Mindset Minutes

Mindset Monday Challenge - Spread Kindness This week's Mindset Monday is inspired by Annie Lennox and Al Green. I won't subject you to my singing voice but “think of your fellow man, lend him a helping hand.” Altruism and acts of kindness have been proven to boost our own well-being. If you have all you need you naturally will start to check in on those close to you to make sure they're doing okay. We can build our sense of abundance by starting with checking in and helping out others. Our brains reason that if we're doing this, we must be safe and secure. The simplest way you can do this is by checking in on someone you care about. You mightn't need to actually do anything to help them. Very often the thing that we're missing is someone to fully listen to us. And we're all capable of listening to our friends and family and giving them the gift of being heard. Or we can share a meme that will bring a smile to my face. This is another preferred method of kindness that's easy to do, hopefully makes the people you care about chuckle, and puts a little love in your heart. www.thementalhealthplan.com https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Mindset Monday - Are you looking for truth or validation? This week let's ask ourselves if we're looking for the truth or validation, if we're looking for what's right, or to prove we're right. We can use this approach when we're conversing with ourselves and our thoughts. And we can also use it when we're talking with someone. Drop the desire to be correct and instead enter conversations with an attitude of curiosity, seeing what you can learn and understand rather than proving your point. It's our ego that needs to be right. Sometimes this is very important, like we know it's right to cross the street. Other times, it's not so much. And it's this need to be right that can cost us in connections, growth and opportunity. Take the time this week to question your motives. Seek less validation and spend a little more time looking for what's right and let me know how you get on. If you'd like support with this strategy, reach out! https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512 www.thementalhealthplan.com

Mindset Monday - Drop The “Yeah, But…” This week's Mindset Monday Challenge is aimed at improving your communication, and it involves dropping “yeah, but” from your speech. Therapists like to say everything before the but is BS. When we say “yeah, but” we've really dismissed the other persons point of view, and are more interested in being heard and getting our point across. At the very extreme it shows that we might not have even been listening all that much. When we hear “yeah, but” do we feel listened to, respected and understood? My guess is no. We feel like we're in an argument of opinions, and it's an adversarial style of discourse. You might be thinking “yeah, but I really need to get my point across!” To that I'll ask if you think your point will be more or less received without that phrase? So what's the alternative? To repeat back to the other person what you heard them say, to make sure you understood them. You can either parrot or paraphrase. There's more to it, so start with that and let me know how your conversations go this week. If you'd like to talk more about cooperative communication, just reach out. www.thementalhealthplan.com https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Matt's Mindset Course Experience Matt got in touch with me to run a 12-Week Mindset Course for his gym. In this short video he shares why he reached out, his experience, the benefits and advice to anyone considering the same. If you'd like to set this up for your team reach out to me - colm@thementalhealthplan.com www.thementalhealthplan.com https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Tough Love Thursday - Avoidance and Distractions Are Not Mental Health Lately there's been a lot of arguments made for services to be classified as vital for mental health. One problem is mental health is synonymous with mental illness. If you are severely depressed, or anxious, you absolutely need a professional to help you. Either through talk therapy, medication, or some combination of the above. Building mental health is further along the continuum. It's all the repeated acts of positive self care that add up to mental well-being, peace of mind, and happiness. Any activity with the right intention and execution can build mental health. But any activity that's used as a means of avoidance for a distraction isn't contributing to your peace of mind. If you run to enjoy the endorphins and fresh air it can be a positive. If you only feel good about yourself after you've had your run, or run excessively while avoiding your obligations and difficulty conversations/self reflection, then it is no longer a method of building and preserving your mental health. Mental health cannot be built only on what feels good. You need to address your self limiting beliefs, bad habits, unresolved memories, and embrace the “dark” side of development. This can be done through ‘making yourself' study in order to improve your career, having raw and honest conversations with loved ones or professionals, and sitting with yourself to clear your jumbled up thoughts and feelings. When you commit to the difficult, uncomfortable, or downright scary tasks of true self care, that's where the real pay off of peace of mind and true mental health resides. https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512 www.thementalhealthplan.com

Mindset Monday - What Can You Remove? So often in life we feel the need to add something to our lives to make them better. That can be adding physical things like a bigger home, new shiny phone, more clothes, etc. Or it can be adding in practices like extra workouts, more experiences, more time reading or learning how to cook. All of these things can be great, or they add to our stress if it creates a sense of angst because we've too much to do and not enough time or energy to do it. That's why this week I'd like you to investigate what you can reduce and remove? A simple practice I do is look for one item to throw away each day. Just one. This promotes calm through gradually decluttering the physical environment. But we can also look at activities we can remove, like spending 20 minutes getting your daily coffee or watching Netflix past 10pm. Finally, we can look at thoughts that are no longer serving and look to remove those as well. Try a week of subtraction and see how it adds to your mental well-being. www.thementalhealthplan.com https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Tough Love Thursday - Nobody “Makes You” Feel Anything The words we use to describe ourselves and how we feel are incredibly powerful. This is why I invite you to be reflective of the words you habitually use. When we say someone or something “made me feel” a certain way we're putting ourselves in the victim role. When we say something outside of us makes us feel something we're putting the solution outside of our control as well. Let me be clear, external events and people's actions can absolutely trigger our emotional response. The trigger is external, the cause is internal. It's our thinking about the situation, our history, our choice - even if it seems like it's a split second choice - that leads to the emotion we're feeling. It's a subtle shift in language, changing from “you made me” to “when you did this, I felt X” yet repeated enough it changes our worldview, our sense of self and our agency over time. When we take responsibility for the feelings we have, we're empowering ourselves. When we put this on someone or something else, we're making life unnecessarily harder on ourselves. www.thementalhealthplan.com https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Tough Love Thursday - Stop Shoulding This week's Tough Love Thursday is to stop “Shoulding” - saying and thinking that things and people should or shouldn't be a certain way! When we waste energy on shoulds we're taking away from our happiness in the moment and our ability to improve our life. “Should” is just us fighting what actually is. Our thinking is creating a narrative about what's going on, and usually how unfair or wrong it is that it's happening. To help us overcome this tendency to should ourselves into negative headspace, we can use replacement words. When we say we should do something - eat better, save more, invest in our mind's health - we can replace that with “I will”. Now we're creating a positive intention instead of either berating ourselves for not living up to a standard or wishing for magical improvement some point in the future. If we're talking about other events or people, we can replace should with what we'd like to see. Instead of “they shouldn't be so disrespectful” we can state our boundaries with “I'd like it if…” and be specific, kind and clear about what we want. Any time we should we're in judgment mode about something outside of our control. When we replace should we're brining back our acceptance of the present and our agency to improve our lives. www.thementalhealthplan.com https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Mindset Is The Missing Piece To Happiness Like most of us I spent most of my life chasing tangible goals, and trying to “fix” my external world. I genuinely believed that once I got the money, the body fat levels, the right people, lived in the right area, I'd be happy and at peace inside. Looking at people who had what I thought would make me happy and seeing they weren't as content as I thought they should helped me realise that chasing the outward markers of success wasn't a guarantee of fulfilment. Don't get me wrong, it's super important to make progress. Making strides towards meaningful outcomes is a critical part of our well-being, we'd never be fully happy just sitting around all day doing nothing. Striving is important. Chasing these goals and placing our happiness on the far side of “success” is a surefire way to ensure you remain miserable. We're always going to have problems to deal with, and issues to overcome. That's a given in life. When I started commitment to a daily mindset practice (which doesn't take as much time out of your day as you'd think!) that's when not only did I feel more at ease internally but I made more progress in my personal and business goals. It's important to invest some effort daily in our health, relationships and wealth. Most of us shy away from the mental health side because we're not familiar with what's involved and unsure if it's working. So we continuously go back to our jobs or exercise - habits we're familiar with. Because of this I've refined my mindset training to give you easy to understand, actionable steps, and regular check in and accountability so we can know if it's working or not. If you haven't taken the time to invest in your mind, reach out and let's talk about how we can improve this vital area of your life. - https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512 www.thementalhealthplan.com

Where Are You Hoping For The Lotto Ticket? This week's Tough Love Thursday let's ask ourselves “where am I looking for the lotto ticket?” What I mean by this is what area of your life are you hoping it will just solve itself, or someone will just take care of it 100%? It could be you're hoping one activity will give you perfect clarity of mind. Or that one person can solve your loneliness, one conversation repairs your relationships, one change fixes your nutrition and health, or maybe you're hoping for the lotto ticket to solve all your financial woes! We do this when we feel powerless, or when it seems the energy expended isn't worth the pay off. The thing is the energy and time we waste wanting things to be fixed ends up costing us more in the long run. For the longest time I was like this with my mindset and mental health - I wanted someone else to fix it, and very often fantasised that the next person or next event would give me the peace I was looking for. But it was never going to be one thing. It was a few key actions, applied in the correct order and given enough time to work. When I committed to small actions consistently applied that's when I got the results I needed. Once we've become aware of where we're wishing for the magical fix, we can then start accepting where we are, and reassuring ourselves that small fixes added up will ultimately have an impact. It can also help to think of other areas where you consistently put in the work and eventually saw the reward. If you need help with this - which is a perfectly okay strategy - just reach out and let's talk. www.thementalhealthplan.com https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Mindset Monday: What Are You Waiting For? This week's Mindset Challenge is to invest some time and ask yourself, “What are you waiting for?” Maybe you're waiting for someone, or work to get less busy, or your debt to get paid down, or to reach a certain body fat level. When we ask ourselves what we're waiting for we're also bringing to light what emotional payoff is on the other side of this event - be it happiness, peace of mind, freedom, security et cetera. Now there's two ways to use this information. The first, more quote-unquote practical way, is to ask yourself what habit change or environment/routine change you can make that will improve this situation, and then make a plan to start implementing some percentage of that change today. The second one is to ask yourself what need is behind that strategy, recognising that it is a strategy, and then ask yourself what other ways might that need be met, either partially or completely. We all have a tendency to get fixated on a strategy, and even knowing this I'm no different and have to regularly check myself before I wreck myself pursuing one strategy that I've become overly focused on. Look at what you're waiting for, what's behind that and how else it can be satisfied, and you will find how freeing this thought process is. Let me know how you get on! www.thementalhealthplan.com https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

2020: Acceptance Or Resignation? I learnt a good lesson from one of my mentors this week that I'd like to share with you. He pointed out that my acceptance of 2020 was slipping into resignation. Actually, what he said was “Stop saying ‘it's 2020, it's a bunch of shit, there's only here and now.' He's real subtle with his words like that! Acceptance is taking things as they are, taking the cards you're dealt and playing the best hand you can. Resignation is giving up and tolerating things as they are. Acceptance is empowering and active. Resignation is fatalistic. What I took from this is yes there's challenges posed by 2020, restrictions in place and obstacles to overcome. But is it really any different from any other time in history? Am I making excuses for why I'm not making the progress I want or am I looking for alternative strategies? There are real and tangible limits on us each and every day - we've obligations, we're reliant on other people or a bit of luck to get our goals over the line. Only you can answer if these are legitimate reasons you need to change strategy, or just excuses that aren't empowering you.

Needs and Wants When we're setting our daily intentions about what will make our day a good day we can often find ourselves focused on wants over needs. This is particularly true if we make other people responsible for making our day a success. “I want to make that sale.” “I want my kids to behave.” “I want to the win the competition.” All of these aren't in our control so we're relying on other people to help us become fulfilled. We all have fundamental needs - security, variety, connection, contribution, growth, achievement. Wants are our particular strategy to get our needs met. I want to go travelling. But it's 2020 so that's off the cards right now. I could get upset about that, and have at times. But what's behind that want, that strategy? My need for freedom and variety. Knowing this, I can look at other ways I can get my needs met. Knowing that our wants are a strategy to get our needs met, we can be more open to different strategies when external factors force us to change our plans. If you find yourself wanting someone to behave in a certain way, or something to happen, look what's underneath and ask yourself what's another way to get this need met? Need Help? Want Help? https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512 www.thementalhealthplan.com

Mindset Monday - Shave With Hanlon's Razor Hanlon's Razor is an aphorism - Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. Or to put it another way, don't assume people's actions are evil or out to hurt you, it's just that they don't know any better. All too often our stress isn't caused so much by what someone has done, but our reaction to it, and what we tell ourselves are the reasons why they did that. In the moment, it's hard not to think other people are acting out to get you, or to hurt you, or to make your life difficult. But when we take a moment to breathe, and consider that they may not know the impact their words or actions are having, we're less likely to suffer in our minds. Remember, how often do we act in the way that deliberately tries to harm someone else? Are our own hurtful actions ever motivated by a story that they deserved it? Or that in the moment we simply forgot to consider the impact it might have on them? This week, when you notice yourself frustrated or annoyed with people, apply Hanlon's Razor and ask if what they did was motivated out of spite or simply ignorance? Let me know how you get on

Mindset Monday - What Do You Need To Invest In Your Mind? Seriously, I'm asking what do you need. Is it a strategy? Is it accountability? Do you need something in your life to change before you can commit time to it? Is it you can't see the benefits of it? You're unsure of the point? You're spending your entire life living with your mind. The way it interprets the world is fundamental to how you act, how you feel and your level of life satisfaction. But so few of us were ever taught that we could influence our brain patterns and how to train your mind. So we spend most of our time trying to influence external factors. Some are inside our control, and a lot are outside our control. My request this week is to take a few minutes - it won't take long - and ask yourself what you need in order to start taking care of your mind. I'd love it if you could share it with me. Message me on any platform with what you need and how I can help!

How Your First Meditation Will Feel Whether you call it a clarity break, mindful minute, meditation, downtime, or whatever, the common myth is that when we do focused mindfulness work, that our brains should just be quiet. When this doesn't happen, so many of us think we're failing because we can't hold our concentration on the breath, or whatever the object of our practice is. Usually when we sit down for a mental break, our mind will be used to going a mile a minute, and trying to catch up with everything that's been going on. So you'll usually think about the emails you need to send, the work you still need to do, people you want to call, and a million other things. This is perfectly normal! It's EXACTLY what you should expect and it's actually proof that the practice is working. Think of your mind as a jar of water with some sand it in. Your busy life and hectic schedule are shaking it vigorously. When you take a break the water doesn't immediately become still nor does the dust settle. As it slows down you see the water and the sand more clearly. Because you've taken a break from external stimuli your brain gets a chance to sort things, and these are always the first things to bubble up to the surface. Instead of getting annoyed that you can't settle the mind, (which is nigh on impossible!) you can be thankful that you remembered that important email you need to send. Without taking a break you might have completely forgotten. As you make time for your mind more regular, you'll notice less urgent things pop to the surface and deeper thoughts beginning to emerge. You'll even begin to notice those days where the mind doesn't immediately burst out an avalanche of thoughts. Regardless of whether there's a steady stream or a raging flood of thoughts, the time you're taking is always building up your mental health. Having thoughts is not failing meditation, in fact every time we notice a thought we're winning. www.thementalhealthplan.com Schedule A Call - https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Mindset Monday - What's Worth Failing At? There's the cliched question “what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?” It's meant to help you decide what you're passionate about and then build your career around that. I'm going to flip it on its head this week and ask you “What's worth failing at?” What is so important to you to try that you're willing to put in the effort regardless of the outcome? The reason I ask this is fear of failure can be paralysing. We don't want to look stupid. We don't want to waste our time. We don't want to lose our shirt. And all too often this fear of failure stops us from feeling anxious in the short term, but leads to a lot of regrets in the long term. Asking yourself what you're willing to fail at is a short cut to your values and priorities - what's really important to you? Also, because we're willing to fail we're able to give 100% to our effort, without keeping an eye on the scoreboard. Ultimately, a lot of the results are out of our control - 2020 has probably taught us all that. But our attitude and our effort is always in our control, and the thing we can feel proud of, regardless of what the end result is. www.thementalhealthplan.com https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Mindset Monday - Allow Yourself To Feel Uncomfortable If you've been watching for a while you know I love talking about counterintuitive methods and how they can help us. So much of our lives we attempt to make easier or more comfortable. Some of the time this is a worthy pursuit, but a lot of the time it's not fulfilling, can lead to more discomfort in the long run, or just holds us back without us knowing. Avoiding that awkward conversation is comfortable in the short term, but not good for our stress if we keep thinking about it or the behaviour keeps going. Sitting on social media avoiding work is comfortable, but not very fulfilling. And avoiding our mindful minute or mental health rituals can be comfortable because we don't have to acknowledge unhelpful thought patterns or feel intense emotions. Without it though, we're mindlessly trapped in our default patterns which hold us back from maximising our lives. This week, allow yourself to feel uncomfortable. Start small, and take breaks as you need to. The more you allow yourself to feel uncomfortable the more you'll realise that discomfort isn't life threatening, and on the opposite side there's a lot more freedom, fulfilment and self-pride. www.thementalhealthplan.com Book A Cal - https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

There's mastery of our craft, which is our career, athletic goals, finances, relationships, etc. Basically anything that's tangible or easily measurable. Then there's mastery of self – our internal world of thoughts and emotions.* Most of us have been taught that we achieve an external/tangible goal, and that will lead to our inner happiness, peace of mind, self belief, etc. However when we hit that goal, we're not as satisfied as we thought we'd be. We've two choices now, look inward or pursue the higher goal. In this episdoe I explain why when we start to look inward it can feel uncomfortable and why we'll often return to the familiar zone of working on our tangible goals (despite knowing they haven't given us the results we were looking for previously.) *Credit to Michael Gervais for the terminology.

Mindset Monday - Lower Expectations Most of the advice in the world is telling you to raise your standards and expectations. And a lot of the time it's true and helpful. I also love when counterintuitive advice helps us get unstuck and make progress, and I think lowering your expectations is one of those times. A lot of the time we're stuck because inertia is powerful and very difficult to overcome. So we tell ourselves we need a lot of energy to get going, and it's energy we don't have. (Or time, or money, or support.) And we tell ourselves that the first attempt needs to be perfect. If it's not, we're just wasting our time. That's true if it's something super vital that we need to see return on straight away. But rarely, if ever, is that the case. In fact most of the time it's more about consistent imperfect iterations that add up to get you where you want to go. We know that nothing will happen unless you take some action (or take some quiet time in the midst of constant activity) so this week in order to make progress lower your expectations of what you want to achieve and just take imperfect action. Then tomorrow take slightly less imperfect action, and keep building momentum. Or you know, keep waiting until you've the perfect plan and see how that goes

It's All A Mess (And No Thing Will Fix It!) I was talking with someone the other day and they were expressing a lot of sadness, anger and frustration at the state of their life. Nearly everyone of us has felt at some point that nothing was right and nothing would fix it. And you know what, they were right? No-thing would fix it. No one thing is going to fix everything. To take an extreme example, there's early evidence that psilocybin or psychedelics have a massive impact on PTSD, treatment resistant depression, addiction and anxiety. BUT even a single session which has the perfect combo of set, setting and dose needs follow up counselling to properly integrate the experience. That's a very intense example. The point I'm trying to make is that looking and hoping for one single fix ranges from ineffective to harmful. Taking small steps, which over time compound, is how we bring about change and fix everything. And yes it costs us mental energy to do this as sometimes life can feel so overwhelming and we're already stretched too thin. This is where being kind to yourself in terms of the expectations you set and/or the help you request will make a difference. Because then you'll continue to focus on the small, tiny, almost inconsequential steps (and not keeping looking at the scoreboard) for long enough to make a difference to your life. www.thementalhealthplan.com https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Mindset Monday - What Can You Say No To? Every Mindset Monday is designed to take the lessons you've learnt so far and put them into immediate action. The action could reap immediate returns or they could be slow burners that improve your life incrementally over time. This week we're going to ask ourselves “What can I say ‘no' to this week?” Take a minute to get calm and clear and then write down your answer. It could be saying ‘no' to negative self talk, ‘no' to excuses about why you can't make time for yourself or why you can't go after what you want. It could be ‘no' to obligations and engagements that don't align with your values or mission. Or it could be as simple as ‘no' to that cookie or Netflix binge when you want to eat healthier and read more. Saying ‘no' to what you don't want frees up your time and energy to saying ‘yes' to what you do want and what gives your life meaning and enjoyment. Let me know how you get on

You're not broken. You're not wounded. Language is important, particularly in the language we used to describe ourselves. I'd like if anyone has used the terms “broken” or “wounded” to describe their trauma to listen to this: You're not broken. You're not wounded. Saying so implies all of you is broken or wounded. And if so, you're incomplete, and it's not too far of a step then to think you're not worthy or enough. You may have wounds, or emotional scar tissue. But that doesn't mean you're entirely broken or incomplete. Having scars, or flaws, or areas you're working to improve doesn't diminish your value. In fact recognising them means you're willing to consciously acknowledge all the parts that make you you, and that's admirable. If this has been a way you've talked to yourself or described yourself, I'd urge you to try a new way and see how it improves your identity and self acceptance.

How Clarity Helps Your Communication and Relationships So much of our happiness (and frustrations!) come from the people in our lives. Therefore it makes sense that we should invest time in developing our relationships. Most of us don't do this in any deliberate fashion, and run the risk of miscommunication, misunderstanding and all that comes with it. Think of this: If you're a mess in your head, and try to communicate in a messy way with someone else who may also be unclear in their head, you're not set up for success. Hence it's so important we get calm, clear and comfortable in ourselves before we engage in any important dialogue. Clarity allows us to articulate specifically what our concerns are, what are needs and desires are, and what our boundaries are. When we're clear we're more likely to communicate in a way that invokes empathy, rather than resentment or defensiveness. When you're calmer, you're less likely to react. It's easier then to be curious about what the other person means. You're better able to listen rather than having your ego preparing it's defence or prepared remarks! None of this is manipulation. Manipulation is born out of scarcity and greed, and also out of the belief that others are wholly responsible for what you want. They're holding what you need and it needs to be taken from them. It's zero-sum game thinking. In fact, when we're calm and clear we're much more likely to look for and find a strategy that allows everyone's needs to be met. I said it's important to get your mind and feelings clear before interaction, when in reality it's a continuous back and forth. You gain a little understanding of yourself, then through calm interaction gain and understanding of the other and the relationship. Then you're back to understanding how this changes your thoughts and feelings, and so on. https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Another Reason Why You'll Quit Taking Care of Your Mind The starting point for improving your mindset and mental well-being is to spend some quiet time daily. This allows you to gain clarity on what thoughts and feelings you're having. Many of these are just running on autopilot in the background. What often happens is you start to notice a lot of your patterns of thought - the stories your brain creates to make sense of the data it observes - maybe aren't that helpful, healthy or useful. https://thementalhealthplan.com/another-reason-why-youll-quit-taking-care-of-your-mind/ https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Why you should mind yourself at the start of your day I recommend you take care of your mind at the start of the day. If not, it becomes just another thing you need to tick off on your task list. If it's something you fit in around everything else it can be a source of stress, and a speed bump to your momentum during the day. You'll try get through it so you can get on with it. Amazingly, this doesn't lead to all the benefits we talk about! When we take time for our mind at the start of the day, it puts us in control of our mood and mental energy. We're less reactive to things because we've built that buffer of calmness and clarity in our mind. We know what's important, where our focus needs to go, and we also have the assurance that no mater what comes up we've invested in our mental health. To make this morning ritual easier to embed, I always recommend tying it to a habit you already have. Taking a minute with your morning cup of coffee is my favourite. Chances are you're on your phone, so it's only takes a second to set your timer for one minute and afterward note what you're grateful for and what your intentions for the day. You deserve the time to set yourself up for success each day. Done right this small investment pays off many times over for you. https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

You Need Both There's many mentors and success gurus, executive coaches, strategist, etc, that will tell you that when you achieve X then you'll be happy. On the other side there's plenty that will tell you that you need to achieve inner peace or self love before you can set out to achieve your external goals. In reality, we need both. It's not an either/or proposition. Exercise can boost your mood and help you feel better. But exercise can be an escape from your worries and over indulgence is just as big a problem. Money shortages causes a lot of stress. But money isn't going to solve ALL your problems. There's plenty of wealthy and dissatisfied people too. Done right, mastery of your outer world and mastery of self is complimentary and a virtuous cycle. One without the other is insufficient. There's no point being outwardly successful but inwardly distraught. And it's just as hollow working on pure inner peace without interacting the world and making your impression on it. And they should be worked on together. You don't need to get your head perfect before you move in the world, and you don't need to solve all your other problems before you turn inward. Each day make sure both pieces improve and build on each other. https://thementalhealthplan.com/you-need-both/ https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

This week's Mindset Monday is to set your long term priorities and then ensure your calendar and actions reflect these in your day to day life. We all fall prey to the “have to's” of life, emergencies that pop up, people that need our time, urgent tasks etc. I regularly need to audit my time to make sure what I'm doing is in line with my values and priorities and not just saying yes to the loud demands. Without doing this, we can feel frustrated and unfulfilled when we look back on our weeks, months, or years. https://thementalhealthplan.com/mindset-monday-whats-the-long-term-priority/ https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Mindset isn't a tablet, it's a vitamin A lot of the time people treat mindset work like a tablet - to be taken to alleviate symptoms when you're not well. Then once you're through the shaky patch, to be discontinued until you need it again. Mindset is one of the five pillars of health, alongside sleep, nutrition, movement and relationships. And just like all the other aspects, it needs consistency above all else. We all shy away from preventative work because the urgency isn't there to solve any obvious problem. Then when problems come along we wished we'd prepared better for it. Treat Mindset work like your vitamins - another part of your daily ritual to maintain and build your health. When you apply a little bit each day to improve your thinking and your mood you'll have the necessary mental reserves to cope when life throws challenges at you. https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Caught Up In The Panic-Slump Cycle? The Panic-Slump cycle is getting an adrenaline high from solving an emergency or drama followed by a low. Now maybe your adrenaline high doesn't feel good. You're capable of springing into action when things need to be solved - you're great in a crisis. It takes its toll on you. Maybe it's not immediate but you feel like you can't focus on growth while putting out fires or dealing with others issues. Or you stop exercising, sleeping or eating right while in solve everything mode. On top of this many of us who go through these cycles feel like if we didn't do it nobody would. So we're not taking care of everything out of choice, but out of obligation. We're taking care of everything and everyone, except ourselves. The cycle is addictive. Our brains can actually get addicted to the adrenaline and the dopamine (when we solve the problem). Like any addiction, it can bubble away below the surface and cause unseen damage. Sometimes the damage is a drag on your productivity, sometimes it's as severe as to ultimately lead to a heart attack. But you can step off the rollercoaster of emergency. If it sounds like something you experience and want to talk about it, just reach out and we'll explore what strategy works best for you.

There are two reasons you'll stop working on your mindset. The first is “it worked so well I stopped doing it.” Maybe you started meditation during a particularly stressful time and used the practice to get through it. Then once out the other end you “didn't need that stuff” to go about your day. The second is when things hit the fan we abandon the practice because it's not urgent. You've too many fires to put out that you can't waste time sitting quietly when there's so much to be done. The problem with both of them is you never break free of the panic-slump cycle. If you're only investing in calming your mind during a crisis you'll never build any buffer of calm to stop you getting stressed and anxious. And after a few goes of the cycle you'll start to dismiss the practice as not worth it. If you drop your self care when there's an emergency you're increasing, not decreasing your chance of making a costly mistake when your thinking to be at its clearest! Start small, a minute a day, and dial the mindset work up and down as needed. And when you feel the need to hit the off switch, that's the time to double down on taking care of your mental well-being. https://thementalhealthplan.com/the-two-reasons-youll-stop-working-on-your-mindset-mental-health-and-why-both-of-them-are-a-mistake/ Book a Call - https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Mindset Monday - How Can I Make Today Meaningful? This week's Mindset Monday Challenge is to spend the week seeking purpose and meaning. Normally we ask ourselves “what would make today good?” and usually we seek out pleasure or things that are immediately rewarding. This makes sense on the surface, we want to enjoy what we're doing with our time. The problem is if we use enjoyment as our primary guide we can find ourselves unfulfilled. Very often what will lead to fulfilment, pride and satisfaction isn't enjoyable in the moment or immediately rewarding. They're more rewarding long term, but you gotta put in the work and pay the price in the short term. To help with this we'll start with asking ourselves what's meaningful and important. Then once we know this and the steps we should take today to accomplish this, then we can ask ourselves how to make the steps enjoyable and rewarding. Let me know how you get on

A Friendlier Way to Look at Fear & Anxiety Here's another way to look at fear and anxiety. Most of the time most of us treat these emotions as something to avoid at all costs. We'll either avoid the situations that cause them, or if they do arise we'l quickly try to abate them. We automatically and instantly reason that fear is a sign that something is wrong. There's a threat to our survival and we need to make both the feeling and the threat go away ASAP! What if we took the opinion that these feelings are alerting you that you need to pay attention to new information that can benefit you, instead of something that's threatening your ego or your survival? Instead of “here's an imminent threat that could kill us” the same feelings are saying “hey, this is important so we're preparing you to focus”? The sensations of anxiety aren't going away as long as we're alive. They're our bodies natural response to anything new, or anything important. If we practice thinking of the sensations of allies we're going to be so much better off. https://thementalhealthplan.com/a-friendlier-way-to-look-at-fear-anxiety/ https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Fully Feeling & Releasing Emotions This practice comes from Jim Dethmer, author of Conscious Leadership. Emotions are feelings in the body. If we don't feel them fully they energy gets trapped, and can cause a lot of suffering for quite a long time. We either engage in a lot of numbing - food, alcohol, tv, exercise - or we constantly replay the event and the story around the emotion. Dethmer calls this drama based/thought based emotion, and it intensifies the emotion. The first stage is to locate the sensation in the body and describe it as much as you. Ask yourself what are the bits doing in your body? Twisting, popping, bubbling, stabbing? Step two - breathe into the emotion. Feelings alters your breathing, so if you take some gentle full deep breathes you'll help get the flow going again. Step three - allow, accept and appreciate the emotion. This takes work and I found this quite uncomfortable the first few times I did it! Still do at times! Step four - match your experience with your expression. Move, breathe, vocalise the emotion. Yes, make a sound!! Practice this next time you feel a strong emotion. Emotions only last about 90 second. Unless you repress them somehow. Then they last years! www.thementalhealthplan.com https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Mindset Monday - The CEO of You, Inc. This week's Mindset Monday Challenge is to spend some time today to pretend you're the CEO of You, Inc. Your job is to carve out the time to determine what's important, what you value, and what activities will maximise your life. We're taking all areas of your life: your happiness, your health, your wealth, your relationships, your legacy. Then it's important to look at your schedule and start putting these things in motion. Much like a good CEO wouldn't accept excuses or reasons why it can't be done, we're going to treat ourselves with the same firm guiding hand. As we go through the week, give yourself a motivating deadline of the weekend to report back on whether you made progress in the key areas of your life. Now there's no need to be harsh on yourself. You're applying productive tension to get the best out of you, so you can be proud and satisfied of the effort you've put in and the progress you've made by this time next week.

❌ The Danger of Rushing to Fix What's Wrong ❌ When we unconsciously rush to fix things - change our living situation, our jobs, our bodies, our partners - we run a couple of risks. The first is we may not be addressing the key issue. Have we asked ourselves why we want to change, or what the change will bring about, enough to get to the root need we're trying to satisfy? We all like solutions, and working on them can feel like we're improving our lives. Without getting clear on what the need is, we can be overly focused on a strategy only to find out that our underlying need isn't met. Our salary is a great example here. At first we're earning enough to survive, to satisfy our need for security. Then we reach that number and it doesn't feel enough, so we want a higher salary, possibly trying to satisfy the need for freedom, or significance. Research has found that regardless of our current salary, our goal salary is always 150% of what we're making! When we understand our needs, we can chose better strategies for satisfying them. The work at the start to get clear on what our needs are and if our strategies can actually help satisfy them will save us a lot of disappointment.

Made it? (Outer Success, Inner Turmoil) Ever feel like you've made it but you're not feeling as content as you think you should? We can be materially very successful but still feel unsatisfied, unhappy or uneasy. Our brains are funny little things. We all tend to focus on concepts that are easier to grasp, like money or titles, simply because they're easier to grasp! It's much more work for our brain to try figure out if we're feeling happier or more at ease. So our brains try to conserve calories by not thinking about them. But if we truly want to maximise our success in all areas of our lives we can't ignore our belief systems or our mindset, particularly where we feel the most resistant to work on. Quoting Mark Manson: The problem with the traditional masculine formula – protection, providing, procreating – is that they require men to measure their self-worth via some external, arbitrary metric. But there need to be new internal metrics for a man's worth as well — his honesty, his integrity, his emotional openness and ability to remain strong in the face of vulnerability. The external game can and should be rewarding. Denying our inner needs can mean we're first to the finish line only to find out we've run the wrong race. Book A Call

Clear Expectations Some would say that you shouldn't have expectations, as they'd lead to disappointment. Expectations themselves aren't inherently bad. What we need is to have clarity on what those expectations are. If we base our expectations on events or other people, we can fall into the juvenile thinking of entitlement. We disconnect from one another as the childish parts of our brain feels entitled to the other person fulfilling our wishes, almost as if that's their only role. We can forget they're also dealing with their own unique situations, feelings and desires. When we set expectations of ourselves, we put ourselves in a better place if we make our expectations of effort only, not just of outcome. We can't guarantee outcome, we really have very little control over it. But our thoughts and actions, we have much more agency. The more we can set our expectations about effort instead of outcome, the easier it is to forgive ourselves and paradoxically the more likely we are to put in the work needed to shape the ultimate outcome.

Mindset Monday - What Would You Tell Your Best Friend? This week's Mindset Monday is to keep asking ourselves “What Would I Tell My Best Friend?” This is such a powerful question because it cuts through all the excuses and BS we're prone to telling ourselves. It takes away all the reasons why we can't do what we should do in our own best interests. At the same time it has powerful compassion behind it. We're not being harsh on ourselves. We're not berating ourselves or engaged in self flagellation. We're being direct and kind with ourselves, taking away all the distractions and giving ourselves clear, loving direction. Try it and let me know how you get on.

Mindset Monday - Am I blaming or taking responsibility? Hey everyone! Our Mindset Monday challenge for this week is to stop and ask yourself “am I blaming or taking responsibility?” We things go wrong our default reaction can be to blame somebody. It can happen before we even realise it that we've done it. Blaming is an immature response, it's your ego working hard to protect itself. It keeps us focused on the problem. And when we blame out loud it puts other people on the defensive. When we take responsibility notice that after we get over the initial embarrassment on ‘being wrong' we feel more in control of our future actions. And by taking responsibility we open up space for others to take responsibility for their part too. Try it this week and let me know how it works out for you!

Residual beneficiary The residual beneficiary is who's left when everyone else has been taken care of. One of the biggest mistakes I see a lot of us making is that in our lives, the residual beneficiary is us! We'll take care of our boss's needs, customer needs, employee needs, family needs, and then finally what's left (if there is anything left!) we'll maybe take care of our needs. Your mental health is not an afterthought. It's not something to devote some time too only when everything else is in order. The counter intuitive thing to do when there's overwhelming demands on you is to satisfy your own needs first. When your mental health is sufficiently topped up, you're going to be able to deliver your best. If you were looking for permission to take some time to top yourself up, this is it. Your mental well-being is not a luxury, it's priority number one.

Doing The Right Thing / Tough Self Love Being compassionate towards yourself doesn't mean that you take the easy road. In fact, there's times when compassion can be considered tough love. If we take the easy choice, we may avoid temporary discomfort, and we'll replace it with long term resentment or dissatisfaction. To build ourselves up, we ask ourselves what would be the right thing, what has the best long term payoff for everyone, and what would I be proud of doing today? This, coupled with an understanding that it may be difficult or uncomfortable in the moment, and encouraging ourselves like we would our best friend or our child, is what leads to self satisfaction and a happy, calm mind. Day by day, by committing to repeated small acts that you deem worthy and important, AND following through with them, we become someone we're proud of being.

It is NOT about being tough The first problem with the idea of toughness is when tend to think of it as a fixed trait. You either have it or you don't. And the opposite of toughness is weakness, right? So if you're not tough you're weak. Which means anytime our attempts to be tough fail, and they inevitable always will with enough stress, we're left being inadequate. Secondly there's little to no evidence toughness leads to a better performance or improved mental health. So we're working hard at building a mental trait we don't really believe to possible to build, and one that doesn't give us the payoff we're hoping for! So what's the alternative? Compassion! It seems counter intuitive but gentle encouragement combined with empathy of the struggle you're facing will lead to a more enjoyable effort and a better outcome. If you've been trying tough it out and it hasn't worked so far, why not try a compassionate approach and see how it works for you? Want to Talk? - https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

You can't change your mind if you don't know your mind Taking daily quiet time is the fundamental practice of mindset change because it allows us to build awareness. We humans are the only species capable of knowing that we're thinking and experiencing. Most of the time we're on autopilot, with our environment and old routines determining our habits. When we take some time each day, and it doesn't have to be much, we can step back and see what we're thinking, feeling, and doing with a little more objectivity. We start with it in a formal practice like taking your mindful minute with your morning coffee. This allows us to build the skill in a deliberate fashion. Then we'll start to be more aware throughout the day, starting with low pressure situations and as we develop we'll be able to stay aware and present in times of higher stress. The awareness allows us to see if our course of actions and habits of thinking are helpful or unhelpful. But before we can do that, we have to invest the time to become aware of it. Want to Talk? - https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Why I didn't work on myself sooner When I was younger, I didn't work on myself because I held the believe that I was either whole and worthy, or broken and somehow wrong. This prevented me from doing the necessary work on me with a professional that would heal my mental wounds. I didn't see a psychologist because if I did, my ego told me I was broken and weak. So I tried to ignore any pain or negative feelings, deny them and bury them. It was only when I realised that you can be both worthy and a work in progress that I could do any meaningful work on my mental state. That it's not an either you're sick or you're healthy, but it's a continuing process of self discovery and self improvement. It's possible that you, your job, your relationships, your fitness, your finances, etc etc are good AND can be improved. When we adopt this mindset we can let go of any shame associated around getting help and looking for a better way. If you'd like to talk, schedule some time here - https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

You need to know how you're feeling None of us would like to think we're being controlled by someone else. We'd fight back against it and we'd be right to rebel. This is why it's so important to know how you're feeling and understand your behaviours so you're not being controlled by your past self. Your past self did things because it was the best strategy at the time. Now, however, it may not be the best thing for you. The first step is to give yourself enough stillness that you can begin to objectively see your behaviour. Ryan Holiday wrote a whole book on this, but you really only need a few minute long breaks throughout your day to build clarity to reflect on your behaviours. The more you notice your actions the more you can uncover the motives behind them. When we know this we can ask if this is really the best way to get our needs met? We want to understand ourselves and our needs so we can feel our best AND give our best. We're going to have a much greater impact giving from a place of abundance rather than to get what you need in return or because you feel you aren't enough. Introspection is the best thing you can do for everyone in your life, most of all you.

I give myself permission to feel We all engage in numbing or distracting activities some of the time. A lot of us, we do this a lot of the time. It's because feelings can be overwhelming, and in the past the behaviour we're doing alleviated that feeling, or at least stopped us from feeling it for a bit. Giving yourself permission to feel is hugely liberating. And yes, it can be a little scary (or a lot scary!) We give ourselves permission to feel when we understand that feelings are natural signals about the world, our needs and our actions. What would happen if we approached our feelings with curiosity? We can get curious about the direct sensation of what we're feeling - e.g. where in the body do I feel anger, happiness, shame, excitement etc. We can also get curious about what need is generating the feeling. It's important here to distinguish between needs and strategy. Let's say for example we're feeling lonely. We have a need for connection. Our strategy could be to spend time with a particular person in a particular setting. We can often get hung up on the strategy and be upset when it can't happen. But if we step back we can look at other ways our needs can be met. But before we get there we need to build the skill or recognising our emotions and giving ourselves permission to feel them, instead of instantly looking to satisfy or numb them.

Expecting Others to Intuit Our Feelings One of the biggest ways we undermine our happiness is by expecting others to intuit our feelings and then being frustrated/disappointed when they don't act in a way we hope they will. This makes sense when we're kids, we don't really know our needs, or what our emotions are, so the adults in our life generally try satisfy our needs for us. When we explain it like this we can see the trouble is we're never really taught how to do this ourselves, and just expected to figure it out on our own. Then we grow up, expecting others to know our needs, how we feel about them, and our preferred strategy for satisfying them. The result is a whole load of anger and annoyance! A healthier, and admittedly much harder approach, is to take full responsibility for your needs, strategies, and feelings. This takes time and effort, and doesn't mean you have to do everything all your own. The time spent here saves us a lot of hurt as we gradually become less dependant on others to figure out what we're feeling and what we want. Then we're able to communicate more clearly, enjoy healthier relationships and better peace of mind. https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

A gift to your future self A few weeks back I put out a video saying “Julia Roberts was wrong”, criticising a point a client had relayed to me from ‘Eat, Pray, Love.” This is my apology note to Elizabeth Gilbert after listening to her on the Tim Ferriss podcast where she dropped this gem. Very often, we avoid doing things we know our good for ourselves. Mainly because they're not immediately fun and take some work. When Ms Gilbert is faced with one of these tasks (she names flossing as one of them) she reframes it as a gift to her future self. Studies also show that giving and service for others can immensely boost our well-being. I never considered the ‘other' to be your future self. This is a fantastic way to think about doing all the things we know we should do but don't do. It has the power boost our mood in the present and making our future live better. She also adds in that she can thank her former self for what they've done (like cleaning up the apartment over the weekend) and I think it's a brilliant take on gratitude as well. I'm going to fold both of these into my self care practice, why don't you try it as well and let me know how it goes?

Structure For Sanity Here's some advice I can give you if you're finding yourself bored, frustrated, or lacking motivation lately. As humans we've some fundamental needs, and oftentimes these can be contradictory. For example we've a need to feel fulfilled, which we can only do if we stretch ourselves outside our comfort zone a little. But we've also the strong desire to conserve energy. Creating a structure around our day gives us a sense of order, stability and security. It can help us do what we need to do in order to feel like we didn't waste the day, and feel proud of ourselves. But we don't want to be so rigid that every single minute of our day is filled in, as this goes against our need for freedom and autonomy. Create what I like to call a tentpole structure - various time slots throughout the day when you've schedule in the really important things: exercise, connection, and tasks that increase the quality of your life/bring you closer to your goals. Create as many of those time slots as you need while also giving yourself as much freedom as you like. The structure allows you to feel proud of how you've spent while also providing you the space to enjoy your days. If you'd like help creating your structure feel free to book a call with me. Thank you! https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

How often are you saying no to life? Whenever I find myself down, frustrated or upset I eventually notice it's because I'm saying no to life. What do I mean by this? For a start it means I'm meeting circumstances with fundamental aggression. I'm resisting and opposing what's going on instead of accepting it and dealing with it. This could be getting annoyed/angry that others aren't behaving how I want them to, feeling constricted by my schedule, or just plain wishing things were different. I'll repeat again that acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It doesn't mean giving up or letting myself get dumped on. It's redirecting my mindset towards what I can control and change - either my mentality or my actions. And second way you can say no to life is literally by saying no to suggestions for improving. Rejecting ideas without considering or trying them because “they won't work” or “they're not good enough.” When I find myself closed off I make a conscious attempt to be more open to trying a new way. Today ask yourself where you've been saying no to life and how you could say yes more.