LoveLife Podcast

Loneliness seems epidemic these days--certainly among younger generations. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about some positive aspects of being alone, and how one can use that time to renew self love and affirm one's feelings about others.  For a full transcript, click here: LL25-Savoring Loneliness

Have you ever heard this expression--possibly from kids but sometimes said in another way it is the sentiment behind adult push back. In this episode, Alvean and Doug dissect the meaning behind that expression and why it is an important indicator of control issues that may be working behind the scenes.  For a full transcript, click here: LL24-You're not the Boss of Me

Conventional wisdom suggests the answer is yes, but is that really true.  In this episode Alvean and Doug take on the question with some surprising insights int what makes for a lively and rich relationship.  For a full transcript, click here:  LL23-Do Opposites Attract

Arguably, jealousy is one of the most toxic emotions, one that can destroy any relationship.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about its roots in insecurity and poor ideation of the self.  They offer some thoughts about how best to counter it and create an environment that in wholesome, and transparent.  For more click here: LL22-Jealousy

Can you go back?  Do failed relationship work on a second try or is the damage too profound to ever repair.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer their thoughts on the pitfalls and possible benefits of a second chance.  For a full transcript, click here:LL21-Getting Back with Your Ex

Maybe you have had the experience or perhaps heard about such situations.  When a relationship ends it is often more than painful emotionally, some partners go that extra step to inflict even more pain, emotionally, financially, or in other ways.  How does one handle such a situation and even more pertinent, how does one avoid it in the first place.  Listen to what Alvean and Doug have to say in this episode: LL20-Vindictive Ex's

If there is a human trait that matters more and least understood, it is empathy.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about why empathy is at the core of all durable relationships, ib life, work and love.  For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL19-Empathy is a Lost Virtue

It takes a secure person to open themselves up to others but it is only through vulnerability that true emotional connection can flourish.  Alvean and Doug explore this paradox in this episode and offer vivid examples from their own experience.  For a full transcript, click here: LL18-Vulnerability

Philosophers and everyday men and women alike wrestle with the question, what is my purpose in life?  What actually matters--and how do we discover the answers?  In this episode, Alvean and Doug take on these pithy questions and offere their own experience and insights in response.  For a full transcript, click here: LL17

It sounds counter-intuitive but Alvean and Doug would tell you that some of our most painful experiences are also incredibly important teaching moments.  Although no one seeks out suffering, especially where relationships are concerned, emotional pain, loss and grief take us to places where we can look at ourselves and our lives in a more objective perspective and emerge--either through one's own devices or with help into a better and healthier life.  For a full transcript of this episode, click here:LL16

Can we truly deceive ourselves?  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the ways we obfuscate, pretend and misdirect our intuition and intellect when matters of the heart are concerned. For a full transcript, click here:LL15

Some have said that a broken heart is worse than any physical pain, and for many it is one of if not the hardest thing they may face at a young age. Alvean and Doug discuss the ways we mend and build on a stronger foundation following a difficult passage such as this. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL14

As a followup to last week's episode, Alvean and Doug take on the thorny question, can anyone prevent their partner from cheating?   Alvean unfolds her now famous dry grass analogy to explain how relationship fare when they are not regularly tended.  And Doug tells a story about a marriage that foundered through inattention. For a full transcript, click here: LL13

It may be the hardest test of a relationship, when one partner is unfaithful to the other.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss how to move on --whether the relationship is at its end or otherwise and how to know the difference between someone that cheated (and why) and someone who is a cheater.  For more, and a complete transcript, click here: LL12

Doug & Alvean share stories about the best advice they ever received regarding relationships.  For a full transcript, click here: LL11

A lot has been written and said about interracial or inter-religious relationships and the challenges they pose, but really these differences are only a part of what Alvean and Doug describe as cross cultural relationships because they involve more than race or faith, but a matrix of language, behavior social and cultural norms that may be wide or narrowly different between partners. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer some thoughts on how to energize and remain open to thsoe diferences seeing them as opportunities rather than obstacles. For a full transcript, click here: LL10

Whether as a result of divorce, widowhood, or other circumstances second marriages often face the prospect of combining families.   Where children are involved this is a delicate and potentially difficult proposition but also one that can be rewarding and a significant improvement for all involved. The results turn on how well the prospective partners relate to and communicate with their children in the months/years prior to combining their households and families.  Alvean and Doug take on this tricky subject with lots of good counsel for all concerned, parents and children. For a full transcript, click here: LL09

It has become increasingly common to find that traditional gender roles in the household are no longer --well, traditional.   Who is the primary housekeeper, parent, breadwinner?  It isn't always what one might expect which raises some questions about how best to navigate the relationship when the traditional roles no longer apply.  For many men, being the stay at home father/homekeeper is a delight but for others it is a challenge when one's spouse or partner makes more.  And it isn't limited to men and women--the same inequity questions can crop up in same sex relationships as well.  That's in part because money often is viewed as power affecting the balance of the arrangement.  Alvean and Doug talk about this perceived inequity and related questions in this episode, a complete transcript of which is available here: LL08

Perhaps a friend has said it--maybe it was you: Where are all the good  (men/women), I just can't find the one.  If you have any self awareness this should lead you to ask the question: Am I Too Picky?  You may not be, or you just might but failing to ask the question is an all too common mistake.  Let's face it, we dream of finding the ideal person--and once we get to know our intended we no sooner begin to notice the small or larger issues -things we want to change or in extreme cases cannot abide. Are we setting our sights too high, are we unrealistic or is there really a dirth of good people from whom we might choose?  For answers to these questions listen to Alvean and Doug discuss ways to identify your expectations and understand whether they are realistic or otherwise. For a complete transcript of this episode, click here: LL07

We probably should have been more direct.  There is no good way to say goodbye--but there are ways to bring a relationship to a close without causing each other deep and lasting pain. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how to do just that--to honestly and transparently acknowledge that for whatever reasons the relationship has run its course and the possibility of resurrecting mutuality is nil.  You may remain friends after a time, or not as you both navigate the future but you can and should part ways the same way you began with genuine affection and respect for one another.  For a complete transcript of this episode, click here:LL06

You've probably heard people describe someone as a soul mate, or say that their relationship was meant to be.  Are their cosmic relationships, those blessed by God, and karmically arranged, or are these simply justifications?  Alvean and Doug take on this somewhat controversial subject in this episode, a transcript of which may be found here: LL05

Quite often men and women will question whether their relationships are authentic, or a manifestation of chemistry, the short tem allure of the chase, or some other temporary circumstance.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer some thoughts on how to recognize a genuine bond, built of real love and respect for one's partner.  For more and a full transcript, click here: LL04

Building on the previous episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how our role models and family help us to expand our capacity for loving. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL03

As we go though life we may find various people who will become our role models in life, in our careers and in our relationships.  They may be parents or other relatives, friends or simply people we meet along the way.  In this episode Alvean and Doug discuss their own role models and offer thoughts on how the identify those who might serve as role models.  For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL02

In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about passive/aggressive behavior and offer insights on how best to address this toxic form of relationship.  For a full transcript and more, click here: 68-The Passive-Aggressive Partner

It is a pervasive influence on our lives and some would say not a healthy one.  How does participation in social media affect our lives and our relationships for better or for worse?  Alvean and Doug discuss the subject and offer some thoughts on how to navigate this fraught space in a healthy and productive manner.  For more and a complete transcript, click here: 64-Relationships and Social Media

Some have said that Parenthood is the last of the unskilled occupations. How do we prepare ourselves, how do we take on the necessary wisdom to raise our children to become successful and happy adults?  To answer these and other questions, Alvean and Doug offer real world examples from their own and others' lives in this episode.  For a full transcript, click here: 65-Parenthood

It is a momentous step and one that can make or break a relationship. Accommodating another person's habits, posessions, and space put our affections to the test and what may be acceptable when we live apart is strained when we live together.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the stresses and pitfalls of moving in together but also the many rewards and sweetness that can accompany this step if couples are prepared.  For more on this topic and a full transcript, click here: 63-Moving In Together

For some it is acts of service, for others affirmation, gifts of touch, or quality time.  These are the ways we express our affection and affirm our love. But they are not always acknowledged, valued or understood by couples and a mismatch between what is desired and what is received can be fatal to an enduring relationship.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the languages of love, how we show and how we receive these gifts--and most importantly how we can align ourselves so that we are speaking the same language.  For more on this episode and a complete transcript, click here: 66-The Love Languages

The path to hell they say is paved with good intentions.  Too often we make the mistake of enabling a loved one to continue to harbor destructive --even self destructive habits or patterns of behavior.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which our good intentions can result in the worst results for those we love. Enabling robs those we love of self determination, reinforces their bad habits, and shields them from the reality of their lives.  For more on this subject and a full transcript of this episode, click here: 67-Are you an Enabler?

How many of us have idealized the perfect mate, and found that our dream curdled in reality?  That is the question Alvean and Doug tackle in this episode.   Is it possible to find such a person, and if and when we do will they measure up to reality?  Who is the ideal mate in any event? For more on this and a full transcript, click here: LL62-Your ideal mate

In a time when friend may mean someone you know on Facebook, what is a good friend and how do you know if you are one? Alvean and Doug talk about friendship and relationships and how the two relate. For a full transcript, click here: LL61-Are you a good friend?

For many couples that moment when one decides that its time to begin living together can be a fraught--even difficult navigation--even if it is something both desire.  Adjusting to someone else's routines, habits, and life style is not always a seamless and easy proposition.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the challenges and strategies for navigating them to help couples enjoy a smoother transition from single-hood to couple-hood.  For a full transcript, click here: 63-Moving In Together

And Baby makes three, so the saying goes.   That precious moment, however, is not without its challenges--especially for couples experiencing parenthood for the first time.  It can elicit latent fears, create tensions where none existed before --interfere with careers, health and fray the edges of relationships, but it can also be the culmination of dreams, and blessing.  Finding your way through the thickets is the subject of this episode--as Alvean and Doug talk about their own experience as Parents and offer some counsel for those awaiting or in the midst of parenthood for the first time. For a complete transcript, click here: 65-Parenthood

One of the more difficult behaviors to address in a relationship is the passive/aggressive partner.  Communication with passive aggressive partners is ultimately a difficult proposition that stands everything on its head and if unchecked can lead to dissolution, a bad breakup or worse due to latent anger and its effect. In this episode, Alvean and Doug help listeners recognize the signs of this behavior and offer advice on how best to counter it in order to get to a healthier place.  For a full transcript of the episode, click here: 68-The Passive-Aggressive Partner

Social Media is omnipresent in our lives and while it can help us maintain our involvement with friends and famil, it can also be a toxic wasteland spreading mis information and echoing unhealthy views or outright propaganda.  In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about the ways social media bear on relationships and how to make the best use of the medium without undue influence or harm.  Fir a complete transcript of this episode, click here: 64-Relationships and Social Media

Healthy and authentic relationships have a very special quality, they actually expand our capacity to feel and express love--not only to our beloved but to our circle of friends and family as well.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss this in concrete terms with examples drawn from their experience.  For a complete transcript, click here: LL03

In life and in relationships we may model our behavior on influential people in for better or worse.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about their role models and explore the ways role models act as intermediaries.  For a full transcript, click here:

Perhaps you heard that everyone has different ways of expressing their love, some through acts others through gifts, some through verbal expression and so on.   In this episode Alvean and Doug discuss the various love languages and how couples can learn to understand and accept the expressions of their partner, especially when they may not speak the same language. For more and a full transcript. click here: 66-The Love Languages

Sometimes we want so much to do everything possible for our loved ones that we end up serving their best interest poorly.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about enabling and how you can identify whether or not you may be an enabler wiothout realizing it.  For a full transcript, click here: 67-Are you an Enabler?

Do you have an ideal mate?  How do you know what you are looking for and can you trust those instincts? In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer some suggestions for how to recognize the traits that make someone ideal for you. For more and a complete transcript, click here: LL62-Your ideal mate

Intimacy is a word with many meanings--some quite nuanced.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer their views on intimacy and how best to achieve it. For a complete transcript, click here: LL60-What is Intimacy

It has been said that life is a poor teacher because it first tests us then gives the lesson.  What are the lessons life has taught us about true love?  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss their own lessons and those that listeners have shared.  For a complete transcript, click here: LL59-What has true love taught you?

Can relationships grow stale and wither on the emotional vine? In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which feelings can change--sometimes growing diminished and how one can alter that course and breathe fresh life into a relationship. For a full transcript, click here: LL58-Is there a use by date....

Alvean and Doug talk about their own regrets and the most common ones they've heard from listeners.  How do you navigate those feelings and emerge with a more affirmative attitude?  Click here for a full transcript: LL57-Your Biggest Regrets

Sometimes the past is something we recall with fond memory, while at other times we'd rather forget.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the impact children from a prior relationships can have on your current one.  Will it be positive or a field of emotional landmines that can explode when you least expect it?  For a full transcript, click here: LL56-Relating to children from a prior relationship

In this episode, Alvean and Doug take on the difficult question of what to do when a relationship becomes a party of three and the two are no longer a sacred bond.  How does one recover, if at all?  For a complete transcript, click here:LL54-You, Me and .........

Ask most women about the men in their life and there is a good chance that they will describe the men in the life as opaque or lacking when it comes to expressing their feelings.  As trite as it may seem they aren't wrong--but what they may not know is what their man is really feeling but not discussing.  There are many reasons for this seeming disconnect, and in this episode Alvean and Doug discuss the causes and importantly ways in which women can help their mate to become more comfortable revealing their inner thoughts and feelings. For a full transcript, click here: LL53-What men rarely say but often feel

As we age, most of us retain certain personality traits but often change our perspective on issues as they are informed by life experience.  What we want out of our lives, our value systems and our views of others can change --sometimes dramatically-- as we enter different stages of life.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about their own experiences and the ways in which attitudes and values are affected by our social ecosystem.  For a full transcript, click here: LL55-How has your perspective changed with age?pdf

Let's face it, relationships can be hard to sustain.  They require constant attention and it can feel like work, not fun.  In the midst of those challenges one or both partners can be tempted to stray--looking for a more nurturing, happier, or simply less stressful alternative.  In some cases this leads to cheating, or a breakup, but it doesn't have to.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss this subject frankly and with practical advice how to handle the possibility of a 3rd party in your relationship before it leads to disunion or infidelity. For a full transcript, click here:LL54-You, Me and .........

Chances are you've heard someone ask this question or maybe you have asked it yourself.  For some, dating, much less finding the one is a frustrating and ultimately defeating experience leading to a sense of hopelessness. There are many reasons we don't connect.  In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which we can get in our own way by setting unrealistic expectations, looking in the wrong places, or failing to invest sufficient effort in learning about a potential mate.  For a full transcript, click here: LL52-Are there any good men or women out there?