News Noir

We have decided to take a break from weekly news review (all news these days are about COVID and US elections anyway... boring!), so today we just sit near the fake fireplace with a glass of cheap wine and chat about everything and nothing and all sorts of nonsense. In this episode, "nonsense" includes:   - Humanity Becoming Sexier   - Unexpected Positive Effect of Oil Industry   - Biden vs Thatcher Death Fight   - New Russian Order   - Dimitri's Sex Life

In this episode, we have hand-picked the following headlines from the past week to chat sh*t about:  // China seizes more territory from Nepal with troops constructing buildings over the border  // Teenagers with poor diets up to 20cm shorter, global study finds  // Russian MPs consider lifetime immunity for former presidents

Yet again, we distilled all world events that happened last week into the hilarious review of the most fascinating headlines:  //  New Zealand votes to legalise euthanasia in referendum  // Australia seeks Qatar response after female passengers strip-searched  // Amazon launches in Sweden with wrong flag and rude translations  // Philippines local police chief killed by fighting cockerel

This week - as always - in our trademark (allegedly) hilarious style, we are discussing most urgent and highly important news of the week without being distracted by irrelevant stuff like global pandemic and US election. In this episode:  // Escaped cloned female mutant crayfish take over Belgian cemetery  // UK govt investigates after pupils raise questions about balding asylum-seeker who claims to be 15 but ‘LOOKS ABOUT 40'  // Jews make up the lowest share of Europe's population for 1,000 years as France sees surge in emigration due to anti-Semitism  // Poland abortion ruling: Police use pepper spray against protesters

Last week saw some fascinating news that we are glad to dissect for you in Episode 20:  // London Bridge attack: Steven Gallant up for early release after confronting knifeman  // Finland will jail men who send unsolicited 'd**k pics'  // Fake naked photos of thousands of women shared online

In Episode 19, we cover the following headlines that caught our attention this week:  // A former Austin Library employee is accused of stealing $1.3M in printer toner  // Muslim Imam Arrested in Huge Child Pornography Bust  // 'Kid Influencers' Classed As Child Labour Under New French Law

In Episode 18, we discuss the following hilarious events that happened over the last week:  // Nasa Wallops launch: Astronauts to test new $23m toilet at space station  // Swedish Police: New Gang Culture Emerged from Second-Generation Migrants  // Auschwitz director offers to serve time in place of 13-year-old Nigerian sentenced to 10 years for blasphemy  //  Latest twist in Assange saga like a Bond plot 

In this episode, we discuss some outrageously hilarious world news. Headlines are:  // Tory MP Says He Will Not Take Unconscious Bias Training; Trump ‘Exactly Right' to Ban ‘Indoctrination'  // Investigation launched into Australian backpacker visas  // Australia asks Google to remove images from top of sacred site Uluru  // ‘I have absolutely no clue' Head of rural settlement in Russia's Kostroma Region loses election to the dummy candidate he selected  // American faces two years in prison for posting unflattering TripAdvisor review of Thailand island resort

In Episode 16, we discuss the following news of the week:  // Double-amputee's wife is asked to take her husband's severed legs away from Ukrainian hospital in a sack  // Puppy prices soar during coronavirus lockdown  // Man charged after Canadian police find him asleep at wheel of self-driving car  // Billionaire Chuck Feeney achieves goal of giving away his fortune

In Episode 15, we discuss:  // French Feminist Hates Men But Loves Her Boyfriend  // Astralian Optometrist Destroys Her Career Not Her Pussy  // Gender Reveal Party In United Arab Emirates Is Designed For Just One Gender  // British Couple's World Tour Includes Estonia And No Other Countries 

In Episode 14, we discuss:  // Amazon's New Fitness Tracker Will Make You Fit And Submissive   // While Israel Sends Airplane to UAE...  // ...Palestine Sends Air Baloons To Israel  // Don't Get Pregnant In Zimbabwe If You Want Education  // German Dude Cuts His Ears Off And It Is Not Even His Biggest Problem

In Episode 13, we discuss more fascinating news from the globe:  // Ukraine's ex-PM is diagnosed with COVID and Russia celebrates  // 81-year-old Russian Woman Came Back From The Dead  // Little Kids In New Zealand Do Cocaine (Or Play Lego)  // Islamic School In The UK Offers Extra Lessons On How To Fight Infidels  // Germany Is Back To Experimenting On Large Groups Of People  // American Archbishop Sells Bleach As A COVID (HIV, Cancer, Autism) Cure

In Episode 12 we discuss:  // The Matrix Is A Transgender-themed Movie, Authors Reveal  // NASA Gives Heavenly Body The Same Names As Elon Musk Gives To His Kids  // Deadly Saudi Overseas Hit Squad Can't Even Pass Canadian Passport Check  // Ellen DeGeneres And Her Wife Prefer Romance Over Diversified Financial Planning  

In Episode 11, we discuss:  // One Old Person Destroys Brazil Rainforest While Other Old People Destroy The Rest Of The World  // Britons Queue For German Passports (And For Reparations) // Being On A Death Row In Pakistan Is Not Big Enough Punishment For Blasphemy // Madonna Says Rich People Have COVID-19 Cure But How Can She Know? 

In Episode 10 we discuss:  // Michelle Obama's New Podcast is Inferior To Ours  // Meixican Cartel Shows Who Is Actually In Charge  // Russian Cinemas Will Only Screen Light-Hearted Movies Because Life In Russia Is Already Hard  // Aaron Rogers And Danica Patrick Split Up (Who Cares, Seriously?)   // Germany Keeps Clinging On The Past By Prosecuting 97 Years Old Nazi 

In Episode 9 we discuss:  // Cadbury chocolate bars will shrink but old price remains  // Renowned US judge is only alive thanks to Trump  // Azerbaijan and Armenia are real countries and they will destroy you  // Saudi Arabia grants freedom to women, to one at a time  // Tech entrepreneur is massacred in New York  // Canadians want to build a wall with the US (kind of)  // Story in which British right winger is not the only insane person 

In Episode 8 we discuss:  // Bollywood Stars Have COVID Too (Are They Also Human?!)  // English Tourist Kills In Spain But Won't Go To Prison  // Transgender Rights In China Stronger Than In The US  // Madeleine McCann Starred In "The Ring" Movie  // Don't Hunt A Norwegian Hunter

Apologies for this episode's sound quality. Blame Boris Johnson (or Donald Trump, or whoever your enemy is, it is their fault).  In Episode 7, we discuss:  // Sale of dog meat is banned in one of India's states  // Americans microwave their books to kill corona virus  // You are more likely to receive organ if you are white  // North Korea finally follows our advice and uses coronavirus as an excuse to punish certain people

In Episode 6:  // Australian pensioner evicts his own daughter  // Country band Dixie Chicks drops "Dixie" from their name  // North Korea sends cigarette butts to South Korea  // Corona is becoming a widely used baby girl name  // First ever university degree in ninja studies in Japan

Now that we are on Episode 5, isn't it time for a proper trailer. News Noir is a weekly dark comedic review of international news. Listen to 2 minutes 55 seconds trailer and decide whether you want to subscribe (if not, check your taste receptors).

In Episode 5, we discuss:  // Inexperienced fraudster from Germany // Most outrageous crime in Austria that you can imagine // Iran wants more babies // Sex workers in Greece receive new instructions

Apologies for this episode's poor audio quality. Measures were taken. In Episode 4 we discuss:  // Four-year-old shot dead in Brazil  // Polish president vs LGBT  // Blogger leaves husband for stepson  // Russian actor causes a car crash  // Swiss police is desperate to find crime  // New York sex guidelines  // Joe Biden is da man 

In Episode 3 we discuss:  // World's oldest man dies  // May 2020 was hot  // Russian police being nice  // Spanish porn star arrested  // British vicar did nothing wrong  // Self-isolation is not what it seems  // Creative South African robbers  // Namibia's president throws a party  // Alcohol consumption is bad 

In Episode 2 we discuss:  // Swiss prostitution  // Madagascar's COVID cure  // Insta couple with dark secret  // Trump is Trump  // US child molesting  // Russian writer dead & shamed  // Hong Kong lawyer lynched  // Sweden vs coronavirus  // Pakistan uses pigeon spy  // Madonna is Madonna  // Aussie sex fantasy turns nightmare 

In Episode 1 we discuss:  // FGM industry in Somalia  // Pakistan plane crash  // Dolphins train humans  // US sanctions against China  // Italian loan sharks  // Russian police does its job  // Trump's bank details  // China is upset  // French kids find gold bars  // Netflix star dies  // Son kills dad during Zoom chat  // Record internet speed