COMING SOON!

Produced by Simon Cowell and based on the newest dance craze’ “Trunkit” brings us the youngest Olson (Angela- 12/plays old) and Harry Stiles as two crazy kids who find commonality in dance. Coming Soon! rating: 75.3% New Segment: In “Spit Balling” we look back at a classic piece of film and uncover new facts about it. This week we look at “Citizen Kane”, which took 35 years to write.

Who doesn’t love Trump?! In this hastily released narrative drama Sam Neill stars as The Donald Trump with Emma Thompson as Hillary Clinton. Coming Soon! rating: 28.3% New Segment: “Coming Past!” In this new segment the crew looks at the history of horror films. It all started in a little Norwegian town in Germany….

“Here’s My Badge” is a buddy cop film that is a joyful, salty, and not for kids. Dame Judi Dench and Chris Rock star as friend/foe cops. Coming Soon! rating: 79% New Segment: “Come On My Script!” The gang analyzes an unmade film script called “The Sand Storm” by the much lauded writer, Bushwhack Thompson. He was paid $10,000,000 for it.

“Iron Man 4; Knife and Forth” stars Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man, Geoffrey Rush as Knife, and Paul Hogan. Bon Bon!! Did Wolverine know George Washington? “Coming Soon!” rating: 52.67% Jane Champion directs Paul Bethany and Cynthia Nixon in “Alexander Brown,Whistle!” “Alexander Brown ; Whistle?” “Alex Ander Brownwhistle” “Ale Xanderbrown Whistle.” “Coming Soon!” rating: 97.7%

Malcolm McDowell and Katy Perry (it was only a matter of time) co-star in “Shine Bright”; a film about an incestuous singing family. No one mention Lars Von Trier. Coming Soon! rating: 49.4% or 50 south “The Mongoose” is a recently rediscovered Hitchcock thriller smuggled out of MGM by a young Ben Kingsley. Marlon Brando, Jimmy Stewart, and Kate Hepburn star. Coming Soon! rating: 82.1%

Episode 12: “Serial House” is a lighthearted look at a house of serial killers living as roommates in a nice flat. Jeff Goldblum shines as Jack the Ripper. And Paul Hogan!!! Coming Soon! rating: 79.4% Samuel L. Jackson takes on a legend when he portrays Miles Davis’s trumpet in “Trumpet”. A look at the rights of inanimate objects personal feelings. Coming Soon! rating: 52.76%

Take a delicious educational journey “Deep Inside Diana”. This film features the acting talents of Kieran Culkin and Vanessa Hudgens (who’s having a Michael Fassbender year!) while exploring the amazing 100% true science of how a body works. Sponsored by KFC. Coming Soon! rating: 56.35% “When the Lonely Dark” is an American adaptation of the Swedish film of a kinda similar title. The entire film takes place in five minutes and the cast list reads like a who’s who of Hollywood and the Music Industry. (No Vanessa Hudgens) Coming Soon! rating: 39.66%

“Thomas the Tank Engine Takes his Time in Tahoe” is a reboot of the old “Thomas the Tank Engine” franchise and a tongue twister. The trains are ACTUALLY played by humans in this spy thriller! Including a surprise turn by Megan Fox. Coming Soon! rating: 82.31% A documentary about a guy delivering mail, “Going Postal” is a film. A film narrated by Michael Caine. Just a guy delivering post. He talks to some people and stuff. Coming Soon! rating: 69.67%

Paul Hogan plays the title character in “(Chortle’s Little Bus)”, the story of a man who has to shorten his school bus when student enrollment drops (typical). Bill Cosby co-stars in this weird and violent movie (shame) and Graham sits in a corner with 2 birds in his bush. Coming Soon! rating: 70.96% Steven Spielberg directs, acts, and directs while acting in “Rock, Rock, the Boat”. A road trip film about a rock band set in a raft. George Clooney and a Tiger round out the cast. Coming Soon! rating: 58.76% Dirty Dancing rating: 99%

A new take on the classic con artist film, “Diamonds” stars Kristen Wiig and Denzel Day Washington. This film comes with it’s very own bingo card. Coming Soon! rating: 37.2% “Batman Begins; The Origin Story” is directed by Christopher Nolan and takes place a couple months before “Batman Begins”. The audience is finally allowed to see a Wayne plan a trip and an Alfred beat a young butler. Coming Soon! rating: 73.96%

The (not yet) classic British gangster film “Take Him Out!” stars Jason Statham as an assassin hired to take out a Boy Scout leader who is also an assassin. Sean Penn costars. Coming Soon! rating: 62% “Dr Squirrel’s Mirror Maze” is a intense film about a doctor whose animatronic toys come to life and hide a nut inside a maze of mirrors. The film stars two Italian legends; Sylvester Stallone and Tony Danza. Coming Soon! rating: 66.maze%

Episode 6: Oscar’s Special!! Finally a live show with guests and so many movies (technically 5) to be reviewed. Join us for this look at the Best Picture Oscar Nominees of 2017! Join us for riveting interviews with Cher and Woody Allen! Just join us, will you?

“Captain Smitters and the Grumpy Bumpy Silly Dilly Poopy Doopy Day” is an animated and historically accurate pirate film. Starring Tom Hanks as Captain Smitters and Dame Judy Dench as a talking Monkey Poo. Coming Soon! rating: 82.3% Kathryn Bigelow directs “Thunder Cannon 7; This Cannon’s got Thunder!” Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus co-star in this young adult film about a cannon with thunder. Totally Duchess! And Jim is old. Coming Soon! rating: 88%

Episode 4: Together again at last, Chris Rock and Sigourney Weaver star in the porn/sports drama; “Balls Deep!” (Double entendre intended.) Gordon Ramsey has a cameo in the podcast. Coming Soon! rating: 49% The cast is vast in “The Swimmer Man”. This musical countercultural nod to the 70’s stars: Ian Mckellen, Tilda Swinton, and Jennifer Lawrence. Plus the many holograms of: Queen Latifah and Ringo Starr. Coming Soon! rating: 70.3%

This slow martial arts epic, set in the gorgeous Scottish Highlands, stars Helen Hunt ….no, Linda Hamilton. “The Sheep on The Prairie” also stars Jackie Chan who should win a Nobel Prize for Best. Coming Soon! rating: 54.6% “The Twine of Our Lives” is an excessively dramatic film about the inventor of twine. Michael Bay directs Carey Mulligan and Jean Claude van Damme in this really very dramatic and overly sexualized film. Coming Soon! rating: 43%

Love films?! So do we! Join us as we review upcoming movies before they hit the theatres. Way way before they hit theatres. In fact, they may never hit the theatres as we are making them up on the spot. Join hosts Jim Archer, Graham Dickson, and Kasey Wilson in a completely improvised podcast as they analyse plot, discuss the directors, and share clips from the actual (made-up) films. Macaulay Culkin wrote and directed this film noir; “The Mouse That Couldn’t Stop Screaming!” The film costars Melanie Griffith (as the femme fatale) and Brad Pitt (as a possibly Armenian mouse). Graham hated this movie which asks “How do you scrape a chest into a hole?” Coming Soon! Rating: 66.6% Olivia Col Man heats up the screen as “The Time Traveling Midwife”. A surprising sci-fi comedy from Guillermo del Toro in which Col Man travels back in time to show Gael Garcia Bernal her flesh watch. Coming Soon! rating: 86%

Love films?! So do we! Join us as we review upcoming movies before they hit the theatres. Way way before they hit theatres. In fact, they may never hit the theatres as we are making them up on the spot. Join hosts Jim Archer, Graham Dickson, and Kasey Wilson in a completley improvised podcast as they analyse plot, discuss the directors, and share clips from the actual (made-up) films. “3 Arias” is the directorial debut from Benicio del Toro. It stars comedians James Franco and Seth Rogan as dueling violinists afflicted with a serious disease and a possibly eaten sandwich. Coming Soon! rating : 77.7% Edgar Wright directs this violent action thriller, “Beneath the Burning Moon”. A horrific robot fueled distopia is lit up with the acting talents of Haley Joel Osment and Maddox Jolie Pitt (screen debut). Danny Glover is a highlight as “the judge”. Coming Soon! rating: 56%