HiFi Critics

150,000 Americans succumbed. 5,000,000 infected. An economy that shed 20,000,000 jobs. We lost the battle, but now we settle in for the war. This once-a-hundred year event may have been caused on purpose to sabotage the chances of a high-flying president. Alternatively, said president may have calculated that letting the governors lead was the best course of action. Nonetheless, here we all are staring at another year of quarantine life. What will be the effect of this pandemic and it’s response on the electoral chances of the President, who is never wrong?

In the face of two major crises, while the President is leading from the front through Lafayette Park with only a bible to protect him, Hidin’ Joe Biden is in his basement, like Punxatawny Phil, afraid of his own shadow. Or is he? Comparing Hidin’ Joe from 2016 with now, people are saying that this could be a Weekend at Bernie’s election. As the bedwetting liberals of this show, how concerned are you that Hidin’ Joe could be knocked out of the race by medical trauma before November? Is Kamala Harris ready for action?

El Presidente, the self-proclaimed boss of the deal, is pushing to change a 1977 law that makes it illegal for businesses to bribe foreign officials to win business abroad. What’s wrong with a little payola, especially since America’s economy grows stronger with every deal we win? Who stands to gain most if this law is repealed?

Chicago’s very own bonafide superstar, Jenny McCarthy, is leading the crusade for parents to be freed from the tyranny of government oppression. Specifically, the public school requirement that children be vaccinated against preventable debilitating diseases measles, mumps and rubella. Although the 1960s were known for fighting the government’s lies, it took the internet to connect these crusaders for freedom to find their voice in the late 1990s. If you managed to find a partner with whom you procreated, would you support the cultural elitists and vax or join Jenny’s Crusaders and speak truth to power?

Vinyl Nation premiered online on what was supposed to be Record Store Day to feed the tired, the poor, the huddled masses self-isolating and yearning to breathe that vinyl smell since Record Store Day was delayed. As a vinyl “expert”, did the movie stir your soul to evangelize the vinyl industry or cause you to throw up on the inside, just a little bit?

2019 was the year vinyl subscription services managed to grab the cash of your humble panelists. Vinyl Me, Please, the 21st century incarnation of the BMG music club, has hit on a successful formula of shipping a record a month to their thousands of subscribers. Artist labels like New West, Secretly Society and Rough Trade followed on with subscription services of their own, with their own twists. What made you subscribe to these services and what is your hype level about the 2020 releases?

As if loyal Cubs fans haven’t suffered enough, now the dark lord himself, private polo club member Tom Ricketts is launching the “best relationship with our fans of any professional sports team in the world.” In other words, he’s trying to line his pockets at your expense, Cubs fans! Want to watch the Cubs on tv? That’ll cost you. Want to meet a Cubs player? That will cost you. Want to watch the YouTube replay of Sandberg crushing an extra inning homer off of Bruce Sutter? Forget it. What is the motivation for one of sports most endearing teams to launch their own sports channel?

You’ve been Punk’d! Who likes April Fools Day all year round, especially when it’s Hollywood that’s getting fooled like 63 million American voters? After cancelling his world tour last year due to poor ticket sales, Chicago Superstar Chance the Rapper is hosting a reboot of the famous MTV show, Punk’d, on the new liberal zoo sounding streaming service Quibi. Will Chance save his career with this move or is he destined to be forgotten for Chance the Snapper?

Our esteemed panel of HiFi Critics unload on the biggest, the best and the most tremendous answers of everything that happened in 2019.

Our esteemed panel of HiFi Critics unloads on the biggest, the best and the most tremendous answers of everything that happened in 2019.

Our esteemed panel of HiFi Critics unloads on the biggest, the best and the most tremendous answers of everything that happened in 2019.

The corner dive bar is endangered! Government regulation, property taxes and lazy apple users are driving the dive bar to jump from the top of the Sears Tower. Into this environment enter two hipsters saving a Bucktown neighborhood pub. Should we be thankful or does Chicago need another Philz coffee chain store across from Starbucks?

Lori Lightfoot rode seventeen percent support all the way to the Mayor’s office. Following her taxpayer funded trips to the coasts, reality has smacked her in the face like a newborn baby: The City of Chicago has an $838 million dollar 2020 budget shortfall. As a typical attorney with no business knowledge, she’s backtracking on some of her campaign promises to increase tax revenue. What position has Lightfoot taken for the 2020 budget that most surprises you and why?

Record Store Day Black Friday 2019 Cashgrab - HiFi Critics by HiFi Critics

The Record Store Day official list is out and it comes in three inches! Cosmopolitan elites love to appear anti-establishment by bashing this annual event, but they are the first ones with their hands out. There’s a new three inch format this year and it’s proof that the #cashgrab is in full effect. Looking at this year’s RSD exclusive list, what are the top three releases that you must have and why?

Some cosmopolitan elites like to hate on the cashgrab of Record Store Day. Perhaps it’s their mass produced iWatch or chain coffee shop, but they love to hate big business. Move over Record Store Day, because HMV launched Vinyl Week to release independent artists like Bruce Springsteen and Madonna. They sold 77,000 lps over 9 days, answering vinyl owner’s prayers for the latest macro brew music. Are you supportive of HMV’s Vinyl Week or are you a big vinyl hater?

This year marks the 30th anniversary since the fall of the Berlin Wall. The conventional wisdom is that Ronald Reagan’s speech in front of the Wall was the defining moment. However, you’ve been lied too, Eagles. The real hero that dismantled the Berlin Wall with nothing but his feathery wordsmithing and crooner’s mullet is none other than Germany’s greatest export, David Hasselhoff. Where does Looking for Freedom rank in your top 25 all-time world changing songs

Another installment of RSD BF is upon us. There’s definitely a different vibe associated with the Black Friday event compared to the April event. What do you notice about the difference in lists from the two events?

El Presidente Trumpo’s America First agenda strikes again when he instructed his people to pull the US out of the Universal Postal Union. This obscure UN agreement stipulates that the USPS has to charge a below market rate for foreign originated package shipments. No one loves the USPS more than the Presidente, but is this just a love letter to the USPS?

Richard Ashcroft, lead singer of the Verve, will finally begin earning royalties on soft rock schlock Bitter Sweet Symphony, his 1997 chart topper. Mick Jagger and Keith Richards have gracefully donated their songwriting credit back to Ashcroft after having sued for breach of sampling contract when the Stones were so down on their luck after Voodoo Lounge. Did the Stones do the right thing in suing or did Ashcroft get treated like a farm animal the last 22 years?

Cal Ripken, move over! Chicago Cubs Organist, Gary Pressy, just passed Cal’s consecutive games played record at 2,633. This is a record that will never be broken! Baseball’s last great iron man is with America’s favorite Chicago baseball club. With this achievement, does Gary Pressy guarantee induction into the baseball hall of fame on the first ballot?

A group of Chicago Cubs superfans have decided that the world needs a musical interpretation of the Cubs World Series run in the context of a blue collar Cubs family losing their faith and then rediscovering it. Knowing that Joe Ricketts is the pro-Trump owner of the Cubs, what bothers you most about this musical?

Chicago, the home of the start of Route 66, began a shared scooter program on June 15th. This 21st century invention proposes to solve the last mile challenge for short trips. However, many other transportation promises have blown a tire on their way to heaven. Will this e-scooter pilot end in a stairway to heaven or a highway to hell?

The iconic Chicago small club the Double Door, replaced in Wicker Park by the expensive cooler company Yeti, will open this August in Uptown. The Double Door will provide the finishing touches to a free market solution initiated by their owners who failed to extend their lease. Darwin wins again, or does he? Was Wicker Park’s loss more than offset by Uptown’s gain?

Ohio carpetbagger, Lori Lightfoot will be inaugurated on May 20th and usher in a new era in Chicago’s City Hall. A corporate lawyer who had police board oversight before running for Mayor, what will she do in the first 100 days to retain your support?

Our loyal readers know how strong our opinions are about cashgrab band Pearl Jam. Fortunately for you, Pearl Jam has been “selected” as the Record Store Day 2019 ambassadors. That means the PJ cashgrab is in fuller effect for 2019 than ever before! On an excitement level scale of one to ten, one being the Oscars and ten being the Splashlist Awards, how excited are you to hear Eddie Vedder’s nails on a chalkboard voice telling you how important record stores are?

In an upset, two female, african-american candidates won the run-off positions in the Chicago Mayor’s race. Toni Preckwinkle, Cook Country Board President, and Lori Lightfoot, former federal prosecutor, will face off on April 2nd. Why did none of the critics predicted this?

The Record Store Day official list is out and it comes in three inches! (Real News) Cosmopolitan elites love to appear anti-establishment by bashing this annual event, but they are the first ones with their hands out. There’s a new three inch format this year and it’s proof that the #cashgrab is in full effect. Looking at this year’s RSD exclusive list, what are the top three releases that you must have and why? (Real News)

Newly minted 2019 Record Store Day Ambassadors, Pearl Jam, a caricature of themselves these last 20 years, have jumped on the Chicago Cubs bandwagon for the last five years. So much so that they not only played Wrigley Field every year for the last five, but also put out a double LP *and* a two-hour propaganda vehicle in 2017. On the emotional #cashgrab spectrum from one to ten, one being any Dave Matthews Band RSD release to ten being a Smashing Pumpkin RSD release.

Live music nerds best friend, Live Nation, has been thwarted by 2nd ward alderman Brian “BoHo” Hopkins and the local music venue gestapo. Plans for a thriving entertainment district, including medium sized music venues, were swatted away. Why are these mob-like small music venues challenging the free market job creator, Live Nation?

Our esteemed panel of HiFi Critics unloads on the biggest, the best and the most tremendous answers of everything that happened in 2018.

Our esteemed panel of HiFi Critics unloads on the biggest, the best and the most tremendous answers of everything that happened in 2018.

Our esteemed panel of HiFi Critics unloads on the biggest, the best and the most tremendous answers of everything that happened in 2018

Nanny staters rejoice! Riding bikes on the Riverwalk are about to be outlawed thanks to real estate’s favorite alderman, Brendan Reilly. What is the real reason that Slimy Brendan Reilly wants to kick the free market in the spoke with this government overreach?

The 21st century has shown that any idiot with a camera and some space can broadcast their “ideas” out to the world. This same effect has moved from the basement and into the studio. Say goodbye to CNN and say hello to One American News Network or NRATV. These upstarts are helping their audiences “think differently”. Are audiences suffering from fatigue from the old and boring networks? What are they looking for? Which alternative network are you subscribed to?

The free market never stops. A piece of Chicago’s identity is liberated because another local grocery chain, Treasure Island, follows in the footsteps of Dominick’s and shuts down due to big grocery, a.k.a. Amazon/Whole Paycheck. How significant of a loss is America’s Most European Grocery Store?

In his quest to “Make American Great Again”, President Donald J. Trump may have accidentally turned on the flux capacitor and hit 88 miles per hour and taken us to a time when the big three networks dominated TV with their great shows. Whether it’s Murphy Brown, Roseanne or the intergalactic family saga Alf, reboots are all the rage in Hollywood. What’s the deal with all these reboots?

The Black Friday Record Store Day official list is out, spreading a new hope amongst vinyl enthusiasts around the world. ) Although BFRSD is the smaller sibling to the original RSD in April, the volume of releases is still significant. However, the quality of black Friday edition releases is questioned in some cosmopolitan elitist circles. Looking at this year’s BFRSD exclusive list, what are the top three releases that you must have and why? We discuss our top 3 records, our also rans and what has already made our vinyl #splashlist.

Now that Record Store Day has captured the limitless boundaries of discerning consumers by tapping into the Zeitgeist of the Trump and Rauner Administrations, a nation turns its lonely eyes towards you, cassette store day! What? You weren’t aware of Cassette Store Day on October 13th? Neither are the cassette stores because there aren’t any! What have we as humans done to deserve this retro copycat day?

Google’s brilliant YouTube acquisition recently announced a change to their subscription services, YouTube Red and Google Music. The newly minted service, YouTube Music, builds upon the massive YouTube audience of 1.8 billion monthly users. This service clearly is a play for the future of music and tv due to all the additional content and media that YouTube has over the also rans Spotify, Pandora and Apple’s failing iMusic. What do you think is the end game for Google with this change?

Sorry Eagles, we misinformed you. In a segment last year, we preached about the 2019 Chicago mayoral race. At the time we were convinced Rahm Emanuel was going to keep his stronghold in the City of Chicago. In a stunning development, Rahm dropped a bomb on political pundits by announcing that he will not seek reelection. With no incumbent for the 2019 Chicago Mayoral election, who do you think will lead the pack? And why isn’t Rahm running?

A mere 5 months since the last movie in the Star Wars franchise went live, we have received from the heavens the second standalone movie, Solo. Following the initial standalone movie’s great success 1 and a half years ago, Solo has so far been both a critical disappointment and a commercial failure of U2 on iPhone proportions. Have you lost hope in Disney’s ability to inspire the human race or do you think that Solo is a modern day Out of Africa movie masterpiece?

Some esteemed members of this panel like to reference the overlords at iHeartRadio as their feeble attempt to diminish the greatest musical discovery service of all time, the radio. Their main flat radio argument seems to be that some crooked individual in a dark room is scheming with the artists to decide what should be the next hot song. Those same panelists imply that their music discovery playlists on Spotify are somehow less “commercialized” than the radio because an algorithm or a hipster dj is behind the selection of songs. Which method of selecting songs, profit making human, soap-phobic hipster dj or HAL 2000 Artificial Intelligence, for digital music discovery is better for our Eagles?

Aquaculture, the process of raising seafood, has been on the rise in recent years due to the voracious appetite of Americans. Fortunately, the Midwest, where your HiFi Critics are based, by choice, is a potential garden of eden for aquaculture due to the ancient sea depositing salt on our bountiful land. In fact, the Midwest could become the solution to America’s seafood trade imbalance. Are you in favor of State of Illinois subsidies to support the development of local aquaculture?

The term #cashgrab is thrown around loosely by some members of this illustrious panel. There have been attempts to define the term, but what is the real definition of the #cashgrab? Please enumerate specific criteria that define the term, specifically commenting on whether an actual exchange of payment must be present to attain #cashgrab status.

Last year, your humble-ish host predicted that the biggest loser in 2017 was education. In a not very shocking development, Flat Earth, the concept that ended around the Middle Ages, has returned to the periphery of the mainstream. Glenn Hall has a viral Flat Earth video with the simplest irrefutable proof that the Earth is not round. In that 7 minute video, are you convinced that the Earth is flat?

Anthony Kennedy, the quintessential swing vote, recently announced his resignation from the Supreme Court at the end of this term. In a blow to Bernie Bros and bedwetting liberals, President Trump is about to name his second justice that will remain seated for 30 years. Considering that the Democrats changed the Senate confirmation rules on most judges in 2013, is this just the Democrats getting a massive taste of their own medicine?

Censorship or Moral Compass? - HiFi Critics by HiFi Critics

During an episode last year, we predicted what establishment would exhibit the audacity of overconfidence. Now, Wendy’s has birthed upon the world a mixtape poking fun at their slow, dim-witted competitors that makes us think longingly about Kenny G’s Christmas album. What does it say about Wendy’s, vis-a-vis our recent online exclusive episode, that they dropped this turd burger on Spotify and Apple’s lemming users?

The day of reckoning is coming. The President has made his case over a year and a half and now the mid-Term elections, usually a referendum on the President, are ramping up. Many people are saying that the Democrats are highly likely to take the House of Representatives back for the first time since 2010. Others are saying that the Democrats can still win the Senate in spite of the gloomy picture painted a year and a half ago. With the House having subpoena power (do you remember the Benghazi Bootcamp?) and the Senate having judicial confirmation power (where’s Merrick Garland now?), the stakes are off the charts! What house and what Senate race are you watching as a bellwether in 2018?

President Trump and Kim Jong Un will meet in Singapore to continue the thawing of relations between a dictator and a strongman. North Korea has already surrendered three prisoners of war to the United States while the US has elevated the status of Little Rocket Man by accepting a tete-a-tete meeting with Little Pocket Hands. In your felt intuition, for what reason is President Trump pursuing this detente with the Chairman of the Worker’s Party?