Nitwits Anonymous

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, Tim and Leah finally open up about their stance on animal cruelty (pro). They also get a strange letter regarding a Pottery Barn dirty magazine. Tune in for important information, new segments, and world-altering perspectives. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, Tim and Leah open up about their tragic childhoods in which they were not orphans. They also share some game-changing life hacks in a brand new segment. If you're looking advice on dealing with a messy roommate, running a small business, or how to deal with the inflation of pop rocks, this is the episode for you. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: Tim and Leah decide to continue to bring their geniusness to the sad, pathetic nitwits of the world in this season 2 premiere episode.  They also discuss Tim's rocky relationship with his brother and how fun it is to laugh at people who are poor. If you're a nitwit on the road to recovery, you won't want to miss this episode. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: If you're looking for some behind-the-scenes mic checks, goofs, and screw-ups, you've come to the right place. Thank you for listening this year, and we will be back on 1/13/21 with season 2!

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll learn that Tim has an OnlyFans, but it's really not that big of a deal. You'll also witness a beautiful reunion between Tim and one of his hometown friends from Antarctica. This is the Nitwits Anonymous season 1 finale; tune in for the epic season 2 premiere on Jan. 13.

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll learn that both Tim and Leah are featured in the Holy Bible.  You'll also learn some tips for committing crimes, the dangers of a biased media, and how important it is to be physically attractive. Tune in for some game-changing advice, and once your life has been successfully changed, consider living a rave review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

ATTENTION NITWITS: In our big 30th episode, you'll learn about what happened to the third member of the Nitwits Anonymous team, Leah's villain origin story, and why Tim had to record the episode from Jupiter. As always, we hate our interns, and we hate you. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, we finally reveal why The Tim and Leah Show (which was broadcasted directly to Garmin navigation devices and assorted pacemakers) was unjustly cancelled. Please send us money. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, we learn all about Tim's new reality show where he fixes all businesses all over the country. You'll also get to hear how Leah called Emily Dickinson fugly, slept with her husband, and ruined her life. It's a fun time!

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, Tim has some intestinal issues and has to record the entire ep from the bathroom, but we don't let that stop us. Also in this episode, we teach you how to be cooler than all those other hoes in church, and we proudly advocate for every American's right to bear a bomb (at all times). Listen up!

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll learn how to get revenge when one of your best friends (whom you also host a podcast with) gets a job in New York City and has the audacity to move 750 miles away. Also, special shout out to friends of the pod 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll find out who is the superior Nitwits Anonymous host, you'll learn what unspeakable things Leah did (hypothetically) with Tim's ex-wife, and you'll get to hear us be total assholes to the elderly. SPECIAL NOTE: Just jokes! In this ep, we attempt to brainstorm some useful redesigns for future wheelchair models, and we don't mean to offend your beloved granny or gramps. Please tell the old people or wheelchair users in your life that we mean no harm and wish them well. And if you can get them to start listening to the show, that would be great. We are always in need of more listeners (more money). 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, Tim and Leah share more expert car advice, what to do if you're a book and a virgin, and they spend some time reflecting on how Nitwits Anonymous has changed this season (the show has gotten filthier).

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll learn all about cars from the world's greatest car experts. You'll also have the pleasure of learning about  killing squirrels, killing giants, and killing your siblings. Lots of death in this one.

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, Leah reveals that she is one of three triplets. Unfortunately, after some family drama related to an art show and an arrest, she is no longer on speaking terms.If you have a pressing question about absolutely anything, DM us @nitwitsanon on Instagram!

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, Tim goes through yet another incredibly painful divorce. Also, you'll get to hear all about the new Nitwits Anonymous Buzzfeed quiz! Check out @nitwitsanon on Instagram to take the official quiz and find out which type of idiot you are. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this ep, we tell you all about the rich and beautiful history of crack culture. Also, Tim has Invisalign made of solid gold now, but he's still the same earthly guy we all know and love. His ex-wife's lawyer dares to write in, and we sadly learn that his ex wife has moved on and is doing hand stuff with Bill Gates. It's another roller coaster of emotions, and you don't want to miss out. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, Tim gets a divorce, nearly dies, and then... finds love again? It's a real roller coaster of emotions. Then, Leah may possibly threaten to murder people multiple times, but there's no way to tell for sure. Anyone who calls the authorities on us will be murdered to death, if you catch our drift. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll learn a bit more about our management style. When you're in a leadership position at a company, it's important to make sure your employees have plenty of water and space to graze. Know all of your employees by name. Protect them from wolves. If one gets tangled in some thorns, grab your lantern and go free him.  If you use our tips, your company will blossom.

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll get to hear about Clifford the Big Red Dog and how his career has recently gone in a different direction. You'll also get to hear a loving eulogy for both Leah and Tim, and you'll learn all about the new Nitwits Anonymous University. If you love death, college, and sexy giant red dogs, this is the episode for you. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: We're BACK and wetter than ever! Join us for a special ocean-themed experience. You'll get to hear all about how Leah replaced her human eyeballs with fish eyes and Tim's sex-focused relationship with Ursula the sea witch. This is the perfect episode for fish and humans alike, and after listening, you will never be the same. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll learn that Leah has a stalker, and her name is Kamala Harris. We also discover that Tim's wife is still mad at him, and God writes in looking for advice.  Also, did Tim kill his whole family?

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, Leah has a mental breakdown and insists that she does NOT poop her pants every Tuesday afternoon. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, Tim finally comes clean about his secret family and shares why he exchanged them for wild boars. You'll also witness Leah develop a tragic medical condition right here on the show. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated as she begins the recovery process.

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll learn how to tell if the world is ending, stories of rebellious fetuses and cell clumps, and everything you need to know about an amazing internship opportunity. If you're looking to get into the podcast business, this episode has all the answers you need to launch your career and change your life forever. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, we'll tell you all about our high school field trip to Hell, what we saw there, and what you should pack if you're planning to visit the Devil himself. We also introduce our brand new segment titled "The Privates" in which we really get up close and personal with one of our listeners. You won't want to miss this. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll learn some classic honey badger tips for getting laid, what to do when you fall in love with a mermaid who is fully fish on top and fully human on bottom, and the most important stages of life. Follow us on Instagram @nitwitsanon for more life-changing wisdom.

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, we tell the story of how we developed and created human language. If you are able to communicate with people in any way, you have us to thank.

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll hear an important message for all babies, tips for hunting your neighbors' pets, and our bold response to those f#!king critics.  No matter what anyone says, Nitwits Anonymous is the best podcast in the world. You are honored to be one of our listeners. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll hear all about our staff retreat to the moon, our newly published books, stories from our drunk funeral hopping days, and more. If you have more questions that you want answered by certified geniuses, DM us a question on Instagram @nitwitsanon.

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, our studio is overtaken by an army of deer, and we declare war. Amidst this epic battle, you'll also learn all about hide and seek, dealing with messy roommates, the dangers of AM radio, and more. This episode will answer every single question you have about life, and if it doesn't, message us your questions on Instagram @nitwitsanon and we'll see if we can help you out. 

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, two geniuses will teach you about triathlons on water skis, the inner workings of a pinto bean's mind, how to embrace your 7 inch farm, and more.Message us a question on Instagram @nitwitsanon and we might answer it on the show!

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, your minds will be blown by the amazing things you can do with wooden pallets, children that are adults, the very political and violent horses vs. camels debate, and more. Listen, learn, and vote for Leah and Tim in the next election, whatever that election may be.Message us a question on Instagram @nitwitsanon and we might answer it on the show!

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, you'll learn all about tattoos, the LGBTQ+ gecko community, sexy pretzels, worshiping chia pets, and more. Listen and you will be enlightened. Please note that we did record most of this episode from an airplane and there was mild turbulence. We then finished recording while in an underground train, then while in a submarine, and we recorded a bit more while in a rocket heading to the moon. Our interns assured us that none of this would be a problem, but alas, they lied to us. All sound quality issues are 100% the fault of our dumb, dumb interns. If you don't enjoy a constant level of static when listening to podcasts, consider listening to one of our other static-free episodes.

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, we tell you all about French elephants, what it's like to be raised by construction materials in lieu of human parents, how neither of us are hippos, and more. We do not make mistakes and we know everything, so we will not be taking critiques or criticism at this time.

ATTENTION NITWITS: In this episode, we share thoughts and advice about filing cabinets, horse tranquilizers, frog representation in the music industry, and more. Don't be ashamed that we know so much more than you do. You are a nitwit, and accepting that fact is the first step towards recovery. Follow us on Instagram: @nitwitsanon