Pause and Connect

Let's just say it out loud. Big emotions from kids are hard. HARD. Your toddler falling to the floor in the middle of a store is HARD. Your kindergartner running away from you and screaming because they don't want to wear their shoes at the park is HARD. Your teenager stomping down the hallway, shaking the windows with the force of their stomps, is HARD.  Can we all agree? It's not fun. It's not easy. It rattles our nervous systems. It shakes us. It frustrates us. And all of that is normal. Learn four things to know and do to make big emotions easier for you and your kiddos to handle.

When I say something like, “This is how to parent without punishment,” people respond with comments like, “How will kids ever learn?” Or “What about when they're in the real world?” It's a legitimate question based on how our society views parenting. This episode answers the question of "how will they learn" and gives you three non-punitive things to do to facilitate learning and growth for your child. Mentioned in this episode:  How to Stop Yelling Back-and-Forth Journal

It's a funny title, I know. But don't we all just have a hard time liking certain people or groups of people sometimes? Listen in to learn how connected parenting principles can help us in all our relationships -- even with that cousin who's always trying to pick a fight at family gatherings.   Pssst... Learn how to stop yelling!   Grab my back-and-forth journal here!

You tell your child they can't hit their sibling. They look in your eyes and nod solemnly. They really seem to understand! Then two minutes later, they hit their sibling again!  Aargh! Why do our kids not listen to us, and what can we do about it? Listen to four solid explanations about what's going on in your child's brain -- and what you can do differently.

It's a common approach: searching for the right consequence to change a child's behavior. But listen in to learn why this mindset doesn't lead to the change we're actually seeking. And try a new approach to help your relationship, help your child be successful, and help you feel more confident that your child is learning what they need to learn. Mentioned in this episode: How to Stop Yelling Back-and-Forth Journal Episode 2: Society Says to Control Your Children. Say NO

Raise your hand if you need a reset! (My hand is raised too!) You're not alone if you're struggling to maintain composure as you parent. This episode has four actionable, doable tips to help you reduce your yelling, and increase your connecting, today.  Mentioned in the episode: How to Stop Yelling Course Back-and-Forth Journal Episode 14: How to Recover After a Parenting Blowup Episode 9: 13 Easyish Ways to Connect With Your Kids

This episode shares a real-life example of what I think connected parenting can look like.  I often think it's helpful to understand a concept when you can contrast it with something else. In this example, I show how my husband and I first parented in the more traditional way -- with threats and punishments and consequences -- and then how we switched back to connected parenting. In the end, I hope you will feel empowered. Mentioned in this episode: How to Stop Yelling Back-and-Forth Journal

Here's your holiday pep talk to remind you that you don't have to do all the things and make everything perfect. Listen in for fun ideas to make the season easier and less expensive, and hear how to give yourself a break and actually enjoy the season -- the way YOU want to. Mentioned in this episode: Blog Post: When Christmas Is Depressing Transforming Christmas: How to Give Experiences First Name Basis Podcast: How to Center Indigenous Peoples During Thanksgiving Back-and-Forth Journal Pause and Connect Academy

I don't know about you, but it seems to me like parents are given a lot of information on how to protect their small children from sexual abuse, but as children get older the advice seems to just... dwindle away. In my world at least, I don't see much about protecting tweens and teens. That's why I'm so happy to have Adrianne Simeone from The Mama Bear Effect on the podcast to share her expertise in protecting BOTH teens and children from sexual abuse. This episode is for all adults -- for parents of babies to teens, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers... really anyone who cares about children -- because we all can empower ourselves to protect them. Adrianne generously offered to ship out a Rock the Talk® Parent Pack to Pause and Connect listeners. Use the code PAUSECONNECT at the link below. Get a Rock the Talk® Parent Pack Follow The Mama Bear Effect: Facebook Instagram Tik Tok

We have this belief in our society -- and it's a good belief -- that parents are responsible for teaching kids important life lessons. But I wonder if we sometimes go too far in our zeal to teach lessons. Do we need to manufacture lessons? Do we need to teach lessons in the moments of our children's meltdowns? Do we even need to teach lessons in direct language every time?  These are important questions to ask ourselves. Listen in for a parenting lesson from the comedy show "Arrested Development," plus five tips for handling your child's mistakes WITHOUT lecturing, punishing, or yelling.   Mentioned in this episode: How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids Episode 17: You Should Use Hugs in Your Discipline. Here's How

"Your child isn't giving you a hard time. Your child is having a hard time." Learn why this phrase is lifechanging for parents and families, and get 6 doable ideas for applying this principle in your parenting. Mentioned in this episode: Back-and-Forth Journal How to Stop Yelling Brili app 13 EasyISH Ways to Connect with Your Child  

I wonder: Do my kids know that I like them just the way they are? Or do they think they need to change in order to receive my approval or my love? I don't know for sure. I can't know what's really going on in my children's minds. But as I thought this through, I came up with 11 things I would personally like to make sure I'm doing to show my children I like them just the way they are. What would you add?    Mentioned in this episode: How to Stop Yelling You Should Use Hugs in Your Discipline. Here's How Episode 20: What Advice Would You Give to New Parents? Connect with me on Instagram

This episode is kind of a reminder and a how-to. It's a reminder that you really know your child better than anyone, and you have the right to let that guide your decisions and interactions. And it's a how-to on HOW to become more of a personal expert on your child. Learn how to trust yourself more completely.   Mentioned in this episode: Article from The Chimerical Capuchin: I Read All the Baby Sleep Books Back-and-forth journal

Stepping back to let our kids learn their own lessons is a terribly difficult thing to do. But it's a critical parenting skill to practice. Listen to my dinosaur/kitchen towel example, and come away with a four-step process for how to let step back, let go, and watch your child flourish by learning lessons from their own experiences. Mentioned in this episode: Back-and-Forth Journal for Parents and Kids

We tend to value our own parenting and human worth based on how our children behave. It's normal because it's what our society expects of us, but it's also harmful. We can learn to reject this idea, and this podcast will show you how. This is an important topic. I hope you enjoy. Mentioned in this episode: Back-and-Forth Journal How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids How to Find Your Strengths Episode 20: What Advice Would You Give New Parents? Episode 22: How to Turn Ordinary Moments into Magical Memories Episode 9: 13 Easyish Ways to Connect with Your Kids Episode 5: Don't Dread the Teen Years: Fun Ways to Connect and Enjoy This Time

All children need parents who see their strengths and parent accordingly. In this episode, my husband Ryan and I take the traits of ADHD that are considered negative, and we flip them. We show you how to view your child from a strengths-based perspective so that you can create your own powerful blueprint on what your child and family needs. This episode is helpful for everyone, whether ADHD is a part of your family or not, because strengths-based parenting brings families together. Related episode: Episode 19: What's Going on in the Brain of Your Child with ADHD  Use my back-and-forth journal to understand your child's strengths more deeply. Learn about it here.

Our children deserve to be loved as they are, and they deserve to have the emotions and feelings they have. It's a simple enough concept, but it's not so simple to put into practice, it turns out. As parents, we come with our own set of preconceived ideas, and it's challenging to meet our kids where they are. This episode offers two ways to handle the parts of our children that challenge us. And it starts with my ridiculous quest to get my child to like speed bumps. (Face palm. You just have to listen.) Mentioned in this episode: Episode 9: 13 Easy-ish Ways to Connect with Your Kids Back-and-Forth Journal for Parents and Kids How to Stop Yelling  

With six kids, the "fun" budget was small for the family of special guest Linda Brown (my mom!). But by tweaking normal situations just a little, she brought fun, magic, and unique experiences to our childhoods. Like the time we went through the day backwards to ward off bad luck, the time the family ate KFC under the kitchen table, or the time the Ding Dong Bandit came to town. Listen in for inspiration on how to turn ordinary family moments and routines into special memories. You also might like this related episode: 13 Easyish Ways to Connect with Your Kids  

Your kids are going to mess up. That's a given. So how do you know how to hold the right expectations for each kid? Unfortunately, there's no magic formula, but the mindset discussed in this episode will help you make the best decisions for your child, your family, and your circumstances. Learn 7 positive results and forward movements you can gain when you adopt this helpful mindset.   Mentioned in this Episode: How to Stop Yelling

When my niece asked me this question for her child development class, "What advice would you give to new parents?", I was stumped for a minute. What would you go back and tell yourself? Parenthood is SO VAST, so there's so much to say. But also, how can you say anything at all? It's not sum-up-able. Where do you begin?  I thought back over what has served me the most in my parenthood, and this episode details what I think is the most valuable parenting advice. I'm curious how you would answer the question. After listening, send me an email at connect@RebeccaBrownWright.com, or reach out on social media.  Mentioned in this episode: Get 25% off my course, How to Know Yourself as a thank-you for being a podcast listener. Use the code: PODCAST

Kids with ADHD need two things above almost all else: understanding and connection. But ADHD can be tricky to understand, and there are a gazillion myths out there that hurt the connections between kids and parents. Listen in to hear from Rebecca's husband Ryan, who was diagnosed with ADHD later in life. His explanations and advice are eye-opening (and sometimes funny!), and they'll give you a new, and incredibly helpful, perspective on your child's brain.  This episode is good for any parent, even if your child doesn't have ADHD, because the principles that work for kids with ADHD are amazing for kids without the condition too.  Please share with anybody who needs to hear this.

There's a unique power we can all access to help our parenting, but because it's kind of commonplace, we may not realize we're using it -- or we may not consider how we can use it better. This power is not only fun, it actually helps your child grow, can help to improve behavior, and can give you the strength to realize you actually do know what you're doing! Mentioned in this episode: Back-and-Forth Journal How to Stop Yelling

When your child is upset, they aren't using logic. In fact, they can't, because their brains are flooded with emotions. Trying to logically explain a situation, giving them a consequence, or yelling at them won't help them access logic. Instead, use hugging as your first step in your discipline. The rest can follow. Learn how to use hugs in an effective way.   Mentioned in this episode: How to Stop Yelling

We've all felt like we're terrible at parenting. We've all felt like we're ruining our children, or we ruined them already and there's no going back. We've all felt overcome and overwhelmed. Here are 7 things to remember and do when you're feeling weighed down by these emotions.   Mentioned in this episode: Self-directed, life-changing course: How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids Episode 15: 7 Unique Questions to Find Your Child's Strengths

This is a fun one! Answering these seven unique questions will help you come to understand your child on a much deeper level. And when you're done, you'll have a personal blueprint for your individual child to help you know where to direct your parenting attention, how to help your child overcome struggles, and so much more.   Download this worksheet that goes along with the episode. Have so much fun! Download the worksheet: 7 Unique Questions to Find Your Child's Strengths

Let's talk about blowups today. We all have them. It would be nice if we could wave a magic wand and be super calm parents who never get our feathers ruffled, but… you know? That's just not possible. We're humans, we're going to get upset, and we're going to do things we regret. But the nice thing is that our kids learn important lessons when we resolve things after a blowup.  And isn't that what we want? We want our kids to learn they can mess up and resolve and forgive and set things right.  This episode assumes you and I will mess up, and it discusses seven things we can do to set it right so that our kids can get the resolutions they deserve AND learn the right lessons.   Mentioned in this episode: How to Stop Yelling Episode 3: Housekeeping Is Not Motherhood Episode 11: Let's Stop Calling Men's Work at Home "Help"

In our society, we blame whenever something goes wrong. Empathy is often only an afterthought, if it shows up at all. And this seeps into our parenting. Parenting with empathy is not something our society conditions us to do, so it's something we have to actively teach ourselves. Here are some thoughts to help us. Mentioned in this episode: How to Stop Yelling

We all make mistakes, and we know that. But when it comes to parenting mistakes, we tend to be pretty unforgiving of ourselves. We might even hold ourselves to unreachable standards.  This episode is a love letter of proof that you're a good mom, and you can forgive yourself for your mistakes. Listen in for 6 reframes that will help you see yourself as good and give you the perspective to enjoy your motherhood with confidence.

In heterosexual relationships, women are still managing the bulk of labor at home. And we're burnt out! What would happen if we changed the way we talked about men's work at home? Could we begin to see more equality in the home? Listen in, as we explore this concept.   Mentioned in this episode:  Why You Feel Like a Bad Mom - and How to Not Housekeeping Is Not Motherhood   Check out the back-and-forth journal for parents and kids.

Let's talk about lying! Specifically, when your kids are lying -- and you know it.  This is a huge challenge, isn't it? Our society places so much value on honesty, which is a good thing. But because of that, we tend to think that lack of honesty automatically indicates a character flaw. And so when our kids tell a lie, we feel scared. Does this mean my child is bad? Does this mean they lie to me all the time? Does this mean I'm doing something wrong? Nope! Listen in for a reframe and a helpful process for what to do when your child lies.

Easy-ish is the key word here. There are tons of elaborate ways to connect (and I love those ways too!).   But this episode is a little different. It's about taking the ordinary things you're already doing, and figuring out how to turn them into connections that can have a deeply positive impact on your relationship with your child.   Mentioned in this episode: Back-and-forth journal for parents and kids

Your kid is melting down and your heart is beating fast. You're feeling scared, anxious, or angry. You know yelling is going to intensify the situation, but you don't know what else to do. Try this yell-free plan to transform meltdowns, freak-outs, and intense situations in your family.    Thanks for listening. This is the home of the back-and-forth journal and Pause and Connect Academy where you can learn to stop yelling, get your kids to listen, and discover your true strengths. 

Why is "mom guilt" so prevalent in our society? Is it something we just have to accept and deal with, or can we do something to step away from it?    Listen in, as we talk about why we need to reject the narrative society has written for us and how connection can help us feel more secure as mothers.   Referenced in this episode: Podcast Episode 3: Housekeeping Is Not Motherhood Blog post: Housekeeping Is Not Motherhood Back-and-Forth Journal

What are you supposed to do when your kids act defiant or make a mistake? Common parenting advice tells us we need to "teach them a lesson" with consequences they won't forget.  Listen in as we break down this framing and replace it with a more helpful approach. You can actually help your children learn the lessons they need to learn without consequences, yelling, or anger. Here's one way to do that.   Mentioned in this episode: Why Consequences Don't Work for Kids with ADHD

Everyone tells you terror stories about the teen years. And while it's undoubtedly a different time with new challenges, teenagers don't need to be feared. This can be a positive time! Listen in as my special guest, Lydia Jeanne, and I share dozens of ideas for connecting with your teen. We turned to friends and family for ideas, and they delivered! You're bound to walk away with new motivation, new ideas, and new strategies -- no matter your stage of parenting. Referenced in this episode: Back-and-forth journal for caregivers and kids

There's a parenting mistake most of us make without realizing it - and most of us are making the mistake as we're trying to do the right thing!   Listen in to hear how I made this common mistake, and how I WISH I had handled the situation instead. And walk away with four simple steps to ensure you make this mistake far less often in your interactions with your kids. 

When my post, "Housekeeping Is Not Motherhood," went viral, I learned a lot about women and men around the world, based on their reactions to the post. I learned that many women are hurting because of the narrative that housekeeping is equivalent to motherhood, and I learned that some people just don't want to give that narrative up. Listen in, as I share insightful, eye-opening, relatable, and even some gosh-darn disgusting/frustrating comments that show we still have so far to go. This is a fun one. Don't miss it. Referenced in this episode: Housekeeping Is Not Motherhood Let's Stop Calling Men's Work "Help"

Our society tells us we need to control our children, but when we adopt this mindset, we end up driving a divide in our relationships. In this episode, I encourage you to challenge the narrative by replacing control with connection.  You'll also walk away with one great takeaway for how to do make this adjustment TODAY. And you'll hear examples of how the traditional control approach looks, and how a connected approach could look instead. Referenced in the episode: How to Stop Yelling RebeccaBrownWright.com Instagram: @PauseAndConnect

#MomFail culture is causing us damage. You're not a failure as a mom, and my greatest hope is that I can convince you of this truth. Listen in to hear how #momfail, while most often meant to be funny, is actually causing us to communicate some really dangerous things about ourselves and motherhood in general.  And get a helpful action step to help you walk away from the #momfail culture and renew and strengthen your love for yourself. Referenced in this episode: Housekeeping Is Not Motherhood