Podcasts about donger

Are you ever going to text me?This episode is best listened to with a tuna fish salad on white bread and mayonnaise, a tab, and a couple of Twinkies.The guys celebrate Jason's birthday with lists of their favorite birthdays in movies.Joseph selects two films with identical premises that go in two very different directions.The guys lament on how they used to think 44 was really old.The Donger need food... and other offensive references makes it in the list.Nothing like celebrating Jesus' birthday with a "magic show" at zero nine-thirty.You're CRAAAAZZZZZY MAAAAAN!  Andy is freakin' 36 years old.  Let that sink in for a bit.Which actor is disliked by PETA for picking on little ponies?Did everyone get to see the cake, before we divide of this island country? 

Tune in to the latest Celtic Down Under podcast On this episode of The Pot Noodle, we discuss the following: * Celtic 0 St Johnstone 1 * Are We Complacent? * Give Some Hot Takes * And More Please subscribe to our YouTube channel & our podcast via your favourite podcast app Buy our Merch - T-Shirts & Hoodies available at www.celticdownunder.com Hail Hail #CelticFC #CelticFootballClub #ScottishFootball #Football #Soccer #CelticDownUnder Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Where can two strippers get a bite to eat on Christmas Eve? By  MelissaBaby. (abridged) Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. “Fuck Christmas,” Clover shouted, “and fuck you, Tony. Fuck Santa Claus, fuck his elves and fuck all ten goddamn reindeers.” “Eight,” Roxanne said, filing her nails and looking at her over the top of her glasses. “Shut up, Roxy, I'm talking about reindeers, not how many cocks you sucked over the weekend.” “Clover, calm down,” Tony said, “It was worth taking a shot.” “Bullshit, I told you nobody goes to a strip club on Christmas Eve.”“She did tell you,” Roxanne said, “Even louder that she's telling you now.” “Look,” he said, shrugging, “I'm sorry, but it wasn't nobody…” “We've had five customers,” Clover said. “And the last one was two hours ago,” Roxanne chimed in, “It's almost ten thirty.” Clover jerked her thumb at Roxanne. “She might look like a doofus wearing that stupid Santa hat, but she's right.” Tony held up his hands, “Okay, it turned out to not be a great idea. You guys are always saying that more customers come in because they are lonely than because they are horny. I figured it would be a lonely night for a lot of guys…” “It might be a great night to be a hooker,” Clover said, “but not a dancer.” He looked at his watch, then over his shoulder at LeAnn, the bartender. “Tell you what,” he told her, “If nobody else comes in before eleven, go ahead and close up.” He started to walk away, but Roxanne called him back. “We paid our club fees, Tony, that isn't right.” He looked up toward the ceiling, as if he were looking for a script to read from. “You want to close and go home early, but you want your club fees refunded because I said we would close and you could go home early?” “No,” Clover said, “We want our club fees refunded because we paid you fifty dollars to dance on a night when you dragged us in here to dance, even though we told you nobody was coming the fuck in.” “Fine,” he said, throwing his hands in the air, “LeAnn, give them back their club fees.” The door opened, and they both groaned, but it was not a customer. Sporty, the Gold Dollar's bouncer, came in. “Speaking of guys you'll fuck,” Clover muttered. When he approached the bar, she said, “Hey Sporty, how come you go out with Roxy? I always heard black guys like girls with nice big asses.” “I always heard strippers were friendly,” he shot back. He sat down next to Roxanne. “Where have you been?” she asked him. “Yeah,” Clover said, “There could have been a brawl in here, between the rats and the cockroaches.” “I was sitting out in my car, listening to some jams.” Clover tipped out and gave LeAnn a big hug, then she and Roxanne walked out to their cars in a light cold rain. “You ain't waiting for Sporty?” Clover asked. “Nope, don't want to talk to him right now. Meet you at the diner.” They each got in their cars. A light coating of slush covered Roxanne's windshield, but the wipers easily pushed it to the side. She pulled out of the parking lot on to the slippery street and drove the mile and a half to their usual after work spot, the Finest Kind Diner, while Clover followed close behind. When she turned into the diner's parking lot she noticed immediately that the lights were turned off, except for a string of colored Christmas bulbs blinking around the front door. Clover thought for a minute. “We could go to Denny's.” “Are they open?” “How the fuck would I know? Call ‘em up.” “Oh, so I have to look up the number?” “I figured it has a man's name, so you would know it.” Roxanne sat back in her seat. “I don't want to drive all the way across town, just to go to Denny's. What else would be open?” “Just White Castle.” Roxanne thought for a minute. “Yeah, what the fuck, let's go to White Castle.” “We ought to just go in one car,” Clover suggested. “Fine. Yours or mine?” “Yours,” Clover said, “Mine is more full of trash than a westside trailer park.” She pulled her car into a parking space, shut it off and got out. “I hate this drizzly shit,” she said as she got into Roxanne's passenger seat. “Hey, don't you live in a westside trailer park?” Roxanne asked. “Yeah, that's why I know what I am talking about.” “Speaking of knowing what you're talking about,” Roxanne said, “Santa Claus has eight reindeer.” “Are you counting Rudolph?” “Nope. Rudolph doesn't count.” “Who decided that?” “Clement Moore.” “Who the fuck is he? Sounds like a baseball player.” “He wrote The Night Before Christmas.” “Twas the night before Christmas,” Clover recited in a sing song voice, “And all through the place, Roxanne was sitting on every guy's face.” “And up from the lawn there arose such a clatter,” Roxanne returned, “As Clover devoured the whole turkey platter.” Clover nodded her head. “That was pretty good,” she admitted. Roxanne was quiet for a moment, then asked, “You wonder though, who the fuck would name a reindeer Blitzen? What is he, a Nazi reindeer?” “I bet Rudolph was originally Adolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and they changed it during the war or something. Hey, what's going on with you and Sporty?” “He wants me to go to his mom's house for Christmas dinner.” “And you don't want to go?” “Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend from the strip club?” “Oh yeah, I get it. But still, you guys been going out for a while now. You are going to meet them sooner or later.” “It doesn't have to be on Christmas with all the relatives there.” “So what are you going to do?” “I don't know.” There were three cars parked outside the White Castle when they arrived. The restaurant's windows were so wet with condensation that they could not see through them. But when they dashed inside, they were nearly blinded by the garish light. “This is like sensory overload,” Roxanne said, as Jingle Bell Rock squalled from a tinny sound system. They walked over to the counter. There was no one behind it. Roxanne leaned forward, craning her neck to look back into the kitchen. She saw a young man in a white uniform and a hairnet dumping french fries out of a fryer basket. “Excuse us,” she called. He looked over his shoulder. “Be with you in a minute, ma'am,” he said. Clover cackled and nudged Roxanne with her elbow. “Ma'am. He thinks you're an old fucking lady.” “Yeah, and he thinks I'm taking my mom out for Christmas Eve.” The man came to the counter. His name badge identified him as Julio, assistant manager. “What can I get you ladies?” he asked. “I'd like four hamburgers, an order of medium fries and a large coffee, regular,” Roxanne said. “Give me six whiteys and a large Mountain Dew,” Clover added. “Would you like fries with that?” “Fuck no, I'm gonna eat most of hers.” Julio rang up their orders and Roxanne paid for both. Clover looked around the room. There were three occupied booths. In one a pair of middle aged men, wearing the uniforms of parking attendants, sat sipping coffee. At another, an older woman in a ragged green coat had only a cup of water and a single empty burger box on the table in front of her. A couple of booths down, three young, black clad goths were sitting together. They looked to be in their early twenties; two boys, one very large, the other thin and jittery, and a purple haired girl sitting across from them, loudly chewing gum. They all looked like they were coming down off a much better time than they were having now. “It's kind of a sad looking bunch of people in here,” Clover said. “Yeah,” Roxanne said, “It's Christmas Eve and they've got no place to go.” “That sounds familiar. I mean, what the fuck is the difference between them and us?” “We've got money in our pockets.” “Yeah, money we took from other lonely people,” Clover said. She looked lost in thought for a moment, then asked Roxanne, “How much money you think you've got in your pocket?” “I don't know, a hundred, maybe a hundred and twenty dollars.” Clover looked around the room, her lips tight and her brow knotted. “I'll bet I know what you're thinking,” Roxanne said. “It's fucking Christmas,” Clover said, shrugging. Roxanne called Julio back to the counter. “How much are those sacks of thirty sliders?” she asked him. “Thirty two dollars and fifty two cents.” She looked over her shoulder at the woman with her single burger. “Give me two sacks,” she said, fishing her cash out of her pocket. “You still want the other order?” “Yeah,” Clover said, “And I want you to give anybody whatever they want to drink. Keep a tab and I'll pay for them later.” Julio hesitated a moment, then said, “Okay, it will take a little bit of time. Your other order will be up in a minute.” When their food was ready, they went to the empty table between the old lady and the goths. As they walked past the parking attendants, Clover asked them, “How you guys doing? You had to work tonight?” “Fuckin' Nutcracker,” one of them grumbled. “So are you going to see your son tomorrow?” Roxanne asked Clover when they had taken their seats. Clover nodded. “Not till the afternoon. But I get to have him the next day, too.” “Have you got plans?” “I was thinking we'd go to Hong Kong Garden for dinner.” “And the next day?” “Are you kidding? The day after Christmas? We're going fucking shopping.” Roxanne laughed. “Yeah I'm sure that'll thrill a ten year old boy, going shopping with his mom.” They had each finished two burgers when Julio called to them that their order was ready. Clover walked over to the counter, picked up a bag of hamburgers in each hand and turned to face the dining area. “Ladies and gentlemen,” she hollered, “My friend Poindexter and I would like to treat everyone to Whiteys for Christmas.” She went from table to table, holding out the bags, so that each person could take some burgers. “And if anyone wants something to drink,” she said, “It's on us. Just step up and tell Julio what you want.” After going to each table, she had half a bag left. She put it on the table in front of Roxanne and sat down. Roxanne twisted in her seat and watched as several of the patrons went to the counter and ordered drinks. She noticed that the old woman in the next booth had neither gotten up nor taken any burgers. She took one from the bag, leaned over the back of the booth and asked, “Would you like another burger, ma'am?” “Are you sure it's okay?” “Of course it is,” Roxanne said, “Merry Christmas.” “Merry Christmas, dear,” the woman replied, taking the burger. Roxanne's phone buzzed. “I bet I know who that is,” Clover muttered. Roxanne looked at the screen. “Yeah, it's Sporty.” She sat back in the booth and answered, simply saying, “Hey.” “Listen baby,” he said, “I wish you hadn't split like that. I don't want you mad at me, whether you go tomorrow or not.” “I never said I was mad at you, Sporty. I'm just tired of all the back-and-forth on this shit.” “I don't think having Christmas with my family is shit.” “Now you're just looking to be offended. They know where you work, right?” “Yeah.” “So, you're going to tell them your bringing a girl from work to Christmas dinner, so I can sit there, eating turkey with everybody looking at me like I'm a whore.” “Ain't nobody gonna call you a whore.” “My own mom calls me a whore.” “Well, my mom ain't your mom.” “I don't know, Sporty. I'm just not sure I'm ready for this.” “We've been going out almost a year.” “Off and on.” “Whatever. Where are you at anyway? I come over to Finest Kind because I thought you guys would be here.” “They're closed.” “Well, no shit, I just told you I was over here.” “We're at the White Castle on Union Street.” “So, would it be cool if I come by?” “Yeah, sure. I'll see you in a bit.” Roxanne disconnected, shaking her head. “This fucking guy,” she muttered, “I'm telling you, he won't give up…” “And that's a bad thing? Let me ask you something,” Clover said, “and don't get pissed.” “Okay.” “Are you nervous about meeting his family because you think they won't like you being a stripper or because you don't think they'll like you being white?” Roxanne was silent for a minute. “Maybe both,” she said. “Either way, I think that's his problem, not yours. I mean it's his family.” “Yeah, but I'm afraid that if they give him a lot of shit about it, he isn't going to pick me over them.” “Well then, fuck him. He ain't worth it if he does that.” Roxanne shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.” An old man with flyaway white hair came into the restaurant. He appeared to be wearing just a light sweatsuit under his ratty coat. He sat down next to the old woman. She spoke quietly to him for a minute, then he loudly cleared his throat. “Excuse me, ladies,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Flo says you are buying burgers for everyone. Is that so?” “Sure is,” Clover said. Roxanne took two more burgers from the bag and handed them to him. “Go get yourself a coffee or something,” Clover said, “Whatever you want, it's on us.” The man thanked them, stood and fetched coffee for himself and Flo. Sporty came in a few minutes later, took off his wet coat and hung it on the end of the booth. He slid in next to Roxanne. Looking at the bags on the table, he asked, “Why did y'all buy so many burgers?” “Because we're generous bitches and we share with everybody,” Clover said. “Well, shit then.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a couple of burgers. After a few bites he said, “I need to get a drink.” “Just go to the counter,” Roxanne told him, “We're running a tab.” Sporty stuffed the rest of the burger in his mouth, then went to the counter. He came back a minute later with a large orange soda. “You been thinking about tomorrow?” he asked Roxanne. “Yeah, I've been thinking about it…” “Hey Sporty,” Clover said, interrupting her, “Let me ask you something.” “Yeah, what?” He reached for another burger. “Why do so many black families have macaroni and cheese for Christmas dinner?” “Because it's good as hell. We still have all the regular shit, turkey and mashed potatoes and cranberries and all that.” “Pumpkin pie or sweet potato?” “What do you think? Sweet potato pie.” “What kind of stuffing?” “Cornbread.” “Just plain?” “Fuck no, my mom puts Jimmy Dean sausage in it.” “Damn!” Clover exclaimed. “Listen, if this silly bitch don't want to come to your mom's house for Christmas dinner can I come?” “You can both come as far as I'm concerned.” Roxanne laughed. “That's actually a pretty good plan. If your mom spends five minutes with Clover, she'll think I'm little miss sunshine.” “No, she'll think you're a dumb bitch who thinks Santa only has eight reindeer.” “Rudolph doesn't count.” “Damn, you back on that shit?” Sporty said, rolling his eyes. Clover slipped out of the booth. “Fuck you both,” she said, standing up. “Hey everybody,” she shouted, “I'm taking a Christmas survey. How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?” There was murmuring throughout the room. The big goth kid was counting on his fingers. One of the parking attendants was quietly singing Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer. His friend said, emphatically, “Eight.” The goth girl said “Nine, if you count Rudolph.” “Rudolph wasn't one of the originals,” he replied. “So where did he come from?” “Gene Autry.” “Dead white man,” she muttered. The man who had been singing said, “The Night Before Christmas guy gave them their names.” The skinny goth kid glared over the back of the booth at him. “But who said he was in charge of fucking reindeer?” “He wrote the goddamn poem!” “They didn't know about Rudolph then!” “Isn't it nice to see how the holidays bring people together,” Roxanne said to Sporty. “All right,” Clover said, clapping her hands together. “Let's put it to a vote. How many people say nine?” She raised her hand and the goth kids and the old lady joined her. “Who says eight?” Roxanne, Sporty, the parking guys and the old man raised their hands. Clover looked at Sporty. “Put your fucking hand down, man, your vote don't count.” “Why don't my vote count?” “Because you ain't hoping to get any pussy from me tonight.” “You got that right,” he smirked. Roxanne turned in her seat. “How many people say ten?” They all looked at her, perplexed. No one raised a hand. “That's your cue to sit down and shut the fuck up,” she said to Clover. Clover looked around with a frown, then sat without saying anything more. Sporty looked over his shoulder and said, “Who thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie?” Everyone raised their hand. “Goddamn right,” he muttered. Roxanne nudged him with her elbow. “I need to go to the bathroom,” she said. He stood up and let her go by. The parking lot guys were getting up to leave. They thanked her for the burgers as she went past their table and wished her a happy holiday. One gave her a big hug. At least he didn't try to cop a feel, she thought as she went into the women's bathroom. When she opened the door to come out a few minutes later, Sporty was standing in front of it. “You know how cute you look in that hat?” he asked. “Do you know how desperate you sound when you try to sweet talk me?” “Nah, I ain't desperate. It'd be alright if you don't want to go tomorrow. I get it. But don't go saying you weren't welcome to go, because you were asked.” “Okay, that's fair. It's just that it's a big step.” “You got to take steps if you want to get anywhere,” he said. She put her hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Looking past him, she did not see anyone watching them. She gripped the waist of his pants and walked backward, pulling him into the bathroom. Sporty pushed the door shut behind him, and let Roxanne tug him across the room until her hips bumped against the edge of the sink. Roxanne leaned back, looking up at him and biting her lip. He gazed down at her, his hands on her hips, and kissed her. She kissed him back, but then turned her head. “At some point,” she said, “we have to talk about where we are going.” “We do,” he replied, “but we ain't got to do it right now.” She draped her arms over his shoulders and they exchanged a long, hard, tongue swirling kiss. Sporty's hands moved to her breasts, squeezing and caressing them, while Roxanne dropped her hand down to rub his stiff cock through his jeans. “I think you've got something you want to give me for Christmas,” she whispered. “I don't know,” he said, “I don't think you've been a very good girl.” “Do you want me to be a good girl?” “Aw, hell no,” he said. He took a half step back, seized her waist and spun her around to face the sink. Her Santa hat fell off, landing in the basin. He ran one hand down between her legs and cradled her chin in the other. “Look at you,” he whispered in her ear. Her glasses had slipped down her nose. She pushed them back into their proper position and gazed at herself in the mirror. “Look and see what I see.” Roxanne looked at his eyes in the mirror as his hand rubbed and squeezed her pussy. “Don't look at me, look at you.” She stared at her own reflection, resisting the temptation to watch as he unfastened her jeans and pushed them down over her hips. But when his fingers slipped inside her, she leaned her head back and kissed the side of his neck. His fingers probed deep into her, his thumb played with her clitoris. She reached back and rubbed his crotch. She fumbled at his belt until he gently pushed her hand away and undid it himself. Roxanne felt his cock bump against her ass, then slip down between her thighs. He placed his hand between her shoulders and gently pushed her down until her elbows were on the sides of the sink. She picked up her Santa hat and put it back on her head. Sporty kneaded her ass, then spread her thighs, pressed the head of his cock into her pussy and began to fuck her with long, smooth strokes. Clover snickered when she saw Sporty disappear into the women's bathroom. Get your figgy pudding, girlfriend, she thought, don't go until you get some. She walked to the counter and got a refill on her Mountain Dew, then stopped and listened for a minute. The sound wasn't loud, but she could hear them in the bathroom. They were definitely fucking in there. As she walked back to the booth, she saw the goth girl looking toward the bathroom. She glanced up at Clover with a smirk. Clover winked at her and sat back down in the booth. A few minutes later, the skinny goth kid leaned close to the window and peered out. He wiped away the condensation with his sleeve and looked again. “Fucking cops,” he muttered. “What cops?” Clover asked. “Cop car just pulled up.” “Oh, shit,” Clover muttered. She looked toward the bathroom. She couldn't hear Roxanne and Sporty where she was sitting, but there was no doubt that when the cops walked in, they would. They had to walk right past the bathroom to get to the counter. One of them might even go into the mens' room. She thought about warning them somehow, but didn't think there was enough time. That was confirmed when she saw the cops approaching the door. She had to do something. Just as they reached the door, she began singing at the top of her lungs. You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why. The goth girl looked up at her and immediately realized what she was doing and joined in. Santa Claus is coming to town. The cops walked in. One was an older man. His eyes and shoulders both drooped. There's another guy doesn't want to be working on Christmas Eve, Clover thought. His partner was a young, thin black man. They walked right past the bathroom to the counter. He's making a list, He's checking it twice. The other goth kids joined in the singing. He's gonna a find out who's naughty and nice. The old couple began to sing along. Santa Claus is coming to town. The two cops stood by the counter, looking around the room. Julio approached the cash register. The older cop leaned in and spoke to him. Julio pointed to Clover and the cop looked over at her. He nodded, then spoke to Julio again. He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake He knows if you've been bad or good, So be good for goodness sake Julio handed each of the cops a bag of burgers and a cup of coffee. Now get the fuck out of here, Clover thought, but instead of leaving they walked toward her. The older cop held out his hand. “Awfully nice thing for you to do, ma'am,” he said. The other customers kept singing. Clover shook his hand. The younger cop shook with her as well. They turned toward the door, tipping their hats to the older couple as they went by. The older cop walked out just as the customers were finishing the last chorus, but the younger cop turned and went to the counter. He held out his open bag toward Julio. “Could you toss a couple of ketchups in there?” he asked. Julio nodded and dropped a handful of packets in his bag. “Thank you, Merry Christmas.” he said, then waved to the customers. “Merry Christmas, everyone.” He took two steps toward the door and stopped and looked toward the bathroom. Clover could hear Roxanne moaning from where she was sitting. He looked around the room. “Does anyone know who is in there?” he asked. “Yes, officer,” Clover said, “That's my friend. I'm afraid she ate a few too many of these gut grenades. You know what they can do to your digestion.” “Yeah, we all been there once or twice, I suppose,” he said. He went to the door and started to open it, then stopped, obviously listening to the sounds emanating from the bathroom. He turned and looked Clover in the eyes. An amused expression crossed his face. He winked at her and walked out. Roxanne had already come twice when she heard the singing. She thought it was just in her head until Sporty paused between thrusts and muttered, “What the fuck is that?” “Jesus, don't fucking stop,” she groaned. “Oh, you need some more of this dick?” “Goddamn it, yes, Sporty, fuck me.” He gripped her hips and began slapping his loins against her ass harder. She braced her hands against the mirror and shoved back against each plunge of his cock. “You getting kind of loud,” he told her. She dropped her head and her Santa hat fell off. She grabbed it and bit down on the white felt ball to keep from crying out. But after a minute or two, she let go of it, unable to keep from moaning loudly each time he jammed his cock deep inside her. She looked up at him in the mirror. Their eyes met, and the look of passion on his face pushed her over the edge into another orgasm. Before it subsided, she felt him stiffen, jerk his cock a few more times and withdraw, as his hot cum ran down the inside of her thigh. “At least they stopped that fucking singing,” Sporty said as Roxanne cleaned herself up. He picked up her Santa hat from the floor, brushed it off and stuck it back on her head, then unlatched the door. “Hold on a minute, babe,” Roxanne said. She raised her face and kissed him. “I'd be happy to go to your mom's tomorrow.” “Damn,” he said with a wide grin, “All I had to do was fuck you real good?” “You always fuck me real good.” “Then I will always get my way, right?” “Don't push your luck,” she said, opening the door. As they came out of the bathroom, the goth kids were walking toward the exit. “Merry Christmas. And thanks,” the girl said. “Yeah, thanks,” skinny kid said as well. The big kid stopped, looked at Roxanne and held his fist out toward Sporty. “Yo,” he said, “You da dawg, bro.” Sporty bumped fists with him. “Fucking white kids,” he muttered, chuckling. They slipped back into the booth, where Clover was waiting for them with her arms crossed and a smug expression on her face. “What was that singing?” Sporty asked. “That was me saving the you two fuckpuppies from spending Christmas in the slammer.” “What are you talking about?” Roxanne asked. “A couple cops came in here while you were getting your stocking stuffed. We were singing so they wouldn't hear the noise you were making.” “We weren't making that much noise.” Sporty laughed. “Girl, you loud as hell.” The old couple came to their booth and thanked them for their burgers. “Merry Christmas,” the man said, shaking all their hands. “There is a special place in heaven for you ladies,” the woman said. As they walked away, Clover said, “You think there is a special place in heaven for us?” “If we died tonight, we might at least be able to make a case for it,” Roxanne said with a shrug. “And by next week, we are fucked again.” Julio came out of the kitchen with a damp rag and wiped the table where the parking guys had been sitting. “Hey, Julio didn't vote,” Clover said. She called to him. “Julio, how many reindeers does Santa Claus have?” Julio looked at her with a perplexed expression. “I don't know,” he said. “You know, like in the song. Dancer and Prancer and Donger and Blitzkin…” “Donger?” Roxanne asked. Julio shrugged. “I don't know that song.” “You don't know it? What the fuck country are you from?” He stared as her and said, “Colombia.” “Oh. Shit. Sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude.” “She doesn't have to try,” Roxanne said, “It's her default mode.” Julio shook his head and returned to the kitchen. “Give the brother a break,” Sporty said, “He's from South America. What the fuck he gonna know about reindeers? Ask him about llamas, he'll probably tell you everything you ever wanted to know.” “I can't think of anything I want to know about llamas,” Clover shot back. “But I do feel kind of bad for the guy. I mean, he'd have had a lot easier night if we hadn't come in here and bought burgers and shit for everybody.” “It's his job,” Roxanne said with a shrug. “Yeah, and we fucking threw a fit because we had to work on Christmas Eve.” “You threw a fit. I didn't.” “You didn't like it.” “No, but I acted like a fucking grown-up about it.” “Yeah, but you have to act like one because you don't look like one.” Sporty looked in the bag. “Anybody want this last burger?” he asked. Roxanne and Clover shook their heads. Sporty bit into the burger, swallowed and said, “You feel so bad for the guy, why don't you do something nice for him for Christmas?” “Like what?” Clover asked. “Like what the fuck you think?” Sporty asked. Clover looked at him for a minute, then tipped her head to look past him. Julio was wiping off the service counter. “He's not a bad looking guy,” Roxanne said. “Well then, why don't you go do it then?” Clover asked. “I wasn't a twat to him.” “Besides,” Sporty said with a grin, “she already got hers.” “I ain't gonna fuck him in the bathroom,” Clover said. Roxanne laughed. “The bathroom is clean, at least.” “You don't think I will do it, do you?” “Bitch, I stopped trying to figure out what you would or wouldn't do about the time you set my boyfriend's car on fire,” Roxanne said. Julio disappeared into the kitchen. “Fuck both of you,” Clover said. She got up and followed him. “Hey, Julio,” she called. He was standing at the dish sink and turned around at the sound of her voice. “Listen, dude,” she said, “I hope I didn't say anything that offended you or got you upset or what not. That's just me clowning around.” “It is fine. I understand.” “Well, I think we put a lot of extra work on you tonight, coming in here and disrupting and shouting and singing and all.” “No, it is fine, Missus.” “Well, it's Christmas and all that. I'd like to maybe give you a little something for your trouble…” Julio waved his hands. “No Missus, we are not allowed to except tips.” “Yeah, I wasn't talking about giving you money.” She looked around and saw an open door at the back of the kitchen. She walked to it and peered into a dark room. “What's in here?” she asked. “That's the manager's office.” Clover walked in and flipped the light switch. A large flat top desk against the far wall nearly filled the room. There was a faux leather swivel chair in front of it. Clover plopped down into it, spun around, and put her feet up on the desk. Julio stood in the doorway, looking nervous. “The manager does not like anyone sitting in his chair,” he said, “No one is allowed.” “But you're the assistant manager right?” “Si.” “So when he ain't here, you're the fucking manager and it's your chair.” “I do not think so…” “And I am your guest, so I can sit in your chair.” “Missus,” he said, “I know it's a foolish rule but I need this job.” “Do you think I'm gonna tell anybody about this?” Julio looked at her with a puzzled expression. “About what, Missus?” “First of all, stop calling me Missus. Then come over here and find out.” She sat up, put her feet on the floor and patted the top of the desk. Julio leaned back and looked around the kitchen as if he suspected someone might be lurking there. Clover patted the desktop again. “The boss told you not to sit in his chair, but he didn't say shit about sitting on his desk, did he?” “No. I suppose he did not.” She pushed the chair back until it banged into the wall. “So have a seat.” Julio bit his lip, seeming lost in thought, then sat on the edge of the desk. “Dude, lose that dumbass apron.” Julio reached behind his back and untied the apron. Before he could pull it over his head, Clover had his belt unbuckled. He watched with an expression of amazement as she deftly unsnapped his waistband, yanked down his zipper, and pulled his cock free. “Do all the men in Columbia have big dicks?” she asked as she wrapped her hand around it. “Si,” Julio said, “It is well known in Latin America, Missus.” “You call me Missus again and I might bite it off,” she said. She flicked her tongue at the head, then wrapped her lips around it and began to suck. Julio briefly lifted his hips from the desk and tugged his pants and shorts down to his thighs. Clover cupped his balls in her left hand, massaging them, while her right hand stroked his shaft. She took it in her mouth again, but almost immediately, she heard a chime ringing. She raised her head and asked Julio, “What the fuck is that?” Julio had a look of panic on his face. “Someone is at the drive-through,” he said, “I must go serve them.” He started to rise, but she put her hands on his hips and pushed him back down. “No, fuck that,” she said, “Stay right there.” She got up and rushed to the dining room. Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth, kissing. “Hey, you fucking lovebirds, I need help here,” she shouted. When they looked at her in surprise, she said, “There's somebody in the fucking drive-through. Either of you guys ever work at a fast food place?” “I worked at Burger King in high school.” Sporty said. “Well, pry Roxy's hand off your whopper and get the fuck in here and find out what they want.” She disappeared back into the kitchen. Roxanne and Sporty looked at each other and shrugged. “I'll give it a try,” Sporty said. He slipped out of the booth and headed toward the kitchen, Roxanne following close behind. “It's like somebody told Santa they wanted a shit show for Christmas,” she muttered. Sporty went to the drive-through window and looked around. “Fuck. I don't know how to use this touchscreen shit,” he said. “Can you at least talk to the guy?” Roxanne asked. “Yeah, that shit looks the same. Hold on.” He was distracted by the sounds coming from the manager's office. “What's she doing in there?” he asked. “Sounds like she's sucking his dick.” “Damn, she's loud, too. Sounds like somebody got a rag stuck in their wet-vac.” He pressed several buttons on the communications panel, but nothing happened. He fiddled with the volume knob, and clicked the headset on and off, all to no avail. Suddenly, he was startled by a blasting horn, and looked over to see a white pick up truck right outside the window The driver, a large, red faced, bearded man, was glaring at him. “Honey, I don't think that's Santa Claus,” Roxanne said. Sporty slid the window open. “I've been out here trying to order for ten fucking minutes,” the man shouted. “Yeah, sorry about that,” Sporty said. “We got some kind of computer problem.” The man looked past him at Roxanne. “Looks to me like the problem is you're having some kind of party in there.” “Naw, she's the manager. She come in to try to fix it.” “So why isn't she fixing it?” “Sir,” Roxanne said, “I'm sorry, but there is nothing we can do about it until the tech guys get here.” “I worked to midnight on Christmas Eve. All I wanted was some burgers for when I get home.” “I'll see what I can get for you, no charge.” She went to the grill. There were onions simmering in the corner and pre-cooked patties in a warming pan. She found a package of buns and put a half dozen on the grill to brown. The man tapped his fingers impatiently on the door of his car. “This is some bullshit,” he barked at Sporty, “You got something for me or not?” “Roxy is fixing it up right now.” “The manager's name is Roxy?” “Yeah, she was named for her grandmom.” Roxanne's glasses kept steaming up from the grill's heat. She did her best to assemble the burgers, but one got no onions, one had triple pickle and some were drenched with mustard and ketchup while others got no more than a drop or two. She boxed the burgers, stacked them in a bag, and handed it to Sporty. “About time,” the man grumbled. “What about a Coke? I need something to drink.” “Coming right up!” Roxanne said with a big smile. As she poured a Coke from the dispenser she thought, I hope those burgers give you the shits, asshole. Sporty handed him the drink and cheerily said, “Merry Christmas, sir.” The man growled. “Yeah, right. I guess the two of you can get back to whatever you were doing now.” “Thank you, sir,” Sporty said, “But we already finished that. Appreciate the thought though.” The man glared at them, muttered something underneath his breath, and drove off. “What did he say?” Roxanne asked. “I didn't catch in, but I think one of the words started with an F and one with an N.” “Feliz Navidad?” “Most likely not.” “Should we figure out how this works, in case someone else pulls up?” “How long Julio gonna take getting his nut?” Roxanne shrugged. “Hold up,” Sporty said, “I got a better idea.” He walked to the back door, opened it and, looking outside, flicked a couple of light switches on the walk. “There you go,” he said. “What did you do?” “Turned off the outside lights, so the place looks closed.” Clover took Julio's cock into her mouth until she felt his pubic hair tickling her nose, then swallowed. That will keep him from trying to go see what's happening in the kitchen, she thought. When she was out of breath, she rose up, releasing his cock with a loud popping sound. She circled the head with her tongue a few times, then dove down and swallowed again. It was late, she was tired, her jaw was starting to ache and her belly was rumbling in complaint over its load of greasy hamburger. She sucked in her cheeks as hard as she could, and Julio exhaled loudly and raised his hips from the desk. As she lifted her head, Julio spurted into her mouth. She swallowed most of it, then picked up his apron off the desk and wiped her face with it, surreptitiously spitting out the rest of his load. He leaned forward, his head hanging low, while he recovered his breath. Clover stood up, and loudly burped. “Sorry about that,” she said. Julio stood, pulling up his pants. “It is okay, Missus.” They walked into the kitchen. Julio immediately noticed that it was dark outside the drive through window. “You friends, I think they turned off the lights,” he said, “I will have to turn them on and to see what else they might have done.” “Okay, well, Merry Christmas, dude.” “And to you, Missus.” Clover turned away, but he added, “Missus?” She looked back. “Maybe you will come for hamburgers again.” Clover looked him over. “Yeah, I might.” Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth when Clover returned to the dining room. Roxanne was leaning against him, her head on his shoulder and her eyes shut. Clover sat down across from them. “You guys about ready to go?” she asked. Roxanne sat up straight and stretched. “Yeah we might as well,” she said. Sporty looked out the window. “That sleet shit turned into real snow,” he said. He nudged Roxanne. “Let me up, baby.” She stood and he slid out of the booth. “Give me your keys,” he said, “I'll get your car warmed up.” She fished her keys out of her purse and handed them to him as he put on his coat. Watching him walk out, Clover said, “When a man cleans the snow off your car for you, he's getting serious. Especially if he does it after you fuck him.” “I think asking me to come with him to his mom's house for Christmas shows that pretty good, too.” “So, stop being a fucking pussy about it. You think you're going to find another nice guy who is obviously crazy about you and doesn't give a shit what you do for a living?” Roxanne was silent for a minute. “It doesn't seem likely, does it?” she said at last. They kissed again and Sporty said, “You know, I had a lot of girlfriends before, but I never brought one home with me on Christmas.” She patted his cheek, kissed him and said, “I've had a lot of boyfriends before, but I never fucked one in the bathroom at White Castle on Christmas Eve.” She kissed him on the nose and dashed to her car, calling, “See you tomorrow, babe.” “It's about time,” Clover said, as Roxanne got into the drivers seat, “I'm freezing my tits off over here.” “That's because they're fake.” “Probably. They should've come with like a heater option.” “I wish I'd known it was a problem, I would have got you one for Christmas.” Clover reached across the console and squeezed Roxanne's hand. “Merry Christmas, Rhonda,” she said. Roxanne felt her eyes moisten. “Merry Christmas, Charlene.” The last display before the park exit, the grand finale, was a great arc of lights over the road. On the left, Santa rode in his sleigh, overflowing bags of gift boxes and teddy bears behind him. His reindeer stretched along the arc, their legs blinking in a dance across the night sky. At the right end of the display, Rudolph's nose glowed like a beacon. “Nine!” Clover shouted, “Bitch, count ‘em! nine fucking reindeers!” “Rudolph doesn't count.” “He counts in this town.” “Why? Because Parks and Rec says he does?” Clover sat back, her arms crossed over her chest in triumph. “Nine fucking reindeer,” she smirked. “Eight,” Roxanne muttered. “Nine.” “Eight…” By  MelissaBaby for Literotica

Where can two strippers get a bite to eat on Christmas Eve? By  MelissaBaby. (abridged) Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. “Fuck Christmas,” Clover shouted, “and fuck you, Tony. Fuck Santa Claus, fuck his elves and fuck all ten goddamn reindeers.” “Eight,” Roxanne said, filing her nails and looking at her over the top of her glasses. “Shut up, Roxy, I'm talking about reindeers, not how many cocks you sucked over the weekend.” “Clover, calm down,” Tony said, “It was worth taking a shot.” “Bullshit, I told you nobody goes to a strip club on Christmas Eve.”“She did tell you,” Roxanne said, “Even louder that she's telling you now.” “Look,” he said, shrugging, “I'm sorry, but it wasn't nobody…” “We've had five customers,” Clover said. “And the last one was two hours ago,” Roxanne chimed in, “It's almost ten thirty.” Clover jerked her thumb at Roxanne. “She might look like a doofus wearing that stupid Santa hat, but she's right.” Tony held up his hands, “Okay, it turned out to not be a great idea. You guys are always saying that more customers come in because they are lonely than because they are horny. I figured it would be a lonely night for a lot of guys…” “It might be a great night to be a hooker,” Clover said, “but not a dancer.” He looked at his watch, then over his shoulder at LeAnn, the bartender. “Tell you what,” he told her, “If nobody else comes in before eleven, go ahead and close up.” He started to walk away, but Roxanne called him back. “We paid our club fees, Tony, that isn't right.” He looked up toward the ceiling, as if he were looking for a script to read from. “You want to close and go home early, but you want your club fees refunded because I said we would close and you could go home early?” “No,” Clover said, “We want our club fees refunded because we paid you fifty dollars to dance on a night when you dragged us in here to dance, even though we told you nobody was coming the fuck in.” “Fine,” he said, throwing his hands in the air, “LeAnn, give them back their club fees.” The door opened, and they both groaned, but it was not a customer. Sporty, the Gold Dollar's bouncer, came in. “Speaking of guys you'll fuck,” Clover muttered. When he approached the bar, she said, “Hey Sporty, how come you go out with Roxy? I always heard black guys like girls with nice big asses.” “I always heard strippers were friendly,” he shot back. He sat down next to Roxanne. “Where have you been?” she asked him. “Yeah,” Clover said, “There could have been a brawl in here, between the rats and the cockroaches.” “I was sitting out in my car, listening to some jams.” Clover tipped out and gave LeAnn a big hug, then she and Roxanne walked out to their cars in a light cold rain. “You ain't waiting for Sporty?” Clover asked. “Nope, don't want to talk to him right now. Meet you at the diner.” They each got in their cars. A light coating of slush covered Roxanne's windshield, but the wipers easily pushed it to the side. She pulled out of the parking lot on to the slippery street and drove the mile and a half to their usual after work spot, the Finest Kind Diner, while Clover followed close behind. When she turned into the diner's parking lot she noticed immediately that the lights were turned off, except for a string of colored Christmas bulbs blinking around the front door. Clover thought for a minute. “We could go to Denny's.” “Are they open?” “How the fuck would I know? Call ‘em up.” “Oh, so I have to look up the number?” “I figured it has a man's name, so you would know it.” Roxanne sat back in her seat. “I don't want to drive all the way across town, just to go to Denny's. What else would be open?” “Just White Castle.” Roxanne thought for a minute. “Yeah, what the fuck, let's go to White Castle.” “We ought to just go in one car,” Clover suggested. “Fine. Yours or mine?” “Yours,” Clover said, “Mine is more full of trash than a westside trailer park.” She pulled her car into a parking space, shut it off and got out. “I hate this drizzly shit,” she said as she got into Roxanne's passenger seat. “Hey, don't you live in a westside trailer park?” Roxanne asked. “Yeah, that's why I know what I am talking about.” “Speaking of knowing what you're talking about,” Roxanne said, “Santa Claus has eight reindeer.” “Are you counting Rudolph?” “Nope. Rudolph doesn't count.” “Who decided that?” “Clement Moore.” “Who the fuck is he? Sounds like a baseball player.” “He wrote The Night Before Christmas.” “Twas the night before Christmas,” Clover recited in a sing song voice, “And all through the place, Roxanne was sitting on every guy's face.” “And up from the lawn there arose such a clatter,” Roxanne returned, “As Clover devoured the whole turkey platter.” Clover nodded her head. “That was pretty good,” she admitted. Roxanne was quiet for a moment, then asked, “You wonder though, who the fuck would name a reindeer Blitzen? What is he, a Nazi reindeer?” “I bet Rudolph was originally Adolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and they changed it during the war or something. Hey, what's going on with you and Sporty?” “He wants me to go to his mom's house for Christmas dinner.” “And you don't want to go?” “Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend from the strip club?” “Oh yeah, I get it. But still, you guys been going out for a while now. You are going to meet them sooner or later.” “It doesn't have to be on Christmas with all the relatives there.” “So what are you going to do?” “I don't know.” There were three cars parked outside the White Castle when they arrived. The restaurant's windows were so wet with condensation that they could not see through them. But when they dashed inside, they were nearly blinded by the garish light. “This is like sensory overload,” Roxanne said, as Jingle Bell Rock squalled from a tinny sound system. They walked over to the counter. There was no one behind it. Roxanne leaned forward, craning her neck to look back into the kitchen. She saw a young man in a white uniform and a hairnet dumping french fries out of a fryer basket. “Excuse us,” she called. He looked over his shoulder. “Be with you in a minute, ma'am,” he said. Clover cackled and nudged Roxanne with her elbow. “Ma'am. He thinks you're an old fucking lady.” “Yeah, and he thinks I'm taking my mom out for Christmas Eve.” The man came to the counter. His name badge identified him as Julio, assistant manager. “What can I get you ladies?” he asked. “I'd like four hamburgers, an order of medium fries and a large coffee, regular,” Roxanne said. “Give me six whiteys and a large Mountain Dew,” Clover added. “Would you like fries with that?” “Fuck no, I'm gonna eat most of hers.” Julio rang up their orders and Roxanne paid for both. Clover looked around the room. There were three occupied booths. In one a pair of middle aged men, wearing the uniforms of parking attendants, sat sipping coffee. At another, an older woman in a ragged green coat had only a cup of water and a single empty burger box on the table in front of her. A couple of booths down, three young, black clad goths were sitting together. They looked to be in their early twenties; two boys, one very large, the other thin and jittery, and a purple haired girl sitting across from them, loudly chewing gum. They all looked like they were coming down off a much better time than they were having now. “It's kind of a sad looking bunch of people in here,” Clover said. “Yeah,” Roxanne said, “It's Christmas Eve and they've got no place to go.” “That sounds familiar. I mean, what the fuck is the difference between them and us?” “We've got money in our pockets.” “Yeah, money we took from other lonely people,” Clover said. She looked lost in thought for a moment, then asked Roxanne, “How much money you think you've got in your pocket?” “I don't know, a hundred, maybe a hundred and twenty dollars.” Clover looked around the room, her lips tight and her brow knotted. “I'll bet I know what you're thinking,” Roxanne said. “It's fucking Christmas,” Clover said, shrugging. Roxanne called Julio back to the counter. “How much are those sacks of thirty sliders?” she asked him. “Thirty two dollars and fifty two cents.” She looked over her shoulder at the woman with her single burger. “Give me two sacks,” she said, fishing her cash out of her pocket. “You still want the other order?” “Yeah,” Clover said, “And I want you to give anybody whatever they want to drink. Keep a tab and I'll pay for them later.” Julio hesitated a moment, then said, “Okay, it will take a little bit of time. Your other order will be up in a minute.” When their food was ready, they went to the empty table between the old lady and the goths. As they walked past the parking attendants, Clover asked them, “How you guys doing? You had to work tonight?” “Fuckin' Nutcracker,” one of them grumbled. “So are you going to see your son tomorrow?” Roxanne asked Clover when they had taken their seats. Clover nodded. “Not till the afternoon. But I get to have him the next day, too.” “Have you got plans?” “I was thinking we'd go to Hong Kong Garden for dinner.” “And the next day?” “Are you kidding? The day after Christmas? We're going fucking shopping.” Roxanne laughed. “Yeah I'm sure that'll thrill a ten year old boy, going shopping with his mom.” They had each finished two burgers when Julio called to them that their order was ready. Clover walked over to the counter, picked up a bag of hamburgers in each hand and turned to face the dining area. “Ladies and gentlemen,” she hollered, “My friend Poindexter and I would like to treat everyone to Whiteys for Christmas.” She went from table to table, holding out the bags, so that each person could take some burgers. “And if anyone wants something to drink,” she said, “It's on us. Just step up and tell Julio what you want.” After going to each table, she had half a bag left. She put it on the table in front of Roxanne and sat down. Roxanne twisted in her seat and watched as several of the patrons went to the counter and ordered drinks. She noticed that the old woman in the next booth had neither gotten up nor taken any burgers. She took one from the bag, leaned over the back of the booth and asked, “Would you like another burger, ma'am?” “Are you sure it's okay?” “Of course it is,” Roxanne said, “Merry Christmas.” “Merry Christmas, dear,” the woman replied, taking the burger. Roxanne's phone buzzed. “I bet I know who that is,” Clover muttered. Roxanne looked at the screen. “Yeah, it's Sporty.” She sat back in the booth and answered, simply saying, “Hey.” “Listen baby,” he said, “I wish you hadn't split like that. I don't want you mad at me, whether you go tomorrow or not.” “I never said I was mad at you, Sporty. I'm just tired of all the back-and-forth on this shit.” “I don't think having Christmas with my family is shit.” “Now you're just looking to be offended. They know where you work, right?” “Yeah.” “So, you're going to tell them your bringing a girl from work to Christmas dinner, so I can sit there, eating turkey with everybody looking at me like I'm a whore.” “Ain't nobody gonna call you a whore.” “My own mom calls me a whore.” “Well, my mom ain't your mom.” “I don't know, Sporty. I'm just not sure I'm ready for this.” “We've been going out almost a year.” “Off and on.” “Whatever. Where are you at anyway? I come over to Finest Kind because I thought you guys would be here.” “They're closed.” “Well, no shit, I just told you I was over here.” “We're at the White Castle on Union Street.” “So, would it be cool if I come by?” “Yeah, sure. I'll see you in a bit.” Roxanne disconnected, shaking her head. “This fucking guy,” she muttered, “I'm telling you, he won't give up…” “And that's a bad thing? Let me ask you something,” Clover said, “and don't get pissed.” “Okay.” “Are you nervous about meeting his family because you think they won't like you being a stripper or because you don't think they'll like you being white?” Roxanne was silent for a minute. “Maybe both,” she said. “Either way, I think that's his problem, not yours. I mean it's his family.” “Yeah, but I'm afraid that if they give him a lot of shit about it, he isn't going to pick me over them.” “Well then, fuck him. He ain't worth it if he does that.” Roxanne shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.” An old man with flyaway white hair came into the restaurant. He appeared to be wearing just a light sweatsuit under his ratty coat. He sat down next to the old woman. She spoke quietly to him for a minute, then he loudly cleared his throat. “Excuse me, ladies,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Flo says you are buying burgers for everyone. Is that so?” “Sure is,” Clover said. Roxanne took two more burgers from the bag and handed them to him. “Go get yourself a coffee or something,” Clover said, “Whatever you want, it's on us.” The man thanked them, stood and fetched coffee for himself and Flo. Sporty came in a few minutes later, took off his wet coat and hung it on the end of the booth. He slid in next to Roxanne. Looking at the bags on the table, he asked, “Why did y'all buy so many burgers?” “Because we're generous bitches and we share with everybody,” Clover said. “Well, shit then.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a couple of burgers. After a few bites he said, “I need to get a drink.” “Just go to the counter,” Roxanne told him, “We're running a tab.” Sporty stuffed the rest of the burger in his mouth, then went to the counter. He came back a minute later with a large orange soda. “You been thinking about tomorrow?” he asked Roxanne. “Yeah, I've been thinking about it…” “Hey Sporty,” Clover said, interrupting her, “Let me ask you something.” “Yeah, what?” He reached for another burger. “Why do so many black families have macaroni and cheese for Christmas dinner?” “Because it's good as hell. We still have all the regular shit, turkey and mashed potatoes and cranberries and all that.” “Pumpkin pie or sweet potato?” “What do you think? Sweet potato pie.” “What kind of stuffing?” “Cornbread.” “Just plain?” “Fuck no, my mom puts Jimmy Dean sausage in it.” “Damn!” Clover exclaimed. “Listen, if this silly bitch don't want to come to your mom's house for Christmas dinner can I come?” “You can both come as far as I'm concerned.” Roxanne laughed. “That's actually a pretty good plan. If your mom spends five minutes with Clover, she'll think I'm little miss sunshine.” “No, she'll think you're a dumb bitch who thinks Santa only has eight reindeer.” “Rudolph doesn't count.” “Damn, you back on that shit?” Sporty said, rolling his eyes. Clover slipped out of the booth. “Fuck you both,” she said, standing up. “Hey everybody,” she shouted, “I'm taking a Christmas survey. How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?” There was murmuring throughout the room. The big goth kid was counting on his fingers. One of the parking attendants was quietly singing Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer. His friend said, emphatically, “Eight.” The goth girl said “Nine, if you count Rudolph.” “Rudolph wasn't one of the originals,” he replied. “So where did he come from?” “Gene Autry.” “Dead white man,” she muttered. The man who had been singing said, “The Night Before Christmas guy gave them their names.” The skinny goth kid glared over the back of the booth at him. “But who said he was in charge of fucking reindeer?” “He wrote the goddamn poem!” “They didn't know about Rudolph then!” “Isn't it nice to see how the holidays bring people together,” Roxanne said to Sporty. “All right,” Clover said, clapping her hands together. “Let's put it to a vote. How many people say nine?” She raised her hand and the goth kids and the old lady joined her. “Who says eight?” Roxanne, Sporty, the parking guys and the old man raised their hands. Clover looked at Sporty. “Put your fucking hand down, man, your vote don't count.” “Why don't my vote count?” “Because you ain't hoping to get any pussy from me tonight.” “You got that right,” he smirked. Roxanne turned in her seat. “How many people say ten?” They all looked at her, perplexed. No one raised a hand. “That's your cue to sit down and shut the fuck up,” she said to Clover. Clover looked around with a frown, then sat without saying anything more. Sporty looked over his shoulder and said, “Who thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie?” Everyone raised their hand. “Goddamn right,” he muttered. Roxanne nudged him with her elbow. “I need to go to the bathroom,” she said. He stood up and let her go by. The parking lot guys were getting up to leave. They thanked her for the burgers as she went past their table and wished her a happy holiday. One gave her a big hug. At least he didn't try to cop a feel, she thought as she went into the women's bathroom. When she opened the door to come out a few minutes later, Sporty was standing in front of it. “You know how cute you look in that hat?” he asked. “Do you know how desperate you sound when you try to sweet talk me?” “Nah, I ain't desperate. It'd be alright if you don't want to go tomorrow. I get it. But don't go saying you weren't welcome to go, because you were asked.” “Okay, that's fair. It's just that it's a big step.” “You got to take steps if you want to get anywhere,” he said. She put her hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Looking past him, she did not see anyone watching them. She gripped the waist of his pants and walked backward, pulling him into the bathroom. Sporty pushed the door shut behind him, and let Roxanne tug him across the room until her hips bumped against the edge of the sink. Roxanne leaned back, looking up at him and biting her lip. He gazed down at her, his hands on her hips, and kissed her. She kissed him back, but then turned her head. “At some point,” she said, “we have to talk about where we are going.” “We do,” he replied, “but we ain't got to do it right now.” She draped her arms over his shoulders and they exchanged a long, hard, tongue swirling kiss. Sporty's hands moved to her breasts, squeezing and caressing them, while Roxanne dropped her hand down to rub his stiff cock through his jeans. “I think you've got something you want to give me for Christmas,” she whispered. “I don't know,” he said, “I don't think you've been a very good girl.” “Do you want me to be a good girl?” “Aw, hell no,” he said. He took a half step back, seized her waist and spun her around to face the sink. Her Santa hat fell off, landing in the basin. He ran one hand down between her legs and cradled her chin in the other. “Look at you,” he whispered in her ear. Her glasses had slipped down her nose. She pushed them back into their proper position and gazed at herself in the mirror. “Look and see what I see.” Roxanne looked at his eyes in the mirror as his hand rubbed and squeezed her pussy. “Don't look at me, look at you.” She stared at her own reflection, resisting the temptation to watch as he unfastened her jeans and pushed them down over her hips. But when his fingers slipped inside her, she leaned her head back and kissed the side of his neck. His fingers probed deep into her, his thumb played with her clitoris. She reached back and rubbed his crotch. She fumbled at his belt until he gently pushed her hand away and undid it himself. Roxanne felt his cock bump against her ass, then slip down between her thighs. He placed his hand between her shoulders and gently pushed her down until her elbows were on the sides of the sink. She picked up her Santa hat and put it back on her head. Sporty kneaded her ass, then spread her thighs, pressed the head of his cock into her pussy and began to fuck her with long, smooth strokes. Clover snickered when she saw Sporty disappear into the women's bathroom. Get your figgy pudding, girlfriend, she thought, don't go until you get some. She walked to the counter and got a refill on her Mountain Dew, then stopped and listened for a minute. The sound wasn't loud, but she could hear them in the bathroom. They were definitely fucking in there. As she walked back to the booth, she saw the goth girl looking toward the bathroom. She glanced up at Clover with a smirk. Clover winked at her and sat back down in the booth. A few minutes later, the skinny goth kid leaned close to the window and peered out. He wiped away the condensation with his sleeve and looked again. “Fucking cops,” he muttered. “What cops?” Clover asked. “Cop car just pulled up.” “Oh, shit,” Clover muttered. She looked toward the bathroom. She couldn't hear Roxanne and Sporty where she was sitting, but there was no doubt that when the cops walked in, they would. They had to walk right past the bathroom to get to the counter. One of them might even go into the mens' room. She thought about warning them somehow, but didn't think there was enough time. That was confirmed when she saw the cops approaching the door. She had to do something. Just as they reached the door, she began singing at the top of her lungs. You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why. The goth girl looked up at her and immediately realized what she was doing and joined in. Santa Claus is coming to town. The cops walked in. One was an older man. His eyes and shoulders both drooped. There's another guy doesn't want to be working on Christmas Eve, Clover thought. His partner was a young, thin black man. They walked right past the bathroom to the counter. He's making a list, He's checking it twice. The other goth kids joined in the singing. He's gonna a find out who's naughty and nice. The old couple began to sing along. Santa Claus is coming to town. The two cops stood by the counter, looking around the room. Julio approached the cash register. The older cop leaned in and spoke to him. Julio pointed to Clover and the cop looked over at her. He nodded, then spoke to Julio again. He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake He knows if you've been bad or good, So be good for goodness sake Julio handed each of the cops a bag of burgers and a cup of coffee. Now get the fuck out of here, Clover thought, but instead of leaving they walked toward her. The older cop held out his hand. “Awfully nice thing for you to do, ma'am,” he said. The other customers kept singing. Clover shook his hand. The younger cop shook with her as well. They turned toward the door, tipping their hats to the older couple as they went by. The older cop walked out just as the customers were finishing the last chorus, but the younger cop turned and went to the counter. He held out his open bag toward Julio. “Could you toss a couple of ketchups in there?” he asked. Julio nodded and dropped a handful of packets in his bag. “Thank you, Merry Christmas.” he said, then waved to the customers. “Merry Christmas, everyone.” He took two steps toward the door and stopped and looked toward the bathroom. Clover could hear Roxanne moaning from where she was sitting. He looked around the room. “Does anyone know who is in there?” he asked. “Yes, officer,” Clover said, “That's my friend. I'm afraid she ate a few too many of these gut grenades. You know what they can do to your digestion.” “Yeah, we all been there once or twice, I suppose,” he said. He went to the door and started to open it, then stopped, obviously listening to the sounds emanating from the bathroom. He turned and looked Clover in the eyes. An amused expression crossed his face. He winked at her and walked out. Roxanne had already come twice when she heard the singing. She thought it was just in her head until Sporty paused between thrusts and muttered, “What the fuck is that?” “Jesus, don't fucking stop,” she groaned. “Oh, you need some more of this dick?” “Goddamn it, yes, Sporty, fuck me.” He gripped her hips and began slapping his loins against her ass harder. She braced her hands against the mirror and shoved back against each plunge of his cock. “You getting kind of loud,” he told her. She dropped her head and her Santa hat fell off. She grabbed it and bit down on the white felt ball to keep from crying out. But after a minute or two, she let go of it, unable to keep from moaning loudly each time he jammed his cock deep inside her. She looked up at him in the mirror. Their eyes met, and the look of passion on his face pushed her over the edge into another orgasm. Before it subsided, she felt him stiffen, jerk his cock a few more times and withdraw, as his hot cum ran down the inside of her thigh. “At least they stopped that fucking singing,” Sporty said as Roxanne cleaned herself up. He picked up her Santa hat from the floor, brushed it off and stuck it back on her head, then unlatched the door. “Hold on a minute, babe,” Roxanne said. She raised her face and kissed him. “I'd be happy to go to your mom's tomorrow.” “Damn,” he said with a wide grin, “All I had to do was fuck you real good?” “You always fuck me real good.” “Then I will always get my way, right?” “Don't push your luck,” she said, opening the door. As they came out of the bathroom, the goth kids were walking toward the exit. “Merry Christmas. And thanks,” the girl said. “Yeah, thanks,” skinny kid said as well. The big kid stopped, looked at Roxanne and held his fist out toward Sporty. “Yo,” he said, “You da dawg, bro.” Sporty bumped fists with him. “Fucking white kids,” he muttered, chuckling. They slipped back into the booth, where Clover was waiting for them with her arms crossed and a smug expression on her face. “What was that singing?” Sporty asked. “That was me saving the you two fuckpuppies from spending Christmas in the slammer.” “What are you talking about?” Roxanne asked. “A couple cops came in here while you were getting your stocking stuffed. We were singing so they wouldn't hear the noise you were making.” “We weren't making that much noise.” Sporty laughed. “Girl, you loud as hell.” The old couple came to their booth and thanked them for their burgers. “Merry Christmas,” the man said, shaking all their hands. “There is a special place in heaven for you ladies,” the woman said. As they walked away, Clover said, “You think there is a special place in heaven for us?” “If we died tonight, we might at least be able to make a case for it,” Roxanne said with a shrug. “And by next week, we are fucked again.” Julio came out of the kitchen with a damp rag and wiped the table where the parking guys had been sitting. “Hey, Julio didn't vote,” Clover said. She called to him. “Julio, how many reindeers does Santa Claus have?” Julio looked at her with a perplexed expression. “I don't know,” he said. “You know, like in the song. Dancer and Prancer and Donger and Blitzkin…” “Donger?” Roxanne asked. Julio shrugged. “I don't know that song.” “You don't know it? What the fuck country are you from?” He stared as her and said, “Colombia.” “Oh. Shit. Sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude.” “She doesn't have to try,” Roxanne said, “It's her default mode.” Julio shook his head and returned to the kitchen. “Give the brother a break,” Sporty said, “He's from South America. What the fuck he gonna know about reindeers? Ask him about llamas, he'll probably tell you everything you ever wanted to know.” “I can't think of anything I want to know about llamas,” Clover shot back. “But I do feel kind of bad for the guy. I mean, he'd have had a lot easier night if we hadn't come in here and bought burgers and shit for everybody.” “It's his job,” Roxanne said with a shrug. “Yeah, and we fucking threw a fit because we had to work on Christmas Eve.” “You threw a fit. I didn't.” “You didn't like it.” “No, but I acted like a fucking grown-up about it.” “Yeah, but you have to act like one because you don't look like one.” Sporty looked in the bag. “Anybody want this last burger?” he asked. Roxanne and Clover shook their heads. Sporty bit into the burger, swallowed and said, “You feel so bad for the guy, why don't you do something nice for him for Christmas?” “Like what?” Clover asked. “Like what the fuck you think?” Sporty asked. Clover looked at him for a minute, then tipped her head to look past him. Julio was wiping off the service counter. “He's not a bad looking guy,” Roxanne said. “Well then, why don't you go do it then?” Clover asked. “I wasn't a twat to him.” “Besides,” Sporty said with a grin, “she already got hers.” “I ain't gonna fuck him in the bathroom,” Clover said. Roxanne laughed. “The bathroom is clean, at least.” “You don't think I will do it, do you?” “Bitch, I stopped trying to figure out what you would or wouldn't do about the time you set my boyfriend's car on fire,” Roxanne said. Julio disappeared into the kitchen. “Fuck both of you,” Clover said. She got up and followed him. “Hey, Julio,” she called. He was standing at the dish sink and turned around at the sound of her voice. “Listen, dude,” she said, “I hope I didn't say anything that offended you or got you upset or what not. That's just me clowning around.” “It is fine. I understand.” “Well, I think we put a lot of extra work on you tonight, coming in here and disrupting and shouting and singing and all.” “No, it is fine, Missus.” “Well, it's Christmas and all that. I'd like to maybe give you a little something for your trouble…” Julio waved his hands. “No Missus, we are not allowed to except tips.” “Yeah, I wasn't talking about giving you money.” She looked around and saw an open door at the back of the kitchen. She walked to it and peered into a dark room. “What's in here?” she asked. “That's the manager's office.” Clover walked in and flipped the light switch. A large flat top desk against the far wall nearly filled the room. There was a faux leather swivel chair in front of it. Clover plopped down into it, spun around, and put her feet up on the desk. Julio stood in the doorway, looking nervous. “The manager does not like anyone sitting in his chair,” he said, “No one is allowed.” “But you're the assistant manager right?” “Si.” “So when he ain't here, you're the fucking manager and it's your chair.” “I do not think so…” “And I am your guest, so I can sit in your chair.” “Missus,” he said, “I know it's a foolish rule but I need this job.” “Do you think I'm gonna tell anybody about this?” Julio looked at her with a puzzled expression. “About what, Missus?” “First of all, stop calling me Missus. Then come over here and find out.” She sat up, put her feet on the floor and patted the top of the desk. Julio leaned back and looked around the kitchen as if he suspected someone might be lurking there. Clover patted the desktop again. “The boss told you not to sit in his chair, but he didn't say shit about sitting on his desk, did he?” “No. I suppose he did not.” She pushed the chair back until it banged into the wall. “So have a seat.” Julio bit his lip, seeming lost in thought, then sat on the edge of the desk. “Dude, lose that dumbass apron.” Julio reached behind his back and untied the apron. Before he could pull it over his head, Clover had his belt unbuckled. He watched with an expression of amazement as she deftly unsnapped his waistband, yanked down his zipper, and pulled his cock free. “Do all the men in Columbia have big dicks?” she asked as she wrapped her hand around it. “Si,” Julio said, “It is well known in Latin America, Missus.” “You call me Missus again and I might bite it off,” she said. She flicked her tongue at the head, then wrapped her lips around it and began to suck. Julio briefly lifted his hips from the desk and tugged his pants and shorts down to his thighs. Clover cupped his balls in her left hand, massaging them, while her right hand stroked his shaft. She took it in her mouth again, but almost immediately, she heard a chime ringing. She raised her head and asked Julio, “What the fuck is that?” Julio had a look of panic on his face. “Someone is at the drive-through,” he said, “I must go serve them.” He started to rise, but she put her hands on his hips and pushed him back down. “No, fuck that,” she said, “Stay right there.” She got up and rushed to the dining room. Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth, kissing. “Hey, you fucking lovebirds, I need help here,” she shouted. When they looked at her in surprise, she said, “There's somebody in the fucking drive-through. Either of you guys ever work at a fast food place?” “I worked at Burger King in high school.” Sporty said. “Well, pry Roxy's hand off your whopper and get the fuck in here and find out what they want.” She disappeared back into the kitchen. Roxanne and Sporty looked at each other and shrugged. “I'll give it a try,” Sporty said. He slipped out of the booth and headed toward the kitchen, Roxanne following close behind. “It's like somebody told Santa they wanted a shit show for Christmas,” she muttered. Sporty went to the drive-through window and looked around. “Fuck. I don't know how to use this touchscreen shit,” he said. “Can you at least talk to the guy?” Roxanne asked. “Yeah, that shit looks the same. Hold on.” He was distracted by the sounds coming from the manager's office. “What's she doing in there?” he asked. “Sounds like she's sucking his dick.” “Damn, she's loud, too. Sounds like somebody got a rag stuck in their wet-vac.” He pressed several buttons on the communications panel, but nothing happened. He fiddled with the volume knob, and clicked the headset on and off, all to no avail. Suddenly, he was startled by a blasting horn, and looked over to see a white pick up truck right outside the window The driver, a large, red faced, bearded man, was glaring at him. “Honey, I don't think that's Santa Claus,” Roxanne said. Sporty slid the window open. “I've been out here trying to order for ten fucking minutes,” the man shouted. “Yeah, sorry about that,” Sporty said. “We got some kind of computer problem.” The man looked past him at Roxanne. “Looks to me like the problem is you're having some kind of party in there.” “Naw, she's the manager. She come in to try to fix it.” “So why isn't she fixing it?” “Sir,” Roxanne said, “I'm sorry, but there is nothing we can do about it until the tech guys get here.” “I worked to midnight on Christmas Eve. All I wanted was some burgers for when I get home.” “I'll see what I can get for you, no charge.” She went to the grill. There were onions simmering in the corner and pre-cooked patties in a warming pan. She found a package of buns and put a half dozen on the grill to brown. The man tapped his fingers impatiently on the door of his car. “This is some bullshit,” he barked at Sporty, “You got something for me or not?” “Roxy is fixing it up right now.” “The manager's name is Roxy?” “Yeah, she was named for her grandmom.” Roxanne's glasses kept steaming up from the grill's heat. She did her best to assemble the burgers, but one got no onions, one had triple pickle and some were drenched with mustard and ketchup while others got no more than a drop or two. She boxed the burgers, stacked them in a bag, and handed it to Sporty. “About time,” the man grumbled. “What about a Coke? I need something to drink.” “Coming right up!” Roxanne said with a big smile. As she poured a Coke from the dispenser she thought, I hope those burgers give you the shits, asshole. Sporty handed him the drink and cheerily said, “Merry Christmas, sir.” The man growled. “Yeah, right. I guess the two of you can get back to whatever you were doing now.” “Thank you, sir,” Sporty said, “But we already finished that. Appreciate the thought though.” The man glared at them, muttered something underneath his breath, and drove off. “What did he say?” Roxanne asked. “I didn't catch in, but I think one of the words started with an F and one with an N.” “Feliz Navidad?” “Most likely not.” “Should we figure out how this works, in case someone else pulls up?” “How long Julio gonna take getting his nut?” Roxanne shrugged. “Hold up,” Sporty said, “I got a better idea.” He walked to the back door, opened it and, looking outside, flicked a couple of light switches on the walk. “There you go,” he said. “What did you do?” “Turned off the outside lights, so the place looks closed.” Clover took Julio's cock into her mouth until she felt his pubic hair tickling her nose, then swallowed. That will keep him from trying to go see what's happening in the kitchen, she thought. When she was out of breath, she rose up, releasing his cock with a loud popping sound. She circled the head with her tongue a few times, then dove down and swallowed again. It was late, she was tired, her jaw was starting to ache and her belly was rumbling in complaint over its load of greasy hamburger. She sucked in her cheeks as hard as she could, and Julio exhaled loudly and raised his hips from the desk. As she lifted her head, Julio spurted into her mouth. She swallowed most of it, then picked up his apron off the desk and wiped her face with it, surreptitiously spitting out the rest of his load. He leaned forward, his head hanging low, while he recovered his breath. Clover stood up, and loudly burped. “Sorry about that,” she said. Julio stood, pulling up his pants. “It is okay, Missus.” They walked into the kitchen. Julio immediately noticed that it was dark outside the drive through window. “You friends, I think they turned off the lights,” he said, “I will have to turn them on and to see what else they might have done.” “Okay, well, Merry Christmas, dude.” “And to you, Missus.” Clover turned away, but he added, “Missus?” She looked back. “Maybe you will come for hamburgers again.” Clover looked him over. “Yeah, I might.” Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth when Clover returned to the dining room. Roxanne was leaning against him, her head on his shoulder and her eyes shut. Clover sat down across from them. “You guys about ready to go?” she asked. Roxanne sat up straight and stretched. “Yeah we might as well,” she said. Sporty looked out the window. “That sleet shit turned into real snow,” he said. He nudged Roxanne. “Let me up, baby.” She stood and he slid out of the booth. “Give me your keys,” he said, “I'll get your car warmed up.” She fished her keys out of her purse and handed them to him as he put on his coat. Watching him walk out, Clover said, “When a man cleans the snow off your car for you, he's getting serious. Especially if he does it after you fuck him.” “I think asking me to come with him to his mom's house for Christmas shows that pretty good, too.” “So, stop being a fucking pussy about it. You think you're going to find another nice guy who is obviously crazy about you and doesn't give a shit what you do for a living?” Roxanne was silent for a minute. “It doesn't seem likely, does it?” she said at last. They kissed again and Sporty said, “You know, I had a lot of girlfriends before, but I never brought one home with me on Christmas.” She patted his cheek, kissed him and said, “I've had a lot of boyfriends before, but I never fucked one in the bathroom at White Castle on Christmas Eve.” She kissed him on the nose and dashed to her car, calling, “See you tomorrow, babe.” “It's about time,” Clover said, as Roxanne got into the drivers seat, “I'm freezing my tits off over here.” “That's because they're fake.” “Probably. They should've come with like a heater option.” “I wish I'd known it was a problem, I would have got you one for Christmas.” Clover reached across the console and squeezed Roxanne's hand. “Merry Christmas, Rhonda,” she said. Roxanne felt her eyes moisten. “Merry Christmas, Charlene.” The last display before the park exit, the grand finale, was a great arc of lights over the road. On the left, Santa rode in his sleigh, overflowing bags of gift boxes and teddy bears behind him. His reindeer stretched along the arc, their legs blinking in a dance across the night sky. At the right end of the display, Rudolph's nose glowed like a beacon. “Nine!” Clover shouted, “Bitch, count ‘em! nine fucking reindeers!” “Rudolph doesn't count.” “He counts in this town.” “Why? Because Parks and Rec says he does?” Clover sat back, her arms crossed over her chest in triumph. “Nine fucking reindeer,” she smirked. “Eight,” Roxanne muttered. “Nine.” “Eight…” By  MelissaBaby for Literotica

Hello to our lovely coven, happy Friday! Today we gab about all of your crazy Heauxmetown Hero tales, and dive into the nitty gritty for WWDD. We just added a new tee to our collection! If you haven't checked out our merch yet, please  support our show and show off your love for Disrespectfully by repping our official swag :) K Love ya bye! Thank you to our Sponsors! OAK ESSENTIALS: Get 15% off @OakEssentials with the code DISRESPECTFULLY at https://oakessentials.com/disrespectfully. #oakessentialspartner Need Advice? Have a Heauxmetown Hero Story? Send your questions/stories to disrespectfullypod@gmail.com and we may answer your questions on the show! Listen to us on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301 Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0J6DW1KeDX6SpoVEuQpl7z?si=c35995a56b8d4038 Follow us on Social! Disrespectfully Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/disrespectfullypod/?hl=en Disrespectfully Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@disrespectfullypod?_t=8icuQMhG3jz&_r=1 Katie Maloney Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/musickillskate/?hl=en Dayna Kathan Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daynakathan/?hl=en Buy our merch! https://disrespectfullypod.com/ Disrespectfully is an Envy Media Production.

Anything Goes August still in effect, Justin chose this movie because he was an extra in it. Terrible film and it made bank... All of you people are the reason that movies suck. You shell out money for crap you know sucks. Be honest, you knew this was going to suck when you bought tickets for it, and you did it anyway. You weren't even an extra in the film. Do better, America. Also, The Donger is in this for some reason. Enjoy!

Deville Nunes discusses being the team manager of Powell Peralta for 20 years, giving Rick Kosick photos for Big Brother, first photo in a magazine was of Donger, shooting Carlos Ruiz back lip El Toro, filming the Powell video "Fun" video & Joe Krolick edited it, Powell Peralta's YouTube approach, getting sued by a hotel & a water park, team manager pet peeves and much more! Timestamps 00:00:00 Deville Nunes 00:03:10 Team manager of Powell Peralta for 20 years 00:05:09 The "Fun" video 00:08:37 Helping build up a rider, getting them coverage & then they leave 00:12:38 Losing Chris Joslin but helped him get on Plan B 00:15:34 Deville's upbringing 00:17:23 Getting into skateboarding 00:22:13 Living in Jersey & shooting photos 00:23:50 First photo in a magazine was Donger 00:26:34 Giving Rick Kosick photos for Big Brother 00:31:09 Fiveboro was a big break for him 00:34:31 Getting photos published in the mags 00:36:54 Shooting Carlos Ruiz back lip El Toro 00:45:45 Jordan Hoffart getting knocked out 00:47:17 How he got the job at Powell 00:51:24 Andy Anderson getting hazed 01:02:04 Filming the "Fun" video & Joe Krolick edited it 01:02:43 Team managing - looking for new riders 01:05:51 Powell Peralta's YouTube approach 01:20:42 Deville learning how to film with people like Andy 01:23:41 Getting sued by a hotel & water park 01:32:50 Team manager pet peeves 01:42:41 Getting knocked out 01:47:10 Deville's YouTube channel Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The group concludes their John Wick journey on a HIGH note. Plus Jeff gives a history lesson AND Hannah Rose May (@hannahrosemay_) stops by for Coral's Corner! -- 00:00 Introduction and Hosts Banter 01:07 Weekend Recap: D&D Day and Furiosa 02:27 League Season 7 and Vegan Meatballs Mishap 03:28 Pinball League Rules 06:55 John Wick Chapter 4 Review 07:30 John Wick Chapter 4: Action Scenes Breakdown 09:11 John Wick Chapter 4: Characters and Plot Analysis 32:19 John Wick Chapter 4: Duel and Final Thoughts 37:37 The Dog's Resilience 38:10 Mr. Nobody's Bounty Dilemma 38:43 The Overhead One-Shot Scene 39:29 Shotgun Mechanics 41:10 The Staircase Challenge 46:11 John Wick's Duel and Final Moments 47:27 Reflecting on John Wick's Legacy 52:16 Coral's Corner 01:08:28 Twilight: A Cultural Phenomenon 01:17:55 Upcoming Events and UFC Talk --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/revenge-of/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/revenge-of/support

Here's the 14850 Happenings events calendar for the weekend of April 26th! This evening Zydeco Trail Riders for Music in the Shire at Hopshire Farm Brewery, the Comb Down and Dirty Gems at the Range, and the Donger with Millbastards are at Deep Dive. The Newfield Public Library Book Sale is Saturday! The Ithaca Farmers Market is outdoors at Steamboat Landing. Dorothy Cotton Mural Community Day is at Photosynthesis Productions. Johnny Dowd has an early show at Deep Dive, DJ Mateo is spinning vinyl at South Hill Cider, and there's a West African fundraiser dinner for a youth trip to Guatemala at the First Baptist Church tomorrow evening. The Ithacon 47 comic book convention is all day Saturday and Sunday at Ithaca College's Campus Center Later Saturday night the Gunpoets are at John Barleycorn in Owego. Don Baragiano at Brookton's Market Sunday at noon, and a traditional Irish music session at Liquid State Brewing at 3. On Monday the Doug's Fish Fry To-Go truck is doing a fundraiser to benefit Newfield Old Home Days at the Eddydale farm stand. Improv Night at Deep Dive. On Tuesday, a Southern Old Time String Band jam session at Deep Dive. And don't miss the 11th annual Mac 'n Cheese Bowl on Wednesday at Steamboat Landing. Lots more details and more 14850 Happenings at 14850.com. Subscribe to the Ithaca Minute in Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Google Play, TuneIn, Stitcher, or via RSS feed, follow 14850.com on Facebook and Twitter, or subscribe to the 14850 Magazine Daily newsletter.

Where can two strippers get a bite to eat on Christmas Eve?By  MelissaBaby. (abridged) Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.“Fuck Christmas,” Clover shouted, “and fuck you, Tony. Fuck Santa Claus, fuck his elves and fuck all ten goddamn reindeers.”“Eight,” Roxanne said, filing her nails and looking at her over the top of her glasses.“Shut up, Roxy, I'm talking about reindeers, not how many cocks you sucked over the weekend.”“Clover, calm down,” Tony said, “It was worth taking a shot.”“Bullshit, I told you nobody goes to a strip club on Christmas Eve.”“She did tell you,” Roxanne said, “Even louder that she's telling you now.”“Look,” he said, shrugging, “I'm sorry, but it wasn't nobody…”“We've had five customers,” Clover said.“And the last one was two hours ago,” Roxanne chimed in, “It's almost ten thirty.”Clover jerked her thumb at Roxanne. “She might look like a doofus wearing that stupid Santa hat, but she's right.”Tony held up his hands, “Okay, it turned out to not be a great idea. You guys are always saying that more customers come in because they are lonely than because they are horny. I figured it would be a lonely night for a lot of guys…”“It might be a great night to be a hooker,” Clover said, “but not a dancer.”He looked at his watch, then over his shoulder at LeAnn, the bartender. “Tell you what,” he told her, “If nobody else comes in before eleven, go ahead and close up.”He started to walk away, but Roxanne called him back. “We paid our club fees, Tony, that isn't right.”He looked up toward the ceiling, as if he were looking for a script to read from. “You want to close and go home early, but you want your club fees refunded because I said we would close and you could go home early?”“No,” Clover said, “We want our club fees refunded because we paid you fifty dollars to dance on a night when you dragged us in here to dance, even though we told you nobody was coming the fuck in.”“Fine,” he said, throwing his hands in the air, “LeAnn, give them back their club fees.”The door opened, and they both groaned, but it was not a customer. Sporty, the Gold Dollar's bouncer, came in.“Speaking of guys you'll fuck,” Clover muttered.When he approached the bar, she said, “Hey Sporty, how come you go out with Roxy? I always heard black guys like girls with nice big asses.”“I always heard strippers were friendly,” he shot back.He sat down next to Roxanne.“Where have you been?” she asked him.“Yeah,” Clover said, “There could have been a brawl in here, between the rats and the cockroaches.”“I was sitting out in my car, listening to some jams.”Clover tipped out and gave LeAnn a big hug, then she and Roxanne walked out to their cars in a light cold rain.“You ain't waiting for Sporty?” Clover asked.“Nope, don't want to talk to him right now. Meet you at the diner.”They each got in their cars. A light coating of slush covered Roxanne's windshield, but the wipers easily pushed it to the side. She pulled out of the parking lot on to the slippery street and drove the mile and a half to their usual after work spot, the Finest Kind Diner, while Clover followed close behind.When she turned into the diner's parking lot she noticed immediately that the lights were turned off, except for a string of colored Christmas bulbs blinking around the front door.Clover thought for a minute. “We could go to Denny's.”“Are they open?”“How the fuck would I know? Call ‘em up.”“Oh, so I have to look up the number?”“I figured it has a man's name, so you would know it.”Roxanne sat back in her seat. “I don't want to drive all the way across town, just to go to Denny's. What else would be open?”“Just White Castle.”Roxanne thought for a minute. “Yeah, what the fuck, let's go to White Castle.”“We ought to just go in one car,” Clover suggested.“Fine. Yours or mine?”“Yours,” Clover said, “Mine is more full of trash than a westside trailer park.” She pulled her car into a parking space, shut it off and got out.“I hate this drizzly shit,” she said as she got into Roxanne's passenger seat.“Hey, don't you live in a westside trailer park?” Roxanne asked.“Yeah, that's why I know what I am talking about.”“Speaking of knowing what you're talking about,” Roxanne said, “Santa Claus has eight reindeer.”“Are you counting Rudolph?”“Nope. Rudolph doesn't count.”“Who decided that?”“Clement Moore.”“Who the fuck is he? Sounds like a baseball player.”“He wrote The Night Before Christmas.”“Twas the night before Christmas,” Clover recited in a sing song voice, “And all through the place, Roxanne was sitting on every guy's face.”“And up from the lawn there arose such a clatter,” Roxanne returned, “As Clover devoured the whole turkey platter.”Clover nodded her head. “That was pretty good,” she admitted.Roxanne was quiet for a moment, then asked, “You wonder though, who the fuck would name a reindeer Blitzen? What is he, a Nazi reindeer?”“I bet Rudolph was originally Adolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and they changed it during the war or something. Hey, what's going on with you and Sporty?”“He wants me to go to his mom's house for Christmas dinner.”“And you don't want to go?”“Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend from the strip club?”“Oh yeah, I get it. But still, you guys been going out for a while now. You are going to meet them sooner or later.”“It doesn't have to be on Christmas with all the relatives there.”“So what are you going to do?”“I don't know.”There were three cars parked outside the White Castle when they arrived. The restaurant's windows were so wet with condensation that they could not see through them. But when they dashed inside, they were nearly blinded by the garish light.“This is like sensory overload,” Roxanne said, as Jingle Bell Rock squalled from a tinny sound system.They walked over to the counter. There was no one behind it. Roxanne leaned forward, craning her neck to look back into the kitchen. She saw a young man in a white uniform and a hairnet dumping french fries out of a fryer basket.“Excuse us,” she called.He looked over his shoulder. “Be with you in a minute, ma'am,” he said.Clover cackled and nudged Roxanne with her elbow. “Ma'am. He thinks you're an old fucking lady.”“Yeah, and he thinks I'm taking my mom out for Christmas Eve.”The man came to the counter. His name badge identified him as Julio, assistant manager. “What can I get you ladies?” he asked.“I'd like four hamburgers, an order of medium fries and a large coffee, regular,” Roxanne said.“Give me six whiteys and a large Mountain Dew,” Clover added.“Would you like fries with that?”“Fuck no, I'm gonna eat most of hers.”Julio rang up their orders and Roxanne paid for both. Clover looked around the room.There were three occupied booths. In one a pair of middle aged men, wearing the uniforms of parking attendants, sat sipping coffee. At another, an older woman in a ragged green coat had only a cup of water and a single empty burger box on the table in front of her. A couple of booths down, three young, black clad goths were sitting together. They looked to be in their early twenties; two boys, one very large, the other thin and jittery, and a purple haired girl sitting across from them, loudly chewing gum. They all looked like they were coming down off a much better time than they were having now.“It's kind of a sad looking bunch of people in here,” Clover said.“Yeah,” Roxanne said, “It's Christmas Eve and they've got no place to go.”“That sounds familiar. I mean, what the fuck is the difference between them and us?”“We've got money in our pockets.”“Yeah, money we took from other lonely people,” Clover said. She looked lost in thought for a moment, then asked Roxanne, “How much money you think you've got in your pocket?”“I don't know, a hundred, maybe a hundred and twenty dollars.”Clover looked around the room, her lips tight and her brow knotted.“I'll bet I know what you're thinking,” Roxanne said.“It's fucking Christmas,” Clover said, shrugging.Roxanne called Julio back to the counter.“How much are those sacks of thirty sliders?” she asked him.“Thirty two dollars and fifty two cents.”She looked over her shoulder at the woman with her single burger. “Give me two sacks,” she said, fishing her cash out of her pocket.“You still want the other order?”“Yeah,” Clover said, “And I want you to give anybody whatever they want to drink. Keep a tab and I'll pay for them later.”Julio hesitated a moment, then said, “Okay, it will take a little bit of time. Your other order will be up in a minute.”When their food was ready, they went to the empty table between the old lady and the goths.As they walked past the parking attendants, Clover asked them, “How you guys doing? You had to work tonight?”“Fuckin' Nutcracker,” one of them grumbled.“So are you going to see your son tomorrow?” Roxanne asked Clover when they had taken their seats.Clover nodded. “Not till the afternoon. But I get to have him the next day, too.”“Have you got plans?”“I was thinking we'd go to Hong Kong Garden for dinner.”“And the next day?”“Are you kidding? The day after Christmas? We're going fucking shopping.”Roxanne laughed. “Yeah I'm sure that'll thrill a ten year old boy, going shopping with his mom.”They had each finished two burgers when Julio called to them that their order was ready.Clover walked over to the counter, picked up a bag of hamburgers in each hand and turned to face the dining area.“Ladies and gentlemen,” she hollered, “My friend Poindexter and I would like to treat everyone to Whiteys for Christmas.” She went from table to table, holding out the bags, so that each person could take some burgers.“And if anyone wants something to drink,” she said, “It's on us. Just step up and tell Julio what you want.”After going to each table, she had half a bag left. She put it on the table in front of Roxanne and sat down.Roxanne twisted in her seat and watched as several of the patrons went to the counter and ordered drinks. She noticed that the old woman in the next booth had neither gotten up nor taken any burgers. She took one from the bag, leaned over the back of the booth and asked, “Would you like another burger, ma'am?”“Are you sure it's okay?”“Of course it is,” Roxanne said, “Merry Christmas.”“Merry Christmas, dear,” the woman replied, taking the burger.Roxanne's phone buzzed.“I bet I know who that is,” Clover muttered.Roxanne looked at the screen. “Yeah, it's Sporty.” She sat back in the booth and answered, simply saying, “Hey.”“Listen baby,” he said, “I wish you hadn't split like that. I don't want you mad at me, whether you go tomorrow or not.”“I never said I was mad at you, Sporty. I'm just tired of all the back-and-forth on this shit.”“I don't think having Christmas with my family is shit.”“Now you're just looking to be offended. They know where you work, right?”“Yeah.”“So, you're going to tell them your bringing a girl from work to Christmas dinner, so I can sit there, eating turkey with everybody looking at me like I'm a whore.”“Ain't nobody gonna call you a whore.”“My own mom calls me a whore.”“Well, my mom ain't your mom.”“I don't know, Sporty. I'm just not sure I'm ready for this.”“We've been going out almost a year.”“Off and on.”“Whatever. Where are you at anyway? I come over to Finest Kind because I thought you guys would be here.”“They're closed.”“Well, no shit, I just told you I was over here.”“We're at the White Castle on Union Street.”“So, would it be cool if I come by?”“Yeah, sure. I'll see you in a bit.”Roxanne disconnected, shaking her head. “This fucking guy,” she muttered, “I'm telling you, he won't give up…”“And that's a bad thing? Let me ask you something,” Clover said, “and don't get pissed.”“Okay.”“Are you nervous about meeting his family because you think they won't like you being a stripper or because you don't think they'll like you being white?”Roxanne was silent for a minute. “Maybe both,” she said.“Either way, I think that's his problem, not yours. I mean it's his family.”“Yeah, but I'm afraid that if they give him a lot of shit about it, he isn't going to pick me over them.”“Well then, fuck him. He ain't worth it if he does that.”Roxanne shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”An old man with flyaway white hair came into the restaurant. He appeared to be wearing just a light sweatsuit under his ratty coat. He sat down next to the old woman. She spoke quietly to him for a minute, then he loudly cleared his throat.“Excuse me, ladies,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Flo says you are buying burgers for everyone. Is that so?”“Sure is,” Clover said. Roxanne took two more burgers from the bag and handed them to him.“Go get yourself a coffee or something,” Clover said, “Whatever you want, it's on us.”The man thanked them, stood and fetched coffee for himself and Flo.Sporty came in a few minutes later, took off his wet coat and hung it on the end of the booth. He slid in next to Roxanne. Looking at the bags on the table, he asked, “Why did y'all buy so many burgers?”“Because we're generous bitches and we share with everybody,” Clover said.“Well, shit then.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a couple of burgers. After a few bites he said, “I need to get a drink.”“Just go to the counter,” Roxanne told him, “We're running a tab.”Sporty stuffed the rest of the burger in his mouth, then went to the counter. He came back a minute later with a large orange soda.“You been thinking about tomorrow?” he asked Roxanne.“Yeah, I've been thinking about it…”“Hey Sporty,” Clover said, interrupting her, “Let me ask you something.”“Yeah, what?” He reached for another burger.“Why do so many black families have macaroni and cheese for Christmas dinner?”“Because it's good as hell. We still have all the regular shit, turkey and mashed potatoes and cranberries and all that.”“Pumpkin pie or sweet potato?”“What do you think? Sweet potato pie.”“What kind of stuffing?”“Cornbread.”“Just plain?”“Fuck no, my mom puts Jimmy Dean sausage in it.”“Damn!” Clover exclaimed. “Listen, if this silly bitch don't want to come to your mom's house for Christmas dinner can I come?”“You can both come as far as I'm concerned.”Roxanne laughed. “That's actually a pretty good plan. If your mom spends five minutes with Clover, she'll think I'm little miss sunshine.”“No, she'll think you're a dumb bitch who thinks Santa only has eight reindeer.”“Rudolph doesn't count.”“Damn, you back on that shit?” Sporty said, rolling his eyes.Clover slipped out of the booth. “Fuck you both,” she said, standing up.“Hey everybody,” she shouted, “I'm taking a Christmas survey. How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?”There was murmuring throughout the room. The big goth kid was counting on his fingers. One of the parking attendants was quietly singing Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer. His friend said, emphatically, “Eight.”The goth girl said “Nine, if you count Rudolph.”“Rudolph wasn't one of the originals,” he replied.“So where did he come from?”“Gene Autry.”“Dead white man,” she muttered.The man who had been singing said, “The Night Before Christmas guy gave them their names.”The skinny goth kid glared over the back of the booth at him. “But who said he was in charge of fucking reindeer?”“He wrote the goddamn poem!”“They didn't know about Rudolph then!”“Isn't it nice to see how the holidays bring people together,” Roxanne said to Sporty.“All right,” Clover said, clapping her hands together. “Let's put it to a vote. How many people say nine?”She raised her hand and the goth kids and the old lady joined her.“Who says eight?”Roxanne, Sporty, the parking guys and the old man raised their hands.Clover looked at Sporty. “Put your fucking hand down, man, your vote don't count.”“Why don't my vote count?”“Because you ain't hoping to get any pussy from me tonight.”“You got that right,” he smirked.Roxanne turned in her seat. “How many people say ten?”They all looked at her, perplexed. No one raised a hand.“That's your cue to sit down and shut the fuck up,” she said to Clover. Clover looked around with a frown, then sat without saying anything more.Sporty looked over his shoulder and said, “Who thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie?”Everyone raised their hand.“Goddamn right,” he muttered.Roxanne nudged him with her elbow. “I need to go to the bathroom,” she said. He stood up and let her go by.The parking lot guys were getting up to leave. They thanked her for the burgers as she went past their table and wished her a happy holiday. One gave her a big hug. At least he didn't try to cop a feel, she thought as she went into the women's bathroom.When she opened the door to come out a few minutes later, Sporty was standing in front of it.“You know how cute you look in that hat?” he asked.“Do you know how desperate you sound when you try to sweet talk me?”“Nah, I ain't desperate. It'd be alright if you don't want to go tomorrow. I get it. But don't go saying you weren't welcome to go, because you were asked.”“Okay, that's fair. It's just that it's a big step.”“You got to take steps if you want to get anywhere,” he said.She put her hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Looking past him, she did not see anyone watching them. She gripped the waist of his pants and walked backward, pulling him into the bathroom.Sporty pushed the door shut behind him, and let Roxanne tug him across the room until her hips bumped against the edge of the sink.Roxanne leaned back, looking up at him and biting her lip.He gazed down at her, his hands on her hips, and kissed her. She kissed him back, but then turned her head.“At some point,” she said, “we have to talk about where we are going.”“We do,” he replied, “but we ain't got to do it right now.”She draped her arms over his shoulders and they exchanged a long, hard, tongue swirling kiss. Sporty's hands moved to her breasts, squeezing and caressing them, while Roxanne dropped her hand down to rub his stiff cock through his jeans.“I think you've got something you want to give me for Christmas,” she whispered.“I don't know,” he said, “I don't think you've been a very good girl.”“Do you want me to be a good girl?”“Aw, hell no,” he said. He took a half step back, seized her waist and spun her around to face the sink. Her Santa hat fell off, landing in the basin.He ran one hand down between her legs and cradled her chin in the other.“Look at you,” he whispered in her ear. Her glasses had slipped down her nose. She pushed them back into their proper position and gazed at herself in the mirror.“Look and see what I see.”Roxanne looked at his eyes in the mirror as his hand rubbed and squeezed her pussy.“Don't look at me, look at you.”She stared at her own reflection, resisting the temptation to watch as he unfastened her jeans and pushed them down over her hips. But when his fingers slipped inside her, she leaned her head back and kissed the side of his neck.His fingers probed deep into her, his thumb played with her clitoris. She reached back and rubbed his crotch. She fumbled at his belt until he gently pushed her hand away and undid it himself.Roxanne felt his cock bump against her ass, then slip down between her thighs. He placed his hand between her shoulders and gently pushed her down until her elbows were on the sides of the sink. She picked up her Santa hat and put it back on her head.Sporty kneaded her ass, then spread her thighs, pressed the head of his cock into her pussy and began to fuck her with long, smooth strokes.Clover snickered when she saw Sporty disappear into the women's bathroom. Get your figgy pudding, girlfriend, she thought, don't go until you get some. She walked to the counter and got a refill on her Mountain Dew, then stopped and listened for a minute. The sound wasn't loud, but she could hear them in the bathroom. They were definitely fucking in there.As she walked back to the booth, she saw the goth girl looking toward the bathroom. She glanced up at Clover with a smirk. Clover winked at her and sat back down in the booth.A few minutes later, the skinny goth kid leaned close to the window and peered out. He wiped away the condensation with his sleeve and looked again.“Fucking cops,” he muttered.“What cops?” Clover asked.“Cop car just pulled up.”“Oh, shit,” Clover muttered. She looked toward the bathroom. She couldn't hear Roxanne and Sporty where she was sitting, but there was no doubt that when the cops walked in, they would. They had to walk right past the bathroom to get to the counter. One of them might even go into the mens' room. She thought about warning them somehow, but didn't think there was enough time. That was confirmed when she saw the cops approaching the door. She had to do something.Just as they reached the door, she began singing at the top of her lungs.You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why.The goth girl looked up at her and immediately realized what she was doing and joined in.Santa Claus is coming to town.The cops walked in. One was an older man. His eyes and shoulders both drooped. There's another guy doesn't want to be working on Christmas Eve, Clover thought. His partner was a young, thin black man. They walked right past the bathroom to the counter.He's making a list, He's checking it twice.The other goth kids joined in the singing.He's gonna a find out who's naughty and nice.The old couple began to sing along.Santa Claus is coming to town.The two cops stood by the counter, looking around the room. Julio approached the cash register. The older cop leaned in and spoke to him. Julio pointed to Clover and the cop looked over at her. He nodded, then spoke to Julio again.He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake He knows if you've been bad or good, So be good for goodness sakeJulio handed each of the cops a bag of burgers and a cup of coffee.Now get the fuck out of here, Clover thought, but instead of leaving they walked toward her. The older cop held out his hand.“Awfully nice thing for you to do, ma'am,” he said. The other customers kept singing.Clover shook his hand.The younger cop shook with her as well. They turned toward the door, tipping their hats to the older couple as they went by.The older cop walked out just as the customers were finishing the last chorus, but the younger cop turned and went to the counter. He held out his open bag toward Julio.“Could you toss a couple of ketchups in there?” he asked.Julio nodded and dropped a handful of packets in his bag.“Thank you, Merry Christmas.” he said, then waved to the customers. “Merry Christmas, everyone.”He took two steps toward the door and stopped and looked toward the bathroom. Clover could hear Roxanne moaning from where she was sitting.He looked around the room. “Does anyone know who is in there?” he asked.“Yes, officer,” Clover said, “That's my friend. I'm afraid she ate a few too many of these gut grenades. You know what they can do to your digestion.”“Yeah, we all been there once or twice, I suppose,” he said. He went to the door and started to open it, then stopped, obviously listening to the sounds emanating from the bathroom. He turned and looked Clover in the eyes. An amused expression crossed his face. He winked at her and walked out.Roxanne had already come twice when she heard the singing. She thought it was just in her head until Sporty paused between thrusts and muttered, “What the fuck is that?”“Jesus, don't fucking stop,” she groaned.“Oh, you need some more of this dick?”“Goddamn it, yes, Sporty, fuck me.”He gripped her hips and began slapping his loins against her ass harder. She braced her hands against the mirror and shoved back against each plunge of his cock.“You getting kind of loud,” he told her. She dropped her head and her Santa hat fell off. She grabbed it and bit down on the white felt ball to keep from crying out. But after a minute or two, she let go of it, unable to keep from moaning loudly each time he jammed his cock deep inside her.She looked up at him in the mirror. Their eyes met, and the look of passion on his face pushed her over the edge into another orgasm. Before it subsided, she felt him stiffen, jerk his cock a few more times and withdraw, as his hot cum ran down the inside of her thigh.“At least they stopped that fucking singing,” Sporty said as Roxanne cleaned herself up.He picked up her Santa hat from the floor, brushed it off and stuck it back on her head, then unlatched the door.“Hold on a minute, babe,” Roxanne said. She raised her face and kissed him. “I'd be happy to go to your mom's tomorrow.”“Damn,” he said with a wide grin, “All I had to do was fuck you real good?”“You always fuck me real good.”“Then I will always get my way, right?”“Don't push your luck,” she said, opening the door.As they came out of the bathroom, the goth kids were walking toward the exit.“Merry Christmas. And thanks,” the girl said.“Yeah, thanks,” skinny kid said as well.The big kid stopped, looked at Roxanne and held his fist out toward Sporty. “Yo,” he said, “You da dawg, bro.”Sporty bumped fists with him. “Fucking white kids,” he muttered, chuckling.They slipped back into the booth, where Clover was waiting for them with her arms crossed and a smug expression on her face.“What was that singing?” Sporty asked.“That was me saving the you two fuckpuppies from spending Christmas in the slammer.”“What are you talking about?” Roxanne asked.“A couple cops came in here while you were getting your stocking stuffed. We were singing so they wouldn't hear the noise you were making.”“We weren't making that much noise.”Sporty laughed. “Girl, you loud as hell.”The old couple came to their booth and thanked them for their burgers.“Merry Christmas,” the man said, shaking all their hands.“There is a special place in heaven for you ladies,” the woman said.As they walked away, Clover said, “You think there is a special place in heaven for us?”“If we died tonight, we might at least be able to make a case for it,” Roxanne said with a shrug.“And by next week, we are fucked again.”Julio came out of the kitchen with a damp rag and wiped the table where the parking guys had been sitting.“Hey, Julio didn't vote,” Clover said. She called to him. “Julio, how many reindeers does Santa Claus have?”Julio looked at her with a perplexed expression. “I don't know,” he said.“You know, like in the song. Dancer and Prancer and Donger and Blitzkin…”“Donger?” Roxanne asked.Julio shrugged. “I don't know that song.”“You don't know it? What the fuck country are you from?”He stared as her and said, “Colombia.”“Oh. Shit. Sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude.”“She doesn't have to try,” Roxanne said, “It's her default mode.”Julio shook his head and returned to the kitchen.“Give the brother a break,” Sporty said, “He's from South America. What the fuck he gonna know about reindeers? Ask him about llamas, he'll probably tell you everything you ever wanted to know.”“I can't think of anything I want to know about llamas,” Clover shot back. “But I do feel kind of bad for the guy. I mean, he'd have had a lot easier night if we hadn't come in here and bought burgers and shit for everybody.”“It's his job,” Roxanne said with a shrug.“Yeah, and we fucking threw a fit because we had to work on Christmas Eve.”“You threw a fit. I didn't.”“You didn't like it.”“No, but I acted like a fucking grown-up about it.”“Yeah, but you have to act like one because you don't look like one.”Sporty looked in the bag. “Anybody want this last burger?” he asked.Roxanne and Clover shook their heads.Sporty bit into the burger, swallowed and said, “You feel so bad for the guy, why don't you do something nice for him for Christmas?”“Like what?” Clover asked.“Like what the fuck you think?” Sporty asked.Clover looked at him for a minute, then tipped her head to look past him. Julio was wiping off the service counter.“He's not a bad looking guy,” Roxanne said.“Well then, why don't you go do it then?” Clover asked.“I wasn't a twat to him.”“Besides,” Sporty said with a grin, “she already got hers.”“I ain't gonna fuck him in the bathroom,” Clover said.Roxanne laughed. “The bathroom is clean, at least.”“You don't think I will do it, do you?”“Bitch, I stopped trying to figure out what you would or wouldn't do about the time you set my boyfriend's car on fire,” Roxanne said.Julio disappeared into the kitchen.“Fuck both of you,” Clover said. She got up and followed him.“Hey, Julio,” she called.He was standing at the dish sink and turned around at the sound of her voice.“Listen, dude,” she said, “I hope I didn't say anything that offended you or got you upset or what not. That's just me clowning around.”“It is fine. I understand.”“Well, I think we put a lot of extra work on you tonight, coming in here and disrupting and shouting and singing and all.”“No, it is fine, Missus.”“Well, it's Christmas and all that. I'd like to maybe give you a little something for your trouble…”Julio waved his hands. “No Missus, we are not allowed to except tips.”“Yeah, I wasn't talking about giving you money.”She looked around and saw an open door at the back of the kitchen. She walked to it and peered into a dark room.“What's in here?” she asked.“That's the manager's office.”Clover walked in and flipped the light switch. A large flat top desk against the far wall nearly filled the room. There was a faux leather swivel chair in front of it. Clover plopped down into it, spun around, and put her feet up on the desk.Julio stood in the doorway, looking nervous.“The manager does not like anyone sitting in his chair,” he said, “No one is allowed.”“But you're the assistant manager right?”“Si.”“So when he ain't here, you're the fucking manager and it's your chair.”“I do not think so…”“And I am your guest, so I can sit in your chair.”“Missus,” he said, “I know it's a foolish rule but I need this job.”“Do you think I'm gonna tell anybody about this?”Julio looked at her with a puzzled expression. “About what, Missus?”“First of all, stop calling me Missus. Then come over here and find out.”She sat up, put her feet on the floor and patted the top of the desk.Julio leaned back and looked around the kitchen as if he suspected someone might be lurking there.Clover patted the desktop again. “The boss told you not to sit in his chair, but he didn't say shit about sitting on his desk, did he?”“No. I suppose he did not.”She pushed the chair back until it banged into the wall. “So have a seat.”Julio bit his lip, seeming lost in thought, then sat on the edge of the desk.“Dude, lose that dumbass apron.”Julio reached behind his back and untied the apron. Before he could pull it over his head, Clover had his belt unbuckled. He watched with an expression of amazement as she deftly unsnapped his waistband, yanked down his zipper, and pulled his cock free.“Do all the men in Columbia have big dicks?” she asked as she wrapped her hand around it.“Si,” Julio said, “It is well known in Latin America, Missus.”“You call me Missus again and I might bite it off,” she said. She flicked her tongue at the head, then wrapped her lips around it and began to suck.Julio briefly lifted his hips from the desk and tugged his pants and shorts down to his thighs.Clover cupped his balls in her left hand, massaging them, while her right hand stroked his shaft. She took it in her mouth again, but almost immediately, she heard a chime ringing.She raised her head and asked Julio, “What the fuck is that?”Julio had a look of panic on his face. “Someone is at the drive-through,” he said, “I must go serve them.”He started to rise, but she put her hands on his hips and pushed him back down. “No, fuck that,” she said, “Stay right there.”She got up and rushed to the dining room. Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth, kissing.“Hey, you fucking lovebirds, I need help here,” she shouted.When they looked at her in surprise, she said, “There's somebody in the fucking drive-through. Either of you guys ever work at a fast food place?”“I worked at Burger King in high school.” Sporty said.“Well, pry Roxy's hand off your whopper and get the fuck in here and find out what they want.”She disappeared back into the kitchen. Roxanne and Sporty looked at each other and shrugged.“I'll give it a try,” Sporty said. He slipped out of the booth and headed toward the kitchen, Roxanne following close behind.“It's like somebody told Santa they wanted a shit show for Christmas,” she muttered.Sporty went to the drive-through window and looked around. “Fuck. I don't know how to use this touchscreen shit,” he said.“Can you at least talk to the guy?” Roxanne asked.“Yeah, that shit looks the same. Hold on.”He was distracted by the sounds coming from the manager's office. “What's she doing in there?” he asked.“Sounds like she's sucking his dick.”“Damn, she's loud, too. Sounds like somebody got a rag stuck in their wet-vac.”He pressed several buttons on the communications panel, but nothing happened. He fiddled with the volume knob, and clicked the headset on and off, all to no avail. Suddenly, he was startled by a blasting horn, and looked over to see a white pick up truck right outside the window The driver, a large, red faced, bearded man, was glaring at him.“Honey, I don't think that's Santa Claus,” Roxanne said.Sporty slid the window open.“I've been out here trying to order for ten fucking minutes,” the man shouted.“Yeah, sorry about that,” Sporty said. “We got some kind of computer problem.”The man looked past him at Roxanne.“Looks to me like the problem is you're having some kind of party in there.”“Naw, she's the manager. She come in to try to fix it.”“So why isn't she fixing it?”“Sir,” Roxanne said, “I'm sorry, but there is nothing we can do about it until the tech guys get here.”“I worked to midnight on Christmas Eve. All I wanted was some burgers for when I get home.”“I'll see what I can get for you, no charge.”She went to the grill. There were onions simmering in the corner and pre-cooked patties in a warming pan. She found a package of buns and put a half dozen on the grill to brown.The man tapped his fingers impatiently on the door of his car.“This is some bullshit,” he barked at Sporty, “You got something for me or not?”“Roxy is fixing it up right now.”“The manager's name is Roxy?”“Yeah, she was named for her grandmom.”Roxanne's glasses kept steaming up from the grill's heat. She did her best to assemble the burgers, but one got no onions, one had triple pickle and some were drenched with mustard and ketchup while others got no more than a drop or two.She boxed the burgers, stacked them in a bag, and handed it to Sporty.“About time,” the man grumbled. “What about a Coke? I need something to drink.”“Coming right up!” Roxanne said with a big smile. As she poured a Coke from the dispenser she thought, I hope those burgers give you the shits, asshole.Sporty handed him the drink and cheerily said, “Merry Christmas, sir.”The man growled. “Yeah, right. I guess the two of you can get back to whatever you were doing now.”“Thank you, sir,” Sporty said, “But we already finished that. Appreciate the thought though.”The man glared at them, muttered something underneath his breath, and drove off.“What did he say?” Roxanne asked.“I didn't catch in, but I think one of the words started with an F and one with an N.”“Feliz Navidad?”“Most likely not.”“Should we figure out how this works, in case someone else pulls up?”“How long Julio gonna take getting his nut?”Roxanne shrugged.“Hold up,” Sporty said, “I got a better idea.”He walked to the back door, opened it and, looking outside, flicked a couple of light switches on the walk.“There you go,” he said.“What did you do?”“Turned off the outside lights, so the place looks closed.”Clover took Julio's cock into her mouth until she felt his pubic hair tickling her nose, then swallowed. That will keep him from trying to go see what's happening in the kitchen, she thought.When she was out of breath, she rose up, releasing his cock with a loud popping sound. She circled the head with her tongue a few times, then dove down and swallowed again. It was late, she was tired, her jaw was starting to ache and her belly was rumbling in complaint over its load of greasy hamburger.She sucked in her cheeks as hard as she could, and Julio exhaled loudly and raised his hips from the desk. As she lifted her head, Julio spurted into her mouth. She swallowed most of it, then picked up his apron off the desk and wiped her face with it, surreptitiously spitting out the rest of his load.He leaned forward, his head hanging low, while he recovered his breath. Clover stood up, and loudly burped.“Sorry about that,” she said.Julio stood, pulling up his pants.“It is okay, Missus.”They walked into the kitchen. Julio immediately noticed that it was dark outside the drive through window.“You friends, I think they turned off the lights,” he said, “I will have to turn them on and to see what else they might have done.”“Okay, well, Merry Christmas, dude.”“And to you, Missus.” Clover turned away, but he added, “Missus?”She looked back.“Maybe you will come for hamburgers again.”Clover looked him over. “Yeah, I might.”Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth when Clover returned to the dining room. Roxanne was leaning against him, her head on his shoulder and her eyes shut.Clover sat down across from them. “You guys about ready to go?” she asked.Roxanne sat up straight and stretched. “Yeah we might as well,” she said.Sporty looked out the window. “That sleet shit turned into real snow,” he said. He nudged Roxanne. “Let me up, baby.”She stood and he slid out of the booth. “Give me your keys,” he said, “I'll get your car warmed up.”She fished her keys out of her purse and handed them to him as he put on his coat.Watching him walk out, Clover said, “When a man cleans the snow off your car for you, he's getting serious. Especially if he does it after you fuck him.”“I think asking me to come with him to his mom's house for Christmas shows that pretty good, too.”“So, stop being a fucking pussy about it. You think you're going to find another nice guy who is obviously crazy about you and doesn't give a shit what you do for a living?”Roxanne was silent for a minute. “It doesn't seem likely, does it?” she said at last.They kissed again and Sporty said, “You know, I had a lot of girlfriends before, but I never brought one home with me on Christmas.”She patted his cheek, kissed him and said, “I've had a lot of boyfriends before, but I never fucked one in the bathroom at White Castle on Christmas Eve.”She kissed him on the nose and dashed to her car, calling, “See you tomorrow, babe.”“It's about time,” Clover said, as Roxanne got into the drivers seat, “I'm freezing my tits off over here.”“That's because they're fake.”“Probably. They should've come with like a heater option.”“I wish I'd known it was a problem, I would have got you one for Christmas.”Clover reached across the console and squeezed Roxanne's hand.“Merry Christmas, Rhonda,” she said.Roxanne felt her eyes moisten. “Merry Christmas, Charlene.”The last display before the park exit, the grand finale, was a great arc of lights over the road. On the left, Santa rode in his sleigh, overflowing bags of gift boxes and teddy bears behind him. His reindeer stretched along the arc, their legs blinking in a dance across the night sky. At the right end of the display, Rudolph's nose glowed like a beacon.“Nine!” Clover shouted, “Bitch, count ‘em! nine fucking reindeers!”“Rudolph doesn't count.”“He counts in this town.”“Why? Because Parks and Rec says he does?”Clover sat back, her arms crossed over her chest in triumph. “Nine fucking reindeer,” she smirked.“Eight,” Roxanne muttered.“Nine.”“Eight…”By  MelissaBaby for Literotica

Where can two strippers get a bite to eat on Christmas Eve?By  MelissaBaby. (abridged) Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.“Fuck Christmas,” Clover shouted, “and fuck you, Tony. Fuck Santa Claus, fuck his elves and fuck all ten goddamn reindeers.”“Eight,” Roxanne said, filing her nails and looking at her over the top of her glasses.“Shut up, Roxy, I'm talking about reindeers, not how many cocks you sucked over the weekend.”“Clover, calm down,” Tony said, “It was worth taking a shot.”“Bullshit, I told you nobody goes to a strip club on Christmas Eve.”“She did tell you,” Roxanne said, “Even louder that she's telling you now.”“Look,” he said, shrugging, “I'm sorry, but it wasn't nobody…”“We've had five customers,” Clover said.“And the last one was two hours ago,” Roxanne chimed in, “It's almost ten thirty.”Clover jerked her thumb at Roxanne. “She might look like a doofus wearing that stupid Santa hat, but she's right.”Tony held up his hands, “Okay, it turned out to not be a great idea. You guys are always saying that more customers come in because they are lonely than because they are horny. I figured it would be a lonely night for a lot of guys…”“It might be a great night to be a hooker,” Clover said, “but not a dancer.”He looked at his watch, then over his shoulder at LeAnn, the bartender. “Tell you what,” he told her, “If nobody else comes in before eleven, go ahead and close up.”He started to walk away, but Roxanne called him back. “We paid our club fees, Tony, that isn't right.”He looked up toward the ceiling, as if he were looking for a script to read from. “You want to close and go home early, but you want your club fees refunded because I said we would close and you could go home early?”“No,” Clover said, “We want our club fees refunded because we paid you fifty dollars to dance on a night when you dragged us in here to dance, even though we told you nobody was coming the fuck in.”“Fine,” he said, throwing his hands in the air, “LeAnn, give them back their club fees.”The door opened, and they both groaned, but it was not a customer. Sporty, the Gold Dollar's bouncer, came in.“Speaking of guys you'll fuck,” Clover muttered.When he approached the bar, she said, “Hey Sporty, how come you go out with Roxy? I always heard black guys like girls with nice big asses.”“I always heard strippers were friendly,” he shot back.He sat down next to Roxanne.“Where have you been?” she asked him.“Yeah,” Clover said, “There could have been a brawl in here, between the rats and the cockroaches.”“I was sitting out in my car, listening to some jams.”Clover tipped out and gave LeAnn a big hug, then she and Roxanne walked out to their cars in a light cold rain.“You ain't waiting for Sporty?” Clover asked.“Nope, don't want to talk to him right now. Meet you at the diner.”They each got in their cars. A light coating of slush covered Roxanne's windshield, but the wipers easily pushed it to the side. She pulled out of the parking lot on to the slippery street and drove the mile and a half to their usual after work spot, the Finest Kind Diner, while Clover followed close behind.When she turned into the diner's parking lot she noticed immediately that the lights were turned off, except for a string of colored Christmas bulbs blinking around the front door.Clover thought for a minute. “We could go to Denny's.”“Are they open?”“How the fuck would I know? Call ‘em up.”“Oh, so I have to look up the number?”“I figured it has a man's name, so you would know it.”Roxanne sat back in her seat. “I don't want to drive all the way across town, just to go to Denny's. What else would be open?”“Just White Castle.”Roxanne thought for a minute. “Yeah, what the fuck, let's go to White Castle.”“We ought to just go in one car,” Clover suggested.“Fine. Yours or mine?”“Yours,” Clover said, “Mine is more full of trash than a westside trailer park.” She pulled her car into a parking space, shut it off and got out.“I hate this drizzly shit,” she said as she got into Roxanne's passenger seat.“Hey, don't you live in a westside trailer park?” Roxanne asked.“Yeah, that's why I know what I am talking about.”“Speaking of knowing what you're talking about,” Roxanne said, “Santa Claus has eight reindeer.”“Are you counting Rudolph?”“Nope. Rudolph doesn't count.”“Who decided that?”“Clement Moore.”“Who the fuck is he? Sounds like a baseball player.”“He wrote The Night Before Christmas.”“Twas the night before Christmas,” Clover recited in a sing song voice, “And all through the place, Roxanne was sitting on every guy's face.”“And up from the lawn there arose such a clatter,” Roxanne returned, “As Clover devoured the whole turkey platter.”Clover nodded her head. “That was pretty good,” she admitted.Roxanne was quiet for a moment, then asked, “You wonder though, who the fuck would name a reindeer Blitzen? What is he, a Nazi reindeer?”“I bet Rudolph was originally Adolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and they changed it during the war or something. Hey, what's going on with you and Sporty?”“He wants me to go to his mom's house for Christmas dinner.”“And you don't want to go?”“Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend from the strip club?”“Oh yeah, I get it. But still, you guys been going out for a while now. You are going to meet them sooner or later.”“It doesn't have to be on Christmas with all the relatives there.”“So what are you going to do?”“I don't know.”There were three cars parked outside the White Castle when they arrived. The restaurant's windows were so wet with condensation that they could not see through them. But when they dashed inside, they were nearly blinded by the garish light.“This is like sensory overload,” Roxanne said, as Jingle Bell Rock squalled from a tinny sound system.They walked over to the counter. There was no one behind it. Roxanne leaned forward, craning her neck to look back into the kitchen. She saw a young man in a white uniform and a hairnet dumping french fries out of a fryer basket.“Excuse us,” she called.He looked over his shoulder. “Be with you in a minute, ma'am,” he said.Clover cackled and nudged Roxanne with her elbow. “Ma'am. He thinks you're an old fucking lady.”“Yeah, and he thinks I'm taking my mom out for Christmas Eve.”The man came to the counter. His name badge identified him as Julio, assistant manager. “What can I get you ladies?” he asked.“I'd like four hamburgers, an order of medium fries and a large coffee, regular,” Roxanne said.“Give me six whiteys and a large Mountain Dew,” Clover added.“Would you like fries with that?”“Fuck no, I'm gonna eat most of hers.”Julio rang up their orders and Roxanne paid for both. Clover looked around the room.There were three occupied booths. In one a pair of middle aged men, wearing the uniforms of parking attendants, sat sipping coffee. At another, an older woman in a ragged green coat had only a cup of water and a single empty burger box on the table in front of her. A couple of booths down, three young, black clad goths were sitting together. They looked to be in their early twenties; two boys, one very large, the other thin and jittery, and a purple haired girl sitting across from them, loudly chewing gum. They all looked like they were coming down off a much better time than they were having now.“It's kind of a sad looking bunch of people in here,” Clover said.“Yeah,” Roxanne said, “It's Christmas Eve and they've got no place to go.”“That sounds familiar. I mean, what the fuck is the difference between them and us?”“We've got money in our pockets.”“Yeah, money we took from other lonely people,” Clover said. She looked lost in thought for a moment, then asked Roxanne, “How much money you think you've got in your pocket?”“I don't know, a hundred, maybe a hundred and twenty dollars.”Clover looked around the room, her lips tight and her brow knotted.“I'll bet I know what you're thinking,” Roxanne said.“It's fucking Christmas,” Clover said, shrugging.Roxanne called Julio back to the counter.“How much are those sacks of thirty sliders?” she asked him.“Thirty two dollars and fifty two cents.”She looked over her shoulder at the woman with her single burger. “Give me two sacks,” she said, fishing her cash out of her pocket.“You still want the other order?”“Yeah,” Clover said, “And I want you to give anybody whatever they want to drink. Keep a tab and I'll pay for them later.”Julio hesitated a moment, then said, “Okay, it will take a little bit of time. Your other order will be up in a minute.”When their food was ready, they went to the empty table between the old lady and the goths.As they walked past the parking attendants, Clover asked them, “How you guys doing? You had to work tonight?”“Fuckin' Nutcracker,” one of them grumbled.“So are you going to see your son tomorrow?” Roxanne asked Clover when they had taken their seats.Clover nodded. “Not till the afternoon. But I get to have him the next day, too.”“Have you got plans?”“I was thinking we'd go to Hong Kong Garden for dinner.”“And the next day?”“Are you kidding? The day after Christmas? We're going fucking shopping.”Roxanne laughed. “Yeah I'm sure that'll thrill a ten year old boy, going shopping with his mom.”They had each finished two burgers when Julio called to them that their order was ready.Clover walked over to the counter, picked up a bag of hamburgers in each hand and turned to face the dining area.“Ladies and gentlemen,” she hollered, “My friend Poindexter and I would like to treat everyone to Whiteys for Christmas.” She went from table to table, holding out the bags, so that each person could take some burgers.“And if anyone wants something to drink,” she said, “It's on us. Just step up and tell Julio what you want.”After going to each table, she had half a bag left. She put it on the table in front of Roxanne and sat down.Roxanne twisted in her seat and watched as several of the patrons went to the counter and ordered drinks. She noticed that the old woman in the next booth had neither gotten up nor taken any burgers. She took one from the bag, leaned over the back of the booth and asked, “Would you like another burger, ma'am?”“Are you sure it's okay?”“Of course it is,” Roxanne said, “Merry Christmas.”“Merry Christmas, dear,” the woman replied, taking the burger.Roxanne's phone buzzed.“I bet I know who that is,” Clover muttered.Roxanne looked at the screen. “Yeah, it's Sporty.” She sat back in the booth and answered, simply saying, “Hey.”“Listen baby,” he said, “I wish you hadn't split like that. I don't want you mad at me, whether you go tomorrow or not.”“I never said I was mad at you, Sporty. I'm just tired of all the back-and-forth on this shit.”“I don't think having Christmas with my family is shit.”“Now you're just looking to be offended. They know where you work, right?”“Yeah.”“So, you're going to tell them your bringing a girl from work to Christmas dinner, so I can sit there, eating turkey with everybody looking at me like I'm a whore.”“Ain't nobody gonna call you a whore.”“My own mom calls me a whore.”“Well, my mom ain't your mom.”“I don't know, Sporty. I'm just not sure I'm ready for this.”“We've been going out almost a year.”“Off and on.”“Whatever. Where are you at anyway? I come over to Finest Kind because I thought you guys would be here.”“They're closed.”“Well, no shit, I just told you I was over here.”“We're at the White Castle on Union Street.”“So, would it be cool if I come by?”“Yeah, sure. I'll see you in a bit.”Roxanne disconnected, shaking her head. “This fucking guy,” she muttered, “I'm telling you, he won't give up…”“And that's a bad thing? Let me ask you something,” Clover said, “and don't get pissed.”“Okay.”“Are you nervous about meeting his family because you think they won't like you being a stripper or because you don't think they'll like you being white?”Roxanne was silent for a minute. “Maybe both,” she said.“Either way, I think that's his problem, not yours. I mean it's his family.”“Yeah, but I'm afraid that if they give him a lot of shit about it, he isn't going to pick me over them.”“Well then, fuck him. He ain't worth it if he does that.”Roxanne shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”An old man with flyaway white hair came into the restaurant. He appeared to be wearing just a light sweatsuit under his ratty coat. He sat down next to the old woman. She spoke quietly to him for a minute, then he loudly cleared his throat.“Excuse me, ladies,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Flo says you are buying burgers for everyone. Is that so?”“Sure is,” Clover said. Roxanne took two more burgers from the bag and handed them to him.“Go get yourself a coffee or something,” Clover said, “Whatever you want, it's on us.”The man thanked them, stood and fetched coffee for himself and Flo.Sporty came in a few minutes later, took off his wet coat and hung it on the end of the booth. He slid in next to Roxanne. Looking at the bags on the table, he asked, “Why did y'all buy so many burgers?”“Because we're generous bitches and we share with everybody,” Clover said.“Well, shit then.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a couple of burgers. After a few bites he said, “I need to get a drink.”“Just go to the counter,” Roxanne told him, “We're running a tab.”Sporty stuffed the rest of the burger in his mouth, then went to the counter. He came back a minute later with a large orange soda.“You been thinking about tomorrow?” he asked Roxanne.“Yeah, I've been thinking about it…”“Hey Sporty,” Clover said, interrupting her, “Let me ask you something.”“Yeah, what?” He reached for another burger.“Why do so many black families have macaroni and cheese for Christmas dinner?”“Because it's good as hell. We still have all the regular shit, turkey and mashed potatoes and cranberries and all that.”“Pumpkin pie or sweet potato?”“What do you think? Sweet potato pie.”“What kind of stuffing?”“Cornbread.”“Just plain?”“Fuck no, my mom puts Jimmy Dean sausage in it.”“Damn!” Clover exclaimed. “Listen, if this silly bitch don't want to come to your mom's house for Christmas dinner can I come?”“You can both come as far as I'm concerned.”Roxanne laughed. “That's actually a pretty good plan. If your mom spends five minutes with Clover, she'll think I'm little miss sunshine.”“No, she'll think you're a dumb bitch who thinks Santa only has eight reindeer.”“Rudolph doesn't count.”“Damn, you back on that shit?” Sporty said, rolling his eyes.Clover slipped out of the booth. “Fuck you both,” she said, standing up.“Hey everybody,” she shouted, “I'm taking a Christmas survey. How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?”There was murmuring throughout the room. The big goth kid was counting on his fingers. One of the parking attendants was quietly singing Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer. His friend said, emphatically, “Eight.”The goth girl said “Nine, if you count Rudolph.”“Rudolph wasn't one of the originals,” he replied.“So where did he come from?”“Gene Autry.”“Dead white man,” she muttered.The man who had been singing said, “The Night Before Christmas guy gave them their names.”The skinny goth kid glared over the back of the booth at him. “But who said he was in charge of fucking reindeer?”“He wrote the goddamn poem!”“They didn't know about Rudolph then!”“Isn't it nice to see how the holidays bring people together,” Roxanne said to Sporty.“All right,” Clover said, clapping her hands together. “Let's put it to a vote. How many people say nine?”She raised her hand and the goth kids and the old lady joined her.“Who says eight?”Roxanne, Sporty, the parking guys and the old man raised their hands.Clover looked at Sporty. “Put your fucking hand down, man, your vote don't count.”“Why don't my vote count?”“Because you ain't hoping to get any pussy from me tonight.”“You got that right,” he smirked.Roxanne turned in her seat. “How many people say ten?”They all looked at her, perplexed. No one raised a hand.“That's your cue to sit down and shut the fuck up,” she said to Clover. Clover looked around with a frown, then sat without saying anything more.Sporty looked over his shoulder and said, “Who thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie?”Everyone raised their hand.“Goddamn right,” he muttered.Roxanne nudged him with her elbow. “I need to go to the bathroom,” she said. He stood up and let her go by.The parking lot guys were getting up to leave. They thanked her for the burgers as she went past their table and wished her a happy holiday. One gave her a big hug. At least he didn't try to cop a feel, she thought as she went into the women's bathroom.When she opened the door to come out a few minutes later, Sporty was standing in front of it.“You know how cute you look in that hat?” he asked.“Do you know how desperate you sound when you try to sweet talk me?”“Nah, I ain't desperate. It'd be alright if you don't want to go tomorrow. I get it. But don't go saying you weren't welcome to go, because you were asked.”“Okay, that's fair. It's just that it's a big step.”“You got to take steps if you want to get anywhere,” he said.She put her hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Looking past him, she did not see anyone watching them. She gripped the waist of his pants and walked backward, pulling him into the bathroom.Sporty pushed the door shut behind him, and let Roxanne tug him across the room until her hips bumped against the edge of the sink.Roxanne leaned back, looking up at him and biting her lip.He gazed down at her, his hands on her hips, and kissed her. She kissed him back, but then turned her head.“At some point,” she said, “we have to talk about where we are going.”“We do,” he replied, “but we ain't got to do it right now.”She draped her arms over his shoulders and they exchanged a long, hard, tongue swirling kiss. Sporty's hands moved to her breasts, squeezing and caressing them, while Roxanne dropped her hand down to rub his stiff cock through his jeans.“I think you've got something you want to give me for Christmas,” she whispered.“I don't know,” he said, “I don't think you've been a very good girl.”“Do you want me to be a good girl?”“Aw, hell no,” he said. He took a half step back, seized her waist and spun her around to face the sink. Her Santa hat fell off, landing in the basin.He ran one hand down between her legs and cradled her chin in the other.“Look at you,” he whispered in her ear. Her glasses had slipped down her nose. She pushed them back into their proper position and gazed at herself in the mirror.“Look and see what I see.”Roxanne looked at his eyes in the mirror as his hand rubbed and squeezed her pussy.“Don't look at me, look at you.”She stared at her own reflection, resisting the temptation to watch as he unfastened her jeans and pushed them down over her hips. But when his fingers slipped inside her, she leaned her head back and kissed the side of his neck.His fingers probed deep into her, his thumb played with her clitoris. She reached back and rubbed his crotch. She fumbled at his belt until he gently pushed her hand away and undid it himself.Roxanne felt his cock bump against her ass, then slip down between her thighs. He placed his hand between her shoulders and gently pushed her down until her elbows were on the sides of the sink. She picked up her Santa hat and put it back on her head.Sporty kneaded her ass, then spread her thighs, pressed the head of his cock into her pussy and began to fuck her with long, smooth strokes.Clover snickered when she saw Sporty disappear into the women's bathroom. Get your figgy pudding, girlfriend, she thought, don't go until you get some. She walked to the counter and got a refill on her Mountain Dew, then stopped and listened for a minute. The sound wasn't loud, but she could hear them in the bathroom. They were definitely fucking in there.As she walked back to the booth, she saw the goth girl looking toward the bathroom. She glanced up at Clover with a smirk. Clover winked at her and sat back down in the booth.A few minutes later, the skinny goth kid leaned close to the window and peered out. He wiped away the condensation with his sleeve and looked again.“Fucking cops,” he muttered.“What cops?” Clover asked.“Cop car just pulled up.”“Oh, shit,” Clover muttered. She looked toward the bathroom. She couldn't hear Roxanne and Sporty where she was sitting, but there was no doubt that when the cops walked in, they would. They had to walk right past the bathroom to get to the counter. One of them might even go into the mens' room. She thought about warning them somehow, but didn't think there was enough time. That was confirmed when she saw the cops approaching the door. She had to do something.Just as they reached the door, she began singing at the top of her lungs.You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why.The goth girl looked up at her and immediately realized what she was doing and joined in.Santa Claus is coming to town.The cops walked in. One was an older man. His eyes and shoulders both drooped. There's another guy doesn't want to be working on Christmas Eve, Clover thought. His partner was a young, thin black man. They walked right past the bathroom to the counter.He's making a list, He's checking it twice.The other goth kids joined in the singing.He's gonna a find out who's naughty and nice.The old couple began to sing along.Santa Claus is coming to town.The two cops stood by the counter, looking around the room. Julio approached the cash register. The older cop leaned in and spoke to him. Julio pointed to Clover and the cop looked over at her. He nodded, then spoke to Julio again.He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake He knows if you've been bad or good, So be good for goodness sakeJulio handed each of the cops a bag of burgers and a cup of coffee.Now get the fuck out of here, Clover thought, but instead of leaving they walked toward her. The older cop held out his hand.“Awfully nice thing for you to do, ma'am,” he said. The other customers kept singing.Clover shook his hand.The younger cop shook with her as well. They turned toward the door, tipping their hats to the older couple as they went by.The older cop walked out just as the customers were finishing the last chorus, but the younger cop turned and went to the counter. He held out his open bag toward Julio.“Could you toss a couple of ketchups in there?” he asked.Julio nodded and dropped a handful of packets in his bag.“Thank you, Merry Christmas.” he said, then waved to the customers. “Merry Christmas, everyone.”He took two steps toward the door and stopped and looked toward the bathroom. Clover could hear Roxanne moaning from where she was sitting.He looked around the room. “Does anyone know who is in there?” he asked.“Yes, officer,” Clover said, “That's my friend. I'm afraid she ate a few too many of these gut grenades. You know what they can do to your digestion.”“Yeah, we all been there once or twice, I suppose,” he said. He went to the door and started to open it, then stopped, obviously listening to the sounds emanating from the bathroom. He turned and looked Clover in the eyes. An amused expression crossed his face. He winked at her and walked out.Roxanne had already come twice when she heard the singing. She thought it was just in her head until Sporty paused between thrusts and muttered, “What the fuck is that?”“Jesus, don't fucking stop,” she groaned.“Oh, you need some more of this dick?”“Goddamn it, yes, Sporty, fuck me.”He gripped her hips and began slapping his loins against her ass harder. She braced her hands against the mirror and shoved back against each plunge of his cock.“You getting kind of loud,” he told her. She dropped her head and her Santa hat fell off. She grabbed it and bit down on the white felt ball to keep from crying out. But after a minute or two, she let go of it, unable to keep from moaning loudly each time he jammed his cock deep inside her.She looked up at him in the mirror. Their eyes met, and the look of passion on his face pushed her over the edge into another orgasm. Before it subsided, she felt him stiffen, jerk his cock a few more times and withdraw, as his hot cum ran down the inside of her thigh.“At least they stopped that fucking singing,” Sporty said as Roxanne cleaned herself up.He picked up her Santa hat from the floor, brushed it off and stuck it back on her head, then unlatched the door.“Hold on a minute, babe,” Roxanne said. She raised her face and kissed him. “I'd be happy to go to your mom's tomorrow.”“Damn,” he said with a wide grin, “All I had to do was fuck you real good?”“You always fuck me real good.”“Then I will always get my way, right?”“Don't push your luck,” she said, opening the door.As they came out of the bathroom, the goth kids were walking toward the exit.“Merry Christmas. And thanks,” the girl said.“Yeah, thanks,” skinny kid said as well.The big kid stopped, looked at Roxanne and held his fist out toward Sporty. “Yo,” he said, “You da dawg, bro.”Sporty bumped fists with him. “Fucking white kids,” he muttered, chuckling.They slipped back into the booth, where Clover was waiting for them with her arms crossed and a smug expression on her face.“What was that singing?” Sporty asked.“That was me saving the you two fuckpuppies from spending Christmas in the slammer.”“What are you talking about?” Roxanne asked.“A couple cops came in here while you were getting your stocking stuffed. We were singing so they wouldn't hear the noise you were making.”“We weren't making that much noise.”Sporty laughed. “Girl, you loud as hell.”The old couple came to their booth and thanked them for their burgers.“Merry Christmas,” the man said, shaking all their hands.“There is a special place in heaven for you ladies,” the woman said.As they walked away, Clover said, “You think there is a special place in heaven for us?”“If we died tonight, we might at least be able to make a case for it,” Roxanne said with a shrug.“And by next week, we are fucked again.”Julio came out of the kitchen with a damp rag and wiped the table where the parking guys had been sitting.“Hey, Julio didn't vote,” Clover said. She called to him. “Julio, how many reindeers does Santa Claus have?”Julio looked at her with a perplexed expression. “I don't know,” he said.“You know, like in the song. Dancer and Prancer and Donger and Blitzkin…”“Donger?” Roxanne asked.Julio shrugged. “I don't know that song.”“You don't know it? What the fuck country are you from?”He stared as her and said, “Colombia.”“Oh. Shit. Sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude.”“She doesn't have to try,” Roxanne said, “It's her default mode.”Julio shook his head and returned to the kitchen.“Give the brother a break,” Sporty said, “He's from South America. What the fuck he gonna know about reindeers? Ask him about llamas, he'll probably tell you everything you ever wanted to know.”“I can't think of anything I want to know about llamas,” Clover shot back. “But I do feel kind of bad for the guy. I mean, he'd have had a lot easier night if we hadn't come in here and bought burgers and shit for everybody.”“It's his job,” Roxanne said with a shrug.“Yeah, and we fucking threw a fit because we had to work on Christmas Eve.”“You threw a fit. I didn't.”“You didn't like it.”“No, but I acted like a fucking grown-up about it.”“Yeah, but you have to act like one because you don't look like one.”Sporty looked in the bag. “Anybody want this last burger?” he asked.Roxanne and Clover shook their heads.Sporty bit into the burger, swallowed and said, “You feel so bad for the guy, why don't you do something nice for him for Christmas?”“Like what?” Clover asked.“Like what the fuck you think?” Sporty asked.Clover looked at him for a minute, then tipped her head to look past him. Julio was wiping off the service counter.“He's not a bad looking guy,” Roxanne said.“Well then, why don't you go do it then?” Clover asked.“I wasn't a twat to him.”“Besides,” Sporty said with a grin, “she already got hers.”“I ain't gonna fuck him in the bathroom,” Clover said.Roxanne laughed. “The bathroom is clean, at least.”“You don't think I will do it, do you?”“Bitch, I stopped trying to figure out what you would or wouldn't do about the time you set my boyfriend's car on fire,” Roxanne said.Julio disappeared into the kitchen.“Fuck both of you,” Clover said. She got up and followed him.“Hey, Julio,” she called.He was standing at the dish sink and turned around at the sound of her voice.“Listen, dude,” she said, “I hope I didn't say anything that offended you or got you upset or what not. That's just me clowning around.”“It is fine. I understand.”“Well, I think we put a lot of extra work on you tonight, coming in here and disrupting and shouting and singing and all.”“No, it is fine, Missus.”“Well, it's Christmas and all that. I'd like to maybe give you a little something for your trouble…”Julio waved his hands. “No Missus, we are not allowed to except tips.”“Yeah, I wasn't talking about giving you money.”She looked around and saw an open door at the back of the kitchen. She walked to it and peered into a dark room.“What's in here?” she asked.“That's the manager's office.”Clover walked in and flipped the light switch. A large flat top desk against the far wall nearly filled the room. There was a faux leather swivel chair in front of it. Clover plopped down into it, spun around, and put her feet up on the desk.Julio stood in the doorway, looking nervous.“The manager does not like anyone sitting in his chair,” he said, “No one is allowed.”“But you're the assistant manager right?”“Si.”“So when he ain't here, you're the fucking manager and it's your chair.”“I do not think so…”“And I am your guest, so I can sit in your chair.”“Missus,” he said, “I know it's a foolish rule but I need this job.”“Do you think I'm gonna tell anybody about this?”Julio looked at her with a puzzled expression. “About what, Missus?”“First of all, stop calling me Missus. Then come over here and find out.”She sat up, put her feet on the floor and patted the top of the desk.Julio leaned back and looked around the kitchen as if he suspected someone might be lurking there.Clover patted the desktop again. “The boss told you not to sit in his chair, but he didn't say shit about sitting on his desk, did he?”“No. I suppose he did not.”She pushed the chair back until it banged into the wall. “So have a seat.”Julio bit his lip, seeming lost in thought, then sat on the edge of the desk.“Dude, lose that dumbass apron.”Julio reached behind his back and untied the apron. Before he could pull it over his head, Clover had his belt unbuckled. He watched with an expression of amazement as she deftly unsnapped his waistband, yanked down his zipper, and pulled his cock free.“Do all the men in Columbia have big dicks?” she asked as she wrapped her hand around it.“Si,” Julio said, “It is well known in Latin America, Missus.”“You call me Missus again and I might bite it off,” she said. She flicked her tongue at the head, then wrapped her lips around it and began to suck.Julio briefly lifted his hips from the desk and tugged his pants and shorts down to his thighs.Clover cupped his balls in her left hand, massaging them, while her right hand stroked his shaft. She took it in her mouth again, but almost immediately, she heard a chime ringing.She raised her head and asked Julio, “What the fuck is that?”Julio had a look of panic on his face. “Someone is at the drive-through,” he said, “I must go serve them.”He started to rise, but she put her hands on his hips and pushed him back down. “No, fuck that,” she said, “Stay right there.”She got up and rushed to the dining room. Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth, kissing.“Hey, you fucking lovebirds, I need help here,” she shouted.When they looked at her in surprise, she said, “There's somebody in the fucking drive-through. Either of you guys ever work at a fast food place?”“I worked at Burger King in high school.” Sporty said.“Well, pry Roxy's hand off your whopper and get the fuck in here and find out what they want.”She disappeared back into the kitchen. Roxanne and Sporty looked at each other and shrugged.“I'll give it a try,” Sporty said. He slipped out of the booth and headed toward the kitchen, Roxanne following close behind.“It's like somebody told Santa they wanted a shit show for Christmas,” she muttered.Sporty went to the drive-through window and looked around. “Fuck. I don't know how to use this touchscreen shit,” he said.“Can you at least talk to the guy?” Roxanne asked.“Yeah, that shit looks the same. Hold on.”He was distracted by the sounds coming from the manager's office. “What's she doing in there?” he asked.“Sounds like she's sucking his dick.”“Damn, she's loud, too. Sounds like somebody got a rag stuck in their wet-vac.”He pressed several buttons on the communications panel, but nothing happened. He fiddled with the volume knob, and clicked the headset on and off, all to no avail. Suddenly, he was startled by a blasting horn, and looked over to see a white pick up truck right outside the window The driver, a large, red faced, bearded man, was glaring at him.“Honey, I don't think that's Santa Claus,” Roxanne said.Sporty slid the window open.“I've been out here trying to order for ten fucking minutes,” the man shouted.“Yeah, sorry about that,” Sporty said. “We got some kind of computer problem.”The man looked past him at Roxanne.“Looks to me like the problem is you're having some kind of party in there.”“Naw, she's the manager. She come in to try to fix it.”“So why isn't she fixing it?”“Sir,” Roxanne said, “I'm sorry, but there is nothing we can do about it until the tech guys get here.”“I worked to midnight on Christmas Eve. All I wanted was some burgers for when I get home.”“I'll see what I can get for you, no charge.”She went to the grill. There were onions simmering in the corner and pre-cooked patties in a warming pan. She found a package of buns and put a half dozen on the grill to brown.The man tapped his fingers impatiently on the door of his car.“This is some bullshit,” he barked at Sporty, “You got something for me or not?”“Roxy is fixing it up right now.”“The manager's name is Roxy?”“Yeah, she was named for her grandmom.”Roxanne's glasses kept steaming up from the grill's heat. She did her best to assemble the burgers, but one got no onions, one had triple pickle and some were drenched with mustard and ketchup while others got no more than a drop or two.She boxed the burgers, stacked them in a bag, and handed it to Sporty.“About time,” the man grumbled. “What about a Coke? I need something to drink.”“Coming right up!” Roxanne said with a big smile. As she poured a Coke from the dispenser she thought, I hope those burgers give you the shits, asshole.Sporty handed him the drink and cheerily said, “Merry Christmas, sir.”The man growled. “Yeah, right. I guess the two of you can get back to whatever you were doing now.”“Thank you, sir,” Sporty said, “But we already finished that. Appreciate the thought though.”The man glared at them, muttered something underneath his breath, and drove off.“What did he say?” Roxanne asked.“I didn't catch in, but I think one of the words started with an F and one with an N.”“Feliz Navidad?”“Most likely not.”“Should we figure out how this works, in case someone else pulls up?”“How long Julio gonna take getting his nut?”Roxanne shrugged.“Hold up,” Sporty said, “I got a better idea.”He walked to the back door, opened it and, looking outside, flicked a couple of light switches on the walk.“There you go,” he said.“What did you do?”“Turned off the outside lights, so the place looks closed.”Clover took Julio's cock into her mouth until she felt his pubic hair tickling her nose, then swallowed. That will keep him from trying to go see what's happening in the kitchen, she thought.When she was out of breath, she rose up, releasing his cock with a loud popping sound. She circled the head with her tongue a few times, then dove down and swallowed again. It was late, she was tired, her jaw was starting to ache and her belly was rumbling in complaint over its load of greasy hamburger.She sucked in her cheeks as hard as she could, and Julio exhaled loudly and raised his hips from the desk. As she lifted her head, Julio spurted into her mouth. She swallowed most of it, then picked up his apron off the desk and wiped her face with it, surreptitiously spitting out the rest of his load.He leaned forward, his head hanging low, while he recovered his breath. Clover stood up, and loudly burped.“Sorry about that,” she said.Julio stood, pulling up his pants.“It is okay, Missus.”They walked into the kitchen. Julio immediately noticed that it was dark outside the drive through window.“You friends, I think they turned off the lights,” he said, “I will have to turn them on and to see what else they might have done.”“Okay, well, Merry Christmas, dude.”“And to you, Missus.” Clover turned away, but he added, “Missus?”She looked back.“Maybe you will come for hamburgers again.”Clover looked him over. “Yeah, I might.”Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth when Clover returned to the dining room. Roxanne was leaning against him, her head on his shoulder and her eyes shut.Clover sat down across from them. “You guys about ready to go?” she asked.Roxanne sat up straight and stretched. “Yeah we might as well,” she said.Sporty looked out the window. “That sleet shit turned into real snow,” he said. He nudged Roxanne. “Let me up, baby.”She stood and he slid out of the booth. “Give me your keys,” he said, “I'll get your car warmed up.”She fished her keys out of her purse and handed them to him as he put on his coat.Watching him walk out, Clover said, “When a man cleans the snow off your car for you, he's getting serious. Especially if he does it after you fuck him.”“I think asking me to come with him to his mom's house for Christmas shows that pretty good, too.”“So, stop being a fucking pussy about it. You think you're going to find another nice guy who is obviously crazy about you and doesn't give a shit what you do for a living?”Roxanne was silent for a minute. “It doesn't seem likely, does it?” she said at last.They kissed again and Sporty said, “You know, I had a lot of girlfriends before, but I never brought one home with me on Christmas.”She patted his cheek, kissed him and said, “I've had a lot of boyfriends before, but I never fucked one in the bathroom at White Castle on Christmas Eve.”She kissed him on the nose and dashed to her car, calling, “See you tomorrow, babe.”“It's about time,” Clover said, as Roxanne got into the drivers seat, “I'm freezing my tits off over here.”“That's because they're fake.”“Probably. They should've come with like a heater option.”“I wish I'd known it was a problem, I would have got you one for Christmas.”Clover reached across the console and squeezed Roxanne's hand.“Merry Christmas, Rhonda,” she said.Roxanne felt her eyes moisten. “Merry Christmas, Charlene.”The last display before the park exit, the grand finale, was a great arc of lights over the road. On the left, Santa rode in his sleigh, overflowing bags of gift boxes and teddy bears behind him. His reindeer stretched along the arc, their legs blinking in a dance across the night sky. At the right end of the display, Rudolph's nose glowed like a beacon.“Nine!” Clover shouted, “Bitch, count ‘em! nine fucking reindeers!”“Rudolph doesn't count.”“He counts in this town.”“Why? Because Parks and Rec says he does?”Clover sat back, her arms crossed over her chest in triumph. “Nine fucking reindeer,” she smirked.“Eight,” Roxanne muttered.“Nine.”“Eight…”By  MelissaBaby for Literotica

It’s our 700th episode of [edit] radio. That’s 700 handpicked playlists of new music with a side portion of natter that our team has pulled together. Thank you to everyone that’s been listening for more than 13 years. On this week’s show, Tom Crook and co. share their latest favourite new tracks and marvel at... The post Podcast 700 | Featuring Akusmi, The Chilterns & Donger appeared first on .

Welcome to the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Show... It Is getting to be a lot to keep up with - Ben and Kenny - The Golden Bachelor starts tonight but everyone is watching naked attraction - Topanga and Loki Gator were at the Phillies vs Pirates game - So many people are going to be Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce for Halloween - Steelers almost had a code brown on the plane.. Go Go Kenny Pickett - We power rank Mikey's Top 5 Screw Ups - Have anything fun for the show or just want to say hi.. Listen on iHeartRadio click the little mic and leave us a talkback message

The Dutch Hall celebrates May 2-4 Weekend with comedians, Joe Botelho and Bret Measor and Pete's co-host Kevin Van Dongen (the Donger).  To check out our sponsor's great products go to www.KleenFlo.com To support our show and become Dutch Hall Royalty go to Patreon.com/dutchhall  and to buy some new Dutch Hall Merch go to The Dutch Hall Merch Store If you are a fan of Pete and would like him to perform in your town, go to petevandykcomedian.com/ for bookings.

Kevin Van Dongen (the Donger) returns after a long hiatus, and we welcome back as our guest, Genevieve Dube Carpenter.  It was a full house and pretty fun, we get too dirty for Genevieve's mom! To check out our sponsor's great products go to www.KleenFlo.com To support our show and become Dutch Hall Royalty go to Patreon.com/dutchhall  and to buy some new Dutch Hall Merch go to The Dutch Hall Merch Store If you are a fan of Pete and would like him to perform in your town, go to petevandykcomedian.com/ for bookings.

Random chaos rules this week: bedframe mishaps, tasteful donger pictures, secret nugs, and thrift shopping for a dog. This chaos and more all on I'm Like, Really Funny, where siblings Jack and Sam recount their funniest, favoritest memories for each other. Music by Audionautix.com. Produced by Just A Head Media, visit www.justaheadmedia.com. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/imlikereallyfunny/support

The Regulars minus Donger get together one last time before Pete's hiatus to LA for a month. Pete becomes a little preoccupied with the fact that a lot of his less attractive comedy friends are getting more offers for sex than he does after a show. To check out our sponsor's great products go to www.KleenFlo.com To support our show and become Dutch Hall Royalty go to Patreon.com/dutchhall  and to buy some new Dutch Hall Merch go to The Dutch Hall Merch Store If you are a fan of Pete and would like him to perform in your town, go to petevandykcomedian.com/ for bookings.

In this episode we explain a classic Australian expression about being thirsty. For much of my time in hospital I was not allowed to drink and unable to talk, so how was it that we can still communicate with fundamental components of language missing? We discuss plosives and how they are made, and why they can pose some challenges. We explore why non-verbal communication is so important and how we might actually use this in our daily lives without realising. And of course, we speak about what the dingo is most famous for in Australia.

Where can two strippers get a bite to eat on Christmas Eve?By  MelissaBaby. (abridged) Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.“Fuck Christmas,” Clover shouted, “and fuck you, Tony. Fuck Santa Claus, fuck his elves and fuck all ten goddamn reindeers.”“Eight,” Roxanne said, filing her nails and looking at her over the top of her glasses.“Shut up, Roxy, I'm talking about reindeers, not how many cocks you sucked over the weekend.”“Clover, calm down,” Tony said, “It was worth taking a shot.”“Bullshit, I told you nobody goes to a strip club on Christmas Eve.”“She did tell you,” Roxanne said, “Even louder that she's telling you now.”“Look,” he said, shrugging, “I'm sorry, but it wasn't nobody…”“We've had five customers,” Clover said.“And the last one was two hours ago,” Roxanne chimed in, “It's almost ten thirty.”Clover jerked her thumb at Roxanne. “She might look like a doofus wearing that stupid Santa hat, but she's right.”Tony held up his hands, “Okay, it turned out to not be a great idea. You guys are always saying that more customers come in because they are lonely than because they are horny. I figured it would be a lonely night for a lot of guys…”“It might be a great night to be a hooker,” Clover said, “but not a dancer.”He looked at his watch, then over his shoulder at LeAnn, the bartender. “Tell you what,” he told her, “If nobody else comes in before eleven, go ahead and close up.”He started to walk away, but Roxanne called him back. “We paid our club fees, Tony, that isn't right.”He looked up toward the ceiling, as if he were looking for a script to read from. “You want to close and go home early, but you want your club fees refunded because I said we would close and you could go home early?”“No,” Clover said, “We want our club fees refunded because we paid you fifty dollars to dance on a night when you dragged us in here to dance, even though we told you nobody was coming the fuck in.”“Fine,” he said, throwing his hands in the air, “LeAnn, give them back their club fees.”The door opened, and they both groaned, but it was not a customer. Sporty, the Gold Dollar's bouncer, came in.“Speaking of guys you'll fuck,” Clover muttered.When he approached the bar, she said, “Hey Sporty, how come you go out with Roxy? I always heard black guys like girls with nice big asses.”“I always heard strippers were friendly,” he shot back.He sat down next to Roxanne.“Where have you been?” she asked him.“Yeah,” Clover said, “There could have been a brawl in here, between the rats and the cockroaches.”“I was sitting out in my car, listening to some jams.”Clover tipped out and gave LeAnn a big hug, then she and Roxanne walked out to their cars in a light cold rain.“You ain't waiting for Sporty?” Clover asked.“Nope, don't want to talk to him right now. Meet you at the diner.”They each got in their cars. A light coating of slush covered Roxanne's windshield, but the wipers easily pushed it to the side. She pulled out of the parking lot on to the slippery street and drove the mile and a half to their usual after work spot, the Finest Kind Diner, while Clover followed close behind.When she turned into the diner's parking lot she noticed immediately that the lights were turned off, except for a string of colored Christmas bulbs blinking around the front door.Clover thought for a minute. “We could go to Denny's.”“Are they open?”“How the fuck would I know? Call ‘em up.”“Oh, so I have to look up the number?”“I figured it has a man's name, so you would know it.”Roxanne sat back in her seat. “I don't want to drive all the way across town, just to go to Denny's. What else would be open?”“Just White Castle.”Roxanne thought for a minute. “Yeah, what the fuck, let's go to White Castle.”“We ought to just go in one car,” Clover suggested.“Fine. Yours or mine?”“Yours,” Clover said, “Mine is more full of trash than a westside trailer park.” She pulled her car into a parking space, shut it off and got out.“I hate this drizzly shit,” she said as she got into Roxanne's passenger seat.“Hey, don't you live in a westside trailer park?” Roxanne asked.“Yeah, that's why I know what I am talking about.”“Speaking of knowing what you're talking about,” Roxanne said, “Santa Claus has eight reindeer.”“Are you counting Rudolph?”“Nope. Rudolph doesn't count.”“Who decided that?”“Clement Moore.”“Who the fuck is he? Sounds like a baseball player.”“He wrote The Night Before Christmas.”“Twas the night before Christmas,” Clover recited in a sing song voice, “And all through the place, Roxanne was sitting on every guy's face.”“And up from the lawn there arose such a clatter,” Roxanne returned, “As Clover devoured the whole turkey platter.”Clover nodded her head. “That was pretty good,” she admitted.Roxanne was quiet for a moment, then asked, “You wonder though, who the fuck would name a reindeer Blitzen? What is he, a Nazi reindeer?”“I bet Rudolph was originally Adolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and they changed it during the war or something. Hey, what's going on with you and Sporty?”“He wants me to go to his mom's house for Christmas dinner.”“And you don't want to go?”“Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend from the strip club?”“Oh yeah, I get it. But still, you guys been going out for a while now. You are going to meet them sooner or later.”“It doesn't have to be on Christmas with all the relatives there.”“So what are you going to do?”“I don't know.”There were three cars parked outside the White Castle when they arrived. The restaurant's windows were so wet with condensation that they could not see through them. But when they dashed inside, they were nearly blinded by the garish light.“This is like sensory overload,” Roxanne said, as Jingle Bell Rock squalled from a tinny sound system.They walked over to the counter. There was no one behind it. Roxanne leaned forward, craning her neck to look back into the kitchen. She saw a young man in a white uniform and a hairnet dumping french fries out of a fryer basket.“Excuse us,” she called.He looked over his shoulder. “Be with you in a minute, ma'am,” he said.Clover cackled and nudged Roxanne with her elbow. “Ma'am. He thinks you're an old fucking lady.”“Yeah, and he thinks I'm taking my mom out for Christmas Eve.”The man came to the counter. His name badge identified him as Julio, assistant manager. “What can I get you ladies?” he asked.“I'd like four hamburgers, an order of medium fries and a large coffee, regular,” Roxanne said.“Give me six whiteys and a large Mountain Dew,” Clover added.“Would you like fries with that?”“Fuck no, I'm gonna eat most of hers.”Julio rang up their orders and Roxanne paid for both. Clover looked around the room.There were three occupied booths. In one a pair of middle aged men, wearing the uniforms of parking attendants, sat sipping coffee. At another, an older woman in a ragged green coat had only a cup of water and a single empty burger box on the table in front of her. A couple of booths down, three young, black clad goths were sitting together. They looked to be in their early twenties; two boys, one very large, the other thin and jittery, and a purple haired girl sitting across from them, loudly chewing gum. They all looked like they were coming down off a much better time than they were having now.“It's kind of a sad looking bunch of people in here,” Clover said.“Yeah,” Roxanne said, “It's Christmas Eve and they've got no place to go.”“That sounds familiar. I mean, what the fuck is the difference between them and us?”“We've got money in our pockets.”“Yeah, money we took from other lonely people,” Clover said. She looked lost in thought for a moment, then asked Roxanne, “How much money you think you've got in your pocket?”“I don't know, a hundred, maybe a hundred and twenty dollars.”Clover looked around the room, her lips tight and her brow knotted.“I'll bet I know what you're thinking,” Roxanne said.“It's fucking Christmas,” Clover said, shrugging.Roxanne called Julio back to the counter.“How much are those sacks of thirty sliders?” she asked him.“Thirty two dollars and fifty two cents.”She looked over her shoulder at the woman with her single burger. “Give me two sacks,” she said, fishing her cash out of her pocket.“You still want the other order?”“Yeah,” Clover said, “And I want you to give anybody whatever they want to drink. Keep a tab and I'll pay for them later.”Julio hesitated a moment, then said, “Okay, it will take a little bit of time. Your other order will be up in a minute.”When their food was ready, they went to the empty table between the old lady and the goths.As they walked past the parking attendants, Clover asked them, “How you guys doing? You had to work tonight?”“Fuckin' Nutcracker,” one of them grumbled.“So are you going to see your son tomorrow?” Roxanne asked Clover when they had taken their seats.Clover nodded. “Not till the afternoon. But I get to have him the next day, too.”“Have you got plans?”“I was thinking we'd go to Hong Kong Garden for dinner.”“And the next day?”“Are you kidding? The day after Christmas? We're going fucking shopping.”Roxanne laughed. “Yeah I'm sure that'll thrill a ten year old boy, going shopping with his mom.”They had each finished two burgers when Julio called to them that their order was ready.Clover walked over to the counter, picked up a bag of hamburgers in each hand and turned to face the dining area.“Ladies and gentlemen,” she hollered, “My friend Poindexter and I would like to treat everyone to Whiteys for Christmas.” She went from table to table, holding out the bags, so that each person could take some burgers.“And if anyone wants something to drink,” she said, “It's on us. Just step up and tell Julio what you want.”After going to each table, she had half a bag left. She put it on the table in front of Roxanne and sat down.Roxanne twisted in her seat and watched as several of the patrons went to the counter and ordered drinks. She noticed that the old woman in the next booth had neither gotten up nor taken any burgers. She took one from the bag, leaned over the back of the booth and asked, “Would you like another burger, ma'am?”“Are you sure it's okay?”“Of course it is,” Roxanne said, “Merry Christmas.”“Merry Christmas, dear,” the woman replied, taking the burger.Roxanne's phone buzzed.“I bet I know who that is,” Clover muttered.Roxanne looked at the screen. “Yeah, it's Sporty.” She sat back in the booth and answered, simply saying, “Hey.”“Listen baby,” he said, “I wish you hadn't split like that. I don't want you mad at me, whether you go tomorrow or not.”“I never said I was mad at you, Sporty. I'm just tired of all the back-and-forth on this shit.”“I don't think having Christmas with my family is shit.”“Now you're just looking to be offended. They know where you work, right?”“Yeah.”“So, you're going to tell them your bringing a girl from work to Christmas dinner, so I can sit there, eating turkey with everybody looking at me like I'm a whore.”“Ain't nobody gonna call you a whore.”“My own mom calls me a whore.”“Well, my mom ain't your mom.”“I don't know, Sporty. I'm just not sure I'm ready for this.”“We've been going out almost a year.”“Off and on.”“Whatever. Where are you at anyway? I come over to Finest Kind because I thought you guys would be here.”“They're closed.”“Well, no shit, I just told you I was over here.”“We're at the White Castle on Union Street.”“So, would it be cool if I come by?”“Yeah, sure. I'll see you in a bit.”Roxanne disconnected, shaking her head. “This fucking guy,” she muttered, “I'm telling you, he won't give up…”“And that's a bad thing? Let me ask you something,” Clover said, “and don't get pissed.”“Okay.”“Are you nervous about meeting his family because you think they won't like you being a stripper or because you don't think they'll like you being white?”Roxanne was silent for a minute. “Maybe both,” she said.“Either way, I think that's his problem, not yours. I mean it's his family.”“Yeah, but I'm afraid that if they give him a lot of shit about it, he isn't going to pick me over them.”“Well then, fuck him. He ain't worth it if he does that.”Roxanne shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”An old man with flyaway white hair came into the restaurant. He appeared to be wearing just a light sweatsuit under his ratty coat. He sat down next to the old woman. She spoke quietly to him for a minute, then he loudly cleared his throat.“Excuse me, ladies,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Flo says you are buying burgers for everyone. Is that so?”“Sure is,” Clover said. Roxanne took two more burgers from the bag and handed them to him.“Go get yourself a coffee or something,” Clover said, “Whatever you want, it's on us.”The man thanked them, stood and fetched coffee for himself and Flo.Sporty came in a few minutes later, took off his wet coat and hung it on the end of the booth. He slid in next to Roxanne. Looking at the bags on the table, he asked, “Why did y'all buy so many burgers?”“Because we're generous bitches and we share with everybody,” Clover said.“Well, shit then.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a couple of burgers. After a few bites he said, “I need to get a drink.”“Just go to the counter,” Roxanne told him, “We're running a tab.”Sporty stuffed the rest of the burger in his mouth, then went to the counter. He came back a minute later with a large orange soda.“You been thinking about tomorrow?” he asked Roxanne.“Yeah, I've been thinking about it…”“Hey Sporty,” Clover said, interrupting her, “Let me ask you something.”“Yeah, what?” He reached for another burger.“Why do so many black families have macaroni and cheese for Christmas dinner?”“Because it's good as hell. We still have all the regular shit, turkey and mashed potatoes and cranberries and all that.”“Pumpkin pie or sweet potato?”“What do you think? Sweet potato pie.”“What kind of stuffing?”“Cornbread.”“Just plain?”“Fuck no, my mom puts Jimmy Dean sausage in it.”“Damn!” Clover exclaimed. “Listen, if this silly bitch don't want to come to your mom's house for Christmas dinner can I come?”“You can both come as far as I'm concerned.”Roxanne laughed. “That's actually a pretty good plan. If your mom spends five minutes with Clover, she'll think I'm little miss sunshine.”“No, she'll think you're a dumb bitch who thinks Santa only has eight reindeer.”“Rudolph doesn't count.”“Damn, you back on that shit?” Sporty said, rolling his eyes.Clover slipped out of the booth. “Fuck you both,” she said, standing up.“Hey everybody,” she shouted, “I'm taking a Christmas survey. How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?”There was murmuring throughout the room. The big goth kid was counting on his fingers. One of the parking attendants was quietly singing Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer. His friend said, emphatically, “Eight.”The goth girl said “Nine, if you count Rudolph.”“Rudolph wasn't one of the originals,” he replied.“So where did he come from?”“Gene Autry.”“Dead white man,” she muttered.The man who had been singing said, “The Night Before Christmas guy gave them their names.”The skinny goth kid glared over the back of the booth at him. “But who said he was in charge of fucking reindeer?”“He wrote the goddamn poem!”“They didn't know about Rudolph then!”“Isn't it nice to see how the holidays bring people together,” Roxanne said to Sporty.“All right,” Clover said, clapping her hands together. “Let's put it to a vote. How many people say nine?”She raised her hand and the goth kids and the old lady joined her.“Who says eight?”Roxanne, Sporty, the parking guys and the old man raised their hands.Clover looked at Sporty. “Put your fucking hand down, man, your vote don't count.”“Why don't my vote count?”“Because you ain't hoping to get any pussy from me tonight.”“You got that right,” he smirked.Roxanne turned in her seat. “How many people say ten?”They all looked at her, perplexed. No one raised a hand.“That's your cue to sit down and shut the fuck up,” she said to Clover. Clover looked around with a frown, then sat without saying anything more.Sporty looked over his shoulder and said, “Who thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie?”Everyone raised their hand.“Goddamn right,” he muttered.Roxanne nudged him with her elbow. “I need to go to the bathroom,” she said. He stood up and let her go by.The parking lot guys were getting up to leave. They thanked her for the burgers as she went past their table and wished her a happy holiday. One gave her a big hug. At least he didn't try to cop a feel, she thought as she went into the women's bathroom.When she opened the door to come out a few minutes later, Sporty was standing in front of it.“You know how cute you look in that hat?” he asked.“Do you know how desperate you sound when you try to sweet talk me?”“Nah, I ain't desperate. It'd be alright if you don't want to go tomorrow. I get it. But don't go saying you weren't welcome to go, because you were asked.”“Okay, that's fair. It's just that it's a big step.”“You got to take steps if you want to get anywhere,” he said.She put her hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Looking past him, she did not see anyone watching them. She gripped the waist of his pants and walked backward, pulling him into the bathroom.Sporty pushed the door shut behind him, and let Roxanne tug him across the room until her hips bumped against the edge of the sink.Roxanne leaned back, looking up at him and biting her lip.He gazed down at her, his hands on her hips, and kissed her. She kissed him back, but then turned her head.“At some point,” she said, “we have to talk about where we are going.”“We do,” he replied, “but we ain't got to do it right now.”She draped her arms over his shoulders and they exchanged a long, hard, tongue swirling kiss. Sporty's hands moved to her breasts, squeezing and caressing them, while Roxanne dropped her hand down to rub his stiff cock through his jeans.“I think you've got something you want to give me for Christmas,” she whispered.“I don't know,” he said, “I don't think you've been a very good girl.”“Do you want me to be a good girl?”“Aw, hell no,” he said. He took a half step back, seized her waist and spun her around to face the sink. Her Santa hat fell off, landing in the basin.He ran one hand down between her legs and cradled her chin in the other.“Look at you,” he whispered in her ear. Her glasses had slipped down her nose. She pushed them back into their proper position and gazed at herself in the mirror.“Look and see what I see.”Roxanne looked at his eyes in the mirror as his hand rubbed and squeezed her pussy.“Don't look at me, look at you.”She stared at her own reflection, resisting the temptation to watch as he unfastened her jeans and pushed them down over her hips. But when his fingers slipped inside her, she leaned her head back and kissed the side of his neck.His fingers probed deep into her, his thumb played with her clitoris. She reached back and rubbed his crotch. She fumbled at his belt until he gently pushed her hand away and undid it himself.Roxanne felt his cock bump against her ass, then slip down between her thighs. He placed his hand between her shoulders and gently pushed her down until her elbows were on the sides of the sink. She picked up her Santa hat and put it back on her head.Sporty kneaded her ass, then spread her thighs, pressed the head of his cock into her pussy and began to fuck her with long, smooth strokes.Clover snickered when she saw Sporty disappear into the women's bathroom. Get your figgy pudding, girlfriend, she thought, don't go until you get some. She walked to the counter and got a refill on her Mountain Dew, then stopped and listened for a minute. The sound wasn't loud, but she could hear them in the bathroom. They were definitely fucking in there.As she walked back to the booth, she saw the goth girl looking toward the bathroom. She glanced up at Clover with a smirk. Clover winked at her and sat back down in the booth.A few minutes later, the skinny goth kid leaned close to the window and peered out. He wiped away the condensation with his sleeve and looked again.“Fucking cops,” he muttered.“What cops?” Clover asked.“Cop car just pulled up.”“Oh, shit,” Clover muttered. She looked toward the bathroom. She couldn't hear Roxanne and Sporty where she was sitting, but there was no doubt that when the cops walked in, they would. They had to walk right past the bathroom to get to the counter. One of them might even go into the mens' room. She thought about warning them somehow, but didn't think there was enough time. That was confirmed when she saw the cops approaching the door. She had to do something.Just as they reached the door, she began singing at the top of her lungs.You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why.The goth girl looked up at her and immediately realized what she was doing and joined in.Santa Claus is coming to town.The cops walked in. One was an older man. His eyes and shoulders both drooped. There's another guy doesn't want to be working on Christmas Eve, Clover thought. His partner was a young, thin black man. They walked right past the bathroom to the counter.He's making a list, He's checking it twice.The other goth kids joined in the singing.He's gonna a find out who's naughty and nice.The old couple began to sing along.Santa Claus is coming to town.The two cops stood by the counter, looking around the room. Julio approached the cash register. The older cop leaned in and spoke to him. Julio pointed to Clover and the cop looked over at her. He nodded, then spoke to Julio again.He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake He knows if you've been bad or good, So be good for goodness sakeJulio handed each of the cops a bag of burgers and a cup of coffee.Now get the fuck out of here, Clover thought, but instead of leaving they walked toward her. The older cop held out his hand.“Awfully nice thing for you to do, ma'am,” he said. The other customers kept singing.Clover shook his hand.The younger cop shook with her as well. They turned toward the door, tipping their hats to the older couple as they went by.The older cop walked out just as the customers were finishing the last chorus, but the younger cop turned and went to the counter. He held out his open bag toward Julio.“Could you toss a couple of ketchups in there?” he asked.Julio nodded and dropped a handful of packets in his bag.“Thank you, Merry Christmas.” he said, then waved to the customers. “Merry Christmas, everyone.”He took two steps toward the door and stopped and looked toward the bathroom. Clover could hear Roxanne moaning from where she was sitting.He looked around the room. “Does anyone know who is in there?” he asked.“Yes, officer,” Clover said, “That's my friend. I'm afraid she ate a few too many of these gut grenades. You know what they can do to your digestion.”“Yeah, we all been there once or twice, I suppose,” he said. He went to the door and started to open it, then stopped, obviously listening to the sounds emanating from the bathroom. He turned and looked Clover in the eyes. An amused expression crossed his face. He winked at her and walked out.Roxanne had already come twice when she heard the singing. She thought it was just in her head until Sporty paused between thrusts and muttered, “What the fuck is that?”“Jesus, don't fucking stop,” she groaned.“Oh, you need some more of this dick?”“Goddamn it, yes, Sporty, fuck me.”He gripped her hips and began slapping his loins against her ass harder. She braced her hands against the mirror and shoved back against each plunge of his cock.“You getting kind of loud,” he told her. She dropped her head and her Santa hat fell off. She grabbed it and bit down on the white felt ball to keep from crying out. But after a minute or two, she let go of it, unable to keep from moaning loudly each time he jammed his cock deep inside her.She looked up at him in the mirror. Their eyes met, and the look of passion on his face pushed her over the edge into another orgasm. Before it subsided, she felt him stiffen, jerk his cock a few more times and withdraw, as his hot cum ran down the inside of her thigh.“At least they stopped that fucking singing,” Sporty said as Roxanne cleaned herself up.He picked up her Santa hat from the floor, brushed it off and stuck it back on her head, then unlatched the door.“Hold on a minute, babe,” Roxanne said. She raised her face and kissed him. “I'd be happy to go to your mom's tomorrow.”“Damn,” he said with a wide grin, “All I had to do was fuck you real good?”“You always fuck me real good.”“Then I will always get my way, right?”“Don't push your luck,” she said, opening the door.As they came out of the bathroom, the goth kids were walking toward the exit.“Merry Christmas. And thanks,” the girl said.“Yeah, thanks,” skinny kid said as well.The big kid stopped, looked at Roxanne and held his fist out toward Sporty. “Yo,” he said, “You da dawg, bro.”Sporty bumped fists with him. “Fucking white kids,” he muttered, chuckling.They slipped back into the booth, where Clover was waiting for them with her arms crossed and a smug expression on her face.“What was that singing?” Sporty asked.“That was me saving the you two fuckpuppies from spending Christmas in the slammer.”“What are you talking about?” Roxanne asked.“A couple cops came in here while you were getting your stocking stuffed. We were singing so they wouldn't hear the noise you were making.”“We weren't making that much noise.”Sporty laughed. “Girl, you loud as hell.”The old couple came to their booth and thanked them for their burgers.“Merry Christmas,” the man said, shaking all their hands.“There is a special place in heaven for you ladies,” the woman said.As they walked away, Clover said, “You think there is a special place in heaven for us?”“If we died tonight, we might at least be able to make a case for it,” Roxanne said with a shrug.“And by next week, we are fucked again.”Julio came out of the kitchen with a damp rag and wiped the table where the parking guys had been sitting.“Hey, Julio didn't vote,” Clover said. She called to him. “Julio, how many reindeers does Santa Claus have?”Julio looked at her with a perplexed expression. “I don't know,” he said.“You know, like in the song. Dancer and Prancer and Donger and Blitzkin…”“Donger?” Roxanne asked.Julio shrugged. “I don't know that song.”“You don't know it? What the fuck country are you from?”He stared as her and said, “Colombia.”“Oh. Shit. Sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude.”“She doesn't have to try,” Roxanne said, “It's her default mode.”Julio shook his head and returned to the kitchen.“Give the brother a break,” Sporty said, “He's from South America. What the fuck he gonna know about reindeers? Ask him about llamas, he'll probably tell you everything you ever wanted to know.”“I can't think of anything I want to know about llamas,” Clover shot back. “But I do feel kind of bad for the guy. I mean, he'd have had a lot easier night if we hadn't come in here and bought burgers and shit for everybody.”“It's his job,” Roxanne said with a shrug.“Yeah, and we fucking threw a fit because we had to work on Christmas Eve.”“You threw a fit. I didn't.”“You didn't like it.”“No, but I acted like a fucking grown-up about it.”“Yeah, but you have to act like one because you don't look like one.”Sporty looked in the bag. “Anybody want this last burger?” he asked.Roxanne and Clover shook their heads.Sporty bit into the burger, swallowed and said, “You feel so bad for the guy, why don't you do something nice for him for Christmas?”“Like what?” Clover asked.“Like what the fuck you think?” Sporty asked.Clover looked at him for a minute, then tipped her head to look past him. Julio was wiping off the service counter.“He's not a bad looking guy,” Roxanne said.“Well then, why don't you go do it then?” Clover asked.“I wasn't a twat to him.”“Besides,” Sporty said with a grin, “she already got hers.”“I ain't gonna fuck him in the bathroom,” Clover said.Roxanne laughed. “The bathroom is clean, at least.”“You don't think I will do it, do you?”“Bitch, I stopped trying to figure out what you would or wouldn't do about the time you set my boyfriend's car on fire,” Roxanne said.Julio disappeared into the kitchen.“Fuck both of you,” Clover said. She got up and followed him.“Hey, Julio,” she called.He was standing at the dish sink and turned around at the sound of her voice.“Listen, dude,” she said, “I hope I didn't say anything that offended you or got you upset or what not. That's just me clowning around.”“It is fine. I understand.”“Well, I think we put a lot of extra work on you tonight, coming in here and disrupting and shouting and singing and all.”“No, it is fine, Missus.”“Well, it's Christmas and all that. I'd like to maybe give you a little something for your trouble…”Julio waved his hands. “No Missus, we are not allowed to except tips.”“Yeah, I wasn't talking about giving you money.”She looked around and saw an open door at the back of the kitchen. She walked to it and peered into a dark room.“What's in here?” she asked.“That's the manager's office.”Clover walked in and flipped the light switch. A large flat top desk against the far wall nearly filled the room. There was a faux leather swivel chair in front of it. Clover plopped down into it, spun around, and put her feet up on the desk.Julio stood in the doorway, looking nervous.“The manager does not like anyone sitting in his chair,” he said, “No one is allowed.”“But you're the assistant manager right?”“Si.”“So when he ain't here, you're the fucking manager and it's your chair.”“I do not think so…”“And I am your guest, so I can sit in your chair.”“Missus,” he said, “I know it's a foolish rule but I need this job.”“Do you think I'm gonna tell anybody about this?”Julio looked at her with a puzzled expression. “About what, Missus?”“First of all, stop calling me Missus. Then come over here and find out.”She sat up, put her feet on the floor and patted the top of the desk.Julio leaned back and looked around the kitchen as if he suspected someone might be lurking there.Clover patted the desktop again. “The boss told you not to sit in his chair, but he didn't say shit about sitting on his desk, did he?”“No. I suppose he did not.”She pushed the chair back until it banged into the wall. “So have a seat.”Julio bit his lip, seeming lost in thought, then sat on the edge of the desk.“Dude, lose that dumbass apron.”Julio reached behind his back and untied the apron. Before he could pull it over his head, Clover had his belt unbuckled. He watched with an expression of amazement as she deftly unsnapped his waistband, yanked down his zipper, and pulled his cock free.“Do all the men in Columbia have big dicks?” she asked as she wrapped her hand around it.“Si,” Julio said, “It is well known in Latin America, Missus.”“You call me Missus again and I might bite it off,” she said. She flicked her tongue at the head, then wrapped her lips around it and began to suck.Julio briefly lifted his hips from the desk and tugged his pants and shorts down to his thighs.Clover cupped his balls in her left hand, massaging them, while her right hand stroked his shaft. She took it in her mouth again, but almost immediately, she heard a chime ringing.She raised her head and asked Julio, “What the fuck is that?”Julio had a look of panic on his face. “Someone is at the drive-through,” he said, “I must go serve them.”He started to rise, but she put her hands on his hips and pushed him back down. “No, fuck that,” she said, “Stay right there.”She got up and rushed to the dining room. Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth, kissing.“Hey, you fucking lovebirds, I need help here,” she shouted.When they looked at her in surprise, she said, “There's somebody in the fucking drive-through. Either of you guys ever work at a fast food place?”“I worked at Burger King in high school.” Sporty said.“Well, pry Roxy's hand off your whopper and get the fuck in here and find out what they want.”She disappeared back into the kitchen. Roxanne and Sporty looked at each other and shrugged.“I'll give it a try,” Sporty said. He slipped out of the booth and headed toward the kitchen, Roxanne following close behind.“It's like somebody told Santa they wanted a shit show for Christmas,” she muttered.Sporty went to the drive-through window and looked around. “Fuck. I don't know how to use this touchscreen shit,” he said.“Can you at least talk to the guy?” Roxanne asked.“Yeah, that shit looks the same. Hold on.”He was distracted by the sounds coming from the manager's office. “What's she doing in there?” he asked.“Sounds like she's sucking his dick.”“Damn, she's loud, too. Sounds like somebody got a rag stuck in their wet-vac.”He pressed several buttons on the communications panel, but nothing happened. He fiddled with the volume knob, and clicked the headset on and off, all to no avail. Suddenly, he was startled by a blasting horn, and looked over to see a white pick up truck right outside the window The driver, a large, red faced, bearded man, was glaring at him.“Honey, I don't think that's Santa Claus,” Roxanne said.Sporty slid the window open.“I've been out here trying to order for ten fucking minutes,” the man shouted.“Yeah, sorry about that,” Sporty said. “We got some kind of computer problem.”The man looked past him at Roxanne.“Looks to me like the problem is you're having some kind of party in there.”“Naw, she's the manager. She come in to try to fix it.”“So why isn't she fixing it?”“Sir,” Roxanne said, “I'm sorry, but there is nothing we can do about it until the tech guys get here.”“I worked to midnight on Christmas Eve. All I wanted was some burgers for when I get home.”“I'll see what I can get for you, no charge.”She went to the grill. There were onions simmering in the corner and pre-cooked patties in a warming pan. She found a package of buns and put a half dozen on the grill to brown.The man tapped his fingers impatiently on the door of his car.“This is some bullshit,” he barked at Sporty, “You got something for me or not?”“Roxy is fixing it up right now.”“The manager's name is Roxy?”“Yeah, she was named for her grandmom.”Roxanne's glasses kept steaming up from the grill's heat. She did her best to assemble the burgers, but one got no onions, one had triple pickle and some were drenched with mustard and ketchup while others got no more than a drop or two.She boxed the burgers, stacked them in a bag, and handed it to Sporty.“About time,” the man grumbled. “What about a Coke? I need something to drink.”“Coming right up!” Roxanne said with a big smile. As she poured a Coke from the dispenser she thought, I hope those burgers give you the shits, asshole.Sporty handed him the drink and cheerily said, “Merry Christmas, sir.”The man growled. “Yeah, right. I guess the two of you can get back to whatever you were doing now.”“Thank you, sir,” Sporty said, “But we already finished that. Appreciate the thought though.”The man glared at them, muttered something underneath his breath, and drove off.“What did he say?” Roxanne asked.“I didn't catch in, but I think one of the words started with an F and one with an N.”“Feliz Navidad?”“Most likely not.”“Should we figure out how this works, in case someone else pulls up?”“How long Julio gonna take getting his nut?”Roxanne shrugged.“Hold up,” Sporty said, “I got a better idea.”He walked to the back door, opened it and, looking outside, flicked a couple of light switches on the walk.“There you go,” he said.“What did you do?”“Turned off the outside lights, so the place looks closed.”Clover took Julio's cock into her mouth until she felt his pubic hair tickling her nose, then swallowed. That will keep him from trying to go see what's happening in the kitchen, she thought.When she was out of breath, she rose up, releasing his cock with a loud popping sound. She circled the head with her tongue a few times, then dove down and swallowed again. It was late, she was tired, her jaw was starting to ache and her belly was rumbling in complaint over its load of greasy hamburger.She sucked in her cheeks as hard as she could, and Julio exhaled loudly and raised his hips from the desk. As she lifted her head, Julio spurted into her mouth. She swallowed most of it, then picked up his apron off the desk and wiped her face with it, surreptitiously spitting out the rest of his load.He leaned forward, his head hanging low, while he recovered his breath. Clover stood up, and loudly burped.“Sorry about that,” she said.Julio stood, pulling up his pants.“It is okay, Missus.”They walked into the kitchen. Julio immediately noticed that it was dark outside the drive through window.“You friends, I think they turned off the lights,” he said, “I will have to turn them on and to see what else they might have done.”“Okay, well, Merry Christmas, dude.”“And to you, Missus.” Clover turned away, but he added, “Missus?”She looked back.“Maybe you will come for hamburgers again.”Clover looked him over. “Yeah, I might.”Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth when Clover returned to the dining room. Roxanne was leaning against him, her head on his shoulder and her eyes shut.Clover sat down across from them. “You guys about ready to go?” she asked.Roxanne sat up straight and stretched. “Yeah we might as well,” she said.Sporty looked out the window. “That sleet shit turned into real snow,” he said. He nudged Roxanne. “Let me up, baby.”She stood and he slid out of the booth. “Give me your keys,” he said, “I'll get your car warmed up.”She fished her keys out of her purse and handed them to him as he put on his coat.Watching him walk out, Clover said, “When a man cleans the snow off your car for you, he's getting serious. Especially if he does it after you fuck him.”“I think asking me to come with him to his mom's house for Christmas shows that pretty good, too.”“So, stop being a fucking pussy about it. You think you're going to find another nice guy who is obviously crazy about you and doesn't give a shit what you do for a living?”Roxanne was silent for a minute. “It doesn't seem likely, does it?” she said at last.They kissed again and Sporty said, “You know, I had a lot of girlfriends before, but I never brought one home with me on Christmas.”She patted his cheek, kissed him and said, “I've had a lot of boyfriends before, but I never fucked one in the bathroom at White Castle on Christmas Eve.”She kissed him on the nose and dashed to her car, calling, “See you tomorrow, babe.”“It's about time,” Clover said, as Roxanne got into the drivers seat, “I'm freezing my tits off over here.”“That's because they're fake.”“Probably. They should've come with like a heater option.”“I wish I'd known it was a problem, I would have got you one for Christmas.”Clover reached across the console and squeezed Roxanne's hand.“Merry Christmas, Rhonda,” she said.Roxanne felt her eyes moisten. “Merry Christmas, Charlene.”The last display before the park exit, the grand finale, was a great arc of lights over the road. On the left, Santa rode in his sleigh, overflowing bags of gift boxes and teddy bears behind him. His reindeer stretched along the arc, their legs blinking in a dance across the night sky. At the right end of the display, Rudolph's nose glowed like a beacon.“Nine!” Clover shouted, “Bitch, count ‘em! nine fucking reindeers!”“Rudolph doesn't count.”“He counts in this town.”“Why? Because Parks and Rec says he does?”Clover sat back, her arms crossed over her chest in triumph. “Nine fucking reindeer,” she smirked.“Eight,” Roxanne muttered.“Nine.”“Eight…”By  MelissaBaby for Literotica

Where can two strippers get a bite to eat on Christmas Eve?By  MelissaBaby. (abridged) Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.“Fuck Christmas,” Clover shouted, “and fuck you, Tony. Fuck Santa Claus, fuck his elves and fuck all ten goddamn reindeers.”“Eight,” Roxanne said, filing her nails and looking at her over the top of her glasses.“Shut up, Roxy, I'm talking about reindeers, not how many cocks you sucked over the weekend.”“Clover, calm down,” Tony said, “It was worth taking a shot.”“Bullshit, I told you nobody goes to a strip club on Christmas Eve.”“She did tell you,” Roxanne said, “Even louder that she's telling you now.”“Look,” he said, shrugging, “I'm sorry, but it wasn't nobody…”“We've had five customers,” Clover said.“And the last one was two hours ago,” Roxanne chimed in, “It's almost ten thirty.”Clover jerked her thumb at Roxanne. “She might look like a doofus wearing that stupid Santa hat, but she's right.”Tony held up his hands, “Okay, it turned out to not be a great idea. You guys are always saying that more customers come in because they are lonely than because they are horny. I figured it would be a lonely night for a lot of guys…”“It might be a great night to be a hooker,” Clover said, “but not a dancer.”He looked at his watch, then over his shoulder at LeAnn, the bartender. “Tell you what,” he told her, “If nobody else comes in before eleven, go ahead and close up.”He started to walk away, but Roxanne called him back. “We paid our club fees, Tony, that isn't right.”He looked up toward the ceiling, as if he were looking for a script to read from. “You want to close and go home early, but you want your club fees refunded because I said we would close and you could go home early?”“No,” Clover said, “We want our club fees refunded because we paid you fifty dollars to dance on a night when you dragged us in here to dance, even though we told you nobody was coming the fuck in.”“Fine,” he said, throwing his hands in the air, “LeAnn, give them back their club fees.”The door opened, and they both groaned, but it was not a customer. Sporty, the Gold Dollar's bouncer, came in.“Speaking of guys you'll fuck,” Clover muttered.When he approached the bar, she said, “Hey Sporty, how come you go out with Roxy? I always heard black guys like girls with nice big asses.”“I always heard strippers were friendly,” he shot back.He sat down next to Roxanne.“Where have you been?” she asked him.“Yeah,” Clover said, “There could have been a brawl in here, between the rats and the cockroaches.”“I was sitting out in my car, listening to some jams.”Clover tipped out and gave LeAnn a big hug, then she and Roxanne walked out to their cars in a light cold rain.“You ain't waiting for Sporty?” Clover asked.“Nope, don't want to talk to him right now. Meet you at the diner.”They each got in their cars. A light coating of slush covered Roxanne's windshield, but the wipers easily pushed it to the side. She pulled out of the parking lot on to the slippery street and drove the mile and a half to their usual after work spot, the Finest Kind Diner, while Clover followed close behind.When she turned into the diner's parking lot she noticed immediately that the lights were turned off, except for a string of colored Christmas bulbs blinking around the front door.Clover thought for a minute. “We could go to Denny's.”“Are they open?”“How the fuck would I know? Call ‘em up.”“Oh, so I have to look up the number?”“I figured it has a man's name, so you would know it.”Roxanne sat back in her seat. “I don't want to drive all the way across town, just to go to Denny's. What else would be open?”“Just White Castle.”Roxanne thought for a minute. “Yeah, what the fuck, let's go to White Castle.”“We ought to just go in one car,” Clover suggested.“Fine. Yours or mine?”“Yours,” Clover said, “Mine is more full of trash than a westside trailer park.” She pulled her car into a parking space, shut it off and got out.“I hate this drizzly shit,” she said as she got into Roxanne's passenger seat.“Hey, don't you live in a westside trailer park?” Roxanne asked.“Yeah, that's why I know what I am talking about.”“Speaking of knowing what you're talking about,” Roxanne said, “Santa Claus has eight reindeer.”“Are you counting Rudolph?”“Nope. Rudolph doesn't count.”“Who decided that?”“Clement Moore.”“Who the fuck is he? Sounds like a baseball player.”“He wrote The Night Before Christmas.”“Twas the night before Christmas,” Clover recited in a sing song voice, “And all through the place, Roxanne was sitting on every guy's face.”“And up from the lawn there arose such a clatter,” Roxanne returned, “As Clover devoured the whole turkey platter.”Clover nodded her head. “That was pretty good,” she admitted.Roxanne was quiet for a moment, then asked, “You wonder though, who the fuck would name a reindeer Blitzen? What is he, a Nazi reindeer?”“I bet Rudolph was originally Adolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and they changed it during the war or something. Hey, what's going on with you and Sporty?”“He wants me to go to his mom's house for Christmas dinner.”“And you don't want to go?”“Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend from the strip club?”“Oh yeah, I get it. But still, you guys been going out for a while now. You are going to meet them sooner or later.”“It doesn't have to be on Christmas with all the relatives there.”“So what are you going to do?”“I don't know.”There were three cars parked outside the White Castle when they arrived. The restaurant's windows were so wet with condensation that they could not see through them. But when they dashed inside, they were nearly blinded by the garish light.“This is like sensory overload,” Roxanne said, as Jingle Bell Rock squalled from a tinny sound system.They walked over to the counter. There was no one behind it. Roxanne leaned forward, craning her neck to look back into the kitchen. She saw a young man in a white uniform and a hairnet dumping french fries out of a fryer basket.“Excuse us,” she called.He looked over his shoulder. “Be with you in a minute, ma'am,” he said.Clover cackled and nudged Roxanne with her elbow. “Ma'am. He thinks you're an old fucking lady.”“Yeah, and he thinks I'm taking my mom out for Christmas Eve.”The man came to the counter. His name badge identified him as Julio, assistant manager. “What can I get you ladies?” he asked.“I'd like four hamburgers, an order of medium fries and a large coffee, regular,” Roxanne said.“Give me six whiteys and a large Mountain Dew,” Clover added.“Would you like fries with that?”“Fuck no, I'm gonna eat most of hers.”Julio rang up their orders and Roxanne paid for both. Clover looked around the room.There were three occupied booths. In one a pair of middle aged men, wearing the uniforms of parking attendants, sat sipping coffee. At another, an older woman in a ragged green coat had only a cup of water and a single empty burger box on the table in front of her. A couple of booths down, three young, black clad goths were sitting together. They looked to be in their early twenties; two boys, one very large, the other thin and jittery, and a purple haired girl sitting across from them, loudly chewing gum. They all looked like they were coming down off a much better time than they were having now.“It's kind of a sad looking bunch of people in here,” Clover said.“Yeah,” Roxanne said, “It's Christmas Eve and they've got no place to go.”“That sounds familiar. I mean, what the fuck is the difference between them and us?”“We've got money in our pockets.”“Yeah, money we took from other lonely people,” Clover said. She looked lost in thought for a moment, then asked Roxanne, “How much money you think you've got in your pocket?”“I don't know, a hundred, maybe a hundred and twenty dollars.”Clover looked around the room, her lips tight and her brow knotted.“I'll bet I know what you're thinking,” Roxanne said.“It's fucking Christmas,” Clover said, shrugging.Roxanne called Julio back to the counter.“How much are those sacks of thirty sliders?” she asked him.“Thirty two dollars and fifty two cents.”She looked over her shoulder at the woman with her single burger. “Give me two sacks,” she said, fishing her cash out of her pocket.“You still want the other order?”“Yeah,” Clover said, “And I want you to give anybody whatever they want to drink. Keep a tab and I'll pay for them later.”Julio hesitated a moment, then said, “Okay, it will take a little bit of time. Your other order will be up in a minute.”When their food was ready, they went to the empty table between the old lady and the goths.As they walked past the parking attendants, Clover asked them, “How you guys doing? You had to work tonight?”“Fuckin' Nutcracker,” one of them grumbled.“So are you going to see your son tomorrow?” Roxanne asked Clover when they had taken their seats.Clover nodded. “Not till the afternoon. But I get to have him the next day, too.”“Have you got plans?”“I was thinking we'd go to Hong Kong Garden for dinner.”“And the next day?”“Are you kidding? The day after Christmas? We're going fucking shopping.”Roxanne laughed. “Yeah I'm sure that'll thrill a ten year old boy, going shopping with his mom.”They had each finished two burgers when Julio called to them that their order was ready.Clover walked over to the counter, picked up a bag of hamburgers in each hand and turned to face the dining area.“Ladies and gentlemen,” she hollered, “My friend Poindexter and I would like to treat everyone to Whiteys for Christmas.” She went from table to table, holding out the bags, so that each person could take some burgers.“And if anyone wants something to drink,” she said, “It's on us. Just step up and tell Julio what you want.”After going to each table, she had half a bag left. She put it on the table in front of Roxanne and sat down.Roxanne twisted in her seat and watched as several of the patrons went to the counter and ordered drinks. She noticed that the old woman in the next booth had neither gotten up nor taken any burgers. She took one from the bag, leaned over the back of the booth and asked, “Would you like another burger, ma'am?”“Are you sure it's okay?”“Of course it is,” Roxanne said, “Merry Christmas.”“Merry Christmas, dear,” the woman replied, taking the burger.Roxanne's phone buzzed.“I bet I know who that is,” Clover muttered.Roxanne looked at the screen. “Yeah, it's Sporty.” She sat back in the booth and answered, simply saying, “Hey.”“Listen baby,” he said, “I wish you hadn't split like that. I don't want you mad at me, whether you go tomorrow or not.”“I never said I was mad at you, Sporty. I'm just tired of all the back-and-forth on this shit.”“I don't think having Christmas with my family is shit.”“Now you're just looking to be offended. They know where you work, right?”“Yeah.”“So, you're going to tell them your bringing a girl from work to Christmas dinner, so I can sit there, eating turkey with everybody looking at me like I'm a whore.”“Ain't nobody gonna call you a whore.”“My own mom calls me a whore.”“Well, my mom ain't your mom.”“I don't know, Sporty. I'm just not sure I'm ready for this.”“We've been going out almost a year.”“Off and on.”“Whatever. Where are you at anyway? I come over to Finest Kind because I thought you guys would be here.”“They're closed.”“Well, no shit, I just told you I was over here.”“We're at the White Castle on Union Street.”“So, would it be cool if I come by?”“Yeah, sure. I'll see you in a bit.”Roxanne disconnected, shaking her head. “This fucking guy,” she muttered, “I'm telling you, he won't give up…”“And that's a bad thing? Let me ask you something,” Clover said, “and don't get pissed.”“Okay.”“Are you nervous about meeting his family because you think they won't like you being a stripper or because you don't think they'll like you being white?”Roxanne was silent for a minute. “Maybe both,” she said.“Either way, I think that's his problem, not yours. I mean it's his family.”“Yeah, but I'm afraid that if they give him a lot of shit about it, he isn't going to pick me over them.”“Well then, fuck him. He ain't worth it if he does that.”Roxanne shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”An old man with flyaway white hair came into the restaurant. He appeared to be wearing just a light sweatsuit under his ratty coat. He sat down next to the old woman. She spoke quietly to him for a minute, then he loudly cleared his throat.“Excuse me, ladies,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Flo says you are buying burgers for everyone. Is that so?”“Sure is,” Clover said. Roxanne took two more burgers from the bag and handed them to him.“Go get yourself a coffee or something,” Clover said, “Whatever you want, it's on us.”The man thanked them, stood and fetched coffee for himself and Flo.Sporty came in a few minutes later, took off his wet coat and hung it on the end of the booth. He slid in next to Roxanne. Looking at the bags on the table, he asked, “Why did y'all buy so many burgers?”“Because we're generous bitches and we share with everybody,” Clover said.“Well, shit then.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a couple of burgers. After a few bites he said, “I need to get a drink.”“Just go to the counter,” Roxanne told him, “We're running a tab.”Sporty stuffed the rest of the burger in his mouth, then went to the counter. He came back a minute later with a large orange soda.“You been thinking about tomorrow?” he asked Roxanne.“Yeah, I've been thinking about it…”“Hey Sporty,” Clover said, interrupting her, “Let me ask you something.”“Yeah, what?” He reached for another burger.“Why do so many black families have macaroni and cheese for Christmas dinner?”“Because it's good as hell. We still have all the regular shit, turkey and mashed potatoes and cranberries and all that.”“Pumpkin pie or sweet potato?”“What do you think? Sweet potato pie.”“What kind of stuffing?”“Cornbread.”“Just plain?”“Fuck no, my mom puts Jimmy Dean sausage in it.”“Damn!” Clover exclaimed. “Listen, if this silly bitch don't want to come to your mom's house for Christmas dinner can I come?”“You can both come as far as I'm concerned.”Roxanne laughed. “That's actually a pretty good plan. If your mom spends five minutes with Clover, she'll think I'm little miss sunshine.”“No, she'll think you're a dumb bitch who thinks Santa only has eight reindeer.”“Rudolph doesn't count.”“Damn, you back on that shit?” Sporty said, rolling his eyes.Clover slipped out of the booth. “Fuck you both,” she said, standing up.“Hey everybody,” she shouted, “I'm taking a Christmas survey. How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?”There was murmuring throughout the room. The big goth kid was counting on his fingers. One of the parking attendants was quietly singing Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer. His friend said, emphatically, “Eight.”The goth girl said “Nine, if you count Rudolph.”“Rudolph wasn't one of the originals,” he replied.“So where did he come from?”“Gene Autry.”“Dead white man,” she muttered.The man who had been singing said, “The Night Before Christmas guy gave them their names.”The skinny goth kid glared over the back of the booth at him. “But who said he was in charge of fucking reindeer?”“He wrote the goddamn poem!”“They didn't know about Rudolph then!”“Isn't it nice to see how the holidays bring people together,” Roxanne said to Sporty.“All right,” Clover said, clapping her hands together. “Let's put it to a vote. How many people say nine?”She raised her hand and the goth kids and the old lady joined her.“Who says eight?”Roxanne, Sporty, the parking guys and the old man raised their hands.Clover looked at Sporty. “Put your fucking hand down, man, your vote don't count.”“Why don't my vote count?”“Because you ain't hoping to get any pussy from me tonight.”“You got that right,” he smirked.Roxanne turned in her seat. “How many people say ten?”They all looked at her, perplexed. No one raised a hand.“That's your cue to sit down and shut the fuck up,” she said to Clover. Clover looked around with a frown, then sat without saying anything more.Sporty looked over his shoulder and said, “Who thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie?”Everyone raised their hand.“Goddamn right,” he muttered.Roxanne nudged him with her elbow. “I need to go to the bathroom,” she said. He stood up and let her go by.The parking lot guys were getting up to leave. They thanked her for the burgers as she went past their table and wished her a happy holiday. One gave her a big hug. At least he didn't try to cop a feel, she thought as she went into the women's bathroom.When she opened the door to come out a few minutes later, Sporty was standing in front of it.“You know how cute you look in that hat?” he asked.“Do you know how desperate you sound when you try to sweet talk me?”“Nah, I ain't desperate. It'd be alright if you don't want to go tomorrow. I get it. But don't go saying you weren't welcome to go, because you were asked.”“Okay, that's fair. It's just that it's a big step.”“You got to take steps if you want to get anywhere,” he said.She put her hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Looking past him, she did not see anyone watching them. She gripped the waist of his pants and walked backward, pulling him into the bathroom.Sporty pushed the door shut behind him, and let Roxanne tug him across the room until her hips bumped against the edge of the sink.Roxanne leaned back, looking up at him and biting her lip.He gazed down at her, his hands on her hips, and kissed her. She kissed him back, but then turned her head.“At some point,” she said, “we have to talk about where we are going.”“We do,” he replied, “but we ain't got to do it right now.”She draped her arms over his shoulders and they exchanged a long, hard, tongue swirling kiss. Sporty's hands moved to her breasts, squeezing and caressing them, while Roxanne dropped her hand down to rub his stiff cock through his jeans.“I think you've got something you want to give me for Christmas,” she whispered.“I don't know,” he said, “I don't think you've been a very good girl.”“Do you want me to be a good girl?”“Aw, hell no,” he said. He took a half step back, seized her waist and spun her around to face the sink. Her Santa hat fell off, landing in the basin.He ran one hand down between her legs and cradled her chin in the other.“Look at you,” he whispered in her ear. Her glasses had slipped down her nose. She pushed them back into their proper position and gazed at herself in the mirror.“Look and see what I see.”Roxanne looked at his eyes in the mirror as his hand rubbed and squeezed her pussy.“Don't look at me, look at you.”She stared at her own reflection, resisting the temptation to watch as he unfastened her jeans and pushed them down over her hips. But when his fingers slipped inside her, she leaned her head back and kissed the side of his neck.His fingers probed deep into her, his thumb played with her clitoris. She reached back and rubbed his crotch. She fumbled at his belt until he gently pushed her hand away and undid it himself.Roxanne felt his cock bump against her ass, then slip down between her thighs. He placed his hand between her shoulders and gently pushed her down until her elbows were on the sides of the sink. She picked up her Santa hat and put it back on her head.Sporty kneaded her ass, then spread her thighs, pressed the head of his cock into her pussy and began to fuck her with long, smooth strokes.Clover snickered when she saw Sporty disappear into the women's bathroom. Get your figgy pudding, girlfriend, she thought, don't go until you get some. She walked to the counter and got a refill on her Mountain Dew, then stopped and listened for a minute. The sound wasn't loud, but she could hear them in the bathroom. They were definitely fucking in there.As she walked back to the booth, she saw the goth girl looking toward the bathroom. She glanced up at Clover with a smirk. Clover winked at her and sat back down in the booth.A few minutes later, the skinny goth kid leaned close to the window and peered out. He wiped away the condensation with his sleeve and looked again.“Fucking cops,” he muttered.“What cops?” Clover asked.“Cop car just pulled up.”“Oh, shit,” Clover muttered. She looked toward the bathroom. She couldn't hear Roxanne and Sporty where she was sitting, but there was no doubt that when the cops walked in, they would. They had to walk right past the bathroom to get to the counter. One of them might even go into the mens' room. She thought about warning them somehow, but didn't think there was enough time. That was confirmed when she saw the cops approaching the door. She had to do something.Just as they reached the door, she began singing at the top of her lungs.You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why.The goth girl looked up at her and immediately realized what she was doing and joined in.Santa Claus is coming to town.The cops walked in. One was an older man. His eyes and shoulders both drooped. There's another guy doesn't want to be working on Christmas Eve, Clover thought. His partner was a young, thin black man. They walked right past the bathroom to the counter.He's making a list, He's checking it twice.The other goth kids joined in the singing.He's gonna a find out who's naughty and nice.The old couple began to sing along.Santa Claus is coming to town.The two cops stood by the counter, looking around the room. Julio approached the cash register. The older cop leaned in and spoke to him. Julio pointed to Clover and the cop looked over at her. He nodded, then spoke to Julio again.He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake He knows if you've been bad or good, So be good for goodness sakeJulio handed each of the cops a bag of burgers and a cup of coffee.Now get the fuck out of here, Clover thought, but instead of leaving they walked toward her. The older cop held out his hand.“Awfully nice thing for you to do, ma'am,” he said. The other customers kept singing.Clover shook his hand.The younger cop shook with her as well. They turned toward the door, tipping their hats to the older couple as they went by.The older cop walked out just as the customers were finishing the last chorus, but the younger cop turned and went to the counter. He held out his open bag toward Julio.“Could you toss a couple of ketchups in there?” he asked.Julio nodded and dropped a handful of packets in his bag.“Thank you, Merry Christmas.” he said, then waved to the customers. “Merry Christmas, everyone.”He took two steps toward the door and stopped and looked toward the bathroom. Clover could hear Roxanne moaning from where she was sitting.He looked around the room. “Does anyone know who is in there?” he asked.“Yes, officer,” Clover said, “That's my friend. I'm afraid she ate a few too many of these gut grenades. You know what they can do to your digestion.”“Yeah, we all been there once or twice, I suppose,” he said. He went to the door and started to open it, then stopped, obviously listening to the sounds emanating from the bathroom. He turned and looked Clover in the eyes. An amused expression crossed his face. He winked at her and walked out.Roxanne had already come twice when she heard the singing. She thought it was just in her head until Sporty paused between thrusts and muttered, “What the fuck is that?”“Jesus, don't fucking stop,” she groaned.“Oh, you need some more of this dick?”“Goddamn it, yes, Sporty, fuck me.”He gripped her hips and began slapping his loins against her ass harder. She braced her hands against the mirror and shoved back against each plunge of his cock.“You getting kind of loud,” he told her. She dropped her head and her Santa hat fell off. She grabbed it and bit down on the white felt ball to keep from crying out. But after a minute or two, she let go of it, unable to keep from moaning loudly each time he jammed his cock deep inside her.She looked up at him in the mirror. Their eyes met, and the look of passion on his face pushed her over the edge into another orgasm. Before it subsided, she felt him stiffen, jerk his cock a few more times and withdraw, as his hot cum ran down the inside of her thigh.“At least they stopped that fucking singing,” Sporty said as Roxanne cleaned herself up.He picked up her Santa hat from the floor, brushed it off and stuck it back on her head, then unlatched the door.“Hold on a minute, babe,” Roxanne said. She raised her face and kissed him. “I'd be happy to go to your mom's tomorrow.”“Damn,” he said with a wide grin, “All I had to do was fuck you real good?”“You always fuck me real good.”“Then I will always get my way, right?”“Don't push your luck,” she said, opening the door.As they came out of the bathroom, the goth kids were walking toward the exit.“Merry Christmas. And thanks,” the girl said.“Yeah, thanks,” skinny kid said as well.The big kid stopped, looked at Roxanne and held his fist out toward Sporty. “Yo,” he said, “You da dawg, bro.”Sporty bumped fists with him. “Fucking white kids,” he muttered, chuckling.They slipped back into the booth, where Clover was waiting for them with her arms crossed and a smug expression on her face.“What was that singing?” Sporty asked.“That was me saving the you two fuckpuppies from spending Christmas in the slammer.”“What are you talking about?” Roxanne asked.“A couple cops came in here while you were getting your stocking stuffed. We were singing so they wouldn't hear the noise you were making.”“We weren't making that much noise.”Sporty laughed. “Girl, you loud as hell.”The old couple came to their booth and thanked them for their burgers.“Merry Christmas,” the man said, shaking all their hands.“There is a special place in heaven for you ladies,” the woman said.As they walked away, Clover said, “You think there is a special place in heaven for us?”“If we died tonight, we might at least be able to make a case for it,” Roxanne said with a shrug.“And by next week, we are fucked again.”Julio came out of the kitchen with a damp rag and wiped the table where the parking guys had been sitting.“Hey, Julio didn't vote,” Clover said. She called to him. “Julio, how many reindeers does Santa Claus have?”Julio looked at her with a perplexed expression. “I don't know,” he said.“You know, like in the song. Dancer and Prancer and Donger and Blitzkin…”“Donger?” Roxanne asked.Julio shrugged. “I don't know that song.”“You don't know it? What the fuck country are you from?”He stared as her and said, “Colombia.”“Oh. Shit. Sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude.”“She doesn't have to try,” Roxanne said, “It's her default mode.”Julio shook his head and returned to the kitchen.“Give the brother a break,” Sporty said, “He's from South America. What the fuck he gonna know about reindeers? Ask him about llamas, he'll probably tell you everything you ever wanted to know.”“I can't think of anything I want to know about llamas,” Clover shot back. “But I do feel kind of bad for the guy. I mean, he'd have had a lot easier night if we hadn't come in here and bought burgers and shit for everybody.”“It's his job,” Roxanne said with a shrug.“Yeah, and we fucking threw a fit because we had to work on Christmas Eve.”“You threw a fit. I didn't.”“You didn't like it.”“No, but I acted like a fucking grown-up about it.”“Yeah, but you have to act like one because you don't look like one.”Sporty looked in the bag. “Anybody want this last burger?” he asked.Roxanne and Clover shook their heads.Sporty bit into the burger, swallowed and said, “You feel so bad for the guy, why don't you do something nice for him for Christmas?”“Like what?” Clover asked.“Like what the fuck you think?” Sporty asked.Clover looked at him for a minute, then tipped her head to look past him. Julio was wiping off the service counter.“He's not a bad looking guy,” Roxanne said.“Well then, why don't you go do it then?” Clover asked.“I wasn't a twat to him.”“Besides,” Sporty said with a grin, “she already got hers.”“I ain't gonna fuck him in the bathroom,” Clover said.Roxanne laughed. “The bathroom is clean, at least.”“You don't think I will do it, do you?”“Bitch, I stopped trying to figure out what you would or wouldn't do about the time you set my boyfriend's car on fire,” Roxanne said.Julio disappeared into the kitchen.“Fuck both of you,” Clover said. She got up and followed him.“Hey, Julio,” she called.He was standing at the dish sink and turned around at the sound of her voice.“Listen, dude,” she said, “I hope I didn't say anything that offended you or got you upset or what not. That's just me clowning around.”“It is fine. I understand.”“Well, I think we put a lot of extra work on you tonight, coming in here and disrupting and shouting and singing and all.”“No, it is fine, Missus.”“Well, it's Christmas and all that. I'd like to maybe give you a little something for your trouble…”Julio waved his hands. “No Missus, we are not allowed to except tips.”“Yeah, I wasn't talking about giving you money.”She looked around and saw an open door at the back of the kitchen. She walked to it and peered into a dark room.“What's in here?” she asked.“That's the manager's office.”Clover walked in and flipped the light switch. A large flat top desk against the far wall nearly filled the room. There was a faux leather swivel chair in front of it. Clover plopped down into it, spun around, and put her feet up on the desk.Julio stood in the doorway, looking nervous.“The manager does not like anyone sitting in his chair,” he said, “No one is allowed.”“But you're the assistant manager right?”“Si.”“So when he ain't here, you're the fucking manager and it's your chair.”“I do not think so…”“And I am your guest, so I can sit in your chair.”“Missus,” he said, “I know it's a foolish rule but I need this job.”“Do you think I'm gonna tell anybody about this?”Julio looked at her with a puzzled expression. “About what, Missus?”“First of all, stop calling me Missus. Then come over here and find out.”She sat up, put her feet on the floor and patted the top of the desk.Julio leaned back and looked around the kitchen as if he suspected someone might be lurking there.Clover patted the desktop again. “The boss told you not to sit in his chair, but he didn't say shit about sitting on his desk, did he?”“No. I suppose he did not.”She pushed the chair back until it banged into the wall. “So have a seat.”Julio bit his lip, seeming lost in thought, then sat on the edge of the desk.“Dude, lose that dumbass apron.”Julio reached behind his back and untied the apron. Before he could pull it over his head, Clover had his belt unbuckled. He watched with an expression of amazement as she deftly unsnapped his waistband, yanked down his zipper, and pulled his cock free.“Do all the men in Columbia have big dicks?” she asked as she wrapped her hand around it.“Si,” Julio said, “It is well known in Latin America, Missus.”“You call me Missus again and I might bite it off,” she said. She flicked her tongue at the head, then wrapped her lips around it and began to suck.Julio briefly lifted his hips from the desk and tugged his pants and shorts down to his thighs.Clover cupped his balls in her left hand, massaging them, while her right hand stroked his shaft. She took it in her mouth again, but almost immediately, she heard a chime ringing.She raised her head and asked Julio, “What the fuck is that?”Julio had a look of panic on his face. “Someone is at the drive-through,” he said, “I must go serve them.”He started to rise, but she put her hands on his hips and pushed him back down. “No, fuck that,” she said, “Stay right there.”She got up and rushed to the dining room. Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth, kissing.“Hey, you fucking lovebirds, I need help here,” she shouted.When they looked at her in surprise, she said, “There's somebody in the fucking drive-through. Either of you guys ever work at a fast food place?”“I worked at Burger King in high school.” Sporty said.“Well, pry Roxy's hand off your whopper and get the fuck in here and find out what they want.”She disappeared back into the kitchen. Roxanne and Sporty looked at each other and shrugged.“I'll give it a try,” Sporty said. He slipped out of the booth and headed toward the kitchen, Roxanne following close behind.“It's like somebody told Santa they wanted a shit show for Christmas,” she muttered.Sporty went to the drive-through window and looked around. “Fuck. I don't know how to use this touchscreen shit,” he said.“Can you at least talk to the guy?” Roxanne asked.“Yeah, that shit looks the same. Hold on.”He was distracted by the sounds coming from the manager's office. “What's she doing in there?” he asked.“Sounds like she's sucking his dick.”“Damn, she's loud, too. Sounds like somebody got a rag stuck in their wet-vac.”He pressed several buttons on the communications panel, but nothing happened. He fiddled with the volume knob, and clicked the headset on and off, all to no avail. Suddenly, he was startled by a blasting horn, and looked over to see a white pick up truck right outside the window The driver, a large, red faced, bearded man, was glaring at him.“Honey, I don't think that's Santa Claus,” Roxanne said.Sporty slid the window open.“I've been out here trying to order for ten fucking minutes,” the man shouted.“Yeah, sorry about that,” Sporty said. “We got some kind of computer problem.”The man looked past him at Roxanne.“Looks to me like the problem is you're having some kind of party in there.”“Naw, she's the manager. She come in to try to fix it.”“So why isn't she fixing it?”“Sir,” Roxanne said, “I'm sorry, but there is nothing we can do about it until the tech guys get here.”“I worked to midnight on Christmas Eve. All I wanted was some burgers for when I get home.”“I'll see what I can get for you, no charge.”She went to the grill. There were onions simmering in the corner and pre-cooked patties in a warming pan. She found a package of buns and put a half dozen on the grill to brown.The man tapped his fingers impatiently on the door of his car.“This is some bullshit,” he barked at Sporty, “You got something for me or not?”“Roxy is fixing it up right now.”“The manager's name is Roxy?”“Yeah, she was named for her grandmom.”Roxanne's glasses kept steaming up from the grill's heat. She did her best to assemble the burgers, but one got no onions, one had triple pickle and some were drenched with mustard and ketchup while others got no more than a drop or two.She boxed the burgers, stacked them in a bag, and handed it to Sporty.“About time,” the man grumbled. “What about a Coke? I need something to drink.”“Coming right up!” Roxanne said with a big smile. As she poured a Coke from the dispenser she thought, I hope those burgers give you the shits, asshole.Sporty handed him the drink and cheerily said, “Merry Christmas, sir.”The man growled. “Yeah, right. I guess the two of you can get back to whatever you were doing now.”“Thank you, sir,” Sporty said, “But we already finished that. Appreciate the thought though.”The man glared at them, muttered something underneath his breath, and drove off.“What did he say?” Roxanne asked.“I didn't catch in, but I think one of the words started with an F and one with an N.”“Feliz Navidad?”“Most likely not.”“Should we figure out how this works, in case someone else pulls up?”“How long Julio gonna take getting his nut?”Roxanne shrugged.“Hold up,” Sporty said, “I got a better idea.”He walked to the back door, opened it and, looking outside, flicked a couple of light switches on the walk.“There you go,” he said.“What did you do?”“Turned off the outside lights, so the place looks closed.”Clover took Julio's cock into her mouth until she felt his pubic hair tickling her nose, then swallowed. That will keep him from trying to go see what's happening in the kitchen, she thought.When she was out of breath, she rose up, releasing his cock with a loud popping sound. She circled the head with her tongue a few times, then dove down and swallowed again. It was late, she was tired, her jaw was starting to ache and her belly was rumbling in complaint over its load of greasy hamburger.She sucked in her cheeks as hard as she could, and Julio exhaled loudly and raised his hips from the desk. As she lifted her head, Julio spurted into her mouth. She swallowed most of it, then picked up his apron off the desk and wiped her face with it, surreptitiously spitting out the rest of his load.He leaned forward, his head hanging low, while he recovered his breath. Clover stood up, and loudly burped.“Sorry about that,” she said.Julio stood, pulling up his pants.“It is okay, Missus.”They walked into the kitchen. Julio immediately noticed that it was dark outside the drive through window.“You friends, I think they turned off the lights,” he said, “I will have to turn them on and to see what else they might have done.”“Okay, well, Merry Christmas, dude.”“And to you, Missus.” Clover turned away, but he added, “Missus?”She looked back.“Maybe you will come for hamburgers again.”Clover looked him over. “Yeah, I might.”Roxanne and Sporty were sitting in the booth when Clover returned to the dining room. Roxanne was leaning against him, her head on his shoulder and her eyes shut.Clover sat down across from them. “You guys about ready to go?” she asked.Roxanne sat up straight and stretched. “Yeah we might as well,” she said.Sporty looked out the window. “That sleet shit turned into real snow,” he said. He nudged Roxanne. “Let me up, baby.”She stood and he slid out of the booth. “Give me your keys,” he said, “I'll get your car warmed up.”She fished her keys out of her purse and handed them to him as he put on his coat.Watching him walk out, Clover said, “When a man cleans the snow off your car for you, he's getting serious. Especially if he does it after you fuck him.”“I think asking me to come with him to his mom's house for Christmas shows that pretty good, too.”“So, stop being a fucking pussy about it. You think you're going to find another nice guy who is obviously crazy about you and doesn't give a shit what you do for a living?”Roxanne was silent for a minute. “It doesn't seem likely, does it?” she said at last.They kissed again and Sporty said, “You know, I had a lot of girlfriends before, but I never brought one home with me on Christmas.”She patted his cheek, kissed him and said, “I've had a lot of boyfriends before, but I never fucked one in the bathroom at White Castle on Christmas Eve.”She kissed him on the nose and dashed to her car, calling, “See you tomorrow, babe.”“It's about time,” Clover said, as Roxanne got into the drivers seat, “I'm freezing my tits off over here.”“That's because they're fake.”“Probably. They should've come with like a heater option.”“I wish I'd known it was a problem, I would have got you one for Christmas.”Clover reached across the console and squeezed Roxanne's hand.“Merry Christmas, Rhonda,” she said.Roxanne felt her eyes moisten. “Merry Christmas, Charlene.”The last display before the park exit, the grand finale, was a great arc of lights over the road. On the left, Santa rode in his sleigh, overflowing bags of gift boxes and teddy bears behind him. His reindeer stretched along the arc, their legs blinking in a dance across the night sky. At the right end of the display, Rudolph's nose glowed like a beacon.“Nine!” Clover shouted, “Bitch, count ‘em! nine fucking reindeers!”“Rudolph doesn't count.”“He counts in this town.”“Why? Because Parks and Rec says he does?”Clover sat back, her arms crossed over her chest in triumph. “Nine fucking reindeer,” she smirked.“Eight,” Roxanne muttered.“Nine.”“Eight…”By  MelissaBaby for Literotica

When a conehead hitchhiker with shaved ears comes aboard, his knack for languages helps Captain Janeway decipher the encoded message from Starfleet. But when a rendezvous with the USS Shovel makes their situation seem too good to be true, the crew is forced to reckon with everything Arturis represents. Are Frisbee-based games still fun without the cocaine? Does Star Trek need better cargo continuity? Can revenge look like lechery? It's the episode with soft rock yacht bangers! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.Friends of DeSoto for Democracy.Friends of DeSoto for Justice. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Caretaker!Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark MateriaFollow The Greatest Generation on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen!The Greatest Generation is on Twitch.Facebook group | Subreddit | Discord | WikiSign up for our mailing list!

We are back live today... Mikey has been getting treatment for a concussion - No pants yet - Kenny was named QB 1 for the Steelers by Coach Tomlin - Matt Damon in Pittsburgh - Big Ben said a thing - Is Mario Lemieux healing Mikey - We went to the Facebook comments - The start of a new naked streak - Velma from Scooby Doo is gay.... Not shocking and no big deal to everyone except for the people in the Facebook comments - Fred the big bottom daddy - Everyone is watching that Jeffrey Donger

Happy Pride Month, y'all!  I'm strongly considering changing my name to Potato.  Topics include a very steep ask, going down and throwing up, a real Stacy's mom situation, an interesting thought experiment, being jealousy with a man you're not fond of, the fine details of asking for a hook-up and, of course, a new batch of Tinders.

In this episode of On the Hunt - A League of Legends Podcast, Chris and Raymund quickly go over the mid-patch 12.5b containing many adjustments to AD Carries, both popular and needing some love. Then, we talk about fans being able to return to attening the LCS Playoffs in person, the prize winners for the first split of Champions Queue, and lastly go over LCS Week 5 before giving a preview of Week 6. This episode was recorded on Thursday, March 10. Follow us on Twitter - @OnTheHuntLoL #OnTheHunt #LCS #LeagueOfLegends

Ayo!! The bar is open for BB & Rayna Cahill!! How do suburban couples keep their sex lives exciting?! Can write off sex work expenses on your taxes?! Let's talk about it!!

In this thrilling episode, our heroes talk their way past a big cool guy and reach Woodsheart Keep. Things there are not good.   Anthony Blair-Borders as your Dungeonmaster @doktormod   Rachel Aanstad as Agatha Hellsbane   Aimee as Nebulosa Nictia   Jeff Richardson as Sticks @eljefetacoma Closing Music:   "3 Chord Dragon" by Jeff Richardson   Get involved! Contact us:  By email: shatteredworldspod@gmail.com  or Twitter: @EIAPodcast   Get your name on the show! Use the hashtag #swearpig when you tweet about us and we'll name a character after you!   Like our Facebook page - Shattered Worlds RPG  

This week, the gang makes the TB Draft an official segment! Stay tuned to see who drafts which race for...the third faction! mixed drink of the week (Protection Paladin - Shield of Vengeance) -1 shot cuervo gold -ginger ale -garnished with takis fuego meat stick "the holy fire in this drink shields you, burning away sobriety" next week: beacon of light - holy paladin ONLY partake of the mixed drink of the week (or any alcohol) if you are of legal ability to do so. We assume no responsibility for any consequences of your own choices. Legion Timewalking Extended https://www.wowhead.com/news/all-of-legion-timewalking-extended-until-january-4th-325301 actiblizz is gross https://www.wowhead.com/news/activision-blizzard-publishes-representation-data-and-reaffirms-commitment-to-325367 Conduit Catch-Up https://www.wowhead.com/news/incense-of-infinity-now-available-instantly-learn-all-conduits-at-item-level-200-325348 Dragon Pack https://www.wowhead.com/news/the-dragon-pack-blizzard-shop-bundle-save-up-to-60-on-select-mounts-and-pets-325358 half naked paladin defeats highlord kruul https://www.wowhead.com/news/community-spotlight-half-naked-paladin-defeats-highlord-kruul-in-mage-tower-hard-325347 question of the week new question: When you settle in for a night of gaming, what's your ideal snackin' situation? answer on discord: ThrallsBalls.com twitter: @ThrallsBallsPod email: ThrallsBallsPodcast@gmail.com The TB draft! We're drafting the third faction! Gershom: murlocs, naga, gilblins, jinyu - Aqua Teen Hunger Force Bentolas: ogres, yangol, san'layn, wildhammer dwarves - Prestige Worldwide Woolly: vrykul, taunka, tuskarr, ice trolls - Frozen Horde Twitter @ThrallsBallsPod @Woolly08 @HunterGershom @Bentolas_Outlaw Join Discord ThrallsBalls.com Email us ThrallsBallsPodcast@gmail.com Leave a Review Warcraftradio.com/directory

The boys saw the sign, and it opened up their eyes! Tune in as they fantasy book AEW in hopes of not having to eat instant ramen raw!

Topics this week: CBI's interview with Louie Barletta, Cole Nowicki's "Skateboarding Gave Me a Way to Express My Grief", Willy Blackmore's "Have You Heard About This Green Bench?", and a possible book giveaway.  Intro/Outro music by Bobb Amidon Chrome Ball Interview #151: Louie Barletta  Skateboarding Gave me a Way to Express my Grief Have You Heard About This Green Bench? Louie Barletta in "Bag of Suck" Newly Discovered Audio of Donger and Sheffey!!

F*** Jon Gruden! Err Uh....We mean whats up Crew!? Black & Unfiltered Mondays is back and we got another banger for yall! This week we attempt to tackle an Unfiltered Letter coming from a female listener who is having issues with her BF in the bedroom, then the crew unleashes on Jon Gruden and the events surrounding his NFL exit. They also talk about the recent fraud scandal and how it ties into the constant failures of Black People making bank but managing it poorly. Tune In We Have a GREAT Show Lined Up For Ya'll!!!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-black-and-unfiltered-podcast/exclusive-content

Welcome to episode 87 of Dregs of Craigs! After a couple failed attempts to start the episode in a fun and new way, we decide to just do the normal thing and get to it. You're welcome. This episode: Veg-O-Mite! Female Chess Bible is Vitamins for Church Peoples The Flaccid Network of Lonely Seniors Disciplinary HOA Orgies and THE LONGEST AD EVER Find out more at https://dregs-of-craigs.pinecast.co Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/dregs-of-craigs/4ee7a240-bf08-4e62-befa-7473e575cefb This podcast is powered by Pinecast.

Ep 179 Triple Donger In this episode the boys talk about a baby born with 3 penises and honestly.. that's pretty much it Socialblah: @toddgursslin @fartwordz @jrwinterhalter @hatethispod

The Semites win an award. Bruce is Jersey. Or not. Improv still sucks. The American obsession with making pop cultural references, particularly when it comes to comedy. How to win friends and influence people in foreign countries - just mock the neighboring country/state/region. Does anybody like Paraguayans? The sadness of realizing no matter how hard you try not to be, you are still American. Is it still acceptable to watch Long Duk Dong and quote his lines? Why Dutch Santa is Black, and how the people of Holland treat him. Enjoying celebrations even if they no longer conform to societal mores which is not to be confused with smores which conform with all celebrations.

John receives a sign from the universe in the form of a penis-shaped tree. Also, how to win the sincerity game, AND great, excellent music. (All podcasts and reviews are on www.hlycrp.com, and you can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, and Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.)

On this episode I talk these two lovebirds hahaha and my great friends about a band they have together Slutbomb and Darrel has another band Jeffrey Donger and we also just talk activism and life and other things I hope you enjoy this episode with these Cincinnati Ohio friends that play some unique intriguing punk/hc that's truly different enjoy

We review, break down, & share our thoughts on the 2020 release of the all NEW "Vision" by CAO. Pretty sure Chris has Covid-19, and we talk about our new project blend "Donger's knockout" with Rodriguez Cigars & My cigar pack. All on this week's episode of "The Hot Ticket" ***Please subscribe, rate, & review!*** Check out our website @ www.hotticketweekly.com Reach us at: IG Chris - hotticketchris IG Cory - thehotticketpod Check out our show sponsor MyCigarPack. www.mycigarpack.com

In 1984, the world was introduced to John Hughes as a director in his first feature film, 16 Candles. This film featured Molly Ringwald and Anthony Michael Hall and kicked off an entire era of '80s teen romantic comedies, the stuff Hughes is known for to this day. It also plays a loud gong sound every time its only Asian character shows up. Yikes.

31. tre ein. tress og ein. Episode 31 er her! Daniel har sjokkerende nyheter om dongar! Kristoffer tar et oppgjør rundt folk og kongelhyttene. Kristoffer melde seg frivllig (atter ein gang) til å spille med skambankt på Kvestad sideri. vi spekulere i butikken som skal bli enten Lothepus spa&velvære, Disneyland eller bedølvelsesfri tannlege. Daniel er lei veiarbeidet i Kvtino. Og vi havne jo selvfølgelig innpå riksvei 13.

The boys are back from hiatus and chock full of nonsense! From Lake Placid to Billy Ocean to the knife sharpener and so much more. The return of "What The?!?!" puts the cherry on top.

21 - legal age to drink in the country of the kidnapped president, and the number of Podcast Episodes we have brought you. Coincidence? Yes. Worth noting? No.This week is mostly based in Westminster Hall, with one unexpected diversion... to Westminster Hall. But which period? Lovers of pointless, word count filling tangents - this week is for you!Oh, and there's a plan to get Pickel his gun.Enjoy--Join the Old Boys Book Club - a weekly reading group led by Jonny Lennard and Andrew Mole, Anthropologists by training, cynics by choice, determined to understand one of modern societies oldest (and most incongruous) tropes - the Old Boy.We have reached peak 'Old Boy' with Johnson, Trump, Farage et al leading the world towards a leather-clad man cave of environmental catastrophe. But what exactly is an Old Boy?In what will almost certainly be called the pinnacle of modern satire, but is as yet unreviewed, Jonny and Andy introduce the world to Old Boy after Old Boy in the best way they know: by decoding the literature they have willingly created.

This week, we cover conspiracies relating to a certain member of the John Dillinger Gang. Special guest appearance by Beryl Hovius.

MLB Spring Training kicks off this week with pitchers and catchers reporting. The XFL is officially underway, and SA Aaron Popp introduces a new segment for Mike and Chris to make predictions.

The journey of a thousand Kidz Bops begins with a single bad decision.  Join us as we travel to the early 2000s with the compilation that started it all, Kidz Bop 1. Spoiler Alert: There will be dongers. Lots and lots of dongers.   Credits: Adam H. Phillips: (Co-Host and Intro Theme) R. Alex Murray: (Co-Host and Artist) Alexander Stine: (Intro Narration) The Kidz Bop Kidz: (Inspiration)

Our mate Pete Rowesthorn called in from a Donger on a mine site to plug his comedy gig in Freo and our movie guy Ben O'Shea will tell you whether the new Charlie's Angels movie is worth going to see at the weekend.

The gang kayaks river rapids. The big one gets away. The Donger returns, with friends. Theme song: “Up In My Jam (All Of A Sudden)” by KubbiFor more info, check out our pokemon and tabletop related shenanigans at http://www.mcgamefap.com The post 12 – Lil’ Gyarados Spring Festival and River Round-Up: Pt D appeared first on MCGAMEFAP.

The gang goes shopping. The wife is annoyed by the DM’s fishing advice. The Donger is unleashed. Theme song: “Up In My Jam (All Of A Sudden)” by Kubbi For more info, check out our pokemon and tabletop related shenanigans at http://www.mcgamefap.com The post 10 – Lil’ Gyarados Spring Festival and River Round-Up: Pt B appeared first on MCGAMEFAP.

Suprise more questions and ramblings! So check it out and our youtube channel! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/S&RMotoring/support

On this episode, Rebecca joins us for a Sweet 16 of 80s Coming of Age Movies, I don't want it to lay on my tongue but I wanna know it's there, Empire Strikes Back?!?!, Ryan has 66 movies on his list, Duckie might beat Donger, Judd Hirsch and the Brat Pack, I get to be on top, Rebecca doesn't like our rules, It's hard to go against our Winner!

This episode is part of a series of On the Street interviews withI spoke with four local artists with booths in the artist marketplace, two metalworkers and two photographers. Jake Buntjer of Mister Pauper and Boxcar Studios is a 3D mixed media metal reclaimer, sculptor and assembler of symbols of the human narrative. Travel photographer Randy Laub of Photoissimo Fine Art Photography snaps photos around Europe. William Huff of William Huff Photography catches wild landscapes in luxurious colors and light. Mike Beals of Ring a Sculpture makes richly colored steel bells. "Ring the bell in the morning as a celebration of the day...ring the bell in the evening as a thank you for the day...enjoy the journey." The Utah Arts Festival runs through the end of the weekend downtown SLC on library square. Listen to the on the street interviews here or anywhere podcasts are available, check out the gallery photos below and then head on down to the festival to enjoy art, music, food, a film festival, stand up comedy and workshops.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/LizChristensen)

Star Wars year. Reigning in Mary. Id/Ego/Superego. Snow. We're sitting in the wrong order. Mary needs to watch Raising Arizona still. We haven't seen each other since the Super Bowl. Kelley Hates the Red Green show more than she should. Muffins with shortening, upcoming challenge? Mary talks celebrities and Kelley and Bill don't. Simon update. Andrew Gold Break. Kelley wins the darned sock challenge. Hints. Porcupines vs. hedgehogs. Best Bird. Stockings/Garters. 9-to-5. Rubber tape to fix coffee makers. Clean wax flowers repeat. Making tea. Mary is mad about tea. Open clams without hammers.

The Smiley Morning Show plays the Longer Donger game.

Tonight we discus dispersing people are fasting butt trolls. Plus the usual shenanigans.

The Smiley Morning Show invites a listener to call in and play a very strange game.

Today is the 24th installment of Dregs of Craigs! We are joined by Sean's fiancee Beth today! She's from a very specific state, we just wish we could remember which one...This episode we talk about the vape girl, a haunted doll, and some very interesting pet offers.Find out more on the Dregs of Craigs website.Send us your feedback online: https://pinecast.com/feedback/dregs-of-craigs/7176525a-6039-4727-a992-68391cf923f6This podcast is powered by Pinecast.

This week we talked about the crazy Windrunner Sister's, Battle for Azeroth things and gave away some Beta keys for BFA. Don't forget to check our Kickstarter and help us reach our goal! Got questions? Ask on our website below: http://pwncast.tv/ Follow Us on Twitch twitch.tv/pwncast Find Us Facebook facebook.com/pwncast Follow Us on Twitter @thepwncast

Kelldor [ u/dickslug ] visits the show! The Lunar New Year Event is on! And JJW learns that number 8 is a lucky number. https://forums.playcontestofchampions.com/en/discussion/51341/lunar-new-year-event#latest Killmonger joins the Contest! https://forums.playcontestofchampions.com/en/discussion/51160/champion-spotlight-killmonger#latest Killmonger also introduces the 5-Star Featured Arena, and the cutoff is lower than any of us expected. We talk about the new Alliance War Seasons Leaderboard, and MMX's difficulty achieving a war match. What's wrong with Alliance War? The UMCOC Podcast records weekly on Sundays at 7pm EST / 6pm CST. Join us LIVE at https://discord.gg/umcoc

Open Mike Eagle is a legendary underground rapper, a fun guy, and a good pal of Donger's. He's perfect for the first of what will be several episodes where Matt brings along a friend to hitchhike with him into the life of you, the listener. Matt and Mike cover a ton of topics, including the parallels between rap and comedy, longevity vs. immediate success, Donger's secret history as a rapper in college, and getting a robot body made for yourself. Also, big shout out to Mike for coming to Nerdmelt to record Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Open Mike Eagle is a legendary underground rapper, a fun guy, and a good pal of Donger's. He's perfect for the first of what will be several episodes where Matt brings along a friend to hitchhike with him into the life of you, the listener. Matt and Mike cover a ton of topics, including the parallels between rap and comedy, longevity vs. immediate success, Donger's secret history as a rapper in college, and getting a robot body made for yourself. Also, big shout out to Mike for coming to Nerdmelt to record with an injured shoulder. Way to play hurt, Open Mike! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does 16 Candles hold up?   The guys have never seen it.  Apparently being rich and white in the 80s was a real struggle…to sexually assault people.  Who can ever forget such racially sensitive characters like “The Donger”?  Ok, that makes it sound bad.  BUT IS IT?!  Find out now in this episode recorded before the last episode!  Non traditional story structure baby! 

"Sixteen Candles" is John Hughes' feature debut, but you can definitely see his style shining through. Unusually, it also focuses on a female main character, whereas his later teen films would feature male characters or ensemble casts. This means that Cory hasn't seen this as much but Karen has a bit more experience with it. Can they meet eye to eye on this 80s coming of age classic or will it fall flat on its face like Donger on the front lawn? Read More... The post TC99 – Coming of Age “Sixteen Candles” appeared first on Golden Spiral Media- Entertainment Podcasts, Technology Podcasts & More.

"Sixteen Candles" is John Hughes' feature debut, but you can definitely see his style shining through. Unusually, it also focuses on a female main character, whereas his later teen films would feature male characters or ensemble casts. This means that Cory hasn't seen this as much but Karen has a bit more experience with it. Can they meet eye to eye on this 80s coming of age classic or will it fall flat on its face like Donger on the front lawn? Read More... The post TC99 – Coming of Age “Sixteen Candles” appeared first on Golden Spiral Media- Entertainment Podcasts, Technology Podcasts & More.

Will forges ever further into personal growth while expanding his Life Beginners brand with his master class, aimed at changing the lives of those in need of guidance… like his good friend and neighbor, actor and comedian Matt Braunger.Subscribe, rate and review on iTunes and be sure to follow us on Twitter, Facebook and Vine.TenMinutePodcast.com    

The antidote to Christmas, with a distinctly Dickensian feel, as Marmaduke Donger invents comedy and we have the alternative ending to A Christmas Carol. There's a review of the lows of the year in the Talking Spite Awards 2012, Mimsy Cummings, the best Outtakes of Series 1, and a suicide.

Tracklist: 1. The Missing Linkx - Can't You Get A Grip 2. Stimming & David August - Sexy Biest 3. Applescal - Black Spirals (Nuno Dos Santos feat. Pien Feith remix) 4. Marek Hemmann - You Know 5. Uppfade - Someday We 6. Huxley - Get Your Own (Kevin Griffiths Basement Dub) 7. Topspin and Dmit Kitz - Klavier Haus 8. Darlyn Vlys - In Your Shoes 9. Nolan - Theif 10. Pezzner - Mesh (Zepp01 remix)

F*** Jon Gruden! Err Uh....We mean whats up Crew!? Black & Unfiltered Mondays is back and we got another banger for yall! This week we attempt to tackle an Unfiltered Letter coming from a female listener who is having issues with her BF in the bedroom, then the crew unleashes on Jon Gruden and the events surrounding his NFL exit. They also talk about the recent fraud scandal and how it ties into the constant failures of Black People making bank but managing it poorly. Tune In We Have a GREAT Show Lined Up For Ya'll!!!Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-black-and-unfiltered-podcast/exclusive-content