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Rachael and Elizabeth are back with Kay Bruner. They start the episode with some quick life updates from Kay, then begin talking about Kay's favorite aspects of life in the desert, "Agave Watch", and learning how to be okay with letting go.Featuring:Sedona, AZBroken Arrow Hiking TrailVerde RiverBitter Creek VillaThe Trevor ProjectReach Rachael and Elizabeth - everydaythinplaces@gmail.comContribute to the show at https://ko-fi.com/everydaythinplaces
There sometimes comes a time when a person is just done. Kay Bruner was done. The 30-something missionary stood in the middle of a gravel road, in the highlands of Papua New Guinea and said, "I can't do this anymore." So, they gave her a little blue pill and put her to bed. When she woke up, she wanted to die.
Today we are talking about raising irresponsible kids. This sounds completely counterintuitive, of course. We generally feel pressure to raise kids who are responsible. However, I believe that there is a lot of nuance around this trait. What are we responsible for? To whom are we responsible? Are there things we shouldn't be responsible for? These are the questions I wish I had considered as I grew up. My responsibility contributed to much of my dysfunction now. Today, I have to unlearn being responsible for other people's emotions and various other things that I should not be held responsible for. However, imagine if our kids never believe they are responsible for these kinds of things. What if they are never taught that they are responsible for other people's emotions? Can we still raise them to be conscious and responsible citizens who care for others? This is what Kay Bruner and I discuss today. Kay is a therapist and former evangelical who has a lot of experience with over-functioning and codependency. I've asked her to join me in teasing out some of these nuances of what it means to be responsible. Tune in to join us! Show Highlights: The “savior complex” I grew up with. How drawing boundaries made me a better mother and wife. Kay's struggles with taking responsibility for others' emotions. How this relates to her work as a therapist. How evangelicalism contributes to this responsibility burden. Why we need to learn to have confidence in other people. How to make sure our kids aren't taking responsibility for our emotions. Why we shouldn't teach our kids about loving others until they're older. The danger of making our kids be responsible for their siblings. The importance of accepting all of our emotions. Why play is so important for both children and adults. Links (affiliates included): Kay's website, go book a Sedona Retreat! - https://kaybruner.com Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com
Kay Bruner is here and we're talking about her family motto: "whatever happens, we'll get through it together", how to make this holiday season meaningful regardless of how "unprecedented" this season will be, and the importance of boundaries.Follow Everyday Thin Places on Insta: www.instagram.com/everydaythinplaces! We want to see you there! Like what you hear and want to help support this podcast? Say thank you by buying us a cup of coffee! www.ko-fi.com/everydaythinplacesVisit our website at www.everydaythinplaces.com Visit Kay's website at www.kaybruner.com
Recently, I posted a Twitter thread about recovering from purity culture. I wasn’t specifically addressing the parenting audience, but it easily applies and is very important to the parenting conversation. Just like how the sex talk should not be a one-time conversation with our kids, recovery requires ongoing conversations. So, I wanted to expand upon my Twitter thread here on the podcast. There are so many prerequisites for recovery before a good, healthy sex talk can happen. These are the very issues I’m delving into today. If you were raised in purity culture or simply want to learn from the perspective of those who were, tune in. You’ll hear a thorough discussion on the fears and confusion from which those of us recovering from purity culture must be healed in order to be the best parents we can be. Show Highlights: What boundaries are and how to develop and stick to them. How to raise kids to know what they like and don’t like. The importance of enjoying pleasure for its own sake. The fear tactic of the slippery slope. Discerning the difference between privacy and secrecy. Moving beyond literal thinking into nuanced thinking. Links (affiliates included): Parenting After Purity Culture with Erica Smith - https://cindywangbrandt.com/podcast/episode-76-parenting-after-purity-culture-with-erica-smith/ Boundaries with Kay Bruner - https://cindywangbrandt.com/podcast/episode-3-kay-bruner-boundaries/ Join us at the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn ***
Show Notes We know all too well that the our relationship with the real meaning of Christmas is so easily lost in the cultural trappings of December 25. It's become more a holiday than a holy day. The real meaning of Christmas is found in our relationship with Jesus in the simple, in the ordinary, which is what today's episode number 46 is all about. To that end, I have a few resources to help with this, which I'll share with you at the end of this episode, so please stick around for that. I don’t know about you, but as much as I enjoy all the festivities of Christmas, there’s something inside of me that longs for things to slow down, so I can reflect on the real meaning of Christmas. There are so many things that create the illusion of meaning, that while they contribute to the aura and ambience of Christmas, really have nothing to do with what Christmas is supposed to be about. The music, watching favorite Christmas movies like It’s a Wonderful Life!, family get togethers, the food, the decorations, and did I mention It’s a Wonderful Life!? I enjoy all of this. A lot. But at times I find it all a bit hollow. I find myself wanting more. I’m pretty sure many of you feel the same. Where is this Joy to the World we sing about each December? If you’re a person of faith you know the answer to this already, for the Joy to the World we sing about is because the Lord has come. The real joy is found in Jesus coming to our world, and in doing so, in this most spectacular event in all of human history, he came to ordinary people in an ordinary place. There’s joy in knowing Jesus came to the ordinary, because we are all ordinary. There’s nothing exceptional about us that isn’t there because God placed it there. Our intelligence, our creativity, talents, gifts, they are all there because of Jesus. The more we embrace our ordinary-ness, the greater joy we will experience because it gives God more room, a larger playing field, to make something wonderful out of us, which in turn brings glory to Him. One simple thing we can do this Christmas to embrace our ordinary-ness is to read. What could be more ordinary and simple than that? To read about who we are, who Jesus is, and how we relate to each other. We need to be reminded of this. Now I’m not talking about reading a 900-page Russian novel. I’m thinking something short and to the point. Something just a bit longer that you’d find on the back of a cereal box. Here’s an example. Four or five years ago I stumbled upon a delightful little devotional book by Mel Lawrenz called Christmas Joy. There’s a brief chapter for each day in December leading up to, and including Christmas. And each of the chapters focus on just one word or concept related to Christmas. It’s really good stuff for calming our hearts in the midst of all the frenetic holiday activities. Today for example, December 11th, the day this episode is released, Chapter 11 is entitled “Bethlehem.” I’ll read it to you, it’s only six short paragraph. [Read pp 51-53] Now that didn’t take long at all, did it? I go through this book, Christmas Joy, every December. You can get it on Amazon, and retail bookstores I’m sure. I’ll have a link to Amazon in the show notes. Here’s what I’m learning today about finding joy in the ordinary. It’s important that during this Christmas season we look for joy, not in the glitter and activities that come around once a year, but that we look for joy in the ordinary, in the simple, that’s hiding in plain sight right in front of us all year round. To do this we need to create some quiet space during the holiday season in order to think, reflect, and anticipate. We may have to be ruthless in doing so. “No” could be your word of the month. You and I could both come up with a list of all the the things that distract us from the real meaning of Christmas. So you don’t need me for that. The point of saying “no” to these things that don’t matter, is so we can say “yes” to the things that do. And you don’t need me to remind you of that either. What we both need is room for Jesus to speak into our hearts and minds with his gentleness. To show us the quiet path to the Joy found only in Him. And the only way we can accomplish this is through the power of Jesus. We need him to do this for us; we can’t do it on our own. Here’s the one thing, the main thing, to remember from today’s episode, our show in a sentence: Embrace our ordinary-ness, for out of it can come something quite wonderful that gives glory to God in the highest. Here’s what we can do in response to today’s show. Besides reading the rest of Christmas Joy, by Mel Lawrenz, and doing it slowly and meditatively, there’s a similar book you could read, and that I’m reading for the first time, right now. It’s Kay Bruner’s Comfort Ye My People. It too, has 25 very short chapters, none longer than two pages. Each one is to be read each day leading up to Christmas on December 25. But unlike Christmas Joy, where the Christmas story in the Gospel of Luke provides the text, Bruner’s book uses key phrases and passages of scripture cited in Handel’s Messiah. I find her commentary on theses passages comforting. On Day 5, for example she write, “I think we need to understand that when we find ourselves broken and in trouble, that’s pretty much normal…What we need is someone to save us and heal us. And we are promised exactly that. Messiah.” But if reading isn’t your thing this Christmas, how about taking a few moments to listen? It’s such a simple and ordinary thing to do. To listen the thoughts of others as they ponder the great truths of Christmas. I have two suggestions along those lines. The first is to listen to a new podcast that came out this month, Advent with Jill Briscoe, sponsored by tellingthetruth.org You can get it wherever you get your podcasts by just searching on the title, “Advent with Jill Briscoe.” It’s only 25 days long. The episodes are very short and it’s easy to catch up with all of them before Christmas. Listening to even just a few of them will help put the Christmas season into its proper perspective. And the second and last listening option is something I paid $10 for two years ago, that I can use every Christmas. It’s from author and podcaster Emily P. Freeman, It’s a series of 14 brief audio devotionals called “The Quiet Collection”. You can check it out at emilypfreeman.com/christmas/. It’s still only $10, and for that you get an email each of the 14 days before Christmas with a brief audio reflection on all things having to do with quiet and Christmas. It’s not too late to sign up now. And you can listen in again next year, as I’m doing for the third year now. I’ve also been listening to her weekly The Next Right Thing podcast since it first came out a year ago or so (this one is free). You might want to check that out too at emilypfreeman.com/podcast/. I love listening to her soft and soothing voice. Her content is very engaging. It takes me to a deeper place where I can reflect upon the important matters of Christmas, even in the midst of all the things that don’t matter. As always, another thing you could do is let me and your fellow listeners know what resonated with you about today’s episode. You can share your thoughts in the “Leave a Reply” box at the bottom of the show notes. Or you can send them to me in an email to john@caringforothers.org. Closing In closing, I want you to know I intended for this to be the last episode of Season Two, with Season 3 to start up again in January. But I’ve got one more Christmas episode I want to share with you next week, and then I’ll let you know what I’ll be doing for you before Season 3 starts. More about that next week. Our Relationship Quote of the Week If today is shaping up to be an ordinary day for you - be prepared. That’s the stage on which the acts of God are played. ~ Mel Lawrenz That’s all for today. See you next week. Bye for now. Resources mentioned in Today’s episode Books: Christmas Joy, by Mel Lawrenz Comfort Ye My People- The Real World Meets Handel’s Messiah, by Kay Bruner Audio Advent with Jill Briscoe, sponsored by Telling the Truth “The Quiet Collection” Emily P. Freeman’s podcast, The Next Right Thing
An unimaginable tragedy happened to one of our previous podcast guests, Kay Bruner. She lost her 28 year old daughter in the summer of 2018. I’ve invited her back on to our show to talk about death, this intrusion into her family life and turned her world upside down. We share tips on how to talk to children about death, as Kay is caring for her granddaughter. We talk about deconstruction of faith and what our beliefs are about the afterlife and what that means when it actually hits home. Please honor Kay in her still-raw grief, and respect her family’s privacy. There is some raw emotion, as is expected, in this episode, and I truly hope it will draw us closer as a community as we rally around Kay and her family as you get a chance to connect to her pain and loss. We’ll get through this together, as Kay says in the show. Links (affiliate links included): Kay’s Website: http://kaybruner.com/blog Traveling Mercies - https://amzn.to/2BAQtcK List of children’s books to talk about death - https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/03/23/best-childrens-books-death-grief-mourning/?fbclid=IwAR1sQb_qfnjE2NHkdVIpmZfuxmZdHfgns7dEdV4C7oQmASRVpdptI4tJ1_s NPR Physicist Eulogy - https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4675953 Join us at the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt
There were so many things I could’ve interviewed Kay about, she is such a treasure trove of wisdom, but I know boundaries, especially for those of us who grew up without them, is so helpful and can literally be life-changing. In this episode, I ask Kay to share about boundaries, how to become aware of them, how to set them with our parents, and how to raise our children with healthy boundaries. Links (affiliates included): Kay Bruner Website Faith Shift Boundaries As Soon As I Fell - Kay’s memoir Raising Children Unfundamentalist Parenting Forward EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com
Delight Your Marriage | Relationship Advice, Christianity, & Sexual Intimacy
Have you been a victim of sexual sin? Porn, infidelity, or even past sin prior to marriage can put a wife into a whirlwind of hurt and pain. Kay understands that heartache, she herself happened upon her husband’s addition 6 years into it. How did she make it through? How could her marriage survive such betrayal? Kay, a trained counselor, gives amazing insights and suggestions for the wife who is hurt and how to move through that hurt into healing. This episode may be the hope you’ve been grasping for. All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/90
Delight Your Marriage | Relationship Advice, Christianity, & Sexual Intimacy
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Kay Bruner of kaybruner.com. On this episode, she talks about how her marriage looks like now. She reminds us to stop trying so hard and to just let go. Kay also shares how she stopped worrying about every single thing and tells us that God is always there for us; He will never forsake us. Kay also shares about the time when she wasn’t that open to the blessings of God, thinking that she can handle everything on her own. But the truth is, we all need his grace. We just have to be more gracious toward Him. All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/71 Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/70
Delight Your Marriage | Relationship Advice, Christianity, & Sexual Intimacy
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Kay Bruner of kaybruner.com. Kay was a former missionary and had been to other parts of the world, sharing the Word of God. On this episode, Kay tells us about the struggles she and her husband went through in their relationship. She talks openly about her husband’s past porn addiction and how she felt devastated when she learned of this. She became severely depressed and anxious, to the point that she couldn’t move! Kay also shares about what it was like to transition back into the United States, with no church. She has an amazing story to tell, and I do urge you to listen to this interview, as I’m sure it will touch your heart. All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/70
Today we interview Kay Bruner. I found Kay when I was looking at the books available in the Christian Women Living section of Amazon. Her beautiful book, As Soon As I Fell, caught my eye and when I read the reviews and then clicked over to her website I knew this was a woman I wanted to get to know more. I loved talking with her and I know you will love her authentic transparency, (her book is a memoir of her breakdown, marital turmoil and recovery through the grace of God), humor and real life, down-to-earth-ness. She’s the real deal! Key Ideas: Part 1: Interview The power of friendship The true nature of God – Redeemer! The importance of routine Protecting your time Part 2: 4 Keys to Growing Friendships Be Friendly Be Authentic Be Giving Be there Website links: www.kaybruner.com This is Kay’s home base and where you can find everything from her blog to her book to her favorite things. Tons of great information and encouragement here. Kay’s Recommended Reading: As Soon As I Fell: A Memoir by Kay Bruner. I had to put this at the top of the list. Please get this to support Kay! Fabulous! Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. A classic on how to set boundaries for yourself. I need to get this one out and re-read it. I love this book! The Search For Significance: Seeing Your True Worth Through God’s Eyes, by Robert McGee. A classic. Once again, so thankful to be reminded to get this back out and re-read it. I first read it in college – ‘ya think I might have a different perspective now? Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith, by Anne Lamott. I was a bit skeptical of this author…until I read her! I would love to meet her in person. What an honest voice. If you have never read her personal works – by all means start here! Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging, by Brennan Manning. New to me. After reading about this book, I will be adding it to my “must read” list. The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom, by Henri Nouwen. Wow! This book looks like one we all could benefit from. Another that’s on its way to my house. Encouraging Word of the Week: Colossians 3:12-14 “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Question: What was your favorite part of this interview? Did her story resonate with you like it did with me? Which part gave you chills? And do you live like you are “Loved, Safe and Chosen?” I’d love to hear your thoughts. The post #021: Kay Bruner – Authenticity and Friendship (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.