Podcasts about psychologists

It's not a character flaw that you're replaying that comment, that tone, that thing you should have said — it's your mind doing its job badly. This episode breaks down what rumination actually is, why it feels productive even though it never resolves anything, and why the standard advice (stop overthinking it, just think positively) quietly makes it worse. Brett Ingram reframes the 2am replay as misdirected care — real concern with nowhere to go — and walks through three moves to redirect it: creating distance from the loop, asking whether it wants an action or a feeling, and giving it a channel out of your head. What You'll Learn in This Episode What rumination actually is, and why replaying something forty times leaves you with zero new information Why your mind loops specifically on things that feel unfinished and unsafe at the same time Why most replays are about people, not tasks — and what that says about how your brain tracks belonging The research showing rumination doesn't just fail to solve problems, it actively makes you worse at solving them Why "just stop overthinking it" and "just think positively" both backfire, and the famous experiment that proves it The reframe at the center of the episode: rumination is misdirected care, not a malfunction Three concrete moves — creating distance, asking "action or feeling," and finding a channel — plus a simple "two a.m. reset" you can use tonight Episode Timestamps [00:00] The 2am replay: reliving a conversation frame by frame [01:00] The real question — what is your mind actually trying to do? [02:00] Naming it: what rumination actually is, and why it feels productive but isn't [03:00] The "Buckner moment" — watching your worst footage on repeat [05:00] You're not broken: the Harvard study on mind-wandering and mood [06:00] Why the mind loops: unfinished and unsafe at the same time [07:00] Why most loops are social — belonging, safety, and the people around you [08:00] Susan Nolen-Hoeksema's research: rumination makes the problem harder to solve [09:00] The white bear experiment — why forcing yourself to stop backfires [10:00] The reframe: rumination is misdirected care [12:00] Move 1: Name the loop and create distance (distanced self-talk) [14:00] Move 2: Ask the one honest question — action or feeling? [17:00] Move 3: Give it a channel — say it, write it, move your body [19:00] The limits: when it's more than rumination, and when the loop is right [20:00] The Two AM Reset — a three-step practice you can use tonight Episode Summary You're an intelligent, capable adult who solves real problems all day — and yet at 2am, you're powerless against one specific conversation, replaying it frame by frame, hunting for the edit that would make it come out clean. Brett Ingram argues that this loop isn't a malfunction. It's your mind trying to protect you. It's just going about it badly. Psychologists have a name for it: rumination — the habit of responding to distress by replaying the causes, the meaning, and the what-ifs, without ever moving toward resolving anything. That's the trap. Rumination feels like processing, so it feels productive, but you can watch the same footage forty times and end up with exactly zero new information — the same trap the Fever Pitch character falls into, replaying the Buckner moment instead of living his own life. The mind loops on anything that feels unfinished and unsafe at the same time — a conversation with no clean ending, paired with something you care about (your competence, your kindness, your standing with someone) feeling at stake. Put those together, and your mind treats the moment like an active threat, refusing to file it away because filing it away feels like giving up on protecting you. Most replays are social rather than practical, because for most of human history, belonging was survival — which is why you might replay an awkward comment to a friend for a week and forget an actual mistake at work by Friday. The cruel twist, backed by the late Yale psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema's decades of research, is that rumination doesn't just fail to solve the problem — it actively makes you worse at solving it, muddling your thinking and eroding the very relationships you're looping about. Brett takes apart the two most common pieces of advice — "just stop overthinking it" and "just think positively" — and shows why both backfire, using Daniel Wegner's famous 1980s "white bear" experiment: people told not to think about a white bear end up thinking about it more, not less, because suppression forces part of the mind to stand guard over the very thought it's trying to avoid. The reframe at the center of the episode: rumination is misdirected care — real concern about something that matters, aimed at a problem it can't solve by staying in your head. From there, Brett offers three moves. First, name the loop and create distance from it, using Ethan Kross's research on "distanced self-talk" — talking to yourself in the second or third person instead of "I." Second, ask the loop one honest question: is this a real action you need to take, or a feeling you need to let yourself feel? The two require opposite responses, and confusing them is why loops never end. Third, give it a channel out of your head — say it to someone, write it down, or move your body. Brett closes with two honest caveats: when the looping is relentless, trauma-linked, or pulling you somewhere dark, that's a sign to talk to a professional, not a podcast framework. And sometimes the loop is right — it's not malfunctioning, it's a messenger for a conversation you've been avoiding. The episode ends with a simple "two a.m. reset" — name it, ask action-or-feeling, pick one channel — and the reminder that the goal was never to stop caring. It's to give the caring somewhere to go. Resources Mentioned Susan Nolen-Hoeksema — Late Yale psychologist whose decades of research established that rumination impairs, rather than aids, problem-solving Daniel Wegner — Psychologist behind the 1980s "white bear" thought-suppression experiment and the concept of the "ironic process of mental control" Ethan Kross — University of Michigan psychologist and author of Chatter, whose research on "distanced self-talk" underlies the episode's first move A well-known Harvard mind-wandering study — Real-time experience-sampling research referenced in the episode finding minds wander roughly 47% of waking hours (researcher/citation not named in the source transcript — confirm before publishing, likely Killingsworth & Gilbert, "A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind," 2010) Fever Pitch — Film referenced for the scene of a character replaying his team's worst loss on repeat instead of moving on Frequently Asked Questions Why can't I stop replaying an embarrassing or painful conversation in my head? Your mind loops on things that feel both unfinished (no clean resolution) and unsafe (something you care about — your competence, your standing with someone — feels at stake). When both are true at once, your mind treats it like an active threat and keeps it "open" rather than filing it away, because filing it away feels like giving up on protecting you. What is rumination, and how is it different from normal reflection? Rumination is the habit of replaying the causes, meaning, and what-ifs of a distressing moment without ever moving toward resolving it. A lesson has an endpoint — you learn something and the thinking is done. A loop has no endpoint — you circle the same ground and arrive nowhere, no matter how many times you replay it. Why doesn't telling myself to "just stop thinking about it" work? Because suppressing a thought requires part of your mind to keep checking whether you're thinking about it — which keeps the thought alive instead of closing it. Psychologist Daniel Wegner demonstrated this with his famous "white bear" experiment: people told not to think about a white bear thought about it more than people who were never given the instruction at all. What is "distanced self-talk," and how does it help with rumination? It's talking to yourself using your own name or "you" instead of "I" — for example, "you're looping on this again" instead of "why did I say that." Researcher Ethan Kross found this small shift creates enough psychological distance to lower distress and help people see a situation more clearly, without suppressing the thought. How do I know if I'm dealing with a real action or just a feeling that needs to be felt? Ask the loop directly: is there something I actually need to do or say, or is this just a feeling I haven't let myself feel? If it's an action, write down the smallest next step — the moment there's a plan, the urge to keep replaying it tends to drain away. If it's a feeling, name it and let it be there; you can't think your way out of something that just needs to be felt. What's the fastest thing I can do at 2am when the loop starts? Try the "two a.m. reset": name the loop and step back from it ("this is a loop, not a lesson"), ask whether it's an action or a feeling and respond accordingly, then pick one channel for tomorrow — tell one person, write one page, or take one walk. Even just naming the loop is a win on its own. When is replaying a conversation actually a sign I need to talk to a professional? If the looping is relentless, tied to a trauma you keep reliving, feels intrusive and frightening, or is pulling you into a darkness that's hard to climb out of, that's beyond ordinary rumination — it's a sign to talk to a real professional, not something a framework alone is meant to fix. Keep Exploring If this episode resonated, these are worth your time: Mind & Inner Life pillar page — Go deeper on how optYOUmize thinks about the mental patterns that quietly shape your days  Enjoyed This Episode? The best way to support optYOUmize is to subscribe and leave a review — it takes about two minutes and makes a real difference in helping more people find the show. Apple Podcasts · Spotify · Amazon Music · YouTube Leave a Review →

Before the Lindsay Clancy Trial began, we spoke with Caitlin Slavens and Chelsea Bodie -- authors, therapists, and creators of the popular Mama Psychologists. Hear their insights in this interview conducted as jury selection began. Originally aired on our other podcast: The Prosecutors: Legal Briefs.--Check out our other show, The Prosecutors: Legal Briefs, for discussion on cases, controversial topics, or conversations with content creators.For early and ad-free access to episodes as well as the opportunity to watch us record episodes live, join our PatreonFor early and ad-free episodes, you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts.Get Prosecutors Podcast MerchJoin our fan-run Facebook Group: the Gallery on Facebook for case discussions, hot legal topics, and more.Follow us on X, or as we'll always call it: Twitter @prosecutorspodFind us on Instagram or Threads @prosecutorspodCheck out our website for case resourcesHang out with us on TikTok @prosecutorspodSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Humans are remarkably bad at predicting how long something will take. Whether it's a home project, a work assignment, or even a quick trip across town, we almost always underestimate the time involved. Psychologists have studied this tendency for decades—and understanding why it happens can help you make better plans, meet more deadlines, and avoid unnecessary frustration. https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/planning-fallacy We tend to think of imagination as something artists, inventors, and children rely on. But imagination is actually one of the most powerful—and overlooked—abilities we all possess. It shapes the decisions you make, the problems you solve, the goals you pursue, and even the life you create. There is fascinating science behind how imagination works, and once you understand it, you can use it far more effectively. My guest is Dr. Cassandra Vieten, clinical psychologist, Director of Research at the Arthur C. Clarke Center for Human Imagination at the University of California, San Diego, and author of the book Imagine That: Unlocking the Science of Imagination to Transform the Way You Think, Feel, and Live (https://amzn.to/4bqbZl7) Here is the link to discover your imagination profile: https://imagination.ucsd.edu/profile/ Artificial intelligence can write essays, diagnose diseases, generate stunning images, and defeat the world's best chess players. Yet ask it to perform certain tasks that are effortless for a human child, and it can stumble badly. Why? What exactly makes AI so powerful in some areas—and surprisingly weak in others? Beneath the headlines are some fascinating realities about how AI actually works and where it still falls short. Here to explain it is Toby Walsh, one of the world's leading AI researchers. He is Professor of Artificial Intelligence at the University of New South Wales, Chief Scientist at its AI Institute, and author of The Shortest History of AI: The Six Essential Ideas That Animate It (https://amzn.to/4hCjycc) When a highway lane is closed ahead, should you merge immediately or wait until the very end? Most drivers have strong opinions, but traffic engineers have spent years studying what actually keeps traffic moving. The answer is NOT what many people expect—and understanding it may change the way you drive through every construction zone. https://highways.dot.gov/sites/fhwa.dot.gov/files/FHWA-HRT-23-070.pdf= PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS AIR DOCTOR: Head to ⁠https://AirDoctorPro.com⁠ and use promo code SYSK to get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers, including the 3500, 4000, and 5500 models. Plus, you'll receive a free 3year warranty, an $84 value, and AirDoctor's 30-day money back guarantee WAYFAIR: Ready to upgrade your home for way less? Head to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Wayfair.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ right now to shop all things home and get your space ready for less.  QUINCE: Elevate your everyday. Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Quince.com/sysk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too! SHOPIFY: It's time to turn those "what ifs" into CHA CHING with Shopify Today! Sign up for your $1 per month trail and start selling today at ⁠https://Shopify.com/realm⁠ INDEED: Get a $75 Sponsored Job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Indeed.com/PODCAST⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bron is joined by Anastasia Sagris-Desmond (psychologist and graduate of the Pathways to Politics Program) about advocacy beyond the therapy room. Anastasia shares how three decades working in gambling harm and family violence led her into politics, union leadership, and co-authoring a book on coercive control and financial abuse. They chat about:

Link Up w/The Morning Sickness Digitally All Over:Instagram: @hms_98_official, @bosskupd, @bretvesely, @dickToledoX/Twitter: @HMSon98, @DickToledo, @bretveselyFacebook: @HMSKUPDYouTube: @hmspodcast9320, @98kupdRequest/Call in/Wakeup Song line:(IN AZ) 602.585.9800More HMS: www.holmbergpodcast.com, www.98kupd.comEmail: dtoledo@98kupd.com, bvesely@98kupd.com, bbogen@98kupd.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Link Up w/The Morning Sickness Digitally All Over:Instagram: @hms_98_official, @bosskupd, @bretvesely, @dickToledoX/Twitter: @HMSon98, @DickToledo, @bretveselyFacebook: @HMSKUPDYouTube: @hmspodcast9320, @98kupdRequest/Call in/Wakeup Song line:(IN AZ) 602.585.9800More HMS: www.holmbergpodcast.com, www.98kupd.comEmail: dtoledo@98kupd.com, bvesely@98kupd.com, bbogen@98kupd.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode, Trisha and I answer a listener's question about emotional eating and why we sometimes turn to food for comfort. She shares how, when she's feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or upset, food can sometimes become a way of coping. She also asks about the connection between emotional regulation, autism, and emotional eating. We explore this topic and chat about some of the reasons we might reach for food when emotions feel difficult, and the importance of understanding ourselves with more kindness and compassion. As always, Trisha McHale brings her psychotherapist's perspective to the conversation, helping us look beneath the surface of the challenges we face. If you've ever found yourself turning to food when life feels overwhelming, or wondered why emotional eating can feel so hard to break, this episode is for you. Click play and let's dive in. To apply for membership to Thrive Academy, Jessica's coaching program, go to www.jessicacooke.ie/thrive To contact Trisha McHale for more information on Therapy and Counselling services: galway@mindandbodyworks.com 091 725 750 About Trisha McHale: Trisha is a Psychotherapist and Director of Mind & Body Works Counselling and Psychotherapy Centre, based in Galway, with centres in Galway and Dublin. Their team of over 50 Psychotherapists and Psychologists work with adults, couples, adolescents, and children, offering therapies including CBT, EMDR, and Art Therapy. They also run a low-cost counselling service.

As an author and allyship advocate, I constantly find myself researching the power of human connection, yet I still fall into the same social traps as everyone else!  We all intellectually know that relationships are vital to our health and happiness, yet we consistently talk ourselves out of simple, daily opportunities to connect. In this episode, I had the absolute pleasure of chatting with Nicholas Epley, behavioral science professor and author of A Little More Social. Nick's research translates complex social cognition into real, actionable insights that completely reframed how I think about my own social habits—from asking for help to bridging differences. Key Themes Our Beliefs and Miscalibrated Expectations Create Social Barriers. We often avoid social interaction not because we dislike connecting, but because we wrongly assume others won't respond positively to us. We hold mistaken, pessimistic beliefs that reaching out, asking for help, or expressing gratitude will be awkward or unwelcome. "We think other people will respond less positively when we reach out to connect with them in a warm and friendly way than other people actually do. And that pessimism creates a bar, a barrier, that keeps us from reaching out more often." — Nicholas Epley Frequency Trumps Intensity for Well-Being. Social connection is a choice made up of moments we regularly miss. Small, consistent, daily interactions have a much larger impact on long-term happiness than rare, intense social events. "Psychologists have learned that happiness is really a function not of the intensity of experiences that you have, but rather the frequency of them." — Nick Epley In-Person Conversations Surface Common Ground Across Divides. When we interact with people who hold opposing political views or come from different backgrounds, actual spoken conversations are remarkably effective at reducing dehumanization and building mutual understanding. "Conversation itself is extremely powerful for surfacing common ground, for allowing people to show mutual interest, to reciprocate interest with each other. They report afterwards that having a conversation with someone they disagree with was actually just as pleasant an experience as having a conversation with someone they agree with." — Nick Epley Allyship and Outreach are Appreciated More Than We Guess. Whether it is expressing long-overdue gratitude to a former mentor or reaching out to support someone different from us, the recipient values the interaction far more than the initiator anticipates. "It turns out there's no bad time to get a note from somebody saying they appreciate you so much, or you love them so much, right? There's no bad time to get that." — Nick Epley Actionable Takeaway for Listeners Adopt the "Recognize Easy Opportunities Routinely" (REOR) mindset: Start noticing the moments where you default to avoiding connection—like walking into the office or sitting in a car—and turn them into small, routine social habits.

Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day for August 7, 2026 is: invidious • in-VID-ee-us • adjective Invidious is a formal word used to describe things that are unpleasant and likely to cause bad feelings in other people. Such bad feelings may include resentment, discontent, animosity, or envy. // Psychologists caution against drawing invidious comparisons between other people's lives as portrayed on social media and one's own. See the entry > Examples: “The gap between romantic expectation and mundane reality, frankly, never ceases to amaze with this team. France, somehow, get better, on paper, with every tournament. Talent keeps coming through at a relentless, invidious rate.” — James Horncastle, The New York Times, 16 June 2026 Did you know? If invidious reminds you of the word insidious (“gradually or subtly causing harm”), you've got a nose for negativity—at least the lexical kind. It's not that using the word invidious will harm you gradually, but that both words, in addition to rhyming and coming from Latin, are all about bad vibes. The two are otherwise unrelated; insidious comes from Latin insidiae, “ambush,” while invidious is instead a relative of envy and comes from the verb invidēre, meaning “to look askance at” or “to envy.” The link between envy and invidious is largely invisible today, as invidious is typically applied to that which is unpleasant (such as “an invidious position”) or is likely to cause harm or resentment (“invidious comparisons,” “invidious discrimination”).

SHOW NOTES: I've consulted with, coached, and advised a huge diversity of people over the decades. They include executives, entertainers, politicians, athletes, military officers, entrepreneurs, and philanthropists. The most successful of them, both at the outset and after development, had the courage of their talent. Let me define the term which I coined several years ago and which has developed into an entire book. Courage is not fearlessness, but rather the ability to accept fear and/or pressure and nevertheless perform at the top of your game. Talent includes the innate traits, abilities, and behavior which help us to master challenges and to lead. Some are highly relevant (for a consultant, communication skills) and some are irrelevant (for a consultant, perfect pitch). Psychologists call this "efficacy." The best performers are able to focus as much and as many of their talents as possible on their "callings," and might provide for the rest in hobbies and personal interests. When people can't apply the preponderance of their talents on a job or career and receive recognition—both monetary and interpersonal—for them, they become frustrated, resentful, and less productive. This dynamic is often mistakenly cited as a "toxic workplace" as though the organization is always at fault. But in reality, high performers find callings that embrace their talents and reward them handsomely. We have more power to accomplish this than we think. I began my career at Prudential Insurance, realized that the work bored me, merit wasn't necessarily promoted, and I wasn't about to become an executive anytime soon. I then took a job with a consulting firm in Princeton, learned that profession, but after leading the major profit centers was weary of the politics and infighting. From there I obtained the presidency of a consulting firm in Providence, but was fired by the owner when we starkly disagreed on his attempts to inject his ideology into the business. Finally, I founded my own firm which is still without other employees, after 41 years. I have the strongest solo consulting brand in the world, and I love doing this. We need to control our lives in a world which, both purposely and accidentally, is trying to deny us control, to remove our power, to enforce often inappropriate normative pressure. It's absurd to abide by "influencers" who have no real motive except to make money. We need to be our own "influencers." There's no secret here, no "12 steps," no weekend retreat. It's as simple as this: •Identify what you love doing and are great at •Determine how best to market and monetize it •Rejoice in the courage of your talent You don't need the Wizard to give you courage, as he did for the lion in The Wizard of Oz. Because what the Wizard actually did was to show the lion the courage and talent already resident in his heart and soul. Find yours. Alan Weiss is a global, award-winning consultant, coach, speaker, and author—with 57 books, and 16 additional editions in 15 languages. He's the only non-journalist in history to have received the Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Press Institute, a Fellow of the Institute of Management Consultants, and an inductee in the National Speakers Association Hall of Fame®. His newest book is The Courage of Your Talent (Taylor and Francis, 2026). Advance purchases: amazon.com/Courage-You-Talent-Self-Esteem-Constantly/ebook-dp/B0GXRNT7DY

Bron tackles a listener question: how do you actually stay evidence-based once you're out of university, time-poor, and no longer have easy access to academic databases? She walks through the full range of free and low-cost options, from AI search tools to library memberships, so you can keep up-to-date with research without it becoming a second job. Bron covers:

Traditionally, we tell aspiring psychologists that if they want to break into the extremely competitive field of clinical psychology, educational psychology or any form of applied psychology then they have to do volunteering. Typically, this involves the aspiring psychologist doing years of unpaid work experience or volunteering to even be able to break into the field and get an interview for a paid job. However, this is bad advice to some extent, because volunteering is all well and good, but not all volunteering is created equal. And some volunteering is actually useless in terms of getting a job. Therefore, in this careers in psychology podcast episode, you'll learn how to make the most of volunteering experience, how to pick useful volunteering experiences that will help you on your psychology journey and more. If you want to learn more about getting a psychology job, how to stand out to psychology employers and advance your psychology journey, then this will be a great episode for you.In the psychology news section, you'll learn you can't punish an AI for wrongdoing but we still want to, do people really believe in conspiracy theories they endorse, and a borderline personality disorder diagnosis may positively shape therapists' expectations.LISTEN NOW!If you want to support the podcast, please check out:FREE AND EXCLUSIVE 8 PSYCHOLOGY BOOK BOXSET- https://www.subscribepage.io/psychologyboxsetYour Unshakable Self: A Clinical Psychology, Mental Health and Social Psychology Guide to Sense of Self- https://www.connorwhiteley.net/your-unshakable-self Available from all major eBook retailers and you can order the paperback and hardback copies from Amazon, your local bookstore and local library, if you request it. Also available as an AI-narrated audiobook from selected audiobook platforms and libraries systems. For example, Kobo, Spotify, Barnes and Noble, Google Play, Overdrive, Baker and Taylor and Bibliotheca. Patreon- patreon.com/ThePsychologyWorldPodcast#psychologycareer #careerinpsychology #psychologystudents #aspiringpsychologist #volunteering #volunteer #psychologists #clinicalpsychology #mentalhealth #clinicalmentalhealth #clinicalpsychologist #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthadvocate #psychology #psychology_facts #psychologyfacts #psychologyfact #psychologystudent #psychologystudents #podcast #podcasts

It's never been easier to compare ourselves to others than the time we live in. Researchers have found that one of social media's most damaging effects isn't seizing our attention—it's that it constantly invites us to compare our lives to others. Psychologists call this “upward comparison”: looking at people who appear more successful, more attractive, happier or more fulfilled. The result is often greater anxiety, lower self-esteem and a distorted sense of identity. We were created to behold God, but we've become experts at beholding everybody else. In the Digital Age, comparison has moved from an occasional temptation to a way of life. But comparison is identity theft. It causes us to look horizontally for something that can only be found vertically. It makes us look around for what can only be found by looking up — to Christ.  

In this episode, Trisha and I answer two thoughtful listener questions that so many women will relate to. The first is about perfectionism and the pressure to get everything right. If you've ever felt like giving up because you couldn't do something perfectly, you're not alone. We explore why this mindset can keep us stuck and how we can begin to be kinder to ourselves. The second question looks at the balance between self-discipline and self-compassion. How do we know when to push ourselves and when it's ok to rest? It can be difficult to tell the difference, especially when guilt gets involved. As always, Trisha McHale brings her psychotherapist's perspective to the conversation, helping us look beneath the surface of these common struggles. If you've ever wrestled with perfectionism, questioned whether you're being too hard on yourself, or wondered how to find the balance between discipline and compassion, this episode is for you. Click play and let's dive in. To apply for membership to Thrive Academy, Jessica's coaching program, go to www.jessicacooke.ie/thrive To contact Trisha McHale for more information on Therapy and Counselling services: galway@mindandbodyworks.com 091 725 750 About Trisha McHale: Trisha is a Psychotherapist and Director of Mind & Body Works Counselling and Psychotherapy Centre, based in Galway, with centres in Galway and Dublin. Their team of over 50 Psychotherapists and Psychologists work with adults, couples, adolescents, and children, offering therapies including CBT, EMDR, and Art Therapy. They also run a low-cost counselling service.

You can't stop comparing yourself to others, and treating it like a bad habit you should be able to quit only adds shame to the pile. Comparison is built into how humans figure out where they stand — it's the ruler your mind reaches for whenever a question has no objective measure. This episode reframes the whole problem: the goal isn't to silence comparison but to read it. The sting you feel is information, pointing at either a value that's genuinely yours or a borrowed metric you never actually chose — and learning to tell the two apart is the real work. What You'll Learn in This Episode Why comparing yourself is evidence you're a person, not evidence something is wrong with you Why the reflex is strongest on the parts of life that have no scoreboard — marriage, parenting, whether your work adds up How social media rigged an ancient instinct by pitting your whole life against everyone else's highlight reel What a 2014 study found about social media, upward comparison, and self-esteem — and why the evidence deserves honesty, not overclaiming The assimilation–contrast distinction: why the same success can inspire one person and flatten another A three-question framework — whose scoreboard, what's it pointing at, what's the smallest honest move — you can run in 90 seconds How realizing you don't want something can be one of the most freeing outcomes available Episode Timestamps [00:00] The four-second collapse: happy until you see someone else's life [01:15] Why you're wired to compare — and why willpower won't switch it off [02:30] Festinger's social comparison theory and the missing ruler [03:15] A story from the soccer field: feeling great until you get to know the other dads [05:00] Why it's worse now: a few hundred neighbors vs. thousands of highlight reels [06:30] The invisible price tag — debt, help, and unhappiness you never see [07:45] What the research actually says (and where it's honest to hedge) [08:45] Inspired or crushed? Assimilation, contrast, and the film Amadeus [10:40] Why "just stop comparing yourself" is useless and a little harmful [12:30] The three questions: scoreboard, signal, smallest honest move [14:30] Running the framework on career, marriage, and fitness [16:30] Three cautions so you don't misuse it [18:20] The 90-second practice for the week [19:40] Whose scoreboard are you playing on? — closing Episode Summary We tend to treat comparison as a personal weakness — something disciplined, well-adjusted people have supposedly grown out of. This episode starts by taking that weight off your shoulders. Comparing yourself to other people isn't a character flaw; it's evidence that you're human. Back in 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger laid out what he called social comparison theory: when there's no objective ruler for something, we reach for the nearest available one, which is other people. That's why comparison bites hardest exactly where it matters most and can least be measured — whether you're a good parent, whether your career adds up, whether your life means anything. Nobody agonizes over comparing their shoe size. They agonize over the things with no scoreboard. So if the reflex is this normal, why does it feel so much worse than it used to? Because the environment changed while the wiring didn't. For almost all of human history you compared yourself to a few hundred people whose whole lives you actually saw — the good mornings and the bad ones, the arguments, the ordinary Tuesdays. Now the comparison set is thousands of strangers, and you're not seeing their lives. You're seeing their highlight reels: the launch, not the eighteen months of doubt before it; the vacation, not the credit card statement after it. You're pitting your entire unedited life against the single best moment other people chose to publish. It was never a fair fight. Brett illustrates it with a moment from his own life — feeling genuinely good about working from home and being present for his kids, right up until a conversation with other dads at soccer practice made him wonder if he'd made the wrong call entirely. Nothing about his life had changed. Only the ruler had. There's real research here, handled with care. A 2014 study by Erin Vogel and colleagues, Social Comparison, Social Media, and Self-Esteem, found that heavier Facebook users tended to have lower self-esteem, with the link running specifically through upward comparison. The honest caveat: it's correlational, the effect runs both ways, and no single study settles it — but it lines up with what we already sense, that a steady diet of context-free upward comparison wears people down. The more interesting finding is that looking "up" doesn't automatically hurt. Psychologists distinguish assimilation ("that's possible, that could be me") from contrast ("that just proves how far behind I am"). Same person, same achievement, opposite effects. As the episode puts it, the sting isn't fixed — it has a dial, and the dial is your relationship with the comparison, not the comparison itself. That's why "just stop comparing yourself" is such bad advice. You can't — it's like telling someone to stop feeling hungry — and even if you could, you'd be throwing away real information. Envy is one of the most honest signals you have precisely because it slips past your rehearsed answers about what you're supposed to want and points at what you actually want and don't have. The move is to calibrate the instrument, not smash it. This is where the episode connects to building a clearer relationship with your own mind: instead of killing the signal, you read it with three questions. Whose scoreboard is this — did I ever choose this measure? What is the sting pointing at — a genuine value, or a borrowed metric? And what's the smallest honest move — one step toward it this week, or the quiet, freeing decision to stop keeping score? You can run it standing in your kitchen in about ninety seconds. The point isn't to feel less. It's to understand more — and to finally answer, for yourself, whose scoreboard you're actually playing on. Resources Mentioned Leon Festinger, "A Theory of Social Comparison Processes" (1954) — the foundational paper establishing that we evaluate ourselves against others when objective measures are missing. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140. Vogel, Rose, Roberts & Eckles, "Social Comparison, Social Media, and Self-Esteem" (2014) — linked heavier Facebook use with lower self-esteem via upward comparison. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206–222. Amadeus (1984) — used as an illustration of contrast comparison, with Salieri undone by proximity to Mozart's genius. Mind & Inner Life pillar page — https://www.optyoumize.com/mind-inner-life?hsLang=en Frequently Asked Questions Why can't I stop comparing myself to others? Because comparison isn't a habit — it's a built-in way of measuring yourself when no objective ruler exists. Festinger's social comparison theory showed we use other people as a yardstick precisely for the questions that can't be measured directly, which is why it's strongest on the things we care about most. Is comparing yourself to others normal? Yes. It's standard human wiring, not a sign of insecurity or weakness. The episode's phrase is that you're "running standard human software." What varies isn't whether you compare, but whether you let an unexamined comparison run your mood and your decisions. Why does social media make comparison worse? It distorts the inputs. You're comparing your whole, unedited life — including everything nobody else can see — against other people's curated highlight reels. Research associates heavy upward comparison online with lower self-esteem, and you can never see the invisible debt, help, or unhappiness behind someone's polished image. What's the difference between healthy and unhealthy comparison? It's the difference between assimilation and contrast. Assimilation turns someone else's success into proof that something is possible for you and pulls you forward. Contrast turns the same success into evidence of how far behind you are and pushes you down. The comparison itself is neutral; your relationship to it decides the effect. How do I deal with envy of someone's success? Treat the envy as data, not shame. Ask whose scoreboard you're using, whether it points to a value that's genuinely yours or a borrowed metric, and what the smallest honest move is. If it's real, take one small step toward it. If it's borrowed, consciously stop keeping score on it. How do I know if a goal is actually mine or something I absorbed? Look underneath the sting. If it points to something you genuinely care about and have been neglecting, it's a real value worth one honest step. If you realize you don't actually want the thing — you just don't want to look behind — it's a borrowed metric, and putting it down is a relief, not a failure. Keep Exploring If this episode resonated, these are worth your time: Mind & Inner Life (pillar page) — The home base for building a steadier relationship with your own thoughts and self-evaluation → https://www.optyoumize.com/mind-inner-life?hsLang=en Money & Financial Wellbeing (pillar page) — Because so much comparison is really about borrowed scoreboards of money and status → https://www.optyoumize.com/money-financial-wellbeing?hsLang=en Life Architecture — How the seven pillars fit together into a whole, intentional life → https://www.optyoumize.com/life-architecture?hsLang=en Enjoyed This Episode? The best way to support optYOUmize is to subscribe and leave a review — it takes about two minutes and makes a real difference in helping more people find the show. Apple Podcasts · Spotify · Amazon Music · YouTube Leave a Review →

Send us Fan Mail✅Learn Trading In-Person from me 1-on-1: https://form.typeform.com/to/O1Yiz8LXIn this video, I shared the biggest trading psychology lessons I learned from my conversations with 3 trading legends: Dr. Steenbarger, Tom Hougaard and Jack Schwager. Book - Short Selling MasterPreorder David Capablanca's book - Short Selling Master Friendly Bear Conference 7Early Bird ticket for Friendly Bear Conference 7 ft. Tom Hougaard on 10/12/26 Friendly Bear UniversityGet Profitable & Master Your Trading - Memberships & Courses Now AvailableCobra TradingClick the link and get 33% off commissions for life as well as one month of free DAS Trader PlatformStock Analysis ProGet unlimited access to all financial data and tools.AskEdgarUse Code friendlybear for 25% off for AskEdgar, the new standard for researching SEC filingsDavid's InstagramSubscribe for behind the scenes trading related contentDavid's X ProfileFollow David Capablanca on X!Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.Support the show

Jury selection has begun in the Lindsay Clancy case. Clancy, who is accused of murdering her three children, is expected to argue that she was suffering from postpartum psychosis at the time. Caitlin Slavens and Chelsea Bodie--authors, therapists, and creators of the popular Mama Psychologists--join us to try and explain the unexplainable.https://www.instagram.com/mamapsychologists/?hl=enCheck out our other show The Prosecutors: Legal Briefs for discussion on cases, controversial topics, or conversations with content creators.For early and ad-free access to episodes as well as the opportunity to watch us record episodes live, join our PatreonFor early and ad-free episodes you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts.Get Prosecutors Podcast Merch Join our fan run Facebook Group: the Gallery on Facebook for case discussions, hot legal topics, and more. Follow us on X or as we'll always call it: Twitter @prosecutorspodFind us on Instagram or Threads @prosecutorspodCheck out our website for case resourcesHang out with us on TikTok @prosecutorspodSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Send us Fan MailDr. Steven Segal is a psychologist, philosophical counsellor, and leadership coach. He is a former Associate Professor at the Macquarie Graduate School of Management and has spent more than two decades working at the intersection of psychology, philosophy, leadership, and organisational life. His work explores how individuals and communities respond to uncertainty, disruption, and existential threats—those moments when people experience a loss of meaning, belonging, identity, or a sense of being at home in the world. Through his therapy, counselling, coaching, teaching, and writing, he helps individuals and organisations navigate complexity, anxiety, and change while remaining connected to what matters most.His most recent book is Mandela's Leadership Legacy: Emotional and Existential Wisdom. The book was written as a kind of conversation between Martin Heidegger's existential philosophy and Mandela's way of being a leader. It used Heidegger to shed light on Mandela's existential journey and used Mandela to provide an accessible introduction to the philosophy of Heidegger.A Couple Quotes From This Episode"Mandela wasn't the kind of motivational speaker who gets people hyped up. His style was much more thoughtful in the sense of working through emotion.""Dialogue across difference, it gets to your identity. And when our identity feels a bit threatened, we tend to become reactive rather than listening. Mandela was able to listen when there were threats to his identity."ResourcesBook: Business Feel: From the Science of Management to the Philosophy of LeadershipPhilosophical Reflections and Insights for Psychologists and Psychotherapists (forthcoming)Website - Dr. Steven SegalAbout The International Leadership Association (ILA)The ILA was created in 1999 to bring together professionals interested in studying, practicing, and teaching leadership. Attend The Global Conference in Toronto, October 28-31.About  Scott J. AllenWebsiteWeekly Newsletter: Practical Wisdom for LeadersMy Approach to HostingThe views of my guests do not constitute "truth." Nor do they reflect my personal views in some instances. However, they are views to consider, and I hope they help you clarify your perspective. Nothing can replace your reflection, research, and exploration of the topic.♻️ Please share with others and follow/subscribe to the podcast!⭐️ Please leave a review on Apple, Spotify, or your platform of choice.➡️ Follow me on LinkedIn for more on leadership, communication, and tech.

We listen to Victor Davis Hanson describe the rise in Socialism and the characteristics that are associated with that theme. Psychologists make up one group that has been captured by the far left. We discussed the psychological motivations that create the political incentives for socialists and some of the experiences that Julie has had with the Psychologist organization.Clip from The Daily SignalVictor Davis Hanson: The Ungrateful Urban Class Turning Into the New Democrat Socialist PartyFollow Us:YouTubeXFacebookBlueskyAll audio & videos edited by: Jay Prescott Videography

There are moments happening in your life right now that your anxious mind is walking straight past. Tiny, warm moments that exist quietly in the background of your day, waiting to be noticed. Psychologists call them "glimmers," and the neuroscience is clear: the more you train your brain to find them, the more your nervous system shifts out of threat mode. In this episode of Calming Anxiety, we aren't pretending your problems have gone away; we are simply showing your brain that there is more to your story than just the difficult parts. Through deep, mindful breathing, we activate the vagus nerve to establish safety and connection. Then, we take a gentle walk through an ordinary day to re-tune your brain's survival scanner away from danger and toward warmth. Episode Chapters00:00 – Cold Intro: What Are Glimmers? 00:50 – Welcome from Martin & Settling into Your Space 01:44 – Arriving in the Present & Letting the Noise Move Back 02:33 – Vagus Nerve Activation: The Power of the Long Exhale 04:01 – Guided Walk Through an Ordinary Day 06:21 – Re-Tuning the Scanner: The Neuroscience of Safety 07:14 – Affirmations to Soften Your Anxious Mind 08:29 – 3 Daily Caring Tips to Train Your Brain 10:02 – Returning Awareness & Closing Thoughts Today's Grounding AffirmationsLet these words land gently and feel the warmth they bring to your chest: "I notice what is warm, I notice what is good." "My day contains more light than my anxiety tells me." "I am becoming someone who hunts the glimmers, not threats." "I deserve to feel a quiet beauty that already surrounds me." "For good moments are real, they count, I allow them in." "I am grateful, I am present, I am here." 3 Daily Caring TipsTake these simple, powerful habits with you to rewrite your neural pathways today: The One Glimmer Rule: Before you check your phone, notifications, or messages today, find one physical glimmer first—a sound, a texture, or a temperature. Just notice it. Pass One On: Share a single sentence about a glimmer you found with someone else today. Sharing a glimmer multiplies it and shifts two nervous systems at once. The Evening Collect: Before sleep, ask yourself: "What was my glimmer today?" This single habit trains your brain to look for safety and does wonders for anxiety. If this session helped re-tune your nervous system today, please subscribe and share it with a friend or family member who needs a gentle reminder that there are still good moments out there. Your shares are exactly how our daily show reaches the people who need it the most. If you want to go deeper on your journey to peace, try the Anxiety Breaker course at calminganxiety.fm, featuring five targeted, guided hypnotherapy sessions designed by me to reset your mind. Have a lovely day, smile always, bring positivity when you can, and to your beautiful soul—be kind.

In today's episode, Trisha and I answer two powerful listener questions that so many women will relate to. The first question comes from a listener who wants to stop drinking but feels stuck in the same evening routine. She knows she'll feel better without alcohol, yet the thought of a glass of wine after a long day is hard to resist. If you've ever wondered why willpower isn't enough or why evenings can feel incomplete without a drink, this conversation is for you. The second question is about self-belief. It's about looking confident on the outside while feeling overwhelmed and not enough on the inside. We explore why so many women hold themselves back, fear putting themselves out there, and struggle to see themselves the way others do. As always, Trisha McHale shares her psychotherapist perspective, helping us understand what's really going on beneath these struggles and how small shifts in awareness can lead to lasting change. Whether you're trying to break a habit, build confidence, or simply understand yourself a little better, we hope this conversation leaves you feeling encouraged, understood, and ready to take the next step. Click play and let's dive in. To apply for membership to Thrive Academy, Jessica's coaching program, go to www.jessicacooke.ie/thrive To contact Trisha McHale for more information on Therapy and Counselling services: galway@mindandbodyworks.com 091 725 750 About Trisha McHale: Trisha is a Psychotherapist and Director of Mind & Body Works Counselling and Psychotherapy Centre, based in Galway, with centres in Galway and Dublin. Their team of over 50 Psychotherapists and Psychologists work with adults, couples, adolescents, and children, offering therapies including CBT, EMDR, and Art Therapy. They also run a low-cost counselling service.

In this enlightening episode, host Dr. Dèsa Karye Daniel engages with Drs. Karen Suyemoto and Diane Jung Gallo from Psychologists for Justice in Palestine (PJP) to discuss the organization's mission and goals. They explore the challenges and victories of social justice action work, emphasizing the importance of their efforts in the current socio-political climate. The conversation delves into strategies for counteracting fatigue in advocacy and highlights what excites the guests about future initiatives. This episode offers valuable insights into the intersection of psychology and social justice, making it a must-listen for those interested in the ongoing fight for justice in Palestine. For more on our guests, links from the conversation, and APA citation for this episode visit https://concept.paloaltou.edu/resources/the-thoughtful-counselor-podcast  The Thoughtful Counselor is created in partnership with Palo Alto University's Division of Continuing & Professional Studies. Learn more at concept.paloaltou.edu  

Doctor Kay and Doctor Ray bring their psychological segments to Fiji! They discuss the standard 6 segments applied to castmates & moments from the entire season 8–all but the finale! The abhorrent moments that showed a lack of consent by the women are exposed, the championing moment of gathering castmate consent on Aftersun is celebrated, and the specific examples of people-pleasing vs. image management are delineated. Plus, Dr.s Kay & Ray discuss some of the wins & losses of Aftersun in detail. REALITY TEST WITH US: Did you like the Aftersun episodes this season? What were some of the winning & losing moments on Aftersun, from your opinion? EMAIL US about it! Realitycheckpodding@gmail.com.o-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=OListeners! Come visit the Patreon for free at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (http://patreon.com/RealityTest)  ⁠patreon.com/RealityTest⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (or search on Patreon with “@RealityTest”) & check out some of the benefits of a free membership (early access to the audio episodes!) & the paid tier! For only a MEASLY $5/month, you get the bonus features, including Mental Health Check-Up episodes, the VIDEO episodes, the full audio episode archive, and bonus & behind-the-scenes video content!The first 10 paying members will get shoutouts on the pod & 5 randomly selected members will get a free year of membership after joining! What are you waiting for? Come watch our video episodes, & join us in learning a little something about psych & mental health from our examinations of your favorite reality TV shows, castmates, and tea! O=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-oReality testing is when we check an emotion or thought we're having against objective reality. So, here in Reality Test, we're going to be testing the thoughts, emotions, interactions, and producer antics of reality television against what we know, as licensed psychologists, about objective reality. Come with us, let's Reality Test!Hosts: Dr. Kay & Dr. RayThank you to our sound extraordinaire, Connor!Patreon: patreon.com/RealityTest Linkt.ree/@RealityTestInstagram: @realitytestpodcastThreads: @drkaypodsTikTok: @realitytestpodYouTube Channel: @realitytestpodFacebook Page: Reality Test PodEmail: realitycheckpodding@gmail.com     Dr. Kay: @drkaypods (Insta) & @dr.realitv (TikTok)Dr. Ray: @drraypods (Insta)O=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-o

Psychologists are warning most of us are addicted to our phones, but we don't realise it until we get help for other problems. Cell phone addiction is not clinically recognised, but those on the front line are seeing its impact everyday. Field Correspondent Charlotte Cook reports.

It was over two years ago, when Clinical Psychologist Dr John Burns from The Resilience Centre, sat down with Leigh Hatcher, in a conversation exploring the possibility of people rekindling hope after experiences of adversity. Now, we again bring together John and Leigh, only this time - it is a unique conversation about John's own adverse experience - his current journey of a manageable, but not curable, diagnosis of cancer that came shortly after the recording of their first podcast together. John bravely shares with Leigh (and all of us) his personal story about what it takes to rekindle hope in the face of adversity that was unanticipated and unimaginable. The Resilience Centre, as a team, wants to express gratitude to their special colleague John, for making the physical time and emotional space to record such a meaningful podcast for all of us to grow from. The post Winter Listening: Revisiting Rekindling Hope – Part #2: Revisiting Hope with Clinical Psychologist Dr John Burns appeared first on The Resilience Centre.

You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, Michaeleen Doucleff and I talk about her new book Dopamine Kids: A Science-Based Plan to Rewire Your Child's Brain and Take You're your Family in the Age of Screens and Ultraprocessed Foods. Michaeleen's position is not that screens and ultra-processed food are “bad.” Rather, Michaeleen explains how they can take the place of things that truly bring us joy and pleasure, leaving us with an empty feeling of "what's next?" and an endless cycle of wanting. We focus on how dopamine has been misunderstood and how it actually works, how magnets like screens and ultraprocessed foods keep us stuck, and small changes you can make to start shifting things in your home.Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them!And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU!We talk about:* 00:00 Introduction to Dopamine Kids and why our understanding of dopamine is outdated* 02:15 Michaeleen's journey from NPR science journalist to parenting author* 05:00 Dopamine isn't pleasure—it's wanting: the neuroscience that changes everything* 07:20 Why kids say they'd rather play with friends than be on screens* 08:00 The difference between dopamine, serotonin, and real satisfaction* 13:30 How apps and ultra-processed foods hijack the brain's reward system* 16:45 Why endless scrolling never feels satisfying* 18:30 “Bottomlessness”—one of the biggest design tricks keeping us hooked* 20:30 Why we want activities for our kids with a clear purpose and a clear endpoint* 22:00 The veggie straw experiment that changed Michaeleen's thinking about food* 26:50 Magnets and cues: how screens become automatic habits* 32:00 Why removing screens isn't enough—you have to replace them* 33:30 Helping kids meet their real need for adventure and autonomy* 36:00 Small, permanent changes vs. temporary screen detoxes* 37:30 Why the car is a great place to start reducing screens* 38:00 Is reducing screens really more work?* 40:15 Why laws and regulations haven't caught up with technology* 43:00 Why this isn't a willpower problem* 46:30 Can kids ever use screens in moderation?* 49:00 Paid video games vs. free games* 51:30 This isn't about screens being “bad”* 53:00 Helping kids gradually learn to use technology well* 54:00 School Chromebooks and why parents have more influence than they realize* 58:00 Advice Michaeleen would give her younger parenting self* 1:00:00 Why kids have to experience offline joy before they'll want it* 1:01:00 Sarah's client who removed the TV—and what happened next* 1:02:30 Final thoughts and where to find MichaeleenResources mentioned in this episode:* Michaeleen's website* Dopamine Kids: A Science-Based Plan to Rewire Your Child's Brain and Take You're your Family in the Age of Screens and Ultraprocessed Foods* How to Stop Fighting About Video Games with Scott Novis * The Peaceful Parenting MembershipConnect with Sarah Rosensweet:* Instagram* Facebook Group* YouTube* Website* Join us on Substack* Newsletter* Book a short consult or coaching session callxx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the fall for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Sarah: Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast.Today's guest is journalist Michaeleen Doucleff. She is the author of the book Hunt, Gather, Parent and now has a new book out called Dopamine Kids: A Science-Based Plan to Rewire Your Child's Brain and Take Back Your Family in the Age of Screens and Ultra-Processed Food.Michaeleen's first book is one of our favorite parenting books, and now we can add this one to the list. She walks us through how screens and ultra-processed food hook us and keep our brains stuck in a hijacked wanting cycle without giving us actual rewards and pleasure.We eventually get around to discussing this, but I want to stress right here at the beginning that Michaeleen isn't saying that screens and ultra-processed food are evil or that they have no place in our lives. Rather, they can take the place of things that truly bring us joy and pleasure, leaving us with an empty feeling of “what's next?” and an endless cycle of wanting.I learned so much from this book. I'd been wanting to make some changes in my own life with my relationship with my phone, and this book helped me understand why it was so hard and what I could do. A hint: as it turns out, we don't understand dopamine correctly at all. Our cultural shorthand about what dopamine is and what role it plays in the motivation and pleasure cycle is totally outdated.If you're interested in making some positive shifts in your child's life, in your family, and in your own life, you're going to love this interview and Michaeleen's book.If you like this episode, please share it with a friend so more parents can learn about peaceful parenting. If you're a fan of the podcast, you can help us out not only by sharing it, but by leaving a review and a five-star rating in your podcast player app. While you're there, don't forget to follow the show so you don't miss an episode.If you'd like to support us even more, you can become a supporter on Substack to help us offset the cost of making the show. We'll put a link in the show notes.Let's meet Michaeleen. I hope you enjoy this conversation and get as much out of her insights as I did.Sarah: Hi, Michaeleen. Welcome back to the podcast.Michaeleen: Thank you so much for having me.Sarah: When we had you on a few years ago to talk about your first parenting book, Hunt, Gather, Parent—we'll link to it in the show notes—it ended up being one of our favorite podcasts out of the 200-some episodes we've done. I'm so excited to have you back to talk about your new book.Michaeleen: Thank you so much. That's so nice. It's an honor to come back.Sarah: I'm so happy to have you. Tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do.Michaeleen: I was—or I still am—a science journalist. I've been one now for about 16 years, and I spent 13 or 14 years as a radio correspondent at NPR. I'm still there covering children's health, global health, neuroscience, and psychology.Before that, I was trained as a chemist. I have a PhD in chemistry.Five years ago, I wrote the parenting book Hunt, Gather, Parent, and I had no idea I'd ever become a parenting expert. That definitely wasn't on my life bingo card.When I had my daughter Rosie almost 11 years ago, I had no clue what I was doing. It just seemed like an impossible task. Then I started studying parenting around the world, and I realized there was an easier way to do things. That's what Hunt, Gather, Parent is about.More recently, about six years ago, I was really trying to fix my own screen problem—my own addiction to my phone. I was so obsessed with it. As I investigated neuroscience, psychology, and behavioral psychology, I started to realize, “Oh gosh, we're really getting a lot of things wrong when it comes to screens and our kids.”That led me to write this next book, Dopamine Kids, to clarify a bunch of myths but also update the advice because it's really old. A lot of the advice out there is based on psychology from 20, 30, even 40 years ago.Sarah: Or even more.Michaeleen: Exactly.Sarah: Exactly. And I'm going to ask you about that. So tell us, what's the central idea behind your new book, Dopamine Kids?Michaeleen: One of the biggest ideas is that we're thinking about screens wrong. We think they're these endless sources of pleasure. We think dopamine is this molecule that brings us pleasure and that the more we have, the happier we are.But that's really old neuroscience.What dopamine actually gives us is the feeling of desire, wanting, and craving. It makes us obsessed.So what screens are doing is cranking that system up. They're increasing motivation, craving, and wanting. But if you look at what happens over time, they actually rob us of pleasure and reduce the amount of pleasure we experience in our lives.So this idea that screens—video games and social media—are treats and rewards for kids is wrong. It's all wrong.What is actually most rewarding and pleasurable for kids are things in the real world because real-world experiences don't just give us desire and wanting. They also give us satisfaction, joy, and long-lasting pleasure.So Dopamine Kids is really a reset of what actually brings our kids pleasure in life. It also provides a toolset to retrain your kids' brains so they naturally want and reach for offline activities and foods that make them feel good—foods that really nourish them and bring satisfaction.It's about rethinking our idea of pleasure. What does pleasure actually look like?I think the media, marketing, and corporations have taught us that pleasure and wanting are basically the same thing—that we want things because they bring us pleasure.But if you actually look at the science and the data, there are so many things out there that drive our wanting while robbing us of pleasure.Social media is a really good example. Kids use it because they want a sense of belonging. They want to feel connected. But over the long run, social media does the opposite. It makes them feel lonelier, and yet they still want it.I see this book as an operating manual for shaping and changing your kids' habits into the ones you want for them as a parent, but also habits that nourish kids and bring joy, happiness, and pleasure to the whole family.We often think limiting screens is about depriving kids of pleasure.It's actually the opposite.It's about reclaiming pleasure.Sarah: I had Lenore Skenazy on the podcast. Do you know her work?Michaeleen: Yeah, we're friends.Sarah: She was on the podcast a few months ago, and she was talking about how, if you ask kids what they want—would they rather be on screens or play with their friends?—by far the number one answer is playing with their friends, not being on screens.Michaeleen: Yeah. I think it's almost double.Sarah: Exactly. And yet I don't think most parents realize that.Michaeleen: Right. I didn't realize that either. I think it's because we confuse begging, screaming, and tantruming for the screen with joy and pleasure.Sarah: Okay, so tell us about that, because what I learned from your book is that everyone thinks dopamine is, “Ah, I just got a hit of dopamine and I feel so good.”Michaeleen: Yeah.Sarah: But it's not dopamine that makes you feel good. It's serotonin and, I think, endorphins that make you feel good.You go into this in much more detail in the book, and I highly recommend it. It was excellent. I have to tell you, I was on an office hours call with my membership before I even knew you had written a new book, and one of my members said, “I'm reading this parenting book called Dopamine Kids, and it's a page-turner.”She said, “I've never had a parenting book that's a page-turner, but you've got to get your hands on this.”Then I looked it up and realized it was your book, and I was so excited to get it and read it.Can you explain the basic idea? I know it's too much detail to go into fully, but what's the difference? What does dopamine actually do, and why isn't it what we think it is?Michaeleen: For a long time—really since the 1950s—neuroscientists thought we do things over and over again because they're pleasurable.Neuroscientists have been obsessed with getting people and animals to press buttons for over a hundred years. Rats, mice, apes, pigeons—they've all been part of these experiments. It's almost like an iPad. Press, press, press, tap.For a long time, researchers could stimulate one region of the brain—the dopamine center—and the animals would go crazy pressing the button all day long. They wouldn't even stop to go to the bathroom. It makes you think of someone playing video games for hours. They're just obsessed with pressing the button.Researchers believed that because this was the dopamine center of the brain, dopamine made you press the button because it felt good and brought you pleasure. They even conducted similar experiments with people, and that very simple explanation stood for a long time.Then, about 30 years ago, a couple of scientists came along and asked, “Wait a second. Is this really true? Do we always act because something is pleasurable?”They designed better experiments, and what they found was astonishing. Dopamine doesn't do that at all.Dopamine makes us want.It makes you want something, and it makes you want to do something over and over again. It's like a “do it again” button in the brain.Do it again.Do it again.Whenever you can, do it again.The way the system is supposed to work is that first you want something, and dopamine motivates you to work for it. Then, when you get what you wanted, the pleasure center starts to light up.Those are different neurotransmitters. That's where endorphins—the body's natural opioids—and serotonin come in.Serotonin allows you to appreciate what you have. It's what lets you say, “Oh, I got what I wanted. I feel really good. Ah... I can stop now. I can take a break.”In many ways, pleasure is the opposite of dopamine because it gives you satisfaction, and satisfaction stops wanting.There are a couple of classic examples. One is sex, which is probably the R-rated version. But another is thirst.Imagine you're running on a hot day. You've run out of water, and after half an hour or an hour, you really want something to drink.That's dopamine. That's your dopamine hit—that strong feeling of desire.Wanting can actually feel good. If I fall in love and I want to be with my partner, the wanting feels good.But wanting can also become frustrating. If you want something for too long and don't get it, that feeling turns into frustration.So you're out running on this hot day thinking, “Oh my gosh, I want water so badly.”That's dopamine.That's not pleasure yet.Then you see a glass of water, or you get one and take a drink, and you think, “Ah, that feels so good.”That's the pleasure system.Sarah: That's where you get the serotonin and the endorphins.Michaeleen: Exactly. And the endocannabinoids too—the body's natural cannabinoids. A whole bunch of things kick in.The wonderful thing about this pleasure response is that it can last a long time. It lingers. It makes you feel optimistic and gives your life a kind of glow because you've gotten what you need to survive.I remember being really upset as a kid, and my mom would come over and hug me. I'd bury my face into her, and it felt so good. It was just this feeling that everything was okay again.That's what these pleasure molecules do.Dopamine is saying, “Everything is not okay. I need this before things can be okay.”They're very different.Sarah: Okay. This is the part I still feel like I'm only beginning to understand.How do the makers of apps and video games—and we've mostly been talking about screens, but you also write a lot about ultra-processed foods—how do they get us stuck in the dopamine cycle?What I took away from your book is that these things are so powerful because they keep us trapped in that cycle of wanting...Sarah: What I understood from your book is that these things are so powerful because they keep us stuck in the dopamine cycle. It's just wanting, wanting, wanting.You said something in the book about how they've figured out a way to hack a weakness in our brain circuitry. Forgive me if that's not the exact wording, but they've essentially hacked a weakness in the brain to keep us stuck in dopamine without ever giving us a real reward.How does that work?Michaeleen: First of all, both the tech industry and the food industry have admitted this for a long time. This isn't something I've come up with. They've openly admitted it. Even the food industry says, “We want to make something you can't stop eating.”Sarah: Right. You read all these interviews with industry insiders, and they're very open about it. Everybody knows they've admitted it. But how does it actually work?Michaeleen: There are a lot of tricks.Let's start with screens because a lot of these techniques actually came from the gambling industry. In the ‘80s and ‘90s, casinos started replacing mechanical slot machines and poker machines with video versions—basically gambling apps on giant touchscreens.They explicitly asked, “What can we do to this game to keep people playing for as long as possible?” Some people would play for 24 or even 48 hours straight. They ran massive A/B tests to figure out exactly how they could tweak the games to send people into this dopamine loop—this wanting loop—where people actually stopped wanting to win because winning took them out of the loop.So it's very empirical. They've simply tested what keeps people there.In the book, I describe it as a kind of recipe parents can use to recognize whether an app is doing this to their child. Psychologists even have a name for this state. It's called dark flow, where you lose track of time and where you are. We've all experienced it while scrolling social media. Twenty or thirty minutes go by and you think, “What just happened?” You're in this loop of wanting because, if you actually experienced pleasure and satisfaction, you would stop. You'd stop wanting.One of the biggest tricks is speed. The faster the cycle runs, the more it traps you. If you think about videos and video games, they've become faster and faster. Even children's iPad games are just question, answer, question, answer, question, answer over and over again. That's driving up dopamine.But where's the satisfaction? What's the reward? Basically, it's just a light on the screen.Another trick is promising something fundamental. The dopamine system evolved to help us fulfill our basic human needs—water, food, social support, adventure, creation. These are things we needed to survive, so kids are naturally highly motivated to pursue them.These apps promise they'll meet those needs. Social media, for example, promises belonging. It says, “Get on here and you'll finally feel connected. You'll finally feel like you belong.” The problem is that it never actually fulfills that promise.If you look at some of the leaked internal documents, you can see the algorithms intentionally withhold what people actually want. One neuroscientist explained it this way: they figure out what you're looking for and why you're on social media, then they give you something that's close to what you want. Maybe on the next click they give you something a little closer. Then a little closer.This does several things. First, you never actually receive the reward because you never get what you really need. Second, you develop this feeling of making progress—as though you're getting closer and closer. “Maybe one more comment. Maybe five more likes. Then I'll finally get it.”What most people don't realize is that we produce the most dopamine not when we get what we want, or even when we think we're about to get it, but when we feel like we're making progress.That's one of the biggest tricks.Video games are a perfect example. Kids always feel like they're making a little more progress. A little more. A little more. By the time they reach the next level, they're already making progress toward another one.There are all these different tricks designed to crank up wanting while dialing down satisfaction and pleasure because satisfaction is what gets you off the game. You think, “Okay, I'm done.”The same thing applies to social media. If social media actually gave me what I was looking for, I'd be finished. I'd think, “I got what I needed. I'm done.”But it never gives it to you.It can't.Sarah: I started feeling kind of gross about how much time I was spending on Instagram and Facebook—really just on my phone in general. I'd think, “Oh, I need a five-minute break,” and immediately pick up my phone.Actually, I did this before I started reading your book, but now I realize it fits perfectly with what you're talking about. I downloaded the New York Times Games app.Now, when I feel like I need a little break, I'll do Wordle or the Mini Crossword or Connections. What's nice is that it's limited. You get one crossword, one mini crossword, one Wordle, and one Connections each day.I'm almost never on Facebook or Instagram anymore because of it. It actually feels like a real reward. I finish the crossword and think, “Oh, I did the Mini in one minute and 38 seconds.”There's an ending to it. It really does feel like I accomplished something, which is very different.Michaeleen: Exactly. And you've actually stumbled onto one of the biggest tricks: bottomlessness.This is huge.TV didn't used to be bottomless.Michaeleen: TV didn't used to be bottomless. You had a handful of channels, and eventually the content ended or it got bad enough that you simply stopped watching.Now everything is endless. There's always another news story, another level in a game, another post, another video. That endlessness is what keeps us trapped in the cycle.You actually did so many things right with the New York Times Games app. You found something that takes a little more effort, but it also has a clear stopping point. You finish it, and then you're done. You created a bottom.That's exactly what I want to do with my own kids. I want to help them find activities that have a clear purpose and a clear ending. When you're done, you're done, and you turn it off.Compare that with scrolling Instagram for 30 minutes. What's the purpose? What are you actually doing? What are you looking for? There's always more content. It never ends, and it's incredibly fast.I think it's Chapter 4 of the book where I talk about figuring out how to use these technologies—if you're going to use them at all—in ways that don't manipulate you into these loops but instead feel genuinely satisfying.People often ask, “How do you know it's a real reward?” Your brain tells you. You feel better afterward than you did before. You feel done. You feel full. You think, “I'm ready to stop.”If, instead, you're thinking, “What's next? One more. One more,” then you're still stuck in the loop.For a lot of people—for a lot of kids, and certainly for me—that loop is frustrating and deeply unsatisfying. It just makes life feel gray and gloomy.Sarah: I noticed something a while ago. One of my favorite activities in the world is reading, and I realized I can't read if my phone is in the same room with me.When I was reading your book, I thought, “This is something I absolutely love doing, but it doesn't create that same dopamine loop.”Reading doesn't do that.I actually have to keep my phone in another room because reading takes more effort than scrolling Instagram.Michaeleen: Exactly. It takes more work, and that's part of why it's more satisfying.We're made to work. Human beings are actually very good at working, and that effort is part of what creates satisfaction. If something is too easy, it's much easier to get trapped in the wanting loop.Sarah: You also say in the book that, evolutionarily, our brains are designed to look for the easy way out.Back when life was hard, that made perfect sense.But now that everything comes to us so easily, it doesn't make sense anymore.Michaeleen: That's exactly right. These products are exploiting that tendency.Food is probably where you can see it most clearly.Our brains evolved to look for the foods with the most calories per bite. Why would you eat something with fewer calories per bite, especially when food was scarce? That's how we evolved.We also evolved to look for calories that our bodies could use quickly. A refined white-flour cracker gives you calories much faster than a carrot does. You'd have to eat carrots for much longer to get the same energy.Our brains are completely designed to choose the cracker.You'd never touch the carrot. It doesn't make evolutionary sense.That's especially true for kids, who are eating much more instinctively. But honestly, I'd argue that adults have the same problem. If the crackers are sitting there beside the carrots, most adults are going to have a hard time choosing the carrot.Sarah: Tell the story about the strawberries and the veggie straws.Michaeleen: This was when I really understood what was happening.Rosie was about eight years old, and we went to the pool with one of her friends. I packed raw edamame and strawberries. The girls were tired and hungry, and they were happily eating them. They were enjoying them.Then I pulled out a bag of veggie straws—which, by the way, aren't really veggies and aren't really straws. They're basically highly processed potato starch.Sarah: I think it's extruded potato starch.Michaeleen: You're right. Extruded potato starch.The starch is chemically extracted from the potato, so there's really nothing potato-like left except the starch. It's heated at a very high temperature, pushed through machinery, then sprayed with fat or basically fried and covered with salt.If you really look at the research, your body treats it almost like sugar. It practically dissolves in your mouth. There's almost no digestion required. It moves into your gut and into your bloodstream incredibly quickly.So even though the package says “veggie” and even though it says “potato,” what you're really getting are extremely fast calories, much like sugar.The moment I put those veggie straws on the table, those two girls ate the entire bag.One after another.You want to talk about dopamine?“Do it again. Do it again. Do it again. Do it again.”They didn't stop until every single veggie straw was gone.And then they completely forgot about the strawberries and the edamame.That was the moment I realized that if any ultra-processed food is available, kids simply won't choose the whole foods.Sarah: You asked Rosie afterward which she actually liked better, and she said, “Oh, the strawberries.”Michaeleen: Exactly. Even though she genuinely likes strawberries better—they taste better—her brain, and all of our brains, are designed to choose the veggie straws because they're such a dense source of fast calories.That realization led me to start doing little experiments. I'd make homemade meals with whole foods, then put one ultra-processed starch on the table—a dinner roll or some corn chips. I'd sit there and watch my husband and Rosie eat all of the ultra-processed food first. Then my husband might eat some of the whole foods, but Rosie wouldn't touch them.It wasn't her fault. It wasn't my fault. This is simply how our brains are designed. It makes perfect sense from an evolutionary perspective, and the food industry is explicitly taking advantage of that. If you look at the calorie density of ultra-processed foods, it's gone up and up over time. What really surprised me, though, is that it isn't just about sugar. Sugar clearly triggers dopamine—”Do it again. Do it again.” But highly refined potato starch, corn starch, and white flour are just as powerful, and in some studies they're actually more addictive than foods with added sugar.I recently read a study describing almost the exact recipe you mentioned: extruded starch that's fried or sprayed with a little fat and loaded with salt. That combination is incredibly addictive. The moment you see it, you want it, and then you eat it. The dopamine hit actually happens before you eat it. It's, “Oh, I see the bag. I want the bag.” That's the dopamine.Then there's almost no satisfaction or pleasure because satisfaction comes from protein and fiber—and, to a lesser extent, fat. Those are the things that make you feel, “Ah, I've had enough. I'm done.” Ultra-processed foods have stripped away almost everything that creates that feeling of satisfaction. That's what pleasure actually is.I really believe we can learn to tell the difference between wanting and genuine pleasure. Just like you did with the New York Times games, you replaced endless scrolling—which kept you wanting more—with something that actually makes you feel good every day.Sarah: Can you talk a little bit about what you call “magnets” and “cues”?I finished your book last week—it really was a page-turner—and I'm already putting some of your ideas into practice. One of the simplest suggestions was to stop carrying your phone around everywhere. I wore a watch to a baseball game the other night because I didn't want to keep taking out my phone just to check the time.Then this morning I went for a walk with my daughter and left my phone at home. When I got back, I made something to eat and did a couple of other things before I suddenly realized, “Oh—I left my phone upstairs for two hours.”Just the act of not taking it with me on the walk and leaving it in another room made it disappear from my mind. It was amazing.Michaeleen: I love that. That's beautiful.I call phones, video games, iPads, and ultra-processed foods magnets because neuroscientists actually use the term motivational magnets, and that's where I borrowed it from. They work through space, and they create what we call cues.Let's use screens instead of veggie straws. Imagine Rosie comes home every day after school and plays Toca Boca World on the iPad.Sarah: My daughter used to play those hairdressing games—and even vacuuming games. I never understood the appeal until I read your book and realized she was basically getting dopamine-mined.Michaeleen: Exactly. If you look at what keeps young children on those apps, it's the repetition. They're doing essentially the same thing over and over again, which is actually very unsatisfying.At first, what keeps Rosie playing are those little dopamine hits—”Do it again. Do it again.” But over time, something fascinating happens: the dopamine hit moves backward in time. Eventually, just seeing the iPad triggers dopamine. Simply seeing it creates desire and makes her really want it. Dopamine doesn't just make us want things—it motivates us to work to get them.So she sees the iPad, and suddenly she wants it. If it's sitting there, good luck getting her interested in anything else because her brain has already triggered that powerful feeling of, “I need this to survive.” She'll be pulled toward it like a magnet. That's where the term comes from. You don't just want it—you physically move toward it. You want to pick it up. You want to hold it. You want to touch it.Even if it's hidden away in a drawer or a closet, if she knows it's there, those magnets work through walls. She'll go looking for it.Sarah: Have you seen that study where students either had their phone on their desk, in their backpack, or in another room? Just having it in the backpack was almost as distracting as having it sitting on the desk.Michaeleen: That's exactly right, because they know it's accessible. Over time, these cues become so deeply wired into our brains that we don't even have to see the object anymore. We just have to know it's there.What's often triggering the habit isn't even the phone itself—it's an emotion. For example, when I'm writing and I get a little frustrated, that feeling becomes the cue: “Go check the news.” That used to be mine. Then it became, “Go check your email.” Now I've stopped checking the news, so mine has become, “Go check the weather.”Sarah: At least that can only last so long unless you're checking the weather around the world.Michaeleen: Exactly. It's much less sticky.But that's the point. If the phone is in the backpack, the brain knows it's available. These magnets work through walls. They work through bags. To really make those cues disappear, you have to do exactly what you did. You leave it at home. Your brain knows, “I can't get it. I'm not walking all the way back home for it,” so it lets go.As parents, we have to make these things completely disappear within a particular context. That's another really important piece of this: magnets and cues work in contexts.Every day after school is a context for Rosie's brain. Every day after school, in our house, she plays Toca Boca World. So when she walks into the living room at four o'clock, her brain already knows what time it is, even without a watch. Human brains are incredibly good at tracking those patterns.That context triggers dopamine. It triggers the desire for Toca Boca World.What we want to do instead is use that same context to trigger a desire for something that actually fills her up. Maybe after school in the living room becomes the cue for making art, riding her bike, or going outside.That's really what Dopamine Kids is about: using dopamine to get your kids excited about the real world and training their brains accordingly.Sarah: Can I back you up a little bit there? Because one thing you say in your book is that it doesn't work to simply take the screens away and say, “Let them be bored. They'll figure it out.”That's really the only other advice I've seen out there: just take the screens away and let kids be bored.But you did a lot of work to create opportunities for dopamine from other things. You didn't just tell Rosie, “No more Toca Boca World.”Can you talk about that? I think a lot of parents try the approach of saying, “Okay, we're just not doing screens anymore.” Then they end up with weeks—or maybe months—of crying and begging: “Can I just play a little?”Michaeleen: I think that approach can sometimes work with very little kids, but even then I don't think it lasts. These things are like weeds. The screens will come back unless you replace them with something else.Behavioral psychology is actually very clear on this. It's much easier to create a new habit than it is to break an old one. It's much easier to replace a behavior than simply remove it.For example, while I was writing Dopamine Kids, I decided I wanted to stop drinking as much. I had gotten into the habit of having a glass of wine every night, and I realized it just wasn't working for me anymore.I didn't simply take it away. I bought non-alcoholic beer. I replaced it with something.Kids are the same way.If you just take away the iPad—especially if they've been using it for a long time—their brain has come to believe it's something they need to survive. That's what these products have tricked the brain into believing. So when you take it away, it genuinely feels awful.But if you give them another activity that's exciting, interesting, and something they genuinely want to do, taking the screen away doesn't feel nearly as difficult. Over time, you can actually help them discover activities that make them feel even better than the iPad does.That's what creates a permanent habit instead of a temporary one.Behavioral psychology is pretty clear that kids are using these things because they're trying to meet a need.Rosie wasn't obsessed with Toca Boca World or cartoons because she wanted screens. She wanted adventure.Adventure is a fundamental human need for kids. You could also call it autonomy, but I like the word adventure because I think it's easier to understand. Kids need to explore, learn, and take little risks. They need that in order to feel good.I think a lot of kids are using screens to try to fill that need.So instead of simply taking screens away and leaving that need unmet, you have to backfill it.I said to Rosie, “Tonight we're not going to watch Netflix. We're going to take a break. Instead, we're going to do something you've been dying to do that I just haven't made time for yet. You're going to ride your bike to the market by yourself.”I would even say to her, “Instead of watching cartoon characters have adventures, you're going to have a real adventure yourself.”That's the difference.You're taking something that was trying—but ultimately failing—to meet a real human need and replacing it with something that actually does.When you do that, it's not nearly as hard.It goes back to what you mentioned earlier about kids saying they'd rather be with their friends than on screens. That same research also found that kids would rather be outside playing than watching screens. So you're giving them the opportunity to do the thing they actually want to do.That's really the process: figure out a replacement activity—or a replacement food—and then gradually begin taking the old thing away.The result is that your child isn't angry at you all the time. Your relationship is better because they have something wonderful replacing what they lost.More importantly, it creates a lasting habit because they're not simply complying with a rule. They're building a hobby, a skill, or a way of living that genuinely brings them pleasure and meets their needs.One of my biggest concerns with a lot of the screen advice that's out there is that it isn't permanent.Real change comes from making small but permanent changes.It's not, “We're doing a 30-day screen detox.”It's, “We don't use screens after dinner anymore,” or, “We don't use screens on Saturdays.”And that's just how our family does things now.That's how you train the brain.If you keep bringing the old habit back, you undo the learning and go right back to where you started.So I always encourage people to think small—but think permanent.Sarah: One suggestion you make is starting with something simple, like, “We don't do screens in the car.”Michaeleen: Yes.Sarah: I think that's such a great place to start. Your book is full of practical little ideas like that, so the whole thing doesn't feel overwhelming.We've been talking about some of the bigger concepts, but the book is incredibly practical.I'm working on a book myself right now, so I know how much work goes into something like this. I just want to say you did a really beautiful job balancing the theory with concrete things families can actually do.I really, really recommend it.Michaeleen: Thank you.The car is a great place to start because it's such a clear context for a child's brain.They get into the car and their brain thinks, “Screen time.”Instead, you can make the car mean, “Reading time,” or “Journaling time,” or even “Bored time.”It's a really useful place to begin because they're already somewhat contained, so it's easier to establish a new routine.Sarah: I love that.The one thing I want to ask about—and I hope you don't take this as criticism—is that some of what you've done takes a lot of time and energy privilege.Michaeleen: Yes. I think it's very similar to what I found with Hunt, Gather, Parent. There is some work up front, but I also think we dramatically underestimate how much work we're already doing when we rely on screens as babysitters or pacifiers.We tend to think that's the easy route, but even in the short term, I don't think it actually is.Sarah: That's a really good point because the fighting itself takes a lot of energy.Michaeleen: Exactly. That's ultimately what made me change and what made me want to write this book. I was just tired of arguing with Rosie about screens. I hated policing her.It's very similar to what I found with Hunt, Gather, Parent. Recently, one parent gave me some feedback that I actually thought was really insightful. She said, “I think you could have been clearer that having daily screen time—or unlimited screen time—is actually a lot of work.”And she's right.The parent is managing it every single day, moment by moment. There's constant fighting, negotiating, and policing.I'll tell you something else. Once we got ultra-processed foods out of our house, the amount of work I do around food dropped to about one-tenth of what it had been before. We actually spend less money because we're eating less.People don't realize that ultra-processed food makes you eat more. That's very well documented. Kids snack constantly when those foods are around. Rosie now eats two or three real meals a day when she's eating whole foods.So I'm actually doing much less work because those foods aren't in the house.I do agree there's some work at the beginning. Teaching Rosie to ride her bike to the market took time. But now she's 10, and she rides her bike everywhere. She bikes to piano lessons. She bikes all over town.That investment keeps paying dividends.Sarah: That's a really fair point.I had just been telling you before we started recording that, over the years, I've noticed more and more parents coming to coaching specifically because of challenges around screen time.The fights about screens, getting kids off screens—it has become such a common struggle.They just need to read your book and get some strategies.Michaeleen: I'm really just trying to encourage people that if they have that gut feeling—that sense of, “This just isn't working for our family”—it's okay to say no.There is a way to do it that doesn't require an enormous amount of ongoing work.Really, what you're doing is setting up the environment so the default becomes these other activities. You're designing things so you're not constantly policing or managing every moment.That's my biggest pushback against the idea that this approach is more work.It took a lot of work for me to figure all of this out and understand how it works—Sarah: And you did that for us.Michaeleen: Exactly.I also think the court system—and society more broadly—is slowly starting to catch up. The regulations around screen content are so far behind the technology.If you think about it, 20 years ago Rosie wouldn't have been able to walk into a movie like Jaws without a parent. There were very clear rules about what children could and couldn't see.Now I can hand her a device that gives her access to some of the most extreme content imaginable.One scientist told me that a child today can see, in about ten minutes, more pornography than our grandparents' generation would have encountered in an entire lifetime.Something is clearly out of balance.Either society has changed dramatically, or our regulations simply haven't kept pace.When you look at child exploitation, trafficking, and abuse online, it's obvious that regulation is behind.Sarah: Big Tech has so much money and so much influence that I think that's part of why the laws have fallen so far behind.Michaeleen: It absolutely is. But I also think there's this persistent myth that kids need these technologies and that they're doing so much good.One of my hopes for this book—and for the work many other researchers are doing—is that people will begin to understand that kids genuinely need help regulating this stuff.They cannot regulate it on their own.Right now, that entire burden falls on parents, and that's a tremendous amount of work.Sarah: We can't regulate it on our own, and we're grown-ups.Michaeleen: Exactly.When I first started researching this book, I interviewed a famous economist at Stanford—someone in his forties who will probably win a Nobel Prize someday. He spent our entire conversation telling me all the systems he had to build so he wouldn't look at the news while he was working.He had blocked it at the router. He'd blocked it on his computer. He'd blocked it in multiple other ways.I remember sitting there thinking, “If he has to do all of that, how is a thirteen-year-old supposed to do her homework?”That's one of the central messages of the book.This isn't about willpower.It's not about teaching kids to resist temptation through self-control.It's about teaching them to build environments where they aren't constantly tempted in the first place.That's exactly what you described earlier when you left your phone at home.You create spaces in your life where the temptation simply isn't there.That's the key to living a happier, healthier life—not relying on willpower, but learning to avoid unnecessary temptation and building habits that don't require you to fight yourself every day.Ironically, that's what ends up making life much easier.Sarah: That was another really interesting thing you talked about in your book—willpower.Michaeleen: One of the really interesting findings about willpower is that people with fewer bad habits don't actually have more willpower. They've simply arranged their lives so they're exposed to fewer temptations.Sarah: That's right. A great place to start might be something like what you did with food. You talked about not eating food on the go.Michaeleen: Exactly. No food on the go.Sarah: Baby steps.Michaeleen: Right. Or parents will tell me things like, “We don't have ultra-processed foods at breakfast.” Breakfast is actually an easy place to start. You have oatmeal. You have eggs. There are lots of simple whole-food options. So you make that one meal your starting point.That's really the idea. Start with something small.I think the same principle applies to parenting. Parenting actually becomes easier when the temptations simply aren't there. You're not constantly managing them.Sarah: When my kids were growing up—and thankfully they mostly missed all of this because my youngest is 19, so there wasn't Netflix and everything else that's available now—we had a simple family rule: no screens Monday through Thursday.Back then it was television, but they just knew that was how our family worked. If they asked, I'd simply say, “Remember, it's Wednesday. We'll watch TV on the weekend.”It was actually very easy.Michaeleen: Exactly. And that's the dopamine system at work.Their brains know what day of the week it is. We're remarkably good at keeping track of time and routines. They knew they were in your house, after school, and that there wasn't going to be TV.It's like a smoker on an airplane. Eventually the smoker's brain learns, “I'm on a plane. I can't smoke.” The craving relaxes because the brain understands the context.The same thing happens with family routines.In Israel, for example, many families observe a digital Sabbath where they unplug for a full 24 hours every week. Parents tell me their kids love it because they know that's the time they play board games, spend time outside, and do other things together.Their brains learn that weekly rhythm.Our brains naturally work this way, so we can use that tendency to make family life calmer and more peaceful.Honestly, one of my favorite outcomes is that when nine o'clock comes around, my daughter is calm and actually wants to go to bed. Whatever effort it took to establish those habits at the beginning has been completely worth it. It's peaceful now, and hopefully those routines will stay with her for years.Ironically, it was much harder for me to stop scrolling before bed than it was for her.Sarah: Do you think there's any place for moderation?For example, could Rosie ever pick up Toca Boca again and play it for a little while? Or is it more a case of, once it's gone, it's gone?Michaeleen: That's a really good question.I think there are a couple of ways to think about it.The first is simply asking whether a particular technology is worth it. Does Toca Boca actually give us something valuable enough that it's worth the possibility of bringing back arguments and struggles? Or is there something else that gives us the same benefit without those downsides?One of the goals of the book is to help parents start asking that question about technology in general: Is this actually worth it?The second question is whether your child can handle it.I use YouTube for work. I'll watch scientists explaining research, informational videos, or sometimes I'll listen to music. I also know all the tricks YouTube is playing on me, so I can use it pretty intentionally.But Rosie at ten years old?No way.YouTube is far too sophisticated for her to use purposefully.Maybe when she's sixteen, seventeen, or eighteen. Maybe fifteen. I don't know.But I'm not going to intentionally introduce it.If it becomes necessary because of school or something else, then we'll try it and see how she handles it. If she can use it well, maybe we'll continue. If she can't, then we won't.I think a lot of this is really about figuring out what your own child can handle.We don't give children alcohol or tobacco because they can't handle them. We don't give them pornography for the same reason.These technologies have entered our lives so quickly that we're all trying to answer entirely new questions.One of the most important things parents can watch is what happens afterward.How does your child behave? What's their mood like? Is it immediately, “One more. One more. One more”?If that's what's happening, then they're probably not ready for it.Sarah: Right. It's not restorative.This reminds me of a guest I had on the podcast a year or two ago. He was a former video game developer, and the episode was called How to Stop Fighting With Your Kid About Video Games.Sarah: This reminds me of something another guest said on the podcast, and I think it fits perfectly with what you're talking about.He was a former video game developer, and he said something I've never forgotten. He said, “If you're going to let your kids play video games, don't let them play anything that's free.”He said there are lots of amazing games that you actually buy because they're designed with a real story arc, real challenges, and an ending. As I was reading your book, I kept thinking about that because those paid games are designed to give you an actual reward at the end. You complete levels, you build skills, and then you finish.He wasn't talking about buying things inside free games. He meant games that you purchase outright. I remember my husband used to play The Legend of Zelda. It was a game you started and eventually finished.Michaeleen: I love that. There's so much I love about it because the business model is completely different.With free games, the longer you stay on them, the more money the company makes through advertising and in-game purchases. Their entire goal is to keep you there for as long as possible. They're holding the child inside that loop.But with purchased games, they actually want you to finish because then they hope you'll buy another game. It's almost like movies used to be. They wanted you to enjoy the experience, reach the end, and then come back for the next one.You're exactly right—they're designed to end.I think that's really beautiful advice because it highlights how much the business model shapes the experience.Sarah: That's what he said. In the free games, the commodity is your child's attention.Michaeleen: Exactly.Whereas with a purchased game, you're paying for an experience that has a beginning and an end.We've actually done something similar with movies and television. We got rid of all of our subscriptions, and honestly, we've saved a lot of money. Now, if we want to watch a movie, we buy it.We're much more intentional. We stop and ask ourselves, “Do we really want to watch this? Is it worth it?”Then, when the movie ends, we're done.I think that simple change does so much to keep you out of the wanting cycle we talked about earlier. Paying for something slows the whole process down. It makes you think about your choice, and the design itself is completely different. It's designed to leave you feeling satisfied—to let you say, “I finished it.”Sarah: It's an experience. It's an adventure. There's a reward.Michaeleen: Exactly. I love that idea. I wish I'd put it in the book. It's really good. Honestly, I didn't even realize there were that many games designed that way.Sarah: I'll send you his contact if you ever want to talk with him.I could honestly talk to you about this all day.I'm just trying to think if there's anything else I really wanted to ask, but I do want to highlight something for anyone who's still listening.This isn't a moral argument about screens or ultra-processed foods being “bad.” You make that very clear throughout the book.It's really about bringing more joy and fun back into your life because getting trapped in this cycle of wanting without ever feeling rewarded is making all of us kind of miserable.Michaeleen: That's exactly right.The first thing I hope parents take away is that this isn't their fault.This has happened incredibly quickly, and most of us don't even understand what we're up against. These products are intentionally designed by multibillion-dollar companies to capture and hold our children's attention. That's what we're competing with, and for a long time we simply haven't had the right tools.The second thing is that this isn't about taking everything away. That's a fantasy. It's not going to work.It's about figuring out what actually brings joy to you and your family, keeping those things, and letting go of the things that don't.We've also moved beyond the old idea that kids will somehow fall behind or be left out if they don't have all these technologies. There's so much evidence now showing that giving kids a phone or social media doesn't suddenly make them feel accepted or like they belong.In fact, it often does the opposite.So we can let go of that fear.Instead, we can ask, “What actually works for our family?” Then we can build the skills to get there and help our kids gradually adopt these technologies in healthy ways because they're going to be part of their lives.Almost everyone will eventually have a phone. Most kids will eventually use some form of social media, whether that's YouTube, Instagram, or whatever comes next.The question isn't whether they'll ever use it.The question is: When are they ready?And how do we help them use it in a way that still allows them to be productive?For me, that's one of the essential parenting skills of the twenty-first century: helping kids set up their environments—their computers, their workspaces, their routines—so they aren't constantly fighting temptation.Sarah: You also talk specifically about having kids work where a parent can see them because I think that's becoming a huge challenge now that so many students are issued Chromebooks at school.Sarah: You also mention having kids work where a parent can see them, because I think that's becoming a huge challenge now that so many students are issued Chromebooks at school.Everyone I've talked to—and maybe there are exceptions out there—says you can't put parental controls on school-issued devices. Kids need YouTube to watch something for school, and suddenly you've opened the door to all kinds of temptation.Every parent I know whose child has a school-issued Chromebook struggles with it.Michaeleen: Yes, and I think this is an area that's really in flux.From what I'm learning, parents are starting to push back—not only on schools issuing Chromebooks in the first place, but also on not being allowed to set them up in ways that remove things like YouTube. I think parents actually have more power than I realized.Some schools will work with families if parents speak up. You can go to the teacher or the principal and say, “This is what I want for my child's Chromebook. I don't want them to have access to YouTube,” or, “I want these restrictions in place.”Parents have more rights than I think most of us realize.I've talked with parents who are trying to get Chromebooks out of kindergarten through Grade 2 altogether. Others are asking for more limited internet access or different settings during school hours. There's really a whole spectrum of possibilities.I honestly think this is going to be one of the defining parenting issues of the next decade—the school-issued Chromebook, the school-issued iPad.For me, it just makes those screen-free gaps in the day even more important. If your child has spent the day doing schoolwork on a device, then after dinner becomes even more valuable as a screen-free time.You need a break. I need a break. We all need a break.Creating what I call sanctuaries becomes increasingly important as more of school moves onto screens. Kids need opportunities to move their bodies, relax their brains, and experience activities that are genuinely restorative.I also think there are resources available for parents who want more control over that digital space. It does take work, but as parents we sometimes hand over more authority to schools than we actually have to. We have more rights than we often realize.In fact, a lot of this is being challenged legally. There are lawsuits against school districts because some software has been given to children in ways that violate privacy protections and collect data improperly.So I think this whole area is changing, and I'm hopeful we'll eventually reach a place where, even if students are working on computers, they'll have better protections against unnecessary distractions.That's exactly how I work. I turn on an app blocker so I can't wander around the internet while I'm working. Otherwise, I'd be distracted constantly.I have a colleague who says she can't work for more than a couple of minutes before she finds herself checking something online.Sarah: I struggle with that too.It's getting easier the more I practice, but the pull—that feeling of wanting—is incredibly strong.Michaeleen: It really is. It's become a habit, and eventually you're barely even thinking about it.I remember when I first installed an app blocker. It felt so uncomfortable. I kept thinking, “But I want to check this. I want to check that.”Then it faded.It actually faded pretty quickly.Sarah: Thank you so much—not just for being here, but for writing this book. It's really remarkable.Even though I'm past the most active stage of parenting, I keep noticing the ideas from the book working their way into my own life.I have to tell you, the last couple of nights I've made brown rice instead of white rice because of something I read in the book. I love white rice, but I know I need more fiber. Honestly, once you start eating brown rice regularly, you hardly notice the difference.You've gotten me wearing a watch, eating brown rice, and leaving my phone at home when I take the dog for a walk.Michaeleen: I love that.It lets your brain relax because you're not constantly multitasking anymore.I have my watch on too. Rosie and I actually wear the same watch. To me, it's become a little symbol of this more digitally minimalist way of thinking.I was doing exactly the same thing—checking my phone every time I wanted to know the time. Eventually I thought, “Why am I using this little computer just to tell the time?”Sarah: Exactly.Well, thank you so much.Michaeleen: Thank you.Sarah: Before I let you go, I have one question that I ask every guest. It'll be interesting because I can compare your answer to what you said the last time you were on.If you could go back in time to your younger parent self, what advice would you give yourself?Michaeleen: Which age?Sarah: Any age. Go back to brand-new-mom Michaeleen. What would you tell yourself?Michaeleen: I'll give you two answers.For the baby stage, I would tell myself, “Michaeleen, just carry her all the time. Put her in the carrier and carry her. Don't worry so much about putting her down.”She was so happy whenever I carried her, and that's how so many cultures do it. The baby is simply on someone's back or on their front while life goes on. I really wish I'd done more of that because I think it would have made both of our lives much easier.For the older years, I'd tell myself to stop worrying so much that taking away the screens was going to be hard.I built it up in my mind as this enormous thing. I thought, “It's going to be so difficult to take away Netflix at night. It's going to be so difficult to take away Toca Boca.”But it wasn't.It really wasn't.Our lives became so much easier afterward, and I wish I'd been able to see that ahead of time.Sarah: Well, how could you have known?What you were seeing was the outward expression of all that wanting—the crying, the begging, the desperation. It would be so easy to mistake that for, “I'm denying my child something that brings them enormous pleasure.”I think that's an important distinction for parents.Just because your child is crying and screaming that they want something doesn't actually mean that it's bringing them pleasure or that it's good for them.Michaeleen: Exactly.Someone said something to me that I think made it into the book. A child can desperately want to spend another hour playing a video game while actually getting very little pleasure—or no pleasure—from it.That's really where the trick is.That's the hijacking.I also think Lenore's work is right. Kids really do want the offline world.They just have to experience it first.I didn't fully appreciate this before, but you can't really want something until you've experienced the joy of it yourself. Maybe you can see someone else enjoying it, but to actually build that dopamine pathway, you have to get out there and feel it yourself.You have to think, “Oh, this is wonderful. I love this.”Then your brain starts wanting more of that.Sarah: I was thinking about one family I work with. They have five kids, they run their own business, and they're incredibly busy.Their five-year-old son was having constant meltdowns and aggression, so I suggested they start tracking what happened right before those moments.When they came back, they realized that about 90 percent of the incidents were connected to screens. He was trying to get one of his parents' phones. He was trying to grab the remote from his sisters. He wanted the TV turned on or wanted it to stay on.This was actually before I read your book, so I probably could have given them even better advice afterward.But I suggested they experiment with going screen-free for a while and see whether it changed the aggression.The next time I talked to them, the dad told me that, out of pure frustration, he'd picked up the television and put it out in the garage. He basically announced, “No more TV for the rest of the summer.”The following week, the mom started texting me pictures.“Here's the girls sleeping in a fort they built on the trampoline.”“Here's our five-year-old playing with his trucks.”Picture after picture.She said, “I think this is going to be the best summer ever without TV.”Michaeleen: I love that story.I really do.And it's easier.It's easier.All he did was move the TV into the garage.That's amazing.That's exactly the advice I'd give myself.Just do it. Trust your instincts. Do it.Sarah: Do it.Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate you coming back on the podcast.As always, it's been such a pleasure talking with you, and you've written another wonderful book to add to the parenting canon.Michaeleen: Thank you so much for having me. It was truly a pleasure to come back.Sarah: Thanks so much.We'll put links to everything we talked about in the show notes, along with your website. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sarahrosensweet.substack.com/subscribe

Psychologists tell us that too much life change at once can push us into overload, and that can show up in all kinds of emotional and physical ways. We'll explore the wisdom we can find in the Israelites' forty-year journey through the wilderness, a story that shows us how to navigate change with confidence and a real sense of God's presence with us. Because no matter where life takes you, He will be with you.Pursuing God with Gene Appel is designed to help you pursue God, build community, and unleash compassion. Grounded in Scripture and shaped by Eastside's conviction that God's grace is for everyone, each episode invites you to discover God's presence and activity in your life.

We've talked about eco-anxiety before on Do You Really Know, and it's real. A survey published in the Lancet in December 2021 found that 75% of young people thought the future was frightening. But others are preaching a more positive outlook, with cautious climate optimism looking set to be a trend in 2023. While our fears around the climate crisis are justified and useful, if they paralyse us out of doing anything, those feelings of hopelessness are inevitable. Psychologists call it “learned helplessness”. What cause is there for optimism? What are the arguments against climate optimism? In under 3 minutes, we answer your questions! To listen to more episodes, click here: ⁠⁠Should I walk 10000 steps a day?⁠⁠ ⁠⁠What is a vertiport?⁠⁠ ⁠⁠What is productivity paranoia?⁠⁠ A Bababam Originals podcast. Written and produced by Joseph Chance. First Broadcast: 20/1/2023 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this presentation, Dr Faten El Skafi explores how licensed Muslim psychologists in Lebanon integrate religiosity and spirituality into their clinical practice. Combining a systematic literature review with semi-structured interviews, she investigates the ethical dilemmas practitioners encounter and the strategies they use to preserve professional integrity, with a view to informing culturally sensitive training and guidelines.

In today's episode, Trisha and I answer two listener questions. The first question is about feeling stuck in cycles of restarting instead of progressing, using food for comfort, and struggling to build consistency even when there is a strong desire to change. The second question is about ageing and the inner critic, and how it can feel difficult to let go of a younger version of yourself.  As always, Trisha McHale shares her psychotherapist view, helping explain why these patterns happen and how to change them for good. Click play and let's dive in. To apply for membership to Thrive Academy, Jessica's coaching program, go to www.jessicacooke.ie/thrive To contact Trisha McHale for more information on Therapy and Counselling services: galway@mindandbodyworks.com 091 725 750 About Trisha McHale: Trisha is a Psychotherapist and Director of Mind & Body Works Counselling and Psychotherapy Centre, based in Galway, with centres in Galway and Dublin. Their team of over 50 Psychotherapists and Psychologists work with adults, couples, adolescents, and children, offering therapies including CBT, EMDR, and Art Therapy. They also run a low-cost counselling service.

(0:00) Intro(0:02) Khutbah, Qurani AayaatMuharram se Mutaliq Bayan (1448 Hijri – June 2026)(0:56) Rasulullah ﷺ Ki Ita'at Ka Tariqa(1:27) Hasad ki Wajah Se Dunya ka Pehla Khaufnaak Qatal(Naiki ki Bunyad Rakhne Walay ka Abadi Sawab vs Gunah ki Bunyad Rakhne Walay ki Abadi Saza)(2:56) Hasad Se Bachne ka Tariqa(3:37) Khoobsurat Buildings Mein Rehne Walon ki Qabar(4:52) Dunya ki Zindagi Do Takay ki(5:20) Hubb-e-Jaah, Hubb-e-Maal aur Hubb-e-Baah: Dil ki 3 Khaufnaak Bemariyan(6:28) Izzat ke Bhookay Log(7:20) Paison ke Bhookay Log(8:17) Tariq Bhai ka 1995 ka Waqia – Aik Jhootay Aamil ka Eye-Opening Mesmerism(15:08) Yateemon ke Maal ki Hifazat ka Hukm(16:04) Maal ki Muhabbat Kya Hai?(17:04) Khud Pasandi (Ujub) ka Mohlik Marz(18:11) Shaitan ka Jurm(18:50) Naik Insan ka Dil In Bemariyon Se Pak Hota Hai(19:14) Hubb-e-Baah ka Marz(19:30) Tharak ka Bechain Mareez(21:15) Waqia: Hajiyon ki Bus(21:51) Gay(22:18) Peghambaron ki Taqat ki Misal – Hazrat Musa (AS) ka Kirdar(24:21) Angrezon ki Tharak(24:45) Hazrat Musa (AS) ne Nikah ki Offer Foran Qabool ki!(25:29) Sufism i.e. Worst(26:02) Jamia Tur Rasheed Mein Graduation, Masters aur 4 Saal Aalim Course Karne Walon ko Mufti Sahab ki Naseehat – Shadi, Bachay, Taleem aur Nokri Sath Sath(28:23) Aik Rangeen Mizaj Shakhs ki Shadi ka Waqia(30:08) Mufti Sahab ka Tajurba(30:34) Hubb-e-Jaah: Ilaj ke Lehaz Se Sab Se Mushkil Marz(31:15) Hubb-e-Baah ka Ilaj(32:17) Khud Pasandi ka Ilaj Sab Se Mushkil(32:47) Hubb-e-Maal: Ghatiya Tareen Bemari(33:39) Bawaseer ka Hakimi Ilaj(34:22) Paison Se Muhabbat Karne Walon ka Zauq-e-Nazar(35:38) Achanak Maut(37:43) Islamabad Mein Mufti Sahab ke Jawan Relative ki Cancer Se Wafat(38:19) Covid-19 Mein Jawan Logon ki Wafat(38:50) Nabi ﷺ ka Farman (Qabrustan Mein Ibrat)(39:21) Aik Isai ki Ajeeb Wasiyyat – Maut Se Kuch Der Pehle(40:42) Wahi ke Noor ke Baghair Aqal Gumrahi Hai(41:36) Technology Hub Countries Mein Gay Namunay(43:28) Youth Club Walon ke Paas Cases (GF, BF)(44:38) Karachi ki Aik Khatoon ki Call Mufti Sahab ko(46:30) Aik Khatoon ke 3 Betay Gay Kaisay Banay?(49:44) Islam ki Baharain(50:24) Drugs aur Suicide Legal in...(51:52) Bahir Mulkon Mein Jawanon Par Tablighi Jamaat ka Asar(52:40) Depression Patients(53:02) Psychologists(1:05:38) Islam ki Baharain aur Barkat(1:06:05) Molana Tariq Jameel Sahab ka Bayan – Bahir Mulkon Mein Aurat ki Izzat(1:07:04) Islam ka Ehsan(1:07:31) Muslims in Australia(1:08:04) Mufti Sahab ke Ghar Walon ka Tajziya – Bahir Mulk ki Taraqqi Par(1:09:38) Islami Ahkam ki Pakizgi vs Dusre Mazahib ki Gandagi(1:11:16) Quran Mein Nabi ﷺ ki Tareef(1:11:54) Deewaron aur Eenton Se Dil Lagane ki Burai(1:12:56) Muharram Mein Sunni Logon ka Shia Ban Jana?(1:13:03) Islam Mein Firqay(1:13:58) Jannati Firqay ki Alamat(1:16:02) Ghamdi aur Rajam ki Qurani Aayaat(1:16:32) Quran, Sunnat aur Sahaba par Amal(1:16:51) 10 Muharram Par Sahaba (RA) ka Amal(1:17:10) Hazrat Usman (RA) ki Shahadat Par Sahaba (RA) ka Amal(1:17:54) Muharram Mein Sunni Logon ke Liye Mufti Sahab ki Naseehat(1:19:24) Ibn-e-Ziyad ki Badbakhti(1:19:50) 9 aur 10 Muharram Mein Kya Karna Chahiye? Dua(1:21:10) Aalima Larki Se Shadi Karne Par Sawal(1:22:57) Collar Wali Shirt Mein Namaz?(1:23:09) Ghair Muslimon ka Quran Par Aitraz(1:25:03) Bank Job ke Liye Darhi Katna?(1:25:29) Logon Mein Ghulna Milna aur Job Karne Se Agar Taqwa Mutasir Ho To?(1:28:32) Aik Saal ki Tankhwah Jama Karein ya Umrah Karen?(1:29:04) Reply to Engineer(1:31:42) Hazrat Umar (RA) ke Jalali Mizaj ki Wajah Se Nikah Se Inkar Kyun?(1:33:43) Mufti Sahab ke Baray Mein Baray Ulama ki Rai(1:49:21) Sahaba (RA) ki Ghaltiyon Par Aitraz ka Jawab(1:51:11) Shia Hazrat Umar (RA) ko Bura Kyun Kehte Hain?(1:55:07) Berozgari ka Masla? (3 Shadiyan aur 8 Bachay Hon To)(1:58:14) Kundy ki Bijli ki Aamdani?(2:00:04) Biwi Se Udhar Liye Huay Gold ka Hukm?(2:01:11) Mufti Sahab ke Walid Sahab ki Qeemti Naseehat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If AI can do your work, what are you actually for? That is the question every knowledge worker is starting to feel, and this episode on AI and leadership sits right inside it. Dr. Chris McAlister and co-host Mark dig into the first of three human capacities AI can never replace: imagination. Not wishful thinking, but seeing something in your mind before it is real. That is vision, the necessary function of leadership. Chris tells the story of pulling into his garage in February, watching AI initiate, synthesize, and execute, and sitting with the question the tool forced on him: if it can do this, what am I for? He calls it a haunting moment, and what settled in was a conviction that what a human really does matters more than ever. It is the same gut question a fourth-generation horseshoer faced when the car arrived, or a division-one athlete feels when the knee gives out. Psychologists call it identity foreclosure, and it is coming for everyone who works at a computer. The deeper anchor is a Greek word: Gnosko. Gnosko is experiential knowing, the kind you possess and stand on no matter what the day brings. The other word for knowing is techne. Techne is informational knowing, the manual, the facts, the pattern. AI can techne you, mimic you, pattern-match you across every transcript and recording until it can sound like a great friend. It can never gnosko you. It will never experientially know who you are. That is why imagination stays human. You hold the vision. The tool extends it, imagining a hundred ways forward, but only inside the vision you give it. Chris and Mark name the real danger too. People will outsource the seeing and go to the tool for validation, training it to bolster the very things they feel most threatened about, remaking it in the image of their insecurity. More AI agents are online than people now. AI companion apps have passed dating apps because the machine tells you what you want to hear. The old Babel invitation still stands: do not reach for the bricks to build the tower, reach for God, and lean into a gnosko with him you have never had before. The leaders who answer what am I for from a secure identity are the 3% who walk everyone else into the future that is now. Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:13 If AI can do this, what am I for? 6:50 The paradox: easier work, harder humans 11:58 The first capacity AI can't replace: imagination 23:46 Gnosko vs. techne: knowing vs. knowing about 32:44 AI can mimic you. It can't know you. 39:55 Don't reach for the bricks (the Babel turn) 45:29 Identity foreclosure, and what's next Next episode goes to the second human capacity, discernment, the Greek phronesis. Take the Identity Fear Quotient® (IFQ®), four questions in about 15 minutes, to see the fear that drives how you show up under pressure, and where you might reach for a tool to validate it: www.taketheifq.com Get into the SightShift ecosystem at www.sightshift.com Find the forthcoming book, The 3% Shift: The Human Edge in the Age of AI, at www.threepercentshift.com

Psychologists with the Disclosure Foundation state in a new white paper that, among other things, the human race can handle the truth about non-human intelligence on Earth.Links/Sources:The Psychological Impact of UAP/NHI Disclosure | Disclosure FoundationSupport Extraterrestrial Reality/Quirk Zone on Patreon:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/c/Extraterrestrial_Reality⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Check out my YouTube channel:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Quirk Zone - YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Extraterrestrial Reality Book Recommendations:Link to ROSWELL: THE ULTIMATE COLD CASE: CLOSED: https://amzn.to/3O2loSILink to COMMUNION by Whitley Strieber: https://amzn.to/3xuPGqiLink to THE THREAT by David M. Jacobs: https://amzn.to/3Lk52njLink to TOP SECRET/MAJIC by Stanton Friedman: https://amzn.to/3xvidfvLink to NEED TO KNOW by Timothy Good:  https://amzn.to/3BNftfTLink to UFOS AND THE NATIONAL SECURITY STATE, VOLUME 1:  https://amzn.to/3xxJvlvLink to UFOS AND THE NATIONAL SECURITY STATE, VOLUME 2: https://amzn.to/3UhdQ1lLink to THE ALLAGASH ABDUCTIONS: https://amzn.to/3qNkLSgUFO CRASH RETRIEVALS by Leonard Stringfield: https://amzn.to/3RGEZKsFLYING SAUCERS FROM OUTER SPACE by Major Donald Keyhoe: https://amzn.to/3S7WkxvCAPTURED: THE BETTY AND BARNEY HILL UFO EXPERIENCE by Stanton Friedman and Kathleen Marden: https://amzn.to/3tKNVXn#ufos #aliens #vegas aliens #ufo podcast

Psychologists with the Disclosure Foundation state in a new white paper that, among other things, the human race can handle the truth about non-human intelligence on Earth.Links/Sources:The Psychological Impact of UAP/NHI Disclosure | Disclosure FoundationSupport Extraterrestrial Reality/Quirk Zone on Patreon:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/c/Extraterrestrial_Reality⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Check out my YouTube channel:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Quirk Zone - YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Extraterrestrial Reality Book Recommendations:Link to ROSWELL: THE ULTIMATE COLD CASE: CLOSED: https://amzn.to/3O2loSILink to COMMUNION by Whitley Strieber: https://amzn.to/3xuPGqiLink to THE THREAT by David M. Jacobs: https://amzn.to/3Lk52njLink to TOP SECRET/MAJIC by Stanton Friedman: https://amzn.to/3xvidfvLink to NEED TO KNOW by Timothy Good:  https://amzn.to/3BNftfTLink to UFOS AND THE NATIONAL SECURITY STATE, VOLUME 1:  https://amzn.to/3xxJvlvLink to UFOS AND THE NATIONAL SECURITY STATE, VOLUME 2: https://amzn.to/3UhdQ1lLink to THE ALLAGASH ABDUCTIONS: https://amzn.to/3qNkLSgUFO CRASH RETRIEVALS by Leonard Stringfield: https://amzn.to/3RGEZKsFLYING SAUCERS FROM OUTER SPACE by Major Donald Keyhoe: https://amzn.to/3S7WkxvCAPTURED: THE BETTY AND BARNEY HILL UFO EXPERIENCE by Stanton Friedman and Kathleen Marden: https://amzn.to/3tKNVXn#ufos #aliens #vegas aliens #ufo podcast

What if the secret to a thriving marriage isn't avoiding conflict… but learning to lean into it?In this episode, Sharla and Robert explore NBA superstar Stephen Curry's powerful marriage advice from his recent interview with Michelle Obama: “We don't run away from the tension on the daily.” They unpack why this simple idea is backed by decades of research from John and Julie Gottman, Terry Real, and divorce lawyers — and why so many couples still resist it.You'll learn:Why 69% of relationship problems are perpetual (and why that's actually good news)How the 5:1 positive-to-negative ratio works in real life — and what happens when it doesn't over 5–10 yearsThe compounding effect of small, unaddressed negatives (and how it leads to “falling out of love slowly, then all at once”)Practical ways to reframe tension, use soft startups, get underneath gridlocked issues, and repair quicklyWhether you've been married 5 years or 25, this episode will shift how you see conflict in your relationship.Resources & Links Mentioned:Michelle Obama's IMO Podcast with Stephen & Ayesha Curry (full episode)Medium Article: “Stephen Curry's Best Marriage Advice Is Backed by Psychologists and Divorce Lawyers”John & Julie Gottman – Fight RightTerry Real – Relational Life TherapyOur Repair Mini-Series (previous episodes)Challenge This Week:The next time tension rises, name it gently: “I'm noticing some tension here, and I want us to lean into it together. What's going on for you?” Stay in the conversation, listen openly, and make a repair if needed.Research Opportunity:We're in the early stages of developing a new marriage program and would love your input. If you've ever felt successful in your career but struggled to connect at home, Sharla would love to hear your story. This is purely for research — no sales pitch. Schedule a quick interview hereCall to Action:If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts — it helps other couples find the show. And be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode.Until next time — choose each other, even in the tension.

In today's episode, Trisha and I answer a listener's question about anxiety, overthinking and the need to control. The question comes from a listener who asks: "Has Trisha any tips for dealing with overthinking due to anxiety and wanting things to go a certain way? Why do we feel that need when all we can control is ourselves?" It's a great question and one I think many women will relate to. If you find yourself worrying about the future, replaying conversations, trying to make things go a certain way or feeling uncomfortable when things are out of your control, this episode is for you. Trisha McHale brings her grounded psychotherapist perspective as we explore this listener's question together. Click play and let's dive in. To join  Thrive Academy, Jessica's coaching program, go to www.jessicacooke.ie/thrive To contact Trisha McHale for more information on Therapy and Counselling services: galway@mindandbodyworks.com 091 725 750 About Trisha McHale: Trisha is a Psychotherapist and Director of Mind & Body Works Counselling and Psychotherapy Centre, based in Galway, with centres in Galway and Dublin. Their team of over 50 Psychotherapists and Psychologists work with adults, couples, adolescents, and children, offering therapies including CBT, EMDR, and Art Therapy. They also run a low-cost counselling service.

Michelle and I discuss how to develop clinical competency in therapy, the education and licensing considerations, and what you need to know before starting a private practice as a therapist. Episode Show Notes: kayladas.com/episode173 MSW Helper: mswhelper.com/becoming-a-therapist MSW Master of Social Work Applications - MSW Helper (Michelle's Group): facebook.com/groups/1091536908153196 Private Practice Therapists: Social Workers, Psychologists, Counsellors (Kayla's Group): facebook.com/groups/exclusiveprivatepracticecommunity Canadian Clinical Supervision Therapist Directory: canadianclinicalsupervision.ca American Clinical Supervisor Therapist Directory: americanclinicalsupervisor.com Done-for-You Psychology Today Profiles: kayladas.com/done-for-you-profiles Free Quiz: Which Therapeutic Modality Training to Start With? kayladas.com/therapymodalityquiz Credits & Disclaimers Music by Denis Pavlov Music from Pixabay The Designer Practice Podcast and Evaspare Inc. has an affiliate and/or sponsorship relationship for advertisements in our podcast episodes. We receive commission or monetary compensation, at no extra cost to you, when you use our promotional codes and/or check out advertisement links. References ACSW. (2025, September). Private Practice Guidance. Retrieved from https://acsw.ab.ca/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/DOC_ProfessionalPracticeGuideline_PrivatePractice_20251006.pdf ACSW. (n.d.). Restricted Psychosocial Intervention. Retrieved from https://acsw.ab.ca/rapi-information/ Government of Ontario. (2007) Psychotherapy Act. Retrieved from, https://www.ontario.ca/laws/statute/07p10 OCSWSSW. (2025, May 8). Letter to Insurance Company. Retrieved from https://www.ocswssw.org/wp-content/uploads/OCSWSSW-Letter-to-Insurance-Providers-May-8-2025.pdf OCSWSSW. (n.d.1). Private Practice. Retrieved from https://www.ocswssw.org/registrants/private-practice/ OCSWSSW. (n.d.2) Psychotherapy. Retrieved from https://www.ocswssw.org/registrants/psychotherapy/ Yukon Government. (2024, December, 24). Joint statement from Minister McPhee and Chief Coroner Heather Jones on efforts to regulate social work. Retrieved from https://yukon.ca/en/news/joint-statement-from-minister-mcphee-and-chief-coroner-heather-jones-on-efforts-to-regulate-social-work

Today we discuss the role of psychology in integrated primary care settings with Dr. Daniel Mullin. Show notes are available at www.NavNeuro.com/193 _________________ If you'd like to support the show, here are a few easy ways: 1) Get CE credits for listening to select episodes: www.NavNeuro.com/INS (for step-by-step guidance, go to: www.NavNeuro.com/CEguide) 2) Subscribe (free) and leave an Apple Podcasts rating/review: www.NavNeuro.com/itunes 3) Check out our book Becoming a Neuropsychologist, and leave it an Amazon rating   Thanks for listening, and join us next time as we continue to navigate the brain and behavior! [Note: This podcast and all linked content is intended for general educational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of psychology or any other professional healthcare advice and services. No professional relationship is formed between hosts and listeners. All content is to be used at listeners' own risk. Users should always seek appropriate medical and psychological care from their licensed healthcare provider.]

It is soon to be 'that' time of year again and the HSC is going to be fast upon us … and we are revisiting a timely podcast about the ‘HSC and the ATAR'. All too often, the HSC is a stressful time for students and for their parents and families also. In this podcast, we hear from Clinical Psychologists – Dr Mathew Pfeiffer and Michelle Wotton from The Resilience Centre as they shed light on the difference between ‘ambition' and ‘perfectionism', when it comes to working towards a goal. They bring a wealth of experience and a passion for helping students and their families to do the whole HSC experience (and not just during, but importantly life afterwards) well … The post Winter Listening: Revisiting the ATAR and Beyond: Real Skills for Real Life appeared first on The Resilience Centre.

You have probably met a lot of people in your life that will treat you poorly.This week, or even today, you may experience somebody who is short with you, exasperated when you are around, gives you the eye rolls, gets angry, or suddenly disappears and ghosts you.If you are like me, you internalize this immediately.You think: Is it me? Am I at fault?For a long time, I did this with almost every negative interaction. I still do. I immediately assume there is some flaw in me. I replay what I said. I think I did something wrong.What I have realized over many years is that, very often, it is not my fault.It is somebody else struggling with something deep inside that they cannot or will not process. Their mind is already made up. They did not come into the day wanting to respond to you in a positive way.Psychologists call this kind of inner clash cognitive dissonance. When people feel that ambiguity or tension, they rarely respond with patience and inquiry. Nine times out of ten, they get angry or run away.Some people fight. Some people flee.Some people ghost you.Some people give you that emotional hit that makes you feel inferior.And because our bodies respond much more to negative interactions than positive ones, that one angry moment can erase an entire day of beautiful moments. You will carry that one interaction around and ask: What did I do wrong?Most of the time, you did nothing wrong.You cannot fix them. You cannot be kind enough or generous enough to change a mind that does not want to change.So here is what I want you to internalize: • Your daily interactions are often not about you. • You cannot fix everybody. • You can walk away knowing you are a good person. • You can keep being kind without believing you are the problem.If you are the one who is always angry and aggressive, I hope you stop and reflect and think about how you can change.But I also know that most people who need that message will say it is everybody else.For you, the person who internalizes everything and thinks it is always your fault:It is not you.Keep going.Take care and have a wonderful day.

Today, we delve into an honest and practical conversation about the place of psychology in society and in our daily lives. I'm joined by Dr. Simon Rego and Dr. Sandy Pimentel, two leading and influential clinical psychologists. We jump right in, first considering whether our culture's increased focus on mental health is a passing fad or an emerging trend that's here to stay. It doesn't take long before we venture into the murky waters of mental health content on social media, wrestling with the best way to navigate through the helpful content and misinformation that circulates daily. We also talk about the unexpected impacts of our guests' social media involvement. Things get practical, as we share advice on how to manage life's frustrations while holding on to gratitude and hope. We even get personal, sharing about successes and failures and the growth that can only come when you stretch yourself and learn from mistakes along the way. Humorously, we consider society's mixed feelings about psychologists – either embracing them or running away from them. Finally, we talk about ways psychologists and other mental health professionals can authentically and effectively engage with the community.

We're continuing our series on common creator fears. Every content creator goes through some kind of hesitation, fear, or frustration that blocks them from being who God created them to be. For me, I've realized I have a sense of insecurity about abandonment. When the viewer count goes down, it's not just a "bummer"—it's a feeling that I've messed something up and people don't like me anymore.Psychologists call this the "spotlight effect"—the tendency to overestimate how much others are noticing your flaws. But our job isn't to come up with the perfect words or try to look powerful. Our job is to be who God created us to be and create what we believe He wants us to create.

After a consult call with a new potential therapist who charged the morning of the therapy session, I found myself in a deep dive seeking the answer to this question: is it ethical for therapists to charge in advance of session?Thank you to Paubox for sponsoring this episode. Paubox makes HIPAA-secure email and forms easy and streamlined. Check them out here:https://hubs.la/Q04k58tL0*Get $250 off your first year with Paubox with coupon code "SKILLS"*Bonus Deal:* If you add the Paubox badge to your website you get an extra $100 off your first year - that means you can get your whole first year free if you apply both deals!Links Mentioned:r/therapists: "Do you charge your clients before or after the session?"https://www.reddit.com/r/therapists/comments/1dilgg3/do_you_charge_your_clients_before_or_after_the/Quora: "What are the ethical implications of paying for therapy sessions in advance?”https://therapistsexposed.quora.com/What-are-the-ethical-implications-of-paying-for-therapy-sessions-in-advanceQuora: "Do all therapists require their clients to pay up front before starting treatment/therapy sessions?"https://www.quora.com/Do-all-therapists-require-their-clients-to-pay-up-front-before-starting-treatment-therapy-sessionsQuora: "Should a therapist ask for payment up front or at the end of the session?"https://www.quora.com/Should-a-therapist-ask-for-payment-up-front-or-at-the-end-of-the-sessionEthical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conducthttps://www.apa.org/ethics/codeAAMFT's Code of Ethics:https://www.aamft.org/AAMFT/web/Action-Advocacy/Code-of-Ethics-New.aspxLINKS:*Some links are affiliate links. A percentage of purchases come back to me and help my channel immensely!

For nearly seven years, Cindy James lived in fear.The pediatric nurse from British Columbia reported relentless harassment: anonymous phone calls, threatening letters, dead animals, fires, break-ins, and violent attacks that left even seasoned investigators disturbed. Friends believed she was being hunted by a dangerous stalker. Police launched investigations. Private investigators were hired. Psychologists became involved.But as the years passed, detectives began asking a darker question:Was someone truly terrorizing Cindy James… or was something far more complicated happening behind closed doors?In June 1989, Cindy was found dead near an abandoned property in Richmond, British Columbia — bound, drugged, and surrounded by unanswered questions. What followed became one of Canada's most haunting and controversial unsolved mysteries.In this episode of Stuttering in Silence, we reconstruct the case minute by minute — from the chilling phone calls and disturbing attacks to the divided police investigation, forensic evidence, psychological theories, and the coroner's shocking open verdict that left the world without answers.With immersive storytelling, investigative detail, documented evidence, and the haunting uncertainty that still surrounds the case decades later, this is the full story of a mystery that continues to divide investigators to this day.Because sometimes the most terrifying cases are not the ones with monsters hiding in the shadows…but the ones where no one can prove if the monster ever existed at all.

In today's episode, Trisha and I answer a listener's question about food, weight loss and the fear of slipping back into diet culture. The question comes from a listener who wants to get fit and strong and improve her health, but also feels confused about how weight loss actually works without calorie counting, restriction and obsessing over food again. We talk about overeating, fat storage, portion sizes, hunger, body trust and the fear many women have of “getting it wrong” when they stop dieting. We also explore the difference between healthy structure and diet culture, why so many women feel stuck in the all-or-nothing cycle, and how to approach weight loss in a slower, calmer and more sustainable way without becoming consumed by food. As always, Trisha McHale brings her grounded psychotherapist perspective — helping unpack what's happening beneath these patterns and why rebuilding trust, consistency and self-awareness matters so much. Click play and let's dive in. To apply for membership to Thrive Academy, Jessica's coaching program, go to www.jessicacooke.ie/thrive To contact Trisha McHale for more information on Therapy and Counselling services: galway@mindandbodyworks.com 091 725 750 About Trisha McHale: Trisha is a Psychotherapist and Director of Mind & Body Works Counselling and Psychotherapy Centre, based in Galway, with centres in Galway and Dublin. Their team of over 50 Psychotherapists and Psychologists work with adults, couples, adolescents, and children, offering therapies including CBT, EMDR, and Art Therapy. They also run a low-cost counselling service.

Your pep talks come from love. But two real sports parents found out they weren't enough.

In this episode of The Founder's Sandbox, host Brenda McCabe sits down with behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley of the University of Chicago Booth School of Business to explore the surprising power of human connection. Drawing on decades of research and his new book A Little More Social, Epley reveals why we consistently underestimate how positive social interactions can be—and how small choices, like expressing gratitude or starting a conversation, can significantly improve our well-being, relationships, and workplace culture. Together, they discuss the science behind social connection, the hidden barriers that hold us back, and practical ways leaders and professionals can build more resilient, purpose-driven organizations through simple, intentional human interactions. You can find out more about Nicholas and his book at: about Nicholas Epley Accolades Nicholas Epley Book him for for speaking events at: https://www.wsb.com/speakers/nicholas-epley/ or pre order his new Book out May 19, 2026: A Little More Social Here: Amazon, Bookshop) You can also find his book Mindwise here: Amazon, Bookshop transcript: 00:04 Welcome back to the Founders Sandbox. I am Brenda McCabe, your host. Now in the fourth season, my mission with this podcast is really to bring in company owners, founders, 00:31 professionals, board directors that like me share a common mission, which is making change in the world through enterprises, small, medium or large. em And each of my guests um have em in their own ways built resilient, scalable, well-governed businesses um to really make that change. And I'm absolutely delighted to have Professor Epley, Nicholas Epley, 01:01 from the University of Chicago as my guest for this month. um Welcome to the Founder's Sandbox. Thank you, Brenda. This is a delight for me to have a former student back with me in conversation. I love it. It's amazing. I've been pursuing you for at least two years, and I kept getting delayed because of his writing a book. And today we're going to talk about um his new book that will be launching on May 19th, A Little More Social. 01:31 So before we get into the material, I need to make a proper introduction as I do to all my guests, all right? So um Nicholas Eppoli, he is the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavioral Science and Faculty Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He is an author. We'll get into some of his work today. And he has many other accolades. 01:59 that are just too many to go through here because we'll eat into valuable time. And he has back to back podcast to announce his new book. I do want to call out one accolade. You were named by Ethicast, I guess, a business leader in ethics back in 2018. And business ethics, as we all know, corporate governance is very near and dear to my heart. So those accolades will be in the show notes. 02:29 em Dr. Epley, or Professor Epley as I'll call you, right? You study social cognition, how thinking people think about other thinking people to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. He teaches an ethics and happiness course to MBA students called Designing a Good Life. I was a... 02:56 an alumnus. I took your course back, think in 2017, 2018. So you're going to be forever a professor to me. All right. So I often speak of your class designing a good life and the pro-social exercises and other stats and experiments that now that you have this book out, I realized you were using the classrooms. Yes, I was. Yeah, I was doing a lot of the experiments in the class. I mean, the best way to teach 03:25 people something is not to tell them the thing, but to show them the thing. And so I could tell you that reaching out and expressing gratitude makes you feel better, makes other people feel better than you think, but more powerful is actually have you do it. Right. So we're going to talk about the book. And I think it's in chapter seven that you talk specifically about how gratitude is such a powerful mechanism. um Again, my guest here, I like to uh 03:56 kind of identify resiliency, purpose driven or scalable. m I think that what you teach and what we're gonna hear about here for my listeners is an example of resiliency practices. And I believe it's very much key in bringing it back to my listeners, Professor Upley is I work with a lot of company owners, business leaders who I think would benefit from learning some of these practices outside of the classroom today. anyway. 04:23 I took your class back in, I think, in 2017, pre-pandemic and in person. And my life has uh really been impacted in an incredibly positive way. I bring it into my personal life, some of these experiments that you're going to share with my listeners, as well as the classroom, where I do teach business ethics. And I have them um do a personal responsibility statement uh at the end of their. 04:51 their semester with me. That is awesome. So again, accolades. Thank you to you. So with my guests, I want you to make a little introduction and share your origin story. Why did you choose to become what's called a behavioral scientist? I won't make it too long. I do remember I got to college. I wanted to be a football player, college football player, small college division three. 05:20 at St. Olaf. I went to St. Olaf because I liked the football coach. I thought I was going to be a biologist. I took those classes. They were totally boring, but I took an intro psychology class, which was all self paced. It was supposed to take a semester to do. I was done with it about a third of the way through the semester. I just ate it all up. I went through it like wildfire, which I took as an indication that this is something I might be interested in. 05:51 I started reaching out to faculty, started doing research. And one day my senior year, early my senior year in college, my em undergraduate advisor grabbed a book down from the shelf and handed it to me and said, I think you might find this to be interesting. It was Tom Gilovich's book, How We Know What Isn't So. And the book describes how the psychological processes that give us beliefs and expectations and opinions about the world, thoughts about other people. 06:20 can often lead us astray, give us perceptions and beliefs that differ from the way the world actually is. And I found the work so fascinating. I read that book in a day. I took it and I went right through it. And I thought, that is the thing I wanna do. I wanna do research like that. I couldn't think of anything else more interesting to do than that. So I applied to a PhD program to Cornell University, which is where Tom is on the faculty. I applied to a bunch of others too. 06:49 em I was fortunate enough uh that I was waitlisted at Cornell, somebody declined their offer, and I got in as a PhD student. And the rest then is kind of one lucky break after another, after another, after another, after another, things working out well. And me just following things that seemed interesting at the time. em I was lucky to have Tom as a PhD advisor. 07:16 We started working on really interesting things. My first year there, turns out we underestimate how positively others judge us when we do something that we're kind of embarrassed about. Other people cut us a lot more slack than we think. And that interest in understanding, and in particular, understanding how well we understand the minds of others was something we were working on right away. And that interest... 07:44 just as grown and grown and grown and grown and grown. I've stopped thinking about other things. It's the only thing I kind of can think about. And the mistakes we make about the minds of other people are all around us and problematic. And so that's how I got here. Thank you for sharing that. um And specifically at this time in 2026, uh 08:11 So how does the mind of a behavioral scientist work? What experiments do you whip up to test some of the hypotheses? All right. for your first book, right, there was some, right. And the preface of your second book, you said, that morning I decided to test a different approach. As a psychologist, I try to understand human behavior using experiments. 08:34 But this time I decided to put myself into an experiment instead of ignoring the person who just sat down next to me, I would try to connect. So how does work? So one, I think the important thing about being a researcher, we're all researchers out there in the world in our own ways, right? So founders are starting companies and they're doing research constantly about what works and what doesn't. 08:59 As a scientist, we get to run experiments that sometimes have a little more control over them than what you have out there in the world. But the thing that is common to both the scientist and the founder or to almost anyone out there in the world is that you ask why questions. And so as a scientist, it's not so much the experiments we conduct that are critical, although those are critical. The critical thing is that you... 09:28 We look at the world in a slightly different way than others might and therefore notice things that other people might not notice. And that's where our hypotheses, our ideas come from. So one morning on the train, for instance, I was coming in to the University of Chicago where you know all too well where I work uh and I live on the far South side. And I was writing a chapter for MindWise, which was my first book describing how we have this mind uniquely equipped for brain uniquely equipped for connecting with the minds of others. 09:58 And I was describing how we often and why we misunderstand each other. And I was writing one of those chapters describing how we've got this brain uniquely equipped for connecting with others, made happier and healthier by connecting with others. And yet I was sitting on the train and I had this kind of eureka moment. Here we all were, and I've been doing this for years by now. Here we all were sitting on this train, highly social animals, made happier and healthier connecting with each other. And we were all ignoring each other. We're not connecting at all, treating the person next to us. 10:27 Like a lamp shade, right? And that was where I thought that seems weird. Does this make sense that we do this? Social connection is a choice. It's a decision about whether we reach out and engage with somebody or hold back. And that was the thing that I noticed. That was the perspective that other people might not have is that that's a choice and understanding that our perceptions are sometimes wrong or miscalibrated. 10:55 suggests that sometimes we can make those choices wrong, make them incorrectly or unwise. And so that morning I decided to enroll myself in an experiment. I had a woman come sit down next to me. I was probably at this time, I'm 51 right now, I was probably in my mid 30s, 35 or something like that at the time. This woman, she's probably 55 or so, African-American woman, uh clearly dressed for work, uh really looking sharp, had this beautiful red hat on. 11:24 almost like a bonnet, had this big wide brim. It was beautiful. uh And I decided that morning to put myself in an experiment. What would happen if I actually engaged in conversation and to really pay attention to what happened, right? Because that's another thing we do as researchers is we measure things closely. We pay close attention in our measurement. So I just started having conversation. I opened up with a pretty weak joke. uh I said, I love your hat. I have one just like it, right? 11:54 Yeah, not in the conversation hall of fame there, right? uh But she turned to me and she just like lit up. I remember so distinctly the reaction was like she'd almost looked like a different person. Her face, the face that we carry around with us, the dead face, right? Our resting Grinch face is kind of Grinchy, right? But as soon as you engage with somebody, you perk up, your face smiles, your eyes lighten, you look. 12:23 almost like a different person. So she turned to me lit up and uh the conversation then just flowed pretty easily. We had a nice conversation, half hour, time went really fast. As I got up to leave, I remember she held my wrist uh as I was getting up just to express some sincerity and she said, thank you so much for talking with me today. It wasn't just like, hey, that was lovely. We really meant it, like it was nice. 12:52 And the thing that I remember so clearly is that it wasn't just nice, it was surprisingly nice. That surprisingly part is critical because there was a gap between how I believed the conversation might turn out. I a nervous, what do I have in common with this person? I don't know. Will it go well? Do they really want to talk to me? Probably not. Will she misunderstand while I'm talking to her? Maybe. 13:17 You know, mistakenly think I'm hitting on her or something or make her feel uncomfortable instead of just having a nice conversation between two human beings. So all that stuff was going through my head, but it was misplaced. It was wrong. And so the conversation wasn't just positive. It was surprisingly positive. And that insight that social connection is a choice and that our choices could be wrong led me to run a bunch of experiments to test whether this is just something unique. 13:45 to me as a kind of weirdo or whether this is something we might see a little more widely. And so we started running experiments on the train that I ride. We recruited people for an experiment. We randomly assigned them to do one of three things, to either try to have a conversation with a person who sits down next to them that morning, so this is the connection condition, to... 14:11 keep to themselves that morning and just enjoy their solitude or to do whatever they normally do. 14:17 At the end of the survey, they reported how the conversation actually made them feel, how positive it made them feel on a couple of different measures. And then we asked another group, we asked them to predict how they would feel if they were actually in that situation. To report their beliefs, their expectations about how they would feel. Because that's what actually drives your behavior. It's not how you actually feel. You don't know how you're gonna feel. You're projecting, right? Yes. It's not gonna happen, yeah. Exactly. So you sit down and you think, well. 14:45 what would happen if I did this? Those are your expectations. And people's behavior is driven by their expectations. And what people expected was that they would have a more positive commute if they kept to themselves than if they had a conversation with somebody, which is what people are doing, right? So they're behaving rationally in line with their expectations. But when we actually had people do these things and report how they actually felt at the end, it was those in the connection condition. 15:12 that actually had the more positive commute and those in the solitude condition who kept it themselves had the least positive commute. People's expectations weren't just wrong, they were precisely backwards. They thought that keeping it in themselves would make them happier. In fact, connecting with somebody else is what would make them happier. And that was just the tip of a very big iceberg. For the last decade and a half, it just, we've been seeing these things all over the place. I'm like a guy with a hammer who sees nothing but nails. 15:41 I can find these phenomena all over the place now. So it's nearly two decades of research. That first experiment, you speak to it in the second book. don't know whether you also put it into the first book. It is wise to understand what others think, believe, feel and want, which is your first book. um So two decades later and pushing your five years of writing and you were avoiding. 16:09 being a guest on my podcast and that rightly so. Yes, took a long time. But as then. of 2026, your book, A Little More Social is being released. And we'll have how to get that book in the show notes as well after this podcast goes live. So what I wanted to do is really ask you what made you want to release it now in 2026, right? And 16:39 Again, I was able to get a pre-read of some of the material and uh while not stealing your thunder, what I was, I like how you've set the sections or the why questions. So back to the empirical, right? Research you do as a social scientist. Why, why not? What if, what now are the four sections of the book? But I will tell you this, I read the prologue and when I started reading chapter one, I was depressed. It was really hard to go on. 17:08 So I'm warning, just so with that, I'm not gonna give the spoiler alert. What made you want to publish this year finally after two decades and right? So I will say that I think the message of the book is fundamentally empowering, not depressing. It was just first chapter. I was like, wow. Just the first chapter maybe about the importance of social connection and how we're not choosing it. But once you see that, 17:38 Once you see that your beliefs about other people might be off a little bit, it's an invitation to test those. And to see places where you and your life are holding yourself back, not because social connection is unpleasant or you're not good at it, but because you're not even trying and finding out that you could be wrong. And once you start to see that the bars in front of you that are holding you back from reaching out and engaging with others, 18:05 having stronger relationships, communicating more clearly, having more joy and enjoyment in your life and making people around you better. Once you start seeing that those bars that are holding you back sometimes, making you overly fearful about engaging are actually made out of pasta noodles, it's easy to break through them. It is empowering. The people I talk to a lot in this book who spend a lot of time talking to other people, almost all describe themselves as having a superpower that other people don't have. 18:35 They're not afraid of engaging. And hence they don't hold themselves back from opportunities that they could have in the better life that tends to follow when we're connected well with other people. As to why 2026, I wish I could say it was something like market timing. I was getting exactly right. The world is a disaster, is a dumpster fire at the moment. are uh going deeper, deeper into loneliness in our lives. The world's a mess. 19:03 hostile and violent and unfriendly and we're trying to pull back from this. I wish I could say it was market timing. uh It wasn't market timing exactly. It was more, uh I don't know what the right word for it is in the innovator world, but I didn't have the product until today. Right. Or serendipitous as well. Serendipitous. Yes, serendipitous. I do think there's a timeless element to this too, which is, it is always the case, I think. 19:32 I don't think these phenomena are totally new. There are new elements to them, but there are times where we can always make our relationships a little bit better. But yes, right now there is some serendipity, I think. We could really use it right now. I agree. Tell me how it is to make a choice. So we all are different human beings, right? Talk about human beings. 20:01 condition, right? We're very social and some of us are more introverted than extroverted. how, and with your book, how can we be more empowered to make that choice? So I think the important insight from behavioral science here is that social connection and therefore the happiness and wellbeing and relationships that follow from that is to some extent a choice that we make. All social interactions that we have a choice over 20:29 you get to a point where you have to decide, I refer to it as the choice, because I think it is arguably the most important choice we make over and over and over and over again, which is, do I reach out and engage with you or do I hold back? And that choice, the choice shows up in lots of different forms. Do I talk with a stranger? Do I type to you or pick up the phone and talk to you? Do I... 20:56 ask deep and meaningful questions or do I hold back? Do I share this compliment or this feeling of gratitude or request for help or honest piece of advice for you, honest feedback? Do I share those things or do I hold them back? So the choice masquerades in lots and lots of different ways, but at its core is this conflict between approaching, wanting to engage and fear or avoidance, being nervous about it, right? And when both of those things are strong, we get 21:26 approach avoidance conflicts where we'd like to do this thing, but we're nervous. I'd like to go up and talk to that other CEO I'd like to meet, but maybe they don't want to talk to me. That's approach avoidance conflict. What we find in our work is that, well, other researchers have found that these two systems in our brain are independent of each other. That's approach and avoidance. Approach and avoidance. Yeah. The factors that govern approach, the system that governs approach in our brain is different from the system that governs avoidance. Okay. 21:55 That's how you can get both of them being very strong at the same time. They're not dynamic with each other. They can operate independently. And when you don't have any interest to approach or any interest to avoid, then you're indifferent, right? But the opposite of that is approach avoidance. And um people do vary a little bit in the strength of these two motives, uh in what guides their choice. 22:21 Extroverts tend, for instance, to have a little bit stronger approach orientation or rather a little less of the avoidance orientation. But I think the important insight is that what extroversion and introversion is really about is how you make the choice. And this is something that people, think, routinely misunderstand about what personality actually is, or at least the way we measure it as psychologists. I think that's the important thing, the way we often measure it as psychologists. 22:49 It's not describing the type of person you are. It is describing the type of choices that you make. So for instance, people might often think that introverts and extroverts, actually enjoy different things. That extroverts like talking to people, whereas introverts like talking to people less. That turns out not to be quite right. When you put people in experiments and you actually have them talk, introverts and extroverts both enjoy talking to people, right? 23:17 They both get tired talking to people later, but they're energized during it. They both actually feel more authentic when they're talking to someone and engaging in social interaction than when they're not. What differs between the two is how they make the choice and therefore what they think they will like or enjoy and therefore the habits they create and what they do. And that I think- that's kind of a revelation. uh 23:47 But psychologists have been discovering this for decades. So you go back to 1980 was the first published paper testing whether happiness or wellbeing was related to personality. Now in theory, you wouldn't expect it to be, right? Actroverts like talking to people. Proverts like uh reading books and keeping to themselves, more quiet time, Enjoying more solitude. Great, there should be no differences in happiness. We get what we want out of life. 24:16 That turns out not to be true. Extroverts tend to feel more positive, have more positive affect, more happiness in their lives than introverts full stop. And it is not a small effect, it is a huge effect. The correlation between extroversion and positive affect, essentially happiness in your life, positive mood in your life, is around 0.5, which is as big as the correlation between the heights of fathers and their sons. It's huge. It's huge, right? And so... 24:43 Psychologists learn then over time that that comes in part because extroverts tend to choose to act a little more extroverted. If you ask people to act more extroverted, everybody tends to get a little happier, uh introverts and extroverts alike. If you ask people to act more introverted, people tend to get a little less happy, introverts and extroverts alike. So I think that's a really important insight that introversion and extroversion is really about choices and habits. 25:12 more than actual experience. You know, m I extroverts to choose to do it more often. Is it a? Is it oh a game of numbers? Is it like betting? Is it just showing up for yourself more frequently? Independent of being an extrovert or introvert where I'm going is how can we apply this in the workforce with our workmates and things? Right? Is it just, you know, just choosing independent of what the outcome may be? 25:42 more often. So our data suggests that our assessment of the odds and all of life is kind of a gamble. Our choices are gambles on the future based on what we think is going to be relatively positive or not, what's going to be relatively rewarding or not. And our data suggests that we get the odds a little wrong. Extroverts and introverts both do. And actually, I don't want to focus too much on that because it's a much weaker, it's a much weaker phenomena than we actually 26:12 You might imagine that it is. People tend to think on average they're more introverted actually than they really are em because extroversion is public but introversion is private. So we all know our own private introverted side. It makes us feel unique, more unique than we actually are. But I think our data suggests not that you go out and you talk to people all the time or you share every detail about yourself. It suggests we get the odds a little bit off. 26:40 It suggests when it's easy, when it's possible to connect or to engage or when you have a thought that you could share that you think might turn, you know, be positive. If you recognize that that avoidance motivation is a little too strong. 26:55 Recognize you have to dial that back that your first thought might be overly avoidant your second thought a lot of times might suggest No, I'll give this a try. I'll give it a try. I'll give it try. I like that. Somebody said me lose right? So with that why not right part two of your book? Do you want to talk about a little bit about? The the how well you've talked about the have connection, but hello stranger, you know really just making it happen. I 27:23 I don't know whether you can make an inference into the workplace. I would like you to do that for me. Yeah. Yeah. Because we are human beings and whether we work in hybrid, we're totally remote, or we are working back in the office, we get things done through interactions with our colleagues. And so how might your work and a little more social uh make our, uh I guess, our interactions 27:53 more empowering uh and just overall lifting up. I think our data suggests that you can look for times in your life where there's kind of dead space or kind of gray space. Time where you could engage or connect with someone but are choosing not to in ways that wouldn't take you away from something. That's a place to start. Like I'm on the train in the morning coming in. 28:18 I'm just sitting there. Usually I'm not doing squat anyway. I'm scrolling my phone or reading the news. I think it's really important, but come on. Sometimes we do things, but often we're not. And that's a place that's easy for me. Like I did this morning, I had a conversation with Brenda on my train. um Brenda I've known for a while. I don't see her that often, but this morning she was on the train and we had a lovely 30 minute conversation. She gave me a hug at the end and she said I was really what she needed today. 28:48 Oh, right. And that's amazing. Yeah, she's a lovely human being. She's a great name. Yeah, she's great. But I don't see her a lot. Maybe a few times a year we'll be on the same train. But every time I see her, I know her. I remember I wrote her name down and I can have that conversation. It's easy. But that's something where I wouldn't have been. 29:13 social otherwise, it's easy to do. And if I know it's gonna be more positive than I think, then I would choose to do that than something else. When I get to my office here at the Harper Center here at Booth, I walk into the door on the way in and I got maybe a 250 yard walk up to my office here on the fourth floor. And I've started making it a habit that I take a hello walk when I come in. When I walk by people, I don't just sit there and just walk to my office. 29:42 I greet people when I'm going by. So I say hi to Nigel who's sitting there at the same table every day this winter quarter uh down uh in the winter garden here at the University of Chicago. I say hi to Keith and Mario and Linda on my way to the elevator often who are down there. These are often our staff people or uh other folks around in the business school. When I get up the elevator onto my floor, I walk past uh Jane's office and Eric's office. 30:11 uh Emma's office, Virginia's office on my way. And I say hi to people, right? Hi, Eric. Hi, Jane. Hi, Emma. Morning, Virginia, when I go by. Now, it's not taking me a lot of time, right? It's not slowing me up from anything. It's not really interrupting them too much. They're just getting started with their day. But it makes that moment brighter, right? It makes that walk better. Virginia came by my office the other day. I've gotten to know her. She's one of our new junior faculty. She came by my office. uh 30:40 to talk about the book that I've been working on to talk through it, because she found that interesting, she's an economist. I don't think she'd have done that before if I hadn't said hi. It's been nice. So, you know. So there's small, little initiatives, you just have to make the choice. They don't have to be massive things. There are many opportunities that are easy, seem small to us, they end up being, I think, 31:09 much, much bigger than we imagine them to be. And we just choose not to take them. And that seems like a tragedy. And once you start looking for these moments, these opportunities, you walk to get coffee at the office or something. Take a friend with you. Ask a colleague to walk with you. Ideas come out of those. Connections come out of those. Well, being comes out of those. You never know where it's going to go. Can you, for my listeners, discuss or share the experiment and how 31:38 people underestimate how much they'll enjoy talking to strangers or the letters of gratitude. It's your choice, you can do both. I mean, can share my own personal, know, living that. um It remains with me. I would love that. You do that. That would be great. know, the enjoying talking to strangers is uh during the last week of the course of designing, right? 32:06 a good life, we literally had to, um I think we had to report back and we had to do a kind act towards somebody that we didn't even know. Right? Yeah. Yeah. We were randomly assigned or we, right. I think you were, right. In that case, I asked you to go on and a random act of kindness for somebody. Exactly. An act of kindness. And it was amazing that then the person reacted. so it was a very, it was aha moment. Again, I'm 32:36 This was seven years ago, eight years ago. So I'm drawing a blank, but I just recall it was an amazing experience. we all kind of got to know each other's names. We were like 80 students in the classroom at that time. Another thing that I do recall with fondness is writing a thank you letter, graduate letter. you gave us the op, it was prior to getting to campus, we were to write a letter. 33:03 we could actually share with you who we writing that to. And that person had the opportunity to share with you what they felt or not. So it was kind of blind. And I did go ahead and write a thank you letter to a color out Betsy Berkamer. She's also been in my podcast, influential person in my life. uh And uh lo and behold, she wrote to you and as did other people that were recipients of a thank you letter that was two paragraphs. It made their day. 33:32 But the questions you ask, how did, you you had to get the guts up to write that letter, right? Because you had to really be touchy-feely and share a specific event for which you felt gratitude. So, yeah. So that's an, so these, the, the choice to reach out and engage with other people or hold back crops up in lots of places. So one of the things we know as psychologists is if you want to have a good day, one thing to do is to think about somebody else who you really appreciate and feel grateful to and make their day. 34:02 by writing a note to them and explaining why you feel grateful to them. What's interesting- that here on the podcast on the Founder's Standby. So this is major. Say that again. If you wanna have a good day, reach out to somebody else and make them have a good day by explaining why you're grateful to them. What's interesting though is if you ask people, can you think about somebody you feel grateful to, but who for whatever reason you haven't reached out to express this? Almost everybody can right away think, oh yeah, I can think of somebody. Why do those people exist? 34:32 Why haven't you told them? There are lots of reasons why, but one is often, it's gonna be weird. Is this the right time? What am I gonna say? Can I really put into words? All of these steel bars in front of us that we think are so powerful, but they turn out to be pasta noodles when you actually sit down to write them. So what I have you do in my class towards the end is I have you think about this person, sit down, write a note to them. 34:59 anticipate how they're gonna feel, right? If you think that they're not gonna, you you underestimate how positive it's gonna be for them, or you overestimate how awkward or weird it's gonna be, right? That creates friction. That's a barrier to reaching out and engaging them. That's your avoidance voice shouting a little too loudly in your ear, that cringe voice, that you shouldn't do this. And we can find out whether that's calibrated. So I had you predict how the recipient would feel, how- um 35:28 the extent to which they'd be surprised to learn what you're grateful for, extent to which they'd be surprised to receive how positive or negative they would feel and also how awkward they would feel. I then, if you were willing to share with me the recipient's email address, I reached out and said, well, student of my class, um sent you a gratitude note as part of a class exercise. uh They thought of you for this. And I would love it if you could just tell me how that made you feel. Maybe terrible, maybe great. 35:58 but they go to the survey, they fill it out. And then we just compare those numbers essentially. And the students are not confused. You weren't confused that this would be positive. You thought it would be good. What was surprising or what's super robust is that it's even more positive than that. So Brenda, your little two paragraphs that seemed like nice, nice, but they were really, really nice to the person who received it. You thought they would be, uh 36:27 kind of powerful, they were really powerful. She probably printed that out. I had a student this year say in class that their recipient, who was a relative of theirs actually, their recipient asked, can I print it out and put it on the wall? Oh, that's amazing. Of course they do. Yes. It matters a lot. Surprisingly a lot. That's the important thing. Surprisingly a lot. 36:56 I could go on and on with more examples of the experiments that Professor Epley made us do in class that have marked uh my life. uh I use a lot of these things with my clients or even my students. And one of which is I do have the personal responsibility statement that we wrote at the end of our... uh 37:20 with you and it had to be short and sweet. You framed it, gave it to us. want it. If we ever want to change it, we had, you know, uh a beeline to you. You can send me a note. I'll change it for you. I'll send you new one for sure. And I framed it, framed it and printed out because otherwise you never would. Right. And then it's almost like it's an accountability manager. Right. We have Professor Epley who holds us accountable. Here, by the way, is mine. Yeah. You want to see mine? 37:48 I didn't know you were going to mention it, but yeah, here it is right here. Yeah, mine's here. And actually, because I asked my students, oops, I don't know whether you see it too well. There it is. Yeah. There it is. Signature, sorry. Sorry, because I have that screen. uh And yes, I even have some students that say, Professor McKay, but it's really hard for me to write mine when you share yours. of course, I'll share it. Yeah. 38:13 You may remember I put mine up in class. I showed you in the last class what mine was. Yeah. Yes. Yes. So yes, tell me. Yes. Go on. So the purpose of that is this is really about sustainability, I think, and resilience in organizations that the business case for ethics for being good out there isn't just that it feels good, sometimes even surprisingly good, which is really what's in the book and in a little more social. 38:43 which I describe in lots of different ways. But uh the business case for ethics is really one about resilience and sustainability. That you can be a schmuck for a little while and take money from people and succeed. You can lie and cheat and steal for a little bit. It's very hard to do that for a long time. Wow. People don't want to work with you. They don't want to work for you. uh They don't want to lend you money uh if they think you're uh unethical and shady. 39:13 And so for an organization, way to design one, for founders, the way to design one that is resilient and sustainable is to make sure that your values, your mission is front and center in front of everything that you do. so identifying a powerful, identifying an actionable mission statement, like your personal responsibility statement, this is at the organizational level, is a critical first step because everything else can be woven out of that. 39:43 Those ethics have to be kept top of mind all the time, woven into how you hire people and fire people and promote people and evaluate people and what you talk about day to day and what your norms are in the organizations, what activities you do, how you financially compensate people, what kinds of non-financial incentives you have in your organization. All those need to be tied to the mission statement and to the values that those suggest so that they're kept top of mind when you're out there in the world. So they become more of your first thought. 40:13 rather than needing to be your second thought. And the personal responsibility statement functions at an individual level that way. uh It prompts you to think about what is the thing you wanna have top of mind guiding you when you're out there in the world. So mine is to teach and research so that people are inspired to make wiser decisions and live better lives. Okay, that's what I focus on. 40:39 m Mine is always be original creative, loving, giving back, thankful, spontaneous, daring yourself while being content with enough. And my podcast is actually one of those creative outlets for me. now into my fourth season, it's been amazing. You know what I like with, you know what I didn't see, m wouldn't have seen when you wrote that, but do now is the last part being satisfied with enough. That's an important bit of self. 41:06 compassion there to recognize we do what we can do, nothing more, nothing less. And we give it all we got and that is enough. So the idea is that just like with a mission statement, if you can keep that top of mind guiding your behavior, you'll be a better organization if you design that well. Same thing is true for individuals. Well, before we go to my last three questions, which is really uh the essence of what I do with... uh 41:34 Next Act Advisors, my consulting firm around resilience, purpose, and scalable. I really wanted to give you an opportunity to let my listeners know how to connect with you. It will be in the show notes. And specifically, you do speaking, you're a keynote speaker and you can be hired in different, so can you? 41:58 share a little bit of how we can connect with you and to what do you typically like to speak about when you are um hired as a speaker? Yeah, so I do a lot of uh public speaking, which I think of as just another avenue for teaching about our research, which I think is meaningful for people and can be very powerful. The speaking agency that I use is WSB. They're in Washington, DC. They're fabulous people. And I can talk about 42:28 A few things I can talk about why we misunderstand each other and how to help people understand each other better, which is really about management and leadership, all of those essential skills. And then the work that I'm doing now about human sociality is really a lot about organizational culture, uh happiness and learning. But a lot of it's about organizational culture, I think of it as. And how we uh might act in ways 42:56 uh that don't optimize our culture in ways that make it sustainable or keep us resilient or keep us happy and motivated in organization or learning as much as we could. The individual stuff people also take out of this as well. The book is really written at the individual level for you to think about yourself and your own life and why we might just like we don't act maybe exercise as much as we ought to, why you might not be as social as you could. Thankfully, exercising sucks, it's unpleasant. So we all know that. 43:26 That's hard. reaching out and connecting with other people. know. I know. Thank you. But reaching out and connecting with other people is positive. know, like, you know, it's surprisingly positive. So that's an easy habit. That's an easy habit to make. So I talk a lot about how, you know, where these barriers come from and what you can do in my presentations, what you can do to turn these into habits to make your life consistently better, resiliently. 43:54 And then for connecting with me, do use LinkedIn. I don't use a lot of social media because it makes me miserable. But I do, I have been having fun a little bit recently using LinkedIn. So that's a way, but you can also email me. That's probably the easiest way. All right. So all of this will be in the show notes and, and your book, a little more social will be released on May 19th. There'll be a launch party. I believe it's, it's available on Amazon and bookshop. 44:23 and you have your own website. again, this will be provided in the show notes. Well, I like to do around the Robin lightning question, so my guests, all of my guests get to answer three questions. I'm passionate about resilience, purpose, and scalable or sustainable. And so I'd like to ask you, Professor Apley, what does resilience mean to you? It means being able to accept the negative things that happen in our life by 44:51 but by continuing to carry on with it. So one habit that I've picked up, I don't remember that I actually did it deliberately. I sign off all of my emails, typically, not always, but usually, and I type these out. This isn't like a form with onward. um And it's kind of a mantra I keep in my mind. uh Research is hard. There's a lot of failure. There's a lot of frustration. 45:21 Writing papers is hard, getting published is hard, speaking is hard, teaching is hard. It's all hard stuff. I mean, we're all doing lots of hard things, but they're those hard things. And there are lots of setbacks. And in academia, it gets personal because the ideas are yours, just like founders, right? These ideas are your baby. They are precious to you. And when they don't work or when they're threatened, that is hard and it's threatening. But you can't get mired in that. It's easy to get stuck in that. And so I try to... 45:50 This is just a little thing I do to keep myself focused on, all right, what's next? Now what? Onward. We're gonna carry on with this. That's resilience to me. I love it. Thank you. Purpose. What does purpose mean to you? Yeah, purpose is more, I think, the long run drive. Like, why am I doing this? um What's the meaning of my work? Which is usually not something you see right in the work itself. It is above the work. It's bigger than the work. It's what's in your personal responsibility statement, right? 46:21 My research is really oriented towards trying to identify wisdom, right? That's understanding. That's what all scientists try to do. We try to understand. I don't try to advocate. I don't tell you what to do. I try to figure out what the facts are as best I can. And so that concept of wisdom, for me, that's my purpose. Just to try to figure out wisdom. That's the long run goal, the high level goal. I think that is essential for me. It's also, it is perfectly aligned with 46:50 what I'm trying to do as a researcher. Amazing. So my second to last question, scalable or sustainable? can be anything. So scalable I struggle with. As a behavioral scientist, that is hard. It's hard to take individual stuff and increase it at scale, in part because the things that you do to increase something at scale are not the things you do to make an individual life better. So at scale, 47:18 You typically don't target people's beliefs. You navigate around them in some way. So you don't tell people they ought to play more with their neighbors. You build a playground. So they're different approaches. uh So scalable, I struggle with a little bit. try to, in my research, because I'm understanding individual minds, that's where I focus. And so I make it purposefully personal, our researches. Sustainable, though, 47:47 I think our research is really all about in many ways is that at the end of the day, at the end of our experiments are questions, dependent variables. And those dependent variables are typically these days about wellbeing, some measure of wellbeing and happiness. And that is the thing that you need for sustainability to keep things going, right? To sustain yourself. 48:17 is some positive reward. That's what sustains action. m And that's what our work focuses on, think, sustainability in part because for understanding social misunderstanding, the social misunderstanding creates friction. It ruins relationships, causes ah conflict and hostility, which is not itself sustainable. We're trying to encourage some insight into what the opposite would look 48:48 Last question, Professor Epley, did you have fun in the sandbox today? It's very fun, It's great seeing you, Brenda. Makes me regret I didn't do it uh the other times you asked, but it is a lot of work to write a book. It is exhausting. it leads my students to, my PhD students and postdoc doing research with me to contemplate homicide if I don't get to their paper soon. So anyway. Well, with that. 49:17 I let's sign off. You did enjoy yourself to my listeners. If you like this episode with Professor Epley, Nicholas Epley, sign up for the monthly release where founders, business owners and professionals um share their own experiences on building scalable, resilient, purpose-driven organizations, profits for good, and making the world a better place. So thank you until next month.

Prager University- Black Fathers Matter, Are Fathers Necessary? John Stossel- Watt's the Problem with Data Centers? Steve Forbes- The Case for Capitalism   Prager University- Black Fathers Matter | 5 Minute Video Are Fathers Necessary? | 5 Minute Videos | PragerU John Stossel- Watt's the Problem with Data Centers? The Truth About Energy Use, Costs, and the Panic Over Progress The Case for Capitalism: Steve Forbes Explains Why Free Markets Work and Socialism Doesn't A Few Moments With Ted Turner   Black Fathers Matter | 5 Minute Video Watch this video at- https://youtu.be/FszQelEQ2KY?si=LHIRgWs9K_RX8eON PragerU 3.45M subscribers 4,212,596 views Jun 13, 2016 5-Minute Videos Which poses a bigger threat to black communities: Racism? Or the absence of fathers? Drawing on a sea of official data and his own upbringing, talk-show host Larry Elder shows just how important black fathers are in turning boys into responsible and happy men--and how their absence has had a tragic impact on millions of black Americans.  Donate today to PragerU! http://l.prageru.com/2ylo1Yt Joining PragerU is free! Sign up now to get all our videos as soon as they're released. http://prageru.com/signup Download Pragerpedia on your iPhone or Android! Thousands of sources and facts at your fingertips. iPhone: http://l.prageru.com/2dlsnbG Android: http://l.prageru.com/2dlsS5e Join Prager United to get new swag every quarter, exclusive early access to our videos, and an annual TownHall phone call with Dennis Prager! http://l.prageru.com/2c9n6ys Join PragerU's text list to have these videos, free merchandise giveaways and breaking announcements sent directly to your phone! https://optin.mobiniti.com/prageru Do you shop on Amazon? Click https://smile.amazon.com and a percentage of every Amazon purchase will be donated to PragerU. Same great products. Same low price. Shopping made meaningful. VISIT PragerU! https://www.prageru.com FOLLOW us! Facebook:   / prageru   Twitter:   / prageru   Instagram:   / prageru   PragerU is on Snapchat! JOIN PragerFORCE! For Students: http://l.prageru.com/29SgPaX JOIN our Educators Network! http://l.prageru.com/2c8vsff Script: Years ago, I interviewed Kweisi Mfume, then the president of the NAACP. “As between the presence of white racism and the absence of black fathers,” I asked, “Which poses the bigger threat to the black community?” Without missing a beat, he said, “The absence of black fathers.” It was President Barack Obama who said, "We all know the statistics. That children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of school and 20 times more likely to end up in prison.” The Journal of Research on Adolescence confirms that even after controlling for varying levels of household income, kids in father-absent homes are more likely to end up in jail. And kids who never had a father in the house are the most likely to wind up behind bars. In 1960, 5 percent of America's children entered the world without a mother and father married to each other. By 1980 it was 18 percent, by 2000 it had risen to 33 percent, and fifteen years later, the number reached 41 percent. For blacks, even during slavery when marriage for slaves was illegal, black children were more likely than today to be raised by both their mother and father. Economist Walter Williams has written that, according to census data, from 1890 to 1940, a black child was more likely to grow up with married parents than a white child. For blacks, out-of-wedlock births have gone from 25 percent in 1965 to 73 percent in 2015. For whites, from less than 5 percent to over 25 percent. And for Hispanics, out-of-wedlock births have risen to 53 percent. What happened to fathers? The answer is found in a basic law of economics: If you subsidize undesirable behavior you will get more undesirable behavior. In 1949, the nation's poverty rate was 34 percent. By 1965, it was cut in half, to 17 percent -- all before President Lyndon Johnson's so-called War on Poverty. But after that war began in 1965, poverty began to flat line. From 1965 until now, the government has spent over $20 trillion to fight poverty. The poverty rate has remained unchanged, but the relationship between poor men and women has changed – dramatically. That's because our generous welfare system allows women, in effect, to marry the government. And this makes it all too easy for men to abandon their traditional moral and financial responsibilities. Psychologists call such dependency "learned helplessness." How do we know that the welfare state creates disincentives that hurt the very people we are trying to help? They tell us. In 1985, the Los Angeles Times asked both the poor and the non-poor whether poor women "often" have children to get additional benefits. Most of the non-poor respondents said no. However, 64 percent of poor respondents said yes. Now, who do you think is in a better position to know? Tupac Shakur, the late rapper, once said: "I know for a fact that had I had a father, I'd have some discipline. I'd have more confidence." He admitted he began running with gangs because he wanted the things a father gives to a child, especially to a boy: structure and protection. “Your mother cannot calm you down the way a man can,” Shakur said. “You need a man to teach you how to be a man."   Are Fathers Necessary? | 5 Minute Videos | PragerU https://youtu.be/daS69gf0Tzc?si=UJ0grFAG2chSNjuM PragerU 3.45M subscribers 3,752,405 views Premiered Jun 7, 2021 5-Minute Videos Until recently, the need to explain why fathers are necessary would have been regarded as, well, unnecessary. But that's not the case anymore. Dennis Prager explains why this isn't just concerning—it's dangerous. Follow PragerU: Instagram:

Many entrepreneurs hit their goals, grow their revenue, and create real impact, and still somehow feel behind. In this episode, Brian Thompson unpacks why high achievers so often struggle to feel successful, how comparison and constant striving distort our sense of progress, and why mission-driven entrepreneurs are especially vulnerable to this pattern. It is a candid and reflective conversation that ends with a challenge to redefine what success actually means for you.   The Pattern Entrepreneurs Get Stuck In A pattern Brian sees in himself and many of his clients: Hit a goal, feel proud for about five minutes, and then immediately shift into what is next, what is still missing, what should be better. His business coach put it plainly: there is no there.  By constantly focusing on the next thing, it becomes easy to miss the life that is being built right now. Many high achievers learned early that achievement equals safety, approval, or worth, and that conditioning runs deep. For LGBTQ+ entrepreneurs in particular, external validation often became a survival strategy when other forms of belonging were denied. The result is a set of skills, performing, producing, solving, and goal-setting, that serve entrepreneurs well, but can also become a trap. Psychologists call it the hedonic treadmill: we adapt to our circumstances so quickly that what once felt exciting becomes the new normal, and then we start chasing the next thing.   How Comparison Makes It Worse Social media has fundamentally distorted the way entrepreneurs measure their own success. Intellectually, most people know they are seeing highlight reels. Emotionally, it still lands. A perfectly good day in the business can unravel the moment someone else appears to be doing more, growing faster, or hitting bigger milestones. Without realizing it, other people's timelines become the standard against which progress gets measured. Brian points out that this is especially difficult for mission-driven entrepreneurs, who tend to be deeply reflective and genuinely care about doing meaningful work. That same thoughtfulness can turn inward in unhealthy ways. There will always be someone further ahead in one area or another, but what is rarely visible is their anxiety, their trade-offs, their exhaustion, and their own version of this same struggle.   When Your Identity and Your Business Are Intertwined Mission-driven entrepreneurs face an additional layer of pressure because so many tie their self-worth to their impact. When a business is deeply connected to personal values and identity, it becomes harder to separate business performance from personal worth. A slow quarter can feel like a personal failure. Burnout can bring guilt instead of rest. And because many mission-driven entrepreneurs are naturally empathetic, overextension becomes a pattern. You cannot build a meaningful business if you are perpetually depleted.   Why Reflection Changes Everything One of the most important lessons Brian has taken from entrepreneurship is that success without reflection rarely feels like success at all. If there is no pause to acknowledge growth, resilience, lessons learned, and progress made, the brain simply moves on to the next problem, and entrepreneurship guarantees there will always be a next problem. This is why Brian starts every client meeting by asking about successes and challenges, a few minutes to look at what has actually happened before moving forward. High achievers tend to be excellent at documenting failures and poor at documenting progress. Making success visible, and emotionally real, is a practice that has to be built intentionally. Brian also encourages clients to take some of their quarterly profit and celebrate themselves, a dinner out, a massage, whatever feels good, rather than immediately reinvesting everything back into the business. Celebrating now, rather than waiting, is part of building something sustainable.   Redefining What Success Actually Means for Mission-Driven Entrepreneurs Ambition is not the problem. The problem is when achievement becomes the only measure of worth. Sustainable growth requires expanding the definition of success beyond revenue and output.  Success might look like a business that supports your mental health, flexibility and freedom in your schedule, stronger boundaries, clients you genuinely enjoy working with, decisions aligned with your values, or simply resting without guilt. None of those things show up in a public milestone post, but they are often what actually creates a meaningful life. Entrepreneurship is also not linear. There will be seasons of slower growth, lower energy, and shifting priorities. Sometimes success is simply continuing. Sometimes it is choosing sustainability over self-destruction. Sometimes it is deciding to stop building according to someone else's definition entirely.   Your Action Step What is one win you have not fully celebrated this year? Not minimized, not brushed past, not immediately followed with what could have been better. One thing that deserves real acknowledgement. Brian invites you to send him a DM on Instagram with your answer. If this episode resonated, share it with another entrepreneur who might be quietly carrying this same feeling.   Resources + Links Episode 118: Why You'll Never Find Balance in Your Business Newsletter Sign Up Follow Brian Thompson Online: Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, X, Forbes Follow & review the podcast: on Spotify and Apple Podcasts   About Brian and the Mission Driven Business Podcast Brian Thompson, JD/CFP®, is a tax attorney and Certified Financial Planner® who specializes in providing comprehensive financial planning to LGBTQ+ entrepreneurs who run mission-driven businesses. The Mission Driven Business podcast was born out of his passion for helping social entrepreneurs create businesses with purpose and profit. On the podcast, Brian talks with diverse entrepreneurs and the people who support them. Listeners hear stories of experiences, strength, and hope and get practical advice to help them build businesses that might just change the world, too.

Two psychologists from Iowa State University join the program. Their whose research seeks to improve accuracy in witness and suspect testimony in the criminal justice system. Professor of psychology Zlatan Krizan discusses how sleep deprivation may influence confessions and witness statements, while associate professor of psychology Andrew Smith explains how video recording of eyewitness suspect lineups could improve confidence in those practices and assist in criminal trials. Later, University of Iowa Carver College of Medicine researcher Colin Kenny explains how using zebrafish in research can help to better understand a rare eye cancer and improve treatment.