Mistress Matisse's Podcast

Twisted Monk Talks About Responding To Recent Fetlife Controversy Mistress Matisse listens and talks with Twisted Monk, as he discusses the problems of women on Fetlife being targeted for data-scraping and reposting by online harassers, and possible responses that users can make to that. This is a serious topic, and it is intended to spark more conversations. For example: how can we create more safety for people online? And how do we respond to businesses who claim to be part of the BDSM community, but aren't responsive to the needs of that community?About 16 minute

This is an informal test podcast, about 12 minutes. Monk and I talk about one time when I walked in on him when he was getting ready for a BDSM session in my space, and the things were not...quite what I expected. #sexwork #BDSM

Twisted Monk and I read a letter from someone who wants her boyfriend to have a two-man threesome with her. He refuses to do so, she wants advice on how to change his mind. We talk about how we get a lot of letters from listeners/readers who ask: how do I get my partner to do X? It's a tough thing to give advice on. We propose that if you want good advice on that sort of subject, we need to hear both sides of the story!

BDSM techniques, in today’s new podcast: Monk and I talk about putting Altoids mints and Listerine Breath Strips in female pink parts. Naturally, I talk some about boy bits as well. Plus, why you’ll want some milk on hand for this type of play. About nine minutes, not work safe!

Monk and I have a brief discussion about our ability to fight off an attack by maniacal clowns. Then we answer a letter from a woman who wants to be a sex worker, and who made the mistake of asking strippers for advice about being an escort. So, thoughts about sex work hierarchies, and how sex work businesses are like Fight Club. Hope it’s educational…  

In this episode, Monk and I briefly discuss how the Zombie Apocalypse would affect my diet Mountain Dew consumption. A letter from a dominant woman who feels nervous about her scenes. Key point: she’s eighteen years old. How should a young kinky person build confidence?   And I also have to blow a kiss to Monk, because this is the Official Weeklong Celebration of His Birth! No mere birthDAY for Monk, no no! He has a week! (Perhaps longer, if the bourbon and cute girls hold out.) So Happy BirthWeek to you, sweetheart!  

In this podcast, Monk and I riff about phallic microphones and then read and discuss a letter from a reader pondering how to begin a polyamorous relationship. How do you treat the other significant others?

Monk and I have been so busy the last month, we have had no time to get down to the studio where we usually record our podcasts. So while it offends Monk’s production-quality sensibilities, I persuaded him to record what I will call some “Quick and Dirty” audio files, on a little consumer-grade digital voice recorder I have. I personally think the sound quality is perfectly fine for what it is, and it means that we can read some of the letters that are stacking up. In this podcast: a kinky college student asks about how to handle kink-negative parents. (About ten minutes.)  

TwistedMonk and I recorded what I am calling a "Quick and Dirty" podcast last week. We didn't have access to our usual sound-studio, so this is lower quality than we prefer, but it's better than nothing, right? In this edition, we answer a reader's fashion question, and discuss using one's kinky attitude to get the attention of dismissive salespeople. About ten minutes.

Time for another podcast! In this one, Monk reads an original poem – or at least, we hope it is original – sent to him by a reader. And he reads it in the voice of William Shatner, because the William Shatner-voice makes everything better.   Moving on, we read a letter from a kinky person asking basically, how to keep a pleasant sexual tension alive in a long-term relationship. This is a type of question that we get a lot, so we both have plenty to say about it. As a man who’s been happily married for over twenty years, Monk waxes particularly eloquent. High point: he compares BDSM to Pokemon. I’m serious.   About fourteen minutes.  

Another podcast, and another riff from Monk about how I’m playing with my nipple. Even though I’m not.    Then letters: a letter from a listener asking about jealousy and a three-way. Threesomes are fraught with peril, in my opinion. The best threesome experiences I have had were in situations where no one was in a couple. Three single people, in other words. An established couple plus one? That’s a very tricky situation. Monk and I step through some of the ways it could happen.   Next, a question from a BDSM person who’s wondering about how to answer a friend’s question, “Am I cut out to be a slave?”   The last letters asks, “Is it fair for a people in a polyamory group to veto the partners of other partners?” Monk and I both have some opinions about the term “veto” and making rules that create the illusion of control over other people.   About twenty minutes.  

A new podcast! First of all, I was not playing with my nipple while we were recording, all right? Let the record show. The bomb shelter we’re doing these things in is freezing cold, so I was actually wearing a leather jacket. A motorcycle-style jacket, so that’s two layers of leather over my chest. You could not have found my nipple with a sonogram. That’s just Monk being silly. Our first question is a letter from someone who asks what to do when you’re caught in a sexy, kinky situation and you want to do bondage, but you have no rope? Monk and I free associate about improvised bondage equipment. (We did not use the microphone cables for bondage though. The sound guys frown on that.) Then a BDSM newcomer asks: explain to me why I should get involved with the BDSM community? The short answer is: they’ll teach you things you might not otherwise know, and they’ll be support for you when things are tough. Lastly, a sex worker asks a question about emotional relationships with clients. It’s a nuanced issue, and it underlines the fact one really cannot generalize about how sex workers feel about what they do. All the experiences are equally valid, but we’re different. I get sort of uncharacteristically woo-woo about my feeeeeeeeelings in this one, but the take-away quote is: “If you hate your clients, you’ll hate yourself.”

A new podcast! Monk and I answer your questions about primary/secondary partners in polyamory  – can one person in a relationship in a “primary” and the other person be a “secondary”? The seconds question is about dealing with unexpected interruptions during a scene. The last question: how do you introduce yourself to a celebrity (like me, but definitely not limited to me), and general social tips for BDSM culture. By popular request, we’ve gone to a slightly longer format for this one, it’s about eighteen minutes. Not at all safe for work!  

A new podcast! We answer a letter from someone who is new at being the top in a scene, and who is struggling with playing with people who don’t disclose important medical/emotional before the scene. Short answer: it's not perfect, but people do that. Roll with it.  Then we hear from someone who wants to know how to cover bruises, so we talk about that some. I talk about my stripper days of putting make-up on my ass… And mention some other kinky activities that leave marks on socially-visible areas of the body. Enjoy listening!

This one's a lulu. Now, let me say that Monk and I are practitioners of safer safe, and we want to help people learn how to do safer sex. We are sympathetic to people who are nervous about STDs. That said, there is a right way and a wrong way to handle this conversation with a new partner, and in this show, we read a letter from someone who did it the wrong way!

<!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> Monk starts off with a letter from a sex worker asking about how to handle curious phone calls. I’m embarrassed to say that the word “motorboat” is mentioned. I also mention my oft-repeated bit of sex work advice, “Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want read out loud in court.” Then we hear from a reader who thinks that only male dominants (not female ones) get teased, or harshly critiqued. I laugh for a while, and then I explain how that’s not true. Although I do offer some harsh critique about people who say “dom-may”.  About 12 minutes, not work safe.

A fresh podcast! And I think this one gets to a new high in completely non-serious silly riffing.   First, there’s a whole bunch of insane nonsense about doing an all-musical-version of the podcast. (Which makes no sense, don’t try to figure it out.)   Then a reader asks us about making kink toys out of everyday thing – so we riff about pervertables, always a fun topic. And Monk offers us all the reasons why rope is so wonderful.   Then we read a letter from a kinky reader asking us why BDSM people don’t like to kiss. (We kid the guy a bit, but then, we do that to everyone.)  

In this podcast, Monk and I read and answer a letter about how to meet kinky romantic partners, and then a letter from a woman who is struggling with her feelings about humiliation in BDSM porn and erotica, and who is wondering if being African-American is part of that. Take-home quote: "It's only porn if you make money from it. If you're not going to make any money from it, it's not porn, it's erotica." (Ten minutes, definitely not work safe.)

I wasn’t going to upload this last podcast. But Monk says I’m being silly. And lord knows, I need the blog-content, I've been way too busy to write much lately.So, I am ignoring a voice in the back of my head that says it’s slightly undignified. Unladylike, in fact.Yes, I know – I don’t feel the slightest qualm about posting photos of myself sticking needles in people. That's perfectly dignified. It's kinky, but it's not undignified.But I do feel that it is slightly undignified to post slightly-tipsy rants about one of my pet topics: Crazy People And Sex Work.Just to be clear – thank you, President Obama – I am not disclaiming the basic opinions I express here. I just wish I had voiced them a trifle less profanely and a trifle less… stridently. Whoops.There's also a whole side conversation about fisting, in which I make an ill-advised personal disclosure.Thus, I bring to a close the era of cocktails while podcasting. Enjoy us in all our ranty glory, the next round will be far more calm, sober and public-radio-esque. (Well, I will be, at least. I cannot speak for Monk.)

<!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> First letter: when to disclose to a potential new partner that you are poly, if they don’t know already.And then: dealing with weirdness from your partner’s other partners. (AKA “metamours”.)

In this podcast, we do a lot of silly banter about needles and being naked in bed, and then Monk reads a letter about how to do fast, easy rope bondage during a resistance play scene, and I make some comments about securing someone who is larger than you. After that, I verbally slap around someone who wants me to do their kinky thinking for them. About 16 minutes.

Questions about Polyamory: Time-management for poly people: how many partners is too many? And the difficulty of finding polyamorous partners when you're young. (Meaning: in your twenties.)

After way too long of an interval - blame it on our busy schedules - Monk and I got together in the zombie-proof sound studio and recorded some silly rants. This one is a little short, only about seven minutes. It's a letter from a reader who asks about sustaining BDSM energy in a long-term relationship. Enjoy!

In this one, Monk and I read letters about polyamory. First we talk about the not-so-good idea of comparing your partners. "Why can't Partner B be more like Partner A." Then Monk talks a little about his wife Tambo - and explains why he hardly ever talks about her. (Hint: She is Keyser Soze.)

In this podcast, first we read a letter about safewords, and make mention of my two favorite safewords: vomit and lawsuit. I promise, those two words will capture any top's attention, anytime.We also talk about the challenges of doing BDSM with a partner who is hearing-impaired. I make a verbal slip at one point that I must correct: I mistakenly say, "They can hear ME," which is not what I meant. I meant: a hearing-impaired person can talk, and I can hear THEM. Whoops.

Monk and I talk about bdsm toys we love.

In this podcast, we read some follow-up letters about kinky relationships, and then Monk rants about the joys of creating a business selling kinky products.

In this podcast, Monk and I talk about the very sticky issue of dealing with parents who get nosy about their adult-children's sex life. Or: What To Do When Your Parents Find Out You're Kinky - And They Aren't Happy.

 In this podcast, Monk and I talk about hierarchy in poly relationships. What does primary mean? What does secondary mean? Do you need these terms? Are they useful or limiting? So if you get off on that kind of analysis, you'll loooooove this podcast. It's heavy polyamory theory.

Monk and I answer letters about male rope tops getting overwhelmed by girls who want to ride the bondage-go-round, and then talk about a letter from a woman who says she wants to hire a male escort.

A new podcast, in which Monk and I talk about "name-dropping" versus giving references, and then we say things that will make furries everywhere hate us. (Adult babies, too.) It's a testament to power of good marketing. Or not. About fifteen minutes, not work safe. 

Monk and I offer yet another take on the eternal question: how do you reconcile different sexual tastes in a marriage? A woman writes in to ask about her husband's kinky desires and her own not-so-kinky styles. Then, an aspiring professional dominatrix asks about integrating her professional persona into the BDSM community. Is there prejudice?

Monk and I answer a reader's letter about dealing with her jealousy in a polyamorous relationship. About 15 minutes.

Monk and I speculate about Jews and kink, and then Monk explains the story of  how he got into kink and became a rope-maker. Also briefly mentioned is my ability to shoot laser beams from my eyes. Enjoy!

A rare podcast that might, actually, be sort of worksafe. Monk and Matisse talk about fashion, and what we wear, and what we think that means. How do people perceive you based on what you wear? How do you play with your image? Monk also makes a controversial statement about men in kilts, and I respond with some remarks about schoolgirl outfits and kimonos.

Monk and I discuss recent sex work busts here in Seattle. (December, actually, but hey, we're not CNN here.) We comment on how a sex work business we'd noticed was shut down, and talk about how and why it triggered our "ho-dar". I then explain "The Three C's".

Monk and I read some letters, riff about kink words we hate (like, subbie) and then talk about switching, and how women can get fucked while staying in the dominant role. We use the word "fuck" a lot, although Monk talks dirty in romance novel-speak, as well. (This podcast inspired a column for next week's Stranger, too.)

Monk does a crazy 30-second riff on what a porn movie would sound like on radio. (You’ll just have to listen to it.) And then we read a letter from a reader who asks “Since monogamy is not an option, how do you make your primary partner feel special in a polyamorous relationship?” Sixteen minutes.  

We read a letter from a woman who asks, "What qualifies someone as kinky?" Then Monk and I address that, and then kid about how East Coast people think too much.Next letter: a man asks me about seeing pro dommes, and Monk and I talk about a kink scene as compared to cooking. Monk talks about his own experiences as a professional dominant.

Monk and I answer reader questions about life as a sex worker... Emotional self-care for sex workers, and legal brothel questions. About 13 minutes.

Monk and I riff about The Venture Brothers, and then answer a reader's letter about dominance/sadism vs. masochism/submission. What do those words mean? Aligning your tastes with your partners… Then we give some sources of "educational porn", and answer a reader who asks: my lover liked kinky sex with her ex, but not with me – what to do? (About fifteen minutes.)

Max and Puck join Monk and I for a chat. Max talks about his beginnings as a BDSM person, and how he came to be a rope bondage top and bondage instructor. About 20 minutes.

There's a lot of ranting in this podcast. Monk and I read a letter and then I go off into my "JFGI" rant. Then, Monk talks about being a new male top and a BDSM vendor.

Monk and I riff about the role of tech gear in their lives and how it affects our sex lives...

A complex question from a reader about harnessing the endorphins often released during physically intense BDSM - can they be used to manage pain from a medical issue?

Matisse and Monk read a letters asking about what to do when BDSM scenes go awry because of emotional issues.

Matisse and Monk talk about starting new polyamorous relationships: how much information about new lovers do you share with your existing lovers?

Monk of Twisted Monk and Mistress Matisse talk about what's going on in both their professional worlds...

Monk and I answer a reader letter about rules in polyamory...

Mistress Matisse and Monk of Twisted Monk discuss impact on the ass - how to give it, how to get it, and dealing with the aftermath...

Monk and Matisse talk about the strategies for handling jealousy - avoid the situation vs. face it and get over it.