Sexy Spooky Teenz

10 episodes deep, baby! The Teenz watched two movies this week to deliver a fair and well rounded review. At least ten minutes are dedicated to talking about early 2000's emo bands who were really Christian rock bands that tricked us all. SMG is hot, her boyfriend is hot and dumb, and you know what? The ghost is pretty hot too. What would your Grudge ghost be?

Start spreading the news! The Teenz sail to the big apple this week to talk about Jason Voorhees. Ed Koch's New York is well represented in the 8th installment in the Friday the 13th series. Where is Camp Crystal Lake, and is it connected to a high school? Does Stephen King's pen have magical powers? We pretty much wrote a better version of the movie, but don't let that stop you from listening to us talk about it. TEEN OF THE WEEK: VC Dupree!!!! Now and forever!

Before you propose to your significant other, make sure they are the right one. This week the Teenz dive into the Liv Tyler/Scott Speedverse team up The Strangers. Pull out some champagne and Blue Bell ice cream, turn up the Joanna Newsome, and load your shotguns. What do you mean, you've never really held a shot gun?! WHO LIES ABOUT THAT?!?! TEEN OF THE WEEK: Christian boy asking strangers if they are sinners.

EVERYTHING IS MADE OF WAX! We took a week off to plan our epic camping trip, and now we're back and talking about the 2005 Paris Hilton classic House of Wax. Chad Michael Murray is a tough ex con, Elisha Cuthbert is his twin sister and they have inexplicably palpable sexual chemistry, cousin Skeeter's cousin Robert Ri'chard is horny, My Chemical Romance is blasting and everyone is hot. This is without a doubt the most 2005 movie we've ever done, and hopefully the last movie we do that shows so many slashes to the achilles heel. So turn off your mini DV camcorder, put on some Disturbed, crack open a Michelob Ultra, and get ready for some screams but be careful because THEY'RE ALL MADE OUT OF WAX! The floors are WAX. The ceilings are WAX. The fruit is WAX. The movie is WAAAAAAAAAX! TEEN OF THE WEEK: Young Vincent, who would've crushed on Deviant Art.

This week the Teenz dive into the dark twisted world of social media, witchcraft, and mental health in order to ask the tough questions. Should we talk to the freaks? Do wasps protect witches? Can you hack into a website using a few simple key strokes? There's so much to wrap our heads around with this movie, and Bluv is so scarred he's shaking in his boots. TEEN OF THE WEEK: Marina, for having zero friends, even in the womb.

This week the Teenz take it all the way back to the swingin' 60's with Rosemary's Baby. Mia Farrow plays Rosemary Woodhouse, a good catholic girl who suspects her nosy neighbors are trying to bring about the anti-christ, but all anyone ever tells her is how they hate her haircut. Do old people communicate with ghosts? Is this movie a blue print for the ultimate gas lighting techniques? Is Bluv an immortal? Is god dead? None of these questions will be answered, but it's the 60's baby! People are dying and the Beatles are breaking up!!!!11!   TEEN OF THE WEEK: Thirteen year old Steven Marcato, who will eventually grow up to tell everyone where he's been.

Hold on to your buttons! The Sexy Spooky Teenz explore Sam Raimi's 2009 masterpiece and John would take him to task personally if he got the chance. It's up to Bluv and Steph to defend the artistry of the Spider-Man director and his love of people throwing up blood and bugs. Justin Long makes his first appearance (and hopefully not our last), goats talk, corpses float, and Octavia Spencer has NO LINES! What could go wrong? And for god's sake, what's gonna happen to the McPhearson loan???!!1!!   Teen of the Week: Christine, the pork queen (age 13)

Shy, friendless, teenage Carrie White (Spacek) is constantly bullied by her terrible classmates at their boring high school. They’re probably just jealous, because she has these secret psychic powers. Miss Collins is trying to do her best to relate to Carrie, but still can’t help staring at her like she’s a fucking freak. Meanwhile, bully queen Christine, and her dufus boyfriend JOHN TRAVOLTA kill a bunch of pigs and drain their blood for an obviously hilarious prank. Sue feels bad for Carrie and asks her super hot boyfriend Tommy to ask Carrie to go to prom with him, because everyone knows that’s a nice thing to do. What could go wrong? Stephanie calls out John and Bluv for not being woke enough, Bluv opens up about being bullied, and like great friends Steph and John ROAST him! Teen of the Week: Edie McClurg played teenage Helen in Carrie, and also played Mr. Rooney's secretary Grace in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

There’s no gas, but lots of barbeque and stand your ground is alive and upheld. You better believe Leatherface and his whole freaky family of murderers is excited by this episode of Sexy Spooky Teenz!  Bluv shares his feelings about Shia LeBeuf’s sex scene in Nymphomaniac, Steph confirms that this what Texas is really like, and John sticks it to the Rob Zombies of the world. Why does the airgun take away so many jobs? One thing’s for sure… Kirk is almost hot. Did we mention Saturn is in retrograde?

The holidays can be hard for smokeshows like Adam Scott and Toni Collette. Their son Max still believes in Christmas and will fight anyone who isnt being jolly.  If that isn’t bad enough, Toni’s boring sister, her know nothing husband, their useless children and her anti-semetic aunt are all staying over for Christmas, during the worst snowstorm in the midwest since Home Alone. What could go wrong? Well, the German grandma knows something, but she’s too busy watching the fire. Gingerbread Men whistle!