Sober Moments

Alcoholics have NO mental defense against the first drink. I just can’t think myself out of drinking - it didn’t work. I have to rely on something bigger than me. And AA is a heck of a lot bigger than me. Big Book page 43.

When confronted with powerlessness (whether that’s my alcoholism or the global pandemic), and when that gets sufficiently unbearable, there’s nothing left but to pick up some of the simple spiritual tools laid at my feet. Big Book page 25.

When it comes to being free of resentments, sometimes I have to fake it until I make it — at least in the sense of praying for a person even if I don’t mean it. Big Book page 552.

We get better at dealing with difficult emotions and situations, but I think then we just get new challenges. The pain of growing up only stops if we stop growing - at least that’s been my experience. 12x12 page 92.

Our defects of character, or, as I like to call them, ineffective or unhealthy coping mechanisms pretty much all stem from my various attempts to protect my ego. And all of the energy that goes into those attempts ends up sapping the life out of me. Little Red Book pages 48-49.

Just coming into a meeting, listening, and deciding to stick around is a beginning on step three. AA is definitely a power greater than me, and it’s also definitely enough to keep me sober. 12x12 page 35.

Alcoholism is lonely AF, and it wasn’t until I got sober and learned to value myself that I was able to learn to have healthy and reciprocal relationships with people. 12x12 pages 116-117

What there is to do is to show up with a degree of willingness and follow through on the next right indicated action. And God handles the rest. Big Book page 519, “Empty on the Inside”

The comparison game is a losing game always. And I really just want to be another alcoholic among other alcoholics - because feeling like I belong is super-important to my staying sober. (And in this episode I also do a fair bit of sharing about feeling self-conscious and weird about promoting/sharing this podcast at all). 12x12 page 122.

It’s not called Well-people’s Anonymous, and some are sicker than others. And while it can be really easy to take other people’s inventories, what there is to do is ask God to save me from being angry. Big Book pages 66-67

We can always “re-start” our day by checking in with our Higher Power. And all that entails is a bit of a pause and a willingness to set aside whatever I’m fretting about for long enough to ask my higher power’s help. Big Book page 87

One of the biggest shifts in my life between pre-sobriety and sobriety is the way that sadness and disappointment no longer fundamentally undermine my belief in the universe. I’m no longer overwhelmed by hopelessness and despair, and no longer feel like the world is a hostile place. 12x12 page 105.

I have a lot of ideas and expectations about when things are *supposed* to happen, or how quickly I *should* be able to change. And the reality is that it’s all on God’s timeline. Which is real annoying. 12x12 page 65.

Fear used to run my life, and recovery helped me make decisions grounded in a faith that a power greater than myself would take care of me. But fear and faith are not opposites. I can be afraid and walk through that fear *because* I have faith that I’ll get through it and come out better on the other side. 12x12 page 76.

Our first priority (according to step 10) is to learn self restraint. This starts with alcohol and continues with every other aspect of our lives… pausing when agitated is one of the biggest skills we can possibly learn in improving our relations with others. 12x12 page 91.

The suggestion to attend 90 meetings in 90 days isn't really anywhere in the literature, but in honor of the 90th!! episode, I did a bit of googling to see what I could find. And I'm reading a (hopefully reliable?) post from a forum... 

We definitely have more problems than alcohol. And just like with alcohol, they will not be solved by our lone courage and unaided will. We need help - from our fellows and from our Higher Power. Or, at least, I sure do. 12x12 page 39

When I am tasked with sharing my experience, strength, and hope with others, it’s a great reminder of my own growth, and that I want to live by the principles that have saved my life. It helps me stay out of complacency, and it ensures that AA continues to thrive. Little Red Book pages 133-34.

It's a good practice for me to cultivate: reminding myself that other people are just doing the best they can with what they've got. Living Sober page 11.

Learning to distinguish between "me" and the jerk voices in my head has been one of the most helpful tools in my recovery. Because the truth is that I am not my thoughts, and my thoughts don't *have* to win/control me/be so demoralizing. I do have a choice on where to focus my attention. Big Book page 312 - “My Chance to Live”

Today - July 2nd, 2020 - is my 10 years. So, I figured I'd share a longer version of my experience, strength, and hope. Because it's totally bananas that I've been sober this long.

When I was trying to get sober I was really focused on being the person that I thought other people wanted me to be. The longer I stay sober, the more I'm able to be the person that I am -- and to like that person a lot. Daily Reflection for July 2nd.

While some amends require immediate correction or restitution, a lot of amends take the form of changes to the way we act on an ongoing, daily basis. And my living amends to myself means taking care of myself - but sometimes I need the reminder of that framework to motivate myself. 12x12 page 83.

Looking at the areas of my life where I'm biased and unreasonable about stuff - not just about God and spirituality. Like, maybe other people can have ideas and values that are different from mine and not be wrong! How novel. Big Book pages 51-52.

Working with others is our way of staying sober a day at a time. And we can’t keep anybody else sober, no matter how much we want it for them. Which sucks sometimes. Big Book pages 95-96.

My drinking stemmed from a deep and pervasive soul-sickness -- that I wasn't really aware of until I got sober and could see how bad things had been. The good news is that most days, I'm not stuck in it anymore! 12x12 pages 44-45.

Service and working with others has to be an ongoing, frequent part of my recovery. It's an opportunity to set aside my wants and show up for somebody else and practice being the person I want to be in sobriety. Big Book page 97.

Step six is all about asking myself honestly how willing I am to give things over. And the reality is that I'm not always willing. And I might not even be willing to be willing. I'm gonna keep doing stuff until I'm done, even if I'm frustrated with myself about it. Step By Step page 62.

Self will is when I start arguing with reality, and sometimes reality is telling me to slow the eff down. And relax. And take it easy. And be present for what's in front of me. Living Sober pages 43-44.

We don't have to know *how* to turn our will over to our Higher Power, we just have to be willing to try. I tend to forget that. But when I do make some sort of effort, it helps me get out of the problem and into more constructive thinking. Little Red Book 34-35.

Meditation is hard, y'all. But it's also super worth it. It's our opportunity to invite in the sunlight of the spirit, and it's humbling to be bad at it and do it anyway. 12x12 page 98, step 11.

Sometimes, the struggle is real! And what there is to do is quit fighting it. Relaxing into the struggle - in my experience - is the only way to get to the other side of it feeling sane. And then I wake up the next day and usually feel different. Big Book pages 86-87.

Self pity is like a drug - once I start, I can't stop! Just need more to keep that party going. Until I get off the ride, which requires reaching out to others and getting some perspective. (And some love). Daily Reflections, April 13th.

All the negative aspects of fear (anxiety, dread, worry, uncertainty, and apprehension) tend to build up and lurk in the back of my head when I don't shine a light back there and talk about 'em. The Little Red Book page 59.

Learning to pray to a higher power of our understanding and hand all our mess over. Big Book page 215.

I used drinking to try and connect with people but always felt empty. It wasn't until I got sober that I learned to love myself and fill my own spiritual/emotional cup. Big Book pages 338-339. ("Because I'm an Alcoholic")

HALT! One of the most useful acronyms in my sobriety: hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Pause when agitated and ask if any of those things apply. Technically, I read from Living Sober page 30 - "Getting Plenty of Rest." (Easier said than done sometimes).

We don't have to figure out our concept of a higher power in order to work the steps and get results. We can just kinda show up and take it a little bit at a time and eventually we'll probably realize that somewhere along the way we cultivated something that works for us. 12x12, Step 2 pages 26-27.

A sponsor is somebody who has what I want - usually because they've been through a lot of the stuff I've been through or am going through. And it's really super helpful to both have a sponsor and to get to sponsor others. Living Sober pages 26-27.

We are quick learners and faster forgetters, as they say. And I come to meetings and talk to my sponsor and have service commitments to remind myself that left to my own devices, I am without defense against the first drink. For real. Big Book page 24.

Sometimes it's just a kind of cruddy day. Life overall definitely gets better once we find a higher power we can believe in, and my HP for sure shows up when I genuinely need help. But sometimes I'm just tired, and what there is to do is be grateful that the day wasn't all that bad and then go to bed. Big Book pages 498-499.

Steps one through nine prepare us for sober living, and steps ten through twelve help us live that life - in fair weather or foul. It's some foul weather right now for a lot of us, but "can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?" I think so. 12x12 page 88.

Turns out, bombarding our problems with our willpower doesn't usually work out well. Or get the desired results. Instead, what there is to do is get quiet and check in with our Higher Power's will for us. 12x12 pages 40-41.

Tradition 6 - basically that AA is super great, and we are prone to think that the world would be better if everybody would just get on board with our solution! But it's helpful to reign it in and remember that we can't be all things to all people and shouldn't try. 12x12 pages 156-157.

Removing alcohol from the equation is just the start - 'cause we have so many other issues to work through. And they don't get fixed overnight - no matter how much we want them to. Daily Reflection, April 6.

Because we are largely a band of ego-driven individualists... we're gonna come up with a whole bunch of rules about how we think things ought to be! 12x12 page 146.

Over-dependence on other people will always get us into trouble. Because people are only human, and they're gonna let us down sometimes. And we can't make other people responsible for our feelings. It just doesn't work. 12x12 page 115.

The book says in a number of different places that we get to pick our own conception of God. And sometimes that feels true - it depends a lot on the meetings I go to and the sponsor I've got. But I'm real glad that today I get to pick my Higher Power, 'cause it's working pretty well for me. Big Book page 93.

Each group is autonomous - meaning that to a certain extent, each group gets to do recovery however it sees fit. And that's the awesome and also sometimes exasperating thing about AA. Everybody does it different, and wherever you get sober is the place that does it "right." But you can find the message anywhere if you want it. From "The AA Group... Where It All Begins" page 8.

The twelve steps are designed to get me sober and keep me sober. They aren't necessarily a catch-all solution for all of my emotional issues. they can do pretty amazing things on a lot of stuff, but for most of us, there's stuff we need professional help with, too. Living Sober page 57.