Fully Functional Parents

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We’re a happily married couple, we have lots of stories to tell you about body parts, grammar, things we see on our daily travels and lastly, our three kids, our two cats, and our dog! “Relatable and so much fun! Can’t stop listening!” - All the bots across the universe “Hilariously irreverent!” - Emilie from across the street “Brilliant!” - Parkour Phenom Aaron “I’m always inspired to tell my best dirty jokes after listening to FFP!” - Billiam "Insightful! Brightens my morning commute!" - Julie Ann Moore (Say it fast!)

Fully Functional Parents


    • May 29, 2025 LATEST EPISODE
    • weekdays NEW EPISODES
    • 12m AVG DURATION
    • 700 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Fully Functional Parents

    A Number Between 68 and 70: Nice!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 29, 2025 17:43


    Clickbait: jail breaks! And innuendo that just doesn't need to happen!

    Rotisserie Chicken! It Swept The Nation!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 28, 2025 13:52


    And my mom on motorcycles?! And despite what David says, Elios is horrendous!!

    Weenie Football! (David and his Goofball High School Friends!)

    Play Episode Listen Later May 27, 2025 17:49


    We debate MD vs PhD! And David's friends are misfits!

    Selecting Beer on Principle!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 26, 2025 11:26


    Drinking 42N and regretting it!

    The Archives! Monster Windshield!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 24, 2025 13:24


    An award winning podcast? Screenwriters? Power Walkers? What CANT FFP Do?! Oh, and we're in a band!!

    Spoiler Alert! David's Watching Star Wars!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 23, 2025 16:49


    And get ready future daughter in law, I'm gifting you my negligee!

    We Can See What You're Doing In Your Car, You Sickos!!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 22, 2025 14:30


    And writing hate notes in the carpet!

    Is Your Ring Off While You Read Your Playboy?!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 21, 2025 11:32


    Some oldies for you!!

    RFK Jr. on Naked and Afraid!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 20, 2025 11:21


    A Mother's Day hike in sewage!

    Davey! So Happy You Were Born!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 19, 2025 16:46


    A very very heartfelt message! It's better than a card!

    The Archives! YOU'RE THE BEST!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 18, 2025 6:32


    Lies we tell!!

    What ARE Groceries?!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 16, 2025 14:37


    And Law and order!! And are our friends monsters?

    Growing Up In NYC Wearing Sweaters!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 15, 2025 14:29


    Comb overs! David's dad! Being a stenographer!

    Is That a Tweety Bird on My Ankle?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 14, 2025 20:43


    And garage sale hoodies and not saluting the military?!

    A Jewish Man and the Conclave!!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 13, 2025 18:54


    So much to learn and David's learned it all!

    What Will Be The Tipping Point?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 12, 2025 12:22


    When should we all cut our losses and get out? never? Now?!

    The Archives! Hook Hand! And Having No Game!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 10, 2025 9:09


    Some stupid horror stories!

    Betty Boop, Alcoholic?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 9, 2025 13:05


    Those skinny legs?! And Disney! What's up with Disney?!

    Tennis Lessons Can Get Violent!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 7, 2025 13:50


    And the Lunch Lad is practical and reasoned with his charges!!

    Pigs! Everywhere! And Salt N Pepa! And Daniel Radcliffe!!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 6, 2025 15:12


    Catcalling, singing about sex and Daniel will do anything!

    Best Soundtrack Ever! and FFP is Now Sponsored by Hormel Chili!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 5, 2025 11:26


    Buy it at Wegmans! It's dog meat free! And sort your receipts please!!

    The Archives! Teenage Body Chess! And Chicago, WHY Is It So Hard to Say You're Sorry?!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 3, 2025 15:28


    An oldie but a goodie about our teenage bodies and my ex boyfriend's love of Chicago!!

    Can You Handle It?! (Cleaning up after your dog!) And A Bra Fitting!

    Play Episode Listen Later May 2, 2025 15:16


    Are you a whiny baby about poop? And I'm wearing real bras now!!

    Where DO Birds Go At Night?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 1, 2025 13:46


    And my dad is Ted Danson?!

    God Forbid David Apologizes to Me!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 30, 2025 11:15


    But he'll apologize to the Minecraft movie?! And pig masks!!

    Dancing Well at Weddings!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 29, 2025 15:23


    Another business opportunity for FFP!

    Prom Planning! And Architectural Plans to Accommodate Stinky People!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 28, 2025 13:59


    My secret past! And a confession from Davey! Oh, and bums at the library!

    The Archives! Everyone Has Anxiety About Something! and Velcro Rocks!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 26, 2025 14:11


    A Good Corporate Bullsh$&t Week!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 25, 2025 17:41


    And I cry and David doesn't !!

    corporate bullsh
    It's the Circle of Life!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 23, 2025 14:01


    And I sideswiped a car today! And reluctantly left a note!

    Danny and Arnold! Twins!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 22, 2025 10:13


    Identical twins: so much to consider!

    Jelly Bean Soup and Chocolate Bunny Hair! (Easter 2025!)

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 21, 2025 12:34


    Where did my Mom get that spindly asparagus?! And hunting for an egg and eating it right away!

    The Archives! We've Got A Bone to Pick With You, Granola!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 19, 2025 11:02


    You're garbage! And you lie to everyone about it!!

    A Confession!! and The End Of the Innocence!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 18, 2025 16:47


    Political analysis! And cops!!

    Hey Friends! Are You Time Travelers?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 17, 2025 8:50


    And we finally settle the Hamilton College vs Colgate University battle!!

    Pimp My Ride! (Stupid Things Adults Say!)

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 15, 2025 8:17


    Stop saying that! Stop thinking pimps are cool!!

    An Echo Attack!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 14, 2025 13:59


    And Big Mommas House is Weird!! And Never Been Kissed?!

    The Archives! FFP's 25th Makeout Anniversary! It's Today!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 12, 2025 15:11


    We've loved each other a LONG time!!

    THAT'S Farm to Table?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 10, 2025 14:27


    And a super refund!!

    That Goose Didn't Have To Die for Your Pillow!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 9, 2025 9:26


    And Red Bull and vodka: the classiest drink in Bari!!

    The Famine! It Was BAD!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 8, 2025 20:26


    More talk of Ireland!! And then we're done!!

    Cats on Journeys?! Click Bait for Me!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 7, 2025 11:13


    And remember: I loathe Train!!

    The Archives! Dressing in One Color!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 5, 2025 13:28


    And we'll be back next week with new content! Can't wait to talk at you all again! Love you!!

    We're in Ireland! And Suffering From Reverse Jet Lag?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 31, 2025 23:55


    We've been to Galway and now we're in Dublin! And we know nothing about God!!

    Stopping is Optional!

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 28, 2025 12:24


    We are Rome! And we're idiots who microwave metal!!

    I'd Rather Be… Puzzlin'!

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 26, 2025 14:57


    And stop driving like a jerk!!

    Would You Still Ignore Me If We Were The Only Humans On Earth?

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 25, 2025 11:56


    The answer is probably yes!!

    We Miss You, Gary Larson!

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 24, 2025 12:00


    The Archives! FFP Teaches You Some Manners!!

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 22, 2025 9:11


    And making out with mustaches: gross!!

    Eating Each Other's Underwear!

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 21, 2025 14:33


    And who cares about pop culture? Davey's parents!

    The World: Naked!

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 20, 2025 15:40


    It's gut season, listen to our plan to change that!

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