Has your child come out as LGBTQ, and you want to help them thrive? I am Jenie Hunter and my son came out 10 years ago. I am a Certified Advanced Faith Coach and have coached 100's of parents how to help their LGBTQ family thrive.
We've all received feedback that has stung or embarrassed us, making us feel defensive. And it's normal to feel defensive. The amygdala, which is the part of the brain that constantly scans our environment for threats cannot tell the difference between a psychological threat and a physical threat. Essentially, we get the defensive because we don't feel safe. But there is not upside in feeling defensive. This episode will give you real life strategies on how to counter that feeling of defensive.To work with me further, please go to www.jeniehuntercoaching.com.
In this episode I share with you the 5 things that have helped me love being a mom. This year will be my 26th year and when I have looked back I see 5 consistent things that I have done that has helped me show up as the parent I want to be. When you feel proud of who you are it benefits your children 100% of the time.
Our sibling relationships are the longest relationships we will have on this earth. Because of this they can sometimes be difficult to mange and hit some roadblocks.The quality of sibling relationships is also one of the most important predictors of mental health in old age, according to The American Journal of Psychiatry. Research shows that people who are emotionally close to their siblings have higher life satisfaction and lower rates of depression later in life. In times of stress or trauma, siblings can provide essential emotional and monetary support.I have 9 siblings so I have a lot of practice and experience on how to create strong bonds with your siblings. In this episode I gave you 3 things to focus on to enhance your sibling relationships so you can fully enjoy the power of those relationships.
Today is my mother's birthday. To honor her I asked each of her 10 children one bit of wisdom that she taught them. She was an ordinary woman her left an extraordinary legacy of 10 children who have created happy, thriving families of faith. Enjoy! Get as much education as possible. Sometimes you just need a good cry. The importance of PERSONAL Scripture study If it doesn't have eternal consequences don't worry about it No limitations….you can do or be anything. Faithfully serve when God calls you. Things that drive you crazy in your kids today, will be their strengths when they are older. Your number 1 job as a mom is to teach your children who they are. Your best friends should be your family. Everything that happens in your life has a reason.
Do you think your child is LGBTQ but they haven't talked to you yet?Is your child out to you but nobody else knows?These real life scenarios are questions I have helped many families with. In this episode I teach you some ideas on how to best support your LGBTQ child in a healthy non-harming way.
When your child comes out as LGBTQ things change. This can include how you feel at church. This usually feels scary and uncomfortable. If you have felt this you are not alone. I give you some actionable steps on how to handle the hard.
We all want stronger friendships. But as we get older friendships can feel harder.I see a lot of adults struggle in the friendship department because they have forgotton how to make friendships simple and drama-free.We all want to feel loved and wanted and connected to others. The problem is we think other people's actions and words are what makes us feel loved, wanted and connected.We are wrong. We are the only ones who can make us feel connected to others. The feelings of love, inclusion and connection are completely created by you; not by others.Easy enough, right? If we want to feel these lovely feelings then we just think lovely thoughts. So what is the problem? Why do we have times that we don't feel loved, connected or wanted?In this episode I teach you how to manage your brain and 6 steps on how to navigate the landmines of friendships.
We all worry about our child's safety. This episode I am talking to you about the magic bullet in relationships. Creating emotional safety. When we are talking about emotional safety we mean creating safe place so that your child does not feel as if you are at risk of harm or danger and with emotional safety it means knowing that you will not be criticized, blamed, rejected, invalidated or dismissed by your parent. If your partner does not share with you, if your partner shuts down, if your partner finds it easier to talk to other people than to talk to you, instead of engaging in name calling and blaming and saying things such as “you're secretive,” “you don't know how to express yourself,” “you never talk,” “you're such a coward,” “you don't respect me,” etc, Turn inward and ask yourself: What am I doing or not doing that is causing my child to not feel comfortable sharing with me? What can I do to show my child that I am interested in what they want to share and I am committed to holding a safe space for them to express themselves fully? Today I give you 6 ways to create emotional safety in your relationship with your LGBTQ child.
Are we expecting too much out of marriage? How much time does it really take to make your love better? I answer all these questions in this episode. To create a long-lasting marriage you need to keep choosing your choice consciously every day.1. How you are thinking about your spouse?2. How you are talking about them to others?3. How do you talk to your spouse?4. How you think and talk to yourself?Are you being diligent in liking your choice and looking for evidence of how you are the luckiest because you get to be married to this person and they get to be married to you?I give you the tools that will help you create a better love.
This is a quote made by Jim Rohn, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”Who you spend time with influences the person you eventually become. Who you are with can elevate you as much as it can bring you down.When you become an LGBTQ parent you need to be very intentional on who you let influence you. The kind of people you interact with influences (1) your consciousness level and (2) your beliefs and behavior in a particular area.I give you 5 steps on how to be intentionally on the teachers/influencers in your life.To work with me personally go to www.liftedtogether.com and schedule a consult.
It might be tempting to handle disappointment by avoiding it altogether. One way to do this is to not have expectations in the first place. But this isn't realistically possible – imagine trying to have no thoughts or ideas about how something should be or might go! Also, expectations are helpful for us in many ways. So how can we cope with the unpleasantness of disappointment that is sure to come up? Here are some healthy ways to deal with disappointment:1.Acknoweldge2.Validate/Process3. &4. Reframewww.jeniehuntercoaching.com
When you think about your LGBTQ child do you think abundantly? If you are not, you are causing unnecessary fear and worry and are not showing up as the best parent for your child. In this episode I will teach you How do find out if you are in scarcity. What causes scarcity. What is scarcity really creating for you. What abundance creates for you. How to create an abundant mindset.
We crave connection. It is a human need. Numerous studies have proven that people who feel connected to others are happier, feel less anxiety and depression, have fewer health problems, and live longer. The tricky thing about connection is that everybody feels connection differently. We also live in an era when we are less connected as a species. Our technology has been a great blessing but it has come at a cost of human connection. Brené Brown said, “Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”You are 100% responsible for creating that energy with others. We all need connection. If you are not feeling connected you are not creating it. In this episode I will teach you the 4 steps on how to get better at creating connection in your life.To work with me personally go to www.liftedtogether.com and schedule a free consult.
When your child comes out it can feel hard. But not having your child tell your they are LGBTQ is harder. Not having your child feel like they can live their life authentically is hardest. This episode I teach you a tool that will help you choose your hard so you won't have to experience the harder or hardest.To find out more help and tips go to Lifted Together Community.
We all want to feel love. What creates more love? You do. It is a skill that I will teach you today. Your ability to feel love for yourself doesn't just happen, it is an intentionally mindset that is a tool you can learn.If you want to create more love, this is the episode you don't want to miss.To come learn more tools and to get 1:1 private help www.liftedtogether.com
Most LDS/Christian parents share common dreams for their children. That their child will fall in love. Get married. Have children. They believe in the power of falling in love. They believe this is Heavenly Father's plan for their child to become their best self and live their best life.When your child comes out as LGBTQ those dreams don't just disappear. So if you are LDS/Christian this puts your brain into cognitive dissonance. The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes.You believe that doctrine of marriage and you also believe that your child would have a more fulfilled life being married.You want you child to progress in the gospel but you also want them to live a whole full life. In the gospel, we believe that the highest level of happiness in this life and in the next life includes a spouse and creating a family. This conflict of the brain causes feelings of unease or discomfort. I don't know of a LDS/Christian LGBTQ parent that doesn't experience this. You want to be faithful but you also want to support what is best for your child's well being. This puts us in a space that feels unchartered with the Lord. Historically LDS/Christian families have felt there were only 2 paths. Some choose to leave the church because they felt like in order to support their child they couldn't keep their membership. Others felt like in order to stay that they couldn't support their child, so essence they left their child. I believe there is a third path and I am seeing more families forge their way on this path. There is no map for this path, so to find your way you have to increase your skills of hearing Him. You learn to trust the Lord in a new way. And most importantly you learn to find grace why you “wait upon him.” www.liftedtogether.com
The past is over but it still can cause a lot of pain today. The only way your past exists at all is in your thoughts about it now. Otherwise, it doesn't affect you in any way. All of your thinking affects you deeply in this moment, but what happened to you in your past does not. I teach you 5 tools on how to evolve the pain from your past into more empowering emotions for your mental health today.To find my tips and to work with me go to https://community.liftandlove.org
When you have an LGBTQ child you will need to make decisions for your family that their won't always be a guide book. Learning how to trust your inner wisdom will benefit you and your child. What is inner wisdom? Call it inner wisdom, intuition, insight or the spirit .Whatever term you use, this is the little voice inside you that represents the real you.Your best self. It's the you after stripping away society's standards and expectations — and everyone else's. This is where you are operating at your best self. Listening to your inner wisdom helps you connect with others on a deeper level. It allows us to be most genuine, most real, and most available for true connection.To find out more help and tips go to Lifted Together Community.
Learning how to like not just love our child is a skill. A skill I teach you in this episode. The best news is that it has nothing to do with the child changing. It is a 5 step process that I teach you on how to react to your child's actions and words to create love and LIKE.To find out more help and tips go to Lifted Together Community.
Do you want to learn more tools on how to grow your faith come to my FREE class "How to grow you faith" on Thursday, September 29th at 11 am EST. Grab your spot here.When your child comes out you might feel angry towards your church or your God. This feels true but terrible. You want to have strong faith but you are not sure how to grow your faith. This is hard because this time you need more peace and love not less! In this episode, I teach you 3 tools to protect and grow your faith. It isn't just being more faithful, it is all about having the right tools to manage your mind.To learn more on how to coach with me go to www.liftedtogether.com
My brain used to be in the habit of thinking a lot of should-sentences. I should be ......, I should want to......., I shouldn't............It left me feeling horrible about myself and my life. Why are should-sentences thoughts so destructive?They are destructive to us because when we think them we are being self-critical and telling ourselves that we are not good enough the way we are.I teach you 3 steps on how to change your should sentences to more empowering thoughts.To find out more help and tips go to Lifted Together Community.
Worry appears to be necessary but it never changes the impact of the thing you are worrying about. Your brain will try to sell you that worry is necessary but this is a lie. When my son came out I worried. I worried a lot and about everything. I was eating worry for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You can imagine my indigestion and weight gain!I felt like in order to be a good parent worry was necessary and important. The result of all my worry was a disconnected, distracted, fearful mama. My parenting decisions were made from fear and worry, which made for a lot of parenting mistakes.My worry wasn't solving anything and in fact it was causing more problems.This episode I give you 3 ways on how to break-up with worry so you can feel less fear and more peace.
When I think my child is confused and not really sure that they are LGBTQ. I think they are being influenced by their friends and social media so I am afraid to really go all in and support them. I don't want them to commit to something that them might later think was wrong, just for them to be able to fit in to their peer group.
Most LGBTQ children will go through a faith crisis. When this happens how are you reacting. Are you actions coming from having a confidence in God that even though your family's path looks differently than expected that it is still the perfect path for your family? Are you acting from a place of confidence in your child's ability that they will find their Savior and God will stay in their story? In this episode I talk about 4 things to do to help you show up in faith and not fear when your child starts questioning their faith.
How do you handle the people in your life that are difficult? I teach you how to get your power back and how to manage your brain so they have less impact on you.
When you are a parent of an LGBTQ child you will have experience some difficult moments. In this episode I teach you how to make these moments less difficult. The learning of how to allow is a skill and a muscle that I will teach you the components of how to grow.
We all need support and sometimes when your LGBTQ child comes out your old support systems no longer are working. In this episode I tell you where you can find support and then tell you how you can connect on a deeper level when you find the right support.Here is the link for our monthly support groups. Sign up and you will receive a zoom link.
Boundaries can feel heavy. Most people think we create them because we have toxic people in our lives but creating them from that place will make you feel more powerless. Boundaries are part of all healthy relationships. Knowing how to create a boundary out of love will help you feel feel powerful and create less resentment in your relationships, regardless of how others are acting.
We all fight with reality but most of the time we don't even realize it. It's hard not being in control. But then the realization comes that we have never really been in control. I give you 7 signs that you will tell you if you are in "fight" or "acceptance" with reality. I also give you 7 steps how to get out of fighting so you can use your energy in more powerful ways.Katie Byron has a series of questions that she asks herself when faced with stressful thoughts or beliefs: Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it is true? How do you react when you believe that thought? Who would you be without the thought?
Our brains tell us stories and narratives about other people. That is how we interrupt and make sense of live. But are the stories you are telling yourself about your LGBTQ child true?This episode helps you examine and question the stories we are telling us and gives us the space to edit the story in a way that better serves us.1. Are you making unfair assumptions about your child?2. Is the story creating respect for your child?3. Do you find yourself explaining to others why your child acts the way they do?4. What would be the chapter headings for your past story about your child?5. What would be the chapter headings for your future story about your child?
Touching the hot stove is an analogy I use for teaching my children. I tell my children "don't touch the stove it's too hot", meaning that something is a bad idea. Lately, we have had the opportunity to experience a couple of "touch the hot stove" moments with our children.These moments are when parenting can feel the most frustrating and exhausting and you probably feel like you aren't getting paid enough for this job! This episode I teach the 3 magic questions to help you show up at your best in these hot stove moments.
When you have an LGBTQ child there might be a lot of experiences that you could take offense. The problem with that is feeling irritated and offended never feels good. The key is to learning the "no offense" superpower so you can feel peace and grace regardless of the circumstance. I will teach you the power of learning not to be offended.
Our brains hate change. I teach you how you can change your brain and get comfortable to the "different" reality of being an LGBTQ family.
We all have a vision of what kind of parent we should be. I did. I tell you my story what happened when I let go of how I thought I should be and embraced the parent I am.
Our brains like to wallow in self-pity. The problem with that is that it keeps us stuck and powerless. Learning the 7 tools to manage your pain and to move yourself out of self-pity will help you feel empowered and creative for any circumstance.Regularly feeling sorry for yourself over a long period of time can also lead to depression. And it can even lead to physical health issues like coronary heart disease. Even more alarming; an article written in The Independent states that self-pity can be as bad for your heart as smoking 20 cigarettes a day!Here are some questions that have helped me see how my current circumstances can actually be beneficial to me: How can I make myself a priority so I have more to give others? How can the future be better because of this? What do I love about my life? What am I grateful for? How is this perfect? How is this happening for me not against me? How can I make choices that benefit me and everyone around me at the same time? How can I make what is happening fun?
In this episode, I will teach you how to stop avoiding conflict and how to process it in a healthy way. We can't avoid conflict without it causing damage to ourselves and our relationships. Conflict is not the problem it is how we handle it, that makes it a problem. In this episode you will learn how to be a rockstar conflict manager and have the skills to up level all of our relationships.
Do you find you are comparing yourself to others? If you answered yes, good news, your brain is operating normal. We are made to compare to others BUT comparing ourselves to others is a joy stealer. In this episode, I will teach you how to override your natural drive to compare and how to replace it with much healthier habits.
How do you know if you are being a good parent? In this episode, I teach you how to measure rather you are a good parent and why it is so important that you feel like you are a good parent. This skill can be the game changer in the relationship with yourself and your child.
Having a healthy marriage is one of the best gifts we can give to our children. But statistically children can be marriage killers. Learning how to protect your marriage when your child comes out as LGBTQ is foundational for thriving as a LGBTQ family. I will teach you 4 tools to protect your marriage.If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lifted Together Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/communityFor additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts Jenie Hunter Coaching
Part 2 - Most people want to feel connected to their children, and in fact, the more you feel connected to them the healthier your child will be emotionally. I will teach you the 4 skills to be the "Epic" parent is the best place to parent from. To enjoy vs. dislike you child, feel peace instead of fear, in-relationship vs. rejection and confidence vs. confusion. I have the process to create these emotions.If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lifted Together Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/communityFor additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts Jenie Hunter Coaching
Most people want to feel connected to their children, and in fact, the more you feel connected to them the healthier your child will be emotionally. I will teach you the 4 skills to be the "Epic" parent is the best place to parent from. To enjoy vs. dislike you child, feel peace instead of fear, in-relationship vs. rejection and confidence vs. confusion. I have the process to create these emotions.If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lifted Together Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/communityFor additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts Jenie Hunter Coaching
Shame can be felt for a number of reasons - but it is always caused by our thoughts.Feeling of shame comes from a false belief that you are flawed, or that you are doing it wrong, or something has gone wrong.My shame was caused by the false belief that our family was now flawed and we couldn't be a good LDS family. I worried about what others would think and how we would fit into our community. These thoughts were causing me to feel shame but I also felt shame because I felt like I had failed as a parent and I had disappointed God.These painful thoughts I was thinking were not thoughts that were from God and they weren't true or useful. The problem with feeling shame is that it is an emotion that never comes from God. Satan is always the author of shame.Questions to ask yourself to combat shame:How do you feel when you believe this thought?What result in your life do you get when you think of this?Is this thought creating useful thoughts?Could you be wrong about this thought?Can you find evidence for the opposite of this thought?What else could you believe?If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lifted Together Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/communityFor additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts Jenie Hunter Coaching
Do you remember that feeling when you first put on prescription glasses? How you immediately saw things differently. How you hadn't even realized how much you were missing.I remember noticing that the leaves on the trees had different shapes and how beautiful they were.My vision is so impaired that I could be considered legally blind. My eye doctor recently informed me of this fact. But because my vision is correctable I'm not technically legally blind.Everyday I feel gratitude when I put in my contacts. They immediately change how I experience life. They correct my eyes. In an instant, I go from blurriness to clear vision. They give me the ability to see things for how they really are.This is what it is like for parents of an LGBTQ child. When your child comes out your whole life changes in an instant.Before my son came out I thought I knew how to love. I thought I loved others unconditionally. I was wrong. I didn't even know how many blind spots I had until I became an LGBTQ mama. When my son came out I wish I could tell you that the overall emotion I felt was love – it wasn't – I had a lot of blind spots that needed to be corrected. These blind spots caused me to feel a lot of negative emotions. A lot of hurt, fear and anger. None of these feelings felt anything close to how love feels.These blind spots were coming from thoughts like: This is unfair. Something has gone wrong. This won't end well. This is not how life should be. Why is this happening? With my son coming out, the Lord had brought me into the classroom of learning how to correct my vision. I was going to learn what my personal blind spots. Until I faced these blind spots, I wouldn't be able to love my son how he deserved to be loved - unconditionally.If you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lifted Together Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/communityFor additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts Jenie Hunter Coaching
Clean pain is pain felt from difficult circumstances in life, it hurts deeply and profoundly, but it relates to things as they actually happening— the facts of the situation and the reality event.Dirty pain, is taking difficulty from life and blaming yourself or others for it, arguing with reality, should-ing all over it, or just generally thinking “things should be different and how things are is wrong.”How do you clean up your Dirty Pain?1. Stop resisting the pain. We create more pain for ourselves when we don't slow down and process the emotions. When we resist sadness, grief, anger it can grow into anxiety and depression.2. Connection – Find a friend, therapist or coach that you can have a safe, non-judgmental place to process all your emotions. Having a space to just say your thoughts out loud – gives you awareness of what is happening in your brain.3. Accept Reality – Become aware of how you are actually thinking and telling yourself about your child being LGBTQ. Are you conscious of your thoughts about the circumstance? 4. Compassion. When I stopped telling myself to stop feeling a certain way is when I begun to heal. I let myself feel grief when I needed to. I stopped judging myself for what emotions I was feeling. I started talking to myself like my best friend and this gave me a place to heal.5. Question Your Thoughts– I started to question my thoughts. Some of my thoughts about myself and others actions/words were not useful or even true. I noticed that once I started questioning my judgement of myself it became easier to drop judgement for others. 6. Humans are a Hot Mess!- Remember we are ALL humans - and humans are messy. When people said things that felt hurtful for myself or child I try to process my hurt and then go to them with curiosity not judgement . Some of these conversations were life changing for them by helping them see a different perspective. They were always life changing for myself because my love for others increased because I gained great understanding about that individual- and understanding leads to love.You either love someone or you don't understand them.f you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lifted Together Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/communityFor additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts Jenie Hunter Coaching
Parenting on our best days can seem like the hardest job in the world. When you throw in a child who is struggling with their sexuality it can make even the most confident parent feel off their game. What is Your Parenting Style -is it connecting with your child?As your child tries to come to terms with their sexuality there will be a lot of upheaval for both you and your child. This can lead to some unhealthy dynamics in your parenting. Most of the time I have seen my clients try to parent in either two ways: Authoritative or Permissive. In this episode, I teach you how to parent in a way that creates greater connection with your child.
If you are like me - when your child came out you might have some moments when you realize that the way you love others might need some work. I had a vision of what my son's life would look like. How he should live his life. Once he stopped doing those things, I realized that some of my love had been transaction.The transactional mindset indicates that love is something to be given (when earned), and taken, as opposed to experienced and received. It is easy to love our kids when they are doing what we think they should be doing. The real work of being the parent is loving your child when they aren't living their life how you think they should be living.In this episode I give you 5 secrets on how to move your love to unconditional from conditional.
Telling the extended family about your LGTBQ child can bring up a lot of fear for you and your child. In this episode I give you 9 tools to help you make a plan that will give you confidence and peace for the conversation. Handling this moment in the right way can actually leader to stronger relationships with your extended family relationships.
Here is a great check list on the areas you should make sure you have covered with your LGBTQ child.
Every parent wants to do it right. Meaning, love and support their LGBTQ child. Here is a list of 10 mistakes that I have coached many of my clients through.
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