Still Figuring It Out

Sometimes you have to go through a lot of changes in a small timeframe to truly test your mental strength. That's what I did in my 23rd year. How'd I fair? Listen to find out.

What do you get when you mix going to clubs, graduating college, and diving headfirst into your first serious relationship?

*TW: Mentions of sexual assault* Oh 21, I hope you sleep better at night now.

Ahh 20, the year I declared my major, met Taylor swift and road-tripped to Nashville. But also the year I felt the weight of immense pressure to have it all figured out. Join me in finding out if I ever did.

Let's take it back to 19, aka my golden birthday, my golden year. I thought I had it all figured out, but as you'll hear I was just a teen playing dress up as an adult.

The summer ‘23 vibe is pools not beach, stay safe ❤️

Did you miss me? Let's catch up, grab some wine and listen in on my six-month recap of the good, the bad, and everything in between. Oh, and welcome to season 3.

TW: Mentions of murder, sexual assault, and cannibalism. Listener discretion is advised. Who really killed JonBenét Ramsey? Is the new suspect that was arrested the killer in the Idaho stabbings? Why do we continue glorifying serial killers such as Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer when we should be spotlighting the victims whose lives were cut short? Help us navigate these questions as we take you through this episode with our theories and opinions that you may or may not like. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

I shouldn't be here right now, I shouldn't even be writing this to you all right now. But I've been shown throughout all the bad this year has given me that I can accept outstretched arms with my own stuck to my sides. Thank you for continuing to listen to the words that come out of my mouth that I courageously put out here. There will be more to come, I can promise you that.

TW: mentions of eating disorders, suicide, mental illness, and sexual assault. Listener distractions is advised. What better way to get deep and emotional than with some personal questions and drinking wine while already being drunk. I'm back once again with my friend and ex coworker Cintia where we sit in my living room, eat some sushi and finish off another bottle. These were fun and eye opening to answer so thank you for following along, it never not goes appreciated.

Because if the person your dating can't do dishes or laundry it's time to pack it up. I'm back again with my good friend Cintia as we comb through our past relationships and situationships the only way we can stomach…with a full glass of wine. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Would you believe it, I finally have a guest on here. And just like the beginning of this episode, it's nothing short of crazy. We get into how we became friends, our many adventures involving bottomless mimosas and creating a human wall to pee at the club, and the reason for this title. Because just like this podcast, we're all still figuring it out. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

If there's one thing that's been there for me this year, it's books. Through my hospital stay, long work days, solo vacation, outpatient program, and move, there wasn't a time my bag didn't have a novel waiting to be opened. So, I thought I'd share with you all the (40) books I read this year and tell you which are worth it and which can be left on the shelf. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

TW: mentions of weight and depression in episode, listener discretion advised. Because sometimes you need to sit on your living room floor and spill your thoughts out into your microphone for more than just your cat to hear. I talk about feeling lost in my twenties, the advice I would give myself starting my twenties, and dealing with some body image issues and self-confidence. I can't wait to hear this back in a year and give that girl the hug I can't give myself right now and tell her it's okay not to be okay. I hope this helps anyone who feels the same way, that's all I've ever set out to do. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

13 years ago in 9th-grade homeroom, I met my best friend, Elliot, who made those 4 years better. Then at college orientation with just a glance he met his now husband and my other close friend, Joe, who would be the one to get me through college. On Christmas Day of 2020, my best friend proposed and a year after that I'd be opening a box asking to be his best woman at their wedding. It's a title I take seriously, so I had to dedicate a whole episode to them while trying to figure out my speech. Because how am I supposed to fit all these years into a short speech? Impossible.  So, here's to you two. Who made finding their soulmate so easy. May we all be so lucky. 

hi guys, I know it's been another long time since we last talked. But I want you to know how thankful I am for you. One Friday night, this episode was done on a whim after a dinner of soup and bread. I came into my office in my new apartment and told you about my summer of healing and how I've been doing with my mental and physical health. How being in an out patient program for my depression saved my life and made me realize how toxic Instagram really is. How you can accept new friendships with shaky hands and Sunday brunches. How you can paddleboard with MS and not fall off in the lake. How a small feline's purr can melt your heart in the morning and evening. How you can have really good days and really bad days. How even through everything you've been through, you still find a reason somewhere in you to keep going. This was scary to come back and do so thank you for allowing my words to be the soundtrack you listen to. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

hi, I know it's been a bit. Just know I love you and you taking the time to listen to any part of this episode means more to me than you can ever imagine. I'll see you again as soon as I can. p.s. being honest is powerful

TW: Mentions of sexual assault Here are some links for resources and ways to donate and help. I'm here for you and love you. https://www.weareplannedparenthoodaction.org/onlineactions/W-dJwYn_Vk-PfTNgWw_EIA2?sourceid=1004273&ms=4NALz2200K1N1A&utm_campaign=NAT_2200_PPFA_Appeal_c4_ad_acq&gclid=CjwKCAjwwdWVBhA4EiwAjcYJEDedtYHzI3gpRu1XmDIZil9twukhcTzOoUJZtp6mLpvyBfvGxKyTABoCU9gQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

TW: Mentions of suicide and sexual assault in this episode. If this episode is all over the place, then I'm not sorry. Because sometimes that's how life and especially love can be. And that's what I talk about in this episode. We go into the difference between saying the word "love," versus feeling it and I let you in on a little confession. What that is you may ask? Well, listen and you'll find out. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Are you surprised I actually lived up to my promise for a new episode this week? Don't worry, unlike that guy, I keep my promises. In this episode, we talk about a lot of things ranging from new shows I've been watching to a new segment called rate my mental health for the week. I go into the idea of learning to appreciate the simpler things in life and how the person I am now is a lot better for me than the person I was living in and for last year. I hope you can take something from this ramble of a chat and I will see you all again next week, that's right you heard that. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

hi, I know in this episode I talk about a lot of things. So, I'm not going to make a whole paragraph about it. I just want you to know how thankful I am for anyone who listens to this and how happy I am to finally be back. I promise to never take this long to return again.

I know I may start off this podcast being very happy and sarcastic, but deep down I'm feeling a lot of different things. I feel guilty, abandoned, sad, confused, angry, lost, out of routine, and just overall overwhelmed. If you listen through this whole episode, thank you. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would ever have to utter those words but it's real and it happened and is still happening as I post this. If you take anything away from this episode it's to wear a mask, social distance, stay home if you're not feeling well, and don't be selfish and not think about other people. Thank you for always being there for me, especially in a time like now. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode, I am probably the most chipper I've been in a while. Why you may ask? I'm on vacation this week. So, I take you along what I've done so far this week which includes seeing friends and loved ones, staying busy, and getting attacked by bees. I then go into the topic for this week: the author Taylor Jenkins Reid. I talk a little about her life and tell you about 3 of her most popular books. Between a Hollywood starlet, a family with a past, or a rock band from the '70s, Reid does it all. Think these stories will be worth the read? You'll have to tune in to find out. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Hi, you guys. I know it's been a while (2 weeks) since I've last uploaded. So, with nothing planned for this episode, and ginger ale poured into my wine glass I sit down and catch you guys up on where I've been for the better half of August. Between birthday parties, anniversaries, a wedding, and a failed interview there's a lot to talk about. Thank you all so much for your support, and I can't wait to give you new episodes. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode, I rally through some scorching weather to talk about my past weekend of fun in the sun, overwhelming work days and trying to get through the night without waking up. I then go into the topic, an author you need to know and read. I give a brief overview of who Alex Michaelides is, talk about his two books and tell you why you need to go to your local bookstore, buy them, and read them at the beach. If you need a sign to get back into reading, here is it. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode, I catch you guys up on my life and what I've been up to. Between some traveling, getting wine drunk, and learning to relax, I come to terms with how I've really been feeling. To be honest, my mental health is not loving me. I go into the topic of the idea that we have to have it all and be "on" all the time. How society and comparing ourselves to others influence us as well as learning to take a pause and not see resting as being lazy. If you need a sign to do just this, I hope this episode can do that for you like it's trying to for me. Thank you so much for sticking around and if you're new, enjoy the ride. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

For anyone listening to this with headphones on, you have been warned. With so much love you showed with my last guest episode, I thought the best way to thank you would be to do another one. And boy, did we deliver. With seltzers in our stomachs and questions in the palm of our hands we get honest and upfront with you guys. We cover every and anything we get asked. There are drinks, laughs, and most importantly, friendship. Thank you for all the love recently, there's so much more to come. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode, I talk about my hectic work week, barely having time to breathe, and why I'm taking a break from drinking. I then go into the topic for this week, the idea of trying to find my "home." Whether it be physical, family, or relationship-wise, I never felt like I had a home in any of those. It took writing it down for me to see it was starting to come along all this time. The beauty of writing. I hope you enjoy this as much and as hard as it was for me to write it. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode, I talk about finding new job opportunities, working out again, and getting on a reading grind again. Then, we do a truth or drink with my special guest, my best friends Meg, Mandy, and Amy. We get honest and real and that's all that matters. If you want more of us, let us know. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode, I talk about being a beer slut, not wanting to work out while eating like garbage, and my plans for a rainy Fourth of July weekend. I then go into a new segment: things we need to normalize better, for this episode, it's your 20's. I talk about how my 20's so far have felt like a roller coaster, comparing ourselves and our journeys to others, and list off some things that are totally normal to still be happening in our 20's. There is no time clock for when you have to complete everything in your life, just enjoy the ride and breathe. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Happy summer, I can't believe I've made it halfway through the year. I would like to thank the alcohol. In this episode, I talk about a really fun past weekend, hating my body, and getting back into reading. I then tell you what books you should read this summer (myself included) and have a little book club moment with you guys. I've always loved reading in the summer because I love to overly romanticize things in my life and one of those is reading. I hope you enjoy these recommendations and read some yourself. Always remember, you may not be the main character in the book, but you are in your life. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode, we're getting emotional so bring all the tissues. I talk about the stressful and overwhelming time I've been having. My week of drinking, spending time with loved ones, a zoo visit, and a Taylor announcement that made it all better. I then go into the topic of why I don't celebrate Father's Day. I talk about my childhood and growing up with an alcoholic and abusive father, how it's affected me growing up and how I'm doing now. I then read some articles I wrote addressing him. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for him leaving and not being in my life for over half of it. We do a good job at perceiving others the way we want to on the outside when we have too much damage inside us. If you can relate to this episode, I want you to know I see you and I'm here for you. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode, we are very chatty. I talk about my long week, hot days, surviving life, and taking a break from the debit card. I then go into the topic for this episode. The big question: does everything happen for a reason? Do the things that happen to us in life the good and bad happen for a bigger reason? I discuss my own views and opinions based on my life and events and encourage you to think about them as well. Because at the end of it all, I'm still figuring it out too. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Welcome to season 2 you guys. In this episode I tell you tales of nostalgia. I go back to the bar and movie theater and barely make it through the work week because of damn mercury in retrograde. I then go into the topic of this episode, are these books worth the read? I tell you about the author and these books, so the choice is up to you. Will I drain your bank accounts or save you money, you'll have to tune in to find out. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

You guys.....we made it to a whole year. A year of laughs, cries, honesty, and much-needed professional therapy. I can't believe how much has happened and what's to come. Thank you for sticking with me on this journey. This episode is no different than the rest. We get honest, we swear, and I even cry. It's time to celebrate not only one year of this podcast but our beautiful bodies that have always been ready for summer. I can't wait to see what comes next. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

I'm back you guys, and I'm better than ever (at least, that's what I'm telling myself). In this episode, we get deep and honest. I tell you why I've been away for the past two weeks, including my second Covid shot and feeling depressed and uninspired. I catch you up on what I've been doing, including apartment updates, drinking, and the hellhole of my job. I then go into the topic of regrets. I read from an old article of mine and tell you about some of my regrets in my life. It's perfectly normal to have regrets but they should never define who you are as a person. Thank you for sticking with me during a weird time, I'm so happy to be back. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Sometimes you have a bad week and you need to talk about it. That's what I did in this week's episode. With a glass of cider in hand, and no notes to go by, I recap my draining week and really dig deep into how I'm feeling lately. We get a little emotional and sad but at the end of the day, this is me. I'm not here to provide you with false ideas of who I am, I am a person who is going through it, just like everyone else. Thank you for listening to my therapy session. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode we're getting very chatty. I catch you up on my stressful past week, how I'm learning to prioritize things in my life amidst the chaos, and telling you to calm the fuck down. I tell you about an exquisite mirror I recently purchased as well as my experience with getting my first dose of the Covid vaccine. I then go into this new segment where I talk about an author you need to know and read. I tell you a little about Colleen Hoover as well as talk about the 3 books of hers I've read so far. Are my plans to continue reading her books? You'll have to tune in to hear my answer. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode I tell you about how I went from a peaceful last weekend and a good start of my week to an overall hectic and stressful end of the week into the weekend. I talk about how I've been having a hard time trying to juggle two jobs while still balancing my personal and social life. I then go into the topic of burnout. How it came to be for me, why society glamorizes overworking, hustle culture, and why covid-19 is to blame for some of this. I tell you how I've been dealing with it and learning to put my overall health first instead of last. I want you to know if you're feeling this way that it is normal and okay to take a break and relax. You are human, not a well-oiled machine. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode we get very emotional and thought-provoking. I talk about my reasoning for my week off which included my best friends Taylor Swift themed birthday weekend, finishing the beer summit as well as showing my age in my knees and the fright of finally getting back into writing for fun and Taylor making me revert back to my 14-year-old self with her re-recording of "Fearless." I then get into the topic this week about why I feel like a failure. I go into my journey of wanting to be a writer and the setbacks and rejections I've faced along the way. And also how my job I thought I got didn't turn out the way I pictured. In the end, I'm still not giving up on my dream job and can only keep going forward. Here's to another mark in my journey. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode I get a little emotional talking about how I really feel about my new "normal" with my new job while still being at my other one. All the internal fear, guilt, and stress I have over it during my first official week. I talk about feeling burnt out and like a failure but remind myself that bad weeks are a thing. I then go into my last part of my thesis this week which feels very bittersweet since it has been so great getting to relive this story again. After Mauve realizes that James isn't the person she thought he was she tries to get away, but the police catch up to her in the end. Once coming face to face with her own past and seeing James again and finally getting his side of the story, will her feelings get in the way of her future? You'll have to tune in and find out what happens at the end of this epic story. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode I talk about my long and stressful week as usual. I tell my manager about my new job and how some friends are snitches and also how I'm really feeling about this new change. I have some bad skin days and call out Zara for their sizing. I then continue with reading my thesis from where I left off next week. After being threatened by a pair of private detectives who know both their pasts, Mauve gets a not-so-great welcome when she returns home after the interrogation. But as she makes her journey to free James, she'll find not only the law catches up with her, but her past as well. Will she make it out to freedom or be locked up forever? Make sure to tune in next week to hear what happens next and catch up on the previous episodes to the story to hear from the beginning so you don't miss a thing. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode I talk about some exciting new updates and changes that have come into my life recently as well as getting to do some fun things over the weekend and how that can make a rather long week so much better. I then continue with reading my thesis from where I left off last week. After Mauve realizes her partner in life and crime James's past is slowly catching up to him again she has a decision to either walk away from it all or walk into the storm itself. Will she make the right choice or end up getting herself in deeper than she can swim out of? Make sure to tune in next week to here what happens next and catch up on last weeks episode to hear it from the beginning. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode I talk about going from a whole week feeling like one big Monday to my excitement about having the house to myself for the weekend and my ~crazy~ plans. I then go into this fun and new segment that I'll be doing this entire month where I basically read my entire thesis to you throughout the next few episodes. Titled by a song that deserved a music video, "Getaway Car" tells the story of Mauve and James, two jewel thieves about to do their biggest heist yet. But when Mauve finds out the hard way her partner in life and crime is hiding his own secrets will she go her own way or sacrifice herself for his well-being? Make sure to tune in every week to hear the complete story, because truly nothing good starts in a getaway car.... --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode I talk about getting back into a routine after my vacation, how my birthday went, and some rejections and hopeful opportunities while job hunting. I then go into the book of the month which is a bit different this time around. I read some essays from the book “Modern Love” edited by Daniel Jones and get a little sad and laughing. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me reach my goal of 1k plays. I know for a fact if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have this so thank you. Sending so much love and virtual hugs your way. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode we're getting emotional, so grab your tissues. This week, I talk about how my vacation is going and the differences I see in my mental health for the better. I then talk about my upcoming birthday and how I really feel about getting older and accepting the fact that age is only a number. I read through some old articles and a journal entry I wrote 3 and 5 years ago and reflect. I then talk about 26 things I've learned in my life so far. There are plenty of tears and laughs and reflections throughout. So, get ready because it's a roller coaster. I'm grateful for another trip around the sun and many more to come. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Happy Valentine’s Day! In this episode I talk about having a “vacation” from work and what I plan to do. I talk about finally having a fun Valentines’s Day weekend starting with a Galentine’s Day party with friends and going on a triple date. I then talk about the idea of this holiday and my honest thoughts as well as what you can do on this holiday whether you’re in a relationship, single, going through a breakup, or “dating.” I then read from two articles I wrote on love. I want you to know that no matter your situation that you are loved and seen and this holiday should not and does not determine your worth. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Happy February, the month of “love.” In this episode I kick off the months theme of love with what happens when a love...fades away. When a relationship runs its course and what to do to get through it. I end by reading two different articles about a guy I “dated” and show how less than a year later the feelings can change for the better. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode I talk about how a good week can still be good even with a shitty end. I keep on track with my new fitness routine, complete my dry January, and am on track with my reading. I then get into a very exciting and possibly new segment. What if I told you “Tolerate It” by Taylor Swift was inspired by the book “Rebecca” by Daphne Du Maurier? I take you through the novel by providing actual evidence that goes along with the lyrics and give my honest opinion whether or not this “book of the century” is worth reading or only just good inspiration to be put into a song. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode I talk about finally having a good week, my fitness journey, and why we need to treat ourselves. I talk about a historical moment by having the first female Vice President and then go into the topic. I talk about how simple things women can do now like wear pants and go shopping alone was unheard of and even illegal 100 years ago. I discuss the blatant racism women face on a daily and the gender stereotypes women go through when compared to men. I understand my views an opinions are different than others, but if we can go into this with an open mind and heart than that’s a step in the right direction. I’m not here to change your mind, I’m here to say my thoughts like any women should be given the opportunity to do. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

In this episode I do a long chat and catch you up on all things stress with work, thrifting, weight change, and trying to be productive. I then ask the question of this topic today: what really are the best year of your life? While some say high school or college were their “peak years,” some like myself not so much. I talk about why this question is far fetched, my own experiences with trying to find out for myself, and tell you why you shouldn’t dwell if you haven’t found your time yet. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app