Messy Friendship Lessons

You might not like what I have to say in this episode, but I have to keep it real with you. If people keep cancelling last minute or not showing up to your birthday parties, I fear you might be doing something wrong.I know how gut-wrenching and heart-breaking this must be. However, if this keeps happening, your guests might not be the villains here. Instead, you could be committing one of the four birthday party crimes. I'm going to break it all down for you and give you the action points you need to break the curse. If you listen with an open heart, I promise you'll never, ever have a cursed birthday party again.

I love Valentine's Day, and I love LOVE! Yet, I feel so many of us have misunderstood it. Last year, I wrote a love letter to my friends. This year, I'm penning a letter to you.The culture has warped our minds, making us more self-seeking and less appreciative of the people who have always been there for us. And I've identified the culprit—the root cause, if you will. It's the mischaracterisation of love.When love is reduced to a fleeting feeling, it leads to complacency and taking others for granted. But love isn't a feeling—it's an action, a choice, and a covenant.As you figuratively read this letter—or more so as I read it to you—I hope it encourages you this Valentine's Day to fight against the hyper-focus on self. Let's rediscover the value of serving, appreciating, and loving our friends through our actions.This Valentine's Day, I'm celebrating intentional love. Will you join me?

The school playground is gone, and third spaces are disappearing. Now that I'm in my 20s, how do I make friends? Scrolling through TikTok, one thing is alarmingly clear: a lot of young women are lonely or searching for community. Everyone seems to want that core group of girls, yet, despite so many longing for the same thing, the problem isn't solving itself. We could blame hyper-individualism, the rising selfishness mislabelled as self-care, or the demanding working lives of young people. But the truth is, meaningful friendships require one thing: intentionality. If you search for community, you will find it. My guest, Dayo, knows this firsthand. After moving to Manchester, she had to start from scratch in the friendship department. Meanwhile, I spent 2024 intentionally seeking out and cultivating new friendships. Join us in this episode as we share our thoughts, stories, and reflections on finding friends and building community in your 20s. Whether you've moved to a new city, are searching for your group of girls, or simply want to grow and expand your circle, our experiences might offer some guidance—or at least make you feel seen.

Last year, I shared 24 friendship rules for 2024. This year, we're stripping it back—five hard truths, five difficult pills to swallow, but ones I am embracing and carrying into 2025 with fierceness. 2024 was a year of profound changes felt around the world. The beauty of change and challenges is how they teach and shape us. These truths were born from the shifts in friendship I experienced last year. I have learnt that grace and forgiveness are essential, but so is wisdom. In 2025, let's step boldly into friendships that are intentional, fruitful, and nourish the soul. I pray you walk into 2025 with wisdom.

The way Jesus was a friend is CRAZY! CEO of ride-or-die AND “I' go die love” literally! Imagine coming back from a long, exhausting trip, and instead of resting, you say, “Relax, I'll wash your feet.” Hello? Who does that?! Jesus did—even for friends who would later betray him. I have not witnessed that level of service in friendships today. So, what does it really mean to love your friends? To serve them in a way that puts their needs above yours? And is this kind of friendship even possible in our self-serving society? Believing in Jesus isn't a prerequisite for this episode, but we're diving deep into a friendship that flips the script on what connection looks like. Join us as we have an honest conversation about service and sacrifice that challenge everything we know about friendship.

Imagine giving someone a gift for free, then charging them for it later—and getting upset when they don't pay. Sounds crazy, right? Yet that's exactly what I was doing —and I know I'm not alone. At the start of 2024, I was burnt out. I had a few close friendships where I felt like I was pouring and pouring, but not receiving the same in return. So, I decided to try something I'd always been firmly against: matching energy. This is the way to avoid getting hurt—just give back what you receive. It didn't work. My feelings were still hurt, and in trying to protect myself, I became a friend I didn't recognise. I punished all my other beautiful friendships for the pain caused by a few. I became someone who kept score, held back, and lost the ability to love selflessly. Matching energy failed me, but so did pouring recklessly. So, what works? Pouring intentionally. And it all began to click for me on April 7th, when I made a list…

"She doesn't need me—she's got her other friends…" But hold up, when did being needed become the golden ticket to friendship? In this episode, let's enter the ‘Need to Be Needed Club,' where membership depends on being indispensable. We'll unpack why "being wanted" sometimes gets side-eyed while "being needed" feels like the VIP lounge of friendship. Spoiler alert: true friendships thrive on choice, not necessity. Ready to rethink what it means to be valued? Hit play to explore why "want" might just be the ultimate friendship flex.

Friends, gather 'round, for I have an important declaration to make. Today, I renounce the title of 'perfect friend'—a title I never asked for and one I am no longer willing to bear. In this season finale, I'm diving into why trying to be 'the perfect friend' is a recipe for burnout. And why being crowned the perfect friend is even worse! Spoiler alert: I've been there, got the crown, and promptly handed it back. The friendship pedestal is the worst seat in the house! When we idealise friends, we set both sides up for failure. So, instead of aiming for perfection, let's focus on being there—because real friendships aren't about being flawless, they're about consistently showing up, having fun and making memories. From henceforth, I decree and declare, that I don't want to be a perfect friend!

A friend is involved in your life, while a catch-up friend just hears about it later... Can you really call someone your best friend if you only connect every three months, and all you do is catch up? This episode isn't a critique of catch-up friendships—there's definitely value in them, and who doesn't love a good debrief? But if all your friendships are like this, who's truly walking through life with you? The danger of having your closest friendships reduced to quarterly updates is that you end up on the sidelines of each other's lives. As adults, we lost the shared spaces that naturally maintained our friendships, so we need to be intentional in spending time together and creating lasting bonds. Join us as we share our thoughts on catch-up friendships and how we strive to be intentional in our connections. If you're stuck in a catch-up rut with your close friend or bestie, this episode might help you break free!

Imagine my absolute horror as I scrolled on TikTok and realised that so many girlies are feeling lonely?! This earth-shattering realisation made my heart yearn for my soul sisters plagued by this torment. I HAD TO DO SOMETHING. So I began to write my heart on to paper, or in this case type it...my confessions. In the hopes it will give the girlies solace and they can find a way out of the sunken place through my words. As I too have walked the rocky path of loneliness before.  (This is good right? I'm turning up the dramatics by channelling my inner Lola Step) Here lies my melodramatic confessions of a Lonely Drama Queen. A letter of comfort to the sisters of my soul!

Raise your hand if you've ever introduced two friends, only to watch them become closer and start to drift away from you. You've experienced the Matchmaker's Curse. It sucks, and we know it all too well. But before you wallow in self-pity, let us help you change your perspective. Join us as we crack down on why this happens, candidly share our own experiences, and offer some practical advice. And to spice things up, we've also been on the other side of things... Spoiler alert: the two friends aren't always the villains. So let's laugh our way through the messy, ugly, and jealous world of the Matchmaker's Curse!

Friendship advice is trending. Yet the conversation seems to be heavily focused on the failings of others to be good friends to us. Red flags in friendship, beware of this type of person and don't trust people with this behaviour. That message is needed. But allow me to flip the script… what about you? Are you a good friend? Have you reflected on and assessed yourself? Do you know what it takes? Do you know how to? If this has made you pause and think, good. Me too! On the other hand, if you have already crowned yourself a great friend, good. Come put your conclusion to the test! Join us to reflect on ourselves as we give you How to Be a Good Friend for Dummies. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

Dear Friend of the People Pleaser, Warning: it is simple to assume people pleasers make great friends because they will go out of their way to make you happy even at the expense of themselves. For that reason people pleasers can be superficially appealing, the truth is people pleasers are not seeking to be good friends, they are seeking to be liked and loved by everyone at all costs. Dear People Pleaser, Seeking to please people will leave you drained, unfulfilled and disappointed in your friendships. The fear of man leads to destruction. So, maybe I can help... --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

Some people are pro not telling your friends everything because you never know who you can trust. But I'm not here to deliver that message or tell you to watch your back. Frankly, we've all heard enough friendship horror stories of betrayal. For me, this is not an issue of trust but an issue of noise! This topic divides people, and rightly so! Sharing is a huge part of bonding and receiving support in friendships. So, I'm not here to promote secrecy but discernment. Join me as I share the four types of noise: noise that clouds your judgment, noise that kills, unnecessary noise, and noise about you. If you leave this episode with anything, let it be "wherever there is judgment, there is noise - and more of it than you think" (excerpt from Noise: A Flaw in Human Judgment). --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

wikiHow will tell you to invite your friend out for coffee to end the friendship... don't do that! We present to you How to Lose a Friend in 10 Days... We are not giving you a list of passive-aggressive, bad behaviours to chase your friend off. Instead here are our reflections on how to end a friendship in a respectful and empathetic way. Now this episode isn't a rom-com but we are two lover girls and you are sure to get some laughs. This episode takes place in 3 parts: (1) when is it time to lose a friend? (2)How do you end friendships? and (3)The aftermath. Warning: This advice may have a 100% success rate. (Warranty not included) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

It's quite the task to pen a love letter to my friends. So, I sat down and reminisced about every friend I've had throughout my life, endeavoring to encapsulate the love I've experienced in each friendship into one heartfelt message. Whether I've had the privilege of calling you friend or not, I hope this episode fills your Valentine's Day with warmth and love. If you're in pursuit of friendship, may this serve as inspiration to be that friend first to yourself, then to others. As you journey, I pray you find the companionship you seek. Happy Valentine's Day, beautiful people! May you bask in every form of love life has to offer—romantic, familial, and platonic. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

With every new year the winds of change come calling! A fresh start, a complete orbit around the sun, the world is gearing up for another journey. We all scurry to make lists, determined to make this trip around the sun different, more memorable. I'm not here to burden you with resolutions destined for neglect. Instead, let's ignite a new approach together! Join me as I unveil my 24 Friendship Rules for 2024—a collection of gems that I wholeheartedly believe will pave the way for beautiful and fulfilling friendships. So buckle up, it's a quick ride. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

Roses are red, violets are blue—ever faced a lukewarm congrats or given one too? Gather here! Envy isn't always the cause; other factors can hinder friends from celebrating our wins. Navigating a friend's success in your dream role, dream house, or academic triumph can be tricky. How do you manage those emotions? Conversely, dealing with an unsupportive friend—do you opt for grace and forgiveness or bid farewell? Let's discuss moments when flowers came with a frown and reflect on the power of genuine support. In this candid conversation, we explore the intricacies of handling success, jealousy, and the profound impact of supportive friends! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

Long-distance friendships are great, but let's face it – they come with their unique set of challenges. From missing them and experiencing FOMO to juggling time zones, conflicting schedules, moments of jealousy, and the inability to provide physical support, there's more to it than meets the eye. However, there's a silver lining: the beauty of long-distance friendships lies in the fact that no matter the time or distance that separates you, when you finally reunite, it feels as if no time has passed at all. It's truly incredible. So, if you're struggling with maintaining a long-distance friendship or simply missing your far-off friend, tune in! My two awesome guests and I have been there, done that, and bought a postcard! We get you! Let's chat, swap advice and laugh about it together! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

Hey, I think you're a cool person, want to be my friend? Raise your hand if you have ever had a friendship crush! I know I have. Much like romantic crushes, platonic crushes can be exciting but daunting. Because what if they don't want to be your friend? Join me as I break down the instant connection, the danger of idealisation, vulnerability, and rejection, and how to shoot your friendship shot! And who knows, by the end of the episode you might have a big, fat friendship crush on me! HAHA! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

I still want to see you eat... just not at my table... yikes! Kinda harsh and also very awkward. It's giving - "you can't sit with us!!" But hey it's a famous Tupac quote "Just because you lost me as a friend, doesn't mean you gained me as an enemy. I'm bigger than that, I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table." So, let's talk about losing friends. How do navigate no longer wanting to be friends with someone but still having love for them? How do you handle being on the receiving end where someone no longer wants to be your friend? So pull up a chair as we share our messy experiences and lessons on growing apart in friendships. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

Male validation is not only a choice it is a lifestyle... and some women swear by it! Join us as we dive into the world of male validation in female friendships. It's not just about crushing on someone; it's seeking approval and a standing ovation from men... at the expense of our female friends. Let's unpack its impact, find freedom, and show each other grace. So, get ready to laugh and learn as we swap experiences, share advice, and pledge to ditch the male validation craze. Tune in as we solemnly swear to break free from the shackles of male validation! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

So you have your one friend or your one friend group that is your everything. You do everything together and that is beautiful. But may I suggest creating a friendship multiverse? Now you might already be shaking your head and screaming 'No new friends!'. However, wasn't your current friend a stranger once? Or you might be in the other boat where you also have one friend or one friend group but feel dissatisfied with those connections. Again, may I suggest building a friendship multiverse? Join me as I delve into the power of a friendship multiverse. I'll share why I believe in having a friendship multiverse, and how it improved my existing friendships and exposed me to different views and types of bonds. But the friendship multiverse comes with its challenges! Come travel into my friendship multiverse and find out more! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

So, apparently, if you use the silent treatment you might be toxic? Ok, but in your defence they really hurt or annoyed you... so you iced them out! Some may say it's what they deserve. But can this approach to conflict actually be extremely harmful to a friendship or worse emotional abuse?! If you have been on the receiving end you might be nodding in agreement. Join us as we talk about: the friendships where we dished out the silent treatment, navigating conflict while respecting your boundaries, how to handle being on the receiving end and healthy forms of conflict resolution. At the end of the episode you can decide, is the silent treatment toxic? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

So your friend comes to you to vent and disappears till the next time they need a listening ear? You just might be their emotional dumping ground. Join us on this episode while we unpack: our personal experiences, why this friendship dynamic happens and how to move towards a more equitable and fulfilling friendship. Because let's be honest no one wants to be the emotional dumping ground! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

This episode I'm joined by my long time friend and my sister to discuss trio friendships. Listen to hear our experiences and verdict on whether three is always a crowd. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message

Join my two guests and I as we spill on our experiences with broadcast friends and the lessons we learnt… --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mfl/message