Fully Functional Parents

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We’re a happily married couple, we have lots of stories to tell you about body parts, grammar, things we see on our daily travels and lastly, our three kids, our two cats, and our dog! “Relatable and so much fun! Can’t stop listening!” - All the bots across the universe “Hilariously irreverent!” - Emilie from across the street “Brilliant!” - Parkour Phenom Aaron “I’m always inspired to tell my best dirty jokes after listening to FFP!” - Billiam "Insightful! Brightens my morning commute!" - Julie Ann Moore (Say it fast!)

Fully Functional Parents


    • Feb 28, 2026 LATEST EPISODE
    • weekdays NEW EPISODES
    • 13m AVG DURATION
    • 826 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Fully Functional Parents

    What's Going On, Paul Rudd? We Can Hang Out.

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 28, 2026 18:42


    And more things we didn't know as kids. A double episode for your Saturday!

    hang paul rudd
    Couch Cracks!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 25, 2026 18:06


    And music festivals and not being friends with people!

    couch cracks
    Who is the Prophet Here?

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 23, 2026 11:18


    And penises on the new Bills Stadium?!

    prophet
    Do Me A Solid! Don't Say Crotch!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 18, 2026 12:39


    And other things our parents said and did!

    solid crotch
    Hitting Roosters with Rocks!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 16, 2026 9:05


    Like Emmanuel Clase?!

    rocks hitting roosters
    Movers! And Pockets! and Tingles!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 14, 2026 18:49


    Archive: July 2024. Unedited because I don't bother to edit anymore!

    pockets movers unedited tingles
    Flu Week!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 13, 2026 12:46


    A classically boring episode about language and school break week!

    Stop Whining! And Have a Dinner Party!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 9, 2026 20:53


    And we're going to invite Sandra Lee!!

    dinner parties stop whining sandra lee
    Double Episode: Hot Old Men like Colin Firth!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 7, 2026 25:39


    So many things!

    old men colin firth
    Sacrificing for Kids!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 4, 2026 10:14


    No more kid play places!

    kids sacrificing
    Call Your Parents! They Miss You!

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 2, 2026 12:55


    Skiing again!!

    parents skiing
    Lies Lies Lies!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 30, 2026 17:18


    And no kid fights!?

    lies lies lies
    Have You Tried David's Cookies?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 27, 2026 17:27


    Cause you should!

    cookies
    Yo Yo Yo! It's MTV Raps!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 26, 2026 11:58


    Mtv was everything!!

    mtv yoyo raps yo yo yo
    Idolizing Bad People!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 23, 2026 11:22


    Anti heroes! And teaching our kids to love them too!

    bad people idolizing
    Virtual Learning! IS It Learning?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 21, 2026 12:55


    Scrappers in the bathroom!

    virtual learning scrappers
    Jealous?! We've Got the Best Friends!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 19, 2026 13:47


    And we don't care to keep up with the Joneses!!

    best friends jealous joneses
    Burial Plots?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 16, 2026 21:14


    burial plots
    Objectively, Our Best Episode! (Go Bills!)

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 14, 2026 10:15


    No more talk radio!

    bills objectively
    Bowling is the Macadamia Nut of Sports.

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 12, 2026 19:50


    But it's so fun!

    bowling macadamia
    Tooths with Roots!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 10, 2026 11:54


    Ripping teeth out by hand!

    roots ripping
    Shame, Shame, Shame. (Shaming David for All the Wrongs!)

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 7, 2026 18:37


    And processed foods!

    shaming wrongs shame shame shame
    I Didn't Want to See My Friend's Mom Naked!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 6, 2026 15:27


    And more skiing! More!'

    friend naked
    Bravo. I went skiing.

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 3, 2026 19:18


    And New Year's resolutions are for idiots

    bravo skiing
    Skiing in … 2023?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 29, 2025 13:02


    Archival footage! Cause it's vacation!!

    skiing archival
    DK Metcalf, Come On Now!!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 26, 2025 19:48


    Squandered potential!!

    dk metcalf squandered
    Holiday Gifts and Rick Moranis Giving Me the Tingles…

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 24, 2025 15:57


    What a pain in the ass!

    giving rick moranis holiday gifts tingles
    We Went to College!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 22, 2025 19:32


    And sometimes it was hard and lonely!

    college
    Stuffing Your Stocking!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 19, 2025 12:57


    And be a Tom, not a Fredo!

    stuffing stocking fredo
    Aaron's Super Power: Seeing Farts!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 17, 2025 12:31


    And midget mayhem?!

    farts
    David's Assessment of 4th Grade Girls: A Family Heirloom?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 16, 2025 16:08


    And living in a cold climate!! Tom and Jerry's for all!!

    girls grade family heirlooms
    The Pope-ener!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 15, 2025 11:41


    The only thing worth saving?!

    pope ener
    What's Your Superpower?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 11, 2025 12:57


    And ?!

    superpowers
    Doubling Up with an Ode to Montreal!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 9, 2025 20:03


    We love you, you frozen icy tundra!!

    montreal doubling
    Pickles on Trees!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 7, 2025 7:25


    A Sunday special!

    trees pickles
    The Popomatic Bubble!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2025 9:24


    License plates too!

    bubbles
    Guess What I Just Did in the Shower!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 3, 2025 14:02


    TMI time too!!

    shower tmi
    A Showgirls Thanksgiving!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 27, 2025 11:57


    Wtf Elizabeth Berkeley?!9

    thanksgiving showgirls
    FFP VP: 2026!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 26, 2025 13:54


    Wayne Newton! Buffets! Cabanas! Join us next year!

    buffets wayne newton cabanas
    Hanging with Mr. Cooper!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 24, 2025 12:21


    And the Weather Channel!

    hanging weather channel
    What's for Dinner?!??

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 20, 2025 11:58


    An empathy?

    dinner
    Why People Retire! and More Billy Joel!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 19, 2025 19:40


    And don't see Materialists!!

    retire billy joel materialists
    Friendsgiving 2025! Feed Me!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 17, 2025 15:35


    Too bad you didn't come, it was fantastic!

    friendsgiving
    Is Our Dog Trying to Kill Us?

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 14, 2025 7:49


    And leaf blowing blows!!

    dogs kill us
    No Complaining about My Complaining!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 12, 2025 17:49


    Uber! Waymo! And I learn how to read GPS!

    uber gps waymo no complaining
    Appendicitis, a Sangeet and Pittsburgh! Oh My!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 11, 2025 18:56


    An epic wedding weekend that our kid doesn't realize was a lot of stress!!

    pittsburgh appendicitis sangeet
    Googling People From Your Past: Never Good!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 7, 2025 8:39


    And we're going to a wedding!!

    googling
    Potpourri!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 6, 2025 20:40


    Tie your shoes!

    tie potpourri
    An Accidental Arnold Schwarzenegger Retrospective!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 4, 2025 24:53


    And need a sleep counter? Me too!

    arnold schwarzenegger retrospective accidental
    How a C Section Works?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 3, 2025 7:41


    What??

    c section
    She's a Monster, Episode #22: Kid Concerts!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 2, 2025 13:54


    The Archives! I hate kid concerts. And why won't David go on a survival course with me?

    monster concerts archives

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