Bible Stories for Snarky People

Josh and Sarah share the mic once again with Shay, Felix, Isaac, Soren, and Jazmin ... with Rose also dropping in on the action. Together they conquer the rest of the Book of Job and wonder ... what does this ancient text really tell us about the nature of God and the necessity of human suffering?

We kick of season 3 of Bible Stories for Snarky People with A Very Special Episode. This has been a long time in the making, and Sarah and Josh are so grateful for the extra help! Now ... who is this Job guy, anyway?

In the final episode of the long-winded second season, Jacob's family are all reunited in Egypt, where they will live happily ever after. Until their descendants become slaves, of course. As always, Sarah finds ample opportunity to interrupt Josh with commentary -- and, for the first time, commercials!

Josh and Sarah are so close to finishing the Book of Genesis that they can taste the very pistachios growing along the Nile ... and lots of other snack food besides, which is confusing, because we're supposed to be in the middle of a famine here. But then, going back and forth from Canaan to Egypt take a lot of energy! When and how will the Joseph saga finally end?

Merry Christmas to all of Sarah and Josh's loyal listeners. For the second year in a row, we have a gift for you, and this one is a parody of "Anti-Hero" by Taylor Swift. Unlike last year's parody, we think the original version of this song is great. But we're having fun with it anyway. For the full context, be sure to listen to our episodes covering Genesis 36 and following. (We haven't actually recorded the episodes that complete this story, but ... well ... spoiler alert.)

Sarah and Josh finally spring Joseph from prison so he can put that dream interpretation to higher-profile use. But what's this? Who are these men loping into Egypt with their heads hung low? Could it be that what goes around comes around?

Josh has a confession to make to Sarah, and only then can they get back to poor Joseph, who has been stuck in Egypt for some time now ... But never fear, because Joseph has a Freudian streak a mile wide.

Parents, once, again, please listen first! We couldn't avoid the unpleasantness forever. Today, Sarah and Josh compare and contrast two abused women of the Bible, and that means going back a little in the narrative to make amends to a woman who would otherwise never get to speak. But along the way, there's plenty of entertaining trickery, and even an incident of a biblical man (gasp) admitting that the woman was right!

Jealous siblings may especially appreciate this episode, which will enable them to harbor revenge fantasies involving holes in the ground, fake murder, goat blood, and never having to see your little brother again. (Or so you think for NOW.) Josh and Sarah muscle through a genealogy and then get on to the real action.

Sarah and Josh love to get snarky, but some things in the Bible are just so ... cringe-worthy. Ah, but the Bible is all about life -- the good (birth!), the bad (death!), and the ugly (misogyny!). You'll find it all here.

Josh and Sarah arrive at one of the most pivotal chapters in the whole Bible. What do you do when you suspect your brother still holds a murderous grudge after 20 years? You scheme ... and then you pray A LOT. But be careful. This kind of behavior might get you both beaten up and renamed. In a good way.

Have you learned in school about dominant and recessive genes? Well, Sarah and Josh bet you don't know you can get rich quick through selective breeding! They're also glad to teach you how you can one-up your sibling in a similar breeding contest among humans. Wait ... just how many babies get made in this episode?

We've heard of people having crushes on their cousins, but this is ridiculous. The second half of our season opens with a rather emotional Jacob falling in love at a well. What is it about wells? Is it the gentle baying of the sheep? Is it the sweaty men moving large stones? And is romance taking the edge off Jacob's deceptive abilities?

Family dynamics are difficult enough in any family, but when there are twins, and each twin has one parent who loves them more? Maybe it's time at least one person removed himself from his family and struck out on his own. Jacob is fleeing to his uncle's place, but something happens along the way, and Sarah and Josh wonder, "Why is the cheating liar getting all of God's attention?"

Josh and Sarah continue the Jacob saga with this heartwarming family story of backstabbing and betrayal. Ah yes, things are only getting more twisted for Abraham's descendants as we enter a third generation of events that could lead to many a doctoral thesis on family systems theory! Also, Josh learns about what it takes to be OK with having been ... erm, wrong.

Sarah and Josh romp through two chapters of Genesis that are full of generational family dysfunction. But that's not enough -- oh no -- we have to introduce some NEW family dysfunction into the mix! And while we're at it, we have to talk about our nation's future enemies in a way that makes us sound really smart and them really stupid. Wouldn't you?

In a world (BOOM) where Christmas wears out one of our co-hosts, (BOOM) the desert (BOOM) is a dangerous place. (BOOM) Before this episode is over (BOOM), one of these characters (BOOM) will die! And two others (BOOM) will fall in love before they've even met! (BOOM) (CUE LOUD THEME MUSIC!)

Merry Christmas to all of Sarah and Josh's loyal listeners. As you can probably predict, and as we should probably admit, it's a parody of "Mary, Did You Know?," originally written by Mark Lowry and made famous by such insufferably sappy musicians as Pentatonix in 2014 and Jordan Smith in 2015. But for the full context, don't listen to it until you've absorbed our Genesis 22 episode, "Sarah, Did You Know?," which was released just moments before this.

Sarah and Josh are ready for some all-new content in Genesis. Isaac has been born, so everything will be OK now, right? So where could the writers of the Bible story go next to keep this season fresh? Well, if God throws Abraham and Sarah for a loop, they'll know to take God to task for it like they've done before, right? ... Right? ... Um, guys?

Did the writers of the Bible go on strike at some point? Josh and Sarah notice that most of the plot points in these two chapters are basically repeated material. However, something also happens in this episode without which we would just have to bring the Bible to a close waaaay too early! So criticize the Holy Family all you like for making the same mistakes a second time, but that's all the more reason to expect God to show up and surprise us.

PARENTS: don't let your kids listen to this one without screening it first. This week, Sarah and Josh wade into one of the most abhorrent chapters of biblical violence you can imagine -- not just on a grand scale, but also within one very messed-up family. So if you do listen, listen right through and, whatever you do, don't look back! Otherwise things might get a little ... flavorful.

If God showed up personally at your door, how would you react? Would you laugh? Would you hide? Would you give God a piece of your mind? All of that happens in this episode to our two protagonists, Abraham and Sarah. Along the way, our hosts Josh and Sarah learn that you probably shouldn't say the Hebrew word for "tent" in front of your grandmother ...

Sarah and Josh race through "two unpleasant chapters" of slavery, sexism, and private parts. A lot of it turns out to be a lesson in human anatomy. But they also find here the origins of not one, but TWO major world religions ... and hey, look, could God actually be a She?

GOOOOOOONGNGNGNGNGNG!!!! When you're reading the Bible and hit something boring, you can always skip ahead. Be careful, though -- you might miss something great. Josh and Sarah cover three chapters today through the careful application of a huge gong. Along the way, they get caught up in inter-tribal squabbles, meet an ancient priest, and experience a weird covenant ritual.

Josh and Sarah tackle one of the most important chapters in the whole Bible, a chapter that nevertheless gets a little ... weird. Abram and Sarai get a call from God, but next thing you know, they're in Egypt for some reason, and Abram makes a decision that may be detrimental to his marriage.

How well do you know the first ten chapters of Genesis? Oh well, Sarah and Josh are skipping them, so read them yourself, and be sure to ask lots and lots of questions! But for now, on to Genesis 11, the final chapter of the most pre-historical section of the Bible, in which the human race gets its Led Zeppelin on.

At long last, we've reached the conclusion of the story of Esther. But there are still so many words left and so little plot ... what will we do not to get bored? In this episode, Josh tells Sarah about a special trick he knows. Oh, and we learn that Esther has a real bloodthirsty streak!

It's time for Esther's second banquet, and while we're at it, are you OK with a little more gallows humor? Josh and Sarah realize that while this is the climax of the story, there's still some action remaining. What's up with royal edicts in Persia being impossible to revoke?

For this episode, you also will need to learn a little song that Sarah teaches Josh, a simple song about the phenomenon of taking pleasure in others' pain. What? Why would good people ever do that?!? Well, you haven't heard this episode yet ...

It's dinnertime, the wine is flowing, and the king wants to give away half his kingdom ... why would he do that? And Esther isn't rushing to address the threat her people face ... why not? As for Haman -- well, Josh and Sarah wonder what enables bad guys to prosper.

All the Jews in Persia are slated to be killed! But could it be that Esther has risen to power for just such a time as this? In this episode, Sarah and Josh notice that very often, it's the women in the Bible who are the most courageous.

Can you imagine anyone in your government getting upset about just one person refusing to bow, or stand, or kneel or something? Today Josh and Sarah meet Haman of the Agagagagites, the king's chief official, who has a thing for subservience, knows how to manipulate the king, and -- worst of all -- has a lot of money to dedicate to his interests.

'Hot or Not?' Our title character, Myrtle (a/k/a Esther) is forcibly inducted into a yearlong beauty contest -- an ancient Persian reality show in which the contestants keep being eliminated after spending all night with King Ahasuerus. Sarah and Josh think the big reveal must take place after a long commercial break.

Josh and Sarah kick back a bit for this next project, the story of a young Jewish woman in Persia who suddenly finds herself in an unusual situation. But the title character doesn't show up quite yet. The first task is to snark through a party ... a really, REALLY long party ...

In this one-part special, Sarah and Josh jump into the New Testament to go digging through someone else's mail: a guy named Philemon who gives them a glimpse into the lives of some of the earliest Christians. And guess who's getting snarky this time? The Apostle Paul!

Intrigue! Xenophobia! Inheritance law! A guy with three shoes! Sudden milk! The ancestor of a future king! The famine in the house of bread has far-reaching consequences, which Sarah and Josh do their best to snarkify in this, the final chapter of the Book of Ruth.

We assume that our audience knows that adults sometimes snuggle in a very special way. There's a lot of snuggling in this episode, and Josh and Sarah learn about a biblical euphemism that may be part of Ruth and Naomi's nighttime plan. Hey, a woman's got to survive -- but maybe a lot more than survival is possible. Maybe, through some forces as yet unidentified, there's MUCH more going on here ... ?

Hey, it turns out Josh and Sarah aren't the only ones getting snarky with the Bible! This episode contains a shout-out to "The Bible LP" by MC Lars, an apology to all girls named Mara, and references to both Hamilton and Blue Oyster Cult. There's also lots of kindness and generosity, which is hard to get snarky about ...

Fables aren't "fake news" -- they serve a purpose. The ancient Jews were the first to share this story of women who suffered but strove to overcome their circumstances. Josh and Sarah get to know these women ... and the men in their lives who unfortunately kick the bucket in the first few verses.

Josh and Sarah finish the Book of Jonah together. As they watch the backward biblical prophet grumble and pout outside Nineveh (and laugh AT him, not just with him), they learn things about the history of ancient Judaism that add a whole new layer to the story.

Prophets talk gloom and doom, right? They say to repent, for the end is near, right? Well ... what if they don't really care about the people they're preaching to? What do they sound like then? Josh and Sarah are learning that Jonah is one weird prophet.

What do you do when you're stuck in a giant fish? Write poems, of course! Duh! Naturally, then, this is the least boring podcast ever about a chapter of the Bible that is nothing but one long poem.

A dad-and-daughter team takes on the Bible one book at a time. Josh tries to read the Bible to Sarah while she interrupts. But that's OK, because when you're reading the Bible, the best thing you can do is ask lots and lots of questions! ... Even if they're a little bit sarcastic.