother you? LEM Well, you don't do it no more. FANSHAW I... don't? LEM 'sides, plenty of little fellers wet up the bed right up til they'us in long pants. FANSHAW What? END
Lyttleton and Nell were in the gayest spirits that morning as they sped briskly onward through forest and over prairie, talking cheerily of the sweetness of the air, the beauty of the woods, and exchanging many a little harmless jest, no thought of danger troubling them. They were several miles out from the town when they espied a small cloud of dust far ahead which seemed to be rapidly drawing nearer. "What is it?" cried Nell, reining in her pony, while she sent an anxious gaze in the direction of the approaching cloud. "Ah, I see, it is a man riding as if for life." "After a doctor, I suspect," observed Lyttleton; "some one hurt, perhaps." "But he must have passed Dr. Clendenin," returned Nell, "so it can hardly be that." And as the man at that moment came dashing up she turned her pony aside to let him pass. Instead he halted close beside them with a suddenness that nearly threw his horse upon his haunches. "Go back," he panted; "turn right around and go back to the town as fast as you can make your beasts move; don't spare whip nor spur, for there's no tellin' but the woods may be full of Injuns this minute. They've found Captain Herrod lyin' dead and scalped in the woods, and I'm out to rouse the neighborhood; for of course... #story #kidsstories ✝️❣️
As broadcast February 18, 2021. We wish Dr. Dre a happy birthday to start our Sampled funk & soul hour, so we started with a couple of deep cuts from his exceedingly expansive collection of snippets & samples for a couple of his earlier works. After that, lots to do in both hours as we had no Thursday show last week due to Lunar New Year, so tons of new funk, soul, rnb in hour 1 then our AMPED feature kicks off proper with Dan Lloyd in hour 2, also leaden with new rock cuts to check out.#feelthegravityTracklisting:Part I (00:00) Fat Larry's Band – Down On The Avenue The Kay-gees – Who's The Man (with The Master Plan) Freedust feat Mabreeze – I Got Your Back Akin Soul – Burning Fire Cha Wa – Cha Wa Cha Wa – Injuns, Here They Come Part II (30:03) Dojo Cuts – Falling In Love Again (Lo-fi remix feat ReDrum) El Michels Affair – Ala Vida Robert Glasper feat HER & Meshell N'degocello – Better Than I Imagined (DJ Tunez remix) Adeline – Mystic Lover Ruth B feat The Harlem Gospel Travelers – If I Have A Son H.E.R. – Fight For You Bobby Womack – Lay Your Lovin On Me Part III (59:49) The Armed – All Futures The Pretty Reckless – And So It Goes (ft Tom Morello) Death From Above 1979 – One + One Kings of Leon - Echoing Slow Crush – Aid and Abet Part IV (89:51) Dirty O'Keeffe – Brick or Bullet Foo Fighters - Cloudspotter Eve 6 – Black Nova The Hold Steady – Heavy Covenant Mogwai – Pat Stains
Adrian immigrates to the Sooner State now that the Injuns are taking over, Trump hands Roger Stone a get out of jail free card, people with COVID die up to 60-days earlier than people without it, the media is so bad that gay frogs seem plausible, and Alex keeps it real as he opens up about his depression in the second hour.
If you're ready for conventional wisdom to be challenged, especially when it comes to New Orleans culture and age old handed down history, then this podcast's conversation with Glenn Jones will be just what the doctor(or history buff) ordered. Glenn Jones comes from a family of news and history documenters and as you listen to this podcast, it becomes clear right away. Be ready for some of your history to be challenged today! G. Jones has dedicated his energy to documenting New Orleans Black Masked Injuns. Also he dispels many blindly accepted stories or histories surrounding Mardi Gras Indians and their position in New Orleans and worldwide. Later he pulls the covers off the contemptuous treatment of these treasured Injuns. Crank up the earbuds and get ready for this rocky road ahead. It's Episode 2 of Season 2 of the Wild Wayne Unchained Podcast! Let's go!!!! Get an earful of the entire story of New Orleans Black Masking Injuns: the culture & celebration beyond Mardi Gras featuring Glenn Jones! Or watch the latest episode here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSO4v4ZzA5Y Follow Glenn Jones and Black masking Injuns(@blackmaskingnola) on Instagram Get ready for the Wild Wayne Unchained Podcast (cue applause)!!! We'll talk it up about culture, cuisine and lifestyle! So strap on your seat belt and we bout to ride! Wild Wayne IS THE VOICE OF NEW ORLEANS! He has been an iconic media figure for over 2 decades with radio accolades, television shows, blockbuster movie cameos, philanthropy and now culinary guru! Plus WWU will be co-piloted by New Orleans hustler of the year, fashion icon, and cigar aficionado Shawn Royal aka Charlie P. Hustle. Additionally, we will feature some of the most innovative and colorful characters from NOLA and beyond! Available on Podbean, iTunes, Spotify, Google Play Music, Spreaker and more! Follow our brand partner Wild Wayne Don Dadda Jerk Magic Rub! www.bitedat.com Follow brand partner Ready Responders - https://www.readyresponders.com/ Shout out to our product sponsor ILL EPIPHANY APPAREL AND SHOUT OUT OUR BRAND PARTNER WE PRINT 101 #WECONTROLTHENARRATIVE! S2, Episode 3 coming SOON! Subscribe today and stay tuned.... Recorded at BuckJump Studios Engineered by C. Smith Filmed by Say Red Productions and Royal Films Music by Prime Maximus Libations provided by Cajun Fire and Level Water For sponsorship and advertising inquiries - call 504-258-0200 or via email wildwayneunchained@gmail.com
Tread Perilously continues its annual horror month with two episodes of Punky Brewster collectively known as "The Perils of Punky." When Punky, Mr. Warnimont and the gang head for a weekend in the woods, Punky and the kids discover a cave where an ancient evil exists. A group of "Injuns" name Punky the prophesied white hero who will combat the evil and restore the land. So Punky and her friends head into the depths of the cave to face spiders, poorly realized demons and the inevitability of death itself. Erik reveals his extensive memory of Punky Brewster based on his one-and-only viewing of the series back in the 1980s. Justin devises Sicario Hall for wayward children to learn a trade in contract killing. He also tries to cast Soleil Moon Frye as the host of an Investigation: Discovery program. Both try to avoid talking about Small Wonder. They also name Punky's friend Alan as "The Pride of Gilead." Justin's knowledge of 1940s Los Angeles baseball teams comes in handy. Erik reveals his objection to the Police Academy films. Justin notices certain similarities to the plot of the episode and Stephen King's It. He also advises against loving clowns. Punky's dog Brandon gets special mention as Erik attempts to understand why the gang hangs out with Margot.
When I was in elementary school we were told the stories of the great American folk heroes that helped explore, settle, and exploit the American frontier. Some of you are old enough to remember the guys I’m talking about- Walt Disney made them famous back in the 1950’s. They actually showed us the cartoons in the classroom. There was Paul Bunyan with his Blue Ox, Babe, who conquered the north woods by chopping down and clearing out millions of acres of pine trees from Maine to Minnesota. And the steel driving man, John Henry, who could drive a rock drill with a sledgehammer faster than a steam powered machine, cutting tunnels through the Appalachian Mountains for the expanding railroads across the country. And Pecos Bill who was raised by coyotes on the high plains of Texas, used a rattlesnake as a lasso, once roped a tornado and rode it into submission, and scared all of the war paint of them Injuns, which made the painted desert. Yeah, kind of gave all of us in elementary school back then a warped sense of history, being that some of our greatest American heroes were completely made up bullshit. But, there was one of Disney’s American Legends that was an actual person; Johnny Appleseed. And according to Disney, he may have been the most IMPORTANT of all American frontiersmen. Johnny Appleseed Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=484AJlOnOnc According to old Walt’s cartoon, Johnny Appleseed’s story was told by an old settler who knew him well (more on that guy later). Armed with only a Bible, a bag of apple seeds, and a tin pot for a hat, Johnny was encouraged by his VERY own guardian angel to go west and plant orchard after orchard of apple trees from Massachusetts to Pennsylvania, over the Appalachian frontier into Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois, so the settlers across this growing land could have tasty apples to make Apple Tarts, Apple Cobbler, Apple Sauce, Apple Butter, Apple Fritters, Apple Cake, and, on and on and on. We were all taught that only because of Johnny Appleseed and his dedication to spreading the apple across our nation, we have that most American of foods, Apple Pie. But, there was one thing that Disney didn’t really explain; John Chapman, (his real name) wasn’t growing apples for Apple Pie. He was growing them for cider. And not the kind of cider that we let the kids drink on Halloween. No, John Chapman was cultivating orchards and nurseries of apples for one purpose; hard cider, Early America’s favorite alcoholic beverage.
lyrics- Who's a Celebrity, what's a Fact Sheet? Just the married women, grab her purse in her sleep Wasn’t hard to do, wasn’t drinkin’ beer moved like a batch but couldn’t get there Purs Purs-S-E, yes a sexual assault star Kissin ain’t screwin’, Rip the t*ts out that tart Black, Middle East, no to the bl*nt, don’t front Want a good time, Bernie give you drug use Vermont Can I get away? Grab a ho! You gotta fiance? Already dipped that hoe Dividing of the natives, Tax Sheets kinda creative er pants I violated, and they never investigated I got mothers that I juggle, Russian Euro Quest Eff retarded jungles, Trump properties ARE the best Excess, Giving way, Sluts, Men Chow Civil rights, BLM, Islam NOW I've preferred my mother, my cronies kill my lovers I’ve done worse, sl*t the choice is yours You can get with this, or call yer diplomat You can get with this, or call yer diplomat You can get with this, or call yer diplomat I think you'll get with this, cause just a doormat You can reminisce, or you can democrat You can reminisce, or you can democrat You can reminisce, or you can democrat Communists bring business, cause f*ck a democrat Where's Hillary’s rap sheet, here's Hillary’s rap sheet Even if Hillary tweeted Donald’s Huge in her sleep Watch blurred facts, why should I sing it’s just fat Laws intact, on me it might not attract But deplore, Tony Wean-or, UGE, as I keep it inside Lie with me, Survive, on your back tonight Do what I'm saying or you go back, I'm not playing Yield to Bolshevists, Putin rat fink he paying See, in sexuality, Huckabee, can’t be, I made it look sleazy, betches come easy Even allies killed, sell to profit P*ssy in the way, try to grab it Slavic moms rule, they like it minuscule Never see my chest, you'll never see my tool Out to frack em while they’re still attending school Punch my girl, b*tch, I don't punch a clock Castro, Guantanamo, Hello Sailor prize fight night And you get beat bad with a bat I can hit me this, or I can hit me that I can hit me this, or I can hit me that I can hit me this, or I can hit me that I think you won’t be missed, you’re so ******* *** I can get with kids, or I can get with cats I can get with kids, or I can get with cats I can get with kids, or I can get with cats I think I’ll get with kids, cuz I can get away with that Injuns, Injuns, Undermine Casinos, Keystone pipeline Bless my wife's strip show rack Melania- Get it up! Get it up! Get it up! Blacks, slot machine, crispy n' clean You can try, but why, cause you can't intervene What harassment past, down for a settle Henry Clay rock, Henry Clay damn rebel Rope in the border, frack Tel Aviv, priding polygamy Shiftily, we can make it, Huge-ely 1st Clause, sl*t bikini, pita stupidity: Jew, Hezbollah, Bigotry So now she’ll tell just to say I’ll arraign her Computer backup, lawyer on retainer Black Lives Matter, lacrosse crusader Half Breeds get gay like church invaders Never got to ate her, party infiltrator And I get arrested when I masturbate her? You can get with this, or call yer diplomat You can get Trumps d*ck, or call yer diplomat Saudi Jet business, cause f*ck you
In “Ducking Automatic Erect,” Langley freaks the duck out over the way technology insists on changing the words he types to things that make no funning sense. Download this Injuns ahead on the trail episode for all the fudge.
Remember back in the day when men were men but some men were something else. These men can cross races and that’s rare. These are white guys who played Native American roles. I know right. First up, when ruthless outlaws are killing his people, it’s up to Joe to kill the oppressors, get the girl and keep up with that damn horse. All this and a pretty banging Morricone score in the Burt Reynolds vehicle Navajo Joe. Then, when the good people of the southwest are in trouble, they look to none other than the half white/half Native American, Hapkido kicking and surprisingly soft spoken Billy Jack to save them from townies, crooked horse harvesters and general evil doers. All this and a whole lot of pacifism in Billy Jack. Finally, It’s bad cop meets angry brave in a an action snore fest. When a sacred spear is stolen from Lakota Indian Lou Diamond Phillips, he has to join forces with a hard nosed cop in Kiefer Sutherland to stop the bad guys and restore order the tribe. All this and dramatic shootings in Renegades.
Injuns (originally from Skye) have an illustrious history of doing it for themselves: having self-released three singles and an album, joined up with the Kopparberg Collective for a vinyl release, and written and performed a musical based the love of a ghost for a still living woman, they now embark on a tour of the towns and islands that gave birth to their remarkable and inventive sound. They will be taking with them an equally outstanding emerging talent from Denmark. Claes Cem is a songwriter, guitarist and lyrical storyteller who has played extensively to wide acclaim in Copenhagen, wider Denmark as well as the States and the U.K. over the last couple of years. The Tune Up podcast is produced by Inner Ear for Tune Up.