What the Film

Brought to you by the letter S ... again. Ford and Michael take a break from romcoms to take a look at this late '80s action movie starring Lorenzo Llamas. Kind of a mashup of First Blood and Deliverance, Snake Eater Snake Eater provides you with all the hillbilly-murdering goodness you could desire in one weekend. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Supposedly also known as Infested, this little early-'90s gem features both Seth Green and Alfonso Ribeiro. At heart a typical teens-in-peril-at- a-cabin-in-the-woods tale, this movie features steroid-and-pot-enhanced killer ticks that attack! And a lot of scenes where it's obvious the producers and director said, "Eh, that'll do." Audrey and Michael take down the terror of ... TICKS. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Featuring Michael, Audrey, Marisha and J. Wilford, these are extended cuts and/or goofs left on the cutting room floor. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Featuring Michael and Misha, this episode is an expose into the secret lives of tiny women and the dangers they face. Dangers like ... frogs kidnapping them to be in musical numbers. The threat is real. Never forget. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Ello, pip pip. For' and Mi'ael ta'e on the -- ahem, sorry. Ford and Michael take on the overblown monstrosity featuring Kristen Stewart staring at things open mouthed, and Charlize Theron yelling at things, while Chris Hemsworth carries a couple of axes rather than a hammer, and large people pretend to be dwarfs. The movie that screams LOVE ME, PLEASE. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Can horror comedy work? Of course it can. Check out The 'Burbs. This mishmash of ... damn near everything ... however, not so much. Audrey and Michael tackle the Chevy Chase / Demi Moore / Dan Aykroyd / John Candy / everyone else ever film. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Misha and Michael take on two non-Disney versions of Pocahontas. Though the Disney version was not, say, the model of great filmmaking, these ... fall even shorter. Both available on YouTube. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael and Ford tackle the Farrelly Brothers film Hall Pass. It flirts less with polyamory than every couple you've ever met, which was ... kind of what we thought we'd be talking about. But instead it's just ... boy, Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis are really annoying. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael and Audrey explore the dread secret of island-based SEGA rave parties! Find out what the hell is up with this Uwe Boll masterpiece of TERROR. Pchew pchew! Zombies and general weirdness abound. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Care a Lot? We care a lot! Harrison Bergeron has nothing on this freakish world where everyone just wants friends, and everyone DESERVES friends. How many bears can YOU name? How many Care Bear cousins? WHAT IF WE WILL MURDER YOUR FAMILY IF YOU MISS A SINGLE ONE!!! Haha, we won't. Featuring Marisha and Michael. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

How far can the description "romantic comedy" be stretched? Find out when Paris Hilton and some other people light up the screen in this steaming pile of who the hell cares? Wilford and Michael tear this sucker to the ground. Also, we think up the best sequel ever for it, far better than what it deserves. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

"You got demons." With these simple words, this film is sent into film history. Featuring awesome effects and the most intensely serious actor ever (a young Stephen Dorff - seriously, Neeson in Schindler's List is less pent up than this kid), The Gate is your typical teen demon-fighting film. This was filmed LIVE on 25 Jun 2015, at The Lovecraft in Portland, Oregon. Featuring Michael and Audrey! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael and Marisha take on the deeper philosophical quandaries of our day, by way of Pokemon 3: Spell of the Unown. By now you know gnosticism is going to be brought up. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review! Also join the discussion on Facebook!

Featuring everybody! More shenanigans! More mess-ups! Extended conversations! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Wilford and Michael take on this creepy little number about people with ... some sort of learning disability. Starring ... non-disabled actors. It's possibly a love story? Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Just in time for ... uh ... Patriot Day in Utah (?), Audrey and Michael tackle the stultifyingly character-ridden murder mystery VALENTINE! Starring David Boreanaz of Angel and Bones (Thugs and Harmony?) fame! One of the million, 'Hey, Scream made money, that should be easy enough to rip off, right?' movies made around the early aughts. Enjoy! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

So, seriously, what the fuck? How does this get sold as a "movie"? Are there OTHER "movies" like this? Get set to hear people talking about ... people playing cards, really, and very little else! If that's your thing, AWESOME, enjoy the shit out of that. Join Michael and Misha for Yu-Gi-Oh: Pyramid of Light! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review! Join the discussion on Facebook!

It's so nice to be in love. Flowers are nice. Everything is fanfuckingtastic. Michael and Ford tackle a movie with no conflict. Nice. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review! Join the discussion on Facebook!

The scariest movie Audrey and Michael have looked at so far: Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the ungodly terrifying 50 First Dates. Seriously, this movie will scar you for life and make you question everything you've taken for granted all along. Enjoy! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review! Join the discussion on Facebook!

Michael and special guest co-host Scix Maddix tackle the timely topic of TORTURE - no, wait, I mean marriage equality, as seen through the eyes of an Adam Sandler movie. We're moving this release WAY UP in honor of today's ruling by SCOTUS for marriage equality. Scix speaks on behalf of all homosexuals - and speaks about having to speak for all homosexuals - and Michael brings up pegging far too often. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael and Misha look at a Disney movie of the week from looooong ago. See Richard Masur and a young Kristy Swanson (& David Faustino!) battle a spectral evil, while John Astin sneakily steals every scene without even trying. Available on YouTube, so watch along before or after listening! Join us on Facebook! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Come along with Michael and Wilford on a trip into the magical fairy land of ... politics? Marc Blucas and Katie Holmes are both better than this. Forest Whitaker is DEFINITELY better than this. Join us on Facebook! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Audrey and Michael tackle the third in the trilogy of terrifying terror! Unrelated to the first two (kinda), this movie catapults the series into ... ending, I guess? It's a mystery ... with a TWEEST! Enjoy! Join us on Facebook! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael and special guest co-host Tristan McQueen delve into a film already handled by QuipTracks, Equilibrium. The thing about some movies, though, is they're just so dumb they deserve much, much more than just a riff. How exactly does Prozium work? How "good" is Christian Bale? What's wrong with a sexy forehead? All this and more ... EQUILIBRIUM. Join us on Facebook! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Join the whole gang for lots of uproarious outtakes and extended rants! Join us on Facebook! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Audrey and Michael take a look at the twisty-turny super duper creepy for realsies film Gothika. Join us on Facebook! It's kind of a pilot to a series we'll call Hallie Berry sees ghosts n shit. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Did anyone even know this exists? Weirdly, they made a Jetsons movie back in the 90s with Tiffany as Judy. It's ... not very impressive. Misha and Michael explore the universe. Join us on Facebook! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Wilford and Michael enjoying destroying the things you love. Here is another one, but dust now where once stood marbled beauty. Patrick Swayze! Join us on Facebook! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Uwe Boll. Movie based on video game. Michael and Audrey. PURE JOY ENSUES. Join us on Facebook! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Special guest co-host Kelly McQueen joins Michael to talk about a ... forgotten ... Gerard Butler film, Dracula 2000. From the director of Scream, and with Wes Craven (RIP) on producing duty, what could go wrong, right? Well, everything, mostly. It's another Dracula retelling ... told badly! Is there a good one? Listen and join in the discussion! Join us on Facebook! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Was there any doubt this is where we'd end phase one? Check out the second live show Audrey and Michael did at The Lovecraft in Portland, OR! Prizes! Excitement! Listen and join in the discussion! We'll be back after a hiatus! Join us on Facebook! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael T Bradley and Audrey Ivancie take a look at Puppet Master from Full Moon. For a series about murderous puppets the puppets are not yet incredibly realized or frightening. So what sort of movie WERE they going for? Feedback should go to info@iceonmars.net

Michael T Bradley and Audrey Ivancie take a look at Puppet Master 2 from Full Moon. Plenty of odd choices abound. Feel free to listen whether you've seen the movie in question or not. Maybe our review will make you want to go out and buy a copy. But for the right or wrong reasons? Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net

Michael T Bradley and Marisha Parker take a stance on the teen romance remake of Beauty and the Beast Beastly. They perhaps are not as swayed by the romance as the producers would have hoped. Feel free to listen whether you've seen the movie in question or not. Maybe our review will make you want to go out and buy a copy. But for the right or wrong reasons? Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net

Michael T Bradley and J. Wilford Neville tackle the ungodly unfunny Dane Cook vehicle "Good Luck Chuck." Is there anything about this steaming cesspool of drivel to enjoy? Find out! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael T Bradley and Audrey Ivancie discuss the merits of the strangely nonchronological end to the original Puppet Master trilogy. Nog from DS9 appears, as do a lot of puppets. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael T Bradley and Marisha Parker take a look at one of the most depressing starts to a wacky, wild adventure fit for the whole family! Try not to kill yourself as Buddy the dog acts as a surrogate father figure for the suicidal suburban urchin Josh. Also, there's basketball! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael T Bradley and J. Wilford Neville examine the Sandra Bullock - Ryan Reynolds romcom The Proposal. Betty White and Craig T. Nelson help this bizarre little Alaska-centric flick about the evils of the Patriot Act. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael T Bradley and Audrey Ivancie take a break from Puppet Master to explore the franchise of Leprechaun. A lead role for a little person, a nearly famous Jennifer Aniston ... what could go wrong? Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael T Bradley and Marisha Parker take a look at the sequel to Air Bud, which looks suspiciously like Air Bud except with some football pads thrown on a few different dogs that are not Buddy. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Michael T Bradley and J. Wilford Neville tear into the supposedly progressive Julia Roberts movie that kinda sorta broke some barriers, and kinda sorta was a huge stride for feminism, but we come down pretty harshly on believing that in the end it doesn't do much for society as a whole or the genre in particular. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

After every 10 episodes, we're going to throw out an Outtakes track. Sometimes just silly stuff, sometimes larger sections that were cut, just a slice of life on the editing room floor. Enjoy! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Audrey and Michael are back to take on the sequel to Leprechaun! No Jenifer Aniston, but a heck of a lot more Warwick Davis. Enjoy! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

In the sequel to the classic tale Snow White, Snow and Prince Charming are off to enjoy their happily ever after when ... DISASTER STRIKES! In a form TOTALLY unlike that of the evil witch! Marisha and Michael dissect the ... beloved ... ? animated classic. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

WHERE DID THIS MOVIE COME FROM??? Somehow mid-season 3 of Buffy, Sarah Michelle Gellar starred in a movie that NO ONE EVER SAW. This movie has a magical crab! It also -- WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? WHY AREN'T YOU WATCHING THE MOVIE WITH THE MAGICAL CRAB??? MAGICAL CRAB!!!! J. Wilford joins Michael for MAGICAL CRAB. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

It's The Krumps meets Bram Stoker's Dracula! Audrey and Michael tackle this strange Eddie Murphy/Wes Craven amalgam of horror and comedy, which is shockingly neither funny nor scary. Patrick Lussier is an incredible editor, though. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Marisha and Michael take on the first four episodes of She-Ra, compiled into one movie. Feel free to watch along on YouTube! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Freddie Prinze, Jr, Fred Ward, Jessica Biehl, like ... 17 other cool actors ... they're all in this pretty terrible film. Why? WHYYYY??? Somewhere between a romcom and a sex romp, so a ... rompcom? Summer Catch has baseball, booze, and basic algebra. Join J. Wilford and Michael as they tear this bitch to pieces. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

What happens when you let Stephen King write a script? As Rose Red would later teach us so inarguably, only bad, bad things. Join Audrey and Michael to talk about this travesty of a film from 1990. Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!

Continuing our trend of movies that start with the letter S, we take a look at the big-budget action movie from 2005 that NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF. What horrible conspiracy did the Illuminati cover up? Did we all see it and have our minds wiped? Why in God's name is "I gotta go pee-pee" a line uttered in an adult action movie? Also, hope you liked Short Circuit! Send feedback to info@iceonmars.net. Please rate and review!