LoveLife Podcast

Building on the previous episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how our role models and family help us to expand our capacity for loving. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL03

As we go though life we may find various people who will become our role models in life, in our careers and in our relationships.  They may be parents or other relatives, friends or simply people we meet along the way.  In this episode Alvean and Doug discuss their own role models and offer thoughts on how the identify those who might serve as role models.  For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL02

In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about passive/aggressive behavior and offer insights on how best to address this toxic form of relationship.  For a full transcript and more, click here: 68-The Passive-Aggressive Partner

It is a pervasive influence on our lives and some would say not a healthy one.  How does participation in social media affect our lives and our relationships for better or for worse?  Alvean and Doug discuss the subject and offer some thoughts on how to navigate this fraught space in a healthy and productive manner.  For more and a complete transcript, click here: 64-Relationships and Social Media

Some have said that Parenthood is the last of the unskilled occupations. How do we prepare ourselves, how do we take on the necessary wisdom to raise our children to become successful and happy adults?  To answer these and other questions, Alvean and Doug offer real world examples from their own and others' lives in this episode.  For a full transcript, click here: 65-Parenthood

It is a momentous step and one that can make or break a relationship. Accommodating another person's habits, posessions, and space put our affections to the test and what may be acceptable when we live apart is strained when we live together.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the stresses and pitfalls of moving in together but also the many rewards and sweetness that can accompany this step if couples are prepared.  For more on this topic and a full transcript, click here: 63-Moving In Together

For some it is acts of service, for others affirmation, gifts of touch, or quality time.  These are the ways we express our affection and affirm our love. But they are not always acknowledged, valued or understood by couples and a mismatch between what is desired and what is received can be fatal to an enduring relationship.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the languages of love, how we show and how we receive these gifts--and most importantly how we can align ourselves so that we are speaking the same language.  For more on this episode and a complete transcript, click here: 66-The Love Languages

The path to hell they say is paved with good intentions.  Too often we make the mistake of enabling a loved one to continue to harbor destructive --even self destructive habits or patterns of behavior.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which our good intentions can result in the worst results for those we love. Enabling robs those we love of self determination, reinforces their bad habits, and shields them from the reality of their lives.  For more on this subject and a full transcript of this episode, click here: 67-Are you an Enabler?

How many of us have idealized the perfect mate, and found that our dream curdled in reality?  That is the question Alvean and Doug tackle in this episode.   Is it possible to find such a person, and if and when we do will they measure up to reality?  Who is the ideal mate in any event? For more on this and a full transcript, click here: LL62-Your ideal mate

In a time when friend may mean someone you know on Facebook, what is a good friend and how do you know if you are one? Alvean and Doug talk about friendship and relationships and how the two relate. For a full transcript, click here: LL61-Are you a good friend?

For many couples that moment when one decides that its time to begin living together can be a fraught--even difficult navigation--even if it is something both desire.  Adjusting to someone else's routines, habits, and life style is not always a seamless and easy proposition.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the challenges and strategies for navigating them to help couples enjoy a smoother transition from single-hood to couple-hood.  For a full transcript, click here: 63-Moving In Together

And Baby makes three, so the saying goes.   That precious moment, however, is not without its challenges--especially for couples experiencing parenthood for the first time.  It can elicit latent fears, create tensions where none existed before --interfere with careers, health and fray the edges of relationships, but it can also be the culmination of dreams, and blessing.  Finding your way through the thickets is the subject of this episode--as Alvean and Doug talk about their own experience as Parents and offer some counsel for those awaiting or in the midst of parenthood for the first time. For a complete transcript, click here: 65-Parenthood

One of the more difficult behaviors to address in a relationship is the passive/aggressive partner.  Communication with passive aggressive partners is ultimately a difficult proposition that stands everything on its head and if unchecked can lead to dissolution, a bad breakup or worse due to latent anger and its effect. In this episode, Alvean and Doug help listeners recognize the signs of this behavior and offer advice on how best to counter it in order to get to a healthier place.  For a full transcript of the episode, click here: 68-The Passive-Aggressive Partner

Social Media is omnipresent in our lives and while it can help us maintain our involvement with friends and famil, it can also be a toxic wasteland spreading mis information and echoing unhealthy views or outright propaganda.  In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about the ways social media bear on relationships and how to make the best use of the medium without undue influence or harm.  Fir a complete transcript of this episode, click here: 64-Relationships and Social Media

Healthy and authentic relationships have a very special quality, they actually expand our capacity to feel and express love--not only to our beloved but to our circle of friends and family as well.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss this in concrete terms with examples drawn from their experience.  For a complete transcript, click here: LL03

In life and in relationships we may model our behavior on influential people in for better or worse.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about their role models and explore the ways role models act as intermediaries.  For a full transcript, click here:

Perhaps you heard that everyone has different ways of expressing their love, some through acts others through gifts, some through verbal expression and so on.   In this episode Alvean and Doug discuss the various love languages and how couples can learn to understand and accept the expressions of their partner, especially when they may not speak the same language. For more and a full transcript. click here: 66-The Love Languages

Sometimes we want so much to do everything possible for our loved ones that we end up serving their best interest poorly.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about enabling and how you can identify whether or not you may be an enabler wiothout realizing it.  For a full transcript, click here: 67-Are you an Enabler?

Do you have an ideal mate?  How do you know what you are looking for and can you trust those instincts? In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer some suggestions for how to recognize the traits that make someone ideal for you. For more and a complete transcript, click here: LL62-Your ideal mate

Intimacy is a word with many meanings--some quite nuanced.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer their views on intimacy and how best to achieve it. For a complete transcript, click here: LL60-What is Intimacy

It has been said that life is a poor teacher because it first tests us then gives the lesson.  What are the lessons life has taught us about true love?  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss their own lessons and those that listeners have shared.  For a complete transcript, click here: LL59-What has true love taught you?

Can relationships grow stale and wither on the emotional vine? In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which feelings can change--sometimes growing diminished and how one can alter that course and breathe fresh life into a relationship. For a full transcript, click here: LL58-Is there a use by date....

Alvean and Doug talk about their own regrets and the most common ones they've heard from listeners.  How do you navigate those feelings and emerge with a more affirmative attitude?  Click here for a full transcript: LL57-Your Biggest Regrets

Sometimes the past is something we recall with fond memory, while at other times we'd rather forget.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the impact children from a prior relationships can have on your current one.  Will it be positive or a field of emotional landmines that can explode when you least expect it?  For a full transcript, click here: LL56-Relating to children from a prior relationship

In this episode, Alvean and Doug take on the difficult question of what to do when a relationship becomes a party of three and the two are no longer a sacred bond.  How does one recover, if at all?  For a complete transcript, click here:LL54-You, Me and .........

Ask most women about the men in their life and there is a good chance that they will describe the men in the life as opaque or lacking when it comes to expressing their feelings.  As trite as it may seem they aren't wrong--but what they may not know is what their man is really feeling but not discussing.  There are many reasons for this seeming disconnect, and in this episode Alvean and Doug discuss the causes and importantly ways in which women can help their mate to become more comfortable revealing their inner thoughts and feelings. For a full transcript, click here: LL53-What men rarely say but often feel

As we age, most of us retain certain personality traits but often change our perspective on issues as they are informed by life experience.  What we want out of our lives, our value systems and our views of others can change --sometimes dramatically-- as we enter different stages of life.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about their own experiences and the ways in which attitudes and values are affected by our social ecosystem.  For a full transcript, click here: LL55-How has your perspective changed with age?pdf

Let's face it, relationships can be hard to sustain.  They require constant attention and it can feel like work, not fun.  In the midst of those challenges one or both partners can be tempted to stray--looking for a more nurturing, happier, or simply less stressful alternative.  In some cases this leads to cheating, or a breakup, but it doesn't have to.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss this subject frankly and with practical advice how to handle the possibility of a 3rd party in your relationship before it leads to disunion or infidelity. For a full transcript, click here:LL54-You, Me and .........

Chances are you've heard someone ask this question or maybe you have asked it yourself.  For some, dating, much less finding the one is a frustrating and ultimately defeating experience leading to a sense of hopelessness. There are many reasons we don't connect.  In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which we can get in our own way by setting unrealistic expectations, looking in the wrong places, or failing to invest sufficient effort in learning about a potential mate.  For a full transcript, click here: LL52-Are there any good men or women out there?

No one ever wants to think about it and no matter how gently and thoughtfully it is done, it is almost always very hurtful.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug take up the issue with some helpful thoughts on how best to handle a breakup whether you are initiating or the recipient.  They offer some suggestions on how to help avoid anger and recrimination and equally important, how to help one's soon to be ex to maintain their dignity and emotional health in the face of a painful experience. For a full transcript, click here: LL51-Breaking Up

For most couples the arrival of their first child is both a blessing and long dreamed of moment.  But it can also be challenging for both parents.  Demands on time and patience, fears about preparedness, added financial burdens, and potential disagreements about parenting are just a few of the bumps in the road new parents can encounter.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the practical and emotional challenges and offer some thoughts on how to navigate baby's arrival. For a full transcript, click here: LL50-And Baby Makes Three

Satisfying relationships can be challenged by many external factors, not least among these family and friends who feel it is appropriate to weigh in on a couple's privacy and insert themselves into the mix--often to the detriment of the relationship.  We call these circumstances toxic --as they can poison an otherwise positive relationship or inflate minor differences to the point they become destructive.  In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about how to identify toxic behavior and what to do when faced with prospective influencers--however well intentioned that might lead to a break up, or divorce. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL49 -Toxic Families

Some may see them as May December romances, others find significant age differences in relationships a bit cringy.  But the real question is does age truly matter?  In this episode Alvean and Doug take on this sometime thorny subject with their usual fresh insights and real world examples.  For a full transcript click here: LL48-Does Age Matter?

Friends and family can be part of a wonderful network of love and support, but there is one thing couples should never do, and that is to involve eaither into their lives as armchair therapists or relationship counselors. Despite what they may say or do, family and friends have conscious and unconscious biases, they are untrained and almost always will make matters worse rather than better.  To find out why, listen to Alvean and Doug discuss the merits.  For a full transcript, click here: LL-46 Friends and Family as Counselors

Love can be conditional or unconditional we are told and of the two most people yearn for unconditional love.  But is that ever truly the case?  Can we ever be loved just the way we are or are we destined to find that our significant other wants to change us--just a little bit? In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how couples support each other or fail to meet each other's needs through their interactions.  For a full transcript, click here: LL45-I love you Just the Way You Are

At some point in life most of us ask ourselves the existential question, why are we here--what is our purpose in life?  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talking about the journey --how individuals alone and together can begin to explore answers to that question. Often it can lead to a deepning commitment to one another and to a richer and more fulfilling life.  For a complete transcript, click here: LL44-Finding Purpose

Tyhe first blush of a new relationship can be hot and heavy, full of chemistry and passion.  But as time goes by and things fall into a routine couples might find themselves asking, "is that all there is?'  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss how to handle a perceived change in the emotional climate and restore the balance that brought a couple together in the first place.  For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL43-Is That All There Is?

When troubles arise in a relationship it can sometimes result in the triggering of a fight or flight response.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about those responses and how to avoid them. For a full transcript, click here: LL42-Fight or Flight

Those words in the wedding vows about remaining together and supporting one another in sickness and in health are put to the test when serious health issues arise.  How couples handle these crises says a great deal about their bonds and their ability to weather the difficult storms that may arise in any relationship and at any time.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk from personal experience about those tests and how it affected them as well as others.  For a full transcript of the episode, click here:LL41-In Sickness & in Health

Do couples grow towards each other as they grow older or further apart?  Alvean and Doug discuss the ways aging can affect relationships for better or for worse and how successful couples keep the spark alive. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL40-Growing Older

What happens when that first rush of love goes away--or diminishes in intensity.  Is Love over--di you make a mistake or is this just a pause in a life filled with love? In this episode Alvean talk frankly about how love ebbs and flows and how we are the agents of that tide. For a full transcript click here: LL39-After the Love

It can be crippling to face the news these days--but in the midst of the negativity and strife there are ways to create an oasis of calm and serenity.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss techniques for transforming your immediate world into a more forgiving and supportive environmwnt. For a full transcript, click here: LL38-Staying Positive in a Negative World

Too often couples can struggle with control issues or resort to manipulation to get their way.  Both are destructive, eroding the trust and affections of both partners.  Instead try persuasion. In this episode, Doug & Alvean talk about the art of persuading and techniques for entering into an empathetic understanding of your partner's aims and desires. For a full transcript, click here: LL37-The Art of Persuasion

Learning to listen to one another--not just hear but trul listen with your entire attention is a recipe for an enduring relationship.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how we can learn to improve our listening and our talking skills so that we communicate what we want and need effectively to our partner. For a full transcript, click here:LL36-Listening-Tune in or Tune out

And baby--child or pet, makes three--so the song goes.  And it can be a blessed event when two become three, but it isn't always a smooth road. In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about how couples can navigate the changes they will face when introducing another being into their midst--a demanding, loving, and fragile being that can alter their dynamics. For a full transcript, click here: LL35-When Kids or Pets are in the way

Is it true that couples who have a strong and common spiritual life have strong and durable relationships?  How does faith bind us and how do we navigate the tenet's of our faith in a complex world?  Find Answers to these and many other questions in this episode of Love Life.  For a complete transcript, click here: LL34-Couples That Pray Together

In this episode Alvean and Doug dish about the challenge and the opportunity to rekindle that spark of passion--the chemistry and fire that ignited your romantic relationship in the first place.  It isn't all hormones--most of it is about the secret sauce of romance. For a full transcript, click here: LL33-How to Bring Passion Back?

Couples argue about a fairly narrow range of issues, including intimacy, control, habits and of course money. Avoiding toxic or nuclear arguments is essential to a solid relationship.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about ways couples can avoid the pitfalls that can derail them and how to take the toxicity out of financial discussions. For a full transcript, click here: LL32-Why Do couples Quarrel About Money?

In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the fine art of flirtation.  Why we do it, what it means and how to flirt without crossing a line into cheating. For a full transcript and more, click here: LL31-Why Men and Women Flirt

A lot of books have been written about the differences between men and women--but often they offer very litte useful insight where it matters most--in relationship.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug take on this time worn topic with some fresh insights about how men and women think, react and respond to one another.  For a full transcript, click here:LL30-How Men and Women Differ

Is fighting normal--dos it help heal or break relationships?  Is there such a thing as healthy quarrellng?  Answers to these and related questions in this episode from Alvean and Doug.  For a complete transcript, click here:LL29-Why Do Couples Quarrel?