F*ck Suffering with Rei Hance

This week's guest is Jaime Denbo, writer, performer, comedienne and my friend from the New York days. We met working at Toy Fair together in 1997. Until recently, it had been years since I'd last seen her. So much resonance, despite so much time passed. Friendships our are most important relationships. Why don't we treat them with more care on the whole? Why don't we seek couples therapy when we struggle and find ourselves locked in patterns like in our romantic relationships? It sure would shift the enormous pressure we put on those duos. If you've not seen Jamie's show American Princess, you should watch it. It's a tender take on Renaissance Faire life and asks the question, as her solo show on the same theme did, "What is a livelihood?" This question flows into these thoughts about friendship, creativity, place, and why a dog would develop the game of pulling out hair ties. If you're interested in my pocket coaching program, which provides support when and where you need it (we use What's App and 1:1 Zoom sessions) send me an email hi@reihance. com and we can check the fit. If you'd like the I Ching book, Oracle of Emergence that I use on the podcast, it's here.  Meanwhile, there's much to explore on the website reihance.com And if you're willing, please rate and review the podcast so more people can find it.  ;;

What fun this week to talk about Chi, Zen, Tao, Soil, Community, Composting, creating new shapes, filling new forms and boldly going where we are incontrovertibly pulled, even when it seems daunting. Am I really being pulled in this direction? Do I have to? That feels like I have to do something I haven't seen before. Well, a whole lot of us are being called to do things we haven't seen before. Time to find the kinky delight under discomfort and uncertainty. That they are the quickening before surprise. They are not necessarily the precursor to disaster. Just. Keep. Composting. Oh, did you want to join my pocket coaching program? Or did you just want to buy Oracle of Emergence: An Evolutionary I Ching, so you can develop your own intimacy with the wily field of being that is the I Ching? 

This week's guest is a tender delight. Her question is a tender delight. I find I come back to it anew after each molting. Did you know a dragonfly molts up to 15 times before maturity? That seems reasonable. How many times have you molted? I would tell you some of the things we discuss on this episode, but knowing really does spoil everything. Do you want to work with me? My pocket coaching program is open now. You can also book your very own personal I Ching reading at reihance.com You can also have Oracle of Emergence: An Evolutionary I Ching (the I Ching versiona used on the show) at your disposal at all times. That's probably a good idea.  Did you just want to say hi@reihance.com ?

This week's episode is a wild ride through all manner of subjects. We touch on gender, community, shapes, energy, culture and context. I mean, to be honest this 2 hr marathon episode was actually part of a 4 hr conversation where circles were cast tea was sipped and ideas were spun like maybe gold or maybe silk or maybe just that carnival classic cotton candy. So ephemeral. Is the internet conscious? Why are relationships weird? What is gender? What is it in the context of yin and yang? Where do gender politics meet sincerity? How does essence make shape? What if it doesn't? So much happened here. I hope you enjoy it. If not, I hope you get properly tangled in it. Did you want to work with me, Rei? My pocket coaching program is open for Summer. Here's where to go. Would you like to have Oracle of Emergence: An Evolutionary I Ching on hand to read for yourself? It's on Amazon.  Did you just want to say hi? Where are you listening from? I'm so curious about my Saudi Arabian listeners, and my ride or dies in Missouri. Say hi@reihance.com

Do you want to work with Rei? Pocket Coaching is open for Summer enrollment.  It mostly happens via What's App for support when and where you want it. If you're into that sort of things.  Have a question? Comment? Concern? hi@reihance.com

Do you want to work with Rei? Pocket Coaching is open. It's via What's App, so you get support when and where you need it. If you're into that sort of thing.  Have questions? Comments? Concerns? hi@reihance.com

Do you want to work with Rei? Pocket Coaching is open for summer enrollment.  It happens via What's App so it's support where and when you actually need it, which is sweet.  Have a question? Comment? Concern? hi@reihance.com Obviously if you rate and review this podcast, that's also sweet, but you knew that already. 

Do you want to work with Rei? Even after listening to this episode? Sweet.  Pocket Coaching is open for Summer enrollment. 

Do you want to work with Rei? The Pocket Coaching program has re-opened.   

Victoria LaFont Jackson is a nutrition researcher, copywriter, and coach. You can find her at www.victorialafont.com and she is brilliant, kind, and deeply knowledgeable. You can find her on Instagram @victorialafont I love talking to her, especially as she comes through the biological door primarily and my first door is the spiritual and we find so much common ground. Nothing is separate and each enters freedom according to their nature.  Trust is so foundational to freedom, so why is it so difficult to be generous with it? Why do we doubt that if we're here, we're held? That life innately supports life?  Sometimes it's trauma. We've gathered evidence from the past that people are not to be trusted, but why do we carry that in the present and extend it to life itself?  When we trust, we find ease everywhere. Even in the darkest wood, we keep putting one foot in front of the other. No one is coming to save us. That was never required.  Do you want to work with Rei? Perhaps in the Pocket Coaching program via What's App, giving you the support you need when and where you need it? Find it here: https://reihance.com/rei-hance-2/pocket-coaching/ Subscribe and review! It would help this peculiar and intimate podcast find its way in the world. 

This week's guest came in with a deep desire to find her way home in the midst of domestic abuse and family struggle. The I Ching hexagram she cast was 35 Ease, which seems so counter to her situation, but brought the conversation to the nature of struggle itself. What is she hanging on to and why is she hanging on to it? Maybe, like Dorothy, she was home this whole time and the answer to her query was all the way down out of her head and into her feet. Would you like to book a personal I Ching reading like we do on the show? Come here. Would you like to join a F*ck Suffering practice group or a Boundaries and Belonging session? Maybe some 1 on 1 guidance? Come here. Would you like to read for yourself from the book Oracle of Emergence: An Evolutionary I Ching that we use on the show? It's here.  It would be sweet if you'd rate the podcast, if you're into it. 

This week's guest brings a vulnerable question for the I Ching about a big move and a thoughtful conversation about non-binary identity and how that meets the world. How much does clinging to any identity bring suffering and stagnation, and when does that claim on identity feel like a bigger responsibility? Can we surrender from within identity or are we always subject to the bigger flux of the ecosystem? What role does politics play in that? When does our surrender become collapse? Can we be responsibly selfish rather than self-centered? How does identity meet our bodies and the body of the world? How much does mind play a role and which thoughts are fruitful? What do we cling to? How can we know what belongs with us when we cling? Would you like a personal I Ching reading? Come here. Would you like the book, Oracle of Emergence: An Evolutionary I Ching that we do the readings from on the show? It's here. Would you like to join a F*ck Suffering practice group or come in for Pocket Coaching or a Boundaries and Belonging session? That's here.  Please subscribe, rate and review this little labor of love so it can find it's way in the world. We really appreciate you stopping by and listening. Welcome. 

This week's guest received hexagram 12 Delta enveloped by hexagram 25 Budding. She has a deep desire to create sustainable community and feels all the urgency we all do around all the change we're collectively experiencing these past few years. It's so tempting to want to do something before the next compassionate action is clear. What makes us to this? Is it an evasion of some deeper thing? Something inside us rather than "out there"? Listen to what we discover... Would you like a personal I Ching reading like Rei does on the show? Come to reihance.com and book on the Oracle of Emergence page. Would you like the book that Rei does readings from? It's Oracle of Emergence: An Evolutionary I Ching and it's here at Amazon. Are you interested in Pocket Coaching via What's App or a F*ck Suffering practice group? Perhaps a Boundaries and Belonging half-day toe dip? They're all here.  Give this baby pod a boost by subscribing, rating, and reviewing. We love hearing what you think. It keeps us going!

This week's guest can feel what's possible and she kinda wants it now. But she's so gentle about it! It's clear she already has everything she needs when she casts hexagram 34, Power and 32, Enduring. This week we talk about patience, training the ego to poop outside, recognizing restlessness, following what endures, energetic discernment, molting, inner hieros gamos, and our favorite, the ecology of erotic emergence. To work with Rei go to www.reihance.com For Rei's book Oracle of Emergence: An Evolutionary I Ching go to Amazon. 

This week's guest was told by the I Ching to put down her props and move on. Sometimes the I Ching is brisk like that. We get into all kinds of juicy corners this week: arrogance and confidence, race and class distortion, mistrust of joy and the illicit thrills of struggle, the difference between surrender and collapse, what's next after trauma integration? And, as ever--eros. Ecology of erotic emergence ftw. If you'd like a personal I Ching reading, or to join a F*ck Suffering practice group, go to www. reihance.com For Rei's book that the readings come from, Oracle of Emergence: An Evolutionary I Ching well, that's at Amazon. 

This week, our guest is trying to navigate a power struggle with her adult daughter. The I Ching offered up hexagram 60, Boundaries enveloped by Hexagram 2, Homing. I hope that didn't need a spoiler alert. It's clear that this week's guest really embodies that boundless, spacious yin energy and so it's no wonder that boundaries are where she struggles. She can set them at work, but with the people she loves, it's hard to say no. Want to work on this too? Join me for a F*ck Suffering practice group. Or come in for a personal reading. Learn more at reihance.com Rei's book, Oracle of Emergence: An Evolutionary I Ching is available at Amazon. 

In this episode, our guest got a gorgeous I Ching reading from Oracle of Emergence. 11, Confluence enveloped by 46 Geyser. We came around to the notion that she really didn't have anything to lose that she wasn't already giving away in exchange for approval. She's a force of nature, emerging from nature, like the rivers in Confluence and the Geyser itself. We started with a fear of losing love, a fear of rocking the boat and falling right out and on our way to welcoming the possibility of disappointing people, we traversed Non-orgasmic sex, surprise gay husbands, betrayal, love bombing, boundaries, the destructive power of expectations, and we spent a whole lot of time on people pleasing in the name of being a "good girl" and just how depleting that can be. Come to www.reihance.com if you'd like to be a guest or have a one-on-one with Rei or join a F*ck Suffering group. For the book we use for readings, Oracle of Emergence: An Evolutionary I Ching, it's here.

In this episode, we discuss one of my favorite topics, non-orgasmic self-pleasure practices. But before we get there we meander through martyrdom, specialness, and purpose. The need for roots. The longing for belonging and the urge to build community with this potent energy. We talk about welcoming everything, devotion, expanding our experience of love, entitlement and responsibility, and what is that desire to feel special about anyway? Why is it so triggering to feel like we're not? For more on working with Rei go to www.reihance.com For the book the readings come from go here. 

In this episode we float at the confluence of self-compassion, self-centeredness and wholehearted service. When does empathy and a desire to make change keep us stuck in productivity mode and keep us from replenishment. The amount of good to be done is vast and subtle and without end. How do we live a life beneficial to all beings with lots of ordinary joy and creativity? How do we keep our own well clean so that it's self-replenishing and can quench all beings? Big job, Bodhisattvas, but these are summoning times! How do we release cultural conditioning and value the ways we are in the world that aren't obviously productive of anything but ordinary joy? For more on working with Rei go to www.reihance.com To buy the book used for the readings: go here. 

This week, a question about creativity leads to a deeper unfolding around our original creators, our mothers. Mother wounds have a way of rippling all the way out over time and through our bodies. What is mothering, anyway? How does it influence our relationship to the feminine? How does our relationship to the feminine in turn influence our capacity to intimately receive, to our navigation of people pleasing and performance when the deeper yearning for intimacy is present? Do we step into the rescuer position on the drama triangle when what we crave is to nurture and be nurtured? How do we integrate this, rather than seek out an endpoint in healing? And that question that comes up again and again, "Do you trust gentleness?" For more on how to work with Rei go to www.reihance.com

Apologies for the sound this week! The backup recorder also failed. Joy. This week our guest is artist Ruth Chase who received hexagrams 54 Transplanting and 19 Blessed, it turns out she is indeed transplanting from a long life in California to Tennessee. Naturally we talk about a sense of place, how to metabolize transplant shock, the inclusivity of ecosystems and the futility of control, not taking things personally, how the seed harvests itself in the dark (don't we all!), mycelial webs and holding it together for the greater good, cancel culture, how we co-create our ecosystem no matter our point of view--and the radical responsibility that requires. We also talk about the confidence in such tiny vastness. And in the it's about time category, we talk a bit about, "What is the I Ching?"

This week, a young trans woman dives deep into what it means to be in transition. The anxiety and fear that rises in the gap between the inside and outside and what that means to external validation, falling in love, going outside, being free. We talk about confinement, within and without and where that meets vanity. The deeper question that comes out is: What does it mean to be unified within? What is anxiety anyway? We discuss how embodied intuition arises in this body, this moment, just as it is. There's a little guided meditation halfway through this episode to smooth out some of the anxious edges. This episode is a great reminder that vulnerability isn't flaccid, it's dynamic af. Thank you for listening. Subscribe and rate and review and all the things so more people can find us. If you're curious about working with Rei go to www.reihance.com

Trigger Warning: We talk about rape and rape recovery this week.  Do you trust gentleness? That's a question that comes up a lot on this podcast and this week's episode is no exception. This is one of those episodes where the question isn't really the question and the deeper, darker, and more tender thing comes out as we go along. One deeper question we arrived at: how much of comfort is contingent on control? We touch on boundaries and can we say it again: boundaries. Trust after sexual trauma. The perils of external validation. Rooms that hug. How sometimes the space we create and the more-than-human world bring the easiest intimacy and the deepest sense of belonging. It's a tender episode. If you're curious about working with Rei or would like to be a guest on the podcast, come to www.reihance.com

Scoutleader Wiley returns for a deeper and more intimate dive after episode 4, in which we had a delightful time chasing shiny mental objects. This time, the I Ching reading from Oracle of Emergence opens tender places: how to fall in love, polyamory, requesting witness, being needed, fear of being left behind, boundaries, open relationships, intimacy hangovers, how to be responsible for your own responses, testing attachments (not a great game, but invigorating!), resilience, how to love money (that's right), and learning that we will be received how we receive (and when we're not, we bring in boundaries). Thanks for joining us! For more on working with Rei go to www.reihance.com

In this episode, the conversation after the I Ching reading from Oracle of Emergence spirals around anxious attachment and the difference between openness and collapse. Our guest brings up "skin hunger" and the exhaustion of grabbing and clinging. We talk about rising and falling in love, trusting gentleness, heartbreak, radical responsibility, aging, the deep ecological belonging that comes from being in the forest, vanity and visibility, taking the pants off in a relationship, the drama triangle, intimacy and avoidance, and control and control and control and how impossible it is to have compassion for yourself or anyone until control is given over to surrender. To work with Rei go to www.reihance.com

In this episode we step onto the Drama Triangle and have a good look at the rescuer position. How this place of helping and fixing is a way of avoiding intimacy while feeling like we remain in compassion because we so deeply yearn to be in compassion and have the intimacy that brings. But it's so dangerous to allow another person to see us, to see what we deem broken in ourselves, the holes inside us that we've built elaborate personality structures to keep from falling into. It's easier to turn a blind eye to those parts of ourselves when we're busy fixing another. Until the separation becomes unbearable, until our Big Self bitchslaps us enough that we can't hide anymore, we need to come out at least long enough to put some ice on those throbbing welts. Until we realize that we can't really know compassion (for ourselves or others) until we surrender control. 

In this wildly fun and far-ranging episode, Rei and Scout discuss sacred virginity, the discomforts of pleasure, stability and stagnation, the delights of struggle and reluctance toward ease, guiding people over thresholds, the crone within the maiden (and vice versa), being 26, nervous system regulation, animism, mothering, privacy and shame, forcing and allowing, and how to become a healthy systemic element. We chased a lot of shiny things here, so much so that we will bring her back later to get at the tender thing we missed...

Rei welcomes author, yoga teacher, and relationship coach Jemima House to talk about heartbreak. Jemima teaches the highest levels of intuitive body-mind wisdom, helping people heal self-sabotage and co-dependence. Jemima also casts hexagrams 28 Collapsing and 43 Pop which let her know that she had come to the end of her integration for now and was free to step into the light--to clean and cauterize her recent wounds. Rei and Jemima discuss the core question that Rei asks each guest before they come on, "What are you willing to know?" Also: what if there is no bottom to grief? The sundry ways to express our fear of moving on, and how to know when we are replenished and free to emerge from the bog with confidence. 

In this episode our guest asks the I Ching how to integrate the trauma of childhood narcissistic abuse. Rei and our guest talk about the skill and vulnerability required to ask for tender witness rather than making other people responsible for our experiences and their reverberations. They discuss scarcity mentality and the demonization of money and people who have it (do you need a trigger warning for that one?) and how carrying that story can cause us to miss the treasure at our feet. They discuss the erotic pulse of ruin and the renewal in decay. 

This week we have dear high school friend of Rei, Jennifer Romolini, author of Weird in a World That's Not and the upcoming Ambition Monster. She's the co-host, with Kim France of the Everything is Fine podcast for women over 40. The I Ching reading is from Oracle of Emergence.