How To Die

The lights go down, people settle. A violin starts to play. Stage left, an elderly man walks onstage, alone, in a suit and tie, wearing a hat. This is John Cartwright, aged just 87 - The Performer. In this episode, we consider what performance means – on life as performance, and performance as life. How performance brings us alive, stretches us and helps us to grow. Punctuated by his poetry, John Cartwright provides a meditation on ageing, on the body, on movement, and what it means to be alive in this world.

Zodwa Mabusela works for Khululeka, the only organisation in South Africa focused on children's grief. In this episode, she explains why it's often difficult to help children in their grief, and what we can do about it. She shares her experience of working in some of our poorest communities, and what all children go through when it comes to death and loss of a loved one, regardless of your circumstances. Zodwa also shares - with great courage and candour - the story of the loss of her own daughter, and how she has dealt with her own grief, using this experience to strengthen the vital work she does.

Dion Chang is a well-known trends analyst who has trained as a death doula. He uses his skills and insight both in the world of work and as a companion to those experiencing something called disenfranchised grief, which is often associated with the loss of a cherished animal companion. In this episode, he describes his journey, offering invaluable perspective on cycles of life and death in several domains. He's a super-interesting guy with great ideas, who shares what it's like to enter the third age of life, and why he chooses ‘rewirement' over retirement - and why, for now, he is motivated to support people experiencing the loss of a pet.

Arabella Tresilian is an interpersonal mediator working in the medical care and end-of-life environment. She helps families find acceptance with each other and the challenges they face.Arabella's nuanced understanding of how emotions manifest in people stems from an awareness of what's at stake for people. She has a wonderful ability to integrate different stories into a bigger picture to help people move forward that is both inspiring and consoling. Discerning between empathy and the more radical effects of compassion, Arabella shares a range of insights in this episode, the tools and techniques that she uses to help people communicate deeply and arrive at a common understanding.

Rhiannon Thomas has learnt a new way of doing law. Guided by purpose and values, Integrative Law a radically different approach to the win/lose adversarial approach of traditional law. Instead, here is a process that is collaborative and reflective, integrating psychological, spiritual and cultural aspects of a person to discover what motivates their wishes and their actions. Because encountering the law is always an emotional thing - especially when it comes to those deathly bits - wills, guardianship, end-of-life care. Here's a better way to do those things...

In this episode, Warrant Officer Stephné Le Roux of the South African Police Service (SAPS) provides intimate detail of her fascinating work identifying skeletal remains. Frequently, this means determining whether these are perhaps from an ancient burial site or a more recent crime scene. In a country where endemic violence and poverty, migration, substance abuse and other factors tear families apart, many of our dead are unidentified, unclaimed. What is the story they tell?Stephné discusses the challenges she faces, sharing good ideas to improve the systems that often make her work so challenging. With consistent humour and modesty, she shares detail of the techniques she uses to analyse human remains, and speaks candidly about how her work has influenced her attitude to life.

A whopper of an episode with an extraordinary guest, outgoing Emeritus Professor of Human Anatomy at the University of Cape Town Medical School, Dr Graham Louw. We discuss body donation and what it's like for students to apprehend their first cadaver, and take a trip under the skin, besides discussing a whole pile of other things that Graham has learnt over his long career - a career which has benefited many thousands of people.

Eric Adjetey Anang grew up playing in his grandfather's carpentry workshop in Accra, where he learnt how to make the distinctive Ghanaian abebuu adekai - or 'boxes of proverbs.' These are the fantastic customized coffins pioneered by his grandfather, Kane Kwei, who made the first one in the shape of an airplane for a neighbour who had always wanted to fly...

Kirsty Horn is a Breast Cancer Warrior, no mere 'survivor.' In this episode, she shares extremely useful insight gained during her diagnosis and treatment journey, with candour, energy and a great sense of humour. Tips for self-care, family relationships, support group formation for the help with the explicit nitty-gritty... as well as insider perspective to what kind of friendship and care helps best - this is an amazing resource for anyone who is starting this journey, or who wants to support someone they love.

Karen Borochowitz founded Dementia South Africa over 20 years ago, after caring for her mother who had Alzheimer's Disease. She shares a lifetime's worth of wisdom and insight into how to care for someone living with a dementia, how it impacts families and what they can do, and discusses stigma and the challenges experienced in South Africa.

Jill Katz is the person you want by your side to help navigate all the stuff a loved one leaves behind. Both super-practical and compassionate, Jill is blessed with intuition and a deep understanding of neurodivergent behaviour, and how we can all get stuck and overwhelmed. She provides a set of simple systems that help guide you through the clutter, and clear things away – materially, emotionally and cognitively – to unlock your true potential.

Keshnie Mathi is the Grief Companion - a human compendium of diverse emotion, humour, compassion and wisdom, wrapped in the professional ability to listen. In this episode, she details how she supports people in their grief. And at the end of the episode are a few ways you too can support someone experiencing the pain of loss.

Dr Ivan Schewitz is a veteran explorer of the thoracic cavity, having saved and improved many lives in his long and pioneering surgical career. In this episode, he reflects on what a lifetime's work has taught him about life and death, and the responsibility that he carries. He shares intimate experience about what it's like to save a life, and to lose one, and how best to communicate this to a family. A warm and affable man with great experience, related with humility and kindness.

Adriaan Bester has a clear eye and a steady hand, in a business that provides a service as old as time. His insight, compassion and sensitivity is perfectly suited to this culturally diverse country, steeped in traditional rites and rituals about death and dying. Yet Adriaan is an innovator, unafraid to introduce new technologies and new options for people who have lost a loved one. His experience is unique - and he relates it with kindness and warmth.

Dr. Mary Ryan is a priest and soul carer, someone with great experience of providing spiritual care at the end of life. In this episode, she discusses her journey toward priesthood, and the challenges she experiences as a woman and feminist. She explains what is meant by soul care, and what it's requirements are, as well as sharing a useful model of the stages of dying which helps us understand the needs of the dying person. Mary is a teacher and the inspiration behind the Soul Carers Network, an affiliation of soul carers with many different skills and aptitudes based in South Africa.

Ela Manga is an integrative medical doctor, highly attuned to the relationship between different systems in the body. She has a deep experience of death, and how breath plays a leading part in how we live and how we die. Her work is radical and gentle, profound and compassionate. She shares her insight, and some of the keys to using a healing tool that's right under our noses.

Veteran teaching midwife Ciske van Straaten has vast experience of helping to bring life into the world, and has also been intimately involved in death. What has this taught her? What have these two moments got in common? How do they relate to each other, in the cycle of life?

Author of 'Crossing the River Styx - Memoirs of a Death Row Chaplain,' Russ Ford shares his experience of accompanying those condemned to die in their final years, months and earthly moments. A humble, courageous and powerful story of unlikely redemption, this is a record of a remarkable experience, a testament to compassion in the face of institutionalized savagery.

A brief yet comprehensive tour of the issues surrounding the legal challenge to grant South Africans the right to die, and autonomy over their own lives. For more, see DignitySA

Earth to earth, and dust to dust, right? Brie Smith from Return Home gives the lowdown on human composting, aka terramation, a process designed to enhance natural decomposition. No added chemicals, no fancy caskets.

Rabbi Belinda Silbert just happens to have explored her psychic abilities since childhood, and brings them to bear on her profound spirituality.

Registered Financial Transitions Planner Louis van Der Merwe is compassionate, insightful, practical and down to earth when it comes to the big changes in life and what happens to money in their wake. Plus he's got a sense of humour and a twinkle in his smile…

What is a forensic artist? In high demand due to the avalanche of unclaimed dead in our country, with its shockingly high numbers of unnatural deaths, this highly skilled practitioner provides a vital link between the worlds of justice and art, making meaning visible from the margins and in the shadows where so many people disappear.

What is aquamation and how exactly does it work on a human body after death? What are the byproducts and are they safe? Do you receive the ashes, or something similar? This is an in-depth discussion with someone who ardently believes in the green credentials of this alternative to burial or cremation, an insider who shares great perspective on respectful ways to honour our loved ones after death.

Cremation is a practice riven with misconception and superstition. It is taboo for many people, but also our obvious remedy to dwindling land available for burial. What happens when a body is cremated? What are the fears people have, and how can we address them?

Reincarnation, cremation, the sacred passage of the soul.... this is an in-depth discussion of Hindu rites and rituals around death and dying, and why these are so important in the cycle of life. A deeply literate and erudite guest, Lokesh Maharajh has intimate understanding of the importance of these rituals and the correct way they should be performed for maximum karmic effect…

South Africa has just 50-60 state forensic pathologists serving almost 60 million people, plus a massive amount of unnatural death. What's it like to work in this profession, and what does being so close to death teach you about life? Dr Linda Liebenberg has some great ideas about how NOT to die.

The Undertaker is a candid interview with a man who spends most of his days either fetching the deceased and transporting them, helping families face their grief, or preparing people for the final stage in their earthly journey. He shares his insights, challenges, and a bunch of no-no's in dispelling myths and stereotypes about his craft, and teaches us that respecting the dead means respecting the living.

Providing compassionate professional care for twenty-five years in a well-known local hospice, Sr. Margot van der Wielen understands the challenges people and their families face with life-limiting illness. She shares her valuable perspective to help us apprehend our inevitable demise…

An insider account of life as a paramedic, with decades of experience. Compassionate, insightful, passionate. What happens when the worst thing happens? Bradley Klein is the type of person you would trust with your life.

Sheikh Sayed Imraan provides an incredibly detailed account of what happens when someone from the Islamic faith dies. In this episode, recorded in the mosque, he reveals not only what happens, but why, with compassion and an ever-present twinkle in his eye. From receiving the body and washing it, to shrouding it and burying it and praying over it at every step of the way, Sayed Imraan's generous explication is a rare glimpse into a set of holy practices with great implications for how Muslim people live their earthly lives.

Imagine being the principal on the scene of a road accident where there are multiple fatalities. When I sat down to interview Lloyd Castle, I had no idea that this is what he’d been responsible for, for many years, as a traffic officer. After a while he'd seen enough, to answer a new calling - teaching people how to stay safe on the roads - specifically, on motorcycles. In this episode, Lloyd discusses what goes on in the mind of a biker on the road. His insight into the behaviour of road users is instructive, as he shares many tips for staying safe on what he calls 'the road network', getting from A to B without incident. Mostly, they have to do with attitude. He also describes the unique culture that is biking, and the rituals involved in commemorating the death of one of the fallen. This is a cautionary tale, one which powerfully suggests that life is precious, and that we should cherish it while we can. Our choices on the road always have an impact on the people that matter - the people that love us. Start your engines!

It was in the blood - a powerful call from the spirit world. Heeding it, Lindy Dlamini left her 'old life' and, in a kind of rebirth, became initiated as a sangoma, or African traditional healer. She describes her work as a 'facilitator of healing', alert to the signs she's been both gifted and trained to read, always emphasizing the importance of our relationship with our ancestors, whether we are aware of them or not. She also discusses witchcraft and the practice of daily connection as a way to honour people and heal trauma. This is a fascinating account by someone with a rich spiritual life, whose compassion and insight are always in evidence.

Ivor Gardiner's father opened the family business in the 1930s, making tombstones. Today, Ivor does the same... out of granite, marble and sandstone. This very gentle man has heard a few stories in his time. Together, I was privileged to reflect with him about his work and the deep meaning he derives from it, helping people find something solid in the time of their grief, and a way to dignify a life that's been lost.

Mark Wortman blends his natural affinity for conducting interpersonal relationships with great integrity, with a rare sensitivity and understanding about death and loss. His experience, blended with a lively spark and easy demeanour, generates a freshness to his perspective about the world of funerals - what happens, what to be watchful of, what to celebrate. His background in psychology also equips Mark with useful tools to manage charged emotional situations. He recounts, with compassion and a mirthful shrug, some of the hidden things that only someone like him could be aware of, the behind the scenes shenanigans that happen when a loved one dies.

Spiwo Xapile is a self-described 'victim of exposure', someone who straddles different worlds and makes sense of them with gentle eloquence. He is frank and honest about some of the perverse anomalies thrown up by Christianity in the context of Apartheid, and the struggle to forge enabling narratives for community development. Spiwo shares his insight and experience of black South African death rites, and explains the powerful role of ancestors. A show not to be missed.

Ezelle Theunnisen has a contagious zest for life which derives from a unique South African heritage, coupled with a Buddhist approach to death and funerary practices. She radiates an aura of physical health and spiritual well-being, sharing her insight with humility and an energetic kindness. She also has a brilliant local solution for the growing shortage of space for our earthly human remains! Articulate and incredulous, passionate and curious, Ezelle is one of those people that makes you wonder where the time goes.

Christine is a professional tea-drinker and part-time photographer who provides palliative counseling with such insight it will restore your breath. She discusses her experience living and working in Cape Town and shares a particularly lovely range of insights into the very meaningful relationships she enters into with those fortunate enough to spend time with her.

Susan Brice manages to blend compassion with practicality when it comes to burial, and is acutely aware of the challenges facing our communities when death comes.

Sean O'Connor chats with Peter Fox about his experience providing end-of-life spiritual companionship and support.