How do you handle stressful situations? Everyone's built a little different — some people can take their hits on the chin and come out smiling. But not everyone can take those hits. The pandemic has taken its mental toll on so many people. Others might still be struggling with past traumas and dealing with anxiety. Their situation keeps them in a state of constant worry and hypervigilance. That state of mind doesn't only harm their mental and emotional health — it can make them sick and more prone to physical diseases. More than ever, it's time to begin mental healing from past traumas, so we can better cope with our daily stresses. Dr Don Wood joins us again in this episode to talk about the TIPP program and how it facilitates mental healing. He explains how our minds are affected by traumas and how these can affect our health and performance. If we want to become more relaxed, we need to learn how to go into the alpha brainwave state. Since mental healing is not an immediate process, Dr Don also shares some coping strategies we can use in our daily lives. If you want to know more about how neuroscience can help you achieve mental healing, then this episode is for you. Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode: Learn how trauma can put you in a constant state of survival and affect your performance and daily life. Understand that it's not your fault. Achieving mental healing will require you to learn how to go into an alpha brainwave state. Discover healthy habits that will keep you from entering survival mode. Resources Gain exclusive access and bonuses to Pushing the Limits Podcast by becoming a patron! A new program, BOOSTCAMP, is coming this September at Peak Wellness! Listen to other Pushing the Limits episodes: #183: Sirtuin and NAD Supplements for Longevity with Dr Elena Seranova #189: Understanding Autophagy and Increasing Your Longevity with Dr Elena Seranova #199: How Unresolved Trauma Prevents You from Having a Healthy Life With Dr Don Wood Check out Dr Don Wood's books: Emotional Concussions: Understanding How Our Nervous System is Affected By Events and Experiences Throughout Our Life You Must Be Out Of Your Mind: We All Need A Reboot Connect with Dr Don Wood: Inspired Performance Institute I Facebook I LinkedIn Get Customised Guidance for Your Genetic Make-Up For our epigenetics health programme, all about optimising your fitness, lifestyle, nutrition and mind performance to your particular genes, go to https://www.lisatamati.com/page/epigenetics-and-health-coaching/. 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Episode Highlights [06:05] The Pandemic-Induced Mental Health Crisis The pandemic forced many people into a state of freeze mode, not the typical fight or flight response. As people get out of freeze mode, there will be a rise in mental health issues. Teenagers are robbed of the opportunity to develop social and communication skills during this time. [08:24] How Dr Don Wood Started Studying Traumas Dr Don's wife grew up in a household with an angry father who instilled fear. He used to think that she would be less anxious when they started to live together, but she struggled with mental healing. She had an inherent belief that misfortune always follows good things. Her traumas and fears also led to a lot of health issues. She also was hyper-vigilant, which she used as a protective mechanism. However, this prevented her from being relaxed and happy. A person's environment can dictate whether they go into this hyper-vigilant state, but genetics can also play a factor. [15:42] How Trauma Affects the Brain Trauma is caused by a dysregulation of the subconscious. If your brain is in survival mode, it will access data from the past and create physiological responses to them. These emotions demand action, even when it is no longer possible or necessary. This dysregulation prevents you from living in the present and initiating mental healing. In this state, people can be triggered constantly, which interferes with their day-to-day life. [21:07] The Role of the Subconscious Your conscious mind only takes up around 5%, while the subconscious takes up 95%. Your subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between real and imagined. In survival mode, people will keep replaying the past and think about different scenarios and decisions. You're left stuck because the subconscious mind only lives in the now. It does not have a concept of time. This process is the brain trying to protect you. [25:04] What Happens When You're Always in Survival Mode Being in survival mode will take a physical toll since it's constantly activating the nervous system, increasing cortisol and adrenaline. When you're in this state, your body and mind cannot work on maintenance and recovery. It is more focused on escaping or fixing perceived threats. Over time, this will affect your immune system and make you sick. To truly achieve mental healing, you need to get to the root cause of your problems. However, you also have to develop coping strategies to manage your day-to-day activities. [30:18] Changing Your Brainwave State Traumatic events are usually stored in a beta brainwave state. Changing your response to traumatic events starts with going into an alpha brainwave state. The beta state is usually from 15 - 30 hertz, while the alpha is lower at 7 - 14 hertz. Anything below that is the delta state, usually when you're in deep meditation or sleep. People who have trouble sleeping are usually in that beta state, which keeps processing information. It's only in the delta state that your mind and body start the maintenance phase. This phase helps not only with mental healing but also physical recovery. Learn more about Lisa and Dr Don's personal experiences with these brainwave states in the full episode! [34:30] Mental Healing and Physical Recovery Starts with the Brain Recovery is about genetics and the environment. In sleep, your mind will always want to deal with the threats first. It can only get to the delta state once it finishes processing these dangers. Your risk for developing sickness and depression rises if your brain can't do maintenance. Living in the beta state will make it difficult to focus. [41:40] It's Not Your Fault If you have a lot of trauma, you are predisposed to respond in a certain way. It's not your fault. There's nothing wrong with your mind; you just experienced different things from others. Dr Don likened this situation to two phones having a different number of applications running. Predictably, the device that runs more applications will have its battery drained faster. [44:05] Change How You Respond Working on traumas requires changing the associative and repetitive memory, which repeats responses to threats. You cannot change a pattern and get mental healing immediately—it will take time. That's the reason why Dr Don's program has a 30-day recovery phase dedicated to changing your response pattern. Patterns form because the subconscious mind sees them as a beneficial way of coping with traumas. This function of your subconscious is how addictions form. [47:04] Why We Can Be Irrational The subconscious lives only in the present. It does not see the future nor the past. It will want to take actions that will stop the pain, even if the actions are not rational. At its core, addiction is all about trying to stop the pain or other traumatic experiences. Survival mode always overrides reason and logic because its priority is to protect you. [50:57] What to Do When You're in Survival State In this survival state, we're prone to movement or shutting down completely. The brain can stop calling for emotions to protect you, and this is how depression develops. When in a depressed state, start moving to initiate mental healing. Exercise helps burn through cortisol and adrenaline. Once your mind realises there's no action required for the perceived threats, the depression will lift. [53:24] Simple Actions Can Help There's nothing wrong with you. Don't just treat the symptom; go straight to the issue. Don't blame genetics or hormonal imbalances for finding it hard to get mental healing. Find out why. Also, seek things that will balance out your hormones. These can be as simple as walking in nature, taking a break, and self-care. [56:04] How to Find a Calming Symbol Find a symbol that will help you go back into the alpha brainwave state. Lisa shares that her symbol is the sunset or sunrise, and this helps her calm down. Meanwhile, Dr Don's are his home and the hawk. Having a symbol communicates to all parts of your brain that you're safe. [59:58] The Power of Breathing Stress may lead to irregular breathing patterns and increase your cortisol levels and blood sugar. Breathing exercises, like box breathing, can also help you calm down because the brain will take higher oxygen levels as a state of safety. If you're running out of oxygen, your brain will think you're still in danger. Make sure that you're breathing well. It's also better to do nasal breathing. 7 Powerful Quotes ‘The purpose of an emotion is a call for an action. So the purpose of fear is to run.' ‘People who have a lot of trauma have trouble sleeping. Because not only is their mind processing what it experienced during the day, it's also taking some of those old files saying “Well, okay, let's fix that now. Right. Let's get that.”' ‘I was getting maximum restorative sleep. So an injury that I would have that could heal in two or three days, my teammates would two or three weeks. Because they were living in these, which I didn't know, a lot of my friends were dealing with trauma: physical, emotional, sexual abuse.' ‘There's nothing wrong with anybody's mind. Everybody's mind is fine except you are experiencing something different than I experienced so your mind kept responding to it, and mine didn't have that.' ‘That dysregulation of the nervous system. That's what we want to stop because that is what is going to affect health, enjoyment of life, and everything else.' ‘I talked about addiction as a code. I don't believe it's a disease. Your mind has found a resource to stop pains and your subconscious mind is literal. It doesn't see things as good or bad, or right or wrong.' ‘If there's a survival threat, survival will always override reason and logic because it's designed to protect you.' About Dr Don Dr Don Wood, PhD, is the CEO of The Inspired Performance Institute. Fueled by his family's experiences, he developed the cutting-edge neuroscience approach, TIPP. The program has produced impressive results and benefited individuals all over the world. Dr Wood has helped trauma survivors achieve mental healing from the Boston Marathon bombing attack and the Las Vegas shooting. He has also helped highly successful executives and world-class athletes. Marko Cheseto, a double amputee marathon runner, broke the world record after completing TIPP. Meanwhile, Chris Nikic worked with Dr Wood and made world news by becoming the first person with Down Syndrome to finish an Ironman competition. Interested in Dr Don's work? Check out The Inspired Performance Institute. You can also reach him on Facebook and LinkedIn. Enjoyed This Podcast? If you did, be sure to subscribe and share it with your friends! Post a review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning in, then leave us a review. You can also share this with your family and friends so they can learn steps to mental healing. Have any questions? You can contact me through email (email@example.com) or find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube. For more episode updates, visit my website. You may also tune in on Apple Podcasts. To pushing the limits, Lisa Transcript Of Podcast Welcome to Pushing the Limits, the show that helps you reach your full potential with your host Lisa Tamati, brought to you by lisatamati.com. Lisa Tamati: Hi, everyone and welcome back to Pushing the Limits. Today, I have Dr Don Wood who, you may recognise that name if you listen to the podcast regularly. He was on the show maybe a couple of months ago, and he is the CEO and founder of The Inspired Performance Institute. He's a neuroscience guy, and he knows everything there is to know about dealing with trauma and how to get the mind back on track when you've been through big, horrible life events or some such thing. Now, when we talked last time, he shared with me his methodology, the work that he's done, how he can help people with things like addictions as well and depression, and just dealing with the stresses of life, whether they be small stressors or big stressors. We got to talking about my situation and the stuff that I've been through in the last few years, which many of you listeners know, has been pretty traumatic. From losing babies, to losing my dad, to mom's journey. So I was very privileged and lucky to have Dr Don Wood actually invite me to do his program with him. We share today my stories, how I went with that, and he explains a little bit more in-depth the neuroscience behind it all and how it all works. So if you're someone who's dealing with stress, anxiety, PTSD, depression, if you want to understand how the brain works and how you can help yourself to deal with these sorts of things, then you must listen to the show. He's an absolutely lovely, wonderful person. Now, before we get over to the show, I just love you all to do a couple of things for me. If you wouldn't mind doing a rating and review of the show on Apple, iTunes or wherever you listen to this, that would be fantastic. It helps the show get found. We also have a patron program, just a reminder if you want to check that out. Come and join the mission that we're on to bring this wonderful information to reach to people. Also, we have our BOOSTCAMP program starting on the first of September 2021. If you listen to this later, we will be holding these on a regular basis so make sure you check it out. This is an eight-week live webinar series that my business partner, my best buddy, and longtime coach Neil Wagstaff and I will be running. It's more about upgrading your life and helping you perform better, helping you be your best that you can be, helping you understand your own biology, your own neuroscience, how your brain works, how your biology works. Lots of good information that's going to help you upgrade your life, live longer, be happier, reduce stress, and be able to deal with things when life is stressful. God knows we're all dealing with that. So I'd love you to come and check that out. You can go to peakwellness.co.nz/boostcamp. I also want to remind you to check us out on Instagram. I'm quite active on Instagram. I have a couple of accounts there. We have one for the podcast that we've just started. We need a few more followers please on there. Go to @pushingthelimits for that one on Instagram, and then my main account is @lisatamati, if you want to check that one out. If you are a running fan, check us out on Instagram @runninghotcoaching and we're on Facebook under all of those as well. So @lisatamati, @pushingthelimits, and @runninghotcoaching. The last thing before we go over to Dr Don Wood, reminder check out, too, our longevity and anti-aging supplement. We've joined forces with Dr Elena Seranova and have NMN which is nicotinamide mononucleotide, and this is really some of that cooler stuff in the anti-aging, and longevity space. If you want to check out the science behind that, we have a couple of podcasts with her. Check those out and also head on over to nmnbio.nz. Right. Over to the show with Dr Don Wood. Hi, everyone and welcome back to Pushing the Limits. Today, I have a dear, dear friend again who's back on the show as a repeat offender, Dr Don Wood. Dr Don Wood: I didn't know I was a repeat offender. Oh, I'm in trouble. That's great. Lisa: Repeat offender on the show. Dr Don, for those who don't know, was on the show. Dr Don is a trauma expert and a neuroscientist, and someone who understands how the brain works, and why we struggle with anxiety, and depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. We did a deep dive last time, didn't we, into the program that you've developed. Since then, everyone, I have been through Dr Don's pro program. He kindly took me through it. Today, I want to unpack a little bit of my experiences on the other side, s the client, so to speak. Talk about what I went through. Dr Don, so firstly, welcome to the show again. How's it all over in your neck of the woods? Dr Don: Well, it's awesome over here in Florida. COVID is basically non-existent. Oh, yeah. Well, in terms of the way people are treating it, that's for sure. Very few people you see in masks now, everything is pretty much wide open. You can't even get reservations at restaurants. It's unbelievable. The economy is exploding here. There's so much going on. Yeah, I know the rest of the country, a lot of different places are still struggling with whether they're going to put mask mandates back on and all this kind of stuff but Florida seems to be doing very well. Lisa: Well, I'm very glad to hear that because any bit of good news in this scenario is good because this keeps coming and biting everybody in the bum. Dr Don: I know. Especially down there. You guys are really experiencing quite severe lockdowns and things, right? Lisa: Yeah and Australia, more so. Australia has gone back into lockdown. I've got cousins in Sydney who are experiencing really hard times in Melbourne and we've stopped the trans-Tasman bubble at the moment. Trans-Tasman was open for business, so to speak, with Australians being able to come to New Zealand without quarantine, but it's been shut down again. So yeah, we're still struggling with it, and the economy is still struggling with it but actually, in our country, we've been very lucky that we've managed to keep it out because they've had such tight controls on the borders. But yes, it's a rocky road for everybody, and it's not over yet, I think. Dr Don: Looks like it's going to continue, and that's creating a lot of stress. Lisa: Oh, yeah, perfect. Dr Don: This is what I've said. I think we're coming up to a tsunami of mental health issues because a lot of people have gone into freeze mode as opposed to fight or flight. Some people are in fight or flight. You're hearing about that on airlines: people just losing it, and getting mad, and fighting with flight attendants and passengers, and you see a lot of that. But I think that's obviously not the majority. I think most people are in that mode of just get through this, do what they ask, don't cause any waves, and just get this over with. So that's a freeze mode, and I think when people come out of freeze, you're going to start to see some of these mental health issues. Lisa: Yes, I totally agree and I'm very concerned about the young people. I think that being hit very hard especially in the places that have the hardest lockdowns. If you're going through puberty, or you're going through teenagehood, or even the younger kids, I think, they're going to be affected massively by this because it's going to be a big before and after sort of situation for them. Dr Don: And just the social. When we were teenagers, social was everything, I suppose. Learning how to communicate, and talk, and get along with other people, and good and bad. There were always struggles in school with learning how to get along with everybody but that is just sort of squashed. It's going to be fascinating to see when they do a study on the real true results of this pandemic. It's going to be a lot different than many people think. Lisa: Yes, and I think the longer you ignore stuff, is we're going to see it's not just the people are unfortunately dying and being very sick from the actual COVID, but the actual effects on society are going to be big. That's why talking about the topic that we're talking about today, dealing with anxiety, and dealing with stress, and being able to actually fix the problem instead of just managing the problem, which I know you're big on. So let's dive in there, and let's recap a little bit. Just briefly go back over your story, how you got to here, and what your method sort of entails in a helicopter perspective. Dr Don: Yeah, basically how I developed this was really because of the life that my wife led first and my daughter. My wife grew up in a very traumatic household with a very angry father that created tremendous fear. So everybody was... Just constant tension in that household. When I met her, I just realised how this was so different than my life. My life was in the complete opposite: very nurturing, loving. So I didn't experience that. I thought when she started moving in and we got married at 19, we were very young, that this would all stop for her. Because now, she's living in my world, my environment, and it didn't. She just kept continuing to feel this fear that something was going to go wrong and nothing is going to go right. She struggled with enjoying things that were going well. I would say to her, 'We've got three beautiful children. We've got a beautiful home. Everything's going pretty good; nothing's perfect. You have your ups and downs, but it's generally a pretty good life.' She couldn't enjoy that because as a child, whenever things were going okay, it would quickly end and it would end, sometimes violently. So the way she was protecting herself is don't get too excited when things are going well because you'll get this huge drop. So that was what she was doing to protect herself. I just had a lady come in here a couple months ago, who very famous athlete is her husband: millionaires, got fame, fortune, everything you want, but she had a lot of health issues because of trauma from her childhood. When I explained that to her, she said, 'That's me. Your wife is me. I should be enjoying this, and I can't get there. I want to. My husband can't understand it.' But that's really what was going on for her too. Lisa: So it's a protective mechanism, isn't it? To basically not get too relaxed and happy because you've got to be hyper-vigilant, and this is something that I've definitely struggled with my entire life. Not because I had a horrible childhood. I had a wonderful childhood but I was super sensitive. So from a genetic perspective, I'm super sensitive. I have a lot of adrenaline that makes me code for, for want of a better description, I'm very emotionally empathetic but it also makes me swung by emotional stimuli very much. So someone in my environment is unhappy, I am unhappy. I'm often anxious and upset. My mum telling me she took me to Bambi. You know the movie Bambi? From Disneyland? She had to take me out of theatre. I was in distraught. That's basically me. Because Bambi's mother got killed, right? I couldn't handle that as a four-year-old, and I still can't handle things. Things like the news and stuff, I protect myself from that because I take everything on. It's even a problem and in our business service situations because I want to save the world. I very much take on my clients' issues. I'm still learning to shut gates afterwards, so to speak, when you're done working with someone so that you're not constantly... So there's a genetic component to this as well. Dr Don: Absolutely. So yours was coming from a genetic side but that's very, very common amongst people who have had a traumatic childhood. They're super sensitive. Lisa: Yes. Hyper-vigilant. Dr Don: Hyper-vigilant. That was my wife. She was constantly looking for danger. We'd come out of the storage and go: 'Can you believe how rude that clerk was?' 'What do you mean she was rude? How was she rude?' ‘You see the way she answered that question when I asked that, and then the way she stuffed the clothes in the bag?' And I'm like, 'Wow.' I never saw her like that. She was looking for it because that's how she protected herself because she had to recognise when danger was coming. So it was protection, and I hadn't experienced that so that made no sense to me; it made perfect sense to her. Lisa: Yeah, and if someone was rude to you, you would be just like, 'Well, that's their problem, not my problem, and I'm not taking it on.' Whereas for someone your wife and for me... I did have a dad who was a real hard, tough man, like old-school tough. We were very much on tenterhooks so when they came home, whether he was in a good mood today or not in a good mood. He was a wonderful, loving father but there was that tension of wanting to please dad. Mum was very calm and stable, but Dad was sort of more volatile and just up and down. It was wonderful and fun and other times, you'd be gauging all of that before he even walked in the door. That just makes you very much hyper-vigilant to everything as well. Then, you put on, on top of that, the genetic component. You've got things like your serotonin and your adrenaline. So I've got the problem with the adrenaline and a lack of dopamine. So I don't have dopamine receptors that stops me feeling satisfaction and... Well, not stops me but it limits my feeling of, 'Oh, I've done a good job today. I can relax.' Or of reward. And other people have problems, I don't have this one, but with a serotonin gene, which is they have dysregulation of their serotonin and that calm, and that sense of well-being and mood regulation is also up and down. While it's not a predisposition that you'll definitely going to have troubles because you can learn the tools to manage those neurotransmitters and things like nutrition and gut health and all that aspect. Because it's all a piece of that puzzle, but it's really just interesting, and it makes you much more understanding of people's differences. Why does one person get completely overwhelmed in a very trivial situation versus someone else who could go into war and come back and they're fine? What is it that makes one person? Then you got the whole actual neuroscience circuitry stuff, which I find fascinating, what you do. Can you explain a little bit what goes on? Say let's just pick a traumatic experience: Someone's gone through some big major trauma. What is actually going on in the brain again? Can we explain this a little bit? Dr Don: Yeah, this is one of the things that... When I did my research, I realised this is what's causing the dysregulation: is your subconscious your survival brain is fully present in the moment all the time. So everything in that part of our brain is operating in the present. which is what is supposed to be, right? They say that that's the key, that success and happiness is live in the present. Well, your survival brain does that. The problem comes in is that only humans store explicit details about events and experiences. So everything you've seen, heard, smelled, and touched in your lifetime has been recorded and stored in this tremendous memory system. Explicit memory. Animals have procedural memory or associative memory. We have that memory system too. So we have both. They only have procedural, associative. So they learn through repetition, and they learn to associate you with safety and love, but they don't store the details about it. But we store all the details about these events and experiences. So this is where this glitch is coming in. If you've got the survival brain, which is 95% of everything that's going on, operating in the present, accessing data from something that happened 10 years ago because something looks like, sounds like, smells like it again, it's creating a response to something that's not happening. It's looking at old data and creating a physiological response to it, and the purpose of an emotion is a call for an action. So the purpose of fear is to run, to escape a threat. But there's no threat. It's just information about the threat. That disrupts your nervous system and then that creates a cascade of chemical reactions in your body because your mind thinks there's an action required. Lisa: This is at the crux of the whole system really, isn't it? This is this call for action to fix a problem that is in the past that cannot be fixed in the now. So if we can dive a little bit into my story, and I'm quite open on the show. I'm sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly. When I was working with Dr Don, I've been through a very, very traumatic few years really. Lost my dad, first and foremost, last July, which was the biggest trauma of my life. And it was a very difficult process that we went through before he died as well. And there's a lift, as you can imagine, my brain in a state of every night nightmares, fighting for his life, he's dying over, and over, and over, and over again. Those memories are intruding into my daily life, whereas in anything and at any time, I could be triggered and be in a bawling state in the middle of the car park or the supermarket. Because something's triggered me that Dad liked to to buy or Dad, whatever the case was, and this was becoming... It's now a year after the event but everything was triggering me constantly. Of course, this is draining the life out of you and interfering with your ability to give focus to your business, to your family, to your friends, every other part of your life. I'd also been through the trauma of bringing Mum back from that mess of aneurysm that everyone knows about. The constant vigilance that is associated with bringing someone back and who is that far gone to where she is now, and the constant fear of her slipping backwards, and me missing something, especially in light of what I'd been through with my father. So I'd missed some things, obviously. That's why he ended up in that position and through his own choices as well. But this load, and then losing a baby as well in the middle, baby Joseph. There was just a hell of a lot to deal with in the last five years. Then, put on top of it, this genetic combination of a hot mess you got sitting before you and you've got a whole lot of trauma to get through. So when we did the process, and I was very, super excited to do this process because it was so intrusive into my life, and I realised that I was slowly killing myself because I wasn't able to stop that process from taking over my life. I could function. I was highly functional. No one would know in a daily setting, but only because I've got enough tools to keep my shit together. so to speak. But behind closed doors, there's a lot of trauma going on. So can you sort of, just in a high level, we don't want to go into the details. This is a four-hour program that I went through with Dr Don. What was going on there. and what did you actually help me with? Dr Don: So when you're describing those things that were happening to you, what was actually happening to your mind is it was not okay with any of that. It wanted it to be different, right? So it was trying to get you into a state of action to stop your father from dying: Do it differently. Because it kept reviewing the data. It was almost looking at game tape from a game and saying 'Oh, had we maybe run the play that way, we would have avoided the tackle here.' So what your mind was saying 'Okay, run that way.' Well, you can't run that way. This is game tape. Right? But your mind doesn't see it as game tape. It sees it as real now, so it's run that way. So it keeps calling you into an action. And especially with your dad because you were thinking about, 'Why didn't I do this?' Or 'Had I just done this, maybe this would have happened.' What your mind was saying is, 'Okay, let's do it. Let's do that.' What you just thought about. But you can't do that. It doesn't exist. It's information about something that happened but your mind sees it as real. That's why Hollywood have made trillions of dollars because they can convince you something on the screen is actually happening. That's why we cry in a movie or that's why we get scared in a movie. Because your mind, your subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between real or imagined. So that's actually happening. You were just talking about the movie with Bambi, right? When you were little. 'Why is nobody stopping this from happening?' So your mind was not okay with a lot of these things that were happening, and it kept calling you to make a difference. That's what I never understood my wife doing. That before I really researched this, my wife would always be saying, 'Don't you wish this hadn't have happened?' Or 'Don't you wish we hadn't done this?' What I didn't understand at the time, because I used to just get like, 'Okay, whatever.' She'd go, 'Yeah, but wouldn't it have been better?' She wanted to get me into this play with her, this exercise. Lisa: This is going on in her head. Dr Don: Because it's going on in her head, and she's trying to feel better. So she's creating these scenarios that would make her feel like, 'Well, if I had just done that, gosh that would have been nice, thinking about that life.' And her mind seeing that going, 'Oh, that would be nice. Well, let's do that. Yes.' So she was what if-ing her life. And it was something that she did very early as a child because that's how she just experienced something traumatic with her father. In her mind, she'd be going, 'Well, what if I had to just left 10 minutes earlier, and I had have escaped that?' Or 'What if I hadn't done this?' So that's what she was doing. It made no sense to me because I hadn't experienced her life, but that's what she was doing. Her mind was trying to fix something. It's never tried to hurt you. It was never, at any point, trying to make you feel bad. It was trying to protect you. Lisa: Its job is to protect you from danger and it sees everything as you sit in the now so it's happening now. I love that analogy of these... What was it? Two-thirds of the car or something and... Dr Don: So goat and snowflake? Lisa: Goat and snowflake. And they're going off to a meeting and they're late. And what does the goat says to snowflake or the other way around? Dr Don: So snowflake, which is your conscious mind, your logical reasonable part of your mind, there's only 5, says the goat 95%, which is your subconscious mind. Who runs into a traffic jam says, 'Oh, we're going to be late. We should have left 15 minutes earlier.' To which goat replies 'Okay, let's do it. Let's leave 15 minutes earlier because that would solve the problem.' Lisa: That analogy is stuck in my head because you just cannot... It doesn't know that it's too late and you can't hop into the past because it only lives in the now. This is 95% of how our brain operates. That's why we can do things like, I was walking, I was at a strategy meeting in Auckland with my business partner two days ago. We were walking along the road and he suddenly tripped and fell onto the road, right? My subconscious reacted so fast, I grabbed him right, and punched him in the guts. I didn't mean to do that but my subconscious recognised in a millimeter of a second, millionth of a second, that he was falling and I had to stop him. So this is a good side of the survival network: stopping and falling into the traffic or onto the ground. But the downside of it is that brain is operating only in the now and it can't... Like with my father, it was going 'Save him. Save him. Save him. Why are you not saving him?' Then that's calling for an action, and then my body is agitated. The cortisol level's up. The adrenaline is up, and I'm trying to do something that's impossible to fix. That can drive you to absolute insanity when that's happening every hour, every day. Dr Don: Then that's taking a physical toll on your body because it's activating your nervous system, which is now, the cortisol levels are going up, adrenaline, right? So when your mind is in that constant state, it does very little on maintenance. It is not worried about fixing anything; it's worried about escaping or fixing the threat, because that's the number one priority. Lisa: It doesn't know that it's not happening. I ended up with shingles for two months. I've only just gotten over it a few weeks ago. That's a definite sign of my body's, my immune system is down. Why is it down? Why can that virus that's been sitting dormant in my body for 40-something years suddenly decide now to come out? Because it's just becoming too much. I've spent too long in the fight or flight state and then your immune system is down. This is how we end up really ill. Dr Don: We get sick. I was just actually having lunch today with a young lady and she's got some immune system issues. And I said, 'Think about it like the US Army, US military is the biggest, strongest military in the world. But if you took that military and you spread it out amongst 50 countries around the world fighting battles, and then somebody attacks the United States, I don't care how big and strong that system was, that military system was. It's going to be weakened when it gets an attack at the homefront.' So that's what was happening. So all of a sudden, now that virus that it could fight and keep dormant, it lets it pass by because it's like, 'Well, we can let that go. We'll catch that later. Right now, we got to go on the offensive and attack something else.' Lisa: Yeah, and this is where autoimmune, like your daughter experienced... Dr Don: About the Crohn's? Yep. Lisa: Yep. She experienced that at 13 or something ridiculous? Dr Don: 14, she got it. Then she also got idiopathic pulmonary hemosiderosis which is another lung autoimmune disorder where the iron in the blood would just cause the lungs to release the blood. So her lungs just starts filling up with blood. They had no idea what caused it, that's the idiopathic part of it, and they just basically said, ‘There's no cure. She just needs to live close to a hospital because she'll bleed out if she has another attack.' Only 1 in 1.2 million people ever get that. So it's very rare so there's no research being done for it. They just basically say, ‘If you get it, live close to a hospital.' That's the strategy. Lisa: That's the way of fixing it. Dr Don: And so both of those are autoimmune, and ever since we've gone to the program, she's hasn't had a flare-up of either one of those. Because I think our system is directly now able to address those things. Lisa: Yeah, and can calm down. I think even people who haven't got post-traumatic stress like I've had or whatever, they've still got the day to day grind of life, and the struggle with finances, and the mortgage to be paid, and the kids to feed, and whatever dramas we're all going through. Like we talked about with COVID and this constant change that society is undergoing, and that's going to get faster and more. So this is something that we all need to be wary of: That we're not in this. I've taught and learned a lot about the coping and managing strategies, the breathing techniques, and meditation, the things, and that's what's kept me, probably, going. Dr Don: Those are great because they're... Again, that's managing it but it's good to have that because you've got to get to the root of it, which is what we were working on. But at the same time, if you don't have any coping, managing skills, life gets very difficult. Lisa: Yeah, and this is in-the-moment, everyday things that I can do to help manage the stress levels, and this is definitely something you want to talk about as well. So with me, we went through this process, and we did... For starters, you had to get my brain into a relaxed state, and it took quite a long time to get my brainwaves into a different place. So what were we doing there? How does that work with the brainwave stuff? Dr Don: Well, when we have a traumatic event or memory, that has been stored in a very high-resolution state. So in a beta brainwave state because all your senses are heightened: sight, smell, hearing. So it's recording that and storing it in memory in a very intense state. So if I sat down with you and said, 'Okay, let's get this fixed.' And I just started trying to work directly on that memory, you're still going to be in a very high agitated state because we're going to be starting to talk about this memory. So you're going to be in a beta brainwave state trying to recalibrate a beta stored memory. That's going to be very difficult to do. So what we do is, and that's why I use the four hours because within that first an hour and a half to two hours, we're basically communicating with the subconscious part of the brain by telling stories, symbols with metaphors, goat and snowflake, all the stories, all the metaphors that are built-in because then your brain moves into an alpha state. When it's in alpha, that's where it does restoration. So it's very prepared to start restoring. And then, if you remember, by the time we got to a couple of the traumatic memories, we only work on them for two or three minutes. Because you're in alpha, and so you've got this higher state of beta, and it recalibrates it into the same state that it's in. So if it's in alpha, it can take a beta memory, reprocess it in alpha, takes all the intensity out of it. Lisa: So these brain waves, these beta states, just to briefly let people know, so this is speed, and correct me if I'm wrong, but it's the speed at which the brain waves are coming out. So in beta, like you'd see on ECG or something, it's sort of really fast. I think there's a 40 day... Dr Don: It's 15 to 30 hertz. Lisa: 15 to 30 hertz and then if you're in alpha, it's a lot lower than that? Dr Don: 7 to 14. Lisa: 7 to 14, and then below that is sort of when you're going into the sleep phase, either deep meditative or asleep. Dr Don: You're dreaming. Because what it's doing in dreaming is processing. So you're between 4 and 7 hertz. That's why people who have a lot of trauma have trouble sleeping. Because not only is their mind processing what it experienced during the day, it's also taking some of those old files saying, 'Well, okay, let's fix that now. Right. Let's get that.' That's where your nightmares are coming from. It was trying to get you into a processing to fix that. but it couldn't fix it. So it continues, and then when you go below 4 hertz, you go into delta. Delta is dreamless sleep and that's where the maintenance is getting done. Lisa: That's the physical maintenance side more than the... Dr Don: Physical maintenance. Yeah, because that's not processing what it experienced anymore. What it's really now doing is saying, 'Okay, what are the issues that need to be dealt with?' So if you're very relaxed and you've had a very... Like me, right? I played hockey, so I had six concussions, 60 stitches, and never missed a hockey game. The only reason now that I understand I could do that is because I'm getting two or three times more Delta sleep than my teammates were. Lisa: Physical recuperative sleep. Dr Don: Yeah, I was getting maximum restorative sleep. So an injury that I would have that could heal in two or three days, my teammates would two or three weeks. Because they were living in these, which I didn't know, a lot of my friends were dealing with trauma: physical, emotional, sexual abuse. I didn't know that was going on with my friends. Nobody talked about it. I didn't see it in their homes, but they were all dealing with that. Lisa: So they are not able to get... So look, I've noticed since I've been through the program. My sleep is much better, and sometimes I still occasionally dream about Dad. But the positive dreams, if that makes sense. They're more Dad as he as he was in life and I actually think Dad's come to visit me and say, ‘Hi, give me a hug' rather than the traumatic last days and hours of his life, which was the ones that were coming in before and calling for that action and stopping me from having that restorative sleep. I just did a podcast with Dr Kirk Parsley who's a sleep expert, ex-Navy SEAL and a sleep expert that's coming out shortly. Or I think by this time, it will be out, and understanding the importance, the super importance of both the delta and... What is the other one? The theta wave of sleep patterns, and what they do, and why you need both, and what parts of night do what, and just realising...Crikey, anybody who is going through trauma isn't experiencing sleep is actually this vicious cycle downwards. Because then, you've got more of the beta brainwave state, and you've got more of the stresses, and you're much less resilient when you can't sleep. You're going to... have health issues, and brain issues, and memory, and everything's going to go down south, basically. Dr Don: That's why I didn't understand at the time. They just said 'Well, you're just super healthy. You heal really fast.' They had no other explanation for it. Now, I know exactly why. But it had nothing to do with my genetics. It had to do with my environment. Lisa: Just interrupting the program briefly to let you know that we have a new patron program for the podcast. Now, if you enjoy Pushing the Limits if you get great value out of it, we would love you to come and join our patron membership program. We've been doing this now for five and a half years and we need your help to keep it on here. It's been a public service free for everybody, and we want to keep it that way but to do that, we need like-minded souls who are on this mission with us to help us out. So if you're interested in becoming a patron for Pushing the Limits podcast, then check out everything on patron.lisatamati.com. That's patron.lisatamati.com. We have two patron levels to choose from. You can do it for as little as 7 dollars a month, New Zealand or 15 dollars a month if you really want to support us. So we are grateful if you do. There are so many membership benefits you're going to get if you join us. Everything from workbooks for all the podcasts, the strength guide for runners, the power to vote on future episodes, webinars that we're going to be holding, all of my documentaries, and much, much more. So check out all the details: patron.lisatamati.com, and thanks very much for joining us. Dr Don: That's, at the time, we just thought it was all, must have been genetics. But I realised now that it was environment as well. So maybe a genetic component to it as well, but then you take that and put that into this very beautiful, nurturing environment, I'm going to sleep processing in beta what I experienced that day and then my mind basically, at that point, is 'What do we need to work on? Not much. Let's go. Let's start now doing some maintenance.' Because it wants to address the top of item stuff first. What is it needs to be taken care of right now? Right? Those are the threats. Once it gets the threats processed, then it can then start working on the things that are going to be the more long-term maintenance. So then it'll do that. But if it never gets out of that threat mode, it gets out for very little time. Then, if you're getting 30 minutes of delta sleep at night and I'm getting two hours, it's a no-brainer to figure out why I would heal faster. Lisa: Absolutely, and this is independent of age and things because you've got all that that comes into it as well. Your whole chemistry changes as you get older and all this. There's other compounding issues as it gets more and more important that you get these pieces of the puzzle right. Do you think that this is what leads to a lot of disease, cancers, and things like that as well? There's probably not one reason. There's a multitude of reasons, but it's definitely one that we can influence. So it's worth looking at it if you've got trauma in your life. People were saying to me 'Oh my God, you don't look good.' When you start hearing that from your friends, your people coming up to you and going, 'I can feel that you're not right.' People that are sensitive to you and know you very well, and you start hearing that over and over, and you start to think, 'Shit, something's got real. Maybe I need to start looking at this.' Because it's just taking all your energy your way, isn't it, on so many levels. The restorative side and the ability to function in your life, and your work, and all of that, and that, of course, leads into depressive thoughts and that hyper-vigilant state constantly. That's really tiresome rather than being just chill, relax, enjoying life, and being able to... Like one of the things I love in my life is this podcast because I just get into such a flow state when I'm learning from such brilliant... Dr Don: You're in alpha. Lisa: I am. I am on it because this is, 'Oh. That's how that works.' And I just get into this lovely learning in an alpha state with people because I'm just so excited and curious. This is what I need to be doing more of. And less of the, if you'd see me half an hour ago trying to work out the technology. That's definitely not an alpha state for me. Dr Don: That's where they said Albert Einstein lived. Albert Einstein lived in alpha brainwave state. That's why information just float for him because there was no stress. He could then pull information very easily to float into. But if you're in a high beta brainwave state, there's too much activity. It has trouble focusing on anything because it's multiple threats on multiple fronts. So when we have a traumatic event, that's how it's being recorded. If you remember, what we talked about was there's a 400 of a millionth of a second gap in between your subconscious mind seeing the information and it going to your consciousness. So in 400 millionths of a second, your subconscious mind has already started a response into an action even though your conscious mind is not even aware of it yet. Lisa: Yeah. Exactly what I did with rescuing my partner with the glass falling off the thing. I hadn't reached that logically. Dr Don: It's funny because that's one of the things that I talked about ,which is sort of, give us all a little bit of grace. Because if you've had a lot of trauma, you're going to respond a certain way. How could you not? If your mind's filtering into all of that, of course you're going to respond with that kind of a response because your mind is prone to go into that action very, very quickly. So we can give ourselves a little bit of grace in understanding that of course, you're going to do that, right? And not beat ourselves up. Because you know what I talked about with everybody, there's nothing wrong with anybody. There's nothing wrong with anybody's mind. Everybody's mind is fine except you are experiencing something different than I experienced so your mind kept responding to it, and mine didn't have that. So you had multiple... Think about we have a hundred percent of our energy on our phone when we wake up in the morning, right? Fully powered up. You fire the phone up and eight programs open up, right? And mine has one. Lisa: Yeah. You're just focusing on what you need to. Dr Don: Then noon comes, and you're having to plug your phone back in because you're out of energy. Lisa: That's a perfect analogy. You're just burning the battery. My all is a hundred windows open in the back of my brain that is just processing all these things and so now, I can start to heal. So having gone through this process with you, like you said, we worked on a number of traumatic experiences, and I went through them in my mind. And then you did certain things, made me follow with my eyes and track here, and my eyes did this, and then, we pulled my attention out in the middle of the story and things. That helped me stay in that alpha state, brainwave state as I probably now understand while I'm still reliving the experience. That's sort of taking the colour out of it so that it's now sort of in a black and white folder. Now, it can still be shared, and it hasn't taken away the sadness of... Dr Don: Because it is sad that these things happen but that's not the response for an action which is that fear or anger, right? That dysregulation of the nervous system. That's what we want to stop, because that is what is going to affect health, enjoyment of life and everything else. Lisa: Wow, this is so powerful. Yeah, and it's been very, very beneficial for me and helped me deal. For me, it also unfolded. Because after the four hour period with you, I had audiotapes and things that are meditations to do every day for the next 30 days. What were we doing in that phase of the recovery? What were you targeting in those sort of sessions? Dr Don: So if you remember what we talked about, we have two memory systems. The explicit memory is what we worked on on that four hours. That's detail, events, and experiences. Once we get the mind processing through that, then we have to work on the same memory animals have, which is that associative repetitive memory. So you've built a series of codes on how to respond to threats, and that has come in over repetition and associations. So the audios are designed to start getting you now to build some new neural pathways, some new ways to respond because your mind won't switch a pattern instantly. It can switch a memory instantly, but a pattern is something that got built over a period of time. So it's like a computer. If I'm coding on my computer, I can't take one key to stop that code. I have to write a new code. Yeah, so what we're doing over the 30 days is writing new code. Lisa: Helping me make new routines and new habits around new neural pathways, basically. Dr Don: You don't have that explicit memory interfering with the pathways. Because now, it's not constantly pulling you out, going back into an action call. It's basically now able to look at this information and these codes that got built and say, 'Okay, what's a better way? So do we have a better way of doing it?' Or 'Show me that code. Write that code.' If that code looks safer, then your mind will adopt that new code. Lisa: This is why, I think for me, there was an initial, there was definitely... Like the nightmares stopped, the intrusive every minute, hour triggering stopped, but the process over the time and the next... And I'm still doing a lot of the things and the meditations. It's reinforcing new habit building. This is where... Like for people dealing with addictions, this is the path for them as well, isn't it? Dr Don: Yeah. Because I talked about addiction as a code. I don't believe it's a disease. Your mind has found a resource to stop pains, and your subconscious mind is literal. It doesn't see things as good or bad, or right or wrong. It's literal. 'Did that stop the pain? Let's do that.' Because it's trying to protect you. So if you've now repeated it over and over, not only have you stopped the pain, but you've built an association with a substance that is seen as beneficial. Lisa: Because your brain sees it as medicine when you're taking, I don't know, cocaine or something. It sees it as essential to your life even though you, on a logical level, know that, ‘This is destroying me and it's a bad thing for me.' Your subconscious goes, 'No, this is a good thing and I need it right now.' Dr Don: Because it's in the present, when does it want the pain to stop? Now. So it has no ability to see a future or a past. Your subconscious is in the moment. So if you take cocaine, the logical part of your brain goes, 'Oh, this is going to create problems for me. I'm going to become addicted.' Right? Your subconscious goes, ‘Well, the pain stopped. We don't see that as a bad thing.' I always use the analogy: Why did people jump out of the buildings at 911? They weren't jumping to die. They were jumping to live because when would they die? Now, if they jump, would they die? No. They stopped the death. So even jumping, which logically makes no sense, right? But to the subconscious mind, it was going to stop the pain now. Lisa: Yeah, and even if it was two seconds in the future that they would die, your brain is going... Dr Don: It doesn't even know what two seconds are. Lisa: No. It has no time. Isn't it fascinating that we don't have a time memory or understanding in that part of the brain that runs 95% of the ship? Dr Don: It's like what Albert Einstein said, ‘There's no such thing as time.' So it's like an animal. If an animal could communicate and you say, 'What time is it?' That would make no sense to an animal. 'What do you mean? It's now.' 'What time is it now?' 'Now. Exactly.' Lisa: It's a construct that we've made to... Dr Don: Just to explain a lot of stuff, right? When something happens. Lisa: Yeah, and this is quite freeing when you think of it. But it does make a heck of a lot of sense. So people are not being destructive when they become drug addicts or addicted to nicotine, or coffee, or chocolate. They're actually trying to stop the pain that they're experiencing in some other place and fix things now. Even though the logical brain... Because the logical brain is such a tiny... Like this is the last part of our evolution, and it's not as fully... We can do incredible things with it at 5%. We've made the world that we live in, and we're sitting here on Zoom, and we've got incredible powers. But it's all about the imagination, being able to think into the future, into the past, and to make correlations, and to recognise patterns. That's where all our creativity and everything, or not just creativity, but our ability to analyse and put forth stuff into the world is happening. But in actual, we're still like the animals and the rest of it. We're still running at 95%, and that's where we can run into the problems with these two. Dr Don: Because you got two systems. You got a very advanced system operating within a very primitive system, and it hasn't integrated. It's still integrating, right? So if there's a survival threat, survival will always override reason and logic, because it's designed to protect you. So there's no reason and logic that will come in if there's a survival threat. It's just going to respond the way it knows, does this Google search, 'What do we know about this threat? How do we know to protect ourselves, and we'll go instantly into survival mode.' Again, there's the reason and logic. Why would you jump out of a building, right? If you applied reason and logic, you wouldn't have jumped, right? People will say, 'Well, but they still jumped.' Yes, because reason and logic didn't even come into the process. It was all about survival. Lisa: Yeah. When the fire is coming in it was either... Dr Don: 'Am I going to die out now or I'm going to move and not die now?' Lisa: Yeah, and we're also prone to movement when we're in agitation and in an agitated state, aren't we? Basically, all of the blood and the muscles saying, 'Run, fight, do something. Take action.' Dr Don: That's why when people get into depression, it's the absence of those emotions. Lisa: Yeah, and people feel exhaustion. Dr Don: Yeah. The mind kept calling for an action using anger, for example, but you can't do the action because it's not happening, so it shuts down to protect you and stops calling for any emotion, and that's depression. So the key to get out of depression is actions. It's to get something happening. So in a lot of people who are depressed, what do I tell them to do? 'Start moving. Start exercising. Get out. Start doing things.' Right? Lisa: So I run ultras. Dr Don: Exactly. Perfect example, right? Lisa: Yeah, because I was. I was dealing with a lot of shit in my life at the time when I started doing ultra-marathons. To run was to quiet the pain and to run was to be able to cope and to have that meditative space in order to work through the stuff that was going on in my life. And I know even in my husband's life, when he went through a difficult time, that's when he started running. So running can be a very powerful therapeutic, because there is a movement, and you're actually burning through the cortisol and the adrenaline that's pouring around in your body. Therefore, sitting still and that sort of things was just not an option for me. I had to move. And it explains what, really. It's calling the movement. Like it was a movement because I couldn't fix the other thing. Dr Don: That's what they'll tell you to do. To get out of depression is to move. What I say is the way to get out of depression is to get your mind to resolve what it's been asking for. Lisa: It's going a little deeper. Dr Don: Yeah. So it's going down and saying, 'Okay, why has it been getting you angry and now, it shut down from the anger?' Because it's been trying to get you in your situation. 'Don't let Dad die. Don't let this happen.' Right? So because you couldn't do it, it just shuts down. Makes perfect sense but when we get to the resolution that there is no action required, there's no need for the depression anymore. The depression will lift because there's no more call for an action. Lisa: I can feel that in me, that call. Anytime that anything does still pop up, I sort of acknowledge the feeling and say, 'There is no call for action here. This is in the past. This is a memory.' So I do remind myself that when things do still pop up from time to time now, as opposed to hourly. I go, 'Hey, come back into the now. This is the now. That was the then that's calling for an action. This is why you're doing thing.' Even that understanding
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I really loved my daily commute which started at the end of December 2010 and continued till August of 2012. I used to commute for 2 hours daily back and forth to office. And I loved it. No I am honest… I loved it.. Why…? Want to be an Active Learner? Now you can Request to join www.penpositive.com. Connect on Social Media: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/penpositive/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/penpositive Twitter: https://twitter.com/penpositive Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/penpositive Blog: https://vinodnarayan.com/ Clubhouse: https://clubhouse.com/@vinodnarayan --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/penpositive/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/penpositive/support
LOVED our conversation about KNOWING what we know and HOW to know that! How many times do you think you want to do something, only to do it and find out you were disappointed, drained, used? When we learn to listen to our knowing, we can be in OUR flow, not give our best selves away to situations or people that aren't aligned with our truth. Even if we DON'T know if we want to say yes to a date, a night out, a new job offer... Melissa shares many ways to create a healthy time out boundary so that you can sit in the discomfort and really listen to what's true for you. We agree that the discomfort is a GIFT or healing, growth and empowerment. Soon you'll get to a place of knowing what feels or sounds good and take charge of your calendar, time and energy. New motherhood has been a gift for Melissa to read books, but not define her unique journey based on someone's ideas but instead her own intuition. Her already amazing communication with her husband has deepened giving each other grace, remember to not take it personally when someone's 'hangry' and listening to each of their higher selves. You will LOVE these simple yet profound shifts and rich questions to ask yourself to create a life you love waking up to... even with a 3 month old! xox --------------------------------- p.s. Take our FREE Assessment. Our Intimacy Blindspot Assessment is a quick, simple yet effective assessment so you can discover how to have the sexual freedom, healthy communication, and deep connection you deserve - https://allanapratt.com/quiz Gentlemen - End the Fear of Rejection. Enjoy your "How To Be A Noble Badass" Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com Ladies - Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now. Enjoy your "Vulnerability is the New Sexy" Complementary Training at http://allanapratt.com/vulnerability Featuring music by: 4 Chambers - written by Aeone / BMI Published by Angleterre Music /BMI
#WisdomWednesdays: Letting Go Of Relationships When Love Is No Longer Served We value our relationships, romantic, platonic, or otherwise. So we find ways to make them work no matter the differences we have with the other person. But sometimes, some relationships are just not worth fighting for anymore. Letting go of relationships is difficult, but it may be the right thing to do. You have to know when enough is enough. You have to find the courage to leave when love and happiness are no longer served on the table. In this episode, Rosie and Tessa talk about leaving and letting go of relationships when there's no longer love in them. Part of feeling radically loved is loving yourself enough to know when it's time to move on. They discuss the importance of gaining awareness about the situation and your emotions. They also speak about the nuances of leaving a relationship and facing the discomfort in making that conversation. Tune in to discover the proper actions in letting go of relationships that are no longer serving you! Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode: Learn how to recognize when love is no longer in a relationship. Understand the dynamics of a relationship as a two-way street. Find out how to manage your emotions and control your reaction in confrontational conversations. Resources Ōura Ring Apple Watch Feeding the Soul (Because It's My Business) by Tabitha Brown The Beautiful No by Sheri Salata Stay updated on my upcoming book launch and 2022 international retreats by subscribing to the newsletter! Check out Rosie's YouTube channel for the upcoming episodes of Wisdom Wednesday. We'd love to get a listener on board for #WisdomWednesdays! Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject “Wisdom Wednesday Guest” and tell us your name, where you're from, how you heard of the podcast, your favorite episode, and what you'd like to discuss. Create a daily meditation ritual in just seven days! Download BUILD YOUR DAILY MEDITATION RITUAL and other freebies from the Radically Loved website! FREE Action Guide! Apply the lessons you learn from this episode as you listen! Sign up at com, and I'll send it right away! Episode Highlights When Life Throws a Curveball Nature is the world's best teacher. A bird flew into Rosie's slider door when she was about to start a breathing practice while recording. Luckily, the bird is safe for now. The metaphor here is, sometimes, life throws us a curveball when we want to gather ourselves. The Anxiety of Failure Tessa has been busy the whole week. But taking a break makes her feel anxious and fearful of failure. The anxiety of failure has been disrupting her sleep. Tessa is learning about the idea of “less is more.” The big lesson for her is learning to say “no” and trusting her intuition. Tracking Your Sleep Rosie owns an Ōura Ring. It's an accurate sleep readiness and activity monitor. How well the Ōura Ring aids you with getting quality sleep will depend on the type of person you are. Rosie hoped to get one for her partner Tory but seeing the data stresses him out. If acquiring the data about your sleep distresses you, it may be better not to get one. Contracting COVID-19 messed up Rosie's sleep. Not getting a good night's sleep impacts her focus and overall function. For the past year, Rosie has been working hard to restore herself and balance her hormones. The Ōura Ring has helped Rosie be militant about her sleep. A Placebo Effect Tessa wonders about the margin of error in technologies like sleep trackers. But she says that what matters is it's working for Rosie. A placebo effect doesn't challenge the efficacy of something working or not working. Meditation can also count as an ancient technology for decreasing anxiety. When Love is No Longer Served in a Relationship Rosie is reading the book Feeding the Soul by Tabitha Brown. The book includes a Nina Simone quote: “You've got to learn to leave the table when love's no longer being served.” The quote is an ethos for Radically Loved. Part of being radically loved is loving yourself enough to know when love is no longer there. Loving Yourself We're quick to blame ourselves for things that might or do go wrong. Learning when to leave the table when there's no longer any love comes back to our relationship with ourselves. Sheri Salata's book The Beautiful No speaks about dealing with the narrator in your brain. Tell the narrator in your brain, "No, thank you—not helpful," instead of indulging a negative thought pattern. A Relationship is a Two-Way Street It's hard to discern when love is no longer present in a relationship that's going well. It becomes a “you” problem when nothing changes with how you feel after years. Have a conversation with the other person and figure out why you feel love is no longer present. A relationship is a two-way street; if you're not contributing to it, you're contaminating it. Being in a relationship is a practice. It's a matter of recognition and what you do with that awareness. On Codependency Tessa's first long-term monogamous relationship was codependent. She felt there was potential if only the other person would do X, Y, and Z. It took Tessa six years to learn the lesson in that relationship. A lesson gets repeated until you learn it. At times, she still feels parts of that way of thinking. Letting Go of Relationships That No Longer Serve You Leaving a relationship that's not serving you anymore also applies to friendships, work, and family. There are nuances in letting go of relationships. Sometimes, it's necessary to leave the person; sometimes, you only need to set boundaries. It's a matter of mutual respect, acknowledgment, and expression of feelings. There's no one answer. But you'll need to know your values and what you need to do, and remain open-minded to understanding yourself and the other person. Feeling Discomfort in Confrontations You don't have to lack compassion or empathy; you only need to pay attention mindfully. Most of us want to hit the fast-forward button any time we feel discomfort. But sitting through the feeling becomes easier if you do it over time. It takes a lot of courage for people to speak their truth. Another nuance that comes into play in the discomfort of having the conversation is powerful emotions. Not everyone has strong role models in showing up with their emotions healthily when faced with this conversation. Controlling Your Reaction You can't control the other party's reaction; what you can control is your own. Rosie recommends going straight to the source when you can't control your reactivity. You have to look at how you're living your life as a whole. Practice, sleep, stress, women's hormones, and other things can compound into reactivity. How you express yourself would also depend on the type of dynamic you have with the other person. You don't necessarily have to let out negative feelings directly to another person. You can direct it to the air, on paper, a voice note, etc. Allowing the Cycle of Emotion to Move Through Allow the cycle of emotion to have its full revolution. Pause before you let a negative part of yourself take over. Still, your reaction would depend on where you're at as a whole in your life. It's all valid and part of the human experience. An emotional explosion is a build. Your mind will corroborate what the body feels. Rosie's bio-hack for emotional explosions: relax your shoulders and take big deep breaths. It will dissipate your emotional charge by at least 30%. Ways To Manage Emotions on Your Own Write a letter, and let the rage out on paper. Go on a drive, and scream at the top of your lungs Toss an old chair or a journal in a backyard bonfire. The liver is associated with the emotion of anger. What you eat or drink can also affect how you're feeling as well. You can also do Yoga Nidra, listen to binaural beats, or do rapid eye therapy. These practices balance the brain and bring you into the present moment. The Body as a Miracle Conduit The body is a miracle conduit for moving forward. Reverse engineering is critical in achieving the results you want during teacher training. We will continue to repeat the same cycles unless we find what works for us. Therefore, we practice building a reservoir of awareness, wisdom, and knowledge. Coming from a place of acknowledgment and awareness will allow us to hold each other up as equals. 5 Powerful Quotes [07:14] “The metaphor is that just when we want to gather ourselves, sometimes, life just throws a curveball or sometimes a bird… We can learn so much from nature.” [19:04] “Part of being radically loved is loving yourself enough to know when love is no longer being served and having the courage or the empowerment to get up from that table and move on.” [26:50] “We don't just throw people away. I think that's where the nuance comes in. Just because I'm leaving the table, doesn't mean I'm leaving the room.” [33:27] "Sometimes those feelings need to come out. You need to be able to be angry." [42:02] “We're in the school of being a human. Unless we can find what works for us and different ways to establish new neurological pathways, new patterns, new habits, we're going to continue to repeat the same cycles over and over.” This episode brought to you by: www.oliveandjune.com/loved Promo code LOVED This episode brought to you by: Get 20% your at home lab test http://www.Everlywell.com/loved This episode brought to you by: https://wondery.com/plus/ This episode brought to you by: ACORN Try for 30 days free acorn.tv USE CODE: loved (lower case) Enjoy the Podcast? If you felt radically loved from listening to this podcast, subscribe and share it with the people you love! Love to give us 5 stars? If you do, we'd love a review from you. Help us reach more people and make them feel loved. Did you learn valuable insights on letting go of relationships? Do you want to extend this knowledge to people struggling with leaving the table? A simple way is to share what you've learned today on social media. Don't forget to follow and message us on these platforms! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosieacosta/ Twitter: https::twitter.com/rosieacosta Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itsrosieacosta To feeling radically loved, Rosie
Una Mullally, columnist with the Irish Times, talks to Eamon about the decline of Dublin City and the failure to implement planning policies to create a joyful, habitable city. The Stand is proudly sponsored by Tesco. Recorded 19/10/21
In this episode, I recap the things I learned from the Healed and Loved Woman Retreat about fear, hiding, and the importance of sisterhood. RESOURCES MENTIONED Join our weekly text inspiration list by texting PODCAST to 832-219-7815 Get our free download - The 5 Step Roadmap to Heal Love Addiction Apply to work together in From Avoidant to Available Learn that YOU ARE WORTHY - Enroll in You Are Worthy here Create balance and love in your life with The Loved Woman Planner CONNECT WITH US ELSEWHEREInstagram: @BlackGirlsHealFacebook: Black Girls HealWebsite: Blackgirlsheal.org
Mikuni Sushi - Taro Arai - Chief Dreaming Officer @mikunisushi - https://bit.ly/3DLQs32 @mikunitaro - https://bit.ly/3aI2oGw Taro is an endless well of positive attitude, advice and encouragement!! Loved talking to this special man. The ups and downs were opportunities to Kaizen himself and everything around him. All this man does is thank God and give back to his community!! M - motivate ourselves to do the best I - inspire others K - kaizen ourselves in every way U - united under God N - never stop dreaming I - increase Gods love to others Our Social Media and YouTube Links: Instagram - https://bit.ly/2UtZM7v YouTube - https://bit.ly/3dNkbMn
A special sit down with John Lillis who is the Owner/Skipper of Lifeboat Coffee Co located in Phoenix Arizona (Lifeboatcoffee.com) . John was a classmate and teammate of Rich and a Veteran. We'll talk about John being abandoned at birth, growing up in San Francisco, Football at City College of San Francisco and more. This is Part 1 of 2 with our sit down with John. Enjoy! Visit Lifeboatcoffee.com for Special Discount for our listeners & subscribers: Special Limited Discount Code for $2 off any order or 2lbs or more: #64 Extra Lifeboat Coffee Benefits: https://lifeboatcoffee.com/discount/%252364 0:00 – Beginning / Introduction 5:46 – Welcome John Lillis 6:23 – Reminiscing about San Francisco 14:45 – Abandoned at Birth – Bruce Nixon 17:21 – Troy's legs fall off! 23:00 – San Francisco is not what it used to be. 32:40 – Family – Drifting apart & Passing of Loved ones 38:20 - Podcasting & great conversation – Long content & discussions. 42:00 – Football at Sacred Heart 47:00 – 63 Yard Field Goal 50:00 - City College Football 56:50 – What's John going to do with his life. 57:46 – Coffee Break 1:01 - End of Episode 20 Part 1 TAKE ACTION.....STEP UP TO THE CHALLENGE & subscribe to the show and while you are there hitting the subscribe button go ahead and leave a review while you are listening! You can find us on the following: iTunes Google Play Spotify Stitcher Visit us at our website: www.stepuptochallenges.com THANKS! TAKE ACTION & STEP UP TO CHALLENGES IN YOUR LIFE!
To all the listeners I've loved before… let's talk about To All the Boys I've Loved Before! At long last, it's time to dive into Jenny Han's beloved 2014 YA rom com, made all the more famous by Netflix's recent adaptations. Alli and her guest chat about said adaptations, along with the book's portrayal of sisterhood, people pleasing, sex, popularity, healthy relationships, and so much more. They also discuss the importance of representation in pop culture. Farah Naz Rishi is the author of It All Comes Back to You and I Hope You Get This Message. Follow her on Instagram (@farahnazrishi) and Twitter (@farahnazrishi).
Toronto based DJ, Producer, Label Owner Carlo Lio has been doing the rounds for many years now. From early support in his career by Dubfire, then being a member of the family at the formidable party "Music On". His record label Rawthentic that he runs with Nathan Barato, there is not much this man cant put his hands on! Loved this conversation enjoy x
Perfectionism can be the driver stoping you from consistent content. Of course, don't get me wrong. It is good to have pride in your work. To want to create content or deliver to your audience in a way that is high quality and of value. That is not what I am saying. BUT, when does the need for your content to be "perfect" stop you from showing up and creating? Perfectionism is something that isn't easy to overcome and I am in no way an expert in the psychology around perfectionism. However, as a creator, perfectionism isn't something that has held me back. Working with recovering perfectionists, I am here to share with you the tips and tricks I have learnt! If you LOVED the episode, make sure you share this on your Instagram stories and tag us @contentqueenmariah! KEY EPISODE TAKEAWAYS
Huge thanks to Toms for sitting down and chatting about all of his cycling training and racing. Loved this! We all hit all the usual training and racing questions, with some other great threads in here as well. What is Toms doing off the bike, and when? A walk through from being a kid, to his start on La Pomme in 2011. Working with a strength coach is much more than just pushing big weight. Tour of California, Worlds, Classics. When does he hit structured intervals, what's his volume like (spoiler: A LOT), and when does he turn the dial up on the intensity? Carb loading? What does it take to be a pro? Is the social media side THAT important? Really dug this one, but they're all great in their own right. If you've missed any, tune in here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiOww7FfCwdkXX3vBWdffv8OhzZQTwXkT If you enjoy training articles, check them here: www.evoq.bike/blog HMU Brendan@EVOQ.BIKE @brendanhousler @evoqbike Thanks for watching! Please give the video a thumbs up and Subscribe to the channel. https://youtu.be/81s2LdTfMWA --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/evoqbike/support
Since I am and work with a lot of humans who care about building businesses that fit into LIFE (vs. the other way around), this concept comes up a lot in conversations with my clients, my friends, mySELF. I'm anchoring this idea here so we have it when we're feeling a bit aimless and sneaky, avoiding the work that we KNOW will lead to the results we deeply desire. It's time we talk profitable priorities. (*Profitable prios* for obnoxiously short. Check your local GIF library for stickers.) It's not so much about the time we have in a given day. It's not even just about the energy. It's about confidently knowing that, even if we only have a teeny pocket of time to dedicate to moving our businesses forward in a given day, we're crystal clear on our personal paths to least resistance and the most profit (for ourselves, our teams, our fams, and our clients). This episode is a mini coworkshop -- I'm inviting you to do the work with me in real time: What specific action(s) led to you enrolling the last client you LOVED working with? And what about the time before that? And the time before that?Did you send an email? Publish a podcast? Reach out to a past client or friend to say "hey, I'm offering this - know someone who would benefit?"Maybe you did some EFT / tapping videos without making a public PEEP. Your energy shift was enough to call 'em in.Maybe you updated your sales page.MAYBE you relistened to the DIY copywriting course you created years ago in podcast form and remembered how valuable it is!Perhaps it was a client magnet-themed guided visualization that did the trick… seeing all the people from around the world who are the PERFECT match for what you most love to offer feeling drawn to you with a clear, heart-centered KNOWING. Your challenge right now, should you choose to accept it, is to make a list of the top three to five activities that consistently bring clients into your sphere. Think and be SUPER honest. It's okay if they seem weird. If they've worked at least a couple times, it's worth testing to see if they continue to work! And if it's just one or two main things that work, consider this your sign that it's time to double DOWN on those activities. Refresh your list at least once a quarter so you've got it handy. Keep it in your phone via Notes or Google docs. Post it by your computer screen.I venture to guess that even if you only have 25 minutes today - one micro-hustle pomodoro sprint… if you allow yourself to focus ONLY on profitable prios, you will feel amazing.You did what you could do to turn your “open for business” light on today. You showed up so you could engage in a mutually beneficial exchange with the people who need you the most right now, which benefits THEM, benefits YOU, and benefits the people you love and care for. Take a listen to the full episode here or in your fave pod player when you wanna and as always – let me know your fave takeaway by taking a screenshot (or a selfie as you listen) + tagging me on Instagram @nikkielledgebrown with #naptimeempires. I'll meet you there! ______________________________ If you enjoyed this episode, safe to say you will LOVE The Naptime Empires Survival Guide - a free email-and-audio series I created to help get you out of overwhelm / hiding in the bathroom and back into aligned, imperfect action. Get started here: http://naptimeempires.com/guide ________________________________ SHOW NOTES: http://naptimeempires.com/080 FB GROUP: http://naptimeempires.com/facebook INSTA: http://instagram.com/nikkielledgebrown MUSIC: "So Far So Close" by Jahzzar is licensed under an Attribution-ShareAlike License.
Twenty-first Sunday after Pentecost ; Sermon based on 1 Samuel 3:1-21 and John 20:21-23 . Preached at The First Presbyterian Church of Brooklyn ( https://www.firstchurchbrooklyn.org/ ). Podcast subscription is available at https://cutt.ly/fpcb-sermons or on Apple Podcasts ( https://itun.es/us/....This item has files of the following types: Archive BitTorrent, Columbia Peaks, Item Tile, Metadata, PNG, Spectrogram, VBR MP3
Land-Grant Holy Land's newest podcast, ‘Bucketheads' takes you on a journey across the college basketball landscape every episode. The only basketball-focused podcast in the LGHL family of podcasts, co-hosts Connor Lemons and Justin Golba give the latest scoop on the Ohio State Buckeyes as well as all the other happenings in the college hoops world. During this week's episode, Connor and Justin recap some of the things we learned from Ohio State's media day last week, including injury updates and the progression of some of the younger players. They also talk about Ohio State's opponent for this year's “secret” scrimmage, which is not —and is never — actually a secret. The guys also discuss why the Buckeye Nuthouse selling out student tickets in one hour is such a remarkable feat. Finally, Connor closes with a raunchy and slightly concerning story about former Utah and St. Louis head coach Rick Majerus, who was... well... not shy about his body, we can say. Connect with the Podcast: Twitter: @BucketheadsLGHL Connect with Connor: Twitter: @lemons_connor Connect with Justin: Twitter: @justin_golba Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Welcome to City Wrestling Radio News, Our new daily show that gives you all the news in under 5 minutes. Today on City Wrestling Radio News - Amanda Huber is ALL ELITE, Lee Moriarty, Tony Khan is the most loved billionaire, wrestlers cooking and results from the Friday Night War. CWR's Korey Smith has the latest. Support CWR & Follow us! Facebook - Facebook.com/CityWrestlingRadio/ Twitter - Twitter.com/cwr415/ Instagram - Instagram.com/CityWrestlingRadio/
We round up the final day f the RCGP Annual Conference 2021. We discuss the Q&A session occurring in the aftermath of yesterday's letter about GP Access and reflect on our highlights from the conference.Join fellow GP trainers for the second GP5T conference about Training Trainers to Train Trainees: https://hopin.com/events/gp5t2Comments from our previous conference include:Was feeling bit downhearted with training but this has reinvigorated me and given lots of great ideas. Loved it being online and easy to attend.This time we have even more sessions to help you support your trainees including:
Join Andy and Gandhi for their plans for day 2 of the RCGP Annual conference in Liverpool.Join fellow GP trainers for the second GP5T conference about Training Trainers to Train Trainees: https://hopin.com/events/gp5t2Comments from our previous conference include:Was feeling bit downhearted with training but this has reinvigorated me and given lots of great ideas. Loved it being online and easy to attend.This time we have even more sessions to help you support your trainees including:
Join Andy and Gandhi for a debrief for day 1 of the RCGP annual conference where we review the emotion of the improved access for patients letter, the content of the talks and sessions, and what it is like at a conference post COVIDJoin fellow GP trainers for the second GP5T conference about Training Trainers to Train Trainees: https://hopin.com/events/gp5t2Comments from our previous conference include:Was feeling bit downhearted with training but this has reinvigorated me and given lots of great ideas. Loved it being online and easy to attend.This time we have even more sessions to help you support your trainees including:
You are loved by God. Not because you are in ministry. Not because you said yes to leadership. Not because you are compassionate. It is not because of anything you have ever done or will ever do. It is because of who God is. As the song Jireh, says: You have never been more loved than you are right now. God loved you and chose you because it gave Him great pleasure to do it! Many of us struggle to anchor ourselves fully in the complete love of God. We worry about disappointing Him. We want to make Him so glad that He chose us. He does choose you and He would do it over and over again because He is love. And His love and acceptance has nothing to do with your ministry. If you struggle with the idea that you are loved by God apart from ministry, this episode is for you. Scriptures Referenced Ephesians 1:4-5 Ephesians 2:1-6 Romans 5:8 Romans 7:22 Isaiah 30:15-18 (verse 18 in the Amplified Version) Isaiah 43:4
Join Andy and Gandhi for their LIVE opening stream for the RCGP Annual conference with big news due on improving access for patients and supporting General Practice.....apparently.BW999 Our plan to improve access for patients and support General Practice document: https://www.england.nhs.uk/coronavirus/publication/our-plan-for-improving-access-for-patients-and-supporting-general-practice/Join fellow GP trainers for the second GP5T conference about Training Trainers to Train Trainees: https://hopin.com/events/gp5t2Comments from our previous conference include:Was feeling bit downhearted with training but this has reinvigorated me and given lots of great ideas. Loved it being online and easy to attend.This time we have even more sessions to help you support your trainees including:
Please join me in welcoming journalist, poet, author, and artist #JenniferAnneMoses, referred to by Google as a “multi-genre writer,” but I call her sensational. In her most recent book, The Man Who Loved His Wife, Jennifer takes a deep dive into Yiddish literature and her love of the Hebrew language. It's a fascinating read, rich in history and tradition, and quite clever. Jennifer is also an artist, whose artwork brings up comparisons of Grandma Moses, and her work is whimsical and nothing short of extraordinary. As a journalist, Jennifer has been published in the New York Times, Washington Post, and so many more top publications, and we talk about her unexpected journey into writing, which was quite unexpected. Please tune in to #DeborahKobyltLIVE available on all video and audio platforms. And invite your friends, too. We look forward to connecting. #DeborahZaraKobylt
I am back with another episode of your favorite segment on Honey Listen this far! And I know you all missed me last week but I had time and a few things on my mind. I am currently working on not feeling excluded or feeling like my friends don't just see me as a phone call or therapist because I am important to them and oh so loved!
The Archivist contemplates a possible meta plot.Transcripts are available here: https://incidentreport31.tumblr.com/transcriptsIncident Report Number 31 is a parody podcast made by Three-Eyed Frog Presents. This episode was written by Val West and Luka Miller, with sound production by Luka Miller.It featured music by Sebastian Valenzuela and Luka Miller.It starred Val West as the Archivist and Jackson Rossman as Neil Banks.To stay up to date on the show, be sure to follow us on our socials:Twitter: @IR31PodTumblr: incidentreport31Additional sound effects from public domain sources.
HOLY WOW it felt good to be back in person! Loved this conversation from last weekend in Chicago at the Tracksmith pop-up, leading up to Sunday's marathon. I chat with trainers and nutrition experts Ciara Lucas and Phoenix Alazam to answer all of your running questions, from how to start to what to eat, wear, and think before you lace up. Plus: We laugh about some of our biggest running fails, and swap stories about what it was like to be true beginners. SOCIAL @ciaravlucas @phoenixalazam @emilyabbate @hurdlepodcast OFFERS LMNT | Head to drinklmnt.com/hurdle to get a FREE sample pack, just pay $5 shipping SIGN UP: NEW! Hurdle Membership - For all details, click here. CHICAGO MARATHON WEEKEND HURDLER MEETUP INFO! JOIN: THE *Secret* FACEBOOK GROUP SIGN UP: Weekly Hurdle Newsletter ASK ME A QUESTION: Leave me a voice message, ask me a question, and it could be featured in an upcoming episode! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/hurdle/message
Kylee Stone is a descendant of the Wakka Wakka and Kulluli First Nations with 25 years in the business of storytelling. She has an intrinsic talent in the power of personal stories to create meaningful connections. Certified in the neuroscience of resilience, Kylee's mission is to disrupt the status quo on the traditional view of leadership and enable people with the courage to take action in direct accordance with their vision, values, passion and purpose. Read more about Kylee. Learn more about The Passionistas Project. Full Transcript: Passionistas: Hi, and welcome to the Passionistas Project Podcast, where we talk with women who are following their passions to inspire you to do the same. We're Amy and Nancy Harrington and today we're talking with Kylee Stone, a descendant of the Wakka Wakka, and Kalali First Nations with 25 years in the business of storytelling and an intrinsic talent in the power of personal stories to create meaningful connections certified in the neuroscience of results. Kylee's mission is to disrupt the status quo on the traditional view of leadership and enable people with the courage to take action and direct accordance with their visions, values, passion, and purpose. So please welcome to the show Kylee Stone. Kylee: Thank you. So good to be here with the two of you. Passionistas: We're so happy to have you here. What are you most passionate about? Kylee: I am passionate about the relationship between design and storytelling — so the design of storytelling and its ability to influence the way that we lead specifically, and more importantly, women's ability to do that. And when I say that, because I do believe that as an indigenous person and I'll, and I'll reference that… our cultural background is fundamentally historic. And what we know about storytelling is very different from a cultural perspective to what we know in the world today. But when we do look at that, fundamentally, the whole purpose of that really is, if you imagine sitting around a fireplace, for example, which, you know, from an indigenous cultural point of view is more around fire, where you would have people. You know, there was no language for it as what we've created today, but certainly it was all about people connecting. It was just about the connection of people. And so when we look at that lens and we put that over the world today, you know, if we even dissect, I suppose, the entertainment industry — movies, you know, I love drama, right? I love a good story. But great drama is based on a great story. And when we look about our relationship to the story, I think there's always a real connection where, you know, if you go to a great film and you cry, there's definitely a great story in that. You know, there's an immediate connection with us as a human being. So for me, I like to be able to take that, in terms of its architecture, and apply it to. Each of us has an individual understanding how that works for us at the level of human being, and then how that influences our strength, our character, our courage, and fundamentally the way we communicate so that we have the experience of being able to pursue what it is that is important. And for me, what that means is being able for a woman to express and experience her own self-expression. In terms of leadership for me, that's very different from what I've been raised in. I say this whole thing about a new paradigm of leadership because in my generation, I was raised pretty much in a model where you've got companies that are designed basically out of the industrial revolution, right, where it's very much a command and control method. But I think for me, I'm not saying it's not about change, so I'm very clear, it's not about change now. I'm not here to change. I'm here to create something new. And when we create something new, we're not changing the old we're actually just at work on crafting a new future. And that for me is really designed around women leading the way on that because I do think women are natural nurturers. They're natural storytellers. And I think that's where we can get a real transformation. Passionistas: Let's take let's step back. Tell us about your heritage and particularly your grandmother and mother. Kylee: Well, I'll start with my grandmother. So. My grandmother was, uh, born and raised at a controlled country. So I'm a descendant of the, a couple of nations. One is the Wakka Wakka nations, which is where my grandmother was born and her mother. So my great grandmother was a tree, was originally from a place called Kalali, which is when we talk about our nations. It's really the air in the region as an Aboriginal person. And. Um, some, a descendant of what what's called the stolen generation, which was a group of indigenous people who, children who were removed from their family because they were considered half. So the Wakka Wakka area was, was where a lot of the indigenous. So when the British came, they moved all the indigenous people out of their, their, their communities. And they put them into, I'm not sure what the technical term that you would call it, but they'd put them into areas. And one of those areas was called Wakka Wakka. So Wakka Wakka was not an original nations. It was. Multiple nations. And so my grandmother was removed from Kalali and taken to Wakka Wakka when she was discovered to be pregnant. And she was pregnant to the men who she was on a farm with. So she was already moved originally to a place where she was at which at two years old. So at two years old, she was taken from her family, put into a, essentially with the local school teacher and his family. So, you know, whilst on the one hand, you know, we look from the view called, oh my goodness. She was, she was removed from her family, how awful she wasn't put into an environment where she was not taken care of from the other way. When we look, you know, she was with a school teacher and his wife and their family. So she was there till she was 20. In her late twenties and then fell pregnant. And we have paperwork that actually says she wrote a letter basically to the police department, letting them know that she had fallen pregnant to the, to the gentlemen who was the, the owner of the property. But of course he denied. So that was when she was moved. So then she was moved to Wakka Wakka and, you know, within, I think six months later, she had gave birth to my grandmother in the Wakka Wakka region. And then all the women who were single and had children, there were homes for them on this property. So there was a home where there was the kids, there was a home where there was the mothers. Children. And then there was the rest of the community. And so she might, my grandmother was born and then in this particular part of the village. And so when she was three that the government had come in with buses, from what school here, the salvation army and the buses came in to take all the children who were half cast. So if they looked like they were white, they were taken and removed. To a salvation army residence where they were believed to be being raised for a bit of a better education and a better future that will given that we're given education, basically. So again, you know, uh, my grandmother was three taken from her mother. So you know that there is trauma and there's, uh, you know, horrifying kind of, you never want your daughter to be taken from your mother, you know, and nor do to your right. And at the same time, you know, if we look from the other view, you know, she's, she was given education education and she was given these other opportunities. So that was, that was my grandmothers, my grandmother, and right. My grandmother's story. So my grandmother had married a British man and they had children. There was some dysfunction in that relationship, you know, as for whether I can speak the truth to that. I really, I can't, I can't because sadly my grandmother's no longer here, but my, it was my grandma. It was a situation where my grandmother felt like she needed to leave. So she left and left my grandfather with all the. So there was my mother, my mother's dead. My mother was five twin sisters. She had twin sisters who were two years old. They had a brother and an older brother, so there was four of them. So he moved them into a home salvation army home, bizarrely enough. So at five years old mum was taken from a family and put into there with her sisters. And she, she lived there till she was 15, basically. So for 10 years, from five to 15, She stayed there on this property and then came out and one year later, after coming out, she fell pregnant with, with me. And so technically, uh, when I, when I started to, uh, understand the story, I discovered, you know, it was in the seventies. So I discovered that actually I was technically the first woman out of four generations to not have been taken away from or removed from my mother and in some respects. So yeah, it's. Uh, I think in the wa you know, it made me question actually, because I think when I looked back at the timing of that, you know, the seventies where the, the, the, the civil rights movement, there was a big push around women's liberation. And, you know, my mother was only 16 at the time. And at that time, she was told that if she gave birth to. She would not be welcome home because any woman who had a child out of wedlock, they would take the children from them. Now they didn't go to take the children from her, but they said to her, if you have this child, you're not coming home, you know, it's like disown the family, which is very common, you know, it wasn't, it's like, you know, we look at that now. Oh my God, that's just atrocious. But it was very common back then for a lot of women. In fact, it was only until 2012 that the government here actually did a national apology to all the women who gave. To children in the seventies and had their children's take taken away from them. So there was a generation of children who are now my age, who were raised without their biological parents, because they were out of wedlock. So it's kind of serendipitous too, in terms of my mother, she just clearly decided to be some kind of rebel and decided, no, that's not, that's not how it's going to go. Passionistas: She must have been incredibly strong to make that decision in the midst of that. Kylee: I think to myself, imagine being 16 years old in a hospital by yourself, isolated, having your family say, we don't want to part of it. And now you're stuck here. They did. I was in a waiting room for four weeks. They'd actually filled out all the adoption papers and she'd had four weeks to make the decision. And it was, she said it was the last day. She said it got to the last day. And she said, I just could not, I couldn't do it. I just could not bring myself to think about what it would look like if I had to try and find you. Passionistas: So how, how did those experiences impact your childhood and did they impact your life to this day? Absolutely as a kid, I would say no way. You know, I, I, I, my nickname as a kid was Smiley Kylee. I was a joyful kid. You know, my mother was 16, so she had lots of great friends around her and her friend's parents actually. So she had a lot of support that way. So I none, the wiser, you know, you don't know what you don't know, you don't know. So as. I don't know, except definitely subconsciously The, there was a, like, one of the things that I'm now dealing with is the, you know, the there's the whole theory around attachment theory. And you know, one of the things that, you know, because I was not raised in a very stable, traditional household, I was moved around a lot. So I'm not very attached to people. And that has been really difficult. You know, I've, I've lost my grandfather just recently. And it was really challenging because it was the first time I'd had, you know, I've only ever really lost grandparents. I've not had the experience. Well, we've had close friends, very young to pass. It's just a very different experience. Cause it's a tragedy, but people relatively close to. You know, I, I, I had this experience called God. I felt like a real cold beach, you know, because I just, I wasn't emotional, you know, I wasn't this really torn upset person. And I really, it challenged me because I thought, oh my God, what is wrong with you? You know, that was my immediate, what is wrong with you? I spoke to some friends of mine. One of whom is just got a background psychology, and she's just an extraordinary human in terms of what she knows. And she said, you know, she explained the whole thing about grief and this attachment theory. And I went, God, that explains everything. You know, the, the way I was raised, the knot I learned to not be attached, I was the kid that you could stick in the middle of the room and she'd be happy with anybody, you know? And so if I look at it from that perspective, it was like, well, of course. She, she expects people. I gotta leave, you know, and it wasn't a problem for me as a kid. In fact, it's one of my greatest skills, even as an adult, you know, I've mobilized, you know, I'm my, my whole strength. In fact, it's very aligned even to my cultural background. I'm all about community. I'm all about others. I'm all about, you know, being of service to everybody else. And you know, I, you can stick me in the middle of anywhere and I'll blend with anybody. And I think I've always fought for that. I've always fought for, for diversity and equality and injustice and, you know, enhance why it's no accident. I'm fighting against some hierarchical view of leadership. Like what the heck are you serious? Like, just because you've got a title and you're sitting on some top pain, half a million bucks a year for your salary doesn't mean I need to treat you any different to the person who's cleaning the goddamn bathroom, you know, and I respect that you've got experience and talent. I listen and respect that because that's fundamental to who we are in our culture is all respect. You don't need a title, have respect. You just have respect period. So that, that definitely shaped, had a massive impact in who I've become in life and how I've surrounded myself with creating communities and building communities. And, and what I'm doing in the area of women is, you know, even five years ago, I started a women's group called team women, Australia, and it was all about story to. And I called a team for the purpose of team. I D I didn't want this hierarchical view. Of course, it's taken me seven years to mobilize the damn thing, because I was stuck in the existing paradigm myself and say how we were trying to build it was inside that paradigm. And all it was it's like, why is this not working? It was like, oh my God, why didn't you just stop doing it? I know, finally, here we are, you know, post pandemic and it's mobilizing, you know, we took the lid off and off the boundary itself and just went, you know, actually the whole purpose is team and collaboration and community and create, you know, it's not about having some organizational structure and I just want to, if I can implement it there in terms of how I see what's possible in the world, then I'll, I'll I'll know I've kind of achieved what I'm here to, which. Passionistas: We're Amy and Nancy Harrington and you're listening to the Passionistas Project podcast and our interview with Kylee Stone. To discover the power of storytelling to ignite your passion, grow your influence and amplify the impact you have in business leadership and life, visit ThePerformanceCode.co. If you're enjoying this interview and would like to help us continue creating inspiring costs, please consider becoming a patron by visiting ThePassionistasProject.com/podcast and clicking on the patron button. Even $1 a month can help us continue our mission of inspiring women to follow their passions. Now here's more of our interview with Kylee. You also had the straightforward traditional career, and that certainly has impacted where you are today and you're thinking about structure, so tell us about that career. Kylee: I've had such a great career. I feel so blessed, you know, I really do. And I feel blessed because I was in a time when media, in my opinion, feet here in Australia was really thriving. So I got to work with some really just extraordinary, extraordinary people. And in fact, whenever I reflect on any of the jobs I've had, I like there's been people that have stuck with me my entire life since then, you know? So it was actually an accident that I landed in media. I did not want to leave home when it came to university. And at the time I was living on the gold coast, which there was, there was no university on the gold coast, which meant for me, if I was going to go do a university, I would have had to travel away from. Of course I did not have enough. My prefrontal cortex wasn't developed enough to have enough emotional intelligence to know what was going on, so I didn't go beyond it. Right. So I didn't go straight to university, but what it meant was I ended up going to, uh, you know, uh, did a full-time intensive college. On the gold coast in business and marketing and advertising. And, and I excelled, I mean, I'm, I'm very smart. And I, I taught, you know, I think I did three first-class honors, uh, in business management, sales management, and marketing itself. And then over the college, they had different areas of industry worked within the unit within the college. And I had came through his class on, was over the entire college. So I so. And it was on the graduation evening that, you know, typical graduation, you have sponsors tables, etc. And as I was coming off the stage with the awards, the guy who was the marketing director at the time at the media company, pulled me over and gave him his business card and said, listen, I've got a job for you. Just give me a call on Monday. And I was like, you beauty, you know, graduated college. The last thing you want to do is try and find a job. So that was, that was literally how much my study. I rocked up on his doorstep. No kidding. On the Monday morning, without an appointment, not knowing, I mean, I had no idea how, what was protocol and best way to do that. And anyway, he was in meetings. So I sat there for half the time until he was ready to say me. And that was the beginning of my career. You know, he actually did not have a job to be honest. He was like, I just want this person in here and made a job for me. So of course, the first six months of my job, my career was born. Boring on one aspect from a technical point of view, because I was in this marketing and promotions team and I had to pay stuff. In those days, newspapers, you had to paste up the content inside the paper. So that was part of my job, needless to say it was also fun because we had the very first Indy grand Prix here on the gold coast. And we were, you know, we were the major sponsors. So, you know, we got to go to these big fabulous events and stuff like that. But I was invited by the head of the research, uh, team to come in and say easy. Do you know anything about computers? I had done a bit of. A bit of what do you call it? Uh, just data stuff in college. Like nothing really learning how to talk. I was like, yeah, sure. I know how to use computers. He so great. He said, but because at the time his department with the exception of editorial that had one was the only department that had a computer. So he sees a great, can you come in and do you want to help me just do some data crunching? And he asked me, yeah, sure. Next night, I'm home that night with the manuals, you know, the old Microsoft Excel, Microsoft, I would manually. Teaching myself how to use a camera, as I say, he's a computer, but I went back and, uh, anyway, I fell in love with it. I fell in love with the data we had. Basically our job was to interpret the data, to help the sales teams, you know, sell and commercialize the business and help the editorial teams understand the readers of the paper and blah, blah, blah. And that's what I did for the next 20 years. I, I just, I loved it. I, I loved the connection between the data and being able to convert that into. You know, sales presentations for the sales teams and when they would sell, they would sadly they'd get all the bonus. And I didn't, but I was paid pittance at that stage as a 19 year old, but, but that's, I just loved it. I loved what I did and I just kept doing that. I did that for four years and he was a real supporter of mine and just, he was like, you got to get to Sydney, you know, get, get, take the next level. And I went for a job. I didn't get it initially because I didn't have a degree and I'd only just started doing a part time. And, but three months later they rang me back. Oh, the person with the degree didn't work out. Can you take the job still? Yeah. So that got me the big. Um, I moved down to Sydney at the time and, uh, worked for, uh, you know, our, our major metropolitan papers here, the Australian and the Telegraph. And this is the main ones and that's kind of what set me off. I just, then I, I, it, and it really was a methodical journey from there. It really was. I worked hard. I loved what I did. I got a promotion and then I got a pay rise. And then, you know, there was a bit of dysfunction in that team. I went and looked at our trade press and went, oh, I want to go work in the Marie Claire, you know, they're going to launch Marie Claire, I'd love to do that. And I got the job and that's how it unfolded. It really was like, no kidding. It's like the traditional, here's a letter. Here's the steps you take to get to the top. Here's what you need to do that. And you work hard. You do a good job next year, you'll get a 2.5% pay increase or whatever the CPI rate is at the time. And if you do that well, then you'll move up and then you'll move up and then you'll move up. And so I did that until 2006. Uh, and, uh, and in that time I've got to do some extraordinary work, launching some incredible brands and was then the marketing and strategy director for News Corp, which I know being global. Everyone knows that. So it's easy to say that, but, uh, I did that for six years and I just loved it. You know, I really, really loved my job. I had a T I, you know, worked on the expansion of this team and. Transformed the way that we worked at just hi, my commitment to delivering great products was at the heart of everything. And having people really enjoy what they do. I just really loved it. Loved it, loved it, loved it. And then of course, three kids had got to really suck on my God, how do I do this? So it was, that was, that was really the first turning point of like, oh my gosh, how do I get to, how do I get to still make a difference and be a leader? Do what I really love now that I've got three kids in my kids. You know, this was when I, when I'd had the third one. So the first. I navigated, like I went back to work after three, you know, three months. Cause my child, God bless him would sleep 12 hours a night. So I'd be up during the day and I'm like, oh my God, I can't handle this. Child's just to alert. I need to go back to. So I'm sleeping 12 hours and night. I feel really quite, except you're just running around crazy. I can't cope with this. I went back to work. So I went back to work two times, you know, with the first child and the second child went back to work. Full-time on both occasions and on both occasions, just, I think this is a story I think is really important for women to hear, because not all the stories about. You know, I know we hear a lot of bad stories about women who return to work and they get treated badly and they, you know, like that. And sometimes I think we do do ourselves a disservice by not being able to hear stories that actually go really well because when we hear stories that go really well, we've got an access into what could I have done differently to, to do that. And on both occasions, I got the biggest pay rise I've ever had in my career. And I got the biggest promotion I've ever head whilst I was on maternity leave. So it was an extraordinary time for me. And it wasn't until the day I had my third child and I went back to work that I, that it all fell apart. I was like, okay, three kids in three years, Colleen, who the hell, even kidding, like really, you can't keep doing this. You're going to burn out. You're going to kill your family. You know, something's got to shift and that's when everything started to change. Really. So what happened. Uh, huh, I call it the, I call it the dirty dancing story. So I'm w I'm walking. Literally my third child is 10 months old Harrison, so it was 2010. And, uh, I'm walking back into the office, thinking to myself, I am so desperate just to get a hot cup of coffee and be able to go to the toilet and piece, you know, three kids under three. And it was like, oh, I need to, I want to go. I want to go back part time. And I wanted to go back into my job because I just come up the back of three years of working on this major rebranding project and strategy, and is keen to get back into that project with the team. So I'm walking into the office and literally as I'm walking through the corridor, I think to myself, You are crazy. You can't do this. You can't, you cannot go back know to a full-time job or a big job, or you've got three kids. And so I sat into the, uh, sat down with him and said, look, I want to come back. And so I immediately decided for myself, I need to ask for part-time, that's the only way to do that. So I said, you know, can I part time he didn't want me in the job? He wanted somebody in that particular role full-time and he said, and I, and so I negotiated to split it. So I had marketing and strategy director and I said, well, what if I take the strategy? Part of all that work and the guy that's doing my MetLife, you know, he can kick the operational aspect. So he agreed. So I came back and did three days a week just doing strategy and. Showing up. It was really grateful. I'm really grateful to just be able to get away from having three kids and really the stress of that coming into work. And I was in an office and so right outside. So where are my, so I've been put into an office that was in the executive area and I don't know, you know, Certainly in Australia, you know, traditional corporate stolen environments, usually executive suites are either on a particular floor or certainly NewsCorp all over the world. It's like this, right? Either it's the Taj Mahal, which is what we would call it that sits at the top. Or there's a floor, a dedicated floor. That's all for the executive suites and it's luxurious. Right? So I'm in the. Area. So when I was marketing director, I was in the marketing area with all the staff. And so now here I am in the executive area, in an office, outside the executive boardroom. By myself and, you know, I should be grateful because I've got my own office and it's peaceful and it's quiet and blah, blah, blah. I can do my own thing. Yeah. Great. But then all of a sudden there was a day when my old executive team, so we're in the boardroom. They start walking in the boardroom and I'm sitting there on the outside. There's a glass window on my side, outside the office. And I think to myself, what the heck. What the, this is not, this is not the picture I imagined. So, so, and I had this like all of a sudden for myself. Okay. So I've just climbed 20 years to get to this role now, just because I'm doing three days a week and I was actually in the executive team, but now I'm sitting here no longer part of the conversation or not, not only am I no longer part of the conversation, I don't have any staff anymore. So I'm alone and. I don't have any accountability. I'm not accountable for a budget line. I'm just on the sideline. And I kid you not. That's like, you know, you know, that scene in dirty dancing where baby Houseman sitting in the corner, waiting for Patrick Swayze to, you know, he walks in the door, my Patrick Swayze didn't walk in the door, sadly. I thought, no, this is not okay. I am not okay with this. And I just, at that moment decided I needed to do something about it. I I'm not, I just need to do something about it. So I decided to go back to true style, made tomb, to turn things around. Went and sorted out the fact that I had completed my undergrad degree, I decided at that then I had a conversation actually with one of the guys at work. And I said, look, I said, what what's next for me? And honestly, what immediately Curt is the only thing I could do is I, well, if I'm going to compete here, I need to go get myself an MBA. That was immediately what I thought. But really that's what I thought. I thought, if you're going to compete there to get what you need to get you going to have an MBA. So I got to the guy who was CFO at the time, I said, right, I'm going to have to. And he said, well, you do realize you don't need to given your experience. You actually don't need to complete your undergrad. You could actually make an application to have it authorized and you could go and do your postgrad. Guess what I did. I submitted through to the university. I got my undergrad approved and they approved me to go into post-grad studies so that I could start doing an MBA and, or specializing in change management. Right. All the meanwhile still doing three days at work, still juggling the three children. Oh. And let's just say added a coach in there into the mix as well, because it was just like, ah, I don't know what the heck I'm doing. Right. And so I just, everything. And so that was what I decided to do. I was like, you know what? I got to turn this around. This is I'm not going to get stuck because in marketing, one of the big problems in marketing is everybody in the company always thinks they know better as a marketer. Somehow that's just one of those. It was a, everybody can do. And I thought I'm not going to get stuck with this future. So when I did make the decision to change, that's when I changed direction and went, okay, what is the future for me? If I looked out there somewhere in the future, and rather than looking at a step change, I was like, what could I imagine for myself? And I, and that was when I got present to the opportunity of transformation and actually dealing more directly with people as opposed to customer. And that was why I chose to do the change management certification. And then of course I did two subjects of that. Very proud, got two high distinctions in both subjects, but was sitting down there while I was submitting my final paper. It was a school holiday period when we were on holidays with the kids and on aided to submit this piece of work. And I, as I sat there doing it, the kids were at my fate and I, and I hadn't had another one of those moments. I looked down at them and I thought, is this what you want your life to be about? Do you want your kids. To grow up thinking that you and you, that you're going to look back not having had these moments because you're too busy attending to what you technically think is getting ahead in your career. Let's just so at that point I quit. I quit the study. I said, this is not the right time. I spoke to my boss at the time at work and they were doing a lot of transformation work and I made a request. I said, I can do that job. And I know I can do that job. I don't need to get a piece of paper to tell you I can do that job. And quite frankly, I've seen people doing that job who had the paper and they're actually not delivering results. And so he pointed me the hate of change and strategy planning at the point at that time, that new school and was put on a project. What that adjust again? I just loved, I loved to work with the people and literally that was my last gig at new school, but I did that for a few years. And at the same time was, became so passionate about, you know, other women who were dealing with the same stuff. And I remember walking in the office one particular day and I've got to the coffee shop, which is clearly the first step for any mother, get to the coffee first. And I'm standing in line with the coffee, having coffee. And there was a lady who was, I'd worked with maybe four or five years previously. She was standing in the queue behind me. And you tapped me on the shoulder, says, Hey, don't worry. I say, most of the time when I get to the front of the coffee shop, I'm like, don't talk to me. I just want to not talk to anyone. Just, you know, just nod and say, yes, good. Except the turnaround. I saw who it was. And I just said saving really, but you really want to know and very pissed off. Oh my God. Well, And I told her, I said, listen, I just really fed up with this whole, I've spent all these years to get where I've gotten. And I said, I just seriously just feel like my, somehow my intelligence just seems to be dissipated. You know, it's not relevant anymore. Or I should just be part time. And because I'm doing part-time, I'm not contributing at the level. Even though I had this really great trainers role, there was a lot of the aspects of the role that it wasn't getting. And when she said me too, I was like, really. And I'll tell you at that point, I honestly did not see that it was more than just me and I want to aspects, I go, that's very insolent. Right. But, but I didn't get at that point, the degree to which, because I hadn't, you know, there hadn't really been a huge awareness at that point around the issues of working women in senior leadership positions and the challenge. It was very early days. But when she said that, I said, that's awful. And I said to her, what are you doing? She said, well, what came up. I was like, really? And that was, as you, you know, as I was saying, I had gone and started taking a number actions. I'd got myself into a UGA gig. And so I said that basically, people, listen, I'm happy to share with you, you know what I've done. And to kind of start to carve out a new future for yourself. And we went and had lunch at the pub, sat down and started sharing with her about what I was doing. She said some amazing. And I said, oh, you know what I said, well, here's a few things to get you started. I've got to start it. And. Long story short, next minute, I'm running a weekly mentoring. Well, I call it a mentoring, but it was really a weekly chat with a group of women that went for, went up to 55 women who were all technically dealing with similar staff attempting to really carve out a future for themselves as a leader. And it went outside of new school. So we had women in news Corp, but then women in news Corp had friends who were in other companies and it just kind of went from there. And then. That's what turned into team women, Australia. Like we just like, oh, we did this event. And then that went like that and it just kind of organically just took off. Passionistas: What is leadership transformation? Kylee: Leadership transformation is two things. To firstly acknowledge it. So transformation is a new view. So if you think about a butterfly that was a caterpillar, it's still the same animal. It's actually still the same, right? In many aspects, it comes from the same core. What once was a caterpillar, has a new view, becomes this butterfly. So transformation is a process of seeing a new view that opens up a new world. And so leadership transformation is about acknowledging what we already know about leadership and our own view. So one of the things too, to have a transformation in the area of leadership, you've first got to get out of the way. What do I already know? And how do I already relate to leadership that's constraining myself. So for me, it was really confronting, I have lived inside of this paradigm where leadership is something that you do and you progress to, and you get some academic qualifications along the way. And then when you get those qualifications, you get into a position. And once you've got that position and you're accountable for people, you're released. Right? So I first had to get that my behaviors and how I was showing up was conditional on that, that's design. And so when I got that, I noticed that actually I have to separate myself from that perspective and to acknowledge that I'm not a leader because of my credentials. I'm not a leader because I have the title. I'm not only a leader if I get into a position where I have accountability of people. I'm not that, not that, not that, not that. Okay. Well, if I'm not that, then where does it exist? Does my leadership in being a leader exist and that's this whole new world. That's the leadership transformation. It is the transformed view of who I am and what's possible as a leader in the world. And that's the part where I say, you know, using the storytelling stuff, it's really by design. It's by design. Who you are as a leader is by design. And I've interviewed hundreds of people in various leadership roles, not just in a I'm a CEO or I'm a founder, or I've spoken to people who are in leadership development. And I've spoken to people who've exuberated leadership as an athlete. And I can tell you, you ask them what their definition of a leader is and not one single person says the same thing. So, leadership transformation is about the individual acknowledgement of what's been constraining the view, and then by design designing what that looks like for you. And so the design piece then is the same as story, you know, when you craft a story about how that new future is very similar. To brand story. And you know, this kind of brought in all of my background in building brands and media and storytelling was there very simply two things at the beginning level. That is what is the future I see for myself. What is that vision? We call it a vision. And then what is the purpose for that vision? What is my why for doing that? And when you bring those two things together. Quite simply, if there is a universal view, it's someone who has a vision for a future and is out to fulfill on it with purpose and connects people with purpose. They're not connected on anything other than the fulfillment of a vision with purpose. And how you do that is up to you. That's by design because what you want in the future you're committed to is going to be very different to the person beside you. But when we do that individually and we do it collectively, it is very powerful. It mobilizes, it really aligns people on what's really at the heart of who we are, which is our purpose. Each one of us has a purpose. People mistake often that my why is about my why? Well now actually that's, it's your why, but your why speaks about others. So my purpose is to create meaningful connections. It's about what happens out there in the world. It's not what happens in here. So in that aspect, it's a leader in the sense that you, you are clearly here in the service of others. And yet your view of others is not independent of you. It includes you. So there is no you and me, there's just who I am and who I am is who you are. There's no me and you there's just you and me, me and you. Passionistas: Tell us a little bit about the Unchartered Leaders Podcast, why you started that and what you hope people take away from it Kylee: Starting a podcast was actually one of the, one of the most challenging things I've done actually to do the first one. I was really nervous, but I, the thing that got me off the ground was a commitment to one thing in particular. And this is right. Goes right to the heart of my concern and my passion for creating a new paradigm of leadership and leadership transformation in particular. And I, and I, and I, because when I look at what happens in an organization, so in the current structure, in a hierarchy, what tends to happen, and I did this myself, you know, when things are not going well in a company, right. We all blame the boss. We blame the company, you know, it's definitely the people sitting at the top who are not doing this, who are doing that and data day to day. Right. So except when things go really well, we don't say, oh, it's because of the box. Right. We go, oh, that's because of us. It's because of what we did. We're so fabulous. Oh, give me a pay rise. Oh. But the bosses want to pay themselves more money. We have, but what about us? And it's because of the team and what we did. So what what's really, if we're really Frank, there is no freedom inside of it inside of bank. As someone who actually eats in that seat while that's all going on, that leader has no freedom to thrive and be successful. That I, that is not okay for me. I'm like, that's not okay, because if we want to be a leader, what are we doing to our leaders? What, who, who are we that we are not embracing a leader's decision? You know? And so for me, the uncharted leader podcast was to, to achieve things. One, I want it to be able to tell the stories of those who are in leadership. So people could get an insight into actually what it's really like. That they are human beings with a commitment to make a difference. They were you, they were at some point climbing someplace to get somewhere and are now being courageous enough to step into a role where they know everyone else is going to shoot them down. Fundament. You know, now it happens more at Australia here. I think then what it does potentially in Australia, because in the, at least in the states, you know, you don't have this tall poppy thing where you want to, people are really great about being, being okay to be celebrated. Whereas here it's, it's less. So I wanted a chance for people to, I want it to deal with that illusion called those people. You know, they've got beautiful stories to be told, so that's the first thing. And then the second thing is in sharing their stories. I wanted people who were aspiring leaders to get that being a leader is a great, is great. It's a great opportunity. See, in, in, in the world that we live in today, being a leader is a bad idea. Being a leader is a really bad idea because it's, you, you're going to get shot down. And, you know, people are going to have a whole stack of opinions about you. It's exhausting. It's a burnout, it's hard work. And so I'm like, yeah, Yana. What if being a leader was a really great idea because being a leader has more to do with how you choose to show up yourself and to operate from being accountable, rather than judge someone else. You know, we sit in our lounge rooms, complaining about our political leaders. We all do. And yet we complain sitting on our couch, never having, ever set in a role as being a prime minister or a president ever. Uh, so we're very good at sitting back and judging others and, and, and, and I'm saying, no, the uncharted leader is someone who's saying, okay, I'm going to step back and take a look over here for me. What is, what is it for me to express myself as a leader and to embrace that and to chart out a future that is completely uncharted. It is uncharted, no matter where you're at really, it's the way we think all of a sudden, because it's a pandemic it's uncertain. Are you kidding me? The world is, it's never been certain. I mean, we live in like with some certainly, I'm sorry. You walk out the front door. You've got no clue about what's going to happen. You know, this is an uncharted life. Being a leader is uncharted and let's embrace that because actually everything that we need in order to be the best leader we can possibly be is all over here within us. Passionistas: Thanks for listening to The Passionistas Project Podcast in our interview with Kylee Stone. To discover the power of storytelling to a night, your passion grow your influence and amplify the impact you have in business leadership and life visit ThePerformanceCode.co. Please visit ThePassionistasProject.com to learn more about our podcast and subscription box filled with products made by women-owned businesses and female artisans to inspire you to follow your passions, get a free mystery box with a one-year subscription using the code FALLMYSTERY. And be sure to subscribe to The Passionistas Project Podcast so you don't miss any of our upcoming inspiring guests. Until next time, stay well and stay passionate.
Recorded on Sunday, October 10, 2021. Other scripture cited: Exodus 19:3-6; Matthew 9:9-13.Support the show (https://www.eservicepayments.com/cgi-bin/Vanco_ver3.vps?appver3=wWsk24ZWJSTZKsGd1RMKlg0BDvsSG3VIWQCPJNNxD8upkiY7JlDavDsozUE7KG0nFx2NSo8LdUKGuGuF396vbSw-R2mhrvfe_HJOXvFcrh-XHubq5Z7ap5JVmPErc4ZeYHCKCZhESjGNQmZ5B-6dx0MW8b85t8s_s5fNKictIkY=&ver=3)
Resources: ✅ Join the Sales Revolution: If you're ready to do sales differently, you're in the right place. This community is for entrepreneurs and sales pros to connect, grow, + learn the new (and highly improved) connection-based way of selling. https://www.facebook.com/groups/salesrevolutiongroup Do you ever feel that selling is so mentally draining you no longer want to sell the following day? This dilemma is what most salespeople face when they are using selling techniques that do not get them the results they want. Our guest, Tyshawn Warren, shares the mental drain he experienced when he was still using old school selling techniques. He then talks about how NEPQ drastically changed the selling experience for him as it resulted in an exponential increase in his income. You no longer need to feel uncomfortable selling. You can experience the same results as Tyshawn who's now earning $30,000 in commissions monthly. How? Hit the play button now. In this episode, we cover: [0:00] Introduction [6:12] How Tyshawn got started in selling [7:19] How Tyshawn sold to people before [8:11] Selling the “old way” triggers resistance [9:49] The old school sales technique was mentally draining [11:38] Why Tyshawn wanted to learn advanced sales skills [12:26] Results Tyshawn got from the NEPQ training [13:11] How prospects reacted to Tyshawn's new method of selling [13:51] What inspired Tyshawn to get into the advanced inner circle program [14:34] NEPQ vs. Old School type of selling [14:53] Interruptions in the conversation and what it does [16:23] Asking the right questions [18:44] The opportunity that NEPQ created for Tyshawn [19:28] Biggest objections Tyshawn receives from prospects [20:16] Resolving the objections [29:33] Tyshawn's word of advice ✅ If you're looking to take your sales to the 7th level, book a “Clarity Call” below and let's see if you're a good fit for our sales training program!
One of my all-time favorite cookbooks has always been The Gift of Southern Cooking, co-written by the iconic and legendary Edna Lewis -- who blazed the trail for black chefs everywhere with her cooking and her writing -- and my patient today, her friend and colleague, James Beard award-winning chef, Scott Peacock. It was such a thrill to get to talk to Chef Peacock about his time with Ms. Lewis (as he calls her), to hear how she impacted his life, helped him embrace his Southern roots, and taught him about the importance of quiet in the kitchen. We go deep about Scott's original ambivalence about the South, how it was tied to his grandmother's poverty, his sense of shame, and how all of that changed after that first meeting with Ms. Lewis over coffee at Dean & Deluca in New York. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
John 14:15 “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” John 8:42 “Jesus said unto them, If God were your Father, ye would love me: for I proceeded forth and came from God; neither came I of myself, but he sent me.” We should never attempt to have a conditional relationship with God. "If" is a conditional statement that is usually followed by a choice. Jesus says in John 14:15 - "If ye love me, keep my commandments" - to show proof that we love God - we should keep His commandments. We can choose to keep His commandments or not. This is free will. However, we should never place these choices on God - we don't go to God and give him an ultimatum or a choice. Too many times we take what we want, our demands, to God in prayer. And many times if we feel God has failed to provide what we want - we get angry at God. Listen to this episode as Allen and I discuss conditional relationships and how they can affect our spirituality. Don't ever be ashamed to ask about things you don't understand. Go to God in prayer, ask for answers to be revealed to you, stay in God's will and read your bible. We aren't perfect and we don't profess to be, far from it actually - keep that in mind as you listen to our stories. If you are spending more time picking apart our messages, your spending too much time on the wrong things. Put your focus back on God. Read Your Bible. Pray. Surround Yourself with Like-Minded Christians. Gather with Two or More in His Name. ✟
In this episode, we continue our four part series on the identity of daughter. This episode is now available on youtube: https://youtu.be/0TJKUIE1HOQ. We discuss the core needs of early childhood - to be seen, known and loved - and how this time is crucial in learning to trust and receive. We share our fears of being seen as needy or as a burden to others as well as what counterfeit needs are vs actual needs. We chat about the healing that we experience when we allow God the Father to love us in the places we didn't receive what we needed as a child. Be sure to subscribe to the Abiding Together Podcast on YouTube to watch our video podcasts! Sister Miriam's one thing - The life of our recently passed SOLT sister, Sister Maria of Merciful Love Michelle's one thing - The Sisters of Life and The Litany of Trust Heather's one thing - Restore the Glory Podcast Healing in Marriage Series Other Books Mentioned - Life Model: Living from the Heart Jesus Gave you - James Friesen Discussion questions: What stood out to you from this week's episode? How have you felt seen, known and loved by God and others recently? In what areas of your heart and life do you still long to experience that? What counterfeit needs (I need a break, I need to watch tv, etc.) do you often substitute for your real need (I need to be acknowledged, seen, loved)? How can you take time to pause and ask yourself what you truly need in particular moments throughout your day? Do fears of rejection or being seen as ‘needy' prevent you from expressing your needs and desires to those who want to love you? How can you better articulate your needs to your community, family, and God? How is the fruit of joy abundant and fragrant in your life? If not, what is at the root of that? Journal Questions: Are there areas of your heart that you have shut down or relationships you have ‘canceled' because someone did not meet your need to be seen, known and loved? How might God be asking you to give yourself or another person a new chance? Take a moment to reflect on any memories or experiences from your childhood where you did not feel seen, known and loved. Invite God to restore and heal these moments and fill any gaps that may have been created. Write down some practical ways you can notice, affirm and show greater love towards those who have been entrusted to you in your family and community. Quotes to Ponder: “Your great trust in Me forces me to continuously grant you graces. You have great and incomprehensible rights over My Heart, for you are a daughter of complete trust." - Jesus to St. Faustina Scripture for Lectio Divina - “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” - Ephesians 3:14-21 This episode is sponsored by Corda Candles. Connect with the saints through scent, with handcrafted CORDA candles. Each unique scent is directly inspired by saints and the faith, and custom blended in house. As you burn the candle and enjoy the custom scent, there's a tangible, concrete connection to the holy men and women who have gone before us.Help support SOLT, Sr. Miriam's order, by purchasing the Cloistered Heart candle, inspired by St. Elizabeth of the Trinity. Its contemplative notes of cherry and violet are fresh and clean. This exclusive candle was commissioned by the Abiding Together podcast and 15% is donated to SOLT. It's available for a limited time only, now through November 30, 2021.There are many more candles to explore, including ones inspired by Our Lady of Guadalupe, St. Michael the Archangel, and Night Prayer. Shop online at www.cordacandles.com and receive 10% off with promo code ABIDE, now through October 31, 2021.
Have you ever prayed for a miracle? Maybe for healing for a friend, a loved one, or even yourself? Maybe that miracle did not happen- I know a lot of times we can be frustrated. This is why I love the words that Elizabeth Leon shared this week on the podcast. She said, “The miracle you get is not always the miracle you prayed for.” I think there is so much wisdom in her words, especially after you hear her story. We are going to be talking about her book, Let Yourself Be Loved: Big Lessons from a Little Life. Oct. 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, so I asked Elizabeth to share her story of John Paul Raphael's life and how God took her greatest heartbreak and catapulted her to her greatest growth. There is so much truth that Elizabeth shares and I am so thankful she is not wasting her pain, but instead using it to help another hurting heart. I promise you do not want to miss one word of what she shares this week on the podcast. Also, I am so excited for someone to win an advanced copy of Elizabeth's book: Let Yourself Be Loved: Big Lessons from a Little Life. All the details of the book giveaway are on my website at jodirosser.com or you can click this direct link: https://jodirosser.com/giveaways/let-yourself-be-loved-book-giveaway/ Book Recommendations *An Exact Replica of a Figment of my Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken *I Will Carry You by Angie Smith *Once More We Saw Stars by Jason Greene *Rare Bird by Anna Whiston-Donaldson Elizabeth Leon is a Catholic writer, speaker, and musician from Ashburn, Virginia and the author of Let Yourself Be Loved: Big Lessons from a Little Life (Koehler Books, Jan. 2022). She has been a leader in ministry and faith formation for more than twenty-five years and desires to inspire others to find freedom and healing through Christ. Her gift is her willingness to be vulnerable and love with a heart wide-open despite the brokenness of divorce, death, and abuse. She and her husband Ralph are the parents of 10 children, 5 of hers, 4 of his, and their son, John Paul Raphael who died in 2018. In her book, Elizabeth cracks open the landscape of grief to reveal a love story. She invites readers deeply into her personal journey and invites them to consider their own uncertainty and suffering as a pathway to joy. She is a frequent speaker at women's events in Northern Virginia and is pursuing her Masters in Social Work at George Mason University. You can find her online at www.elizabethleon.org or www.letyourselfbeloved.com. *Note: If you are interested in purchasing this book or the books recommended, I would love for you to use the Amazon Affiliate link above to help support the podcast. Thank you!
The archetypal tides are turning! Four planets turn direct (appear to move forward after seeming to move retrograde) inviting you to "get on with it" in the areas of:Deep systemic transformation with outworn rules and structures (Pluto)Setting clear boundaries and taking true responsibility for what is actually yours to do (Saturn)Expanding your paradigms to include innovative and humanitarian wisdom (Jupiter)Creating and telling new relationship stories of balance and reciprocity (Mercury)
What if reconciliation is the very cornerstone on which God desires to build His church? How would the church look if we weren't defined by our hurt but by our experience of healing? The church is meant to be a place of healing, but it's sometimes where we experience the deepest hurt in our lives. Holly Brown shares her perspective on church hurt and God's remedy offered to us in the stories we read through in the Bible. Get the first Lesson of our Ephesians Bible study for free when you subscribe to our website! Go to www.foreternityanduntil.com and submit your email for your free download! Want to buy our team a cup of coffee and financially support the work we're doing? Follow this link: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/eternityuntilYou are Loved, For Eternity and Until!