Salo and Virtue

Today we are joined by a good friend Zany Arlette. We talk about how men and women are built different, what that means for relationships and how to deal when interacting with the opposite sex. We also get into some sexuality myths that are better left in the past. Enjoy!

Today we sit down with Alexia and My of Daisy, a start up that will be producing a smart vibrator. They talk about the issues facing the sexual wellness and sex toy industry and the potential for vibrators to improve our understanding of women's body's and health. If you have any questions or feedback for the Daisy team they can be reached at daisy.vibrator@gmail.com

Let's talk about butt stuff, love it or hate it. We love it over at Salo and Virtue. What do you do when you are into it but your partner isn't. If a woman has difficulty reaching orgasm with vaginal penetration, will anal be better or worse? Let's get into it. Info on clitoris

We love a good oxymoron at Salo and Virtue. Today we get into what we can do in relationships when we know we have messed up behavior. Do we need to wait until we are perfect to enter a relationship. If we are already in a relationship how do we manage some of the messed up ways we treat people to get a sense of safety. We get into both sides of the coin here and how to deal with dysfunctional behavior in proactive way. Enjoy!

What does it mean to want, get or be a submissive girlfriend or tradwife? We go deep to explore the dynamic and its not all just bossing people around. References Getting the Love You Want Chris Perry

Hey fam, we talk about what going on with sex today in the US. We found a surprising trend that is currently being studied for Gen Z babes and its not at all what I expected? Did you know that 58% randomly surveyed college age women have more in common with the late David Carradine that I would have thought? Check out the episode. References Survey Predicting Sexual Satisfaction in Eastern Europe National Survey for Sexual Health and Behavior Brain changes in young women who report being choked during sexual encounters

Does it matter how many people you have slept with over your life? We argue no and it also shouldn't matter to your partner? Why would some one ask you how many partners you have had? We get into it in this episode. References Survey: Lifetime Partners

The world is full of bad pick up advice and bad pick up lines. "Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?". Let's take a step back, forget about any lines or advice that you have heard talk about what really works. Women don't want to be approached by men who are needy, and can't provide a safe space. Let's talk about what it truly means to approach someone one from a place of wholeness and provide a safe space for her.

Talking about toxic behavior, we have lots of resources of how to identify if you partner or family member is toxic. But what if we are the problem? This episode Salo gets into how she used to attract the same toxic behavior dynamic and how she was contributed to that dynamic. In the words of Taylor Swift "Its me, hi I'm the problem, it's me". Salo talks what happened the first time she noticed how she was attracting the wrong dynamic. Resources: To Be Magnetic Matthew Hussey Thom Knoles - Vedic Meditation Kabbalah One Course

In honor of the movie Challengers, Salo thinks back to the evolution of her relationships with threesomes. She talks about the experience that she remembers the most, experimenting with threesomes as a teenager and a memorable failed attempt.

We are releasing our 7th confession stored on our Patreon page. This was originally released to compliment our Virtue 7, where we get into how sexuality develops in children. Salo remembers her sexual fantasies as a 5 year old. Even before understanding what sexual acts are, children have the capacity to have sexual fantasies and can incorporate some surprising dynamics. 

Today we get into long distance relationships all the good and the bad. Salo gets into her own experience with long distance relationships. Are long distance relationships any different than living in the same area as your partner? Do we have to take any extra consideration in long distance relationships? References Girls Gotta Eat Matthew Hussey

Is it healthy to use sex to emotionally regulate? We explore the pros and cons. What are the implications when a partner wants to use sex as a tool for emotional regulation, especially when 40% of heterosexual women say they have difficulty reaching an orgasm? Let's get into it! References: Angry Sex Podcast on Men using Sex for Emotional Regulation Cornell Research Program on Self Injury and Recovery

When we began Salo and Virtue, we started with a confession portion on our Patreon where we shared some thoughts/experiences that we worried were too risque to share on spotify. We have discontinued creating new content for that platform at the moment, but the episodes live on. Check us out. Today we are Rereleasing our confession #3 which was released with our Virtue #3 on attachment. Double check the description for our trigger warnings. Enjoy! Description: In today's confession, Salo gets into how her attachment style is showed up after meeting someone at Art Basel Miami 2022 and partying in New York.  The trigger warning in the confession has two errors please see below for the correct minute marks for the trigger warnings.  Trigger warning: casual drug use is mentioned throughout the confession, however more serious drug use and addiction is discussed at minutes 6:30 - 8:00 and 16:15 - 18:00. 

Have you ever been confused about how some one would like to you just to get you in bed? Same here. Turns out that sciences has found we are more likely to lie when we are trying to get laid or when we are "sexually primed". It turns out the ability to lie signifies a certain level of brain development. We don't condone lying to get laid, but now at least we can understand that it happens for a reason. Instagram TikTok References Why People Tell Lies about Sex The Art of Lying Brain Adapts to Dishonesty How Much do We Lie When Sex is on the Brain Gurit Birnbaum TED talk

In our third and final part of our orgasm gap series, we talk about why pleasure is so important. Our culturally instituted orgasm or pleasure gap has manipulated how we study sexuality in women and the results we get that are sanctioned by the scientific method.  Check out the episode for some shocking statistics about whether more men are looking for a relationship vs. women, even we were surprised by the numbers. Tiktok Instagram References: The Female Sexual Response, A Different Model The Pleasure Gap by Katherine Rowland Pew Research - % of Men vs. Women Looking for a Relationship Show notes: 0:00 Introduction 1:05 The importance of women's pleasure 3:32 Sex as a spectacle and fake orgasms 4:11 The normalization of women not enjoying sex 5:05 Barriers to pleasure 6:35 Understanding pleasure 7:20 Discordant sexual arousal in women 8:53 The flywheel effect and sexual dysfunction 9:42 Cultural constraints on female pleasure 10:27 The impact the pleasure gap has on relationships 13:46 The decrease in relationship interest among women 18:19 An experiment in shifting focus

Today we dive deeper into the orgasm gap experienced between heterosexual partners. We discuss the culture, mental and physical blocks. Please follow us on social media: Instagram Tiktok 0:00 Introduction 1:50 Historical Context of Orgasm Gap 3:08 Reframing the Orgasm Gap 4:07 Cultural, Mental and Physical Blocks to Orgasms 10:22 Addressing Mental Blocks 11:23 The Importance of Exploration & Practice 13:42 Understanding Individual Difference 18:07 Taking Responsibility and Communicating 19:28 Practices for Closing the Income Gap 20:20 Conclusion

Why is that women c*m less than their male partners in even in committed relationships? We explore how 2,000 years of medical treatment have influenced how we view female pleasure and sexuality in science and in our society. Please join us on our social media channels: Instagram TikTok References: The Technology of Orgasm Kinsey Report Determinants of Female Orgasms How C*m Shownotes: 0:00 Introduction 1:48 The Orgasm Gap In Heterosexual Relationships 4:42 The Journey to an Orgasm 5:36 The Human Brain Understands Linear Relationships 6:31 Misconceptions about Female Orgasms 7:28 Historical Treatment of Hysteria 8:30 The end of Hysteria  10:41 Outdated Views on Female Sexuality 11:48 Outsourcing Agency and Pleasure 13:06 The Historical Lens 14:03 Challenging “the mystery” of Female Pleasure 14:35 The Potential Role of Absorption 15:42 Our Limitations of Studying Female Arousal 18:39 Conclusion

What is the difference between being celibate, abstinent or just having a dry spell. Are there truly any benefits or drawbacks to refraining from sex besides the obvious. Salo also goes into why she has decided to go without sex during different times in her life. Check out another guest confession on our Patreon References: John Grey on the Human Upgrade Yoga Journal: Life without Sex

Trigger warning! Statutory rape is discussed from 10:30 - 12:00. Please respect your boundaries. This is our first confession on Spotify. For the time being we are generally keeping the confessions seperate, but understanding that not everyone loves to go to a separate platform, this is our first step at integrating the two. In Confession 10 Salo talks about how sex was talked about in her church and with her parents. She also analyzes the events of described in Confession 1 through the lense of shame. Salo also gets into what has helped her move through shame. Enjoy!

In this Virtue we look at how shame is experienced in the body. Is it necessary for shame to be associated with more mundane aspects of our sexuality such as how often we have sex or how many partners we have? Can there be too much shame? Of course there can. Resources: The Psychology of Shame by Gershon Kaufman The Science of Shame by Gerald Fishkin David Buss on Huberman Lab Understanding the role of shame in female hypersexual disorders

Let's dive into our raison d'etre: desire. We get into the neurological hallmarks of desire and what our desires can tell us about ourselves. References: Love, Actually: The science behind lust, attraction and companionship Goop - The Upside of a Crush Check out our confessions on our Patreon

We love to watch train-wrecks and cheating scandals. Why are we so scandalized by infidelity? We delve into literature, culture and evolutionary psychology. Finally, we get a little spiritual. As always be sure to check out our confession on our Patreon. References Mentioned 2013 NY Times article Human Migration Based on Betrayal

Today we dive into the importance of the development of sexuality in a childhood years. Is it possible to respect our children's sexuality without taking advantage of them? What is nature vs. nurture? The National Center for the Sexual Behavior of Youth tells us that while sexual development in ingrained in our natural physical development our attitudes surrounding sex are based on our cultural education. We look at a couple theories with respect to childhood development: Freud vs. Erikson.

This week, we explore the differences between male and female sexual arousal. Salo compares the research with her own experiences and the different roles and expectations that society places on men and women. At the end of the day are we all that different?

BDSM is surprisingly as old as human history and the second most common fantasy. 40% of people in the US say they have a BDSM fantasy but only 2% of those people will actually go actualize their desire. Salo gets into the history of BDSM, where the term Sadism originated and her own personal experience with exploring this aspect of her own sexuality.

Let's dive into relationships with age gaps. Are they cool or gross? Why are we so divided and reactive to whether Jay Z, and Beyonce's relationships is appropriate or not? Salo also explores how her relationship with her ex husband, who is 12 years older than her, started when she was 20. There is no confession this week, if you haven't listened to one yet, check out Patreon page.

Join while we explore different attachment styles and what they mean for how we relate to Sex. Each attachment style uses sex differently whether it's used to get into a relationship, while in relationships or for social status. Join us on Patreon, for one of Salo's recent experience where her attachment circuitry could have led into a bad experience.

Bringing you a special holiday episode. Salo interviews her 99 year old grandmother about growing up in New York City, seeing her mother sing at the Roxy Theater, which would later become Radio City Music Hall, moving to New Jersey for High School, seeing Frank Sinatra perform as a teenager and finally getting married at age 19. Our confession follows on our Patreon page, where Salo gets into family patterns and how that has affected how she has showed up in her own relationship. 

There isn't a person on the planet that goes through life untouched by sexuality, which is typically navigated in private. Get to know your host Salo as we uncover our objective to feel less alone in our desires. We want to be your resource and support to approach sex and sexuality from an integrated place of comfort. Continue the conversation with our first confession on Patreon