Fully Functional Parents

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We’re a happily married couple, we have lots of stories to tell you about body parts, grammar, things we see on our daily travels and lastly, our three kids, our two cats, and our dog! “Relatable and so much fun! Can’t stop listening!” - All the bots across the universe “Hilariously irreverent!” - Emilie from across the street “Brilliant!” - Parkour Phenom Aaron “I’m always inspired to tell my best dirty jokes after listening to FFP!” - Billiam "Insightful! Brightens my morning commute!" - Julie Ann Moore (Say it fast!)

Fully Functional Parents


    • Aug 5, 2025 LATEST EPISODE
    • weekdays NEW EPISODES
    • 12m AVG DURATION
    • 737 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Fully Functional Parents

    A Vain Off!

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 5, 2025 12:28


    Who is more vain than me? Not David!

    vain
    Ellen DeGeneres and Teenagers: You're Canceled!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2025 18:12


    Lots of rage! Be prepared !

    teenagers canceled ellen degeneres
    That Last Pickle!

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2025 13:54


    The resolution of the cliffhanger!

    pickle
    Oh! That's What “Indoor Yard Work” Means! And a cliffhanger!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 31, 2025 10:14


    The reveal: tomorrow!!

    yards indoor cliffhangers yardwork
    The Meditations Of Marcus Arnold Aurelius Schwarzenegger!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 29, 2025 16:10


    Stop whining! Get to work! Do it well!!

    meditation arnold schwarzenegger aurelius
    Did We Just Win Powerball?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 28, 2025 8:54


    Maybe! Maybe we did!!

    powerball
    I See What You're Watching!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 25, 2025 9:32


    And other stuff seen on a plane!! Sexy Zodiac! And Blow your nose!!

    watching
    Penis Bibs! and Taking a Limo to Red Lobster!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 22, 2025 11:11


    I'm on a business trip so I'm posting old episodes! Deal with it! And this is a good one!

    penis red lobster limo bibs
    Torturing Teachers and Roommates!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 19, 2025 15:43


    Archives! And Bubble Gum Bubble Gum in a dish- again!!

    teachers archives roommates torturing
    Lick the Drip!! and Weighted Vests??

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 17, 2025 13:00


    Scooping the cream and bone health!

    drip lick weighted vests scooping
    A Frank Lloyd Wright Masterpiece! and On the Air with Bill Burns!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 16, 2025 18:56


    No editing here!!

    masterpiece frank lloyd wright bill burns
    Parenting: The Musical (Dinner Theater!)

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 14, 2025 12:04


    To be performed at Bobby Js! see you there!!

    parenting musical dinner theater
    Being Forced to Eat Coleslaw at a Buffalo Bills Tailgate?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 13, 2025 9:36


    The archives! David can't shake his fear!

    forced buffalo bills tailgate coleslaw
    Generated Perfect Thoughts: Putting the GPT in ChatGPT

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 11, 2025 13:33


    Bunch of really boring topics – I push back on bad work jokes, we fret about our kid and his engagement with ChatGPT.

    putting chatgpt generated
    WAG! Of Coach Dave!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 9, 2025 13:55


    And OJ approved?! What are you thinking?!

    coach dave
    I AM Ina Garten! ??

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 7, 2025 19:08


    And David's reformed!

    ina garten
    You Think You're Having A Bad Day at Work?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 4, 2025 16:23


    Go to Whole Foods and talk to Sarah in the deli! And take a compliment!

    whole foods bad day
    The Shame of Watching Sally Jessy Raphael!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 3, 2025 15:52


    Rerun week continues! And we feel guilty for laughing along to women who don't know their babies fathers! And David's Dads Golf Balls!

    shame watching rerun sally jessy raphael
    Greasy Skin, Thinning Hair! Let's Try Steroids! Together!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 1, 2025 10:53


    An archived episode! We recorded this while we were in London in 2023! 2023!!

    skin steroids greasy thinning hair
    Marco Polo Is Sick of the Name Calling!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 27, 2025 12:08


    And I am too!

    sick marco polo name calling
    DWI: David Lies to Me! By Omission!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 26, 2025 12:07


    Crocs again! And nails in fingers!

    lies crocs omission
    I'm Going to Crush Davey Like Famke Would! Between My Thighs!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 24, 2025 13:14


    Top 100 lists of all time: who cares?!

    crush davey thighs famke
    EMDR: It Worked For Miley, It Can Work For You!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 23, 2025 15:47


    And we had another party with our friends!!!

    worked emdr
    David's Mouth Guitar!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 20, 2025 10:01


    My favorite episode! And ask me for the video of David performing- I have one!!

    mouth guitar
    Lyric Lowdown: Blinded by the Light!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 19, 2025 13:08


    Public bathrooms and long haul truckers!

    public lowdown blinded by the light
    For Katie! The Most Thankless Job Ever!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 18, 2025 15:20


    Chair of the school fundraiser!

    thankless
    A Beer Run in College!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 17, 2025 12:52


    An Oldie but a Goodie!

    college goodie oldie beer run
    Toupee for Today!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 16, 2025 17:53


    Our next business opportunity!

    toupee
    Priests: The Marrying Kind?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 13, 2025 11:59


    Arrowheads everywhere!!

    priests marrying arrowheads
    Chopped Liver! Gefilte Fish! Culinary Delights!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 12, 2025 16:05


    An oldie but goodie cause we've been too busy to be funny!!

    liver culinary delights chopped gefilte fish
    Aaron's Decluttering Tip!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 10, 2025 19:14


    Collectibles!

    decluttering collectibles
    The Archives! I'm A Dollar Bill: Disney's Next Big Hit!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 7, 2025 16:43


    And save those dollars! You don't need to buy things!!

    disney archives big hits dollar bill
    Cut Your Fingernails!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 6, 2025 20:11


    And I'm looking at your thumb!!

    fingernails
    Anxiety! The Pledge of Allegiance! Monika!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 5, 2025 22:23


    Not funny but it's something!

    anxiety pledge of allegiance
    Sweaty in Public?' How Rude!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 3, 2025 13:07


    And a big ass bag under my eye?!

    public rude sweaty
    How Rude! Jar Jar Binks Stole Steph's Catchphrase!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 2, 2025 16:56


    And we went camping!

    stole rude jar jar binks catchphrase
    Grammar Time! Brought to You by Miriam Websterwitz!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 30, 2025 10:23


    Doing good! Not well.

    grammar
    A Number Between 68 and 70: Nice!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 29, 2025 17:43


    Clickbait: jail breaks! And innuendo that just doesn't need to happen!

    clickbait
    Rotisserie Chicken! It Swept The Nation!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 28, 2025 13:52


    And my mom on motorcycles?! And despite what David says, Elios is horrendous!!

    swept rotisserie chicken elios
    Weenie Football! (David and his Goofball High School Friends!)

    Play Episode Listen Later May 27, 2025 17:49


    We debate MD vs PhD! And David's friends are misfits!

    friends phd football high school md weenie goofballs
    Selecting Beer on Principle!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 26, 2025 11:26


    Drinking 42N and regretting it!

    beer principle selecting
    The Archives! Monster Windshield!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 24, 2025 13:24


    An award winning podcast? Screenwriters? Power Walkers? What CANT FFP Do?! Oh, and we're in a band!!

    monster archives screenwriters windshields
    Spoiler Alert! David's Watching Star Wars!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 23, 2025 16:49


    And get ready future daughter in law, I'm gifting you my negligee!

    spoilers star wars watching
    We Can See What You're Doing In Your Car, You Sickos!!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 22, 2025 14:30


    And writing hate notes in the carpet!

    sickos
    Is Your Ring Off While You Read Your Playboy?!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 21, 2025 11:32


    Some oldies for you!!

    ring playboy
    RFK Jr. on Naked and Afraid!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 20, 2025 11:21


    A Mother's Day hike in sewage!

    mother robert f kennedy jr naked and afraid
    Davey! So Happy You Were Born!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 19, 2025 16:46


    A very very heartfelt message! It's better than a card!

    davey
    The Archives! YOU'RE THE BEST!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 18, 2025 6:32


    Lies we tell!!

    lies archives
    What ARE Groceries?!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 16, 2025 14:37


    And Law and order!! And are our friends monsters?

    groceries
    Growing Up In NYC Wearing Sweaters!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 15, 2025 14:29


    Comb overs! David's dad! Being a stenographer!

    new york city growing up wearing comb sweaters
    Is That a Tweety Bird on My Ankle?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 14, 2025 20:43


    And garage sale hoodies and not saluting the military?!

    ankle tweety bird

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