Explore Your Story

So in this episode I'm exploring the ways in which we absorb different cultural ideas about what kind of life is supposed to make us happy - aka, are we allowed to be happy with something outside of that? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A shorter one today - This is me just finding myself wanting to sit and be, so I thought I would do it with you - pondering what it is to be still in the midst of spinning between the different facets of self... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've turned 40! So cue reflections on aging, the ways in which our cultures and places contribute to our perspective on age, and a poem. Thank you so much for being with me for so long, and I'm so grateful to have arrived here, with you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Good at smoothing out social glitches? Feel desperately uncomfortable being 'demanding'? Welcome to the club! I hear so many of us struggling to tolerate the awkward... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I hear so many TCKs characterise themselves as 'control freaks'. Here I unpack what control might mean to us, given our TCK stories, and how our experience of control impacts our confidence around decision-making... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As TCKs we can spend a lot of time in other people's heads - looking at ourselves from their perspectives. What happens when we get back behind our own eyes? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's that time of year I get restless... actually, more like that time every four years... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is born of frustration - and I know it's frustration I share with other Third Culture Kids. This is my meandering offering this week - a honest glimpse at the process of making choices from what can feel like an impossible spinning carousel - who will this choice make me, express and what kind of me 'should' I be in this moment? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So I missed talking to you all last week - because I was away on holiday! The most wonderful time, but also a good moment to reflect on themes that come up a lot for Third Culture Kids - travel, holidays, and coming home... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you struggle with feeling not-enough? Confused about which of your identities you are supposed to focus on and do 'properly'? We aren't alone - and I'm seeing these sensations show up for many of us. In this episode I explore the notion of growing up with identity archetypes, concentrated identities played out in short bursts. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So many Third Culture Kids are dealing with deep reservoirs of grief. Present day loss has a habit of pressing the bruises of losses felt earlier through our story, and it can be devastating to our sense of safety. In this episode I walk through one way of creating space for this grief, via intentional space and ritual. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How big a part of your identity is 'helper'? And what happens when we find ourselves unable to help others, or even ourselves? What happens when we encounter helplessness? This episode ponders the ways in which our TCK experiences impact our experience of helplessness, and how we can meet it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How many of us have been confronted with the question, "Is being a Third Culture Kid a good thing?" It's a question that feels to me to miss the point - and in this episode I explore why, and how we can better understand our traits and tendencies with nuance. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As TCKs, many of us are aware of the nature of our representational or ambassador identities growing up. In this episode I explore how this early experience of identity by association could be impacting the choices around friendship or relationships we may be making in our adult lives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In January, many of us are reflecting on various ways to improve ourselves. In this episode I'm exploring how often I hear TCKs struggling with the need to be extraordinary, and the fear of identities more mundane. I'll share my observations about what's going on here, and a poem I wrote today, on the Forbidden Fruit of being Ordinary. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Who is the narrator of your story? And is the voice a critical or demanding one? Or is it on the hero's side? In this episode I explore the impact and power of our narrative voices, and explore what these voices could sound like. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I loved this phrase I heard last week, "frivolous identity" - and wanted to explore it here with you. I've often pondered the way we manage an internal hierarchy of our many identities and this phrase put it's finger on a theme I see come up a lot! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How many Third Culture Kids are busy deconstructing our stories? Or working to build identities from what often feel like disparate fragments? In this episode I'm pondering my own relationship with making and creating, and what it can do for us! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Some feedback from last episode on purpose and TCKs really brought home to me another challenge faced by many TCKs around purpose - which this episode attempts to do justice to. How do we navigate our own values when we've not been told stories of values, just observable differences? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've been avoiding this episode - partly because I'm feeling how incredibly important it is. How does the experience of being a TCK interact with our purpose-seeking? And what do we do about it? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Taking pause in this episode, a moment to notice, acknowledge and celebrate how far we've come! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Time! How does the Third Culture Kid experience impact our sense of time? It's often said TCKs are somewhat allergic to the 10 year plan - but why? And what about the impact on how we do relationships? Join me in this week's ponderings - I'd love to hear your thoughts too! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How many of us learnt that we could 'make ourselves safe' by offering certain behaviours - compliance, being a good listener, being 'interesting'? In this episode I'm exploring what we may have learnt we could expect back, if we could just find the offering to provide - the contracts we have entered into with our behaviours. "If I'm this, then you will be that" the rule goes. Except when the other party can't see and didn't agree to the contract we have signed up for... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What about the characters in our story that we struggle to find a place for? The people whose languages we've maybe lost but who cared for us as children, worked in our homes or with our parents; these are pivotal points of attachment safety for us. In this episode I explore the limits of attachment theory for TCKs, where it is getting delightfully expanded, and how we can honour attachment figures in our stories. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Money! What's it got to do with the Third Culture Experience? Between complex juxtapositions between wealth experiences between countries, modelled standards and shapes of living, expectations around meaningful employment - quite a lot! I wanted to spend some time here on this because it does come up in my work with TCKs, and my own life too, and feels an important element to understand in our stories. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this meandering episode, I'm observing how the practice of imagining feasible alternate realities can benefit us. Sometimes called re-scripting, working with feasible alternative realities is about recognising when we are so busy accommodating (or trying to manage the outcome of) others' decisions, that we shoulder the emotional work to excess. When we imagine feasible alternative realities to difficult situations, we recognise the agency of others' and the ways in which we are not solely responsible for stories that are in fact co-collaborated. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Who am I?" is a question that Third Culture Kids agonise over, and I've observed some patterns here - that we often focus on the 'big identities', the ones that give meaning and purpose on a global scale, as we've been taught to. And there is nothing wrong with that. But I ponder here about the degree to which this identities are often socially framed - who am I... to others, the world? And I invite some time spent with what I'd call 'micro identities' - what happens when we pay attention to the who we are on a day to day, desires and needs way? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"If I make life work here, then I'm committing to being here forever". Versions of this statement is something I hear so often in my work with Third Culture Kids, and so this episode spends some time looking at how hard it is for us to invest in the here and now... when this implies so much letting go of other options and opportunities. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guilt - that horrible twisting feeling in our gut that so often shows up, unbidden and unwelcome. As awkward as it is, today I'm digging into what can trigger this in TCK stories especially, and how we can bring understanding and context to this sensation - and recognise it as something beyond a simple indicator we've done something 'wrong'. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you confused by how you think about your own worth? Maybe one part of you feel like you have things to offer, that you have value to add, but another feels like you can't quite believe the idea you matter to other people... Third Culture Kids often experience this paradox - "I am someone, but I'm not someone to others". I explore this experience here as tension between experiences of intrinsic and extrinsic value and I'd love to hear your thoughts! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm noticing how many of us TCKs are struggling to set boundaries without feeling the need to build a case of moral justification - our own feelings and needs don't seem to be 'enough' to allow us to say, "No". Here I'm exploring what might be going on, the potential impact of this, and how important it is to listen out for this in our narratives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm in a season of decluttering... and my TCK self is happily familiar with how soothing it feels to streamline. So many of us get anxious at the accumulation of stuff (however will it all fit in my suitcase?!) but I'm a lover of things. What I'm seeing through is how important it is for my material surroundings to remind me of WHO I am. This episode looks at how this can get complicated with complex TCK identities! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"I saw the signs... and I went there anyway!" I hear this so often, and it's such a familiar cry of my own heart too. We are often admonished to 'watch out for the red flags' but I'm wondering how much this is the relevant issue. Here I'm exploring what can lead TCKs to be especially vulnerable to seeing the warning signs of incompatible behaviours or values, and going there anyway. I'm also sharing why I feel getting clearer about our 'green flags' can be a more helpful tool to many TCKs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, I'm pondering associations between changes and endings. In my story recently, I realised my needs had changed and the impact this was having around my book club involvement. I quickly assumed that acknowledging this change would initiate an ending, a quitting and loss around community. But what if changes could be integrated into a new chapter? A story edited rather than lost? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What are the implications of a life lived in adaptation? One of them seems to be a familiarity with discomfort! This can impact different TCKs different ways - some of us get super sensitive to challenge, over-saturated as we have been in early chapters. Some of us identify so much with challenge that we continue to seek it out in our adult lives. Either reaction may be working with an acclimatisation with discomfort. We can become so attuned to discomfort as our baseline that we normalise it - either in ways that keep us in it, avoidant or unclear about what changes we could make to improve our experience, or in ways that avoid comfort by seeking growth to exhausting degrees. Either way, what happens when we get acclimatised to discomfort? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today I'm reflecting on coming home. As TCKs, we can often develop sensitivities and strategies for managing the leaving experiences of our lives, but I'm noticing an area I want to work on - returning. I know leaving, do I know how to return? Turns out I didn't handle my most recent return brilliantly, so this episode is walking through that experience with you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So I messed up the timing of this one! Got all organised, and recorded before going away last week on holiday - then never scheduled it to post! So it's going out this week instead :) In this episode I ponder something that comes up a lot - with TCKs and in general discourse - the Selfie! I'm always fascinated when we have a resistance against something, and I wanted to explore this as something that I think is an untapped resource in our work around belonging. Here I explore how the simple selfie can be another tool for us to use to land our Selves in context, witness to our moments of connection and ground us. I'd love to know your thoughts! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After some creative scribbling, I feel like I've cracked something I want to now share with you - how I've seen myself privilege one version of my identity over others! This is something I hear us especially prone to doing if managing fluctuating energy levels, sometimes due to chronic conditions or illnesses. As TCKs, the pressure is often on to demonstrate our 'added value' and I share here the different contributions that my 'different modes of me' make. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do our TCK stories tell us about aging? And how does this impact our identities? This episode throws open this question and explores how we can use our stories as a resource to help us understand where our own (perhaps multiple) constructs of aging come from, and how we can navigate this with mindfulness and gentleness. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This last week I hit a familiar feeling - low motivation, a sense of 'what's the point anyway?' and general resistance to the elements and rhythms of my daily life. As with all of my confusing feelings, I tried to look at the context around it - and realised I was coming up to my three year mark: It's nearly three years I've been in this new house and my TCK clock was getting ready to lose it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So birthdays can bring up a lot for people, and for TCKs, these were often affected by mobility: Who do you invite to a party when you are the new kid? How do people celebrate here? And mine tends to make me pensive around identity also - who have I been this year, and where am I at now? And so in this podcast, I invite you to ponder with me those identities we inhabit but especially those we might stop short of claiming, because we "can't do them properly" or may feel we don't have time to establish. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've just read Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist" and now I know the secret of happiness... and it's reminiscent of what I see Third Culture Kids doing every day in the tension they work to hold - between the "here" in my hand and the "there" out in the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Am I bad at communicating my needs, or did I just learn how to communicate in an indirect, obligation-based culture? Am I over-bearing, or did I just learn that high-volume enthusiasm is how one communicates love? The places of our stories have so much to offer in helping us understand why our way of being may not fit easily in the here and now, but is utterly functional - somewhere else! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As with so many mainstream concepts, I find that Third Culture Kids often have a complicated and nuanced experience of "self-esteem", so it's definitely worth talking about! Some of us absolutely struggle with feelings of worthlessness, a grim and exhausting experience. Others of us, find that we have a strong sense of our own worth, and yet find ourselves feeling just as insecure of others' regard. What is going on? This podcast explores what I'm seeing in many TCKs - that we can know our worth AND have a really hard time believing or accepting the regard of others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So many Third Culture Kids tell me how they can feel suddenly triggered or 'tugged' back into a previous chapter by the "smallest thing". This can be an amazing moment of nostalgic joy but often it's a moment of pain - a flooding feeling that dislocates us from the present moment. If we are to avoid self-shaming for "over-reacting" or being "too sensitive", it's important to understand these emotional flashbacks as bruise points from our story. My most recent moment happened on holiday, in London. The smallest thing, and the biggest opportunity to practise my own self-compassion. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've been wrestling with rest this week, and contemplating how my TCK story complicates my relationship with rest. Also explored, how hard and awful it can feel to change our narratives! Even when that change itself feels good... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Whether via health trauma or everyday cultural stories around body and wellness, health is a huge chapter in the Third Culture Kid story. Growing up with the classic, "Where There is no Doctor" book as a staple in my home in Niger, I explore here the role of health experiences on my own story. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When staying in place, seasonal change becomes a helpful access point to change and novelty for Third Culture Kids. Join me in this episode as I contemplate how we can review and renew our multifaceted selves at the the season's change. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There are so many elements to our selves as Third Culture Kids it can feel stifling to feel stuck in one iteration of self for long. Moving to places that invite a different self forward is one solution, but today I'm reflecting on how setting internal boundaries can spin the dial and allow different selves to take space alongside one another. In all this, the Japanese idea, "yutori" is one I'm finding very helpful - unhurried spaciousness applied to our many selves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Boundaries... we can have a very heavy relationship with this word. Fear of crossing them, of faux pas, and fear of setting them - this is the story for many Third Culture Kids. In this episode I'm exploring what it is about our experiences of mobility that can complicate boundaries for us, and how we can rebuild relationship with them. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So many of us are struggling to learn how to overcome challenges, change thought patterns and achieve our goals. So why, just as we start to see ourselves make these hard won changes, do we sometimes hit a whole new level of discomfort - that of feeling good!? Many Third Culture Kids find that the struggle and change is more familiar to us than the work of maintaining 'arrival' in those good places we dream of... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.