Appraised by Media

The brothers learn this week that every journey must come to an end. They don't know how to make that happen exactly though, and they are extremely open to suggestions. This season finale has it all. Brothers! Items! Sounds! Thanks to everyone who listens for a "successful" second season. We mean it. Items this week: the book of grudges, and the restful pillow. Intro music: "fox 6 trap news broadcast" by J FRE$CO Outro music: "Only Time" by Enya

I'd like to imagine the person who originally said "There's more than one way to skin a cat," was face to face with the unimaginable atrocities of the flesh anvil. That their utterance was less of a metaphor for the different solutions and approaches to problems, and more of a dawning dread as their mind struggled to imagine all of the things their beloved former pet would soon be. Items this week: the flesh anvil, and the plagiarist's pencil. Intro music: "fox 6 trap news broadcast" by J FRE$CO Outro music: "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" by The Smiths

Coming up with as many super villains as the Gibbs brothers do is no small feat. But we are starting to worry that we spend so many hours of our day coming up with super powers or skill sets, pun names, costumes and catchphrases for hypothetical villains that we fail to see that the real villains are our own jokes. Items this week: the animal flare gun, and the movie ticket spoiler button. Intro music: "fox 6 trap news broadcast" by J FRE$CO Outro music: "Zodiac Shit" by Flying Lotus

The band's back together for this action packed, star studded episode. All your favorites have gathered in one location: the tooth tree, a bad Hugh Jackman impression, uh... elaborate explanations of basic economic ideas? Mostly goofs and the brothers who supply them. Items this week: the anything plant pot, and the compass encompassing compass. Intro music: "fox 6 trap news broadcast" by J FRE$CO Outro music: "3030" by Deltron 3030

We've been saying for decades that the pressures of hosting a podcast would tear Duncan and Malcolm apart. We just didn't think that would be literal. It's honestly crazy how much damage stress and an undetected telomeric virus can do to a body. Items this week: the punctual planner, the dimensional Windax™ bottle, and the green thumb plant pot. Intro music: "fox 6 trap news broadcast" by J FRE$CO Outro music: "Keep Me In Your Heart" by Warren Zevon

We're beginning to have our doubts about how "failed" these clones actually are. Like the Gibbs brothers normally would, they spend a good portion of the episode discussing performing heists in scuba gear, becoming hitmen with the mafia, and prison breaking Shamu. Actually, I kind of hear it now. Items this week: the hypoventilation flashlight, and the foreign language mood ring. Intro music: "fox 6 trap news broadcast" by J FRE$CO Outro music: "Brisk Yellow" by Blazo

The Gibbs brothers are back , and they know what you've thinking. They also know when you're sleeping and when you're awake, but that's a whole different story. "Duncan and Malcolm! Why isn't there more Christmas content in January?" The brothers have you covered thanks to a ticking time bomb and cloning experiment gone wrong. Items this week: the amnesiac crystal ball, and the universal snow globe. Intro music: "Christmas Vibes Sample #2" by Blubee Beats Outro music: "Christmas in L.A. (Instrumental)" by Vulfpeck

What is dead may never die. Which is why the Gibbs Brothers' hopes and dreams will outlive us all. Items this week: the ghost of Malcolm Gibbs, and the Fonzie Jacket. Intro music: "fox 6 trap news broadcast" by J FRE$CO

We were going to use the Hans Gruber quote about Alexander weeping for there were no more worlds to conquer. But when we actually looked it up, it turns out the original quote is from Plutarch, and Alexander wept because there were infinite worlds and he hadn't even conquered one. We couldn't decide which one was more fitting, so now you get this much worse explanation. Items this week: the tipsy glass, the chr - oh no - graph, and the pearl of procrastination. Intro music: "fox 6 trap news broadcast" by J FRE$CO

Xenia is the the Greek concept of hospitality. It was both a moral contract for both hosts and guests that promised protection and rights, as well as an actual ritual involving the exchange of gifts and favors followed by a communal meal. However, both Duncan and Malcolm prefer Xena: Warrior Princess. Items this week: the whiteboard of deathstiny, the plague doctor's mask, and the sharpie eraser. Thanks to our guest, Hannah Woosley, for playing Zark Muckerberg this week. Check her out on Twitter @notwoosley.

Welcome back to the Gibbs' brothers second season. This episode finds the two out of their depth, as they bribe their way onto a submarine radio to bring you this episode. As Malcolm and Duncan are escorted back to Gideon's lair, they begin to suspect something lurks beneath the surface. Items this week: the pendant of legality, and the lifespan movie glasses.

This week finds Duncan and Malcolm appraising a "lover's phone" with infinite rope as they steadily near the end of their own. Whether death or Gideon Gadzooks finishes the job, our midseason finale will see the brothers out of the infinite archipelago. Items this week: the infinitely long tin can telephone. Extremely special thanks to our returning actors, Hannah Woosley, Connor Woodson, and Peter Morgan.

We have absolutely no fathomable idea how we made it thirty two episodes without having to put a, "No animals were harmed in the making of this podcast" warning on an episode, yet here we find ourselves. That was the only part that was made up though. The only part... Items this week: the magic bag of winds, the motivational llama, and the helpful St. Bernard. Thanks to Poseidon for the intro and outro this week. Check out his website at earthshaker.geocities.net.

Wedding bells are ringing, or our tinnitus is acting up again. Our brothers show us this week that they are not afraid of commitment. As long as the thing we are committing to is a bit. Otherwise, we're not exactly married to the idea... Items this week: the bell of freedom, and the emergency trapdoor. Thanks to the Happily Never Equal podcast for their phenomenal intro this week. Have a good look at their website at http://happilyneverequal.podbean.com/.

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for podcast content, I can tell you I don't have ideas. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, podcast naming skills I have acquired over a very long career. Podcast naming skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my podcast go unnamed now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will name the shit out of your podcast. (Other titles: Cry Like a Host, Bawlers, Watch It and Weep, Prepare to Cry, Good Mourning, and Duncan and Malcolm Awesome Show, Great Sob! are just off the top of my head.) Items this week: the self phone, the necklace of inheritance, and the curse of Ra. Thanks to the Antimatters podcast for the amazing intro this week. You can find them at https://antimatters.podiant.co/.

We know what your question is. "How long were you guys sitting on that episode title?" To which, Wii'd like to plead the fifth. We really Nintendon't want to talk about it. The answer is actually pretty Famicomplicated... Someone please put us out of our misery. Items this week: speed boost paint, and the extant paintbrush. Thanks to the Left Behind Game Club for the intro this week. They can be found at leftbehindgame.club.

Something seems fishy. Something other than all the fish on board. Storm clouds and towers loom on the horizon as the crew pick up a strange transmission. This week the brothers realize that they'd much rather hang ten than hang. Items this week: the deed to The Tower of Babylon, and a vial of mermaid blood. Special thanks to our actors this week: Zark Muckerberg was played by Hannah Woosley who can be found on Twitter at @notwoosley. Gill Bates was played by Connor Woodson who can be found on IMDB. Gideon Gadzooks was played by Peter Morgan who can be found on Instagram at @petermorgangraphics.

A wise scholar once said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." That same scholar also thought you could reverse the miles off of an odometer though. You know, I'm starting to think my John Hughes doomsday cult is never going to take off... Items this week: the twelve inch ruler, the walking stick battery, and the snarky puppy dispenser. Thanks to The Season Finale podcast for the intro this week. They can be found on iTunes and SoundCloud.

Us fail at an episode description? That's unpossible! We even put on arm pants for this episode, and our birthdays are this year. Thanks for choo-choo-choosing our podcast to listen to, and we're sorry that this episode sounds like burning. Items this week: the radical skateboard, and the pacifier of baby talk. Thanks to the Pods in the Key of Springfield podcast for the intro this week. They can be found at podsinthekeyofspringfield.podbean.com.

Remember to never haggle with warlocks if you can avoid it. Learn from our mistakes, and don't get your newest episode cursed. Every time you listen to this episode, it will become less Russian themed, and more wrestling themed. We can't explain how it happens. We just know it does. Items this week: Samson's shampoo, and the haunted Fabergé egg. Thanks to the She's In Russia podcast for the intro this week. They can be found at shesinrussia.com.

! Appraised by Media's the name, podcasting's the game. It's dangerous to go alone, take us. We came here to chew bubblegum, and make jokes. Wait a minute... That one's from They Live! What the hell, Duke? Items this week: the 1-Up mushroom, the homerun bat, and the checkpoint controller. Thanks to The Sometimes Geek Podcast for the intro this week. Check them out at sometimesgeek.com.

The reports of our deaths have been greatly exaggerated. Well, okay, exaggerated might not be the best word... Accurate? But if we told you the truth, you wouldn't have to remember anything, and where's the fun in that? Welcome back to Appraised by Media where thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. Items this week: the ring of contradiction, and the orange of peeling. Thanks to the Raised by Media podcast for the intro this week. Check them out at  r̢a͡is̛e̴d̴b̶͟ym҉e̡d̴͟ią́͜.c̴om̕.

Duncan regrets that his last words weren't something cooler. Malcolm regrets that his will failed to specify which beanie baby he was to be buried with. The brothers always knew they would be executed, though they guessed it would be for witchcraft. Thanks for listening to Season One everyone. Items this week: the gun of lost items, and the door to the Mother IKEA.

Sometimes, in our darkest hours, we can imagine a world without Jackie Chan. And how sad that world must be. And how scared and lost the inhabitants of that world must feel. And how we must never - never - let this world come to pass. Items this week: indestructible double sided sticky tape, and the lighter of shared memories.

Duncan and Malcolm ain't seen the sunshine since they don't know when. This week sees the duo stuck in Gideon Gadzooks' Gulag on New Corsica island. Maybe it's all the time spent in solitary, slow motion confinement - or maybe they finally lost it - but time keeps dragging on. Items this week: a message in a bottle, the random drink mug, and the anything straw.

This week features our first and funniest special guest. Live in the studio, the brothers are joined by none other than the shapeless one himself, Shavalyoth! ... What's that? We're sorry, but we have just been informed that Shavalyoth cannot be picked up on microphones. We assure you that his presence can be felt though. Items this week: the wax candle, Drake's drum, and a Kafka bed.

Which is more believable: that this episode isn’t even close to the longest discussion the brothers have had about jelly, or that they used their one phone call to get this description transcribed? Items this week: the mystery enchantment jelly.

Hell can come in many forms: war... other people... a box full of horrifyingly accurate fortunes. This week the brothers try to get a leg up on fate itself, but mostly giggle at each other's misfortunes. Hooah. Items this week: Gideon Gadzook's Delphic Cookie Twists.

On any other week, the brothers' flights of fancy would have made this episode for the birds. But fate has this episode sowing the seeds of the duo's own - We can't do this. We are guilty of so many crimes, let's not add first degree pun crimes to the list. Items this week: the heart of the sky, the seed of doubt, and the liar's tree.

The brothers would normally use this space to apologize to our fans for putting up our episode late. They would usually make a joke about how the Gnar escaped its cage, and ate all of their equipment. But this week they have to use this space for a different apology: sorry Rob Lowe. We cool? Items this week: the demonically nice chair, the extra hour watch, and a Gideon Gadzooks Golden Goose.

The goof factor is high on this one, folks. Maybe it’s because they haven’t slept since their all expenses paid vacation to Ghulheim, the nightmare capital, but the brothers seem especially slap happy this week. Maybe it’s Maybelline?

Sinkholes are no laughing matter. But luckily this podcast is. Assuming you find Runescape cosplayers, sentient milkshakes, and masturbating to Bob's Burgers laughing matters... That is a sentence we genuinely never thought we'd have to type.

​The interdimensional brothers have a new interdimensional patron in the form of Gideon Gadzooks Industries. This week, they spend their extra long episode agonizing over which jelly beans give the most bang for their buck, and spend surprisingly little time eating jelly beans. So don't worry, no one is happy with this arrangement.

The brothers are back from vacation and getting into the swing of things again. Some would call this a “classic” episode, but we would remind those people that this episode involves discussing killing Derek, Dwayne Johnson, and mimes in general. So let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Beer, fishing, and existential crises. You know, normal vacation things. The Gibbs brothers forgot to mention that they will be on vacation next week still, so there will not be an episode next week. Enjoy not listening to those two. They wish that was an option for them.

Our lenders lunge laboriously into the limitless, lugubrious leeches. Weekly weakened by wicked winnings, they think thimblefuls of their threat. Could the couple's curtain call be their cupidity? Did Duncan grow tired of this bit a while back?

The brothers discovered a magic lamp. The creature inside granted them three wishes. Malcolm immediately wished to be stuck in the desert for all eternity. Duncan wished to not be stuck in the desert for all eternity. The third wish created this episode. Enjoy.

I like imagining Greece as Michelle Pfeiffer's dying fever dream before she ascends to heaven atop Greece Lightning... What do you mean it's "Grease?!"

Challenges, heartbreak and betrayal... Someone has been keeping a dark secret... The show will never be the same... Sorry, I was watching The Bachelorette and writing this blurb at the same time. We mostly just rambled.

"Babs, will you read us back the minutes?" "You spent most of the time making fun of Brad Garrett, James Cameron, and Mark Zuckerberg. Your best joke was the first one you made. Do I really have to?" "I miss phone Barbara..."

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, actually it's just two brothers and their infinite box of goofs. This episode turned out pretty positive, despite spending a good amount of it talking about dead dogs, conquering their enemies, and how much they want to erase things from existence. On second thought...

A million dollars isn't cool, you know what's cool? A dog riding a skateboard that also has the mind of a dog. The brothers are back this week to wreak havoc on physics, morality, and common sense. Also, is it too late to rename the show "Come and See the Cornival?"

Like a fine whiskey, this episode has been boiled and distilled into its essential flavors. Heavy on death, and also celebrities, and also, weirdly enough, ghostly hand jobs… We’re a comedy podcast, right?

Another week, another "successful" episode. For the first time ever, the brothers take user submissions. Will this be the first of many, or will our listeners get tired of hearing references to... Pauly Shore? That can’t be right...

We did it. This episode even has an intro and an outro. It has everything. References to dead professional wrestlers? Check. Terrible, terrible superhero names? Check. A Boyhood-esque chronicle of one host's slow descent into alcoholism? You know it.

The inaugural episode of Appraised by Media. The audio quality of the episode does not indicate the joke quality. Take that to mean what you will.