Podcasts about Modern Love

The hoppy love-fest continues today as we move from hazy beers to a Gold Medal winning West Coast IPA. A New Zealand hop focused WCIPA called Modern Love is a liquid love letter to San Diego's hop obession.

When we meet Rob Delaney's character, “Neighbor Guy,” in FX's limited series “Dying for Sex,” he's scarfing down a burrito in an elevator, dripping food on his face and the floor. But Delaney's performance reveals that under Neighbor Guy's messy exterior is a man capable of deep vulnerability and empathy.“Dying for Sex” follows a woman named Molly, played by Michelle Williams, who is dying of cancer and desperate to experience sexual pleasure before it's too late. At first, Molly thinks Neighbor Guy is disgusting, but the two soon discover they make sense together, sexually and emotionally. Williams and Delaney received Emmy nominations for their roles.Today, Delaney tells host Anna Martin why exposing the messy and painful parts of ourselves to other people can be rewarding and hilarious. He talks about tending his own relationship and reads a Modern Love essay about a couple who decides to try some role play to avoid getting too comfortable with each other.Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.Here's how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Book your tickets: https://linktr.ee/BookYourTicketsNow_Guest Suggestion Form: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://forms.gle/bnaeY3FpoFU9ZjA47⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Disclaimer: This video is intended solely for educational purposes and opinions shared by the guest are his personal views. We do not intent to defame or harm any person/ brand/ product/ country/ profession mentioned in the video. Our goal is to provide information to help audience make informed choices. The media used in this video are solely for informational purposes and belongs to their respective owners.Order 'Build, Don't Talk' (in English) here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/eCfijRu⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Order 'Build Don't Talk' (in Hindi) here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/4wZISO0⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow Our Whatsapp Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaokF5x0bIdi3Qn9ef2J⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Subscribe To Our Other YouTube Channels:-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@rajshamaniclips⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@RajShamani.Shorts⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

The best-selling author and motivational podcast host Mel Robbins is known for her blunt advice and viral wisdom, from The 5-Second Rule to countless proverbs on relationships, confidence and everyday stuck-ness. Her most recent book, “The Let Them Theory,” has given her readers a fresh perspective for navigating disappointment, rejection and uncertainty in life.On this week's “Modern Love,” Robbins shares fives tips for letting go of control, and explains how these transformed her marriage and her relationship with her kids. She also reads a Modern Love essay, "You Have to Let Go to Move On,” about a woman who finally learns that real love doesn't come from holding on tighter.For more Modern Love, search for the show wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Today on The Spill, we’re kicking things off with something special: introducing the newest show in The Spill family: Morning Tea. It’s your weekday hit of celeb news, pop culture drama and internet chaos, all in the time it takes to drink your morning coffee (or tea!). Tune in at 8am Monday to Thursday for the headlines you need to know, then come back at 3pm for your regular deep dive right here on The Spill. And speaking of deep dives… It’s the season of TV romance, and with Lena Dunham’s new series Too Much dropping this week, we’re diving headfirst into the world of rom-com style TV shows. From classic comfort watches to underrated gems, today we’re rounding up the romantic comedy series we can’t stop thinking about. And if you’re a fan of the genre, get ready, because Laura’s bringing some undercover gems you probably haven’t heard of. LISTEN:Love a movie round up? Listen to these episodes of The Spill:The Ultimate Binge: Movie Franchises That Never Disappoint The Ultimate Binge: Movie Franchises That Never DisappointThe Very Best Cheerleading Movies Of All TimeThese Cosy Movie Will Brighten Up Your WeekendGET IN TOUCH:Do you have feedback or a topic you want us to discuss on The Spill? Send us a voice message, or send us an email thespill@mamamia.com.au and we'll come back to you ASAP!Read all the latest entertainment news on Mamamia... here. THE END BITSThe Spill podcast is on TikTok here and on Instagram here. Read all the latest entertainment news on Mamamia... here.Subscribe to MamamiaCREDITSHosts: Laura Brodnik and Ksenija Lukich Executive Producer: Monisha IswaranAudio Producer: Scott Stronach Mamamia studios are styled with furniture from Fenton and Fenton. Visit: fentonandfenton.com.auBecome a Mamamia subscriber: https://www.mamamia.com.au/subscribeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The best-selling author and motivational podcast host Mel Robbins is known for her blunt advice and viral wisdom, from The 5-Second Rule to countless proverbs on relationships, confidence and everyday stuck-ness. Her most recent book, “The Let Them Theory,” has given her readers a fresh perspective for navigating disappointment, rejection and uncertainty in life.Today, Robbins shares fives tips for letting go of control, and explains how these transformed her marriage and her relationship with her kids. She also reads a Modern Love essay, "You Have to Let Go to Move On,” about a woman who finally learns that real love doesn't come from holding on tighter. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

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Blindboy is an artist, podcaster, and author. His storytelling style weaves anti-colonial histories with perspectives on modern masculinity, politics, and mental health, all cut with an absurdist sense of humour. In public Blindboy wears a mask made from a plastic bag, maintaining anonymity while developing a cult following as a podcaster. In this interview, Blindboy […]

In this episode, we rip the Band-Aid off modern dating. Is monogamy dead or just rebranded as “situationships”? Why are we soft launching partners like they're limited-edition sneakers? And how the hell do you tell the difference between real love and someone love bombing you with fake future plans?We break down the 80/20 rule, expose walking red flags in disguise, and call out the trends that are making relationships feel more like PR campaigns than real connections.If you've ever dated someone who gave you “good morning” texts but never made weekend plans — this one's for you.Sponsored by https://naughtyscience.comuncomfortableconvo code saves you 15% offMy Socialshttps://linktr.ee/SkarxFace

When the Modern Love podcast asked listeners how location sharing is affecting their relationships, the responses they got were all over the map. Some people love this technology. Some hate it. But either way, it has changed something fundamental about how we demonstrate our love and how we set boundaries around relationships. In this episode, the Modern Love team shares a few of their favorite listener responses. Then, host Anna Martin talks with Arlon Jay Staggs, a Modern Love essayist who has wrestled deeply with whether to share his location.At first, location sharing wasn't a big deal for Staggs and his mother. He took a lot of long drives, and it made sense for her to keep tabs on him. But when he realized his mother was watching his little blue dot too closely, and it was causing her stress when she needed peace of mind, Staggs decided the sharing had to stop. He just couldn't figure out how to tell her. And when tragedy struck his family, the stakes of his decision to share or not share became a lot higher.Today's episode was inspired by the essay “Every Move I Make, She'll Be Watching Me.”For more Modern Love, search for the show wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.  Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Frances Wilson has written biographies of Dorothy Wordsworth, Thomas De Quincey, D.H. Lawrence, and, most recently, Muriel Spark. I thought Electric Spark was excellent. In my review, I wrote: “Wilson has done far more than string the facts together. She has created a strange and vivid portrait of one of the most curious of twentieth century novelists.” In this interview, we covered questions like why Thomas De Quincey is more widely read, why D.H. Lawrence's best books aren't his novels, Frances's conversion to spookiness, what she thinks about a whole range of modern biographers, literature and parasocial relationships, Elizabeth Bowen, George Meredith, and plenty about Muriel Spark.Here are two brief extracts. There is a full transcript below.Henry: De Quincey and Lawrence were the people you wrote about before Muriel Spark, and even though they seem like three very different people, but in their own way, they're all a little bit mad, aren't they?Frances: Yes, that is, I think, something that they have in common. It's something that I'm drawn to. I like writing about difficult people. I don't think I could write about anyone who wasn't difficult. I like difficult people in general. I like the fact that they pose a puzzle and they're hard to crack, and that their difficulty is laid out in their work and as a code. I like tackling really, really stubborn personalities as well. Yes, they were all a bit mad. The madness was what fuelled their journeys without doubt.Henry: This must make it very hard as a biographer. Is there always a code to be cracked, or are you sometimes dealing with someone who is slippery and protean and uncrackable?And.Henry: People listening will be able to tell that Spark is a very spooky person in several different ways. She had what I suppose we would call spiritual beliefs to do with ghosts and other sorts of things. You had a sort of conversion of your own while writing this book, didn't you?Frances: Yes, I did. [laughs] Every time I write a biography, I become very, very, very immersed in who I'm writing about. I learned this from Richard Holmes, who I see as a method biographer. He Footsteps his subjects. He becomes his subjects. I think I recognized when I first read Holmes's Coleridge, when I was a student, that this was how I also wanted to live. I wanted to live inside the minds of the people that I wrote about, because it was very preferable to live inside my own mind. Why not live inside the mind of someone really, really exciting, one with genius?What I felt with Spark wasn't so much that I was immersed by-- I wasn't immersed by her. I felt actually possessed by her. I think this is the Spark effect. I think a lot of her friends felt like this. I think that her lovers possibly felt like this. There is an extraordinary force to her character, which absolutely lives on, even though she's dead, but only recently dead. The conversion I felt, I think, was that I have always been a very enlightenment thinker, very rational, very scientific, very Freudian in my approach to-- I will acknowledge the unconscious but no more.By the time I finished with Spark, I'm pure woo-woo now.TranscriptHenry: Today, I am talking to Frances Wilson. Frances is a biographer. Her latest book, Electric Spark, is a biography of the novelist Muriel Spark, but she has also written about Dorothy Wordsworth, Thomas De Quincey, DH Lawrence and others. Frances, welcome.Frances Wilson: Thank you so much for having me on.Henry: Why don't more people read Thomas De Quincey's work?Frances: [laughs] Oh, God. We're going right into the deep end.[laughter]Frances: I think because there's too much of it. When I chose to write about Thomas De Quincey, I just followed one thread in his writing because Thomas De Quincey was an addict. One of the things he was addicted to was writing. He wrote far, far, far too much. He was a professional hack. He was a transcendental hack, if you like, because all of his writing he did while on opium, which made the sentences too long and too high and very, very hard to read.When I wrote about him, I just followed his interest in murder. He was fascinated by murder as a fine art. The title of one of his best essays is On Murder as One of the Fine Arts. I was also interested in his relationship with Wordsworth. I twinned those together, which meant cutting out about 97% of the rest of his work. I think people do read his Confessions of an English Opium-Eater. I think that's a cult text. It was the memoir, if you want to call it a memoir, that kick-started the whole pharmaceutical memoir business on drugs.It was also the first addict's memoir and the first recovery memoir, and I'd say also the first misery memoir. He's very much at the root of English literary culture. We're all De Quincey-an without knowing it, is my argument.Henry: Oh, no, I fully agree. That's what surprises me, that they don't read him more often.Frances: I know it's a shame, isn't it? Of all the Romantic Circle, he's the one who's the most exciting to read. Also, Lamb is wonderfully exciting to read as well, but Lamb's a tiny little bit more grounded than De Quincey, who was literally not grounded. He's floating in an opium haze above you.[laughter]Henry: What I liked about your book was the way you emphasized the book addiction, not just the opium addiction. It is shocking the way he piled up chests full of books and notebooks, and couldn't get into the room because there were too many books in there. He was [crosstalk].Frances: Yes. He had this in common with Muriel Spark. He was a hoarder, but in a much more chaotic way than Spark, because, as you say, he piled up rooms with papers and books until he couldn't get into the room, and so just rented another room. He was someone who had no money at all. The no money he had went on paying rent for rooms, storing what we would be giving to Oxfam, or putting in the recycling bin. Then he'd forget that he was paying rent on all these rooms filled with his mountains of paper. The man was chaos.Henry: What is D.H. Lawrence's best book?Frances: Oh, my argument about Lawrence is that we've gone very badly wrong in our reading of him, in seeing him primarily as a novelist and only secondarily as an essayist and critic and short story writer, and poet. This is because of F.R. Leavis writing that celebration of him called D.H. Lawrence: Novelist, because novels are not the best of Lawrence. I think the best of his novels is absolutely, without doubt, Sons and Lovers. I think we should put the novels in the margins and put in the centre, the poems, travel writing.Absolutely at the centre of the centre should be his studies in classic American literature. His criticism was- We still haven't come to terms with it. It was so good. We haven't heard all of Lawrence's various voices yet. When Lawrence was writing, contemporaries didn't think of Lawrence as a novelist at all. It was anyone's guess what he was going to come out with next. Sometimes it was a novel [laughs] and it was usually a rant about-- sometimes it was a prophecy. Posterity has not treated Lawrence well in any way, but I think where we've been most savage to him is in marginalizing his best writing.Henry: The short fiction is truly extraordinary.Frances: Isn't it?Henry: I always thought Lawrence was someone I didn't want to read, and then I read the short fiction, and I was just obsessed.Frances: It's because in the short fiction, he doesn't have time to go wrong. I think brevity was his perfect length. Give him too much space, and you know he's going to get on his soapbox and start ranting, start mansplaining. He was a terrible mansplainer. Mansplaining his versions of what had gone wrong in the world. It is like a drunk at the end of a too-long dinner party, and you really want to just bundle him out. Give him only a tiny bit of space, and he comes out with the perfection that is his writing.Henry: De Quincey and Lawrence were the people you wrote about before Muriel Spark, and even though they seem like three very different people, but in their own way, they're all a little bit mad, aren't they?Frances: Yes, that is, I think, something that they have in common. It's something that I'm drawn to. I like writing about difficult people. I don't think I could write about anyone who wasn't difficult. I like difficult people in general. I like the fact that they pose a puzzle and they're hard to crack, and that their difficulty is laid out in their work and as a code. I like tackling really, really stubborn personalities as well. Yes, they were all a bit mad. The madness was what fuelled their journeys without doubt.Henry: This must make it very hard as a biographer. Is there always a code to be cracked, or are you sometimes dealing with someone who is slippery and protean and uncrackable?Frances: I think that the way I approach biography is that there is a code to crack, but I'm not necessarily concerned with whether I crack it or not. I think it's just recognizing that there's a hell of a lot going on in the writing and that, in certain cases and not in every case at all, the best way of exploring the psyche of the writer and the complexity of the life is through the writing, which is a argument for psycho biography, which isn't something I necessarily would argue for, because it can be very, very crude.I think with the writers I choose, there is no option. Muriel Spark argued for this as well. She said in her own work as a biographer, which was really very, very strong. She was a biographer before she became a novelist. She thought hard about biography and absolutely in advance of anyone else who thought about biography, she said, "Of course, the only way we can approach the minds of writers is through their work, and the writer's life is encoded in the concerns of their work."When I was writing about Muriel Spark, I followed, as much as I could, to the letter, her own theories of biography, believing that that was part of the code that she left. She said very, very strong and very definitive things about what biography was about and how to write a biography. I tried to follow those rules.Henry: Can we play a little game where I say the names of some biographers and you tell me what you think of them?Frances: Oh my goodness. Okay.Henry: We're not trying to get you into trouble. We just want some quick opinions. A.N. Wilson.Frances: I think he's wonderful as a biographer. I think he's unzipped and he's enthusiastic and he's unpredictable and he's often off the rails. I think his Goethe biography-- Have you read the Goethe biography?Henry: Yes, I thought that was great.Frances: It's just great, isn't it? It's so exciting. I like the way that when he writes about someone, it's almost as if he's memorized the whole of their work.Henry: Yes.Frances: You don't imagine him sitting at a desk piled with books and having to score through his marginalia. It sits in his head, and he just pours it down on a page. I'm always excited by an A.N. Wilson biography. He is one of the few biographers who I would read regardless of who the subject was.Henry: Yes.Frances: I just want to read him.Henry: He does have good range.Frances: He absolutely does have good range.Henry: Selina Hastings.Frances: I was thinking about Selina Hastings this morning, funnily enough, because I had been talking to people over the weekend about her Sybil Bedford biography and why that hadn't lifted. She wrote a very excitingly good life of Nancy Mitford and then a very unexcitingly not good life of Sybil Bedford. I was interested in why the Sybil Bedford simply hadn't worked. I met people this weekend who were saying the same thing, that she was a very good biographer who had just failed [laughs] to give us anything about Sybil Bedford.I think what went wrong in that biography was that she just could not give us her opinions. It's as if she just withdrew from her subject as if she was writing a Wikipedia entry. There were no opinions at all. What the friends I was talking to said was that she just fell out with her subject during the book. That's what happened. She stopped being interested in her. She fell out with her and therefore couldn't be bothered. That's what went wrong.Henry: Interesting. I think her Evelyn Waugh biography is superb.Frances: Yes, I absolutely agree. She was on fire until this last one.Henry: That's one of the best books on Waugh, I think.Frances: Yes.Henry: Absolutely magical.Frances: I also remember, it's a very rare thing, of reading a review of it by Hilary Mantel saying that she had not read a biography that had been as good, ever, as Selina Hastings' on Evelyn Waugh. My goodness, that's high praise, isn't it?Henry: Yes, it is. It is. I'm always trying to push that book on people. Richard Holmes.Frances: He's my favourite. He's the reason that I'm a biographer at all. I think his Coleridge, especially the first volume of the two-volume Coleridge, is one of the great books. It left me breathless when I read it. It was devastating. I also think that his Johnson and Savage book is one of the great books. I love Footsteps as well, his account of the books he didn't write in Footsteps. I think he has a strange magic. When Muriel Spark talked about certain writers and critics having a sixth literary sense, which meant that they tuned into language and thought in a way that the rest of us don't, I think that Richard Holmes does have that. I think he absolutely has it in relation to Coleridge. I'm longing for his Tennyson to come out.Henry: Oh, I know. I know.Frances: Oh, I just can't wait. I'm holding off on reading Tennyson until I've got Holmes to help me read him. Yes, he is quite extraordinary.Henry: I would have given my finger to write the Johnson and Savage book.Frances: Yes, I know. I agree. How often do you return to it?Henry: Oh, all the time. All the time.Frances: Me too.Henry: Michael Holroyd.Frances: Oh, that's interesting, Michael Holroyd, because I think he's one of the great unreads. I think he's in this strange position of being known as a greatest living biographer, but nobody's read him on Augustus John. [laughs] I haven't read his biographies cover to cover because they're too long and it's not in my subject area, but I do look in them, and they're novelistic in their wit and complexity. His sentences are very, very, very entertaining, and there's a lot of freight in each paragraph. I hope that he keeps selling.I love his essays as well, and also, I think that he has been a wonderful ambassador for biography. He's very, very supportive of younger biographers, which not every biographer is, but I know he's been very supportive of younger biographers and is incredibly approachable.Henry: Let's do a few Muriel Spark questions. Why was the Book of Job so important to Muriel Spark?Frances: I think she liked it because it was rogue, because it was the only book of the Bible that wasn't based on any evidence, it wasn't based on any truth. It was a fictional book, and she liked fiction sitting in the middle of fact. That was one of her main things, as all Spark lovers know. She liked the fact that there was this work of pure imagination and extraordinarily powerful imagination sitting in the middle of the Old Testament, and also, she thought it was an absolutely magnificent poem.She saw herself primarily as a poet, and she responded to it as a poem, which, of course, it is. Also, she liked God in it. She described Him as the Incredible Hulk [laughs] and she liked His boastfulness. She enjoyed, as I do, difficult personalities, and she liked the fact that God had such an incredibly difficult personality. She liked the fact that God boasted and boasted and boasted, "I made this and I made that," to Job, but also I think she liked the fact that you hear God's voice.She was much more interested in voices than she was in faces. The fact that God's voice comes out of the burning bush, I think it was an image for her of early radio, this voice speaking, and she liked the fact that what the voice said was tricksy and touchy and impossibly arrogant. He gives Moses all these instructions to lead the Israelites, and Moses says, "But who shall I say sent me? Who are you?" He says, "I am who I am." [laughs] She thought that was completely wonderful. She quotes that all the time about herself. She says, "I know it's a bit large quoting God, but I am who I am." [laughs]Henry: That disembodied voice is very important to her fiction.Frances: Yes.Henry: It's the telephone in Memento Mori.Frances: Yes.Henry: Also, to some extent, tell me what you think of this, the narrator often acts like that.Frances: Like this disembodied voice?Henry: Yes, like you're supposed to feel like you're not quite sure who's telling you this or where you're being told it from. That's why it gets, like in The Ballad of Peckham Rye or something, very weird.Frances: Yes. I'm waiting for the PhD on Muriel Sparks' narrators. Maybe it's being done as we speak, but she's very, very interested in narrators and the difference between first-person and third-person. She was very keen on not having warm narrators, to put it mildly. She makes a strong argument throughout her work for the absence of the seductive narrative. Her narratives are, as we know, unbelievably seductive, but not because we are being flattered as readers and not because the narrator makes herself or himself pretty. The narrator says what they feel like saying, withholds most of what you would like them to say, plays with us, like in a Spark expression, describing her ideal narrator like a cat with a bird [laughs].Henry: I like that. Could she have been a novelist if she had not become a Catholic?Frances: No, she couldn't. The two things happened at the same time. I wonder, actually, whether she became a Catholic in order to become a novelist. It wasn't that becoming a novelist was an accidental effect of being a Catholic. The conversion was, I think, from being a biographer to a novelist rather than from being an Anglican to a Catholic. What happened is a tremendous interest. I think it's the most interesting moment in any life that I've ever written about is the moment of Sparks' conversion because it did break her life in two.She converted when she was in her mid-30s, and several things happened at once. She converted to Catholicism, she became a Catholic, she became a novelist, but she also had this breakdown. The breakdown was very much part of that conversion package. The breakdown was brought on, she says, by taking Dexys. There was slimming pills, amphetamines. She wanted to lose weight. She put on weight very easily, and her weight went up and down throughout her life.She wanted to take these diet pills, but I think she was also taking the pills because she needed to do all-nighters, because she never, ever, ever stopped working. She was addicted to writing, but also she was impoverished and she had to sell her work, and she worked all night. She was in a rush to get her writing done because she'd wasted so much of her life in her early 20s, in a bad marriage trapped in Africa. She needed to buy herself time. She was on these pills, which have terrible side effects, one of which is hallucinations.I think there were other reasons for her breakdown as well. She was very, very sensitive and I think psychologically fragile. Her mother lived in a state of mental fragility, too. She had a crash when she finished her book. She became depressed. Of course, a breakdown isn't the same as depression, but what happened to her in her breakdown was a paranoid attack rather than a breakdown. She didn't crack into nothing and then have to rebuild herself. She just became very paranoid. That paranoia was always there.Again, it's what's exciting about her writing. She was drawn to paranoia in other writers. She liked Cardinal Newman's paranoia. She liked Charlotte Brontë's paranoia, and she had paranoia. During her paranoid attack, she felt very, very interestingly, because nothing that happened in her life was not interesting, that T.S. Eliot was sending her coded messages. He was encoding these messages in his play, The Confidential Clerk, in the program notes to the play, but also in the blurbs he wrote for Faber and Faber, where he was an editor. These messages were very malign and they were encoded in anagrams.The word lived, for example, became devil. I wonder whether one of the things that happened during her breakdown wasn't that she discovered God, but that she met the devil. I don't think that that's unusual as a conversion experience. In fact, the only conversion experience she ever describes, you'll remember, is in The Girls of Slender Means, when she's describing Nicholas Farrington's conversion. That's the only conversion experience she ever describes. She says that his conversion is when he sees one of the girls leaving the burning building, holding a Schiaparelli dress. Suddenly, he's converted because he's seen a vision of evil.She says, "Conversion can be as a result of a recognition of evil, rather than a recognition of good." I think that what might have happened in this big cocktail of things that happened to her during her breakdown/conversion, is that a writer whom she had idolized, T.S. Eliot, who taught her everything that she needed to know about the impersonality of art. Her narrative coldness comes from Eliot, who thought that emotions had no place in art because they were messy, and art should be clean.I think a writer whom she had idolized, she suddenly felt was her enemy because she was converting from his church, because he was an Anglo-Catholic. He was a high Anglican, and she was leaving Anglo-Catholicism to go through the Rubicon, to cross the Rubicon into Catholicism. She felt very strongly that that is something he would not have approved of.Henry: She's also leaving poetry to become a prose writer.Frances: She was leaving his world of poetry. That's absolutely right.Henry: This is a very curious parallel because the same thing exactly happens to De Quincey with his worship of Wordsworth.Frances: You're right.Henry: They have the same obsessive mania. Then this, as you say, not quite a breakdown, but a kind of explosive mania in the break. De Quincey goes out and destroys that mossy hut or whatever it is in the orchard, doesn't he?Frances: Yes, that disgusting hut in the orchard. Yes, you're completely right. What fascinated me about De Quincey, and this was at the heart of the De Quincey book, was how he had been guided his whole life by Wordsworth. He discovered Wordsworth as a boy when he read We Are Seven, that very creepy poem about a little girl sitting on her sibling's grave, describing the sibling as still alive. For De Quincey, who had lost his very adored sister, he felt that Wordsworth had seen into his soul and that Wordsworth was his mentor and his lodestar.He worshipped Wordsworth as someone who understood him and stalked Wordsworth, pursued and stalked him. When he met him, what he discovered was a man without any redeeming qualities at all. He thought he was a dry monster, but it didn't stop him loving the work. In fact, he loved the work more and more. What threw De Quincey completely was that there was such a difference between Wordsworth, the man who had no genius, and Wordsworth, the poet who had nothing but.Eliot described it, the difference between the man who suffers and the mind which creates. What De Quincey was trying to deal with was the fact that he adulated the work, but was absolutely appalled by the man. Yes, you're right, this same experience happened to spark when she began to feel that T.S. Eliot, whom she had never met, was a malign person, but the work was still not only of immense importance to her, but the work had formed her.Henry: You see the Wasteland all over her own work and the shared Dante obsession.Frances: Yes.Henry: It's remarkably strong. She got to the point of thinking that T.S. Eliot was breaking into her house.Frances: Yes. As I said, she had this paranoid imagination, but also what fired her imagination and what repeated itself again and again in the imaginative scenarios that recur in her fiction and nonfiction is the idea of the intruder. It was the image of someone rifling around in cupboards, drawers, looking at manuscripts. This image, you first find it in a piece she wrote about finding herself completely coincidentally, staying the night during the war in the poet Louis MacNeice's house. She didn't know it was Louis MacNeice's house, but he was a poet who was very, very important to her.Spark's coming back from visiting her parents in Edinburgh in 1944. She gets talking to an au pair on the train. By the time they pull into Houston, there's an air raid, and the au pair says, "Come and spend the night at mine. My employers are away and they live nearby in St. John's Wood." Spark goes to this house and sees it's packed with books and papers, and she's fascinated by the quality of the material she finds there.She looks in all the books. She goes into the attic, and she looks at all the papers, and she asks the au pair whose house it is, and the au pair said, "Oh, he's a professor called Professor Louis MacNeice." Spark had just been reading Whitney. He's one of her favourite poets. She retells this story four times in four different forms, as non-fiction, as fiction, as a broadcast, as reflections, but the image that keeps coming back, what she can't get rid of, is the idea of herself as snooping around in this poet's study.She describes herself, in one of the versions, as trying to draw from his papers his power as a writer. She says she sniffs his pens, she puts her hands over his papers, telling herself, "I must become a writer. I must become a writer." Then she makes this weird anonymous phone call. She loved the phone because it was the most strange form of electrical device. She makes a weird anonymous phone call to an agent, saying, "I'm ringing from Louis MacNeice's house, would you like to see my manuscript?" She doesn't give her name, and the agent says yes.Now I don't believe this phone call took place. I think it's part of Sparks' imagination. This idea of someone snooping around in someone else's room was very, very powerful to her. Then she transposed it in her paranoid attack about T.S. Eliot. She transposed the image that Eliot was now in her house, but not going through her papers, but going through her food cupboards. [laughs] In her food cupboards, all she actually had was baked beans because she was a terrible cook. Part of her unwellness at that point was malnutrition. No, she thought that T.S. Eliot was spying on her. She was obsessed with spies. Spies, snoopers, blackmailers.Henry: T.S. Eliot is Stealing My Baked Beans would have been a very good title for a memoir.Frances: It actually would, wouldn't it?Henry: Yes, it'd be great.[laughter]Henry: People listening will be able to tell that Spark is a very spooky person in several different ways. She had what I suppose we would call spiritual beliefs to do with ghosts and other sorts of things. You had a sort of conversion of your own while writing this book, didn't you?Frances: Yes, I did. [laughs] Every time I write a biography, I become very, very, very immersed in who I'm writing about. I learned this from Richard Holmes, who I see as a method biographer. He Footsteps his subjects. He becomes his subjects. I think I recognized when I first read Holmes's Coleridge, when I was a student, that this was how I also wanted to live. I wanted to live inside the minds of the people that I wrote about, because it was very preferable to live inside my own mind. Why not live inside the mind of someone really, really exciting, one with genius?What I felt with Spark wasn't so much that I was immersed by-- I wasn't immersed by her. I felt actually possessed by her. I think this is the Spark effect. I think a lot of her friends felt like this. I think that her lovers possibly felt like this. There is an extraordinary force to her character, which absolutely lives on, even though she's dead, but only recently dead. The conversion I felt, I think, was that I have always been a very enlightenment thinker, very rational, very scientific, very Freudian in my approach to-- I will acknowledge the unconscious but no more.By the time I finished with Spark, I'm pure woo-woo now. Anything can happen. This is one of the reasons Spark was attracted to Catholicism because anything can happen, because it legitimizes the supernatural. I felt so strongly that the supernatural experiences that Spark had were real, that what Spark was describing as the spookiness of our own life were things that actually happened.One of the things I found very, very unsettling about her was that everything that happened to her, she had written about first. She didn't describe her experiences in retrospect. She described them as in foresight. For example, her first single authored published book, because she wrote for a while in collaboration with her lover, Derek Stanford, but her first single authored book was a biography of Mary Shelley.Henry: Great book.Frances: An absolutely wonderful book, which really should be better than any of the other Mary Shelley biographies. She completely got to Mary Shelley. Everything she described in Mary Shelley's life would then happen to Spark. For example, she described Mary Shelley as having her love letters sold. Her lover sold Mary Shelley's love letters, and Mary Shelley was then blackmailed by the person who bought them. This happened to Spark. She described Mary Shelley's closest friends all becoming incredibly jealous of her literary talent. This happened to Spark. She described trusting people who betrayed her. This happened to Spark.Spark was the first person to write about Frankenstein seriously, to treat Frankenstein as a masterpiece rather than as a one-off weird novel that is actually just the screenplay for a Hammer Horror film. This was 1951, remember. Everything she described in Frankenstein as its power is a hybrid text, described the powerful hybrid text that she would later write about. What fascinated her in Frankenstein was the relationship between the creator and the monster, and which one was the monster. This is exactly the story of her own life. I think where she is. She was really interested in art monsters and in the fact that the only powerful writers out there, the only writers who make a dent, are monsters.If you're not a monster, you're just not competing. I think Spark has always spoken about as having a monster-like quality. She says at the end of one of her short stories, Bang-bang You're Dead, "Am I an intellectual woman, or am I a monster?" It's the question that is frequently asked of Spark. I think she worked so hard to monsterize herself. Again, she learnt this from Elliot. She learnt her coldness from Elliot. She learnt indifference from Elliot. There's a very good letter where she's writing to a friend, Shirley Hazzard, in New York.It's after she discovers that her lover, Derek Stanford, has sold her love letters, 70 love letters, which describe two very, very painfully raw, very tender love letters. She describes to Shirley Hazzard this terrible betrayal. She says, "But, I'm over it. I'm over it now. Now I'm just going to be indifferent." She's telling herself to just be indifferent about this. You watch her tutoring herself into the indifference that she needed in order to become the artist that she knew she was.Henry: Is this why she's attracted to mediocrities, because she can possess them and monsterize them, and they're good feeding for her artistic programme?Frances: Her attraction to mediocrities is completely baffling, and it makes writing her biography, a comedy, because the men she was surrounded by were so speck-like. Saw themselves as so important, but were, in fact, so speck-like that you have to laugh, and it was one after another after another. I'd never come across, in my life, so many men I'd never heard of. This was the literary world that she was surrounded by. It's odd, I don't know whether, at the time, she knew how mediocre these mediocrities were.She certainly recognised it in her novels where they're all put together into one corporate personality called the pisseur de copie in A Far Cry from Kensington, where every single literary mediocrity is in that critic who she describes as pissing and vomiting out copy. With Derek Stanford, who was obviously no one's ever heard of now, because he wrote nothing that was memorable, he was her partner from the end of the 40s until-- They ceased their sexual relationship when she started to be interested in becoming a Catholic in 1953, but she was devoted to him up until 1958. She seemed to be completely incapable of recognising that she had the genius and he had none.Her letters to him deferred to him, all the time, as having literary powers that she hadn't got, as having insights that she hadn't got, he's better read than she was. She was such an amazingly good critic. Why could she not see when she looked at his baggy, bad prose that it wasn't good enough? She rated him so highly. When she was co-authoring books with him, which was how she started her literary career, they would occasionally write alternative sentences. Some of her sentences are always absolutely-- they're sharp, lean, sparkling, and witty, and his are way too long and really baggy and they don't say anything. Obviously, you can see that she's irritated by it.She still doesn't say, "Look, I'm going now." It was only when she became a novelist that she said, "I want my mind to myself." She puts, "I want my mind to myself." She didn't want to be in a double act with him. Doubles were important to her. She didn't want to be in a double act with him anymore. He obviously had bought into her adulation of him and hadn't recognised that she had this terrifying power as a writer. It was now his turn to have the breakdown. Spark had the mental breakdown in 1950, '45. When her first novel came out in 1957, it was Stanford who had the breakdown because he couldn't take on board who she was as a novelist.What he didn't know about her as a novelist was her comic sense, how that would fuel the fiction, but also, he didn't recognize because he reviewed her books badly. He didn't recognise that the woman who had been so tender, vulnerable, and loving with him could be this novelist who had nothing to say about tenderness or love. In his reviews, he says, "Why are her characters so cold?" because he thought that she should be writing from the core of her as a human being rather than the core of her as an intellect.Henry: What are her best novels?Frances: Every one I read, I think this has to be the best.[laughter]This is particularly the case in the early novels, where I'm dazzled by The Comforters and think there cannot have been a better first novel of the 20th century or even the 21st century so far. The Comforters. Then read Robinson, her second novel, and think, "Oh God, no, that is her best novel. Then Memento Mori, I think, "Actually, that must be the best novel of the 20th century." [laughs] Then you move on to The Ballad of Peckham Rye, I think, "No, that's even better."The novels landed. It's one of the strange things about her; it took her so long to become a novelist. When she had become one, the novels just landed. Once in one year, two novels landed. In 1959, she had, it was The Bachelors and The Ballad of Peckham Rye, both just completely extraordinary. The novels had been the storing up, and then they just fell on the page. They're different, but samey. They're samey in as much as they're very, very, very clever. They're clever about Catholicism, and they have the same narrative wit. My God, do the plots work in different ways. She was wonderful at plots. She was a great plotter. She liked plots in both senses of the world.She liked the idea of plotting against someone, also laying a plot. She was, at the same time, absolutely horrified by being caught inside someone's plot. That's what The Comforters is about, a young writer called Caroline Rose, who has a breakdown, it's a dramatisation of Sparks' own breakdown, who has a breakdown, and believes that she is caught inside someone else's story. She is a typewriter repeating all of her thoughts. Typewriter and a chorus repeating all of her thoughts.What people say about The Comforters is that Caroline Rose thought she is a heroine of a novel who finds herself trapped in a novel. Actually, if you read what Caroline Rose says in the novel, she doesn't think she's trapped in a novel; she thinks she's trapped in a biography. "There is a typewriter typing the story of our lives," she says to her boyfriend. "Of our lives." Muriel Sparks' first book was about being trapped in a biography, which is, of course, what she brought on herself when she decided to trap herself in a biography. [laughs]Henry: I think I would vote for Loitering with Intent, The Girls of Slender Means as my favourites. I can see that Memento Mori is a good book, but I don't love it, actually.Frances: Really? Interesting. Okay. I completely agree with you about-- I think Loitering with Intent is my overall favourite. Don't you find every time you read it, it's a different book? There are about 12 books I've discovered so far in that book. She loved books inside books, but every time I read it, I think, "Oh my God, it's changed shape again. It's a shape-shifting novel."Henry: We all now need the Frances Wilson essay about the 12 books inside Loitering with Intent.Frances: I know.[laughter]Henry: A few more general questions to close. Did Thomas De Quincey waste his talents?Frances: I wouldn't have said so. I think that's because every single day of his life, he was on opium.Henry: I think the argument is a combination of too much opium and also too much magazine work and not enough "real serious" philosophy, big poems, whatever.Frances: I think the best of his work went into Blackwood's, so the magazine work. When he was taken on by Blackwood's, the razor-sharp Edinburgh magazine, then the best of his work took place. I think that had he only written the murder essays, that would have been enough for me, On Murder as a Fine Art.That was enough. I don't need any more of De Quincey. I think Confessions of an English Opium-Eater is also enough in as much as it's the great memoir of addiction. We don't need any more memoirs of addiction, just read that. It's not just a memoir of being addicted to opium. It's about being addicted to what's what. It's about being a super fan and addicted to writing. He was addicted to everything. If he was in AA now, they'd say, apparently, there are 12 addictions, he had all of them. [laughs]Henry: Yes. People talk a lot about parasocial relationships online, where you read someone online or you follow them, and you have this strange idea in your head that you know them in some way, even though they're just this disembodied online person. You sometimes see people say, "Oh, we should understand this more." I think, "Well, read the history of literature, parasocial relationships everywhere."Frances: That's completely true. I hadn't heard that term before. The history of literature, a parasocial relationship. That's your next book.Henry: There we go. I think what I want from De Quincey is more about Shakespeare, because I think the Macbeth essay is superb.Frances: Absolutely brilliant. On Knocking at the Gate in Macbeth.Henry: Yes, and then you think, "Wait, where's the rest of this book? There should be an essay about every play."Frances: That's an absolutely brilliant example of microhistory, isn't it? Just taking a moment in a play, just the knocking at the gate, the morning after the murders, and blowing that moment up, so it becomes the whole play. Oh, my God, it's good. You're right.Henry: It's so good. What is, I think, "important about it", is that in the 20th century, critics started saying or scholars started saying a lot, "We can't just look at the words on the page. We've got to think about the dramaturgy. We've got to really, really think about how it plays out." De Quincey was an absolute master of that. It's really brilliant.Frances: Yes.Henry: What's your favourite modern novel or novelist?Frances: Oh, Hilary Mantel, without doubt, I think. I think we were lucky enough to live alongside a great, great, great novelist. I think the Wolf Hall trilogy is absolutely the greatest piece of narrative fiction that's come out of the 21st century. I also love her. I love her work as an essayist. I love her. She's spooky like Spark. She was inspired.Henry: Yes, she is. Yes.Frances: She learnt a lot of her cunning from Spark, I think. She's written a very spooky memoir. In fact, the only women novelists who acknowledge Spark as their influencer are Ali Smith and Hilary Mantel, although you can see Spark in William Boyd all the time. I think we're pretty lucky to live alongside William Boyd as well. Looking for real, real greatness, I think there's no one to compare with Mantel. Do you agree?Henry: I don't like the third volume of the trilogy.Frances: Okay. Right.Henry: Yes, in general, I do agree. Yes. I think some people don't like historical fiction for a variety of reasons. It may take some time for her to get it. I think she's acknowledged as being really good. I don't know that she's yet acknowledged at the level that you're saying.Frances: Yes.Henry: I think that will take a little bit longer. Maybe as and when there's a biography that will help with that, which I'm sure there will be a biography.Frances: I think they need to wait. I do think it's important to wait for a reputation to settle before starting the biography. Her biography will be very interesting because she married the same man twice. Her growth as a novelist was so extraordinary. Spark, she spent time in Africa. She had this terrible, terrible illness. She knew something. I think what I love about Mantel is, as with Spark, she knew something. She knew something, and she didn't quite know what it was that she knew. She had to write because of this knowledge. When you read her, you know that she's on a different level of understanding.Henry: You specialise in slightly neglected figures of English literature. Who else among the canonical writers deserves a bit more attention?Frances: Oh, that's interesting. I love minor characters. I think Spark was very witty about describing herself as a minor novelist or a writer of minor novels when she was evidently major. She always saw the comedy in being a minor. All the minor writers interest me. Elizabeth Bowen, Henry Green. No, they have heard Elizabeth Bowen has been treated well by Hermione Lee and Henry Green has been treated well by Jeremy Treglown.Why are they not up there yet? They're so much better than most of their contemporaries. I am mystified and fascinated by why it is that the most powerful writers tend to be kicked into the long grass. It's dazzling. When you read a Henry Green novel, you think, "But this is what it's all about. He's understood everything about what the novel can do. Why has no one heard of him?"Henry: I think Elizabeth Bowen's problem is that she's so concise, dense, and well-structured, and everything really plays its part in the pattern of the whole that it's not breezy reading.Frances: No, it's absolutely not.Henry: I think that probably holds her back in some way, even though when I have pushed it on people, most of the time they've said, "Gosh, she's a genius."Frances: Yes.Henry: It's not an easy genius. Whereas Dickens, the pages sort of fly along, something like that.Frances: Yes. One of the really interesting things about Spark is that she really, really is easy reading. At the same time, there's so much freight in those books. There's so much intellectual weight and so many games being played. There's so many books inside the books. Yet you can just read them for the pleasure. You can just read them for the plot. You can read one in an afternoon and think that you've been lost inside a book for 10 years. You don't get that from Elizabeth Bowen. That's true. The novels, you feel the weight, don't you?Henry: Yes.Frances: She's Jamesian. She's more Jamesian, I think, than Spark is.Henry: Something like A World of Love, it requires quite a lot of you.Frances: Yes, it does. Yes, it's not bedtime reading.Henry: No, exactly.Frances: Sitting up in a library.Henry: Yes. Now, you mentioned James. You're a Henry James expert.Frances: I did my PhD on Henry James.Henry: Yes. Will you ever write about him?Frances: I have, actually. Just a little plug. I've just done a selection of James's short stories, three volumes, which are coming out, I think, later this year for Riverrun with a separate introduction for each volume. I think that's all the writing I'm going to do on James. When I was an academic, I did some academic essays on him for collections and things. No, I've never felt, ever, ready to write on James because he's too complicated. I can only take tiny, tiny bits of James and home in on them.Henry: He's a great one for trying to crack the code.Frances: He really is. In fact, I was struck all the way through writing Electric Spark by James's understanding of the comedy of biography, which is described in the figure in the carpet. Remember that wonderful story where there's a writer called Verica who explains to a young critic that none of the critics have understood what his work's about. Everything that's written about him, it's fine, but it's absolutely missed his main point, his beautiful point. He said that in order to understand what the work's about, you have to look for The Figure in the Carpet. It's The Figure in the CarpetIt's the string on which my pearls are strung. A couple of critics become completely obsessed with looking for this Figure in the Carpet. Of course, Spark loved James's short stories. You feel James's short stories playing inside her own short stories. I think that one of the games she left for her biographers was the idea of The Figure in the Carpet. Go on, find it then. Find it. [laughs] The string on which my pearls are strung.Henry: Why did you leave academia? We should say that you did this before it became the thing that everyone's doing.Frances: Is everyone leaving now?Henry: A lot of people are leaving now.Frances: Oh, I didn't know. I was ahead of the curve. I left 20 years ago because I wasn't able to write the books I wanted to write. I left when I'd written two books as an academic. My first was Literary Seductions, and my second was a biography of a blackmailing courtesan called Harriet Wilson, and the book was called The Courtesan's Revenge. My department was sniffy about the books because they were published by Faber and not by OUP, and suggested that somehow I was lowering the tone of the department.This is what things were like 20 years ago. Then I got a contract to write The Ballad of Dorothy Wordsworth, my third book, again with Faber. I didn't want to write the book with my head of department in the back of my mind saying, "Make this into an academic tome and put footnotes in." I decided then that I would leave, and I left very suddenly. Now, I said I'm leaving sort of now, and I've got books to write, and felt completely liberated. Then for The Ballad of Dorothy Wordsworth, I decided not to have footnotes. It's the only book I've ever written without footnotes, simply as a celebration of no longer being in academia.Then the things I loved about being in academia, I loved teaching, and I loved being immersed in literature, but I really couldn't be around colleagues and couldn't be around the ridiculous rules of what was seen as okay. In fact, the university I left, then asked me to come back on a 0.5 basis when they realised that it was now fashionable to have someone who was a trade author. They asked me to come back, which I did not want to do. I wanted to spend days where I didn't see people rather than days where I had to talk to colleagues all the time. I think that academia is very unhappy. The department I was in was incredibly unhappy.Since then, I took up a job very briefly in another English department where I taught creative writing part-time. That was also incredibly unhappy. I don't know whether other French departments or engineering departments are happier places than English departments, but English departments are the most unhappy places I think I've ever seen.[laughter]Henry: What do you admire about the work of George Meredith?Frances: Oh, I love George Meredith. [laughs] Yes. I think Modern Love, his first novel, Modern Love, in a strange sonnet form, where it's not 14 lines, but 16 lines. By the time you get to the bottom two lines, the novel, the sonnet has become hysterical. Modern Love hasn't been properly recognised. It's an account of the breakdown of his marriage. His wife, who was the daughter of the romantic, minor novelist, Thomas Love Peacock. His wife had an affair with the artist who painted the famous Death of Chatterton. Meredith was the model for Chatterton, the dead poet in his purple silks, with his hand falling on the ground. There's a lot of mythology around Meredith.I think, as with Elizabeth Bowen and Henry Green, he's difficult. He's difficult. The other week, I tried to reread Diana of the Crossways, which was a really important novel, and I still love it. I really recognise that it's not an easy read. He doesn't try, in any way, to seduce his readers. They absolutely have to crawl inside each book to sit inside his mind and see the world as he's seeing it.Henry: Can you tell us what you will do next?Frances: At the moment, I'm testing some ideas out. I feel, at the end of every biography, you need a writer. You need to cleanse your palate. Otherwise, there's a danger of writing the same book again. I need this time, I think, to write about, to move century and move genders. I want to go back, I think, to the 19th century. I want to write about a male writer for a moment, and possibly not a novelist as well, because after being immersed in Muriel Sparks' novels, no other novel is going to seem good enough. I'm testing 19th-century men who didn't write novels, and it will probably be a minor character.Henry: Whatever it is, I look forward to reading it. Frances Wilson, thank you very much.Frances: Thank you so much, Henry. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.commonreader.co.uk/subscribe

Send us a textSex, Cheating & Modern Love: A Conversation with Dr. Tammy Nelson | Episode 199In this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated podcast about non-monogamy and swinging, Dan and Lacy sit down for an insightful and thought-provoking conversation with Dr. Tammy Nelson.Dr. Tammy Nelson, PhD, is a Board Certified Sexologist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, and Licensed Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor with over 30 years of experience working with couples and individuals exploring flexible monogamy and non-traditional relationships. She's also a TEDx speaker and the host of The Trouble With Sex podcast.Together, Dan, Lacy, and Dr. Tammy dive deep into the connection between sex, intimacy, and relationship health, explore why people cheat, and discuss the growing societal shift toward non-monogamy. Whether you're curious about opening up, navigating long-term connection, or just want expert insight into what makes modern relationships work, this episode is packed with wisdom, real talk, and fresh perspectives from one of the leading voices in the field.Dr. Tammy's Websitehttps://www.drtammynelson.com/- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links & more!)- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect & events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch & More -Order Your Merch Here!- Lacy's Fun Links -VIP OnlyFansPREMIUM OnlyFans-- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder!Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It's Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Sing it Bikinis:  adjustable one-size styles, thoughtfully crafted to flatter every body type.Support the show- Thank you for the support! -

This week on Modern Love, we're bringing you a conversation we liked so much that we're envious we didn't get to have ourselves. In a raw but deeply heartfelt and compassionate conversation with “The Interview" host David Marchese, author and poet Ocean Vuong talks about the real reason he became a writer. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Sheehan Quirke is The Cultural Tutor. A writer on history, art, and architecture with millions of followers, he is also the author of the forthcoming The Cultural Tutor: Forty-Nine Lessons You Wish You'd Learned at School, which is currently available for preorder here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

New romantic comedy "Materialists" dives into the world of high-end dating in Manhattan, where luxury, status and desire blur the lines of love. Dakota Johnson stars as a professional matchmaker, caught between Pedro Pascal's millionaire dreamboat and Chris Evans as her idealistic ex. Oscar-nominated director Celine Song describes the film as a "Victorian romance for 2025", showing how dating today can feel like a game of social value and transactions. Eve Jackson meets Celine in Paris – and hits the streets – to ask: is love still about connection, or has it become a carefully calculated deal?

The director Celine Song won over audiences and critics alike with her first feature film, “Past Lives,” the semi-autobiographical tale of a married Korean American woman meeting up with her former childhood sweetheart. Now Song is back with another story about love called “Materialists.” This time the main character is a matchmaker, a job that Song did briefly in her early 20s.On this episode of “Modern Love,” Song reads Louise Rafkin's Modern Love essay “My View From the Margins,” about a relationship columnist who can't figure out love in her own life. And Song tells us how neither falling in love at age 24 nor making a career of writing about love has brought her any closer to understanding it. “It's the one thing that makes me feel like a fool,” Song says.For more Modern Love, search for the show wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.  Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Diddy's defense team delivers powerful closing arguments calling the sex‑trafficking charges ‘badly exaggerated' and alleging this is all "driven by financial motives." Defense said this is a story about domestic violence and urged jurors to see Combs' swinger lifestyle as consensual--not criminal. Welcome to Surviving the Survivor, the show that brings you the #BestGuests in all of #truecrime. In this episode Emmy-award winning host Joel Waldman brings you the best recap and highlights key moments from today's defense closing arguments in Diddy's 2025 trial. Sean "Diddy" Combs is facing serious time in a high-profile sex trafficking and racketeering trial that has captivated national attention. If convicted, Diddy could face decades in prison for allegedly running a criminal enterprise involving sexual exploitation, drug trafficking, and financial coercion. The prosecution has called several bombshell witnesses, including former girlfriend Cassie Ventura's testimony along with ex-bodyguard Roger Bonds, and multiple Jane Does who detailed disturbing allegations of abuse and control. These explosive testimonies have painted a picture of a dark underworld behind Combs' glamorous image. With the stakes this high, the Diddy trial is one of the most watched celebrity legal battles in years, and the verdict could change the hip-hop mogul's life forever.⸻ #Support the show:All Things STS: Https://linktr.ee/stspodcastGet Joel's Book: Https://amzn.to/48GwbLxSTS Merch: Https://www.bonfire.com/store/sts-store/Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SurvivingTheSurvivorCatch us live on YouTube: Surviving The Survivor: #BestGuests in True Crime - YouTubeVenmo Donations: @STSPodcast or Https://www.venmo.com/stspodcast#diddytrial #diddy #truestory #celebrity #new #criminaljustice #trial #hiphopnews #stsnation

We've all made cringeworthy mistakes in the quest for love (some of us more than others—ahem, Jinah). But according to our guest, there are FIVE big dating missteps that people repeat again and again… and they might just be what's keeping you single. This week, we're joined by dating coach, relationship strategist, and host of the YouTube show Dating Makeover, Lana Ricco (@lana.ricco). She's currently writing a book titled The 5 Biggest Dating Mistakes Keeping You Single (and How to Fix Them)—but lucky for you, she's breaking them all down for us right here. Spoiler: Jinah's guilty of pretty much every single one.

When we asked Modern Love listeners how location sharing is affecting their relationships, the responses we got were all over the map. Some people love this technology. Some hate it. But either way, it has changed something fundamental about how we demonstrate our love and how we set boundaries around relationships. Today, we're sharing a few of our favorite listener responses. Then, Host Anna Martin talks with Arlon Jay Staggs, a Modern Love essayist who has wrestled deeply with whether to share his location.At first, location sharing wasn't a big deal for Staggs and his mother. He took a lot of long drives, and it made sense for her to keep tabs on him. But when he realized his mother was watching his little blue dot too closely, and it was causing her stress when she needed peace of mind, Staggs decided the sharing had to stop. He just couldn't figure out how to tell her. And when tragedy struck his family, the stakes of his decision to share or not share became a lot higher.Today's episode was inspired by the essay “Every Move I Make, She'll Be Watching Me.”Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.Here's how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2636: Alysha Jeney explores how feelings of rejection can trigger unconscious behaviors that sabotage connection, especially in close relationships. By encouraging self-reflection and mindful communication, she shows how to turn emotional sensitivity from a source of pain into a pathway to empowerment and deeper understanding. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.modernlovecounseling.com/things-dont-realize-youre-feeling-rejected-criticized/ Quotes to ponder: "Victimization and empowerment are on the same coin. It can be difficult to flip over, but it's not impossible." "I needed to desperately feel validated and accepted, but because of my unprocessed sensitivities and premature reactions, I wasn't ready to take accountability for what I could control to make it better." "You cannot speed and drive recklessly, while expecting everyone else to abide by the rules." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comNancy and Sarah debate a Modern Love column called, “Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back.” Nancy is gagging. Sarah thinks it's an imperfect swing in the right direction. Who will reign supreme? Eh, they both have a point. Also, the girls go deep on Karen Read, blackouts and causes celebre.Also discussed:* Nancy's new nickname: Maidenform!* New York, a socialist utopia?* Be a YouTube subscriber, either because or despite our promise to only wear bras* The Hepola trifecta: cops, excessive drinking, and blackouts* Karen Read: Where to begin?* No, really: Blackouts, blackouts, blackouts!!* The defense lawyers are experts in… Kevin Spacey?!* More people need jobs* Are men “hiding” — if so, from what?* Sarah gets rant-y about dating apps* Nancy gets rant-y about female whining* A male listener's fraught text exchange with a woman* “What is your role in this?”* When heading to possible war, learn about previous wars* William Langewiesche, revisited* Osama bin Laden was a rich kid

In advance of two Alberta solo shows - Calgary on June 27 at Modern Love, and Edmonton on June 28 at The Buckingham - Greg popped by to chat about what's new since his last appearance on the show, what listeners can expect from these solo shows, and some new music from The Bouncing Souls.

When Jacob Hoff and Samantha Greenstone met, they became instant best friends. Then, even though Jacob was gay, they realized that their feelings for each other were evolving beyond the platonic, and they decided to give romance a try.On this episode of “Modern Love,” Hoff and Greenstone tell Host Anna Martin how their love gave him the courage to come out to his conservative family. They also explain that when they decided to get married, they realized they'd have to get used to clarifying their commitment again and again. This episode was inspired by Jenny Block's Mini-Vows piece, “A Close Friendship That Developed Into a ‘Soulful Connection.”For more Modern Love, search for the show wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.  Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

What should you really be looking for in a partner—and what's keeping so many from meeting and marrying the right one? Are we too picky? Can chemistry grow over time? And does early physical contact cloud judgment more than we realize?Joining Lila for this unfiltered dating roundtable are:-Alessandra Conti, celebrity matchmaker and co-founder of Matchmakers in the City: https://instagram.com/matchmakeralessandraconti/-Ryan Bethea, host and producer of The Exorcist Files podcast: https://www.instagram.com/thebethea-Franco Fernandez, Catholic influencer and editor: https://instagram.com/thefrancotvTogether, they tackle the biggest dating pitfalls, what men and women often get wrong, and how faith, personality, and even physical touch play into it all. Plus, Lila shares a glimpse into her own love story—was there instant chemistry, or something deeper?If you're single—or know someone who is (so, everyone)—this episode is full of insight, laughter, and hard truths you won't want to miss.NEW: Join our exclusive Rose Report community! https://lilaroseshow.supercast.com - We'll have BTS footage, ad-free episodes, monthly AMA, and early access to our upcoming guests.A big thanks to our partner, EWTN, the world's leading Catholic network! Discover news, entertainment and more at https://www.ewtn.com/ Check out our Sponsors:-Nimi Skincare: The best skincare—and it aligns with your values. Use code LILA for 15% off! https://www.nimiskincare.com/discount/LILA?redirect=%2Fcollections%2Fall-products-We Heart Nutrition: https://www.weheartnutrition.com/ Get high quality vitamin supplements for 20% off using the code LILA. -Cozy Earth: Better Sleep, Brighter Days - Get the highest quality sleep essentials for 40% OFF at https://cozyearth.com/lila!00:00:00 - Intro00:07:49 - The Problems with Dating: Ryan's Perspective00:10:04 - Nimi Skincare00:11:11 - Effects of P*rnography00:14:30 - Paradox of choice00:16:41 - People are self-sabotaging00:19:09 - What professions do women want?00:21:58 - Cozy Earth00:22:55 - Culture worships youth00:23:42 - Dating someone different than you00:32:57 - We Heart Nutrition00:33:55 - Roles of men and women in dating00:39:40 - Dating apps…traumatic00:44:05 - Probably wouldn't have swiped…00:48:27 - Lila's first impressions of her husband00:53:49 - Chaste dating00:55:31 - Waiting til marriage to kiss00:58:44 - Oxytocin01:04:31 - Boundaries01:16:28 - Pros/Cons of Cuddling01:23:40 - Enemy hates marriage01:28:29 - We follow a single, celibate man

The director Celine Song won over audiences and critics alike with her first feature film, “Past Lives,” the semi-autobiographical tale of a married Korean American woman meeting up with her former childhood sweetheart. Now Song is back with another story about love called “The Materialists.” This time the main character is a matchmaker, a job that Song did briefly in her early 20s.Today on the show, Song reads Louise Rafkin's Modern Love essay “My View From the Margins,” about a relationship columnist who can't figure out love in her own life. And Song tells us how neither falling in love at age 24 nor making a career of writing about love has brought her any closer to understanding it. “It's the one thing that makes me feel like a fool,” Song says.Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.Here's how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

For Father's Day, the Modern Love team asked for your stories about fatherhood and emotional vulnerability. They heard from listeners who said that their dads rarely expressed their emotions, from listeners whose fathers wore their hearts on their sleeves and from fathers themselves who were trying to navigate parenting with emotional honesty and sensitivity. The stories had one thing in common: even just a peek into a father's emotional world meant so much.On this episode of Modern Love, we hear listener's stories about their dads. Then, Terry Real, a family therapist, returns to the show to offer his advice on being a father while also showing kids what it means to be emotionally vulnerable and available. He offers his philosophy around parenting through a combination of techniques.For more Modern Love, search for the show wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.  Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Jazz pianist Ashley Henry and bassoonist Amy Harman join Jeffrey Boakye and Anna Phoebe to add five more tracks to the playlist, taking us from a Bowie dance classic to Marvin Gaye via an unexpected rare, live, performance by a jazz icon in a school in California, surprisingly recorded by the caretaker in 1968.Producer: Jerome Weatherald Presented with musical direction by Jeffrey Boakye and Anna PhoebeThe five tracks in this week's playlist:Modern Love by David Bowie Piano Sonata No 32 in C Minor by Beethoven Epistrophy (Live) by Thelonious Monk Apple by Charli XCX I Heard it Through the Grapevine by Marvin GayeOther music in this episode:Take it Higher by Ashley Henry The Magdalene Laundries by Joni Mitchell Starman by David Bowie Fame by David Bowie Under Pressure by David Bowie

For Father's Day, the Modern Love team asked for your stories about fatherhood and emotional vulnerability. We heard from listeners who told us that their dads rarely expressed their emotions, from listeners whose fathers wore their hearts on their sleeves and from fathers themselves who were trying to navigate parenting with emotional honesty and sensitivity. Your stories had one thing in common: even just a peek into your father's emotional world meant so much.On this episode of Modern Love, we hear your stories about your dads. Then, Terry Real, a family therapist, returns to the show to offer his advice on being a father while also showing kids what it means to be emotionally vulnerable and available. He offers his philosophy around parenting through a combination of techniques.Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.Here's how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Would you call this a memoir? Only if you're feelin loose like a modern woman!!! Aziz Ansari wrote a book, not about himself, but about love. He tackles tough topics like is dating harder now because of apps and social media?? Does reading a very boring book make you more or less likely to find love?? BRAND NEW SUMMER MERCH https://shop.celebritymemoirbookclub.biz/collections/all THE FINAL STOP ON OUR TOUR  June 14: New York  Help us plan for the future of Celebrity Memoir Book Club by filling out a brief survey: ⁠⁠⁠voxmedia.com/survey⁠⁠⁠. Thank you! If you want to host a CMBC meetup here's a meetup 101 packet to help you plan! Keep up with all the latest:  https://celebritymemoirbookclub.biz/ Join the Patreon for new episodes every Thursday! https://www.patreon.com/celebritymemoirbookclub  Follow us on Twitter @cmbc_podcast and Instagram @celebritymemoirbookclub  Art by @adrianne_manpearl and theme song by @ashleesimpsonross Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Maureen Stanton joins Let's Talk Memoir for a conversation about her writing beginnings in fiction and using the scenic and immersive to move readers, falling in love with creative nonfiction, revisiting and recreating a love story, discovering the question behind her book, facing the blank page, bad first drafts, writing an illness narrative, placing an essay in Modern Love, authenticity on the page, the long winding path to publishing, not thinking your book will ever get published, working on multiple projects while querying, how love evolves, and her new memoir The Murmur of Everything Moving.   Also in this episode: -the fog of grief -killing our darlings -submitting to writing contests   Books mentioned in this episode: -Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott -Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt -The Liar's Club by Mary Karr -This Boys Life by Tobias Wolff  -Argonauts by Maggie Nelson -Barbarian Days by William Finnegan   Maureen Stanton is the author of The Murmur of Everything Moving: A Memoir, winner of the Donald L. Jordan Prize for Literary Excellence; Body Leaping Backward: Memoir of a Delinquent Girlhood, winner of the Maine Literary Award for memoir and a People Magazine "Best Books Pick"; and Killer Stuff and Tons of Money: An Insider's Look at the World of Flea Markets, Antiques, and Collecting, winner of the Massachusetts Book Award in nonfiction and a Parade Magazine "12 Great Summer Books" selection. Her nonfiction has been widely published, including in The New York Times, Fourth Genre, Creative Nonfiction, Longreads, New England Review, Florida Review, River Teeth, The Sun and many others. Her essays have received the Iowa Review prize, The Sewanee Review prize, Pushcart Prizes, the American Literary Review award, and the Thomas J. Hruska award from Passages North. She's been awarded fellowships from the National Endowment for the Arts, the Maine Arts Commission, the MacDowell Colony, and the Virginia Center for Creative Arts. She teaches creative writing at the University of Massachusetts Lowell and lives in Maine.    Connect with Maureen: Website: https://www.maureenstantonwriter.com LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/maureenstanton41 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maureenstanton41 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@maureenstanton41 LinkedIn linkedin.com/in/maureen-stanton-6693ab11  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maureen.p.stanton Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/maureenstanton.bsky.social   – Ronit's writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Rumpus, The New York Times, Poets & Writers, The Iowa Review, Hippocampus, The Washington Post, Writer's Digest, American Literary Review, and elsewhere. Her memoir WHEN SHE COMES BACK about the loss of her mother to the guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and their eventual reconciliation was named Finalist in the 2021 Housatonic Awards Awards, the 2021 Indie Excellence Awards, and was a 2021 Book Riot Best True Crime Book. Her short story collection HOME IS A MADE-UP PLACE won Hidden River Arts' 2020 Eludia Award and the 2023 Page Turner Awards for Short Stories.  She earned an MFA in Nonfiction Writing at Pacific University, is Creative Nonfiction Editor at The Citron Review, and teaches memoir through the University of Washington's Online Continuum Program and also independently. She launched Let's Talk Memoir in 2022, lives in Seattle with her family of people and dogs, and is at work on her next book. More about Ronit: https://ronitplank.com Subscribe to Ronit's Substack: https://substack.com/@ronitplank Follow Ronit: https://www.instagram.com/ronitplank/ https://www.facebook.com/RonitPlank https://bsky.app/profile/ronitplank.bsky.social   Background photo credit: Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash Headshot photo credit: Sarah Anne Photography Theme music: Isaac Joel, Dead Moll's Fingers

Mireille Silcoff recently wrote an article for The New York Times Magazine titled “Why Gen X Women Are Having the Best Sex.” At a time of life when many women describe feeling less visible and less desirable, Silcoff said, her life instead “exploded in a detonation of sex confetti.”On this episode of Modern Love, Silcoff shares the juicy back story to her popular article, from her coming of age in Montreal to the surprising sexual resurgence she experienced after her divorce. Silcoff reflects on what it feels like to be a highly sexual person in her early 50s and tells us how being part of Gen X is central to her newfound freedom.For more Modern Love, search for the show wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Rocio is originally from Mar del Plata, Argentina and is currently based in New York City. She is an alumna of Berlinale Talents, the Venice Biennale, F.I.T., and the London Film School. Roco's Art Director work includes the films: Madeline's Madeline and Uncut Gems, along with the television series: The Last O.G., Modern Love, and Wu-Tang: An American Saga. Roco's Production Design projects include: The Sounding, Nighthawks, I Was A Simple Man, Iris, The Young Wife, Friendship, and the upcoming The Only Living Pickpocket In New York. Her television design work includes: The Other Two and a pilot for The Chair Company. 

This episode of The Masked Swingers is a women empowerment deep dive with a twist! We sit down with Stephanie Megan, host of Broke Girl Therapy, to talk about her life transformation—from broke and heartbroken in LA to podcast queen, cut queen, and non-monogamy advocate.From dating in LA and exploring open relationships, to navigating voyeur kinks, sexual exploration, and redefining love outside the rules—this is modern love done Stephanie-style: loud, honest, and hilariously messy.We get into it all: kink culture, cuckquean fantasies, dating app disasters, and the hot mess magic of healing through hookups. If you're into relationship advice, dating tips, or just want to laugh at some wild stories (hi, meth Adderall), you're in for a treat.

In last week's episode, the Modern Love team shared the songs that taught us about love when we were young. But in this week's episode, we hear from you, our listeners, about the songs that helped shape your ideas about love.We heard from present-day teens streaming their anthems on repeat, and we heard from listeners who have been with their partners for over 50 years. There were stories of jazz and rap; adrenaline rushes and loneliness; and many hard-won lessons in matters of the heart. (“Don't let your friends choose your boyfriends,” Amy from St. Louis said.) We share a compilation of some of your songs and stories in the first half of our episode.And we finish our episode with an essay about the end of love. After more than 50 years of marriage, Tina Welling decided that she wanted a divorce — a decision that turned out to be liberating.Thank you to all of the listeners who sent us their teenage anthems. We've compiled them into one glorious Spotify playlist.[You can listen to this episode above, or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.]Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.Here's how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

When Samaiya Mushtaq was growing up, she imagined marrying a kind Muslim man, and at 21, she did. But while studying to become a psychiatrist in medical school, she realized her husband couldn't meet her emotional needs — something she deeply craved. Despite the shame she felt, she got a divorce.In this episode, Mushtaq shares the twists and turns of her unexpected second chance at love, where service is at the center. From working in health care during the pandemic to building a family to undertaking harrowing service trips to Gaza, she found what she truly needed in a marriage — only after letting go of what she thought she wanted.Samaiya Mushtaq's memoir will be published by Daybreak Press next winter.This episode was inspired by her 2023 essay, “Must We Feel Shame Over Divorce?”For more Modern Love, search for the show wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.  Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

This week, Haley shares the play-by-play of a fresh ghosting that still stings, while Sarah opens up about a ghost from her past she just can't quite let go of. From false starts to unfinished conversations, the girls unpack the confusing, frustrating, and sometimes hilarious realities of being left in the dark. It's not just about the texts that stopped coming—it's about the stories we tell ourselves after. Tune in for some real talk, relatable laughs, and a little emotional closure (or at least an attempt at it).

This episode of “Modern Love” features Lisa Selin Davis's essay “What Lou Reed Taught Me About Love.” She writes about how the song “I'll Be Your Mirror” became the soundtrack to her summer romance with a floppy-haired “rocker kid” who inadvertently helped her find healing. Then, we hear from some members of the “Modern Love” team about the songs that influenced them as teenagers and about the memories — funny, empowering, nostalgic — that they carry with them.Stay tuned for next week's episode, where we'll hear from our listeners about the songs that taught them about love.Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.Here's how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Send us a textIn this engaging and thought-provoking episode of Stories to Create, host Cornell Bunting sits down with the insightful Christina Guerra for a powerful conversation that unpacks the complexities of modern young life and relationships. In a first for the show, Cornell also brings in a special live phone call with his longtime Jamaican friend living on the East Coast, David Harrison adding an authentic cross-cultural perspective to the mix.Together, they explore the evolving meaning of dating in 2025, navigating situationships, the impact of social media on love, and whether traditional gender roles still hold any weight. They also dive deep into the emotional and practical sides of modern romance:How do today's young people define intimacy and set boundaries? Should you find financial stability before falling in love—or grow through struggles together? Is ghosting just a part of dating now, or is it still just wrong?With honest reflections, laughs, and even a few cringe-worthy dating stories, this episode is a must-listen for anyone curious about how love and connection are transforming for a new generation.Tune in to hear:The top 3 qualities young people now look for in a partnerIf "the one" still exists—or if that's just rom-com fictionThe pressure around physical intimacy in today's cultureHow friendships and online influencers can impact your love lifeReal talk on whether you can outgrow a good relationshipPlus, don't miss the fun wrap-up with the worst dating advice they've ever heard, and how Cornell would sum up modern love in a meme.Listen now and join the conversation that every young person needs to hear. Support the showThank you for tuning in with EHAS CLUB - Stories to Create Podcast

A session with Terry Real, a marriage and family therapist, can get uncomfortable. He's known to mirror and amplify the emotions of his clients, sometimes cursing and nearly yelling, often in an attempt to get men in touch with the emotions they're not used to honoring.Real says men are often pushed to shut off their expression of vulnerability when they're young as part of the process of becoming a man. That process, he says, can lead to myriad problems in their relationships. He sees it as his job to pull them back into vulnerability and intimacy, reconfiguring their understanding of masculinity in order to build more wholesome and connected families.In this episode, Real explains why vulnerability is so essential to healthy masculinity and why his work with men feels more urgent than ever. He explains why he thinks our current models of masculinity are broken and what it will take to build new ones.This episode was inspired by a New York Times Magazine piece, “How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me” by Daniel Oppenheimer.For more Modern Love, search for the show wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2601: Alysha Jeney highlights five transformative ways to shift how we express ourselves when we feel unheard in relationships. By focusing on emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and compassion, she encourages us to deepen our self-awareness and communication skills, building connection even when conflict arises. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.modernlovecounseling.com/things-to-try-if-you-dont-feel-heard-5-ways-to-express-yourself-differently/ Quotes to ponder: "Anger is a special emotion, because it 'protects' our inner fears." "Neither of you are right, but both of you are valid." "Maybe this isn't your intention, but I perceive you shut down when I try to talk to you sometimes and it really hurts me." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

New York Times bestselling author Laura Munson spoke to me about her acclaimed writing retreats, building a bridge to readers, and bringing wonder back into our lives with her latest THE WILD WHY. Laura Munson is the New York Times, USA Today, and international bestselling author of the novel Willa's Grove and the memoir This Is Not The Story You Think It Is. She is also an editor and Founder of the top-ranked Haven Writing Retreats. Her new book is THE WILD WHY: Stories and Teachings to Uncover Your Wonder. A Maria Shriver Sunday Paper Pick, “For fans of Brené Brown's Daring Greatly, Glennon Doyle's Untamed, and Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic, this illuminating self-help tool is the perfect book for anyone who yearns to rekindle their own voice.” Laura has been featured or published in Vanity Fair, Elle, Redbook, Time, Newsweek, The New York Times' “Modern Love” column, The New York Times Magazine, O, The Oprah Magazine, and many others. She has appeared on Good Morning America, The Early Show, WGN, NPR, London's This Morning, Australia's Sunrise, and other global media outlets. [Discover The Writer Files Extra: Get 'The Writer Files' Podcast Delivered Straight to Your Inbox at writerfiles.fm] [If you're a fan of The Writer Files, please click FOLLOW to automatically see new interviews. And drop us a rating or a review wherever you listen] In this file Laura Munson and I discussed: How to rekindle your true voice Why we lose wonder in our worried world Her life's journey to live in her truth The importance of finding radical empathy How to eradicate the “tortured artist” pattern And a lot more! Show Notes: lauramunson.com The Wild Why: Stories and Teachings to Uncover Your Wonder by Laura Munson (Amazon) Laura Munson on Facebook Laura Munson on Instagram Kelton Reid on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Elizabeth and Jeff were best friends. They did everything together, from early-morning runs to late-night karaoke sessions. They came up with secret code names for each other and went on undercover missions in their neighborhood. They fought, and made up, and fought some more.Beneath their playful dynamic, an attraction was growing between them, but Elizabeth never wanted to risk the friendship by exploring it. Then Jeff got sick, and things changed. In this episode, the story of a once-in-a-lifetime friendship, from the very beginning to the very end.This episode is adapted from Elizabeth Laura Nelson's 2025 essay Friends for 16 Years. Lovers for One Night.Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.Here's how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

When did you realize you were falling in love? The Modern Love podcast asked listeners this question, and the voice messages came pouring in. Listeners sent in stories that happened over dinner dates, on subway rides, while watching sunsets or at concerts. They described love at first sight, love built over time and much more. Today, we hear some of the most moving and surprising listener messages. Then, the Modern Love editor Daniel Jones discusses how we fall in love, and what the famous “36 Questions That Lead to Love” reveal about that process. And finally, Mandy Len Catron, the writer who popularized the 36 questions in her Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This," tells us whether she's still in love with the same man 10 years later. For more Modern Love, search for the show wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.   Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

A session with Terry Real, a marriage and family therapist, can get uncomfortable. He's known to mirror and amplify the emotions of his clients, sometimes cursing and nearly yelling, often in an attempt to get men in touch with the emotions they're not used to honoring.Real says men are often pushed to shut off their expression of vulnerability when they're young as part of the process of becoming a man. That process, he says, can lead to myriad problems in their relationships. He sees it as his job to pull them back into vulnerability and intimacy, reconfiguring their understanding of masculinity in order to build more wholesome and connected families.In this episode, Real explains why vulnerability is so essential to healthy masculinity and why his work with men feels more urgent than ever. He explains why he thinks our current models of masculinity are broken and what it will take to build new ones.This episode was inspired by a New York Times Magazine piece, “How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me” by Daniel Oppenheimer.The “Modern Love” podcast team is planning a second episode with Real, focused on fatherhood. He has agreed to give our listeners advice on fatherhood, whether you're an experienced dad, an expecting dad or otherwise dad-adjacent. For example, maybe you want advice on how to parent in a world filled with so many mixed messages about how men should be or on how to repair a mistake you made as a dad. Maybe there are elements of fatherhood you're still figuring out or are unsure of. Record your questions as a voice memo and email them to modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com.Tips for recording: Please avoid recording where there is a lot of background noise. If you are using your smartphone to record your voice memo, please speak into your phone's built-in microphone from a few inches away. Your recording may not be usable if you use Bluetooth earbuds or if you are too close or too far from the phone. It works best when you tell us your story as if you are speaking to a friend rather than reading it from a written statement. Be as concise as you can, and please listen back to it to make sure the recording is complete. You can find further tips for recording here, and find our submission terms here.Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.Here's how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

The queens boil down the essence of some favorite poems and poets in this game that decides what poetry is *really* about.Please Support Breaking Form!Review the show on Apple Podcasts here.Aaron's STOP LYING is available from the Pitt Poetry Series.James's ROMANTIC COMEDY is available from Four Way Books.NOTES:Read the NY Times review of Michael Schmidt's The Lives of the PoetsListen to James Merrill read his poem "For Proust" and while we're on the subject, here's a madeleine recipe. For an examination of Bishop's sensible sensibility, go here. Watch Anne Carson read from Nox (~24 min).Here is a Galway Kinnell tribute reading from May 2015 which included Marie Howe and Sharon Olds (among others).Watch Dorianne Laux read "Trying to Raise the Dead" published in her book SmokeIn a New Yorker profile interview, Natasha Trethewey discusses Native Guard, and says that we have to remember "the nearly two hundred thousand African American soldiers who fought in the Civil War, who fought for their own freedom, who fought to preserve the Union rather than destroy the Union, to whom there are very few monuments erected. Just think how different the landscape of the South would be, and how differently we would learn about our Southern history, our shared American history, if we had monuments to those soldiers who won the war—who didn't lose the war but won the war to save the Union. Those are the monuments we need to have." Read the whole conversation and profile here.Here's a BBC4 adaptation of Browning's The Ring and the Book (~1 hour)Go here for more about George Meredith's sonnet sequence Modern Love.If you were looking for a free audio full-text version of Tennyson's In Memoriam read by Elizabeth Klatt, today's your lucky day. (~2.5 hours).

In honor of Mother's Day this week, we revisit the story of one mom who went to extraordinary lengths to make sure her daughter always felt her love, even after she was gone. Each time Genevieve Kingston reached a milestone — a birthday, her first period, high school graduation, she'd reach into the box her mom had packed for her and pull out the note and gift that went with that occasion. Her mom had known she was dying of cancer, so during Kingston's childhood, she'd poured an incredible amount of care and creativity into the project. Today we hear Kingston's essay about the discoveries the box held for her, from her first birthday without her mom at age 12, into her 30s.  We also hear a mother's "Tiny Love Story" (a Modern Love essay in miniature) about trying to connect with her teenage son, and get his surprisingly thoughtful reaction.Listener Callout:How did your dad express his feelings? Tell us your story in a voice memo, and you might hear yourself in a future episode. For Father's Day, the Modern Love team is looking at different ways dads show their feelings, and we want to know about a moment when your dad opened up to you. Where were you? What did he do or say? How did you react? Did it have a lasting impact on you? And if you're a dad, how do you think about showing emotion or vulnerability when you're with your kids? Is it something you do intentionally? Does it feel easy? Hard? The deadline is May 15. Submission instructions are hereHow to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York TimesHow to submit a Tiny Love Story Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Can love really be found again after heartbreak, age, or years of self-doubt? In this powerful and heartwarming episode of Mirror Talk: Soulful Conversations, Tobi sits down with Andrea McGinty, a true pioneer in modern matchmaking and the founder of It's Just Lunch and 33,000Dates.com. With over 30 years of experience and more than 10,000 marriages under her belt, Andrea reveals the wisdom behind creating lasting connections in today's ever-evolving dating world.From navigating online dating platforms to embracing practice dates for rebuilding self-confidence, Andrea shares actionable insights for anyone—especially those re-entering the dating world after major life changes. She talks candidly about the challenges of online dating for older adults, the role of emotional baggage, and the importance of aligning values before jumping back into the dating pool.Whether you're looking for love, learning to love yourself again, or offering support to someone who is, this conversation offers both hope and strategy. Discover why your second act might just be the best one yet.

It's been almost a year since Miranda July released her hit novel, “All Fours.” The novel features a woman in her mid-40s who heads out on a solo road trip across the country, only to stop at a roadside motel 30 minutes from her home. She winds up staying there for three weeks, exploring and questioning what she actually wants and needs out of midlife, things she can't really focus on when she's busy being a wife, a mom and a working artist. In the motel, she redecorates the room, designs her days the way she wants to and gets in touch with her changing desires.In the past year, this book has become a touchstone for how our culture addresses women in perimenopause. It's expanded beyond the page to a kind of movement. Soon after the book's release, women started writing to July with their own stories. She started a Substack to keep those conversations going. People organized discussion groups all over the world called All Fours Group Chats. Hats were made. “All Fours” was shortlisted for the National Book Award, and it's currently being adapted into a limited TV series. The paperback version of the novel will be released May 13.In this week's episode of Modern Love, July talks about the anger and desire that shaped the writing of “All Fours.” And she reflects on why this novel is inspiring to some, and threatening to others, in this cultural moment. Listener Callout:How did your dad express his feelings? Tell us your story in a voice memo, and you might hear yourself in a future episode. For Father's Day, the Modern Love team is looking at different ways dads show their feelings, and we want to know about a moment when your dad opened up to you. Where were you? What did he do or say? How did you react? Did it have a lasting impact on you? And if you're a dad, how do you think about showing emotion or vulnerability when you're with your kids? Is it something you do intentionally? Does it feel easy? Hard? The deadline is May 15. Submission instructions are here.Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.Here's how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

KC Davis is a therapist and author known for her practical, empathetic advice on dealing with clutter, even when you are feeling like too much of a mess yourself to take care of the mess in your home. Her TikTok videos on the subject have been viewed millions of times. But lately, Davis has been talking and writing about our relationships not just to the objects in our lives, but to the people, too.In her new book, “Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship,” Davis tries to disentangle the popular understanding of boundaries, saying the concept is widely misunderstood. She offers a guide to forming and keeping boundaries that help readers better navigate their conflicts with other people.On this episode of “Modern Love," Davis tells us what she thinks we get wrong about boundaries and how we should be thinking about them instead. She reads the Modern Love essay “Is My Husband a Doormat?” about a sudden argument between a couple 20 years into their relationship and talks about how boundaries can help defuse such situations. Davis also tells us how boundaries helped heal her own relationship with her father.The author of today's featured essay, Lidija Hilje, has a new novel coming out in July called “Slanting Towards the Sea.“For an upcoming episode about location sharing, the Modern Love team wants to hear your location-sharing story. Did something happen that made you regret sharing your location with someone? Was there a moment when you were thankful that you had? Where were you? What happened? How did your relationship change as a result? The deadline is May 1. Submission instructions are here.Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York TimesHere's how to submit a Tiny Love Story Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Mireille Silcoff recently wrote an article for The New York Times Magazine titled “Why Gen X Women Are Having the Best Sex.” At a time of life when many women describe feeling less visible and less desirable, Silcoff said, her life instead “exploded in a detonation of sex confetti.”On today's episode, Silcoff shares the juicy back story to her popular article, from her coming of age in Montreal to the surprising sexual resurgence she experienced after her divorce. Silcoff reflects on what it feels like to be a highly sexual person in her early 50s and tells us how being part of Gen X is central to her newfound freedom.For an upcoming episode about location sharing, the Modern Love team wants to hear your location-sharing story. Did something happen that made you regret sharing your location with someone? Was there a moment when you were thankful that you had? Where were you? What happened? How did your relationship change as a result? The deadline is May 1. Submission instructions are here.Here's how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.Here's how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.