Becoming Miriam Podcast

my initial, right out of the movie, thoughts and interpretations. I'm sure there will be more thoughts the longer I sit with it but wanted to drop these off first cause let's be honest idk when I'll have time to really sit and record a more thorough episode about it. I think the song Baptized in Fear is a great one to tell this story as well.

Trying to get myself out of such an overwhelming week as I'm full into this new chapter of my life! But I want to make it a point that I really want to continue to prioritize my own self-care and making time for the things that make me happy, and truly the things that have played the biggest role in getting me to this point of well-being that I am now. So with that said, I went to Anime Arizona this weekend! Let me tell you about that too! Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com

Let's chat a bit about the next chapter of my life, and the imposter syndrome that comes with it. Not only that, but also reminding myself that humans are multifaceted and don't need to be locked into only one identity. Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com

I just needed to explore some feelings on some personal current events this weekThank you for being herewww.becomingmiriam.com

This week we have a fun yap about reading and bookish things! lololThank you for being here!www.becomingmiriam.com

The takeaway here is to just go for whatever is it you want to go for. Time is going to pass regardless so it is better to do it and do it slow, than to wait for the "right time" that is not guaranteed. Thanks for being here! www.becomingmiriam.com

a bonus yap about F1 75 and my love for formula one. also some random psychoanalyzing about why I probably thrive as an F1 fan and finally how I love when my friends and I have varying levels of interests on things. I wanna either be the obsessed one that can dump all my info on my friends, or I wanna ask all the questions and learn everything you know that I don't. lmao thanks for being here

I had a little bit of a plan coming into this but didn't know it would turn into all this. I think it ended up being an good message tho LOL! Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com

Let's chat about the new year finally! Thank you for being here www.becomingmiriam.com https://www.youtube.com/@becomingmiriam https://www.instagram.com/_allthingsmiri

Trying to find the balance between expressing everything I have been feeling in regard to the current events and social issues without a full crash out and ranting about every detail. It's been sooo much! Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com https://www.youtube.com/@becomingmiriam https://www.instagram.com/_allthingsmiri

I wanted to wrap up the end of 2024 at least a little bit! Thank you for being here www.becomingmiriam.com https://www.youtube.com/@becomingmiriam https://www.instagram.com/_allthingsmiri

I just needed to explore some thoughts today.

my feelings today after the election.

Just wanted to take some time to explore and express some of my feelings this week as I find myself a bit down emotionally. Don't forget to VOTE! Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com

TW: Death, suicide, addiction, abuse Being chronically online ended with me watching live as the news and updates were coming out of Liam Paynes death today. Then I realized just how triggering it ended up being for me. Thank you for being here.

I just got back from my trip to Mexico where I got to return to Laguna Grande, the pueblo my family is from and many still live in! I hadn't been in a few years so I was excited to be there! But my dang anxiety was also at an all time high! Lets talk about it. Viva Mexico! Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com https://www.instagram.com/_allthingsmiri https://www.youtube.com/@becomingmiriam

I' actually really happy I sat down to re-record this episode because I hit on the main points I talked about and even expanded more than I originally did. I feel really good about this episode and also about everything I talked about in it. I'm doing the best that I can and what I put out, is the best that I can in that moment. Yes, I know my potential and know what more I am capable am. But life doesn't always allow for us to completely give our all to certain passions. So doing the best I can in any given moment is better than doing nothing and waiting for a "better moment". Thank you for being here. https://www.youtube.com/@becomingmiriam https://www.instagram.com/_allthingsmiri/ www.becomingmiriam.com

I'm chronically online so I ended up super consumed with all the drama around It Ends With Us. I decided to finally go see the movie and just share my thoughts! Thanks for being here

TW: Death, grief, trauma Who would of known just how therapeutic this discussion would be LOL. I flip through a few quotes that have stuck with me from a book about grief (It's Ok That You're Not Ok by Megan Devine) and explore some thoughts on them. Sorry, I end up getting a little passionate on some parts LOL Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com IG: @becomingmiriampodcast

Episode corrections: I literally graduated college in 2017... so I moved to Tucson years before that for college! LOL (my memory is trash) It's Denisa's birthday, and unfortunately she is not here to celebrate it, and I hate that. Last month was another year since Eliza passed, and I hate that too. But I'm working hard to find fitting ways to honor my loved ones on these difficult dates. Thank you for being here. fuck cancer. #teamdenkpro www.becomingmiriam.com IG: @becomingmiriampodcast

I started thinking about why I've had such a hard time doing the podcast lately. Even when I actually sit and record episodes (I swear I have like 5 episodes recorded) I just feel a mental block where I don't want to use them and instead just avoid posting them and forgetting about them instead. I realized I've been in a super avoidant place where I just would rather not, with so many things, even the things I ENJOY like anime! www.becomingmiriam.com IG: @becomingmiriampodcast

Let me try to give y'all a little update of my summer so far so you know where I am. I'm here, I'm around, I'm a mess lolol but thankfully, all good things. I'm trying my best guys, I promise! Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com IG: @becomingmiriampodcast YouTube: @becomingmiriam

I feel like its tradition to do an episode around my birthday at this point lol. But this year is a bit different and thankfully in a good way! I know a lot of this is thoughts and feelings I've expressed on the podcast before but it is also what I need at this moment. So here is a moment of repetitive reflection from me. Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com IG: @becomingmiriampodcast

Welcome back for part two of the episode with Tay! Reminder that I will be away for a while for my birthday so no episode for a bit. I'll be back soon! Thank you for being here. Cosplay friend I mentioned, Ariel! https://www.instagram.com/_officialprissyariel/ Tay's YouTube: @MotivationNConsistency Production IG: instagram.com/dorayproductions IG: instagram.com/becomingmiriampodcast www.becomingmiriam.com

This week, I sat down with one of my favorite people! Tay AKA mrfrequentflyermiles (on IG). Every time Tay and I talk, it turns into a great conversation and that's exactly what I wanted to this episode to be, just a natural, organic good conversation! I hope you guys enjoy and be sure to come back for part two! Thank you for being here. TikTok creator I Mention: @juixxe Tay's YouTube:  @MotivationNConsistency  Production IG: https://www.instagram.com/dorayproductions/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/becomingmiriampodcast/

With getting closer to the end of my graduate program (humble flex fr) I find myself with higher levels of anxiety about being done. I've found myself wanting to take more or longer breaks in an attempt to push off the inevitable of graduating. When I started this program, I told myself I have the duration of the program to "fix" myself and my own mental health status. But life had other plans for me of course, and rather than picking myself up over the last few years, I ended up going deeper and deeper under. Which has contributed to me feeling like I'm just not ready to finish. Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com IG: @ becomingmiriampodcast Producer IG: @ dorayproductions

April went by so fast I didn't even finish blinking!! But I had some wonderful highlights this past month also so I wanted to share those. Bands mentioned: Our Last Night Bad Omens Sleep Token Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com IG: becomingmiriampodcast Producer IG: dorayproduction

Story time about how I got a (thankfully) not so bad flat tire that led to a debilitating panic attack where I sat in my car for an hour before being able to do anything.... (-__-) LOL and then lets explore some bigger issues that are clearly present here. Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com IG: @ becomingmiriampodcast Producer IG: @ dorayproductions

Something I have struggled with for a long time is my personal views and definitions of "good" or "close" relationships. I am constantly finding myself feeling let down or lonely because I do not have relationships that meet the mental standard or expectations I feel they're supposed to meet. Ultimately, I know these are my own faults and that I need to re-write these ideas in my mind. This is what I am exploring this week. Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com IG: @ becomingmiriampodcast Producer IG: @ dorayproductions

We have our first guest on the podcast this season!! Jesus felt like the perfect fit to start off with bringing guests back on the podcast. Hope you enjoy this weeks discussion about our friendship, his podcast journey, his mental health, his podcast, and more! Can't wait to bring him back on and to have more guests on the podcast soon! Thanks for being here. Stay in touch: IG: @ becomingmiriampodcast www.becomingmiriam.com Producer IG: @ dorayproductions

Let's recap some of my favorite highlights from the first quarter of 2024! Throwing some positivity back into the podcast is important so y'all know I'm not only this sad depressed person LOL. In regard to my actual quarter goals, I've failed! But thats the beauty of having a fresh start now in quarter two! Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com IG: @ becomingmiriampodcast Producer IG: @ dorayproductions

I'm feeling like therapy is not working for me right now and I'm thinking it might be time to break up with my therapist again. Let's explore why.. The reality is that I am not doing as well as I pretend to be doing. I've become a really dark person, it's exhausting! I am constantly outside of my window of tolerance. Thank you for being here. IG: @becomingmiriampodcast Producer IG: @dorayproductions www.becomingmiriam.com

Welcoming to the Becoming Miriam Podcast Season Three! Forreal this time! lol When this collab was first brought up in a chat with Jesus (my producer and friend) I found myself hesitating and filled with fear that he would regret wanting to work with me, that I would let him down and it would just be better to not even try. And that lead to the reflection that I do that in all areas of my life. I fail in advance by simply not believing in myself and my worth. Let's explore these thoughts! And I hope you all enjoy this new chapter of the podcast! www.becomingmiriam.com IG: @becomingmiriampodcast www.youtube.com/@becomingmiriam Producer IG: @dorayproductions

Honestly after listening to this I hate it I felt so awkward and uncomfortable talking for some reason

Happy 2024! To kick off the new year and what I'm calling Season Three of the Becoming Miriam Podcast, I wanted to share how my new year went and were my mind is at during new year season. Spoiler, its not pretty lol. I've also made the decision that during this year I'm going to try to push myself to talk more about how I feel, deal, and manage grief within my life. After all, this is a place to document my journey and path to becoming Miriam, a version of myself I'm happy with. Grief is a very big part of my life and it is something I have been avoiding for a long time. With that said, some episodes may end up being audio only so you can expect a mix of audio-only and video podcasts this season. As long as I'm pushing forward, that's all I can do for now. Thank you for being here. www.becomingmiriam.com IG: @ becomingmiriampodcast Youtube: youtube.com/@becomingmiriam

I know this year has been all over the place for me, especially here on the podcast. It truly feels like I lived so many different lifetimes this year. It is crazy how much happened this year. The first half of this year was a completely different universe compared to the second half for sure. From people coming back into my life, losing more loved ones, having no hope for anything, to deciding to invest in hobbies and interests again, it has all been a wild ride. I wanted to do one last episode to close out this year. I truly hope the new year can get back on the path to becoming Miriam, a version of myself I can be happy with. Season three of the Becoming Miriam Podcast starts in 2024! Mentioned: Unconventionally Miles - Becoming Miriam PT. 1 Con Palabras Bien Life With Martha Instagram: @ becomingmiriampodcast www.becomingmiriam.com

Let me be clear, I'm venting here about my feelings of overwhelm but they are the good kind of overwhelm! I'm not trying to come off as complaining that I have too much to do. I WANT to do all these things and more! But as we've learned together, I got damn ADHD and my executive functioning is trash! So I struggle with being able to organize and plan and execute a routine that would allow me to do it all. I'm still working on it all and I am very thankful to finally be back into this creative and passionate mindset. This is where I want to stay. www.becomingmiriam.com

I wanted to jump back into the podcast and start with a general overview of what I've been up to this summer! BTW, I think my fan is on its last leg! Sorry if you can hear it struggling toward the end LOL I should have turned it off but it was too freaking hot so I needed it! Thanks for listening! Talk soon New cosplay IG: dressupdarlingmiri

ehh just here to celebrate my 29th birthday LOL

I've literally uploaded this three times how annoying! Video pods are back! Well at least for this week LOL. I'm slowly working on setting myself up for success with a podcast set up to hopefully help me with consistency. But keep your expectations low here.

I guess this ended up just being a full detailed recap of my first anime convention! It was a huge success and brought so much joy to me. Can't wait for more!

Another insightful therapy session I wanted to share this week. I was able to identify my main thread being relationships as a common struggle I have in all aspects of my life. I know I struggled in this area but I wasn't aware of just how major this influenced me. It was actually really sad to sit back and realize I don't really feel safe in any relationship in my life. Really good session!

I miss her everyday.

First 'Therapy Thoughts' of what I'm calling season two of the podcast. I actually really like this recap as I think it was an important session. Today was my first therapy session since finding out of my close friend Denisa's passing. It was a hard session of course, but I think it was important and will be impactful as I continue down this journey of growth, healing, and becoming. It's difficult, but I am trying really hard to not get lost in the darkness again. Thank you for listening and sticking with me on this journey. Oh and to clarify, Eliza, was my dog who was more like my daughter. Not human daughter. But dog daughter.

TW: Cancer, death, loss, grief

In some happy news, I was peer pressured to get out of my house and go on a last minute adventure to Disneyland for my bestfriends birthday! I hate Disney LOL so this was me giving it another chance and it went to well (minus spraining my foot)! Somehow I survived and actually enjoyed the full day from open to close (so long!). I'm glad I forced myself to go I know it was very much needed. My next travel adventure is already around the corner as I'll be heading to Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic this weekend! Wish me luck.

I wanted to share a few important updates in my life. As I've discussed before, I've been struggling for a while now, while also angrily refusing to take steps to feel better. I wanted to stay stuck in this bad place. But it has gotten too difficult and I just know I can't keep going like this anymore. So I'm finally taking the first steps to getting better, I'm back on my ADHD medication and I'm back in therapy. But don't let the serious updates fool you, I'm also chatting about the Slime movie and Bad Bunny. How random. LOL I'm excited for some of the upcoming ideas for the podcast, I'd love to hear your feedback or ideas also!

This week got a wee bit more sappy. lol But the reality is I've been struggling to accept the fact that I am moving forward and "healing" I guess. I feel guilty after having good days or fun moments. In other news, preparations for my goddaughters quince are going on and although I may be the worlds worst godmother, I'm doing my best to be present for her.

I know I've been full of sadness and maybe the podcast has become that. So I wanted to switch it up and share some major highlights over the last few months that have kept me sane. Most of them, or at least my favorite moments, have been related to the love of my life, The Weeknd. So here is a summary of some happy moments I've had through this dark path. :)

I'm not gonna lie to you all, I was kind of just rambling here so idk if any of this made any sense. I think I was just kind of projecting my insecurities and feelings of not being important in peoples live. I completely understand that others have their whole lives and cannot be fully invested in me and my healing journey, just as I don't have it in me to be FULLY invested in theirs. I do my best because I know the feelings of loneliness too well, but even still I know I can't hold their hand every step of the way, which is what I wish I had for me I guess. Because going through these dark times is exhausting and the worst, so of course I don't want to do it. I wish somebody would just come and do it for me, hold my hand and walk me through the healing process. But as we all probably know, this is my healing journey and only I can hold my own hand. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier, I still get these ugly thoughts of feeling like nobody cares. I was just venting about it I guess. But to be clear, I know I have good people in my life who DO care. So I'm sorry if this episode makes me sound ungrateful. 

Man! Thank GOODNESS the holidays are over! Sadly though that hasn't made anything better for me in regard to my mental health. In fact, your girl is feeling worse than ever LOL. But I'm at least moving in the right direction where I can recognize that I cannot just stay in avoidance state forever, I know I need to get back into therapy soon. Anywhoooo, hope you all are doing wonderful and happy new year to you!