Mornings with Morty

Matt's grandma plays matchmaker (he requested trashy hookers and she delivered. He paid them in Bitcoin). Carl & Matt are team Pedialyte over Gatorade. And Matt got sexually harassed in the Metaverse at work. No, the workplace sexual harassment training did not cover this. Be sure to follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, email your stories to thedailymort@gmail.com, tell a friend about us, and follow Matt's latest venture @NYCTinySinks. L'chaim. Stay Frosty. Slava Ukraini. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

It's late. I'm tired. You're not reading this anyway. It's the second episode of the second year of Mornings with Morty, published on 2/22/2022. Big 2 energy. That means nothing in Judaism but it's a thing on everyone's calendar right now and by the time you hear this episode, the excitement will have passed. What would the hosts do for a million dollars? Find out somewhere at like the 3/4 mark of the episode I think. It gets very inappropriate and I hope you enjoy (isn't that why you c*m for us--I mean come to us). Anyway, @TheDailyMort on IG, thedailymort@gmail.com. Listen, share, subscribe. And be sure to follow Matt's new account, @NYCTinySinks! We'll talk about that another time. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

It's the (very delayed) first episode of 2022, habibis. YEAR TWO OF MORNINGS WITH MORTY! And it is THE YEAR OF CHUTZPAH. We recorded a while ago so I can't remember everything, but I know we talked Jewish representation/"Jew-face"/Jewish stereotypes, names, and images; the hostage situation at a Dallas-Fort Worth synagogue, and combating antisemitism. Don't worry, there are funny parts too. Anyway, check out the ADL and AJC. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, email us at thedailymort@gmail.com. Listen, review, share. It is a year of GROWTH. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Yeah, we didn't get the episode out in time for Christmas. Sue me. But it's the 25th episode! Carl has taken up mall walking with ankle weights. His dad gets hit on in the lox aisle at Trader Joe's. Matt always has a crush on lesbians and was left emotionally ravaged by Spider-Man: No Way Home. There are some spoilers if you haven't seen it, but we warn you and also it's been out long enough that it's your own fault. Oh, we also talk about the dangers of talking on speakerphone. Anyway, merry (belated) Christmas and happy new year AND WE WILL SEE YOU IN YEAR TWO! Follow @TheDailyMort on IG and email thedailymort@gmail.com. L'chaim. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

We recorded this so long ago I can't even remember what we talked about. You have no idea what I went through to get this episode out to you guys. We've got one more coming before the end of the year. Listen, share, subscribe. Tell everyone at your New Year's Eve party about us. Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort and email your holiday conundrums to thedailymort@gmail.com. Thanks for listening, happy new year, and we'll see you in our next episode before 2022. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

WE'RE BACK, BABY! Reunited and it feels so good. Carl & Matt, the most iconic podcast duo since Springsteen & Obama, with 0% as many DUIs. Matt's dating life is up for debate. Lotta matches, zero girlfriends. Is he too picky or simply undateable? ¿Porqué no los dos? Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort and email thedailymort@gmail.com to let us know what you think. Listen, share, review us on Apple Podcasts. Thanks for being part of the cult as our first year comes to a close. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Grown men on electric scooters. A ride in the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. OnlyFans trying to be less HOLEsome and more WHOLEsome. We've got it all in episode 22. This episode is brought to you by Rudy Giuliani's OnlyFans--use code MELTINGG1ULIANI for 69% off. Listen. Share. Subscribe. Submit to the cult. Tell everyone at your Rosh Hashanah dinner to check us out and leave us a SWEET review on Apple Podcasts for a sweet start to the new year. Shana tova & l'chaim & stay frosty. (Follow on IG @TheDailyMort, email thedailymort@gmail.com) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

A wet and wild one for episode 21. Air travel is too accessible, we have inappropriate conversations with our families, and we're secretly both white trash. Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort and let us know the most white trash thing about YOU in our comments or in an email to thedailymort@gmail.com. Listen, share, repeat until our Cult de Mort has taken over the world (it's a better option than the Taliban). L'chaim. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Carl is BACK, baby! We're reunited and it feels so good. We even meet a new character, Klaus the Klutz. As always, this episode is brought to you by Levine's Kosher Lasers--WHEN YOU NEED PRECISION, GET A SPACE CIRCUMCISION! Today, we drink vodka with our comrades and talk about how nauseating social media is. Still need some fan feedback on the Allen v. Spacey, Antz v. A Bug's Life, Termites v. Grasshoppers debate. Be sure to follow us on IG @TheDailyMort so you can DM us or send your email thedailymort@gmail.com to cast your vote. As always, please share with a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Matt's all alone on this one and boy, do we miss Carl! In keeping with the title of the episode, Matt talks about doing stuff alone around the city and why it's not weird unless you make it weird (sometimes he makes it weird). Listen, share, subscribe, let us know what you think (leave a review on Apple Podcasts). Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort, email thedailymort@gmail.com, and join us next week for EPISODE 20! What a milestone. L'chaim, zei gezunt, and keep your eye out for our new logo dropping soon... --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

We're back and better than ever! Carl really comes out of his shell today as we do some couple's therapy and talk about Matt's dating life. We also founded asq.com and I'm so glad you all get to share that moment with us. There is a LOT of singing in this episode! Thanks for listening, we love our little bubelehs like Matt loves Hilary Duff. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, email us at thedailymort@gmail.com, and be sure to share with a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts! Don't forget--#StayThicc and CALL YOUR MOTHER! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

WE'RE BACK! Hilary Duff is a MILF. Matt had a wild 4th of July, we love freedom. Carl still can't pronounce "milk" and Matt is a full-time bartender now. Carl has an assistant named Douglas, but also Carl is now named Carl Douglass and he's a direct descendant of Frederick Douglass. Stay thicc. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort and send us those emails to thedailymort@gmail.com. And remember to tell a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. New logo coming soon. Zei gezunt! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Laundry. Locksmiths. Love. A tale of clean clothes, a prison of my own design, and extortion. Yallah, habibi, we must listen. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort. Email thedailymort@gmail.com. Tell five friends to tell five friends and leave us a review somewhere. Zei gezunt and l'chaim and stay thicc. (Shout out again to Nissim Black and The Hava Song we're using for our intro music) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

*Due to technical difficulties, this episode is out two weeks after recording* Today we're talking about Israel, ignorant antisemitic people, and the death penalty--because we wanted this to be an ESPECIALLY happy and wholesome episode for all our listeners. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, subscribe to the pod, email thedailymort@gmail.com and let us know which method you'd choose if you were sentenced to death! #StayThicc --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Matt's cousin, Alaina Warren Zachary, joins us to talk about her experience as a Broadway actress. Carl tries, yet again, to diagnose Matt's personality disorder--it's an ongoing mystery. You can find Alaina at https://www.crankeyvillagetv.com/. Special shout out to our friend Hailey Susser and Quik Return (https://www.quikreturns.com/). As always, give us a follow @TheDailyMort, email us thedailymort@gmail.com, and please share with a friend! Zei gezunt! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Mazel tov, Morty, it's episode 13! In Judaism, that officially makes this a real podcast! Matt's grandma has started a new religion and you're all his disciples, congratulations. Levine's Kosher Lasers makes its return as we debate inhabiting the moon and Mars, we briefly discuss psychedelics, and end with a very wholesome conversation about leprosy and circumcision. Please be a yente and tell all your friends about Mornings with Morty! Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort! And email thedailymort@gmail.com! L'chaim! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Comedian Kevin Dombrowski (host Just Joking, comedy album High on Molly, @KevinDombrowskiComedy on IG) joins us to talk about the Deshaun Watson massage scandal. Of course, the Passover Pocket P*ssy makes a return and now Kevin is convinced that it's a Jewish tradition to do unsavory things with gefilte fish. Check out Kevin, give him a listen and a follow, follow us @TheDailyMort or email us (thedailymort@gmail.com), and, as always, please share with a friend! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Today's episode is brought to you by Fleshlight. If you've had a few glasses of QAnon Wine Club's Kid-Saving Chianti and you're feeling lonely, Fleshlight is the perfect companion for you. It's also the perfect sponsor for an episode about Passover and our best pandemic purchases. As always, give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort and send your emails to thedailymort@gmail.com. Chag Pesach sameach to all the Heebs. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Carl is too proud to call his local coffee shop's drink by its real name. Matt is scared of middle school girls. The most hypermasculine things are sometimes the gayest. Let's go for a schvitz and talk it out. Give us a follow on IG @TheDailyMort, email us thedailymort@gmail.com, and please leave us a great review on Apple Podcasts! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Cuomo is a creep. Carl's classmate is a bully. Matt still needs a new cohost. Baker Mayfield saw a UFO and we believe in aliens. Matt goes off about listeners being offended, while Carl is open to a discussion if you feel wronged by him. We finally discuss the golden calf that we've been teasing for so long. Follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, email us at thedailymort@gmail.com. Share with a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Carl's dad has a birthday coming up and he's raising money to help out in Texas, check out feedingtexas.org if you want to make a donation to help those affected by the storms and struggling with hunger. And now on to the episode! Super fun one, a little longer--much to discuss. Pakistani rollerblade police: Better or worse than a bike cop? Marjorie Taylor Greene: Only trusts science when it supports her bigotry. A mother's on OnlyFans and her kids are expelled from Catholic school--because in Catholicism, you can touch little boys, but you can't pose in lingerie! The New York Times' reporting is bupkis and Purim just might be the most lit Jewish holiday. It also involves the ORIGINAL running of The Bachelor, which is WAY better than the show. Check it out, follow us @TheDailyMort on IG, and send those emails to thedailymort@gmail.com! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Episode 7! It was Carl's birthday! Some mother in Texas executed a perfect form tackle to take down a perv spying on her 15-year-old daughter! Mama bears will protect their kids at all costs! They'll also roast them endlessly. Jewish mothers are masters of microaggression--inspired by Judy Gold (@jewdygold) and her book Yes, I Can Say That. Shout out to Judy! We'd love to have you on the podcast if you ever see this! Matt's grandma doesn't think his stand-up is funny, but she loves MwM. You get a 2-for-1 special with the parshas this week. Matt didn't really understand either of them and Carl has some weird love for TGI Friday's. As always, follow us on IG @TheDailyMort, SEND YOUR SUBMISSIONS TO THEDAILYMORT@GMAIL.COM, and please be sure to share with a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Part two of our episode with Indigo Ross (@starring_indigo on social)! We pick up where we left off with some conversations about Black-Jewish relations (DeSean Jackson, Nick Cannon, and Zach Banner). Huge shout out to Zach Banner, please consider the B3 Foundation for any future donations that you're making! Along the way, we learn about Indigo's Buddhist practice and finish up with our parsha, getting some Buddhist insight on what lessons we can take away from it. As always, be sure to follow us on Instagram @TheDailyMort and send your emails to thedailymort@gmail.com! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Our first guest! Indigo Ross (comedienne & voice actress; @starring_indigo on IG & Twitter) joins Matt & Carl to discuss vaccine elitists, the Gorilla Glue Girl from Twitter/IG, natural hair in the Black community, and briefly discuss the Black-Jewish Entertainment Alliance. Part two coming next week! As always, please be sure to give us a follow on Instagram @TheDailyMort, send your emails to thedailymort@gmail.com, and please leave us a review on Apple podcasts! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

In this episode, brought to you by Levine's Kosher Lasers, Matt & Carl discuss a COVID scare for Matt (does he have it? Does he not? The doctors basically said "You decide!"), Marjorie Taylor Greene's theory that Jews have lasers in space, the Super Bowl (which I don't think I officially have the rights to say here, but I pray for the day this podcast gets big enough that it actually matters), and Moses receives the Ten Commandments while attending a Jethro Tull concert in the desert. As always, please share with a friend, follow us on Instagram @TheDailyMort, and email us at thedailymort@gmail.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

THIS MAY BE ONE FOR THE PARENTS TO SKIP!

In this episode, brought to you by MyPillow, Matt & Carl discuss a listener submission about Ashkenazi Jewish foods, talk about Jews from the Old Country, break down the Armie Hammer cannibal kink drama, and continue with Moses' wild ride in the pyramid scheme of Egypt. Buckle up, share with a friend or a cousin, and be sure to send your submissions to thedailymort@gmail.com! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Brought to you by QAnon Wine Subscription, in this episode Matt and Carl discuss the Cleveland Browns' first playoff appearance in 18 years, the significance of the number 18 in Judaism, a story submission of a non-kosher brunch date between a Heeb and a goy, God being an accountant, and Moses' origin story as Batman. It's a really fun one so check it out, share it around, and don't forget to submit your stories to be featured for advice in an episode! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message

Matt and Carl introduce you to Morty, share their Jewish motherly advice on how they'd handle a mask conflict, and discuss what we can learn from this week's parsha, which Matt really only understands as a rough outline of Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mornings-with-morty/message