The Drunk Mormon Missionary Podcast

2 Nephi is just plagiarism anyway so after a 3 yeah hiatus we are finally to the Book of Jacob. I am very against plagiarism. So on we go.    Enjoy!    

Up and coming dystopian author and childhood friend Ed Bonilla talks about his new book 5 Clones, growing up Mormon/Catholic, punk rock music, and faith paths. This is a different direction from our normal Drunk Book of Mormon stories format. For one I am not drunk in today's episode. You can purchase 5 Clones on Amazon and listen to Radical Times on their Bandcamp page.  Special thanks to Upsuck for our new into music!

Today's episode is a special treat to interview Moe Tab's own rising star Suanne Bowcutt. She is all Utah County and she is all rock star! Maybe daughter of Richard M Nixon, Suanne shares her love of music and fame while giving us some great advice for navigating some of the trickier parts of Mormonism.  Will Dick from the Art of Floundering co-hosts today's episode as well.  Moonshine Apple Pie is this episode's sponsor. If you want to get drink fast, drink Apple Pie Moonshine. After 6 shots you won't even remember your name!  

Lehi Kicks the bucket and blesses his family. Notice its only the sons. That's kind of fucked up. Special guest is Will Dick from the art of floundering. Check his podcast out at https://www.facebook.com/artoffloundering/ . He's awesome dude.  Also new intro and exit music is performed by Upsuck. They rock at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCel_esaXIGbEHTrINGebY4g Damn it I spilled my Apple Moonshine all over my desk. I need to clean it up because my desk is super sticky now.  Peace and Love!

I am sorry its been over 2 years since my last podcast. But Your Drunk Mormon Missionary is back! This episode takes a different routes than my past podcasts. Tonight I am interviewing and showcasing the music of a local Phoenix Band Upsuck whose lead singer and bass player is also an ExMo. Pandemics suck for local musicians who have no idea when they are going to be able to gig again. So support local music and go to their bandcamp pages and buy their music and merch! Here are the two musicians we are show casing tonight if you are willing to buy their music! https://www.amazon.com/Upsuck/dp/B01FMP8GF8  http://www.hansolson.net/ And special thanks to Upsuck for the new Drunk Mormon Missionary Podcast intro music and ending music!  

We are taking a quick break from Drunk Book of Mormon Stories. Today I am trying to understand why Mormon's hate coffee so much. This is taken from an April 2007 General Conference talk, Relief Society President Julie Beck. The original video can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-dfOQUc8vQ&t=19s Got to give credit to Thinker of Thoughts for this. This episode is brought to you by mormonssecret.com. Have a Temple garment fetish? Want to see your hot girl friend, wife, boyfriend or mate in a set of Magic Holy Underware? Mormons Secrets is the site for you! Free shipping any where in the US and you don't even need a Temple Recommend. Tell them Elder Wrong the Drunk Mormon Missionary sent you!    

Tonight we finish will 1 Nephi. Holy shit this is truely an accomplishment. I really didn't think we would get this far. But we did. Nephi builds a fucking boat and they finally get to America. Way to go Nephi! Nephi FTW! This episode brought to you by the new Utah BAC law of .05%. Please don't drink mouth wash and drive.

Holy shit. These are getting hard to do for so many reasons that I would rather not get into. But here we go. Episode 16. Nephi is having his fucking acid trip with Angel Fire balls while in a desert. If this isn't a Burning Man story, I don't know what is. A church of whores, visions in the desert, and eating meat.  By the way. Want to hear some awesome modern folk? Look up Dan Bern, http://danbern.com/ Thanks to Carrie in Rhode Island for the introduction.   

After a nice holiday break, we are back with Drunk Book of Mormon Stories. Today's drink is vodka and lemonade, also known as a lemon drop. Nephi wants to know the interpretation of Lehi's dream, gets drug up to the top of a mountain by some spirt and makes prophecies about Jesus 600 years before his birth and brought to light 1800 years after his death. Its a miricle!!!

Holy shit and god bless The Dude. This podcast was about the White Tree of Life who Lehi found because of a white dude in a white robe. Racist? You be the judge , jury, and executioner. This episode of Drunk Mormon Missionary podcast brought to you by the number 3 and it came to pass. Enjoy!

I recorded my podcast in downtown Salt Lake City in the belly of the beast near Temple Square. I continue with 1 Nephi and how Nephi returns to his family in the RV near the Red Square after he murders some dude for brass plates. This episode was recorded live from a tub. Enjoy!

OK. Going to try this again. This is the first instalment of Drunk Book of Mormon Stories. In this episode a Lehi takes his family to the Red Sea for some Book of Mormon RV camping then sends his sons back to Jeruselem to get some brass plates from some dude. Nephi ends up cutting off the guys head which is kind of messed up given the fact that he could have tied up the drunk dude as well. Enjoy. 

So after episode 11. Erik went soundly to sleep. I was still up and drunk with no investigator to teach. So I turned to facebook and did some interviews. Its an experiment. Lets see how it goes. Enjoy!

Martin Harris . Did he leave the LDS church because he was a goat fucker? New theories about the apostasy of Martin Harris on the next Drunk Mormon Missionary podcast

Oh my Bob my head hurts. This is the ending of the missionary lessons but not the end of the podcast. Enjoy!

Continuing on my drinking binge tonight we go into the LAW OF CHASTITY! I ended up being kind of pissed off about this topic and came up with my own law of chastity. Here they are. Learn them and Live by them!:  Safety, Honesty, and Consent. Thus says Bob! Enjoy!

Tonight I am 5 shots of potato vodka into out podcast. What a better state of mind to be in to talk about the Word of Wisdom? Or why Mormons don't drink coffee or vodka or coffee with vodka? Enjoy! 

Investigator Erik was way too enthused to hearing more about the Mormons. I was drinking already, so I thought "What the Hell, lets do a podcast." Tonight we start Lesson 4 of the Missionary Lessons: The Commandments. Now I know why I had a hard time staying awake when I was a Mormon. God's these lessons are boring. Hang in there. We are almost done with the Missionary Lessons and can get back into some drunk story telling! Enjoy!

Hey there Brothers and Sisters. Its Sunday. I'm Drunk. Its a great day for recording a podcast. Today's issue, I mean lesson, is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Erik and I explore the idea of faith and atonement. Trust me, its as boring here as it was in Gospel Doctrine Class. Ok maybe not as boring and I can definitely speak my mind about how illogical all this is. Enjoy!

Episode 5! And I am piss drunk. 15 shots tonight and 5 episodes. thats 3 shots an episode. I hope you value my sacrifice and the hang over I had the next day to bring you the drunken gospel. Anyway, investigator Erik and I finish up Drunk Missionary lesson number 2 by presenting the Drunk version of the Mormon after life. I think we even talk about temples and baptism for the dead on this one. This is the last episode until the next time I want to drink. Enjoy!

Holy shit was I drunk! Yep. I kept drinking and kept trying to convert investigator Erik to Mormonism! In this episode we start on Drunk Mormon Missionary Lesson number 2 - The Plan of Salvation - or Spirit Babies Need Bodies. War in heaven, Lucifer, Jesus, and a bunch of spirits really wanting to try masturbation! Enjoy!

So the night continued. And I continued drinking! This episode concludes the first drunk missionary lesson and 3 more shots towards my 15 shot night of rum and vodka. This episode is about the need for Joe Smith and how Christianity got fucked up! In Mormon Speak: The Great Apostasy! 

The last episode was so fun and I was pretty drunk still, so we continued with the Joseph Smith story to complete drunken missionary lesson number 1. In this episode we talk about the Angel Moroni and his late night visits to Joseph Smith, the gold plates hidden conveniently near Joseph Smith's house and we touch about what exactly is in them gold plates. Honestly I was about 6 shots into it at this point so I don't quite remember all of what was said. Maybe I should listen to it too. Enjoy!

Welcome to the Drunk Mormon Missionary Podcast with Elder Wrong. This is the first episode of this podcast. Every week, Elder Wrong gets very drunk and attempts to explain Mormon Theology. This week starts with the First of five missionary lessons. Today Elder Wrong speaks with investigator Erik about prophets and Joseph Smith's first vision. Enjoy!