Band Meeting

Episode 61 has everything! It’s got pumps. It’s got balls. It’s got Rick Moranis’s pump for his balls. So take off your over the shoulder boulder holders, get comfy, and join us as we pump up the space jam! We love you, Morgan Freeman!

Listener, get your calculators! According to Pavlov’s Hierarchy and Maslov’s Response, our highly coveted segment is back… Yuppers. It’s Math Time! Beware- you’re about to get your cortexes crunched. Posterior Parietal, Ventrotemporal, and Occipital… BLAMMO! What’s worse? We have a special guest appearance from just the strictest parent this side of the Yazoo-Mississippi Delta Burke. Watch out. Here comes the Origami Swami Mommy.

It’s Earth Day, baby! Not only is the band on fire, Sheila F just passed a gale of munchie-induced wind! And for all of you inquiring minds, the band celebrated the “High Holiday” in fit fashion. They even continued to stand on ceremony two days later. In the spirit of Earth Day, they kept it “green!” So join them in Madison Square Garden (a.k.a. Mother Nature’s Brothel) and listen to them drop the three R’s of Earth Day – Resin, Resin, and Reba McEntire!

Hey Folks! Joe has a real schnoz sitch! He thinks he “knows” his nose until the harsh reality of Covid-19 mask making puts him in a nasal noose! Naturally, Sheila F fashions him a fashion-forward replacement. Spoiler Alert – Chianti and fava beans are ready for their tricenary triumph… SLURP, SLURP, SLURP!

In episode 57, Sheila F reveals her AWESOME new catch phrase! After regretting his excessive Ambien-induced, Amazon Prime purchases, Joe Stoner decides to get his “sleep studied.” Tune your frequencies between 25 and 40Hz and to have a lucid look into the minds of musical mastery!

Join Joe Stoner with his other host Sheila F! She is back, baby! And there is rust on neither her dulcet tones nor her trombone! The two are eager to talk like Lousianians and like Ron Howard. So… “they did.” Quickly, the duo delves into other topical topics such as: What is the difference between Anthony Keidis and James Brown? What is the poem in YOUR pocket? Do penises howl? And most importantly – What’s Malkoviching your Malkovich?

How will Joe Stoner respond to the band’s flood of FMVM? (That stands for “Fan Mail Voice Mail” for our primarily octogenarian – saturated listening demographic). Will he be able to determine who’s a Real Deal HolyField and who’s a Parker Posey Poser? And what’s with all the vanity numbers? If you have any idea, please call 1-800-Mrs. Dick. Joe changed his number.

Joe Stoner becomes frustrated at Sheila’s “inability to make noise that is sensible for an audio format.” Sheila F thinks he’s straight up “clipping”! Who is right? And why is Sheila on a belching bender? Tune into episode 54 and you might just learn the answers. Rumor is that Frank the Wiener has some very prescient knowledge!

Where in the world is Sheila F? Has she aBANDoned Joe Stoner for a foray with Francis McDormand? What role does Frank the Weiner and Rick Morranis play in all this chaos? Will Joe have to launch a “war on the stars” to find his fucking friend? To answer these pressing questions, grab your closest conch shell, turn it around, and tune in!

Oh poop scoop! The band is facing friendship fragility! Rather than explain the companion’s crossroad in laymen language, let recitative bring you up to speed! Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La, Ti, forgive Sheila, Joe!

It’s that time of the month … Fact or Rumor? 1. Fact! Rumors were invented by Fleetwood Mac! (Lindsey Buckingham didn’t piss clean for his most recent lie detector test) 2. Rumor! Pee Pee in belly buttons make babies! 3. Fact! It takes ~ three fortnights of continual, Nyquil induced, ass-adjacent hibernation for two friends to synch up their punctuation marks! (#fuscottbaio)

After 49 countless band meetings, it’s time to finally peek behind the curtain that makes this band turn the beat around and turn over a new leaf. Revelations are made, sins are atoned, and tones ascend with two big new changes. But will the band break up? No. We’re stronger than ever. Happy 50th episode!

During their 49th Band Meeting, the duo are definitely not out of all “spoonerisms.” I/ She/ We…uhhh… Well the point is that this band is super sexsuccessful given the following infallible facts: 1) They are positive that Sheila F’s Papa Gino’s Card will finance the band’s new corvette! 2) They are unequivocally recording in a band studio (a.ka.a) called a Limited Liability Cartoon Cow! 3) They are indubitably sponsored by Banana Boat Jock Screen and Ben Afleck Aflac Insurance! So rest assured, there is nothing unkempt about their “recording!”

Sheila F and Joe Stoner’s friendship is in peril! While under the decaying clapboards of the boardwalk, it becomes clear that Joe’s “moonscreen” doesn’t prevent him from being moonstruck! What will happen to the band when “the moon hits Joe’s eye with a smitten pizza sand pie?”

Joe Stoner and Sheila F are “Best Friends Gone Wild!” That’s right! They are on the Vay2TheK! Destined for stratospheric success, what could keep them from walking on the moon? Certainly not “moon block”!

Facing an impending “Seasonal Affective Court Order,” Sheila F is in a real “Molly Mcmurphy” mood! Thankfully, Joe Stoner musters his inner Dwayne the Muscle Man Savage and provides Sheila with support. Her tirade includes such gems as the direct correlation between chain restaurants and hygiene as well as one long winded whine. “Sit the H E double hockey sticks down, Meredith Bagpipe Birney!”

Hing! Hing! Hing! Sheila F and Joe Stoner have landed their first gig and they are ready to rock the Gen Pop! However, Sheila F flips the F Double Hockey Sticks out when she realizes that she forgot all of the band instruments. Can Joe deal with her misplaced anger or will his laughter escalate her into an uncharted realm of rage?

Ever wonder why your Nanna knows so much about Ron Jeremy? Wonder what puts the “Daft” in Punk? Every wonder if Purell or regular hand soap makes Pharell Williams “happy”? You guys are curious as kittens! And we heard your curious meow. So listen to episode 44 now!

It’s Sheila F’s birthday and she fell off the edge of the earth, so Joe’s writing this synopsis! I think he’s doing a great job. Possibly a perfect job. But this isn’t a performance review, it’s the synopsis of a great meeting for a great band. How long is this supposed to be anyway? Jon Hamm, if you’re listening, I lost my phone. Everybody else, buy some bags of dirt. And send.

Room, Room! Joe Stoner, Sheila F, and their roomba are surrounded by no dearth of dirt in this episode! Incidentally, they also reached singularity in a black hole and came down with a wicked case of spaghettification! (And no, Axl! That is not a nod to your album The Spaghetti Incident, you little piggy). Despite the distracting dirtbags, the duo sticks to a tidy agenda. They even manage to keep their newest member’s hands, Elizabeth Berkley College of Music, out of her own pants! Long Live Mr. Belding!

It’s our 41st episode and everything goes beautifully… for the first 11 minutes. During that evancescent utopia, Joe Stoner isn’t a piece of shit nor is Sheila F a chronic complainer. However, “the script inevitably flips” which forces the two “to wake up and smell the shit where they eat!”  Axl knows all about that – don’t you, you little piggy!? Oink Oink!

In episode 40, Joe Stoner “pitches a tent” where Sheila F can pursue her passion project – marriage in the major league! While waiting for Sheila’s paramour to present, the duo google “Google” and debate how well javascript errors complement cookies. Ultimately, they agree to disagree and find themselves expressing their pineapples…. SWEET RELIEF!

PSA: Fall’s here and the leaves are queer! What does that have to do with you? Listen up… If our freaky ass friend Jim’s seasonal reenactment of The Wizard of The Oz – in which he gets all fucked up on MDMA and dresses like a bloated Auntie Anne and puts his snaggle-toothed Pomeranian on a leather-studded leash and forces it to play Toto –  is “off putting” to you, then your garbage ass better call that freaky as fuck physician Doc from Back to Future and get a RX for the days of yore. 

Would you submerge yourself into liquid nitrogen for your number one fan? If the answer is yes, be prepared for the following Soprano Series’ side effects: Dr. Melfi Meltdowns; Carm’s Parm’s Alarms; Antipasto Apathy; Fungule Drool, and Junior Senior moments…

If you thought that one time at band camp was crazy, you’re going to think this episode is bonkers! “Drained to the O,” Sheila F manages to follow Joe to the pitch perfect location. The two speculate:  How would Christ mingle? Is James Brown an ass clown? And what in the hell is that smell!?!

“Trapped in time, I don’t know what to do…” Oops, Sheila F is still having Phish dreams from her and Joe’s abrupt seaside wedding adventure! She soon gets it back together when she and Joe unearth a cryptic message leading them to the perfect band meeting location- a high school janitor’s closet! The two follow a squeaky clean agenda that explores: the Do’s, the Da’s, and the Demis! This episode is unofficially brought to you by cranberry infused Windex. YUMMY!

Joe Stoner and Sheila F get into a real “chicken and egg” debate over their love of country music. Fortunately, they agree to abandon their dusty trail and forge into the 18th Frontier! As history has proven, Joe quickly strays from the beaten path and contracts a case of “metabolic meltdown.” Naturally, the duo devolves into a real “tit for tat” situation. Tune in and discover what happens when you have a full bladder that feels as heavy as a “Rock”!

After dreaming of Antelopes Out of Control, Sheila F wakes up with a “Blank A.C Slate(r).” Ready for a good quip, Joe rips off Sheila F’s Biore strip! None too pleased, Sheila F commences some “ipso facto” fisticuffs! Joe’s responds with curious queries such as: Who’s the real RiRi? Why is Spider Man’s heinie so tiny? And why is Alan so Thick?

Budding Young Musicians! – Behold a template for effective band communication! Despite Sheila F’s claustrophobia, she indulges Joe’s dogged determination to put the “Entertainment” in Chuck ”E” Cheese. After whistling their S’s, the duo delves into a sordid 1980’s TGIF musical melody. Summarily exhausted, they persist and Whack the Ol’ Mole! Topics include: the true definition of gonapikiwiki and the efficacy of the Zoltron machine… PLEASE- Don’t Butcher us, Rhea!

After 32 band meetings, the buddies find themselves tardy to their own party! Despite hitting her egg on some nog, Sheila F’s best bud adds insult to her injury! Demanding that she zip it, Joe Stoner soon discovers that Sheila silently found an alternate means to seek relief and revenge. In time, the two get back on “track,” relax with “Pat,” and “clean” up their act. With the help of Jay Z, the duo’s future is no longer hazy! Watch out Woodstock!

This episode is nothing to yawn at! Having fortuitously found themselves at the esteemed recording studio – One Overnight Drive Plaza – Sheila F and Joe Stoner find themselves flushed and frustrated, respectively. Poppling over the praise posited by the handsome Hans, Sheila F loses her “lucidity.” Dogged in his determination to hatch a heist, Joe Stoner’s really starts to “pop his tarts.” In time, the two stop splitting “hairs” and manage to forge an epoch, diamond-encrusted snare!

The band is on the beach! When Joe and Sheila see a chance to sing sea chants at the Tea Dance, they seize the sitch. The Grammy goal gets escalated into EGOT fisticuffs after Sheila channels Aaron Neville’s dulcet tones, and the duo has to ditch their pitch plan when the dock gets dark and tents get pitched!

This band meeting isn’t your average card game! Feeling “witchy” and “crabby,” Sheila F and Joe Stoner seek solace in a progressive, subterranean community. However, the duo soon discover that some gills are not golden. Facing a real “sand glass sitch,” the duo are desperate for help that is…. solid as a “Rock”!

Finding themselves in a real “Lyft Sitch,” Sheila F and Joe Stoner have a band meeting that is out of this galaxy! With the objective input of their Lyft driver, the duo debates how to “Don your Juan well,” the merits of “Space Spaghetti,” and how everyone has to pay the “Bills.” It’s time to put on your “Space Jams” and stretch out your “strings of ham!” Rapinoe? More like “Rapin-YES!”

Sheila F’s claustrophobia kicks in when Joe reveals that the bandmates are trapped in an “escape room” situation! Joe tries his best to mellifluously mollify Sheila F with band name banter. He then taps into the duo’s dulcet tones, and they get remarkably recitative. Spoiler Alert: Joe may be a “Goodman,” but he does kiss and tell, “Dude!”

Joe and Sheila F get boom sauced in this positively palate pleasing band meeting! By flipping the script, the duo “curry” the favor of the esteemed chef Matte Huggaboom. Between business bargainings, the three grieve grimace and jaw over “What’s Jon Hamm’s Favorite Color?” Much to Sheila F’s chagrin, Joe and Matte go “bongers” over Joe’s new invention. So “come” on in! …just not right in front of our salad!

Joe and Sheila F really “clean” up their acts during this “blockbuster” band meeting! The buddies make a new friend who “projects” the bands certainty for success. Per usual, Joe “runs so far” from Sheila F’s athletic advice. Both seeing red, the duo debates “What’s Jon Hamm’s Favorite Color,” but manage to make amends during a very special “minute.”

To commemorate a very special day, Sheila F takes Joe on a surprise trip to the “Great Outback!” Much to Joe’s awe, Gabbo the Clown rises from the rubbish! This curios clown certainly “razzles Joe’s dazzle” as the two talk Tonka, juggle Juggalo, and rifle reptiles. Good Job, Sheila F!

Joe Stoner gets right down to airing some “greasy” grievances. As a sign of solidarity, Sheila F reveals what’s “flimming her flam” (BTW- it is NOT “alright, alright, alright”). Stay tuned to determine whether Joe botched the “buch” and if Sheila F was too crude, lewd, and in the nude!

The Savior of Capitaland Radio finds Joe and Sheila’s new practice space, and Sheila seems smitten. Lives are changed irrevocably when Bob Mason weighs in on the band’s best tromboner. Joe fails to learn a lesson in bailout protocol and Sheila gets a coveted kiss. Will Bob Mason join the band, or is he secretly stealing Sheila’s sunshine?

Safe on terra firma, Joe and Sheila F are ready to “turn the ‘beet’ around.” While waxing poetic, the two put the “sass” into “sarsaparilla”! During rhyme time, Sheila F loses her cool and demands “law and order.” Joe offers some much needed clarification on “NeverEnding” continuity errors. Laughter soon ensues during a good ol’ fashion game of “slap a ‘nads.” Stay tuned!

Due to the prolonged precipitation, the dynamic duo succumbed to a hearty “Gonapikiwiki!” After some solid shuteye, the buddies excavate themselves from a real “Stevie Nicks Sitch!” Revived in the nick of time, the duo continues to survive. Don’t be late to hear them, “Set the record straight!”

Sheila F. Proposes a plan to profit from pickling. For all “intensive porpoises,” the duo concur that youth hostels COULD draw wild horses away. Scatman Crothers present the two with a surprising swan Song request. Can the two “yewts” honor his wishes and still keep the band alive?

The dynamic duo had to dine and dash! Despite their desire to debate the demise of Duritz, Joe Stoner and Sheila F become distracted by card counting and “Counting” Crows. Refusing to be penny rich pound poor, they ditch the penny slots and manage to dodge the “ruffness” of the pit boss. Thank goodness that Sheila F’s band bus allows them to set sail for success!

Sheila F, Joe Stoner, and… a new band member? Chlorofunked, the promising green-thumbed guest gives colorfully “chloro-phylled” contributions to the duo’s discussion: Sheila and Shaq’s separation and Joe Stoner tough tiff with tariffs.

When his sordid Google search history pops up, Joe Stoner unveils what it means to “chum the internet waters.” After clearing his cookies, the duo welcomes back Cotter, implores the force of Igor, and checks in with their number one fan! We love you Steve, but get it together!

After “entertaining” some pressing fan mail inquiries, Sheila F and Joe Stoner realize that they are in HIGH demand! They have the “class,” “sass,” and now it’s time to please  an audience of a formidable “mass!” Having cashed in her Papa Gino’s General Motor points, Sheila F surprises her buddy by revealing that they have the “vehicle” to go forth and prosper! DOLLA DOLLA BILLS!

Sheila F loses her memory when she accidentally throws her phone in the wash. Joe Stoner exposes the underbelly of the Supreme Court Case: Carrot Top vs. the State of Damon Wayans. The two quibble over the history of Archduke Franz Ferdinand’s demise. Tune in for the data, datum, and general delirium!

GOOD NEWS: Sheila F is back from her 69 day coma. Joe Stoner learned to tickle the ivories something fierce! BAD NEWS: Sheila F learns that the conservative agenda was not just a nightmare. Due to severe social isolation, Joe cultivated some very unflattering facial hair. BEST NEWS: The duo finally came up with a HOT band name! It is a great day!!!

Due to an unfortunate time-related mishap, Joe has to write up the meeting notes for this episode without any help from Sheila F. He did a fine job. See, Sheila? Type type type, look at me go. Anyway, that’s the news. And, send.