Fully Functional Parents

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We’re a happily married couple, we have lots of stories to tell you about body parts, grammar, things we see on our daily travels and lastly, our three kids, our two cats, and our dog! “Relatable and so much fun! Can’t stop listening!” - All the bots across the universe “Hilariously irreverent!” - Emilie from across the street “Brilliant!” - Parkour Phenom Aaron “I’m always inspired to tell my best dirty jokes after listening to FFP!” - Billiam "Insightful! Brightens my morning commute!" - Julie Ann Moore (Say it fast!)

Fully Functional Parents


    • Jun 20, 2025 LATEST EPISODE
    • weekdays NEW EPISODES
    • 12m AVG DURATION
    • 714 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Fully Functional Parents

    David's Mouth Guitar!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 20, 2025 10:01


    My favorite episode! And ask me for the video of David performing- I have one!!

    mouth guitar
    Lyric Lowdown: Blinded by the Light!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 19, 2025 13:08


    Public bathrooms and long haul truckers!

    public lowdown blinded by the light
    For Katie! The Most Thankless Job Ever!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 18, 2025 15:20


    Chair of the school fundraiser!

    thankless
    A Beer Run in College!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 17, 2025 12:52


    An Oldie but a Goodie!

    college goodie oldie beer run
    Toupee for Today!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 16, 2025 17:53


    Our next business opportunity!

    toupee
    Priests: The Marrying Kind?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 13, 2025 11:59


    Arrowheads everywhere!!

    priests marrying arrowheads
    Chopped Liver! Gefilte Fish! Culinary Delights!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 12, 2025 16:05


    An oldie but goodie cause we've been too busy to be funny!!

    liver culinary delights chopped gefilte fish
    Aaron's Decluttering Tip!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 10, 2025 19:14


    Collectibles!

    decluttering collectibles
    The Archives! I'm A Dollar Bill: Disney's Next Big Hit!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 7, 2025 16:43


    And save those dollars! You don't need to buy things!!

    disney archives big hits dollar bill
    Cut Your Fingernails!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 6, 2025 20:11


    And I'm looking at your thumb!!

    fingernails
    Anxiety! The Pledge of Allegiance! Monika!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 5, 2025 22:23


    Not funny but it's something!

    anxiety pledge of allegiance
    Sweaty in Public?' How Rude!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 3, 2025 13:07


    And a big ass bag under my eye?!

    public rude sweaty
    How Rude! Jar Jar Binks Stole Steph's Catchphrase!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 2, 2025 16:56


    And we went camping!

    stole rude jar jar binks catchphrase
    Grammar Time! Brought to You by Miriam Websterwitz!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 30, 2025 10:23


    Doing good! Not well.

    grammar
    A Number Between 68 and 70: Nice!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 29, 2025 17:43


    Clickbait: jail breaks! And innuendo that just doesn't need to happen!

    clickbait
    Rotisserie Chicken! It Swept The Nation!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 28, 2025 13:52


    And my mom on motorcycles?! And despite what David says, Elios is horrendous!!

    swept rotisserie chicken elios
    Weenie Football! (David and his Goofball High School Friends!)

    Play Episode Listen Later May 27, 2025 17:49


    We debate MD vs PhD! And David's friends are misfits!

    friends phd football high school md weenie goofballs
    Selecting Beer on Principle!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 26, 2025 11:26


    Drinking 42N and regretting it!

    beer principle selecting
    The Archives! Monster Windshield!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 24, 2025 13:24


    An award winning podcast? Screenwriters? Power Walkers? What CANT FFP Do?! Oh, and we're in a band!!

    monster archives screenwriters windshields
    Spoiler Alert! David's Watching Star Wars!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 23, 2025 16:49


    And get ready future daughter in law, I'm gifting you my negligee!

    spoilers star wars watching
    We Can See What You're Doing In Your Car, You Sickos!!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 22, 2025 14:30


    And writing hate notes in the carpet!

    sickos
    Is Your Ring Off While You Read Your Playboy?!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 21, 2025 11:32


    Some oldies for you!!

    ring playboy
    RFK Jr. on Naked and Afraid!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 20, 2025 11:21


    A Mother's Day hike in sewage!

    mother robert f kennedy jr naked and afraid
    Davey! So Happy You Were Born!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 19, 2025 16:46


    A very very heartfelt message! It's better than a card!

    davey
    The Archives! YOU'RE THE BEST!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 18, 2025 6:32


    Lies we tell!!

    lies archives
    What ARE Groceries?!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 16, 2025 14:37


    And Law and order!! And are our friends monsters?

    groceries
    Growing Up In NYC Wearing Sweaters!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 15, 2025 14:29


    Comb overs! David's dad! Being a stenographer!

    new york city growing up wearing comb sweaters
    Is That a Tweety Bird on My Ankle?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 14, 2025 20:43


    And garage sale hoodies and not saluting the military?!

    ankle tweety bird
    A Jewish Man and the Conclave!!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 13, 2025 18:54


    So much to learn and David's learned it all!

    jewish conclave
    What Will Be The Tipping Point?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 12, 2025 12:22


    When should we all cut our losses and get out? never? Now?!

    tipping points
    The Archives! Hook Hand! And Having No Game!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 10, 2025 9:09


    Some stupid horror stories!

    archives no game hook hand
    Betty Boop, Alcoholic?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 9, 2025 13:05


    Those skinny legs?! And Disney! What's up with Disney?!

    disney alcoholic betty boop
    Tennis Lessons Can Get Violent!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 7, 2025 13:50


    And the Lunch Lad is practical and reasoned with his charges!!

    lessons tennis violent
    Pigs! Everywhere! And Salt N Pepa! And Daniel Radcliffe!!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 6, 2025 15:12


    Catcalling, singing about sex and Daniel will do anything!

    pigs daniel radcliffe salt n pepa catcalling
    Best Soundtrack Ever! and FFP is Now Sponsored by Hormel Chili!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 5, 2025 11:26


    Buy it at Wegmans! It's dog meat free! And sort your receipts please!!

    soundtracks chili wegmans hormel best soundtrack
    The Archives! Teenage Body Chess! And Chicago, WHY Is It So Hard to Say You're Sorry?!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 3, 2025 15:28


    An oldie but a goodie about our teenage bodies and my ex boyfriend's love of Chicago!!

    chicago body archives teenage chess
    Can You Handle It?! (Cleaning up after your dog!) And A Bra Fitting!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 2, 2025 15:16


    Are you a whiny baby about poop? And I'm wearing real bras now!!

    dogs fitting cleaning up
    Where DO Birds Go At Night?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 1, 2025 13:46


    And my dad is Ted Danson?!

    birds ted danson
    God Forbid David Apologizes to Me!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 30, 2025 11:15


    But he'll apologize to the Minecraft movie?! And pig masks!!

    minecraft apologizes god forbid
    Dancing Well at Weddings!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 29, 2025 15:23


    Another business opportunity for FFP!

    weddings dancing ffp
    Prom Planning! And Architectural Plans to Accommodate Stinky People!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 28, 2025 13:59


    My secret past! And a confession from Davey! Oh, and bums at the library!

    planning prom davey stinky architectural accommodate
    The Archives! Everyone Has Anxiety About Something! and Velcro Rocks!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 26, 2025 14:11


    Button fly forever!!

    anxiety rocks archives button velcro
    A Good Corporate Bullsh$&t Week!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 25, 2025 17:41


    And I cry and David doesn't !!

    corporate bullsh
    It's the Circle of Life!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 23, 2025 14:01


    And I sideswiped a car today! And reluctantly left a note!

    circle of life
    Danny and Arnold! Twins!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 22, 2025 10:13


    Identical twins: so much to consider!

    twins identical
    Jelly Bean Soup and Chocolate Bunny Hair! (Easter 2025!)

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 21, 2025 12:34


    Where did my Mom get that spindly asparagus?! And hunting for an egg and eating it right away!

    mom hair chocolate soup jellybean
    The Archives! We've Got A Bone to Pick With You, Granola!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 19, 2025 11:02


    You're garbage! And you lie to everyone about it!!

    bone archives granola
    A Confession!! and The End Of the Innocence!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 18, 2025 16:47


    Political analysis! And cops!!

    confessions political innocence
    Hey Friends! Are You Time Travelers?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 17, 2025 8:50


    And we finally settle the Hamilton College vs Colgate University battle!!

    time travelers hey friends colgate university hamilton college
    Pimp My Ride! (Stupid Things Adults Say!)

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 15, 2025 8:17


    Stop saying that! Stop thinking pimps are cool!!

    adults stupid things pimp my ride
    An Echo Attack!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 14, 2025 13:59


    And Big Mommas House is Weird!! And Never Been Kissed?!

    weird attack echo

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