Unfinished Truths

This is an interim episode regarding the movie ELF and the misattributed parent experience.  This short segment also discusses fatherlessness through the ages (in art and literature) as well as a year-end mixed tape/ playlist just for the MPE community! Thanks to friends at Inspired Yoga for opening my eyes and heart, for inspiration in kindling the closing mantra, and to the memory of Maurice Sendak and Richard Scary (not to mention the Grimms) for writing stories for children that hold truth ... sometimes shocking, mystifying, frightening, but truth, nonetheless. "I refuse to lie to children," says Sendak. "I refuse to cater to the bullshit of innocence."

Raised as an only child, Shelly's mom and dad passed away when she was in her early 20s. In spring 2021, at age 35, she was ready to find children she had been told her dad had before she was born but didn't raise. What she found out is that her dad wasn't her biological father, half of her ethnic heritage was incorrect, and she was not an only child. As a journalist, she has written about her experiences, and is learning how to balance being an NPE, a storyteller, and a mom in the healthiest way possible. You can see a synopsis of her story here: Scary Mommy, Jewish News. Shelly's new piece on donor conception is at Next Avenue and a piece to which we all can relate about the complicated nature of Father's Day. You can see more of her work as a writer here, follow her on Twitter, and reach out to her via e-mail.

In 2021, Alexis Hourselt discovered that the man who had raised her was not her biological father. What's more, after having been raised for 35 years as a bi-racial Mexican American women, she found out that she is half African American. In today's episode, Alexis talks about her DNA surprise journey and what it means, not only to discover a new family, but a complete shift in racial identity. Alexis is the amazing host of DNA Surprises podcast as well as the founder, with her friend Debbie of DNA Surprise Network*, of the upcoming DNA Surprise Retreat to take place in Arizona in 2023. From the DNA Surprise Retreat website: "You will find community with people who have similar experiences, learn skills to cope with a DNA surprise, and most importantly, discover how to step into your power and heal." You can find Alexis on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and TikTok @dnasurprises. *Listen to Debbie's interview on this week's episode of DNA Surprises!

Dawn Davies is the author of Mothers of Sparta: A Memoir in Pieces (published by Flatiron Books, 2018), which won the Florida Book Award Gold Medal for General Nonfiction and the GLCA New Writers Award for Creative Nonfiction. Her essays and stories have been Pushcart Special Mentions and Best American notables. Her work can be found in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, The Missouri Review, Poetry Northwest, The Alaska Review, Narrative, Fourth Genre and elsewhere. She teaches creative writing, and helps writers reach their publication goals. She is also a certified trauma recovery coach and works with NPE/MPE population. She lives in Florida. Dawn's coaching website is here: www.littlebirdcoaching.com Her author website: www.dawndaviesbooks.com Gabor Mate's website is here. A couple of books to check out: In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts & The Myth of Normal Learn about Trauma Informed Care here, here, and I have written about it here ACES can be read about here and here Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273- talk (8255) or dial the three digit code 988. Also please check out the Nate Chute Foundation to see how we can stop this -- It is suicide prevention month and I mention this because 30 years is far too long to be thinking about how to make it stop. Missing you every single day, C.S.D.

Angie was born into a blended family in a small town in Montana. With a brother and sister 9 years older - through her dad - and a second sister who was 5 years older - through her mom- she never felt like her family was any different from anyone else's until an elementary school teacher challenged her ideas of relatedness. Angie's kinship experiences have included being raised as the child of an adoptee, living in a blended family, being raised by a parent with a serious, chronic/ terminal illness, coming out and finding chosen family in the gay community and building a family as a same sex couple both through donor conception and the foster system. As somewhat of a genealogical research expert, she has helped family members through DNA surprises and tracked down multiple family members through diligent research and dedication. She is currently searching for her niece's biological father. Angie has been working as a journey(wo)man electrician for over 20 years. Her favorite pastimes are traveling, golfing, skiing and camping. She and her partner, Liz, have made their home in beautiful (but windy) Helena, Montana for seven years now.

Jillian always knew she was conceived via an anonymous sperm donor. Raised the only child of an open and supportive single mother, she took a DNA test in October of 2020 in an effort to identify her biological father. Fairly quickly, Jillian's DNA discovery lead her not only to the medical information that she was seeking, but to another family with whom she discovered she had much in common. With this genetic information, she has also had the chance to develop a relationship with her younger biological brother. As vice president of government affairs for the U.S. Donor Conceived Council, Jillian leads efforts to develop legislation that considers the best interests of donor conceived people. You can contact Jillian at jphillips@usdcc.org At just 26 years old, Jillian holds a degree in biology, a masters of public health and a masters of business administration. She will begin law school in the fall of 2022. Click here for more information or to get involved with the US Donor Conceived Council Protections For Donor-conceived Persons And Families | Colorado General Assembly Letter from American Society for Reproductive Medicine opposing SB22-224

At 42 years old, Kim was working on her paternal family's tree via Ancestry when she uncovered a very big secret. A secret that she would also discover most people around her known for years. She always had an underlying feeling that she was different from her 5 siblings...suddenly, it all made sense. Resources mentioned in Episode 10: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson PsyD Missing Pieces - NPE Life podcast with Don Anderson Severance Magazine Who Even Am I Anymore: A Process Journal For the Adoptee, Late Discovery Adoptee, Donor Conceived, NPE, and MPE Community Babies and Their Mothers - D.W. Winnicott (the idea of the "good enough mother") 

My guest this week is Mirren (she/her), a Missouri adoptee, born and raised in St. Louis. She holds an A.B. in Classical and Near Eastern Archaeology from Bryn Mawr College; a Ph.D. in the History of Art from the University of California, Berkeley; and a B.S. in Nursing from Samuel Merritt University in Oakland, California. She is currently studying to be a women's health nurse practitioner through Georgetown University. She has worked in adoptee rights advocacy since the late 1990s and has been in reunion for over a decade with various comic and tragic results. She resides in Alameda, California with her family: her husband, two sons, two cats, and a very lazy fast dog.   In sum: She is drawn to intersections between history and family, whether digging Roman ruins, studying 16th century portraiture, or working as a nurse in women's health. PACER: https://www.pacer-adoption.org/ The Chid Catchers by Kathryn Joyce: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13587133-the-child-catchers Bastard Nation: http://bastards.org BJ Lifton https://www.thriftbooks.com/a/betty-jean-lifton/222413/

This week I would like to welcome Stacy, a thirty-four year old mother of a two year old little girl; Stacy and her husband are expecting a second daughter in August. Living on the central coast of Oregon, Stacy and her family have a dairy farm as well as a footwear manufacturing company. Originally from Kansas, born and raised, she moved away shortly after college and eventually she and her husband made their way to Oregon. Stacy learned that she was a donor conceived person (DCP) when she was around fourteen or fifteen years old. After their original disclosure, it wasn't something that her parents ever discussed with her again. Stacy is the only child of her parents aside from her father's adopted son from a previous marriage; he is fifteen years her elder. Her biological father is an anonymous donor who she was able to identify about a year ago through DNA testing and family research. After confirming his relation to her and divulging his medical history, he requested they have no further contact. She is still searching for answers to understand him..... and to understand herself. If you would like to contact Stacy or have questions or comments about her story, please email unfinishedtruths@gmail.com or DM our Instagram site. Interested in reading about DCP rights and Colorado Protections for Donor Conceived Persons and Families? Check out the Center for Genetics and Society where you can search for articles by keyword such as donor conception.

Our guest for Episode 7 is Brandy, a 41 year old wife and mother of three who found out her "dad" was not her biological father when she was 10. It took her 30 years to find out who her biological father was and to put a label on her non-paternity event. Through finding her biological father and his family, Brandy found solace in the many things she had previously always questioned about herself. Having a label to place on her parental situation as an NPE has also made her understand herself differently. She now firmly believes that her experience with both nature and nurture is what makes her who she is. Brandy found journaling and writing poetry as an outlet for healing and peace through this journey. I feel very grateful to Brandy for her insights and reflections that she shares with us today.

Kara  is a 21 year-old egg donor conceived person. She was 10 years-old when her raising parents told her she was donor conceived and she struggled with her biological mother's anonymity in her teenage years as her conception was never mentioned again. In August 2019, at almost 19, Kara took an AncestryDNA test and matched with her biological mother with whom she now has a close relationship. Kara is on Instagram sharing her perspectives as well as advocating for donor conceived people and educating recipient parents. You can follow her @kara_donorconceived If you are a DCP and are looking for support please visit: www.wearedonorconceived.com You can find Dani Shapiro's book “Inheritance” at your local bookstore or on Audible and the adoption support podcast we mentioned in this episode is entitled “Pulled by the Root” and can be found at www.pulledbytheroot.com

Dr. Greg Markway is a clinical and forensic psychologist from Jefferson City, Missouri. Five years ago, he began a quest to find his grandfather's origins. His grandfather was born in New York City, and was dropped off at the New York Foundling Asylum. At the age of 5, his grandfather rode the "orphan train" to rural Missouri where he was taken in by the Markway family. Through DNA testing and considerable research, Greg uncovered his grandfather's fascinating story, and that of his biological family. Greg founded the Facebook group, Orphan Train DNA, where he helps other orphan train descendants search for their own history. He also has a blog where he writes about orphan train history and genealogy, Markwayblog.com. You can check out these other resources about the history of The New York Foundling Asylum, The Orphan Trains and Dr. Markway's Facebook group for Orphan Train descendants by following these links: Foundling Hospital history Foundling Hospital Letters Orphan Train History (Look for Greg's speaking engagement June 2022) Search "Orphan Train DNA" on Facebook to connect to the group

This is an interim episode: a tribute to a different kind of family.   Perspectives of fellow nurses during the Covid-19 pandemic, two years later. 

This podcast it about truth:  partial truths, broken truths, undiscovered and unfinished truths.  How do we understand kinship in the age of reproductive technologies and prolific, consumer DNA analysis when what we discover isn't a truth at all?  With this introduction your host, Jennifer Carraher, talks about non-paternity events (NPE), reproductive technologies and their impact on traditional notions of kinship.  She tells her own NPE story in episode 1.