Ryan and Noosh are Dead

As our third season ends, we bring you a holiday tale from 1927 of the “Santa Claus Bank Robbery”. Featuring: An ex-con with one last score. A town full of trigger happy vigilantes. A former Texas Ranger who always got his man. A gun-fu fight in a jailhouse. And even jolly Saint Nicholas… and he’s got a gun! Ho-ho-ho! It’s our very first Christmas special, Ryan Walters. This week’s topic: “Christmas” #HoHoHandsAboveYourHead

There’s nothing a pet owner wouldn’t do for their furry children. Tiny clothes for frogs. The royal, dog-wedding of Roshanara and Bobby. The Indian Maharaja and his 800 pooches. And the story of two naked men, a pig, a gun, and George Clooney. So, cuddle up on the couch with your favorite four-legged friend and let your spouse sit on the floor. This week’s topic: “Pets 2” #SideSwined

Board games are anything but boring. In 1978, the Philippines held the “weirdest” World Chess Championship in history – it involved Soviet spying, psychic hypnotists, violent cultists, yogurt paranoia, and a dangerously squeaky chair. Plus, all the times family game night ended in murder! Go to Jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 rubles. This week’s topic: “Tabletop” #MurderInTheLongGame

Get in, loser. We’re going on a hoe trip. First, we’ll stop by Florida to visit an old Twitter favorite about two strippers and their wild weekend full of sex and danger. Then, we end up in Washington, D.C. with two questions as old as the oldest profession: Where did the word “hooker” come from? And… Who shot Alexander Hamilton in that famous duel? Wha-? The radio’s busted so we got Noosh to sing songs from his high school rock band. Oh boy… This week’s topic: “Prostitution” #A7Ou

Cults are like exes - the amount of crazy you put up with depends on how good the sex is. A French pop star with a man bun. Hookers for Jesus. Sex robots. The Ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Cloning. The hottest cereal mascots. And an alien named Yahweh. You’ve come this far. Why leave now? One of us. One of us. One of us. This week’s topic: “Cults” #TonyIsAGreatLover

What makes a king? Is it the ideals of justice and law he upholds? Is it his refusal to follow no law but his own? Or, is it his will to be greedier, laugh louder, and rage harder than any other? One was a failed rice merchant, who was raised up by his people to become the first Emperor of America. The other was a man fated to possess all of China, but who wanted nothing more than to be a shopkeeper. Who was the truer king? For a king must flame the aspirations of his people to live as he does! Rejoice, young man. Your wish, will at last, come true. This week’s topic: “Emperors” #LeopaaardHooouse!

One photo can lead to a legend, while another can lead to a revolution – it just depends on who is holding the camera. The monkey selfie that led to a massive legal battle. The mysterious images of a wanderer called the Leatherman. And nudes. We got a lot of nudes in this one. For some people, a picture is worth a thousand words and all of them are “dick”. Believe it! This week’s topic: “Photography” #MicsOutForNaruto

They’ll steal your heart just as quickly as they’ll steal your purse. Be on the lookout for these two lovable ne’er-do-wells! The Pink Panthers, who are the most successful group of diamond thieves in the history of the world. And Colonel Blood, who stole not only the crown jewels of England, but the heart of its… king? Say what? We got on this podcast for different reasons. But, no more running, listeners. We aim to misbehave! This week’s topic: “Heists” #PinkFurryHandcuffs

Long ago, men had to be as hard as the times they lived in. We look back at two such men. One named Whitehead who had 99 problems and all of them were bears. And the other named Whiteside who stole not only the crown jewels of Romania, but the heart of its queen. Better keep the sharks and bears inside where it’s safe. What time is it? It’s podcast time! This week’s topic: “Adventurers” #TheCanadianBrockSamson

From on high, the stars watch our brief stories unfold. A man without a nose. Two Italian radio operators. A psychic court jester. An alcoholic moose. And guy named Manderup Parsberg. Mankind travels along a road that leads not forward, but upward. In Soviet Russia, smart dogs go to space and unlucky cosmonauts go to China. This week’s topic: “Astronomy” #ButHamletDidn’tHaveAMoose #SaveItForTheShow

WAIT! Before you press that PLAY button, you must decide! What kind of Ryan and Noosh fan do you want to be? A “filthy presser” or a “filthy non-presser”? Either way, we’ve got two stories to share – about a button that tore the Reddit community apart and a video game Easter egg hunt that spans continents and generations. Ryan, Noosh, Courtney, Ken… and Knuckles? The gang’s all here for the first episode of season 3! This week’s topic: “Hype” #OurDarkestSeasonYet

Love makes fools of us all, but some more than others. From a harem of lionesses obsessed with a geriatric to an otaku penguin who is only into 2D girls. From a loyal samurai and his socially embarrassed princess to a college girl who just needed a bed for three weeks. Romance in the 21st century didn't die, it just got weird. Season 2, mother-f***ers! That's it! It's over! That's season 2. Roll credits. This week's topic: "Romance 2" #ThreadsAndPromises

Well, good morning, podcast listeners. Gossip Guy here. This week we've got some juicy stories from history and even our own lives. A condor killing singer and a cocaine smuggling actor. The biggest dick in China and the gayest party in America. And, speaking of which, did you hear about how President J might have been secretly gay! All this and some scandalous high school tales. All thanks to yours truly, the fly-on-the-wall. You know you love me. XOXO Gossip Guy. This week's topic: "Scandals"

What did baseball players do during off season in the 20s? How are the sports "Barking-off Squirrels", "Eel Pulling", and "Cock Shying" not euphemisms for masturbation? And finally an infamous existential question, "Who wants to sex the Mutombo?" We finally learn the name of Noosh's high school band. This week's topic: "Sports" #IAmMoreThanJustMyDick

Y-you know what, Ryan? Sometimes you – you gotta break a few eggs, Ryan. And sometimes those eggs might be nuclear bombs, or Japanese pop – urp – idols, or human testicles. And sometimes those eggs are just eggs, Ryan. Science c – can be literal like that. It’s not all fun and – urp – games, Ryan. Sometimes science is more art than science. A lot of people don’t get that. This week’s topic: “Experiments”. #NooshIsTheWorst

Groupies for children's entertainers, adult dodgeball, and the angst of being a Millenial. Things meant for children can sometimes be more fun the second time around. We may have lost Ryan and Courtney for this episode, but we'll never lose our childishness! No time to dilly-dally, kids. Onward to the show! Follow the second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning. This week's topic: "Neverland" #NoOneLivesLikeGaston

What would a person do if they were trapped in a German P.O.W. camp? Or a volcanic island? How far would they go to escape from a meat slaughter house? Or a nuclear wasteland? With Ryan missing, the real question is how far would Noosh go to get him back? Get ready to shave your head and get tattoos of the prison blueprints. This week’s topic: “Escapes” #WriteThatDownJohnson

The L'inconnue de la Seine, the most kissed face in the world. Nancy Wake, who the German Gestapo knew as the spy called "White Mouse". Henrietta Lacks, who will serve mankind for all of time. And Sadie the Goat, who had the simple dream of robbing everyone. Some women save the world from behind enemy lines. Some women save the world from beyond the grave. This week's topic, "Women". #AWomansPlaceIsInTheResistance

For every award there is a story. The buried history of how a dog actually won the first Academy Award. Oscar nominee Lana Turner and the murder of Johnny Stompanato. Philip Roth and the Nobel Committee who trolls him. And the worst sex scenes in all of fiction. Guys, guys, we’re sorry. There’s a mistake. Ryan and Noosh, you guys won best bromance in audio. This is not a joke. This week’s topic: “Awards” #NooshsTowelRoom

****, marry, or kill? Your choices are an anime character, a pineapple, or the Berlin Wall. Yeah, the dating scene isn’t getting any easier and people are turning to novel places to find love. Sometimes you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs and give a lot of dolphins LSD before you can find Prince Charming. The only thing stranger than a bizarre love triangle is one that is government funded. This week’s topic: “Romance” #TryTheDolphin

Cheerio, lads! Fancy a spot of tea or a smidge of opium before we begin this week's tales? Of the get-rich-quick scheme that nearly brought down an empire in The South Sea Bubble. Of the psychic who was tried as The Last Witch of Britain. And of the conspiracy theorist who is quite certain that neofascist lizard people are actually pedophiles in The Biggest Secret. Right then. Close your eyes, dear, and think of England. This week's topic: "Britain" #TrialByCake

An artificial girl who wishes for a soul. A time-traveling supercomputer that wants our obedient servitude. A robot that just wants to get the hell out of Philly. And the lost head of Philip K. Dick. Mankind anxiously wonders what our A.I. creations will ask of us and the answer is quite simple. Paperclips! An entire solar system of paperclips! There ain't no rule says a robot can't buy molly and some yeezys. This week's topic: "A.I." #RyanProblems

Any smart collector will tell you that the bubble always bursts. There are few things in the world that get a second run in the limelight. The people who collected Pogs or records or the dicks of the 2008 Iceland Olympic Handball team know that all too well. But sometimes good things come back, mate. We're living proof! We hope you brought your best slammer for our season two because we're playing for keeps! This week's topic: "Collectibles" #DickPicEtiquette

Sugoi! Schools for pop stars in Japan. The dangerous fanaticism of K-Pop fans. The cat-and-mouse game between the Hong Kong police and a nude-photo uploader called Kira. This week we learn that being an Asian pop star involves a lot of danger and no sex. Our hit single "Pretty Pretty Strawberry Dream" is big in Asia! Kawaii desu ne? This week's topic: "Idols" #WhiteBandageInTheStreets #BlackBandageInTheSheets

From "water dog" superstitions to dog psychology. From pet humans to an animal species wiped out by a single individual. All fantastic stories that lead to a question. Who is man's best friend? And who exactly are his enemies? Cats. The answer to that question is cats. Here comes another episode about the audacity of the British. This week's topic: "Pets" #SummerNunship

Tonight: Ryan explains Moment 37. Noosh gets banished to "Smash Hell". And Courtney takes us into a world with dick DLC. Oh, and there's LOTS of Foxes down here. This week's topic: "Multiplayer". #ThereIsNoBombshell

If you're tired of talking politics this week, join us at the KDHR fallout shelter for the third grade class that held the first Chinese elections, the origins of political satire, and the Donald Duck Party of Sweden. You Xiaofei supporters better vote for Luo Lei! Do you want Cheng Cheng to win? This week's topic: "Democracy". #WeWearShirtsAndNoPants

Let's go payday! The Bozeman Think Tank's quest to win at Ms. Pacman. The real reason no one can ever win at Missile Command. And the revelation that you actually play the bad guy in the Megaman X series. Down + Down-Forward + Forward + Attack! This week's topic: "Gaming" #DisappointmentInBarForm

A phantom that cuts hair. A specter that writes letters. And a guy that can't buy the right size pants. Time to grab that "Sexy Podcast Fan" costume, ladies, and tell your friends your staying in this year. It's our first holiday special, Ryan Walters. This week's topic: "Halloween" #CanIBuyYourPants

In 1880, a town in Ireland tries to get rid of a guy named Boycott and in 2016, a town in Pennsylvania tries to get rid of its clowns. Somewhere in between lies the stories of our favorite four letter word, a chubby kid named Dick, and a world-changing night on October 2nd, 1977, where two men's hands touched in the air and gave life to a phenomenon. So, throw up that hand and don't leave us hanging! This week's topic: "Origins". #TheProudHouseOfLeFucker

You've somehow slipped into another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of dance. A middle ground somewhere between the letter E and the letter A. A place where Nelson Mandela is still alive and Ryan and Noosh are still dead. A sign post up ahead! Everyone cut loose! This week's episode: "Delusion" #YourDickIsOkayTheWayItIs

Sometimes filmmaking requires great storytelling and improvisation. Other times, it requires 1950s Soviet cults, suicidal penguins, and threatening to murder your best friend. Just a few of the stories from the newest episode of The Mystery Hour with Gerald C. Lee. This week's topic: "Movies" #DeppingTooHard

We may not know what to call this show anymore, but we know about drugs. And tea. We know a lot about tea. #MicsOutForHarambe

Poop in a box, disappointing sex, medical masturbation, and Blue's Clues. Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf, and for us at The Water Cooler 2.0. This week's topic: Psychology

Our very first pilot episode. We had one job and that was to tell funny stories about MMORPGs and try to figure out how to make a good podcast. Well, we had some funny stories at least.