Nighttime Conversations With Steve and Freja

The face of monogamy is changing, and one thing is clear, the way a lot of people are doing it is not working. What can monogamous couples learn from the communication habits of poly folk? Is one better than the other? BIO: Leah is the founder and leader of the Esther Perel Discussion Group on Facebook, a community of over 13K members from across the globe who regularly discuss relationships, intimacy, sex, desire, and infidelity. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZOqckFIqspSVjJi_ILphxg, Blog: at https://leapcastlife.wordpress.com/ Esther Perel Discussion Group: https://facebook.com/groups/793115204193690/

Tatiana Alexeeva caught my attention this year with her hilarious and creative youtube videos. What I didn't expect was how helpful and informed she was, and the high standard of support and attention that she puts into anyone she works with. We are here to discuss a technique that is so effective, it is almost foolproof and can be used to thrive in any area of life, from business to health, to your sex life. Multifaceted and multi talented, Tatiana is a pharmacist turned hypnotherapist,certified coach and NLP coach. She helps people with unhelpful habits related to their health goals, such as procrastination..anxiety and stress. WEBSITE: https://easyhypnosis.ca/coaching-with-tatiana YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWg_HQOk2p5M2ky_KzBM8Ow Tatiana: "As a member of IMDHA, I've been practicing hypnotherapy since 2019. I mainly help people overcome bothersome habits related to their health goals (ex. quit smoking, weight loss, procrastination issues). I also do volunteer Coaching for Health for Pain BC, and coach people with chronic pain helping them lead a more functional life. In 2020, I completed the Tiny Habits (c) training with Dr BJ Fogg, behavioural scientist from Stanford University. I'm a huge proponent of his method of implementation of habits in our life – it's clear, straightforward and flexible to the point that it almost excludes failures. In 2021, I became an ACC certified coach and New Code NLP online coach. I'm an ex-pharmacist, so I have very high standards of work ethics. Right now, I'm working on creating a small online group for habit building to help participants decrease anxiety and stress. The group will run for 5 weeks and will include an intensive support in between sessions. I invite you to sign up for a free no-sales consultation if you're interested in ways to decrease anxiety and procrastination, as well as boosting your motivation and creativity in different areas, and if you're interested in my group habit building projects. It's a no-obligation conversation that in an of itself can be extremely beneficial. Please check out my Youtube channel Tatiana Alexeeva Mindful Entertainment for some fun videos on various subjects, including motivational videos, meditations and parody."

Peter Lancett is a practicing hypnotherapist, healer and published author. In his current business Living Well With Sally and Pete, he specializes in treating ( but is not limited to) chronic pain, limiting beliefs, low self-esteem, weight loss, smoking cessation, and has an extraordinary way of getting the change you are wanting to see. We are discussing something Peter calls the morality cage, a limiting construct which is often invisible and self perpetuating. It keeps people frustrated, unhappy, and prevents living in freedom. The morality cage is not subject specific, but it is something that you are born into and cannot help living within as it starts from the day you are born and is created by your family of origin and the society in which you live. Most people never remove these shackles from their lives and the ones that do often have a journey of self awareness and deliberate expansion in order to discover not only who they are, what they really want, and how they really want to live, but to give themselves permission to be, have and do these things. The morality cage can comfortable, but it is rarely truly happy. I've been where you are now - I know what you're feeling when the voice inside tells you that there's a better life to be had - more Joy, more Fulfilment, more Abundance of all the things that matter to you. It's a voice you should listen to - and I can help you reconnect with it and follow the intuitive guidance that will heal and transform you into the Wonderful Person you are meant to be, living the Dream-Life you deserve to live - Peter Lancett" BOOKS MENTIONED IN THE PODCAST: Mindset – Carol Dwek (Growth vs Fixed Mindsets) The Female Eunuch – Germaine Greer (a feminist deconstruction of the moral cage) The Holotropic Mind – Stan Grof Peter's Website www.lancetthypnosis.com https://www.lancetthypnosis.com/sallyandpete Facebook https://www.facebook.com/asksallyandpete (Living Well with Sally & Pete page) https://www.facebook.com/events/3466324086805490/ (Living Well Live! – free Zoom events every second Monday, discussing wellness. First one on 15th Feb is about Pain Management) https://www.facebook.com/peterlancett1/ (find me on Facebook)

Anxiety is at the tip of everyone’s tongue, from children to people in their 80s and 90s. So I want to speak to experts who treat anxiety for a living, to find out more about it and how every day people can get control over their anxiety quickly and easily, before it destroys their health and relationships. The blurb on Lori Hammonds page says: I help normal, everyday people solve normal everyday problems. I can help you permanently lose weight, stop smoking, overcome anxiety, achieve your goals and so much more Lori is a humble, sweet quiet and loving person that you would almost miss because she is not out there tooting her own horn, but who you CAN'T miss because she is a shining beacon of light. I have watched her over the years develop a loyal following which is growing and growing, not because she uses buzz words but because she is generous of heart and spirit, 100% genuine, and does things that actually help people with their problems. Things that work. Whether you walk into a room that Lori is in or see her over the internet her light shines and you honestly feel how much she cares, combine that with how much she knows and the gentle. easy to implement techniques that Lori uses are a gift to humanity. This is my first podcast with Lori, and it won’t be the last. https://www.trancypants.com/ https://www.facebook.com/trancypants

Kaz Riley is a award winning and leading hypnotist, hypnotherapist and hypnosis trainer with an international reputation for excellence with client work, and her specialist training and mentoring programmes for hypnotherapists. Kaz works with a wide range of issues that include Anxiety, IBS, Fertility, Childbirth, trauma and PTSD. Kaz also has a specialism in Sexuality, sexual dysfunction, sexual freedom, is kink friendly and LGBT friendly. She is regularly called upon as a consulting hypnotherapist for national women’s and health magazines, online health articles, and on radio and TV. She also has her own show on the Hypnosis 24/7 network called “Trancing in the sheets” In this episode we discuss Vaginismus, vvulvas and vaginas in relation to sex and bring a lot of information to light. What causes vaginismus? What is it? How does it differ from other pain issues? What is the Solution? Dilators, numbing cream, incontinence, is there a connection to autism, what can a man do to support a partner with vaginismus? www.KazRiley.com https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrHc9mLjSpQMSIM3asbxdKw

Anxiety is at the tip of everyone’s tongue, from children to people in their 80s and 90s. So I want to speak to experts who treat anxiety for a living, to find out more about it and how every day people can get control over their anxiety quickly and easily, before it destroys their health and relationships. Today my expert guest is Marian Spurgeon, an internationally-recognized trauma-informed hypnotist and NLP practitioner. In addition to being a certified hypnosis instructor through the International Certification Board of Clinical Hypnotherapists, she is the is the creator and host of the podcast, the Happy Safe Place, which explores resource states through a kaleidoscope of perspectives for the purpose of promoting emotional resilience. In a succinct and to the point episode, we discuss how Marian views anxiety, what people who suffer from anxiety need to know about it, and offer easy immediately usable and effective tools to manage it in the moment. https://www.marianspurgeon.com/

Anxiety is at the tip of everyone’s tongue, from children to people in their 80s and 90s. So I want to speak to experts who treat anxiety for a living, to find out more about it and how every day people can get control over their anxiety quickly and easily, before it destroys their health and relationships. Today I’m lucky enough to speak to a man who works with anxiety, and brings a huge skillset to the table. Tim Barlen is a Consulting Hypnotist, Master Neuro-Linguistic Programming Trainer, Licensed Massage Therapist, Reiki Instructor, a member of the National Guild of Hypnotists, and the author of Kill Your Massage Business. We discuss what people who suffer from anxiety need to know about it. How it affects health and relationships, what anxiety actually IS, performance anxiety vs situational anxiety, and how to manage your own when it flares up. www.timbarlenphypnosis.com Instagram: Tim Barlen

This episode is about being the smile you want to see in the mirror, and discusses how you cannot get sexual satisfaction unless you are someone who can invite it. What the heck does that even mean? A practical exercise which can instantly shift you from an annoying asshole into someone that is enjoyable to be around. How is that as a prelude to foreplay? A practical exercise which instantly shifts an annoying spouse that you definitely have no interest in touching, to someone that you adore. Like Magic. What's a better way to manage sexual frustrations than dropping passive aggressive hints? How to instantly (almost) change a critical mind with regards to your partner (minute 37 for the exercise guided by Freja) Let your New years Sexolutions include being someone better to have sex with. Links mentioned in the show : David Snyder - identity by design, understanding men and women, seduction, healing and self improvement, LOA https://bettymartin.org/videos/ SIGN UP HERE to get notified of new episodes, blog posts and awesome content!

Women Stepping Into Their Power -- What does that even mean? What does it look like? Why are the women in their 40s all divorcing their husbands? Why the heck should we listen to a man about stepping into our power? Marcus Ambrester explains all of this AND MORE on this podcast episode, including: the spiritual bypassing that happens when people get caught up in polarity and submitting to an alpha male, often considered the epitome of female sexual expression (really?!?! ladies..come on), why people fear that a woman will turn into a slut when she embodies her full sexual expression and what actually happens, how to invite a man who is able to show up with his heart into your life. Amazing talk with an amazing man, I encourage listeners to give feedback on these subjects and we'd love to continue the discussion on another podcast with your input. To connect with Marcus you can see his facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/marcus.ambrester

What does "state control" have to do with sex and relationships? Only EVERYTHING! Your state is the foundation on which everything rests, you can't "get there" if you're in a state of annoyance, criticism or anxiety! In this "clean conversation" Mohammed explains how state control can be managed deliberately and almost instantly to not only have better performance, better relationships... but what actually motivated me to contact him was the common theme of people being on medications that cause sexual dysfunction and saying they "need" to be on them because "zyx" Well what if "zyx" was within your control to manage and balance, and you were empowered to easily have the type of response you wanted? Mohammed tells us how. Also: the trick to producing your own DHEA (a vitality supplement sold in stores), get over stressful incidents quickly so that you don't take them home, and how to affect people around you (hint hint your partner) positively without saying a word. Mohammed is a phenomenal coach, trainer and public speaker. He works with individual clients as well as corporate and speaking engagements. He can be found at www.coachthemind.ca and on facebook.

What a treat! The founder of the Esther Perel Discussion Group, Leah Marshall has provided incredible insight as well as several very useful resources for ANY kind of relationship structure, but including those who are considering a level of non monogamy. We talk about how polyamory can include, but is not about sex with more than one. Facing fears and issues, the idea of don't ask don't tell, and why getting your partner to behave in a way that doesn't "make you jealous" is not always the best thing. What is solo poly and the relationship escalator? https://solopoly.net/ For more on Leah, visit her youtube channel! Leah's Resources (HUGE LIST) This is this processing model to get below the jealousy to the fear underneath is: "When __ happens, I make it mean __________. My fear is that means I am __________ and that eventually ________ will happen.” For example, "When my partner falls in love with someone else, I make it mean she will love me less and eventually leave me. My fear is that means I am not enough and that eventually I will be alone.” Can be powerful to complete solo and then talk through it with your partner. The source is: http://polyweekly.com/jealousy-toolbox-and-then-what-exercise/

Steve and I discuss what the cultural definition of sexual prime is and why that is a useless definition when it comes to having great sex How age, gender, body type and sexual function do not = the decline of fabulous sex Can sex actually get better with age? Limiting beliefs and ways around them

Dr. Elizabeth discusses HOW hypnosis can help you to have a better sex life. By removing blocks and obstacles to pleasure or relating, for people who let anxiety or lack of focus get in the way, who have low libido or cannot access their pleasure. Plus! Foot fetishes and installing pleasure feet Orgasms from GIVING oral sex People who can't go into trance Unethical erotic hypnosis https://drlizhypnosis.com/ Remember to subscribe

Special guest Kaz Riley of Kaz Riley Hypnotherapy, and Sexual Freedom Hypnosis and I discuss what it means to be a better woman, sexually. How to have better sexual experiences Why blaming men for your shitty sex life is not actually going to make it any better What internal shifts need to happen to have more pleasurable sex Something that angers many women about what why their sex life is not getting any better This is a real, raw, honest and expert discussion about female sexuality. SIGN UP HERE to get notified of new episodes, blog posts and awesome content!

Nighttime Conversations With Steve and Freja: Special guest Dr. Elizabeth Bonet talks about why being present during sex is important What does being present mean How does it help sex and make it better How to "be present" How distractibility ruins sex And how Steve finds orgies to be a major distraction! Visit our guest here https://drlizhypnosis.com/ Subscribe for more goodies

Productivity: Highly prized, revered. Like industriousness, it is often seen as a virtue. But is it all that? Where did we get our ideas about productivity? Why are so many of us restless and hard on ourselves when we aren’t being productive? Can productivity be harmful, and affect our relationships detrimentally? I mentioned to Steve the other day that I was feeling guilty as I had not made use of "all this extra time" when my life's work had been completely shut down during COVID 19, and that it seemed like many of my friends had used the opportunity to revamp their businesses, hustle, and get productive online, whereas with the uncertainty+zero income, I was floundering and felt like I was just surviving.... barely. What followed was a great conversation over the immense "guilt over not making more money" and where it actually comes from, and whether it was a useful thing.

Steve and I discuss what options people have when they are sexually mismatched -- after defining what that means. one person wants sex once or twice per day, the other 1x a month alternatives to breaking up is there such a thing as a spectrum of monogamy what are the options for very strictly monogamous relationships? what are the options when people are open to mild exploration, but not wanting to engage with others? Resources Book Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel www.BettyMartin.org/videos https://www.reddit.com/r/karezza/ SIGN UP HERE to get notified of new episodes, blog posts and awesome content!

This evening's talk is inspired by conversations with girlfriends in the dating world: a common situation is after a brief period of dating, a text will come in with a request to " do anal and swallow" I want to address two parts of it, why sending a text with a request for that early in a relationship without any discussion is a RED FLAG --porn mindset and how Steve and I disagree on this! --how to approach sexual discussion with specific requests for acts instead --how to ask for things which are out of someone's comfort zone. How to approach things which are out of YOUR comfort zone that your partner wants. --How a healthy dynamic inspires willingness vs. compliance, and avoiding pressuring your partner or triggering issues from past sexual trauma STAY IN TOUCH click this link to sign up to be notified of new content posts and podcasts!

Inviting intimacy, or as Freja puts it -- how to ask for sex without being a douche. Steve and I talk about common obstacles to initiating/inviting sex, particularly in a changing environment where people are afraid to ask for what they want. We talk about How do you avoid feeling rejected when you ask for sex a lot and your partner says no? Is it even worth it to ask for sex when you know it's going to be "obligation sex" that results? What is the difference between welcomed, and unwelcomed insistence when it comes to pursuing sex with someone? Women who get upset when you don't "put out" within three dates, what's the deal? That marital death bed when one person starts avoiding doing ANYTHING AT ALL that might arouse the other person, sleeping with pjs on, avoiding spooning or cuddling, changing in the bathroom..... what is really going on? Guys in the friendzone, is it possible to offer to give your lady friends "a hand" with their sex and have it not be awful and super annoying and douchey? Steve says yes, and offers a way how to do this. SIGN UP HERE to get notified of new episodes, blog posts and awesome content! Steve and I are happy to hear from you by posting your comments here or writing to us at frejasteve@gmail.com

Freja here: Steve and I wanted to open a dialogue and INVITE you to share with us your own stories of sexual connection. What are some of the reasons you have, or have HAD sex in the past that are not just be because you're trying to alleviate libido or strong desire, which is what we tend to imagine is the reason for doing it. What we find upon examining things deeper is that sexual desire is actually a far smaller player than many of the other factors and reasons for doing it. Why is this important? SO MUCH of our lives and happiness is consumed with sexuality. Trying to get it, wanting more or less than a partner... and the wheres, the whys and the how.... and so much of our suffering is due to placing conditions on sexual activity. Early on in relationships we're often happy to be delusional, later on we start to become critical. "I want sex, but I only want it with one person, and I want that one person to find me irresistibly sexy and to desire me so much that they just can't help themselves, and are already aroused when we begin." "I want a certain kind of sex because that kind of sex makes me believe I am still desirable, when I look in the mirror and suspect I'm not" "I want it a certain number of times per week and will get very unpleasant if it falls short of that" "I want this activity and that activity and for it to look a certain way" Furthermore, there can be darker dynamics of coercion and manipulation. Are you demanding sex from someone because you want to feel okay? Are you saying yes to sex just to shut someone up, or to avoid negative repercussions or abuse? I would love to hear your stories, you can write in to us at frejasteve@gmail.com or send in an mp3 of your story or drop a message here: https://anchor.fm/frejasteve/message I for one know that I had a tremendous amount of sex in my 20s that I did not want, because I feared the repercussions of saying no and will share some stories, as well as some RECENT stories of what happens when someone feels rejected, there can be very real consequences to saying no to unwanted advances. The point of these stories is to invite more self awareness and ultimately, the chance to feel better, communicate better and have more authentic relating. We love sex, and are prosex, pro kink and pro consent. SIGN UP HERE to get notified of new episodes, blog posts and awesome content!

If "Romanticism" or Romantic thinking is harmful to relationships, and most of us are on a spectrum of this type of thinking/projection/fantasy, what are some alternatives for the single or partnered person? What are some healthier ways to approach dating or your partner in a relationship, and how to avoid the disappointment when the other does not meet expectations? -What about Soul Mates? -What about feeling lonely within a relationship? -What about the idea that if you fix the relationship, better sex will follow? Steve and Freja converse on these subjects and would love to hear YOUR thoughts on an ongoing and exploratory conversation series. RESOURCES https://www.hgi.org.uk/human-givens/introduction/what-are-human-givens https://www.meetup.com/ https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=alain+de+botton - a teacher mentioned https://www.facebook.com/groups/793115204193690/ - a facebook group mentioned as a phenomenal resource for relationship discussion

Romanticism with a capital "R" There is a lot of talk of love and romance and it's time to define the elephant completely hiding in the room.