Two Joke Minimum

On this weeks episode of The Two Joke Minimum Podcast, Ray presents to the world his theory that after a certain BMI you are in a sexual orientation all your own. He makes some great points. Enjoy!

Whoa look who it is! You're back for more. We knew you would be and you're right to come back because this is a sweet and funny episode that will go down in podcasting history.  So now that you've been vindicated in your podcast listening sensibilities why dont you go ahead and drop us a sweet comment. It helps the machines, who don't know we're sweet, to now we're sweet and tell other people about us. They said AI was gonna take over the world but it doesn't look like it at this rate.  Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

We're back with another banger. It's been a while butbthis episode is a real treat. It's got more jokes packed into it than a snickers has peanuts. We hope you enjoy and please don't forget to like, share and subscribe. Also, if you could leave us a comment that would be real nifty nd we would be forever in your debt. 

Another classic TJM coming at yas. We cover a lot of ground here. For all live shows check out our social medias. Enjoy!   Please leave us a rate or a review. It helps our future computer overlords to spread the good word of TJM. Thanks!

Steve just returned from his trip to Salem and regails us his adventures. Theres also plenty of talk about Jesus and the Olson twins. The stuff you come to us for. Classic ep, enjoy! P.S. Dearest listener,  Please find it in your heart to leave us a rate and a review. It will help the machines to promote our show. All hail the machines!

Hey hey, please pardon in interuption in the contiousness of our episodes. We've been experience numerous technical difficults due almost entirely to user error. But heres an episode for your enjoyment.  Also, please help us out by leaving a comment or a rating. It helps the algorythm to love us and not think we're dumb. Only you can help us trick the algorythm.  Enjoy!

Sometimes we read books and sometimes we talk about those books in our everyday lives. Some of our everyday lives involve recording podcasts which is how we got to talking about what we would do if we were eccentric billionaire game designers. Who had the resources and the means to create a vast virtual reality where anything is possible. Then within that reality create a game where you had to decipher riddles to find clues to find more riddles and clues, what pop culture references we would use. Except we did it in a dumb way not smart like in the book.  Enjoy! Also, please leave us a comment! It helps the algorythms or whatever. Thanks. 

All rise! Court is now in session. We're back from our brief recess to bring another banger. *Bangs Gavel*  Seriously though, the court needs your help. Please leave us a comment wherever you listen to this. It helps their alogorythms to share our podcast. These algoroythms better be sharing if they know whats good for them.  Enjoy the show!

A whisp of cigarette smoke dances through the streetlight. You hear your friends calling your name but you can't turn around. There are voices in front of you too, voices you know but can't quite place. You take another drag hoping the nicotine will give your synapses the jolt they need. It's there at the back of your mind. It sounds something like Poo Poke Aluminum but that can't be right. Who do these voices, coming through the darkness, belong to? One of them says something and it makes you laugh. Then the other one says something else and you laugh more. Your friends voices are still calling but they're drifting farther away. Was it Queue Bloke Condominium? No, that's jibberish. Maybe Crew Choke Cinamon? No, that's nothing.  "What is this?" You say out loud.  "A podcast." A voice says next to you. You hadn't heard the man approach. Maybe he'd been there the whole time. He's short and shaped like a bean bag chair.  "A really good one." Another voice says from the other side. This man was tall and built like Mr. Incredible before the workout sequence. He has crumbs on his shirt.  You take a long drag from your cigarette and say "What's it called?" with a mouth full of smoke. It changes your voice and you watch as the smoke defies graivty.  In unison the men on your right and left say "Two Joke Minimum."  The recognition clicks in your mind. That was the name you were looking for, the one you couldn't find. Suddenly sastified you flick your cigarette into the street. "Cool." you say. Under the street light you hold the hands of the two men and enjoy the show.

It's another week and that means another episode of TJM. See if you can figure out who's drunk on this weeks episode.  Come check out the Master Debaters on August 13th at Crooked Run Fermentation in Sterling Virginia. It's a comedy debate show. It's gonna be fun. Get tickets here: https://crookedrun.square.site

Hey hey hey. Here's your weekly hit of Two Joke Minimum ya fiends. This week we've decided to become convention comics. We're leaning towards furry conventions but we're keeping our minds open for suggestions.  Come see us live on August 13th for The Master Debaters at Crooked Run Fermentation! Tickets available here: https://crookedrun.square.site/?item=889

Ray's mind is toast and it shows on this episode. The man has gone completely senile. He's past the point of no return, it's all downhill from here. 6 months tops before he forgets how to speak entirely. Make sure to tell your friends to tune in to witness a man's brain melt before your very ears. The only other time you get to see someones brain degrade in real time is if they're related to you.  JK he's fine obviously. Probably just tired.  Enjoy!

*Spoiler alert* If you haven't watched season 4 of Stranger Things yet but you want to, go do that first before listening to this episode. If you don't like Stranger Things you should probably get a life. The Duffer Brothers were unavailable to join but we pretty much covered it all ourselves. In a miracle of lucidity we pretty much stayed on topic the whole time. Enjoy!

  On this weeks TJM Ray and Steve talk about their recent weekend in the beautiful state of South Carolina. They also talk about the important topics in our country today like rearing children, PTSD and the Smurfs. Enjoy!   There's a big announcement at the end of this ep that you don't want to miss.   

We're back. Let us get up in your ear holes. Ray is back in the land of Mary from his sojourn across this fine nation. With him he's brought tales of the land. This is indeed a very fine episode. Stay tuned to the end for a special announcement. Enjoy!

On this weeks episode of TJM Ray discloses that he has never used dryer sheets. Can you belive that? Can you? Can you? Also while in Austin Ray discovers a portal to hell in, of all places, his small intestine. Enjoy!

Two Joke Minimum coming at ya from Austin. We were actually in the same room when this was recorded. First time thats happened in years. It's a whole lotta fun. Enjoy!

Just another week of joking around with the Two Joke Mafia. Ray got his car toad and Steve got his car frogged. Enjoy!

Sorry this ep is late. We'd stop making you wait if you didnt love it so much. Ray reads his iTunes lists and we discuss a new career path. Enjo.  

Here it is, episode 99 of TJM! Ray is in Austin, TX living the dream in an AirBNB with a special surprise. Steve is still in MD bombing at shows and struggling to keep his cats from running away. Enjoy the show!

Pod kids afraid to leave the pod. We're back this week with another banger. Ray discloses his ideas for an ideal future away from our mother earth. Steve shares some stories from his days in the army. Also, Ray is looking to hire an assistant. Listen to the add in the episode and email us your resume if interested. Enjoy!

Another fresh squeezed glass of pod juice for ya. Ray and Steve reflect on their weekend of super sweet shows. Then we dive into much overdo conversation about men being sexual harrased at comedy shows. Enjoy!

Happy Easter! We here to bring the whole family together this Easter. Classic ep where we compare relatives to Hitler and Ray adds another name to his list of graves to defile.  It's Easter so kick back, enjoy some ham, find some eggs, tickle a neighbor and don't foget to like, share and subscribe.

Hey we're back again! Apologies for the unplanned break but now we're back and we promise we won't do it again. Thanks for sticking with us it really does mean the world that anyone listens to this show. Enjoy!

We're back after a little break. This is just a short little ep for ya. But its not the size of the boat that matters its the motion of the ocean. Enjoy!

Another one! On this weeks TJM Ray and Steve recollect on a recent road show. The road led them to a magical land where it's ok to DM your cousins after midnight. Enjoy! Don't forget to like share and subscribe! Check out Stephen Baxley's Not Your Daddy's History on all streaming platforms. It's a jolly jaunt through little known historical stories.

Freshly squeezed pod for your listening pleaseure. Ray has some new bad habits. Steve rages against the MVA. Or DMV depending on what state you're in. We encourage all of our listeners to become anarchists this week. Enjoy! Check out the Not Your Daddy's History podcast with Stephen Baxley. And go to our patreon for exclusive content https://www.patreon.com/user?u=68746148

In this weeks episode Steve is three deep and Ray is deep cheeks. We reminisce about our favorite things from high school and rewrite some movie plots. Enjoy! Check out Not Your Daddy's History. Host Stephen Baxley takes you on a hilarious ride through history. Available anywhere you can get podcasts

What would you spend money on if you were rich and famous? We came up with the perfect idea. Enjoy this weeks episode! Also check out Not Your Daddy's History with Stephen Baxley. It's available on Spotify and its fun everywhere. 

Local human dumpster fire Tom Myers wants this smoke. We recorded an episode with him in 2020 that never aired. We told him the audio was bad but the truth is we were too embarrassed to release it. He's been wanting to redo it for a while to promote his little league baseball anouncing. Recently he was pretty snippy with us over social media so we address our issues with Tom on this episode.  We'll be putting the unedited "Lost" Tom Myers episode up on Patreon. Enjoy!

Another week another hot pod! This is a good one if you like being critical of your peers and quotes from Will Ferrel movies. Make sure to like, share and subscribe. Enjoy!

Hot off the presses! New Two Joke Minimum podcast. This is the first one of the new year and we're excited to be back. Lots of good laughs this week looking forward to a whole new year of pumping out pods. Enjoy!

Apologies for the late episode. COVID dontcha know. This is a fun episode. Steve turns thirty and were waiting on the carbon dating to come back to determine Ray's age.  We also discuss fiscal policy and the national debt ceiling. Enjoy!

This is a very important episode of the Two Joke Minimum Podcast. We finally get to the bottom of what that smell is. Turns out the human body can only process so much Diet Coke until it starts producing cleaning supplies. Thanks for listening and don't forget to like, share and subscribe!  Enjoy!

Slippery when wet! Another great episode of jokes, stories and whacky opinions. Also, are you ready for our new robot overlords? They're ready for you. Get prepped. Enjoy!

We're back! Just Steve and Ray this episode. We talk about all the laughs and the drama on our recent ten days on the road. This is a fun episode, it's good to be back! Enjoy!

Davine Ker returns to the show. Always a blast to to sit down with one of the funniest people in the DMV and probably the world. Davine is a killer stand up, if you haven't seen her check out her social media for dates. Davine DC. Enjoy the show!

Hot Pod! The much anticipated return of Cursed Ryan. We've tried to do this three times since episode one and this is the only one that took. We're glad it did and you'll be glad you listened. Enjoy!

Brandon Fuson is the reigning undisputed Snacktown Smackdown champion. He's a dominant force in the heavy weight comedy division. Weighing in at 450 lbs., Brandon is a true colossus. It's impressive that he can maintain that weight having only half the teeth of a regular man. Brandon is also the mastermind behind the Open Mic Nitro on Monday nights at the Church of Satire comedy club in Hanover, PA. Check him out!

Happy Labor Day! Sit back and crack open an ice cold pod. This weeks Guest is Thez Grimes! Thez is a very funny young man hailing from the north of Maryland. He's been around in the DMV scene for a long time. You can catch him live all over the place. He hosts a monthly open mic at the State Theater in Havre de Grace, MD. It's the best open mic that you could ever hope to encounter. Enjoy the Show!

Peter Sullivan is a person. And being a person comes with certain inalienable rights. Such as the right to be a guest on this podcast. Peter is a super funny guy and we were lucky that he graced us with his presence. You can catch Peter around the DMV and soon he'll be headlining the International Delaware Kangaroo comedy festival. Enjoy!

The hilarious Anwar Fikri returns to the show! It's always a pleasure to sit down with Anwar. Anwar is a comic, father, and veteran in that order. Check out his new weekly show on Wednesdays at the Speakeasy in DC. Enjoy!

This was a great conversation with Bernard Williams! Bernard is a stand-up comic, musician, coach and Olympic Silver medalist. He shared his experiences at two Olympic Games with us. He's a beast of a comic as well and we just found out he's also a musician. If you need coaching check out BWProTechniques and listen to his music here https://open.spotify.com/track/6jZw54QQu9fj2AaRvC7cCo?si=b9356462ebd84522  Enjoy!

You ever wondered what it's like to look death in the face and live to tell the tale? Lucky for you, you don't have to because we already did and told the stories here. Enjoy!

It doesn't matter what country you live in Trish can sneak into it or out of it. And then she'll convince the local police to come to the comedy show she's putting on at your favorite bar. After that your mom is gonna make her a really nice traditional home cooked meal and they aren't gonna save you any. This is a great episode and you should listen to this lady. It's Trish! Enjoy.

Fresh off a month on the road, Joya Diaz returns to the program. This is a super fun episode and for more of Joya check out his album Practice on Spotify. If you're in to math he can teach how to do that as well with his math tutorials on YouTube. Enjoy!

Eddie Liles ladies and gents! Eddie is an awesome comic that you can see all over, especially in the D.C. and Baltimore scenes. He produces a ton of shows all throughout Maryland and the District. Check out his podcast called: Imma Get In Trouble anywhere podcast can be found. Enjoy the show!

Petey Steele ladies and gentlemen! This man has been a staple in the DC scene for the past decade. You can check him out on his podcast Counter Currents even in real life at places like the Arlington Cinema Draft House. Enjoy the show!

This week we were joined by the mighty hilarious Dewayne White. Dewayne is comic and a veteran. He's probably other things too but that's really all we talked about on this episode. You can catch Dewayne live at his weekly open mic every Monday night at the Electric Palm  in Woodbridge, VA. He's also an instructor with ASAP, which helps veterans get started in the arts. Their comedy classes are free and you can find out more at asapasap.org. This is a really fun episode, we can't wait to have Dewayne on again. Enjoy!

Here's another stories episode for your enjoyment. This time its Strip Club Stories. We sit down to swap some Titty Bar Tales! No guest this week just some Nudie Pub Nostalgia. Just the boys reminiscing over some Yank House Yarns. We're just talking about back when we would run some Skin Tavern Scams. -Alright we get it- Enjoy! 

Kate Loice is a comic and producer out of Austin, Texas. She is the mastermind behind Austin Texas Comedy, and a very funny and sweet person. This was a great conversation, comfortably recorded at a safe distance over the internet. Enjoy!