Spank Bank

If you want to make it in this world, all you have to do is get fucked in your doo doo ass by a hot janitor. We chat about facial feminization surgery, living the post-COVID life in Australia's new utopia, actual advice for taking nudes, and some more gabby goodies.

Trick or treat, gals and ghouls. It's a special spooky episode for our most special spooky holiday. Grab your flashlights and join us in the haunted Spank Bank mansion as we spill our guts about nightmares: giant spiders, toddlers taking shits on your chest, burning bookstores, disappointed mothers, and more.

Unfortunately for the poly community, we're back! Just in time for the silly season, your favorite bags of shit gab from across the globe about: surgeries, Halloween movies, transphobic movies (classics!) bad kissers, breaking quarantine for love, polyamory, and more.

Do you remember the first thing you put in your butt? This week, we try. Also: Anton blitzes his mom and rediscovers a Rugrats backpack filled with erotic stories that he printed out from [redacted].com in the early 2000s. Before that, we learn about the one-armed, one-legged man who sparked the creation of the gayest custom made bed in history.

Sponsored by Frontera Wines! Responsibly enjoy an episode of questionable audio-quality, where you two favorite quarantined cum rags talk home invasions, zoom sex, Mrs. Incredible's SUMMER GOALS BODY(!!), masturbation, the Georgian Orthodox Church, how to audio-sext, lighting for superior nudes, and the Pope's suicide :( :(

Corona, kangaroos, and the joys of Newark Liberty International Airport.

Little loopy for this chatty ep. We talk about kristallnacht, hitachi magic wands, fucking friends, getting sir'd, getting ma'am'd, being gym rats, doomsday divas, and Anton's upcoming Australian sabbatical. Stay tuned next week for a very special episode for all you single ladies out there ;)Oh, also, yes here's the link the shirt: https://www.teepublic.com/long-sleeve-t-shirt/7107242-bernard-2020Bernie2020 bby ;P

We dive deep into DDLG and ABDL: daddy dom/little girl and adult baby/diaper lovers (shoutout to listener Harry for the request). Email us at spankbankpod@gmail.com with your questions, stories, or recommendations ya fuckin little freaks!!!

Look they can't all be winners: in this ep we ring in the new year with resolutions, predictions, and Home Alone marathons with blowjob breaks. We also talk about the Democratic debates, protests, and more obnoxious things ABOUT WHICH we are in now way qualified to SPEAK. Email spankbankpod@gmail dot com to request any kinks or porn genres you want us to cover, and follow us @spankbankpod on all those giddy goody social platforms. Shoutout to listeners Ian, Morgan, and Joni Mitchell.

In this one, we talk about Golem, Mewtwo, and all the little fuckin FREAKS in between! Follow along at home at pokemon.com/us/pokedex and send your requests to spankbankpod@gmail.com

We make our way through the original 150 pokemon with one question in mind: would you fuck it? Follow along at home with pokemon.com/us/pokedex/

This week we're joined by stick-n-poke powerhouse, designer, and gay boy extraordinaire Rowan (@viscerally) to talk almost exclusively about their early sexual obsession with the universally loathed 2002 Dana Carvey "film" Master of Disguise. (Specifically, the Mr. Turtle character, of course.) We also discuss family-themed sex parties, the ins-and-outs of the tattoo biz, and a special little cow named Checkers. (As a trigger warning: we also discuss non-consensual role-play porn.)

Trick or treat, gals and ghouls. It's a special spooky bonus episode for this, our most special spooky holiday. Grab your flashlights and join us in the haunted Spank Bank mansion in as we spill our guts about everything that makes us horny and horrified: from Christina Ricci to blood play. Is Lucifer, the love of your life, trans?? Do Halloween pranks still give you nightmares? Would you suck Leslie Neilson's dick???? Find out on the most terrifyingly titillating episode yet! >:)

Anton regales with spookytime tales of intestinal havoc and field-fucking in a pack of coyotes. Stay tuned for the Halloween special later this week. Thanks for listening, and submit your questions and prayers on spankbankpod on twitter, instagram, and gmail bbyyyyy :)))))))

In our first episode of the spooky season: shower farts, double orgasms (related??), fantasizing about Shia Labeouf, and creampie porn. Turns out some people like cum on the outside, while others prefer it inside. Who said the human experience wasn't RICH and COMPLICATED?? Subscribe on iTunes, Spotify, and all that jazz. Follow us on Twitter and IG @spankbankpod, and email your questions, recommendations, and filthy finds to spankbankpod@gmail.com. That'll do, pigs!!!!!!!!!

In this special Spank Bank Cinema ep, we spend the first 22 minutes unpacking some tight PVC latex porn, and proceed to watch a listener-submitted movie (Clapham Junction) and discover that '90s London was a haven for hate crimes, heat wave-induced frottage, and heinous interior design.

The the silly season (Halloween, 9/11 etc.) is upon us, and this episode we talk sexy, spooky topics like being penetrated by a family member's hairbrush, neighborly bukkake sessions, trans hardcore music, bralettes, and repeatedly cutting your dick on a hangnail. Plus we get a call from sex positive punk icons the Cock Destroyers (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yxy2ED1yOc&has_verified=1).

Let's go girls ;;)))) in this chaotic episode we go absolutely off the rails to talk about rooftop hookups, filthy sexting, dick pics, lesbian tinder, burping, long term relationships, legendary Austin queer bar Cheer Up Charlies, titty fucking, breeding, pregnancy porn, horror porn, parenting, Matilda, redbull, and Anton's squeaky clean hole. Mind the explosions and don't sue us.

This week we're joined by special guest and fabulous furry The Lion to talk all things Furry (the good, the bad, and the horny). Tune in learn about furry convention cruising, the art of the hidden crotch zipper, and maybe discover that you too had an unconscious furry-awakening via an anthropomorphic Disney fox.

We headed to New York City's own Washington Square Park to set up a booth, give out free condoms, and talk to complete strangers who have nothing—NOTHING—to do with our lives about sex, porn, and all that jazz.

Can a penis break? Do GUYS have a G Spot? Does Mr. Rogers have pubes longer than his dick? Cosmopolitan Magazine has all the answers! This week we take the scientifically-accurate Cosmo quiz: "What's Your Sex IQ?" Will the questions posed by the unpaid intern who "wrote" the quiz shock you? Unlikely. Will our answers titillate and enlighten you? TBD. Tune in to find out!

Evan & Anton do a close reading of some sissy hypno porn, gab about the structures of desire, and figure out whether hypno porn can change your identity. To find the videos discussed, search pornhub (lol) for "MTF Sissy Cock Sucker TRANCE Hypno Conversion" and "Bi Confusion 3, Sissy Hypno," or enjoy the audio in the episode ;) Send your smut to spankbankpod@gmail.com.

In this special storytime episode, Evan & Anton spend $1,000,000 on sound effects and professional actors to take you to 2006, when a young Anton—reeling from young romance—hits the clubs in search of his very first one-night stand. Armed with a single piece of advice and a limitless supply of cigarettes, our teenage hero navigates the parties, bathtubs, and horny 40-year-olds of Melbourne.

Evan and Anton ring in World "Pride" by watching some squeal-inducing porn, and discussing supernatural sex dreams, that time Anton fainted to get Evan's attention, and how we've all been gaslit into nipple play.

In this episode Evan & Anton talk dead family dogs, virginity loss, the recipe for a perfect Rave Juice, awkward sex parties, replying to craigslist ads, and go deep on the history of sexting.

This week: vacation horniness and str8 massage porn. But before that, we catch up on Anton’s evening parTy with impotent tina dealers, Evan’s cruising fantasies across the Texas desert, and a tale of therapist serendipity that sounds fake as hell but it’s NOT, OKAY? To follow along with the vids in question, search “Airman Zach Fucks Antonio” and “jock physical exam” on pornhub.

In the first episode of Spank Bank, we go deep on douching, the perfect hole pic, cruising on public transportation, and our first sex memories.