2 Moms on The Couch

This is for those of you who didn't peak in high school. Or college. And in your thirties, you still thought you had more to do, give, and learn. But you were still discovering new potential in your forties, too. You're just not done yet! Before this conversation with psychotherapist, Dr. Dana Dorfman, Amy had never considered the massive parallels between her teen kids' phase of life and her own. Hormonal upheaval, evolving relationships with our own parents, and newfound freedoms weirdly unite some teens' experiences with those of their 50-something mothers.  While Amy interprets this similarity between teens and mid-lifers as permission to make more inappropriate jokes, Dana chooses a different path to reinvention.  Find out why "mid-life" is such a fork in the road, and how to decide which way to go. Dana offers three useful strategies to approach this sometimes-complex time of life, derived from her extensive experience as a clinician. Also, get surprising (and happy!) news about what often happens to relationships that may have been "stuck" for decades as we hit these new thresholds of development.  For our "NO! You HAVE To!" segment, Dana recommends something deeply life-changing, and Amy recommends something shallowly life-changing.  Thanks to Colin Shmaeling for fabulous editing!

For maybe the first time in history, there are currently four generations sharing the workplace! No matter what generation you belong to, the other ones can be so ANNOYING! Sure, millennials may be the prime targets of ridicule and derision right now, but the cycle will continue, and someone new will become irritating, and by the way, millennials don't think GEN X and the Boomers are so perfect, either.  Join Dana and Amy on the couch for their own tales of inter-generational annoyance.  Then listen as they re-frame those tales using some great advice for getting past the irritating behaviors of other generations to a place of idyllic understanding and harmonious cooperation. Really!

Most everyone has felt like a fraud at one point or another. Amy was surprised to learn that even confident-seeming white guys can fall prey to impostor syndrome! Join the 2 Moms on the Couch as we tell you how to Get. Over. It—except for those rare times that it's normal and appropriate.  Dana shares the unique ways in which impostor syndrome affects therapists, who don't have many observable models for their work. And then there was the time Amy really WAS an impostor, performing at the Comedy Cellar on a show with Dave Attell. Twice. She may have fooled the audience, but did the other comics know? (The answer will astound you: YES!)  Lastly, for our segment, "No, you HAVE to!" Dana shocks Amy with the secret to her lashes. (Really, I was SHOCKED.) 

Achievement and true success are not always the same thing, as we find out this week on The Couch.  In Dana's 25 years of experience as a psychotherapist of kids and families, she's found that parents' anxiety about ensuring their kids are high-achieving can actually have a negative impact on their success and mental health—an idea she calls the Parenting Paradox.  Dana shares the useful strategies she's developed to help families avoid counter-productive spirals of stress, emphasizing a focus on personal values to inform your actions as a parent. Don't worry: we also give useful exercises to help you identify what those values are! Join us on The Couch to find out how we're dealing with these issues ourselves as the parents of kids about to enter high school and college in the mad world of New York City!

Dana shares a middle school friend group story more frightening than anything Poe could have dreamed up. Amy talks about how frequent moves for her family as a kid altered her friendship landscape.  Dana and Amy learn they both have dueling fears of friend-abandonment and friends wanting to subsume them.  Get helpful advice about being a better friend and knowing when it's time to walk away. 

Join us on the couch as we process some BIG disappointments, the result of some big expectations.  Dana shares the gut-wrenching story of her son getting ridiculously ill in the hours leading up to his bar mitzvah, the Jewish coming-of-age ceremony they'd both spent months preparing for. Amy divulges the results of a Mother's Day survey she created to measure the gap between mothers' expectations for our "special day" and the realities. She also admits to wanting something IMPOSSIBLE from a long-ago gift and how it still embarrasses her to think about it.  Dana and Amy understand that, in the scale of problems and disappointments, the ones they discuss are good ones to have, considering what's possible. In this exploration of the underlying emotion of disappointment and strategies for working through it, they hope you can find something that resonates for you and helps you process whatever you have going on, even if you weren't expecting to get a necklace when you woke up today! 

As we looked back on the extremes portrayed by the Seven Deadly Sins, which we've spent the last seven weeks covering, we realized that the problem may lie in extremes of any kind—even extreme perfection. We start this episode with an examination of the literal cost of perfection—for Amy's teeth. We learn a little bit about Swedish, Amy's friend's book idea for finding the ideal man, and what kind of guys she used to date. We learn which of the 7 Deadlies has tormented Dana the most in the past and how she moved past some of that torment. Amy's "No, You HAVE To" deals with the passage of time, while Dana's deals with eternal truths.

This one hit close to home for Dana and Amy! Join us on the couch as we learn what's really going on when you put off that one thing—or many things! Dana helps us understand why procrastination is a perfectly normal and natural self-protective mechanism—and then, how to move past it to get on with our lives.  She also gives Amy some useful advice for parenting a procrastinator.  Amy vows to do the one embarrassing thing that she was putting off right after we recorded. Visit us on IG or FB to see if she actually did it! And lastly, judge for yourself if Amy's "No, You HAVE To" is even crazier than Goop advice!  Visit us at www.2momsonthecouch.com!

Google auto-corrected "Lust" to "List," because even the (biased!) algorithm didn't want to hear fifty-year old mothers talking about this deadly sin.  But we committed to a series on the Seven Deadly Sins, and LUST is a biggie, so after some reluctance, here we are.  There's plenty to talk about, joke about, and think about as Dr. Dana Dorfman and comic Amy Veltman take on middle-age lust. Come join us on the couch as we move through some of our own discomfort talking about this taboo, and how it got all weird to begin with.  Much conspires to dim lust as we age: hormonal changes, exhaustion, and an ever-growing selection on Netflix. Still, for many, sexuality remains an integral part of their identity, relationships, and sense of being fully alive.  Stick with us until we come out on the other side, a little wiser, a little more patient with ourselves, and a little more hopeful about the future of our own lust and libido after Dana shares some tips for getting your own magic back if it seems to be on sabbatical.  Now, I gotta go post this before my kids get home....

Dana sees ENVY as the least productive of all the feelings as part of our series on the Seven Deadly Sins. Why is envy so challenging? Can any good come of it?  Find out as Dana gives strategies to get the most of this emotion and, incidentally, reveals that she shares a birthday with one of the world's most enviable women. 

In our series on the Seven Deadly Sins as a way to explore big emotions, it was Greed time. We stepped into it when we decided to use our kids' impending religious rites of passage (B'nai Mitzvot) as the playground for the conversation. This life-cycle event is full of family decision-making: how many people to invite, what kind of party shall we have, and, if we're being honest with ourselves, who are we trying to impress. Dana offers incredibly helpful advice about how to impart your values around money, material goods, community, and honoring special moments. And Amy offers her own services at a deep discount. 

Yes, we are GenX women, brought up with Jane Fonda's thigh gap and some funky ideas about good foods and bad. And food in general. And ourselves in general. In this episode, we share a LOT about where this got us.  Dana has helpful strategies to help us move past some of our food baggage, but we also both dish on the hang-ups and habits we have that are so ingrained, we don't even notice them most of the time.  For instance, one of us doesn't eat at parties. One of us ate food from the garbage can (Once! Only once!). All this and more awaits in the gluttony episode! 

As part of our series on the Seven Deadly Sins, we cover Anger (often referred to in sin lit as "Wrath"). This sin cut to the front of the line when Dana had an anger incident brought about in part by the hell arcade that is Dave & Buster's. We learn that Dana's anger flares when someone tangles with her kids; Amy's is activated when someone eats her food. Please don't judge Amy too harshly for her skewed priorities.  Dana offers helpful insights about the positive value of anger and how to express it in a way that it doesn't overwhelm the recipient. We also explore the relationship between anger and depression that sometimes exists, which was something Amy learned this week!  For our concluding section of recommendations, "No, You HAVE To!", Amy offers tips for something money can't buy, and Dana recommends something money CAN buy. 

Join us on the couch to explore the deadly sin of PRIDE, and the role it might have played in the college admissions scandal that this week ensnared CEOs and celebs. (They're not just like us. Phew!) We dive into the difference between pride and confidence and figure out how to tell if you're treading into 'sin" territory, As we discuss how women and men are often expected to express confidence differently, Dana gives textbook-perfect demos of the right and wrong ways to accept a compliment.  As Amy wrestles with the complexities of discerning what's fair in helping our kids in school and life, Dana shares a helpful POV on how to measure the "right" amount. Amy also learns why she might not want to take on as a central piece of her identity one nice thing someone said to her one time... about her pinky toe. 

We're about to launch into a series loosely based on the feelings of The Seven Deadly Sins and thought there was no better place to start than a conversation about the feeling that's supposed to steer us clear from them all: SHAME.  On this episode, Dana talks about her own struggle to overcome shameful feelings. Amy gets embarrassed that she doesn't feel as much shame as she used to anymore. We discuss these difference between shame, embarrassment, and guilt, and how (and why!) to avoid a parenting style based on shaming.  Additionally, we marvel at the shamelessness of the current resident of the Oval Office and wonder how someone becomes utterly shameless. Amy was surprised by Dana's expert opinion of how people turn out that way, and you might be, too.  For our "No, You HAVE To" this week, Dana recommends a recent documentary series to understand how deep shame plays out in real life, and Amy recommends something superficial to forget all about it. 

Amy and Dana ALMOST argue about whether being "book-smart" is more valuable than other types of intelligence. They discuss how their parents shaped their early views of smarts and how their perspectives on the topic continue to evolve as they "mature." Dana gives three useful approaches for thinking about intelligence in a more productive way. (That's a fancy way of saying she helps us be less judgey!) Visit www.2momsonthecouch.com/episodes to learn about the pangs of remorse Amy had after recording this episode, and weigh in yourself!

Let's be real: we don't want our kids to be either victims or perpetrators of sexual harassment or assault. But is there a conversation we can have with them to keep them safer? Dr. Dana Dorfman uses her professional expertise and experience as mother to both a daughter and a son to help us navigate this potentially thorny topic. And Amy brings several difficult personal and parenting experiences to the couch to illustrate the murkiness of dealing with other people in the real world, which sometimes feels more complicated than just saying "no," even if you're a strong, confident woman. We touch on the impacts of porn, what boys are taught about "masculinity," and how raising girls to always be accommodating to others might have unforeseen costs. After bringing up all that messy stuff, we won't just leave you hanging! Listen to the end for three useful strategies for raising more emotionally attuned kids. Lastly, listen for our "No, You Have To!" recommendations to hear about Amy's weird new life-changing piece of furniture, and a book that validates Dana's parenting values. Please let us know what you think, especially if you try any of these strategies with your own kids. And please rate us, review us, subscribe to us, and share us! Thanks!

You might have figured out that the title "2 Moms on The Couch" is referring to "the therapy couch," as well as the ones we like to laze about on. In NYC where Amy and Dana live, people talk about therapy a lot, and Dana is a therapist herself, but we realize that not everyone feels comfortable with starting stories at brunch with, "My therapist says...". In this episode, we answer pressing questions about what therapy is, when it can be useful, and we dispel a few myths along the way. Aside from explaining a few different types of therapy and how to find a therapist who's right for you, we tackle some questions people might be afraid to ask a real therapist: "What's the difference between a therapist and a paid friend?" "Is there a therapy for people who don't want to talk about their childhoods?" "Will I lose my edge?" "Can't I just ignore my problems?" and MORE! ***If you know someone who is thinking about suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Amy fesses to a parenting fail that inspired the episode topic. Dana explores the pitfalls of the question, "To push or not to push," and offers a great alternative. Hear their different approaches to the same parenting challenge—and how their mothers would have handled it! *Sorry about a few minutes of buzzy sound this episode. Hang on and things get clear again!

Just in time for Thanksgiving, Dana and Amy dish out strategies for thriving--or at least doing okay--during the holiday season. This week, the focus is less on parenting and more on mere survival and emotional health in a season that demands a lot of us as mothers, daughters, and humans. Amy shares her weird dietary hang-ups, which only seem weird when she's with other people, you know, LIKE DURING THANKSGIVING! Dana prescribes moderate alcohol consumption as a possible stress-reliever, which is something you can do when you're not giving actual therapy. Together, they delve into the meaning of the phrase "zero-sum game," and give 3 practical tips to make sure your holidays won't be one. Everyone can win!

Even though Dana is a psychotherapist, her own daughter's imminent departure for college is bringing up a lot of STUFF. Amy is rewarded handsomely for making the difficult decision to let her teenage daughter go to a truly scary Halloween party. At the end of this episode, you'll have 3 useful ideas to help you help your kids launch into the world in a way that's healthy for both of you!

Dana and Amy talk about what really keeps them up at night, and it's much more existential than spiders.... Dana, a therapist, lets us in on what a "Happiness Attack" is, and tries to figure out why they're so awful. Amy confessed her fear to her dad before a big performance; her dad then gave her the best advice she ever got to reduce anxiety. It will probably work for you, too. In the section, "No, you HAVE to...," Dana & Amy recommend products that have improved their lives and will save you time and money, even though nobody paid them to.(But they should!)

Dana and Amy discuss confidence. Things get meta when their own confidence sometimes appears to flag... or is that just a ruse to get you not to hate them? They truly don't know. They have practical tips, as well as book and video recommendations to help you get more confident. If that doesn't work, they have pant recommendations. Oh, and serious ideas to engender confidence in your kids.

Join Dana and Amy on the therapy/ friend/ family couch as they get real about money, admitting what so few of their friends do—they sometimes skate perilously close to the edge. They both talk about how their ideas of "success" and "enough" have evolved over time... but are still works-in-progress. Best of all, hear Dana invent a brand new savings vehicle, and listen to Amy tease her about it—as only an almost-cousin can.