F*ck Buddies: A Dating and Sex Advice Podcast

I swear the splatter of suspicious liquids all over my walls, floors and ceilings are just from my cat's medicine!  Topics include the sweetest dirty talk, deepthroat inadequacies, disclosing your circumcision status, mandatory eye contact.   Join the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

When I'm reaching the expiry of my cum-clock, I like to play The Final Countdown as loud as possible to really drive the point home.  Topics include sexual performance under scrutiny in front of family, voyeur baiting, co-worker rejection, the loneliness epidemic. Join the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Just try to stump us, we dare you!  Topics include interracial dating techniques, a surprise ejaculation, being the side character in your boyfriends rom-com arc, unacceptable sluttiness.

DOGS DON'T GO TO HEAVEN!  Topics include dating teenagers as an adult, statuesque sex, oopsie poopsie, judgmental friends. Join the Patreon: www.patreon.com/fbuddies 

In this episode we go into great detail that arcane secrets you must comprehend and master in order to pee just enough to make someone think it's jizz.  Topics include semen Houdini, difference between sex and making love, a racially charged kink, hooking up after the break up.  

In this laser focused episode, we don't go on a single tangent and stay on topic the entire time.  Topics include literal trust falls, no rhythm, the dog training method, how to use someone you're already using. Join the Patreon!

For all you deviant dads out there, be sure to smash that like and subscribe button to keep up to date on all your gooner gags.  Topics include a suspicious dad profile picture, dude looks like a lady, Android-based ick, don't be afraid to catch feelings.

Time to crank one out before the season ends, boys.  WE WILL NOT FINISH IN BRONZE.  Topics include a real stinker of a husband, should I stay or should I go, eye roll emojis in an argument, and doing the bare minimum.

The only time cyberbullying is acceptable is against Kevin Sorbo.  Topics include the first love is the strongest, is he just trying to smash, neighbourly love, and DISAPPOINTED.

Put this episode on your Facebook shortcuts because you're going to want to come back to it.  Topics include secret sniffing, breaking her, Facebook's top five, defective pubic hair.

If you're not blasting this episode in public through a speaker backpack, I don't think you even really care about us.  Topics include he doesn't know he just broke up with me, new pussy problems, forced to hang out with her ex, my ex is telling me no.

If I can't see, I don't believe it and I ain't NEVER seen a dolphin!  Topics include not quittin' the gym, sharing sex problems publicly, my not so smart boyfriend, a dead libido rises again.

Hey baby, why don't we go back to my place and I can get you reaaaaal dry.  Topics include the games of young women, a whispered suggestion, fake boob reveal, alcohol is more than a social lubricant.

Men are throwing themselves into traffic, smashing windows with their faces, tearing out their own hair.  It can only be one thing: ROLEX MADNESS.  Topics include my husband's AI girlfriend, wearing a Rolex on a date, financial deceit, overthinking for overthinking's sake.

In this episode we laugh so hard we have to stop the show.  Topics include the perfect murder, not holding up your end of the love triangle, preventing poop dick, and an unforgettable blowjob. Join the Patreon!

This week we're joined by fellow Canadian Podcast Award winning host, Tim Lagman.  Tim brings an assortment of questions from his listeners to the boys as well as a new and exciting game: Home or Homos! Check out Sex Ed with Tim!

In this week's episode we come across the wildest office coffee order list we've ever seen.  Topics include settling for anything less than magnetic magic, a girlfriend that really likes to show off (everything), lurkin' in the manga section, husband's weird, secret list. Come see us perform live!  Feb. 20th, Black Sheep, Toronto.  Tickets available here! 

The hottest craze is using archaic psychological manipulation trends on your wife.  Topics include OnlyFans safety, finding the right bell for your wife, recording your conversations, disrespecting your dead husband. Come see us perform live!  Feb. 20th, Black Sheep, Toronto.  Tickets available here! 

Now "put 'em up" can mean two very different things AT THE SAME TIME.  Topics include brother-in-law sex jealous, ED is A-OK, asking out your wife's affair's ex, ball management. 

I'm looking back over the show notes and I've just got to say I'm really pissed that I didn't say Upsetti Forgetti for the first question which confuses even me because it doesn't mean anything.  Topics include an upsetting way to be remembered, pre-move in question checklist, desire cannot be described, first date impatience.

If any other famous dude would just like to come out and let us know that they suck, it would save us all a lot of time.  Topics include love boners, oral entertainment, secret boudoir shoot, Hinge date weariness.

Niall has debuts a new segment that will have you wondering what people are actually interested in jerking off to.  Topics include are you being a pussy, doggystyle not looking the way you want it to, being a gentle womanizer and never finding THE ONE.

No one will ever know how important a millimeter is!  Topics include libido mismatch, the problem with showering, the group chat conspiracy, finding your Kia Soulmate.

Our annual year in review episode is usually reserved for Patreon, but we forgot that and recorded it as a normal episode, so here you go!  We look back at our year as a podcast, dating trends on Tinder and Pornhub wrapped. Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Dain had a rough day, but there's nothing like getting in the closet and seeing how bad everyone else is doing.  Topics include if they say they wanna bang, do they really wanna bang, desperate to kiss your best friend, post nut clarity denial, only watching Oppenheimer. Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

How can ever wall be a window?  How can a balcony be a room?  How can mom be EVERYWHERE.  Topics include situationship penis fracture, the ever-present mother, irresistible shirtless dad, stripping away insecurity. Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Sometimes you just need a mentor to guide you through the more complicated matters in life.  Topics include keeping your car freshly stocked with crusty rags, terrible sexting strategies, how to work on that arch, wet dream loophole. Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

You probably remember when we got really side-tracked by the legend of Tony Pizza.  Well, we didn't stop at just one episode.  We had a lot more to say on the topic.  Niall was in Mexico this week and the live show we wanted to release got corrupted, so we're cracking open the vault and sharing this unhinged episode just for you.

Literally every delicious food could be made into a dick or balls.  Are we supposed to starve?!  Topics include shivering her timbers, boba is sus, cheating on your girlfriend before cheating on No Nut November, and how to train your girlfriend.

Everything is okay if you film it.  Topics include sharing your feelings, when she fucks you up, a soft "I hate you", making her mine.

Everything sucks, but we made this for you anyway. Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We don't think John Cena was trying to be sexy when he hit Dain really hard with a sledgehammer, but maybe we just don't know what the kids are into these days.  Topics include upping your red flag game, ex-girlfriend ruining sex, second class girlfriend and the voidgina. Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

See that little joke in the title there, Spotify?  Wouldn't you like MORE of that?  Just hit us up.  We won't blow you off for some lame camp thing.  Topics include jerking it when she's around, finger lickin' (real) good, the classic money trap, losing that lovin' feeling.

Ol' Walt is a real freak for this one.  That slinky dog really gets put through it.  Topics include being eaten alive by the prospect of threesomes, sexual support stuffy, marriage ending threesome, degradation play without the play. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies  Get tickets to our next live show October 29th: https://www.fbuddiespodcast.com/liveshows

Oh, you have a room in your house that gets really hot and steamy?  That's cool.  I've got a room in my body called my lungs that I blast with vapor 24/7.  Topics include irreversible post nut clarity, safe sex discussion, how to de-cling yourself, look what she's wearing. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies  Get tickets to our next live show October 29th: https://www.fbuddiespodcast.com/liveshows

Don't you hate it when you're trying to think of an absolutely devastating comeback, but it comes to you like... two days later in the shower?  Now that's what we need a time machine for.  Topics include defending your pink honour, wanting good sex bad, stealth ring measuring techniques, between round awkwardness. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies 

I can't help but look down at my balls every now and then and think, "Sure, you're massive.  But are you masculine?"  Topics include rated below her ex for best orgasms, a four year sex sabbatical, how to impress hundreds of women, a well endowed girlfriend. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies 

If someone could just Shrek-style pull all the wax out of my ears, that would be very kick ass.  Topics include waterboarding your ears, stalking masturbation, donating your wedding dress, and erectile terror. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Hulkamania will not longer be running wild.  Topics include throwing up a whole bunch, a poop-inducing scare, where does oral happen, a rough ex-perience. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

The only way to ensure that you're not about to be blackmailed is simply by including your brother (or sister!) in your nudes for safety.  Topics include bringing your sibling on a date, your mind's telling you no, but her body is telling you yes, blackmail tactics, keeping your lube secret.

I don't think we SHOULD compare the human body to form of Crocs, but if we DID... then I think it's VERY obviously what our sport mode would be.  Topics include girlfriend's cartoon sex noises, how to feel a flaccid penis, creampie boundaries, a disturbing kink preference.

Get out the shovels, boys!  Let's bring this bar straight to hell!  Topics include how low can the bar go, pulling a meatloaf, getting sweaty at the gym for all the wrong reasons, is your labia and innie or an outie?

That baby is just TOO FLIRTY to be sending all willy-nilly.  We're doing a rare remote record this week, but we're back with a hot and fresh episode! Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We're still recovering from GenCon and catching up on missing a week of our lives to Indianapolis, so here's our most recent live show at Black Sheep! Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

This summer we got the amazing chance to head out into the woods and perform for the kick-ass campers at Camp Halcyon.  And since we were both away at GenCon all week, we figured now would be the best time to share just a fraction of the fun to be had at camp. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies Go on your own camp adventure: https://www.camphalcyon.com/

Listen, Greg.  You can keep making your funny little piss jokes and I'll be forced to ruin your life or you can just chill. You make the call.  Topics include falling on the piss sword, toothy blowjobs, canine companion challenges, lick my balls (respectfully). 

We can all agree that there is some man-child out there who is 100% responsible for naming these stupid magic robots.  Topics include sexting ruining your life, unremorseful dick breaking, one person casual sex. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We celebrate our unbroken streak of 300 episodes by returning to where it all started.  Join us for an episode of introspection, disappointing sodas and the advice you've come to love. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We celebrate Pride month at Black Sheep with the incredibly funny Trevor Campbell, host of You Made Me Queer! Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies Find Trevor here: https://www.trevorcampbell.ca/ymmq/

If you catch them looking at you because you were looking at them then can you even be upset?  Topics include interesting animal encounters while dating, indulging your foot fetish, weeding out on your first date, and appreciating those heavy boobs.

If someone told me that a children's cartoon had the most complete list of sexually deviant aliens... yeah, I'd probably believe them.  Topics include Ben 10 recovery, that negative accent, complimenting or criticizing thicc-ness, exhibitionism for dummies.