Jack of All Trades

Hey everyone, Jack is back to tell you about another Faustian Nonsense show that is crowdfunding their second season RIGHT NOW at https://seedandspark.com/fund/chain-of-being-season-two!CHAIN OF BEING is a mythic science fiction podcast which is a glimpse into the future: where gods control the cosmos and mortals are left to fend for themselves in a vast, indifferent universe."We aim to show the potential for audio fiction to tell radical stories in radical ways. Season 2 tells three simultaneous stories, exploring the state's place in our lives and its effect on us. We bring you these stories through a variety of innovative, even experimental, sound design techniques."Please support this project if you can, as they need to reach at least 80% of their goal to make season 2 and receive any money pledged on Seed&Spark.

Special message from Jack Withers herself, asking you to help out our long-lost-sibling podcast, THE TECHNOMANCY PROJECT! They need a season 2 so there's a future in which Jack might get to meet the folks in the Technomancy Unit.You can pledge at https://seedandspark.com/fund/the-technomancy-project-season-2 or, if you aren't able to pledge money right now, you can still help out by spreading the word to your friends!

Jack here, coming to you with a new show I think you'll love, Tales from the Fringes of Reality! The Keeper is charged with maintaining balance between realities. When a lost soul finds its way onto the Fringes, it's the Keeper's job, with the help of their magical AI Minerva, to put this wanderer back where they belong.Listen here or wherever you get your podcasts!Mentioned in this episode:Thank you for listening!Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/faustiannonsense Thank you to our Top Patrons! Jolene Probsnothawkeye

Today we bring you another podcast about misfits at a mysterious organization dealing with the paranormal: The Technomancy Project! Fans of JACK OF ALL TRADES will love THE TECHNOMANCY PROJECT. Enjoy on your favorite podcast player, or at https://www.faustiannonsense.com/the-technomancy-projectWaking up, cold and chained down, in a dark basement was not where Jason Fenix expected to find himself. And not alone. Before the cultists can kill him, he's saved by two mysterious strangers. Instead of freeing him, the two strangers take Jason with them to an undisclosed location where his life will never be the same again.This episode was written by Josdon Thong, Emily Consaga, and Colin Bradley.CREDITS:Daniel Lear as Jason FenixErin Nicole Lundquist as Allie WattsJosdon Thong as Elijah Long, Soldier GhostSean King as Agent KingHunter Logan as Cultist 1Christopher Consaga as Doctor, Cultist 2Samantha Fuller-Hall as Nurse GhostEDITED BY:Emily ConsagaPRODUCED BY:Samantha Fuller-HallMUSIC/THEMES:Opening theme was composed by Arjuna Woods (@junawhat)Ending theme was composed by Sean King (@musicseanking)FIND US ON:Instagram: @technomancyprojectTwitter: @TechnomancyUnitYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkWdDh9tNozO_upx7yWl2vwWebsite: https://www.faustiannonsense.com/the-technomancy-projectMentioned in this episode:Thank you for listening!Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/faustiannonsense Thank you to our Top Patrons! Jolene Probsnothawkeye

Up a few days late, our apologies! FA gets pretty busy this time of year.Ms. Knight gives performance reviews to Faustian Nonsense's valued patrons. If you, too, would like to be "reviewed" by Ed each month, you can sign up for the Crossroads tier of the FN patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense.Mentioned in this episode:Thank you for listening!Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/faustiannonsense Thank you to our Top Patrons! Jolene Probsnothawkeye

Ed evaluates Fidus Achates employees (patrons) on their performance over the last month. A massive thank you to all our wonderful patrons! We could not make JACK OF ALL TRADES or shows like it without your help! If you, too, would like Ed to review your performance in a vaguely threatening way, you can sign up for the Faustian Nonsense Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense at the Crossroads Tier. Edwith Knight is played by Amelia Kinch. Mentioned in this episode: Thank you for listening! Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/faustiannonsense Thank you to our Top Patrons! Jolene Probsnothawkeye

Edwith Knight is back to personally review the performance of Fidus Achates employees. Including the employee she holds responsible for August's delay... If you, too, would like to be publicly blamed for any paperwork errors at Fidus Achates, you can sign up for the Crossroads tier at the Faustian Nonsense Patreon. Simply go to patreon.com/faustiannonsense and "Meet Us at the Crossroads." We're sure nothing bad will happen to you. Featuring Amelia Kinch as Edwith Knight Mentioned in this episode: Thank you for listening! Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/faustiannonsense Thank you to our Top Patrons! Jolene Probsnothawkeye

Due to an employee error (an employee who shall be dealt with), Ed's performance reviews and new employee welcomes from August were delayed. We bring them to you now! All Fidus Achates employees being hired and reviewed are subscribers to the Faustian Nonsense Patreon at the Crossroads tier or higher. If you, too, would like Ed to discuss your performance for Fidus Achates, you can "Meet Us at the Crossroads" today at patreon.com/faustiannonsense! Featuring Amelia Kinch as Edwith Knight. Mentioned in this episode: Thank you for listening! Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/faustiannonsense Thank you to our Top Patrons! Jolene Probsnothawkeye

Introducing the pilot episode of THE GORGON SHOW, a talk show hosted by Penny the gorgon (and her head snakes!). Penny interviews monsters, cryptids, and mythological creatures of all sorts. In this episode, she chats with Hopleus the taraxippus, or "horse disturber." You'll also hear a familiar voice in Penny's oracle roommate Sibyl, who sounds eerily like Jaci Seelagy, and therefore like Jack! Penny Cephalonia sounds a lot like Rebecca Hicks, on Twitter at @RHicks. Music in THE GORGON SHOW is by TJ, the empathic vampire! Learn more or get your own awesome music at https://linktr.ee/afkai (https://linktr.ee/afkai). Sound editing by Sibyl's doppelganger Jaci. Check out the art of Penny's vocal doppelganger at https://lunaseastudios.storenvy.com/ (lunaseastudios.storenvy.com)! Follow The Gorgon Show on Twitter at @GorgonShow, or email us at gorgonshow@faustiannonsense.com. See transcripts at https://my.captivate.fm/faustiannonsense.com/gorgon-show (faustiannonsense.com/gorgon-show). THE GORGON SHOW, like JACK OF ALL TRADES, is a proud member of the Faustian Nonsense network. Check out other projects by FN at https://my.captivate.fm/faustiannonsense.com (faustiannonsense.com). If you'd like to support the show, and the independent creators of FN, you can become a patron at https://my.captivate.fm/patreon.com/faustiannonsense (patreon.com/faustiannonsense) and earn our boundless and eternal gratitude! Mentioned in this episode: Thank you for listening! Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/faustiannonsense Thank you to our Top Patrons! Jolene Probsnothawkeye

In this special minisode, Edwith Knight herself welcomes you to apply to work for Fidus Achates, and responds to individual applications. To get your own personalized response from Ed, subscribe to the Faustian Nonsense Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense at the Crossroads tier. After the first month (when Ed welcomes you to the FA family), you'll get a monthly performance review from Ms. Knight, right here in the JACK OF ALL TRADES feed! JACK OF ALL TRADES is a proud member of the Faustian Nonsense network. Check out our other shows at faustiannonsense.com.

In the season one finale, mercy only comes to those who earn it. JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Joe Cruz as Jose Perez Trevor Schechter as Ilci Scarlassara Amelia Kinch as Edwith Knight Jenna Duncan as Millie Sarah Pierpont as Kavitha Benjudah Feinen as Morgan Marquista Shipman as Alice Josiah Thorngate as Rafael Alex Rowland as Reva SCRIPT Episode 12: Mercy INTRO [Audio for the intro is skipping and repeating (bolded bits repeated). Keystone sounds broken.] JACK Hi! I'm Jack. Listen! Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? [Cut to slower intro music.] SCENE ONE [Keystone activating. Elevator doors opening, JACK steps out. The doors close behind her. There's the swish of a saber.] JACK Ed? ...Ed are you home? Look, we need to talk-- EDWITH [Click of her office door opening. There's the muffled voice of RAFAEL saying ‘Is that her now?' EDWITH shuts the door behind her.] I'm here. And I couldn't agree more. This morning's behavior was-- [Beat] You have a sword. JACK I...Yeah. I...I don't want to use it. Ed, please. Just talk to me. EDWITH Are you really so determined to leave Fidus Achates that you would kill me? JACK I don't want to! I want you to come with me--or I won't be the only one dying young! FA's not gonna keep promoting you. This is what the fae do. They manipulate you into thinking you have the upper hand, then they yank the rug out from under you and stab you. They're playing nice now, but-- EDWITH But what? JACK Is the power that worth it? What are they promising you? EDWITH It will be, but they've promised me nothing. I will reach my goals with or without assistance. Yours included. JACK Then why--? EDWITH Enough, Jack. I had really hoped this could all be put behind us. I knew there was a chance you wouldn't feel reasonable just yet, so. I suppose I took my own precautions, too. [Her office door opens again and RAFAEL, REVA, and ALICE come out] RAFAEL Hi Ms. Withers! It's so nice to see you again, all alone and armed with a fencing sword. REVA Aww. Do you know how to wield that thing? ALICE Would it matter if she did? REVA I suppose not, no. JACK No...No, Ed, you didn't-- EDWITH I did. I thought perhaps you needed some convincing. You spoke at great length about how far you were willing to go to save me. I believe something about ‘not even being ripped limb from limb' would stop you? JACK Ed... RAFAEL Oh! Ripping! Here I thought you were finicky about your carpet being stained. EDWITH Your orders remain the same as I told you before. I want her alive. She's still mine, and I have no intention of wasting assets. REVA Yes, ser. [RAFAEL, REVA, and ALICE step closer] ALICE Aw, she's shaking! Look how her sword quivers. Are you scared Jack? JACK [She lets out her frustration and fear in a scream, then lunges at ALICE. Swings her sword.] ALICE You're so easy to predict! JACK Why. Aren't. You. Bleeding? [Punctuating every word with a slash. ALICE is cackling madly,.] RAFAEL I can't believe you keep your ward so in the dark, Edwith! REVA This is embarrassing to watch. Ms. Withers, you can't hurt fae that's expecting you-- JACK Yeah, I know. [She smacks ALICE with the sword again, then pulls out her taser and tases ALICE. ALICE screams.] Surprise. RAFAEL Why keep a pet that bites? EDWITH I have my reasons. Reva, take over. ALICE But I'm fine! I can keep-- REVA [Sounds of REVA using magic. Charging up, crackling of fire,...

Eager to get out from under Fidus Achates' thumb, Jack and Jose confront Edwith. JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Joe Cruz as Jose Perez Trevor Schechter as Ilci Scarlassara Amelia Kinch as Edwith Knight SCRIPT Episode 11: En Garde INTRO JACK Hi! I'm Jack. Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? JACK It's my story. Our story. Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades. JOSE Is that seriously what we're calling it--? [Cut to intro music.] SCENE ONE [Keystone activates as the elevator doors close, in the elevator on the way up to EDWITH's apartment. ILCI and JOSE are on a video call on JACK's phone.] JACK We'll play it cool. ILCI I should hope you will. Whereas I'll just bury myself as deep in Jose as I can, be silent, and hope to whatever deity you personally believe in that no one notices. JACK How would she know! You're not even here! It's a video call! ILCI It's still an unnecessary risk! I'll be puppeting blind, you know. I can't see or hear a damn thing-- JACK If Jose were here with me physically, and without you, he'd try to kill me again. JOSE Without hesitation. JACK Can't tell if that's the fae deal talking or you. JOSE A gentleman never tells. ILCI I want it on record that I don't approve. JACK You don't have to like it, but it's the best shot we've got at trying to convince her to do the right thing. Together. If it's just me, she might think... Never mind. JOSE Yeah, feeling great about this. Only a little bit like my ribs are out of order. Hell, I've nearly forgotten the impromptu near-amputation! Water under the bridge. JACK [Snorts] Well at least we know you're not fae. Just... I don't know what she meant last night, okay? We don't know for sure that she's...Just play it cool. JOSE Work my vocal chords like they're definitely not shredded. Got it. [He coughs a little. There's a soft humming sound, then he coughs one more time. Clears his throat. He sounds tons better.] Ilci, could you--? Hah. Thanks, love. But quit expending energy like that. I'm not going to just up and die, you know. ILCI You don't know that. JACK What a good boyfriend you totally don't have. JOSE Yeah, yeah. Time to be imaginary, boyfriend. [Sounds of ILCI receding as best he can] Never gonna hear the end of that, huh? JACK Never ever. [The elevator dings and opens into EDWITH's apartment.] Hey, g'morning Ed! ...Ed? EDWITH [From the office] Just a moment! [Beat, then EDWITH's joining her. She's carrying a tray of plastic wrapped sandwiches.] Sorry, hard to balance it all. I wasn't sure if either of you had any dietary preferences-- JACK What? What is all this? [Taking a sandwich and unwrapping it] EDWITH Lunch! I did promise, didn't I? Lunch for the whole crew once I got back. You, me, and Mr. Perez. Although I suppose I'll keep his in the fridge until he can join us in person. [Takes a deep breath] Mr. Perez, I think we would benefit from starting over. Don't you? JOSE And that's what the sandwiches are meant to do? EDWITH They could. If you'd like. JOSE [Non-committal noise.] ...Hm. ...Save the turkey bacon club. But I'm not agreeing to anything yet. EDWITH Of course. [Ed sets down the tray, then picks up JOSE's sandwich to put in the fridge.] JACK [Enthusiastically tucking into her own sandwich.] Glad you're back safe, Ed. It's good to have you home. EDWITH Thank you. I ought to congratulate you both on jobs well done, too. Especially given how intense the...

Jack teams up with Ilci to run an errand for Edwith. JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Joe Cruz as Jose Perez Trevor Schechter as Ilci Scarlassara Amelia Kinch as Edwith Knight Benjudah Feinen as Tenant Sarah Pierpont as Tenant's Girlfriend Josiah Thorngate as Friend 1 Kayla Glenn as Friend 2 SCRIPT Episode 10: I Was A Teenage Demon Summoner INTRO JACK Hi! I'm Jack. Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? JACK It's my story. Our story. Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades. JOSE Is that seriously what we're calling it--? [Cut to intro music.] SCENE ONE [Keystone activates] JACK [She's in her car, the engine running softly in the background. She's dialing a number on her cell phone. There's faint sounds of a dial tone, then ringing. Then the click of JACK hanging up before anyone can answer. She takes a long slow breath. Then she dials again. This time she doesn't even make it through the first ring before she hangs up again. Soft noise of frustration from JACK, then her hitting the edge of the steering wheel.] C'mon. C'mon. [Another deep breath. She dials. This time it rings and she doesn't hang up. There's a short intake of breath when the ringing stops. Then it's a voicemail message. Jack lets out a shaky laugh. Talking over it as her mom tells her to leave a message.] JACK'S MOM Hi, you've reached the Witherses, sorry we missed you! Please leave a message! JACK Yeah, that's...that's fair. I deserve that. [The voicemail box beeps.] ...Hey. Hi. It's...it's me. You're probably pretty mad. I know. I was too. Am mad. I don't know. I...I don't know. Things are more complicated than I thought. [There's a long pause.] There's a lot I need to tell you and I don't have a lot of time. But mostly...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for running away. I needed time to think, I needed space to figure out who I am. Who I want to be. I still shouldn't have just up and left. I should have at least said where I was going. Or that I was leaving at all. I'm...I'm in Seattle, by the way. If you wanted an answer to the mystery. Hah. Probably not funny. Sorry. I...I don't have a lot of time. I don't know if I can explain that any better, or if you even want me to. I know I hurt you guys bad. And I hope you can forgive me someday. I just wanted you to know before-- I want you to know I'm sorry. That I do forgive you. Alright. Good-bye, mom. I love you. [She hangs up the phone and is silent. Keystone deactivates.] SCENE TWO [Keystone activating as JACK knocks on JOSE's door.] ILCI Excellent, you're here. JACK Okay Jose. Talk. What's going on? ILCI Not Jose, not precisely. Ilci. Ilci Scarlassara. We met last evening. JACK You said...his boyfriend? And you're possessing him, so you're a ghost? ILCI Not quite. JACK A demon then. You're trying to tell me he's ok with you trying to shoot me? ILCI Jose tried to shoot you. I'm stopping him. JACK Stopping? Like, he's still trying? ILCI Well. Not to shoot you. I got rid of the gun. JACK What the hell are you talking about? ILCI Yes, love, I am. JACK Excuse you? ILCI Oh not you. Sorry, I sometimes forget which conversation is supposed to be spoken aloud. Jose wants me to explain better. JACK Jose wants to explain something clearly? ILCI [Laughs] Well, it is rather important. He says “shut up and listen, Jeremy.” JACK I knew he was doing the name thing on purpose. ILCI He says he's sorry he's actively trying to murder you. He insists it's not personal. JACK It's “not personal?”.

Jack takes on a repair job at a zoo, and finds herself in the middle of a supernatural lover's spat. JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Joe Cruz as Jose Perez Trevor Schechter as Ilci Scarlassara Sarah Pierpont as Kavitha Hunt Benjudah Feinen as Morgan Gray Luke Patrick as Park Manager SCRIPT Episode 9: Seal the Deal INTRO JACK Hi! I'm Jack. Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? JACK It's my story. Our story. Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades. JOSE Is that seriously what we're calling it--? [Cut to intro music.] SCENE ONE [Keystone activates] PARK MANAGER You're with Fidus Achates, right? Good to meet you! JACK Sure! Yeah, I guess I am, haha. PARK MANAGER ...Everything alright? JACK It's been a weird couple of days. Don't worry about it. So you've got some vandalism or something? Who vandalizes a zoo? PARK MANAGER “Or something” is right. Listen, I won't lie to you, the damage is...intense. JACK Oh. Um. Intense as in extensive? It's just me here this time, so-- PARK MANAGER It's not really the repairs I want. I want to find out what's causing it. JACK ...What? PARK MANAGER I mean, it's a zoo. Damage like what we've been seeing could be catastrophic if in the wrong place at the wrong time. Say this vandalism happens to the gazelle enclosure. Have you ever tried to chase down a panicky gazelle that just discovered a deep fear of cotton candy machines? JACK I...can't say that I have. PARK MANAGER Me neither, and I don't want to find out what it's like. JACK Yeah, alright, that's fair enough. PARK MANAGER Oh, good, Morgan's here. Morgan! We're over here! MORGAN Hi! JACK Hey! PARK MANAGER Morgan here is our night shift zookeeper. He'll show you around. MORGAN Sure will. PARK MANAGER Great! I'll leave you two to it, then. Fidus Achates, please feel free to make use of any supplies we have in storage to figure out what's causing all this damage. Remember the gazelle and the cotton candy. I don't want to live that. JACK No cotton candy for gazelles. Got it. [She catches keys.] PARK MANAGER Perfect. See you Monday, Morgan. MORGAN See you Monday! [Beat] Sorry, I didn't catch your name? JACK I didn't give it. Humour me? MORGAN Sure. JACK What's the most outrageous lie you can think of? MORGAN Turtles speak fluent quebecois french if you listen to them between 3am and 4am eastern time. JACK Wow. Alright. I'm Jack. ...Just had that one locked and loaded, huh? MORGAN What can I say? The turtles are chatty. [Opening and closing of gates and doors.] And...there it is. JACK Holy shit. Did someone drive a car through the food court? MORGAN Hard to say. It's excessive isn't it? I can't imagine being compelled to do something like this. JACK That's because you don't share this person's vendetta against Dippin' Dots. MORGAN Reckless, thoughtless, and selfish is what it is. JACK Dippin' Dots? MORGAN Destruction like this! Completely uncalled for. JACK Oh. Right. Uh. So this means a lot to you, huh? MORGAN Hm? What? Well! I care about the animals! And the people that come to the zoo. It's my job to care. JACK Oh sure, gotta do your job. But...maybe it's a bit personal, too? MORGAN No-- JACK Hey, no judgment. I get pretty invested in my job these days. I don't suppose you care so much you can tell what's causing the damage? Would make my job easy for once. Could go home early. MORGAN Sorry. No early...

As Jose recovers from the disastrous trip to the Milk and Honey Farm, Jack helps the hospital staff with an unusual problem. JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Joe Cruz as Jose Perez Amelia Kinch as Edwith Knight Ryan Boyd as Drew Fellows, RN Sam Siegel as Byron Dumpleskin Benjudah Feinen as Nurse 1 SCRIPT Episode 8: Two Weeks Notice INTRO JACK Hi! I'm Jack. Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? JACK It's my story. Our story. Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades. JOSE Is that seriously what we're calling it--? [Cut to intro music.] SCENE ONE [General hospital background noises throughout. Banshee scream triggers the Keystone on.] JACK [startled out of nap] What the--what was that? That did not sound human... NURSE 1 Miss? Are you the companion of Jose Perez? JACK I, uh. Yes! That's me. I brought him in. Is there news? You don't look happy, is he ok? Did you just hear-- NURSE 1 The reattachment went well, we think it's going to take. And we've managed to get the bleeding under control. We won't know about his eyesight for sure until he wakes up, and we don't know exactly when that will be. But he's stable for now. JACK Thank god. I guess, oh god I hope he's gonna be ok. Can I see him? NURSE 1 I'll take you in to see him. Come on, dear. JACK Thank you! [They start walking] Hey, look, it sounded like you guys did a lot for him, and I don't know if his insurance is gonna-- NURSE 1 It's been taken care of. Your boss is very generous, she's set up to cover all of it. Even provided a company credit card number for any other hospital purchases you need to make, so if you want to get something to eat in the cafeteria... JACK Our boss? Ed? Edwith Knight? You talked to her? NURSE 1 Yes, briefly. JACK Did she ask to speak with me or Jose? Give us a message? NURSE 1 No, I'm sorry. She sounded like she was in a bit of a rush. JACK Right, I'm sure she's just...really busy. NURSE 1 Here you are. Don't try to wake him, he'll need to come out of it on his own. But you're welcome to sit here, it's not visiting hours but we don't mind. ICU's pretty quiet tonight. JACK Thank you. Again. I'll try to stay out of the way. [Nurse footsteps away.] Oh god Jose, I'm so sorry. I mean, I know it's not my fault, how was I supposed to know they were fae, but maybe if we didn't get in a fight and you didn't go walking... Why did they let us go? Ed, why didn't you answer me? We needed you, I needed you. Ed, if you're listening, they tortured Jose, TORTURED him, and I couldn't stop them. They said they wanted me dead! But then they let us go and I don't know why. I don't think we're safe here! [Keystone rings from Ed.] He..hello? EDWITH Jack? I can barely hear you. Jack, are you there? JACK I'm here. Ed? I'm here, I'm in the hospital with Jose... EDWITH Are you hurt? Have you been taken care of? How bad is the damage? JACK I'm ok. Just bruises, I think. But Jose almost died, we still don't know when he's going to wake up, or if he's going to be ok when he does... EDWITH I... Jack, I am so sorry you are going through this. This is certainly not how I anticipated my leave of absence. What can I do to support you? JACK I don't know, I'm just. I don't know why we got away! I'm scared and Jose's hurt, really really hurt! And I don't know what to do! EDWITH Shh, it's alright. What matters now is that you and Jose are both still alive. You're alive, and you're there for Jose. I'll be home soon. To be there for you both. JACK

Jack and Jose visit the Milk and Honey Farm, where nothing is quite what it seems. (content warnings below the cast listing) JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Joe Cruz as Jose Perez Josiah Thorngate as Rafael Marquista S. as Alice Alex Rowland as Reva CONTENT WARNING: torture SCRIPT Episode 7: Milk and Honey INTRO JACK Hi! I'm Jack. Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? JACK It's my story. Our story. Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades. JOSE Is that seriously what we're calling it--? [Cut to intro music.] SCENE ONE [Keystone activating. Car doors slam. Outdoorsy sounds, pleasant ones. Tweeting birds, that sort of thing. Crunching footsteps on the path with leaves and branches.] JACK Wow, it's beautiful. I'm feeling an urge to wax poetic. JOSE Resist. JACK [Ignores him] The verdant hills, the ancient trees arching over our path, making us feel small-- JOSE [Harsher than usual] So much for willpower. JACK What's up with you today? Boyfriend out of town or something? JOSE What boyfriend? JACK The one you keep texting, but insisting you don't have. JOSE Wh-what? I'm not-- How do you know I'm not texting my mom? Never thought about that, did you? JACK Are you? [A pause] Well, maybe this place can help distract you! Even you have to admit it's gorgeous. Oh, look! There's even a garden over by the cabin! We're definitely going to have to check that out. JOSE We have a job to do, you know. [JOSE fiddling with paper, pen, and clipboard.] JACK Yes, well, if everything else is this nice, I definitely think we should manage the property. Here, you can even have all the fun ones on the list. Wine testing. Food tasting. Although... This is a farm. Are we supposed to know how to run a farm? I don't think I put "farmer" on my resume. JOSE Please, this isn't a real farm. Can you imagine anyone out here sewing oats? Harvesting beets? Tossing hay bales? [Other footsteps approach.] JACK Shh, play nice. Hi! Are you who we're supposed to be meeting? We're from Fidus Achates. RAFAEL Hi, yes. [Walking over] I'm so glad you found the place! [He's finally standing there with them] I'm one of three groundskeepers for the Milk and Honey Farm! What's your name? JACK I'm Jack. Jacqueline Withers. RAFAEL And you? JOSE Jose. [Long pause, RAFAEL waiting. JACK clears her throat pointedly.] Perez. RAFAEL Great! You can call me Rafael. Let's run through a quick tour of the outdoorsy bits. [Walking] Follow me! [Walking, sound of (softly) buzzing bees as they approach garden] Here's our little flower garden, [Walking] and that building there [Walking] is the main barnhouse. [Pause to explain things] Now I know the flowers aren't in bloom anymore, but [Walking a couple steps off the path to point] look up! You're here at JUST the right time to see the trees starting to turn these lovely shades of yellow and red. JACK We were just talking about how beautiful this place is! RAFAEL That's kind of you to say so! We really do our best. It's certainly been popular with couples looking for a nice place to get married. JOSE I'd never have guessed. JACK So, uh, how long have you been taking care of the farm? ALICE [Her footsteps crunch on drying leaves, catching up with them. She pops a bottle of champagne as she approaches.] Seven hundred thirty-five years, and fourteen days. RAFAEL Hah, it certainly feels like it! This is Alice. Sorry she's running late! She was meant to be here with...

With Edwith out of town, Jack and Jose try to help the spirit of a psychic move on. JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Joe Cruz as Jose Perez Alice Liu as Bernadette Vaillancourt SCRIPT Episode 6: As Foreseen on TV INTRO JACK Hi! I'm Jack. Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? JACK It's my story. Our story. Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades. JOSE Is that seriously what we're calling it--? [Cut to intro music.] SCENE ONE [Keystone starts up. Sound of door opening and footsteps as JACK and JOSE enter.] JACK This apartment is incredible! JOSE You can ask for their interior decorator after we finish the job. JACK [Sounds of footsteps as she checks out the space.] I might have to! It's got a minimalist vibe but it still feels comfy and lived in, y'know? And look at how happy the Applegates are in these pictures, they're such a great couple! JOSE Forget the goddamn couple. Try to focus on the TV. JACK Right. Fix the TV. I can do that. JOSE Their complaint said that it always goes to some late night commercial for psychics or something. Might as well try it out. [Sound of TV turning on. Psychic commercial TV jingle.] BERNADETTE Hello! I am the Amazing Bernadette Vaillancourt-- JACK Is it like that on every channel? [Sound of JOSE changing channels. The Psychic commercial TV jingle plays again and again.] JOSE Looks like you've got some work to do. Get to it “Senior Repairs Respondent.” I bet there's something wrong with the couch, I'd better check. [JOSE flops on the couch and sighs.] Yeah, it's definitely dangerous. You better stay over there for your own safety. JACK Jose! Who needs to focus now? BERNADETTE Hello! I am the Amazing Bernadette Vaillancourt and I am here to help. JOSE You'd think this lady would try to be a little more original. Crystal ball, drapey clothes, big jewellery. It's so played out. BERNADETTE The world is so confusing and senseless. Trust me to guide you in these troubled times. JACK I'd be frustrated if this was the only show on my TV too. All her props look kinda cheap. BERNADETTE [She breaks out of her mystical voice and speaks to them directly] You two are so much ruder than the Applegates. This commercial cost me a lot of money. JACK What? BERNADETTE I'm so sick of know-it-alls trying to tell me how to do my job. Do either of you know what it's like to look into the future and pluck out just the right bit of information? JACK Jose, the TV is talking to us right? JOSE Ghost in the Samsung. [Pauses for a laugh, doesn't receive one.] BERNADETTE I've been waiting for someone who can actually help me move on. Who are you? What group are you with? JACK I'm Jack and this is Jose. We're proud employees of Fidus Achates! BERNADETTE Oh. JACK ...What? BERNADETTE Everything is fine. I just wasn't expecting a visit from Fidus Achates. I'm impressed. JACK What do you mean? BERNADETTE Regardless, this should be simple enough. I died in the middle of a tarot reading, which is about as obvious as you can get as far as unfinished business goes. I just need to finish a reading and I'll be able to leave. JOSE Let's get this over with. BERNADETTE I'll do a spread detailing a situation in your life using the Major Arcana. Let me shuffle the deck and… Now. You. Just point to three cards on the screen. JACK This is kind of exciting. I've never had my fortune told before. Okay. One, two, three. BERNADETTE [Pause. Then she makes a thinking sound.]...

Jack gets Jose to help her fix her car. Or at least try to find out why it's breaking all the laws of mechanics. JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Amelia Kinch as Edwith Knight Joe Cruz as Jose Perez SCRIPT: INTRO JACK Hi! I'm Jack. Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? JACK It's my story. Our story. Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades. JOSE Is that seriously what we're calling it--? [Cut to intro music.] SCENE ONE [Keystone booting up. Elevator dings, doors open, JACK and JOSE enter EDWITH's apartment. The door closes behind them.] EDWITH I trust you both got my email? JOSE [Same time as JACK] Nope. JACK [Same time as JOSE] Yeah. Something about an emergency? You're going away for a while, right? EDWITH That's right. JOSE Good. JACK Is everything okay? EDWITH I...I think so! Perhaps a bit.... No, no, it should be fine. It's rare to have a conference of this magnitude being called, is all. JACK This is with upper management, then? EDWITH As ‘upper' as upper management can be, yes. JACK That's gotta be nerve wracking. EDWITH But I'm trying to stay positive! JACK Well... I'm here for you. If you want me to be. EDWITH I... think it would be unprofessional to involve--well. It would be best to refrain from involving anyone. I wouldn't want to see you dragged into a potential mess like this promises to be. JACK You know my number if you change your mind. Keystones, too, right? EDWITH ...Thank you, Jack. I'll think on it. You've really shown how much I can rely on you. JOSE Ugh. Do you guys want me to leave for a bit, or...? EDWITH [She clears her throat] I know this is short notice, and since I will be unable to act as your correspondent to Fidus Achates policy, it's best if you both take the day off. JOSE Paid? EDWITH Of course. Although that is not something we can afford to do for the entirety of my absence, unfortunately. So... There are a few jobs we've been hired on for as a third party. You are to take care of those to the best of your abilities. I'm in the process of making a complete report on what you'll be expected to do, and who to contact in case you need support or clarification. I'll have the report to you by the end of today. A few of them are a fair ways away from the complexes you've been handling recently. Will you be able to handle two to three hour drives? JACK Yeah, Ed. Don't worry about anything. We'll take care of it. You just focus on prepping for this meeting! Trust us! EDWITH Thank you. JOSE Ugh. [Exaggerated gagging noises] EDWITH [Sighs at JOSE's gagging.] Jack, I hope you enjoy your day off. Do something fun and relaxing. Maybe try out some gardening? As for you Jose...get out. JOSE You don't have to tell me twice. JACK Seeya later, I guess? EDWITH See you this evening. [JACK runs after JOSE to catch the elevator with him. Smacks his shoulder] JOSE Hey, ow! That's bullying. You're bullying in the workplace. JACK Just because I-- Just because you think I have a crush on her-- JOSE [Laughs] Smooth. JACK Look, I didn't offer to help just so I could get in her pants, okay? I was just trying to be half decent! What the hell is your problem, anyway? JOSE Ask me again when you've been working for Fidus Achates for three years. Or hell. A week. JACK Why, did they accidentally salt your hot chocolate once, or something? JOSE Don't even joke about that. JACK Which reminds me-- [They exit the...

While trying to rehabilitate Fidus Achates' reputation after their last job, Jack and Jose learn of a little girl screeching and running through walls in the building. But is she just another ghost? Or something new? JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Amelia Kinch as Edwith Knight Joe Cruz as Jose Perez Jenna Duncan as Millie SCRIPT: INTRO JACK Hi! I'm Jack. Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? JACK It's my story. Our story. Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades. JOSE Is that seriously what we're calling it--? [Cut to intro music.] SCENE ONE JACK [Keystone is purposefully turned on, and JACK is speaking to EDWITH. JACK is walking and talking, headed over to JOSE's apartment.] Hey, g'morning Ed! I know you only really review these when there's a potential conflict but... Let's just say I have a hunch there's going to be a fairly big conflict down the road. Oh, that sounded bad. Hold on, back up. I'm not like planning to commit crime or anything. I just... Well, Jose and I talked. There's a lot about this job that you don't know about. Not just the repair stuff, but... things about the world. Ghosts are real, for one thing. Hah. Isn't that something? We've got a bit of evidence recorded by now, but you strike me as the kind of gal who needs more concrete evidence. A big fan of the details, right? So don't worry. I won't approach you with that stuff until I've got more than enough evidence to make it clear. I don't want to put you in the uncomfortable position of having to decide if I'm lying or not. Not that I would ever lie about this stuff. The point of it is that this stuff is real. The ‘crazy' people spouting stuff about Fidus Achates properties aren't crazy at all. They're telling the truth. We can still respond to their complaints, though! It's not too difficult, to be honest. A little salt here, a little chanting there. Not that bad. That said, it's not exactly safe either. I mean just yesterday... Hopefully this is long since behind us, but you're currently real mad at me for setting that lady's apartment on fire. Which. That's fair. But once you know everything that really happened, I know you'll understand. Jose almost died, Ed. I almost died, too. If we're going to keep doing this, we need you to believe us. We need you to help keep us safe. I...That's not the point of this though. I just thought I'd ease you into this a little more than having you suddenly run smack dab into a ghost. Like I did, hah. So, g'morning Future Ed! Your world is about to change, but don't worry. Everything's going to be just fine. Alright, that's it for today. I'm gonna grab some of those scones you like. Will see you in a little bit, hah. [She takes a deep breath and lets the Keystone run until it turns off.] SCENE TWO [Knocking] JACK Rise and shine, sleeping beauty! It's clean-up day! How are you feeling? You're still alive right? If you died during the night and left me alone in this job I will-- JOSE [After a pause, JOSE opens his door.] You're going to do this every day now that you know where I live, aren't you? JACK I couldn't sleep. Stop scowling. I brought you hot chocolate. Extra whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles. JOSE You're forgiven. [He bumbles back into the apartment, leaving the door open for JACK to let herself in.] Just... Sit there, and don't touch anything. JACK Yeah, I wouldn't want to detract from the ‘freshly robbed' vibe. What happened? JOSE Hey, I know where everything is, and that's what matters. [Sounds of JOSE taking a sip of his hot chocolate and...

Edwith sends Jack and Jose to deal with a potential dead body in an apartment. JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Amelia Kinch as Edwith Knight Joe Cruz as Jose Perez SCRIPT: Episode 3: Karen Dies in the Beginning INTRO JACK Hi! I'm Jack. Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? JACK It's my story. Our story. Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades. JOSE Is that seriously what we're calling it--? [Cut to intro music.] SCENE ONE [Keystone booting up. Door closes, Jose yawns.] JOSE Hey, Jenny! You're still here. You're good at this, y'know that? I barely even have a headache today. Oh balls, is the elevator out of order--? JACK Shhh! Ah, damn, it's recording now. [Beat] And it's Jack. JOSE Yeah, it does that. JACK I hoped we could--I don't know, have a private conversation for a change. JOSE That's the spirit, keep hoping! JACK Can we just take it off and leave it somewhere? No, now it'll have a record that we're having a secret conversation, so they'll just assume the worst...Screw it. [Breath] Jose...I've been wondering, is every assignment we go on gonna be like the last few? Are there no actual repairs to do in Seattle? JOSE Sure there are. Living idiots are just as hard on their things as the dead ones. JACK Ok, but we've had two ghosts in a row. That's not...normal for repair work. JOSE You tell me, senior respondent with all that experience. JACK I mean, yeah, lots of experience. Tons. But-- JOSE You'll figure it out. Or not. JACK But, ok, Ed doesn't know, right? [Pause] Ed? Our boss? Queen of the sexy-but-proper pencil skirt? How does she not know if all--half--so many of our assignments are literal hauntings? JOSE Does it matter? JACK [Talking fast] We're being attacked! That first one telekinesis'd furniture at me, and you're...clearly seeing some side effects, and there's no way this is safe for the people living and working on our properties. Ed needs to know! If she knew she would help. She wants us to be able to do our jobs. She wouldn't let anything happen to us, not if she knew the truth. JOSE Help how? JACK I don't know! But we have to tell her. JOSE Would you believe us? JACK I don't know, maybe? JOSE You have to be there to get what's going on. JACK Yeah...witness it directly. Do you think hearing it would be enough? At least to start? JOSE [Sigh] You want to use the Keystones. JACK Well, yeah. So far we've had some screaming and me freaking out, but nothing exactly proving-- JOSE Sure, I'm in. JACK You. You are? Just-- JOSE Yeah, whatever, what else have I got going on. JACK Ok. Great. [Beat] Will you remember this? JOSE Remember what? JACK [Sigh] Right. Let's just go see what's on the roster today. [Keystone shutting down.] SCENE TWO [Keystone booting up. Elevator dings, doors open, doors close.] EDWITH Ah, excellent, you're both here. Good morning, Jack. Mr. Perez. JACK Morning, Ed! How are you? EDWITH I'm well, thank you for asking! It was a long night, but my morning has suddenly gotten a lot better. Although...I'm afraid your assignment for today will have rather the opposite impact. JOSE Why, are you coming with us? JACK Jose! Why, what is it? EDWITH No, I will not be joining you. It's possible we...what's the term they use in those television programs? 'Caught a body.' JOSE So send in a cleaning crew. JACK A dead body? EDWITH Yes, I'm afraid that may be the case. Several residents have...

Jack starts her new job in earnest, after learning that her "repairs" job may be closer to ghostbusting. And now she has a new ally, Jose. An ally who looks distressingly familiar... JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Amelia Kinch as Edwith Knight Joe Cruz as Jose Perez SCRIPT Episode 2: TGIF INTRO JACK Hi! I'm Jack. Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? JACK It's my story. Our story. Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades. JOSE Is that seriously what we're calling it--? [Cut to intro music.] SCENE ONE JACK [Her Keystone booting up to the opening of elevator doors. JACK yawns. There's chatter from JOSE and EDWITH] EDWITH --a reason I was brought to this site-- JOSE Yeah, cuz you're robot in a 5000 dollar-- JACK ...Should I come back later? EDWITH No, please stay. You are a welcome interruption. And late, which I hope won't be a regular occurrence. I'll go get your assignments for the day. Mr. Perez, why don't you feign some semblance of professionalism? Introduce yourself. [Heels clicking as she leaves the room. Barstool pushing back and JOSE stands/turns to greet JACK] JOSE Yeah, fine. Hey, I'm-- JACK Oh fuck! Stay back! [Calling for help] Ed! Edwith! Mz. Knight! He's-- Oh no. Uh. He--He's-- JOSE I'm what? JACK You're dead! You threw chairs at me, made the lights go all-- [She makes static-y sounds, and vague “oooooo”ing like a ghost.] JOSE Uhhhhhhh... JACK I threw salt at you and you screamed like a banshee? JOSE Salt gal! Right. I'm Jose Perez. Oh and FYI, if I had screamed like a banshee, you'd have known. JACK What happened to ‘you don't belong here'? JOSE It was just a phase. [confused silence] Phase? Get it? Like ghosts phasing through-- EDWITH [Heels clicking] Today's task, singular, is both simple and local. You should be able to address the concern by the end of the day. One of the primary complaints from higher-- JOSE Blah fuckin blah. C'mon. List of complaints. Cough it up. EDWITH I understand that it's early in the morning, but please do try to exercise some patience, Mr. Perez. If you're able. JACK Is...everything okay? JOSE [He snorts.] Define “okay.” EDWITH [Simultaneous to JOSE's response] I don't want you to worry, Jack. Mr. Perez is still in his adjustment period. Some people find change to be quite upsetting-- [JOSE scoffing loudly] --and he worked with the previous respondent and a different manager altogether until I was transferred here a month or so ago. JOSE Wow. First name basis already? Way to drink the Koolaid, newbie. EDWITH Only by Jack's request. Of course, if you prefer Ms. Withers-- JACK Wh--Oh! No, I uh. Jack is fine. I'm just... Very casual. Hah. JOSE If you're Jack, she's Edwith, and I'm Jose...Then who's flying the plane?! JACK [She muffles a laugh.] EDWITH There is no plane, Mr. Perez, and time is of the essence. Direct your focus to your job, rather than tacky jokes. Here's the unit complaint record from all prior tenants, Jack. The apartment hasn't been rented out in some time and it's time to put it back on the market. It seems there are some old issues to resolve, which merit the attention of our new Senior Respondent. JOSE [As he speaks, JACK keeps trying to get a word in edgewise.] Wait! She's the new senior respondent? But I've been with Fidus Achates for like... 2 years! 3 years? Shit. EDWITH Yes, yes, and 3 years and counting. Were you interested in the position? JOSE Fuck no. EDWITH Language.

Jack is desperate for a job and a place to live. A repair job with Fidus Achates seems like the perfect opportunity: it comes with an apartment and a distractingly gorgeous new boss! Too bad her entire resume is a lie. JACK OF ALL TRADES is a Faustian Nonsense Original. Check it out at faustiannonsense.com/jackofalltrades and subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/faustiannonsense . Read full scripts in the shownotes at https://jack-of-all-trades.captivate.fm. Cast: Jaclyn Seelagy as Jack Withers Amelia Kinch as Edwith Knight Joe Cruz as Jose Perez Script: Episode 1: The Interview INTRO EDWITH ...alright. Go ahead. JACK Hi! I'm Jack. What you're about to hear is based on a true story, my-- JOSE It's not really based on a true story, is it? More like. Found footage. JACK Okay. Not based. Start again. Hi! I'm Jack. What you're about to hear is found footage-- EDWITH I expect she said “based” in that it is incomplete. We do not include the meddlesome bits. But it isn't footage at all. That implies film. ILCI ‘Footage' as a definition traditionally refers to audio, in fact. JOSE Really? Huh. JACK Listen! Listen closely, it's all real and very, very important. But ...also try to enjoy yourself along the way! GROUP (-JACK) [Laughter] JACK ...What? I want them to enjoy themselves! JOSE You still think this is some grand adventure, don't you? JACK It's my story. Our story. Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades. JOSE Is that seriously what we're calling it--? [Cut to intro music.] SCENE ONE [Sound of Keystone turning on triggered by JACK's voice. Elevator doors close in the distance, JACK enters.] JACK --oh. Huh, right into the penthouse. Very fancy. Who does interviews in their own home? [Enter EDWITH. She closes the door behind her.] EDWITH I do. [She goes to the kitchen bar where the KEYSTONE is, sets aside JACK's resume, then walks to JACK.] It's not unusual for Fidus Achates managers to conduct business from their residence, which is, itself, generally Fidus Achates property. Jacqueline Withers? For the ten o'clock interview? JACK Yes! You're... Wow. Hi. Hi! You can call me Jack. EDWITH It's good to meet you, Jack. Edwith Knight. JACK Hi! So, uh, you live here? EDWITH I do. And I'll be conducting your interview here. For the position of Senior Repairs Respondent, correct? JACK Yes! Interview, right. Yep, I am all about responding to repairs. EDWITH Glad to hear it. Please, take a seat. And excuse the mess! [Barstools pulled back, Jack sits, Ed gets arranged] JACK Oh, this is nothing. You should see my place. Always looks like a tornado just came through. EDWITH Oh? That's a shame. I've always preferred a bit more order, myself. I'm looking for someone that can keep things a bit more... tidy. JACK It's not that I can't keep things tidy! My uh. My workbench is always immaculate. I got these little sticker labels for a whole plastic drawer...thing. You know, like the ones people keep bits and bobs in? Great for nails and screws, and...screw...drivers. And stuff. EDWITH Perfect. Then you have your own tools? JACK No. Well! I did. But I don't anymore. Because of moving. They're all packed up, somewhere in the deep dark depths of a storage unit three hours south of here. Um. What about you? Are you from around here? EDWITH No, I'm actually pretty new to the area myself. JACK Maybe we can get to know the city... together. EDWITH That might be nice. [Beat] So, if your belongings are in storage, does that mean you would be interested in the offer to live on-site if you were to take this job? JACK Yes! Yes. Very much. A...a one bedroom, right? Apartment? EDWITH Yes. JACK Great, perfect. I don't...I mean, I don't need anything as nice as this, but someplace to... You really do have a nice home. EDWITH...