How To Fall Apart

I spoke to the author Sophie White about recovery from addiction, about the decision to stop drinking, the first year of sobriety, and why sometimes the later years are even more challenging. The first half of this episode is available to everyone, the second half is available to paid subscribers of my Substack, How to Fall Apart, where you will find more episodes and some of my writing. I would be absolutely delighted if you wanted to subscribe. https://open.substack.com/pub/howtofallapart?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=i982n XLia

Dr. Nicola Fox Hamilton is an Online Psychologist and in this episode we discuss her fascinating findings on how we behave online and how we find love amidst the endless swiping. If you enjoyed this conversation and would like to hear more, or read the How to Fall Apart column, you can go to my Substack, How To Fall Apart.

I talked to author Betsy Cornwell about being a single parent, finding a home for herself and her son, about creating your community, burnout and financial pressure as a single parent, and her beautiful NYTimes Modern Love essay

How To Fall Apart is a podcast about picking up the pieces. This is our first episode in quite awhile, so maybe just a reminder, this is a podcast of conversations with people who have been through something challenging, about how they coped, and also the times that they struggled to cope, and what that felt like. From now on I'm going to be putting this podcast out first and foremost through my new substack, also called How to Fall Apart, where my writing will also sit. Most episodes with be available on all the usual podcast platforms, although some episodes may partly, or entirely, be behind the Substack paywall and available only to my Substack subscribers. So with that business end of things out of the way, I'd like to introduce my guest this week. Sooby Lynch, who you may know from her beautiful instagram account, @Standingbythewall, talks to me about getting a diagnosis of ADHD in your forties. We discuss what led her to the point of getting a diagnosis, going through that process, how it gave her a new understanding of herself, and learning a new way to live and not be too hard on yourself. If you know Sooby, you'll know she is the most generous, supportive of people, and I am so grateful to her for sharing her story here for the first time. I hope you enjoy our conversation If you enjoyed this conversation and would like to hear more, or read the How to Fall Apart column, you can go to my Substack, How To Fall Apart.

In this episode I chat to Sophie White about her beautiful collection of essays, Corpsing. We chat about how often times, personal work can begin as one thing and transform into something else, the need to protect the truth and still portray the truth, the tension between needing to create and needing to mother and the process of writing such personal work.

I'm lucky enough to get to work with Senator Lynn Ruane regularly through her column for rogue, and she is one of the most emotionally intelligent people I've ever met. We talked about the experience of writing her 2018 memoir People Like Me, about revisiting traumatic experiences, and learning how to protect yourself in the present when revisiting the past, about the responsibility that comes with writing about other, especially your children, and also when you are writing about experiences of your own that then can become a voice for your community, about switching off from the comments section, getting into a flow state when writing and how that helps with not self editing in the first draft, and how writing can help you process anger but then learning to leave that anger there on the page and move on.

Episode one of our latest series of How to Fall Apart - the putting herself on the page series This series was inspired by a conversation Liadan had with writer Doireann Ní Ghríofa, in which Doireann talked about being asked of her book A Ghost in the Throat, it is very exposing, to write about yourself so honestly, how does hat feel? Doireann explained how she feels that in asking that, what people really mean is are you ashamed, to be be seen so fully on the page. To present such an honest version of the messiness of life. She also talked about writing parts of her own life, her own experience, that she had not seen elsewhere on the page. The two ideas, the experience of writing about yourself, and the recording of parts of your life that you don't necessarily see elsewhere, will be what we explore in this series, as well as telling the story of each writer.

Liadan talks to Holly Carpenter about her depression, about retreating from life when you’re struggling, how friends can help in those moments, toxic positivity on social media, the effect of modelling on her body image, and finding it hard to reach out when you’re struggling. Tw- this conversation covers eating disorders

This episode of How To Fall Apart with the Irish Cancer Society aims to be a support for all those who are living with loss. I speak to Irish Cancer Society night nurse who talks about the support she offers families in those final hours. Orla Judge talks about how the pain of losing her mum is easing over time and Tríona McCarthy opens up about the loss of her sister ten years ago and finding the things that helped her cope.

Conor Ferguson talks about his wife Keelin Shanley; meeting as teenagers, their life together, her memoir A Light That Never Goes Out, how they coped with her breast cancer diagnosis, and managing grief.

This series of How to Fall Apart with the Irish Cancer Society aims to be a virtual support group for this currently affected by breast cancer. We will talk to women who have themselves received a cancer diagnosis on coping with treatment, living with cancer and what happens in the aftermath. We will also speak to a number of health professionals – GPs, consultants and nurses, for advice on different stages of the process.

This series of How to Fall Apart with the Irish Cancer Society aims to be a virtual support group for this currently affected by breast cancer. We will talk to women who have themselves received a cancer diagnosis on coping with treatment, living with cancer and what happens in the aftermath. We will also speak to a number of health professionals – GPs, consultants and nurses, for advice on different stages of the process.

This episode looks at the impact of breast cancer treatment, and the ways in which women learn to cope. Aisling Reilly, Aileen Murphy talk about their experiences, and consultant oncologist Dr Cathy Kelly explains what to expect.

In 2010, two days after she found out she was pregnant with her second child, broadcaster Evelyn O’Rourke was diagnosed with breast cancer. In the second trimester of her pregnancy she underwent chemotherapy. We talked about how she created a support about her, ‘outsourcing’ parts of her life, how she dealt with the fear, what her husband said to her that helped her get through, and coping with anxiety in the aftermath of cancer

This series of How to Fall Apart with the Irish Cancer Society aims to be a virtual support group for this currently affected by breast cancer. We will talk to women who have themselves received a cancer diagnosis on coping with treatment, living with cancer and what happens in the aftermath. We will also speak to a number of health professionals – GPs, consultants and nurses, for advice on different stages of the process. This episode features insight from Dr. Doireann O Leary, Helen Cody and Marie Fleming. We would ask that at a time when we cannot hold the very necessary fundraising coffee mornings in person you consider making a donation on cancer.ie

 The first episode in our new series, How to Fall Apart with the Irish Cancer Society. Over eight episodes, we will speak to a number of women about their experiences of cancer, from diagnosis, through treatment, to coping with the aftermath. In this episode Liadán speaks to mother of two Sarah Donovan who was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer at the age of thirty-seven. Sarah underwent chemotherapy and radiotherapy, as well as double mastectomy. After discovering she had the BRCA 2 gene, Sarah had surgery to have her ovaries removed. She is now cancer free.

Anne Nally was twenty-nine years old and twenty-nine weeks pregnant when she was diagnosed with cancer. We talked about how she coped with the treatment involved and the multiple symptoms she continues to suffer eight years later, as well the new Life After Cancer treatment centres she is involved in. Anne is one of the group of Irish women whose smear test was incorrectly read, and she talks about how she had tried to come to terms with the fact that her cancer would have been preventable, and finding her voice in advocating for herself and other women.

Daniella Moyles talks about coming back from a breakdown, the behaviours that led there and learning to live slow.

In this special episode of How To Fall Apart, Sophie White steps in as host as Lia becomes guest. The friends chat all things book related - from writing process to boundaries to the flower dress renaissance. How to Fall Apart is out now. https://www.easons.com/how-to-fall-apart-liadan-hynes-9781529381214?gclid=Cj0KCQjw0Mb3BRCaARIsAPSNGpWiOK8UiP8xp7fc8icA_G8h8YEURzaVkuTYUIk-z0DxKEMYHM43IE4aAq4SEALw_wcB

Ellie Kisyombe talks about grief and trauma in the aftermath of nearly a decade living in Direct Provision, how she is coming to terms with the lost years, and the new home she is building for her family. Liadán also spoke to Katie Mannion, Managing Solicitor with the Irish Refugee Council, who talked about some of the issues being experienced by people living in Direct Provision, and some of the ways we can help people currently in the system.

In our latest episode of How to Fall Apart, the Support Series, sponsored by Dunnes Stores, the Mothers' episode, @liadanhynes spoke to a number of mothers about how they are coping since Covid-19 began. How are they balancing career with no childcare, are they managing to mind their mental health? We spoke to @jenniemcginn @nataliebcoleman and @sashahearts

This week we have a second episode, an interview with writer, actor and broadcaster Stefanie Preissner. Stefanie's beloved Nana Eileen Keary passed away last September. In this interview, which took place in two parts, just before Covid-19 restrictions and several weeks into social isolation, Stefanie discussed the nature of grief, our current collective grief, and what it is like to grieve in isolation.

This week's episode of How to Fall Apart, the Support Series, sponsored by Dunnes Stores, is The Grief Episode. Liadan Hynes spoke to Elle Gordon, who lost her father Trevor Gordon, about experiencing the final weeks of a loved one's life as a family in isolation, and the support offered by neighbours from a distance, to Siobhan Cullen whose mother Eileen O'Neill was the third person to die of Covid-19 in the country, on her mother's final hours and how hard it is to move through grief in lockdown, to clinical psychologist Nicola McGlade who spoke from her own experience on how grief changes over time, and clinical psychologist Dr Tony Bates on the difficulty of grieving in a world that for now feels fundamentally unsafe. She also spoke to Brian Dowling, host of the podcast Death Becomes Him, on what he has learnt about grief from his guests.

This week in the mental health episode, we're covering what's often called reactive depression; depressed feelings caused in reaction to a specific situation, something a lot of us can relate to right now. @liadanhynes spoke to clinical pyschologist Dr Tony Bates @jigsawYMH and Gillian Roddie @evidentiallyyou about how they coped with their own experiences of depression over a number of years, and chartered psychologist Aisling Leonard-Curtin about how to help someone you are living with who might be suffering.

This week's episode of How to Fall Apart, the Support Series, sponsored by @dunnesstores is The Work Episode. We talked to psychotherapist Jason Brennan, psychologist Aisling Leonard-Curtin and @MuireannO_C @FionnualaJay and @aislingmkeenan about dealing with the current stresses within the workplace, managing the lack of boundaries and switching off when working at home, and the impact on mental health when we lose a job.

This week's episode of How to Fall Apart, the Support Series, sponsored by Dunnes Stores is about single parents. @liadanhynes spoke to Zoe Desmond, founder of @FroloApp Karen Kiernan of @1familyieland, Sam Dunne of @treoir, as well as clinical psychologist Rachel Warman, herself a single parent. We spoke about how to manage the issues facing single parents including loneliness, financial fears, and co-parenting challenges, and also how single parents might be in some ways uniquely equipped to deal with certain aspects of social isolation.

The first episode of How to Fall Apart - The Support Series, sponsored by Dunnes Stores is live now. For this six part series we’re asking the experts for advice on how to cope with the challenges we’re all facing. This episode focuses on children - how this affects them, how we can support them. We spoke to clinical psychologists Dr Tony Bates, Dr Nicola McGlade and Dr Olwyn Finnegan, as well as clinical psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, sleep consultant Lucy Wolfe, and parents Kate Gunn, Sophie White, Jackie Lynam and Helen Steele. We covered small children to teenagers. Huge thank you to everyone who spoke to me for this, and to Dunnes Stores.

Our guest this week is designer, artist and mother of three Helen Steele. Helen talks about having ADHD, how even from the first day of school she felt like there was something different about her, about the anxiety it caused which subsequently led to her developing an eating disorder. She talked about how sport and art helped her cope, about having a baby and isolation in motherhood after she moved away from Dublin, about her fitness range for Dunnes Stores and how for her exercise is about the mind rather than the body, and how she coped with a divorce after she and her husband separated several years ago.

My guest on this week’s episode is Nadia Forde. We talked about her parents separation when she was seven, her subsequent estrangement from her mother, how she coped when her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and letting go and accepting that their relationship might never be what she had hoped. We also chatted of course about Nadia’s experience on I’m A Celebrity, body shaming and her own path to motherhood. Thank you to Nadia for her honesty, humour and openness.

We spoke to Jen O’Dwyer co-host of The Creep Dive and Mother of Pod, Soobie Lynch, @standingbythewall and all round creative genius, and Esther O’Moore Donohoe, host of podcasts the 80% and Esther is in Bits, about when Christmas isn’t all joy and festivities, and it feels like the rest of the world is having the time of its life. We talked about when a family member is ill at Christmas time, about separation- both your own and your parents, about wanting to create new traditions or not wanting to for fear of things falling apart again. About having to reinvent your Christmas and getting over thinking things have to be a certain way for Christmas to be right.

We did our first panel! Aisling Keenan Sarah Rickard and Dawn Nolan talked to me about freelancer fear- what it is and how to deal with it. We spoke about making the decision to go freelance (or having it made for you by redundancy), anxiety and the ways in which freelancing exacerbates that, the isolation of working on your own, talking about money, valuing yourself, the never-say-no freelancer mentality, not getting paid, being self employed and single parent, and always being on.

In this week's episode, boutique owner Mary Greene talks about her 10 year journey to conceive. It's an unconventional story with many highs and too many lows but an eventual surprise ending.

My guest today is Zoe Desmond, the founder of Frolo, the single parent networking app. Zoe became a single parent two years ago when her son Billy was one. At the time she really struggled with the sense of isolation from not knowing any other single parents, the loneliness and the sense of otherness. After finding nothing online that would help her meet others in a similar situation, she went on to create Frolo. The app launched five weeks ago and is now both a source of advice and an instigator of meets. Zoe talks about loneliness, how to navigate co-parenting, manage the times when your child is with the other parent, and creating your network.

Editor and journalist Yvonne Hogan speaks about losing her baby when nineteen weeks pregnant. “Grief is a physical thing, you can’t think your way out of it, you have no control over it,” she said in our interview. “Until something bad happens to you, you don’t realise bad things can happen. I just thought you got past twelve weeks and that was it.” We talked about the exhaustion of grief, about the decision to have another baby, figuring out just how to deal with this loss, how to talk about the loss of a baby. “There is no blueprint”, Yvonne said; she went on to set up a baby loss section on independent.ie which is full of personal testimonies from women of all ages, including some who decades later told their story for the first time.

Stylist Paula Hughes talks about her daughter Kayla being diagnosed with the rare degenerative brain disorder Rhett syndrome. About chasing a diagnosis, advocating for your child, how they taught Kayla to communicate, looking after your marriage while also caring for your child, raising a second child within this situation, about still finding the joy in life, and about how their daughter’s love of food led Aura and her husband to create their food delivery business Kayla’s Kitchen.

Someone recently asked Sophie and I if we ever run out of things to talk about, the answer is no. When we originally sat down to do an interview for HTFA, we chatted for nearly three hours. So we kept this second half for this week, when Sophie's first novel, Filter This, comes out. Sophie talks about her dad, Kevin Linehan, who died in 2017 after a long illness with alzheimer's. About when a loss takes place not in one moment, but over a number of years. Of what it is like to grieve for someone while they are still here. Sometimes when a person is gone, but also still infront of you, it is easier to make yourself forget what they were like, as it's too painful to remember. Soph talks about how she reconnected with her memories of her dad through meditation.

Georgie Crawford was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2017 when her daughter was just seven months old. A year after her treatment finished, she talks about coping with her diagnosis and her treatment, about mothering through sickness, and the aftermath of cancer-living with fear, the guilt and shame she sometimes feels around food, setting up her hugely successful podcast The Good Glow, and how the experience of having cancer changed her totally.

Our new episode of #howtofallapart is up now. Trigger warning, this episode is a conversation about life after suicide. I spoke to my friend make-up artist Eilis Downey, who two years ago lost her sister Lyn, who died by suicide. “Knowing Lyn was to love her,” Eilis says. They had lived together, worked together and hung out together. In the aftermath, she said that she didn’t know how to be herself without her sister. But Eilis faced into her loss in a way I think is totally awe inspiring and a hugely helpful roadmap for anyone who has to come to terms with having to live with someone without whom they previously couldn’t imagine their life. She talked about not being angry at her sister. How she got through the first few weeks of grief. Starting counselling within weeks of her sister’s death, because she knew she wasn’t good at talking to the people close to her about how she was feeling, and because she didn’t want her life to fall apart. Trying to find a new normal. Accepting the fact that she might not ever be the same kind of happy again. On accepting a loss. How she wrote a letter to herself making a decision to live her life again. How when you’re grieving there will always be days when you feel sad, no matter how much time passes. The language we use to talk about suicide. “You learn to live without someone. It’s like a really bad break up. You have to figure out a way of moving on without them”. #podcast #lifeafterloss #lifeaftersuicide

With her book #eatpraylove @elizabeth_gilbert_writer essentially wrote the manifesto for what to do when your life goes off the path you had expected it to go on. Here she talks about how her biggest mistake back then was thinking that she needed to stop going after one year. And that our lives don’t end in tidy happy ever after packages. We talked about her grief over the last year, in the wake of the death of her partner and best friend Rayya Elias, of how depression is often caused by blocking all feelings, about when grief feels like rage, how she deals with fear, what she thinks about #metoo, about female promiscuity, and her new book #cityofgirls which is about women and friendship, and how women can survive the consequences of their at times bad choices. This interview originally appeared in the Sunday Independent. Big big thank you to @cormac.kinsella for all your help setting this up #elizabethgilbert #podcast

Journalist Elle Gordon was born with cerebral palsy and later developed hip dysplasia. She talked about feeling other, about the grief around letting go of expectations, on why acceptance is a process not a destination, and about talking honestly about living with a disability.

Our newest episode of #howtofallapart is up now with my brilliant friend and colleague journalist and author Emily Hourican, whose new book The Outsider is just out. Five years ago she was diagnosed with HPV mouth cancer. We talked about her husband David kept everything going so she could let all the balls drop, her treatment which involved her bolted to the table in a mask she compared to the man in the iron mask (swipe), about being self employed and having to keep going (she wrote an incredible column for the Sunday Independent during all of this) and not being able to just disappear into getting through, about anger when the narrative of your life changes from what you had planned, and how to cope when the person you thought you were vanishes. Emily is incredibly eloquent and honest, really grateful to her for such generosity

Tv presenter Cassie Stokes talks about coping with the recent break-up of her relationship, speaking publicly about grief, coming out, and being “the gay one” on Xpose. How to Fall Apart is presented by @liadanhynes and produced by @talltalespodcasts

Founder of Our Table, activist and Social Democrat candidate Ellie Kisyombe talks about living for almost a decade in Direct Provision, in a life over which she has virtually no control. About the strength she draws from the memories of her family and her life in Africa, overcoming depression, the importance of your own home, raising children within the Direct Provision system where they do not even have a kitchen table to sit down at, and the difficulty for teenagers integrating their life in Direct Provision with that of their school life, how the support and empathy of Darina Allen helped her to find her self confidence again, accepting her life here, and ultimately building a community of friends and a new life here. How to Fall Apart is presented by @liadanhynes and produced by @talltalespodcasts

Author and head of social media for everymum.ie Kate Gunn talks about how she put life back together after her marriage fell apart, about how grief can feel physically painful, how to mind your children through this process, learning to live without another adult, living with a spouse suffering from depression, about building a new home, dealing with panic attacks, and introducing your children to a new partner. How to Fall Apart is presented by @liadanhynes and produced by @talltalespodcasts

Author, journalist and podcast Sophie White talks about having a nervous breakdown in her early twenties, how recovery from mental health issues is an ongoing process rather than a one off thing, what to do when your sense of who you were deserts you, when depression looks like someone who is highly functioning, and post natal depression. How to Fall Apart is presented by @liadanhynes and produced by @talltalespodcasts