Delight Your Marriage | Relationship Advice, Christianity, & Sexual Intimacy

Sometimes, God answers your prayers in a way you don't expect. That's how Jennifer's journey began. She and her husband had been married for 30 years, with three beautiful daughters. On the outside, everything seemed steady—but inside, Jennifer was silently struggling. Depression, anxiety, deep wounds from trauma, and the weight of parenting adult children had left her feeling exhausted and emotionally distant from her husband. She was in a dark place. But God. Her husband was the first to find Delight Your Marriage. Quietly, he joined our men's program. At first, he didn't even tell Jennifer. She just started to notice something changing. A peace in him. A gentleness. A stronger connection to God. Moved by what she saw, Jennifer said yes to his invitation to explore the women's program. What followed was a spiritual discipleship journey that would not only transform her marriage—it would transform her heart. How Christian Marriage Coaching Transformed Her Heart One line within the program touched Jennifer's heart: “I needed to love Jesus more than my pain.” It wasn't even directed at her during the call, but something about it resonated so deeply with her. She realized that in her grief and disconnection, she had allowed pain to take a front seat in her heart. But Jesus wanted her whole heart. She confronted lies she had believed about herself, her marriage, and her role as a mother and wife—and let God's truth replace them. She allowed God to break the chains of shame and fear, and instead chose freedom and forgiveness. Emotional and Physical Intimacy in Marriage Restored One of the most beautiful outcomes of Jennifer's story is the transformation in her intimacy with her husband! “It wasn't about frequency,” she said. “It was about connection. And now we're truly connecting—emotionally, spiritually, physically. We're more vulnerable, more united, and more in love.” That emotional and spiritual shift opened a door to true intimacy—something both of them had longed for but never fully accessed. And it all started when she began to let God love her—and let herself believe it. How Christian Marriage Help Can Impact Parenting Jennifer is a mother to three adult daughters. And though parenting adults has its own challenges, her healing began to spill over into her family life. With newfound clarity on how women are designed by God to be loved—safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished—Jennifer began to understand how to mother her adult daughters in a way that honors their hearts. She started recognizing what they needed emotionally, just like she had discovered in herself. Even though parenting adult children can be complicated and painful, she now walks in hope—not shame. God is restoring what was broken. Handling Conflict in Marriage Without Spiraling Jennifer and her husband also found a new way to approach emotional triggers. They call it “spiraling.” This emotional awareness and God-centered communication brought a new peace to their marriage. They don't fight the way they used to. Now, they support each other through those low moments and move forward with unity. A Message to the Wife Who Feels Hopeless in Her Marriage When I asked Jennifer what she'd say to a woman in the same spot she once was, her answer was so honest and full of faith: “There's hope in Jesus. Be brave. Even if your husband is the problem, you can still change your heart—and it can change your marriage.” She continued: “This program has figured out how to help you out of crisis. Even if you're emotionally shut down, even if you feel like things can't get better—they absolutely can. God is in the business of healing, and He uses this process to restore hearts and homes.” The Power of a Women's Christian Coaching Community Jennifer also found healing through the community of women she met through the program. “It was such a gift to talk about things we never could talk about with friends—especially around sex and intimacy. The support, the prayer, the connection... it's unlike anything I've ever experienced. Women need this.” She felt seen, supported, and strengthened by walking this journey with other women in a safe, faith-filled environment. Christian Marriage Healing: A Beautiful New Chapter Today, Jennifer says her marriage is more joyful, more tender, and more united than ever before. They've always been best friends—but now they're more emotionally connected, spiritually aligned, and fully present for one another. “There's nothing I can't share with him now,” she said. “God gave us a beautiful marriage—but now we're living it with freedom, honesty, and deep love.” Final Thoughts We are so thankful for work that God did in this marriage and the way it not only impacted Jennifer and her spouse, but their children and future generations. He truly is a God of redemption.  With love, The DYM Team PS - If you're ready to take the next step and join a community of like-minded people wanting to build their marriages God's way, we would love to hear from you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "I was on the verge of separating from my husband. Things had taken such a turn for the worse between us that life was not sustainable for me as things were going. My husband joined the program and I noticed some changes in him. Things started improving but we had a lot of healing to do; I had a lot of healing to do...We've been to several counselors before this point and my husband wasn't interested in finding another one. He had asked me to join the Delighted Wife program before but things were too broken and I was not willing to do a program that I thought was only about getting me to have more sex with him...But, after seeing him change some and knowing we needed help, I agreed to the program. While sex was a part of Delighted Wife, there were so many other areas for me to focus on first. It laid the foundation for a better and healthier relationship overall. The intimacy part follows."

If you're a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you're wondering… Why don't I want sex? Why does my husband want it more than I do? Am I broken for not desiring intimacy? …you're in the right place. We want to remind you that you are not broken. You're not alone. And God isn't disappointed in you. In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God's help. What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives? This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: “My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don't know why I don't want it. Help.” Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don't have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what's called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn't feel desire until after closeness begins. That's normal! But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include: Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage) Body image issues and insecurity Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause) A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict Shame from upbringing or purity culture Misunderstandings about what sex is really for Often, it's not one thing—it's several. That's why this isn't a quick fix. It's a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it's not your fault. What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage? We often assume a great sex life just means “compatibility.” But as Juli beautifully shared: “Great sex isn't about compatibility. It's about growing in unselfish love.” And that's biblical. God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight. Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches: Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically? Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit? Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding? Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing? “I Want to Want Sex… But I Don't.” What Should I Do? If that's your heart cry, there's hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward: 1. Pray—Every Day Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here. 2. Start with What You Do Want Maybe you don't want intercourse—but you'd like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That's a great start. 3. Change the Inner Narrative Rather than thinking, “I have to,” begin gently rehearsing, “I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love.” 4. Use Physical Support Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore. 5. Communicate with Your Husband If he's safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure. But Isn't It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex? That's a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here's what Juli shared that really struck me: “God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn't just about serving him—it's about your healing, too.” Sex is not just physical. It's emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story. If you're avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing? This is not about becoming a sex expert—it's about becoming whole. A Christian Wife's Invitation to Intimacy Whether you've been married 3 years or 30, God's not done with this part of your journey. Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it. Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy. You're not “less than.” You're not “too late.” You're not “too much.” You're beloved. And intimacy can become a gift again. Resources to Help You Begin If today's blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there. Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service Explore: Juli's Ministry – Authentic Intimacy New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything For more information on our Coaching Programs: DelightYourMarriage.com Final Thoughts You're not alone. God is in this with you. Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your story.   With love, The DYM Team   PS - If you haven't checked out Dr. Juli's book yet, you can check it out here: God, Sex & Your Marriage  PPS - For more information on our Coaching Programs, please visit our website. We would love to connect with you!

Loving Well When You Feel Down Even the strongest marriages go through hard seasons. Whether you're facing emotional burnout, stress, or feeling spiritually distant, it's easy to feel like you have nothing left to give in your relationship. So how do you love your spouse when you feel depleted? This post is your quick “reset”—a reminder of what really matters in marriage and how to keep moving forward, even when your heart feels heavy. Why Your Marriage Matters in God's Eyes Jesus gave us two commandments that anchor everything else: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. And your closest neighbor? It's your spouse. Your marriage is a reflection of how you walk out our love for God. Even when it's hard. What to Do When You Feel Emotionally Empty in Marriage We all go through tough seasons. Illness Financial stress Parenting challenges Mental health struggles It's in these moments that we have to boil it down to the essentials. When you're empty, don't try to fix everything. Just focus on God's call to love—simply and sincerely. Here's what that looks like: Essentials for a Husband: Love Her as Christ Loves the Church What does that mean, practically? Make her feel safe. Don't push, pressure, or demand. Be her steady place. Make her feel known. Ask her about her heart. Get curious about her thoughts, not just her to-do list. Make her feel cherished. Hold her. Smile at her. Take her on a walk. Celebrate her quietly and tenderly. These don't require a perfect mood. They require intentionality. And the reward is deeper connection—even in the middle of life's mess. Essentials for a Wife: Respect, Admiration, and Wholehearted Intimacy This can feel especially hard when you're drained. But again, focus on the essentials: Use respectful words. Even if you're not in the best place emotionally, try phrases like “Thank you for working so hard,” or “I admire how you handled that.” Don't argue or snap. Let kindness guard your tongue, even when emotions are high. Offer intimacy with a full heart. This isn't about obligation. It's about loving your husband in a way he receives love—with joy and generosity, even if you don't initially feel it. When You're Struggling—Love Anyway This is the path Jesus modeled for us. We don't love our spouse because they deserve it. We love them because Jesus asks us to love—sacrificially, tenderly, in the way the other feels loved. When you're struggling and all you can do is offer “just the essentials,” that's enough. God sees your heart. And He blesses your obedience. Final Thoughts Next time you feel like you can't give anything more—come back to this. Read it again. Pray again. Take just one small action. Unity is still possible. Even when you are down.   With love, The DYM Team   PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc   PPS - Here is (another) quote from a recent graduate: "We argued constantly! Literally almost daily. The constant arguing was mentally and physically exhausting! It felt impossible to have peace or joy if my husband was around. It was affecting me so deeply that I was struggling with intense fatigue...[After Delighted Wife], we can actually enjoy each other, we can actually focus on other things. I am not experiencing such intense fatigue all the time and am feeling like I can start getting back to being a productive human. My devotional and prayer time are spent seeking God, seeking Him in the scriptures, trying to catch His heat through His word rather than lamenting and focusing on all the bad. "

Church Scandals Aren't Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm A Funny, Painful Story (That's Actually Very Relevant) Before we dive into heavy stuff, let me tell you a story. 4 weeks and 2 days ago... Picture this: I'm flat on my back, in the middle of the street, 20 feet away from a car that thankfully didn't roll over me. I'm convinced something's stabbing into my heart. Pain is shooting through my body in so many places. A kind lady rushes from her porch to help me hobble to safety while the ambulance is called. As I wait there's constant pain, but when I move in certain ways it suddenly becomes utterly excruciating. No idea what I hit. No idea what actually happened. Things were going great for the two hours I was on my OneWheel before the accident.  What the heck happened? And what is happening now? Some neighbor kids stop and check in. I ask them to pray for me and I lead them in a prayer in Jesus name... that was a comfort from strangers. The ambulance finally arrives -- after it seems like forever -- and load me onto a stretcher. They were sure I dislocated my shoulder and were insisting to pull me up. I knew that wasn't what was wrong. I was embarrassingly vocal about not being helped up. I seemed to feel every single pothole on the way to hospital.  Arriving in the hospital... the random excruciating shoots through my chest continued -- oh, and so did my resulting involuntary screams. (No recordings were taken, thank God :) So, the morphine helped and the oxy-whatever they gave me next. But what really changed everything was the x-rays. They finally discover the truth: My clavicle was snapped clean through. Knowing what was actually wrong changed everything. I finally had clarity. I finally had a path toward healing — real healing — not just numbing the pain. I finally could understand how to move in a way that avoided the excruciating pain and actually kept things in place to heal most effectively. THIS is what's happening in the Church right now. We have an injury. It's bad. Really, really, really bad. But instead of diagnosing it, we often just take some spiritual "morphine" — slap on platitudes, excuses, or cover-ups — and hope healing happens. It doesn't. Tragically, thousands of new cases are reported yearly... in the church of Jesus Christ around the world. This is horrifying. And the Church's sexual scandals are not random. They are not "one-off" tragedies.They are the result of deep, hidden roots — an injury we have to address if we want healing. Church Hurt: Ignoring the Pain Doesn't Heal It If I had ignored my broken clavicle, kept "powering through," or simply taken painkillers to numb it? It would have actually healed wrong.Permanently damaged.Maybe even required major surgery to fix later. The Church is at that critical moment.If we don't stop and x-ray the damage — truly diagnose the underlying break — it won't just stay bad. It will get worse. That's why these scandals feel endless. They are symptoms of deeper problems never addressed.   Church Scandals Are Not Random Accidents The fall of a pastor or leader is often treated like a shocking, isolated event. "He must have just slipped up!""It was a moment of weakness!" But the truth is, these scandals follow patterns. Unchecked small compromises.Isolation.A culture that produces an environment where pastors must be superhuman.  Double lives hidden by fear and shame.Lack of sexual stewardship. These are not random falls.These are predictable results of invisible fractures left untreated. The Enemy Wants Our Ignorance Satan thrives when we stay ignorant. When we don't know the roots, we can't heal them.When we don't expose the darkness, it festers and infects the Body of Christ. Paul makes it clear we shouldn't be ignorant of how the enemy attacks: "In order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." (2 Cor 2:11) Jesus warns us: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (John 10:10) When sexual sin in leadership is ignored, minimized, or hidden, it does exactly that:Steals faith.Kills trust.Destroys credibility. We must be wise.We must stop assuming "it could never happen here."We must learn how to recognize the roots before they bloom into ruin.   Why Sexual Sin Wounds So Deeply & How to Heal Sexual sin isn't "just another mistake."Biblically, it's in a category of its own: "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18) When a leader sins sexually, it's a double wound: Personal: They defile their own body, the temple of the Holy Spirit. Corporate: They shatter the credibility of the Gospel they once preached. People who were already fragile in their faith see hypocrisy... and walk away not just from a leader, but from Jesus, Himself. The wound runs deep. But Jesus takes it seriously. Jesus didn't say: "Try not to look at porn if you can." "Lust is understandable, just don't act on it." No. He said: "If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out... It's better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5:29) Jesus used extreme language because sexual sin matters that much. We should not downplay what Jesus took so seriously. When leaders indulge in pornography, prostitution, or affairs, they are objectifying someone God created. That woman on a screen is a daughter of the King of Kings. A daughter who He even gave His only son to save. Cover-Ups Are Spiritual Oxycodone It's easier to slap a spiritual Band-Aid over a scandal than face the ugly truth. "Let's quietly remove him." "Let's not make a big deal; it might hurt the church's reputation." "Let's just forgive and move on." That's spiritual oxycodone — numbing the pain without healing the break. Without truth and exposure, the infection worsens.The pattern repeats.More people get hurt.   Real love doesn't ignore cancer.Real love demands we discover it and deal with it.   That's actual love.   And Exposure Alone Isn't Enough Here's the other mistake:Thinking that "going public" fixes the problem.   It doesn't.   Exposure without a healing plan leaves broken people bleeding in the streets. Just like my broken clavicle needed realignment, time, careful handling and care — fallen leaders (and hurting congregations) need intentional healing journeys. Healing isn't automatic. It's hard. It takes time. It takes wisdom. It takes safe people. But it's possible. Healing the Church Starts with Us You may be a small group leader.A volunteer.A pastor's wife.A youth mentor.A faithful Sunday worshiper.   You are part of the Body.And when one part is sick, the whole body suffers. We cannot afford to shrug and say, "Not my problem." The future witness of the Church depends on believers who are awake, wise, and willing to act.   The Band-Aid Problem Let me just say it plainly: Covering up a church scandal with "just pray for him" or "let's not talk about it" is like slapping a Batman-themed Band-Aid on a bullet wound and sending the guy back into battle. He's going to bleed out. And so is the faith of everyone watching. We need real surgery, not stickers.   What Next? What Pastors and Leaders Need If you've been wounded by a scandal —If you're grieved by the hypocrisy —If you're tired of seeing Jesus' name dragged through the mud — You are not alone. Healing is possible. But it starts with exposing the real problem and walking through the hard, beautiful journey of restoration. Lord, help us. Heal Your Church. Give us courage to see clearly and love deeply.   Be Part of the Solution: Discover through a Free Training Join me for a free training:Heal the Church: Exposing the Hidden Roots of Sexual Scandal and the Path to Healing Let's stop putting Band-Aids on bullet holes.Let's start real healing. Sign up today: delightym.com/healthechurch Healing starts with discovery. Healing starts with understanding.Healing starts with you.   With love, Belah & Team PS - If you are ready to make a change in your marriage, to be free from sexual sin, to have accountability and community, we encourage you to make the call. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "My self worth was in the dumps. I was always looking for affirmation from my wife and she from me. Neither of us delivered - neither could deliver enough. I questioned my leadership positions at work and at church, just never feeling like I was the right guy to lead... [Now,] I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God."  

When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story It's a quiet kind of bravery that often goes unseen. The kind that walks through the door not to applause, but to shame—and chooses humility instead of hiding.  That's the kind of courage Patrick brought into this conversation. And today, I want to honor that bravery and invite you into a story that too few are willing to tell, but so many need to hear. How Addiction and Lust Took Root in Patrick's Life This is not just a testimony—it's a mirror for so many men. Maybe even you. Patrick didn't set out to become enslaved. No one does. It started with what seemed like innocent attention, where his lack of parental love likely was at the root. A college-aged ego boost. A swipe here. A message there. A few flirty words on a dating app. But what he didn't know was that the enemy had planted seeds. And what felt like harmless validation from unmet needs, eventually spiraled into addiction, and eventually betrayal. But God— Yes, this is a story of rock-bottom moments. It's a story of a man whose addiction, lust, and even prostitution came to light in the most painful and humiliating way.  But it's also a story of a God who meets us in our darkest, filthiest, most shameful pits—and brings us into the light. And you'll hear how it happened for Patrick. The Heartbreaking Wake-Up Call: What His Daughter Found The real wake-up call came when his wife found the proof. Actually—his daughter did. Yes. Patrick's 6-year-old daughter accidentally discovered the messages. Gut-wrenching. Embarrassing. Devastating.  That moment of exposure was the very thing that broke him enough to seek healing. Now, he calls it a “blessing”. The devil thrives in secrecy. He whispers, "Keep this hidden.” “It'll only hurt people if you share.” and “You can fix it yourself."  But Jesus says, "Bring it into the light. Tell safe people. Confess. I will heal you." Patrick did. And his life changed. Why Hiding Hurts—and Confession Heals But let's rewind for a second. Because this story didn't begin with healing. It began with desperation. After that discovery, Patrick didn't know where to turn. He thought he might lose his wife. And to be honest, she had every reason to walk away. But then, a friend—someone who had been through the program himself—spoke life. This friend had also been in the trenches and knew what it was like.  And he offered Patrick a lifeline: “It's not over. There is hope. You should look into Delight Your Marriage.” Patrick took a Clarity Call. It wasn't a sales pitch. It wasn't about convincing him to join a program. It was a discerning process to see if we could even help. And praise God, we could. The Hard Work of True Freedom: Identity, Humility, and Accountability That's when the real work began. You'll hear in this episode the specifics: how Patrick confronted the dual life he was living, how he wrestled with white-knuckling through sobriety, and how he came to reject the identity of "I'm just always going to be an addict." Because that's not how God sees us. Patrick realized something deep and transformational: When we stay tied to the identity of our past sin, we remain bound by it. But when we accept the truth that we are a new creation in Christ, the chains begin to fall off. That doesn't mean the road is easy. Not at all. Patrick will tell you: it was hard. It took humility. It took accountability. It took honesty. And it took work to discover what were the roots of the addiction.  But today, Patrick is walking in freedom. Freedom from shame. Freedom from the fear of being found out. And his marriage? On it's healing journey. Better than ever.  Not because everything's perfect, but because there is now a foundation of truth, transparency, and most importantly—Jesus. He prays with his wife now. He prays for her. He opens the Bible daily. He's leading his family spiritually. He's serving his wife—not as a passive man trying to survive, but as a man who is reclaiming his God-given masculinity. That's the kind of freedom God offers. Hope for Families: When Betrayal Breaks Your Heart So if you're a husband who's been hiding, hoping no one finds out, let this be your wake-up call. You are not alone. And more importantly, you are not without hope. Or maybe you're a wife who discovered your husband's secret. Maybe your heart is shattered, and you don't know how to put the pieces back together. Let this testimony be your whisper of hope. God is in the business of redemption. Patrick's wife is living proof. And if you're a pastor—or married to one—or you're in leadership and wrestling with the same chains, please don't think you're exempt. You're not. And that's okay. This is for you, too. Free Resources to Help You Heal: Training and Clarity Call That's why I want to invite you into a free training: delightym.com/healthechurch This training is specifically for those who want to understand how deep this issue runs in our churches—and what we can do about it. Whether you're battling lust yourself or you're trying to help others—this is your equipping. You can also take the next step like Patrick did and book a free Clarity Call: delightym.com/cc There is hope. There is healing. And it doesn't come from trying harder or hiding longer. It comes from surrendering and allowing God to rebuild you from the inside out. Patrick's story is not just his own. It's a glimpse of what God can do in any marriage, any man, any home. Let this episode remind you: when lust no longer rules, love begins to lead. Don't miss it. Listen now. And please, if this touches you—share it. You never know who's in the dark, needing to hear there's light. With love, Belah Resources: Free Training: Healing the Church from Sexual Sin delightym.com/healthechurch Free Clarity Call: Find out if one of our programs is right for you delightym.com/cc

Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer There is something so incredible about a story of redemption. And, dear reader, I believe this conversation will be a turning point for you, as it has been for so many in our community. I've walked alongside men and women wrestling with the deep pain of sexual brokenness- the battles they face in their marriage beds, their thought lives, their past, and the weight of shame. I've seen firsthand the power of God to restore what seemed utterly lost. And this conversation with Jay Stringer is an invitation to that very healing journey. Jay is a therapist, minister, researcher, and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. His compassionate, curious approach offers a fresh lens: that the very behaviors we hate are not random. They are clues. And they point us to healing. On this Good Friday, as we reflect on the sacrifice of Jesus, there is no better time to consider what it truly means to lay our shame at the foot of the cross. Let's dive in. The Cross and Your Story of Healing We all carry wounds. Some we're acutely aware of, and others we've buried so deeply that they show up in our actions long before we recognize them in our hearts. Jay opened our conversation by pointing us to the profound truth of the cross. Jesus knew exactly what you would do. Every mistake. Every moment of shame. And yet, He chose to take it all upon Himself. He bore your sin and your shame. This is not a journey of trying harder to be good enough. It's about understanding how deeply Jesus loves you, even in your lowest moments, and choosing to respond to His love with a courageous step toward healing. Unwanted Behaviors: They Are Not Random One of the most freeing truths Jay shared is this: our unwanted behaviors are not random. Through his extensive clinical work and groundbreaking research, Jay discovered that the specific ways we struggle are deeply connected to our stories of origin. Jay explained that in his role as the sex addiction therapist for the city of Seattle, he began to see patterns. Men arrested for soliciting sex were not making random choices. Their actions were connected to predictable stories of pain and trauma. Whether you grew up in a home of neglect, where your heart longed for connection and was left empty, or in a home of rigid control, where you felt powerless and unseen, these early experiences shape the way you cope and the behaviors you pursue as an adult. Your brain, your body, your desires are all responding to unhealed wounds. Understanding the Root: Family Systems and the Power of Priming Jay described two primary family systems that often set the stage for future struggles: The Disengaged Family System: Parents were physically or emotionally absent. Your longing for connection was never fulfilled. When you first experienced the neurochemical bond of pornography or sex, it felt like the deepest connection you had ever known. The Rigid, Authoritarian Family System: Parents were hyper-controlling, using performance or religion to shape you. You felt powerless and suffocated. Pornography, in contrast, offered a false sense of control and power over your environment. Both systems prime you for certain temptations. And recognizing this isn't about blaming parents or excusing behaviors. It's about gaining understanding. Because understanding is what allows us to grieve. And grieving opens the door to healing. As Jay says, “You can't just try to stop an unhealthy behavior. You have to understand why you were drawn to that behavior in the first place.” Shame Keeps You Stuck. Curiosity Sets You Free. As Christians, we know the seriousness of sin. But too often, we try to hate our way to holiness. We believe that if we punish ourselves enough, we'll finally change. But, the Apostle Paul tells us that it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Not our contempt. Not our loathing. Not our self-hatred. Jay encouraged us to replace self-contempt with curiosity. Ask yourself: Why am I drawn to this behavior? What is the pain underneath my actions? What does this reveal about my longing to be seen, known, and loved? When we approach our story with curiosity, we give God space to reveal the roots of our pain. The Shark of Shame: Swim Toward It Jay also shared a fascinating metaphor that I just love: Professional shark diver Andy Casagrande was once asked what to do if a great white shark is swimming toward you. His answer? Swim toward it. If you swim away, you act like prey. But if you move toward the shark, it confuses the predator, and it backs away. Shame operates the same way. When we run from it, it devours us. But when we confront it — facing it head on, sharing vulnerably in trusted community, seeking counseling, and naming our wounds — we rob shame of its power. Swim toward the shark of shame. Face it. Name it. And watch as it loses its grip on your life. Jesus Took Your Shame to the Cross This is where our faith becomes not just helpful, but essential. The world offers coping strategies, but Jesus offers complete redemption. He didn't just take your sin to the cross; He took your shame. Through His death and resurrection, we are invited into freedom. If you've ever felt like your past disqualifies you from God's love, let me remind you: Jesus knew your struggles when He went to the cross. He went anyway. He has already made a way for you to live in righteousness, peace, and freedom. This is the hope of Easter. The hope of the Gospel. From Crisis to Calling: Your Story Matters So often, the crises of our lives — the shame, the addictions, the brokenness — are actually invitations to transformation. Jay shared that in the absence of elders to guide us through rites of passage, our souls will create crises that force us to confront our identity and our wounds. Rather than run from the crisis, we can see it as a holy opportunity. Your struggle is not the end of your story. It's the beginning of a new chapter. When you engage your story with honesty and curiosity, you step into the redemption God has for you. You become part of His story of restoration — not just for you, but for others. Final Encouragement: There Is Hope for You Dear friend, this journey is not about perfection. It's about progress. It's about engaging your story with curiosity, leaning into the kindness of God, and walking the path of healing, step by step. Jesus took your sin. He took your shame. And He rose again to give you new life. This Easter, may you embrace the truth that resurrection is possible for you, too. You are deeply loved. You are seen. You are not alone. Happy Easter.   With love,   Belah & Team   PS - Check out Jay's book here: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing PPS - If you want to take the first step into freedom and healing your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call with us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “My husband and I lived parallel lives almost our entire marriage…The only thing he wanted from me in the relationship was sex. That was the last thing I wanted to give him because I was exhausted from trying to be the super mom and head of the household. This caused a rift in our relationship…After a separation in our own home we each began our own counseling…Both of our counselors questioned if a form of sex addiction might be part of the problem. I dove into trying to learn everything I could about sex addiction. I joined a 12 step group for spouses of sex addicts. That program is about avoiding unhealthy sexual behaviors. I didn't even know what healthy sexual behaviors were. After 4 years of marriage counseling and feeling stuck in a marriage that was barely hanging on, I discovered your program. I found hope for my marriage and began to see my husband in a different light”

If you have ever felt disconnected with your spouse- particularly in the area of communication- this episode is especially for you.  Steven and his wife, Tracy, walked through more than two decades of disconnection. Twenty-five years is a long time to feel lost in your marriage. To feel like no matter what you try, you just can't find your way back to each other. They loved God. They were raising six children together. They wanted their marriage to thrive. But somehow, they kept missing each other. Their communication felt off, and it wasn't just about words—it was about how every part of their life as a couple felt misaligned. Marriage Problems After 25 Years: Feeling Stuck and Disconnected Steven and Tracy did what many couples in their situation try to do. They sought help. They met with counselors and pastors. They heard wise advice. But for some reason, it just didn't seem to stick in their day-to-day lives. They felt like they were doing all the right things, yet their relationship still felt strained. The alignment they hoped for—spiritually, emotionally, practically—kept slipping through their fingers. It's hard to describe how wearying that becomes over time. You start to wonder if it will ever change, or if you're destined to just live alongside each other, rather than truly enjoy the beauty of partnership that marriage is meant to be. Signs of Hope: When One Spouse Begins to Change What began to open things up wasn't what Steven expected. He started to notice a softness in Tracy. A new warmth in her communication. She seemed more open, more willing to engage in conversations in a way that felt safe and inviting. And that tenderness in her sparked something in him. He realized, deep in his heart, that he wanted to experience that same kind of shift. He didn't want to keep circling the same frustrations. He wanted his heart to change too—not just so things would feel better, but because he longed to love her well. There's something so beautiful about that. Sometimes, it's the gentle transformation in one spouse that awakens the hope in the other. And that's exactly what happened for Steven. How Focusing on Personal Growth Can Transform Your Marriage What truly began to move the needle for Steven was recognizing where his focus had been all along. For many years, like so many of us, he had been looking at his wife's responses, her choices, her attitude. But when he started to reflect more deeply, he realized the bigger breakthrough would come from within himself. That shift—from focusing outward to focusing inward—was a game changer. Instead of waiting for Tracy to change, he opened his heart to the changes God wanted to do in him. He began to see how his own patterns of thought and communication were shaping their dynamic. And as he leaned into that growth, the atmosphere of their marriage began to change. Learning to Communicate Better in Marriage Steven described it as learning to dance. For years, he and Tracy were moving to different rhythms. Even when they had good intentions, they kept stepping on each other's toes. When you don't know the steps, no matter how much you love the other person, the dance feels clumsy. Missteps are frustrating and discouraging. But as Steven grew in understanding and grace, he began to move in rhythm with his wife. He learned how to lead with humility and gentleness. And as he did, Tracy responded. She became more willing to follow his lead—not because she was forced to, but because it felt safe and loving to do so. Their dance transformed from awkward steps to something fluid, connected, and beautiful. Why Humility Is Key to a Stronger Marriage What I find so deeply inspiring about Steven's journey is the way he embraced humility. He didn't cling to pride. He didn't stay stuck in frustration, demanding that his wife change first. Instead, he knelt before God—both literally and figuratively—and opened his heart to being transformed himself. That posture of surrender made space for God to work powerfully in his life and marriage. And it's a reminder for all of us: no matter how broken things feel, when we choose humility and invite God into our hearts and homes, He begins to weave a story of redemption that's more beautiful than we could have imagined. What a Healthy Marriage Looks Like After Healing Today, Steven and Tracy still face challenges, but what's different now is how they handle them. What used to take days, weeks, or even months to resolve now takes minutes—sometimes even seconds. They've learned to recognize when they're drifting out of alignment and come back quickly to unity and connection. Their marriage isn't just surviving anymore. It's thriving. There's joy. There's intimacy. There's a deep excitement about what God is continuing to do in their relationship. It's a miracle of grace, truly. There Is Hope for Your Marriage, Too Friend, if you find yourself where Steven once was—tired, discouraged, wondering if things will ever change—I want you to hear this clearly: there is a way forward. Take courage. Let hope rise in your heart. Open yourself to the possibility that the story isn't over—and that the next chapter could be more beautiful than you've imagined.   With love,   Belah & Team   PS - Want to know more about the current health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to discover your Marital Health score and receive further insight on next steps. PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: “Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue. She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me…Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us.”

How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman Men, have you ever wished someone had sat you down and given you the sex talk you really needed—not the awkward, surface-level version, but a conversation that spoke to your heart, your masculinity, and how all of that relates to your sexuality and how God designed you?  That's exactly what therapist and author Sam Jolman offers in his book The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality. I was deeply honored to have him on the Delight Your Marriage podcast for a conversation I believe every man and every wife needs to hear. Below are some highlights from our conversation—rich truths that stirred awe, healing, and even some tears. We hope you can listen in on the podcast and check out his newest book, available everywhere books are sold. What Does It Mean to Be a “Good Sexual Man”? Sam shared how the term “good sexual man” often sounds like an oxymoron in our culture. If someone says a man is “very sexual,” we usually don't take it as a compliment. But what if masculinity and sexuality are meant to be good—designed by God, filled with honor, love, and even awe? Sam invites men to recover their God-given sexual goodness, not by ignoring the brokenness, but by acknowledging it and moving through it—through experiences of shame, silence, even possible harm into healing, wholeness, and holiness. He said, “The issue isn't too much sexual desire—but too little heart.”  Your heart was meant to be connected to your sexuality, and it is something that many of the men he speaks with have trouble bringing into their sexuality. Masculinity Reclaimed: More Than Behavior Management Too often, conversations around male sexuality in the church revolve around “behavior management”—Am I behaving or not? Am I sinning or not? But Sam urges men to ask deeper, more hopeful questions: What kind of lover am I?Do I pursue my wife emotionally, not just physically?Have I honored the wounds in my story that made me vulnerable?Have I mistaken my brokenness as only sin, when it's also about being wounded? This is not about making excuses—it's about seeking healing and becoming the kind of man who loves deeply and well. Awe, Sensuality & the Glory of a Woman's Body This part of our conversation brought me to tears. Sam quotes author Mike Mason who described his wife's naked body as glory. And Scripture supports this—glory is what is veiled in the Bible, not hidden out of shame, but out of reverence. What if we, as wives, were seen like that? What if our husbands truly beheld us as the masterpiece of God—with awe, wonder, tenderness, and joy? It is what every wife is truly longing for.  And what Sam beautifully points out is—this isn't about trying to say something simply to please your wife. It's about opening your eyes to the beauty God has already placed in front of you, for your pleasure, for your joy, and for your worship. Jesus: The Model of the Sensual and Strong Man Jesus was the manliest of men. He endured the cross, the lashing, the pain, all without complaint. But He also wept over the death of His friend. He was moved with compassion.He made excellent wine for a wedding! And as Sam so beautifully brought up, he received tenderness from a woman washing His feet with tears and perfume. Jesus was both strong and sensual. He didn't run from beauty—He embraced it. And Sam encourages men to do the same. Sex as Play, Not Pressure One of my favorite parts of Sam's book is the idea of sex as play. (As you know, we LOVE playfulness at Delight Your Marriage!) In the story of Isaac and Rebekah, Scripture uses the word “play” to describe their intimate interaction. Not “duty.” Not “obligation.” Not even “intercourse.” Just play. How different would sex feel to wives if it was simply seen as an invitation to play? To connect? To enjoy one another—without pressure or performance? When sex becomes play, there's less fear and more room for freedom and creativity. It becomes mutually joyful and it draws both hearts closer. We also both acknowledged that if sex is the only area right now where you play as a couple, it may not come as naturally or even feel awkward. Make sure to build a culture of play outside of the bedroom- go on playful dates, have playful jokes throughout the day- so that you can bring it into the bedroom more naturally. A Message to Men Carrying Sexual Shame Sam shared that many men, in the privacy of his counseling office, have revealed deep sexual shame—some of it stemming from trauma, abuse, or early exposure to sexuality that felt confusing or violating. The enemy wants men to bury those wounds in silence. But healing comes through truth, and through Jesus, who already knows, already sees, and already loves you.  As Sam reminded us, your brokenness is not just your sin—it's also your wounding. And it was wounding.  If this is you, you're not alone. And you can heal. God makes all things new. Final Thoughts: Why Every Husband (and Wife) Should Read This Book Sam's book isn't just another marriage resource. It's an invitation to men to become whole, godly, good sexual beings—men who integrate their strength with their heart, their sensuality with their faith, and their desire with deep love and awe of glory. And wives—if your husband reads this book, I believe you'll feel more seen, more cherished, and more pursued than ever before.We hope this conversation leaves you feeling inspired to take in the beauty around you, stand in awe of God, experience the sensuality and sexuality that God gave you (that was purposefully designed, not a mistake!), and experience the fullness of God in your relationship with your spouse. You can get The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality wherever books are sold. (And there's currently a buy one, get one free on the website so go now!) samjolman.com Sam Jolman is a lover, father, therapist, and writer, generally in that order. His newest book, The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality, has already received rave reviews, including a review and foreword from author John Eldredge (Wild at Heart). Sam also writes regularly on Substack and offers live monthly discussions with subscribers on topics like Christian sexuality, masculinity, healing from shame, and more. With love,   Belah & Team PS - If you're interested in learning more about our Masculinity Reclaimed program, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/programs/ or schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc PPS - In case you missed it, we launched our social media channels last week! You can now get extra Delight Your Marriage content as you go about your week! Yeah, we're really happy about it too :) Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Youtube, and say hello!

The day has arrived! We are officially on social media! And we can't wait for you to see what we have for you! Follow Us & Subscribe on: Instagram, Facebook, & Youtube Now, on to the podcast! Marital Success is Your Spiritual Responsibility If you've been listening to the Delight Your Marriage podcast or reading these blogs for a while, you know I don't take marriage lightly. And if you're a follower of Jesus, I want to lovingly remind you: your marriage is a spiritual responsibility. This isn't just about your personal happiness or even your kids' well-being—though those matter deeply. No, the success of your marriage speaks volumes to everyone who knows you, especially those who know you're a Christian. Why Your Marriage Is Bigger Than You Think about it: if people know you follow Jesus, but your marriage falls apart, what does that say about the relevance of Jesus in your life? About the Bible? About the power of God? Yes, divorce is painful for the children—but it's also painful spiritually for everyone who witnesses it. We're supposed to be making disciples of all people, right? So when our marriage breaks down, we're tarnishing the very witness we're meant to live out. I say this from personal experience. My first marriage ended in divorce, and I carry that pain and regret. It wasn't a biblical divorce—I had to plead the blood of Jesus over it. But I've repented, I've been forgiven, and now I've made a decision: I will never again allow my marriage to dishonor the name of Jesus. I want the same for you. It's Time to Prioritize Marriage—for the Gospel If you're reading this, there's a good chance your faith is already strong. You want biblical answers, not pop psychology. Thank you. If I can help you have a great marriage, your work for the Kingdom becomes that much easier. But let's be real. Marriage is hard. It's easy to get selfish. It's easy to get frustrated with your spouse being a messy, imperfect human (just like we are!). But we can't stay in that space. We've got to pull ourselves out of our self-centeredness and serve. Husbands, Scripture calls you to die for your wife. Wives, we're called to submit to our husbands. I know—it's not easy. Believe me, I don't like that verse either. I've struggled with being a controlling wife. But control is rooted in fear. And fear means I'm not trusting God. When both spouses choose to obey God, not based on their spouse's actions but based on God's call—that's where transformation begins. We're not left wondering what marriage is supposed to be. God gave us His Word. It's the most printed, most transformative book in human history. You don't have to guess what it means to be a godly husband or wife—it's all there. Marriage: God's Tool for Healing Your spouse can hurt you the most—or they can be the very instrument God uses to heal you the most. I've lived both. And I want to be the kind of wife who makes my husband's meeting with Jesus even better because he was married to me. What if that was your motivation? That your love could heal your spouse. That your encouragement could empower them into God's purpose for their life. That your gentle presence could become their safe space in this tough world. That's the kind of love Jesus shows us—and the kind we're called to give. Love Your Spouse the Way They Receive Love This is one of our core teachings at DYM: love your spouse the way they receive love. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means not giving chocolate ice cream if they love vanilla. It means learning what makes them feel safe, respected, cherished. Husbands need to feel safe, known, and cherished. Wives need to feel respected, admired, and pursued in wholehearted sexual intimacy. (If you'd like to learn more, we break this down in our free framework at delightym.com/framework. It's an amazing starting point to grow in loving your spouse practically and biblically.) Growth Is the Goal Friend, you didn't find this blog because you're failing. You're here because you want to grow. And that's beautiful. That matters. Don't give up on the hard days when it feels like no one sees your effort. God does. He sees every unseen act of love, every sacrifice, every decision to forgive. We don't get to skip the suffering. Jesus didn't. Paul didn't. In fact, suffering is often God's tool for growth, purification, and transformation. But you don't have to do this alone. There's help. There's hope. And there is healing.   With love, Belah & Team   PS - If you want to learn more, we recommend you take our Marital Health Assessment. It is a free assessment that gives insight on your Marital Health and what we recommended as next steps based on your Marital Health score.   PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I love life and am dreaming again because God has bought healing to my marriage. It's like all the stop buttons that were pushed because I was out of alignment with God's will in my marriage have been pushed to Go/Green again... I feel more aligned, more focused, and things are moving again."

Hi friend, This one's pretty personal. After 10 years of podcasting, coaching, and quietly building Delight Your Marriage—without social media—we're finally stepping into a new chapter. (I'm still kind of holding my breath saying that.) In today's episode, I share the real behind-the-scenes story of: Why I stayed off social all these years (and it's deeper than just “not liking it”) The Gideon moment that confirmed my calling to do this in secret Publishing my book under a pseudonym—and the fears behind that decision How God still grew DYM to a team of 10, hundreds of clients, and millions of downloads And most importantly—why we're trying social media now. But! Before you go hunting down our Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube… wait just one more day. Tomorrow (Friday), we'll be sending you all the links (if you're on our email list -- if not go to delightyourmarriage.com) so you can follow, share, and help us get this message out to the world. For now—would you take a moment to listen to this episode? I poured my heart into it. With love and (slightly trembling?) excitement, Belah P.S. I won't be reading the comments (my team will!)—but if something resonates, share it with a friend. That's how this whole thing started in the first place. :)

Freedom from The Purity Culture Half Truths If you're anything like me, you grew up knowing that sex was something to be saved for marriage. Maybe you heard it in church, at youth group, from your parents, or maybe it was something just understood. You were told to “save yourself,” and by God's grace—you did. But now you're married. And... what gives? Why is this thing that's supposed to be beautiful, powerful, and God-designed... still clouded with guilt? Why does it feel so hard to enjoy? Why does it feel wrong? Friend, I get it. I was right there with you. Why Christian Wives Struggle With Sex After Marriage See, the problem is that many of us were given half-truths about sex. Yes, sex is meant for marriage. That's clear in Scripture (Matthew 19:5, Hebrews 13:4, and so many others). But what wasn't clear—what was never really taught—was what happens after the wedding. We weren't told that sex could be joyful, playful, passionate, and a gift. We weren't told that it was meant to be good for you, dear wife—not just your husband. We weren't told that God is the one who designed our bodies with tens of thousands of pleasure-sensitive nerve endings. That He's not shocked by desire. He created it. Instead, many of us internalized the message that sex is shameful, dirty, and something to be tolerated—maybe even resented. And so, we carried that shame right into our marriages. My Personal Journey From Sexual Shame to Intimacy I didn't grow up having “the talk.” There was no open, healthy conversation about sex or my body. What I had was silence, shame, and confusion. I stumbled onto pornography while innocently doing homework one day, and curiosity turned into a struggle I couldn't shake for many years. And even though I was a virgin on my wedding night, sex was not what I expected. It was painful—physically and emotionally. My husband and I didn't know how to understand each other. I assumed if he really loved God, he wouldn't have so many desires. I didn't understand that God made him that way—and me, too. But I didn't feel free to receive that truth. But God brought me on a journey of healing—of discovering what His Word really says. That sex in marriage is good. That it's for unity. That it's for mutual joy. That “May you ever be intoxicated with her love” (Proverbs 5:19) is not an embarrassing suggestion—it's God's idea. When Sex Feels Like a Chore Instead of a Gift Even with this new desire, I still didn't (and still don't!) have the same drive as my husband. And often, I would fall into that trap of “duty sex”. Yes, I know what that's like. I've done it. I've gone into intimacy just hoping to avoid conflict. But friend, that's not God's best. That's not what He dreamed up when He designed your body or your marriage. When I engage in intimacy from a place of love and trust, I come out of it refreshed, connected, grounded. Even if I wasn't “in the mood” at the beginning, choosing to lean in with the right heart often opens the door to real pleasure—real bonding. It's a spiritual gift. Are Your Sexual Boundaries From God—or Just Tradition? One thing that often hindered this connection and desire was the restrictions I put on my own self, but where had these even come from? They weren't from the Bible. Sometimes, the rules we put on ourselves aren't in the Bible—they're just tradition, fear, or misunderstanding.  I want to challenge you to ask: Is this boundary actually from God? Because Scripture gives us boundaries to keep sex holy—but it doesn't micromanage how you express love with your spouse. God is not offended by pleasure. He invented it. Let's stop walking past the “sunset” He painted for us in this area of our lives. Let's slow down, take a breath, and receive the beauty. How to Heal From Sexual Shame and Embrace Freedom Healing doesn't happen overnight. It's a step-by-step path out of shame and into joy. And yes, sometimes that means trying something a little new—changing up the lighting, experimenting with different types of touch, or even using intimacy accessories (yep, I said it!) to help bridge the gap between desire and delight. And no, not every time has to be earth-shattering. But what if some of the times were breathtaking? What if the oneness and the joy and the laughter and the satisfaction made you say, “Wow, thank you, God”? Because He deserves that praise. He made you for this. He wants this for you. Final Thoughts Sweet sister, I'm so proud of you. You've already taken a step by reading this far. Don't stop now! God made your body for beauty. He made your marriage for joy. And He made sex for you, too. With love,   Belah & Team   PS - If you want to check out the Pre-Marriage workbooks mentioned in today's episode, check out our Amazon page. All three are available now! PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "My faith has grown. I am praying more from my heart in conversation with God instead of sending him my "wishlist" of prayers. I am desiring to read my Bible daily and hear God's message for me and know his direction and leading in my life. I am more playful and fun! Playfulness not only brings me joy and makes me feel "lighter" but I've seen it affect my husband and kids as well. We are a more joy-filled family. Our growth in intimacy is a big celebration. I better understand the freedom God gives a husband and wife in sexual intimacy and so I feel free to be creative, spontaneous, fun, and confident with my husband."

Her Marriage Was "Dissolving", Now It's Saved & Growing: Kalee's Story Before she began the Delighted Wife program, Kalee was in a place of deep discouragement. She and her husband, Chris, had been married for eight years, built a beautiful family together, and yet, they felt utterly lost. Their marriage was dissolving, and hopelessness had settled in. She didn't see a way out. But God did. In His divine intervention, Chris was introduced to the program through a friend who had experienced transformation in his own marriage. Chris took a step of faith, signed up for the program, and invited Kalee to do the same. What she didn't realize was that the biggest transformation wouldn't just be in her marriage—it would be in herself. Finding Confidence, Finding Herself Kalee entered the program believing that her marriage was the only problem. But as she journeyed through the teachings, she came to see something deeper. She lacked confidence. She didn't understand her worth. She had been seeking validation in others, rather than allowing God to restore her from the inside out. Through the program, Kaylee began to see how deeply God loved her, how valuable she was, and how her identity wasn't defined by the struggles of the past. And as she changed, so did her marriage. A Marriage Restored Kalee and Chris both went through the program separately, which turned out to be a gift. After years of couples' therapy, they found that what this program allowed them to do was heal separately rather than working together.  Instead of coming at each other with blame, they were each able to focus on their own growth, healing, and the changes they personally needed to make. The result? A marriage that was once on the brink of destruction was now filled with trust, forgiveness, and connection. The barriers of past hurts were broken down, and they began to see each other through fresh eyes. Kalee describes it as the first time in years she didn't feel fear lingering in her mind about the future of their marriage. She and Chris were finally on solid ground, and for the first time in a long time, they had peace. A Ripple Effect of Joy in Her Home But this transformation didn't just stay between Kalee and Chris—it overflowed into their home. Their children, especially their oldest daughter, began to experience the difference. Their daughter, who had been cautious and unsure about marriage because of what she had witnessed in their home, was now talking about her own future as a wife and mother. In her playtime, she began to play “Mom” and “Wife”, something that Kalee had never seen before.Where once there was tension and uncertainty, now there was joy. She saw her parents in a new light—loving, affectionate, and truly connected. There is Hope for You Maybe you find yourself where Kalee once was. Maybe you feel hopeless, uncertain, and afraid that your marriage won't survive. But let me encourage you—God is still in the business of restoring marriages. He still brings beauty from ashes. He still makes all things new. If Kalee's story resonates with you, I invite you to take a step toward healing. Don't let fear or hopelessness hold you back. Your marriage can be transformed. Your home can be filled with peace and joy. It starts with taking that first step. God bless you on your journey.  He is able, and He is faithful.   Love,   Belah & Team   PS - If you're ready to take the step that Kalee made, schedule a free Clarity Call here. Not quite ready for that yet? Take our free online Marital Health Assessment to learn more about the current health of your marriage and next steps to take. PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "I feel so much more joyful. I have learned how to be playful and silly again…I am growing in my understanding of my value based on Christ's righteousness, not my own accomplishments. My eyes have been opened to many areas where I am Martha instead of Mary…I have so much more hope for the future…We are a more joy-filled family…there is HOPE and we are healing!”  

Getting out of your bed in the morning requires motivation. Doing your work requires motivation. Sacrificing for your spouse the way God asks us to, requires motivation.   You may be motivated by external forces like your boss, achieving certain bank account numbers, or a personal feeling of accomplishment. Those aren't necessarily bad. But if you're having trouble with motivation for the things that are most important in your life: God, marriage, kids... this episode is for you.    There are two encouragements Jesus gives us that can really help with your motivation to do what is most important:    1- The parable of the Three Servants (Matt 25: 14 - 28)   2- Come to me and I will give you rest -- the burden I give you is light (Matt 11: 28 - 30)   The parable talks of three servants entrusted with money while the master went on a long trip. One was entrusted with 5 bags of silver, another with 2 bags of silver and the last with 1 bag of silver. When the master returned, two of the three had "worked" and "invested" which doubled their silver. But the servant with just 1 bag didn't even try. He was in self-pity, covetousness and fear. The master called him wicked and lazy.    May we not fall into the trap of  a - Self-pity: aka pride, because we SHOULD have a better circumstance. God SHOULD have given us better.  b - Covetousness: looking at someone else's perceived lot in life and crave it c - Fear: Our perspective of God is harsh and unfair so we are paralyzed to try.    Instead, let us look forward to hearing our master's praise. Let us be motivated by the anticipation of seeing God on that day say "well done!" and lavish praise on us for doing what He has asked us to do with what He has entrusted to us.   If this feels like such a heavy weight right now, I want you to be encouraged by the second portion of scripture where Jesus invites us to come to Him with our burdens. And learn from Him. And gain insight on what He ACTUALLY is asking of us. Not to carry the whole world -- but to gain insight into what His burden for us to carry actually is -- which Jesus says "is light".    Come to Him with your burden.    Don't let the enemy tempt you with self-pity, coveting, or fear. Instead, come to Jesus and gain His strength so you can hear "Well done! Good. Faithful. Servant".   In the episode, I give practical outworkings of all of this and I hope it's an episode that will give you a pep in your step and a zing of motivation to do what God is asking of you in your relationship with Him, in your relationship with your spouse and those entrusted to your care.    Love and Blessings, Belah

Do you hate making mistakes? If you're anything like me, you probably hold yourself to really high standards.  If you're a Jesus follower, you're actually called to be perfect as He is perfect. But because you're not Jesus, you will fail.  So, what happens when you mess up?  Do you feel like a failure, try to run away, numb the pain, isolate, ignore, do some negative/sinful addiction (porn/drinking/eating...) just to stop feeling the terrible failure-feelings? The problem is, even though we know we're saved by His sacrifice, we often still struggle with shame and guilt for our mistakes.  But here's the truth: understanding mistakes the right way can change how we view them, how we can grow from them and how they make us feel when they inevitably will happen. Mistakes generally fall into three categories: Mistake: Rebellion– When mistakes become a pattern of intentional sin consistently. This requires a lot of focus and all the advice given in #2, below.   Mistake: Sin – When we go against God's Word, we need to humbly own, repent and turn back to Him. AND from that, we get to be washed by His amazing sacrifice.  There may need to be actions taken to repair the situation of others involved or you need to find healing for yourself so these sins won't happen again.  But because of Jesus, the actual guilt has now been paid for by the only one who can pay for sin -- someone sinless -- Jesus.   So you no longer need to take the punishment of the shame/guilty feelings anymore.  Action does need to happen to rectify the situation, and let any negative feelings motivate you to put the structure, healing process, boundaries, people, community, in place to walk in freedom and righteousness.  Mistake: Wisdom – These are simply errors in judgment, strategy or approach. It's essentially making a mistake in walking out wisdom. A lot of times we know better and we can't seem to get ourselves to do the wise thing every time.  It's not an outright sin, as clarified Biblically. It just was kinda dumb (yeah, I know the feeling well.) Or you realized later how you made someone else feel and realized you did the wrong thing. Or maybe you didn't so something as perfectly as you expect of yourself and you feel ashamed. Even though maybe it wasn't capital S, "Sin", it can make you feel just as failure-like as if you DID something horrible. As if you ARE something horrible. The sad part is, sometimes that failure-feeling can make us want to run so bad that we metaphorically run and actually do something horrible (an real Sin: porn, addiction, rage... fill-in-the-blank SIN).  But what if we didn't HAVE TO strive to achieve in perfection?    What if we didn't HAVE TO strive to meet our incredibly high (non-sin) standards OR feel like a failure?   And our Sin standards don't change.  The solution?    Well, my solution is this... instead of feeling like a failure, aim to be 80% on point in the Wisdom Category.    That way, you'll stay motivated and keep improving in living out wisdom without getting stuck in discouragement/feeling-like-a-failure.    You'll get A LOT farther this way in every area of life than you would being "perfect" for a while then super discouraged (maybe even dropping into some Sin) and on and on the cycle goes.  And sadly... often people just get so tired and give up and accept hopelessness.    Here's the plan regarding mistakes:   Keep high standards on righteousness issues, try hard to meet them---lean on Jesus for His perfection and sacrifice when we Sin. Have high standards on Wisdom things, but when we make mistakes be really happy if we aren't making that mistake 80% of the time. When you handle mistakes in the right way, they actually help you move forward instead of holding you back. I dive deeper into this in today's episode, and I think you'll find it really encouraging—because if you're anything like me, you've made plenty of mistakes.  And the good news? God has so much hope for you, and every single mistake has value.

Here at Delight Your Marriage, we've seen so many marriages transformed by God's grace—couples who never thought they could feel close again, now thriving in ways they never imagined.  But here's the thing… what if we could help the next generation BEFORE they get married? What if they had the tools and the wisdom now, so they don't have to struggle the way so many of us did? Setting the Example of a Beautiful Marriage Before we can guide the next generation, we need to make sure our own marriages are solid. Let's be real—kids don't just listen to what we say, they watch what we do. If they see love, respect, and joy in our marriages, they'll want that for themselves. But if they see stress, distance, and unhappiness, they're going to wonder if marriage is even worth it. So, if your marriage needs some healing, that's the best place to start. Don't wait. Your marriage is your greatest testimony to your kids. The World Is Confusing—We Need to Speak Up First The world is LOUD when it comes to relationships, identity, and marriage. If we're not having these conversations with our kids early and often, they're going to learn from someone else… and that's usually not going to be a source of truth. Here are a few key things we need to be talking about: 1. Helping Them Know Their Identity in Christ We live in a world that tells kids they need to “find themselves” by looking inward. But that leads to so much confusion! They need to know—without a doubt—that God made them exactly as they are, on purpose. We have to be proactive in these conversations, helping them stand firm in their identity before the world really tries to confuse them. 2. What Marriage Is REALLY About Marriage isn't just about being happy—it's about fulfilling God's purpose for your life together. So many people go into marriage with unrealistic expectations and get hurt because they didn't know what to look for in a spouse. Let's help our kids understand the beauty and purpose of marriage before they start dating, so they can make wise choices! 3. Setting Healthy Boundaries in Dating Our kids are bombarded with messages that say, “Do whatever feels good,” but that's not wisdom! We need to help them understand that sex is a GIFT—but it's meant for marriage. That doesn't just mean telling them, “Don't do this, don't do that.” It means giving them the tools and the why behind making those choices. When they understand the wisdom behind God's design, it makes it so much easier to live it out. Practical Help for Young Adults Navigating Dating One of the hardest things for young people is knowing how to date wisely. That's why we created our Pre-Dating Workbook and Video Course! It's packed with a clear vision for a God-honoring life and marriage, the four stages of pursuing a spouse (and the mistakes to avoid!), practical skills for meeting and discerning a future spouse, guidance on setting healthy emotional and physical boundaries, and more. If you have a son, daughter, niece, nephew, or someone in your life who is dating or thinking about it soon, this resource is for them! Check it out at delightyourmarriage.com/dating Providing Joy and Wisdom in Your Own Home The key to influencing the next generation is NOT about forcing rules on them—it's about showing them something better. Jesus attracted people to Him because He was full of joy and truth. That's how we need to be! If we want our kids to listen to us, we need to be a source of joy, truth, wisdom, and peace in their lives. Equipping the Next Generation for Stronger Marriages We can't sit back and hope our kids figure it out on their own. They need us to guide them, to give them resources, and to speak truth in love. If you feel a stirring in your heart, take action. Strengthen your own marriage as a testimony to them, start having open, honest conversations about love, identity, and marriage, equip them with practical tools like our Pre-Dating Workbook and Course. Let's raise up a generation that is confident in who they are, wise in how they date, and strong in their marriages. And most of all—let's be praying for our kids. This is a battle, but God is greater. Thank you for being part of this. We're in it together!   Love,   Belah & Team  

I recently had the incredible opportunity to be a guest on Gary Thomas' podcast. If you've been around Delight Your Marriage for a while, you know what a dear friend Gary has been to this ministry. Not only is he a best-selling author and speaker, but he's also been so generous in inviting us to share on his platform in the past. And this time? I got to be part of a panel alongside two truly amazing women: Juli Slattery—President and Co-Founder of Authentic Intimacy and author of several life-changing books, including God, Sex, & Your Marriage and Rethinking Sexuality. Debra Fileta—Creator of the #1 faith-based relationship advice blog TrueLoveDates.com and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life and Married Sex: A Christian Couple's Guide to Reimagining Your Love (among many others). We came together for a powerful discussion about helping wives awaken to intimate pleasure—such an essential and often overlooked topic. The wisdom and insights from these women were just incredible, and I cannot wait for you to hear this conversation. Here were some key takeaways from our panel discussion: The Challenge of Awakening Sexual Fulfillment For so many women, the journey toward enjoying sex in marriage isn't a simple switch—it's a process. If you've spent years saying "no"—whether because of purity culture, past wounds, or just never learning that sex is a gift—it makes sense that "yes" doesn't come easily. And you are not alone in this! How Husbands Can Help Their Wives Awaken to Pleasure Men, you've likely never been discipled in how to help your wife step into her own sexual enjoyment. Many husbands enter marriage assuming their wife will naturally embrace sex, but the reality is, she may feel lost, hesitant, or even afraid. This is where your role as her safe place matters deeply. Here are some questions that Debra suggested as conversation starters on sex: What's something you're looking forward to in our sex life? What's something that makes you nervous or unsure? What beliefs about sex do you want to hold onto, and what do you want to let go of? Overcoming the Weight of Purity Culture Many women who "did everything right" and waited for marriage still find themselves struggling. Why? Because purity culture often framed sex as something to avoid, not as a gift to embrace. As Juli Slattery puts it, "Just because I waited, doesn't mean I know how to start." That's the truth. And if this is you, grace upon grace, my friend. Sexual wholeness isn't about following a list of dos and don'ts. It's about stepping into the fullness of what God has given and allowing Him to reframe any distorted views we carry. The Power of Emotional & Spiritual Connection Debra Fileta says, "What you do above the sheets paves the way for what happens under the sheets." I could not agree more. Emotional and spiritual safety fuels physical intimacy. Husbands, if your wife doesn't feel safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished, her body won't naturally respond to you with desire. So, before you think about sex, think about: Playfulness in everyday life (it builds intimacy!) How you affirm and admire her body How well she feels known and cherished by you It's Not About You, It's About Her A massive shift for many husbands is realizing that sex in marriage isn't just about "getting my needs met." If your wife doesn't feel safe, it's no wonder intimacy feels like a duty rather than a desire. You have an opportunity to disciple your heart in a new way. Instead of seeing your wife as the "acceptable outlet" for your sexual needs, ask: "How can I be the safest place for her to enjoy intimacy?" When she feels safe, she will want to engage. Not out of obligation, but because she feels free to. How to Move Toward More Desire in Marriage Wives, rather than wondering and praying, "Why am I broken?" for not wanting intimacy, instead ask, "How can I cultivate a desire for intimacy?" Some ideas: Non-sexual sensual touch with no pressure Playfulness in your daily life (This is huge!) Embracing a "turning a dial" rather than "flipping a switch" approach to intimacy    Addressing Past Trauma & Emotional Wounds Even in strong marriages, past sexual trauma or unhealthy conditioning can affect intimacy. And let's be real: just having a great marriage doesn't mean sex will be effortless. For some, the body's response to past wounds will still show up. That's okay. It's part of the journey. Healing takes time, patience, and sometimes outside help. If this is part of your story, give yourself permission to process what's needed. The Role of Faith & Hope in Sexual Fulfillment God is a God of hope. If your marriage has felt disconnected, there is hope. If you've never truly enjoyed sexual pleasure, there is hope. Your story isn't over. Pursue wholeness—emotionally, spiritually, and physically—and trust that intimacy can be more fulfilling than you ever imagined. Final Thoughts Husbands: Emotional and spiritual intimacy first, pleasure follows. Wives: You are not broken. Your pleasure matters. Both: Intimacy is a journey, not a destination. Keep taking steps, and trust that God is working in it all. Friend, you are not alone. Your marriage can grow, your desire can awaken, and your intimacy can thrive. Keep leaning in, keep growing, and keep trusting that God has more for you than you even realize. Be blessed! Love,   Belah & Team  

At Delight Your Marriage, we have the incredible privilege of witnessing God's transformative power in marriages every day. Today, we are beyond honored to share Amy's story—a testimony of healing, restoration, and redemption. How a Podcast Sparked a Transformation in Amy's Marriage Amy first discovered our ministry through the podcast, and in one particular episode, she felt deeply convicted about her role as a wife from a biblical principles perspective. As she listened, one question struck her to the core: “When we stand before Jesus, will we be able to say that we loved our husbands well, or will we have a list of excuses?” That moment of conviction was a pivotal turning point and led Amy to take a hard look at the patterns in her marriage. Breaking the Cycle of Hurt and Rejection Amy realized her marriage was trapped in an exhausting cycle of hurt and rejection. When her husband expressed frustration or hurt, she would respond by shutting down and shutting him out—including the area of physical intimacy. This rejection only deepened his pain, which in turn caused more outbursts, pushing them further apart.  Round and round they went.  Amy knew something had to change. Seeking Help: A Life-Changing Clarity Call That's when she reached out and scheduled a Clarity Call, where she was introduced to the heart of our coaching approach. Through the program, she came to a powerful realization: she had been so focused on her pain that she hadn't stopped to consider what loving him well actually looked like. She learned that, regardless of her husband's actions, she was responsible for her own mindset and behaviors. This mindset shift was the beginning of a profound transformation. Embracing Gratitude Practice, Letting Her Husband Lead, and Aligning Family Dynamics Her first big shift? Gratitude.  Instead of seeing her husband's contributions—like fixing things around the house or maintaining their cars—as expectations, she began to recognize them as gifts. This simple but profound change softened her heart. She also felt convicted about how she had unknowingly taken control of their marriage and family decisions. Deep down, she wanted him to lead, but she had been the one steering the ship. So, she changed course. Through personal growth, she learned to step back and allow him to take his God-given role as the leader in their home. And little by little, things changed. The Power of Forgiveness and Apology As Amy continued to grow, she felt convicted about her past actions. She humbled herself and apologized to her husband for ways she had contributed to their struggles. This act of forgiveness and vulnerability created space for genuine healing. Over time, she witnessed a shift—not just in herself, but in her husband and their marriage as a whole. The relationship healing was undeniable. We were so moved by what she shared with us: “The Lord specializes in restoration and redeeming what is broken and lost.” A Testament to God's Restoration and Redemption Today, Amy's marriage looks entirely different. The patterns of hurt and rejection have been replaced by love, intimacy, and a renewed sense of partnership. Praise God! God is absolutely still in the business of restoration and redemption, and we are so honored to witness His work in marriages like Amy's. Let her story be a reminder that God redeems, he restores, and He can change things. Be blessed! Love,   Belah & Team

I have been a long time fan of Nathan Rittenhouse and his work at Thinking Out Loud Together and today, I had the incredible privilege of sitting down with Nathan Rittenhouse for our podcast! Nathan is a speaker, apologist, and co-founder of Thinking Out Loud Together. Our conversation today was filled with rich insights about intimacy, humility, integrity, and the way marriage fits into God's grand design. I truly can't wait for you to hear it! There's so much to unpack, but here are some of the biggest takeaways from our conversation: The Bigger Purpose of Marriage: Building a Legacy That Lasts Nathan shared how his perspective on marriage has been deeply shaped by the generations of faithful, steady relationships in his family. He reminded us that marriage isn't just about two people—it impacts generations. "What will my descendants 200 years from now say about the type of life I lived?" he asked. This long-term vision is something I would encourage every reader and listener to think about. We often get so caught up in the day-to-day struggles of marriage, but when we zoom out, we see that every choice we make—every act of love, every moment of kindness, every decision to honor our spouse—ripples out for generations. What an incredible reason to be intentional about how we love, respect, and serve in our marriages! Intimacy as Worship: God's Design for Physical and Emotional Connection One of the most powerful themes we explored was how intimacy—yes, physical intimacy—can actually be an act of worship. Nathan pointed out that God designed the physical world—including our bodies—as good.  And when we engage in intimacy within God's design, it's not just a physical act—it's a deeply spiritual one. It's an opportunity to delight in God's creation, to experience His love, and to reflect His heart. Instead of something to be endured or achieved, it becomes something to celebrate—a way to glorify the Lord. Sexuality & Integrity: Practicing Spiritual Discipline in Private Nathan emphasized that our true selves are revealed in private moments.  He highlighted Jesus' words in Matthew 6, where He speaks about the Father rewarding what is done in secret. And that's so important when it comes to things like purity, faithfulness, and battling temptations like pornography. True integrity means being the same person in private that we present in public. Or as Nathan said, “Preach what you practice”, not just practice what you preach, but actually live with such integrity that your life naturally becomes the message. The Power of Male Friendships: Emotional Support & Community for Men Nathan and I also talked about something that's so often overlooked: the power of godly male friendships. He pointed out that a lot of men struggling in their marriages—whether it's loneliness, unmet expectations, or just feeling stuck—often lack deep, strong friendships with other men. And part of the problem is that our culture has sexualized everything- including strong, male friendships- making it difficult for men to form those healthy, meaningful bonds. But here's the thing: God designed men to need other men in their lives. Just like women thrive when they have strong female friendships, men need brothers—not just surface-level friendships, but real, deep, iron-sharpening-iron relationships. Christian Hope in Marriage: Finding Strength in God's Design We also discussed that unity in marriage is a byproduct of a shared focus on Christ. Unity in marriage isn't found by fixing our eyes on each other—it's found by fixing our eyes on Christ. When we try to make our spouse the center of our world, things get out of balance. But when we prioritize our relationship with God, everything else—including our marriages—falls into its rightful place.  Encouragement for Those Struggling: Finding Strength in God's Love And finally, for those feeling discouraged—whether it's low intimacy, unmet expectations, or loneliness—Nathan left us with this powerful reminder: Our ultimate satisfaction must be in Christ. Marriage is a gift. But it was never meant to replace our deepest need—to be fulfilled in God's love. If you're struggling right now, know this: God sees you. He loves you. And He is the one who fills the deepest places of your heart. Thank you again, Nathan, for this incredible conversation, for your joy in the Lord, and the deep, valuable insights you've shared with us! This conversation was truly such a gift. And to you, dear listener and dear reader- may this conversation bless you, inspire you, and remind you of how deeply the Lord loves you. Blessings,   Belah & Team PS - Want to hear more from Nathan? Check out his podcast, Together Out Loud  https://toltogether.com/podcast, and the Thinking Out Loud Together website for more. https://toltogether.com/ PPS - If the idea of a family with no drama seems like a far off dream, or the thought of your private life being revealed in public brings thoughts of shame and hopelessness, we want you to know… there is hope. Give us a call: delightym.com/cc PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways… I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage. Building it is now a journey and no longer an intense, overwhelming mission impossible.”

This episode is a Re-Release, formerly titled: If You Only Knew His Love We hope it blesses you now as it blessed you then! ---------------------------------------------------------------- When I look back on my life—when I see what is currently unseen—when I see Jesus face to face—when all has been revealed… I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me. God's Care for Every Living Thing The Bible says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them." (Matthew 6:26) Yesterday, I was at the park, watching birds flitting around, this way and that. And yet, the God of the universe cares for them. So much so, He FEEDS the birds! If He cares so deeply for the birds, how much more does He care for you and me? God Is Intimately Involved in Your Life He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is providing far more than you may realize. And He is intimately aware of your life and what you're going through. In both the joys and the suffering of life, God remains good. There is so much we cannot see, and yet He is in control.  Even in suffering, His purposes are higher than ours, and His plans are always good. He allows suffering for His reasons, only He can see. Trusting God Through Pain and Suffering Suffering is hard. It hurts. Deeply. But when we trust that every good gift in our lives comes from Him, it changes how we endure the hard times. Instead of despair, we can face suffering with peace, joy, and contentment. This shift allows us to fulfill at least part of the purpose God has for our pain. God Cares About Your Pain Make no mistake—God sees your suffering. He knows your struggles, whether they are rejection, loneliness, or unmet needs in your closest relationships. God cares about the pain in your marriage. He cares about the lack of intimacy, warmth, or connection. He sees the ache in your soul. And He cares. His Goodness Never Fails Even in the hardest moments, God is good. He loves you so much that He's willing to risk you turning away from Him because He has a bigger plan for your life. As Isaiah 55:9 reminds us, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” We don't have to understand His reasons. But we are called to trust His goodness. Every Good Gift Is From God If God feeds the birds, how much more is He doing for us every day?  He makes each breath happen and every movement possible. Every smile from your child, every sunset you see, every heartbeat you experience—these are His gifts.  He knit you together in your mother's womb, and He continues to sustain you every moment of every day. He is still designing, directing, and causing all these things to go well for us. When we take the time to notice, we see His hand in everything good. Even in suffering, when something breaks, it reminds us of all the days He allowed it to thrive. Soak in the Truth of His Love If we truly understood His love, if we only soaked in the truth of His love, we would trust Him more easily, even in the midst of pain. If we only knew His love… If we only knew His love… If we only knew His love… May you know the love of Christ today.  And may I know it, too. Love,   Belah & Team PS - If you would like help with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our advisor. This call allows us to help you evaluate where you are in your marriage, and whether or not we are a good fit for you. Click here to schedule a free call: delightym.com/cc

We are so honored to share Dasha's incredible transformation story with you today! If you're looking for hope for your own relationship, Dasha's journey might be just what you need to hear today. Dasha's Marriage Story Dasha came into her second marriage with a guarded heart, carrying pain from her previous relationship. It wasn't easy; the beginning of this new chapter was rocky. She felt disconnected and had no desire for her husband. At one point, she even told him he could leave if he was unhappy. Her Husband's Transformation But instead of walking away, her husband chose a different path. He joined Masculinity Reclaimed, Delight Your Marriage's program for men, designed to inspire personal growth and transformation. Through this program, he was able to learn the differences between men and women and how to fully love his wife in a way that she would receive love. He began implementing what he had learned in his marriage and Dasha began noticing the changes in their home and in their marriage. At first, Dasha was skeptical. She had seen temporary changes before, and they'd tried other methods, like counseling. But as Dasha put it, those methods “revealed” problems—they didn't heal them. This time, something was different. The changes in her husband weren't just surface-level; they were real, lasting, and kept getting better. For the first time, Dasha began to feel emotionally safe. The walls she had built around her heart started to come down. She felt connected, relaxed, and fully free to be herself with her husband. When she realized these changes weren't going away, Dasha decided to take her own step of faith and bravery. She joined the Delighted Wife program to do her part in their journey. Dasha's Marriage Transformation Through the program, Dasha found the healing she had been longing for. By embracing gratitude, forgiveness, and the biblical principles we teach, she experienced transformation—not just in her marriage but in her own heart. She connected with other women who are on the same journey as her and now has a support system that is cheering her on and encouraging her. She learned how to open up her heart, though she was afraid it might bring hurt, she found that it brought healing. Today, she describes her marriage as not just connected, but fun! And the sweetest part? Her son gets a front-row seat to a joyful, loving, and laughter-filled home. A Marriage (and Home) Full of Fun We are so proud of Dasha for her courage, vulnerability, and willingness to embrace the process. Her story is a beautiful reminder that no matter how your marriage starts, you can change where it's going. It is possible to have a marriage that's stress-free, emotionally safe, deeply connected, and full of fun. We're rooting for you and cheering you on every step of the way! With love, Belah & Team PS - If you are looking for this type of change in your marriage, we invite you to make a Clarity Call and learn more about the programs we have for men and women: delightym.com/cc PPS - Here is a testimonial from (another) recent graduate of the Delighted Wife program: “My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation. There was anger, yelling, and volatile behavior. We were not even sleeping in the same bed or the same room... Through the program, I realized how much healing needed to take place in my own heart. I've learned to see my husband through God's eyes and to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses. The forgiveness [module] helped me release past hurts, and I now truly feel loved.”

Trust is an essential part of the foundation in your marriage, but what happens when that foundation cracks—or even shatters?  Maybe you've been hurt by the person you thought would always protect your heart. Perhaps betrayal, harsh words, or neglect have left you questioning everything. Can trust ever be rebuilt? Should you even try? If you've found yourself asking these questions, you're not alone. Broken trust can feel overwhelming, leaving you guarded, uncertain, and even hopeless.  But this doesn't have to be the end of your story. There is hope for healing, even in the deepest wounds. Wives, we know that you have every reason to not trust your husband again: You might get hurt again. Even if your husband is making changes, doubts linger. What if he goes back to his old ways? What if he's only changing to get something from me? Emotional wounds take time to heal. Maybe arguments, harsh words, or emotional distance have left you wondering: If I trust him again, will the hurt just continue? [Dear wife, please know this is in reference to emotional hurt. If physical abuse is part of your story, your safety must come first. God's heart breaks for your pain, and He wants you to be safe. Please seek help from trusted organizations or individuals who can support you. He has been Untrustworthy in the Past Maybe your husband has broken your trust—whether it's with finances, responsibilities, or even his faithfulness. Perhaps he's been judgmental, leaving you feeling small and unseen. Or maybe his words have torn you down so often that you've built a wall to protect your heart. Your feelings are valid. The wounds are real, and they cut deep. But alongside these fears, could it also be worth asking: Are there unmet needs—on both sides—that are contributing to the pain? Here is what we want to make sure all of our readers know: Wives & Husbands need different things to thrive in a marriage. Wives need to feel safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished.  This isn't just about physical safety; it's emotional too. You need to feel that your thoughts, feelings, and dreams can be shared without fear of criticism or rejection. When this safety is missing, it's hard to open your heart. Husbands need respect, admiration, and whole-hearted sexual intimacy. Many husbands feel deeply loved when they are respected and admired. If emotional safety hasn't been on your husband's radar, it's possible he didn't fully understand how much you needed it. Husbands, if you didn't know- now you do. Use this information well and for the strengthening of your marriage and your relationship with your wife. Now that we've covered the reasons why you shouldn't trust your husbands and the different needs wives and husbands have, let's talk about the reasons why you absolutely should trust your husband and exactly how to do so. Wives, here are the reasons to trust your husband and how to do it: Forgive. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'” (Matthew 18:21-22) “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15) Forgiveness is not easy, but it's a choice that honors God and opens the door for transformation. Your Husband Cannot Thrive in a Home Filled with Unforgiveness When bitterness fills a home, it's hard for anyone to grow. No one can thrive in a home filled with distrust or condemnation- including your husband. If you want your marriage, your husband, and you to thrive, there must be forgiveness and there must be trust. Forgiveness and Trust Allows Room for Change The changes you long to see will not happen in a home filled with unforgiveness. Offering forgiveness allows him the room to step into the man God is calling him to be. What motivation does he currently have to lead if every attempt to do so is met with distrust? Forgive him. Trust him. And give him that room to grow into who God is calling him to be. By the grace of God, we have seen marriages transform in our program. We have seen wives forgive, give their husbands grace, and husbands in turn rise up and begin to lead and begin to love their wives well again- even better than when they were dating! We have seen it time and again. We know that it's possible and we believe that it is possible for you too. Forgive as Christ forgave you. We love you and we are rooting for you! God bless you! Love, Belah & Team   PS - If you want to start making this change in your marriage but don't know how, we would love to chat with you: delightym.com/cc   PPS - Here is a testimonial from a recent graduate: "Before DYM there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs, and these were replayed constantly in my head even though one of them occurred 25 years ago. I did not trust him and had not forgiven him… After going through the program, the stress is gone, and replaying the affairs in my head is pretty much gone… We are both so much happier in our marriage! I have also started back on my spiritual journey with God that I have been away from for many years."​

How do you plan to step into this year with confidence and faith? The new year often brings a whirlwind of resolutions and lofty goals. Perhaps you've felt that familiar pull—“I'm going to do more of this,” “I'll cut back on that,” or “This year, I'll completely turn things around.” But maybe that's not where you are right now. Maybe, instead of a burst of motivation, you feel unmotivated, stuck, or unsure. What if what you're missing isn't motivation, but faith? Faith that God is with you. Faith that He has a plan. Faith that, in Him, you can walk with a new sense of purpose. Faith is confidence. And if you feel like you're lacking confidence, let this be an invitation to lean into Him. Here are a few ways to grow in confidence this year—because as your confidence in God grows, so does your faith.   1. Make Time for Intentional Moments with the Lord Husbands, as spiritual leaders of your home, you're called to guide—not perfectly, but faithfully. Start small. Read a Bible verse to your children before bed, or take a moment to pray with your family. When you open your Bible, ask God to speak to your heart: “Lord, what do You want me to learn? Reveal Yourself to me.” These simple steps will deepen your relationship with God, building faith and intimacy with Him.   2. Embrace Risks with Courage Wives, stepping into the unknown—whether in your marriage or personal growth—can feel daunting. But just as thrill-seekers find exhilaration in challenges like skydiving or bungee jumping, there's a unique joy in stepping out in faith, even in intimate parts of your marriage. Confidence begins with trust—both in God and in the one He's placed by your side.   3. Be Useful for God's Kingdom In Revelation 3, we're reminded that God desires us to be useful—not lukewarm. Whether it's the hot water for cleansing or cold water for refreshing, each has purpose. Empty nesters, your wisdom and experience are invaluable. There's a generation that needs your guidance and your prayers. Step boldly into the role God has for you.   4. Trust in His Faithfulness No matter what you face, trust that God is working for your good. His love is steadfast, His discipline is kind, and His plans are perfect. Even in moments of waiting or trial, you can have confidence that He will see you through.     5. Look to Biblical Role Models Scripture is filled with examples of faith under pressure. Think of Mordecai's courage, Esther's boldness, Peter's willingness to step out onto the waves, and Paul's unwavering hope even in chains. Their lives remind us that faith often requires action—and that God uses those who trust Him to do extraordinary things.   This year, don't wait for the perfect moment to begin. Take a step, even a small one, toward the place you feel God is calling you. A moving ship is easier to steer than one that's standing still. We're here for you, cheering you on and praying for God to fill you with confidence—confidence that will not only transform your life but ripple out to bless your family, your community, and the Kingdom. God delights in you. Let this truth guide you as you step boldly into what He has prepared for you this year. God bless you!   Love,    Belah & Team   PS - If you want to grow in discipleship and transform your relationship with God (and in turn your marriage), we would love to chat with you: delightym.com/cc PPS - Here is a testimonial from a recent graduate: "I have grown in my time with God, my intense desire to understand the Word and trust God.  I have also grown in my openness and vulnerability with my wife, I was honestly intimidated by having open conversations with her about how I felt."

How do you step into a new year with purpose? Life can feel like a constant rush, can't it? Maybe you're juggling tasks right now, trying to get it all done before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st.  But as we prepare to turn the page on this year, what if we paused?  What if we took a moment to breathe deeply, to reflect, and to realign with what truly matters? Believe it or not, you have done a lot of good this past year. Yes, there may be places where you have slipped up or there were hard lessons to learn, but look at the good. And look at the good God has done in you. God loves you. He really loves you. He delights in you! Take a moment to really let that sink in. God delights in you. As we step into the new year, I invite you to hold on to that truth. So, how can you make the new year something that will honor Him and help you grow? Here are 10 things we suggest: 1. Continue to take time to reflect on this past year Where did you see God's hand in your life and marriage? Even in the hard moments, what growth or blessings came out of them? By reflecting, you not only honor what God has done but also prepare your heart to hear what He might want to do next. 2. Start your mornings with Purpose Your mornings set the tone for the entire day. Carve out time to meet with God—reading Scripture, praying, or journaling your thoughts and goals. It doesn't need to be lengthy or perfect, just consistent. A morning routine focused on Him can help you anchor your day in peace, purpose, and His perspective, rather than the perspective of the world. 3. Prioritize reading Scripture from a physical Bible There's something grounding about holding a physical Bible in your hands. It slows you down, removes distractions, and helps you focus on God's Word. His truth brings clarity and wisdom, especially as you make decisions and set goals for the year. 4. Pace Yourself It's tempting to set ambitious goals for January, but remember—life is a marathon, not a sprint. Instead of overwhelming yourself, focus on what's realistic. Break down your goals by quarter. What's most important for the first three months? Then build from there. 5. Aim for 80 Perfection is not only unattainable but also draining. Instead of striving for flawless execution, aim for steady, faithful progress. Aiming for 80% will get you much farther than burning out in pursuit of an impossible ideal. 6. Create a Life Vision If you haven't done this in our program yet, a Life Vision is about looking at the bigger picture. Who is God calling you to be? What kind of legacy do you want to leave? Your Life Vision can guide your daily decisions, helping you prioritize what truly matters over what feels urgent. 7. Take Inventory of Your Relationship with your Spouse this past year Your marriage is one of the most significant relationships God has entrusted to you. How was your connection this year? Are there areas where you want to grow closer—spiritually, emotionally, or physically? Taking inventory helps you identify what's working and where you'd like to improve in the coming year. 8. Remember to Defend Against the Enemy's discouragement Discouragement is one of the Enemy's favorite tools to derail us. Be alert to his lies and counter them with God's truth. Surround yourself with Scripture and people who remind you of your worth and God's plans for your life. Remember, “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world” (1 John 4:4). 9. Fight the Battle of Comparison Comparison can steal your joy and distract you from God's unique calling for your life. Just as the eye and the foot serve different purposes in the body, we each have our roles in His plan. Focus on what He's calling you to do, not what others are doing. 10. Ask yourself, “What does God want me to focus on?” At the heart of all your planning and reflection, this is the most important question. Seek His wisdom and guidance as you set your intentions for the year. He knows the plans He has for you (Jeremiah 29:11), and they are good. Through it all, stay rooted in God's eternal perspective. Fix your heart on Christ, let His Word transform you, and step into the good works He's prepared for you. As we enter this new year, know that we're here for you. Whether it's helping you grow in your marriage or deepen your walk with Christ, we're rooting for you and we cannot wait to see what God has in store for you. God bless you!   Love,    Belah & Team

Do you remember what it was like falling in “like” with your spouse?  What was it that originally drew you to them? Maybe it was their humor, kindness, or how they made you feel seen and appreciated. Over time, it's easy for that “like” to fade.  Instead, criticism, judgment, or even indifference creeps in.  But imagine being in your spouse's shoes—everything they say and do, examined under a magnifying glass, critiqued and picked apart. That kind of scrutiny doesn't help them thrive. And nothing wounds deeper than feeling that the person you chose, the one closest to you, doesn't actually like you. What if, instead, you accepted their weaknesses and quirks? After all, they have them, and so do you.  What if you chose to see their strengths instead? What if you noticed what they're doing right and spoke it out loud? I want to encourage you to take that step. Scripture is clear about encouragement and loving our neighbors: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) “Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV) “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” Philippians 2:3 (NIV) “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10 (ESV) “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2 (NIV) Your spouse needs to know that you see the good in them. That you still like them. That you're rooting for them, not against them. It's amazing what a little grace and encouragement can do to rebuild connection and joy. This Christmas week, I invite you to be gracious with your spouse. Notice the small things—their kindness, their effort, their dedication—and let them know you see it. Accept their weaknesses, support them gently, and call out the good that God has placed in them. God bless you, and from all of us here at Delight Your Marriage, Merry Christmas! Love, Belah & Team PS - If you want to learn more about how to love your closest neighbor well, we would love to chat with you. Click the link to schedule a FREE Clarity Call: delightym.com/cc PPS - The third installment of our Pre-Marriage series, the Pre-Wedding Workbook, is available now! We hope this book blesses you and sets you on the path to a peaceful, playful, passionate, and purposeful marriage! Check it out here: Pre-Wedding Workbook

Change is possible. We are honored to be able to share Pat's story with you today. After years of therapy and struggling with a porn addiction, Pat felt hopeless. He had done all he knew to do, yet there was still a hole in his heart—and in his marriage. But Pat decided to take a courageous step of faith. After years of being a listener to the podcast, he made the call, and through the Masculinity Reclaimed program, he finally found what he had been searching for: true community and lasting change. Surrounded by other men who were pursuing God and committed to loving their wives well, Pat finally found a community that felt safe enough to let his guard down. He began applying what he learned through the MR program, growing closer to God and putting in the work to heal his marriage. And the results? His wife noticed the change, telling him, “It's good to see the man I married back.” Pat himself shared that the hole he once felt in his marriage is now gone. Praise God! We hope Pat's journey inspires you and reminds you that change is possible—and it begins with you. God bless you! Love, Belah & Team PS - If you want to learn more about this community and our Masculinity Reclaimed program, we would love to talk with you: delightym.com/cc PPS - Less than a week away, our Pre-Wedding Workbook is releasing December 18th on Amazon! We are so excited to get this book to you and hope it blesses you immensely!

How do you prioritize your life? This episode is for our lovely wives in the audience. Dear wives, life can feel like a never-ending whirlwind. Maybe right now you're juggling errands, picking up your kids, or running around doing everything for everyone else. It's easy to get caught up in all the demands, isn't it? But let's pause for a moment and think about what God has asked us to prioritize. When Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment, His response was crystal clear: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” Here's something worth reflecting on—have you neglected your closest neighbor? Your husband is your closest neighbor. He's the one God has entrusted to you. The one you're called to love as yourself—not just love, but love in a way that truly meets his unique needs. It's not about doing it all perfectly. It's about leaning into curiosity and compassion. What if you remembered your husband is a brother in Christ? What if you began to discover and appreciate how God intentionally designed him—even the aspects you might not fully understand, like his sex drive? It's all part of God's good and purposeful plan. In this episode, we'll explore how God designed men (all the way from the beginning to now!), why their design matters, and how to love them in a way that speaks to their heart. It's not about fixing him or changing him but learning to support and honor the way God made him. I pray that as you listen, your perspective will shift. That you'll see your husband with fresh eyes—eyes of grace, compassion, and discovery. Let this be a reminder to focus on loving your first neighbor well, just as God calls us to do. God bless you! Love, Belah & Team PS - If this episode resonated with you and you want to learn more about how to truly love your first neighbor well, we would love to chat with you: delightym.com/cc PPS - Mark your calendar: The Pre-Wedding Workbook is releasing December 18th on Amazon! We cannot wait to get this workbook into your hands and hope it proves to be a great blessing to you and those around you. Stay tuned!

It's so easy to feel the disconnect in your marriage and wonder if things can ever truly align. Stu's story is a beautiful reminder that transformation is possible. Stu grew up feeling socially awkward and unsure about the purpose of marriage. After marrying his wonderful wife Linda and after 20 years of marriage, he still found himself asking, “How do I understand her?” and “How do I connect with her?” He described their relationship as feeling like “misaligned velcro.” But instead of staying stuck, Stu decided to take a step of faith. Through the Delight Your Marriage program, he learned practical tools like the CIRQUE listening technique, which he called “revolutionary.” He discovered how to be prayerful and playful and he not only deepened his relationship with Linda but also grew closer to Christ. Today, Stu says he and Linda are “perfectly aligned.” Praise God! We hope Stu's story inspires you to believe that change is possible. It's possible to break free from feelings of disconnection. It's possible to learn how to love your spouse in ways that make them feel cherished. And it's possible for God to completely transform your marriage and your life. God bless you! Love,  Belah & Team PS - If you are interested in taking the Marital Health Assessment that Stu mentions in this episode, you can find it here: https://delightyourmarriage.com/health/ PPS - If you want to participate in our FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations Course, please check out this link: delightym.com/mrf  

Let's set the scene- You've planned the perfect evening. A Friday night—date night. You and your wife are dressed to the nines. There's a show, a fantastic dinner, and deep conversation that reconnects your hearts. But then you arrive back home… What are you hoping will happen next? Here's the truth: that unspoken hope—your expectation—might be doing more harm than you realize. When a husband subconsciously expects intimacy, it can feel like pressure to his wife. And that pressure? It makes her withdraw. Intimacy begins to feel transactional—like something she owes you, a “reward” for good effort, rather than a mutual outpouring of love. In fact, the more you expect it, the less she'll desire it. So, how do you break free from this pattern and draw her closer instead? Here are three key ideas: Drop the expectations & be content in your life (find true contentment in life by letting God satisfy you in many ways) Share your feelings more with your wife (She needs emotional connection in order to be open to physical intimacy) Think strategically about your marriage (You're intentional about your career, your goals—why not your marriage?) In today's episode, we unpack these three steps and explore how to release the pressure of expectations, discover fulfillment outside of intimacy (even when sex isn't in the picture) [We highly recommend you checking out Ep. 417: Re-sensitize Your Pleasure for more on this topic], and create a marriage that's full of joy, connection, and God-honoring pleasure. We believe God when he said he meant for couples to be “one flesh”. And we believe that he created intimacy to be unifying, satisfying, and connecting heart, soul, and body. We hope this episode brings a new perspective and new joy, intimacy, and connection into your marriage.   God bless you!   Belah & Team   PS - If this episode resonates with you, we highly recommend signing up for our FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations Course at delightym.com/mrf. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent MRF graduate: "We were emotionally, intimately, and spiritually disconnected. We lived in the same house but didn't live together. I was angry and bitter, critical of everything, and judgmental. I hated that about myself. [Now,] My wife and I are closer than we have ever been! She has a glow. It's crazy how much we love each other. Life is fun! I can't stand to be without her. Glory to God!”

We know that intimacy is an integral part of married life.  But what happens when that intimacy… isn't happening?  You've tried to explain, you've tried to give your point of view, you've even tried to give pointers, and still… nothing. What can you do?   At Delight Your Marriage, we have developed a framework for what men and women need in order to feel loved and thrive in their marriages and, in turn, move towards intimacy. When these things are missing from a marriage, it can often cause bitterness, resentment, and can lead to months, even years, of lack of intimacy, physical or otherwise. Here is what we have determined the framework to be: What Women Need: To be safe To be known To be whole-heartedly cherished What Men Need: To be respected To be admired To have whole-heartedly sexual intimacy When these key elements are missing- everything else crumbles. If you are reading (or listening) and wondering why your spouse has not initiated intimacy or why they shut down initiations - look back to this list. Are you giving this to your spouse? We hope today's episode will bless you as we shed some light on this topic, expand on the ‘why' behind these needs, and give practical ways on how to implement this framework - not only for the goal of physical intimacy, but for the goal of having a thriving and beautiful marriage. We are rooting for you!   God bless,   Belah & Team   PS - To check out the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in this episode, visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/mhac/ PPS - If you are wanting to grow in your marriage and learn exactly how to implement this framework (and get support while you do it!), we would love to talk to you. https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc

We are so glad to be able to share a re-release episode with you this week! My husband, Dario, joins us again and he, as always, has some words of encouragement for you. We hope this episode does indeed encourage you and bless you! ------------- Nov. 11, 2021 Don't give up.  My goal today is to encourage you. You're doing a really good job. Just by tuning in, you're winning. You're seeking to love your spouse well, even when it doesn't look like it matters.  You're seeking to do God's will in the midst of your circumstances.  My husband is on the show today because he's the best encourager that I know. And I want you to hear from him how much he wants you to know, you're on the right path, you're doing the right thing, and I am proud of you.  Love, Belah PS – If you need help right away, get with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS – If you have yet to check out our free stuff — do so here! delightyourmarriage.com/free

It's so easy to focus on the weaknesses of your spouse.  In fact, it's one of the easiest things to do when you think of them, but if you can imagine being in your spouse's shoes, everything you say and do, picked apart and looked at under a magnifying glass… That doesn't help them live their best life and thrive.  I invite you to instead accept your spouse‘s weaknesses. They have them. You have them. And look instead at their strengths. Notice what they're doing right and comment on it. Today. I'm joined by my husband, Dario, who is an amazing father and amazing husband. I'm very honored to walk this road of life alongside him. But he sees me at my very worst and he accepts those weaknesses, but he also supports me in them. So, like many of you, I can be on my screen too much or not want to go to sleep on time amongst other weaknesses… And my husband is so gracious, gentle, but also responsible to help me do what I need to do to live my best for God. I invite you to support your spouse and their weaknesses, but also really focus on their strengths and help them to realize the good that God has placed in them. I hope even this weekend you will have more grace for your spouse and focus on the good in them.    God bless you!    Love,    Belah

We're thrilled to share Craig's story with you today. For years, Craig and his wife were stuck in a painful cycle—“You always ____,” “You never _____”—both keeping score, building walls of resentment, and matching hurt with hurt. Things seemed like they'd never change. Then, a friend from church mentioned the transformation he had experienced through Delight Your Marriage. Craig was skeptical at first, but as the months passed, he couldn't deny the remarkable shift in his friend's life. That's when Craig decided to take the first step and schedule a Clarity Call. What surprised him most was that the change didn't come from trying to fix his wife—it started with him. Within the first month, Craig embraced a new way of showing up: becoming “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” Through his own transformation, the marriage began to heal. Today, Craig shares with joy that his children will never have to grow up in a divided home. The family tree will remain unbroken, with a straight and strong trunk—thanks to the tools, community, and growth Craig found through our program. We hope Craig's story reminds you that change is possible. It's possible to break free from arguments. It's possible to experience peace and joy in your marriage. And it's possible for God to rewrite your story in ways you never imagined. We believe in you, and we are cheering you on. Love, Belah & Team PS - If you want a change in your marriage like Craig had, with no more arguing and no more resentment, we would love to talk with you. Check out our free Clarity Call here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc   PPS - Check out this testimonial from (another) recent graduate: “My wife had her mind pretty much set on divorce. She said she had an upcoming meeting with an attorney when I first joined the program. My stress level was up, my appetite was pretty much nothing, and I couldn't sleep. [After MR}, I have grown spiritually, mentally, and feel more whole as a person. My wife and I have come to a place in our marriage where it used to be, like when we first got married. We are happy to be around each other again, can't wait to see each other at the end of the day, and have more connected conversations again.”

We have the honor and privilege of sharing Lindsay's Transformation Story today. For years, she struggled with the pain of infidelity, unsure if she could ever trust her husband again. But when her husband decided to join the Masculinity Reclaimed program, the changes she saw in him stirred something in her heart. That's when she reached out, booked a free Clarity Call, and joined the Delighted Wife program.  Through God's grace, their marriage has been completely transformed. Moments once marked by tension and fear have been replaced by playfulness and peace. She has rediscovered the joy of being with her husband, and together they are experiencing a marriage that has truly been redeemed by the Lord. We give all the glory to God for this incredible renewal. Time and time again, He proves that no situation is beyond His redemption. If you've felt hopeless about your marriage, let this story remind you that there is truly no relationship too far gone for Him to redeem.  Love, Belah & Team   PS - If you want to try our free Clarity Call like Lindsay did and talk with one of our Clarity Advisors, we would love to chat with you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “Seven years ago, my husband began a 3 year affair with an employee… After a separation in our own home we each began our own counseling... After 4 years of marriage counseling and feeling stuck in a marriage that was barely hanging on, I discovered your program. I found hope for my marriage and began to see my husband in a different light. I was ready to quit, I had considered divorce. [Now], I am able to appreciate the small things my husband does, I am able to give compliments which he appreciates. I am practicing vulnerability and playfulness!... It's changed the way I see my husband.”

Today's episode is an incredible story of God‘s transformative power. From a man who started out broken and lonely, with a history he wasn't proud of, God was able to take his little seed of faith, his little seed of hope that just maybe something could change for him, too. He decided to sign up for a free Clarity Call, and then to join our program. He went through the program once on his own. Eventually, his wife saw some changes in him and decided that she wanted to do the work to heal from their past.  Ultimately, they both did the program at the same time, and praise the Lord, they are completely renewed and restored. You would not believe the description that Jim gives of their marriage today. He said that it's the way he always dreamed marriage could be. I hope this gives you encouragement, that you too, can have a marriage rescue no matter the past. God can redeem. If you'd like our help, we'd love to help you on a free Clarity Call. Delightyourmarriage.com/cc    Love, Belah & Team   PS There IS hope, dear one! Healing is what Jesus does! Bring it to Him and ask for His touch. Our programs can help with the healing process and equip you with the tools. Jesus does the rest! Take that step of faith...delightyourmarriage.com/cc.   From someone who did: "Celebrating making it to 12 weeks when I thought I wouldn't make the course at all... GOD is great! ...Loving my husband again after infidelity on both sides - never in my wildest dreams did I think it was possible to find that love again and so quickly. The peace God has bestowed upon my marriage, life, house, and children since walking through this course... I love life and am dreaming again because God has brought healing to my marriage. It's like all the stop buttons that were pushed because I was out of alignment with God's will in my marriage have been pushed to GO/GREEN again and I feel more aligned, more focused, and things are moving again."

Is it true? Are you sure it's true? How often do we ask these questions when an anxious thought comes to our mind? Too often we allow ourselves to assume a thought is true and allow the anxiety to drive us to choices we don't want to make.  Anxiety is fear. Stress is masked fear. And controlling or mothering behavior... yep... it's also fear. The Bible is crystal clear: Do not fear. Be anxious for nothing. If you want to break free from this snare, it starts with 1) calming your physical body 2) investigating the mental tapes playing in your mind. What anxious thoughts have you allowed to run your life? ‘I'm not good enough' 'I'm a failure as a husband' "My husband doesn't love me"  Whatever it is, I challenge you to investigate those thoughts. Get curious about your anxiety. When you work on acknowledging and understand your fears, you build the resilience needed to face them, biblically. It's not about denying the struggle; it's about leaning in and clarifying what is actually going on.  This is a technique adapted from Byron Katie, and it is a series of questions you ask yourself.  A - What mental tape am I repeating? B - Is it true? C - Am I absolutely sure it's true?  There are a couple more steps we talk through in the podcast, which I'm very excited for you to listen to!  May God give you grace to walk in His abundant peace and comfort.  Love, Belah and Team   PS - If you want help rewriting that mental tape and want help getting rooted in the truth of Scripture and your marriage, we would love to talk to you. Please contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc   PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “[Some of my] quick fire celebrations: -The peace God has bestowed upon my marriage, life, house, and children since walking through this course -The new refreshed hope I have in Jesus -Praying and reading my Bible and actually getting together with people who love and believe in Jesus. I was repulsed by Christians for a while but I now see value in community after doing this course.  -The way I've grown to know what God thinks about marriage and life in general. He actually wants to make it easy and wants to help us not make us work hard or struggle like slaves for the sake of marriage. HE REALLY IS GOOD.”

Have you ever felt so disconnected in your marriage that you wondered if it was worth fighting for? Kevin found himself in that very place—emotionally, spiritually, and physically distant from his wife. Harshness and criticism seemed to cloud their every interaction, leaving him discouraged and ready to give up. He felt his energy was drained and was unmotivated in many aspects of life.  He took the courage to sign up and speak with Dana on a Clarity Call, he felt it gave him insights into himself and helped him discover what was at the root of their disconnection. He felt he wasn't the role model he'd want to be for his children. He had allowed his marriage to be transactional which he knew wasn't what God designed marriage to be. That's when he decided he wasn't giving his family all that he should and he signed up for the men's program. Through this journey, Kevin began to implement the daily gratitudes—a practice that sparked a profound shift in his mindset. He was encouraged through his Coaching Calls to stand firm as the spiritual leader he longed to be for his family, even amidst resistance. He finally feels he is spiritually leading his family. We are so proud of Kevin and know that the same change he saw in his marriage can happen with yours. As he shared with us, where there is breath, there is hope. We believe this podcast will encourage you that God CAN heal this marriage. He may be calling you to be the very one who does it, by changing yourself.    Love,   Belah & Team   PS -  If you are interested in a Clarity Call and speaking with one of our advisors as Kevin did, we would love to talk with you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc   PPS - Here a quote from a (different) recent graduate: “Some of my biggest celebrations: Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before!... She has expressed often how she likes the changes she sees in me… I have a renewed hope that things can get better. I now have a clearer vision of my role as a husband and how things can and should be. I have grown in confidence by learning what is the path to get there. I understand my wife so much better now and realize that contrary to what I thought before, she is not broken!... One change that I think is the most telling of how the DYM program has impacted our lives: Prior to the program we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years. I am thankful to say that I am back in our marriage bed, physically, emotionally – for good now!”

Consider this: you might be more like Paul than you realize. Yes, Paul—the apostle whose praises were so powerful they shook prison walls, and who found joy even in his suffering. What could you possibly have in common with him? Well, Paul had a thorn in his side. A persistent struggle that he begged God to remove. I'm willing to bet there's a thorn in your side too—something you've desperately asked God to take away. Whether it's sexual sin, pride, greed, jealousy, or anger, this thorn is your personal struggle. I am here to tell you: Embrace the thorn in your side. This might sound counterintuitive, but in your weakness, God's strength is made perfect. The thorn is there for a reason. God has given it to you to keep you humble, to remind you that you're not in control of everything, and to draw you closer to Him. How do folks often respond to their (God-given) thorns? Disassociate. Disown. Disregard. Disassociating yourself from these struggles—especially the deep ones like hidden addictions—can be perilous. Essentially, if you do not embrace your thorn, it is the enemy's playground to attack you in the same way again... and again... and again... to the destruction of all those you love and the reputation of the gospel that you represent to others.  We are urging you, bring these struggles into the light. Seek accountability, find support, and create a plan. On the good days it's easier to make that plan and structure to support you on the hard days that you know will come... because you've embraced the thorn that is God's gift which keeps you humble. Important: Perfection isn't required- 80% of a plan is enough to start making meaningful progress. The point is to start. Remember when you perceive the negative pattern in your history, it's time to take action so you can prevent things going downhill... for when you are weak, then you are strong. This week, I encourage you to identify your thorn (start with one, we likely all have many! I certainly do), confront it, confess it to God, repent and confess it to safe people. Then, know that He forgives you and makes a way of escape for the future so you can truly truly walk in the humility that comes through the gift of this thorn... because His grace IS sufficient for you. Love, Belah & Team PS - If you are interested in learning more about our program, maybe even getting that accountability in your life, we would love to talk to you. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - I am excited to share with you a resource that I believe will be of value for your marital intimacy! A group of pro-marriage / intimacy experts have gotten together and are doing a sex seminar. These are folks that believe marriage is right and good but they are not necessarily Bible-believing Christians.  Amongst really valuable and wise content, there will likely be perspectives represented that I don't 100% agree with.  I encourage you (as always) to seek discernment from God to gain the good insights that may be in this event and leave what may not be helpful to you.  Keep eternity in mind: at the end of it all we want to hear from God “well done.” We want it to be true that we loved the spouse we were given with a servant heart and according to His Word. I hope you gain wonderful encouragement and practical ideas to love your spouse well through intimacy! Here are the links- 2024 Sex Seminar: https://shop.thedatingdivas.com/discount/DYM24?redirect=%2Fproducts%2Fsex-seminar-2024 Sex Seminar Bundle (all 5 years): https://shop.thedatingdivas.com/discount/DYMBUNDLE24?redirect=%2Fproducts%2Fsex-seminar-bundle-2024 PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "After 8 years of marriage, we had both grown complacent in investing in each other…  I have long struggled with pornography and I tend to be a bit of a workaholic while my wife has been at home with our kids for 15 years. It seems we took every one of those opportunities to create distance in our relationship… [Now], I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God.”

We want to share an inspiring story about Karl, a widower who experienced profound loss when his first wife passed away in 2020. Since then, he's rebuilt his life with a new marriage to his lovely wife Rachel and a vibrant blended family of six children.  At first, their new life together seemed to be falling into place beautifully, but just nine months into their marriage, an unexpected challenge arose. Due to circumstances beyond their control, pornography was inadvertently introduced into their home through one of their children's devices. This incident outside of their control ignited a series of conflicts, tension and bitterness.   As a pastor, he realized if he lost his marriage, everything, every thing in his life was at stake. Through a series of unusual events, Karl learned of the success of Delight Your Marriage and decided to give it a try and fight for his marriage.  He took our free Clarity Call and described it as a “breath of fresh air” that gave true clarity. He was able to see how not only the past few months had affected his marriage but how things from his previous marriage and the loss from 2020 were also affecting him even now.  He committed to the men's program, and the transformation was remarkable. Through the tools and guidance he received, he learned to communicate more effectively and approach his relationship with a renewed sense of empathy and understanding. As Karl's approach to their marriage shifted, Rachel's heart began to soften. This newfound healing was put to the test when their luggage, including passports, thousands in cash, work laptop, and IDs, was stolen right before their trip to Rachel's home country.  He said this (and this is what we want for you) they leaned into each other and God during crisis, rather than being torn apart. When they used to have massive discord on something as simple as a family routine, now they have connection and healing amidst what could be described as a significant disappointment.  What they've discovered through it all... they have both said: “I have my best friend back.”  Be encouraged by God's miracle working power, which He can do for you too!  Belah & Team

There's a profound truth that can often be overlooked: love, in its truest form, is sustainably sacrificial. This means loving your spouse in a way that endures, even when it's challenging. If you're a spouse who is tempted towards apathy—losing hope and withdrawing—it can feel like a deep, unending chasm. This apathy might stem from various sources: exhaustion from the relentless demands of daily life, pride that blocks genuine connection, unforgiveness that creates barriers, or perhaps a combination of all these factors. Whatever the reason, it's crucial to recognize these signs before they evolve into a dangerous pattern that jeopardizes your relationship. There may be times when your spouse's attempts to reach out (or lack thereof) seem ineffective or even hurtful. I encourage you to see beyond the surface and engage with the deeper purpose of marriage -- to make God proud of you. Remember, you're not loving your spouse for a specific result; you're doing it because you love God. That love for God will sustain you when you're not seeing the fruit of your efforts. He CAN fill us with all joy and peace, irrespective of our circumstances or the immediate outcomes of our actions.  Even amidst the temptation to lose hope and become apathetic. Don't. Instead, look to the Lord. Rejoice in Him, and trust that God is a God of hope. Your perseverance is not in vain, even when it feels like you're giving more than your fair share in loving and meeting your partner's needs.   Love,   Belah & Team   PS - If you are wanting to fight apathy, fight for your marriage, or just even get some clarity for your marriage... we would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.   PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “My biggest celebrations have been: Forgiveness- I had no idea how much resentment I had towards my wife. There is no doubt in my mind that she felt that… I learned to not only forgive her, but look at some of those things as a strength for her… Replacing bad habits with good daily habits of first thanking God for my blessings. praying for my wife, shouting my faith statement and focusing on making my marriage the best it can be. I learned that it is all up to me. I know God is with me every step of the way, but I have to be the leader of my life and my marriage.”  

Perhaps the most heartbreaking situations I encounter are when one spouse becomes apathetic—losing hope—and decides to "pull the plug" on the relationship. When a spouse gives up hope, apathy sets in, leading them to consider divorce, an affair, or even a secret addiction because they feel their spouse isn't meeting their needs. I may not fully understand all the dynamics that have brought your marriage to its current state, but my hope is that you recognize the warning signs before apathy takes hold. LISTEN to your spouse's heartcry. Don't let them lose hope because their attempts to communicate with you have been ignored. Yes, their communication may have been ineffective—perhaps controlling, critical, or accusatory—but underneath it all, they are expressing a hurt that you are overlooking. If you ignore it long enough, they may stop hoping things will change. Tragically, this can lead to apathy and the potential destruction of your marriage. As a marriage coach who genuinely cares, I urge you: please don't wait until apathy sets in before you start paying attention to what your spouse is trying to communicate. Even if their words make you feel like a failure, could you, just possibly, listen to the deeper message? They are crying out to be loved in the way they need to feel loved, and if you don't respond, they may become so weary that the dangerous temptation of apathy takes hold. NOTE: If you're the spouse who seems to be doing more than your fair share of loving and meeting your partner's needs, know this: your reward will be great, far beyond what you might receive in this life. Don't stop. Don't let apathy take root in your heart. Remember, God is a God of hope, and He will fill you with hope as you trust in Him. He doesn't want you to be hopeless. Trust in God.   Love,  Belah   PS - If you're on the verge of losing hope and becoming apathetic about your marriage, we want to help. And if you're worried that your spouse might be feeling this way, we want to help too. Your next step is a free, "low-stakes" conversation called a Clarity Call. We'd love to hear what's going on and potentially be the lifeline that prevents disaster—God has worked miracles in situations like yours before. But it takes courage to take that first step of HOPE. Speak to a compassionate Clarity Advisor: delightyourmarriage.com/cc   PPS -- Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I had grown so apathetic towards my husband that I KNEW this was very dangerous. I had built a case against him in my mind for the ways he did not appreciate me or accept me... I am a highly sensitive person with strong feelings, so to have little to no feeling towards my husband was intolerable to me. This is what drove me to DYM... A truly KEY realization I had to admit, was that I was a “bickering wife” and that I had been undermining him, disrespecting him, and deeply wounding him... I am so convicted of how it tore down my marriage, impacted my husband's self-esteem, and definitely was negative example to our children... Once I admitted that, I was able to grow!"

We're excited to bring you a story of a woman who was nearing the empty nester phase and, if she was really honest with herself, wasn't looking forward to it at all. Her oldest had already left and grieving that separation added a strain on the marriage. Julie generally felt frustrated and unhappy and blamed her husband for the distance.  However, she did a very wise thing. She realized she is the only one who can change anything in the marriage by changing herself. She decided to take us up on our free Clarity Call offer and ended up feeling like she got a counseling session for free just by talking to our Clarity advisor.   Thankfully, she didn't stop there and decided she wanted to join the program to gain the tools she needed to change everything in their connection. Which is exactly what happened. She started out feeling that she and her husband were opposites and maybe weren't even meant to get along. And thank God, through this work, she discovered her husband is a man who is actually complementary, she deeply loves, and even misses when they are apart.    With love,   Belah & Team    PS - If you want to try out a Clarity Call like Julie did, here is the link: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate: “Once I learned the 3 basic needs for my husband, I had a new understanding… He started to open up to me and we made more progress in a few weeks than we had in years.”  

Hello everyone! I hope you all have had a good week so far! For today's podcast, we are doing something a little different! I wanted to give you an inside look on what a Coaching Call with us is like. Confidentiality is of the utmost importance to us, so you won't hear any names or any confidential information, but you will get to hear some of my coaching and some good truths being shared. We wanted to give you an example of what it would look like to be on a Coaching Call with myself and a few of your fellow peers. Based on the men's questions, we cover a few important insights directed at men specifically: Embrace humility in your identity as a believer. Pursue sexual purity and healing. Stay connected—accountability is a choice. Lead your wife with courage; it's what she desires. Guide your family spiritually with practical ideas and encouragement. If you are wanting encouragement, coaching, and want to seek out Truth and encouragement for your marriage, we hope you'll consider joining the program and being part of a company of men running together to achieve the prize and gaining a wonderful and healed marriage and intimacy in the process... We want you to know: Change is possible. Healing is possible. And God loves you. Love,   Belah & Team   PS - If you want more information on how to be a part of a Coaching Program like this, here's your next step: delightyourmarriage.com/cc   PPS - Here is a quote of a recent graduate's favorite celebrations from the program: “Where do I begin? I have my wife back.  We are having fun again. I almost feel like we are newlyweds again, but this time it is even better now after 28 years of marriage than it ever was.  My wife feels safe with me. I'm loving her the way she receives love and she's loving me back wholeheartedly physically intimately towards me. No more duty sex. YEAH!! She is pursuing her own pleasure too. She is frequently initiating to be intimate with me. She is flirting with me and she even did a tap dance saying how good it was the other day after we made love. I am holding back the tears as I am writing this. I will come back to this in a bit. Ok. I'm back. I have a heart filled with gratitude. She even grabbed me as I was leaving the house today. She has never done that before. I think she is starting to crave my touch and now she likes to snuggle next to me. All of these celebrations while at the same time my wife is walking one of the  most difficult seasons of her life... As I am writing this, she just sent me the most amazing text. I feel like I couldn't even come up with this if I had to. God is so so so good!!!!”

What if I told you that you have influence? That you don't need to have a podcast or a church or a book or a social media following. That right now, in this moment, you have the power to influence the lives of others, especially your spouse. Every day we have the power to influence the life of our spouse. We have the power to show them who they are in Christ by loving them the way Jesus loves them. When we make their day great just by the tiny interactions we have with them throughout the day, we are influencing them in a dramatic way. It is affecting their life and their potential to follow Jesus more closely! Or we can discourage them. We can complain and criticize and tear them down- even if we don't mean to. We have the power to completely make or break our spouses' day because of the relationship we have with them. If we're so focused on ourselves and our own needs not being met, we are negatively influencing them and likely pushing them away from Jesus on that day, week, year and eventually... their life. Our spouse is our first assignment. They are our highest place of influence.  Do not waste your influence. In this episode, we are talking about what it really means to have influence and how to use that influence (including some practicals in how to communicate the points you want to get across). We hope it shines a light on places and encourages you to recognize your power and use it for good.   Love,  Belah & Team PS - You can find the Marital Health Assessment mentioned at the beginning of this podcast here: delightyoumarriage.com/health PPS - If you want to know more about what we do and how we can help your marriage, please feel free to reach out at delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "There has been unbelievable healing and growth that I prayed so desperately for, but never knew how to achieve on my own. I am closer to God than ever before and now have such an incredible arsenal of tools in my pocket to handle the difficult situations that inevitably still arise."

We are thrilled to be sharing Joel's Transformation Story with you today! After 28 years of marriage, Joel felt disconnected from his wife. He was unsure of what to do and or where the disconnection was coming from. In searching for answers, he spoke with his sister about it and was introduced to the DYM podcast. After a few episodes and some topics really hitting home, he signed up for the Clarity Call and was accepted into the Masculinity Reclaimed course.  Through the Course, not only did Joel begin to see a change in his marriage - with the reconnection he had longed for, more playfulness, and a better understanding of how to love his wife well - but his wife even began adding his Coaching Calls to their calendar! She was THAT impressed by the changes!  We hope this transformation story inspires you and reminds you that the work that you do for your marriage does matter.   Love,   Belah & Team   PS - If you are looking to reconnect with your spouse, learn how to love them better, or figure out just how in the world to bring playfulness back - we would love to talk with you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc   PPS - Here is a quote from another recent graduate: “The program has given me the tools I need to have a thriving marriage. More importantly, the program has changed my mindset and outlook. I now have a renewed hope that a thriving marriage is possible! I no longer fear that our marriage will end. Our intimacy isn't just physical like in the past. It is now emotional, spiritual, and physical. It is new and AMAZING!”

Maybe you've been incredibly successful in your business pursuits. You're the kind of guy who sees a target, attacks the target and brings home the game. And year after year every chart goes up and to the right. But unfortunately, what you have done that got you great success in business is what has actually torn down what you have wanted to build. I mostly focus on men in this episode because I find they often need this sort of clarification of how God designed marriage.  The truth: marriage is extremely different than business :) A businessman might see a problem and want to fix it, when he uses the same tools that have made him successful in business with his wife...  It drives her away. It makes her feel she's not good enough. Or it causes her to grow cold towards him. The strategies that work in growing your business, conversing with coworkers, or motivating your employees will not be the things that work in the closer, intimate relationship you have with your spouse. So, if you feel you're throwing punches in the dark and nothing is working and it's incredibly frustrating -- based on the success you've come to expect with your typical approach to life... then this episode is for you. Blessings, Belah & Team   PS - If we can help you with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc  This is a free consultation for us to see if we are a fit for your needs and if we would expect wonderful results from a program.   PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “I have come to realize that I need to be very intentional every day about romancing my wife. Especially recently, with some new business pressures, I have realized how easy it is to slip.  Interestingly, I am seeing some significant effects in my daughters.  Both of them are saying that they would like to have marriages like my wife and I have.  Praise God!!!”

Listening is a superpower. It makes people feel heard and safe and brings down defenses. It lets them know they are cared for. In today's society, it can be hard to have a conversation without wanting to defend a point in disagreement or wanting to make sure your opinion is heard, as well. It's even worse when this seeps into your marriage. Today we are going to be talking about how to have a productive disagreement without losing connection, how to stay on the same team (even when you think your spouse is totally wrong!), and how to be a curious and compassionate listener, even in the midst of disagreement. We hope this episode blesses you and leads to many wonderful, deep conversations and a deeper understanding and connection with your spouse. Love, Belah & Team PS - You can find the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in today's podcast here: https://delightyourmarriage.com/health/. PPS - If you're thinking this listening stuff is great for someone else, but not you and your spouse- they never listen, they don't want to share, they are so closed off... we would love to talk to you and see if we can help. https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "My biggest struggle coming into the program was hard heartedness, unforgiveness and resentment... It's required me to be more reflective.  It has shown me the power of positive habits that build into an attitude of gratitude. I am learning to see my wife in a kinder light.  I am spending more time connecting with my kids and have been more patient, kind & gentle with them.  I am becoming a better friend, messaging and calling friends more, and making time for them."  

In honor of Darcy's anniversary this week, I wanted to re-release this episode! I'm excited to share that my wonderful friend Darcy is here to share her story and advice for you! She is actually our wonderful Office Manager, and she reads all of your emails and prays for all of those who are suffering and in such difficulty in their marriages. She often weeps for you, listeners, and she truly, truly cares about you and feels your pain for those of you who are in need of hope. Her conversation today reflects what God has done in her and what she prays He does in you. The rest of this message are from Darcy: — Thank you, Belah, for giving me this opportunity.   God is doing and has done so many amazing things and what an honor to testify of His power, love, and goodness! *“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name, I will lift up my hands.” Ps. 63:3-4   I pray that God speaks to and encourages many weary hearts through this podcast. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Prov. 13:12   This is my prayer for you: Father, thank You for the one listening to this podcast. Thank You that You know them…intimately! You know how many hairs are on their head. You know their hurts, desires, and joys. You desire good for them and desire them to know and experience You and Your love in ways that will reveal to them the abundant life that You have offered to any who will come to You in faith in Jesus and walk in the power of the Spirit of God. Father, you see the tears. You see the brokenness. Even more incredibly, You care about them and have the power to do something good with them. God, You know that we so often want to run from hurt and pain! Teach us to trust You…to take You at Your word…   I encourage you to read this scripture as though you've never read it before: *”For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Rom. 8:18-28   Thank You, Father, that You NEVER lie! Thank You that we can cling to You and Your promises through every storm, every hurt, every disappointment, and everything that we face on this planet! People may fail us, but You NEVER do!  You use the trials and pain to teach us greater things. You may seem far off at times, yet You are more interested in the details of our lives than we could ever imagine! Teach us to relinquish everything we hold onto to You, trusting that You will never disappoint…we wait on You. …in Jesus' name, I ask this, amen.   So, dear listener, remember: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Ps. 34:18 * ”Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Ps. 37:4    And let me ask you: How long was Joseph a slave and a prisoner? How long did David wait for the throne or Abraham and Sarah wait for a son? How long were the Jews in captivity? Hebrews 11 tells us that some died not yet having received the promise, yet they looked forward in faith and believed what God said. God asked Abraham to sacrifice the fulfillment of His promise – Isaac. Abraham was willing. He even got up early the next morning to do so. Likely not because he felt like it or wanted to, but because he believed God.   Husband…wife…are you willing to believe God? Are you willing to sacrifice what you hold dear and trust God to deliver on His promises regardless of how bad things look and regardless of how long it takes?   Faith fleshes out in obedience. Because Abraham believed God, he acted like he believed God. What does that look like for you in your situation today?   He is worthy! He is faithful! You and I can bank on it!   Grateful for His presence and His great and precious promises, Darcy Office Manager *(All verses are in the ESV Bible version – emphasis mine)   PS If you would like to grow in your walk with God in many various ways, and particularly how that relates to your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our very caring Clarity Call advisor – click here to schedule   A testimonial from a course graduate: “I was very, very nervous to try this program out. My wife still doesn't know about my involvement and I was very nervous about doing this without her knowledge. But it has really exceeded any expectations I had about what might happen in my marriage. I do believe I will talk with my wife about MR, in the right time, and I think it will go just fine. But if that is the reason you are hesitating, I can tell you…it really can work!”

For the past 30 years, she has tried everything to try and connect with her husband. It left her feeling lonely inside her own marriage. Tanya is a woman who feels deeply. She is wired to feel the world and those around her in a deep, empathetic way. But this is not the way her husband was wired. Since the beginning of their marriage, Tanya has felt a disconnect and a dismissal of her emotions.  Her husband went looking for marriage help and found the Delight Your Marriage podcast. Through the podcast, he was inspired to join the men's program and that is when their marriage really began to change. She was shocked when she noticed he started listening more intently, he became more tender, and they would go on walks in the park holding hands together- something that had been missing since their dating days. This inspired Tanya to do the women's program and "jump in with both feet", willing to let this program change her the way it had changed her husband. Now, their marriage has flourished. Tanya never thought it would be possible, but here they are, more connected than ever before. She said she feels "let out of prison". The depression has lifted and she has hope for the future for the first time in so long. We believe Tanya's story will encourage you and inspires hope in you for your journey! Love,  Belah & Team  PS - If this story resonates with you and you want to see a change in your marriage as well, we would love to talk with you. Contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a completely free Clarity Call. (A call Tanya says is still impacting her even now.)   PSS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate: Before the Delighted Wife Program: "We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways." After: "WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace.  I have learned how to build my marriage.  Building it is now a journey and no longer an intense, overwhelming mission impossible...  Biggest take away from this whole course is the GOD FACTOR.  Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept.  It was directly and purely to JESUS.  He was the main focus, and everything else just fell  into place.  It helped me to re-center everything in my life."

Clarity is a Christian's speciality.  Amidst a confused culture, a clear understanding of God's word is what we need.  If you're a husband, I invite you to consider how Jesus led and what the Bible says about a husband's leadership in the family.  If you're a wife, I invite you to hear what a man can be (really) so you are happy to be led.  My story started without good role modeling.  And then I tried to "submit" and it was soul crushing.  Then I decided I would NOT submit, and it was stressful, frustrating, and deeply painful.  Then I discovered God's way  (though I still make mistakes at times), and it has made both my husband and I flourish.  I can lead in many, many ways outside of our family -- but I love that in our home I am not the leader. My husband is trustworthy and good to me and our children.  I hope you can catch a vision of what it can mean for you as a man or a woman to empower the right order of family.  We are to be a light on a hill for the non-believers.  I hope you'll curiously seek to gain perspective and growth into more and more of who God wants you to be in and through your marriage so you can do more for the Kingdom of God.    Love, Belah   PS - We can help -- if you're a husband or a wife -- that's what we do. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more.   PPS - Here a quote from a recent graduate: Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program: “I had quite a few struggles when starting the program...we were arguing quite a lot, I was defensive in my responses and even blamed [her] for the issues. I also hadn't been intentional in terms of dating or cherishing her for a long time and she was feeling neglected and getting more and more upset about the situation.    Neither of us was very happy. I tried to do more around the house to make [her] happy, tried to act perfectly but still failed and ended up walking on eggshells most of the time. Not feeling or acting confidently or as a leader.”   After MR: “I can see now that I had been both aloof and independent towards my wife...but also very dependent on her mood and feelings/actions towards me.    I feel more secure now in who I am, I don't get defensive much at all any more and we rarely argue… I realized that I hadn't been a very good husband for a very long time. I didn't know the extent of it until I went through each week and realized that I hadn't really been doing the basics of knowing my wife, or making her feel safe and cherished. That was a hard realization, but actually really helped me to understand the situation and where [she] was coming from and also helped me to own my part in it.    It's been a huge change for the better. I have daily devotions now, I practice gratitude daily now. I have more confidence and less anxiety around people or stressful situations. I feel closer to God now; what could be a bigger impact than that?”

We have all felt the frustration and disappointment of doing our best to do the right thing and life still does not go the way we thought.    For 28 years, Stephen was a faithful husband to his wife. There were no drugs or alcohol or pornography. They raised two kids in a Christian home. From the outside, everything looked like it should be going right. But within their marriage, they were falling apart. Stephen felt emotionally and physically abandoned by his wife and didn't know what to do.   After desperately searching “Sexual Intimacy” on Google in hopes of finding some answers, Stephen stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage. After the first podcast episode, he knew this was what the Lord had for him. He was shocked that after signing up, exactly what he had been praying for came to pass... his wife greeted him with open arms, a smile, and a “How was your day?” followed by a passionate night!   Stephen had to do his work on himself. It wasn't easy and he had to have faith that God could change it all. And He did.   This is the story we want for each person listening: to be desired by their spouse, to be connected, and to be loved in a delight-filled marriage.   We are so thankful to Stephen for sharing his story with us and we hope that his story becomes your story too.   Blessings,   Belah & Team   P.S. - If you want to know more about our Clarity Calls or how to become involved in the same work Stephen did, please reach out to us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. We would love to talk to you!   P.S.S. - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: Before the men's program: “I often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy. I often felt I couldn't be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apart…”   After the men's program: “Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue. She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me, and is expressing more and more desire to grow in intimacy herself!... Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us. One change that I think is the most telling of how the DYM program has impacted our lives: Prior to the program we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years. I am thankful to say that I am back in our marriage bed, physically, emotionally – for good now!”   P.S.S.S… :)  A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful privilege of being a guest on the 'That's Just What I Needed' podcast with speaker & author Donna Jones, who is a friend of DYM and has actually been on our podcast as well! If you'd like to listen to the episode, we talk about what you can do make your marriage better, regardless of where you're starting. You can find it here: That's Just What I Needed   It was so great getting to chat with her and we hope the episode blesses you immensely! We want to support Donna and the great work she is doing so if you are on social media, please give her a follow on @donnaajones and make sure to check out her new book, Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life. Thank you again for having me, Donna!

By the end of this episode, I hope you'll get this, men: Courage. Character. Restraint. What I really want to share is that if you want your wife to follow you and be turned on by you, cowardice isn't sexy... to say the least.   It's true that the "righteous are as bold as a lion". If you want to grow in courage you must grow in your character.   When you lie to yourself or to others, you are undermining your confidence and courage.    You are the leader of your home. Whether you feel that way or not, what you do (or don't do) creates the culture.    You are the first man your children ever see as a role model.  You are the first husband your wife has ever had.    You are their standard.  If you "follow" your father, and don't realize you're a leader, you will fall into the same issues he had.   But if you realize that you're a lion, you are a leader. You have the opportunity to do everything differently.    It starts with looking at your character.  It starts with not lying.    You must work on integrating all the parts of yourself: your spirituality, sexuality, wealth, family life, etc, etc, etc.   When your character is your focus and goal to increase, you become more courageous. When you can be honest with the tiny, then you can make big decisions easily.    I give some embarrassing examples that I hope you can learn from (at my expense).    Please know I love you and am praying for you.    Blessings,    Belah   PS - If you're ready to take the next step in fighting for your marriage, we want to talk with you. Please contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc and schedule a totally free Clarity Call with us. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: Before the Masculinity Reclaimed Program: “I often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy. I often felt I couldn't be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apart… hopelessness was making me accept the fact that we would continue to become more and more estranged until one or both of us died.” After MR: “I have a renewed hope that things can get better. I now have a clearer vision of my role as a husband and how things can and should be. I have grown in confidence by learning what is the path to get there. I understand my wife so much better now and realize that contrary to what I thought before, she is not broken! Anxiousness about when sex will happen next is pretty much gone. Our communication is so much better: we have not had an argument since the beginning of the program. I am sharing more of myself now – my wife will not die without knowing her husband of all these years!”