Educated Messes

Rachel Kaplan is a licensed psychotherapist and the creator and host of iTunes acclaimed New and Noteworthy podcast The Healing Feeling Sh*t Show. Rachel has spent the last 25+ years studying healing and teaching folks how to collectively reclaim their natural ability to feel their feelings and to develop emotional resilience. Rachel joins Educated Messes to share her personal story of loss that led her down this path, and to walk us through the different steps involved in moving our emotions. Rachel shares the importance of creating safe containers to access and process our unresolved feelings. We talk about society's blossoming acceptance of sadness versus its flat-out rejection of anger and healthy ways to approach and experience anger so that it doesn't build up in our bodies. Doing the work of addressing and processing our feelings is no easy feat, but what's the cost of continuing to turn away from ourselves? We think it's too high. Find Rachel's work: TikTok: @thefeelingsmovement Website: http://healingfeelingshitshow.com/ Instagram: @healingfeelingshitshow Core Wound Quiz ✺ Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you'd like to join the community and be a part of our conversations in future episodes! Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.

In part two of our authenticity series, we get real passionate as we explore tools to embrace vulnerability and live a more authentically aligned life. We share that we are done pursuing contentment and are instead moving into our ~big feelings era~. We talk about how choosing authenticity is an act of mini-revolution against the conforms of society and the patriarchy (such light and fun topics). We remember that while channeling our truest selves might bug some folks, we don't owe anyone previous versions of ourselves. Ultimately, we decide that given how we're all just floating around in different realities, worrying about other people's perceptions of us is a waste of our precious time. In part two of our authenticity series, we get real passionate as we explore tools to embrace vulnerability and live a more authentically aligned life. We share that we are done pursuing contentment and are instead moving into our ~big feelings era~. We talk about how choosing authenticity is an act of mini-revolution against the conforms of society and the patriarchy (such light and fun topics). We remember that while channeling our truest selves might bug some folks, we don't owe anyone previous versions of ourselves. Ultimately, we decide that given how we're all just floating around in different realities, worrying about other people's perceptions of us is a waste of our precious time. ✺ Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you'd like to join the community and be a part of our conversations in future episodes! Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand. ✺ Other EM episodes we mention Episode 21: Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves? (Self Compassion Pt. I) Episode 22: How Do I Treat Myself Better (Self Compassion Pt. II) Episode 01: Why Is It So Hard To Try New Things? We also mention Podcast: “Embrace Your Authentic Self” - Reset with Liz Tran Book: “Daring Greatly” - Brene Brown Podcast: Radical Acceptance - Gateway to Love, Wisdom, and Peace - Tara Brach Website: Courage, Vulnerability, & Shame Researcher Brené Brown Definition: Authenticity - Psychology Today Article: “The Study of Authenticity” - Elizabeth Hopper, PhD Sources Book: “Daring Greatly” - Brene Brown Wikipedia: Self-Objectification  

In part one of our authenticity series, we define what authenticity means to us (“striving to align our actions with our core values and beliefs with the hope of discovering, and then acting in sync with, our true selves.”) and discuss three big barriers that might be preventing us from being our most authentic selves. We learn how complex of a topic authenticity really is and explore how difficult it can be act in alignment with our values in a society that repeatedly tells us not to love and listen to ourselves. We share some of our personal experiences with authenticity, discuss the importance of being clear on our values and how mindfulness can help us behave more authentically. ✺ Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you'd like to join the community and be a part of our conversations in future episodes! Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand. ✺ Other EM episodes we mention   Episode 21: Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves? (Self Compassion Pt. I) Episode 22: How Do I Treat Myself Better (Self Compassion Pt. II) Episode 11: How Can I Tell If I'm A People Pleaser Episode 01: Why Is It So Hard To Try New Things? We also mention Podcast Episode: “Embrace Your Authentic Self” - Reset with Liz Tran Courage, Vulnerability, & Shame Researcher Brené Brown Podcast Episode: Radical Acceptance - Gateway to Love, Wisdom, and Peace -Tara Brach Definition of Authenticity from Psychology Today Authenticity studies discussed in this Healthy Psych article

In part two of our self compassion series, we learn from the queen of self compassion herself (Dr. Kristen Neff) how we might become more loving, caring, and nurturing towards ourselves as we navigate Big Things in life.  We explore our personal experiences with self esteem, discuss how mindfulness and self compassion are both important parts of meeting difficult experiences with less resistance, and share some tools that can help us strengthen our individual self compassion practices. Also, Kelsey says “flagellating” and we have a good long laugh in the fact check about Kyla discovering her “”inner baby””.   ✺   Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you'd like to join the community and be a part of our conversations in future episodes! Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand. ✺ Other EM episodes we mention   Episode 21: Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves? (Self Compassion Pt. I) We also mention Workbook: “The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook” Kristen Neff Kristen Neff: Website Video: School of Life - How To Simplify Your Life (Kyla mentions putting your inner baby down for a nap lol) Worksheet Download: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Thought Recording (similar to one Kyla uses) Problem-Solving Tool: The Five Whys Tik Tok: “If It's Coming Up, It's Coming Up To Go” Series: Maid

It's the season of love, so what better time to learn how to treat ourselves a bit more lovingly? In part one of our Self-Compassion Series, we dig into the challenges we personally face in being compassionate towards ourselves. We discuss prompts from Dr. Kristen Neff's self compassion workbook, examine our own patterns, and start to discuss areas where we could treat ourselves a bit more kindly. We open up about the struggle of wanting to evolve without rejecting who we are right now and noodle on how we might find balance between loving ourselves while also recognizing that there is always room to grow. This isn't our first attempt at recording an episode on this topic (the first one ended up being scrapped and replaced by our burnout episode…and then we disappeared for nine months…) but this time around we're feeling renewed and a little bit more equipped to explore this very important topic. TLDR; Self-compassion is hard, y'all. Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you'd like to join the community and be a part of our conversations in future episodes! Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.   ✺   Other EM episodes we mention   Episode 01: Why is it so Hard to Try New Things? Episode 17: When Does Positivity Become Toxic? We also mention Workbook: “The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook” Kristen Neff Book: “Trick Mirror” by Jia Tolentino Article: “Athleisure, barre and kale: the tyranny of the ideal woman” Jia Tolentino Kristen Neff: Website

In our first episode back after our 9 month hiatus, we touch on why we left and how we've been sorting through what was a pretty intense and difficult time in both of our lives. We reflect on the past year including what we're proud of, what we learned, and how we think we've changed. We're excited to be back and can't wait to reconnect with the Educated Messes community. Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you'd like to be a part of our conversations in future episodes! Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.   Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify     Other EM episodes we mention   Episode 14: New Year, Same Us (But Growing) Episode 15: Why is it So Hard to Make New Friends Episode 17: When Does Positivity Become Toxic? We also mention Podcast: The Healing Feeling Shit Show Podcast: Andrew Huberman - Armchair Expert Youtube Course: Therapy in a Nutshell Article: “There's a Name for the Blah You're Feeling: It's Called Languishing” by Adam Grant Book: “24/6 The Power of Unplugging One Day a Week” by Tiffany Shlain Movie: Inside Out Sources Dialectic Behavior Therapy: Learn More Podcast: Andrew Huberman - Armchair Expert Courage, Neurobiology and EMDR Therapy

In this episode, we talk about burnout — a big, scary topic that’s been very front of mind for us lately. It feels like we’ve hit a collective wall, and we thought better understanding burnout might help us start to move past it. We get clear on what burnout looks like, how it shows up, and how to identify when we’re feeling it. We talk about the different types of burnout; pandemic-related, professional, or personal and cover some mechanisms to deal with them. We get real honest (and heated) about advocating for ourselves at work in a capitalist system that hinges our worth on our output. We talk about tools to avoid burnout and discuss the issues facing millennials (aka: the generational obsession with optimizing ourselves). Finally, we talk about how self-care has been co-opted into an industry that pressures us to constantly look to improve ourselves. Essentially, you’ll be listening in on an honest conversation about a difficult period in our lives. Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to be a part of our conversations in future episodes! Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.   Other EM episodes we mention Ep 09: How Do We Become More Resilient? We also mention Burnout Book By Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski Sources Millennial Burnout - Buzzfeed Smartphone Study - UTexas  

In this episode, we talk to our very first guest— Tight Club founder Keighty Gallagher— about her work, her life, and the story of Tight Club. Keighty was a lifelong athlete, but when her relationship with movement turned toxic it fuelled a passion to help rewrite the language of fitness in a way that centred joy and positivity. Keighty built a business based on community and has remained true to her values and vision through all the different forms Tight Club has taken throughout the years. We talk to Keighty about leading with vulnerability and humility, and ask her how we can do big things (even without having all of the answers). We learn about the Karate Kid mentality of dealing with ~feedback~ and discuss how we can lean into curiosity and kindness — both with ourselves and with others. We dig into the idea of community, including how it feels to be part of one and why it’s important (otherwise we’re just ants running around without pants). KG champions inclusivity and living boldly, and has worked incredibly hard to redefine the fitness industry in a way that feel safe for all. We hope you’re as inspired as we were by this conversation! If you want to try out TCTV (Tight Club’s movement platform), you can use the code TIGHTMESS to receive 15% off your first month on the platform after your free 7-day trial.   ----   Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to be a part of our conversations in future episodes! Find Keighty and Tight Club on Instagram @keightythousand + @tightclub Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand   ---   Other EM episodes we mention   Ep 06: Do Our Emotions Affect Our Health? Ep 17: When Does Positivity Become Toxic? We also mention Book: Dare to Lead by Brene Brown Brené Brown Non-violent Communication Book   Sources What is tapping? More Info Here Humble Leadership - Forbes Article  

In this episode we explore the concept of toxic positivity and to be honest... it rocks our world. We take a test to see if we are toxically positive, spoiler: we do real bad. We share a TED Talk that helped us understand how we can be there for the people we love without dismissing their feelings. Kelsey opens up about a recent tough experience and how those around her responded, and Kyla shares how ignoring her feelings for too long resulted in an ulcer. We get uncomfy this episode learning new things and discovering areas where we fall short. We learn that emotions are data we can use to uncover our values, and that ignoring them will only make them louder. We cover the importance of leaning into the messiness of life so that we can experience the good stuff at full volume. A key moment: discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life — oh yeah, let that sink in. To summarize, we learn that having good vibes only isn’t really good after all.Follow us on Instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to be a part of our conversations in future episodes!Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand. Other EM episodes we mentionEp 09: How Do We Become More ResilientWe also mentionToxic Positivity TestTed Talk: The Gift and Power of Emotional CourageUnfuck Your Brain PodcastThe Body Keeps The Score BookBrené BrownNon-violent Communication BookSourcesWhat is the Vagus NerveMore on the Vagus NerveVagal Tone ExercisesRepressed EmotionsReptillian vs. Mammalian Brain“It’s Okay to Not be Okay” - Harvard Business Review

In this episode we explore a potentially touchy topic — feeling like our lives have been at a standstill over the past year. We cover how to check in with yourself to decide if your current vibes are no longer serving you and offer ways to break out of Pandemic Limbo Land. We check in with the Educated Messes community to find out how we’ve all been feeling lately, reflect on the best things we’ve done for our mental health, and contemplate if it’s important to move forward in our lives and if so.. how do we do it? Kyla’s back in therapy, Kelsey feels weird about peloton, and we both have been turning to hobbies that force us to be present. We discuss findings from a study on happiness, noodle on building habits to combat perfectionism, and decide that starting now we want to give ourselves permission to create, share, explore, and have fun. Follow us on instagram @educatedmesses if you’d like to be a part of our conversations in future episodes!Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.Other EM episodes we mentionEp 09: How Do We Become More ResilientEp 15: Why is it So Hard to Make Friends?Ep 14: New Year, Same Us (But Growing)Ep 07: Are “Shoulds” Making Us UnhappyWe also mentionWe’re Not Really Strangers GameAtomic HabitsStacey Abrams TED TalkDaylio App (Mood/ Habit Tracking)

In this episode we explore a hot topic: friendship in your mid-to-late 20s. We cover making them, keeping them, losing them, and how they might change and grow with time. We share our 13 year friendship origin story, consider how hard it is to move from “friendship dating” to “friendship official”, and discuss friendship-related thoughts and feelings shared by the Educated Messes community. We contemplate whether we’re happy with the number of friends we have, if we think it’s easy or hard to make new friends, and reflect on how our friendship has changed over the past decade. We consider how important communication and boundaries are in friendship and Kyla drops a hot tip on how you can better express your feelings. We learn why it’s important to our happiness that we talk to strangers and decide we should normalize sliding into peoples’ dm’s to be friends because at the end of the day, life’s short — tell people you think they’re cute.Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.

In this episode we get super vulnerable and a little in our feelings as we reflect on 2020 (aka: these trying times). We talk about memories we want to remember from the past year, what we want to let go of, and what we want more of in 2021. We consider the lessons that this year taught us — slow down, focus on connection, and try to trust (and maybe occasionally find joy in) the process. Kyla learned life lessons in pottery, Kelsey cleansed her feed of “rise and grind” people, and Kyla decided her new mantra is “good enough is good enough”. We both drop a bunch of quotes (as always), talk about how we’re going to better care for ourselves and our communities this year, and touch on the importance of therapies as well as a few methods to access it. To summarize — 2020 was “okay” and we’re going to try to enjoy the journey in 2021 (whatever that may be).

In this episode we discuss dealing with stress and emotional exhaustion during 2020. We weigh in on the importance of emotional regulation —  which is the ability to align how you’re feeling with how you want to feel — and note that icky feelings are our brain’s natural alarm system. We explore tools and techniques for how we might better process and learn from our emotions, rather than suppressing or ruminating on them.Kelsey plugs some hot customer service tips, Kyla plugs mindfulness (obviously), and Kelsey claims drinking 7 cups of coffee a day makes you live longer (spoiler alert: not true). We both share what stress and anxiety physically feel like in our bodies, how we check in with our needs, and how we’ve been coping with all the Big Feelings this year. Kelsey teaches us how psychological and temporal distancing can help us think more logically and Kyla decides that a lot of life is about suffering. Also, Kelsey hates baths.Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.

In this episode we discuss if committing to something for a long time — whether it’s a relationship or a job — makes us nervous. We dip our toes into Attachment Theory, share our attachment styles, and touch on the anxious-avoidant trap. We contemplate if you need to know yourself before you can love someone else and reflect on how it can be easy to lose yourself in a relationship. Kelsey has beef with the idea that you should be with someone who challenges you and says she would “walk into the ocean” if someone told her she should work harder. We both share what our current relationships have taught us, ponder if being in a relationship means you have to give up your freedom and explore the difference between interdependence and codependence. We weigh the value in shattering glass ceilings vs. settling down and decide that you don’t actually have to want one thing forever because ultimately, it’s up to you.

In this episode, we attempt to figure out just how severe our people-pleasing habits really are. We talk through the common behaviours of people-pleasers, including apologizing too often and feeling uncomfortable when people are mad at us. We consider how these habits show up in our work and personal lives and share which areas we believe we have room to grow in. Kyla reflects on what happened when she thought Kelsey was mad at her, Kelsey divulges how stubborn she is, and we both share our desire for verbal affirmation. We talk about how the patriarchy is trash, Kyla admits to her tendency to overextend, and Kelsey shares how people being overly humble bums her out. We consider the benefits of adopting a beginner's mindset, and how approaching things without expectations might be the best way to navigate life. Also, Kelsey decides that Kyla is a master potter. Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.

In this episode, we let out some more messy thoughts around how we’re still looking for joy amidst these uncertain times. We discuss what practices have been anchoring us lately and bravely admit that we don’t really like carving pumpkins. We answer questions submitted by the Educated Messes community, including book recommendations, the “why” behind Educated Messes, and the hardest things we’ve had to overcome this past year.Kelsey reflects on her hospitalization, Kyla tells the story of how she took stress leave from work, and we both contemplate how much of life is just luck and timing. We learn the (actual) definition of neural plasticity and Kyla discovers (much to her dismay and/or excitement) that pretty much everything rewires your brain. We cover some helpful journal prompts and explore how expressive journaling can help you sort through your thoughts by decreasing activity in the emotional centre of your brain. We talk about building habits and how going through hard things teaches you about yourself. We also discover how we’re really bad at giving simple answers to questions.Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.

In this episode we discuss resilience (and how 2020 is making it real tricky to feel resilient). We define what resilience is and what it isn’t, and learn that there’s much more to being resilient than just “bouncing back”. We explore how to foster resilience in yourself, and give an example of how you might use resilience in practice through acceptance and/or reframing situations. We also touch on the fore core components of resilience — connection, wellness, healthy thinking, and meaning.Kyla talks about how suppressing her emotions for too long lead to a full on physical and mental breakdown and how important sleep is to her sanity. Kelsey talks about how isolating herself prolonged a difficult healing process, and emphasizes the importance of community and (of course) movement. We clarify that you don’t *always* have to be resilient and that being resilient doesn’t mean you will *never* face hardship, but rather how it’s a tool you can choose to employ when you come up against difficult times.

In this episode, we discuss the shitshow that is figuring out what to do with your life. We define purpose and passion and talk about how to find yours, and clarify that you’re absolutely allowed to change your mind about what you want. We reflect on how scary it feels to change our minds, but how living in line with our passions can bring new energy to life. Kyla recounts her journey to turn creativity into a career, and Kelsey shares her experience of exiting the banking industry to slang essential oils and build a tight community.We talk about the sunk cost fallacy, the Birkman assessment, what Ikigai is, and why you feel more excited thinking about snacks than actually eating them. Shania Twain shares words of wisdom, Kelsey screws up more idioms, and we talk about how trying things and failing badly is what teaches us who we are. Also, we decide that "do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life" saying is BS.Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.

In this episode we talk about “shoulds” — the voices in our heads that tell us what we should be doing, caring about, or working towards — and how they can get in the way of our happiness. We discuss how they originate from a variety of places, from society and religion to family and peers, and how they show up in the decisions we make in our day-to-day lives. We discuss how to approach these thoughts in a more balanced way and explore some tools to uncover, reframe, and dismantle our shoulds so we can own what we really want in life.Kyla sabotages Kelsey by letting her record through her headphones for the first 30 minutes*. We get heated talking about our thoughts on marriage, children, and success and find out Elle Woods was our mutual blueprint. Stick around to hear Kelsey aerates her wine. Loudly.*(Kyla would like the record to show that the motive behind this is unconfirmed. No further comments at this time).Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.

In this episode, we dig into the importance of the mind-body (or brain-body) connection. We explore how emotions can show up via psychosomatic symptoms in your physical body and share some of our personal experiences with this type of connection. Kelsey talks about how grief after a difficult breakup showed up in her body as flu-like symptoms and Kyla shares how long periods of high stress turned into a struggle with chronic pain. We learn that the inability to express one’s feeling might contribute to chronic illnesses, discuss the impacts of high levels of cortisol in the body, touch on what central sensitization means, and discover that Tylenol might help you feel less sad (except don’t just go using Tylenol to regulate your emotions. we’re not doctors). Finally, we chat about how focusing on our physical health has helped us heal both internally and externally, and cover some tools and therapies that can help us take our power back.Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.

In this episode we get a bit less structured and a bit more vulnerable. We have a free flowing conversation about how we’ve been managing our mental and physical health during a global pandemic, joy triggers, gratitude practices, and swimming. We touch on our physical and mental health journeys including the huge impact of hormones, the two big diagnoses Kyla’s gotten in the past year, and the serious complications Kelsey faced during a recent dental surgery. We talk about taking an active role in your own healing, both mentally and physically, and how important it is to advocate for yourself in the health care system. This and much, much more in our first "Messy Thoughts" episode. Let us know if you like this type of ep. and want to hear more in the future! Note: Our offer to include free ad reads for BIPOC-owned businesses still stands and will continue to stand.

In this episode we talk about limiting beliefs — what they are, where they come from, how to recognize yours, and what to do about them. We touch on cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), unhelpful thinking patterns, and why our brains tend to notice and cling to negative things more than positive ones. Kyla gets a sexy sound quality boost and says a lot of words that are really hard to pronounce, Kelsey talks about her desire for control, and Kyla dishes on what she talks about in therapy.Sources in the show notes at www.educatedmesses.com

In this episode/ group therapy session we talk all about boundaries, how to set them, how to tell if someone’s crossing one of yours, and how respect your OWN damn boundaries!! Kyla talks about one of her favourite tools (nonviolent communication) Kelsey dishes about some mean-ass DM’s, we bring up our girl Glennon Doyle again, and both try our best to think of descriptors other than “interesting”.

In this episode we discuss the pressure we put on ourselves to constantly be creating OUTPUT and we touch on why hinging your worth on external factors is not a great idea. Kyla continues to have so. many. mantras., Kelsey advocates for doing shit for no reason, Kyla finds deep meaning in Animal Crossing and we talk about pottery AGAIN.  Note: Because every month in 2020 feels like an entire new year has gone by, we feel the need to note that we recorded this episode back in May (before we re-recorded Episode 01). At that time the murder of George Floyd and the subsequent BLM demonstrations had not yet occurred, which is the reason we do not address it in this episode. As we mentioned in our first episode, we want to continue to hold space to amplify black voices. Our offer to include free ad reads for black-owned businesses still stands (and will continue to stand). We’re working to record a permanent reminder of this that we will include in each podcast.Another note: Hi. It’s Kyla. I just— my mic quality is driving me insane in the fact check…maybe we’ll do an episode on perfectionism some day… that's literally all, I just wanted to say that. Bye.

In our first full length episode we discuss why there’s so much weight behind “failing”, and what does it even mean to fail, anyway? Kyla discusses her Big Failure of 2019, Kelsey talks about why she pretended she didn’t know how to ride a bike, and we try (and fail) to remember so. many. quotes. Come along with us as we both find a lot of things Very Interesting.

In this short, sweet, and sexy episode, we introduce ourselves and fill you in on what you can expect from Educated Messes (aka: 2020 mid-20s crisis content). Kyla kills it at ice breakers, Kelsey admits she doesn’t know how to cry, and we both agree that nothing ever makes sense at all.