Podcasts about emotionally immature parents

What is the real impact of growing up with emotionally immature parents? Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of the bestselling Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, joins the show to explain what it costs a child over decades, and how to parent differently.In this conversation, we get into:What actually makes a parent emotionally immatureWhy the love can be real and the harm can be real at the same timeWhat this can cost a child over years, including a shaken sense of trust in their own perception of realityWhat a healthy relationship with an emotionally immature parent can look like in adulthoodThe fear so many carry, that we'll become our parents, and why Lindsay says that fear itself might be a good signThe four essential jobs of parenting: protection, nurturance, guidance, and limitsHer seven parental mindsets for maturity, and the chapter she calls The AbsolutesDr. Gibson's new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child, is out now. Order a copy on Amazon or Barnes and NobleFind her at lindsaycgibson.com and on Instagram @dr.lindsaygibson.Thanks for listening to The Complex Trauma Podcast!Be sure to follow, share and give us a review on your favorite podcast platform.Follow on Instagram: @sarahherstichlcsw Follow on TikTok: @sarahherstichlcswLearn more about EMDR & trauma therapy in Pennsylvania with Reclaim TherapyThis podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.

Episode 117: Why Love Alone Can't Save Your Marriage (And Leaving a "Good Guy" with Deep Wounds)Hi there, love. Place a hand on your heart and take a deep breath with me.

We hear a lot about emotional immaturity (Have you read the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents ?) but how often do we hear about emotional MATURITY? A lot of these concepts I hadn't read about previously but they make a lot of sense.Today I define what emotional maturity is and what it involves. Enjoy!Resources: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved ParentsRecovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Guided Journal: Your Space to Heal, Reflect, and Reconnect with Your True SelfSend us a text message to be anonymously read and responded to! Support the showYou can find Sara on Instagram @borderlinefromhell. You can also find the podcast on IG @boldbeautifulborderlineCorey Evans is the artist for the music featured. He can be found HERE Talon Abbott created the cover art. He. can be found HERE Leave us a voicemail about your thoughts or questions on the show at boldbeautifulborderline.comIf you like the show we would love if you could rate, subscribe and support us on Patreon. Patreon info here: https://www.patreon.com/boldbeautifulborderline?fan_landing=true Purchase Sara's Exploring Your Borderline Strengths Journal at https://www.amazon.com/Exploring-Your-Borderline-Strengths-Amundson/dp/B0C522Y7QT/ref=sr_1_1?crid=IGQBWJRE3CFX&keywords=exploring+your+borderline+strengths&qid=1685383771&sprefix=exploring+your+bor%2Caps%2C164&sr=8-1 For mental health supports:National Suicide Preve...

In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, my guest is therapist Morgan Pommells. We explore the lasting impact of having an emotionally immature parent (EIP), including how to begin healing and how we can break the cycle with our own kids. We also talk about boundaries with our EIP parent, why children's big emotions aren't personal attacks, and what every child truly needs to thrive.Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them!And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU!You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.We talk about:00:00 – Introduction to Morgan Pommells02:30 – What is an emotionally immature parent?07:15 – Emotional immaturity vs. narcissism: What's the difference?09:00 – Why emotionally immature parents are often critical10:30 – The biggest impact on children: Growing up without a strong sense of self12:00 – How childhood with an EIP affects adult relationships and self-worth, and our own parenting15:30 – Healing from emotionally immature parenting18:30 – Why your child's big emotions are actually a sign of safety19:00 – Navigating relationships with emotionally immature parents as an adult27:00 – Teaching children that feelings aren't dangerous27:45 – Emotionally immature grandparents: Do the patterns continue?29:15 – The power of delighting in your child32:45 – What if your parenting partner is emotionally immature?35:00 – The parenting mistake we all make: Taking children's emotions personally36:00 – Morgan's advice for every parent: Heal your own wounds before they parent your children38:00 – Where to find Morgan and closing thoughtsResources mentioned in this episode:* Morgan's Masterclass Protect Your Peace * Morgan's IG @morganpommellsConnect with Sarah Rosensweet:* Instagram* Facebook Group* YouTube* Website* Join us on Substack* Newsletter* Book a short consult or coaching session callxx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the fall for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Sarah: Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast.Today's guest is Morgan Pommells. Morgan is a therapist and coach who helps the adult children of emotionally immature parents stop seeing themselves through their parents' eyes and finally come home to who they really are.Morgan and I discuss what an emotionally immature parent is, how that is—and isn't—different from narcissism, and how people grow up to parent this way. Morgan also shares how having an emotionally immature parent affects us as children, how it continues to affect us once we've grown up, and how we can heal from having been raised by an emotionally immature parent.We also talk about the opposite of emotionally immature parenting and what our kids need in order to grow up whole and healthy.Morgan has so much wisdom, and so much of our work overlaps. I think you're going to learn a lot from this conversation, and I think you're really going to enjoy it.If you like this episode, please share it with a friend so more parents can learn about peaceful parenting. If you're a fan of the podcast, you can also help us out by leaving a five-star rating and review in your podcast app. While you're there, don't forget to follow the show so you don't miss an episode.Let's meet Morgan.Sarah: Hi, Morgan. Welcome to the podcast.Morgan: Hi! Thank you for having me.Sarah: I'm so glad to have you on. We've been trying to schedule this for a while, and I think this is such an important topic for parents. I'm so glad we finally got to sit down and have this conversation.Morgan: Me too. It's a super important topic for parents.Sarah: Tell us a little about who you are and what you do.Morgan: I'm a therapist and coach in Ontario, Canada, and I specialize exclusively in working with the adult children of emotionally immature parents. Whether that's through workshops or one-to-one work, everything I do revolves around helping people heal from having emotionally immature parents.Sarah: So tell us: what is an emotionally immature parent?Morgan: Great question.An emotionally immature parent is someone who really struggles to manage their own painful internal emotions. Those emotions tend to spill out onto everyone around them instead of being worked through internally. These are parents who might struggle with shame, rage, or fear of abandonment, and instead of taking responsibility for those feelings and working through them themselves, they become everyone else's problem.They take those emotions out on their children. They may recruit their children into never leaving them because they're terrified of being abandoned. The child becomes responsible for soothing and managing the parent's anxiety, which is really the opposite of what a healthy parent-child relationship is meant to be.Sarah: Yeah.What causes somebody... I guess you don't become emotionally immature—you just never emotionally mature. What causes that lack of emotional maturation? How does somebody become an emotionally immature parent?Morgan: There are a couple of different pathways.A lot of emotionally immature parents have their own relational trauma. If we experience something deeply overwhelming at a young age and don't have the capacity to metabolize it at the time, we can become emotionally stuck there. Our biological age keeps moving forward, but our emotional development doesn't necessarily come with us. Our emotional defenses stay frozen at that younger age.In other cases, someone may have had the capacity to become emotionally mature, but emotional immaturity was all that was ever modeled for them. They don't have another template. They don't know a different kind of parenting exists because they're simply working from the script they inherited.Sarah: So far we've been talking about this in psychological terms, but what does that actually look like in real life?Let's focus on an adult child. What would a familiar interaction look like between an emotionally immature parent and their grown child?Morgan: One of the biggest dynamics is fear of abandonment.When their child grows up, goes away to university, finds a partner, or simply starts building their own life, emotionally immature parents can become very controlling. They can become very mean. They can use shame to pull their child back toward them and keep them emotionally close because they're so afraid of being abandoned.When children are younger, it usually looks like a lot of control. That parent has a tremendous amount of fear and anxiety, but instead of working through it themselves, they try to control their child. As a result, the parent feels safer, but the child feels controlled and suffocated.Sarah: So they're almost externalizing their own feelings?They feel scared, so they make their child feel scared? Or is that too simplified?Morgan: No, in some cases that's exactly what's happening.If you have a parent who's very anxious or very fearful, it can actually feel safer if everyone around them is afraid too. You don't want to be the only person who's scared of the big, bad threat you believe is coming. So if you can get everyone else to be afraid, at least you have company in that fear.When children are younger, though, it often looks a little different. A parent might be deeply worried about how their child is doing at school or how they're perceived by other people, so they try to control what the child says, wears, or does because that helps soothe the parent's own fear.Sarah: So that's because they're worried about what people think of their child because it reflects back on them?Morgan: Yes, that's certainly part of it.There can be a real element of impression management with emotionally immature parents. Many of them are very concerned with how they appear to other people. Sometimes they experienced a genuine threat in their own childhood because some important family rule was broken. As a result, they become determined that their own child will never break that same rule because they believe that's what keeps both of them safe.Sarah: I also think it's about attachment.If people don't think well of you, then you don't get your needs met.Morgan: Exactly.If someone doesn't think well of you, if they see you as a threat, or if they see you as different, that can feel incredibly dangerous.Emotionally immature parents tend to like sameness. They want their children to think the same way they do and view the world the same way they do. They often use different techniques to influence their child's thinking because differences feel threatening.Ultimately, we're talking about people who are acting from a deep desire to feel emotionally and psychologically safe. The tragedy is that the methods they use to create that safety can be profoundly damaging to their children.Sarah: How is this different from narcissism—or is it?Morgan: That's a huge question.You can absolutely have an emotionally immature parent who is also quite narcissistic, but you can also have an emotionally immature parent who isn't narcissistic at all.A narcissistic personality structure is just one presentation. Another emotionally immature parent might be incredibly anxious. There are different expressions of emotional immaturity, so it isn't an either-or situation.It's also important to remember that emotional immaturity exists on a spectrum. You can have very mild emotional immaturity—and, honestly, all of us demonstrate emotional immaturity at certain moments in our lives. Then, at the more severe end of the spectrum, you might see something like narcissistic personality disorder, where someone relies heavily on emotionally immature defenses.So it isn't that emotional immaturity and narcissism are the same thing. Narcissism is one possible way emotional immaturity can present, but it's certainly not the only one.Sarah: Are there people who are emotionally immature all the time?Morgan: Yes. When we talk about EIPs—emotionally immature parents—we're talking about people for whom emotional immaturity is the rule rather than the exception.All of us are going to have emotionally immature moments. Usually, those happen when something feels very threatening because we're trying to keep ourselves safe. We want control in that moment. One very common emotionally immature defense is denial. Think about hearing that someone has passed away. One of the first things people often say is, “No.” That's denial. We're trying to metabolize something incredibly painful.But those are moments. They're moments we can eventually reflect on, learn from, and grow through. We can become more emotionally mature if we choose to do that. With emotionally immature parents, though, emotional immaturity isn't just a reaction to certain situations—it's their baseline, regardless of the context or the type of threat they're facing.Sarah: That makes sense.One thing you talk about is emotionally immature parents being critical. Tell me about the critical parent.Morgan: There are really two different versions of that.One type of emotionally immature parent is highly critical because they're deeply afraid that their child won't be okay if they don't follow the parent's rules. They believe, “You need to get into a really good university. You need a really good job. You need perfect manners because otherwise people will be mean to you. They won't give you opportunities.” Underneath all of that criticism is genuine terror and, in many cases, genuine love for their child. The problem is that the way they're trying to soothe that fear creates rupture and disconnection in the relationship.Then there's another group of emotionally immature parents who have internalized a tremendous amount of self-hatred through their own trauma. They don't know how to metabolize that pain because growing up hating yourself is incredibly painful. Instead, they project it onto their child.They might notice a quality in their child that reminds them of something they've decided is ugly or unacceptable in themselves. It can actually feel satisfying to try to eliminate that quality in their child through criticism or shame—to make sure their child never becomes that way. In those cases, the criticism is really an expression of their own self-hatred.Sarah: What are the effects on a child growing up with an emotionally immature parent?Morgan: By far, the biggest effect is a lack of sense of self.These are children who never really had the opportunity to discover who they are because they didn't have a parent who was deeply curious about them. They didn't have a parent who took a genuine interest in them, asked meaningful questions, or reflected their inner world back to them.As children, we develop our identity in relationship with another person. We need someone to act as a mirror. But for the adult children of emotionally immature parents, you don't receive a mirror—you receive a distortion.Instead of hearing, “Tell me about yourself,” or, “I want to understand you,” you hear messages like, “There's something wrong with you,” “I'm not interested in you,” or, “Your thoughts are weird, wrong, or shameful.” Over time, your sense of self becomes organized around those messages.Sometimes the experience isn't criticism so much as neglect. In those cases, it's not even that you grow up believing you're bad or shameful. You grow up feeling like you barely exist. Like you aren't even a full person.At the core of this wound is not really knowing who you are.Sarah: Obviously that's painful in and of itself, but how does that affect someone's adult life?How does it show up in the choices we make, the relationships we enter into, or the partners we choose? And maybe that's actually a separate question, but I'm also curious about how growing up with an emotionally immature parent affects the way we parent our own children.Morgan: They're really connected.The first thing is that when you reach adulthood without a solid sense of self, there's almost this hunger inside you—a hunger that never feels fully satisfied. You don't really know what you want. Sometimes you think you know what you want, and then you finally achieve it, only to discover it doesn't feel the way you expected because something more fundamental is missing.There's this constant sense of never quite arriving.Without a strong sense of self, it's also much easier to end up in unhealthy or even abusive relationships. If you don't know who you are, how do you know what you want? How do you know what's safe? How do you know what your needs are? How do you stay connected to yourself?Instead, many people become what we often call codependent. They become incredibly focused on making sure everyone else is okay. They're wonderful caretakers, but meanwhile, none of their own needs are being met. Their own joy, happiness, and sense of aliveness get left behind.There's a deep emptiness because there's nothing inside that feels solid enough to connect with.Sarah: What about parenting? How does this affect the way we parent our own children?Morgan: Growing up with an emotionally immature parent affects parenting in so many different ways.For one thing, if you don't have a strong sense of self, it's easy to make parenting your entire identity. It becomes, “I'm just a mom,” or, “I'm just a dad,” as though there's nothing else to you beyond that role.But another really important piece is that emotionally immature parents tend to have very rigid rules. They hold strong expectations, and they genuinely believe terrible things will happen if those rules are broken.If you grow up in that environment—especially without a strong sense of self—you internalize those rules. You come to believe that's simply how the world works.Then you become a parent, your children start doing what children naturally do, and they break those rules. They talk back. They get angry. They push limits. Those are completely developmentally appropriate behaviors, but they activate tremendous fear inside you.You don't necessarily realize that's what's happening. You may even feel your reactions are completely justified. But underneath those reactions is the terror you learned as a child. Because those behaviors weren't allowed in your own home, seeing your children do them feels profoundly threatening.Without realizing it, you begin responding to your child as though they're doing something terribly wrong.Sarah: I see that all the time with the parents I work with.If your child does something that would have been dangerous for you to do as a child—whether literally dangerous or emotionally dangerous—it becomes a huge trigger.Your five-year-old self is saying, “Kids aren't allowed to do that. Kids shouldn't do that. If you do that, you're not going to get the love you need.”Morgan: Exactly.Your nervous system remembers, “Bad things happen when this happens.”Another piece of this wound is that we often don't realize we've grown up. A part of us still feels eight years old.So when your own child is screaming, getting angry, or breaking the rules, part of your body reacts as though you're the child who's about to get in trouble. It says, “We're not allowed to do this. Last time this happened, I got hurt. You need to stop. You need to be quiet.”The difference is that now we're the adult. We're bigger. We're more powerful. So we may respond with that same power to shut our child down.For many parents, that reaction comes from a very real place of, “I get hurt when people scream. I get hurt when these rules are broken. This has to stop.”Sarah: Yeah. Shut it down.How does someone heal from having been raised by an emotionally immature parent? I realize that's your life's work, so it's not a simple question, but where does healing begin?Morgan: The biggest thing to understand is that this is a relational trauma, so it has to heal in the context of relationship.As a therapist, I'm obviously biased toward therapy, but healing can happen through a coaching relationship, a healthy romantic relationship, or any relationship that offers consistent corrective experiences.We need experiences where we express our emotions and someone stays. We need experiences where we express a need and someone genuinely wants to meet that need.We have to update the template.Insight alone isn't enough. Reading about it isn't enough. We actually have to experience someone caring about us.Sarah: So it's almost like reprogramming.Morgan: Exactly.It's a real reprogramming process.Our children can certainly be part of that healing journey, but they can't become the people who heal us. We have to be very careful not to recruit them into that role.Sarah: Can we heal ourselves by being a different parent to our children than we had? Do you know what I mean? Can it work in that direction? Could that be part of the healing process?Morgan: Absolutely. There is something deeply healing about getting down on your child's level and offering them the validation that you never received yourself.At the same time, we have to be very careful not to parent our children as though they needed the parent that we needed.Sarah: Because they're their own people.Morgan: Exactly. They're their own people. They need the parent they need.If we get caught in the idea that, “I just need to give my children what I never had,” we actually end up missing a lot about who our child is. We stop learning about them because we've already decided what they need. We think, “They're crying because of this,” or, “They're upset with me because of that,” or, “They're struggling in school because of this. I know exactly what's happening because this is what I didn't get, so I'll just keep doing the opposite.”Meanwhile, our children are giving us a million different communications about who they are, what they're feeling, and what's actually going on for them, and we're missing all of it because we're so committed to this one version of parenting.Sarah: I also find it can make parents pretty reactive.I work with a lot of parents who grew up with neglect. They're actually wonderful parents, but then their child behaves like a perfectly typical five-year-old and, internally, they're thinking, “Wait a minute. I'm giving you everything I never got. How can you still be crying, yelling, and telling me I'm the worst mother in the world?”Their own experience of believing, “If only I'd had this...” creates an unrealistic expectation of how their child should behave.Morgan: Totally.Where there's been a lot of neglect, there's often an internalized rule that says, “Don't be seen. Don't be heard. Be quiet. Take up as little space as possible.”So when your own child takes up a lot of space—expressing big emotions, having big reactions—that can feel incredibly frightening.What we don't realize in those moments is that your child's willingness to express their feelings, even to tell you they hate you, is actually a sign that they feel safe enough to do that.It's not your job to talk them out of their feelings. It's your job to help them metabolize those feelings—to help make those emotions digestible for them—rather than trying to change them or shame them out of having them. They don't need you to erase their feelings. They need you to help them move through them.Sarah: In peaceful parenting, we talk about welcoming feelings.What about maintaining a relationship with an emotionally immature parent? I actually kind of know the answer because I've taken your masterclass. What's it called again?Morgan: Protect Your Peace.Sarah: Protect Your Peace. Yes. It's wonderful. We'll link to it because I recommend it for everyone.But how do you think about having—or not having—a relationship with an emotionally immature parent?Morgan: It really depends on whether you genuinely want that relationship.Emotionally immature parents often raise their children using obligation and guilt, so you grow up without even realizing that you have choices. You're recruited into following their expectations, and then one day you become an adult and realize you actually don't enjoy this relationship with your parent—or maybe you don't even want one—but it doesn't feel like that's an option.So the first step is taking it up with yourself.Do I actually want this relationship? And if I do, why?Not from a place of pressure or with some hidden agenda. Even when people come to work with me one-on-one, unless someone is experiencing ongoing abuse, I don't have an opinion about whether they should stay in contact with their parent. The healing work is learning to reconnect with your own sense of self, your own needs, and your own desires. I'm not going to become another authority figure telling someone what they should do.Instead, I encourage people to ask themselves, “If I do want this relationship, what do I want it to look like?”Boundaries don't really exist in emotionally immature family systems. If you grew up with an emotionally immature parent, chances are you struggle with boundaries. So I ask people to imagine what it would look like if they actually got to customize this relationship.Would you call as often as you do now? Would you attend every family gathering? Would you have a separate phone number just for them? What would you put in place to protect yourself while still maintaining the relationship, if that's what you genuinely wanted?Sarah: Because there may be reasons to continue the relationship.Maybe you have a wonderful relationship with your other parent and you want to preserve that. I can imagine there are very thoughtful—not in a negative sense, but very intentional—reasons someone might choose to stay in a relationship they otherwise wouldn't.Morgan: One hundred percent.And sometimes people don't really have a choice. They may still be living with their parents. There may be financial realities to consider.There's also a very real psychological cost to going no-contact with a parent. It's not an easy decision, even though a lot of online conversations make it sound simple. For the adult children of emotionally immature parents, that decision is often something they've wrestled with internally for years before they even consider it.Most people don't want to jump straight to no contact.Instead, they'll often begin by saying, “Let me see what happens if I put some boundaries in place first. If I'm going to have this relationship, here's what I need it to look like.”Sarah: Can you give an example of what one of those boundaries or parameters might look like?Morgan: Sure.It might be something like, “I'll have one twenty-minute phone call every Sunday.” Or, “I don't answer the phone during my workday because I'm working.”Some people even block their parent's number and only unblock it when they're ready to call. Others use a second phone line app where all of their parent's texts and calls go, but they turn off the notifications so they only check it when they choose to.Boundaries can also involve where you go and what you participate in. Do you attend every wedding? Every Christmas dinner? Every family event?Or they might involve what happens when you're together. Maybe you've decided that if a certain topic comes up, you'll say, “I don't want to talk about that.” If your parent continues, you might say, “If we're going to keep talking about this, I'm going to leave.” And if they continue, you actually leave.That's what makes it a boundary—you follow through.Ultimately, it comes back to recognizing that this is someone you don't feel emotionally or psychologically safe around. Once you accept that, it becomes much easier to ask yourself what you need in order to protect your peace.People start realizing things like, “I don't want to discuss this topic,” or, “I don't want to stay on the phone for an hour because all they do is talk at me,” or, “I can't answer calls in the middle of my workday.” Once you start giving yourself permission to prioritize your own safety, those answers often become surprisingly clear.Sarah: And just to be clear, I know this is what you mean, but for anyone listening, a boundary is something you do. It's not something you make another person do.Morgan: Exactly.A boundary is really an if-then statement.“If you continue criticizing my body, then I'm going to leave.”Sarah: Right. The boundary isn't, “You're not allowed to criticize my body,” because you can't control another person. You can only decide what you're going to do if they continue.Morgan: Exactly. We have zero control over another person's behavior.Once we reconnect with ourselves, we stop asking, “How do I make my parent stop doing this?” and start asking, “Given that I can't control them, what control do I actually have?”I can hang up the phone. I can leave. I can tell them I didn't appreciate what they said. I can choose not to attend the next family event. I can change the subject.It's always about what I'm going to do rather than trying to control someone else.Sarah: Do you ever see emotionally immature parents genuinely change?Morgan: Is it common? No.Does it happen? Absolutely.I've seen it happen in my own practice, and I've had clients tell me about meaningful changes they've experienced with their parents.If someone is on the milder end of emotional immaturity and they truly realize they're at risk of losing their relationship with their children, some parents do choose to go to therapy. They do the work. They genuinely try to repair.But, in my experience, they're the minority.It takes an enormous amount of self-awareness. It requires being willing to recognize that you've caused harm.Sarah: Which is exactly what's so difficult in the first place, right? That lack of self-awareness is part of what created the problem.Morgan: Exactly.It's a lack of self-awareness, but it's also a lack of capacity to tolerate being the “bad guy.”Emotionally immature parents often play a game of trying to identify who the bad person is, and somehow it's always someone else.When their adult child says, “You really hurt me when you did this,” or, “I'm still struggling because of the way you treated me growing up,” some parents become incredibly skilled at finding explanations for why it wasn't actually their fault—why circumstances made them do it, or why the child was really the problem.Those are parents who, at least in that moment, aren't able to repair because they simply can't tolerate the idea that they've done something wrong.There can be an enormous amount of shame underneath that, especially if they're already carrying years of unresolved shame from their own childhood experiences.It takes a tremendous amount of emotional capacity to stay present with that and choose repair instead.Sarah: One thing I saw on your Instagram really caught my attention. You were talking about how people often say, “Well, I was doing the best I could,” and you took issue with that.I always teach that people are doing the best they can. That's genuinely a philosophy I hold. But I would add, “Sometimes your best still wasn't good enough.”Would you agree with that?Morgan: One hundred percent.The issue I take with the phrase, “They were doing the best they could,” or, “I was doing the best I could,” is that, all of a sudden, we've left the adult child's experience and shifted entirely into the parent's experience.The child has just brought you mountains of pain about things you've done, and suddenly the conversation becomes a justification. It becomes a rationalization. We're no longer learning anything about the child's experience because the conversation has been shut down by the statement, “I was doing the best I could.”In that moment, it isn't actually helpful. It's functioning to protect the parent, which is exactly what that family system has always been organized around.At its core, it's almost a semantic argument. What does “doing your best” actually mean? Is it Olympic-level effort every single day? That's not really the point.The point is that we've once again centered the parent's experience and stopped being curious about the child's.Sarah: Right. I think if a parent could say, “I did the best I could, and I realize it wasn't good enough,” that could actually be very healing for everyone involved.Morgan: Totally.As long as the next sentence is, “Tell me more... and I can take it.”That's really the crucial part.More than anything else, children need to know that their parent can survive their feelings. Whether a parent is emotionally immature or not, if a child grows up believing, “My parent can handle my emotions,” that child is much more likely to become emotionally healthy.Too often, though, emotionally immature parents experience their child's feelings as personal attacks. The child learns that their parent can't survive those feelings.And if Mom can't survive my anger, or Dad can't survive my frustration, then how am I supposed to survive these enormous feelings?Sarah: That makes so much sense.That's exactly what we teach in peaceful parenting, too—that by staying grounded when our children have big emotions, we're teaching them that feelings aren't emergencies. They learn emotional regulation by watching us not become overwhelmed by their feelings.Tell me about emotionally immature parents as grandparents. Do you see the same patterns showing up, or is the relationship with grandchildren different?Morgan: In my experience, emotionally immature parents often try much harder with their grandchildren.Sometimes I think that's still connected to image management. They want to be seen as the wonderful grandparent. But they're also older by that stage, and grandchildren represent something of a fresh start.Here's someone who doesn't yet have years of hurt or disappointment with them. Here's another opportunity to be liked, to be admired, to build a relationship. So I often see them showing up with more effort and a little more tolerance than they had with their own children. They also tend to feel less threatened because these aren't their children to raise.That said, many adult children become very protective of their own kids. They may decide, “Even if you're somewhat better than you used to be, you still aren't emotionally safe for my child.”Sarah: Right. They're still centering themselves.Morgan: Exactly.It's still coming from a place of wanting to be seen as a certain kind of grandparent. Sometimes grandchildren become another bargaining chip—another thing the adult child supposedly owes them. Access to the grandchildren becomes another arena where the family drama can play out.Sarah: Yeah. Holy heck.You and I both talk about delighting in your child.When I teach it, I explain that children learn to see themselves through our eyes, and delight is also such a powerful way to build connection. For anyone listening who hasn't heard either of us talk about it, I describe it as letting the love you already feel in your heart actually show on your face.Talk to me about the role delight plays in your work.Morgan: This is something that the adult children of emotionally immature parents yearn for more than almost anything else—to simply be delighted in.For me, delight looks like a parent who genuinely wonders about their child. A parent who lets themselves be amazed by who their child is, especially in the places where that child is different from them.Imagine an incredibly athletic parent raising a deeply artistic child. Instead of trying to change them, that parent watches with curiosity and wonder. They're moved by who their child naturally is.That communicates something incredibly powerful: You matter to me exactly as you are.There's no agenda. There's no performance required. Your authentic, messy, imperfect self moves me.Every child needs that experience because it's permission to keep exploring who they are. It's permission to feel worthy of love, connection, and care. It creates this deeply rooted sense of, “I belong here. I exist. Who I am is good enough for this world.”That's the template we want our children growing up with.For emotionally immature parents, that kind of delight can feel threatening because it requires surrendering control. But it's really the sweetest part of parenting. It's what children are longing for at their core.Sarah: It's the best.There's a quote—I think it's from Pam Leo—that says every child needs to know there's one person who thinks they're the sun, the moon, and the stars all wrapped up into one wonderful human being.Sometimes parents ask me, “Shouldn't my child have a more realistic understanding of how the world works?”And I always tell them, “The world will teach them that. You don't have to.”Morgan: Exactly.The world is going to be hard enough. Your child doesn't need you to prepare them by becoming another source of that hardness.They're going to encounter disappointment, rejection, and criticism out in the world. What they need is a safe place to come back to.Knowing there's always someone in their corner allows them to face that big, scary world much more confidently. Eventually, it isn't even a conscious thought of, “If everything falls apart, I can always go home.”Instead, it becomes a felt sense.“I'll be okay.”That feeling becomes woven into who they are because, throughout their life, someone consistently had their back.Sarah: I've interviewed several adults on the podcast who were bullied as children.One man told me, “My parents loved me so much. I always knew they liked me. They genuinely thought I was wonderful.”He said he was bullied terribly, especially in middle school, but it never really damaged his self-esteem because he always had that foundation at home. His parents carried him through those experiences, and they didn't leave lasting scars.Morgan: That gives me goosebumps.I work with so many childhood trauma survivors and adult children of emotionally immature parents who say something very different. They'll tell me, “I know my parent loved me, but I never felt like they liked me.”They felt looked at with disgust, contempt, disappointment, or criticism. They didn't feel enjoyed.Being liked by your parent is profoundly different from simply being loved by them.I completely agree with your guest. There really is something deeply protective—almost insulating—about growing up knowing your parent genuinely likes who you are.Sarah: What if you recognize that your partner is an emotionally immature parent?Morgan: The first step is to honestly assess the capacity for communication within the relationship.Like we've talked about, all of us have emotionally immature moments. That's why these conversations are worth having. You want to be on the same page about parenting. How are we going to respond when our child has big emotions? What are we going to do when discipline is needed? Can we agree on the kind of parents we want to be?The way your partner responds to those conversations gives you important information.If you're consistently met with defensiveness, denial, minimization, or ridicule, that may be a sign that couples therapy would be helpful, assuming you're continuing the relationship.At the same time, your responsibility is to protect your child. You want to make sure that, regardless of what's happening elsewhere, your child feels emotionally safe with you.It always begins with trying to have those conversations and seeing whether your partner demonstrates a willingness to grow in emotional maturity—or whether you're continually running into defenses and distortions that make genuine change very difficult.Sarah: Is it possible for one parent's influence to be enough to protect a child from the other parent's influence?Morgan: “Enough” is an interesting word because I'd want to know what metric we're using.Is one emotionally healthy parent better than none? Absolutely. Without question.If a child has even one safe base, that alone provides an incredible amount of protection. It creates a buffer. It creates insulation.That doesn't mean the other parent's emotional immaturity won't affect them. It certainly can.But we also know that one of the biggest factors in whether a painful experience becomes traumatic isn't just what happened—it's whether there's anyone afterward to help you process it. Trauma isn't only about going through something painful. It's also about having no one afterward to help you make sense of it, regulate it, or feel supported through it.So if a child has one parent who can help them process what happened, who can reconnect with them after those difficult moments, they're in a much better position.Sarah: Yeah, absolutely.Okay, what should I have asked you that I didn't? Is there anything important we missed?Morgan: One thing I'm often talking about is helping parents stop taking their child's emotions as personal attacks.Parents frequently make these automatic connections: My child is angry, therefore they're being disrespectful. Or, My child is shutting down, therefore I'm a bad mom or dad.The reality is that children have a million different reasons for feeling what they're feeling.It's incredibly helpful if, in those moments, you can temporarily remove yourself from the equation. Instead of immediately assuming it's about you, get curious. Stay with your child. Ask questions. Try to understand what's happening in their world before creating a story about what's happening in yours.We often assume we already know why our child feels the way they do, but we usually don't.Step into their world with curiosity instead.If it is about you, and you're a safe parent, they'll tell you.Then you can take that information up with yourself, talk about it together, and repair if necessary. But first, we have to give children the freedom to have their feelings.That's incredibly important.Sarah: That's beautiful.Our work is so aligned. I'm really grateful you came on the podcast today. I'm sure parents are going to learn a lot from this conversation and want to learn more.Where's the best place for people to find you and your work?Morgan: You can find me on Instagram at @morganpommells. My last name is spelled P-O-M-M-E-L-L-S.Come on over. We talk about emotionally immature parents all the time.Sarah: We'll put all the links in the show notes, including your masterclass.Is that available all the time now?Morgan: Yes. Protect Your Peace is available anytime.Sarah: Perfect.Okay, final question.What's one thing you wish every parent knew?Morgan: I wish every parent knew that they need to work their own s**t out, or else their s**t is going to raise their kids.More often than not, the reaction you're having, the story you're telling yourself, the urgency you feel to immediately fix or stop something—that's about your stuff.Before turning toward your child, pause and turn toward yourself first.Ask yourself, What just happened inside me? Why is this particular behavior so triggering? Why is this reaction bringing up something so intense?That's incredibly important data about you. In that moment, it's usually much more about you than it is about your child.Sarah: It's so hard because I think a lot of people believe they've already done a tremendous amount of personal work before they have kids.But in my own experience, and from years of coaching parents, there's a whole layer you simply can't access until you become a parent.My husband and I were talking about this the other day. We had our first child when we were thirty, and we've often joked that if we'd started younger, maybe we would've had more children.He said, “I don't know. I probably needed more time to work on my stuff.”And I said, “I don't actually think your stuff would've shown up. Whether we'd had kids at twenty-five, thirty-five, or forty, there's a whole layer that simply doesn't emerge until you become a parent.”Morgan: Exactly.The portal hasn't been unlocked yet.Parenthood opens an entirely different window into yourself. It activates parts of you that often stay completely dormant until you have children.There are aspects of yourself that may never become activated at all if you don't become a parent. Parenting has a unique way of bringing those hidden parts to the surface.Sarah: Think of all those blissfully happy people out there without children who don't even know what their issues are.Morgan: They're living a very blissful life.Sarah: Well, thank you so much, Morgan. It's been such a pleasure.We'll put links to all of your work in the show notes, and thank you so much for coming on the podcast. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sarahrosensweet.substack.com/subscribe

Dr. Lindsay Gibson's first book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, gave millions of people language for what happened to them growing up. Her new book flips the lens for the people who are now raising kids of their own and are quietly terrified of passing it all down. Whitney sits down with her to talk about what actually builds emotional maturity in a child, and what to do in the moments your own immaturity shows up.In this episode, you'll learn:Why the fear of becoming your own parents is often a sign you won'tWhat emotional maturity actually looks like at different ages, from newborn to teenagerWhy ruling through fear works in the short term and costs you the relationship long termHow to repair with your child in a way that actually changes the pattern instead of pseudo-apologizingWhy you don't have to be the perfect source of everything for your kidConnect with Dr. Lindsay GibsonGet her new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child: https://amzn.to/4fbX135 [this is an affiliate link - as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases at not additional cost to you.]Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.coJoin the Family Cyclebreakers Club: https://callinghome.coFollow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmftOrder Whitney's book, Toxic Positivity: https://sitwithwhit.com/toxic-positivitySign up for updates on Whitney's new book: https://cmnyyv4kpyt.typeform.com/to/PHMzjy0oThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You can't go back and redo your childhood. But you can stop unconsciously parenting the child inside of you instead of the child standing in front of you. In this solo episode, Albiona reframes the popular idea of “reparenting” into something more useful, more honest, and a lot more doable. This one gets personal. Albiona walks through real coaching examples — including a mom who kept over-giving love and attention because that's what she needed as a child, only to watch her independent, strong-willed daughter resist it every time — to show what it actually looks like to stop healing your own childhood through your kid and start showing up as the steady, regulated parent they need. Inside, she explores: →  Why “reparenting” as a redo can quietly turn into a victim complex — and the difference between honoring what was hard and getting stuck blaming it →  The question to ask yourself in hard parenting moments: am I parenting the child in front of me, or the child inside of me? →  A real coaching example of a mom who over-gave love and attention to heal her own neglect — and why her free-spirited, independent daughter needed boundaries instead →  Why a happy child isn't the measure of good parenting — and how tying your worth as a parent to your child's emotions sets you both up to struggle →  How to interrupt default patterns like yelling, shaming, or threatening — and what it actually means to cultivate your own inner parent in the moment it counts Connect with Albiona: →  Book a Free Discovery Call (1:1 Coaching) — https://www.theparentingreframe.com/coaching →  Follow Albiona on Instagram — @theparentingreframe →  Join Albiona's Paid Substack Community — https://albiona.substack.com  →  Email Albiona directly — albiona@theparentingreframe.com Loved this episode? Please rate, review, and share this one with a parent who keeps wondering why all their love and effort isn't landing the way they expected. Sometimes the most healing thing we can do isn't give our kids what we needed — it's learn to give it to ourselves. Until next time, Albiona

Looking for ADHD support this summer? My entire 'ADHD Women's Wellbeing Series' is on offer this July. Head here to learn more about the workshops and use code JULY to get 35% off.Some of the deepest childhood wounds don't come from parents who shouted or hurt us. Sometimes they come from parents who simply never had the tools to truly see us.On this week's episode of The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast, I'm joined by Sian Crossley, a London-trained psychotherapist, author and the founder of Break the Cycle Coaching.With a background in both private practice and the NHS, Sian specialises in helping adults understand and heal from the lasting impact of emotionally immature parenting. Through her writing, courses and online community, she helps thoughtful, self-aware people untangle patterns like people pleasing, self-doubt and over-responsibility, so they can build healthier boundaries and more authentic relationships. She's the author of How to Heal from Emotionally Immature Parents, and now lives in Malaysia with her two young children, working with clients and audiences around the world.In this episode, Sian and I talk about what emotionally immature parenting actually looks like, even in a childhood where all the practical boxes were ticked. We explore why feeling unseen can leave a lasting impact, how undiagnosed neurodivergence in a parent's generation often went unnamed and unsupported, and why grief and acceptance matter more than forgiveness when it comes to healing. Sian also shares the foundations of emotionally mature parenting, and how small, consistent changes, like simply asking a child how they feel, can start to break old patterns without anyone needing to be perfect.In this episode, we cover:What emotionally immature parenting really looks like, even in a "good enough" childhoodThe difference between big T and little T traumaHow undiagnosed neurodivergence in parents shapes the way love and connection are shownParentification, and what it means when a child becomes their parent's emotional supportWhy grief and acceptance matter more than forgiveness when healing childhood traumaThe "and, not but" technique for holding two truths about a parent at onceWhy childhood memories can feel fragmented after emotional neglectBreaking generational cycles without overcorrecting as a parentThe four foundations of emotionally mature parenting: regulation, self-awareness, empathy and boundariesWhy asking a child how something made them feel can change everythingTimestamps:00:00 - Welcome, and introducing Sian Crossley and her book02:40 - What emotionally immature parenting actually looks like05:03 - Why feeling unseen can matter more than what was provided practically06:15 - Parentification and becoming a parent's emotional support07:51 - Kate's own story: a late ADHD diagnosis and family patterns11:34 - Where healing actually begins14:48 - Why too much empathy for parents can get in the way of healing17:16 - Breaking the cycle without overcorrecting as a parent22:41 - Why fragmented childhood memories are so common25:23 - Grief, acceptance and why forgiveness isn't the goal34:03 - The "and, not but" technique for holding two truths39:05 - The four foundations of emotionally mature parenting45:04 - How to work with Sian

Personal note before you listen: To be honest, I sat on this episode for weeks. I almost didn't share it - mainly because it felt too honest, too personal, too vulnerable. And I think there was a part of me that felt guilty. Despite the hesitation, here it is…In this episode of The Tarot Diagnosis, I explore what it means to be an adult child of emotionally immature parents and how tarot can help us understand the roles, defenses, wounds, and longings that form in emotionally unpredictable homes.This conversation was inspired by my recent re-read of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, as well as my own lived experience. I talk about the painful developmental moment when we realize our parents are not all-knowing, all-capable figures, but full, flawed, historically shaped human beings. When moving through the deck, I realized this experience mimicked The Hierophant (reversed) - that unsettling, yet necessary unseating of a caregiver from the archetypal throne of perceived perfection and safety.From there, I explore how tarot became a safe, symbolic language for me and a tool that helped me piece together fragments of my upbringing, access unconscious material, and create a more coherent personal narrative…without overwhelming my nervous system in the process.I explore what feels like all the cards in this episode:The MoonThe Hanged ManThe Devil The StarThe Five of CupsThe Nine of Cups The Seven of Wands The Eight of PentaclesI also spend time with the court cards as family roles and survival strategies. The Kings and Queens become emotionally immature parent archetypes: the rigid parent, the volatile parent, the misattuned sensitive parent, and the practical caregiver who confuses provision with emotional connection. The Knights and Pages become the children shaped by those dynamics: the fixer, the family therapist, the old soul, the strategist, the overachiever, the silenced creative child, the emotional caretaker, and the overanalyzer.Ultimately, this episode is about how tarot can help us see the patterns we inherited without making those patterns the end of our story. If you felt love was conditional, your emotional needs were too much, or that safety depended on managing everyone else's moods and feelings, this episode offers a gentle but honest reflection on what you endured and what you are still allowed to become.Want more of this type of tarot experience?Join us at the Summer Solstice Summit - a three day, virtual tarot conference June 26-28. Grab your ticket here and use code TAROTPOD15 to get 15% off! https://www.thetarotdiagnosis.com/summersolstice

Let us say this: this week’s conversation is a real literary kiki. We’re in the studio with Hunter Harris and Peyton Dix, two of our favorite girlies with taste - taste in movies, in fashion, and of course, books. Fresh off the launch of the latest season of their podcast, Lemme Say This, Peyton, Hunter and Danielle are going down all our favorite rabbit holes. Illicit Gossip Girl book clubs, Barnes & Noble crushes, the art of The Artist’s Way, and why notes in the margins are a love language. BOOKS MENTIONED: A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens Odyssey by Homer A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar The It Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar The Clique by Lisi Harrison Meet Samantha: An American Girl by Susan S. Adler To All the Boys I Loved Before by Jenny Han What My Mother Doesn’t Know by Sonya Sones You, Maybe by Rachel Vail The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot The Mediator by Meg Cabot Pretties by Scott Westerfeld Uglies by Scott Westerfeld Specials by Scott Westerfeld The Baby-Sitters Club by Ann M. Martin Goosebumps by R.L. Stine The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins Twilight by Stephenie Meyer Anamorphs by Katherine Applegate and Michael Grant Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling The Sisters by Jonas Hassen Khemiri Strangers by Belle Burden Famesick by Lena Dunham The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James Adult Braces by Lindy West Lost Lambs by Madeline Cash Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell Martyr! By Kaveh Akba Sunburn by Chloe Michelle Howarth Homebodies by Tembe Denton-Hurst Untamed by Glennon Doyle Luster by Raven Leilan Heartburn by Nora Ephron Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates by Dave Stangle and Mike Stangle Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul by Jack Canfield, Kimberly Kirberger, and Mark Victor Hansen Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab Enter the Villa by Anna Peele The Safekeep by Yael van der Wouden The Half of It by Madison Beer Platonic by Marisa G. Franco Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

(After Model Home by Rivers Solomon and Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in her Head by Warsan Shire) Hey y'all,While Mike was in Guyana for the first time since 2001, Randie's feelings caught up to her. Tune in as she reveals the real about going No Contact with her family. Brought on by a convo with Drew and the propaganda about No Contact being, “trendy” Randie tells you the truth.No Contact is the bottom. The last resort. Because in the words of Warsan Shire, “No one would leave home unless home chased you.”Who would self-orphan themselves for shits and giggles? Not Ran. Not many people, actually. While one of the best decision she's made for herself, No Contact has left Randie achy and on many days full of grief. So, in this Indie, the shorter half of the BMM podcast invites you to learn what sovereignty of self and freedom has cost and required of her and other Adult Children making the hard decisions to live a life of integrity and courage.Items Mentioned:Model Home by Rivers Solomon, https://bookshop.org/p/books/model-home-a-novel-rivers-solomon/daba1ac77f597af3?ean=9781250397591&next=t Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in Her Head by Warsan Shire, https://bookshop.org/p/books/bless-the-daughter-raised-by-a-voice-in-her-head-poems-warsan-shire/e25042b1966c5b0c?ean=9780593134351&next=tThis episode of the Black Millennial Marriage Podcast was edited by Randie Chapman at Wordie Productions www.wordieproductions.comFollow Randie on Substack at little ran aka the Littles' Chronicles https://substack.com/@littleranFollow Randie over on Pagebound https://pagebound.co/users/ranthesolarpunkOther Resources:Out of the Fog website: https://outofthefog.website/Going No Contact with Parents, A Trauma-Informed Choice (Article), https://www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/going-no-contact-with-parents-a-trauma-informed-perspective/Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (book), by Lindsay C. Gibson, https://bookshop.org/p/books/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents-how-to-heal-from-distant-rejecting-or-self-involved-parents-psy-d-lindsay-c-gibson-psyd/c76b830ed14fe568?ean=9781626251700&next=t Follow us on Social MediaFB: http://bit.ly/BMMonFBIG: http://bit.ly/BMMonIGContactEmail: blackmilmar@gmail.comLeave a voicemail: 770-750-4098P.S. To hang out with us and support our work as independent creators, join us on Patreon at http://bit.ly/JOINBMM there you'll get access to our Discord channel, unedited, edited and ad-free episodes, zoom meetings with us, and more. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What does it actually mean to raise an emotionally mature child? In this powerful conversation, Dr. Alison Cook sits down with renowned psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, whose groundbreaking book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" helped millions name what they didn't receive growing up. Now, Dr. Gibson turns toward a new question: How do we become the kind of parents who help our children feel safe, seen, respected, and emotionally strong? Together, they explore the emotional foundation children truly need—not perfection, but presence. They unpack what emotional maturity looks like, the impact of being raised by an emotionally immature parent, and how we can begin to give our own children the kind of parenting they need. You'll explore: The signs of an emotionally immature parent What a “good enough” parent actually looks like How repair builds trust more than perfection does The dance of balancing connection and autonomy  How to create emotional safety for your child Whether you're parenting toddlers, teenagers, or adult children—or simply learning how to become more emotionally mature yourself—this conversation offers a hopeful, grounded framework for growth. Because healthy parenting isn't about raising perfect kids. It's about creating the kind of emotional soil where both you and your child can grow. More Resources: Order Dr. Lindsay's new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child: Your Blueprint to a Lifetime of Happiness and Success for Your Child You can now preorder Dr. Alison's newest book, The Secure Soul, and immediately receive the first 3 chapters as well as early access to the companion guide! Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram Curious what Family Role may have shaped you? Take the Family Role Quiz to learn how you may be showing up in your relationships with others. Want to hear more like this? Start here: Episode 175: A Game-Changing Toolkit to Help Kids Conquer Worry and Build Courage with David Thomas and Sissy Goff Episode 68: How Not to Lose Yourself—Remaining You While Raising Them with Alli Worthington

Many adults still struggle with childhood wounds. This book summary reveals the surprising truth about emotionally immature parents and their lasting impact.

Parenting often feels like a high-stakes guessing game played in the middle of a meltdown or a deafening teenage silence.Clinical psychologist and bestselling author Lindsay C. Gibson returns to Psychologist Off the Clock to discuss her new book, "How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child," and the core mindsets that build emotional maturity across development. You'll hear how emotionally immature parenting shows up, why self-reflection protects against repeating harmful patterns, how mistakes and repair strengthen trust, and what it looks like to treat kids as fully human with rich inner worlds, even when they don't say much or you don't understand them. Listen for a relational, autonomy-supportive approach that can improve parenting and adult relationships alike. Listen and Learn:How the toddler-like self-centeredness of emotionally immature parents forces their adult children to constantly manage everyone else's happiness at the absolute cost of their own identity and peaceWhy breaking the cycle of childhood trauma doesn't require being a perfect parent, but rather practicing self-awareness and honoring your child's deeply sensitiveWhy parenting is a relational enterprise rather than a production line, where meaningful connection isn't measured by long-winded conversations, but by showing genuine curiosity and active engagement Shifting from "carpentry-style" parenting that forces a narrow path to "gardening-style" parenting that nourishes the child's true, unique self Why true parenting connection doesn't require you to perfectly understand your child at all times, but rather to create a safe, curious environment where they feel inherently understandable Resources:How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child by Lindsay Gibson https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593735367 Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Children by Lindsay Gibson https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781626251700Lidnsey's Website: https://www.lindsaycgibson.com/How to Avoid Estrangement (a Q&A with Lindsay for Yael's newsletter)Stories that Connect (about sharing books, Yael's newsletter post inspired by Lindsay Gibson)Video from Ed Tronick's research on the “still face experiment”Range by David Epstein https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780735214507 About Lindsay GibsonLindsay Gibson, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in emotional maturity and its ripple effects across the lifespan. Her book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents became a #1 bestseller and has helped countless readers make sense of their childhoods — and themselves. Her newest book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child, takes that work upstream, exploring what it actually looks like to raise kids who are emotionally grounded and self-aware. With a background that spans art, literature, and clinical psychology, Lindsay brings a rare combination of intellectual curiosity and practical wisdom to her work. She practices in Virginia Beach, Virginia, and has a habit of mailing Carl Rogers books to people she likes — which is how she became one of Yael's favorite humans.Related Episodes:262. Relationships with Emotionally Immature People with lindsay Gibson303. Both/And Thinking with Marianne LewisSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins Forrest to explore how we can reparent ourselves, recover from emotionally immature parenting, and develop greater emotional maturity. They discuss what emotional maturity actually is, the "good enough" parent, the voices we internalize, and how adults can begin to give themselves the internal security and emotional attunement they missed in childhood. Other topics include why feeling misunderstood is so painful, the lifelong dance between connection and autonomy, and the hidden costs of authoritarian parenting.  About our guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of a number of books, including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and her new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro & what emotional maturity looks like 7:45: Why our culture undervalues emotional maturity  12:56: The “good enough” parent 20:05: What happens to children with emotionally immature parents 27:15: Repair in adulthood 36:22: The importance of feeling understood 43:40: Mirroring: why it's important and how to get better at it 49:07: Balancing connection and autonomy 53:39: The appropriate level of parental authority 1:04:34: Parenting mistakes to avoid 1:15:29: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  For a limited time, your gift will be matched, to help students and teachers who need our support. Go to DonorsChoose.org/BEINGWELL to find a classroom near you and have your gift matched today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

[Content Warning]: This episode contains graphic descriptions of intrafamilial abuse including: Domestic Violence, Substance Abuse, Physical abuse, Molestation and Attempted Rape of a Child. There is also a brief mention of suicidal ideation. Today, Jan is joined by Lee Cooper, who courageously discusses the sexual violence he experienced at the hands of his father, not revealing his secret until 20 years later during the Covid Pandemic.  Through his healing, Lee has created a photography collective called “Places Nowhere”, which expresses the dissociation one experiences during and after being sexually assaulted. Lee and Jan converse about Lee's passion for photography and how it became a form of escape and mindfulness during his healing process. Lee speaks openly about the bullying and sexual abuse he endured , the abusive relationship with his father, and the traumatic incidents he both witnessed and experienced.. He highlights the importance of safe spaces and the vital role his grandmother played by offering her love and support. Lee discloses his abuse to his ex-girlfriend and reflects on the impact of reading 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk which became a catalyst for his healing.  He shares the challenges he faced during the pandemic and the strain it put on his relationships. Lee also talks about reporting his father to the police and the personal consequences that followed. He reflects on the deep grief and pain he experienced and the impact it had on his relationship with his mother. Lee explores the process of reframing his relationship with his family and the desire for a better connection with his mother. . Lee shares his journey of self-awareness and the role of mindfulness in recognizing triggers and maintaining healthy habits. In closing they emphasize the need for peer-to-peer support and the power of sharing stories to raise awareness and support survivors.Check out Lee's photography and events:Instagram: @coopscwPlacesNowhere.comMentioned Resources:Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. GibsonThe Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der KolkSam Fender : Spit Of YouIf you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress or suicidal ideation, please access the resources below:National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988National Sexual Assault Hotline  (RAINN) : 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)National Alliance for Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264Subscribe / Support / Contact:

In this episode, Allie explores the exploding social media trend of going "no contact" with family members, where Gen Z and Millennials are cutting off parents and siblings at record rates in the name of mental health, boundaries, and self-protection. From TikTok testimonials and celebrity examples to the influence of therapy culture and books like "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents," Allie examines how social media, broadened definitions of trauma, and the rise of "chosen family" have normalized family estrangement. She contrasts this with a biblical view that calls Christians to honor parents, pursue reconciliation where possible, practice forgiveness, and recognize the unique value of biological family — even when imperfect. Allie discusses when no contact may be warranted versus when it is driven by selfishness, echo chambers, and a cultural idolization of personal comfort over commitment. Watch now for a thoughtful, faith-based perspective on this growing phenomenon. Share the Arrows 2026 is on October 10 in Dallas, Texas! Tickets are on sale now at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://sharethearrows.com⁠⁠⁠ Share the Arrows is sponsored by: A'del Natural Cosmetics: AdelNaturalCosmetics.com Range Leather: RangeLeather.com/ALLIE We Heart Nutrition: WeHeartNutrition.com Buy Allie's book "Toxic Empathy: How Progressives Exploit Christian Compassion": ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.toxicempathy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Time Codes 0:00 Introduction 4:45 What Is No Contact? 24:52 Overusing “Trauma” 37:23 Biblical Response 47:58 Chosen Family 58:19 Allie Gives Advice – Today's Sponsors: Fellowship Home Loans | Start with a free consultation at FellowshipHomeLoans.com/Allie and receive a $500 credit at closing. Your gift to ADF will be used to fight for religious freedom around the world, including in Turkey. And for a limited time, all gifts will be MATCHED thanks to a special grant — only while funds last. Go to JOINADF.com/ALLIE or text ALLIE to 83848 to give today. A'del | Visit AdelNaturalCosmetics.com and enter promo code ALLIE for 25% off your first-time purchase. Pre-Born | To donate, dial #250 and say the keyword “BABY.” Or visit Preborn.com/ALLIE. Range Leather | The quality is absolutely top-notch. Go ⁠RangeLeather.com/Allie⁠ to receive 15% off all Range Leather products when you visit my landing page. Episodes You May Like: Ep 1332 | Inner Child, Shadow Work & Somatic Therapy: A Warning to Christian Women https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-1332-inner-child-shadow-work-somatic-therapy-a/id1359249098?i=1000761155508 Ep 1261 | Lies Your Therapist Tells You | Greg Gifford https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-1261-lies-your-therapist-tells-you-greg-gifford/id1359249098?i=1000734470986 --- ► Buy Allie's book "You're Not Enough (& That's Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love": https://alliebethstuckey.com/book ► Subscribe to the podcast: iTunes: https://apple.co/2UVssnP Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2FwkXxj ► Connect with Allie on Social Media: https://twitter.com/conservmillen https://www.instagram.com/alliebstuckey/ https://facebook.com/allieBlazeTV/ ► Relatable merchandise — use promo code ALLIE10 for a discount: https://shop.blazemedia.com/collections/allie-stuckey

What if the hardest relationship of your life was the one that raised you? Recorded LIVE at the Innovations in Psychotherapy Conference in Anaheim, CA (October 2025) — in front of an incredible audience of therapists and mental health professionals — this powerful conversation with renowned psychologist and bestselling author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson, brings depth, clarity, and practical healing to one of the most talked-about topics in mental health today. Dr. Gibson reveals the hidden patterns of emotionally immature parents, and how growing up with one may still be shaping your adult life in ways you don't even realize. She breaks down: - Subtle (and not-so-subtle) characteristics of an emotionally immature parent - 4 distinct types of emotionally immature parents, and how each one impacts a child differently - What children of emotionally immature parents look like in adulthood - How they function in romantic relationships (people-pleasing, over-caretaking, fear of conflict, emotional shutdown, & more) - Powerful connection between emotional immaturity, codependency, alcoholism, & even chronic illness - Why being forced into emotional caretaking as a child can damage your intuition & sense of self - How emotional immaturity differs from diagnoses like narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder - How to become an emotionally mature parent (even if you didn't have one) - Cultural shift in parenting expectations, and why so many adults are just now recognizing their childhood wounds - Double-edged sword of social media: self-diagnosis vs. finally realizing you're not alone - How to know when to set boundaries: When to limit contact & when healing the relationship is actually possible - Practical, actionable steps to rebuild your confidence, strengthen your sense of self, & learn how to truly connect Most importantly, we explore why recognizing you were raised by an emotionally immature parent is not about blame — it's about healing. As Dr. Gibson explains, many parents were doing the best they could with the emotional tools they had. Understanding that truth can be the first step toward freedom, forgiveness, and breaking generational cycles. If you've ever felt: - “Why do I feel responsible for everyone else's emotions?” - “Why is it so hard for me to trust myself?” - “Why do my relationships feel one-sided or exhausting?” - “Was my childhood actually normal, or was something missing?” This conversation might change how you see your past — and your future. Watch until the end for Dr. Gibson's most powerful advice on reclaiming your intuition, strengthening your identity, and becoming the emotionally mature adult (and parent) you needed. You are not broken. You are not alone. And healing is possible. Discover how care in every detail transforms simple routines into moments of true comfort and ease. Head to cozyearth.com and use our code BREAK for up to 20% off. And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!  Dr. Lindsay Gibson's latest book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child, will be available May 2026: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/750876/how-to-raise-an-emotionally-mature-child-by-lindsay-c-gibson-psyd/ 2026 Innovations in Psychotherapy Conference: https://innovationsinpsychotherapy.com/ Follow us on Substack for Exclusive Bonus Content: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bialikbreakdown.substack.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠BialikBreakdown.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube.com/mayimbialik⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if the hardest relationship of your life was the one that raised you? Recorded LIVE at the Innovations in Psychotherapy Conference in Anaheim, CA (October 2025) — in front of an incredible audience of therapists and mental health professionals — this powerful conversation with renowned psychologist and bestselling author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson, brings depth, clarity, and practical healing to one of the most talked-about topics in mental health today. Dr. Gibson reveals the hidden patterns of emotionally immature parents, and how growing up with one may still be shaping your adult life in ways you don't even realize. She breaks down: - Subtle (and not-so-subtle) characteristics of an emotionally immature parent - 4 distinct types of emotionally immature parents, and how each one impacts a child differently - What children of emotionally immature parents look like in adulthood - How they function in romantic relationships (people-pleasing, over-caretaking, fear of conflict, emotional shutdown, & more) - Powerful connection between emotional immaturity, codependency, alcoholism, & even chronic illness - Why being forced into emotional caretaking as a child can damage your intuition & sense of self - How emotional immaturity differs from diagnoses like narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder - How to become an emotionally mature parent (even if you didn't have one) - Cultural shift in parenting expectations, and why so many adults are just now recognizing their childhood wounds - Double-edged sword of social media: self-diagnosis vs. finally realizing you're not alone - How to know when to set boundaries: When to limit contact & when healing the relationship is actually possible - Practical, actionable steps to rebuild your confidence, strengthen your sense of self, & learn how to truly connect Most importantly, we explore why recognizing you were raised by an emotionally immature parent is not about blame — it's about healing. As Dr. Gibson explains, many parents were doing the best they could with the emotional tools they had. Understanding that truth can be the first step toward freedom, forgiveness, and breaking generational cycles. If you've ever felt: - “Why do I feel responsible for everyone else's emotions?” - “Why is it so hard for me to trust myself?” - “Why do my relationships feel one-sided or exhausting?” - “Was my childhood actually normal, or was something missing?” This conversation might change how you see your past — and your future. Watch until the end for Dr. Gibson's most powerful advice on reclaiming your intuition, strengthening your identity, and becoming the emotionally mature adult (and parent) you needed. You are not broken. You are not alone. And healing is possible. Discover how care in every detail transforms simple routines into moments of true comfort and ease. Head to cozyearth.com and use our code BREAK for up to 20% off. And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!  Dr. Lindsay Gibson's latest book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child, will be available May 2026: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/750876/how-to-raise-an-emotionally-mature-child-by-lindsay-c-gibson-psyd/ 2026 Innovations in Psychotherapy Conference: https://innovationsinpsychotherapy.com/ Follow us on Substack for Exclusive Bonus Content: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bialikbreakdown.substack.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠BialikBreakdown.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube.com/mayimbialik⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I want to hear your thoughts about the show and this episode. Text us here...In this powerful episode of Casa De Confidence, Julie sits down with psychotherapist and somatic practitioner Inga Larson to explore what it really means to grow up as the child of emotionally immature or personality-disordered parents—and how that early experience shapes confidence, belonging, and identity.Inga shares her deeply personal story of navigating childhood anxiety, performative confidence, homelessness in her twenties, and eventually discovering healing through somatic therapy, social work, and parts work.Together, Julie and Inga unpack:What emotionally immature parenting actually looks likeThe difference between performative confidence and embodied self-trustHow trauma gets stored in the bodyWhy many adults feel disconnected from themselvesThe power of somatic healing practicesHow secure attachment transforms relationshipsWhat true belonging really meansHow to stop living in survival modeInga also introduces her Defying Gravity course for adult children of emotionally immature parents and shares simple grounding practices anyone can begin today.If you've ever felt like you were the “parentified child,” the performer, the fixer, or the one who had to hold everything together—this conversation will resonate deeply.

Dr. Kai Qiu, MD is an inner child healing guide who traded the path to psychiatry for something he believes the mental health space is missing. He's the author of Emotionally Immature Parents: A Recovery Workbook and combines psychology, Buddhist practice, and his own lived experience as a second-generation Chinese-Canadian to help successful people heal the patterns they inherited but didn't choose. His content reaches millions worldwide, and he works closely with high-achievers who look like they have it all together but still feel something quietly unresolved underneath. Dr. Kai helps them see those patterns were never personal failures. They were inherited programs. And they can be rewired.In this episode, Kai shares his story, opening up about medical school and the internal conflict and growth that came with honoring what felt more aligned. We share a conversation on the topics of emotionally immature parents, childhood wounds, and the impact these experiences can have on our sense of self. We explore inner child work as a main theme, including common misconceptions, why this work can feel uncomfortable, and how reconnecting with younger parts of ourselves can support healing, self-trust, and authenticity. We also discuss the pressure many people feel to follow certain paths, how childhood experiences can shape our relationships and self-perception, and how inner child work can support us in moving toward a more authentic way of living.Whether you're navigating family dynamics, questioning expectations placed on you, or wanting to better understand your emotional patterns, we hope this conversation can offer a grounding and compassionate perspective.FOLLOW DR. KAI:INSTA: @hellodoctorkaiBOOK: Emotionally Immature ParentsWORKSHOPS AND MORESTAY CONNECTED:INSTA: @trustandthriveTIKOK: @trustandthriveTHREADS: @trustandthriveFACEBOOK: bit.ly/FBtaramontEMAIL: trustandthrive@gmail.com

“If you heal yourself, you have the ability to heal generations before and after you.” In this episode, Nick speaks with Amber Richbook about her journey through identity, subconscious beliefs, and the impact of generational trauma. They explore the importance of awareness and the role of cultural identity in shaping our experiences and ultimately who we believe we are and what our “identity” means to us. What to listen for: We all have gifts and abilities that can be realized Coincidences are often signs that require investigation Generational trauma impacts our identities and experiences Healing is a personal journey that affects generations Self-mastery requires the willingness to change our identity as we grow Awareness is crucial for personal growth and healing Our identity is fluid “We all have different generational things running through our veins. What are we going to do with them? How are we going to reconcile? How are we going to bring the healing?” Healing is our responsibility, no matter what our parents passed to us genetically Understanding what our family history is can sometimes shed light on our current struggles Epigenetics research is increasingly validating that generational trauma not only exists but has real repercussions on future generations “You must be willing to change identities as many times and as often as you feel led to” What we believe our “identity” is, isn't always accurate or remotely current The hesitance for change is normal, but being willing to adapt and evolve is critical for personal growth Changing identities isn't about becoming someone else; it's about uncovering more of who you are at your core About Amber Richbook Amber Richbook is a transformational speaker and identity-shift coach who helps people move from simply existing to fully living. Through keynotes, coaching, and her podcast Meaningful Conversations, she teaches individuals to break self-limiting beliefs and take practical steps toward authentic, purpose-driven lives. She is a TEDx speaker and has appeared on PBS and corporate leadership platforms. Her mission is to become the go-to voice for mindset and identity transformation for a new generation. https://www.arichbook.com/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/arichbook/ https://www.instagram.com/a.richbook/ Resources: Check out other episodes about identity: Processing Our Childhood Traumas With Jeremy Stegall Exploring The Role Of DEI In Healing And Growth With Corey Williams How To Embrace Your Identity And Inner Strength With Rich Vysion Love and Faith Beyond Identity and Labels With Carl King Exploring Human Design For Self-Mastery With Akary Busto Interested in starting your own podcast or need help with one you already have? https://themindsetandselfmasteryshow.com/podcasting-services/ Learn more about our host, Nick McGowan: https://nickmcgowan.com Thank you for listening! Please subscribe on iTunes and give us a 5-Star review! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mindset-and-self-mastery-show/id1604262089 Listen to other episodes here: https://themindsetandselfmasteryshow.com/ Watch Clips and highlights: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCk1tCM7KTe3hrq_-UAa6GHA Guest Inquiries right here: podcasts@themindsetandselfmasteryshow.com Your Friends at “The Mindset & Self-Mastery Show” Click Here To View The Episode Transcript Nick McGowan (00:00.495)Hello and welcome to the Mindset and Self Mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. Today on the show we have Amber Richbook. Amber, how are doing today? Amber RichBook (00:22.403)Well, how are you Nick? Thank you for having me. Nick McGowan (00:25.679)Yeah, absolutely. We were just shooting the shit for like a solid half hour. And again, one of those situations like let’s just record. So I’m stoked for you to be here. I think this is gonna be cool. We’re gonna get into a lot to talk about identity, subconscious limiting beliefs and your story. And even talking about regional and generational trauma and some of the things I’ve talked about on different episodes. But I think identity is a big part of that. I always like to start episodes off with something that’s a little Amber RichBook (00:29.846)I know. Nick McGowan (00:54.319)odd or bizarre about you that most people don’t know. So what do you got for me? Amber RichBook (00:58.19)Okay, so one of my bizarre weird things that people don’t know about me is that I wrote about my life as a single mother of three daughters when I was in the first grade and my mom She kept like this big bag, like everywhere we moved to, this was like this big bag of childhood memorabilia from myself and my siblings of things we drew and wrote in kindergarten, pre-K, first grade, second grade, like the little macaroni art that’s like happy Mother’s Day. Here’s a flower with glue and there’s missing pieces on it. And so, you know, in first grade when they have the writing pads with the story and you draw the little ugly picture and you think like, Nick McGowan (01:32.655)Yeah, of course. Amber RichBook (01:44.014)And it’s like Miss A takes her three daughters and the names were like J, E, A, like they were all like names with those initials. And my daughter’s names now have the initials J, A, and E. To get ice cream and they love driving in their really big truck. and they love doing all these fun things together. They like dancing. like, there was no, was just this Miss A. and her three daughters. And I remember years ago when I, well, my mom was like, kind of like, all right, you guys are grown, take your shit. Like I saved all of it. Let me show you guys that I actually cared about you as children. Like do with it what you want. I’m like, okay, so let me go through my stuff. And I’m just sitting there and I’m reading it. And I was like, can I curse? I was like, okay. Nick McGowan (02:27.96)Yeah. Nick McGowan (02:40.958)yeah. Amber RichBook (02:42.86)I was like, Amber, what the fuck were you writing about in the fucking first grade? Like you’re writing about being a mom. Now, fun fact, I was the child, the friend, even in high school that used to call kids creatures. I was like, ill, be a mom. That’s so disgusting. Motherhood. So now there’s a running joke. Like every mother’s day, my friends from high school and college are like, dude, how did you become a mom? Nick McGowan (02:45.443)Yeah. Amber RichBook (03:09.836)Like that’s the joke. Like you’re a mom, bro. None of them are mothers, but I’m a mom. Dude, how did that happen? So I think that’s interesting because one of my favorite books is The Alchemist. I talk about it in my, started my Ted talk with it and it was like, we really go on this journey of life and all you’re doing is getting back to the core of who you are. Nick McGowan (03:10.179)You Nick McGowan (03:14.423)Ugh. Nick McGowan (03:36.569)Yeah. Amber RichBook (03:36.992)and your inner child, like those youthful experience where your imagination is purely untamed, not realizing that many of us have these gifts. We all have these gifts and abilities, but where were they most active? How were they most active? and I’ll just layer it with this before I give it back to you. There was a thread that I saw recently that said, healers, spiritual people, did you have a near death experience that confirmed your abilities, et cetera, et cetera? And when I was born, Nick McGowan (04:10.863)Mm-hmm. Amber RichBook (04:13.942)I only had eight minutes to live. Eight is my favorite number. Eight is when I was eight years old. That was like my favorite age. Schoolhouse rock was like a thing when I was growing up. So it was like the figure eight song. I loved eight. When I was in school, I was always drawing eight. I was always like just fascinated with eight. And my birthday is on a 26. So two plus six equals eight. And so. Nick McGowan (04:26.704)yeah. Amber RichBook (04:43.118)start reflecting on these things and you’re like oh here are how all the dots connect in my life in my reality in my experience so yeah i’m a little woo woo Nick McGowan (04:56.431)I don’t think it’s as much woo woo as it’s looking for patterns of things. I’m similar in the sense where I look, like we were talking about even signs before we hit record, looking for signs. I think there’s a level of awareness. And if you’re aware of something, you can at least say, well, that’s something. I don’t particularly agree that there are like coincidences in the world. I think there are things that line up, but then there are also things that just don’t make sense. Like I remember saying, Amber RichBook (05:07.148)Yeah. Amber RichBook (05:19.534)Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nick McGowan (05:25.679)People saying to me like years and years and years ago like you might read something in a book or like the Bible or whatever and it doesn’t make any sense at all and then years later it punches you right in the mouth like there are times literally within the Bible or God’s like this thing today means the most thing to you and you’re like, whoa What what does that mean and you’ve read it 400 billion times? Or you’ve seen a situation or whatever. I think there’s a power of being aware to be able to see those things but then Amber RichBook (05:36.183)Yep. Nick McGowan (05:53.229)like you had even said before we hit record, and we probably should have just hit record way early, was that it’s our responsibility to do something with that. And it’s what we get to do with it from there that actually shapes the way that future generations and all of those sort of things. It’s interesting to me, like right off the bat when you said, I wrote that out in first grade and now I’m living it, because I remember people in grade school thinking or writing out like a five year, 10 year plan. Amber RichBook (05:56.942)you Amber RichBook (06:01.569)Yep. Amber RichBook (06:09.336)Yeah. Nick McGowan (06:21.967)There were a couple of the smart kids in school that I can think back to, like fifth or sixth grade that did that. And there was one in particular, I forget what her name was, but she was like dead set. Like this is exactly how my life’s gonna be. And I’ve thought about that girl every once in a while of like, did life work out? Because my life was totally different than what anything I could have ever created. But what a cool thing for you to see, because it sounds like you didn’t say, well, my intention is to have three kids. Amber RichBook (06:39.5)Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nick McGowan (06:51.381)and nobody around and I wanna do this and we’re gonna go get ice cream and all this like this is the fucking life I’m gonna live and like you pushed for it but what a wild thing for it to create, yeah. Amber RichBook (06:53.089)Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you just lived. Yes. And, and, and then I want to say like older years, like in my teen years, I remember being a freshman and we had the opportunity to sign up for vocational school. prior to us hitting record because Nick and I, were chopping it up. we were talking, I said, you know, even as I navigate my own gifts, I had to process, okay, am I speaking things into existence or am I speaking something that’s already into existence and it’s already the same. So even when you say coincidences aren’t real, coincidence gets a freaking rap because if we break down coincidence, it is coincide. It is all these things that are coming together, but it’s easier to write it off like, it’s just a coincidence. It’s nothing. But if it’s really a coincidence, you should want to do the investigation of. Nick McGowan (07:37.081)Yeah. Amber RichBook (07:52.246)where is this coexistence happening in my reality? Okay, so Amber, what are you getting to? When I was in the eighth or the ninth grade, they said we could sign up for a vocational school. So school, high school, halftime, then go to a technical school. So I’m like, all right, I wanna do cosmetology because I don’t wanna flip burgers while I’m in college. Like that was what I convinced my mother. I’m like, mom. Nick McGowan (08:05.377)Yeah. Amber RichBook (08:16.898)And it was $300 and I’m like, it comes with a whole kit. And I’m like, you want me to go to college, right? Like I’m not saying I’m not going to college. So I don’t want to flip burgers. Not that anything is wrong with that. Cause I did end up working at a fast food restaurant, right? Because you’re like, I don’t want to do that. And then you end up where you said you don’t want to be because the universe source wherever it doesn’t here don’t, it just hears focus and attention. And I went through that. that cosmetology program, graduated high school, graduated with my cosmetology license. I’m still licensed to this day. And I remember when I was in college, I had a car accident where I lost all my cognitive abilities and I had to medically withdraw. Now, once I started to heal up, I didn’t have the cognitive ability to return back to college. Nick McGowan (08:58.361)Hmm. Amber RichBook (09:09.024)Why? Because prior to my accident, had a brain contusion afterwards, but I could study with the lights on, the music on, the TV on, all these stimulators. But then after my accident, when I say I had to write things word for word, I had to have pure silence, I had to take breaks. I’m like, this is not going to work for me. So I had this cosmetology license to lean back on to create a living for myself and to work prior to returning back to school. Nick McGowan (09:29.006)Hmm. Amber RichBook (09:38.88)And so that’s where that interconnectedness of the universal law of cause and effect, right? So if you ensure, like get insurance on all these things, you’re also calling in accidents, breaks. You’re also calling in all the things that benefit from having this insurance. So that’s how interesting and coincidental life is, is when you’re preparing and creating these incidents Nick McGowan (09:53.709)you Nick McGowan (10:04.836)Mm. Amber RichBook (10:08.784)that get to coincide with each other. That was so crazy. Yes. Yes. Nick McGowan (10:13.871)I think the awareness is the glue of that though. Like if you’re aware of that stuff, you can then do something or not. Like there are certain things I think that happen. Like even with you saying, all right, mom, I’m gonna go to college, but I wanna go this route. You’re really just thinking from a perspective of the system of the world tells me that I need to make money. I need to do this on my own. So I guess I’ll go do this thing. Yes. Amber RichBook (10:35.692)and I need to have something to fall back on, right? So going with that intention of I need something to fall back on because something can go wrong. Yup. Nick McGowan (10:43.833)Just in case. Yeah. Which is such a fucked thing. So our parents went through the bullshit like that with their parents and maybe they went to college or they did something and they had something they could fall back on because their parents said, based on the current system that we’re in, in the 60s and 70s, this is what it’s gonna be like. And by the time the 80s and 90s came around, now we’re experiencing what that’s like where you motherfuckers were able to afford a house. Amber RichBook (10:49.262)You Amber RichBook (10:53.975)Yep. Nick McGowan (11:13.359)for $13,000 back in the day. We can’t afford that for a porch on a house, let alone, you know what I mean? But those though are stories and it’s up to us to be able to change. And I think that’s where part of the awakening is happening, where we then look back and go, well, motherfucker, some of this shit really fucked us up. And this was straight up abuse in that time or. Amber RichBook (11:13.826)Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, okay, wait. Amber RichBook (11:26.711)Yeah. Yes. Yes. Nick McGowan (11:40.751)You told me I needed to do this and therefore I went down a different path because I wasn’t able to just be my authentic self. Now it’s not like we live in some reality where we just like unicorns and rainbows constantly and we just create whatever we want. Like the Jetsons, you go, I’m hungry, here’s a button and like whatever. I actually don’t want that anyway. Like by the time AI does that shit, I hope to be long gone. But we are not in that space where we can just play constantly. Amber RichBook (11:47.971)Yeah. Amber RichBook (11:57.359)Yeah. Amber RichBook (12:00.876)Yeah. Nick McGowan (12:09.721)but how do we be ourselves with our identity to be able to play? Amber RichBook (12:13.486)Let’s see, Nick, but that’s the theme. I play all the time. Play is a part of it. I think also, so there’s so many different things I would jump through my head as you were talking. And I’m trying to get there. I’m going to get there. My matrilineal line, my grandmother was brought here by a white family in 1961 from Antigua to be there up here. And my mother was a first-generational. college graduate and then I was a second generational college graduate and each my grandmother worked to get her GED coming to America. She got her GED. She worked as a maid in upstate New York. And then once she had my mom and my aunt’s and uncle, she went to school to be a nurse because that’s what she needed to or she felt she needed to do. than my mom or CNA, right? Cause my mom went to college. then there’s me. And so it’s kind of like you mentioned the Bible earlier. I like to tell people like I am an Abrahamic prophecy fulfilled for my grandmother who came to America. for this opportunity from her little island. And in that rate, she worked for white people. And growing up cultured, I didn’t grow up knowing that I was Caribbean because no one wanted to be, everybody wanted to be American. So I was having Caribbean experiences in the household. And I think by the time I got, cause I grew up, where I was growing up, people were like, you’re mixed, you’re not. you’re not just black. And my dad’s family, they’re from the Virginia that’s there, we could trace back to there. And I’m like, yo. And so I was in college, I’m like, I’m not just black. I’m not just African American. I’m not just this. But also it was in high school. So why is all of this relevant? Because it leads to my life. In high school, as a ninth grader, the same year that I was like, okay, I don’t wanna be a whatever I wanna be. Amber RichBook (14:29.528)do here and this is the first time that I’m telling this story and I’m telling this story because of our pre-show conversation and you said I the real, I want the ball, I want all this stuff. So this is the first time I’m sharing this publicly. When I was in the ninth grade, I went to a predominantly white high school where less than 10 % of the high school population were students of color. And I had just moved, this was in the Poconos, and I had just moved from New Jersey because my mom was like, I want you to have a better opportunity, et cetera, et cetera. And at this time, these innate things, I have to share my cultural experience, right? Because people don’t, it’s going to make sense. Nick McGowan (15:11.865)Context. Amber RichBook (15:12.022)you proximity to whiteness will help me be better. That’s why my name is Amber. How many times in high school, right? I remember where there was a substitute teacher and there was another black girl in my class, but she did. She wasn’t there for the day and her name was Shaniqua. Like that was for real her name, but she wasn’t there. So when the substitute got to her name, she’s like, Shaniqua, like whatever. And so she’s looking at me and I’m like, I’m not Shaniqua. Nick McGowan (15:16.473)Hmm. Mmm. Nick McGowan (15:40.078)Man. Amber RichBook (15:41.888)My name was at the end of the thing. So she’s like, Amber Walters. And I’m like, that’s me. man, what? She was going to write me up, me to the principal’s office because she thought I was being funny. And like my classmates were like, no, she’s Amber. I had to get up and show my ID. So having that experience as a ninth grader, then being voted freshman class president, the first black president at a high school, like that was the thing. Nick McGowan (15:42.959)You don’t live here no more. Amber RichBook (16:11.958)at 14 and you got all this pressure. And so now you’re on the softball field and you’re in gym playing softball and you beat the popular girl. You beat the girl who’s been in this district since she was in kindergarten and all her friends and surrounding around. And for the first time in my life, I was called the N word and it was swing and N swing, swing and N swing. And that was my first time. So the culture shock of going from the urban Jersey experience to this predominantly white experience, not harming anyone, just like, yeah, we’re people, we’re ninth graders. Like, it’s cool. Like, I’m just, I’m Amber. Like, we’re gonna be class president. It’s gonna be cool, like class or whatever. And I had never had that experience. And I’m like, all I could feel was like, don’t call me that. Nick McGowan (16:44.867)Yeah. Amber RichBook (17:05.942)And I remember, swing and then swing. You think you won and you think you won. You cheated, you did. And I’m like, what the fuck? And all I went in is to warrior. And it was like my mother, my grandmother, my grandmother before them. My grandmother is a product of Portuguese colonization in Antigua, taking advantage of an indigenous woman on the island, right? So she had no home from either side. And I defended myself, but I was punished for that incident. And I was the first, and I tell my kids, joke about it now, right? I’m like, I was the first black president in my high school, the first one to be voted in, and the first one to be impeached. And that followed me through my whole high school career. And it was in my 20s that this particular woman reached out to me via LinkedIn. And she’s like, I just want to apologize for what happened in the ninth grade. And I’m like, girl, you fucked up my high school career. I graduated in the top 10 % of my class, but that still followed me. And that followed me. And we talked about the Alchemist early on before we came on the show. And I’m sharing this depth of, because you want the real world, I’m going tell you. It shared that depth because that depth. Nick McGowan (17:54.403)Hahaha. Nick McGowan (18:07.715)Ha ha ha. Amber RichBook (18:23.916)because it then took me on that journey when I did go back to college and I finished in accounting as a non-traditional student and I went to the big four as a public accountant. the only one who looked like me. And so it was now my 14 year old self back in this swing and end swing. Go get this thing and go get this coffee and go get this thing. And you’re like, what is happening? But that’s where the world is like, where you talked about where our parents, you got to go to college, you got to graduate, you got to get the good job, you got to do what you got to do, you got to keep your head down. For me and my reality, it’s you got to work twice as hard, you got to be twice as this, don’t show your emotion, don’t show You don’t have these things. So even as I built my career in corporate, right? I built myself to be the corporate mermaid where I tell people don’t ask me shit about corporate because I do what I want when I want how I want whenever I want but I had to heal that 14 year old girl who thought that she wasn’t enough and that thought and and and took the emotional responsibility so me as the adult going to her like we don’t Like what Michelle Obama say, when they go low, we go higher, whatever she said, right? Like, no, that has nothing to do with you. That has nothing to do with you. And so me moving in the frequency of love. giving people back their pain. You mentioned trauma early, giving them back their trauma. Because just like people of color have generational trauma innate in our DNA, so do Europeans, so do Caucasians, so do white Americans. We all have these different generational things running through our veins and it’s what are we going to do with them? How are we going to reconcile? How are we going to bring the healing? And it looks like that accountability, it looks like no. And so what ended up happening and then I’ll wrap it up because I know I just gave you so much at one time. They tried to, I don’t want to say they tried to set me up, but I live near UNC, like the museum, and they were like, we need you to go audit the museum. I’m a little baby associate. You want me to audit a museum’s millions of dollars painting and do an inventory count? I said, okay. I said, okay. And I used to have my, my Bob, my professional white girl looking black hair. so I could be palatable. And I remember the museum couldn’t find a painting, Nick. It was $7 million. And they were like, you can leave. And when we find it, we’ll let you know. I was like, I am not leaving here until y’all find this painting. I am not leaving here. But seeing the pressure that was on me in that now moment. Nick McGowan (21:12.921)No, my God. Amber RichBook (21:19.982)think is the same pressure that I felt in being voted class president as a ninth grade girl. And I sat there and I sat there and they found it because I was like, God, they got to find this. And it was in between some other paintings. But just seeing how my inner child, the intensity that I had and so to bring it home, how Spirit, source, universe, your life path is gonna keep putting you in positions until you get comfortable. And so I remember my mom, she was in seminary school when I was a kid. And I remember going with her and this was in Madison, New Jersey at Drew University. And we pulled up to Burger King. Again, these are things I’ve never told anyone, right? You want the depth, the raw. And she’s like, Amber, you didn’t want to get out the car. And I’m like, what? She’s like, I don’t want to get out the car because all those white people are going to look at me. Now, my family, my mom had white friends. Like, we had a very diverse. friend experience. was not isolated from things. My grandfather, was friends with Italians. I was in school, so it was very diverse, but there was a different energy. It was a different sense. It was a different experience. So now as an adult woman, it was like, right. When we were talking about self mastery and mindset, in my TED talk, I talked about the Oro Burrows, the loop of life, the beginning and the end being one, the death and and the birth and the rebirth and the death and the birth, that cycle. And it wasn’t until I finally, in my adult years, got into the same space as my white peers, my white colleagues, and I stopped shrinking myself to inferiority. And that looked like my grand living and becoming my grandmother’s deferred dream that she wasn’t able to witness in her living life. Amber RichBook (23:22.99)Everything in life connects in that capacity. I had to learn to be confident as an eight year old. I had to learn to be confident as a 14 year old, as a 20 something year old. Now in my thirties to be like, I stand in my power. Now we know that we create our reality. And I was creating my reality at all of those ages. All of those experiences were my own personal lessons to learn. I’m sorry, y’all. Thank you for your patience. I was just running my mouth. Nick McGowan (23:26.669)Yeah. Nick McGowan (23:40.665)Yeah. Nick McGowan (23:51.801)Yeah, thank you for the Ted talk. mean, well, truthfully that’s some of the best magic that happens within podcasting. Even if we just had a few minute conversation, we probably wouldn’t get to this. And I think it’s on me as the host to be able to facilitate this and allow you to have those conversations. Amber RichBook (23:52.944)I know I was like Nick McGowan (24:16.695)and allow in the sense of like, let’s move in a direction that makes it open for you to be able to do that. There’s a lot that you put out there, obviously, and those that are gonna listen to this, they’re like, yeah, there’s a whole lot. But there’s a lot of great things and it’s all also woven together and there’s patterns to that. There’s system problem to start off with. Those white kids in the fucking Poconos, I know, yeah, it’s much different than East Orange. Amber RichBook (24:40.782)because you know the polka-dos, you’re from up there. Nick McGowan (24:46.243)and vastly different. I grew up in the burbs, but in a more diverse section of the burbs, not the higher end burbs. Like if anybody’s from Springfield, Pennsylvania, you know, you’re different than Prospect Park and Glen Olden. And there’s versions to that, but then also living in the city at times. And my mom grew up in the city in Philly as a tiny little goofy looking redhead kid. She got picked on because she looked like Pippi Longstocking basically. And she had problems with Italians and other Irish people as well as African-American people and Latin people and like all these different groups. But all of that comes from a fucking system problem and generational trauma because everybody’s pitted against themselves. And ultimately what I’m learning is that it gets further back to the white people. Amber RichBook (25:34.796)Yep. Yep. Yep. Nick McGowan (25:41.753)that said, think we’re better than you. So we’re just gonna do this the way that we think. And even with like a male and female sort of thing, like men think they’re better than women and I don’t understand it. Like I thank God daily for my partner because she’s so much smarter than I am and so much more grounded and there are things that we learn. And that’s the way that even when you think of men and women being together, let’s just use that as an example where Men should be the leaders. That’s not correct. Women actually lead us. She leads me a lot and will lead me into a direction that then I can do my part and go from there. I think there’s awareness to this and understanding what some of those systems are. Like why are there poor sections of a city or a town? probably because they’re all pushed that direction and everything’s fucking concrete. They can’t even grow their own vegetables. They can’t even… try to get out of the system that they’re stuck within. And even what you’re saying with your mom saying, well, we’re gonna go closer to a white direction because proximity, that makes me think of from the Irish people that were brought over here that were like, well, you’re a slave, but you’re white. And why don’t we just make you a cop? Because, know, fuck it, you’ve got a little bit of authority, but you’re not gonna have all the authority. I’m not saying that I understand what you went through at all because really I don’t. But I can see how some of that is even within my cells that needs to be processed out. I think of the shit that I went through as a kid being a token white kid. kids would make fun of me because I was a chunky little kid and I think I’ve sized appropriately as I got older. But there are things that I remember going, well, this doesn’t feel right. But I do often think back to there was literally just a handful of different people, a handful of Asian kids that were in the school or some black kids, but it was primarily a bunch of douchebag white kids that thought they had privilege over anybody that was slightly different than them. And again, I think that’s a system problem and it’s a generational trauma thing. So we, as the people, get to do something with it. I think it’s cool that that person came back to you and said, Amber RichBook (27:54.594)Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Nick McGowan (28:00.599)I’m sorry, I’ve thought about this. Clearly they’ve thought about it for a long time. Does not make it right for what they said. However, I do think there is a little bit of, I don’t want to say grace, but understanding context of how we grew up. Because look, I’ve said some fucked up shit growing up that I didn’t understand was as fucked up. But then when I understood what it was, and that it was, I don’t know, entrenched in racism or whatever. Amber RichBook (28:14.915)yeah. Yeah. Nick McGowan (28:29.537)I could tie back to where that came from. There was an example. My mom was about to buy a house. She grew up pretty poor and had me at 22. And I don’t know, maybe like 10, 12 years old, something like that. She bought her first house. And I remember her driving, we’re driving down the street and she pointed at somebody doing lawn work. And she was like, we’re going to get one of them. I was like, a lot? I would hope we’re gonna buy a house. And she was like, no, somebody that can basically be our slave and do our lawn work. And I remember, I don’t know, being 12 or whatever and be like, that sounds kind of fucked up. But all the rest of these assholes that I’m around kind of say similar things. And nobody’s really breaking out of that. Their responsibility was to change that so that we, as our kids, you know, like us, were able to do things differently. But it’s not on anybody else, it’s on us to do something with it. I think really the failure would be if you and I are having this conversation and then we get off here and we’re both fucking assholes and douchebags of people and we don’t do anything from it. Because I know that I still have problems at times like I’m really impatient, especially driving. And if somebody is driving in the fast lane, going 10 miles an hour under the speed limit, I question how they even fucking put shoes on, let alone do anything else in the world. But I understand that there’s pieces of that that Once we’re aware of something, we can do something with it. So we started this by talking about identity. Your identity was shifted at that point. Yeah, that girl kind of fucked up your high school. Also, the story that you told by yourself in your own head based on unprocessed trauma that was literally in your genetic code was pitted against you. Like any work that was done prior to you hadn’t been fully accomplished and completed. Amber RichBook (29:58.018)Yeah. Nick McGowan (30:23.981)and then something came up and you needed to do something with it. It took you time. The fact that you’re doing something with it, your girls are gonna be better off. At the same time, it’s on them to do whatever happens to them. Like I had a conversation with a friend maybe about a year or so ago where they’re like, I’m gonna do everything different from what my parents did. And his parents were, they fucked him up. Amber RichBook (30:27.714)Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nick McGowan (30:46.859)And he’s doing everything he can. And at one point he had a realization. He was like, and still, bet these kids are going to be in therapy at some point saying something about me because everybody’s going to interpret it the way that they want and how they do it from there. So the systems of this is fucked up, but it is what we work within. The generational trauma is fucked as well, but here we are. Amber RichBook (30:54.54)Yeah. Yes. Yes. Amber RichBook (31:03.328)Yeah, and so, yeah, yeah. And so even in your response, I appreciate it. And it is multifaceted because we have our own experiences. While your mom had her experiences, you had your own. And while my mom and my grandmother had their experiences, I had my own. So I think that… I can’t necessarily just leave it to my generational DNA pass down trauma without acknowledging the impact of my own personal life experience and those that the things that could be traumatic had I not chose to heal and navigate through them. Right. And so there are some people who don’t have the higher mind or the discipline or the wherewithal. Nick McGowan (31:36.461)Of Amber RichBook (31:58.134)to heal themselves so they may not have been able to receive an apology from someone who has caused them harm, right? So when we think about… the Holocaust experience, people are still apologizing for that experience. Because just because we apologize doesn’t mean it takes away the pain of that experience. And that’s the empathy that… We have to extend to all persons who have been impacted. It does not take away. We can apologize and extend grace and those groups of people who did what they did to that particular community, they may have learned their lesson, but it does not take away the pain. It does not absolve it. I may, and that’s no different than parents, right? There’s a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. As a parent, you do have the responsibility to Nick McGowan (32:35.14)Yeah. Nick McGowan (32:57.902)Yeah. Amber RichBook (33:01.8)listen to your child and be accountable, but your apology is not gonna fix their fucked upness. It’s not gonna fix the pain. They themselves have to do the work to absolve that. And sometimes even when they do, the relationship may not go back to being the same because of how impactful the trauma is. And that’s just psychological in itself. Nick McGowan (33:21.945)Yeah. Amber RichBook (33:27.328)And so it’s just so multifaceted and I, and I can’t speak for a collective of people, but I can speak for myself and like anyone listening. One of the things that I teach my collective specifically persons of indigenous or persons of color, but anybody, right? If you heal yourself, you have the ability to heal generations before you and generations after you, which is able to have a healthy, loving, thriving relationship with my mom. Nick McGowan (33:29.807)For real. Nick McGowan (33:50.319)Mm-hmm. Amber RichBook (33:57.42)and healthy, loving, thriving relationship with my children while still having, and I think the other thing is too, sometimes people think that these healed relationships mean perfection and no mistakes and no disagreements and we are all holding hands and singing the Munchkin song. No, it’s how we navigate through conflict. It’s how we resolve the conflict. Nick McGowan (34:09.251)Yeah. Amber RichBook (34:21.312)Is my mom accountable for herself? Am I accountable for myself? Are my children accountable for themselves? So, this is good. You’re good. Nick McGowan (34:33.167)I mean, I think the big thing here is to really understand that no matter what we go through and how we look at things, there may be an interpretation, there may be things that are kind of blocking us or propelling us in one direction, but it is ultimately up to us to do. And something that has come up as you were talking about, like, I can’t speak for an entire type of people or race of people, et cetera. I think there are things where some people can say, yeah, well, the Holocaust was different than this, or we should look at what happened with this and we should feel a certain way. Any of these things don’t take away from somebody else. The Holocaust is really not as different as what the fucking people did when they got to this country and they’re like, look at this land, who the fuck are you? you grow things here, cool. Amber RichBook (35:17.666)Nick, I wasn’t ready. But they do, right? But they do. And that’s the systemic issue that you started with earlier in the conversation. And it’s no right or wrong. It’s just we have to, for those of us that see, see. Nick McGowan (35:20.857)But I mean, it doesn’t take away from that. Amber RichBook (35:39.934)understand. And then you mentioned something earlier too that I wanted to reflect on where you were like, this stuff is fucked up. But those that know the yin and yang, the dark and the light, the ugliness, the fucked upness is here for a reason. Because there’s, there’s the balance. And that’s the fairness. Nick McGowan (35:56.879)Yep. And there’s a balance to it as well. Amber RichBook (36:05.386)of life that is a universal principle and a universal law. And then when we understand like on this mindset mastery journey of life, we have these fucked up experience based on what our soul needs to learn and understand for its own development. Who do, who did I come here to be? Well, Obviously, I tell people, I’m like, I’m pretty sure in a past life, I was a man and I was an asshole. And then I got sent here to be a woman and specifically a black woman to have certain life experiences to humble me and give me my soul more evolutionary experiences. That’s my own self theory, y’all. That’s just my own self theory. But. Nick McGowan (36:45.785)Damn. Nick McGowan (36:50.127)I love that. I understand, you know, I get that. think there’s like there’s shit that I’ve learned over the past few years that has propelled me in a different direction where even with that sort of stuff, I’m like, I wonder what will happen next. And how faith and religion and stuff like that ties in. Now full transparency, I’m a big fan of the OG Jesus, not the Republican Jesus, because that’s strange. Amber RichBook (37:18.23)tables at the synagogue because he’s like what y’all doing selling stuff in my father’s house I’m throwing all this shit over okay the one who Russia released that the oldest Bible was found in Ethiopia and the oldest form of Christianity was found in northern eastern Africa that Jesus the one with the woolen hair why are you starting problems why are you starting why are you starting problems on your podcast Nick McGowan (37:19.395)Yeah! Ugh… Man… Yeah! shit, even with that. Nick McGowan (37:35.695)Well, that’s where we all started from so even if you think of like race That’s what I’m fucking here for This is what I’m here for disrupt things I actually I talk about that a little bit at different times with that specific story about Jesus. So I read a book Maybe mid-2000s called the beautiful outlaw and a little bit context. I’d played in church bands for the better part of a decade so I was in churches, like in Green Room style in, know, and somebody told me about that book. I read it. It was basically like, well, Jesus will show up to people in the way that they expect to see him. And let’s look at his stories that actually break down context. Like even when they say don’t eat pork, it’s because it was dirty and they couldn’t actually get the viruses out of the pork so people would die. We eat pork now and it’s different. but people will look at things and like, Bible said this. It’s like lot of it was metaphors and parables and just trying to get you to understand the fucking story in your stupid little brain. Amber RichBook (38:38.222)And the Bible was rewritten, one that the Americas, okay, so since you brought this up, there is called the Council of Nicaea. And there once was a king who was upset and scared of witches because witches ruled the world. He also was abhorred by his sexuality and wrote a lot of things against himself as if it would help him. So. Nick McGowan (38:48.306)15th century. Nick McGowan (38:53.039)Ugh. Amber RichBook (39:05.934)What you say? Homophobic and then that. Yes. And then there are missing books because people don’t know that you have the Vatican that has all the books that were written. So. Nick McGowan (39:06.093)And then that became literally gospel. What the fuck? Nick McGowan (39:18.073)yeah. Well, they changed things in the 15th century because they were like, this is what we want this to be. This is when King James came out. Context people, context is important. And we’re not just spewing this shit to just spew the shit. If there are systems in place, yeah, but there are systems, there are things that happen. There are biases of people that say, I am afraid to be me. So I’m going to do these things. We’re fucking seeing it now. Amber RichBook (39:22.998)Yes. Yeah, you can go to a library. Yeah. Nick McGowan (39:44.525)We’re seeing it with everything that’s happening right now. all right, so, I mean, what the fuck? We’re seeing a lot of it now, but so that story specifically, context is important. Jesus actually spent time braiding a whip and then turned it on. The man probably sat there for a while, like an hour, maybe even longer. He might’ve even braided some of the whip at home, because he knew what was going on. He didn’t just walk in and go, what in the fuck? Amber RichBook (39:50.382)Nick you are funny Amber RichBook (39:57.848)Yeah. Nick McGowan (40:13.615)boom, and blow everything up. That’s not how it worked. That’s not what context is about. And the reason why he did that was because these people were doing something against everybody and the actual premise of being community driven. That was selfish. wasn’t just that they were doing something in God’s house and God said, no. A lot of people will just eat the shit that they’re fed and just keep consuming. Reason why it keeps going back to that is again, it’s systems. Amber RichBook (40:25.046)Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Nick McGowan (40:41.455)And I think there are biases that people look at, which then infect or affect whichever way you wanna look at it, our identity. I appreciate that we’ve gone on this tangent in certain ways with this sort of stuff. And I think it’s important for us all to understand that the identity that we have right now is evolving and it may not actually be the identity that we want it to be. And that trauma might be a part of that, the subconscious winning strategy, which we didn’t really touch about. Amber RichBook (40:53.698)We did. Amber RichBook (41:02.092)Yes. Amber RichBook (41:05.537)Yes. Nick McGowan (41:10.903)is a part of that, these strategies that develop us. But what’s your advice for somebody who’s listening that’s on their path towards self-mastery? Amber RichBook (41:19.818)that there is no end to the path of self-mastery. You must be willing to change as many times, change identities as many times as often of times as you feel led to in your residence. And sometimes in this identity self mastery journey, some people do choose to stop and land at a destination. And that’s where they want to cap their beingness on this identity. And there’s no right or wrong to any of it. Amber RichBook (41:59.918)That’s the biggest thing that I would say. There’s no right or wrong to this path of self mastery at all. you get to decide this is your world, this is your reality. If you want to be a single woman today or a single man today and then say tomorrow you want to be partnered and that’s your reality and that’s the identity you want to shift into, do that. And I think the biggest thing is us being willing to look at our lives objectively, understanding that each individual is just filled with opinions and that. is what forms the facts of their life and to respect the opinions and facts of one life as a way of you respecting and honoring the facts and opinions of your life, which is much like the namaste, right? The God in me sees the God in you. Nick McGowan (42:48.567)Yeah, beautiful way to put that. And I think this has been great. I really appreciate you being on. We could probably sit here and just shoot the shit for like hours and just keep recording. But before I let you go, where can people find you and where can they connect with you? Amber RichBook (43:03.638)People can find me on social media everywhere at a.richbook on LinkedIn, Amber Rich Book, arichbook.com. Put my name in Google, I’ll pop up. But thank you, Nick, for having me and allowing me to share these things with your community. Thank you all for having me. Nick McGowan (43:23.779)Absolutely, it’s been a pleasure. appreciate your time. Amber RichBook (43:26.392)Thank you. https://youtu.be/zO7xasV4WUg

Episode 166In this bonus mini-episode,  I share what it's like to taste the fruit of a nine year long interior integration and healing process of my family of origin complex trauma. I describe in concrete terms what this feels like in my body and in the impact I see it has on the rest of my family. I hope this encourages those who are similar healing journeys!Watch on YouTube here.Support the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

BUY THE SLOW LIVING BOOK HERE! In this episode, Stephanie and Shelly dive into a powerful self-reflection exercise, exploring the adjectives Shelly uses to describe herself and her current season of life. The conversation opens up into an honest discussion about health, menopause, and how ongoing struggles with doctors and health insurance have shaped Shelly's mindset. With vulnerability and compassion, they talk about how discouragement can impact not just the body, but self-image and confidence too.Shelly describes her life as being in “survival mode,” which leads to a meaningful conversation about her journey through breast cancer, family relationships, and resilience. Stephanie gently challenges Shelly to reimagine what health looks like for her future self, sparking a hopeful discussion about aging well, staying active, and a growing love for hiking. The episode wraps with reflections on the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson and how its insights helped Shelly better understand her relationship with her father—making this a thoughtful, relatable listen about healing, health, and personal growth.Past Episodes You May Love: Episode 9: How to Get What You Want When You Want ItEpisode 26: Stop Delaying HappinessEpisode 36: Becoming Resilient Episode 43: Imperfect ActionEpisode 51: Adult FriendshipsWant to know more about living a slowed down life?!Simple Shortcuts to Peace Course - https://stephanieodea.com/peaceNew Year, New You Mini Challenge - https://stephanieodea.com/newyouJoin me for my LIVE Masterclass - https://stephanieodea.com/masterclass/Website - https://stephanieodea.comBlog - https://stephanieodea.com/blog/Slow Living Podcast - https://stephanieodea.com/podcastSpeaking Opportunities - https://stephanieodea.com/speaking/Coaching Opportunities - https://stephanieodea.com/coaching/Courses - https://stephanieodea.com/courses/Contact - stephanieodea.com/contact/

This week it's Children's Mental Health week, so we invited psychotherapist and psychodynamic counsellor, Sian Morgan-Crossley onto the show to talk all about her book and the topic of being raised by emotionally immature parents.Find a new episode every Tuesday & Friday and in the meantime check out Made By Mammas on Instagram: @madebymammas.Made By Mammas® is an Audio Always production. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 94: In this episode, I start by inviting us to slow down together. I recorded this on February 8, 2026, and I could feel how loud life has been lately. Instead of showing up with a tidy bow and a perfect lesson, I let this be a real conversation between me and you. A place to breathe, to soften, and to tell the truth about what it feels like when your inner world is rearranging itself.Because today we are talking about falling apart, and why it might be the most honest thing your soul has ever done.I'm introducing you to a concept I just found this week and immediately knew I needed to bring to you: positive disintegration. The kind of breakdown that isn't a failure, but a signal. A sign that the strategies you used to survive, the roles you learned to play, and the fantasies you clung to are no longer able to hold back what you already know in your bones. In other words, it's not that you are breaking. It's that your denial is breaking. And something truer is trying to come through.We talk about why our culture fears endings, grief, and death, and how that fear shows up psychologically when we're in the crucible of change, especially when you're considering divorce. I connect this to the life-death-life cycle, to the way nature does this without apologizing, and to the brutal tenderness of becoming. If you've been feeling heavy, depressed, anxious, or stuck, I want you to hear this clearly: those feelings do not automatically mean you're doing it wrong. Sometimes they mean you're finally doing it right.I also share one of my favorite images for this process: the butterfly becoming the goo. That disorienting, humiliating, sacred middle. The place where you cannot go back to who you were, but you cannot yet see who you're becoming. If you're there right now, you are not behind. You are not broken. You are in the chrysalis.And I bring in two powerful texts that help us name what we're living: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and Women Who Run with the Wolves. We talk about Skeleton Woman, Lady Death, and what it means to stop throwing the parts of ourselves we fear off the cliff. We talk about building a foundation that can hold you through the unraveling, not by rushing to fix the feelings, but by staying with yourself inside them.If you're in that tender, terrifying season where everything you built your life on feels shaky, this episode is for you. It's a reminder that the breakdown might not be the end of your story. It might be the beginning of your true self returning.

BUY THE SLOW LIVING BOOK HERE! In this honest and heartfelt episode, Stephanie and Shelly explore setting boundaries while caring for an aging parent, as Shelly shares the emotional realities of supporting her biological father. Drawing from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, they discuss acceptance, healing, and the importance of putting yourself first.The conversation also touches on grief, family estrangement, and planning ahead for retirement, finances, health, and time management. With practical tools like time blocking and thoughtful reflection, this episode offers encouragement for anyone learning to set boundaries and move forward with intention. Past Episodes You May Love: Episode 10: Planning the Dream -- Mapping out your 5 year planEpisode 55: Enjoy the JourneyEpisode 164: Recovering from People Pleasing

This is the final episode of our Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents series — and it's about integration. Healing doesn't mean you're never triggered. It doesn't mean your parents suddenly change. And it doesn't mean the past disappears. Integration is about learning how to respond differently, trust yourself more, and stop abandoning your needs — even when old patterns show up. In this episode, we focus on what it actually looks like to move forward after awareness. In this episode, you'll hear: What integration really means in healing work Why awareness alone isn't enough Signs you're healing even if it doesn't feel like it How grief, compassion, and boundaries can coexist Letting go of emotional closure that may never come What self-trust looks like after emotional immaturity How to practice healing without pressure or perfection This episode is not about doing more — it's about being with yourself differently. If you've been asking, "Okay… now what?" — this episode is for you. Reflection Questions: Where am I responding differently than I used to? What patterns am I interrupting now? What does emotional safety look like for me today? Healing is not about erasing the past. It's about no longer letting it run your present. Small shifts create big change.

When we're taught that "love" is conditional on outside approval, when we're taught to fear authority rather than stand in our personal power, when we're expected to provide unwavering loyalty and praise, even at our own expense—we come into adulthood deeply emotionally debilitated. Emotionally immature parents and caregivers leave lasting wounds on their children—a fear of rejection and abandonment, fawning and people pleasing, a lack of boundaries and sense of agency, trouble with relationships and attachment, and maybe worst of all, a deep confusion about what love is. In this episode, associate counselor Taylor Pearl joins me to get into emotionally immature parents—the core traits, the impact, and the healing we need.Want to work with Remy? Go ⁠⁠here.Email: patraumaparty@gmail.comFind us on:Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

The idea of reparenting yourself can feel overwhelming — especially if you grew up having to take care of yourself emotionally at a young age. In Episode 5 of 6 in the Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents series, we break down what reparenting actually means, what it does not mean, and why this work is meant to be gentle — not perfect. Reparenting isn't about fixing your parents, erasing the past, or doing everything on your own. It's about learning how to offer yourself the emotional safety, validation, and attunement that may not have been consistently available growing up. In this episode, we explore: What reparenting yourself really is Common misconceptions that make this concept feel intimidating Why receiving care — even from yourself — can feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable How self-abandonment shows up when care once came with conditions What reparenting looks like in everyday, real-life moments This episode isn't about doing more or getting it right. It's about beginning to relate to yourself with compassion and curiosity.

My guest today is Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents.You probably saw Dr. Gibson everywhere in 2025...even on Oprah...but LET THE RECORD SHOW: you heard her here first!This interview originally aired in March 2023, and I'm bringing it back because her work continues to resonate deeply with adults with ADHD.In this episode, we explore why so many ADHD adults grew up feeling physically cared for—but emotionally alone. This is not a parent-shaming conversation. It's about clarity, compassion, and naming invisible dynamics so you can stop blaming yourself for struggles that were never yours to fix.What You'll LearnWhy emotional loneliness is a defining experience for many adult childrenWhat “emotional immaturity” actually looks like in parentsHow people-pleasing, caretaking, and guilt develop as survival strategiesWhy setting boundaries often triggers backlash—and how to respondHow guilt can be a sign of emotional coercion, not wrongdoingWhat it means to emotionally disengage and reclaim space for yourselfIf you've ever felt like you're the problem in your family, struggled with guilt around boundaries, or exhausted yourself managing other people's emotions—this episode is for you.Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents — Dr. Lindsay GibsonRecovering from Emotionally Immature Parents — Dr. Lindsay Gibsondrlindsaygibson.comWatch this episode on YouTubeWant help with your ADHD? Join FOCUSED!Have questions for Kristen? Call 1.833.281.2343Hang out with Kristen on Instagram and TikTokSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you've ever told yourself "I know I need boundaries, I just can't seem to hold them," this episode is for you. In Episode 4 of 6 in the Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents series, we explore why boundaries feel so hard — and why that struggle actually makes sense when you understand the emotional environments many of us grew up in. For children raised by emotionally immature parents, boundaries weren't neutral. They were emotional risks. Needs were often dismissed, minimized, or met with guilt, withdrawal, or conflict. Over time, many children learned that connection required self-sacrifice. In this episode, we discuss: What boundaries actually are (and what they are not) Why "just say no" advice often doesn't work How guilt, anxiety, and fear get tied to boundaries The role the nervous system plays in boundary-setting Common misconceptions about being "bad at boundaries" Why compassion — not force — is the foundation of change This episode isn't about pushing yourself to have stronger boundaries. It's about understanding why your body learned that boundaries weren't safe — and how awareness creates choice.

Lou still hates a mismatch as he struggles with his desire to be more vulnerable. Lou and Michael discuss what it means to ask for emotional support. Lou's therapist dropped a bombshell on where shame comes from, especially if you had emotionally immature parents or if your parents always fixed your mistakes for you. Lou takes care of everything and hates it and loves it. Lou and Michael talk about whether we are alone in life. Sidenote: you can hear the extreme winds that spread fire across Los Angeles, throughout the episode. We did our best with the audio. ______ -BetterHelp: If you're struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy. If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/ -The Maca Team: Louie really does take Maca every day. (He takes Black and Tri-Blend). He loves it. http://themacateam.com/secondhandtherapy promo code: bearcub for 10% off -Light Phone: Louie really does have and use a Light Phone III. He loves it. https://www.thelightphone.com/shop?ref=mmexymn promo code: secondhandtherapy for $50 off pre-order of Light Phone III ______ BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@secondhandtherapypod.com Support the pod: PATREON - http://patreon.com/secondhandtherapypod MERCH - http://secondhandtherapypod.com Follow us here: http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypod http://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod Contact us: secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com 818-850-2448 PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105

Many adults struggle with a quiet, persistent sense of loneliness — even when they're in relationships, surrounded by people, or constantly giving to others. In Episode 3 of 6 in the Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents series, we explore emotional loneliness and self-abandonment — how they develop, why they make sense, and how they continue to shape adult relationships, boundaries, and self-connection. In this episode, we discuss: What emotional loneliness really is (and what it isn't) How self-abandonment forms in emotionally immature family systems Why disconnecting from yourself once helped you stay connected to others Common misconceptions about emotional loneliness and independence How these patterns show up in adulthood through over-giving, guilt, and difficulty identifying needs This conversation isn't about blame — it's about understanding the emotional environments we adapted to, so we can begin responding differently now.

When children grow up with emotionally immature parents, they don't just experience emotional neglect — they adapt. In Episode 2 of 6 in the Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents series, we explore the survival roles many children unconsciously take on to stay connected, safe, or unseen in emotionally immature family systems. These roles are not personality traits — they are coping strategies. And many of them continue shaping our relationships, boundaries, and self-worth well into adulthood. In this episode, we discuss: The responsible child who grew up too fast The invisible child who learned not to need much The peacekeeper who managed everyone else's emotions The rebel who expressed what the family couldn't tolerate Why many adults identify with more than one role Common misconceptions about childhood roles Why understanding these patterns matters for adult healing This episode isn't about blaming parents — it's about understanding the emotional environment you adapted to, so you can begin responding differently now.

In this deeply personal conversation (and crossover episode), Stacy opens up about discovering she's a double NPE, confronting painful family truths, and grieving a father she never had the chance to know. She reflects on healing, chosen family, and how community, therapy, and self-compassion helped her rebuild her sense of identity.Stacy is the host of Mothers, Lies, and DNA Surprises and recently recorded Lily's Story on her podcast.  Stacy can be reached on Facebook Stacy Porter Williams, or her email sandkey06@gmail.comResources Mentioned:Hiraeth Hope & Healing RetreatsStacy's podcast Mothers, Lies, and DNA SurprisesTogetherness Heals NPE private group on FacebookBook: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. GibsonNPE Stories PatreonNPE Stories facebook pagehttps://www.facebook.com/NPEstories

Episode 527 | What Is Emotional Immaturity? (Series Part 1 of 6) Many adults grow up believing their childhood was "fine," yet still struggle with emotional connection, boundaries, and self-trust as adults. In this episode, we begin a 6-part series exploring what it means to be an adult child of emotionally immature parents.   Emotional immaturity isn't always loud or obvious. Sometimes it shows up in subtle ways—dismissed feelings, lack of emotional safety, or parents who couldn't meet you emotionally even if your physical needs were met. In this episode, we explore: What emotional immaturity actually is Common signs of emotionally immature parents Why many adults don't realize this applies to them The difference between subtle vs. obvious emotional neglect This episode is about awareness, not blame. Understanding emotional immaturity helps you make sense of patterns you may still be carrying today—without minimizing your experience. ✨ This is the foundation for the entire series and a powerful entry point for new listeners. Book Mentioned in this episode Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.  Next episode: The Roles Children Learn to Play

Welcome back to Dial Emma! Each week, I'll be answering your dilemmas with honesty, empathy, and a few therapeutic truth bombs to help you make sense of life's stickiest moments. If you've ever wished you had a therapist in your back pocket, Dial Emma is here to help.In this week's episode, I'm joined by psychotherapist, author and founder of Break the Cycle Coaching Sian Morgan-Crossley to unpack a festive dilemma around the challenges of dealing with emotionally immature parents.Our listener writes about the feeling of being 'rewound' to her anxious, apologetic teenage self when visiting her family for Christmas, a dynamic that feels increasingly harmful and unsafe. Sian and I explore the complexities of parent-child relationships as children grow older and differentiate themselves from their family system, the damaging impact of emotional immaturity, and strategies for managing expectations and maintaining one's sense of self during family occasions. We also touch on the importance of self-care, setting meaningful boundaries, and understanding the difference between concern and genuine care.Thank you so much to Sian for joining me! You can pre-order her brand new book, How to Heal from Emotionally Immature Parents, here: https://hayhs.com/hthfeip_pp_pb_azIf you have a dilemma for Emma, please fill out this form. ---Dial Emma is hosted by Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Lauren Brook.---Social media:Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrellDial Emma @dialemmapodcastEmail: contact@dial-emma.uk

Send us a textIn this episode, I finally name what has been living in the background of everything: my mother's death, and the grief that took me under. I share how losing her shattered the life I thought I was living, and how that rupture rippled into this podcast: why I went quiet and what it has meant to be reshaped by grief instead of trying to outrun it.Inside this episode, I talk about:The story of my mother's death and the immediate aftermathHow grief hijacked my body, my nervous system, and my creativityThe guilt and shame of disappearing from the mic Grief as an alchemical process: what has burned away, and what remainsThe slow, messy rising-from-the-ashes The blooming and integrationThis is a tender, honest conversation about love, loss, and the parts of us that die with our parents, and the strange, sacred work of rebuilding a self after that.If you've ever gone offline during a season of grief, or felt like you were “failing” at being visible while your heart was breaking, I hope this episode feels like permission and companionship.Thank you for still being here with me in the fire and the rebirth. https://www.downwithmydemons.com/To connect with Chloe Lionheart:Email: chloe@downwithmydemons.comor visit: https://www.wholeheartednetwork.com/Resources:The Prophet (Free E-Book): https://www.kahlilgibran.com/images/The%20Prophet%20Ebook%20by%20Kahlil%20Gibran.pdf"The Wild Edge of Sorrow" by Francis Weller:https://www.francisweller.net/books.htmlAll There Is Podcast with Anderson Cooperhttps://www.cnn.com/all-there-is-anderson-cooper"The Smell of Rain on Dust" by Martin Prechtelhttps://www.marcusbooks.com/book/9781583949399"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson https://www.newharbinger.com/9781626251700/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents/?srsltid=AfmBOopHG-jOeUKWgRzHFNwLOlKLuXUErO32UvwcPpIizJvMG-Sw45iNFind a therapist: https://www.psychologytoday.comSupport the show

Today I'm sitting down for an honest reflection about something I've been moving through lately—change, identity, and what it really means to feel like we matter.As I've transitioned away from professional mountain biking being the center of my identity, I've been exploring how to define value beyond performance, productivity, or outside validation. It's been a humbling and deeply human process, one that I know so many of us can relate to.In this episode, I share some personal stories, research on well-being and mattering, and practical tools to help you strengthen your sense of connection and self-worth. We'll talk about how belonging shapes our mental health, why asking for help takes real courage, and how to reconnect with the parts of yourself that don't depend on achievement.If you've ever questioned your worth, struggled through a life transition, or wondered where you fit, this conversation is for you. Let's grow through it together.LINKS:- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson- The Power of Mattering by Zach Mercurio- Subscribe to the newsletter --------------The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

What if “calm” isn't emotional regulation — but a trauma response? In this compassionate teaching episode, Amie Woolsey clarifies what emotional regulation really is (and isn't). Discover how to recognize suppression, spiritual bypassing, and fawning patterns — and learn how to come back to safety in your body without pretending to be “okay.”Perfect for anyone healing from betrayal trauma, addiction dynamics, or relational wounds.

This episode (#306) addresses a common but painful question from betrayed partners: “Is my spouse a narcissist, or just showing narcissistic tendencies?” Mark and Steve explain that while the term “narcissist” has become a cultural buzzword, true narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is rare and defined by a complete absence of empathy. In contrast, addicts in denial often appear narcissistic because they're reacting defensively from fear and shame. Their hurtful behaviors—blame-shifting, gaslighting, and emotional withdrawal—mimic narcissism but stem from self-protection, not superiority.The hosts emphasize that what matters most isn't the label but the destination. Whether the issue is narcissism, addiction, or emotional immaturity, the key question is: Where is this relationship heading if nothing changes? The described situation clearly reflects an abuse cycle—one fueled by denial, volatility, and manipulation. For the addict, breaking that cycle means pausing reactivity, taking full ownership, and seeking specialized recovery help rather than generic therapy. True healing begins only when defensiveness gives way to empathy and accountability.For the betrayed partner, safety and support come first. Isolation only deepens the trauma, so finding community through trusted friends, family, or support groups like S-Anon and SALifeline is essential. She must set firm boundaries and remember that protecting her partner from consequences is not the same as loving him. The episode closes with practical resources—including books like The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents—and a hopeful reminder that even deeply wounded couples can rebuild when they both commit to truth, humility, and genuine change.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   Is My Partner a "Narcissist" of does he just have Narcissistic Tendencies?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Have you heard about reactive defense, AKA reactive abuse? This is super important to know about if you've been in relationships with abusers (your family counts!), especially when narcissistic abuse is at play and YES, even chronic defensiveness. We're getting clear on what this looks like and how to get off the hamster wheel so we feel focused, clear, and powerful and not like we're about to lose our damn minds. Want to work with Remy? Go ⁠⁠here.Find us on:Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠Email: patraumaparty@gmail.comThe contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach out directly, or, in the US, you can call 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Hotline.

In this episode, I explore compulsive caregiving from an attachment perspective. This is a more subtle form of insecure attachment that nonetheless affects one's ability to thrive and enjoy healthy relationships. Related terms include over-functioning, codependency, and Nice Guy / Good Girl Syndrome.This is the fourth of a four-part series on how our experiences with caregivers in the first three years of life can impact our emotional regulation, beliefs about ourselves, and adult relationships.Here I discuss:* How early attachment experiences shape compulsive caregiving and the “parentified child” dynamic* How over-functioning, people-pleasing, and codependency share a common root in early life and are an attempt to manage attachment anxiety* How physiologic differences, especially of those who are highly sensitive (HSP/Highly Sensitive Person), may make them more vulnerable* The similarities to other addictive and compulsive behaviors* Where this attachment style would fall if placed on the attachment spectrum* The beliefs, emotional states, behaviors, and communication styles that can be present when someone struggles with compulsive caregiving.* The physical and psychological toll of the often-present chronic stress and emotional repression* Tools and interventions that can help one move towards healing and thriving* Specific resources that support awareness and recovery, including The Drama of the Gifted Child, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and Codependent No MoreAs always, I welcome any comments and questions, as these help guide the information that I share.Until next time,CourtneyTo learn more about non-patient consultations, treatment, and monthly mentorship groups, please visit my website at:CourtneySnyderMD.comLinks to related content:Compulsive Caregiving, Over-functioning, Codependency & Nice Guy/Good Girl SyndromeMedical Disclaimer:This newsletter is for educational purposes and not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment for either yourself or others, including but not limited to patients that you are treating (if you are a practitioner). Consult your physician for any medical issues that you may be having. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit courtneysnydermd.substack.com/subscribe

In this solo episode, I'm opening up about one of the most tender and complex parts of my healing journey — growing up with emotionally immature parents and the lifelong impact it can have on our nervous systems, relationships, and sense of self.I share what it's like to carry the invisible weight of over-responsibility, to be the emotional regulator in your family, and to navigate the guilt and grief that comes with creating space or going no-contact. This isn't just about cutting people out — it's about reclaiming your energy, your truth, and your right to feel safe in your own body.If you've ever felt torn between loyalty and self-preservation, between being the “good daughter” and finally being honest about how much it's all costing you — you're not alone. I've been there, and I'm still walking this path.I also talk about what helped me come back to myself and how I support others through this work inside my group program, The Unburdened Heart — for those of us who were never really held in the ways we needed.This one's for the fixers, the feelers, the hyper-independent women who are so damn tired of holding it all. Let this episode be your permission slip to put it down.❥Join The Unburdened Heart Program: https://marinayt.com/the-unburdened-heart ❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh_JAzjN2d_vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewform❥❥❥Stay or Go Course: ⁠https://marinayt.com/stay-or-go⁠ ❥❥❥❥ FREE RESOURCE: a step-by-step process of working with your triggersTRIGGERED TO ROOTED: A ROADMAP TO CREATE TREASURES FROM YOUR TRIGGERSThis powerful step by step process will walk you through how to somatically move through a trigger, ground yourself, allow the emotions to come up and experience massive growth in your lifeDownload here:⁠ ⁠https://marinayt.com/trigger-2-rooted⁠⁠Follow me on Instagram:⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/marina.y.t⁠⁠ Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner Top Episode Quotes:“There's a kind of grief that comes when you stop trying to make a broken system love you.”“I spent years trying to be the calm in everyone else's storm — and abandoning myself in the process.”“You can love someone and still need distance to protect your nervous system.”“I had to learn that taking space isn't selfish — it's sacred.”“It's not my job to carry what my parents never learned to hold.”somatic healing, emotionally immature parents, trauma healing, nervous system regulation, inner child work, family estrangement, grief, fixer identity, boundaries, somatic coaching, Marina Yanai Trainer, The Unburdened Heart, CPTSD recovery, adult children of narcissists, self abandonment healing, trauma-informed care

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the complex dynamics of emotionally immature parents. With her characteristic honesty and humor, Brianne outlines the four distinct types of these parents: the driven, emotional, passive, and rejecting parent. She shares her insights on how each type manifests in relationships and the profound impact they have on their children.Throughout the episode, Brianne discusses the traits and behaviors associated with emotionally immature parents, such as instability, lack of accountability, and self-centeredness. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns and how they can affect adult children, leading to low self-esteem, difficulties in forming healthy relationships, and challenges in emotional regulation.Listeners will find valuable strategies for navigating these complex relationships, including setting boundaries and practicing self-reflection. Brianne encourages everyone to break the cycle of emotional immaturity, urging parents to engage in personal growth and self-care to foster healthier connections with their children. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that understanding our past can pave the way for a brighter future.

In this Q&A episode, Whitney addresses a caller dealing with a mother who accuses her of being the toxic one while engaging in silent treatment and triangulation tactics. She discusses parents who weaponize big parenting gestures like Disney trips and birthday parties to deflect from daily emotional neglect. She also analyzes emotionally immature parenting through the lens of the TV series Friday Night Lights, examining how involved parents can still cause harm when their support is conditional on performance. Have a question for Whitney? Record a voice memo on your phone and email it to whitney@callinghome.co Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney's book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 02:37 Friday Night Lights and Conditional Love 08:11 Disney Trips vs. Daily Emotional Presence 13:14 When Your Parent Accuses You of Being Toxic 21:24 The All-or-Nothing Parent Dilemma Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you the adult child of an emotionally immature parent? Hunter Clarke-Fields talks with psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gibson about how parents' unresolved pain can lead to emotional immaturity—and the lasting impact it has on their children. They explore four common types of difficult parents and how these dynamics create emotional loneliness. Lindsay shares insights on setting boundaries, understanding personality types like externalizers and internalizers, and how to break the cycle to raise emotionally healthy kids. ABOUT HUNTER CLARKE-FIELDS: Hunter Clarke-Fields is the host Mindful Parenting Podcast (Top 0.5% podcast ), global speaker, number 1 bestselling author of “Raising Good Humans” and “Raising Good Humans Every Day,” Mindfulness Meditation teacher and creator of the Mindful Parenting Course and Teacher Training. Find more podcasts, Hunter's books, blog posts, free resources, and more at ⁠⁠⁠MindfulMamaMentor.com⁠⁠⁠. Discover your Unique-To-You Podcast Playlist at ⁠⁠⁠mindfulmamamentor.com/quiz/⁠⁠⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠/mindfulmamamentor.com/mindful-mama-podcast-sponsors/⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you ever feel weirdly lonely in your relationships? Like you're the one always doing the work—overthinking, overgiving, overfunctioning—and you still feel...empty? You're not crazy. You might just have grown up with an emotionally immature parent.In this special Benson Book Club episode, I break down the first chapter of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and walk you through the hidden patterns that are silently shaping your love life, self-worth, and ability to trust your instincts. From guilt for feeling unhappy, to people-pleasing, to dating men who “just don't get it”—this episode unpacks all of it.This one's for the girls who grew up being the emotional support system for everyone else, and are only now realizing that's not normal. Let's heal the inner child, stop normalizing dysfunction, and stop mistaking emotional starvation for love.Tag your best friend, take the quiz, cry a little, and reclaim your standards.Want an ad free podcast experience?? Subscribe to my ad free podcast at - https://almostadulting.supercast.comToday's episode is brought to you by:Nutrafol - Nutrafol is offering my listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol and enter the promo code ADULTING.Today's episode is brought to you by: Shopify!!! Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at shopify.com/AdultingSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome back to Benson Book Club! Today we're diving into Chapter 4 of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson—aka the one that explains why you can't trust, love, or text back without spiraling.Think your mom's a narcissist? You might be onto something. Convinced your dad's emotional unavailability ruined your love life? You're not wrong. This episode is your Roman Empire. If you've ever felt unloved, emotionally starved, or like you sabotage every relationship—this might explain why. Let's get into the trauma tea.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In today's episode, you'll learn how to heal from an emotionally immature parent. If you've ever felt invisible in your own family, like your needs didn't matter, or if nothing you did was ever enough, this episode is for you. Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson is here to assure you that you're not imagining it. You're not too sensitive. You're not overreacting. And you're not alone. If you find yourself struggling to set boundaries, you're still craving your parent's approval, or you're always walking on eggshells to keep the peace, Dr. Gibson says the reason you feel this way is because you grew up with an emotionally immature parent. And today you'll finally understand what that means. You're about to learn the 4 subtle signs you had an emotionally immature parent and how that shapes your adult life – and the exact path to healing. Today's episode is not about blame. It's about clarity and finally having the language to describe what you've felt for years but couldn't quite explain. You'll learn how to name the behaviors that left you feeling dismissed or unseen, and you'll have the tools to begin healing. And that's a big deal, because doing this work doesn't just change how you feel; it changes how you live. For the last 30 years, Dr. Gibson has helped millions of people around the world break free from the invisible emotional suffering that has held them back since childhood. She is a pioneering expert on the topic of emotionally immature parents, and is the author of the New York Times bestseller "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents."  If you've spent your entire life feeling like something was off in your relationship with your parents, but you could never quite put your finger on it, Dr. Gibson is here to say: You were right. And if you feel guilty for just considering that something might have been off, you need to hear this conversation today. This is an episode you don't want to miss. For more resources, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, you'll love listening to this one next: Why You Feel Lost in Life: Dr. Gabor Maté on Trauma & How to HealConnect with Mel: Get Mel's #1 bestselling book, The Let Them TheoryWatch the episodes on YouTubeFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTokSign up for Mel's personal letterSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-freeDisclaimer