Sunday School Dropouts

It’s the season 3 finale! Niko and Lauren discuss a variety of underworlds, Dante’s Inferno, The Good Place, and why everything you thought you knew about heaven and hell is wrong. Plus: medieval hellmouths, and ancient Coltons Burpo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren, Niko, and special guest Sarah Michael (Niko's mom) discuss the Maccabees, dreidel disasters, all nine candles including the shamash, and everything else in the story of Hanukkah. Plus: growing up Jewish in 1960s Flint, Michigan, and Niko doesn't like sour cream on his latkes please! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss the Zealots, the Sicarii, Flavius Josephus and the destruction of the second temple, and everything else in the story of the siege of Masada. Plus: 20th century Israeli poetry, and Niko wants a taste of those ancient dates! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss the siege of Jotapata, the destruction of the second temple at Jerusalem, Essene internships, and everything else in The Life of Flavius Josephus. Plus: John and Jesus! But not that John and Jesus! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss Bedouin goatherds, John the Baptist, a mysterious sect of Judaism called the Essenes, and everything else about the Dead Sea Scrolls. Plus: life in an ancient commune, and why archaeologists shouldn’t use Scotch tape. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss the phoenix, the angel Phamael, a heavenly ascent, and everything else in the apocryphal book of 3 Baruch. Plus: the thickness of doors is discussed, and what's the poop situation? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss the leviathan, behemoth, ziz, and other mythological beasts of the Bible. Plus: pagan sports, and r u being served at the messianic banquet? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss gopher wood, Mesopotamian flood myths, the curse of Ham, and everything else about Noah and his ark. Plus: a giant named Og hitches a ride, and oh yeah, this is our 100th episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss Terah's idols, Jahoel, Abraham's revelation, a possible Jesus sighting, and everything else in the apocryphal Apocalypse of Abraham. Plus: Bogomil and friends! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey! Lauren coedited an anthology called Empty the Pews: Stories of Leaving the Church! You can read an excerpt and get a preorder discount at bit.ly/EmptyThePews. To celebrate we’re rerunning our episode with her coeditor, Dr. Chris Stroop. Original show notes: Lauren and Niko welcome Dr. Chris Stroop to the show to talk about growing up Christian in Indiana, a twenty-year crisis of faith, battling demons Hulk-style, and everything else in the book of Philippians. Plus: rejoice in the Lord always, and again, I say, rejoice! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss the archangels Michael, Gabriel, Raphael; the humans-turned-angels Metatron and Sandalphon; and a bunch of other angels who were important enough to get names. Plus: angels are weird, and angels are Ninja Turtles. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss cherubim, seraphim, grotesque eye monsters, and everything else about angels. Plus: Whose angel rankings are authoritative: Maimonides, Dionysisus, or Niko? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Comedian/playwright Rebecca Bulnes (@almondmilkhotel) joins Lauren and Niko to discuss Kabbalah, the sacred feminine, the bride of God, and everything else about the Shekhinah. Plus: Maya Angelou, and Niko gets locked out of the Etymology Corner! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss miracle inflation, marriage between cousins, X-shaped crosses, and everything else in the apocryphal Acts of Andrew. Plus: a rat king of demons, and we question Gregory of Tours’ editorial instincts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Writer Nate Waggoner (@nathanielwagg) joins Lauren and Niko to talk about Gilgamesh, the White Stag, the Huns vs. the Magyars, and everything else tangentially related to the story of Nimrod. Plus: Looney Tunes theology, and a classic Sunday School Dropouts Tower Check™️! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Comedian and writer Ryan Houlihan (@ryanhoulihan) joins Lauren and Niko to talk about killing babies, magic amulets, seducing rabbis, and everything else about Adam's first wife Lilith! Plus: Talkin' 'bout Britney! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In the inaugural episode of season 3, Niko and Lauren discuss the serpent, Adam and Eve, John Milton's Paradise Lost, and everything else about the fall of Satan. Plus: the return of everyone's favorite sexy angels! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join Lauren and Niko for the thrilling conclusion of our playthrough of the Bible-based role-playing game Testament. Our guests for this miniseason are Maggie Tokuda-Hall (@emteehall) and Greg (@leducviolet).  WILL the adventurers finally root out heresy in Jericho? WILL Neva finally find love? WILL there be a shocking reveal that was not foreshadowed at all? The only way to find out is to listen! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko continue playing  the Bible-based role-playing game Testament along with their guests Greg (@leducviolet) and Maggie Tokuda-Hall (@emteehall). Tune in this week as our heroes continue their investigation into the bizarre heresies of Jericho. Plus: Greg's rival is revealed, and more hyena facts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join Lauren, Niko, Greg (@leducviolet), and Maggie (@emteehall) as miniseason 2.5 continues with another session of the Bible-based RPG Testament. This week we’ve got Hittite leprechauns, mouse sexts, and blasphemous comedy within blasphemous comedy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko are back in the premiere of our brief miniseason 2.5! Join us and our guests Greg (@leducviolet) and Maggie Tokuda-Hall (@emteehall) as we begin a game of Testament, the Biblically based tabletop roleplaying game. Come for the Bible jokes, stay for the high-intensity dice-rolling! Plus: Hyena facts abound, and Accents, Accents, Accents! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In a fat, juicy, 90-minute season finale, Niko and Lauren discuss Patmos, Armageddon, the true meaning of the word “apocalypse,” the number of the beast, seven lampstands/seals/trumpets/bowls of wrath, and everything else in the Book of Revelation. Plus: a deep dive into different configurations of eyeballs, and we finally (sort of) rate the Good Book! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss plagiarism in the Bible, Balaam's error, the Book of Enoch, the Assumption of Moses, and everything else in the Epistle of Jude. Plus: Lauren gets her wish, and the entire show is now Fast Facts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss Dante’s Inferno, milk lakes, celeb cameos, and everything else in the apocryphal Apocalypse of Paul. Plus: Paul asks too many questions, and we’ll be gnawing our tongues in hell! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss Long Island strip malls, the realm of Barbelo, a new and exciting Demiurge, and everything else in the apocryphal Gospel of Judas. Plus: bewildered disciples, and Gnosticism is simply weird. Further reading: The Lost Gospel of Judas Iscariot by Bart Ehrman. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sulagna Misra (@sulagnamisra) joins Lauren and Niko to discuss the shortest book in the entire Bible, which doesn’t even mention Jesus: 3 John. Plus: Hindu comic books, and everyone knows how Ganesh got his elephant head. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss the antichrist, hologram Jesus, whether the skateboarding scorpion crab is a fool, and everything else we can wring from the book of 2 John. Plus: Bree Mae joins us to talk about homeschooling and Bible quizzing! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Exvangelical’s Blake Chastain joins Niko and Lauren to talk about testimony, sin, and light, which are the only three words in the book of 1 John. Plus: God is love, and Niko’s tight five on ghosts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss The Da Vinci Code, common misconceptions about Mary Magdalene, the apostle to the apostles, and everything else in the apocryphal Gospel of Mary. Plus: the Cathar Crusade, and Jesus's Borat impression! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss Old Testament punishment, science in the Bible, those bad bad angels, and everything else in the book of 2 Peter. Plus: a bunch of really cool Sunday School Dropout stories from listeners! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss suffering in the body, the Harrowing of Hell, more justification of slavery, and everything else in the book of 1 Peter. Plus: two exciting visits, one from the fuck angels, and one from the inventor of cat curses! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss taming the tongue, wisdom literature in the New Testament, straight-up socialism, and everything else in the book of James. Plus: @leducviolet’s dad Jim, a longtime Catholic school educator, teaches us about liberation theology and the Biblical case for social justice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss bedbugs, snake venom, gnostic weirdness, and everything else in the second half of the Acts of John. Plus: please don’t do necrophilia, and also please don’t watch someone else do necrophilia. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss painting peeping portraits, doing magic in the nude, terrible murder sons, and everything else in the first half of the apocryphal Acts of John. Plus: unruly members, and Lauren’s definition of love is too broad! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss high priests, the mystery of Melchizedek, an alternate take on Jacob and Esau, and everything else in the Epistle to the Hebrews. Plus: this book was definitely written by a woman, and maybe we actually like it! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss digital monsters, Biblical views of slavery, Paul using his passive-aggressiveness for good, and everything else in the Epistle to Philemon. Plus: enough alternate Bible translations to choke the Behemoth, and a very special crab (who is a scorpion). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss a bizarre, alternate Easter story, the humanity and divinity of the apocryphal Jesus, a Dante-esque tour of the early Christian afterlife, and everything else in the apocryphal Gospel and Apocalypse of Peter. Plus: Niko does some fast facts, and Lauren learns a lesson! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ryan Honaker joins us to talk about the Book of Mormon, greenies and comps proselytizing in Poland, Jesus’s vacation to the Americas, and everything else about growing up Mormon. Also: the book of Titus is in there somewhere. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss the widow test, morality in the end times, and everything else in the books of 1 and 2 Timothy. Plus: a cider problem and Who’s Your Bible Dad? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss old-school communion, Christian conmen, rules for Jewish Christians, and everything else in the apocryphal Didache. Plus: filthy talking, and Niko’s hunt for mummy honey continues? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss talking dogs, a magician battle, the upside-down cross, and everything else in the apocryphal Acts of Peter. Plus: Niko wants mummy honey, and cat curses go where they’ve never gone before! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There's no new episode this week, but we're delighted to rerun a favorite of ours from the beginning of the second season! Original show notes: Niko and Lauren feed the text of the Bible to an artificial-intelligence program and have it create its own Bible passage. With the help of Rose Eveleth (@roseveleth), Greg (@leducviolet), Mallory Ortberg, Ezekiel Kweku (@theshrillest), and J. W. Friedman, they discuss being a donkey as the mountain shall do to the sky, making gold of the purple, and all the other weird stuff the robo-Bible came up with. You can read the passage at sundayschooldropouts.lol/robobible and send us your interpretations at contact@sundayschooldropouts.lol. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss the lawless one, welfare in the Bible, and everything else in the book of 2 Thessalonians. Plus: Dr. Jason Staples (@jasonstaples) joins us to talk about Paul’s eschatology and why Paul is so obsessed with Gentiles. (Hint: it’s not circumcision!) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss sending Timothy all over the world, footnotes about Satan, and everything else in Paul’s First Epistle to the Thessalonians. Plus: Tasbeeh Herwees joins us to talk about how Jesus is portrayed in Islam and how Jesus bumper stickers are not unique to Christians. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss the Colossian heresy, possible gnosticism, a spooky mummy, and everything else in the book of Colossians. Plus: Writer and astrologer Luke Dani Blue joins us to read Jesus’s horoscope. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss the Hymn of the Pearl, twin pranks, weird baptism rituals, and everything else in the second half of the apocryphal Acts of Thomas. Plus: the best character gets screwed over, and more gnosticism! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss Jesus’ twin brother Thomas, celibate marriage, a spiritual palace scam, another exploding dragon, and everything else in the first half of the apocryphal Acts of Thomas. Plus: Hell is weird, but Heaven’s even weirder, and you can all log off! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss Gnosticism, the Demiurge, the Pleroma, and all the rest of the secret mystical knowledge in the apocryphal Gospel of Thomas. Plus: How to Be a Spiritual Robot, and more anti-body propaganda. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko welcome Dr. Chris Stroop to the show to talk about growing up Christian in Indiana, a twenty-year crisis of faith, battling demons Hulk-style, and everything else in the book of Philippians. Plus: rejoice in the Lord always, and again, I say, rejoice! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Niko and Lauren discuss apostolic succession, deposed presbyters, what a sermon really is, and everything else in the apocryphal books of 1 and 2 Clement. Plus: it’s literally impossible to follow Jesus, and listener mail! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lauren and Niko discuss holy armor, salty babies, “mutual submission,” and everything else in the epistle to the Ephesians. Plus: a new segment called Pop Theology, and a quiz about famous Pauls. The music in this episode is the album Moon and Sun by Ellisa Sun, which Niko plays bass on! More details here: http://www.ellisasun.com/music Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices