The Happiness Podcast

The most difficult thing in the world is to listen, to see. We don't want to see.  We don't want to look, because if we do, we may change. We don't want to change. If you look, you lose control of the life that you are so precariously holding together. In order to wake up, the one thing you need the most is not energy, or strength, or youthfulness, or even great intelligence. The one thing you need most of all is the readiness to learn something new. The chances that you will wake up are in direct proportion to the amount of truth you can take without running away. How much of everything you've held dear are you ready to have shattered, without running away? How ready are you to embrace something unfamiliar?

What I am about to convey in the coming 4 minutes could be the most important minutes in your life. If you could grasp this, you'd hit upon the secret of awakening. You would never be unhappy again. Nothing would have the power to hurt you again. I mean that, nothing. It's like throwing black paint in the air; the air remains uncontaminated. You never color the air black. No matter what happens to you, you remain uncontaminated. You remain at peace. There are human beings who have attained this.  Become one of them!

We love to hear that people have arrived. It gives us hope, doesn't it?  You want to hope for something better than what you have right now, don't you? Otherwise you wouldn't be hoping. But then, you forget that you have it all right now anyway, and you don't know it. Why not concentrate on the now instead of hoping for better times in the future? Why not understand the now instead of forgetting it and hoping for the future? The future is just another trap?

Until we solve the problem called you, we're going to get nowhere. The great mystics and masters in the East will say, “Who are you?” Many think the most important question in the world is: “Who is Jesus Christ?” Wrong! Many think it is: “Does God exist?” Wrong! Many think it is: “Is there a life after death?” Wrong! Nobody seems to be grappling with the problem of: Is there a life before death?

What your society did to you when you were born was NOT to allow you to enjoy the solid, nutritious food of life—namely, work, play, fun, laughter, the company of people, the pleasures of the senses and the mind. You were given a taste for the drug called approval, appreciation, attention, success, making it to the top, prestige, accolades, power, being the boss.  You lost your freedom to be yourself and now others have the power to make you happy or miserable.

What does self-change entail? I'm going to break it down into two segments for you. First, we'll address insight. Not effort, not cultivating habits, not positive affirmations, not having an ideal state to change into, not focusing on what should be instead of what is. Second, we'll address understanding; by which De Mello means understanding the source of the suffering you are experiencing over and over.

Transformation is effortless. It's like a sailboat. When a sailboat has a mighty wind in its sail, it glides along so effortlessly that the boatman has nothing to do but steer. He makes no effort; he doesn't push the boat.  That's an image of what happens when drop false beliefs and come home to yourself.

To live like a king or queen spiritually means you know no anxiety at all, no inner conflict, no tensions, no pressures, no upset, no heartache. Until you can transcend these reactions, your life remains a mess.

Some people make awakening a goal. They're determined to get there. They say, “I refuse to be happy until I'm awakened.”  DeMello tells a story of a disciple who leaves his guru for the hills to attain enlightenment. Years pass, but he remains unenlightened; not until he gives it up.

When there's something within you that moves in the direction of greater inner awareness, that very awareness creates its own discipline. It is the discipline of waking up! Through awareness you wake up, and there's nothing so important in the world as awakening. Nothing!

What few of us ever understand is that the problem isn't the situation; the problem is that we are afraid of the situation. The situation is whatever it is.  In itself, it's neutral. Nothing is happening to you, it is happening in you.  Your pain or upset come from how you are seeing the situation through some form of fear.  Through awareness you can identify the fear, see it as mind made, not real, and let it pass.  The more you practice allowing fear into awareness and embracing it instead of suppressong it,  the less it will control you.   Practicing awareness is how we wake up from the unhappiness we are living.

Researchers have found that happiness is what people want most. But researchers have also found that happiness is eluding most of us.  It's hard to locate a completely happy person. Turns out it's only four percent of the population.  The irony is we have it already. We were born happy. Happiness is our birthright. It's built right into our spiritual DNA. Our brain has evolved neurocircuits to generate it. It's there for the taking.

These things in you that you struggle to fix just need to be understood. If you understood them, they would change. You see, you don't have to do anything for enlightenment. You don't have to do anything for liberation and spirituality. All you have to do is see something, understand something. If you would understand it, you would be free.

Anthony De Mello encourages us to do cultivate awareness every day, throughout the day. If you remember to do his simple process throughout the day, you will get it. You will become more and more aware and as a result more and more free. Before you believed what society's  programming told you, that once every worldly thing falls into place, I'll find happiness and peace.” Through awarness you'll discover that finding the natural state of happiness and peace within you is how everything falls into place.”  You find that truth through awareness .

The De Mello Spirituality Center executive director discusses the essential theories of Anthony De Mello, beginning the notion that we're overwhelmed by stress and fear and thus asleep the innate joy and happiness  https://demellocenter.com

A radio interview with Don Goewey, the De Mello Center's executive director, on Anthony De Mello's spirituality.  It begins with the fact that only 4% of the population are completely happy. Happiness eludes most of us.  The irony is we were born happy but have lost touch with it. We were born free but have become trapped in limited thinking. We were born with an open heart that stress and fear so easily close. We were born gifted beings of immeasurable worth but often feel not good enough. There is a divinity of joy within us and surrounding us, there to make life meaningful and beautiful and rich, but we've become blocked from seeing it. It's as if we are all hypnotized to see what is not there, and not see what is there. The good news, we can wake up here and now through a simple process of awareness.

It often takes a midlife crisis to realize that nothing of the world can make you happy or set you free. Through one step - the step called awareness - you come to see that you are free and happy already just the way you are and always have been but you didn't see it because you are always focused on what you don't have instead of what you have. Waking up is seeing that right here, right now you have everything you need to be free, happy and at peace. 

Sit on the bank of a river, in reality, or in fantasy, and watch the water flow. Or sit in a railway station and see the crowds go by. Or watch the sun shimmer in the trees. Or light a candle and look at the flame.  It will speak to you, not to your brain but to your heart, creating a silence in your spirit, and a wisdom that your conscious mind could never grasp. Visit Anthony De Mello's personally engaging website at https://demellocenter.com

When I try to change what I dislike in me by fighting it I merely push it underground. If I accept it, it will surface and evaporate. What I resist will stubbornly persist. I consider the example of Jesus, who sets himself the task of moving mountains and battles with exasperating foes. Yet even in his anger he is loving—he combines a keen desire for change with an acceptance of reality as it is. I try to be like him. I start with feelings I dislike.

Ignorance and fear, ignorance caused by fear, that's where all the suffering comes from, that's where your violence comes from. The person who is truly nonviolent, who is incapable of violence, is the person who is fearless. It's only when you're afraid that you become angry. Think of the last time you were angry. Go ahead. Think of the last time you were angry and search for the fear behind it.

Is it possible that one would suffer because of one's cultural programming mixed with one's toxic past and how it might've wired the brain and yet some day through an awakening one could rise above it all? This much is clear— the human heart pulses with serenity and happiness even as storms pass by. There may be clouds on the outside but there's blue sky on the inside. Many of the mystics say before enlightenment, they  identify  with the clouds. After enlightenment, they identify with the sky.  

Does the dropping of attachments mean detachment from the material world? No. One uses the material world, one enjoys the material world, but one doesn't make one's happiness depend on the material world. You really begin to enjoy things when you're unattached because attachment brings anxiety. If you're anxious when you're holding on to something, you can hardly enjoy it. It's not a withdrawal from enjoyment; it's a withdrawal from possessiveness, anxiety, tension, and the loss of something.

All the mystics tell us our life is in our hands. Okay, let's suppose you want to grasp that. Let's suppose you want to see it. What do you have to first understand about yourself? First, your life is in a mess. You don't like to hear that; it brings up all kinds of resistance, but here is the litmus test that proves it. Once it's fully embrace, without any self-condemnation, everything can begin to change.

I'll tell you what it means to live like a king or queen. It means to know no anxiety at all. To have no inner conflict at all. No tensions, no pressures, no upset, no heartache. What are you left with? Happiness, undiluted. People ask me, “What do I do to be happy?” You  don't  do anything to be happy. You know why? Because you have it already, but you're blocking it. Remove the blocks. 

Where there is love, there is no desire. I am referring to desire in the sense of attachment. Where there is attachment there is fear. Love begins where attachments end. You know what society will tell you? “Attachment is love.” Are you really expecting to find life here? You can find only manipulation, seduction, and control. You can find only death and misery. The death of happiness, the death of innocence, the death of freedom, the death of authenticity. 

Bokoju, a Zen master, woke up each morning laughing a great belly laugh that resounded through the monastery, waking up the other monks. The monks were  curious what it was that made the master laugh but he wouldn't say. For millennia, mystics have posed the question to seekers: “Why are you unhappy? Why are you scared?” Until we've seen Reality, it makes sense to us to feel unsafe; to be unhappy. Yet it's as silly as a fish afraid of drowning. This is what Bokoju was laughing at.

There is never a minute when, consciously or unconsciously, you are not aware of or attuned to the reactions of others, marching to the beat of their drums. When you are ignored or disapproved of, you experience a loneliness so unbearable that you crawl back to people and beg for the comforting drug of reassurance called approval. To live with people in this state involves a never-ending tension. A nice definition of an awakened person is someone who no longer marches to the drums of society, a person who dances to the tune of the music that springs up from within.  Awake up! Life is a banquet. Enjoy it. 

I look at Jesus in his agony on the night before he died. I stand quite close to him and watch him reaching out for human help, but no one now can reach him —he is entirely on his own before he dies.

I think of myself as quite a decent person, good-hearted and respected, with minor flaws and failings, until it dawns on me that the greatest spiritual failings are the ones committed in ignorance. I see the well-intentioned damage “love” inflicts on helpless children. I see the marks of cruelty in fervently religious people. I see fair-minded Pharisees assess the evidence against Jesus, and consider it their duty to do away with him.  

I see how frequently I rush outside myself —to people, occupations, places, things—in search of strength and peace and meaning, forgetting that the source of all is here within my heart. It is here that I must search.

God says, “Give me your heart.” And then, in answer to my puzzlement, I hear him say, “Your heart is where your treasure is.” My treasures—here they are:  persons...places...occupations ...things ... experiences of the past... the future's hopes and dreams. I pick each treasure up, starting with the past and something near me says, " In the measure that your heart is in past treasures you are fossilized and dead, and then it moves to the next treasure with yet another admonition. 

We look to gurus, writers, friends, surroundings to give us peace or fortitude or meaning in our life. But these external agents can never be a substitute for inner, deeper sources.

When the Messiah came his people failed to see him. He's still around. When did you see him last?

Charity is really self-interest masquerading under the form of altruism. There are three types of selfishness. The first type is the one where I give myself the pleasure of pleasing myself. That's what we generally call self-centeredness. The second is when I give myself the pleasure of pleasing others. That would be a more refined kind of selfishness. The third is I give something, I get something. That's beautiful. That's true. That's real. That isn't charity, that's enlightened self-interest.

Spiritual greed makes us attached to peace. We are saying, “Unless I'm peaceful, I won't be happy.” Did it ever occur to you that you could be happy in tension? Before enlightenment, I used to be depressed; after enlightenment, I continue to be depressed.  You will never understand yourself if you seek to change yourself. The harder you try to change yourself, the worse it gets. You are called upon to be aware. Let tension or the calmness take care of itself. Step by step, let whatever happens happen. Real change will come when it is brought about, not by your ego, but by reality. 

We've been taught to look for our happiness in outside things: money, power, romance, approval. That's the first thing we need to understand if we want to come awake, which is the same thing as saying: if we want to love, if we want freedom, if we want joy and peace and spirituality. In that sense, spirituality is the most practical thing in the whole wide world. I challenge anyone to think of anything more practical than spirituality as I have defined it—not piety, not devotion, not religion, not worship, but spirituality—waking up, waking up!

Happiness is your natural state. It is coming home to yourself simply by observing yourself.  Does that sound a bit tedious? It's not.  Self-observation is such a delightful and extraordinary thing. After a while you don't have to make any effort, because, as illusions begin to crumble, you begin to know things that cannot be described. It's called happiness, which is the experience of your essential nature. Everything changes and you become oriented to awareness instead of to suffering.

A big part of why our life is a mess. It's because we don't want to be happy; we don't want to be at peace. We've been programmed by society want other things. Money, power, reputation. Admit it! You've been trained to believe that you cannot be happy  until or unless you get this thing or that person and this result. The irony is you are happy already but don't know it.

Where does self-worth comes from, Anthony DeMello asks: "Do you get it from success in your work? Do you get it from having a lot of money? Do you get it from attracting a lot of men if you're a woman or a lot of women if you're a man?"  How fragile all that is, how transitory.

Do not suppress desire, because desire is energy and the more energy we have, the better.  Don't seek to fulfill desire so much as to understand desire. See them for what they are worth. Because if you just suppress your desire, and you attempt to renounce the object of your desire, you are likely to be tied to it. Whereas if you look at it and see and understand how you may be preparing the ground for misery and disappointment and depression, your desire will then be transformed into simply a preference.

Everyone asks me about what will happen when they finally arrive. Is this just curiosity? We're always asking how would this fit into this or that system, or whether this would make sense in this or that context, or what it will feel like when we get there. Get started and you will know; it cannot be described. It is said widely in the East, “Those who know, do not say; those who say, do not know.” It cannot be said; only the opposite can be said.

 You are not your depression. You are not your anxiety or stress. That is but a strange kind of trick of the mind, a strange kind of illusion. You have deluded yourself into thinking— though you are not aware of it—that you are your depression, that you are your anxiety, that you are the thrills that you have. You so much more than a transient emotion.

I want to give you a taste of the difference between analysis and awareness, or information on the one hand and insight on the other. I want to show how information is not insight, analysis is not awareness, knowledge is not awareness.

Dag Hammarskjöld, the former UN Secretary-General, put it so beautifully: “God does not die on the day we cease to believe in a personal deity. But we die on the day when our lives cease to be illumined by the steady radiance of wonder renewed daily, the source of which is beyond all reason.” We don't have to quarrel about a word, because “God” is only a word, a concept. One never quarrels about reality; we only quarrel about opinions, about concepts, about judgments. Drop them you will the reality of God everywhere.  

When you cling, life is destroyed; when you hold on to anything, you cease to live.  Desire breeds anxiety but we don't want to see it. But when you've suffered sufficiently, then you will be ready to see it. 

If the eye is unobstructed, it results in sight; if the ear is unobstructed, the result is hearing; if the nose is unobstructed, the result is a sense of smell; if the mouth is unobstructed, the result is a sense of taste; if the mind is unobstructed, the result is wisdom.

Listening to this podcast could be the most important few minutes in your lives. If you could grasp it, you'd hit upon the secret of awakening. You would be happy forever. You would never be unhappy again. Nothing would have the power to upset you again. Nothing.

"Silence is the great revelation, " said Lao-tse. We are accustomed to think of Scripture as the revelation of God. And so it is.  I want you now to discover the revelation that silence brings. To take in the revelation that Scripture offers, you must expose yourself to Scripture. To take in the revelation that silence offers you must first attain silence. And this is not easy. Let us attempt to do this in this exercise.

One cannot say anything about the awakened state; one can only talk about the sleeping state. One hints at the awakened state. One cannot say anything about happiness. Happiness cannot be defined. What can be defined is misery. Drop unhappiness and you will know. Love cannot be defined; un-love can. Drop un-love, drop fear, and you will know. We want to find out what the awakened person is like. But you'll know only when you get there.

Slow down and taste and smell and hear, and let your senses come alive. That is extremely important for the process of change. If you want a royal road to mysticism, sit down quietly and listen to all the sounds around you. You do not focus on any one sound; you try to hear them all. Oh, you'll see the miracles that happen to you when your senses come back to life. 

We filter out life constantly, so much so that often we don't see the reality of what is there. Where does the filtering come from? It's our conditioning, our culture, our programming.  It's the way we were taught to see things and to experience life. Even the words we choose function as filters. There's another demon doing the filtering, distorting and destroying true perception, haunting us with fear.  It's the one called attachment. That filter is the root of all suffering.