Podcasts about Fucking

Miracle On Route 34: Part 3 Being naughty can be a very good thing, if he needs help getting jolly. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. "Just when I thought it couldn't get better;" Ginny sighed, lost in bliss. "You certainly know what a woman wants." "I aim to please." Santa said cheerfully, putting one arm around her waist and holding her close while he guided the sleigh. "Think we might've sated you for a while?" "Hmm, maybe for a bit, right?" she purred, stretching like a cat before sitting forward and looking down over the earth, lit by clusters of lights that punctuated the darkness of Christmas Eve. It wasn't long before she began to giggle. "Schilling for your thoughts." Santa said, giving her tit a squeeze. "Well, you probably don't remember, but we've met before," she mentioned lightly, turning her head to wink at him. "I sure remember it." "Oh? Do tell." "Well," she said casually, her thoughts drifting back. "I was sixteen and my girlfriends and I were at the mall. We saw you and decided to sit on your lap. So Cari and I were sitting on you at the same time, squirming our asses on you and kept whispering naughty things in your ears, things we wanted to do to you, you know?" Santa didn't respond for several moments. "See?" Ginny said, smirking. "Told you that you didn't remember." "What; was the date of that, Virginia?" he asked warily. "December fifteenth, eight years ago, about seven-thirty pm," she said. "I still have a photo. Why?" "Because I wasn't in your city on December fifteenth eight years ago," he said with reluctance. "I was in Lahina on Maui, judging a naked limbo contest at a luau." She was silent for some time. "You're; you're sure?" Santa nodded. "Oh, God;" Ginny whispered, her eyes distant. "That means that Cari and I were grinding on some creepy mall Santa; oh, shit, I could feel him getting hard and everything!" Ginny scrunched her face up in revulsion and was flapping her arms in horror. "Oh, God. Blah! Blah! Blah!" Santa's roaring laughter echoed through the darkness as his date for the evening struggled to not puke off the side of the sleigh and onto the unsuspecting town below. Silent Runnings. She always kind of assumed that the sleigh made little or no noise when it touched down on a roof. After all, what kept some survivalist gun nut from trying to blow Santa away with his collection of automatic rifles when he heard some noise he couldn't account for? The sleigh glided silently onto the roof, the blades letting out little more than a hiss and the patter of the reindeer's hooves barely audible. Santa leapt out lightly and assisted her in exiting the sleigh before grinning at her. "Now, I won't be long, just hang tight and stay near the sleigh, if you're within the Gellar Field, you'll keep warm, alright?" Ginny raised an eyebrow in his direction, nonplussed. "Um, 'excuse me? I'm here with Santa Fucking Claus on Christmas Motherfucking Eve. How many times can a girl say that? If you think for one second I'm not delivering presents with you, then you're even more stupid that Krampus. I'm coming." Santa seemed hesitant. "Virginia, I've been at this since Proto-Hittite times, one way or another. I'm kind of an expert and I don't want you to hurt;" "Oh, get real," she snorted, pushing past him toward the chimney. She was glad to note that the 'Gellar Field', whatever the hell that was, seemed to be keeping her warm at this distance. "If your fat ass can fit down a chimney with that huge bag, so can mine." She clambered over the lip of the chimney and eased herself down inside it. Santa watched silently as she wriggled out of sight. There was no noise for several seconds. Finally Ginny spoke, her voice coming up the flue. "Okay, kinda stuck here, with my nose pressed into my own asshole. Little help?" Santa chuckled lightly and reached for a can of grease. Piloting a Ginny. "You're getting better at this, I must say," Santa remarked as he rummaged through his bag of presents while Ginny guided the sleigh. "Last person who drove the sleigh for me, the reindeer resisted a lot. They like you." "Oh?" Ginny replied, twisting the reins slightly and veering the sleigh team southwest. "Who was she?" Santa cleared his throat. "Actually, it was Krampus. Well, he was Pete back then, and it was over six hundred years ago." It took Ginny a moment to recover from her shock and concentrate on guiding the sleigh. Fortunately, the reindeer seemed to know where they were going. "Six hundred;" "Yup," Santa confirmed. "The Belgian monks were still getting the recipe for Stella Artois right the last time one of my kids helped me out." "But what about all your wives you were telling me about?" she asked. "They must've been in the sleigh before." Santa shrugged. "Yeah, people have been in it, I've taken them places, but you and Pete are the only two who have ever helped me on Christmas Eve." She felt herself grow warm, and for once it wasn't because she was wet and horny. "I'm really helping you?" He nodded. "It may be that I'm late because of the donnybrook back at your place, Virginia, but that wasn't your fault, it's just what was meant to be. I was meant to be put behind and now you're meant to be driving this sleigh while I get organized. No matter how many me's there are out there, it won't make a difference unless you're here tonight. It's fated to be that way." Ginny didn't know what to say. She just calmly guided the sleigh, feeling a contentment she'd never quite known before. She was dimly aware of some other shadowy iteration of Santa's sleigh streaking by some miles to the north and waved absently. She couldn't explain why any of this made sense, but it did. She really was different after all. A house below them shone with a golden light in the dark and she turned the reigns easily to guide the reindeer in its direction. There were over a dense residential area, the streets lined with endless numbers of small homes and semis. They glided onto a roof and clambered out. She followed Santa and his present sack down the chimney. In spite of his bulk, he slid down the tight shaft in a way that made her cunt inexplicably wet. "Now that I think of it," she whispered as she wriggled down with him. "How do we get into houses where there's no chimney?" "It was a lot easier before central heating," he answered, almost upside down as he worked his way toward the ground. "For lack of a better term, it's just B & E, I guess. I've got the keys and security codes for every residence on earth." "Wow," she grunted as she twisted and wiggled, her tits squashed to her mouth. If they'd had more time she would have sucked on them for a bit as a reward to herself. "Even Kim Jong-Un?" "Yeah, but he's not getting anything you want to know about for Christmas," Santa muttered. "He's a very bad boy." "So, what, like a leaky bag of flaming panda shit?" she mused, occupying herself as she strained to keep up. "Because that's what he kinda deserves." "Christmas is the one night of the year we don't discuss politics, Virginia." Santa mentioned as he finally freed himself of the confines of the flue and dusted himself off. He helped Ginny out as well, smiling and kissing her nose as she held her off the ground. She blushed and let him put her down, moving to a corner of the living room and watching intently. The house they were in was not big, a modest home for a small family. Santa was rummaging around in his bag, absently noshing on the cookies left on a table near the tree. The tree itself was rather sparse on gifts, something Santa seemed to be rectifying. Ginny didn't notice the other person in the room until it was too late. "So there you are, big man;" Ginny started at the voice but Santa merely stood and turned around, smiling warmly. At the entrance to the room was a woman in a robe. She was older than Ginny, but not more than in her late twenties or early thirties. She had the look of a tired mom. "Been waiting a long, long time to prove to myself that you were real and the presents I couldn't account for just came out thin air," she sighed, nodding. She had sandy-brown hair, done in a long bob. Her face was pretty enough, but you could see in her eyes that sleep was more of an afterthought than anything. "But here you are." "It's good to see you, Linda." Santa said warmly, moving toward her and hugging her. She sighed as he embraced her and Ginny smiled, knowing exactly how content and relieved Linda felt at the moment, whoever the hell she was. "Whoa, did I just get jealous of some girl hugging Santa?" "I can't believe you're here in all your chubby glory," Linda remarked, smiling up at him. "It's a dream come true." Santa nodded. "Little Karen's been very good this year, Linda. She's a real blessing. I brought her the puppy she wanted." Ginny frowned and looked down at a small object that was obviously a puppy, wrapped prettily in Christmas paper and sporting a golden bow on its snout. The puppy panted happily, curled up and went to sleep beneath the tree. "She'll love it," Linda said quietly, her eyes shining. "She'll be so thrilled." "I know she will." Santa said, smiling and placing a hand on Linda's cheek. "Sorry things didn't work out with Bob. He doesn't know what he's missing." "Thanks, I keep telling myself that too," Linda said, dabbing at her eye. "Have you got an STD for his stocking, maybe?" "No," Santa chuckled. "But you need to know that everything's going to be fine, Linda. You've made it this far, you're raising an amazing girl and you own this place now. If I could give you Mother of the Year, I would. But I can't, not my department, so that leaves me to ask; what do you want for Christmas, Linda?" Linda looked into his eyes before her hands reached down and began fumbling with his wide, black belt. Ginny shook her head and sighed, knowing exactly why Linda's reaction was so instinctual. The mother turned her head and seemed to notice the girl in the abbreviated elf costume for the first time. "Oh," she said, her hands still undoing the belt. "Is she your chaperone, to make sure we behave?" "No, she's not my chaperone," Santa said, smiling and shaking his head. "She's my indispensable helper, without whom Christmas wouldn't come this year." Ginny blushed at his description of her. "Oh, okay," Linda said, kneeling and shimmying his red pants down and freeing his monstrous cock. "As long as she doesn't interrupt me enjoying my present." Ginny blushed again, but this time the hair on the back of her neck went up and her eyes narrowed. She folded her arms across her chest, leaned against the wall and watched silently. Very silently. "Wow," Linda mused, taking his cock in both hands and staring at it. "Just when I thought nothing could get longer than that white beard of yours." Ginny blinked and frowned for a moment. White beard? It suddenly occurred to her that Linda was seeing the Santa she had always expected to see, a fat, jolly old man with a long white beard, rosy cheeks and the rest of the Dickensian nonsense. To Ginny, he still looked like the towering, red-bearded lumbersexual she knew him to actually be. Whatever sort of glamour he radiated, it worked even in sexual situations. Without a pause, Linda took Santa's thick cock into her mouth with a sigh and began bobbing back and forth along its length. Her wet lips formed a tight seal around the shaft, her hands holding on to Santa's thighs for balance. "She's doing that all wrong," Ginny sniffed to herself. "He likes it when one hand is pumping along the shaft behind your mouth and the other one is teasing his balls. I should know." Santa turned his head, smiled at her and nodded. Ginny blushed and shut up. He took Linda's head gently in his hands, caressing her hair while she sucked his cock, letting her take all the time she liked. She undid her robe with one hand, letting it fall to a puddle at her knees, now naked. She had a mom bod, Ginny noted, not bad, she was trying to keep herself fit, probably with Tae Bo and jogging or spinning, if she could find the time. Her tits were somewhat pointy, but she wasn't repulsive by any means. Ginny felt herself getting warm as she watched, one of her hands coming up to caress her tits while the other snaked down inside the short green skirt she was wearing and beneath her thong, teasing her understandably gooey cunt. She watched intently as Linda pushed farther and farther down Santa's seemingly endless shaft, breathing through her nose as she tried to reach the root. The hand she kept on his thigh for balance squeeze his pale flesh while the other was massaging her tits, pinching the nipples. She moaned around his cock as he grew harder in her mouth. Ginny leaned her head against the wall, trying to not make noise as she pleasured herself, fingers teasing through her slippery folds or circling her throbbing clit. The hand she had on her tits mimicked Linda's squeezing and pinching her nipples, causing little needles of stinging delight to shoot through her. Linda's hand moved down between her legs and her fingers began churning inside her cunt. She moaned loudly as she pleasured herself. Normally Ginny would have thought she'd wake her kid, but Santa probably had some weird sound-dampening field just to keep things like this from happening. Typical. Ginny bit her lip as she watched, her skin blushing pink as she worked herself into a silent frenzy, her wet core beginning to blossom as Linda sucked and bobbed on Santa's cock faster and faster; Both women let out a loud moan as they came, pleasure bubbling up through Ginny's body while her fingers worked madly inside her clenching, slippery tunnel. Her knees buckled and she went to the floor, still fucking herself. Linda grunted and began swallowing as Santa came, finally pulling her mouth off and panting heavily, jerking his throbbing cock frantically and splattering his pearly cum across her tits with great eagerness. Ginny slowly lifted her head, gazing at Santa and Linda through heavily-lidded eyes. She'd cum so hard just from fingering herself. Was it her proximity to Santa that caused all her sensations to be so heightened? Santa knelt as well, hugging Linda to himself and whispering in her ear. She slowly pulled her arms up and embraced him, smiling against his shoulder and nodding gently, her eyes still closed. After holding her for some time, her took her by the chin and lifted her gaze to meet his. "Okay, back to bed with you," he said gently. "You'll sleep very well tonight and Karen will come to wake you." Linda smiled dreamily and rubbed her nose against Santa's before giving it a kiss. She stood, slipped her robe back on, winked at him and left without another word. Santa watched her leave and nodded in satisfaction. "Just what she needed," he said to himself. "Okay, Virginia, I'm going to finish these last few presents and then we're; Virginia?" But Ginny was still kneeling, slumped to one side against the wall and snoring. Santa chuckled and finished the presents before picking her up and holding her limp body under one arm and his giant sack over the other shoulder before disappearing up the flue in the blink of an eye. Carnal Knowledge. "Taip! Taip! Mano Dievas!" Kuni moaned loudly as she sat on her sister's face, grinding her cunt eagerly down onto Minna's mouth. Her blonde twin clamped her arms around her sister's thighs tightly as she lapped hungrily at the slick lips above. Santa was kneeling between Minna's legs, holding them wide and thrusting back and forth, his cock plunging in and out of her. Ginny was leaning against the wall once again, trying to not look exasperated. The Lithuanian girls were writhing and grinding in a frenzy, clearly enjoying their early Christmas present. It wasn't like they'd crept down and surprised Ginny and Santa, as Linda had, they had actually written to Santa, saying that their parents were away for the holiday and they wanted him to come and fuck them for Christmas. They'd been waiting patiently in the living room when Santa and Ginny appeared out of the chimney, the twins wearing nothing but their little cheerleader uniforms. Minna groaned shamelessly while she lashed her Kuni's twat with her tongue, shuddering as Santa's iron-hard rod nearly split her in half. Ginny had to admit, the blonde twins had rocking bodies, trim and tight from whatever activities they were involved in. She'd have to get into P90-X or Crossfit if she was ever going to compete with these two. "Senelis!" Minna gasped, sliding a finger up inside her sister, which Kuni ground on shamelessly. She gyrated her hips, fucking back against Santa, her fingernails digging into her sister's ass cheeks as she endured the battering waves of pleasure. "Ah, Duok man sunku!" "Pasakykite pra¨ome;" Santa replied, smiling slyly. "Pra¨om!" Minna wailed, her body almost thrashing. "Pra¨om pra¨om pra¨om! Nekankink manęs!" Santa nodded and leaned forward, pressing Minna's legs almost back against her body, his weight over her now as he sank his cock down inside her. The blonde girl almost screamed in pleasure. Kuni grappled onto Santa's neck and kissed him greedily, churning her cunt down onto Minna's glistening face. "Unreal," Ginny muttered. "And I thought I was a relentless horny machine. But you, sir, take the cake." "I would expect you of all people to understand by now," Santa said cheerfully. "Minna and Kuni have been very good this year. They're both at the top of their class, they've been socially active regarding building homeless shelters, they're both” "Over the age of eighteen?" Ginny bit out. "It's Lithuania, that wouldn't matter," Santa pointed out. "They've been very good girls and I'm duty-bound to give them what they want for Christmas." "So no point deductions for incest?" Ginny asked somewhat testily. "There weren't for you and your brother, were there?" he replied while Kuni nipped at his skin. Ginny blushed again and stopped talking. She watched while Kuni pulled herself off her sister's mouth and hastily clambered around to lie on top of her, kissing her sister while squirming her wet cunt down on Minna's. She groaned loudly when Santa pulled out of the girl below and pushed deep inside her. "Dear diary," Ginny muttered. "Having a great time in Vilnius, watching Santa skewer Lithuanian sisters;" Santa grunted and pushed in hard, his hips trembling as he started to cum. Kuni and Minna screamed into one another's mouths, hips bucking furiously. He pulled out of Kuni and slammed back into Minna, filling her with cum as well before both sisters scrambled to their knees while he stood. They swallowed his cock greedily, taking turns pumping the shaft while the other sucked on it. They kissed around the throbbing cock, licking the pearly cum off one another's faces. "Esate labai geros mergaitės," Santa breathed, holding them both gently by the back of their heads while they sucked hungrily. "Keep up the good work and Santa will see you again next year;" "If we're not still here with these two whores next Christmas;" Ginny thought darkly. Santa’s copilot. Ginny was guiding the sleigh, but she kept looking back at Santa, trying not to smirk. He was sitting beside her, a rather blank stare on his face, his eyes a little red around the edges. "I'm still sorta hungry;" he said somewhat absently. "So you actually thought 'Colorado Gold' was a brand of flour used to make baked goods?" "Note to self," he murmured. "Do not eat the brownies left out for you in Denver;" Basement Bound. Ginny followed Santa as they crept down the stairs toward the basement apartment, a prismatic glow on the wall ahead of them indicating a tree was nearby. They rounded a corner and paused. A young man dressed in X-Men boxers and a white t-shirt almost walked into them as he rubbed his eyes. He stared at them for a moment, saying absolutely nothing. After a long, awkward pause, Santa reached back into his sack and pulled out a wrapped gift which he slowly handed to the kid. The kid took it equally slowly and unwrapped it, his eyes widening as several deluxe editions of the newest PC games were revealed. The kid smiled sheepishly and sighed. "Thanks, now that I know you're real." "You don't seem happy, Kevin," Santa said, obviously concerned. "You've been great all year and these are what you wanted, right?" "I; yeah, they are," sighed the kid. "At least, that's what I told everyone I wanted. My friends and I, we're all gamers, and this is amazing, but;" "But;" Santa pressed. "Well, Christmas is also my birthday," Kevin said. "Here I am, eighteen finally, and I still haven't had sex with a girl yet." Santa smiled. "Well, I normally deal exclusively in Christmas wishes rather than birthdays, but perhaps this year I can help you out there, Kevin." Kevin raised an eyebrow. "Virginia," Santa stated, looking at her. "I give you Kevin the Boy. Return unto me Kevin the Man." Ginny couldn't believe what she said next. "Thought you'd never ask, Big Red;" She walked forward and took the games out of Kevin's hands, tossing them over her shoulder. Santa grabbed them hastily out of the air as Ginny poked a finger into Kevin's chest and pressed him up against the wall. His eyes were wide, not at all sure what was happening. "Santa's already given you your Christmas presents," Ginny said as she knelt in front of him and tugged at his boxers. "Which means it's up to me to give you a happy birthday;" She pulled the boxers down and tossed them aside. His cock was limp but she could already tell it was swelling with excitement. Rather than teasing the poor virgin, Ginny stroked his shaft and slid her mouth all the way down, deep-throating him. Kevin shuddered and groaned loudly. "Make all the noise you want, you won't wake your parents upstairs," Ginny mentioned, pulling her mouth off his cock for a moment and pumping the shaft with her hand while she looked up at him. "The big man here has some sort of sound-dampening field or some shit so that he doesn't get caught busting into people's houses." Kevin's hands flattened against the wall and his fingers flexed as she slid her mouth down his length again before bobbing back and forth in a slow rhythm. She felt his fingers take her by the hair and begin kneading, lost in this clearly new delight. She hummed gently, vibrating her mouth around his sensitive skin. "Well, look at you," she remarked, smiling as she pulled back and gazed at his now hard and throbbing cock, glistening with the wetness of her mouth. "That's a nice dick you've got there, Kevin. You're a grower, I'm impressed." Kevin took a deep breath. "Maybe, but it doesn't look like much when it's limp. The one time I let a girl at school see it, I was nervous and it shrunk, so she was laughing at me." "Then I'll give you a tip before I fuck you, Kevin," Ginny said, stroking the shaft and spitting on it, to keep it moist while she instructed him. "Girls can be hideous cunts about that sort of thing sometimes, but they have their own insecurities. So never bring your insecurity to the ballgame. You need to be turned on and your Johnson here on the rise by the time you get naked for her." "Uh-huh?" he said somewhat uncertainly, shivering as she bent her thumb so that the pad pressed against the top of his mushroom head every time she stroked down. He couldn't believe this was happening. Some hot Elf-chick who looked like a Warcraft mod was blowing him! "So from now on, you dominate, you got it?" Ginny said. "Make her get naked or make her turn you on so that she can see how big your cock is before you ever get out of your boxers. No girl is gonna say no to this thing when it's fully inflated, I promise." "R-really?" Kevin asked. Ginny kept her eyes locked with his but reached down under her panties for several moment before bringing her fingers up for display. They glistened wetly in the dim light. "It's made me horny, champ. And because of that cock, I need to fuck you. You with me?" Kevin just thunked his head back against the wall, closed his eyes and nodded. "Oh, and don't worry about trying to last," Ginny added. "Being around the Red Machine makes you want to fuck and cum all night. You'll be fine." She swallowed his cock with a will, determined to give this kid the best first time anyone had ever had. Her hand followed her mouth along the shaft and she hummed, swirling her tongue along its length. The kid wasn't Santa, but this would be a perfectly good ride for any girl worth fucking once he had his confidence. Her free hand worked its way back inside her panties and began fingering, teasing her wet folds and slipping inside, getting her ready for the main event. "Umm, do you want to fuck me, Kevin?" she asked, smiling up at him. "Do you want to fuck my cunt good and hard?" "Uh; yes;" he whimpered. "Say it like you mean it, Thor," she insisted, pressing her thumb along the throbbing vein on the bottom of his thick shaft. "The girl wants confidence. This cock is worth your best effort." He took several deep breaths before looking down at her and nodding. "I want to fuck you." "You do?" she asked before sliding him back down her throat. "No," he said finally, taking her under the arms and pulling her up. Ginny exhaled suddenly as his cock popped out of her mouth unexpectedly and he spun her around to press up against the wall. "I don't want to fuck you; I will fuck you." "That's my boy," Ginny breathed, her eyes flashing with sudden lust and delight. She spread her legs and tilted her hips forward, eager to feel him inside her. "Fuck me good and hard, Kevin!" "K-zon," the boy almost growled, pressing his throbbing cockhead against her entrance. "My gaming tag is K-zon and that's what the girls will call me when I fuck them!" Ginny nodded eagerly. "Good. Give it to me, K-zon;" She moaned loudly as he pushed inside her, heedless of any sense of timing or technique, but eager to be deep in a woman. He squeezed her sides as he trembled, overcome by the wet, tight sensation of her cunt gripping him. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and one leg slung over his hip as she looked into his eyes. Ginny began a pumping motion with her hips, sliding back and forth on his cock while K-zon was paralyzed by the flood of pleasure. "Alright, slugger," she whispered in a husky voice as she fucked herself on him. "Let's bust this first nut of yours quick, so you know what to expect. Don't hold back, just pound my cunt until you blow, got it?" He nodded as he buried his face in her shoulder and started pumping awkwardly with his hips, his whole body trembling. Ginny felt an unreal flush of heat coursing through her already, an intense orgasm building up inside. Holy shit, was she turned on and about to get off because she was mentoring a virgin? She pulled Kevin tight against herself and shivered, letting out a gasp while he moaned and jammed his hips up tight against hers, she could feel his cock twitching inside her as he spunked, Her own orgasm flooded over her, molten bubbles of ecstasy popping by the millions throughout her sweating, slick frame. He almost buckled at the knees, collapsing against her, panting like he'd run a marathon. Ginny smiled and caressed his hair, feeling his still-hard cock throbbing inside her. She ran her fingers over his cheek and looked into his eyes. "Ready to keep going?" she asked. "Second one's usually even better." He nodded and she pulled him down to his knees while she got on all fours, wiggling her invitingly. She winked back at him. "You know what to do, K-zon," she purred. "Show me what you're gonna do to the girls this coming year;" Without another thought, he took Ginny by the hips and slid his cock deep inside her again. Ginny moaned loudly, lowering her head to the floor and pushed back against him. She felt him begin to push back and forth and matched his rhythm by squeezing her cunt muscles around him as he slid in. His fingers dug into her hips and ass cheeks delightfully. She could tell he might last a little longer this time, but not by much. Then again, she wasn't here to teach him to be a sex god, she was here to pop his cherry and give him a birthday to remember. "Umm, right there, big man;" she panted, surprised that she meant what she was saying. She wasn't just stroking his fragile ego, she was quite serious, because he was hitting a spot in her cunt that she really liked. He had a long enough cock that it touched her pleasure spot and he was just wide enough to pleasantly stretch her so that she knew she was being fucked properly. With confidence, this kid would be a good lay. Kevin slapped his thighs against her ass cheeks and she squeaked and yelped in response. Her gooey cunt clenched him tightly, utilizing those vaginal contractions she seemed to be so damned expert at tonight. "Fuck;" Kevin grunted as he pumped his hips, his chest now glistening with sweat. "This is so much better than my hand or a fleshlight!" "Uh, and you feel a lot fucking better than a vibe," Ginny panted, still face-down and ass-up. "You're gonna make them scream, K-zon;" He seemed encouraged by her words and pumped harder, determined to make Ginny and himself cum again. He seemed to have found his rhythm and fucked her steadily, his eyes closed as he lost himself in the unreal sensation of sex with a live girl. Ginny bit at the knuckle of her middle finger, aware of how flushed and warm her body was. She could feel her wetness trickling down over her stomach from her cunt, since her ass was perched in the air. The slick, sucking noises of her sex were unmistakable. "Oh, you're doing really good, K-zon," she said breathily. "You're gonna have me cumming again before long!" Kevin seemed to be beyond words as he merely nodded hastily and kept fucking her, eyes closed and back arched. The slapping noise of his thighs against her ass was a wet one now, since they were both sweating profusely. She could feel the damp perspiration in her hairline, her mouth open and she wiped at it when she realized she was almost drooling. "Yes, K-zon!" she gasped, using the name he wanted again, pushing back against him but still letting him control the action. "Fucking make me cum! Don't hold back! Uh, fuck!" Kevin jammed his hips against her suddenly and cried out, a sound that Ginny echoed half a second later. Rapture splintered through her as she came, feeling him slamming against her as he climaxed, his pearly offering now deep inside her. Through glassy eyes, she looked around for Santa, to see if he was watching, but he was nowhere in sight. Kevin seemed ready to fall over, exhausted, but she gently pushed backward until he sat on his behind with her in his lap, facing away. Slowly she turned around and laid him on the floor, his cock still deep inside her. She put her hands on his shoulders and smiled down at him, her nipples tracing little patterns over his chest as she did so. "That was amazing, K-zon," she said quietly. "A really great addition to my night." He was still breathing heavily but nodded at her. "Thanks. It was more than I could have hoped for. I;I guess it's been a busy evening for you this way?" "Well, you're my only virgin to this point, if that's what you're asking," Ginny sighed. "The big red machine has fucked me more times tonight that I care to remember and I was nearly raped to death by Krampus, so this was exactly the sort of change of pace I needed, you know?" She sat up, still straddling him and impaled on his cock, a thought occurring to her. "Hey, Big Red," she called out. "I just let him bust in me twice, do you have any fixes dated from yesterday?" A tiny white pill flew out of the other room. She caught it deftly in her hand and popped it in her mouth. "I'm getting good at this 'time-is-fluid' shit," she giggled to herself. "Maybe I'll teach quantum physics." "You don't need a glass of water or anything?" Kevin asked, looking up at her. "Trust me, Kevin, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's swallowing." Ginny replied, smiling down at him somewhat haughtily before carefully pulling herself off his cock, causing them both to shudder and moan quietly. She knelt over his waist and sucked on his cock, cleaning their mingled cum off him and then helping him to his feet. She slipped her thong back on while Kevin retrieved his boxers. They were just straightening themselves out when Santa appeared from the other room. "Did you enjoy your birthday present, Kevin?" he asked cheerfully. "Yessir," the newly-minted young man said. "Best birthday present anyone ever received." "Glad to hear it," Santa said, nodding. "And I know it doesn't compare to what Virginia just gave you, but I think you'll be pleased with your new rig I just set up. Five terrabytes of hard drive space, thirty-two gigs of DDR4 RAM, an overclocked quad-core CPU that'll put the i7 to shame, eight fans, a nickle and copper piping coolant system and L E D to make sure everyone knows you're in the house. Oh, and I've upgraded your server to be multi-line, WAN and load-balancing. You and your guild will never lag again as long as you host." Kevin's eyes went wide. "I've got fat pipes?" Santa nodded while Ginny shook her head, understanding none of this geek talk. It only figured that Santa was a giant nerd. Kevin looked like he might faint. "Well, I've just done what you deserved," Santa mentioned. "It's Virginia who should get the credit for your night being so spectacular." "Yeah," Kevin said, blushing and smiling at her. "Thanks." "My pleasure, trust me," she said easily. "Somebody have a pen I can use?" Santa handed her one and she looked at Kevin. "Your number, dude." Kevin managed to stutter out his number, which she wrote down on her wrist before nodding in satisfaction and giving the pen back to Santa. "Alright, if I ever happen to be in Ohio for some godforsaken reason, I can look you up and give you a booty call. Sound good?" Kevin nodded dumbly. "Just remember this," she said, poking him in the chest, her voice serious. "You've got a lot to learn still. You've got a nice cock between your legs, don't treat it like a Louisville Slugger and just beat the hell out of her with it, you're better than that." He nodded. "And if a girl wants you to fuck her, she'll give you signals, so watch." Ginny added, poking his chest with her nail. "Don't assume you can just force yourself on anyone or next year it's dead spiders in your stocking, you got it?" Kevin nodded again. "Excellent," she said sweetly. "Now go to sleep, champ. Merry Christmas and happy birthday. C'mon, Santa, we have a holiday to save!" "Yes, my lady!" Santa laughed, following her out of the basement. They were back on the roof when Santa smirked at her as they climbed into the sleigh. "Dead spiders in the stocking?" She shrugged. "Isn't that what you'd give a guy if he forced himself on a girl?" "Well, no," he replied as he snapped the reins and they took off into the cold night air. "That's more of a legal issue. If he was considering it, I wouldn't have mentioned dead spiders, I'd' have been more inclined to point out that he'd spend the next few years in a cell as some fat, greasy tattooed bastard's buttery cornhole." The sleigh lurched to one side as Ginny burst out laughing. A Pretty Man. Santa stared awkwardly, making a wry face while Ginny stood off to the side, smirking. Standing in front of Santa was a very pretty young man in pale pink pajamas, his hands behind his back, one knee turned in, twisting his toe into the rug and blushing expectantly. Ginny wiped a tear away from her eye, she was trying so hard not to laugh. "Yeah, that ain't happening." Santa said finally. "But I've been so good;" the young man cooed, smiling coyly and winking. "C'mon, Santa," Ginny urged, clearly enjoying his discomfiture. "He's been so good, and you always reward your good children, don't you?" "Nice try, lady," Santa said, pressing behind his ear, apparently activating a communicator. "Get Agent 641 to me, I need a pinch hitter, stat." Santa threw a small disk on the floor while Ginny and the young boy in pink watched curiously. The device oscillated and expanded, becoming a larger disk. Seconds later it began to glow and hum. A column of rainbow light radiated up from it and a kneeling shape appeared. Seconds later, the rainbow light faded away and a lithe, comely figure stood. He had the same slender, beautiful features as the warrior-elves who had fought earlier that night, his eyes a piercing violet color, his impossibly long raven hair held in gold rings. His pale body was naked except for a tiny thong. "Holy shit snacks;" Ginny breathed as she gazed stupidly at the new arrival, feeling her thong get wet. "Ylmarin, young Trevor here has been an extra-good boy, perhaps you'd care to reward him?" Santa suggested as the inhumanly graceful being stepped off the platform. The tall being looked down at the young man named Trevor, assessing him and then nodded. "Yes, sire, I can absolutely do this." Trevor blushed furiously and giggled, covering his face. Ylmarin reached over and took the boy's hand before leading him back to the bedroom. Santa nodded and began rummaging around in his toy sack, putting items under the tree. "Okay, we got that out of the way," he said, squatting and putting items under the decidedly pink-lit tree. "Virginia, if you could hand me the, Virginia? Ginny?" He frowned and turned to look for his helper, finally sighting her. She was standing in the doorway to the bedroom and looking in. One of her hands squeezing her tits while the other had snaked down inside her panties. "Alright, go on, you little voyeur." Santa chuckled, shaking his head. "Yum yum!" she squeaked and skipped into the room, from which moans were now emanating. Seeking to be naughty. "You weren't worried about being on the Naughty List if you waited up for me?" Santa asked the dark-haired girl as she sat on her floor, watching him intently. She pushed her glasses up her nose and shook her head, pretty curly locks spilling over her shoulders as she did so. "Not worried, hmm?" he mused, observing her. "So you think you're already on the Naughty List?" The girl nodded. Ginny blinked and pursed her lips. "Why isn't she talking? Is she mute or doesn't she speak English?" Santa shook his head. "No, Ellie's just shy. She doesn't speak much at first, but once she gets going;" He knelt down in front of the girl and smiled. "Well, here I am. What is it you wanted to ask me, Ellie?" The tan girl turned her head and looked down at the floor sheepishly for several seconds before working up the nerve to speak. "I; I want my daddy, Santa." Ginny blinked. "She what, wants him back from deployment for Christmas, she wants her father to move back home;" "No, Virginia," Santa said cheerfully. "She doesn't want her father, she wants her daddy." "Oh," Ginny said, suddenly understanding. "So, now what?" "That's all she wanted for Christmas, so we give her, her daddy." Santa said simply. The girl's eyes lit up in delight and she sat up straight, looking very excited. Santa pointed behind Ellie and she turned to look behind herself; Her daddy stood in the doorway, his green-hazel eyes mirroring her excitement and a big grin on her face. His long, sandy-blond hair fell down to his shoulder blades. "Daddy!" Ginny squealed as she scrambled to her feet and threw herself against her daddy, kissing him feverishly. He held her tight, returning the kiss while she began pulling his clothes off him. "I missed you so much!" "Missed you too, baby;" he murmured through the kiss as he pulled her top off, exposing her lush tits. "I never had a daddy." Ginny sighed as she watched the couple get increasingly naked and feeling the now-familiar tingle building. "I should take care of that at some point." "I've got some other deliveries in the immediate area," Santa mentioned. "How about I go take care of them while you have a little fun with these two?" "Well, I'm not attracted to girls." Ginny said in a non-committal tone. "You just didn't know you were until tonight." Santa replied, smiling. "Just trust me on this, Virginia." "Well, like you said earlier, I've had you inside all my orifices, so what's the harm in trusting you now, right?" she admitted, shrugging. Would being bisexual be such a bad thing? It certainly widened her options for dating. Santa nodded and walked out of the room. Ginny turned to look at the couple she was left with, who were already splayed out on the rug, naked and pleasuring one another. Ellie was lying on top of her daddy, facing down his body and sucking on his cock hungrily while he was pulling her slippery cunt lips apart and sliding his tongue up and down her twat, making her shiver and moan. "Fuck it," Ginny said finally, stripping out of her skimpy outfit and walking up to the two of them. She laid down beside Ellie's daddy and smiled at her, both their heads over hips. "Feel like tag-teaming, babe?" Ellie looked up for a moment and nodded readily. Ginny smiled and leaned in, flicking her tongue against the tip of his cock. The curly-haired girl giggled and joined Ginny in teasing the throbbing cock, taking turns sliding their tongue up and down the shaft while the other swirled her tongue around the head and took it into her mouth, starting to bob up and down. Ginny felt herself getting really wet and pressed her lips to Ellie's around the head of her daddy's cock, kissing her. They both moaned as their tongues tangled around the glistening head. Ginny's hand slipped into the girl's hair, wrapping in it to hold her in place. Ellie smelled like strawberries and Ginny felt herself getting wetter as she took in the scent. "Daddy," whimpered the girl. "Fuck me;" Ginny knelt up while the other girl straddled her daddy's hips, facing down his body. Her sticky cunt was positioned over his throbbing cock and Ginny took hold of it and guided it home. Ellie sighed almost in relief as she sank down, his cock filling her. Smiling wickedly, Ginny made Ellie lie back along her daddy's body and the girl gasped as her put his hands on her tits and held her. As Ellie and her daddy began to squirm and writhe, her glistening cunt swallowing his cock greedily, Ginny bent down and tongued at the shaft as it slid back and forth through her lips. She pressed her thumb gently on Ellie's clit, causing her to shudder and moan loudly. Then her tongue traced a slow route around the engorged cunt lips, teasing her new girl lover. Ellie whimpered and panted, begging her daddy to fuck her harder. Ginny sucked Ellie's clit into her mouth and was rewarded with a strangled cry from above. She fondled the sac in front of her gently and pressed on the throbbing vein. Her cunt was getting wetter with each passing moment and she needed to know if Ellie would share; Without another word, she crawled over Ellie and settled down on top of her, her tits squashing into the succulent set below. She moved around until she felt her cunt pressed to Ellie's and the magical, rhythmic motion of the cock still pumping in and out of her. She shuddered as their lips and clits met and they wrapped their arms around one another, kissing shamelessly. Tongues snaked and writhed as they moaned into one another's mouths. "Daddy," panted the younger girl. "Fuck Santa's elf-girl; fuck her please;" Ginny felt her own ferocious desire rising as the cock slurped out of Ellie and pressed against her. She groaned gutturally as she felt the head penetrate and then she pressed down eagerly, taking it deep inside her. Still sandwiched between them, Ellie took one of Ginny's tits and sucked the nipple into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it. Ginny arched her back and hissed through clenched teeth, squeezing hard on the invading cock. She ground down on Ellie's daddy, gyrating her hips and her fingers digging into the other girl's skin. Ellie sucked and bit her nipples, the delicious sting heightening her ecstasy. She body was streaming with sweat while he fucked her, Ellie's soft flesh undulating against hers. She could hear him panting and feel him stiffening and knew what happened next. With great haste and even greater reluctance, she pulled herself off the cock and knelt, pulling Ellie up into a kneeling position. She helped her daddy stand quickly while Ellie took his cock and pumped it eagerly with her hand. Once he was standing, they both attacked his cock with their mouths and hands, pleasuring him beyond endurance. He put his hand on the back of their heads and groaned loudly, his hips shuddering as he came. Both girls pressed their faces in, letting him spurt on their mouths and cheeks, hands still working the shaft quickly. The warm, sticky cum brought with it a warm flush of memories, how it always felt on her skin, the tingling, scintillating pleasure she always felt in the ardor of others. Ellie's soft tits pressed to hers, their cheeks meeting as they accepted the pearly offering, on their chins and now glazing their tits; she loved it all. She was never happier than when she was in the throes of passion with others. Was this what she was truly meant to do? Was this a Christmas epiphany? Ellie and Ginny began kissing hungrily, licking the cum off one another's faces with a fervor, then off each other's neck and tits. They returned their attention to the still twitching cock, kissing and sucking it dry. Once Ellie's daddy was spent, she laid him down and Ginny helped her snuggle into his warm, loving embrace. The girl smiled at her and giggled before blowing a kiss. Ginny gathered up her outfit and exited the apartment quietly. Not surprisingly at this point, the sleigh was just pulling back onto the roof as she arrived. Santa smiled at her. "So did you know I was bi all these years?" she asked as she clambered into the seat and beside him and snuggled into his side as they took off. He nodded. "Not my place to rob you of your journey of self-discovery, though." "Maybe," she sighed. "But think about all the fun I've missed out on, not playing with girls too. Doubling the size of my dating pool might have made a difference." "You've always been who you're meant to be, Virginia," he said cheerfully. "And your little epiphany tonight is going to have big implications in the year to come. Trust me." Her eyes widened. "For real?" "Would I lie?" Santa laughed. Ginny in the sleigh. Ginny was lying back in the plush red seat of the sleigh, her chest heaving as she stared at the pre-dawn sky. Her little elf-outfit was almost in shreds and she was missing one of her shoes. Even Santa looked a little worn. "So that's what sex with an entire sorority house feels like;" she said distantly. "Kinda gives me a new respect for those college quarterbacks. Those girls are animals." Santa nodded. "I have to admit, that wore me out a little too, which is saying something. And before you ask, yes, they have all been good this past year and they sent me one letter asking for Santa to fuck them as a sorority, so that really was their Christmas present." Ginny nodded. "That and the four metric tons of vibrators, dildos, eggs, anal beads, ben-wa balls and lingerie I saw you drop off; and about thirty Sybians." "They're a really good sorority house." Santa admitted. Ginny just stared at the sky. "Hard to believe that you're brought up a certain way, being told that good kids act a certain way, only to find out that being a total mega-slut is not grounds for being added to the Naughty List but sneaking cookies when mom told you not to is." "I didn't make the rules," Santa said, shrugging, but then he paused. "Oh, wait; ya know, I probably did, a long, long time ago." Ginny giggled tiredly. "This has been the longest and most oversexed night of my life, and that's saying something for me. Where are we headed, Big Man?" "Well, it's almost dawn." Santa said, looking east. "I'm going to have to drop you off before long now that my rounds are done." "Yeah," Ginny said somewhat reluctantly. "Since I don't have a house, I guess you should drop me off at my parents' place. I can't exactly tell 'em that my house was destroyed in a massive battle between Santa's elves and Krampus, but maybe they'll believe a gas main exploded." "You can't lie, Virginia, we've been over this." Santa said firmly. "Well I can't really tell them the truth either, can I?" Ginny pointed out, hoping she didn't sound too quarrelsome. "I know;" he said quietly, still guiding the sleigh. The soared through the dark sky for some time, saying nothing. Eventually, Ginny began to make out shapes in the night, sleek silhouettes that looked almost like slender, jet-powered Skidoos, being ridden by beings in strange armor with glowing runes and wild mans of hair. "Just my guardians," Santa said in an assuring tone. "Making sure there are no last-minute attempts to thwart us." The earth far below them took on a white cast and Ginny knew that they were above a region covered in snow. She couldn't feel it, but she could sense the cold air around them as the sleigh angled down, heading to the ground. The landing was predictably smooth and they finally came to a stop, flanked by the jet bikes and their unsettling warriors. Santa jumped out and helped Ginny down, smiling at her and wrapping her in a warm, furry red blanket from head to toe. When he pulled it off her, she was no dressed in a stylish red velvet dress, trimmed in white and ending on her upper thighs to show lots of leg. Her calf-high boots were red and edged with white, with adorable little poms dangling from the side. She even had a white poof to keep her hands warm and the Santa hat she now wore kept her ears toasty. "You look beautiful," he said as he waved in front of himself to conjure an ice mirror that reflected her image perfectly. "And without you, Virginia, there wouldn't have been a Christmas this year. You need to understand that." Ginny blushed prettily and walked alongside him, petting the reindeers as she walked by. She even gave Donner a kiss on the nose and the beast snorted and blushed, pawing the ground. They walked casually through the snow, holding hands until they were approached by several people. Ginny's eyes went wide, these were all women, clad in black armor with baroque chest plates reminiscent of bustiers. They all wore their hair bobbed, universally black or platinum in color and they carried savage-looking rifles or flamethrowers. They all knelt reverently as Santa approached. "Do I want to know?" Ginny breathed. "My personal guard," Santa said, nodding to the women as he passed through them. "Orphan girls I've saved from a cruel world. They're fanatically devoted to me, even beyond my elves." Her mouth was somewhat dry when she asked the next question. "Do you; you know;" "Yes, Virginia," he said, saving her the difficulty of asking. "They're also my lovers. When they're not fighting for me or standing guard, they live in the bliss I seem uniquely capable of giving women." "That doesn't sound like such a bad life," Ginny said, a hopeful tone in her voice. "I mean, I'm no orphan, but I'd say we pretty compatible sexually. Aren't we?" He turned and took her gently by the arms, smiling warmly down into her eyes in that way that made her knees go weak. Other people may have seen the fat old jolly man, but she could see only the copper-haired and bearded giant with eyes deeper than a galaxy and a boyish smile that she knew she'd always love. "You're right, Virginia, you're not an orphan," he said quietly. "These girls had no future. I have no right to rob you of yours. And believe me, you don't want to miss it." He took her hand and kept walking, snow gently falling as they walked through the stands of tall trees. When they emerged on the far side, he grinned and gestured grandly in front of them. Ginny's eyes went wide. Across the clearing was her lovely home, looking as good as new. Squads of warrior-elves stood guard menacingly around the perimeter while other, smaller beings she more associated with the Christmas story elves scampered around, making final adjustments to the domicile. "Like the whole thing never happened," Santa declared. "And there are even some improvements, I might add." "Ya don't say," Ginny said somewhat absently, still staring in disbelief. All sign of the titan battle fought on her property less than twelve hours ago were gone. "Uh; improvements?" Santa nodded. "We added solar panels and some subtle wind turbines, so you can officially live off the grid. Water's hooked up to a local artesian well. Improved your internet connection, you get about two hundred megabits per second, not to mention the fact that we connected you to our servers, so the Tor Network and the Deep Web have nothing on you for security and anonymity." "Wow;" was all she seemed to be able to say. "Let's see, we reinforced the frame and the roof, you could probably get hit by a meteor and barely notice," Santa continued. "Windows are made of transparent aluminum, they're durable, to say the least." "No bugs crashing through my bay windows?" she asked. "Actually got a nifty physics trick for you

Miracle On Route 34: Part 3 Being naughty can be a very good thing, if he needs help getting jolly. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. "Just when I thought it couldn't get better;" Ginny sighed, lost in bliss. "You certainly know what a woman wants." "I aim to please." Santa said cheerfully, putting one arm around her waist and holding her close while he guided the sleigh. "Think we might've sated you for a while?" "Hmm, maybe for a bit, right?" she purred, stretching like a cat before sitting forward and looking down over the earth, lit by clusters of lights that punctuated the darkness of Christmas Eve. It wasn't long before she began to giggle. "Schilling for your thoughts." Santa said, giving her tit a squeeze. "Well, you probably don't remember, but we've met before," she mentioned lightly, turning her head to wink at him. "I sure remember it." "Oh? Do tell." "Well," she said casually, her thoughts drifting back. "I was sixteen and my girlfriends and I were at the mall. We saw you and decided to sit on your lap. So Cari and I were sitting on you at the same time, squirming our asses on you and kept whispering naughty things in your ears, things we wanted to do to you, you know?" Santa didn't respond for several moments. "See?" Ginny said, smirking. "Told you that you didn't remember." "What; was the date of that, Virginia?" he asked warily. "December fifteenth, eight years ago, about seven-thirty pm," she said. "I still have a photo. Why?" "Because I wasn't in your city on December fifteenth eight years ago," he said with reluctance. "I was in Lahina on Maui, judging a naked limbo contest at a luau." She was silent for some time. "You're; you're sure?" Santa nodded. "Oh, God;" Ginny whispered, her eyes distant. "That means that Cari and I were grinding on some creepy mall Santa; oh, shit, I could feel him getting hard and everything!" Ginny scrunched her face up in revulsion and was flapping her arms in horror. "Oh, God. Blah! Blah! Blah!" Santa's roaring laughter echoed through the darkness as his date for the evening struggled to not puke off the side of the sleigh and onto the unsuspecting town below. Silent Runnings. She always kind of assumed that the sleigh made little or no noise when it touched down on a roof. After all, what kept some survivalist gun nut from trying to blow Santa away with his collection of automatic rifles when he heard some noise he couldn't account for? The sleigh glided silently onto the roof, the blades letting out little more than a hiss and the patter of the reindeer's hooves barely audible. Santa leapt out lightly and assisted her in exiting the sleigh before grinning at her. "Now, I won't be long, just hang tight and stay near the sleigh, if you're within the Gellar Field, you'll keep warm, alright?" Ginny raised an eyebrow in his direction, nonplussed. "Um, 'excuse me? I'm here with Santa Fucking Claus on Christmas Motherfucking Eve. How many times can a girl say that? If you think for one second I'm not delivering presents with you, then you're even more stupid that Krampus. I'm coming." Santa seemed hesitant. "Virginia, I've been at this since Proto-Hittite times, one way or another. I'm kind of an expert and I don't want you to hurt;" "Oh, get real," she snorted, pushing past him toward the chimney. She was glad to note that the 'Gellar Field', whatever the hell that was, seemed to be keeping her warm at this distance. "If your fat ass can fit down a chimney with that huge bag, so can mine." She clambered over the lip of the chimney and eased herself down inside it. Santa watched silently as she wriggled out of sight. There was no noise for several seconds. Finally Ginny spoke, her voice coming up the flue. "Okay, kinda stuck here, with my nose pressed into my own asshole. Little help?" Santa chuckled lightly and reached for a can of grease. Piloting a Ginny. "You're getting better at this, I must say," Santa remarked as he rummaged through his bag of presents while Ginny guided the sleigh. "Last person who drove the sleigh for me, the reindeer resisted a lot. They like you." "Oh?" Ginny replied, twisting the reins slightly and veering the sleigh team southwest. "Who was she?" Santa cleared his throat. "Actually, it was Krampus. Well, he was Pete back then, and it was over six hundred years ago." It took Ginny a moment to recover from her shock and concentrate on guiding the sleigh. Fortunately, the reindeer seemed to know where they were going. "Six hundred;" "Yup," Santa confirmed. "The Belgian monks were still getting the recipe for Stella Artois right the last time one of my kids helped me out." "But what about all your wives you were telling me about?" she asked. "They must've been in the sleigh before." Santa shrugged. "Yeah, people have been in it, I've taken them places, but you and Pete are the only two who have ever helped me on Christmas Eve." She felt herself grow warm, and for once it wasn't because she was wet and horny. "I'm really helping you?" He nodded. "It may be that I'm late because of the donnybrook back at your place, Virginia, but that wasn't your fault, it's just what was meant to be. I was meant to be put behind and now you're meant to be driving this sleigh while I get organized. No matter how many me's there are out there, it won't make a difference unless you're here tonight. It's fated to be that way." Ginny didn't know what to say. She just calmly guided the sleigh, feeling a contentment she'd never quite known before. She was dimly aware of some other shadowy iteration of Santa's sleigh streaking by some miles to the north and waved absently. She couldn't explain why any of this made sense, but it did. She really was different after all. A house below them shone with a golden light in the dark and she turned the reigns easily to guide the reindeer in its direction. There were over a dense residential area, the streets lined with endless numbers of small homes and semis. They glided onto a roof and clambered out. She followed Santa and his present sack down the chimney. In spite of his bulk, he slid down the tight shaft in a way that made her cunt inexplicably wet. "Now that I think of it," she whispered as she wriggled down with him. "How do we get into houses where there's no chimney?" "It was a lot easier before central heating," he answered, almost upside down as he worked his way toward the ground. "For lack of a better term, it's just B & E, I guess. I've got the keys and security codes for every residence on earth." "Wow," she grunted as she twisted and wiggled, her tits squashed to her mouth. If they'd had more time she would have sucked on them for a bit as a reward to herself. "Even Kim Jong-Un?" "Yeah, but he's not getting anything you want to know about for Christmas," Santa muttered. "He's a very bad boy." "So, what, like a leaky bag of flaming panda shit?" she mused, occupying herself as she strained to keep up. "Because that's what he kinda deserves." "Christmas is the one night of the year we don't discuss politics, Virginia." Santa mentioned as he finally freed himself of the confines of the flue and dusted himself off. He helped Ginny out as well, smiling and kissing her nose as she held her off the ground. She blushed and let him put her down, moving to a corner of the living room and watching intently. The house they were in was not big, a modest home for a small family. Santa was rummaging around in his bag, absently noshing on the cookies left on a table near the tree. The tree itself was rather sparse on gifts, something Santa seemed to be rectifying. Ginny didn't notice the other person in the room until it was too late. "So there you are, big man;" Ginny started at the voice but Santa merely stood and turned around, smiling warmly. At the entrance to the room was a woman in a robe. She was older than Ginny, but not more than in her late twenties or early thirties. She had the look of a tired mom. "Been waiting a long, long time to prove to myself that you were real and the presents I couldn't account for just came out thin air," she sighed, nodding. She had sandy-brown hair, done in a long bob. Her face was pretty enough, but you could see in her eyes that sleep was more of an afterthought than anything. "But here you are." "It's good to see you, Linda." Santa said warmly, moving toward her and hugging her. She sighed as he embraced her and Ginny smiled, knowing exactly how content and relieved Linda felt at the moment, whoever the hell she was. "Whoa, did I just get jealous of some girl hugging Santa?" "I can't believe you're here in all your chubby glory," Linda remarked, smiling up at him. "It's a dream come true." Santa nodded. "Little Karen's been very good this year, Linda. She's a real blessing. I brought her the puppy she wanted." Ginny frowned and looked down at a small object that was obviously a puppy, wrapped prettily in Christmas paper and sporting a golden bow on its snout. The puppy panted happily, curled up and went to sleep beneath the tree. "She'll love it," Linda said quietly, her eyes shining. "She'll be so thrilled." "I know she will." Santa said, smiling and placing a hand on Linda's cheek. "Sorry things didn't work out with Bob. He doesn't know what he's missing." "Thanks, I keep telling myself that too," Linda said, dabbing at her eye. "Have you got an STD for his stocking, maybe?" "No," Santa chuckled. "But you need to know that everything's going to be fine, Linda. You've made it this far, you're raising an amazing girl and you own this place now. If I could give you Mother of the Year, I would. But I can't, not my department, so that leaves me to ask; what do you want for Christmas, Linda?" Linda looked into his eyes before her hands reached down and began fumbling with his wide, black belt. Ginny shook her head and sighed, knowing exactly why Linda's reaction was so instinctual. The mother turned her head and seemed to notice the girl in the abbreviated elf costume for the first time. "Oh," she said, her hands still undoing the belt. "Is she your chaperone, to make sure we behave?" "No, she's not my chaperone," Santa said, smiling and shaking his head. "She's my indispensable helper, without whom Christmas wouldn't come this year." Ginny blushed at his description of her. "Oh, okay," Linda said, kneeling and shimmying his red pants down and freeing his monstrous cock. "As long as she doesn't interrupt me enjoying my present." Ginny blushed again, but this time the hair on the back of her neck went up and her eyes narrowed. She folded her arms across her chest, leaned against the wall and watched silently. Very silently. "Wow," Linda mused, taking his cock in both hands and staring at it. "Just when I thought nothing could get longer than that white beard of yours." Ginny blinked and frowned for a moment. White beard? It suddenly occurred to her that Linda was seeing the Santa she had always expected to see, a fat, jolly old man with a long white beard, rosy cheeks and the rest of the Dickensian nonsense. To Ginny, he still looked like the towering, red-bearded lumbersexual she knew him to actually be. Whatever sort of glamour he radiated, it worked even in sexual situations. Without a pause, Linda took Santa's thick cock into her mouth with a sigh and began bobbing back and forth along its length. Her wet lips formed a tight seal around the shaft, her hands holding on to Santa's thighs for balance. "She's doing that all wrong," Ginny sniffed to herself. "He likes it when one hand is pumping along the shaft behind your mouth and the other one is teasing his balls. I should know." Santa turned his head, smiled at her and nodded. Ginny blushed and shut up. He took Linda's head gently in his hands, caressing her hair while she sucked his cock, letting her take all the time she liked. She undid her robe with one hand, letting it fall to a puddle at her knees, now naked. She had a mom bod, Ginny noted, not bad, she was trying to keep herself fit, probably with Tae Bo and jogging or spinning, if she could find the time. Her tits were somewhat pointy, but she wasn't repulsive by any means. Ginny felt herself getting warm as she watched, one of her hands coming up to caress her tits while the other snaked down inside the short green skirt she was wearing and beneath her thong, teasing her understandably gooey cunt. She watched intently as Linda pushed farther and farther down Santa's seemingly endless shaft, breathing through her nose as she tried to reach the root. The hand she kept on his thigh for balance squeeze his pale flesh while the other was massaging her tits, pinching the nipples. She moaned around his cock as he grew harder in her mouth. Ginny leaned her head against the wall, trying to not make noise as she pleasured herself, fingers teasing through her slippery folds or circling her throbbing clit. The hand she had on her tits mimicked Linda's squeezing and pinching her nipples, causing little needles of stinging delight to shoot through her. Linda's hand moved down between her legs and her fingers began churning inside her cunt. She moaned loudly as she pleasured herself. Normally Ginny would have thought she'd wake her kid, but Santa probably had some weird sound-dampening field just to keep things like this from happening. Typical. Ginny bit her lip as she watched, her skin blushing pink as she worked herself into a silent frenzy, her wet core beginning to blossom as Linda sucked and bobbed on Santa's cock faster and faster; Both women let out a loud moan as they came, pleasure bubbling up through Ginny's body while her fingers worked madly inside her clenching, slippery tunnel. Her knees buckled and she went to the floor, still fucking herself. Linda grunted and began swallowing as Santa came, finally pulling her mouth off and panting heavily, jerking his throbbing cock frantically and splattering his pearly cum across her tits with great eagerness. Ginny slowly lifted her head, gazing at Santa and Linda through heavily-lidded eyes. She'd cum so hard just from fingering herself. Was it her proximity to Santa that caused all her sensations to be so heightened? Santa knelt as well, hugging Linda to himself and whispering in her ear. She slowly pulled her arms up and embraced him, smiling against his shoulder and nodding gently, her eyes still closed. After holding her for some time, her took her by the chin and lifted her gaze to meet his. "Okay, back to bed with you," he said gently. "You'll sleep very well tonight and Karen will come to wake you." Linda smiled dreamily and rubbed her nose against Santa's before giving it a kiss. She stood, slipped her robe back on, winked at him and left without another word. Santa watched her leave and nodded in satisfaction. "Just what she needed," he said to himself. "Okay, Virginia, I'm going to finish these last few presents and then we're; Virginia?" But Ginny was still kneeling, slumped to one side against the wall and snoring. Santa chuckled and finished the presents before picking her up and holding her limp body under one arm and his giant sack over the other shoulder before disappearing up the flue in the blink of an eye. Carnal Knowledge. "Taip! Taip! Mano Dievas!" Kuni moaned loudly as she sat on her sister's face, grinding her cunt eagerly down onto Minna's mouth. Her blonde twin clamped her arms around her sister's thighs tightly as she lapped hungrily at the slick lips above. Santa was kneeling between Minna's legs, holding them wide and thrusting back and forth, his cock plunging in and out of her. Ginny was leaning against the wall once again, trying to not look exasperated. The Lithuanian girls were writhing and grinding in a frenzy, clearly enjoying their early Christmas present. It wasn't like they'd crept down and surprised Ginny and Santa, as Linda had, they had actually written to Santa, saying that their parents were away for the holiday and they wanted him to come and fuck them for Christmas. They'd been waiting patiently in the living room when Santa and Ginny appeared out of the chimney, the twins wearing nothing but their little cheerleader uniforms. Minna groaned shamelessly while she lashed her Kuni's twat with her tongue, shuddering as Santa's iron-hard rod nearly split her in half. Ginny had to admit, the blonde twins had rocking bodies, trim and tight from whatever activities they were involved in. She'd have to get into P90-X or Crossfit if she was ever going to compete with these two. "Senelis!" Minna gasped, sliding a finger up inside her sister, which Kuni ground on shamelessly. She gyrated her hips, fucking back against Santa, her fingernails digging into her sister's ass cheeks as she endured the battering waves of pleasure. "Ah, Duok man sunku!" "Pasakykite pra¨ome;" Santa replied, smiling slyly. "Pra¨om!" Minna wailed, her body almost thrashing. "Pra¨om pra¨om pra¨om! Nekankink manęs!" Santa nodded and leaned forward, pressing Minna's legs almost back against her body, his weight over her now as he sank his cock down inside her. The blonde girl almost screamed in pleasure. Kuni grappled onto Santa's neck and kissed him greedily, churning her cunt down onto Minna's glistening face. "Unreal," Ginny muttered. "And I thought I was a relentless horny machine. But you, sir, take the cake." "I would expect you of all people to understand by now," Santa said cheerfully. "Minna and Kuni have been very good this year. They're both at the top of their class, they've been socially active regarding building homeless shelters, they're both” "Over the age of eighteen?" Ginny bit out. "It's Lithuania, that wouldn't matter," Santa pointed out. "They've been very good girls and I'm duty-bound to give them what they want for Christmas." "So no point deductions for incest?" Ginny asked somewhat testily. "There weren't for you and your brother, were there?" he replied while Kuni nipped at his skin. Ginny blushed again and stopped talking. She watched while Kuni pulled herself off her sister's mouth and hastily clambered around to lie on top of her, kissing her sister while squirming her wet cunt down on Minna's. She groaned loudly when Santa pulled out of the girl below and pushed deep inside her. "Dear diary," Ginny muttered. "Having a great time in Vilnius, watching Santa skewer Lithuanian sisters;" Santa grunted and pushed in hard, his hips trembling as he started to cum. Kuni and Minna screamed into one another's mouths, hips bucking furiously. He pulled out of Kuni and slammed back into Minna, filling her with cum as well before both sisters scrambled to their knees while he stood. They swallowed his cock greedily, taking turns pumping the shaft while the other sucked on it. They kissed around the throbbing cock, licking the pearly cum off one another's faces. "Esate labai geros mergaitės," Santa breathed, holding them both gently by the back of their heads while they sucked hungrily. "Keep up the good work and Santa will see you again next year;" "If we're not still here with these two whores next Christmas;" Ginny thought darkly. Santa’s copilot. Ginny was guiding the sleigh, but she kept looking back at Santa, trying not to smirk. He was sitting beside her, a rather blank stare on his face, his eyes a little red around the edges. "I'm still sorta hungry;" he said somewhat absently. "So you actually thought 'Colorado Gold' was a brand of flour used to make baked goods?" "Note to self," he murmured. "Do not eat the brownies left out for you in Denver;" Basement Bound. Ginny followed Santa as they crept down the stairs toward the basement apartment, a prismatic glow on the wall ahead of them indicating a tree was nearby. They rounded a corner and paused. A young man dressed in X-Men boxers and a white t-shirt almost walked into them as he rubbed his eyes. He stared at them for a moment, saying absolutely nothing. After a long, awkward pause, Santa reached back into his sack and pulled out a wrapped gift which he slowly handed to the kid. The kid took it equally slowly and unwrapped it, his eyes widening as several deluxe editions of the newest PC games were revealed. The kid smiled sheepishly and sighed. "Thanks, now that I know you're real." "You don't seem happy, Kevin," Santa said, obviously concerned. "You've been great all year and these are what you wanted, right?" "I; yeah, they are," sighed the kid. "At least, that's what I told everyone I wanted. My friends and I, we're all gamers, and this is amazing, but;" "But;" Santa pressed. "Well, Christmas is also my birthday," Kevin said. "Here I am, eighteen finally, and I still haven't had sex with a girl yet." Santa smiled. "Well, I normally deal exclusively in Christmas wishes rather than birthdays, but perhaps this year I can help you out there, Kevin." Kevin raised an eyebrow. "Virginia," Santa stated, looking at her. "I give you Kevin the Boy. Return unto me Kevin the Man." Ginny couldn't believe what she said next. "Thought you'd never ask, Big Red;" She walked forward and took the games out of Kevin's hands, tossing them over her shoulder. Santa grabbed them hastily out of the air as Ginny poked a finger into Kevin's chest and pressed him up against the wall. His eyes were wide, not at all sure what was happening. "Santa's already given you your Christmas presents," Ginny said as she knelt in front of him and tugged at his boxers. "Which means it's up to me to give you a happy birthday;" She pulled the boxers down and tossed them aside. His cock was limp but she could already tell it was swelling with excitement. Rather than teasing the poor virgin, Ginny stroked his shaft and slid her mouth all the way down, deep-throating him. Kevin shuddered and groaned loudly. "Make all the noise you want, you won't wake your parents upstairs," Ginny mentioned, pulling her mouth off his cock for a moment and pumping the shaft with her hand while she looked up at him. "The big man here has some sort of sound-dampening field or some shit so that he doesn't get caught busting into people's houses." Kevin's hands flattened against the wall and his fingers flexed as she slid her mouth down his length again before bobbing back and forth in a slow rhythm. She felt his fingers take her by the hair and begin kneading, lost in this clearly new delight. She hummed gently, vibrating her mouth around his sensitive skin. "Well, look at you," she remarked, smiling as she pulled back and gazed at his now hard and throbbing cock, glistening with the wetness of her mouth. "That's a nice dick you've got there, Kevin. You're a grower, I'm impressed." Kevin took a deep breath. "Maybe, but it doesn't look like much when it's limp. The one time I let a girl at school see it, I was nervous and it shrunk, so she was laughing at me." "Then I'll give you a tip before I fuck you, Kevin," Ginny said, stroking the shaft and spitting on it, to keep it moist while she instructed him. "Girls can be hideous cunts about that sort of thing sometimes, but they have their own insecurities. So never bring your insecurity to the ballgame. You need to be turned on and your Johnson here on the rise by the time you get naked for her." "Uh-huh?" he said somewhat uncertainly, shivering as she bent her thumb so that the pad pressed against the top of his mushroom head every time she stroked down. He couldn't believe this was happening. Some hot Elf-chick who looked like a Warcraft mod was blowing him! "So from now on, you dominate, you got it?" Ginny said. "Make her get naked or make her turn you on so that she can see how big your cock is before you ever get out of your boxers. No girl is gonna say no to this thing when it's fully inflated, I promise." "R-really?" Kevin asked. Ginny kept her eyes locked with his but reached down under her panties for several moment before bringing her fingers up for display. They glistened wetly in the dim light. "It's made me horny, champ. And because of that cock, I need to fuck you. You with me?" Kevin just thunked his head back against the wall, closed his eyes and nodded. "Oh, and don't worry about trying to last," Ginny added. "Being around the Red Machine makes you want to fuck and cum all night. You'll be fine." She swallowed his cock with a will, determined to give this kid the best first time anyone had ever had. Her hand followed her mouth along the shaft and she hummed, swirling her tongue along its length. The kid wasn't Santa, but this would be a perfectly good ride for any girl worth fucking once he had his confidence. Her free hand worked its way back inside her panties and began fingering, teasing her wet folds and slipping inside, getting her ready for the main event. "Umm, do you want to fuck me, Kevin?" she asked, smiling up at him. "Do you want to fuck my cunt good and hard?" "Uh; yes;" he whimpered. "Say it like you mean it, Thor," she insisted, pressing her thumb along the throbbing vein on the bottom of his thick shaft. "The girl wants confidence. This cock is worth your best effort." He took several deep breaths before looking down at her and nodding. "I want to fuck you." "You do?" she asked before sliding him back down her throat. "No," he said finally, taking her under the arms and pulling her up. Ginny exhaled suddenly as his cock popped out of her mouth unexpectedly and he spun her around to press up against the wall. "I don't want to fuck you; I will fuck you." "That's my boy," Ginny breathed, her eyes flashing with sudden lust and delight. She spread her legs and tilted her hips forward, eager to feel him inside her. "Fuck me good and hard, Kevin!" "K-zon," the boy almost growled, pressing his throbbing cockhead against her entrance. "My gaming tag is K-zon and that's what the girls will call me when I fuck them!" Ginny nodded eagerly. "Good. Give it to me, K-zon;" She moaned loudly as he pushed inside her, heedless of any sense of timing or technique, but eager to be deep in a woman. He squeezed her sides as he trembled, overcome by the wet, tight sensation of her cunt gripping him. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and one leg slung over his hip as she looked into his eyes. Ginny began a pumping motion with her hips, sliding back and forth on his cock while K-zon was paralyzed by the flood of pleasure. "Alright, slugger," she whispered in a husky voice as she fucked herself on him. "Let's bust this first nut of yours quick, so you know what to expect. Don't hold back, just pound my cunt until you blow, got it?" He nodded as he buried his face in her shoulder and started pumping awkwardly with his hips, his whole body trembling. Ginny felt an unreal flush of heat coursing through her already, an intense orgasm building up inside. Holy shit, was she turned on and about to get off because she was mentoring a virgin? She pulled Kevin tight against herself and shivered, letting out a gasp while he moaned and jammed his hips up tight against hers, she could feel his cock twitching inside her as he spunked, Her own orgasm flooded over her, molten bubbles of ecstasy popping by the millions throughout her sweating, slick frame. He almost buckled at the knees, collapsing against her, panting like he'd run a marathon. Ginny smiled and caressed his hair, feeling his still-hard cock throbbing inside her. She ran her fingers over his cheek and looked into his eyes. "Ready to keep going?" she asked. "Second one's usually even better." He nodded and she pulled him down to his knees while she got on all fours, wiggling her invitingly. She winked back at him. "You know what to do, K-zon," she purred. "Show me what you're gonna do to the girls this coming year;" Without another thought, he took Ginny by the hips and slid his cock deep inside her again. Ginny moaned loudly, lowering her head to the floor and pushed back against him. She felt him begin to push back and forth and matched his rhythm by squeezing her cunt muscles around him as he slid in. His fingers dug into her hips and ass cheeks delightfully. She could tell he might last a little longer this time, but not by much. Then again, she wasn't here to teach him to be a sex god, she was here to pop his cherry and give him a birthday to remember. "Umm, right there, big man;" she panted, surprised that she meant what she was saying. She wasn't just stroking his fragile ego, she was quite serious, because he was hitting a spot in her cunt that she really liked. He had a long enough cock that it touched her pleasure spot and he was just wide enough to pleasantly stretch her so that she knew she was being fucked properly. With confidence, this kid would be a good lay. Kevin slapped his thighs against her ass cheeks and she squeaked and yelped in response. Her gooey cunt clenched him tightly, utilizing those vaginal contractions she seemed to be so damned expert at tonight. "Fuck;" Kevin grunted as he pumped his hips, his chest now glistening with sweat. "This is so much better than my hand or a fleshlight!" "Uh, and you feel a lot fucking better than a vibe," Ginny panted, still face-down and ass-up. "You're gonna make them scream, K-zon;" He seemed encouraged by her words and pumped harder, determined to make Ginny and himself cum again. He seemed to have found his rhythm and fucked her steadily, his eyes closed as he lost himself in the unreal sensation of sex with a live girl. Ginny bit at the knuckle of her middle finger, aware of how flushed and warm her body was. She could feel her wetness trickling down over her stomach from her cunt, since her ass was perched in the air. The slick, sucking noises of her sex were unmistakable. "Oh, you're doing really good, K-zon," she said breathily. "You're gonna have me cumming again before long!" Kevin seemed to be beyond words as he merely nodded hastily and kept fucking her, eyes closed and back arched. The slapping noise of his thighs against her ass was a wet one now, since they were both sweating profusely. She could feel the damp perspiration in her hairline, her mouth open and she wiped at it when she realized she was almost drooling. "Yes, K-zon!" she gasped, using the name he wanted again, pushing back against him but still letting him control the action. "Fucking make me cum! Don't hold back! Uh, fuck!" Kevin jammed his hips against her suddenly and cried out, a sound that Ginny echoed half a second later. Rapture splintered through her as she came, feeling him slamming against her as he climaxed, his pearly offering now deep inside her. Through glassy eyes, she looked around for Santa, to see if he was watching, but he was nowhere in sight. Kevin seemed ready to fall over, exhausted, but she gently pushed backward until he sat on his behind with her in his lap, facing away. Slowly she turned around and laid him on the floor, his cock still deep inside her. She put her hands on his shoulders and smiled down at him, her nipples tracing little patterns over his chest as she did so. "That was amazing, K-zon," she said quietly. "A really great addition to my night." He was still breathing heavily but nodded at her. "Thanks. It was more than I could have hoped for. I;I guess it's been a busy evening for you this way?" "Well, you're my only virgin to this point, if that's what you're asking," Ginny sighed. "The big red machine has fucked me more times tonight that I care to remember and I was nearly raped to death by Krampus, so this was exactly the sort of change of pace I needed, you know?" She sat up, still straddling him and impaled on his cock, a thought occurring to her. "Hey, Big Red," she called out. "I just let him bust in me twice, do you have any fixes dated from yesterday?" A tiny white pill flew out of the other room. She caught it deftly in her hand and popped it in her mouth. "I'm getting good at this 'time-is-fluid' shit," she giggled to herself. "Maybe I'll teach quantum physics." "You don't need a glass of water or anything?" Kevin asked, looking up at her. "Trust me, Kevin, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's swallowing." Ginny replied, smiling down at him somewhat haughtily before carefully pulling herself off his cock, causing them both to shudder and moan quietly. She knelt over his waist and sucked on his cock, cleaning their mingled cum off him and then helping him to his feet. She slipped her thong back on while Kevin retrieved his boxers. They were just straightening themselves out when Santa appeared from the other room. "Did you enjoy your birthday present, Kevin?" he asked cheerfully. "Yessir," the newly-minted young man said. "Best birthday present anyone ever received." "Glad to hear it," Santa said, nodding. "And I know it doesn't compare to what Virginia just gave you, but I think you'll be pleased with your new rig I just set up. Five terrabytes of hard drive space, thirty-two gigs of DDR4 RAM, an overclocked quad-core CPU that'll put the i7 to shame, eight fans, a nickle and copper piping coolant system and L E D to make sure everyone knows you're in the house. Oh, and I've upgraded your server to be multi-line, WAN and load-balancing. You and your guild will never lag again as long as you host." Kevin's eyes went wide. "I've got fat pipes?" Santa nodded while Ginny shook her head, understanding none of this geek talk. It only figured that Santa was a giant nerd. Kevin looked like he might faint. "Well, I've just done what you deserved," Santa mentioned. "It's Virginia who should get the credit for your night being so spectacular." "Yeah," Kevin said, blushing and smiling at her. "Thanks." "My pleasure, trust me," she said easily. "Somebody have a pen I can use?" Santa handed her one and she looked at Kevin. "Your number, dude." Kevin managed to stutter out his number, which she wrote down on her wrist before nodding in satisfaction and giving the pen back to Santa. "Alright, if I ever happen to be in Ohio for some godforsaken reason, I can look you up and give you a booty call. Sound good?" Kevin nodded dumbly. "Just remember this," she said, poking him in the chest, her voice serious. "You've got a lot to learn still. You've got a nice cock between your legs, don't treat it like a Louisville Slugger and just beat the hell out of her with it, you're better than that." He nodded. "And if a girl wants you to fuck her, she'll give you signals, so watch." Ginny added, poking his chest with her nail. "Don't assume you can just force yourself on anyone or next year it's dead spiders in your stocking, you got it?" Kevin nodded again. "Excellent," she said sweetly. "Now go to sleep, champ. Merry Christmas and happy birthday. C'mon, Santa, we have a holiday to save!" "Yes, my lady!" Santa laughed, following her out of the basement. They were back on the roof when Santa smirked at her as they climbed into the sleigh. "Dead spiders in the stocking?" She shrugged. "Isn't that what you'd give a guy if he forced himself on a girl?" "Well, no," he replied as he snapped the reins and they took off into the cold night air. "That's more of a legal issue. If he was considering it, I wouldn't have mentioned dead spiders, I'd' have been more inclined to point out that he'd spend the next few years in a cell as some fat, greasy tattooed bastard's buttery cornhole." The sleigh lurched to one side as Ginny burst out laughing. A Pretty Man. Santa stared awkwardly, making a wry face while Ginny stood off to the side, smirking. Standing in front of Santa was a very pretty young man in pale pink pajamas, his hands behind his back, one knee turned in, twisting his toe into the rug and blushing expectantly. Ginny wiped a tear away from her eye, she was trying so hard not to laugh. "Yeah, that ain't happening." Santa said finally. "But I've been so good;" the young man cooed, smiling coyly and winking. "C'mon, Santa," Ginny urged, clearly enjoying his discomfiture. "He's been so good, and you always reward your good children, don't you?" "Nice try, lady," Santa said, pressing behind his ear, apparently activating a communicator. "Get Agent 641 to me, I need a pinch hitter, stat." Santa threw a small disk on the floor while Ginny and the young boy in pink watched curiously. The device oscillated and expanded, becoming a larger disk. Seconds later it began to glow and hum. A column of rainbow light radiated up from it and a kneeling shape appeared. Seconds later, the rainbow light faded away and a lithe, comely figure stood. He had the same slender, beautiful features as the warrior-elves who had fought earlier that night, his eyes a piercing violet color, his impossibly long raven hair held in gold rings. His pale body was naked except for a tiny thong. "Holy shit snacks;" Ginny breathed as she gazed stupidly at the new arrival, feeling her thong get wet. "Ylmarin, young Trevor here has been an extra-good boy, perhaps you'd care to reward him?" Santa suggested as the inhumanly graceful being stepped off the platform. The tall being looked down at the young man named Trevor, assessing him and then nodded. "Yes, sire, I can absolutely do this." Trevor blushed furiously and giggled, covering his face. Ylmarin reached over and took the boy's hand before leading him back to the bedroom. Santa nodded and began rummaging around in his toy sack, putting items under the tree. "Okay, we got that out of the way," he said, squatting and putting items under the decidedly pink-lit tree. "Virginia, if you could hand me the, Virginia? Ginny?" He frowned and turned to look for his helper, finally sighting her. She was standing in the doorway to the bedroom and looking in. One of her hands squeezing her tits while the other had snaked down inside her panties. "Alright, go on, you little voyeur." Santa chuckled, shaking his head. "Yum yum!" she squeaked and skipped into the room, from which moans were now emanating. Seeking to be naughty. "You weren't worried about being on the Naughty List if you waited up for me?" Santa asked the dark-haired girl as she sat on her floor, watching him intently. She pushed her glasses up her nose and shook her head, pretty curly locks spilling over her shoulders as she did so. "Not worried, hmm?" he mused, observing her. "So you think you're already on the Naughty List?" The girl nodded. Ginny blinked and pursed her lips. "Why isn't she talking? Is she mute or doesn't she speak English?" Santa shook his head. "No, Ellie's just shy. She doesn't speak much at first, but once she gets going;" He knelt down in front of the girl and smiled. "Well, here I am. What is it you wanted to ask me, Ellie?" The tan girl turned her head and looked down at the floor sheepishly for several seconds before working up the nerve to speak. "I; I want my daddy, Santa." Ginny blinked. "She what, wants him back from deployment for Christmas, she wants her father to move back home;" "No, Virginia," Santa said cheerfully. "She doesn't want her father, she wants her daddy." "Oh," Ginny said, suddenly understanding. "So, now what?" "That's all she wanted for Christmas, so we give her, her daddy." Santa said simply. The girl's eyes lit up in delight and she sat up straight, looking very excited. Santa pointed behind Ellie and she turned to look behind herself; Her daddy stood in the doorway, his green-hazel eyes mirroring her excitement and a big grin on her face. His long, sandy-blond hair fell down to his shoulder blades. "Daddy!" Ginny squealed as she scrambled to her feet and threw herself against her daddy, kissing him feverishly. He held her tight, returning the kiss while she began pulling his clothes off him. "I missed you so much!" "Missed you too, baby;" he murmured through the kiss as he pulled her top off, exposing her lush tits. "I never had a daddy." Ginny sighed as she watched the couple get increasingly naked and feeling the now-familiar tingle building. "I should take care of that at some point." "I've got some other deliveries in the immediate area," Santa mentioned. "How about I go take care of them while you have a little fun with these two?" "Well, I'm not attracted to girls." Ginny said in a non-committal tone. "You just didn't know you were until tonight." Santa replied, smiling. "Just trust me on this, Virginia." "Well, like you said earlier, I've had you inside all my orifices, so what's the harm in trusting you now, right?" she admitted, shrugging. Would being bisexual be such a bad thing? It certainly widened her options for dating. Santa nodded and walked out of the room. Ginny turned to look at the couple she was left with, who were already splayed out on the rug, naked and pleasuring one another. Ellie was lying on top of her daddy, facing down his body and sucking on his cock hungrily while he was pulling her slippery cunt lips apart and sliding his tongue up and down her twat, making her shiver and moan. "Fuck it," Ginny said finally, stripping out of her skimpy outfit and walking up to the two of them. She laid down beside Ellie's daddy and smiled at her, both their heads over hips. "Feel like tag-teaming, babe?" Ellie looked up for a moment and nodded readily. Ginny smiled and leaned in, flicking her tongue against the tip of his cock. The curly-haired girl giggled and joined Ginny in teasing the throbbing cock, taking turns sliding their tongue up and down the shaft while the other swirled her tongue around the head and took it into her mouth, starting to bob up and down. Ginny felt herself getting really wet and pressed her lips to Ellie's around the head of her daddy's cock, kissing her. They both moaned as their tongues tangled around the glistening head. Ginny's hand slipped into the girl's hair, wrapping in it to hold her in place. Ellie smelled like strawberries and Ginny felt herself getting wetter as she took in the scent. "Daddy," whimpered the girl. "Fuck me;" Ginny knelt up while the other girl straddled her daddy's hips, facing down his body. Her sticky cunt was positioned over his throbbing cock and Ginny took hold of it and guided it home. Ellie sighed almost in relief as she sank down, his cock filling her. Smiling wickedly, Ginny made Ellie lie back along her daddy's body and the girl gasped as her put his hands on her tits and held her. As Ellie and her daddy began to squirm and writhe, her glistening cunt swallowing his cock greedily, Ginny bent down and tongued at the shaft as it slid back and forth through her lips. She pressed her thumb gently on Ellie's clit, causing her to shudder and moan loudly. Then her tongue traced a slow route around the engorged cunt lips, teasing her new girl lover. Ellie whimpered and panted, begging her daddy to fuck her harder. Ginny sucked Ellie's clit into her mouth and was rewarded with a strangled cry from above. She fondled the sac in front of her gently and pressed on the throbbing vein. Her cunt was getting wetter with each passing moment and she needed to know if Ellie would share; Without another word, she crawled over Ellie and settled down on top of her, her tits squashing into the succulent set below. She moved around until she felt her cunt pressed to Ellie's and the magical, rhythmic motion of the cock still pumping in and out of her. She shuddered as their lips and clits met and they wrapped their arms around one another, kissing shamelessly. Tongues snaked and writhed as they moaned into one another's mouths. "Daddy," panted the younger girl. "Fuck Santa's elf-girl; fuck her please;" Ginny felt her own ferocious desire rising as the cock slurped out of Ellie and pressed against her. She groaned gutturally as she felt the head penetrate and then she pressed down eagerly, taking it deep inside her. Still sandwiched between them, Ellie took one of Ginny's tits and sucked the nipple into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it. Ginny arched her back and hissed through clenched teeth, squeezing hard on the invading cock. She ground down on Ellie's daddy, gyrating her hips and her fingers digging into the other girl's skin. Ellie sucked and bit her nipples, the delicious sting heightening her ecstasy. She body was streaming with sweat while he fucked her, Ellie's soft flesh undulating against hers. She could hear him panting and feel him stiffening and knew what happened next. With great haste and even greater reluctance, she pulled herself off the cock and knelt, pulling Ellie up into a kneeling position. She helped her daddy stand quickly while Ellie took his cock and pumped it eagerly with her hand. Once he was standing, they both attacked his cock with their mouths and hands, pleasuring him beyond endurance. He put his hand on the back of their heads and groaned loudly, his hips shuddering as he came. Both girls pressed their faces in, letting him spurt on their mouths and cheeks, hands still working the shaft quickly. The warm, sticky cum brought with it a warm flush of memories, how it always felt on her skin, the tingling, scintillating pleasure she always felt in the ardor of others. Ellie's soft tits pressed to hers, their cheeks meeting as they accepted the pearly offering, on their chins and now glazing their tits; she loved it all. She was never happier than when she was in the throes of passion with others. Was this what she was truly meant to do? Was this a Christmas epiphany? Ellie and Ginny began kissing hungrily, licking the cum off one another's faces with a fervor, then off each other's neck and tits. They returned their attention to the still twitching cock, kissing and sucking it dry. Once Ellie's daddy was spent, she laid him down and Ginny helped her snuggle into his warm, loving embrace. The girl smiled at her and giggled before blowing a kiss. Ginny gathered up her outfit and exited the apartment quietly. Not surprisingly at this point, the sleigh was just pulling back onto the roof as she arrived. Santa smiled at her. "So did you know I was bi all these years?" she asked as she clambered into the seat and beside him and snuggled into his side as they took off. He nodded. "Not my place to rob you of your journey of self-discovery, though." "Maybe," she sighed. "But think about all the fun I've missed out on, not playing with girls too. Doubling the size of my dating pool might have made a difference." "You've always been who you're meant to be, Virginia," he said cheerfully. "And your little epiphany tonight is going to have big implications in the year to come. Trust me." Her eyes widened. "For real?" "Would I lie?" Santa laughed. Ginny in the sleigh. Ginny was lying back in the plush red seat of the sleigh, her chest heaving as she stared at the pre-dawn sky. Her little elf-outfit was almost in shreds and she was missing one of her shoes. Even Santa looked a little worn. "So that's what sex with an entire sorority house feels like;" she said distantly. "Kinda gives me a new respect for those college quarterbacks. Those girls are animals." Santa nodded. "I have to admit, that wore me out a little too, which is saying something. And before you ask, yes, they have all been good this past year and they sent me one letter asking for Santa to fuck them as a sorority, so that really was their Christmas present." Ginny nodded. "That and the four metric tons of vibrators, dildos, eggs, anal beads, ben-wa balls and lingerie I saw you drop off; and about thirty Sybians." "They're a really good sorority house." Santa admitted. Ginny just stared at the sky. "Hard to believe that you're brought up a certain way, being told that good kids act a certain way, only to find out that being a total mega-slut is not grounds for being added to the Naughty List but sneaking cookies when mom told you not to is." "I didn't make the rules," Santa said, shrugging, but then he paused. "Oh, wait; ya know, I probably did, a long, long time ago." Ginny giggled tiredly. "This has been the longest and most oversexed night of my life, and that's saying something for me. Where are we headed, Big Man?" "Well, it's almost dawn." Santa said, looking east. "I'm going to have to drop you off before long now that my rounds are done." "Yeah," Ginny said somewhat reluctantly. "Since I don't have a house, I guess you should drop me off at my parents' place. I can't exactly tell 'em that my house was destroyed in a massive battle between Santa's elves and Krampus, but maybe they'll believe a gas main exploded." "You can't lie, Virginia, we've been over this." Santa said firmly. "Well I can't really tell them the truth either, can I?" Ginny pointed out, hoping she didn't sound too quarrelsome. "I know;" he said quietly, still guiding the sleigh. The soared through the dark sky for some time, saying nothing. Eventually, Ginny began to make out shapes in the night, sleek silhouettes that looked almost like slender, jet-powered Skidoos, being ridden by beings in strange armor with glowing runes and wild mans of hair. "Just my guardians," Santa said in an assuring tone. "Making sure there are no last-minute attempts to thwart us." The earth far below them took on a white cast and Ginny knew that they were above a region covered in snow. She couldn't feel it, but she could sense the cold air around them as the sleigh angled down, heading to the ground. The landing was predictably smooth and they finally came to a stop, flanked by the jet bikes and their unsettling warriors. Santa jumped out and helped Ginny down, smiling at her and wrapping her in a warm, furry red blanket from head to toe. When he pulled it off her, she was no dressed in a stylish red velvet dress, trimmed in white and ending on her upper thighs to show lots of leg. Her calf-high boots were red and edged with white, with adorable little poms dangling from the side. She even had a white poof to keep her hands warm and the Santa hat she now wore kept her ears toasty. "You look beautiful," he said as he waved in front of himself to conjure an ice mirror that reflected her image perfectly. "And without you, Virginia, there wouldn't have been a Christmas this year. You need to understand that." Ginny blushed prettily and walked alongside him, petting the reindeers as she walked by. She even gave Donner a kiss on the nose and the beast snorted and blushed, pawing the ground. They walked casually through the snow, holding hands until they were approached by several people. Ginny's eyes went wide, these were all women, clad in black armor with baroque chest plates reminiscent of bustiers. They all wore their hair bobbed, universally black or platinum in color and they carried savage-looking rifles or flamethrowers. They all knelt reverently as Santa approached. "Do I want to know?" Ginny breathed. "My personal guard," Santa said, nodding to the women as he passed through them. "Orphan girls I've saved from a cruel world. They're fanatically devoted to me, even beyond my elves." Her mouth was somewhat dry when she asked the next question. "Do you; you know;" "Yes, Virginia," he said, saving her the difficulty of asking. "They're also my lovers. When they're not fighting for me or standing guard, they live in the bliss I seem uniquely capable of giving women." "That doesn't sound like such a bad life," Ginny said, a hopeful tone in her voice. "I mean, I'm no orphan, but I'd say we pretty compatible sexually. Aren't we?" He turned and took her gently by the arms, smiling warmly down into her eyes in that way that made her knees go weak. Other people may have seen the fat old jolly man, but she could see only the copper-haired and bearded giant with eyes deeper than a galaxy and a boyish smile that she knew she'd always love. "You're right, Virginia, you're not an orphan," he said quietly. "These girls had no future. I have no right to rob you of yours. And believe me, you don't want to miss it." He took her hand and kept walking, snow gently falling as they walked through the stands of tall trees. When they emerged on the far side, he grinned and gestured grandly in front of them. Ginny's eyes went wide. Across the clearing was her lovely home, looking as good as new. Squads of warrior-elves stood guard menacingly around the perimeter while other, smaller beings she more associated with the Christmas story elves scampered around, making final adjustments to the domicile. "Like the whole thing never happened," Santa declared. "And there are even some improvements, I might add." "Ya don't say," Ginny said somewhat absently, still staring in disbelief. All sign of the titan battle fought on her property less than twelve hours ago were gone. "Uh; improvements?" Santa nodded. "We added solar panels and some subtle wind turbines, so you can officially live off the grid. Water's hooked up to a local artesian well. Improved your internet connection, you get about two hundred megabits per second, not to mention the fact that we connected you to our servers, so the Tor Network and the Deep Web have nothing on you for security and anonymity." "Wow;" was all she seemed to be able to say. "Let's see, we reinforced the frame and the roof, you could probably get hit by a meteor and barely notice," Santa continued. "Windows are made of transparent aluminum, they're durable, to say the least." "No bugs crashing through my bay windows?" she asked. "Actually got a nifty physics trick for you

Miracle On Route 34: Part 2 Virginia and Santa face extreme danger together. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Someone attacked Santa with a wicked-looking spiked hand-axe, something out of a sci-fi movie. He batted the weapon aside and clapped his open hands across the man's ears, busting his brain. Before he dropped, Santa grabbed the corpse and swung it around in a wide arc, smashing it into the foes surrounding him and knocking them back. "Shit!" Ginny squealed as one of the targets landed near her. "It's like the fucking Matrix in here!" As he threw the corpse away, he paused very briefly and glanced at her. "Since you happen to be right there, how about a little mood music?" "What?" "I'm just saying some music would be nice if we're going to be doing this," he called. "You're next to the entertainment system, how about putting something on?" "You’re shitting me, right?" she almost complained, wincing as she heard something delicate-sounding and expensive smash behind her amidst the wild brawl. She stared at the multimedia system, flapping her arms in frustration as she tried to focus through the noise. This couldn't be happening. She clutched the sleeves of her plush robe for a moment, trying to concentrate on its soft, fuzzy texture and center herself. She'd almost forgotten the large nerf gun in her hands but ignored it now, fixing her gaze on the mp3 playlist. She pressed a button. "Silent night; Holy night;" Bing crooned through the room. "Not really what I had in mind!" Santa mentioned loudly as he rammed his knee into a man's chin. "Try again!" Ginny bit her lip and pressed the button again, this time rewarded with Gary Glitter singing 'Another Rock And Roll Christmas'. "Still not quite there," he said as he snapmared another foe. "Better, but not quite!" "Well I don't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "What kind of music do you put on while Santa kills things in your living room?" Santa turned sideways and thrust his foot out, kicking an intruder in the chest and sending him sprawling backwards, rolling head over heels until he thumped into the entertainment system, jolting it and skipping the player. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Perfect!" he declared as he fought, swarmed once again by foes. "Seriously?" Ginny yelled. "Combichrist is Santa's fucking fighting groove?" "I'm trying to figure out why you have it on your playlist," Santa replied. "I don't remember you liking aggrotech!" "Why the hell do you of all people even know what it is?" she shot back, wincing as she watched another body sail into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch before dropping to the floor and leaving a huge, crumbling dent in the stone. 'This Shit Will Fuck You Up!' "I prefer the term 'Hellektro' myself," he added. "And I know all songs, silly. I remember when the Dayglo Abortions wrote that 'Hey Santa!' song back in the '80's, they didn't get presents for” "I didn't ask, why are you answering?" she hissed. "Kill! Kill!" All the while, the pounding rhythms of the music filled the room. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Well, at least we know why it's on your playlist, anyway!" he mentioned as he broke someone's back over his knee. "Very funny, red man!" Ginny hissed, scowling. She ducked wildly as another assailant flew overhead and landed in the Jacuzzi, his neck slamming against the hard edge with a snap noise and then tilting at a strange angle, his eyes wide and unseeing. "Fucking hell," she muttered. "These guys eat too much red meat!" Santa smashed two heads together before punting a third man in the chest, sending him staggering back until he fell against the entertainment unit, right next to Ginny, his eyes spiraling in his head. She scowled down at him for a moment before smashing the pitcher of nog on his cranium and sending him to the floor. Every single intruder stopped and turned to look at her suddenly, their eyes narrowing and turning very yellow. "Eep;" Ginny said quietly, going pale. They all howled and lunged toward her, even as Santa fought to reach her first. She shrieked in fright. "Darn it, Ginny!" he shouted in what almost sounded like irritation. "I told you not to do anything!" "You said not to use the stupid nerf gun!" she shot back as she dodged wildly and began to run around, evading her pursuers. "I meant don't do anything to get yourself noticed!" he growled as he bulldogged one man's head into the floor. He sprang to his feet and grabbed another man by the back of the head, ramming his face into the stone wall, creating a small crater from which the body slumped only slowly and wetly. "How the hell did they not notice the mostly naked girl in the room?" she yelled, sprinting around the circumference of the room, being chased by yellow-eyed foes. "They're mostly quantum, they don't always perceive real-state things or beings until they're interacted with!" he answered. "They weren't looking for you until you announced yourself!" "Oh, you and your weird physics shit!" she groused, her robe coming more and more undone as she ran. One of her tits was exposed, bouncing annoyingly and the nipple hardening as a cold wind from the endless holes in her walls and windows blew into the room. "Now what?" "Well, since they know you're here, you might as well use the gun," he answered as he tackled a small knot of them who were looking to cut off her avenue of escape. "At least then you can defend yourself if you're careful!" "The fuck am I supposed to do?" she shouted angrily as she clutched the ridiculous, useless gun. "Nerf them to death? Hope I shoot one foam dart down a throat and hope the bastard chokes and dies?" "Didn't you just let me inside all of your orifices?" he pointed out as he spun low, sweeping one foe's feet from under him and then taking him by the ankles to slam him off the floor. "Trust me, Virginia!" "Dammit!" she spat, steeling her nerve, hoping her resolve was harder than her nipple currently was. Taking a deep breath, she stopped running and spun, pointing the gun and pulling the plastic trigger; She yelped in astonishment as coruscating arcs of lightning crackled and lashed out from the muzzle, enveloping several foes, who wailed in glowing agony before disappearing from view. "Jesus H Fucking Tesla!" she exclaimed in amazement as she gaped down at her toy. "Virginia, language!" Santa warned. She rolled her eyes and pointed at another man rushing her, pulling the trigger and watching him explode in a shower of scintillating particles. "This shit will fuck you up!" blared the speakers. The wall splintered next to Ginny and several terrifying creatures barged in, causing her to shriek in fright, they were easily Santa's size, vaguely humanoid but covered in a greyish, segmented carapace, with insectoid heads, evil-looking mandibles and huge claws at the end of four arms. They hissed as the lunged for her. "Fuck fuck fuck!" cried out as she began running. "Fucking hate motherfucking bugs!" She fired wildly behind herself without looking, managing to strike one of the new creatures but only slowing it down. Ginny raced for the stairs, stampeding up them only to find more of the yellow-eyed humanoids waiting for her. "Santa!" she cried out in terror. "Help!" He glanced her way and grimaced at her predicament. "Aw, hell;" With a strength born of the desperation to protect one of his precious children, he surged forward, shoulder-blocking his way through a knot of assailants, springing through the air with astonishing agility, alternately using the wall and railing of the stairs to get to the upper floor, twisting and executing a flying kick that downed a foe about to attack Ginny. "Good thing I wore my enhanced parkour boots tonight, eh?" he muttered as he glared at the foes crowding to get up the stairs or down the hallway at them. "I don't even know what that means." Ginny snapped, backing up warily as the horde coming for them grew in numbers. "If that's some sort of geek speak, then we, are you getting bigger?" "I guess I am," he replied, grimly, glaring at their foes. "I don't expect what I'm saying to make sense, but the other iterations of me, my other selves, they're all coming here, merging with me to help meet the threat." "You're; consolidating?" she asked in disbelief. "That's one way to look at it," he said, his blue eyes flashing. "It's gonna make finishing the Christmas run tight if I get held up here much longer." "Oh, terribly sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, your highness." Ginny said, trying to not sound too snide. He put his body between her and her foes, backing her up against the wall. "They can't come through the wall you're up against, it's the South wall," he said quietly but with a sense of urgency. "You're safe from that angle. You can fire your gun past me or over the rail at the guys down below. Since they're trying to reach you that means they've solidified enough that they can't do crazy things like jump seven meters up to reach you, they'll have to use the stairs." "I thought they were after you." Ginny said hotly. "They were, until you announced yourself with a jug of nog," he pointed out. "Now they want to destroy you to hurt me." "Oh. Sorry." Ginny mumbled somewhat sheepishly. "You can make it up to me later!" he said as he surged forward suddenly, bulling his way through the approaching crowd, clotheslining several at once. Shouts went up and the fight was on again. Santa punched, kicked, elbowed, kneed and wrenched his way through the enemy horde. Ginny swore he was indeed bigger than he had been earlier. His already hard body physique was almost bulging with muscles now, like a California beach bodybuilder. Black blood glistened on his flawless skin as he maimed the attackers. Droplets that hit the carpet sizzled and ate through it, burning the hardwood floor beneath. "No!" Ginny wailed in despair. "Not the hardwood! I loved that feature!" She glared and gritted her teeth as she leaned over the railing and pointed the nerf gun down at the endless crowd on the main floor, pulling the trigger. The crackling arcs of energy enveloped several foes, who wailed and vanished. Same as before, the giant insectoids rarely disappeared but seemed slowed or staggered by the attack. Santa fought his way forward, forcing the attackers back from Ginny. Try as they might, no one got by him, even if it meant that they could strike at him instead. He took their assaults resolutely, using his body as a shield to protect her. Before long, the floor of the hallway was littered with bodies, some barely stirring, others not moving at all. Still, the foes swarmed up the stairs. One of the bug-things swiped at him with its vicious claws and he ducked under the blow before kicking his boot into one of the reverse-jointed legs, snapping it. The bug screeched and tumbled and he leapt onto its back, grabbing hold of one of the large, wet-grey chitinous plates that armored its back and pulled, it tore away with a mushy crack and the beast's keened agony as it shuddered and thrashed. Without pausing, Santa whirled around and slammed the exoskeletal plate across several men's heads, dropping them. Ginny kept firing the nerf tesla gun, wondering what sort of sociopath would invent a deadly weapon that looked like a famous kid's toy. She pushed it from her mind, realizing that she wanted to live and didn't care at the moment about the social mores of the issue. Santa was using the huge chitin plate almost like a shield, driving his foes back with it to the stairs. It finally cracked in half and he punched through the mess, unwilling to give the enemy time to regroup. He spun one man around with a fist across the jaw before grabbing his arms from behind and ramming his knee into the man's back, lifting him off the floor and letting him slam his spine onto the stairs. Without waiting, Santa launched himself through the air, knee raised and smashed it into the face of a man on the stair's corner landing. The foe's head went back through the wall with a loud crunch and he hung there limply, no longer part of the battle. "Ack!" Ginny squawked as the nerf gun sputtered and let out several impotent flashes and then died. "Not now! No no no!" One foe had broken through the cordon and now raced toward her. She yelled loudly and smashed the butt of her nerf gun into his face, staggering him for a moment. She glared at him angrily, waiting for him to fall, but her didn't, so she kicked him in the crotch with her instep. He groaned and sunk to his knees, holding himself. Ginny was practically jumping up and down on top of him by the time he stopped moving. "Stay; the; fuck; down!" she shouted angrily as she turned his ribcage into powder. She failed to notice the one last foe who rushed up behind her. But then Santa was at her side and he delivered a devastating haymaker to the man's thorax. Stunned, the intruder staggered back against the railing. With a growl, Santa grabbed him by the face and ruthlessly bent his back over the railing before leaping over and slamming his elbow across the man's neck as he went down to the main floor. The lifeless form crumpled next to him as he looked around, glaring. No foes remained standing. Aside from the music, all was quiet. "It is safe?" Ginny called from the gallery. "Are the scary guys and bug-thingies all gone?" "No," Santa said warily. "And the next wave is even bigger." "Great!" Ginny complained, tossing the useless nerf gun over the side. "And according to you, there's no one that can help us!" "I didn't say that," he countered, beckoning for her to come down the stairs and be near him for protection. "I just said there was no Easter Bunny." "No Superman either, apparently," she grumbled as she approached him, letting him put a huge arm around her possessively. He was, indeed, bigger than ever. She was practically child-sized next to him now. "So who the hell is there to help us?" "If help's arriving it had better get here soon," he said, taking her to the remains of her big glass bay windows and back door. The wind was howling as snow drove into the living room. What was left of it, anyway. Which was nothing. "It's now or never. Can you see them?" She peered into the darkness outside and a chill ran down her spine, hundreds of red and yellow glowing eyes could be seen in the darkness. And they seemed to be getting closer. "Do; do they see me?" she asked, swallowing nervously. "I'm sure they do," he said, grimacing. "Not going to take a chance and assume they don't. I'll do everything I can to protect you, of course." "Is; is that going to be enough?" She could hear the angry hisses and an evil chanting outside clearly now, getting closer with each moment. It pained Santa that he couldn't lie to her. "I don't know, Virginia." She sighed and smiled weakly. "Well, at least I know there's a Santa Claus now. And he gave me the night of my life before it all ended." He returned the smile, trying to feign a cheerfulness he didn't feel. "I don't;" Ginny faltered, trying to find the words. "I don't suppose that you'd; well; that you'd be willing to kiss me one last time? You know, before the end?" He turned to look down at her, his hands holding her arms with an unreal gentleness and a warmth in his eyes that comforted her even now. "Nothing would make me happier, Virginia." She smiled and closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Santa." "Merry Christmas, Virginia;" he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her. Then the night was filled with high-pitched shrieks, a noise that made her eyes snap open. She'd heard noises like that before, once a long time ago in grade school. It sounds like the hissing passage of meteors above, and getting closer. Or what she imagined artillery sounded like when it was incoming, like in all those war movies. Santa's head turned and an almost evil grin crept over his face as he listened. "That's more like it!" he declared, standing tall and pointing at the blackness of the night. "Watch the sky, Virginia;" She looked up and noticed glittering points of light, dozens of them, seeming to get closer. The hissing shriek was indeed their approach and they seemed to be aimed right at them. She felt Santa's hand squeeze on her shoulder, almost in excitement. His blue eyes were blazing ferociously. Finally, what looked like dozens of giant icicles, each larger and longer than a semi, lanced out of the night sky and slammed into the earth around her house, shaking it as they buried their tips in the frozen ground and came to a stop. Several impaled the intruders as they came in, while others kicked up a covering spray of snow as the enemy stopped and looked around in confusion. Then doors or portals opened on the sides of the titan icicles and tall, lithe beings began leaping out of them, wearing weird, form-fitting armor and carrying space-age guns and swords or axes. Their armor and long hair was a riot of colors that was reflected by the snow and ice. Wild, ululating war cries pierced the air. And a savage, bloody battle began on her property. "Who the hell are they?" Ginny almost yelled in astonishment as she watched. They moved with inhuman grace and speed, the ones not wearing helmets revealing long, beautiful facial features that were often frightening because of the wrath they displayed. The helmets were all tall and peaked, showing fearsome designs and glowing eyes. Weird runes pulsed and throbbed with light all over their armor. Guns hissed and shrieked while swords hummed as they slew. "My elves," Santa said, clearly pleased and also eager to fight but not willing to leave her side yet. "They got my call and converged on my position." "Those are elves?" she exclaimed in amazement. "Aren't they cutesy little toy-shop people?" "Cute myth, but no, not these ones," he replied, watching as several elves wearing bone-white armor with feminine features raced past, throwing themselves into a knot of the hulking bugs. They screamed and the masks of their wild-maned helmets gave off vibrations that shook Ginny's teeth in her head as it melted their foes' faces off. "No, a lot of my elves are warriors, meant to help me fight Krampus. They keep Christmas safe with me." "What the hell are they wearing?" she asked in disbelief. How could this weird night get any weirder? Santa sighed. "Truth? They've been spending way too much time playing Warhammer 40k and they; appropriated armor, weapons and tactics from the Eldar faction. They're space elves." "Wow. Gay;" she muttered, shaking her head. "Well, they're certainly earning their keep tonight." He nodded. "Been a long time since Krampus moved against us this hard. Apparently he got bored and was feeling uppity. That or he just forgot what a good thrashing felt like." Ginny watched as three elves, clad in scary black armor and wearing helmets that looked like peaked skulls, marched relentlessly forward, firing little rockets from elaborate launchers they carried in their hands and on suspensor harnesses. The rockets punctured the bugs' chitin shells and exploded inside them, sending shards of exoskeleton and stinking goo in every direction. Ginny squeaked and hid behind Santa as some of the nasty effluence landed right where she'd been standing only a moment before. Beams of super-heated plasma and tiny, shuriken-like projectiles hissed and whizzed by them, the remains of her lovely house now the center of a battleground while the winter storm raged on. Warriors in green armor, carrying weapons that looked like a horrifying hybrid of sword and chainsaw, tore into a knot of foes, slicing them to bloody ribbons. As savage as the battle had been earlier, when it had just been her and Santa, she suddenly appreciated its relative civility. "They need my help," Santa said finally, cracking his knuckles, his expression grim. "We have to finish this off or Christmas won't come on time." "I thought you said there was plenty of time." Ginny protested, frowning up at him. "There was," he admitted. "But in order to defeat Krampus' minions, I summoned every single quantum iteration of myself back to here to help me fight. No one is delivering presents anywhere at the moment. I can't change real-time if I'm here in my entirety." He turned and looked at her. "Hopefully we're keeping them busy enough that they don't worry about you. Stay against the wall and work the music, will you?" "Manning the music station," she said, nodding, focusing on giving herself a task. "Music for Santa and his homicidal elves to kill by. Got it;" She watched as Santa leapt through the shattered remains of her bay doors into the howling storm and crashed into a knot of foes, savaging them. She watched in disbelief for some time, trying to figure out how Santa could kill anyone. I mean, even serial murderers got presents in prison, didn't they? Maybe they didn't, she had no way of knowing and chalked up thinking about this to what could only be described as the weirdest night of her life. She squealed and dodged out of the way as a body came flying through the doors and landed next to her. She scrambled over to the entertainment center and stood in front of it, trying to figure out what the hell she should play. "Okay;" she breathed, trying to focus. "Mass slaughter music; mass slaughter music;" What constituted mass slaughter music? Death metal? Panic At The Disco? Teletubbies music? She had no playlists, so she began cycling through the radio, hoping to find anything that might suffice. Oldies; Christmas music; hip-hop; trance; disco; "Son of a fuck," she muttered. "This is harder than it looks." She finally came across a station playing 'Jailhouse Rock' and decided that was good enough, she was sick of looking. She winced, trying to ignore another splintering crash as a body came through her wall. She hugged herself but then felt her robe. She frowned as she looked down at it, realizing it had been thoroughly shredded in the fight earlier. Those shuriken-thingies had been cutting it real close. Ginny grumbled as she pulled it off and threw it away, standing there completely naked, it hadn't been keeping her warm in its current condition and she was thoroughly beyond giving a shit at this point about who saw her naked. They were all too damn busy tearing one another apart anyway. And that sort of pissed her off. She was buck-naked and no one seemed to care. She'd shaved her cunt for this? "And I thought my night sucked before," she sighed to no one in particular. "Not getting my cunt pounded had been my biggest complaint before this hack!" She never saw the menacing shadow that had slipped up behind her. Santa picked one of his foes up overhead and hurled him into a cluster of foes, bowling them all over. He then punched another man as he tried to run by, knocking him off his feet and into his back. A quick stamp on his solar plexus made sure he stopped moving. The huge man thrust his fist in the air and shouted loudly. "Clear!" he thundered, indicating no other enemies surrounded him. His elves responded in kind, many of them gathering in a tight ring about him, weapons facing out as they sought to protect him. Hundreds of bodies lay strewn across the landscape, some burning from plasma blasts, other shredded and blown apart by rockets or sliced into bloody jerky. The storm seemed to be abating, no longer a blizzard so much as a stiff wind and swirls of snow. "Sire, we detect no enemies in the immediate vicinity," one elf wearing blue armor with a tall, crested helmet announced, striding up and saluting by thumping his gauntleted fist over his heart. "This attack has been defeated." "Maybe," Santa said, looking around warily. "But that doesn't mean anything just yet. We have to secure the area, make sure Virginia is alright and then get back to” "Kringle!" "Damn," he muttered to himself. "I thought this was too easy." He made several complex gestures, sending his elves fanning out in a wide arc as he began trudging forward through the snow, heading toward where the voice had come from out of the night. The winds and squalls of snow continued to die down until there was an almost deafening silence, the moon shining brightly overhead and revealing the sheer carnage of the battle that had been waged, the snow and ice glittered with frozen blood. "Kringle!" snarled the inhuman voice angrily. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Santa said loudly, scowling. "Don't get your panties in a bunch!" He stopped in a clearing on the other side of the house, glowering at who confronted him, the beast was not as tall as he was, nor as muscular, but horrifying in aspect. The backward-jointed, hairy legs ended in wicked hooves. The skin not covered in coarse black fur was almost as dark and criss-crossed with innumerable scars. The vascular chest was crowned with a strong neck and sitting atop it was a blasphemous head, a demonic goat's visage from which grew four evil, twisting horns. The red eyes blazed like wrathful coals and sharp teeth glistened wetly inside the hateful mouth. Krampus. And in one of his powerful, clawed hands, he held Virginia by the neck, who looked like a rag doll. "Hi, Santa;" she said weakly, looking very apologetic. Santa kept walking forward, clenching his fists. "By all means, Kringle, keep coming forward if you mean to slay the child." Krampus growled, starting to squeeze and causing Ginny to shudder in fear. Santa stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes narrowing. His elves had now cast a tight net around the scene, hemming in Krampus. One circle of warriors faced inward, pointing their weapons at the abomination while another behind them faced out, prepared for any further attacks. Santa didn't move. "Let the girl go, Krampus," he said levelly. "This doesn't concern her." "Oh, I beg to differ," said the beastman in an almost non-chalant tone. "It's always about the children, isn't it?" "Hey!" said Ginny angrily. "I am not a child, jerk! I'm twenty, Gurr!" "Oh, do stop talking, you're such an annoyance." Krampus said, giving her neck another warning squeeze. "Let the adults work this out." "There's nothing to work out, Krampus," Santa growled, his blue eyes flashing. "You'll let the girl go." "I think we both know that's not happening," intoned the vile intruder. "She is my victory over you, and you know it. Revenge is not only a dish best served cold but often. And not often enough for me." "About this cold revenge dish thing," Ginny said, squirming slightly. "Couldn't; couldn't I just find you a nice tin can to chew on instead?" "Shut up, girl!" Krampus said harshly while several elves could be heard to chuckle and even Santa smirked at her jest. "I hold your life in my hands, to dispose of as I please." His foul breath crackled in the cold night air. His touch was uncomfortably warm, almost hot and strangely kept her body from freezing in the winter night. His touch felt evil and her skin crawled in revulsion. His strength was terrifying. "It wasn't enough that I slaved in coal mines for you, giving you carbon lumps to deliver to naughty children," Krampus growled, glaring at Santa. "It wasn't enough that I found the worst of them and brought them to you in the night so you could lecture them." "Hey, nobody asked you or ordered you to do the coal thing, pal," Santa said angrily. "And the whole kidnapping kids thing was your idea. I decided to let you have some creative control and look what happened. When it didn't work out, you decided that beating naughty kids with reeds was the answer. You're damn right that wasn't good enough!" "Silence!" Krampus snarled loudly, stamping one of his clawed hooves and making the ground shake dangerously. "Your kind-hearted foolishness with these puny mortals changed nothing about their behavior! Your failure to recognize their inherent selfishness was why our efforts were doomed!" "These puny mortals?" Santa countered. "You used to be one of them, Pete, remember? You were a well-behaved boy once." "Shut up!" growled Krampus. "Well-behaved, but not good," Santa continued. "You followed the rules and wanted everyone to follow rules. You were a control freak. I brought you north to show you what kindness could do, but you hated the cheer and the happiness and you fled to the coal mines in Greenland, hiding in the dark where the light of Christmas couldn't touch you! And when making kids feel bad with coal didn't bring them into line, you started the whole whipping them with reeds thing. Good job there, Pete!" "I'm warning you, Kringle;" Krampus said dangerously. "Oh, he really gets your goat, doesn't he?" Ginny sneered, causing several elves to laugh loudly. Krampus now snarled furiously and lifted her into the air by her neck, causing her to cry out in pain. Santa watched warily, knowing better than to make a move. "We seem to have an impasse," Krampus said, an evil smile playing over his slavering mouth. "You cannot harm me, because you know I can slay the child, but I cannot as yet slay her because she is my bargaining chip. But my need to hurt you, old man, is so very strong." He lowered Ginny down until her feet were just touching the snow-covered ground. She frowned as she heard a wet slithering sound she could not identify. "And there are other ways to hurt you than slaying the poor dear, aren't there?" Ginny felt something slimy touch her leg and then start to crawl up it, wrapping around her smooth skin. She shuddered and squirmed in horror as she realized exactly what was happening. The snake-like appendage wound up her thigh and then behind her. She gasped as it slid between her ass cheeks and then underneath to her cunt. She felt the blunt head split her lips and then move upward again. "Don't do this, Krampus." Santa said, trying to figure out what to do without hurting Ginny. "And why not?" replied the qliphotic abomination. "Don't you have a present for me? Then I guess I'll have to give myself one." Krampus' organ continued to slither its way around her body, leaving a glistening trail on her skin. She stiffened and moaned as his appendage wrapped around her tits, squeezing them, the head pausing and teasing the nipples. "Hey, asshole, dinner and a movie first!" she spat angrily. Ginny was about to say something else when the large, grayish cockhead snaked up in front of her face and then plunged into her mouth, causing her to gag and go silent. Her eyes widened and she thrashed furiously, but to no avail. He was simply too strong. "Language, young lady." Krampus chided, still staring at Santa. "Hasn't Santa taught you anything?" "This isn't gonna end well for you, Pete." Santa said, his tone dire. "Christmas never does, Kringle," replied the demon, his cock sliding in and out of Ginny's mouth. "I'm just hoping to make the holiday every bit as awful and intolerable for you as it is for me. After all, misery loves company." He brought her body close to his head and his other hand reached over and stroked her cunt lips, which were glistening. He leered at his foe, knowing Santa was helpless to get closer. "Is she good down here?" Krampus said mockingly. "Nice and wet and tight for you? Was she the best one ever, in the endless list of good girls you have fucked?" Santa said nothing, just glaring at Krampus. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. "Sharing your toys is the spirit of Christmas, isn't it?" Krampus said evilly, finally pulling his cock out of her mouth. Ginny coughed and sputtered, tendrils of resinous spittle and worse trailing away from her lips. She glared at Krampus but was still immobilized. "Just get this over with and fuck me already, whip-cock," she spat. "You won't be my first egotistical disappointment, trust me." Krampus' eyes blazed red and his tongue sped around her naked form blindingly quickly while he released her from his clawed grip. The tongue wrapped and immobilized her arms, holding them out straight while still encircling her tits. It then snaked around her waist and legs, pinning those as well while his long cock, swaying about like a cobra, came to a stop in front of her swollen cunt lips. The head teased and tapped against the opening, causing her to moan and squirm. "As you wish, child;" The head forced itself through her lips, sliding deep inside her. Ginny cried out in a mixture of shock and indescribable pleasure. She felt the tip of his pointed tongue probe trailing around her nipples. The python-like length of his cock churned inside her cunt. The blinding light behind her eyes finally receded and she lifted her head, looking out into the night, feeling his tongue constricting around her neck. She could dimly see a huge being in red pants and black boots watching nearby, his powerful chest exposed. The startling blue eyes flashed in the darkness of the night. She could tell he wanted to rescue her but didn't dare come closer. She gasped and shuddered as Krampus' cock pushed still deeper inside her. She felt fuller than she had imagined possible, the slithering appendage stretching her wide. The sticky, squelching noises were hardly to be believed. "Ew, gross! Hentai noises!" she thought in revulsion. "Krampus;" Santa warned. His elves all pointed their weapons menacingly but he held up his hand, staying them. "The child is naughty," Krampus said, smiling through pointed teeth. "Very naughty. Such a sordid past." "Hey, back off, she was young and needed the money!" Santa snapped defensively. "That thing with the midget and the donkey was” "You're not helping here!" Ginny shouted, blushing furiously, even as Krampus violated her. "Wicked child," growled the vile demon, shoving his cock in and out of her, the peristaltic actions of its length causing her to writhe and squirm in his grip, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "Shameless. Even though I violate her, she finds a way to be concerned about how you perceive her. I find it; titillating." "Oh, do I make you horny?" she sneered, turning her head to smirk at him. "Couldn't tell, looking at that head of yours." "Silence!" Krampus hissed, spittle flying from his jaws, his eyes flashing angrily. "I hold your life and death in my hands." "How would I know?" she shot back. "Hope you're better with your hands than you are with your cock, Billy G." He plunged his cock deeper still inside her. She went rigid and cried out. "That all you got?" she rasped, trying not to faint as she felt popping inside her hips while he stetched her. "My brother got in deeper than that when we were little!" "Insolent!" Krampus snarled savagely, bouncing her up and down and he fucked her harder than ever, pulling on her arms and legs, stretching her joints til they creaked. She felt a deep, wet heat building inside her and in spite of the horror she consciously felt about the situation, even more dire was her need to cum. She felt her cunt squeezing around his cock. His snake-like tongue probed her ass and wriggled inside, further adding to her desperation. "Intholent bith, you will be punithed!" "What was that?" Santa asked, turning his head slightly and putting his hand to his ear. "I couldn't understand you, it's like you have a lisp or something." "Don't mock meef!" Krampus said angrily, his tongue whipping out of Ginny's ass, causing her to yelp suddenly. "I'll kill her, Kringle!" "Not before I cum, damn you!" Ginny panted, her body flushed and covered in sweat as she twisted and writhed in his grip. "Uh, so close, goddammit!" "Language!" Santa and Krampus both snapped at her. "Aw, c'mon!" she wailed. "You two are total pains in the ass! Do it, Billy! Show me what a bad boy you are!" Krampus glared at her and began fucking her harder than ever. "As you wish, child!" "Krampus!" Santa shouted, reaching out his hand in alarm. "Don't!" Krampus grinned evilly at Santa, his teeth clenching as he drew close to climax. His cock seemed to swell along its length, stretching her wider still. She threw her head back and gritted her teeth, straining as she was overwhelmed by sensation; Santa's fist slammed across Krampus' jaw with a powerful crack. The demonoid's eyes rolled into his head and he crumpled to the ground. Ginny wailed in frustration as his cock pulled out of her and retreated back to his body, like a wet, slimy Stanley tape measure. She collapsed to her hands and knees in the snow, panting and shaking, her eyes wide. Santa raced up and knelt next to her, his eyes shining with concern. "Fuck;" Ginny whispered, gasping for air. "Motherfucker;" She looked up at her rescuer now, her eyes flashing accusingly. "The hell? Couldn't you have let him make me cum first?" Santa paused. "What?" "I was so damn close!" she hissed, standing up and stamping her foot. "I was within half a second of the orgasm of my life and you had to choose that moment to intervene and play the hero! Don't expect a thank you card!" "Uh, Virginia," Santa said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say. "If he had brought you to orgasm, it would have killed you. When Krampus climaxes, his appendage you were so attached to bursts into spikes, basically killing you from the inside while denying you your orgasm." She paused and then deflated. "Holy cobra dildos. What a bastard." Ginny then pointed a finger at her savior. "But you still owe me an orgasm, then, pal. You may have rescued me from certain death, but that doesn't mean I don't need relief." Santa looked really confused. "What, here? Now?" "Damn straight," she said firmly, suddenly remembering she was buck naked in a snow-storm. In spite of the no-doubt freezing weather, her body was still warm and very wet with need. She put her hand down her cunt and felt around for a moment before presenting her sticky palm and fingers to Santa for inspection. "Do I look satisfied to you? You've already fucked me, Screamo the Goat Boy just fucked me, who cares if your freaky gay elves watch us? I need satisfaction now and I already am aware that you can't say no." Santa sighed. "It's gotta be quick, Virginia. I'm really behind, now that I'm completely temporal in one location." "Whatever, just get me to the promised land, man." Ginny replied, shrugging. "Who knows, maybe your entourage might enjoy a show." "Oh, right, about that," Santa said, standing up tall and shouting loudly. "About; Face!" As a single unit, the elves all turned around smartly on their heels, still arranged in a protective ring around their liege and his companion, weapons ready as they scanned the darkness for trouble, their eyes glowing menacingly inside their helmets. Santa strode up to Ginny, towering over her and ignoring the prostrate form of the still-unconscious Krampus, snuffling nearby. She smiled up at him, somehow warmed by his presence, in spite of the icy night she should have frozen to death in already. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as she felt her already molten core getting even more heated in response to his touch. Tongues tangled and played as he took her ass cheeks in his hands and squeezed them, making her shiver. Ginny's hands fumbled with his large black belt until it fell away and then pulled down his red pants. He pulled her onto his powerful thighs, resting her on them. She hooked her legs behind his waist and began grinding her wet, eager cunt against his hardening cock, which swelled readily. Her head was almost spinning, she was so horny. "Hmm, give it to me, baby," she purred, feeling the head of his cock touch her cunt lips. "Make me cum hard and fast." She sighed loudly as he pulled her close, penetrating and sliding deep inside her. Ginny moaned shamelessly as Santa once again began to pump back and forth inside her. His huge cock stretched her cunt wide, but not in the violent, violating way Krampus did. This felt warm and utterly perfect. She nipped at the skin of his chest while he moved in and out of her. "Yes," Ginny breathed as he began to moved faster, pumping strongly and rhythmically. She could feel her wetness trickling down between her cheeks, her cunt clutching at him hungrily, greedily and unwilling to let go until it was somehow sated. "Oh, God, just what I needed. Yes, fuck me, Santa!" He gripped her tight and thrust into her, picking up his pace just the way she wanted. She was gasping and yelping now and he squeezed her cheeks, one of his fingers poking inside her puckered knot. She clenched her teeth and groaned at the intrusion, murmuring that she loved it. She grew warmer and warmer, her body tingling with an exquisite fire that rippled out from her core. Santa turned her around and set her feet on top of his boots, bending her forward and pulling on her arms. She cried out as he fucked her harder, his hips thumping against her ass cheeks. Her hands clenched wildly, her breath coming in gasps as his overwhelming strength dominated her. "Oh, God!" she panted, beginning to shudder uncontrollably, almost drooling. "Uh, cum in me, dammit! Fucking cum in me!" Santa pulled on her arms even tighter as his thighs slammed into her. Ginny strained, craning her neck, teeth clenched as she tried not to scream, but it was no use, she wailed loudly as he came inside her, filling her once again in a way she could not describe. Her orgasm shook every last atom of her being, transporting her to a world of nothing but pleasure, edged with mint. She buckled, hanging loosely in his arms, exhausted. She'd been fucked hard at least five times tonight and had a dreadful suspicion that this experience would only make her libido even more hyperactive. She sighed as Santa scooped her naked form into his arms and cuddled her against the cold. Ginny purred and traced a fingernail across his broad chest. "Thank you," she said quietly. "Just what the doctor ordered. That quenched the flames, for now." He finally put her down and she looked at the remains of her ruined chateau, which was completely leveled and now on fire. "Poor Oatmeal," she murmured. "Where am I going to live?" She scowled down at the still supine Krampus, anger flaring in her. "It's this jack wagon’s fault. You should totally napalm his face." Santa looked down at her in shock. "Did you just say I should jerk off in Krampus' face?" "Damn right, he'd deserve it too." Ginny announced. "That and shove your sleigh up his ass." "I am not jizzing in Krampus' face." Santa said, clearly repulsed by the suggestion. "Fine, leave a woman to do a man's job," Ginny said testily, striding over to Krampus and putting one leg on either side of his head. She stuck three fingers inside her cunt and managed to tease out considerable amounts of Santa's minty cum, which she smeared all over Krampus' face and into his fur with glee, even giving him a glistening white moustache. "Take that, asshole!" She looked like she might have been done desecrating the unconscious form, but then she paused and squatted over him, peeing on his body and face, the stream steaming in the cold night air. She grinned evilly as she thoroughly baptized him. "Teach you to mess with me." Ginny muttered as she walked back to Santa, nodding. The huge man had a wide smirk on his face and shook his head slowly. "I can't believe you just pissed all over Krampus," he said, hugging her to him. "However, you're going to freeze to death at this rate;" He held out his hand and one of his elves dutifully brought him a large, velvety red cloak, which he wrapped around her. She blushed and smiled gratefully at his consideration, but only until he slid it off her, revealing that she was now wearing some ridiculous 'Hot Christmas Elf' outfit, complete with striped stockings and high heels. She looked like a Yule whore. "Seriously?" she asked, unimpressed. "This is your solution to my naked issues?" He shrugged. "I liked you better naked, but you would freeze quickly." "Whatever," she sighed, looking down and appreciating the considerable lift it gave her cleavage. It was incredibly warm, in spite of how scant it was. "So now what? I still have no damn home, you and Goatse here blew it up with your little barnyard brawl." Santa looked around warily. "That might be the least of your worries. The wind's picking up again, which means that another assault is coming. We need to get out of here." "Sire!" said one of the armored elves, thumping his fist to his breastplate and bowing his head. "We will cover you. You must go while you still have a head-start and the dark one is unconscious." Santa nodded. "Yeah, he's not gonna be happy when he wakes up and he's really gonna want revenge on you, Virginia." She felt her mouth go dry at the notion of another battle and Krampus waking up to even the score. "So; now what?" Santa shrugged. "I'd say it's fairly obvious. I've still got to make my rounds before the night is over and I'm not leaving you here;" She gaped as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. "Virginia, you're coming with me and you're going to help save Christmas." Chapter 3, Christmas Wishes "How the hell do you drive this thing?" Ginny called in a panic, her eyes wide as she held onto the reigns, twisting them wildly as she tried to steer. Up ahead of her, eight large reindeer squealed and thrashed their heads. The sleigh corkscrewed while it hurtled through the cold night air, the moon shining down on them. "Well, first of all, stop panicking," Santa replied as he stood on the back of the sleigh, atop his huge red sack of toys. He was more or less back to his original size she had become accustomed to, now that he had sent his other 'iterations' of himself out over the globe to deliver presents. "That would be an excellent start." "Easy for you to say," she snapped, scowling back at him for a moment since taking her eyes off her designated path seemed to make no difference to how she was doing at navigating. "You're used to doing this!" "Trust me, between the two of us, you're the one with the easy job right now and I'd be happy to trade," he called back as he ducked wildly. A comically large rocket thundered by, with an evil-looking man strapped to the bottom of it, swinging a weapon wildly to hit Santa. "Try to keep her steady!" "While dodging psychos on rockets, no problem!" she grumbled, trying to ignore the howling wind and roaring projectiles. "Have I mentioned Krampus is a gigantic asshole?" "Repeatedly," Santa answered, watching warily. The sky was threaded with jets of fire as their enemies kept coming about in ponderous, elliptical arcs and heading back towards them, intent on their destruction. They had only just pulled off from the smoldering remains of Ginny's country chateau when the assault began. Krampus was nowhere to be seen, but his minions were clearly determined to avenge him. "Maybe urinating on him wasn't such a good idea. He never did take humiliation well." Ginny squawked in alarm and ducked as a rocket streaked right at her. Santa jumped in the air, doing the splits to avoid the projectile and landing back on top of his present sack. Another tried to pull up alongside them but Santa grabbed the harness the man was wearing and wrenched the rocket off course, sending it speeding into one some distance away. Both rockets (and presumably their pilots) exploded in a violent orgy of noise and flashing lights. "Really hope people just think those are fireworks," Santa muttered as he looked glared balefully at yet another rocket considering approaching. "Fireworks right in the middle of the world's most spastic meteor shower. Sure, they'll buy that;" "Funny part is I can't tell if you're serious," Ginny said loudly. "If they don't believe that narrative, then they've gotta accept that Santa Claus was engaged in an epic air battle over their town with quantum men strapped to rockets." "Truth is often stranger than fiction," Santa agreed, nodding. "Fighting these jerks off is taking too much time!" "Well, don't you have anything in your back of tricks there?" Ginny asked. In spite of the sleigh being open, it seemed to have some weird form of climate control and she'd been getting rather warm. To that end she'd pulled down her top, exposing her tits to cool herself off. The breeze allowed through made her nipples tingle delightfully, but not enough to distract her from driving the sleigh. After all, she often drove ninety minutes to her job wearing a vibrating insert in her panties, so she knew for a fact she could orgasm and still control a vehicle. A wheeled one, at least. She wasn't so sure about a sleigh doing Mach Three at twenty thousand feet. "You mean a weapon?" Santa asked. "In the bag full of toys for kids?" "You gave me a nerf gun out of that bag and it turned out to be some sort of doomsday device, didn't it?" she pointed out. "Scary lightning bolts everywhere. I refuse to believe you don't have some other goodies in there." Santa shrugged and squatted down to look inside the bag, getting narrowly missed by another rocket that shot over his head. The pilot cursed and came around again, aiming directly at the chassis of the sleigh from the side. Ginny's eyes widened in fright as she saw him approach. She jerked the reins to one side and the sleigh tilted ninety degrees, presenting its wide, flat red underside. The rocket slammed into it and exploded. Whatever it was made of or whatever shielding was in place, Ginny only heard the detonation and felt a rumble, but there was no damage aside from that. "Ha!" Santa said, standing tall and holding an electric guitar in the air, its black body gleamed in the moonlight. He put the strap around his neck and took several seconds to tune it, ignoring the aerial mayhem that swirled around him. "The hell are you going to do with that?" Ginny asked, scowling as she looked behind to see what he was up to. "You said to find something, I found something," he said simply as he checked the pickups. "Now let's see what we can do here;" He took the pick in hand and strummed it across the strings, a screeching pulse of sound blared out from the instrument, heading in all directions. It struck several rockets nearby, which exploded brightly. Other were knocked off course, spiraling around crazily as they fought for control. Santa laughed loudly, apparently enjoying himself. "Quit laughing and kill, red man!" Ginny yelled, nonplussed by his amusement. "I want to survive the night and I've had several close calls with death already!" "I'm working on it, Virginia, patience." Santa chided, adjusting the tuners momentarily. "Near-death experiences make you cranky." "No shit, Sherlock," she grumbled as he blasted out another screeching wave of sound. "Do you plan to play anything or just keep shrieking out that one sound?" "As you wish," he said cheerfully, pleased to be doing as she asked. Making her happy was all he cared about. He began playing a heavy metal version of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries', the pulsing walls of sound thundering out and striking every foe within hundreds of

Miracle On Route 34: Part 2 Virginia and Santa face extreme danger together. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Someone attacked Santa with a wicked-looking spiked hand-axe, something out of a sci-fi movie. He batted the weapon aside and clapped his open hands across the man's ears, busting his brain. Before he dropped, Santa grabbed the corpse and swung it around in a wide arc, smashing it into the foes surrounding him and knocking them back. "Shit!" Ginny squealed as one of the targets landed near her. "It's like the fucking Matrix in here!" As he threw the corpse away, he paused very briefly and glanced at her. "Since you happen to be right there, how about a little mood music?" "What?" "I'm just saying some music would be nice if we're going to be doing this," he called. "You're next to the entertainment system, how about putting something on?" "You’re shitting me, right?" she almost complained, wincing as she heard something delicate-sounding and expensive smash behind her amidst the wild brawl. She stared at the multimedia system, flapping her arms in frustration as she tried to focus through the noise. This couldn't be happening. She clutched the sleeves of her plush robe for a moment, trying to concentrate on its soft, fuzzy texture and center herself. She'd almost forgotten the large nerf gun in her hands but ignored it now, fixing her gaze on the mp3 playlist. She pressed a button. "Silent night; Holy night;" Bing crooned through the room. "Not really what I had in mind!" Santa mentioned loudly as he rammed his knee into a man's chin. "Try again!" Ginny bit her lip and pressed the button again, this time rewarded with Gary Glitter singing 'Another Rock And Roll Christmas'. "Still not quite there," he said as he snapmared another foe. "Better, but not quite!" "Well I don't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "What kind of music do you put on while Santa kills things in your living room?" Santa turned sideways and thrust his foot out, kicking an intruder in the chest and sending him sprawling backwards, rolling head over heels until he thumped into the entertainment system, jolting it and skipping the player. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Perfect!" he declared as he fought, swarmed once again by foes. "Seriously?" Ginny yelled. "Combichrist is Santa's fucking fighting groove?" "I'm trying to figure out why you have it on your playlist," Santa replied. "I don't remember you liking aggrotech!" "Why the hell do you of all people even know what it is?" she shot back, wincing as she watched another body sail into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch before dropping to the floor and leaving a huge, crumbling dent in the stone. 'This Shit Will Fuck You Up!' "I prefer the term 'Hellektro' myself," he added. "And I know all songs, silly. I remember when the Dayglo Abortions wrote that 'Hey Santa!' song back in the '80's, they didn't get presents for” "I didn't ask, why are you answering?" she hissed. "Kill! Kill!" All the while, the pounding rhythms of the music filled the room. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Well, at least we know why it's on your playlist, anyway!" he mentioned as he broke someone's back over his knee. "Very funny, red man!" Ginny hissed, scowling. She ducked wildly as another assailant flew overhead and landed in the Jacuzzi, his neck slamming against the hard edge with a snap noise and then tilting at a strange angle, his eyes wide and unseeing. "Fucking hell," she muttered. "These guys eat too much red meat!" Santa smashed two heads together before punting a third man in the chest, sending him staggering back until he fell against the entertainment unit, right next to Ginny, his eyes spiraling in his head. She scowled down at him for a moment before smashing the pitcher of nog on his cranium and sending him to the floor. Every single intruder stopped and turned to look at her suddenly, their eyes narrowing and turning very yellow. "Eep;" Ginny said quietly, going pale. They all howled and lunged toward her, even as Santa fought to reach her first. She shrieked in fright. "Darn it, Ginny!" he shouted in what almost sounded like irritation. "I told you not to do anything!" "You said not to use the stupid nerf gun!" she shot back as she dodged wildly and began to run around, evading her pursuers. "I meant don't do anything to get yourself noticed!" he growled as he bulldogged one man's head into the floor. He sprang to his feet and grabbed another man by the back of the head, ramming his face into the stone wall, creating a small crater from which the body slumped only slowly and wetly. "How the hell did they not notice the mostly naked girl in the room?" she yelled, sprinting around the circumference of the room, being chased by yellow-eyed foes. "They're mostly quantum, they don't always perceive real-state things or beings until they're interacted with!" he answered. "They weren't looking for you until you announced yourself!" "Oh, you and your weird physics shit!" she groused, her robe coming more and more undone as she ran. One of her tits was exposed, bouncing annoyingly and the nipple hardening as a cold wind from the endless holes in her walls and windows blew into the room. "Now what?" "Well, since they know you're here, you might as well use the gun," he answered as he tackled a small knot of them who were looking to cut off her avenue of escape. "At least then you can defend yourself if you're careful!" "The fuck am I supposed to do?" she shouted angrily as she clutched the ridiculous, useless gun. "Nerf them to death? Hope I shoot one foam dart down a throat and hope the bastard chokes and dies?" "Didn't you just let me inside all of your orifices?" he pointed out as he spun low, sweeping one foe's feet from under him and then taking him by the ankles to slam him off the floor. "Trust me, Virginia!" "Dammit!" she spat, steeling her nerve, hoping her resolve was harder than her nipple currently was. Taking a deep breath, she stopped running and spun, pointing the gun and pulling the plastic trigger; She yelped in astonishment as coruscating arcs of lightning crackled and lashed out from the muzzle, enveloping several foes, who wailed in glowing agony before disappearing from view. "Jesus H Fucking Tesla!" she exclaimed in amazement as she gaped down at her toy. "Virginia, language!" Santa warned. She rolled her eyes and pointed at another man rushing her, pulling the trigger and watching him explode in a shower of scintillating particles. "This shit will fuck you up!" blared the speakers. The wall splintered next to Ginny and several terrifying creatures barged in, causing her to shriek in fright, they were easily Santa's size, vaguely humanoid but covered in a greyish, segmented carapace, with insectoid heads, evil-looking mandibles and huge claws at the end of four arms. They hissed as the lunged for her. "Fuck fuck fuck!" cried out as she began running. "Fucking hate motherfucking bugs!" She fired wildly behind herself without looking, managing to strike one of the new creatures but only slowing it down. Ginny raced for the stairs, stampeding up them only to find more of the yellow-eyed humanoids waiting for her. "Santa!" she cried out in terror. "Help!" He glanced her way and grimaced at her predicament. "Aw, hell;" With a strength born of the desperation to protect one of his precious children, he surged forward, shoulder-blocking his way through a knot of assailants, springing through the air with astonishing agility, alternately using the wall and railing of the stairs to get to the upper floor, twisting and executing a flying kick that downed a foe about to attack Ginny. "Good thing I wore my enhanced parkour boots tonight, eh?" he muttered as he glared at the foes crowding to get up the stairs or down the hallway at them. "I don't even know what that means." Ginny snapped, backing up warily as the horde coming for them grew in numbers. "If that's some sort of geek speak, then we, are you getting bigger?" "I guess I am," he replied, grimly, glaring at their foes. "I don't expect what I'm saying to make sense, but the other iterations of me, my other selves, they're all coming here, merging with me to help meet the threat." "You're; consolidating?" she asked in disbelief. "That's one way to look at it," he said, his blue eyes flashing. "It's gonna make finishing the Christmas run tight if I get held up here much longer." "Oh, terribly sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, your highness." Ginny said, trying to not sound too snide. He put his body between her and her foes, backing her up against the wall. "They can't come through the wall you're up against, it's the South wall," he said quietly but with a sense of urgency. "You're safe from that angle. You can fire your gun past me or over the rail at the guys down below. Since they're trying to reach you that means they've solidified enough that they can't do crazy things like jump seven meters up to reach you, they'll have to use the stairs." "I thought they were after you." Ginny said hotly. "They were, until you announced yourself with a jug of nog," he pointed out. "Now they want to destroy you to hurt me." "Oh. Sorry." Ginny mumbled somewhat sheepishly. "You can make it up to me later!" he said as he surged forward suddenly, bulling his way through the approaching crowd, clotheslining several at once. Shouts went up and the fight was on again. Santa punched, kicked, elbowed, kneed and wrenched his way through the enemy horde. Ginny swore he was indeed bigger than he had been earlier. His already hard body physique was almost bulging with muscles now, like a California beach bodybuilder. Black blood glistened on his flawless skin as he maimed the attackers. Droplets that hit the carpet sizzled and ate through it, burning the hardwood floor beneath. "No!" Ginny wailed in despair. "Not the hardwood! I loved that feature!" She glared and gritted her teeth as she leaned over the railing and pointed the nerf gun down at the endless crowd on the main floor, pulling the trigger. The crackling arcs of energy enveloped several foes, who wailed and vanished. Same as before, the giant insectoids rarely disappeared but seemed slowed or staggered by the attack. Santa fought his way forward, forcing the attackers back from Ginny. Try as they might, no one got by him, even if it meant that they could strike at him instead. He took their assaults resolutely, using his body as a shield to protect her. Before long, the floor of the hallway was littered with bodies, some barely stirring, others not moving at all. Still, the foes swarmed up the stairs. One of the bug-things swiped at him with its vicious claws and he ducked under the blow before kicking his boot into one of the reverse-jointed legs, snapping it. The bug screeched and tumbled and he leapt onto its back, grabbing hold of one of the large, wet-grey chitinous plates that armored its back and pulled, it tore away with a mushy crack and the beast's keened agony as it shuddered and thrashed. Without pausing, Santa whirled around and slammed the exoskeletal plate across several men's heads, dropping them. Ginny kept firing the nerf tesla gun, wondering what sort of sociopath would invent a deadly weapon that looked like a famous kid's toy. She pushed it from her mind, realizing that she wanted to live and didn't care at the moment about the social mores of the issue. Santa was using the huge chitin plate almost like a shield, driving his foes back with it to the stairs. It finally cracked in half and he punched through the mess, unwilling to give the enemy time to regroup. He spun one man around with a fist across the jaw before grabbing his arms from behind and ramming his knee into the man's back, lifting him off the floor and letting him slam his spine onto the stairs. Without waiting, Santa launched himself through the air, knee raised and smashed it into the face of a man on the stair's corner landing. The foe's head went back through the wall with a loud crunch and he hung there limply, no longer part of the battle. "Ack!" Ginny squawked as the nerf gun sputtered and let out several impotent flashes and then died. "Not now! No no no!" One foe had broken through the cordon and now raced toward her. She yelled loudly and smashed the butt of her nerf gun into his face, staggering him for a moment. She glared at him angrily, waiting for him to fall, but her didn't, so she kicked him in the crotch with her instep. He groaned and sunk to his knees, holding himself. Ginny was practically jumping up and down on top of him by the time he stopped moving. "Stay; the; fuck; down!" she shouted angrily as she turned his ribcage into powder. She failed to notice the one last foe who rushed up behind her. But then Santa was at her side and he delivered a devastating haymaker to the man's thorax. Stunned, the intruder staggered back against the railing. With a growl, Santa grabbed him by the face and ruthlessly bent his back over the railing before leaping over and slamming his elbow across the man's neck as he went down to the main floor. The lifeless form crumpled next to him as he looked around, glaring. No foes remained standing. Aside from the music, all was quiet. "It is safe?" Ginny called from the gallery. "Are the scary guys and bug-thingies all gone?" "No," Santa said warily. "And the next wave is even bigger." "Great!" Ginny complained, tossing the useless nerf gun over the side. "And according to you, there's no one that can help us!" "I didn't say that," he countered, beckoning for her to come down the stairs and be near him for protection. "I just said there was no Easter Bunny." "No Superman either, apparently," she grumbled as she approached him, letting him put a huge arm around her possessively. He was, indeed, bigger than ever. She was practically child-sized next to him now. "So who the hell is there to help us?" "If help's arriving it had better get here soon," he said, taking her to the remains of her big glass bay windows and back door. The wind was howling as snow drove into the living room. What was left of it, anyway. Which was nothing. "It's now or never. Can you see them?" She peered into the darkness outside and a chill ran down her spine, hundreds of red and yellow glowing eyes could be seen in the darkness. And they seemed to be getting closer. "Do; do they see me?" she asked, swallowing nervously. "I'm sure they do," he said, grimacing. "Not going to take a chance and assume they don't. I'll do everything I can to protect you, of course." "Is; is that going to be enough?" She could hear the angry hisses and an evil chanting outside clearly now, getting closer with each moment. It pained Santa that he couldn't lie to her. "I don't know, Virginia." She sighed and smiled weakly. "Well, at least I know there's a Santa Claus now. And he gave me the night of my life before it all ended." He returned the smile, trying to feign a cheerfulness he didn't feel. "I don't;" Ginny faltered, trying to find the words. "I don't suppose that you'd; well; that you'd be willing to kiss me one last time? You know, before the end?" He turned to look down at her, his hands holding her arms with an unreal gentleness and a warmth in his eyes that comforted her even now. "Nothing would make me happier, Virginia." She smiled and closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Santa." "Merry Christmas, Virginia;" he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her. Then the night was filled with high-pitched shrieks, a noise that made her eyes snap open. She'd heard noises like that before, once a long time ago in grade school. It sounds like the hissing passage of meteors above, and getting closer. Or what she imagined artillery sounded like when it was incoming, like in all those war movies. Santa's head turned and an almost evil grin crept over his face as he listened. "That's more like it!" he declared, standing tall and pointing at the blackness of the night. "Watch the sky, Virginia;" She looked up and noticed glittering points of light, dozens of them, seeming to get closer. The hissing shriek was indeed their approach and they seemed to be aimed right at them. She felt Santa's hand squeeze on her shoulder, almost in excitement. His blue eyes were blazing ferociously. Finally, what looked like dozens of giant icicles, each larger and longer than a semi, lanced out of the night sky and slammed into the earth around her house, shaking it as they buried their tips in the frozen ground and came to a stop. Several impaled the intruders as they came in, while others kicked up a covering spray of snow as the enemy stopped and looked around in confusion. Then doors or portals opened on the sides of the titan icicles and tall, lithe beings began leaping out of them, wearing weird, form-fitting armor and carrying space-age guns and swords or axes. Their armor and long hair was a riot of colors that was reflected by the snow and ice. Wild, ululating war cries pierced the air. And a savage, bloody battle began on her property. "Who the hell are they?" Ginny almost yelled in astonishment as she watched. They moved with inhuman grace and speed, the ones not wearing helmets revealing long, beautiful facial features that were often frightening because of the wrath they displayed. The helmets were all tall and peaked, showing fearsome designs and glowing eyes. Weird runes pulsed and throbbed with light all over their armor. Guns hissed and shrieked while swords hummed as they slew. "My elves," Santa said, clearly pleased and also eager to fight but not willing to leave her side yet. "They got my call and converged on my position." "Those are elves?" she exclaimed in amazement. "Aren't they cutesy little toy-shop people?" "Cute myth, but no, not these ones," he replied, watching as several elves wearing bone-white armor with feminine features raced past, throwing themselves into a knot of the hulking bugs. They screamed and the masks of their wild-maned helmets gave off vibrations that shook Ginny's teeth in her head as it melted their foes' faces off. "No, a lot of my elves are warriors, meant to help me fight Krampus. They keep Christmas safe with me." "What the hell are they wearing?" she asked in disbelief. How could this weird night get any weirder? Santa sighed. "Truth? They've been spending way too much time playing Warhammer 40k and they; appropriated armor, weapons and tactics from the Eldar faction. They're space elves." "Wow. Gay;" she muttered, shaking her head. "Well, they're certainly earning their keep tonight." He nodded. "Been a long time since Krampus moved against us this hard. Apparently he got bored and was feeling uppity. That or he just forgot what a good thrashing felt like." Ginny watched as three elves, clad in scary black armor and wearing helmets that looked like peaked skulls, marched relentlessly forward, firing little rockets from elaborate launchers they carried in their hands and on suspensor harnesses. The rockets punctured the bugs' chitin shells and exploded inside them, sending shards of exoskeleton and stinking goo in every direction. Ginny squeaked and hid behind Santa as some of the nasty effluence landed right where she'd been standing only a moment before. Beams of super-heated plasma and tiny, shuriken-like projectiles hissed and whizzed by them, the remains of her lovely house now the center of a battleground while the winter storm raged on. Warriors in green armor, carrying weapons that looked like a horrifying hybrid of sword and chainsaw, tore into a knot of foes, slicing them to bloody ribbons. As savage as the battle had been earlier, when it had just been her and Santa, she suddenly appreciated its relative civility. "They need my help," Santa said finally, cracking his knuckles, his expression grim. "We have to finish this off or Christmas won't come on time." "I thought you said there was plenty of time." Ginny protested, frowning up at him. "There was," he admitted. "But in order to defeat Krampus' minions, I summoned every single quantum iteration of myself back to here to help me fight. No one is delivering presents anywhere at the moment. I can't change real-time if I'm here in my entirety." He turned and looked at her. "Hopefully we're keeping them busy enough that they don't worry about you. Stay against the wall and work the music, will you?" "Manning the music station," she said, nodding, focusing on giving herself a task. "Music for Santa and his homicidal elves to kill by. Got it;" She watched as Santa leapt through the shattered remains of her bay doors into the howling storm and crashed into a knot of foes, savaging them. She watched in disbelief for some time, trying to figure out how Santa could kill anyone. I mean, even serial murderers got presents in prison, didn't they? Maybe they didn't, she had no way of knowing and chalked up thinking about this to what could only be described as the weirdest night of her life. She squealed and dodged out of the way as a body came flying through the doors and landed next to her. She scrambled over to the entertainment center and stood in front of it, trying to figure out what the hell she should play. "Okay;" she breathed, trying to focus. "Mass slaughter music; mass slaughter music;" What constituted mass slaughter music? Death metal? Panic At The Disco? Teletubbies music? She had no playlists, so she began cycling through the radio, hoping to find anything that might suffice. Oldies; Christmas music; hip-hop; trance; disco; "Son of a fuck," she muttered. "This is harder than it looks." She finally came across a station playing 'Jailhouse Rock' and decided that was good enough, she was sick of looking. She winced, trying to ignore another splintering crash as a body came through her wall. She hugged herself but then felt her robe. She frowned as she looked down at it, realizing it had been thoroughly shredded in the fight earlier. Those shuriken-thingies had been cutting it real close. Ginny grumbled as she pulled it off and threw it away, standing there completely naked, it hadn't been keeping her warm in its current condition and she was thoroughly beyond giving a shit at this point about who saw her naked. They were all too damn busy tearing one another apart anyway. And that sort of pissed her off. She was buck-naked and no one seemed to care. She'd shaved her cunt for this? "And I thought my night sucked before," she sighed to no one in particular. "Not getting my cunt pounded had been my biggest complaint before this hack!" She never saw the menacing shadow that had slipped up behind her. Santa picked one of his foes up overhead and hurled him into a cluster of foes, bowling them all over. He then punched another man as he tried to run by, knocking him off his feet and into his back. A quick stamp on his solar plexus made sure he stopped moving. The huge man thrust his fist in the air and shouted loudly. "Clear!" he thundered, indicating no other enemies surrounded him. His elves responded in kind, many of them gathering in a tight ring about him, weapons facing out as they sought to protect him. Hundreds of bodies lay strewn across the landscape, some burning from plasma blasts, other shredded and blown apart by rockets or sliced into bloody jerky. The storm seemed to be abating, no longer a blizzard so much as a stiff wind and swirls of snow. "Sire, we detect no enemies in the immediate vicinity," one elf wearing blue armor with a tall, crested helmet announced, striding up and saluting by thumping his gauntleted fist over his heart. "This attack has been defeated." "Maybe," Santa said, looking around warily. "But that doesn't mean anything just yet. We have to secure the area, make sure Virginia is alright and then get back to” "Kringle!" "Damn," he muttered to himself. "I thought this was too easy." He made several complex gestures, sending his elves fanning out in a wide arc as he began trudging forward through the snow, heading toward where the voice had come from out of the night. The winds and squalls of snow continued to die down until there was an almost deafening silence, the moon shining brightly overhead and revealing the sheer carnage of the battle that had been waged, the snow and ice glittered with frozen blood. "Kringle!" snarled the inhuman voice angrily. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Santa said loudly, scowling. "Don't get your panties in a bunch!" He stopped in a clearing on the other side of the house, glowering at who confronted him, the beast was not as tall as he was, nor as muscular, but horrifying in aspect. The backward-jointed, hairy legs ended in wicked hooves. The skin not covered in coarse black fur was almost as dark and criss-crossed with innumerable scars. The vascular chest was crowned with a strong neck and sitting atop it was a blasphemous head, a demonic goat's visage from which grew four evil, twisting horns. The red eyes blazed like wrathful coals and sharp teeth glistened wetly inside the hateful mouth. Krampus. And in one of his powerful, clawed hands, he held Virginia by the neck, who looked like a rag doll. "Hi, Santa;" she said weakly, looking very apologetic. Santa kept walking forward, clenching his fists. "By all means, Kringle, keep coming forward if you mean to slay the child." Krampus growled, starting to squeeze and causing Ginny to shudder in fear. Santa stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes narrowing. His elves had now cast a tight net around the scene, hemming in Krampus. One circle of warriors faced inward, pointing their weapons at the abomination while another behind them faced out, prepared for any further attacks. Santa didn't move. "Let the girl go, Krampus," he said levelly. "This doesn't concern her." "Oh, I beg to differ," said the beastman in an almost non-chalant tone. "It's always about the children, isn't it?" "Hey!" said Ginny angrily. "I am not a child, jerk! I'm twenty, Gurr!" "Oh, do stop talking, you're such an annoyance." Krampus said, giving her neck another warning squeeze. "Let the adults work this out." "There's nothing to work out, Krampus," Santa growled, his blue eyes flashing. "You'll let the girl go." "I think we both know that's not happening," intoned the vile intruder. "She is my victory over you, and you know it. Revenge is not only a dish best served cold but often. And not often enough for me." "About this cold revenge dish thing," Ginny said, squirming slightly. "Couldn't; couldn't I just find you a nice tin can to chew on instead?" "Shut up, girl!" Krampus said harshly while several elves could be heard to chuckle and even Santa smirked at her jest. "I hold your life in my hands, to dispose of as I please." His foul breath crackled in the cold night air. His touch was uncomfortably warm, almost hot and strangely kept her body from freezing in the winter night. His touch felt evil and her skin crawled in revulsion. His strength was terrifying. "It wasn't enough that I slaved in coal mines for you, giving you carbon lumps to deliver to naughty children," Krampus growled, glaring at Santa. "It wasn't enough that I found the worst of them and brought them to you in the night so you could lecture them." "Hey, nobody asked you or ordered you to do the coal thing, pal," Santa said angrily. "And the whole kidnapping kids thing was your idea. I decided to let you have some creative control and look what happened. When it didn't work out, you decided that beating naughty kids with reeds was the answer. You're damn right that wasn't good enough!" "Silence!" Krampus snarled loudly, stamping one of his clawed hooves and making the ground shake dangerously. "Your kind-hearted foolishness with these puny mortals changed nothing about their behavior! Your failure to recognize their inherent selfishness was why our efforts were doomed!" "These puny mortals?" Santa countered. "You used to be one of them, Pete, remember? You were a well-behaved boy once." "Shut up!" growled Krampus. "Well-behaved, but not good," Santa continued. "You followed the rules and wanted everyone to follow rules. You were a control freak. I brought you north to show you what kindness could do, but you hated the cheer and the happiness and you fled to the coal mines in Greenland, hiding in the dark where the light of Christmas couldn't touch you! And when making kids feel bad with coal didn't bring them into line, you started the whole whipping them with reeds thing. Good job there, Pete!" "I'm warning you, Kringle;" Krampus said dangerously. "Oh, he really gets your goat, doesn't he?" Ginny sneered, causing several elves to laugh loudly. Krampus now snarled furiously and lifted her into the air by her neck, causing her to cry out in pain. Santa watched warily, knowing better than to make a move. "We seem to have an impasse," Krampus said, an evil smile playing over his slavering mouth. "You cannot harm me, because you know I can slay the child, but I cannot as yet slay her because she is my bargaining chip. But my need to hurt you, old man, is so very strong." He lowered Ginny down until her feet were just touching the snow-covered ground. She frowned as she heard a wet slithering sound she could not identify. "And there are other ways to hurt you than slaying the poor dear, aren't there?" Ginny felt something slimy touch her leg and then start to crawl up it, wrapping around her smooth skin. She shuddered and squirmed in horror as she realized exactly what was happening. The snake-like appendage wound up her thigh and then behind her. She gasped as it slid between her ass cheeks and then underneath to her cunt. She felt the blunt head split her lips and then move upward again. "Don't do this, Krampus." Santa said, trying to figure out what to do without hurting Ginny. "And why not?" replied the qliphotic abomination. "Don't you have a present for me? Then I guess I'll have to give myself one." Krampus' organ continued to slither its way around her body, leaving a glistening trail on her skin. She stiffened and moaned as his appendage wrapped around her tits, squeezing them, the head pausing and teasing the nipples. "Hey, asshole, dinner and a movie first!" she spat angrily. Ginny was about to say something else when the large, grayish cockhead snaked up in front of her face and then plunged into her mouth, causing her to gag and go silent. Her eyes widened and she thrashed furiously, but to no avail. He was simply too strong. "Language, young lady." Krampus chided, still staring at Santa. "Hasn't Santa taught you anything?" "This isn't gonna end well for you, Pete." Santa said, his tone dire. "Christmas never does, Kringle," replied the demon, his cock sliding in and out of Ginny's mouth. "I'm just hoping to make the holiday every bit as awful and intolerable for you as it is for me. After all, misery loves company." He brought her body close to his head and his other hand reached over and stroked her cunt lips, which were glistening. He leered at his foe, knowing Santa was helpless to get closer. "Is she good down here?" Krampus said mockingly. "Nice and wet and tight for you? Was she the best one ever, in the endless list of good girls you have fucked?" Santa said nothing, just glaring at Krampus. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. "Sharing your toys is the spirit of Christmas, isn't it?" Krampus said evilly, finally pulling his cock out of her mouth. Ginny coughed and sputtered, tendrils of resinous spittle and worse trailing away from her lips. She glared at Krampus but was still immobilized. "Just get this over with and fuck me already, whip-cock," she spat. "You won't be my first egotistical disappointment, trust me." Krampus' eyes blazed red and his tongue sped around her naked form blindingly quickly while he released her from his clawed grip. The tongue wrapped and immobilized her arms, holding them out straight while still encircling her tits. It then snaked around her waist and legs, pinning those as well while his long cock, swaying about like a cobra, came to a stop in front of her swollen cunt lips. The head teased and tapped against the opening, causing her to moan and squirm. "As you wish, child;" The head forced itself through her lips, sliding deep inside her. Ginny cried out in a mixture of shock and indescribable pleasure. She felt the tip of his pointed tongue probe trailing around her nipples. The python-like length of his cock churned inside her cunt. The blinding light behind her eyes finally receded and she lifted her head, looking out into the night, feeling his tongue constricting around her neck. She could dimly see a huge being in red pants and black boots watching nearby, his powerful chest exposed. The startling blue eyes flashed in the darkness of the night. She could tell he wanted to rescue her but didn't dare come closer. She gasped and shuddered as Krampus' cock pushed still deeper inside her. She felt fuller than she had imagined possible, the slithering appendage stretching her wide. The sticky, squelching noises were hardly to be believed. "Ew, gross! Hentai noises!" she thought in revulsion. "Krampus;" Santa warned. His elves all pointed their weapons menacingly but he held up his hand, staying them. "The child is naughty," Krampus said, smiling through pointed teeth. "Very naughty. Such a sordid past." "Hey, back off, she was young and needed the money!" Santa snapped defensively. "That thing with the midget and the donkey was” "You're not helping here!" Ginny shouted, blushing furiously, even as Krampus violated her. "Wicked child," growled the vile demon, shoving his cock in and out of her, the peristaltic actions of its length causing her to writhe and squirm in his grip, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "Shameless. Even though I violate her, she finds a way to be concerned about how you perceive her. I find it; titillating." "Oh, do I make you horny?" she sneered, turning her head to smirk at him. "Couldn't tell, looking at that head of yours." "Silence!" Krampus hissed, spittle flying from his jaws, his eyes flashing angrily. "I hold your life and death in my hands." "How would I know?" she shot back. "Hope you're better with your hands than you are with your cock, Billy G." He plunged his cock deeper still inside her. She went rigid and cried out. "That all you got?" she rasped, trying not to faint as she felt popping inside her hips while he stetched her. "My brother got in deeper than that when we were little!" "Insolent!" Krampus snarled savagely, bouncing her up and down and he fucked her harder than ever, pulling on her arms and legs, stretching her joints til they creaked. She felt a deep, wet heat building inside her and in spite of the horror she consciously felt about the situation, even more dire was her need to cum. She felt her cunt squeezing around his cock. His snake-like tongue probed her ass and wriggled inside, further adding to her desperation. "Intholent bith, you will be punithed!" "What was that?" Santa asked, turning his head slightly and putting his hand to his ear. "I couldn't understand you, it's like you have a lisp or something." "Don't mock meef!" Krampus said angrily, his tongue whipping out of Ginny's ass, causing her to yelp suddenly. "I'll kill her, Kringle!" "Not before I cum, damn you!" Ginny panted, her body flushed and covered in sweat as she twisted and writhed in his grip. "Uh, so close, goddammit!" "Language!" Santa and Krampus both snapped at her. "Aw, c'mon!" she wailed. "You two are total pains in the ass! Do it, Billy! Show me what a bad boy you are!" Krampus glared at her and began fucking her harder than ever. "As you wish, child!" "Krampus!" Santa shouted, reaching out his hand in alarm. "Don't!" Krampus grinned evilly at Santa, his teeth clenching as he drew close to climax. His cock seemed to swell along its length, stretching her wider still. She threw her head back and gritted her teeth, straining as she was overwhelmed by sensation; Santa's fist slammed across Krampus' jaw with a powerful crack. The demonoid's eyes rolled into his head and he crumpled to the ground. Ginny wailed in frustration as his cock pulled out of her and retreated back to his body, like a wet, slimy Stanley tape measure. She collapsed to her hands and knees in the snow, panting and shaking, her eyes wide. Santa raced up and knelt next to her, his eyes shining with concern. "Fuck;" Ginny whispered, gasping for air. "Motherfucker;" She looked up at her rescuer now, her eyes flashing accusingly. "The hell? Couldn't you have let him make me cum first?" Santa paused. "What?" "I was so damn close!" she hissed, standing up and stamping her foot. "I was within half a second of the orgasm of my life and you had to choose that moment to intervene and play the hero! Don't expect a thank you card!" "Uh, Virginia," Santa said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say. "If he had brought you to orgasm, it would have killed you. When Krampus climaxes, his appendage you were so attached to bursts into spikes, basically killing you from the inside while denying you your orgasm." She paused and then deflated. "Holy cobra dildos. What a bastard." Ginny then pointed a finger at her savior. "But you still owe me an orgasm, then, pal. You may have rescued me from certain death, but that doesn't mean I don't need relief." Santa looked really confused. "What, here? Now?" "Damn straight," she said firmly, suddenly remembering she was buck naked in a snow-storm. In spite of the no-doubt freezing weather, her body was still warm and very wet with need. She put her hand down her cunt and felt around for a moment before presenting her sticky palm and fingers to Santa for inspection. "Do I look satisfied to you? You've already fucked me, Screamo the Goat Boy just fucked me, who cares if your freaky gay elves watch us? I need satisfaction now and I already am aware that you can't say no." Santa sighed. "It's gotta be quick, Virginia. I'm really behind, now that I'm completely temporal in one location." "Whatever, just get me to the promised land, man." Ginny replied, shrugging. "Who knows, maybe your entourage might enjoy a show." "Oh, right, about that," Santa said, standing up tall and shouting loudly. "About; Face!" As a single unit, the elves all turned around smartly on their heels, still arranged in a protective ring around their liege and his companion, weapons ready as they scanned the darkness for trouble, their eyes glowing menacingly inside their helmets. Santa strode up to Ginny, towering over her and ignoring the prostrate form of the still-unconscious Krampus, snuffling nearby. She smiled up at him, somehow warmed by his presence, in spite of the icy night she should have frozen to death in already. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as she felt her already molten core getting even more heated in response to his touch. Tongues tangled and played as he took her ass cheeks in his hands and squeezed them, making her shiver. Ginny's hands fumbled with his large black belt until it fell away and then pulled down his red pants. He pulled her onto his powerful thighs, resting her on them. She hooked her legs behind his waist and began grinding her wet, eager cunt against his hardening cock, which swelled readily. Her head was almost spinning, she was so horny. "Hmm, give it to me, baby," she purred, feeling the head of his cock touch her cunt lips. "Make me cum hard and fast." She sighed loudly as he pulled her close, penetrating and sliding deep inside her. Ginny moaned shamelessly as Santa once again began to pump back and forth inside her. His huge cock stretched her cunt wide, but not in the violent, violating way Krampus did. This felt warm and utterly perfect. She nipped at the skin of his chest while he moved in and out of her. "Yes," Ginny breathed as he began to moved faster, pumping strongly and rhythmically. She could feel her wetness trickling down between her cheeks, her cunt clutching at him hungrily, greedily and unwilling to let go until it was somehow sated. "Oh, God, just what I needed. Yes, fuck me, Santa!" He gripped her tight and thrust into her, picking up his pace just the way she wanted. She was gasping and yelping now and he squeezed her cheeks, one of his fingers poking inside her puckered knot. She clenched her teeth and groaned at the intrusion, murmuring that she loved it. She grew warmer and warmer, her body tingling with an exquisite fire that rippled out from her core. Santa turned her around and set her feet on top of his boots, bending her forward and pulling on her arms. She cried out as he fucked her harder, his hips thumping against her ass cheeks. Her hands clenched wildly, her breath coming in gasps as his overwhelming strength dominated her. "Oh, God!" she panted, beginning to shudder uncontrollably, almost drooling. "Uh, cum in me, dammit! Fucking cum in me!" Santa pulled on her arms even tighter as his thighs slammed into her. Ginny strained, craning her neck, teeth clenched as she tried not to scream, but it was no use, she wailed loudly as he came inside her, filling her once again in a way she could not describe. Her orgasm shook every last atom of her being, transporting her to a world of nothing but pleasure, edged with mint. She buckled, hanging loosely in his arms, exhausted. She'd been fucked hard at least five times tonight and had a dreadful suspicion that this experience would only make her libido even more hyperactive. She sighed as Santa scooped her naked form into his arms and cuddled her against the cold. Ginny purred and traced a fingernail across his broad chest. "Thank you," she said quietly. "Just what the doctor ordered. That quenched the flames, for now." He finally put her down and she looked at the remains of her ruined chateau, which was completely leveled and now on fire. "Poor Oatmeal," she murmured. "Where am I going to live?" She scowled down at the still supine Krampus, anger flaring in her. "It's this jack wagon’s fault. You should totally napalm his face." Santa looked down at her in shock. "Did you just say I should jerk off in Krampus' face?" "Damn right, he'd deserve it too." Ginny announced. "That and shove your sleigh up his ass." "I am not jizzing in Krampus' face." Santa said, clearly repulsed by the suggestion. "Fine, leave a woman to do a man's job," Ginny said testily, striding over to Krampus and putting one leg on either side of his head. She stuck three fingers inside her cunt and managed to tease out considerable amounts of Santa's minty cum, which she smeared all over Krampus' face and into his fur with glee, even giving him a glistening white moustache. "Take that, asshole!" She looked like she might have been done desecrating the unconscious form, but then she paused and squatted over him, peeing on his body and face, the stream steaming in the cold night air. She grinned evilly as she thoroughly baptized him. "Teach you to mess with me." Ginny muttered as she walked back to Santa, nodding. The huge man had a wide smirk on his face and shook his head slowly. "I can't believe you just pissed all over Krampus," he said, hugging her to him. "However, you're going to freeze to death at this rate;" He held out his hand and one of his elves dutifully brought him a large, velvety red cloak, which he wrapped around her. She blushed and smiled gratefully at his consideration, but only until he slid it off her, revealing that she was now wearing some ridiculous 'Hot Christmas Elf' outfit, complete with striped stockings and high heels. She looked like a Yule whore. "Seriously?" she asked, unimpressed. "This is your solution to my naked issues?" He shrugged. "I liked you better naked, but you would freeze quickly." "Whatever," she sighed, looking down and appreciating the considerable lift it gave her cleavage. It was incredibly warm, in spite of how scant it was. "So now what? I still have no damn home, you and Goatse here blew it up with your little barnyard brawl." Santa looked around warily. "That might be the least of your worries. The wind's picking up again, which means that another assault is coming. We need to get out of here." "Sire!" said one of the armored elves, thumping his fist to his breastplate and bowing his head. "We will cover you. You must go while you still have a head-start and the dark one is unconscious." Santa nodded. "Yeah, he's not gonna be happy when he wakes up and he's really gonna want revenge on you, Virginia." She felt her mouth go dry at the notion of another battle and Krampus waking up to even the score. "So; now what?" Santa shrugged. "I'd say it's fairly obvious. I've still got to make my rounds before the night is over and I'm not leaving you here;" She gaped as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. "Virginia, you're coming with me and you're going to help save Christmas." Chapter 3, Christmas Wishes "How the hell do you drive this thing?" Ginny called in a panic, her eyes wide as she held onto the reigns, twisting them wildly as she tried to steer. Up ahead of her, eight large reindeer squealed and thrashed their heads. The sleigh corkscrewed while it hurtled through the cold night air, the moon shining down on them. "Well, first of all, stop panicking," Santa replied as he stood on the back of the sleigh, atop his huge red sack of toys. He was more or less back to his original size she had become accustomed to, now that he had sent his other 'iterations' of himself out over the globe to deliver presents. "That would be an excellent start." "Easy for you to say," she snapped, scowling back at him for a moment since taking her eyes off her designated path seemed to make no difference to how she was doing at navigating. "You're used to doing this!" "Trust me, between the two of us, you're the one with the easy job right now and I'd be happy to trade," he called back as he ducked wildly. A comically large rocket thundered by, with an evil-looking man strapped to the bottom of it, swinging a weapon wildly to hit Santa. "Try to keep her steady!" "While dodging psychos on rockets, no problem!" she grumbled, trying to ignore the howling wind and roaring projectiles. "Have I mentioned Krampus is a gigantic asshole?" "Repeatedly," Santa answered, watching warily. The sky was threaded with jets of fire as their enemies kept coming about in ponderous, elliptical arcs and heading back towards them, intent on their destruction. They had only just pulled off from the smoldering remains of Ginny's country chateau when the assault began. Krampus was nowhere to be seen, but his minions were clearly determined to avenge him. "Maybe urinating on him wasn't such a good idea. He never did take humiliation well." Ginny squawked in alarm and ducked as a rocket streaked right at her. Santa jumped in the air, doing the splits to avoid the projectile and landing back on top of his present sack. Another tried to pull up alongside them but Santa grabbed the harness the man was wearing and wrenched the rocket off course, sending it speeding into one some distance away. Both rockets (and presumably their pilots) exploded in a violent orgy of noise and flashing lights. "Really hope people just think those are fireworks," Santa muttered as he looked glared balefully at yet another rocket considering approaching. "Fireworks right in the middle of the world's most spastic meteor shower. Sure, they'll buy that;" "Funny part is I can't tell if you're serious," Ginny said loudly. "If they don't believe that narrative, then they've gotta accept that Santa Claus was engaged in an epic air battle over their town with quantum men strapped to rockets." "Truth is often stranger than fiction," Santa agreed, nodding. "Fighting these jerks off is taking too much time!" "Well, don't you have anything in your back of tricks there?" Ginny asked. In spite of the sleigh being open, it seemed to have some weird form of climate control and she'd been getting rather warm. To that end she'd pulled down her top, exposing her tits to cool herself off. The breeze allowed through made her nipples tingle delightfully, but not enough to distract her from driving the sleigh. After all, she often drove ninety minutes to her job wearing a vibrating insert in her panties, so she knew for a fact she could orgasm and still control a vehicle. A wheeled one, at least. She wasn't so sure about a sleigh doing Mach Three at twenty thousand feet. "You mean a weapon?" Santa asked. "In the bag full of toys for kids?" "You gave me a nerf gun out of that bag and it turned out to be some sort of doomsday device, didn't it?" she pointed out. "Scary lightning bolts everywhere. I refuse to believe you don't have some other goodies in there." Santa shrugged and squatted down to look inside the bag, getting narrowly missed by another rocket that shot over his head. The pilot cursed and came around again, aiming directly at the chassis of the sleigh from the side. Ginny's eyes widened in fright as she saw him approach. She jerked the reins to one side and the sleigh tilted ninety degrees, presenting its wide, flat red underside. The rocket slammed into it and exploded. Whatever it was made of or whatever shielding was in place, Ginny only heard the detonation and felt a rumble, but there was no damage aside from that. "Ha!" Santa said, standing tall and holding an electric guitar in the air, its black body gleamed in the moonlight. He put the strap around his neck and took several seconds to tune it, ignoring the aerial mayhem that swirled around him. "The hell are you going to do with that?" Ginny asked, scowling as she looked behind to see what he was up to. "You said to find something, I found something," he said simply as he checked the pickups. "Now let's see what we can do here;" He took the pick in hand and strummed it across the strings, a screeching pulse of sound blared out from the instrument, heading in all directions. It struck several rockets nearby, which exploded brightly. Other were knocked off course, spiraling around crazily as they fought for control. Santa laughed loudly, apparently enjoying himself. "Quit laughing and kill, red man!" Ginny yelled, nonplussed by his amusement. "I want to survive the night and I've had several close calls with death already!" "I'm working on it, Virginia, patience." Santa chided, adjusting the tuners momentarily. "Near-death experiences make you cranky." "No shit, Sherlock," she grumbled as he blasted out another screeching wave of sound. "Do you plan to play anything or just keep shrieking out that one sound?" "As you wish," he said cheerfully, pleased to be doing as she asked. Making her happy was all he cared about. He began playing a heavy metal version of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries', the pulsing walls of sound thundering out and striking every foe within hundreds of

Miracle On Route 34: Part 1 Ginny gets a wonderful Christmas surprise. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Author's Notes: Someone asked me to write a funny and erotic Christmas tale, but since I can't be normal, it is taking on a radical twist that I hope people will find amusing. I've tried to make Santa awesome but also give him some flaws that the ladies will find both charming and irksome all at once. I wasn't going to call it anything lame like 'Here Cums Santa Claus' (in spite of my love of Elvis) so I eventually settled on ripping off a classic and beloved Christmas movie, naming it 'Miracle On Rural Road 34'. Couldn't help myself with the 'Yes, Virginia' quip, of course. As for Superman, Oatmeal and the Easter Bunny, well, get used to more groaners like that, because I like them. Merry ho-ho and keep your stick on the ice! , Management Chapter 1. Ginny Hale sighed forlornly as she sat on her chesterfield in the dim room, the only light provided by the crackling fireplace and some scented candles spread around to make the house smell like gingerbread. She'd made gingerbread cookies earlier, but they were predictably burnt and now her kitchen smelled like a Christmas elf's ass. She took another sip of red wine from her oversized glass, unable to decide who or what to be mad at, the weather, for bringing this god-awful blizzard on Christmas Eve, her so-called friends for ditching her after she'd gone to all this work to put together a nice party, or herself for going crazy and buying this (admittedly nice) chateau way out here in the boondocks. Still relatively new to her negotiator position, Ginny had landed a huge deal for the company she worked for and the payout bonus was one of the biggest ever seen in-house. Though she had an office, she had often worked from her cramped apartment downtown, where a glorious chaos only she understood reigned. But the payout had been large enough for her to purchase a very pretty home in the country, not more than ninety minutes from work. Her boss was so pleased with the deal that he said she only had to come in once a week, to pick up whatever she needed to work on. It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now she found she was quite lonely. Few people were will to put forth the effort to come out and visit her. In fact, only three had since the summer when she bought it. Hell, even her boy-toy, Chad from Accounting, could not be bothered and was now just fucking Lily in the secretary pool instead. Bing Crosby was singing 'White Christmas' to her while she moped. The big bay windows to her back porch showed the fury of the storm outside. Driving snow had been battering the countryside for two days now and her boss had called her to just stay safe and not try to come into the city. He was a nice old man and she liked him. He'd actually taken a chance and given her the job, after she'd fucked him. She hadn't invited him to her little soiree, because his miserable old bat of a wife was hovering around him constantly these days, certain he'd been tipping on her. But even without Old Man Reese, she'd invited upward of twenty people and none of them had shown. Not even Claire, her best supposed friend, had made it out. She was probably too busy being pinned and screwed by her boyfriend anyway, Guido or Nunzio or whatever his name was. Dean Martin came on, singing 'Marshmallow World'. Normally this was one of her favorites, but tonight it just reminded her that she was alone for Christmas. Again. With another sigh, she drank the rest of the wine in her glass and reached for the bottle, turning it over. It was empty. Damn. She'd have to open another one. She walked slowly into the kitchen, wearing her ratty old fox-themed footie pajamas, having decided that if she didn't have to dress up for anyone, she was dressing at all. She took a deep drink of spiked egg nog from the jug of it she'd prepared while she found another bottle of zinfandel and burped very loudly. She wrestled the cork off of the bottle and poured most of the contents into her oversized glass, muttering that she didn't have to answer to anyone about what she did, she was a big girl. She slumped back down on the couch while John Lennon asked her what she'd done for Christmas from the stereo system. "Up yours, John;" she said testily as she drank more wine. She stood unsteadily, blinking for a moment to try and clear her head. She might have had a bit of a wine fog going on, since she'd nearly polished off two bottles of Old Vine Zinfandel in under two hours. Convincing herself that walking was not a bad idea, she tottered over to the bay windows, reaching a hand out in front of herself to make sure it encountered the glass before her face did. "Will you look at that shit out there;" she muttered to no one in particular. After all, there was no one around to hear her. Well, almost no one. "Hi, Oatmeal," she said sweetly, grinning lopsidedly at the bearded dragon that sat in a terrarium near the bay doors. "Looks like you're my Christmas date; again;" The tiny lizard said nothing but assumed a darker shade of purplish brown. "Same to you too, bugface." Ginny muttered sourly, annoyed at being spurned by a reptile with a brain smaller than a sugared peanut. She lumbered back to the kitchen, trying unsuccessfully to eat several pieces of the Turkish Delight she'd tried to make, but they were sticky and runny, most of the reddish-pink mess ending up stuck to the front of her pajamas. "Son of a fucking reindeer!" she spat, attempting to remove the pajamas, her sticky fingers having trouble with the zipper. She finally kicked the thing off and left it in a corner of the kitchen, now wearing nothing except her panties and a halter top. She stomped back into the spacious living room, thoroughly annoyed. While the music played, she looked around for something to do, taking another pull from the egg nog jug she'd brought with her. The hot tub. It sat near the bay windows, set into the floor and was large enough for five or six people. She'd been hoping that maybe a few people of the dozens she'd invited would show and maybe they could have a fun pool party. She'd even told everyone in the invitations to bring their swimsuits. But of course, no one showed. She was beginning to suspect she could live in Buckingham Fucking Palace and still no one would come to see her. This was, literally, the fifth Christmas she'd spent by herself. The timing for friends never worked out and her parents were always off in Monaco or some such place, avoiding the weather. Her mom had already called earlier that night, so she wouldn't hear any more from them for a few days now. She sighed yet again and pulled off her underthings, stepping into the water. She was drunker than she wanted to admit, though, missing her footing, squealing and tumbling into the tub with a splash. Ginny came to the surface, sputtering and hissing in outrage. Why couldn't anything work out? Oatmeal just stared at her impassively. "You win this time, gravity;" she growled, displeased with her inelegant entrance. Well, at least she'd been smart enough to put down the jug of nog before trying to get in. She turned on the jets and retrieved her beverage, taking another big pull as the tub rumbled to life. Ginny laid back her head against one of the padded rests and tried to relax, to let her frustrations go. She turned on the jets and allowed one to massage her lower back while sipping at a glass of wine. She tried to put the frustrations of the holiday behind her, to let go of the feelings of rejection and somehow not belonging. "Why did I but this new fucking home if no one was interested in visiting? Everyone said they thought it was so great, but months later, still no visitors. Do I really not matter that much?" It annoyed her to think not only that she was alone, but that doubtless most of the people who had ditched her were at home getting laid. Claire was doubtless face down and ass up on her bed, getting plowed from behind by Guido. Even Mr. Reese, the old geezer, was probably getting some, either from his wife or maybe one of his secretaries. She sighed heavily and sat up, putting her now-empty wine glass aside and deciding that just because she was alone on Christmas Eve didn't mean she wasn't owed at least one good orgasm. She leaned forward and rested her forearms on the padded edge of the hot tub, positioning herself so that one of her jets, the one she'd named 'Juan', was right behind her. She felt the flow of water begin to caress her and she rested her head on her forearms as she wiggled further back, feeling the jet more strongly now as it pushed against her ass and her cunt. With a sigh, she found the perfect distance and pressed her face down into her arms, letting Juan work his magic. Water pressure massaged her cunt lips, strong enough to part them and to tease her clit, sending thrills through her. She shuddered and sighed loudly, forgetting, for now, how much men sucked. She bit the knuckle of her index finger, lost in reverie. God, if only it were a man fucking her. "Alone; on fucking Christmas; where's, ah!, where's the justice in that?" She was sweating now and panting as the relentless jets battered her nether tinglies, the sensations overwhelming her steadily. She clenched her teeth and her fists, straining as she fought to hold on a little longer. She moaned very loudly, her whole body shaking as Juan delivered a wonderful orgasm. She panted and groaned shamelessly, knowing that no one was around to see her in her pent-up, frustrated lust, expending it on her Jacuzzi jets. The scintillating lights behind her eyes, however, were over all too quickly and the climax subsided, replaced by a juddering sensitivity that made Juan's caress too much to bear. She collapsed against the edge of the hot tub, moving her ass away from the jet. "Alone; again;" She may have needed the orgasm, but it did nothing to improve her mood. It didn't help that the song 'This Christmas' by Shoes had begun playing as the cumming ended. When it finally felt like her legs would work again, she turned around and slumped into a corner of the tub, as far from Juan as possible. Ginny stayed still for some time, until her feet and fingers felt that annoying level of pruny that made everything awful to touch. With the heat of the water and all the alcohol she'd drunk, she was feeling rather light-headed, so she turned off the stereo and shut off the lights. She found a plate of her fucked-up and burnt gingerbread cookies and left them on a table near the fireplace along with the jug of nog before beginning to head upstairs to bed. "Yeah. Fuck this day. And fuck tomorrow too. Maybe if I stay drunk enough it'll just fly by. Fuck Christmas." The second floor was an open space in the middle, looking down onto the main floor. A set of stairs led up on either side and the bedrooms were spaced around the gallery. She'd loved the design when she bought it, but this only increased her frustration when no one ever came to visit. "Gorgeous fucking house; ten acres of beautiful nature filled with deer and ugly-ass wild turkeys; a fucking pond people could skate on; shit, I even found a patch of landrace back there! What's not to love about my new home? Why aren't people shitting themselves in jealousy?" She reached the master bedroom, sighing at how big it felt since she had no one to share it with. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her naked body and sighing. She was trim and fit, with nicely-sized boobs, she kept her cunt shaved smooth and her full lips were simply made to suck cock. Her skin was fair and even and her dark brown hair was long enough to pull on if you were fucking her ass or taking her from behind. So what the hell was wrong? The bed was certainly big enough for two (or maybe her and two guys who didn't mind getting close), but she plunked herself down into it and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the room to stop drunk-spinning. It took longer than she wanted it to, but things finally slowed down an she breathed deeply. She reached over with her hand and fumbled around inside the drawer of the nightstand. She finally withdrew an elegant glass dildo, a barely opaque white with bright red stripes curling around it to simulate a candy cane. It had been a Christmas gift from Claire, who had jokingly given it to her until she found a man for herself. That bitch. "Well, Frosty," she sighed, examining him. "Looks like it's you and me tomorrow. I promise to not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or get more booze, okay? Because I'm here for you;" And with that she kissed the dildo and put it aside. She turned out her lamp and sighed deeply as she lay in the dark, waiting for sleep to take her. "Fuck Christmas;" A noise from downstairs. Her eyes snapped open. She was sure she'd heard something. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself, reasoning that she'd been drunk and it might just be hangover noises. Maybe just something like branches scraping on the roof or across the walls? Ginny felt a flush of anger and slowly rose, getting out of bed and putting on a plush yellow robe. There were definitely sounds downstairs. She grabbed her rape whistle and her high-school field hockey stick off the wall before quietly opening the door and proceeding out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with fear and anger. How dare someone invade her house? And in this fucking weather! "Burglars? Ruffians? Escaped cons?" "Well, at least if they see you they might have their way with you and break your dry spell." She shook the vile notion from her head, wondering where the hell that'd come from. Could she be that desperate to get laid? Ginny walked as quietly as she could, hearing noises on the roof. Raccoons? Looking to get in from the cold? Fucking trash pandas. She rounded the corner of the gallery and put her foot on the top step, her hockey stick ready. She crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises. They seemed to be coming from her living room. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to identify anything that might be amiss. Then she saw him, a symphony of red trimmed in white, the huge ass swaying back and forth as the intruder was bent over her at the base of her Christmas tree, doing God only knows what to it. He seemed to be humming to himself. She walked up silently until she was maybe ten feet away from him, her hockey stick over her shoulder, ready to swing. He didn't hear her or took no notice of her. "I don't want to hurt you," she growled through clenched teeth. "But you'd best get the fuck out of my house or I'll hit you so hard Google won't be able to find you." The person in red paused in their activities and then stood up slowly. After another moment's pause, they stood up and turned around slowly. He was slightly taller than average and quite a bit fatter than societal norms allowed. He had a fat face with dancing blue eyes and red cheeks. Beneath the tapered red hat was long, silvery-white hair and a very full beard and moustache. The intruder looked at her and grinned. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked with a voice that could only be described as jolly. Ginny said nothing. She seemed to be rooted to the spot. She wanted to say something, anything, but she seemed to have been robbed of the power of speech. "W, who;" she finally managed to stammer. "Yes, Virginia," the visitor said quietly but pleasantly in a soothing voice. "There really is a Santa Claus." She blinked and shook her head, trying to articulate a coherent thought. The big man in red chuckled, clearly amused by her predicament. "Your egg nog was very good," he mentioned as he walked forward a little. "Your cookies needed a little work, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe a cookbook next year?" "Stay still!" she snapped, suddenly coming out of her stupor and holding the hockey stick behind her head as if she was winding up for a hit. "I'll deck you, old man!" "Oh, there's no need for that," he said cheerfully, totally unconcerned by her threat. "It's been a rough year for you, hasn't it, Ginny?" "Why do you know my name?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Of course I know it," the man claiming to be Santa said jovially. "I'd be pretty lousy at my job if I didn't, right?" "If you're really Santa," she said tightly, still not understanding why she hadn't knocked this guy's head off his shoulders yet. "Then what was I doing the night of October seventeenth last year?" He tilted his head to the side a little and pursed his lips. "Are you sure?" "C'mon, you haven't got all day." "Very well," he said, sighing. "You were sitting in McPhearson's Pub, waiting vainly for Greg from IT to show up, because you'd given him a blowjob in the bathroom earlier that day and promised him more. But he went off with Becky from Accounts that night instead of meeting up with you." She blushed furiously at the memory. "I; that wasn't the day I meant! I meant the sixteenth!" He shrugged. "You had the day off and were really frustrated. You slid a condom over that very field hockey stick and used it on yourself, just to see what it was like." Ginny dropped the stick very suddenly. "How the hell do you know that, you perv?" The man shrugged. "I know all about you, Ginny. And every other boy and girl in the world" "Don't give me that horseshit!" she hissed, glaring at him. "I had too many Christmases where I didn't get what I want to buy into that cockamamie story!" "Well, you weren't exactly the most exemplary child, were you?" he reasoned. "I mean, you weren't horrible, it's not like you were out kicking puppies into woodchippers, but you spent more time in the naughty column that the good column, didn't you?" "What did I ever do that was so naughty?" she demanded hotly, her fists bunched up at her sides. "You and your brother could get rather friendly, couldn't you?" the man calling himself Santa pointed out. She faltered for a moment. "Lots of siblings play doctor. And those atomic booty bombs where I kept jumping in the air and landing on him were just playful." "While naked?" Santa asked, raising a bushy white eyebrow. Ginny blushed. "But that wasn't what landed you on the naughty list," he added. "What got you blacklisted was that you lied about doing your homework or cleaning your room while you were messing around with your brother. Your mom and dad would ask you to do your math and you'd slip away to play doctor instead and tell them you'd finished your homework after. Lying is naughty, right?" "Woah, hold the phone here," she said loudly, holding her head as if she was suddenly dizzy from a revelation. She didn't seem to notice that her robe had opened slightly, exposing her cleavage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fibbing to my parents kept me from getting the gifts I wanted?" "Were the rules unclear?" Santa asked. "I thought the songs on the subject were so easy to follow." Ginny pinched her eyes in exasperation and then scowled at him. "I'm drunk," she concluded, trying to convince herself none of this was real. "I'm drunker than Sarah Palin and you're not really here. I'm still in bed and this is all bullshit." Santa shrugged. "I was putting stuff under your tree until you arrived and enjoying the nog. I won't mind if you go back to bed." "No, you're not getting off that easily," she said in annoyance. "You broke into my house in the middle of the storm of the fucking century and I want answers, dammit!" He shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask away." Her eyes narrowed again. "Aren't you on kind of a time crunch? Unless I'm the last person on your delivery list, don't you still have a shit ton of houses to visit? Say, a few hundred million?" He waved it off. "I've got it covered, I promise. I have all the time in the world for you, Ginny. I always have." "What, so you sub-contract out?" she said snidely. "Got FedEx making the rounds for you? Or maybe your 'Elves'?" She mentioned the last bit with air quotes. "Goodness, this has been a bad year for you, hasn't it?" he said sympathetically. "But to answer your question, I am capable of being many places at once." "Oh, so now you're the Kwizatz-Haderach?" she asked archly. "Hey, it's not just cinnamon I put in my Christmas cider." Santa chuckled. "It's rather complicated to explain." "So do you, like, clone yourself?" she asked, her guard seeming to slowly come down. "No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "It involves Cherenkov Radiation, a Holmes field, a Gellar field and, to quote a friend of mine, 'a lot of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey; stuff.'" "So it's some sort of deep quantum shit?" she asked, her body finally relaxing. He nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's very temporal and quantum. I can be many places at once. It's why I don't have to pay for billions in window repairs every year by going supersonic around the world." "So even while you're talking to me, you're delivering presents?" she asked, the sheer depth of the conversation hitting her now. She walked over to a stool and sat on it. "Like I said, it's difficult to explain without breaking out the chalkboard and calculator," he answered. "The magnetic lines between the poles help, especially the one that emanates from the Fortress of Solitude." Ginny blinked. "Fortress of Solitude? As in Superman? You're friends with Superman?" "Of course not!" the jolly man laughed. "There's no such thing as Superman, silly, he's a comic book character. Had you going, though." "Holy shit, Santa's a troll," she exclaimed, looking at him in bewilderment. "Well, okay, let's assume that this is all real and not a vivid hallucination resulting from a brain tumor. If I've been such a brat all these years, how do I make up for it? How do I get off the naughty girl list?" "Well, a little restraint would be a start," Santa suggested. "I'm not saying go out and become a Carthusian nun or a Buddhist priestess or anything, but you might try laying off the rampant promiscuity." "Why is that so bad?" she demanded. "What's so wrong with wanting to get banged?" "Nothing," he said simply. "But inevitably you get yourself into some kind of weird situation and end up lying your behind off and lying is a naughty thing to do. So try keeping your legs bolted together a little more." "Really;" she said, clearly not impressed. "Celibacy lessons from Santa Claus. Now I've heard everything." "According to my report here and speaking frankly, it's taken guys a lot less attractive than me a lot less effort to get you out of your clothes." Santa mentioned. "This coming from a guy who could clearly use a few P90-X sessions!" she shot back hotly, standing up, her robe opening further as she stomped toward him. He looked down at himself for a moment and guffawed. "Oh, right, I keep forgetting about that; hang on;" The man held his hands out to his sides and began to glow. The luminous display lit up the room progressively and Ginny held her hand in front of her face when it became too bright to look at for several seconds. When the light finally died away, leaving them once again in the softly lit living room, Ginny gaped in shock at what she saw. He was tall, powerfully built, with chiseled muscles, an eight pack and flawless, healthy skin. He'd removed his coat but the red pants remained, stretched tight over muscular thighs. Long, wavy, copper-colored hair fell past his shoulders and the full beard was reddish-gold. The sapphire-blue eyes stared down at her, still glittering with mirth. "Holy Jesus on a pogo stick;" she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. "You're a total lumbersexual;" "This is what I really look like," he said, spreading his hands out to the sides and showing her his body. His chest rippled as the muscles flexed with the motion. "But kids react to the fat old man disguise better." "I'll bet mothers don't," she murmured, coming forward as if compelled and reaching out to touch his chest and washboard abs. "It's like you're Photo-shopped." He smiled as her hands caressed his abs. "You make me want to not get off the naughty list." "I think I know what you really want for Christmas;" he said slyly. Ginny paused and looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" "No, I can't lie." the man in red pants replied. "I thought it was Superman who couldn't lie." "Well, the writers had to get that idea from somewhere, I guess." Santa mused. "In any event, if you want, you could end up on the good girl list by being rather naughty." She stared at him. "So; get laid by Santa for Christmas?" He shrugged. "There might be some other goodies in the bag for you, but I think we both know what Ginny really wants and needs for Christmas." "This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!" she thought to herself, wrestling with her sensibilities. "If this is all just a dream, then I can fuck hunky Santa and have no regrets. If this is real, I can fuck sexy Santa and remember it in the morning! It's win-win!" "Well, this is super-easy," she declared. "Santa, I want you to fuck my brains out for Christmas." "With pleasure, Ginny!" he said, laughing merrily. "Whatever you like, however you want it. I have to keep the kiddies happy." "Good, but just don't say 'kiddies' anymore, because that's kinda creepy," she said, throwing her caution to the wind. She knelt down in front of him, putting her hands on the oversized silver belt buckle and undoing it. Letting it drop, she put her fingers on the front of his pants, caressing them over the crotch. Her mouth went dry. "That'd better not be a secondary present sack you're teasing me with;" Ginny hooked her fingers into the top of the velvety pants and pulled them down, revealing his cock. She drew in her breath slowly, her eyes widening. "Jesus," she muttered. "You're hung like a fat kid's Christmas stocking;" "Thanks, I make due." Santa said cheerfully, watching her admire his cock. "By the way, shouldn't I call you something else?" she asked, looking up at him while her hand reached up to take his huge shaft, wrapping around it, barely. "I mean, most people call you Santa Claus, but isn't your name Nick or Kris or something?" He shrugged again, grinning. "Nick, Kris, Klaus, Pelznickel, Joulupukki, Kanakaloka, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Swiety Mikolaj, Hoteiosho, Jultomten, I don't mind, Ginny. I just like hearing you say my name the way you think of me." "Hmm, Santa;" she replied, smiling as she stroked her hand along his shaft, eyeing it hungrily. How the hell was she going to fit that all in her mouth, forget her aching cunt? "Ah, don't use that word," he chided, holding up a finger. "Some words are still naughty, even when you're an adult." "Stay out of my mind then, creeper." Ginny said as she leaned forward and swirled her tongue around the fat head of his cock. She flicked it around the tip and then slowly took it inside her mouth, tongue rolling against it. "The hell? How can his cock taste like mint?" "Just wait til you taste my cum." Santa said, leering. "Fine, but it better not taste like turkey gravy or we're gonna box." Ginny said as she pulled her mouth back for a moment. She pumped her hand gently along the shaft, studying her quarry intently. It was definitely the biggest cock she'd ever taken on, and the best-tasting. She'd been experiencing trippy magic all evening, maybe she could fit this monster in her mouth this one night; She put the head back in her mouth and relaxed, slowly pushing down the shaft. She moaned as she felt him slide to the back of her mouth and then to her throat. She felt him tremble and lay a huge but gentle hand on the back of her head. "Holy shit; I'm deep-throating Santa Claus;" Ginny took a deep breath through her nose and then tried to relax. Her whole body was tingling with excitement and the whole minty cock thing was throwing her off. Her tongue undulated along the underside of his shaft while the fingers of one hand formed a ring around the base of his cock and the other cupped his balls, fondling them. Ginny was proud of her cocksucking skills and if there was anyone she ever needed to impress with them (aside from her 11th Grade math teacher), it was probably Santa. She calmed herself and began pulling her mouth back along his length, humming and letting her lips vibrate softly on his sensitive skin. "Now I know why Mister Bondi gave you that A in math," Santa chuckled. "You're a very naughty girl, Virginia." "Hmm, only for you, Santa baby;" she cooed as she pulled her mouth off his cock long enough to respond, stroking slowly and swirling her tongue around the head again. She then slid back down the entire length, moaning in pleasure. She could feel her nipples getting hard and her cunt was very, very wet beneath her robe. Both his hands were on the back of her head now and holding her gently but firmly. She began to slowly bob back and forth, thrilled at how she was able to take this enormous beast of a cock all the way in her mouth. Sure, maybe there was some weird physics involved that compressed space and time or some shit, but she didn't care and he certainly didn't seem to mind. "Hmm, very good, Virginia;" he said softly, stroking her hair. No one ever called her Virginia and she didn't know why it gave her a tingle when he did. His cock was very full and very hard now, like a pulsing iron rod covered in mint-flavored velvet. She almost giggled at the thought of how crazy this all was. She really hoped it wasn't a dream. Her thumb began to squeeze along the underside of his cock as her hand followed her mouth up and down his length. The shaft glistened wetly and the mint was making her drool. She undid her robe and let it fall away, the air of the room kissing her flushed skin. Her hands now took hold of his powerful thighs and she began moving back and forth along his cock more quickly. She could feel his hands flexing in her long, dark hair, caressing her skin. Breathing through her nose, she moaned as she sucked ardently, her cunt almost aching with desire. She was hoping he would last long enough to fuck her when he went rigid suddenly and groaned, gripping her head tightly and his hips shuddering. Ginny's eyes widened as she felt him began to cum inside her mouth, spurting strongly. She began swallowing hastily, almost in a panic as Santa pumped his hips against her face. "Holy shit! Fucking eggnog?" He kept cumming and she was sure she might actually drown when he pulled his huge cock out of her mouth and pumped it furiously in his hand, spattering her tits and stomach with his glistening load. She'd never seen so much cum in her life. It tingled on her skin. Finally, Santa relaxed, allowing Ginny to put her mouth back around his cock and suck the rest of his cum from him. He was sighing and breathing rather heavily, apparently having enjoyed himself. She eventually released him and smiled up at him wickedly. "So," she cooed, winking while she gently pumped his cock with her hand. "Am I back on the good girl list?" "Oh, I'd think so," he said, grinned. "But it's not like I've given you your whole present yet." "Jeez, you can still go?" she asked almost in disbelief but also delighted. She really needed to be fucked hard now. "Your cock taste like mint, your cum tastes like nog, your ass probably tastes like hot cocoa or nutmeg and you can keep it up all night?" "Up all night is kind of my thing, at least once a year." Santa said cheerfully. "So how would you like for me to give you the rest of your present, Virginia?" "Well, golly, Santa," she mused, making a show of thinking while she stroked his cock. "Since you seem to be the gift that keeps on giving, how about we just wing it?" He nodded and she stood up, keeping hold of his cock and gently led him over to the large chesterfield, hoping it would hold his rather muscular frame. She knelt on it, resting her arms along the raised back and smiled at him, wiggling her behind. She wouldn't believe how wet her cunt was. "You gonna hurry down my chimney, Santa-baby?" she asked, smiling slyly. "I can't believe you just said that!" he laughed jovially. He may not have been older, fatter Santa, but the laugh still definitely suited him. He stepped up behind her and took gentle hold of her hips. She could feel him press against her ass and she shivered in anticipation. He slid his massive cock up and down between her ass cheeks, teasing her until she was writhing in desperation. He seemed to know instinctively what she loved most. Which only made sense, since he was Santa. "Ready, Virginia?" he asked as he pressed the huge mushroom head against her sticky cunt. She nodded eagerly, unwilling to speak. He slid the head in, parting her lips and penetrating her. She groaned loudly as he began to stretch her inner walls. With a slow, steady push of his hips, he pushed the entire length of his cock deep inside her. It robbed her of her breath, she'd never felt so full in her life, even that one time she'd been so horny she'd fucked her parent's bedpost. "Ah; uh;" she gasped, eyes wide. The sensations were like nothing she'd ever experienced. His cock completely filled her to a delightful stretch that didn't hurt except in the good way. His iron shaft throbbed in time with her heartbeat. It was wonderfully warm but also strangely cool all at once, tingling, like mint again. How the hell could her cunt taste peppermint? "Language, Virginia;" he chided again as he pressed in just a little bit further. By right his cockhead should have bruising her brainstem, but there was no doubt some weird physics shit involved that she decided not to think about. She was getting fucked by Santa, after all. She pressed her forehead against the back of the couch and tried squeezing her cunt around his titan cock or pressing back against him, squirming her ass against his hips. She shuddered in delight, loving how he felt inside her. His hands reached under her body and squeezed and massaged her tits, sending delicious thrills through her. He began to move slowly back and forth, pulling back until just the tip was inside her and pushing in steadily, almost robbing her of breath. She began to feel like a blacksmith's bellows very quickly. The feel of his cock sliding inside her, stretching her and touching deep inside in ways she hadn't known were possible; "Oh my god;" she gasped, fingers digging into the back of the couch. "You're tearing me apart and I love it;" "Only the best for my Virginia," he said, his ruddy cheeks taking on a flush tone as he fucked her. Her fingers squeezed the meat of her thighs and hips or flexed on her ass cheeks. His heavy balls slapped against her cunt as he drove inside her. Strong yet gentle, forceful and commanding yet accommodating. She felt dominated yet exalted somehow. His hand wrapped in her hair and she groaned loudly as he pulled on it, craning her neck. She shuddered in pleasure, feeling her spine almost accordion as he thrust inside while pulling her head back. Her could feel the pulse of his cock through her whole body. Her nails scratched along the couch, almost clawing it. "Uh, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard;" she wailed, feeling the sweat forming on her skin. "Oh my gawd;" "You're going to make me cum hard too," he panted, thrusting deep inside, thumping his hips against her ass. "You feel wonderful and tight, Virginia;" "Oh, God, he's gonna cum in me;" she realized. "Santa's gonna fucking cum in me and he's not wearing anything! Will my birth control work? Shit, will my kids always smell like mint?" "Oh, God, cum in me!" she panted, thrusting herself back against him and grinding shamelessly. "Fucking cum in me, Santa!" "Ya want me to cum in you?" he hissed, his body beginning to tremble. It felt like his cock was getting bigger inside her. "Want my cum in you?" "God, yes!" Ginny squeaked, clenching her teeth. "Fucking cum in me and make me scream!" They strained against one another desperately and then she cried out as a massive orgasm crashed over her. It battered her senses as she felt his hot-yet-tingly-cool cum bathing her insides relentlessly. Her cunt was making greedy sucking sounds as she came, her whole body shuddering almost uncontrollably. She squeezed and clenched and rippled her tight tunnel round him, reveling in the way he stretched and penetrated her ever more deeply. She collapsed against the chesterfield, panting heavily, her body drenched in sweat. His massive, hard cock was still deep inside her, pinning her to him. She felt like she was made of lead, an exquisite exhaustion while pleasure crawled over her languidly. That was beyond anything she had ever experienced. But he didn't seem to be done with her. His powerful hands took hold of Ginny and turned her around so she was squatting on the couch, her knees spread wide and her arms slung across the high back. She looked up at him in weary astonishment as he nestled himself between her legs and pressed his cock against her sopping cunt again. "Ah!" she wailed as he slid deep inside her again, his huge cock splitting her wide. Her nails dug into the couch again and she clenched her teeth as she sucked in her breath. Ginny tried to regulate her breathing while Santa began sliding in and out slowly, looking down at her with those penetrating blue eyes. "Jesus," she grunted, feeling almost like a rag doll in his hands, which gripped her hips. "Gonna fucking kill me with that thing!" "Oh, let's hope not," he replied, thrusting into her strongly. "I'm nowhere near done with you." She gazed up at him, trembling as he fucked her good and hard. She bit her lip as he squeezed her thighs, before moving his hands up to squeeze her tits, pinching her nipples. She groaned shamelessly as the delicious sting electrified her senses. She tried to squeeze herself around him, baffled by how big he felt inside her. She gasped and whimpered as he slapped her cunt lightly. She reached forward and raked her nails over his powerful chest, leaving red marks along the defined muscles. She ground her hips against him wantonly, thrilling to the look of pleasure on this face. "Uh, fuckin' wreck me;" she gasped, feeling another massive climax building inside her. "Make me cum on that beautiful cock, Santa!" "I'll take 'Things Virginia Never Thought She'd Ever Hear Herself Say' for a thousand, Alex!" he laughed. He reached down and took her ass her hands and pulled her closer, smiling warmly yet wickedly into her eyes as she sank further onto his cock, which penetrated her to the deepest depths yet. She could feel the head pressing against her womb. It didn't hurt, but she felt fuller and more stretched than ever. She felt him squeeze her ass cheeks while he thrust into her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight, bumping up and down on his powerful thighs. She moaned loudly and bit his shoulder, trying not to shriek. She tried to squeeze herself around him again, finding that she could barely control her muscles, let alone fuck. She bit down as the warmth spread through her, tears of pleasure in her eyes. He thumped his hips against her even more strongly and they strained against one another. Then he growled and released himself, pumping her once again full of his tingling cum. She shuddered and cried out loudly, her head spinning from the unreal ecstasy. Crushing herself to him, Ginny held on desperately, like a ship battered by an unrelenting storm. They both slumped onto the couch, breathing heavily. She felt small and almost cocooned in his embrace. She was covered in a heavy sheen of sweat and could feel the thrilling tingle of his cum trickling out of her cunt. It wouldn't be a stain on her couch, it was a mark of honor. Their hearts pounded in rhythm as the orgasm passed over them and slowly flowed away. "Holy shit;" she whispered, her body still limp in his arms. "I think you've ruined me for sex. I should be mad;" "You have to admit, it makes sense that I'm better at gift-giving than anyone else on the planet." Santa reasoned, smiling and stroking her hair while she sat in his lap. "I'd say you were a little pent up there." "Mild understatement," she moaned, finally raising her head and smiling up at him. "Thank you, first of all. That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." "I aim to please," he said cheerfully, caressing his thumb across her cheek and enjoying the shining look in her eyes. "Kinda my thing, after all." "So," Ginny purred, walking to fingers up his broad chest. "Is there a Mrs. Claus?" He shrugged. "There has been, of course." She paused suddenly and looked up at him, her smile replaced by a deadpan look. "What do you mean, there has been?" He seemed somewhat confused by her change in demeanor. "Well, there has been a few in the past, of course, there was Seeki first, then there was Ahoop, followed by Annalina, then Layla, Martha, Juliana, Gretchen and Jessica, Santarina, Kasey, Mary;" "I see," she said stonily. "You've had more wives than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands." "Well, to be fair, they've been spread over a long period of time." Santa replied. "And they were all special to me." "So then I'm not special." Ginny said flatly. "Well of course you are," he said, not understanding her mood swing. "You're my Virginia." "And Becky down the street is your Becky, and Sarah in the blue house is your Sarah and Hilda in Dusseldorf is your Hilda," she concluded. "Everyone's equally special to you, aren't they?" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I'm not being fair," she sighed. "I just; well, I thought maybe this; ya know, tonight, was truly special. And clearly you're not good at lying." "Well, no, not at all." Santa agreed, still holding her and wondering how he could comfort her. "I can't lie." "Like, literally can't?" she asked, now curious more than anything. "It's part of your genetic makeup that you can't lie?" "No, nothing like that," he admitted. "But after spending centuries with kids and teaching them to always tell the truth, I haven't tried telling a lie in so long I don't even know how to do it." "You don't know how to lie?" she mused. "If I did, it wouldn't be the least bit believable," he said. "Like, if I said right now that your breath smells wonderful and not like old eggnog and vomit, I somehow doubt you'd believe my lie." "No shit," Ginny replied, giving him a stony look. "You're a horrible liar. You've got the subtlety of a cement truck. Good thing you're Santa and don't have to date to charm a girl." He held her close, hugging her tight to comfort her. She sighed deeply, still impaled on his hard cock, which showed no sign of abating. "God, I can't believe you've still got wood after cumming like a fire hydrant three times," she said, her mood softening. She was having the best sex of her life, she reminded herself not to ruin it by being crazy. "How long can you keep going?" He shrugged his muscular shoulders. "How long do you need me to?" "Actually, it doesn't surprise me that's your answer." Ginny said, smirking. "If you've got the time, I've got another itch that needs scratching." He grinned. "So you haven't broken in that hot tub yet, have you?" "Oh, Santa;" she purred, leaning in and biting his earlobe. "Like you don't make me wet already." He picked her up and carried her toward the Jacuzzi, deftly turning it on with his foot and bringing it rumbling to life. He stepped down into the churning water, setting her one of the seats. As he stood up, she leaned forward and hungrily took his enormous cock into her mouth, sucking ardently. She moved forward and knelt in the water, her hands on his hips again or stroking his balls. He picked her up bodily and turned her upside. Ginny squeaked in surprise at first but found his hips in front of her and began sucking again on his tool without delay. He buried his face in her cunt, tongue snaking deep inside her and she groaned gutturally, Holding her in place with one powerful hand, her teased her taint and then pressed a finger into her ass. "Jesus!" she gasped, almost choking on his cock as he wormed the finger down into her tight tunnel. "Oh, fuck! Your finger is bigger than some dicks I've fucked!" She attacked his cock again eagerly, bobbing back and forth like her life depended on it. She squirmed in his grip as he lashed her cunt with his tongue and fingered her ass. Her fingernails dug into his thighs and her knees locked around his neck. His cock throbbed in her mouth, still thrilling her with its unique and incredible taste. He turned her around again and paid her on the edge of the hot tub, spreading her legs wide. She looked on wantonly as he pushed his tongue back inside her again. He gripped her thighs to hold her in place and she groaned and squirmed, squeezing her tits and pulling on her nipples. Her breath came in ragged gasps as he drove her to the limit of her sensations. Ginny shook and thrashed as she cried out loudly, cumming on his face. He didn't let up, lapping at her essence eagerly. She lay like a dead thing for several seconds before her chest began to rise and fall. Her eyes opened, gazing back at him. She couldn't feel her limbs, just floating on a tingling ocean of deep colors. Santa looked up at her and smiled, pulling his tongue out of her cunt and kissing her clit gently. She shivered at the touch. "One hole left, Santa," she breathed, her body glistening. "Got any left in you to perfect my Christmas?" "Always for you, Virginia." Santa said warmly, standing and raising her gently into a sitting position. He settled down into the water on one of the seats and then pulled her onto his lap, facing away from him. She moved her hips around until she found his rock-hard cock, waiting for her. She placed her puckered knot against it, giggling as she thought about what he was about to do to her. She took his shaft in her hand and held it steady while she sank down, very slowly. Ginny gasped and shivered as the head pushed aside the tight ring of muscle, popping inside her. Then she sighed as she lowered herself, feeling his massive cock stretching her tight tunnel wide. God, she felt so full it was unreal. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her ass cheeks pressed to his lap. He was all the way inside her ass and her held her closed as she settled back against him, purring in sensual pleasure. "Umm, it's never felt this good in my ass before," she said softly, her arms reaching back to curl around his neck. She gyrated slowly on his lap, moaning softly. "A gal could get used to this." His muscular arms wrapped around her and caressed Ginny's body, massaging her tits. She loved how she felt pinned to him. She had finally found the measure of her body and began to squeeze her tight ass around his cock. She squirmed in slow circles on his lap, wishing she had some music to fuck him to. Her stereo system suddenly came on and began playing 'It's Cold Outside'. She giggled and squeezed his neck gently at his thoughtfulness. "You think of everything, don't you?" she purred, lost in her pleasure. "I can't wait to make you cum again." He smiled wickedly and pulled gently on her nipples, causing her to groan at the welcome sting. She pressed her ass back into his lap, squeezing again around his throbbing shaft. The water bubbled and churned around her waist, the heat leaving her skin shining. She began to pant as she moved her hips faster, stopping the circular motions and started to move up and down, his cock sliding in and out of her. Santa took hold of her hips and let her bounce on his lap. Ginny leaned forward, gasping as she fondled her tits, overcome with a liquid heat as his cock impaled her faster and faster. Water splashed around them as the fucking took on an almost frantic pace. Ginny had never felt anything in her ass like this before, nothing even close to this good. She could very easily become an addict. "Uh, fuck!" she grunted, slamming her ass down on him while one hand snaked down and began massaging her cunt and clit. His hands steadied her and helped moved her up and down. She could feel his hips trembling beneath her, his fingers flexing and squeezing her skin. Her panting became a long, drawn-out keening. She clenched her teeth, shuddering and straining as she tried to prolong the fucking; Ginny screamed and pushed herself back against his massive chest violently, thrashing as she clenched his cock inside her ass while he came. His cream flooded inside her, the unreal hot-cool tingling transporting her. He growled in her ear, almost crushing her comparatively tiny frame against himself. She collapsed, utterly exhausted, her chest rising and falling as the world spun around her. She felt him holding her gently, caressing her body in unique ways that seemed to; regulate her blood flow and nerve sensations, making the post-orgasmic bliss she was feeling last as long as possible. She felt herself smile and hum at his consideration, understanding this this is who he was and what he was meant to do. Ginny then did something she almost never did during sex, she leaned her head back, pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply and with great affection. She held it for as long as she could and then sank back into his embrace, sighing in contentment. "Wish you were advertising for a Mrs. Claus at the moment," she said softly. "I could get used to this." "I like things the way they are," he replied, hugging her. "Every year I get to reward you for being a good girl. What could be better than that?" "True, I guess," Ginny agreed. "I'm only human, all this sex could kill me." "Hey, I'm human too, you know," he chuckled. "Just because I'm immeasurably older than you and subject to quantum laws even my smartest elf couldn't explain doesn't mean I'm a member of some other species." "Okay, that's fair, although I'd still fuck you if you were an alien or some extra-dimensional being." Ginny admitted. "You've come in me a lot tonight, daddy. Do I need to” "No," he said cheerfully. "I'm not sterile, but you can't get pregnant unless I decide you will and I've never allowed it." "I wonder what a Santa kid would be like," she mused. "More like you or the mom?" "No idea," he confessed. "There's not exactly a manual, so I've never taken a chance." She slowly leaned forward and began to rise, shivering as she slid off his long cock and it popped out of her. She knelt and turned around to face him, not sure she could stand yet, looking up at his still hard cock and giggled, pressing her finger against the head. "Well, I think you can take him off duty, sir," she said sweetly. "I'm pretty sure that I'm all fucked out for the night, if not the whole season." He chuckled and let his cock soften, looking into her eyes and caressing his cheek. "Hopefully that was what you needed for Christmas." "Definitely, Santa." Ginny said, giggling. "Is it greedy to want the same present again next year?" "Not at all," he replied, grinning. "It cuts down on elf-labor hours if I can give people a gift mysteriously." Santa paused in speaking, going silent and looking around, as if listening for something. Neither of them touched the controls, but the motor for the jets turned off and all that could be heard was the howling roar of the winter storm outside. Ginny looked at him in confusion, wondering why his features hardened and a scowl crossed his normally jovial face. "That's no storm," he said in a low, growling voice. "Not a regular one, anyway." "What does that mean?" she asked, his reaction worrying her for reasons she couldn't readily explain. What the hell was a 'not regular' storm, according to Santa, or anyone else for that matter? He stood up and strode out of the hot tub, taking her by the hand and pulling her out with him. Their naked bodies glistened with water but this was the farthest thing from her mind. "What's going on?" she asked, his consternation beginning to frighten her now. She watched as he tossed her the robe she'd been wearing earlier and then started pulling on his pants and sturdy black boots. "It's just a winter storm! Isn't it?" "I wish that were true," he replied, his expression grim. "Listen to me very carefully, Virginia. I'll need you to follow me instructions precisely. Do you understand?" She nodded. "Okay, but” "Good," he said, cutting her off, his eyes flashing. "It's very important to your safety." "Can you at least tell me what's happening?" she pleaded. "Krampus." Santa muttered darkly as he wrapped bright red straps around his wrists, tightening them. "I should've been more careful." "What's Krampus?" she asked, going pale and she paused in putting on her robe, one of her tits hanging out. "Krampus isn't a what, Krampus is a who," he said, his eyes scanning the layout of her expansive living room. "He's also called Black Pete in some places and legend says he's supposed to be my evil henchman who punishes wicked children." "I take it that's not true, then?" she asked, looking around like he did, wondering what he was searching for. "Not even close," he growled. "Pardon my French, but Krampus is an evil sonofabitch. He was, at one time long ago, my dedicated helper, but he turned down the path of darkness, becoming twisted and diabolic. Forget punishing children, he wants to destroy Christmas, like it never happened." "What's that got to do with us here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Can he reach us in this storm?" "This storm is his doing, I recognize it now," Santa said, striding over to his huge Christmas bag and beginning to rummage in it. "A massive storm always precedes his arrival. It can be mistaken for a regular winter storm if you're not paying

Miracle On Route 34: Part 1 Ginny gets a wonderful Christmas surprise. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Author's Notes: Someone asked me to write a funny and erotic Christmas tale, but since I can't be normal, it is taking on a radical twist that I hope people will find amusing. I've tried to make Santa awesome but also give him some flaws that the ladies will find both charming and irksome all at once. I wasn't going to call it anything lame like 'Here Cums Santa Claus' (in spite of my love of Elvis) so I eventually settled on ripping off a classic and beloved Christmas movie, naming it 'Miracle On Rural Road 34'. Couldn't help myself with the 'Yes, Virginia' quip, of course. As for Superman, Oatmeal and the Easter Bunny, well, get used to more groaners like that, because I like them. Merry ho-ho and keep your stick on the ice! , Management Chapter 1. Ginny Hale sighed forlornly as she sat on her chesterfield in the dim room, the only light provided by the crackling fireplace and some scented candles spread around to make the house smell like gingerbread. She'd made gingerbread cookies earlier, but they were predictably burnt and now her kitchen smelled like a Christmas elf's ass. She took another sip of red wine from her oversized glass, unable to decide who or what to be mad at, the weather, for bringing this god-awful blizzard on Christmas Eve, her so-called friends for ditching her after she'd gone to all this work to put together a nice party, or herself for going crazy and buying this (admittedly nice) chateau way out here in the boondocks. Still relatively new to her negotiator position, Ginny had landed a huge deal for the company she worked for and the payout bonus was one of the biggest ever seen in-house. Though she had an office, she had often worked from her cramped apartment downtown, where a glorious chaos only she understood reigned. But the payout had been large enough for her to purchase a very pretty home in the country, not more than ninety minutes from work. Her boss was so pleased with the deal that he said she only had to come in once a week, to pick up whatever she needed to work on. It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now she found she was quite lonely. Few people were will to put forth the effort to come out and visit her. In fact, only three had since the summer when she bought it. Hell, even her boy-toy, Chad from Accounting, could not be bothered and was now just fucking Lily in the secretary pool instead. Bing Crosby was singing 'White Christmas' to her while she moped. The big bay windows to her back porch showed the fury of the storm outside. Driving snow had been battering the countryside for two days now and her boss had called her to just stay safe and not try to come into the city. He was a nice old man and she liked him. He'd actually taken a chance and given her the job, after she'd fucked him. She hadn't invited him to her little soiree, because his miserable old bat of a wife was hovering around him constantly these days, certain he'd been tipping on her. But even without Old Man Reese, she'd invited upward of twenty people and none of them had shown. Not even Claire, her best supposed friend, had made it out. She was probably too busy being pinned and screwed by her boyfriend anyway, Guido or Nunzio or whatever his name was. Dean Martin came on, singing 'Marshmallow World'. Normally this was one of her favorites, but tonight it just reminded her that she was alone for Christmas. Again. With another sigh, she drank the rest of the wine in her glass and reached for the bottle, turning it over. It was empty. Damn. She'd have to open another one. She walked slowly into the kitchen, wearing her ratty old fox-themed footie pajamas, having decided that if she didn't have to dress up for anyone, she was dressing at all. She took a deep drink of spiked egg nog from the jug of it she'd prepared while she found another bottle of zinfandel and burped very loudly. She wrestled the cork off of the bottle and poured most of the contents into her oversized glass, muttering that she didn't have to answer to anyone about what she did, she was a big girl. She slumped back down on the couch while John Lennon asked her what she'd done for Christmas from the stereo system. "Up yours, John;" she said testily as she drank more wine. She stood unsteadily, blinking for a moment to try and clear her head. She might have had a bit of a wine fog going on, since she'd nearly polished off two bottles of Old Vine Zinfandel in under two hours. Convincing herself that walking was not a bad idea, she tottered over to the bay windows, reaching a hand out in front of herself to make sure it encountered the glass before her face did. "Will you look at that shit out there;" she muttered to no one in particular. After all, there was no one around to hear her. Well, almost no one. "Hi, Oatmeal," she said sweetly, grinning lopsidedly at the bearded dragon that sat in a terrarium near the bay doors. "Looks like you're my Christmas date; again;" The tiny lizard said nothing but assumed a darker shade of purplish brown. "Same to you too, bugface." Ginny muttered sourly, annoyed at being spurned by a reptile with a brain smaller than a sugared peanut. She lumbered back to the kitchen, trying unsuccessfully to eat several pieces of the Turkish Delight she'd tried to make, but they were sticky and runny, most of the reddish-pink mess ending up stuck to the front of her pajamas. "Son of a fucking reindeer!" she spat, attempting to remove the pajamas, her sticky fingers having trouble with the zipper. She finally kicked the thing off and left it in a corner of the kitchen, now wearing nothing except her panties and a halter top. She stomped back into the spacious living room, thoroughly annoyed. While the music played, she looked around for something to do, taking another pull from the egg nog jug she'd brought with her. The hot tub. It sat near the bay windows, set into the floor and was large enough for five or six people. She'd been hoping that maybe a few people of the dozens she'd invited would show and maybe they could have a fun pool party. She'd even told everyone in the invitations to bring their swimsuits. But of course, no one showed. She was beginning to suspect she could live in Buckingham Fucking Palace and still no one would come to see her. This was, literally, the fifth Christmas she'd spent by herself. The timing for friends never worked out and her parents were always off in Monaco or some such place, avoiding the weather. Her mom had already called earlier that night, so she wouldn't hear any more from them for a few days now. She sighed yet again and pulled off her underthings, stepping into the water. She was drunker than she wanted to admit, though, missing her footing, squealing and tumbling into the tub with a splash. Ginny came to the surface, sputtering and hissing in outrage. Why couldn't anything work out? Oatmeal just stared at her impassively. "You win this time, gravity;" she growled, displeased with her inelegant entrance. Well, at least she'd been smart enough to put down the jug of nog before trying to get in. She turned on the jets and retrieved her beverage, taking another big pull as the tub rumbled to life. Ginny laid back her head against one of the padded rests and tried to relax, to let her frustrations go. She turned on the jets and allowed one to massage her lower back while sipping at a glass of wine. She tried to put the frustrations of the holiday behind her, to let go of the feelings of rejection and somehow not belonging. "Why did I but this new fucking home if no one was interested in visiting? Everyone said they thought it was so great, but months later, still no visitors. Do I really not matter that much?" It annoyed her to think not only that she was alone, but that doubtless most of the people who had ditched her were at home getting laid. Claire was doubtless face down and ass up on her bed, getting plowed from behind by Guido. Even Mr. Reese, the old geezer, was probably getting some, either from his wife or maybe one of his secretaries. She sighed heavily and sat up, putting her now-empty wine glass aside and deciding that just because she was alone on Christmas Eve didn't mean she wasn't owed at least one good orgasm. She leaned forward and rested her forearms on the padded edge of the hot tub, positioning herself so that one of her jets, the one she'd named 'Juan', was right behind her. She felt the flow of water begin to caress her and she rested her head on her forearms as she wiggled further back, feeling the jet more strongly now as it pushed against her ass and her cunt. With a sigh, she found the perfect distance and pressed her face down into her arms, letting Juan work his magic. Water pressure massaged her cunt lips, strong enough to part them and to tease her clit, sending thrills through her. She shuddered and sighed loudly, forgetting, for now, how much men sucked. She bit the knuckle of her index finger, lost in reverie. God, if only it were a man fucking her. "Alone; on fucking Christmas; where's, ah!, where's the justice in that?" She was sweating now and panting as the relentless jets battered her nether tinglies, the sensations overwhelming her steadily. She clenched her teeth and her fists, straining as she fought to hold on a little longer. She moaned very loudly, her whole body shaking as Juan delivered a wonderful orgasm. She panted and groaned shamelessly, knowing that no one was around to see her in her pent-up, frustrated lust, expending it on her Jacuzzi jets. The scintillating lights behind her eyes, however, were over all too quickly and the climax subsided, replaced by a juddering sensitivity that made Juan's caress too much to bear. She collapsed against the edge of the hot tub, moving her ass away from the jet. "Alone; again;" She may have needed the orgasm, but it did nothing to improve her mood. It didn't help that the song 'This Christmas' by Shoes had begun playing as the cumming ended. When it finally felt like her legs would work again, she turned around and slumped into a corner of the tub, as far from Juan as possible. Ginny stayed still for some time, until her feet and fingers felt that annoying level of pruny that made everything awful to touch. With the heat of the water and all the alcohol she'd drunk, she was feeling rather light-headed, so she turned off the stereo and shut off the lights. She found a plate of her fucked-up and burnt gingerbread cookies and left them on a table near the fireplace along with the jug of nog before beginning to head upstairs to bed. "Yeah. Fuck this day. And fuck tomorrow too. Maybe if I stay drunk enough it'll just fly by. Fuck Christmas." The second floor was an open space in the middle, looking down onto the main floor. A set of stairs led up on either side and the bedrooms were spaced around the gallery. She'd loved the design when she bought it, but this only increased her frustration when no one ever came to visit. "Gorgeous fucking house; ten acres of beautiful nature filled with deer and ugly-ass wild turkeys; a fucking pond people could skate on; shit, I even found a patch of landrace back there! What's not to love about my new home? Why aren't people shitting themselves in jealousy?" She reached the master bedroom, sighing at how big it felt since she had no one to share it with. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her naked body and sighing. She was trim and fit, with nicely-sized boobs, she kept her cunt shaved smooth and her full lips were simply made to suck cock. Her skin was fair and even and her dark brown hair was long enough to pull on if you were fucking her ass or taking her from behind. So what the hell was wrong? The bed was certainly big enough for two (or maybe her and two guys who didn't mind getting close), but she plunked herself down into it and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the room to stop drunk-spinning. It took longer than she wanted it to, but things finally slowed down an she breathed deeply. She reached over with her hand and fumbled around inside the drawer of the nightstand. She finally withdrew an elegant glass dildo, a barely opaque white with bright red stripes curling around it to simulate a candy cane. It had been a Christmas gift from Claire, who had jokingly given it to her until she found a man for herself. That bitch. "Well, Frosty," she sighed, examining him. "Looks like it's you and me tomorrow. I promise to not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or get more booze, okay? Because I'm here for you;" And with that she kissed the dildo and put it aside. She turned out her lamp and sighed deeply as she lay in the dark, waiting for sleep to take her. "Fuck Christmas;" A noise from downstairs. Her eyes snapped open. She was sure she'd heard something. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself, reasoning that she'd been drunk and it might just be hangover noises. Maybe just something like branches scraping on the roof or across the walls? Ginny felt a flush of anger and slowly rose, getting out of bed and putting on a plush yellow robe. There were definitely sounds downstairs. She grabbed her rape whistle and her high-school field hockey stick off the wall before quietly opening the door and proceeding out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with fear and anger. How dare someone invade her house? And in this fucking weather! "Burglars? Ruffians? Escaped cons?" "Well, at least if they see you they might have their way with you and break your dry spell." She shook the vile notion from her head, wondering where the hell that'd come from. Could she be that desperate to get laid? Ginny walked as quietly as she could, hearing noises on the roof. Raccoons? Looking to get in from the cold? Fucking trash pandas. She rounded the corner of the gallery and put her foot on the top step, her hockey stick ready. She crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises. They seemed to be coming from her living room. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to identify anything that might be amiss. Then she saw him, a symphony of red trimmed in white, the huge ass swaying back and forth as the intruder was bent over her at the base of her Christmas tree, doing God only knows what to it. He seemed to be humming to himself. She walked up silently until she was maybe ten feet away from him, her hockey stick over her shoulder, ready to swing. He didn't hear her or took no notice of her. "I don't want to hurt you," she growled through clenched teeth. "But you'd best get the fuck out of my house or I'll hit you so hard Google won't be able to find you." The person in red paused in their activities and then stood up slowly. After another moment's pause, they stood up and turned around slowly. He was slightly taller than average and quite a bit fatter than societal norms allowed. He had a fat face with dancing blue eyes and red cheeks. Beneath the tapered red hat was long, silvery-white hair and a very full beard and moustache. The intruder looked at her and grinned. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked with a voice that could only be described as jolly. Ginny said nothing. She seemed to be rooted to the spot. She wanted to say something, anything, but she seemed to have been robbed of the power of speech. "W, who;" she finally managed to stammer. "Yes, Virginia," the visitor said quietly but pleasantly in a soothing voice. "There really is a Santa Claus." She blinked and shook her head, trying to articulate a coherent thought. The big man in red chuckled, clearly amused by her predicament. "Your egg nog was very good," he mentioned as he walked forward a little. "Your cookies needed a little work, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe a cookbook next year?" "Stay still!" she snapped, suddenly coming out of her stupor and holding the hockey stick behind her head as if she was winding up for a hit. "I'll deck you, old man!" "Oh, there's no need for that," he said cheerfully, totally unconcerned by her threat. "It's been a rough year for you, hasn't it, Ginny?" "Why do you know my name?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Of course I know it," the man claiming to be Santa said jovially. "I'd be pretty lousy at my job if I didn't, right?" "If you're really Santa," she said tightly, still not understanding why she hadn't knocked this guy's head off his shoulders yet. "Then what was I doing the night of October seventeenth last year?" He tilted his head to the side a little and pursed his lips. "Are you sure?" "C'mon, you haven't got all day." "Very well," he said, sighing. "You were sitting in McPhearson's Pub, waiting vainly for Greg from IT to show up, because you'd given him a blowjob in the bathroom earlier that day and promised him more. But he went off with Becky from Accounts that night instead of meeting up with you." She blushed furiously at the memory. "I; that wasn't the day I meant! I meant the sixteenth!" He shrugged. "You had the day off and were really frustrated. You slid a condom over that very field hockey stick and used it on yourself, just to see what it was like." Ginny dropped the stick very suddenly. "How the hell do you know that, you perv?" The man shrugged. "I know all about you, Ginny. And every other boy and girl in the world" "Don't give me that horseshit!" she hissed, glaring at him. "I had too many Christmases where I didn't get what I want to buy into that cockamamie story!" "Well, you weren't exactly the most exemplary child, were you?" he reasoned. "I mean, you weren't horrible, it's not like you were out kicking puppies into woodchippers, but you spent more time in the naughty column that the good column, didn't you?" "What did I ever do that was so naughty?" she demanded hotly, her fists bunched up at her sides. "You and your brother could get rather friendly, couldn't you?" the man calling himself Santa pointed out. She faltered for a moment. "Lots of siblings play doctor. And those atomic booty bombs where I kept jumping in the air and landing on him were just playful." "While naked?" Santa asked, raising a bushy white eyebrow. Ginny blushed. "But that wasn't what landed you on the naughty list," he added. "What got you blacklisted was that you lied about doing your homework or cleaning your room while you were messing around with your brother. Your mom and dad would ask you to do your math and you'd slip away to play doctor instead and tell them you'd finished your homework after. Lying is naughty, right?" "Woah, hold the phone here," she said loudly, holding her head as if she was suddenly dizzy from a revelation. She didn't seem to notice that her robe had opened slightly, exposing her cleavage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fibbing to my parents kept me from getting the gifts I wanted?" "Were the rules unclear?" Santa asked. "I thought the songs on the subject were so easy to follow." Ginny pinched her eyes in exasperation and then scowled at him. "I'm drunk," she concluded, trying to convince herself none of this was real. "I'm drunker than Sarah Palin and you're not really here. I'm still in bed and this is all bullshit." Santa shrugged. "I was putting stuff under your tree until you arrived and enjoying the nog. I won't mind if you go back to bed." "No, you're not getting off that easily," she said in annoyance. "You broke into my house in the middle of the storm of the fucking century and I want answers, dammit!" He shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask away." Her eyes narrowed again. "Aren't you on kind of a time crunch? Unless I'm the last person on your delivery list, don't you still have a shit ton of houses to visit? Say, a few hundred million?" He waved it off. "I've got it covered, I promise. I have all the time in the world for you, Ginny. I always have." "What, so you sub-contract out?" she said snidely. "Got FedEx making the rounds for you? Or maybe your 'Elves'?" She mentioned the last bit with air quotes. "Goodness, this has been a bad year for you, hasn't it?" he said sympathetically. "But to answer your question, I am capable of being many places at once." "Oh, so now you're the Kwizatz-Haderach?" she asked archly. "Hey, it's not just cinnamon I put in my Christmas cider." Santa chuckled. "It's rather complicated to explain." "So do you, like, clone yourself?" she asked, her guard seeming to slowly come down. "No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "It involves Cherenkov Radiation, a Holmes field, a Gellar field and, to quote a friend of mine, 'a lot of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey; stuff.'" "So it's some sort of deep quantum shit?" she asked, her body finally relaxing. He nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's very temporal and quantum. I can be many places at once. It's why I don't have to pay for billions in window repairs every year by going supersonic around the world." "So even while you're talking to me, you're delivering presents?" she asked, the sheer depth of the conversation hitting her now. She walked over to a stool and sat on it. "Like I said, it's difficult to explain without breaking out the chalkboard and calculator," he answered. "The magnetic lines between the poles help, especially the one that emanates from the Fortress of Solitude." Ginny blinked. "Fortress of Solitude? As in Superman? You're friends with Superman?" "Of course not!" the jolly man laughed. "There's no such thing as Superman, silly, he's a comic book character. Had you going, though." "Holy shit, Santa's a troll," she exclaimed, looking at him in bewilderment. "Well, okay, let's assume that this is all real and not a vivid hallucination resulting from a brain tumor. If I've been such a brat all these years, how do I make up for it? How do I get off the naughty girl list?" "Well, a little restraint would be a start," Santa suggested. "I'm not saying go out and become a Carthusian nun or a Buddhist priestess or anything, but you might try laying off the rampant promiscuity." "Why is that so bad?" she demanded. "What's so wrong with wanting to get banged?" "Nothing," he said simply. "But inevitably you get yourself into some kind of weird situation and end up lying your behind off and lying is a naughty thing to do. So try keeping your legs bolted together a little more." "Really;" she said, clearly not impressed. "Celibacy lessons from Santa Claus. Now I've heard everything." "According to my report here and speaking frankly, it's taken guys a lot less attractive than me a lot less effort to get you out of your clothes." Santa mentioned. "This coming from a guy who could clearly use a few P90-X sessions!" she shot back hotly, standing up, her robe opening further as she stomped toward him. He looked down at himself for a moment and guffawed. "Oh, right, I keep forgetting about that; hang on;" The man held his hands out to his sides and began to glow. The luminous display lit up the room progressively and Ginny held her hand in front of her face when it became too bright to look at for several seconds. When the light finally died away, leaving them once again in the softly lit living room, Ginny gaped in shock at what she saw. He was tall, powerfully built, with chiseled muscles, an eight pack and flawless, healthy skin. He'd removed his coat but the red pants remained, stretched tight over muscular thighs. Long, wavy, copper-colored hair fell past his shoulders and the full beard was reddish-gold. The sapphire-blue eyes stared down at her, still glittering with mirth. "Holy Jesus on a pogo stick;" she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. "You're a total lumbersexual;" "This is what I really look like," he said, spreading his hands out to the sides and showing her his body. His chest rippled as the muscles flexed with the motion. "But kids react to the fat old man disguise better." "I'll bet mothers don't," she murmured, coming forward as if compelled and reaching out to touch his chest and washboard abs. "It's like you're Photo-shopped." He smiled as her hands caressed his abs. "You make me want to not get off the naughty list." "I think I know what you really want for Christmas;" he said slyly. Ginny paused and looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" "No, I can't lie." the man in red pants replied. "I thought it was Superman who couldn't lie." "Well, the writers had to get that idea from somewhere, I guess." Santa mused. "In any event, if you want, you could end up on the good girl list by being rather naughty." She stared at him. "So; get laid by Santa for Christmas?" He shrugged. "There might be some other goodies in the bag for you, but I think we both know what Ginny really wants and needs for Christmas." "This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!" she thought to herself, wrestling with her sensibilities. "If this is all just a dream, then I can fuck hunky Santa and have no regrets. If this is real, I can fuck sexy Santa and remember it in the morning! It's win-win!" "Well, this is super-easy," she declared. "Santa, I want you to fuck my brains out for Christmas." "With pleasure, Ginny!" he said, laughing merrily. "Whatever you like, however you want it. I have to keep the kiddies happy." "Good, but just don't say 'kiddies' anymore, because that's kinda creepy," she said, throwing her caution to the wind. She knelt down in front of him, putting her hands on the oversized silver belt buckle and undoing it. Letting it drop, she put her fingers on the front of his pants, caressing them over the crotch. Her mouth went dry. "That'd better not be a secondary present sack you're teasing me with;" Ginny hooked her fingers into the top of the velvety pants and pulled them down, revealing his cock. She drew in her breath slowly, her eyes widening. "Jesus," she muttered. "You're hung like a fat kid's Christmas stocking;" "Thanks, I make due." Santa said cheerfully, watching her admire his cock. "By the way, shouldn't I call you something else?" she asked, looking up at him while her hand reached up to take his huge shaft, wrapping around it, barely. "I mean, most people call you Santa Claus, but isn't your name Nick or Kris or something?" He shrugged again, grinning. "Nick, Kris, Klaus, Pelznickel, Joulupukki, Kanakaloka, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Swiety Mikolaj, Hoteiosho, Jultomten, I don't mind, Ginny. I just like hearing you say my name the way you think of me." "Hmm, Santa;" she replied, smiling as she stroked her hand along his shaft, eyeing it hungrily. How the hell was she going to fit that all in her mouth, forget her aching cunt? "Ah, don't use that word," he chided, holding up a finger. "Some words are still naughty, even when you're an adult." "Stay out of my mind then, creeper." Ginny said as she leaned forward and swirled her tongue around the fat head of his cock. She flicked it around the tip and then slowly took it inside her mouth, tongue rolling against it. "The hell? How can his cock taste like mint?" "Just wait til you taste my cum." Santa said, leering. "Fine, but it better not taste like turkey gravy or we're gonna box." Ginny said as she pulled her mouth back for a moment. She pumped her hand gently along the shaft, studying her quarry intently. It was definitely the biggest cock she'd ever taken on, and the best-tasting. She'd been experiencing trippy magic all evening, maybe she could fit this monster in her mouth this one night; She put the head back in her mouth and relaxed, slowly pushing down the shaft. She moaned as she felt him slide to the back of her mouth and then to her throat. She felt him tremble and lay a huge but gentle hand on the back of her head. "Holy shit; I'm deep-throating Santa Claus;" Ginny took a deep breath through her nose and then tried to relax. Her whole body was tingling with excitement and the whole minty cock thing was throwing her off. Her tongue undulated along the underside of his shaft while the fingers of one hand formed a ring around the base of his cock and the other cupped his balls, fondling them. Ginny was proud of her cocksucking skills and if there was anyone she ever needed to impress with them (aside from her 11th Grade math teacher), it was probably Santa. She calmed herself and began pulling her mouth back along his length, humming and letting her lips vibrate softly on his sensitive skin. "Now I know why Mister Bondi gave you that A in math," Santa chuckled. "You're a very naughty girl, Virginia." "Hmm, only for you, Santa baby;" she cooed as she pulled her mouth off his cock long enough to respond, stroking slowly and swirling her tongue around the head again. She then slid back down the entire length, moaning in pleasure. She could feel her nipples getting hard and her cunt was very, very wet beneath her robe. Both his hands were on the back of her head now and holding her gently but firmly. She began to slowly bob back and forth, thrilled at how she was able to take this enormous beast of a cock all the way in her mouth. Sure, maybe there was some weird physics involved that compressed space and time or some shit, but she didn't care and he certainly didn't seem to mind. "Hmm, very good, Virginia;" he said softly, stroking her hair. No one ever called her Virginia and she didn't know why it gave her a tingle when he did. His cock was very full and very hard now, like a pulsing iron rod covered in mint-flavored velvet. She almost giggled at the thought of how crazy this all was. She really hoped it wasn't a dream. Her thumb began to squeeze along the underside of his cock as her hand followed her mouth up and down his length. The shaft glistened wetly and the mint was making her drool. She undid her robe and let it fall away, the air of the room kissing her flushed skin. Her hands now took hold of his powerful thighs and she began moving back and forth along his cock more quickly. She could feel his hands flexing in her long, dark hair, caressing her skin. Breathing through her nose, she moaned as she sucked ardently, her cunt almost aching with desire. She was hoping he would last long enough to fuck her when he went rigid suddenly and groaned, gripping her head tightly and his hips shuddering. Ginny's eyes widened as she felt him began to cum inside her mouth, spurting strongly. She began swallowing hastily, almost in a panic as Santa pumped his hips against her face. "Holy shit! Fucking eggnog?" He kept cumming and she was sure she might actually drown when he pulled his huge cock out of her mouth and pumped it furiously in his hand, spattering her tits and stomach with his glistening load. She'd never seen so much cum in her life. It tingled on her skin. Finally, Santa relaxed, allowing Ginny to put her mouth back around his cock and suck the rest of his cum from him. He was sighing and breathing rather heavily, apparently having enjoyed himself. She eventually released him and smiled up at him wickedly. "So," she cooed, winking while she gently pumped his cock with her hand. "Am I back on the good girl list?" "Oh, I'd think so," he said, grinned. "But it's not like I've given you your whole present yet." "Jeez, you can still go?" she asked almost in disbelief but also delighted. She really needed to be fucked hard now. "Your cock taste like mint, your cum tastes like nog, your ass probably tastes like hot cocoa or nutmeg and you can keep it up all night?" "Up all night is kind of my thing, at least once a year." Santa said cheerfully. "So how would you like for me to give you the rest of your present, Virginia?" "Well, golly, Santa," she mused, making a show of thinking while she stroked his cock. "Since you seem to be the gift that keeps on giving, how about we just wing it?" He nodded and she stood up, keeping hold of his cock and gently led him over to the large chesterfield, hoping it would hold his rather muscular frame. She knelt on it, resting her arms along the raised back and smiled at him, wiggling her behind. She wouldn't believe how wet her cunt was. "You gonna hurry down my chimney, Santa-baby?" she asked, smiling slyly. "I can't believe you just said that!" he laughed jovially. He may not have been older, fatter Santa, but the laugh still definitely suited him. He stepped up behind her and took gentle hold of her hips. She could feel him press against her ass and she shivered in anticipation. He slid his massive cock up and down between her ass cheeks, teasing her until she was writhing in desperation. He seemed to know instinctively what she loved most. Which only made sense, since he was Santa. "Ready, Virginia?" he asked as he pressed the huge mushroom head against her sticky cunt. She nodded eagerly, unwilling to speak. He slid the head in, parting her lips and penetrating her. She groaned loudly as he began to stretch her inner walls. With a slow, steady push of his hips, he pushed the entire length of his cock deep inside her. It robbed her of her breath, she'd never felt so full in her life, even that one time she'd been so horny she'd fucked her parent's bedpost. "Ah; uh;" she gasped, eyes wide. The sensations were like nothing she'd ever experienced. His cock completely filled her to a delightful stretch that didn't hurt except in the good way. His iron shaft throbbed in time with her heartbeat. It was wonderfully warm but also strangely cool all at once, tingling, like mint again. How the hell could her cunt taste peppermint? "Language, Virginia;" he chided again as he pressed in just a little bit further. By right his cockhead should have bruising her brainstem, but there was no doubt some weird physics shit involved that she decided not to think about. She was getting fucked by Santa, after all. She pressed her forehead against the back of the couch and tried squeezing her cunt around his titan cock or pressing back against him, squirming her ass against his hips. She shuddered in delight, loving how he felt inside her. His hands reached under her body and squeezed and massaged her tits, sending delicious thrills through her. He began to move slowly back and forth, pulling back until just the tip was inside her and pushing in steadily, almost robbing her of breath. She began to feel like a blacksmith's bellows very quickly. The feel of his cock sliding inside her, stretching her and touching deep inside in ways she hadn't known were possible; "Oh my god;" she gasped, fingers digging into the back of the couch. "You're tearing me apart and I love it;" "Only the best for my Virginia," he said, his ruddy cheeks taking on a flush tone as he fucked her. Her fingers squeezed the meat of her thighs and hips or flexed on her ass cheeks. His heavy balls slapped against her cunt as he drove inside her. Strong yet gentle, forceful and commanding yet accommodating. She felt dominated yet exalted somehow. His hand wrapped in her hair and she groaned loudly as he pulled on it, craning her neck. She shuddered in pleasure, feeling her spine almost accordion as he thrust inside while pulling her head back. Her could feel the pulse of his cock through her whole body. Her nails scratched along the couch, almost clawing it. "Uh, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard;" she wailed, feeling the sweat forming on her skin. "Oh my gawd;" "You're going to make me cum hard too," he panted, thrusting deep inside, thumping his hips against her ass. "You feel wonderful and tight, Virginia;" "Oh, God, he's gonna cum in me;" she realized. "Santa's gonna fucking cum in me and he's not wearing anything! Will my birth control work? Shit, will my kids always smell like mint?" "Oh, God, cum in me!" she panted, thrusting herself back against him and grinding shamelessly. "Fucking cum in me, Santa!" "Ya want me to cum in you?" he hissed, his body beginning to tremble. It felt like his cock was getting bigger inside her. "Want my cum in you?" "God, yes!" Ginny squeaked, clenching her teeth. "Fucking cum in me and make me scream!" They strained against one another desperately and then she cried out as a massive orgasm crashed over her. It battered her senses as she felt his hot-yet-tingly-cool cum bathing her insides relentlessly. Her cunt was making greedy sucking sounds as she came, her whole body shuddering almost uncontrollably. She squeezed and clenched and rippled her tight tunnel round him, reveling in the way he stretched and penetrated her ever more deeply. She collapsed against the chesterfield, panting heavily, her body drenched in sweat. His massive, hard cock was still deep inside her, pinning her to him. She felt like she was made of lead, an exquisite exhaustion while pleasure crawled over her languidly. That was beyond anything she had ever experienced. But he didn't seem to be done with her. His powerful hands took hold of Ginny and turned her around so she was squatting on the couch, her knees spread wide and her arms slung across the high back. She looked up at him in weary astonishment as he nestled himself between her legs and pressed his cock against her sopping cunt again. "Ah!" she wailed as he slid deep inside her again, his huge cock splitting her wide. Her nails dug into the couch again and she clenched her teeth as she sucked in her breath. Ginny tried to regulate her breathing while Santa began sliding in and out slowly, looking down at her with those penetrating blue eyes. "Jesus," she grunted, feeling almost like a rag doll in his hands, which gripped her hips. "Gonna fucking kill me with that thing!" "Oh, let's hope not," he replied, thrusting into her strongly. "I'm nowhere near done with you." She gazed up at him, trembling as he fucked her good and hard. She bit her lip as he squeezed her thighs, before moving his hands up to squeeze her tits, pinching her nipples. She groaned shamelessly as the delicious sting electrified her senses. She tried to squeeze herself around him, baffled by how big he felt inside her. She gasped and whimpered as he slapped her cunt lightly. She reached forward and raked her nails over his powerful chest, leaving red marks along the defined muscles. She ground her hips against him wantonly, thrilling to the look of pleasure on this face. "Uh, fuckin' wreck me;" she gasped, feeling another massive climax building inside her. "Make me cum on that beautiful cock, Santa!" "I'll take 'Things Virginia Never Thought She'd Ever Hear Herself Say' for a thousand, Alex!" he laughed. He reached down and took her ass her hands and pulled her closer, smiling warmly yet wickedly into her eyes as she sank further onto his cock, which penetrated her to the deepest depths yet. She could feel the head pressing against her womb. It didn't hurt, but she felt fuller and more stretched than ever. She felt him squeeze her ass cheeks while he thrust into her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight, bumping up and down on his powerful thighs. She moaned loudly and bit his shoulder, trying not to shriek. She tried to squeeze herself around him again, finding that she could barely control her muscles, let alone fuck. She bit down as the warmth spread through her, tears of pleasure in her eyes. He thumped his hips against her even more strongly and they strained against one another. Then he growled and released himself, pumping her once again full of his tingling cum. She shuddered and cried out loudly, her head spinning from the unreal ecstasy. Crushing herself to him, Ginny held on desperately, like a ship battered by an unrelenting storm. They both slumped onto the couch, breathing heavily. She felt small and almost cocooned in his embrace. She was covered in a heavy sheen of sweat and could feel the thrilling tingle of his cum trickling out of her cunt. It wouldn't be a stain on her couch, it was a mark of honor. Their hearts pounded in rhythm as the orgasm passed over them and slowly flowed away. "Holy shit;" she whispered, her body still limp in his arms. "I think you've ruined me for sex. I should be mad;" "You have to admit, it makes sense that I'm better at gift-giving than anyone else on the planet." Santa reasoned, smiling and stroking her hair while she sat in his lap. "I'd say you were a little pent up there." "Mild understatement," she moaned, finally raising her head and smiling up at him. "Thank you, first of all. That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." "I aim to please," he said cheerfully, caressing his thumb across her cheek and enjoying the shining look in her eyes. "Kinda my thing, after all." "So," Ginny purred, walking to fingers up his broad chest. "Is there a Mrs. Claus?" He shrugged. "There has been, of course." She paused suddenly and looked up at him, her smile replaced by a deadpan look. "What do you mean, there has been?" He seemed somewhat confused by her change in demeanor. "Well, there has been a few in the past, of course, there was Seeki first, then there was Ahoop, followed by Annalina, then Layla, Martha, Juliana, Gretchen and Jessica, Santarina, Kasey, Mary;" "I see," she said stonily. "You've had more wives than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands." "Well, to be fair, they've been spread over a long period of time." Santa replied. "And they were all special to me." "So then I'm not special." Ginny said flatly. "Well of course you are," he said, not understanding her mood swing. "You're my Virginia." "And Becky down the street is your Becky, and Sarah in the blue house is your Sarah and Hilda in Dusseldorf is your Hilda," she concluded. "Everyone's equally special to you, aren't they?" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I'm not being fair," she sighed. "I just; well, I thought maybe this; ya know, tonight, was truly special. And clearly you're not good at lying." "Well, no, not at all." Santa agreed, still holding her and wondering how he could comfort her. "I can't lie." "Like, literally can't?" she asked, now curious more than anything. "It's part of your genetic makeup that you can't lie?" "No, nothing like that," he admitted. "But after spending centuries with kids and teaching them to always tell the truth, I haven't tried telling a lie in so long I don't even know how to do it." "You don't know how to lie?" she mused. "If I did, it wouldn't be the least bit believable," he said. "Like, if I said right now that your breath smells wonderful and not like old eggnog and vomit, I somehow doubt you'd believe my lie." "No shit," Ginny replied, giving him a stony look. "You're a horrible liar. You've got the subtlety of a cement truck. Good thing you're Santa and don't have to date to charm a girl." He held her close, hugging her tight to comfort her. She sighed deeply, still impaled on his hard cock, which showed no sign of abating. "God, I can't believe you've still got wood after cumming like a fire hydrant three times," she said, her mood softening. She was having the best sex of her life, she reminded herself not to ruin it by being crazy. "How long can you keep going?" He shrugged his muscular shoulders. "How long do you need me to?" "Actually, it doesn't surprise me that's your answer." Ginny said, smirking. "If you've got the time, I've got another itch that needs scratching." He grinned. "So you haven't broken in that hot tub yet, have you?" "Oh, Santa;" she purred, leaning in and biting his earlobe. "Like you don't make me wet already." He picked her up and carried her toward the Jacuzzi, deftly turning it on with his foot and bringing it rumbling to life. He stepped down into the churning water, setting her one of the seats. As he stood up, she leaned forward and hungrily took his enormous cock into her mouth, sucking ardently. She moved forward and knelt in the water, her hands on his hips again or stroking his balls. He picked her up bodily and turned her upside. Ginny squeaked in surprise at first but found his hips in front of her and began sucking again on his tool without delay. He buried his face in her cunt, tongue snaking deep inside her and she groaned gutturally, Holding her in place with one powerful hand, her teased her taint and then pressed a finger into her ass. "Jesus!" she gasped, almost choking on his cock as he wormed the finger down into her tight tunnel. "Oh, fuck! Your finger is bigger than some dicks I've fucked!" She attacked his cock again eagerly, bobbing back and forth like her life depended on it. She squirmed in his grip as he lashed her cunt with his tongue and fingered her ass. Her fingernails dug into his thighs and her knees locked around his neck. His cock throbbed in her mouth, still thrilling her with its unique and incredible taste. He turned her around again and paid her on the edge of the hot tub, spreading her legs wide. She looked on wantonly as he pushed his tongue back inside her again. He gripped her thighs to hold her in place and she groaned and squirmed, squeezing her tits and pulling on her nipples. Her breath came in ragged gasps as he drove her to the limit of her sensations. Ginny shook and thrashed as she cried out loudly, cumming on his face. He didn't let up, lapping at her essence eagerly. She lay like a dead thing for several seconds before her chest began to rise and fall. Her eyes opened, gazing back at him. She couldn't feel her limbs, just floating on a tingling ocean of deep colors. Santa looked up at her and smiled, pulling his tongue out of her cunt and kissing her clit gently. She shivered at the touch. "One hole left, Santa," she breathed, her body glistening. "Got any left in you to perfect my Christmas?" "Always for you, Virginia." Santa said warmly, standing and raising her gently into a sitting position. He settled down into the water on one of the seats and then pulled her onto his lap, facing away from him. She moved her hips around until she found his rock-hard cock, waiting for her. She placed her puckered knot against it, giggling as she thought about what he was about to do to her. She took his shaft in her hand and held it steady while she sank down, very slowly. Ginny gasped and shivered as the head pushed aside the tight ring of muscle, popping inside her. Then she sighed as she lowered herself, feeling his massive cock stretching her tight tunnel wide. God, she felt so full it was unreal. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her ass cheeks pressed to his lap. He was all the way inside her ass and her held her closed as she settled back against him, purring in sensual pleasure. "Umm, it's never felt this good in my ass before," she said softly, her arms reaching back to curl around his neck. She gyrated slowly on his lap, moaning softly. "A gal could get used to this." His muscular arms wrapped around her and caressed Ginny's body, massaging her tits. She loved how she felt pinned to him. She had finally found the measure of her body and began to squeeze her tight ass around his cock. She squirmed in slow circles on his lap, wishing she had some music to fuck him to. Her stereo system suddenly came on and began playing 'It's Cold Outside'. She giggled and squeezed his neck gently at his thoughtfulness. "You think of everything, don't you?" she purred, lost in her pleasure. "I can't wait to make you cum again." He smiled wickedly and pulled gently on her nipples, causing her to groan at the welcome sting. She pressed her ass back into his lap, squeezing again around his throbbing shaft. The water bubbled and churned around her waist, the heat leaving her skin shining. She began to pant as she moved her hips faster, stopping the circular motions and started to move up and down, his cock sliding in and out of her. Santa took hold of her hips and let her bounce on his lap. Ginny leaned forward, gasping as she fondled her tits, overcome with a liquid heat as his cock impaled her faster and faster. Water splashed around them as the fucking took on an almost frantic pace. Ginny had never felt anything in her ass like this before, nothing even close to this good. She could very easily become an addict. "Uh, fuck!" she grunted, slamming her ass down on him while one hand snaked down and began massaging her cunt and clit. His hands steadied her and helped moved her up and down. She could feel his hips trembling beneath her, his fingers flexing and squeezing her skin. Her panting became a long, drawn-out keening. She clenched her teeth, shuddering and straining as she tried to prolong the fucking; Ginny screamed and pushed herself back against his massive chest violently, thrashing as she clenched his cock inside her ass while he came. His cream flooded inside her, the unreal hot-cool tingling transporting her. He growled in her ear, almost crushing her comparatively tiny frame against himself. She collapsed, utterly exhausted, her chest rising and falling as the world spun around her. She felt him holding her gently, caressing her body in unique ways that seemed to; regulate her blood flow and nerve sensations, making the post-orgasmic bliss she was feeling last as long as possible. She felt herself smile and hum at his consideration, understanding this this is who he was and what he was meant to do. Ginny then did something she almost never did during sex, she leaned her head back, pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply and with great affection. She held it for as long as she could and then sank back into his embrace, sighing in contentment. "Wish you were advertising for a Mrs. Claus at the moment," she said softly. "I could get used to this." "I like things the way they are," he replied, hugging her. "Every year I get to reward you for being a good girl. What could be better than that?" "True, I guess," Ginny agreed. "I'm only human, all this sex could kill me." "Hey, I'm human too, you know," he chuckled. "Just because I'm immeasurably older than you and subject to quantum laws even my smartest elf couldn't explain doesn't mean I'm a member of some other species." "Okay, that's fair, although I'd still fuck you if you were an alien or some extra-dimensional being." Ginny admitted. "You've come in me a lot tonight, daddy. Do I need to” "No," he said cheerfully. "I'm not sterile, but you can't get pregnant unless I decide you will and I've never allowed it." "I wonder what a Santa kid would be like," she mused. "More like you or the mom?" "No idea," he confessed. "There's not exactly a manual, so I've never taken a chance." She slowly leaned forward and began to rise, shivering as she slid off his long cock and it popped out of her. She knelt and turned around to face him, not sure she could stand yet, looking up at his still hard cock and giggled, pressing her finger against the head. "Well, I think you can take him off duty, sir," she said sweetly. "I'm pretty sure that I'm all fucked out for the night, if not the whole season." He chuckled and let his cock soften, looking into her eyes and caressing his cheek. "Hopefully that was what you needed for Christmas." "Definitely, Santa." Ginny said, giggling. "Is it greedy to want the same present again next year?" "Not at all," he replied, grinning. "It cuts down on elf-labor hours if I can give people a gift mysteriously." Santa paused in speaking, going silent and looking around, as if listening for something. Neither of them touched the controls, but the motor for the jets turned off and all that could be heard was the howling roar of the winter storm outside. Ginny looked at him in confusion, wondering why his features hardened and a scowl crossed his normally jovial face. "That's no storm," he said in a low, growling voice. "Not a regular one, anyway." "What does that mean?" she asked, his reaction worrying her for reasons she couldn't readily explain. What the hell was a 'not regular' storm, according to Santa, or anyone else for that matter? He stood up and strode out of the hot tub, taking her by the hand and pulling her out with him. Their naked bodies glistened with water but this was the farthest thing from her mind. "What's going on?" she asked, his consternation beginning to frighten her now. She watched as he tossed her the robe she'd been wearing earlier and then started pulling on his pants and sturdy black boots. "It's just a winter storm! Isn't it?" "I wish that were true," he replied, his expression grim. "Listen to me very carefully, Virginia. I'll need you to follow me instructions precisely. Do you understand?" She nodded. "Okay, but” "Good," he said, cutting her off, his eyes flashing. "It's very important to your safety." "Can you at least tell me what's happening?" she pleaded. "Krampus." Santa muttered darkly as he wrapped bright red straps around his wrists, tightening them. "I should've been more careful." "What's Krampus?" she asked, going pale and she paused in putting on her robe, one of her tits hanging out. "Krampus isn't a what, Krampus is a who," he said, his eyes scanning the layout of her expansive living room. "He's also called Black Pete in some places and legend says he's supposed to be my evil henchman who punishes wicked children." "I take it that's not true, then?" she asked, looking around like he did, wondering what he was searching for. "Not even close," he growled. "Pardon my French, but Krampus is an evil sonofabitch. He was, at one time long ago, my dedicated helper, but he turned down the path of darkness, becoming twisted and diabolic. Forget punishing children, he wants to destroy Christmas, like it never happened." "What's that got to do with us here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Can he reach us in this storm?" "This storm is his doing, I recognize it now," Santa said, striding over to his huge Christmas bag and beginning to rummage in it. "A massive storm always precedes his arrival. It can be mistaken for a regular winter storm if you're not paying

No inserted ads on patreon:www.patreon.com/dopeypodcastThis Week on Dopey! Dave kicks off the new Thursday Retro Replay / Greatest Hits concept and explains the new Dopey weekly schedule before throwing back to one of the most beloved early episodes: Chris's Prison Stories Part One (Dopey 67). After a classic call from Dave's dad Alan complaining about the website reviews and telling his own fake “Fort Apache” jail story, Chris dives into his very real first sentence in Orange County Jail. He breaks down race politics, Woods and Sureños, getting classified as a higher-risk inmate, being asked to “be the falcon” and beat up a loud racist white guy, and what it felt like to be totally green in a vicious system.Chris tells gnarly stories about shooting meth in jail with a homemade “binky” syringe that's been up multiple asses, getting covered in staph infection, breaking the ultimate rule by pushing the emergency button, and accidentally giving his post-release girlfriend medication-resistant staph. He also admits to being a dick to a fragile bunkie named Steve by leaving him a bag of trash and tormenting him over the “fishing line,” then gets honest about how jail culture warped his thinking, almost turning love into fear and respect. Dave closes by talking about how much he misses Chris and how proud Chris was of these wild stories, and dedicates the replay to him. All that and more more more on a brand new replay of a super classic dopey show! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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The Overtired trio reunites for the first time in ages, diving into a whirlwind of health updates, hilarious anecdotes, and the latest tech obsessions. Christina shares a dramatic spinal saga while Brett and Jeff discuss everything from winning reddit contests to creating a universal markdown processor. Tune in for updates on Mark 3, the magical world of Scrivener, and why Brett’s back on Bing. Don’t miss the banter or the tech tips, and as always, get ready to laugh, learn, and maybe feel a little overtired yourself. Sponsor Shopify is the commerce platform behind 10% of all eCommerce in the US, from household names like Mattel and Gymshark, to brands just getting started. Get started today at shopify.com/overtired. Chapters 00:00 Welcome to the Overtired Podcast 01:09 Christina’s Health Journey 10:53 Brett’s Insurance Woes 15:38 Jeff’s Mental Health Update 24:07 Sponsor Spot: Shopify 24:18 Sponsor: Shopify 26:23 Jeff Tweedy 27:43 Jeff’s Concert Marathon 32:16 Christina Wins Big 36:58 Monitor Setup Challenges 37:13 Ergotron Mounts and Tall Poles 38:33 Review Plans and Honest Assessments 38:59 Current Display Setup 41:30 Thunderbolt KVM and Display Preferences 42:51 MacBook Pro and Studio Comparisons 50:58 Markdown Processor: Apex 01:07:58 Scrivener and Writing Tools 01:11:55 Helium Browser and Privacy Features 01:13:56 Bing Delisting Incident Show Links Danny Brown's 10 in the New York Times (gift link) Indigo Stack Scrivener Helium Bangs Apex Apex Syntax Join the Marked 3 Beta LG 32 Inch UltraFine™evo 6K Nano IPS Black Monitor with Thunderbolt™ 5 Join the Conversation Merch Come chat on Discord! Twitter/ovrtrd Instagram/ovrtrd Youtube Get the Newsletter Thanks! You’re downloading today’s show from CacheFly’s network BackBeat Media Podcast Network Check out more episodes at overtiredpod.com and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app. Find Brett as @ttscoff, Christina as @film_girl, Jeff as @jsguntzel, and follow Overtired at @ovrtrd on Twitter. Transcript Brett + 2 Welcome to the Overtired Podcast Jeff: [00:00:00] Hello everybody. This is the Overtired podcast. The three of us are all together for the first time since the Carter administration. Um, it is great to see you both here. I am Jeff Severance Gunzel if I didn’t say that already. Um, and I’m here with Christina Warren and I’m here with Brett Terpstra and hello to both of you. Brett: Hi. Jeff: Great to see you both. Brett: Yeah, it’s good to see you too. I feel like I was really deadpan in the pre-show. I’ll try to liven it up for you. I was a horrible audience. You were cracking jokes and I was just Jeff: that’s true. Christina, before you came on, man, I was hot. I was on fire and Brett was, all Brett was doing was chewing and dropping Popsicle parts. Brett: Yep. I ate, I ate part of a coconut outshine Popsicle off of a concrete floor, but Jeff: It is true, and I didn’t even see him check it [00:01:00] for cat hair, Brett: I did though. Jeff: but I believe he did because he’s a, he’s a very Brett: I just vacuumed in Jeff: He’s a very good American Brett: All right. Christina’s Health Journey Brett: Well, um, I, Christina has a lot of health stuff to share and I wanna save time for that. So let’s kick off the mental health corner. Um, let’s let Christina go first, because if it takes the whole show, it takes the whole show. Go for it. Christina: Uh, I, I will not take this hold show, but thank you. Yeah. So, um, my mental health is okay-ish. Um, I would say the okay-ish part is, is because of things that are happening with my physical health and then some of the medications that I’ve had to be on, um, uh, to deal with it. Uh, prednisone. Fucking sucks, man. Never nev n never take it if you can avoid it. Um, but why Christina, why are you on prednisone or why were you on prednisone for five days? Um, uh, and I’m not anymore to be clear, but that certainly did not help my mental health. Um, at the beginning of November, I woke up and I thought that I’d [00:02:00] slept on my shoulder wrong. And, um, uh, and, and just some, some background. I, I don’t know if this is pertinent to how my injury took place or not, but, but it, I’m sure that it didn’t help. Um, I have scoliosis and in the top and the bottom of my spine, so I have it at the top of my, like, neck area and my lower back. And so my back is like a crooked s um, this will be relevant in a, in a second, but, but I, I thought that I had slept on my back bunny, and I was like, okay, well, all right, it hurts a lot, but fine. Um, and then it, a, a couple of days passed and it didn’t get any better, and then like a week passed and I was at the point where I was like, I almost feel like I need to go to the. Emergency room, I’m in pain. That is that significant. Um, and, you know, didn’t get any better. So I took some of grant’s, Gabapentin, and I took, um, some, some, uh, a few other things and I was able to get in with like a, a, a sports and spine guy. Um, and um, [00:03:00] he looked at me and he was like, yeah, I think that you have like a, a, a bolting disc, also known as a herniated disc. Go to physical therapy. See me later. We’ll, we’ll deal with it. Um. Basically like my whole left side was, was, was really sore and, and I had a lot of pain and then I had numbness in my, my fingers and um, and, and that was a problem the next day, which was actually my birthday. The numbness had at this point spread to my right side and also my lower extremities. And so at this point I called the doctor and he was like, yeah, you should go to the er. And so I went to the ER and, and they weren’t able to do anything for me other than give me, you know, like, um, you know, I was hoping they might give me like, some sort of steroid injection or something. They wouldn’t do anything other than, um, basically, um, they gave me like another type of maybe, maybe pain pill or whatever. Um, but that allowed the doctor to go ahead and. Write, uh, write up an MRI took forever for me to get an MRI, I actually had to get it in Atlanta. [00:04:00] Fun fact, uh, sometimes it is cheaper to just pay and not go through insurance and get an MR MRI and, um, a, um, uh, an x-ray, um, I was able to do it for $450 Jeff: Whoa. Really? Christina: Yeah, $400 for the MR mri. $50 for the x-ray. Jeff: Wow. Christina: Yeah. Yeah. Brett: how I, they, I had an MRI, they charged me like $1,200 and then they failed to bill insurance ’cause I was between insurance. Christina: Yes. Yeah. So what happened was, and and honestly that was gonna be the situation that I was in, not between insurance stuff, but they weren’t even gonna bill insurance. And insurance only approved certain facilities and to get into those facilities is almost impossible. Um, and so, no, there are a lot of like get an MR, I now get a, you know, mammogram, get ghetto, whatever places. And because America’s healthcare system is a HealthScape, you can bypass insurance and they will charge you way less than whatever they bill insurance for. So I, I don’t know if it’s part of the country, you know, like Seattle I think might [00:05:00] probably would’ve been more expensive. But yeah, I was able to find this place like a mile from like, not even a mile from where my parents lived, um, that did the x-rays and the MRI for $450 total. Brett: I, I hate, I hate that. That’s true, but Christina: Me too. Me too. No, no. It pisses me off. Honestly, it makes me angry because like, I’m glad that I was able to do that and get it, you know, uh, uh, expedited. Then I go into the spine, um, guy earlier this week and he looks at it and he’s like, yep, you’ve got a massive bulging disc on, on C seven, which is the, the part of your lower cervical or cervical spine, which is your neck. Um, and it’s where it connects to your ver bray. It’s like, you know, there are a few things you can do. You can do, you know, injections, you can do surgery. He is like, I’m gonna recommend you to a neurosurgeon. And I go to the neurosurgeon yesterday and he was showing me or not, uh, yeah, yesterday he was showing me the, the, the, the scans and, and showing like you up close and it’s, yeah, it’s pretty massive. Like where, where, where the disc is like it is. You could see it just from one view, like, just from like [00:06:00] looking at it like, kind of like outside, like you could actually like see like it was visible, but then when you zoomed in it’s like, oh shit, this, this thing is like massive and it’s pressing on these nerves that then go into my, my hands and other areas. But it’s pressing on both sides. It’s primarily on my left side, but it’s pressing on on my right side too, which is not good. So, um, he basically was like, okay. He was like, you know, this could go away. He was like, the pain isn’t really what I’m wanting to, to treat here. It’s, it’s the, the weakness because my, my left arm is incredibly weak. Like when they do like the, the test where like they, they push back on you to see like, okay, like how, how much can you, what, like, I am, I’m almost immediately like, I can’t hold anything back. Right? Like I’m, I’m, I’m like a toddler in terms of my strength. So, and, and then I’m freaked out because I don’t have a lot of feeling in my hands and, and that’s terrifying. Um, I’m also. Jeff: so terrifying, Christina: I’m, I’m also like in extreme pain because of, of, of where this sits. Like I can’t sleep well. Like [00:07:00] the whole thing sucks. Like the MRI, which was was like the most painful, like 25 minutes, like of my existence. ’cause I was laying flat on my back. I’m not allowed to move and I’m just like, I’m in just incredible pain with that part of, of, of, of my, my side. Like, it, it was. It was terrible. Um, but, uh, but he was like, yeah. Um, these are the sorts of surgical options we have. Um, he’s gonna, um, do basically what what he wants to do is basically do a thing where he would put in a, um, an artificial or, or synthetic disc. So they’re gonna remove the disc, put in a synthetic one. They’ll go in through the, the front of my throat to access the, my, my, my, my spine. Um, put that there and, um, you know, I’ll, I’ll be overnight in the hospital. Um, and then it’ll be a few weeks of recovery and the, the, the pain should go away immediately. Um, but it, it could be up to two years before I get full, you know, feeling back in my arm. So anyway, Jeff: years, Jesus. And Christina: I mean, and hopefully less than that, but, but it could be [00:08:00] up to that. Jeff: there’s no part of this at this point. That’s a mystery to you, right? Christina: The mystery is, I don’t know how this happened. Jeff: You don’t know how it happened, right? Of course. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Brett: So tell, tell us about the ghastly surgery. The, the throat thing really threw me like, I can’t imagine that Christina: yeah, yeah. So, well, ’cause the thing is, is that usually if what they just do, like spinal fusion, they’ll go in at the back of your neck, um, and then they’ll remove the, the, um, the, the, the, the disc. And then they’ll fuse your, your, your two bones together. Basically. They’ll, they’ll, they’ll, they’ll fuse this part of the vertebrae, but because they’re going to be replacing the, the disc, they need more room. So that’s why they have to go in through the, through, through basically your throat so that they can have more room to work. Jeff: Good lord. No thank you. Brett: Ugh. Wow. Jeff: Okay. Brett: I am really sorry that is happening. That is, that is, that dwarfs my health concerns. That is just constant pain [00:09:00] and, and it would be really scary. Christina: Yeah. Yeah. It’s not great. It’s not great, but I’m, I’m, I’m doing what I can and, uh, like I have, you know, a small amount of, of Oxycodine and I have like a, a, a, you know, some other pain medication and I’m taking the gabapentin and like, that’s helpful. The bad part is like your body, like every 12, 15 hours, like whatever, like the, the, the cycle is like, you feel it leave your system and like if you’re asleep, you wake up, right? Like, it’s one of those things, like, you immediately feel it, like when it leaves your system. And I’ve never had to do anything for pain management before. And they have me on a very, they have me like on the smallest amount of like, oxycodone you can be on. Um, and I’m using it sparingly because I don’t wanna, you know, be reliant on, on it or whatever. But it, it, but it is one of those things where I’m like, yeah, like sometimes you need fucking opiates because, you know, the pain is like so constant. And the thing is like, what sucks is that it’s not always the same type of pain. Like sometimes it’s throbbing, sometimes it’s sharp, sometimes it’s like whatever. It sucks. But the hardest thing [00:10:00] is like, and. This does impact my mental health. Like it’s hard to sleep. Like, and I’m a side sleeper. I’m a side sleeper, and I’m gonna have to become a back sleeper. So, you know. Yeah. It’s just, it’s, it’s not great. It’s not great, but, you know, that, that, that, that, that’s me. The, the good news is, and I’m very, very gratified, like I have a good surgeon. Um, I’m gonna be able to get in to get this done relatively quickly. He had an appointment for next week. I don’t think that insurance would’ve even been able to approve things fast enough for, for, for that regard. And I have, um, commitments that I can’t make then. And I, and that would also mean that I wouldn’t be able to go visit my family for Christmas. So hopefully I’ll do it right after Christmas. I’m just gonna wait, you know, for, for insurance to, to do its thing, knock on wood, and then schedule, um, from there. But yeah, Jeff: Woof. Christina: so that’s me. Um, uh, who wants to go next? Jeff or, uh, Jeff or Brett? Jeff: It’s like, that’s me. Hot potato throwing it. Brett: I’ll, I’ll go. Brett’s Insurance Woes Brett: I can continue on the insurance topic. Um, I was, for a few months [00:11:00] after getting laid off, I was on Minsu, which is Minnesota’s Medicaid, um, v version of Medicaid. And so basically I paid nothing and I had better insurance than I usually have with, uh, you know, a full deductible and premiums and everything. And it was fantastic. I was getting all the care I needed for all of the health stuff I’m going through. Um, I, they, a, a new doctor I found, ordered the 15 tests and I passed out ’cause it was so much blood and. And it, I was getting, but I was getting all these tests run. I was getting results, we were discovering things. And then my unemployment checks, the income from unemployment went like $300 over the cap for Medicaid. So [00:12:00] all of a sudden, overnight I was cut from Medicaid and I had to do an early sign up, and now I’m on courts and it sucks bad. Like they’re not covering my meds. Last month cost me $600. I was also paying. In addition to that, a $300 premium plus every doctor’s visit is 50 bucks out of pocket. So this will hopefully only last until January, and then it’ll flip over and I will be able to demonstrate basically no income, um, until like Mark makes enough money that it gets reported. Um, and even, uh, until then, like I literally am making under the, the poverty limit. So, um, I hope to be back on Medicaid shortly. I have one more month. I’ll have to pay my $600 to refill. I [00:13:00] cashed out my 401k. Um, like things were, everything was up high enough that I had made, I. I had made tens of thousands of dollars just on the investments and the 401k, but I also have a lot of concerns about the market volatility around Nvidia and the AI bubble in general. Um, so taking my money out of the market just felt okay to me. I paid the 10%, uh, penalty Jeff: Mm-hmm. Brett: and ultimately I, I came out with enough cash that I can invest on my own and be able to cover the next six months. Uh, if I don’t have any other income, which I hope to, I hope to not spend my nest egg. Um, but I did, I did a lot of thinking and calculating and I think I made the right choices. But anyway, [00:14:00] that will help if I have to pay for medical stuff that will help. Um. And then I’ve had insomnia, bad on and off. Right now I’m coming off of two days of good sleep. You’re catching me on a good day. Um, but Jeff: Still wouldn’t laugh at my jokes. Brett: before that it was, well, that’s the thing is like before that, it was four nights where I slept two to four hours per night, and by the end of it, I could barely walk. And so two nights of sleep after a stint like that, like, I’m just super, I’m deadpan, I’m dazed. Um, I could lay down and fall asleep at any time. Um, I, so, so keep me awake. Um, but yeah, that’s, that’s, that’s me. Mental health is good. Like I’m in pretty high spirits considering all this, like financial stuff and everything. Like my mood has been pretty stable. I’ve been getting a lot of coding done. I’ll tell you about projects in [00:15:00] a minute, but, um, but that’s, that’s me. I’m done. Jeff: Awesome. I’m enjoying watching your cat roll around, but clearly cannot decide to lay down at this point. Brett: No, nobody is very persnickety. Jeff: I literally have to put my. Well, you say put a cat down like you used to. When you put a kid down for a nap, you say you wanna put ’em down. Right? That’s where it’s coming from. I now have a chair next to my desk, ’cause I have one cat that walks around Yowling at about 11:00 AM while I’m working. And I have to like, put ’em down for a nap. It’s pathetic. It’s pathetic that I do that. Let’s just be clear. Brett: Yeah. Jeff: soulmate though. Jeff’s Mental Health Update Jeff: Um, I’m doing good. I’m, I’m, I’ve been feeling kind of light lately in a nice way. I’ve had ups and downs, but even with the ups and downs, there’s like a, except for one day last week was, there’s just been feeling kind of good in general, which is remarkable in a way. ’cause it’s just like stressful time. There’s some stressful business stuff, like, [00:16:00] a lot of stuff like that. But I’m feeling good and, and just like, uh, yeah, just light. I don’t know, it’s weird. Like, I’ve just been noticing that I feel kind of light and, uh. And not, not manic, not high light. Brett: Yeah. No, that’s Jeff: uh, and that’s, that’s lovely. So yeah. And so I’m doing good. I’m doing good. I fucking, it’s cold. Which sucks ’cause it just means for everybody that’s heard about my workshop over the years, that I can’t really go out there and have it be pleasant Brett: It’s, it’s been Minnesota thus far. Has had, we’ve had like one, one Sub-Zero day. Jeff: whatever. It’s fucking cold. Christina: Yeah. What one? Brett? Brett. It’s December 6th as we’re recording this one Sub-Zero day. That’s insane. Brett: Is it Jeff: Granted, granted I’ve been dressing warm, so I’m ready to go out the door for ice related things. Meaning, meaning government, ice, Brett: Uh, yeah. Yeah. Jeff: So I like wear my long underwear during [00:17:00] the day. ’cause actually like recently. So at my son’s school, which is like six blocks from here, um, has a lot of Somali immigrants in it. And, and uh, and there was a, at one point there was ice activity in the other direction, um, uh, uh, near me. And so neighbors put out a call here around so that at dismissal time people would pair up at all the intersections surrounding the school. And, um, and like a quick signal group popped up, whatever. It was so amazing because like we all just popped out there. And by the time I got out, uh, everyone was already like, posted up and I was like, I’m a, in these situations, I am a wanderer. You want me roaming? I don’t want to pair up with somebody I don’t like, I just, I grabbed a camera with a Zoom on it and like, I was like, I’m in roam. Um, it’s what I was as an activist, what I was as a reporter, like it’s just my nature. Um, but like. Everybody was out and like, and they were just like, they were ready man. And then we got like the all clear and you could just see people in the [00:18:00] neighborhood just like standing down and going home. But because of the true threat and the ongoing arrests here, now that the Minneapolis stuff has started, like I do, I was like wearing long underwear just, and I have a little bag by the door ready to like pop out if something comes up and I can be helpful. Um, and uh, and I guess what I’m saying is I should use that to go into the garage as well if I’m already prepared. Brett: Right. Jeff: But here’s, okay, so here’s a mental health thing actually. So I, one of the, I’ve gone through a few years of just sort of a little bit of paralysis around being able to just, I don’t know what, like do anything that is kind of project related that takes some thinking, whatever it is, like I’m talking about around the house or things that have kind of broken over the years, whatever. So I’ve had this snowblower and it’s a really good snowblower. It’s got headlights. And, uh, and I used to love snow blowing the entire block. Like it just made me feel good, made me feel useful. Um, and sorry I cough. I left it outside for a [00:19:00] year for a, like a winter and a spring and water got into the gas tank. It rusted out in there. I knew I couldn’t start it or I’d ruin the whole damn engine. So I left it for two years and I felt bad about myself. But this year, just like probably a month before the first big snowfall, I fucking replaced a gas tank and a carburetor on a machine. And I have never done anything like that in my life. And so then we got the snowfall and I, and I snow blowed this whole block Brett: Nice. Jeff: great. ’cause now they all owe me. Brett: I, uh, I have a, uh, so I have a little electric powered, uh, snowblower that can handle like two inches of snow. Um, and, and on big snowfalls, if you get out there every hour and keep up with it, it, it works. But, but I, my back right now, I can’t stand for, I can’t stand still for 10 minutes and I can’t move for more than like five minutes. And so I’m, I’m very disabled and El has good days and bad days, uh, thus [00:20:00] far. L’s been out there with a shovel, um, really being the hero. But we have a next door neighbor with a big gas powered snowblower. And so we went over, brought them gifts, and, um, asked if they would take care of our driveway on days we couldn’t, uh, for like, you know, we’d pay ’em 25 bucks to do the driveway. And, uh, and they were, he was still reluctant to accept money. Um. But, but we both agreed it was better to like make it a, a transaction. Jeff: Oh my God. You don’t want to get into weird Minnesota neighbor relational. Brett: right. You don’t want the you owe me thing. Um, so, so we have that set up. But in the process we made really good friends with our neighbor. Like we sat down in their living room for I think 45 minutes and just like talked about health and politics and it was, it was really fun. They’re, they’re retired. They’re in their [00:21:00] seventies and like act, he always looks super grumpy. I always thought he was a mean old man. He’s actually, he laughs more easily than most people I’ve ever met. Um, he’s actually, when people say, oh, he is actually a teddy bear, this guy really is, he’s just jovial. Uh, he just has resting angry old man face. Jeff: Or like my, I have public mis throat face, like when I’m out and about, especially when I’m shopping, I know that my face is, I’m gonna fucking kill you if you look me in the eye Brett: I used Jeff: is not my general disposition. Brett: people used to tell me that about myself, but I feel like I, I carry myself differently these days than I did when I was younger. Jeff: You know what I learned? Do you, have you both watched Veep, Christina: Yes, Jeff: you know, Richard sp split, right? Um, and, and he always kind of has this sweet like half smile and he is kind of looking up and I, I figured out at one point I was in an airport, which is where my kill everybody face especially comes up. Just to be clear. TSA, it’s just a feeling inside. I [00:22:00] have no desire to act to this out. I realized that if I make the Richard Plet face, which I can try to make for you now, which is something like if I just make the Richard Plet face, my whole disposition Brett: yeah. Yeah. Jeff: uh, and I even feel a little better. And so I just wanna recommend that to people. Look up Richard Spt, look at his face. Christina: Hey, future President Bridges split. Jeff: future President Richard Splat, also excellent in the Detroiters. Um, that’s all, uh, that’s all I wanted to say about that. Brett: I have found that like when I’m texting with someone, if I start to get frustrated, you know, you know that point where you’re still adding smiley emoticons even though you’re actually not, you’re actually getting pissed off, but you don’t wanna sound super bitchy about it, so you’re adding smile. I have found that when I add a smiley emoji in those circumstances, if I actually smile before I send it, it like my [00:23:00] mood will adjust to match, to match the tone I’m trying to convey, and it lessens my frustration with the other person. Jeff: a little joy wrist rocket. Christina: Yeah. Hey, I mean, no, but hey, but, but that, that, that, that, that’s interesting. I mean, they’re, they, they’ve done studies that like show that, right? That like show like, you know, I mean, like, some of this is all like bullshit to a certain extent, but there is something to be said for like, you know, like the power of like positive thinking and like, you know, if you go into things with like, different types of attitudes or even like, even if you like, go into job interviews or other situations, like you act confident or you smile, or you act happy or whatever. Even if you’re not like it, the, the, the, the euphoria, you know, that those sorts of uh, um, endorphin reactions or whatever can be real. So that’s interesting. Brett: Yeah, I found, I found going into job interviews with my usual sarcastic and bitter, um, kind of mindset, Jeff: I already hate this job. Brett: it doesn’t play well. It doesn’t play well. So what are your weaknesses? Fuck off. Um,[00:24:00] Christina: right. Well, well, well, I hate people. Jeff: Yeah. Dealing with motherfuckers like you, that’s one weakness. Sponsor Spot: Shopify Brett: let’s, uh, let’s do a sponsor spot and then I want to hear about Christina winning a contest. Christina: yes. Jeff: very Brett: wanna, you wanna take it away? Sponsor: Shopify Jeff: I will, um, our sponsor this week is Shopify. Um, have you ever, have you just been dreaming of owning your own business? Is that why you can’t sleep? In addition to having something to sell, you need a website. And I’ll tell you what, that’s been true for a long time. You need a payment system, you need a logo, you need a way to advertise new customers. It can all be overwhelming and confusing, but that is where today’s sponsor, Shopify comes in. shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gym Shark to brands just getting started. Get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready to use [00:25:00] templates. 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That was Jeff: Yeah. Cha-ching Brett: they got the chorus, they got the Overtired Christina: You did. You got the Overtired Jeff: They didn’t think to ask for it, but that’s our brand. Christina: shopify.com/ Overtired. Jeff Tweedy Jeff: What was, uh, I was watching a Stephen Colbert interview with Jeff Tweedy, who just put out a triple album and, uh, it was a very thoughtful, sweet interview. And then Stephen Colbert said, you know, you’re not supposed to do this. And Jeff Tweety said, it’s all part of my career long effort to leave the public wanting less. Christina: Ha, Jeff: That was a great bit. Christina: that’s a fantastic bit. A side note, there are a couple of really good NPR, um, uh, tiny desks that have come out in the last couple of month, uh, couple of weeks. Um, uh, one is shockingly, I, I’ll, I’ll just be a a, a fucking boomer about it. The Googo dolls. Theirs was [00:27:00] great. It’s fantastic. They did a great job. It already has like millions of views, like it wrecked up like over a million views, I think like in like, like less than 24 hours. They did a great job, but, uh, but Brandy Carlisle, uh, did one, um, the other day and hers is really, really good too. So, um, so yeah. Yeah, exactly. So yeah. Anyway, you said, you saying Jeff pd maybe, I don’t know how I got from Wilco to like, you know, there, Jeff: Yeah. Well, they’ve done some good, he’s done his own good Christina: he has, he has done his own. Good, good. That’s honestly, that’s probably what I was thinking of, but Jeff: It’s my favorite Jeff besides me because Bezos, he’s not in the, he’s not in the game. Christina: No. No, he’s not. No. Um, he, he’s, he’s not on the Christmas card list at all. Jeff: Oh man. Jeff’s Concert Marathon Jeff: Can I just tell you guys that I did something, um, I did something crazy a couple weeks ago and I went to three shows in one week, like I was 20 fucking two, Brett: Good grief. Jeff: and. It was a blast. So, okay, so the background of this is my oldest son [00:28:00] loves hip hop, and when we drive him to college and back, or when I do, it’s often just me. Um, he, he goes deep and he, it’s a lot of like, kind of indie hip hop and a lot. It’s just an interesting, he listens to interesting shit, but he will go deep and he’ll just like, give me a tour through someone’s discography or through all their features somewhere, whatever it is. And like, it’s the kind of input that I love, which is just like, I don’t, even if it’s not my genre, like if you’re passionate and you can just weave me through the interrelationship and the history and whatever it is I’m in. So as a result of that, made me a huge fan of Danny Brown and made me a huge fan of the sky, Billy Woods. And so what happened was I went to a hip hop show at the seventh Street entry, uh, which is attached to First Avenue. It’s a little club, very small, lovely little place, the only place my band could sell out. Um, and I watched a hip hop show there on a Monday night, Tuesday night. I went to the Uptown Theater, which Brett is now a actually an operating [00:29:00] theater for shows. Uh, and I, and I saw Danny Brown, but I also saw two hyper pop bands, a genre I was not previously aware of, including one, which was amazing, called Fem Tenal. And I was in line to get into that show behind furries, behind trans Kids. Like it was this, I was the weirdest, like I did not belong. Underscores played, and, and this will mean something to somebody out there, but not, didn’t mean anything to me until that night. And, uh. I felt like such, there were times, not during Danny Brown, Danny Brown’s my age all good. But like there were times where I was in the crowd ’cause I’m tall. Anybody that doesn’t know I’m very tall and I’m wearing like a not very comfortable or safe guy seeming outfit, a black hoodie, a black stocking cap. Like I basically looked like I’m possibly a shooter and, and I’m like standing among all these young people loving it, but feeling a little like, should I go to the back? Even like I was leaving that show [00:30:00] and the only people my age were people’s parents that were waiting to pick them up on the way out. So anyway, that was night two. Danny Brown was awesome. And then two nights later I went to see, this is way more my speed, a band called the Dazzling Kilman who were a band that. Came out in the nineties, St. Louis and a noisy Matthew Rock. Wikipedia claims they invented math rock. It’s a really stupid claim, uh, but it’s a lovely, interesting band and it’s a friend of mine named Nick Sakes, who’s who fronted that band and was in all these great bands back when I was in bands called Colos Mite and Sick Bay, and all this is great shit. So they played a reunion show. In this tiny punk rock club here called Cloudland, just a lovely little punk rock club. And, um, and, and that was like rounded out my week. So like, I was definitely, uh, a tourist the early part of the week, mostly at the Danny Brown Show. But then I like got to come home to my noisy punk rock [00:31:00] on, uh, on Thursday night. And I, I fucking did three shows and it hurt so bad. Like even by the first of three bands on the second night. I was like, I don’t think I can make it. And I do. I already pregame shows with ibuprofen. Just to be really clear, I microdose glucose tabs at shows like, like I am, I am a full on old man doing these things. But, um, I did get some cred with my kids for being at a hyper pop show all by myself. And, Christina: Hell yeah. A a Jeff: friends seemed impressed. Christina: no, as a as, as as they should be. I’m impressed. And like, and I, I, I typically like, I definitely go to like more of like, I go, I go to shows more frequently and, and I’m, I’m even like, I’m, I’m gonna be real with you. I’m like, yeah, three in one week. Jeff: That’s a lot. Christina: That’s a lot. That’s a lot. Jeff: man. Did I feel good when I walked home from that last show though? I was like, I fucking did it. I did not believe I wasn’t gonna bail on at least two of those shows, if not all three. Anyway, just wanted to say Brett: I [00:32:00] do like one show a year, but Jeff: that’s how I’ve been for years this year. I think I’ve seen eight shows. Brett: damn. Jeff: Yeah, it’s Brett: Alright, so you’ve been teasing us about this, this contest you won. Jeff: Yeah, please, Christina. Sorry to push that off. Christina: No, no, no, no. That’s, that’s completely okay. That, that, that, that’s great. Uh, no. Christina Wins Big Christina: So, um, I won two six K monitors. Brett: Damn. Jeff: is that what those boxes are behind you? Christina: Yeah, yeah. This is what the boxes are behind me, so I haven’t been able to get them up because this happened. I got them literally right in the midst of all this stuff with my back. Um, but I do have an Ergotron poll now that is here, and, and Grant has said that he will, will get them up. But yeah, so I won 2 32 inch six K monitors from a Reddit contest. Brett: How, how, how, Jeff: How does this happen? How do I find a Reddit contest? Christina: Yeah. So I got lucky. So I have, I, I have a clearly, well, well, um, there was a little, there was a little bit of like, other step to it than that, but like, uh, so how it worked was basically, um, LG is basically just put out [00:33:00] two, they put out a new 32 inch six K monitor. I’ll have it linked in, in, in the show notes. Um, so we’ve talked about this on this podcast before, but like one of my big, like. Pet peeve, like things that I can’t get past. It’s like I need like a retina screen. Like I need like the, the perfect pixel doubling thing for that the Mac Os deals with, because I’ve used a 5K screen, either through an iMac or um, an lg, um, ultra fine or, um, a, uh, studio display. For like 11 years. And, and I, and I’ve been using retina displays on laptops even longer than that. And so if I use like a regular 4K display, like it just, it, it doesn’t work for me. Um, you can use apps like, um, like better control and other things to kind of emulate, like what would be like if you doubled the resolution, then it, it down, you know, um, of samples that, so that. It looks better than, than if it’s just like the, the, the 4K stuff where in the, the user interface things are too big and whatnot. And to be clear, this is a Macco West problem. If [00:34:00] you are using Windows or Linux or any other operating system that does fractional scaling, um, correctly, then this is not a problem. But Macco West does not do fractional scaling direct, uh, correctly. Um, weirdly iOS can, like, they can do three X resolution and other things. Um, but, but, but Macs does not. And that’s weird because some of the native resolutions on some of the MacBook errors are not even perfectly pixeled doubled, meaning Apple is already having to do a certain amount of like resolution changes to, to fit into their own, created by their, their own hubris, like way of insisting on, on only having like, like two x pixel doubling 18 years ago, we could have had independent, uh, resolutions, uh, um, for, for UI elements and, and, and window bars. But anyway, I, I’m, I’m digressing anyway. I was looking at trying to get either a second, uh, studio display, which I don’t wanna do because Apple’s reportedly going to be putting out a new one. Um, and they’re expensive or getting, um, there are now a number of different six K [00:35:00] displays that are not $6,000 that are on the market. So, um, uh, uh, Asus has one, um, there is one from like a, a Chinese company called like, or Q Con that, um, looks like a, a complete copy of this, of the pro display XDR. It has a different panel, but it’s, it’s six K and they, they’ve copied the whole design and it’s aluminum and it’s glossy and it looks great, but I’d have to like get it from like. A weird distributor, and if I have any issues with it, I don’t really wanna have to send it back to China and whatnot. And then LG has one that they just put out. And so I’ve been researching these on, on Mac rumors and on some other forums. And, um, I, uh, I, somebody in one of the Mac Roomers forums like posted that there was like a contest that LG was running in a few different subreddits where they were like, tell us why you should get one of, like, we’re gonna be giving away like either one or two monitors, and I guess they did this in a few subreddits. Tell us why this would be good for your workflow. And, um, I guess I, I guess I’m one of the people who kind of read the [00:36:00] assignment because it, okay, I’ll just be honest with this, with, with you guys on this podcast, uh, because I, I don’t think anyone from LG will hear this and my answers were accurate anyway. But anyway, this was not the sort of contest where it was like we will randomly select a winner. This was the moderators and lg, were going to read the responses and choose the winner. Jeff: Got it. Christina: So if you spend a little bit of time and thoughtfully write out a response, maybe you stand a better chance of winning the contest. Jeff: yeah, yeah. Put the work in like it was 2002. Christina: Right. Anyway, I still was shocked when I like woke up like on like Halloween and they were like, congratulations, you’ve won two monitors. I’m like, I’m sorry. What? Jeff: That’s amazing. Christina: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jeff: Nice work. I know I’ve, you know, I’ve been staring at those boxes behind you this whole time, just being like, those look like some sweet monitors. Christina: yeah, yeah. Monitor Setup Challenges Christina: I mean, and, uh, [00:37:00] uh, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s, and I, I’m very much, so my, my, my only issue is, okay, how am I gonna get these on my desk? So I’m gonna have to do something with my iMac and I’m probably gonna have to get rid of my, my my, my 5K, um, uh, uh, studio display, at least in the short term. Ergotron Mounts and Tall Poles Christina: Um, but what I did do is I, um, I ordered from, um, Ergotron, ’cause I already have. Um, two of their, um, LX mounts, um, or, or, or, or arms. Um, and only one of them is being used right now. And then I have a different arm that I use for the, um, um, iMac. Um, they sell like a, if you call ’em directly, you can get them to send you a tall pole so that you can put the two arms on top of them. And that way I think I can like, have them so that I can have like one pole and then like have one on one side, one Jeff: I have a tall pole. Christina: and, and yeah, that’s what she said. Um, Jeff: as soon as I said it, I was like, for fuck’s sake. But Christina: um, but, uh, but, but yeah, but so that way I think I, I can, I, in theory, I can stack the market and have ’em side by side. I don’t know. Um, I got that. I, I had to call Tron and, and order that from them. [00:38:00] Um, it was only a hundred dollars for, for the poll and then $50 for a handling fee. Jeff: It’s not easy to ship a tall pole. Brett: That’s what she said. Christina: that is what she said. Uh, that is exactly what she said. But yeah, so I, I, the, the, the unfortunate thing is that, um, I, um, I, I had to, uh, get a, like all these, they, they came in literally right before Thanksgiving, and then I’ve had, like, all my back stuff has Jeff: Yeah, no Christina: debilitating, but I’m looking forward to, um, getting them set up and used. And, uh, yeah. Review Plans and Honest Assessments Christina: And then full review will be coming to, uh, to, I have to post a review on Reddit, but then I will also be doing a more in depth review, uh, on this podcast if anybody’s interested in, in other places too, to like, let let you know, like if it’s worth your money or not. Um, ’cause there, like I said, there are, there are a few other options out there. So it’s not one of those things where like, you know, um, like, thank you very much for the free monitor, um, monitors. But, but I, I will, I will give like the, the, you know, an honest assessment or Current Display Setup Brett: So [00:39:00] do you currently have a two display setup? Christina: No. Um, well, yes, and kind of, so I have my, my, I have my 5K studio display, and then I have like my iMac that I use as a two to display setup. But then otherwise, what I’ve had to do, and this is actually part of why I’m looking forward to this, is I have a 4K 27 inch monitor, but it’s garbage. And it, it’s one of those things where I don’t wanna use it with my Mac. And so I wind up only using it with my, with my Windows machine, with my framework desktop, um, with my Windows or Linux machine. And, and because that, even though I, it supports Thunderbolt, the Apple display is pain in the ass to use with those things. It doesn’t have the KVM built in. Like, it doesn’t like it, it just, it’s not good for that situation. So yeah, this will be of this size. I mean, again, like I, I, I’m 2 32 inch monitors. I don’t know how I’m gonna deal with that on my Jeff: I Brett: yeah. So right now I’m looking at 2 32 inch like UHD monitors, Christina: Yeah,[00:40:00] Brett: I will say that on days when my neck hurts, it sucks. It’s a, it’s too wide a range to, to like pan back and forth quickly. Like I’ll throw my back out, like trying to keep track of stuff. Um, but I have found that like if I keep the second display, just like maybe social media apps is the way I usually set it up. And then I only work on one. I tried buying an extra wide curve display, hated it. Jeff: Uh, I’ve always wanted to try one, but Christina: I don’t like them. Jeff: Yeah. Christina: Well, for me, well for me it’s two things. One, it’s the, I don’t love the whole like, you know, thing or whatever, but the big thing honestly there, if you could give me, ’cause people are like, oh, you can get a really big 5K, 2K display. I’m like, that’s not a 5K display. That is 2 27 inch, 1440 P displays. One, you know, ultra wide, which is great. Good for you. That’s not retina. And I’m a sicko Who [00:41:00] needs the, the pixel doubling? Like I wish that my eyes could not use that, but, but, but, Jeff: that needs the pixel. Like was that the headline of your Reddit, uh, Christina: no, no. It wasn’t, it wasn’t. But, but maybe it should be. Hi, I’m a sicko who only, um, fucks with, with, with, with, with, with, with retina displays. Ask me anything. Um, but no, but that’s a good point. Brett: I think 5K Psycho is the Christina: 5K Sicko is the po is the po title. I like that. I like that. No, what I’m thinking about doing and that’s great to know, Brett. Um, this kind of reaffirms my thing. Thunderbolt KVM and Display Preferences Christina: So what’s nice about these monitors is that they come with like, built in like, um, Thunderbolt 5K VM. So, which is nice. So you could conceivably have multiple, you know, computers, uh, connected, you know, to to, to one monitor, which I really like. Um, I mean like, ’cause like look, I, I’ve bitched and moaned about the studio display, um, primarily for the price, but at the same time, if mine broke tomorrow and if I didn’t have any way to replace it, I’ve, I’ve also gone on record saying I would buy a new one immediately. As mad as I am about a [00:42:00] lot of different things with that, that the built-in webcam is garbage. The, you know, the, the fact that there’s not a power button is garbage. The fact that you can’t use it with multiple inputs, it’s garbage. But it’s a really good display and it’s what I’m used to. Um, it’s really not any better than my LG Ultra fine from 2016. But you know what? Whatever it is, what it is. Um. I, I am a 5K sicko, but being able to, um, connect my, my personal machine and my work machine at the same time to one, and then have my Windows slash Linux computer connected to another, I think that’s gonna be the scenario where I’m in. So I’m not gonna necessarily be in a place where I’m like, okay, I need to try to look at both of them across 2 32 inch displays. ’cause I think that that, like, that would be awesome. But I feel like that’s too much. Brett: I would love a decent like Thunderbolt KVM setup that could actually swap like my hubs back and Christina: Yes. MacBook Pro and Studio Comparisons Brett: Um, so, ’cause I, I have a studio and I have my, uh, Infor MacBook Pro [00:43:00] and I actually work mostly on the MacBook Pro. Um, but if I could easily dock it and switch everything on my desk over to it, I would, I would work in my office more often. ’cause honestly, the M four MacBook Pro is, it’s a better machine than the original studio was. Um, and I haven’t upgraded my studio to the latest, but, um, I imagine the new one is top notch. Christina: Oh yeah. Yeah. Brett: my, my other one, a couple years old now is already long in the tooth. Christina: No, I mean, they’re still good. I mean, it’s funny, I saw that some YouTube video the other day where they were like, the best value MacBook you can get is basically a 4-year-old M1 max. And I was like, I don’t know about that guys. Like, I, I kind of disagree a little bit. Um, but the M1 max, which is I think is what is in the studio, is still a really, really good ship. But to your point, like they’ve made those, um. You know, the, the, the new ones are still so good. Like, I have an M three max as my personal laptop, and [00:44:00] that’s kind of like the dog chip in the, in the m um, series lineup. So I kind of am regretful for spending six grand on that one, but it is what it is, and I’m like, I’m not, I’m not upgrading. Um, I mean, maybe, maybe in, in next year if, if the M five Pro, uh, or M five max or whatever is, is really exceptional, maybe I’ll look at, okay, how much will you give me to, to trade it in? But even then, I, I, but I feel like I’m at that point where I’m like, it gets to a point where like it’s diminishing returns. Um, but, uh, just in terms of my own budget. But, um, yeah, the, the new just info like pro or or max, whatever, Brett: I have, I have an M four MacBook Pro sitting around that I keep forgetting to sell. Uh, it’s the one that I, it only had a 256 gigabyte hard drive, Jeff: what happened to me when I bought my M1, Brett: and I, and I regretted that enough that I just ordered another one. But, uh, for various reasons, I couldn’t just return the one I didn’t Jeff: ’cause it was.[00:45:00] Brett: so now I, now I have to sell it and I should sell it while it’s still a top of the line machine Christina: Sell it before, sell, sell, sell, sell it before next month, um, or, or February or whenever they sell it before then the, the pros come out. ’cause right now the M five base is out, but the pros are not. So I think feel like you could still get most of your value for it, especially since it has very few battery cycles. Be sure to put the battery cycles on your Facebook marketplace or eBay thing or whatever. Um, I bought my, uh, she won’t listen to this so she won’t know, but, um, they, there was a, a killer Cyber Monday deal, uh, for Best Buy where they had like a, the, the, the, so it’s several years old, but it was the, the M two MacBook Air, but the one that they upgraded to 16 gigs of Ram when Apple was like, oh, we have to have Apple Intelligence and everything, because they actually thought that they were actually gonna ship Apple Intelligence. So they like went back and they, like, they, they, you know, retconned like made the base model MacBook Air, like 16 [00:46:00] gigs. Um, and, uh, anyway, it was, it was $600, um, Jeff: still crazy. Christina: which, which like even for like a, a, a 2-year-old machine or whatever, I was like, yeah, she, my sister, I think she’s on like, like a 2014 or older than that. Like, like MacBook Air. She doesn’t even know where the MagSafe is. I don’t think she even knows where the laptop is. So she’s basically doing everything like on her phone and I’m like, okay, you need a laptop of some type, but at this point. I do feel strongly that like the, the, the $600 or, or, or actually I think it was $650, it was actually less, it is actually more expensive than what the, the, the Cyber Monday sale was, um, the M1, Walmart, MacBook Air. I’m like, absolutely not like that is at this point, do not buy that. Right? Like, I, especially with eight gigs of ram, I’m, I’m like, it’s been, it’s five years old. It’s a, it was a great machine and it was great value for a long time. $200. Cool, right? Like, if you could get something like use and, and, and, and if you could replace the battery or, you know, [00:47:00] for, for, you know, not, not too much money or whatever. Like, I, I, I could see like an argument to be made like value, right? But there’d be no way in hell that I would ever spend or tell anybody else to spend $650 on that new, but $600 for an M two with Jeff: Now we’re talking. Christina: which has the redesign brand new. I’m like, okay. Spend $150 more and you could have got the M four, um, uh, MacBook Air, obviously all around Better Machine. But for my sister, she doesn’t need that, Jeff: What do we have to do to put your sister in this M two MacBook Christina: that, that, that, that, that, that’s exactly it. So I, I, I was, well, also, it was one of those things I was like, I think that she would rather me spend the money on toys for my nephew for Santa Claus than, than, uh, giving her like a, a processor upgrade. Um, Jeff: Claus isn’t real. Brett: Oh shit. Jeff: Gotcha. Every year I spoil it for somebody. This year it was Christina and Brett. Sorry guys. Brett: right. Well, can I tell you guys Jeff: Yeah. [00:48:00] Brett Software. Brett: two quick projects before we do Jeff: Hold on. You don’t have to be quick ’cause you could call it Brett: We’re already at 45 minutes and I want Jeff: What I’m saying, skip GrAPPtitude. This is it? Brett: okay. Christina: us about Mark. Tell us about your projects. Brett: So, so Mark three is, there’s a public, um, test flight beta link. Uh, if you go to marked app.com, not marked two app.com, uh, marked app.com. Uh, you, there’s a link in the, in the, at the top for Christina: Join beta. Mm-hmm. Brett: Um, and that is public and you can join it and you can send me feedback directly through email because, um, uh, uh, the feedback reporter sucks for test flight and you can’t attach files. And half the time they come through as anonymous feedback and I can’t even follow up on ’em. So email me. But, um, I’ll be announcing that on my blog soon-ish. Um, right now there’s like [00:49:00] maybe a couple dozen, um, testers and I, it’s nice and small and I’m solving the biggest bugs right away. Um, so that’s been, that’s been big. Like Mark, even since we last talked has added. Do you remember Jeff when Merlin was on and he wanted to. He wanted to be able to manage his styles, um, and disable built-in styles. There’s now a whole table based style manager where you Jeff: saw that. Brett: you can, you can reorder, including built-in styles. You can reorder, enable, disable, edit, duplicate. Um, it’s like a full, full fledged, um, style manager. And I just built a whole web app that is a style generator that gives you, um, automatic like rhythm calculations for your CSS and you can, you can control everything through like, uh, like UI fields instead of having to [00:50:00] write CSS. Uh, but you can also o open up a very, I’ve spent a lot of time on the code mirror CSS editor in the web app. Uh, so, and it’s got live preview as you edit in the code mirror field. Um, so that’s pretty cool. And that’s built into marts. So if you go to style, um, generate style, it’ll load up a, a style generator for you. Anyway, there’s, there’s a ton. I’m not gonna go into all the details, but, uh, anyone listening who uses markdown for anything, especially if you want ability to export to like Word and epub and advanced PDF export, um, join the beta. Let me know what you think. Uh, help me squash bugs. But the other thing, every time I push a beta for review before the new bug reports come in, I’ve been putting time into a tool. Markdown Processor: Apex Brett: I’m calling [00:51:00] Apex and um, I haven’t publicly announced this one yet, but I probably will by the time this podcast comes out. Jeff: I mean, doesn’t this count? Brett: It, it does. I’m saying like this, this might be a, you hear you heard it here first kind of thing, um, but if you go to github.com/tt sc slash apex, um, I built a, uh, pure C markdown processor that combines syntax from cram down GitHub flavored markdown, multi markdown maku, um, common mark. And basically you can write syntax from any of those processors, including all of their special features, um, and in one document, and then use Apex in its unified mode, and it’ll just figure out what. All of your syntax is supposed to do. Um, so you can take, you can port documents from one platform to another [00:52:00] without worrying about how they’re gonna render. Um, if I can get any kind of adoption with Apex, it could solve a lot of problems. Um, I built it because I want to make it the default processor in marked ’cause right now, you, you have to choose, you know, cram Christina: Which one? Brett: mark and, and choosing one means you lose something in order to gain something. Um, so I wanted to build a universal one that brought together everything. And I added cool features from some extensions of other languages, such as if you have two lists in a row, normally in markdown, it’s gonna concatenate those into one list. Now you can put a carrot on a line between the two lists and it’ll break it into two lists. I also added support for a. An extension to cram down that lets you put double uh, carrots inside a table cell and [00:53:00] create a row band. So like a cell that, that expands it, you rows but doesn’t expand the rest of the row. Um, so you can do cell spans and row spans and it has a relaxed table version where you don’t have to have an alignment row, which is, uh, sometimes we just wanna make quickly table. You make two lines. You put some pipes in. This will, if there’s no alignment row, it will generate a table with just a table body and table data cells in no header. It also allows footers, you can add a footer to a table by using equals in the separator line. Um, it, it’s, Jeff: This is very civilized, Brett: it is. Christina: is amazing, Brett: So where Common Mark is extremely strict about things, um, apex is extremely permissive. Jeff: also itty bitty things like talk about the call out boxes from like Brett: oh yeah, it, it can handle call out syntax from Obsidian and Bear and Xcode Playgrounds. [00:54:00] Um, and it incorporates all of Mark’s syntax for like file includes and even renders like auto scroll pauses that work in marked and some other teleprompter situations. Um, it uses file ude syntax from multi markdown, like, which is just like a curly brace and, uh, marked, which is, uh, left like a double left, uh, angle bracket and then different. Brackets to surround a file name and it handles IA writer file inclusion where you just type a forward slash and then the name of a file and it automatically detects if that file is an image or source code or markdown text, and it will import it accordingly. And if it’s a CSV file, it’ll generate a table from it automatically. It’s, it’s kind of nuts. I, it’s kind of nuts. I could not have done this [00:55:00] without copilot. I, I am very thankful for copilot because my C skills are not, would not on their own, have been up to this task. I know enough to bug debug, but yeah, a lot of these features I got a big hand from copilot on. Jeff: This is also Brett. This is some serious Brett Terpstra. TURPs Hard Christina: Yeah, it is. I was gonna say, this is like Jeff: and also that’s right. Also, if your grandma ever wrote you a note and it, and though you couldn’t really read it, it really well, that renders perfectly Christina: Amazing. No, I was gonna say this is like, okay, so Apex is like the perfect name ’cause this is the apex of Brett. Jeff: Yes. Apex of Brett. Christina: That’s also that, that’s, that’s not an alternate episode title Apex of Brett. Because genuinely No, Brett, like I am, I am so stunned and impressed. I mean, you all, you always impressed me like you are the most impressive like developer that I, that I’ve ever known. But you, this is incredible. And, and this, I, I love this [00:56:00] because as you said, like common Mark is incredibly strict. This is incredibly permissive. But this is great. ’cause there are those scenarios where you might have like, I wanna use one feature from one thing or one from another, or I wanna combine things in various ways, or I don’t wanna have to think about it, you know? Brett: I aals, I forgot to mention I aals inline attribute list, which is a crammed down feature that lets you put curly brackets after like a paragraph and then a colon and then say, dot call out inside the curly brackets. And then when it renders the markdown, it creates that paragraph and adds class equals call out to the paragraph. Um, and in, in Cramon you can apply these to everything from list items to list to block quotes. Like you can do ’em for spans. You could like have one after, uh, link syntax and just apply, say dot external to a link. So the IAL syntax can add IDs classes and uh, arbitrary [00:57:00] attributes to any element in your markdown when it renders to HTML. And, uh, and Apex has first class support for I aals. Was really, that was, that Christina: that was really hard, Brett: I wrote it because I wanted, I wanted multi markdown, uh, for my prose writing, but I really missed the als. Christina: Yes. Okay. Because see, I run into this sort of thing too, right? Because like, this is a problem like that. I mean, it’s a very niche problem, um, that, that, you know, people who listen to this podcast probably are more familiar with than other types of people. But like, when you have to choose your markdown processor, which as you said, like Brett, like that can be a problem. Like, like with, with using Mark or anything else, you’re like, what am I giving up? What do I have? And, and like for me, because I started using mul, you know, markdown, um, uh, largely because of you, um, I think I was using it, I knew about it before you, but largely because of, of, of you, like multi markdown has always been like kind of my, or was historically my flavor of choice. It has since shifted to being [00:58:00] GitHub, labor bird markdown. But that’s just because the industry has taken that on, right? But there were, you know, certain things like in like, you know, multi markdown that work a certain way. And then yeah, there are things in crammed down. There are things in these other things in like, this is just, this is awesome. This Brett: It is, the whole thing is built on top of C mark, GFM, which is GitHub’s port of common mark with the GitHub flavored markdown Christina: Right. Brett: Um, and I built, like, I kept that as a sub-module, totally clean, and built all of this as extensions on top of Cmar, GFM, which, you know, so it has full compatibility with GitHub and with Common Merck by out, like outta the box. And then everything else is built on top of that. So it, uh, it covers, it covers all the bases. You’ll love it Christina: I’m so excited. No, this is awesome. And I Brett: blazing fast. It can render, I have a complex document that, that uses all of its features and it can render it in [00:59:00] 0.006 seconds. Christina: that’s awesome. Jeff: Awesome. Christina: That’s so cool. No, this is great. And yeah, I, and I think that honestly, like this is the sort of thing like if, yeah, if you can eventually get this to like be like the engine that powers like mark three, like, that’ll be really slick, right? Because then like, yeah, okay, I can take one document and then just, you know, kind of, you know, wi with, with the, you know, ha have, have the compatibility mode where you’re like, okay, the unified mode or whatever yo

In this week's Episode the Brothers are Back in the Room to curate the Final Volume of the Best Video Game Soundtracks! Listen to the discussion to find out how the Final Tracks were chosen and then listen to the Playlist yourself in the link below!Chapters;0:00 Intro3:46 Recap of Volumes 1 & 29:51 Curating the Final Volume1:03:46 Deciding the Order of the Final Volume1:17:02 OutroBe sure to share your own Take on the Best Video Game Soundtracks of all Time and Follow our Podcast for the Final Phase of The Brothers Take!Follow Our Podcast ;Link Tree : https://linktr.ee/TheBrothersTakeFacebook : https://www.facebook.com/thebrotherstakeInstagram : https://www.instagram.com/TheBrothersTake/X : https://twitter.com/TheBrothersTake?s=07Best Video Game Soundtracks Volume 1 : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3BVuVkPo7OxgahsI4fSire?si=plZ4K_GDS86owa8hTKBynQ&pi=Cbihe8FgQEahJ Best Video Game Soundtracks Volume 2 : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1uBGkwUvnFQlfCND7wIKOa?si=1gG4CXt8RcilUjRlTIjdTA&pi=JSkbc9chQJi5e Best Video Game Soundtracks Final Volume : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7dnxSFXwSebXGaxC5EeiuA?pi=U0UawBWIROWhDThanks For Watching!Thanks For Listening!

Servicing Foxx Inc: Part 3 Job Performance Medical Testing By PtmcPilot listen to the ►Podcast at Steamy Stories. "Come in," she called. I entered the medical exam room to find her standing in a white uniform with white two inch heels, her hair now down, and most strikingly, the top three buttons on her uniform undone. I couldn't tell if she was wearing a bra, but the cleavage she was sporting could almost put Christina Hendricks to shame. She held out a hand and I passed her the clipboard. "Please sit here," she said, motioning to a chair that was also equipped with an apparatus for me to sit my arm on while a blood sample was taken. She reviewed my medical history, making notes and asking me questions every now and then. Then she donned a pair of latex gloves and prepped some sample vials. "Are you allergic to rubbing alcohol or latex?" She asked. "No," I said, and moved the armrest into position. She frowned at me, removed my arm from the rest and moved it out of the way. Then she moved the armrest into position and positioned my arm upon it. I didn't get it, but I let her do as she wanted. "Please keep your arm here while I sterilize." She raised an eyebrow and said, "Hmm. I think this will go better if you acknowledge my orders more precisely." I nodded. She smiled, "Do you understand?" As Ms. Olson had said, she was precise, and I was beginning to understand something about this woman. "I understand, Nurse Jenkins. I will keep my arm here while you sterilize." For my words I was rewarded with that brilliant smile. She broke the seal on an alcohol wipe, then held my wrist as she thoroughly scrubbed the inside of my elbow. Next she picked up a tourniquet strap and tied it around my upper arm. "Please make a fist and squeeze three times, holding on the last," she said. "Make a fist and squeeze three times, holding on the last, aye," I repeated back as if in the Navy again. Her cheeks flushed and her nostrils flared (I swear they did), as she produced the sample syringe, selected a vein, and stuck me for the sample. She was well practiced and it was a good stick. After drawing two vials she pulled the syringe and applied a square of gauze, "Apply pressure," she said as she disposed of the syringe and then started to invert the sealed vials a few times. "Apply pressure, aye," I said, and she smiled again. She took the vials to a nearby machine, where she inserted the tubes and pressed a few buttons. Then she returned, bringing an elastic, self stick bandage with her. She took the gauze from me and applied a new piece, "Apply pressure," she said. I repeated back the order, and was rewarded with another bright smile as she applied the bandage. She then stood and motioned for me to follow her. "Employment does require verification that you are drug free, so next up is the urine sample." She crooked an eyebrow at me, "Are you sufficiently hydrated to provide a sample at this time?" I checked, yep. "Yes, Nurse Jenkins." "Do you typically suffer from stage fright? As they say?" She asked. "Um, no Nurse Jenkins," I said, though in truth I was certain I had never tried whatever it was she appeared to have in mind. Then she laughed and handed me a specimen jar. "I'm just messing with you," and she pushed me into the small restroom and shut the door. She came back a couple minutes later and took the now filled, sealed and cleaned specimen bottle from me. "Now, Tom, please remove your clothes and put on the gown over there. Be sure the gown opening is to the front." I'll go easy on you here and just say I continued to repeat back all of her instructions verbatim. Her expression was not so much professional detachment as it was desire when I finished the repeat back. Apparently such over the top verbal obedience was high on her list of triggers. She left the room, closing the door behind her, and I took off my clothes, folding them and setting them on a shelf. Now nude, I picked up the gown and pulled on the sleeves with the opening in the front. Now, normally such gowns tie in the back and the opening starts somewhere just over your ass. In this configuration the opening started at my belly button, putting everything on display. However, I wasn't really surprised. I knocked on the door and her voice replied, "Come in." Entering the room she gestured to the exam table. I noticed it was now pleasantly warm in the room. "Please sit and we will review your medical history and start the skin survey." I sat down, with my now semi-hard cock pointing up from my groin. And it was in this configuration, with me mostly naked and her sitting fully clothed only a few feet away and right in front of me, that we discussed my medical history for the next twenty minutes. Seemingly satisfied with the evaluation, she set the clipboard aside and washed her hands again. "Now, Tom, I find it best to conduct the exam of your epidermis with my bare hands. If you have any objections I will switch to gloves of course." Of course, I thought. Then she asked, "Do you have any objections to my use of bare hands?" Shaking my head, I said, "No objections Nurse Jenkins." She beamed at me, then said, "Very well. Please remove the gown and lay down on your chest and I will examine your back first." I gave the repeat back and added, "Yes nurse". Then I pulled the knot loose, dropped the gown to the floor and turned and lay down on my chest. It was at this point I realized the only purpose of the gown was to reinforce the fact she was fully clothed and I was definitely not. No sooner was I lying on my chest when I felt her hands on my feet. Her fingers alternately stroked, pressed, probed and felt my skin. She took her time, asking about various moles, small scars, and other things of interest. As she went over my thighs and ass, I started to get aroused again even though she wasn't really doing anything to directly elicit such a response. She seemed to sense my discomfort as she worked on my lower back. "Please roll to your left side," she said. Rather than repeat this, I simply rolled as directed. She took hold of my stiffening cock and adjusted its position before rolling me back onto my belly. She then finished her examination of my backside, informing me I would have follow ups with a dermatologist for two odd looking moles, just to be sure. "Now roll over to your back please," she said, and I did. Once again she started at my feet and worked her way up to my scalp, skipping my groin. All the attention had me once again hard and ready for whatever was next. I didn't have to wait long. "Mr. Jeffries, at this time I would like to get you comfortable for the final portions of the exam." I nodded to indicate she should continue. "I will be manually examining your testicles, very carefully, to look for any lumps. You do know your age bracket is most at risk for testicular cancer?" I was lying on my back, nude, as the nurse ran her hands over my balls, cupping them snugly. I didn't try to hold back a groan. "Yes, nurse." "When complete I will perform a digital exam of your prostate, followed shortly by collection of a sperm sample." I groaned and acknowledged her, ready for whatever she had in mind to make that last part happen. "Mr. Jeffries, while most commonly a prostate exam is conducted with the patient bent forward over the table, I suggest we avail ourselves of the equipment present to make you most comfortable." "I, um, don't understand." She leaned forward and put her face right in front of mine, "Scoot your ass down the table and put your feet in the stirrups." Now that gave me pause. While I understood women getting into that position, I wasn't sure about my doing it. The pause was just long enough to draw a reprimand. Her face was still right in front of mine as her hand holding my balls changed from fondle to control, but well short of anything painful. "Mr. Jeffries, is there a concern you would like to voice?" Her grip shifted from control to fondle, and back. With her still holding onto me I adjusted my position on the table as instructed, "No, Nurse Jenkins," I groaned as she manipulated me. Then she let go of me and helped my feet into the stirrups, my calves resting on the pads. Then, in another surprise, she attached a Velcro strap to each. She then moved her chair and sat very close to me, taking my balls in her hand and very carefully palpating them. My cock, completely hard as a result of her manipulation, dripped onto my belly. I don't know how long she took for the exam, but there was quite the puddle when she was done. I figured she was done when she made a tight ring with her thumb and forefinger at the base of my cock even as she continued to hold my balls. "Mr Jeffries?" She said, and I looked down at her as she extended her tongue and started to lick my balls. My eyes rolled up and I groaned. She then ran her tongue up the length of my cock, twirled her tongue around my head, then licked up the puddle of precum. As my cock reached a state of full hardness she said, "Now we shall move on to the prostate exam and the sperm sample." Letting go of my cock, she stood and handed me a bulb shaped bit of silicone. "At some point during the process I will bring you to orgasm. At any time you feel you may ejaculate you are to inform me and pop that receptacle onto the head of your penis. Do you understand?" I nodded and said, "Yes nurse." Then she made an unnecessary show of putting on one latex glove and thoroughly lubricating her hands. Then she held the base of my cock and rubbed my balls as her gloved hand rubbed my perineum and anus. I tensed. I felt her breath on my cock as both her hands continued to stroke me. "You are clear on the outcome?" "Yes nurse," I said with some strain. "Good," she said and took me fully in her mouth. To my surprise, I delighted in the feeling of her finger pushing into me even as she slid her mouth down my length. I thrust my hips up as she pushed into me, and she coughed at the sudden movement and pulled back. The finger inside me was motionless for a bit, and then she starting moving it, though in a way I couldn't place. A deep pressure started to build. As she continued to 'examine' what had to be my prostate, she said, "Really Mr. Jeffries, thrusting is not appropriate." As she said this she stroked my cock using her saliva as a very nice lubricant. I could now tell she was rubbing every part of my prostate, being quite thorough. The pressure increased. "Will you be able to control yourself?" "Yes Nurse, I believe so." She nodded and gave me a most unprofessional leer. "I doubt it," she said, "but try anyway." And then she took me fully in her mouth again, her tongue doing wonderful things up and down the length of my cock. The finger in my ass was now moving more in and out than back and forth, and when she added a second finger I gripped the sides of the table and forced my hips to remain in place. She hummed around my cock and stroked me with her fingers. It was like nothing else I'd ever experienced. Her tongue worked my frenulum and head while her fingers stroked my shaft, and the effect of her fingers on my prostate was to make my cock feel a few inches longer. She regularly looked up at me, and the vision of her intense eyes with me in her mouth added another sexual dimension. As she bobbed and stroked me slowly it became clear that she was in no hurry. Monitoring my reactions, she paused her efforts every now and then back away from the edge. It felt strange and delicious, and after what seemed like ages but was probably only ten minutes, I had the feeling I was, well, dribbling into her mouth. She noticed as well and she took her mouth off me. "I've got you flowing nicely now, and I want a nice full sample from you." I looked down and noticed precum oozing out continuously. As she kept fingering me she massaged my balls with the rest of her hand. Then she resumed sucking and tonguing my head and crown as she stroked me, but this time felt different. As I started to tense up she didn't stop. "Nurse, I'm getting close!" I said with some urgency. She hummed an acknowledgment, looked me in the eye again. I had the silicone bulb thingy and I was damn close to needing it. Then, with an aggressive tongue lashing of my frenulum, I was there. "I'm going to come!" She continued to stroke my shaft as she backed away and I popped the cup over the head of my cock. It was a snug fit and I didn't have to hold it, which was good because just a moment later my body seized up and I found myself at the edge for an intense period. At no time did she stop stroking my cock and my ass, and then Boom! I exploded. The prostate massage and her continued stroking sent me into another world. My hips took off on their own as I pumped shot after shot into the bulb. When I finally started breathing again she pulled off the cup and took me in her mouth and gently licked and sucked me as I softened. When she stopped I realized her finger was no longer inside me. I heard the snap of her removing her glove, and then she undid the Velcro. "You may clean up and get dressed Mr. Jeffries, I should have your results soon," she said. I noticed she was quite flushed, possibly more than myself. "Yes Nurse," I said absently as I got off the bench in a post orgasmic daze. In the restroom I cleaned up, got dressed and knocked on the door some minutes later. "Enter," came her voice. I did so and she motioned for me to sit on the bench again. "Well, Mr.Jeffries, as might be expected for a young man of twenty-four years, you are in very good health. Blood work and vitals normal, all disease checks negative, your testes and prostate are normal, and you have a reasonably high sperm count." She paused then, kissed me and said, "Next time I'll get to swallow all the little swimmers." She showed me her 'sex badge', and I noted the two at the top were CIM (come in mouth) and FOX (essentially blow job). I returned her grin and said, "I look forward to it." She led me to the door and I headed back to my office. As I passed Allie at reception she smiled prettily. "How is your first day going?" She asked. "Somehow even better than I expected," I said. My stomach growled loud enough for her to hear. The clock said it was already 1230. "Would you like some lunch?" She asked. "That would be great," I said. She picked up the phone, punched a number and spoke briefly. A minute later Susan from security arrived and took Allie's place. "Be back in fifteen," Allie said. Susan smirked, "Take all the time you want." "Just lunch, Susan, not my turn," Allie replied. Allie led me to the cafeteria, where about ten people were still eating. I ordered a turkey club and joined Ashley at an empty table. As we ate we made small talk, mostly about how we had come to work at Foxx Inc. Allie was finishing an internship, looking to start law school in the Fall. She was quite interested in my Navy experience, and while I tried to answer her, I found it was always difficult to convey what life on a submarine was like. "So what about my predecessor?" I asked. "What about him?" she said. "Do you know why he left?" I asked. She shrugged, "I think the job wore him out. He was here for a few years I think, left Monday last week." "Wore him out, as in " I said, the question hanging there. She swallowed a bite of food and then said, "I'm sure that at some point having all the sex you can handle must become too much." She shrugged, "Or maybe he wanted a girlfriend. It would take someone really open minded to let their boyfriend loose in here every day." Too tired? I thought about that. I'd had two great orgasms today, and I felt energized. Would I feel that way by Friday? One thing was for sure I was looking forward to finding out. I finished my sandwich and noticed a woman a couple of tables away was watching me. Allie noticed my glance and looked over her shoulder. The other woman waved at us, then stood and left the room. "Who was that?" I asked. "That's Cindy from IT, your last appointment for the day. She'll be by around five after for your two pm meeting." "Oh?" I said. "Why five minutes late?" "Velma's never on time." "Velma? I thought you said Cindy?" I said, confused. "It'll be clear enough. She's not one to waste time, so I recommend having a password ready for your smart card. It's kind of like the CAC you used to have. Eight characters, upper and lower case, numerals and special character." "Sure," I said, confused, and wondering why she referenced a CAC at all. Back in my office I took a very quick shower before going over more maintenance history and familiarizing myself with the existing contracts. After going through about half the documents my impression was that things were running well in the building, but I'd follow up with Ms Olson later to get her thoughts. I also googled Velma, though I didn't remember the other name. It didn't take long to figure out what might be going on, so I was ready when shortly after 1400 my door opened and a woman walked in. She had short cropped dark brown hair, dark rimmed glasses, an orange sweater, a red skirt and orange stockings. A pair of large breasts wobbled underneath her sweater making it clear she was without a bra. "Hi," she said with a smile, "I'm Velma from IT to set up your account." At first I didn't recognize her, but something about her face was familiar. It suddenly dawned on me that this was the same woman from lunch. Her name tag read Cindy something, but whatever Velma wanted, I was ready to give it to her. I shook my head in an exaggerated manner and barked out, "Zoinks!" She laughed and smiled broadly. "You're so goofy, Shaggy." She gestured to my computer, "May I?" she said. I backed away from the desk and offered her the seat. "Of course." She smiled at me and said, "Thanks, Shaggy." Her hands flew over the keyboard, screens changing rapidly as she did so. After a moment she took my badge, removed it from the protective sleeve, and slotted into the side of the computer. She backed away and gestured toward the computer. "Once you enter a password it will take about fifteen minutes to generate keys," she said. I typed in a password and was asked to verify it twice. Once done she stood, went to the door, and locked it from within. Then she turned to face me and pulled her sweater over her head. She was a thicc young woman, with a truly large pair of nicely shaped tits. Silver dollar areola and tight pink nipples atop easily DDD milky white breasts. I closed the distance and took those mammaries in my hands, squeezing, fondling and sucking like a starving man. She murmured her approval and enjoyed my ministrations for a short while. Then she put her hands on my shoulders and gently pressed me to sit down on the floor. She sat down astride my thighs, her hands undoing my belt and pulling down my pants and underwear. She readily got me hard in her mouth before moving down and dangling her tits on either side of my cock. Not needing any guidance at this point, I took her tits in my hands and kneaded them as I held them around my cock. Fucking those beauties was a dream. Nothing quite like handfuls of breast wrapped around my dick to really get me going. Velma was holding herself up with her hands, watching me enjoy the use of her ample cleavage as her tits dangled over me. Even better, every four or five strokes she took me in her mouth to lube me up again. "Enjoying yourself?" She asked after a few minutes. I groaned with another thrust between the mounds filling my hands, "Very much so, Velma." "Cool, Shaggy," she said. "Okay if I ride you now?" "Be my guest," I said. She crawled forward a bit, then moved up her feet and shifted into a squat. Taking a hold of me she sat down on my cock as I sucked a nipple into my mouth. She was very wet, but extremely tight. She took her time, at least thirty seconds, to fully seat herself on my hips. Then, she leaned down to kiss me as she started to ride me ever so slowly. Velma used only her quads as she raised and lowered herself, and it seemed the tension in those muscles was also reflected in her kegels. Somehow she squeezed me on both the upstroke and the downstroke. It was a slow build for me, and who knows how she kept up those squats, but as she continued I found myself soon approaching a conclusion. "Velma, I'm getting close," I said. Dropping her weight on my hips she rolled us over into a missionary position, save for the fact I still had my pants on. I pulled out of her reluctantly and shucked off my pants and underwear. Velma spread her legs wide in invitation and started to rub her clit. Kneeling between her thighs I pressed into her again and then held her legs open by leaning on her thighs. She moaned as I started to fuck her in earnest. "Oh, yeah," she purred, "pound me Shaggy! Come in me!" Needing no other encouragement or direction, I did just that. Stroke after stroke I buried myself in her cunt, the delicious feeling building once again. Suddenly, her breath caught and her eyes closed tightly and she declared she was coming. She clamped down on me, threatening to keep me from finishing, but I would not be deterred from driving us both over the edge. I slid my hands to her shoulders and pulled her down as I thrust up into her tightness again. I could sense her coming off her peak and then I was there myself, swelling and then bursting inside her. She opened her eyes as I finished pumping her full of my third load of the day. "Thanks Shaggy, that was cool." I nodded, then withdrew to get dressed, yet again. She took her seat in front of the computer, chest still wonderfully bare. "Just in time Mr J. Your card is ready now." She stood and picked up her sweater which she pulled over her big tits with practiced ease. "The start page should help you well enough, but if you need anything, just call." she said. I remembered there was one thing I needed: how to expense the uniforms. Velma talked me through that and then it was time for her to go. I'd hardly said a thing during her visit, but it didn't seem to bother her. For the next couple of hours I made sure to rehydrate while I was using my new network access to evaluate the services currently under contract. All seemed to be in order, but there was something nagging at me. I spent some time trying to figure it out, but to no avail. It was half past four and about time for me to call it a day when there was a knock at my door and the always lovely Ms Olson came in and sat across from me. "And how was your first day, Joe?" She asked. Leaning back in my chair I said, "I think you know it's a bit of a living wet dream." She smirked and I continued, "But I do have a few questions." "I'll answer if I can," she said, "what's on your mind?" "First off, I thought I was providing the fantasy material," I said. She raised an eyebrow and held it there for a moment. "Surely having Velma from IT stop by wasn't too much of a burden?" I was briefly at a loss, "How " She held up a hand to stop me. "Many people like role playing, and from many sides. If it doesn't bother you then just enjoy it. And Velma's her thing. Always has been. I presume Shaggy was able to answer to his name?" I hadn't realized the joke of Shaggy shagging Velma, and I laughed out loud.. "Okay, and the nurse is, just that way?" Ms Olson regarded me quizzically, "What do you mean?" I realized I was about to say something unkind, and I stopped myself. "Nothing. My exam was pretty intense, that's all." The look I received was unexpected. "Was anything wrong?" She asked. "Um, well, no. I can't say that." "But the, ah, sperm sample collection surprised you?" She was instantly pleased by my surprise. My eyes narrowed, "Just how much of what goes on behind closed doors do you know about?" "Only what people tell me Mr Jeffries, only what they tell me." "And what was it our nurse said after our session?" Ms Olson smiled her brilliant predatory smile. "She all but demanded to be on your schedule the next time she is in the building. When I asked why she said the sample process precluded her from feeling your cock pumping down her throat." I was agog again, and she leaned forward, "Her exact words, I'm quite certain. I gather the prostate massage was unexpected? But enjoyable." I nodded dumbly. "I, um, yes of course it was. But why sperm samples?" She crossed her legs and held one knee in her hands. "Really Mr. Jeffries, when you ask me questions like that I have to wonder if you somehow faked being a nuclear trained operator." I sighed, "Because someone may want my sperm." "You see," she said with a smirk, "I knew you were quick." For the umpteenth time today I was momentarily speechless. "But with full medical, why not IVF or artificial insemination?" She nodded, "Those are options we support as well, but historically if the woman is fertile the old fashioned way is much more effective. And fun, of course." "I see." "No, I doubt that you do, but that's a discussion for another time." I had the distinct sense we were done for now. I walked around the table and lifted her to her feet. Taking her head in my hands I kissed her thoroughly before giving her a very unfriendly hug, pressing her taut nipples into my chest. "I'll never be able to thank you enough." She patted my cheek and stepped back. "I'd seriously like to fuck you right now, but I said three per day to start. I doubt you've had sex three times a day five days in a row at any time in your life. I don't want to overtax you starting on day one." "Well, actually, if you ask Tilly about this one time," I started, and she held up a hand to stop me. "It's mean to tell me I am not giving you a proper challenge," she turned, locked the door and immediately started undressing. "It will not do for me to think we are not getting you off enough." Subconsciously I had followed her lead and was quickly getting undressed to match her. "I didn't mean it that way," I said. Nude, she knelt on my couch and bent over. She looked over shoulder at me, "Now get over here and service me. I want your hands on my hips and your cock drilling me, right now." By the time she finished that statement I was sliding into her. I put my hands on her hips as requested, and started fucking her. "Mr. Jeffries, I have a dinner meeting in 30 minutes and I would appreciate a pair of quick orgasms so I have time to straighten up." I started grunting with effort and her moans and pants became more frantic. I was getting close to the finish myself. I turned her face toward me and checked that she was wearing blue lipstick. "Are you ready for me to give you your pre-dinner snack Ms. Olson?" Her mouth opened to say something, but then my fingers on her clit launched her climax and she couldn't seem to find the words. After a long period of gasping, she pulled free of my cock and turned to sit on the couch. At once she deep throated me. I reached down and twisted her nipples as she sucked on me. She moaned, and the sound put me over the edge. Even after coming three times earlier in the day, my body was not letting me down. I felt like I pumped a mouthful down to her belly, and I wondered if that would continue. This time she didn't seem to be in a hurry at all, and she continued to use her tongue to play with my cock until I was soft. "Thank you for the snack Mr. Jeffries. Good job getting hydrated. Organic man milk does a body good." She started to get dressed and I did the same. "I am going to sleep very well tonight Ms. Olson," I said. She finished dressing and patted me on the cheek. "I know you will," she said with a smile before she turned and left my office. I got dressed and sat down at my desk, the day's servicing work apparently concluded. I put my hands behind my head and leaned back, unable to keep a smile from forming on my face. I made a few mental notes of things I needed to work on. The tri-graphs. There were a lot of them, and if I was to service someone without speaking first, I wouldn't want to get any of them wrong. And two things tugged at the edges of my awareness: was there more to the story of my predecessor, and was there some reason to pay more attention to the intern? I honestly had no idea why Allie had popped into my mind, but it was oddly similar to the feeling you get when something isn't right in the propulsion plant. You get used to everything being a certain way, and when something is off, you know at once even though it is going to take a bit to figure out what has grabbed your attention. I replayed the brief encounters with Allie and couldn't put a finger on why I was, what? Curious? Skeptical? Suspicious? Shaking my head I picked up the PBS booklet, grabbed my keys and wallet and left for the day. To be continued By PtmcPilot for Literotica

December is a rest month where I'm posting greatest hits content from the last few years. Here's the first - enjoy! Let's break down BPD anger because it's very real. BUT when you misunderstand it, it's very dangerous for all of us. In this episode I talk about a few anger stories, the reasons why we have to understand and destigmatize anger and we hear from listeners about their experience with anger, what causes it, and how it feels. They are SO beautiful and such articulate answers. Send us a text message to be anonymously read and responded to! Support the showYou can find Sara on Instagram @borderlinefromhell. You can also find the podcast on IG @boldbeautifulborderline Corey Evans is the artist for the music featured. He can be found HERE Talon Abbott created the cover art. He. can be found HERE Leave us a voicemail about your thoughts or questions on the show at boldbeautifulborderline.comIf you like the show we would love if you could rate, subscribe and support us on Patreon. Patreon info here: https://www.patreon.com/boldbeautifulborderline?fan_landing=true Purchase Sara's Exploring Your Borderline Strengths Journal at https://www.amazon.com/Exploring-Your-Borderline-Strengths-Amundson/dp/B0C522Y7QT/ref=sr_1_1?crid=IGQBWJRE3CFX&keywords=exploring+your+borderline+strengths&qid=1685383771&sprefix=exploring+your+bor%2Caps%2C164&sr=8-1 For mental health supports: National Suicide Pr...

Friday December 5, 2025 Exec Fired for Saying Campbell's Soup is Fucking Shit for Poor People

Runways: Part 3 A Mountaintop Experience By m_storyman_x – listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. "So where are we headed?" the supermodel asked as we walked across the grassy yard of the cabin towards the tree line. "Someplace special," was all I answered, as I aimed us for the small trail that looked like it led around the lake. The hike wasn't long, only about a half an hour, but it was up hill all the way. We finally broke free of the pines at the base of a barren rocky hillside. I held a hand out for her. "Let me help you here. I don't want you to fall." "Okay, but this hike is getting me too damned hot." she answered. She pulled her gauze white blouse over her head and tied it around her slender waist. Then taking my hand and letting me help her up the rock strewn hillside. I had a hard time not paying attention to the way her tits swung and bounced with each step, turning my cock once again rock hard before we had made it even a portion of the way up the hill, on my father’s mountaintop land. But we continued climbing, little trickles of sweat running down her naked top, down between and around her breasts as we climbed. She was clearly not used to this kind of effort, but I had to admit, for a change she made no complaint. "Here we are." I said as I let go of her hand and stood on the top of the rocky hill, able to look all the way around us. "This is the top of the mountain. Highest point around. Well except for those peaks over there. But they're way too steep to climb without special gear. This is the top of what the locals call baldy. "It's beautiful! You can see for miles," she said, moving slowly around me, looking in every direction at the land laid out far below us. "It's like being on an airplane without the airplane!" "Yeah. Sorta is, isn't it? Ready for some lunch?" "I am!" She said as she came over and sat down next to me on the rock. I dug in the bag and pulled out sandwiches and bottles of water. "That's yours," she said, pointing to the one made on rye. "I think I heard someplace you liked rye bread." "I do actually. Thank you!" I answered, smiling at her and taking the sandwich from her. "You know. I think this is the nicest you've been to me since I've known you." "Thank you. Self-preservation I guess. I don't want to get thrown in that damn lake again," she said with a giggle. "Well, I haven't seen any reason to do it again, so...mission accomplished." "Adam," she said quietly. "Yeah?" "I know you don't particularly like me. But I want to thank you for bringing me up here." "Aw hell. I don't dislike you. I just didn't expect you to be quite so..." "Bitchy?" She finished for me. "Yeah, bitchy." I agreed. "When you relax and try to be a normal person you can be quite... Not sure what word to use there." "Captivating... alluring... sexy...enticing?" She suggested, each time getting a shake of my head. "Pleasant." "Pleasant?" she asked curiously. "Uh huh. Pleasant.” I elaborated. “Pleasant to look at, pleasant to be around, pleasant to talk to. Pleasant." "Hmm, I would have thought your description would be more sexual than that. Most guys are." "I'll admit you're hot, but well, the idea of sex isn't exactly the first thing I'd say I think about when I see you." "That hardon you had while we were cleaning fish didn't say you weren't thinking about sex. And the hardon you have now doesn't say you aren't interested in sex." "Are you enticing, sexually? Of course you are. That's why you get paid what you do. Guys look at you and they wanna fuck you." I answered. "But you don't? Come on. With that hardon?" "Okay. I'll admit it. My body is interested in exploring your dark damp spaces. But to be honest, I'm actually just enjoying being able to share something like this view with you as a regular person, not a multi-million dollar super model." "If I was a regular person, would you want to fuck me?" "God what is it with you and fuck? Do you know any other way to say it?” I asked, looking into her eyes. “ Fucking is what you do with someone you don't care about." "So what do you want me to call it?" "Have sex, make love. Either work, if you care about a person. If not, I suppose fucking is as good a word as any to say it." Kim suddenly stood up and undid the front of her shorts. She pushed them down her legs and stepped out of them so she was naked except for her shoes. "What are you doing?" I asked as she leaned down and started undoing the front of my shorts. "Getting you naked," she said as if that were the most natural thing in the world to do at that moment. "Why?" I asked, reaching for her hand to stop her. "For the simple reason that you don't want to fuck me." "So, you want to get me naked why then?" She let go of my pants and stood over me, straightening up and looking around. "Actually, I thought you might want to just lay here in the sun naked with me. Because we can. We have the luxury of wonderful privacy, thanks to your family’s wonderful cabin and land. You don't have to though. I understand," she said, stepping across me and sitting on the rock again. She lay back and closed her eyes, letting her body soak in the sun on her front and heat from the rock on her back side. “This nudity is awesome! Now I think I understand the naturalists!” I looked at her for long seconds, trying to understand her. I stood up next to her and pushed my shorts off, freeing my rock hard cock to stick out in the sunshine. I skimmed off my t-shirt and dropped it next to my shorts and then lay down next to her in the sun. I lost track of how long we lay there, the sun baking the two of us. I started to think that maybe I'd get a good burn laying here too long and was about to suggest that we head back down when I felt her hand find mine. She stroked the back of my hand with her fingers, gently teasing her finger tips and nails on my skin. I lay there for long minutes as she stroked my hand before she wrapped her fingers around my hand and drew it up off the rock to her body, placing it gently on her hip, moving her fingers from around it back to the back of my hand again, stroking my hand as my palm and fingers lay on her bare skin. I really didn't know what she expected or wanted, and I really didn't want to ruin the surprisingly pleasant mood she had been in. She gently used her fingers to coax my hand more onto her body, working it closer to her bare mound until she had coaxed my finger to rest on the firm hump only inches from her pussy. "Would you like to touch me?" She asked softly. "Do you want me to?" "I wouldn't mind if you did," she said a little breathlessly, her hand leaving mine and reaching across to gently rest on me, her finger tips brushing my long since softened cock. "Kim. Are you horny?" I whispered. "Yes," she whispered back. "I really want to come but i want you to do it." "Why?" "Do I need a reason?" "No, but I do." I answered her. "What if I can't explain it?" "When you can, tell me." I whispered, starting to draw my hand away from her. "No! Please!" She practically begged, grabbing my hand with her other hand. She held my hand and pulled it down toward the juncture of her legs, spreading her legs and moving one across mine to give my hand access to her pussy. "Please," She whispered. I nodded, as much to myself as to her, and gently let my fingers stroke her surprisingly wet pussy lips. I felt her wetness as I dipped one finger between her lips, feeling her slick hot juices. She moaned softly, her fingers now stroking along my hardening cock, teasing along its length, concentrating on and around my head as my fingers gently stroked up and down her lips. I let my finger tease just into the entrance to her tunnel and then up to her clit, her hips trying to lift off the rocks toward my fingers with each stroke. "Do you like touching me?" She whispered breathlessly as her hand wrapped around my hard cock, giving it a gentle squeeze. "So you like me touching you?" "Uh huh." I answered honestly. "I'm glad. I like how you feel too," she said softly. I concentrated on her clit, still sliding my finger down to her tunnel entrance and back again, but spending longer and longer each trip circling and teasing her clit, her hips lifting and rocking, her body wiggling and writhing on the rocks as my fingers drove her body closer and closer to climax. "Oh gawd, Adam. You're going to make me come!" She moaned loudly. "You're going to make me come." While I was stroking her pussy she was busy stroking my cock, her hand moving slowly up and down my shaft, sliding all the way up to my head and over it, pushing my under used cock closer to shooting as well. "Shit. I'm going to come." I groaned, trying to hold back while I concentrated on her clit. "Do it!" She moaned loudly. "Let me make you come too! Oh shit I'm so close. So close." "Oh Fuck!" I grunted loudly as my orgasm hit, my hips bucking up off the rocks and shooting a stream of cum into the air, gravity taking hold and drawing it back down to land on my cock and her hand before another shot could lance up into the air. "Oh god. You're coming!" She cried softly as she felt my cock surging in her hand, her own climax deciding at that moment to unleash its chemical cocktail of hormones into her blood stream, making her whole body shake and tremble. "Fuck!" She groaned as she held my cock, her own body climaxing and leaking her juices between her legs onto the hot rocks. I lay there, still stroking her clit, not really able to pay all that much attention to what I was doing as my own climax surged through me, pumping shot after shot of cum out to collect on my chest, cock and her hand. She reached down to my hand and pressed hers over mine, stopping my motions but holding my fingers to her hot wet pussy. We lay there panting for long minutes before she let go of my cock and hand, pushing herself up onto one elbow to look at me. She leaned herself toward me, her tits pressing against my side and chest as she brought her face toward mine, her lips gently kissing my lips, her tongue teasing my lips softly. I kissed her back, letting her choose the pace and duration. She finally chose to break the long soft sensual kiss, holding her lips barely brushing against mine as she whispered a single short statement. "Thank you." Her eyes looking deeply into mine Thought she was done, but to my surprise she tilted her body over farther, her lips kissing my chest and then one of my nipples. She gently, slowly kissed her way down my body, finding the remains of my cum on my chest and gently licking it off of my skin before kissing lower. I couldn't help but get hard again at her attentions, my cock, growing in her hand as she kissed and licked closer and closer to it. The woman had a huge appetite for sensual pleasures. "You sure you want to do that?" I asked as she opened her mouth and closed it around my head, engulfing me with her hot lips. In response she swirled her tongue around my head, teasing me and gently moving her mouth up and down my shaft, teasing my again hard cock even harder as she stroked my shaft with her hand and lips. "Oh god." I groaned as she worked my cock slowly, teasingly. Her hot mouth teased my head and her tongue worked under and around my head, trying to find where I was most sensitive, and locating that spot with her tongue when I suddenly jerked in response to her touch. "Oh damn." Groaned, noticing a sound in the background, but not quite making the connection to anything more than another groan coming from my lips. "Oh god Kim." I groaned softly, my hips trying to lift toward her mouth as she worked my shaft. "So damn good." "Oh!" She cried suddenly, pulling her mouth from my cock. I didn't need to ask. I knew exactly what surprised her before I could ask. The cold drops started large and slow, the mixture of sun and ice cold rain drops a huge surprise. "Shit!" I grunted, sitting up and looking around. I could see it now. I'd heard the thunder and not connected the danger. Being on a mountain top weather wasn't what one expected. The sun was still shining from the west, but the clouds rolling up the mountain side from the north were just starting to top the mountain, the updraft carrying the first drops of rain up into the air to fall on us miles from the edge of the clouds. "We have to go!" I said abruptly, standing up and grabbing the backpack. I stuffed our clothes into the pack and grabbed her hand. "Now!" I said sternly. "I'm not afraid of a little rain. Slow down!" She said, pulling back at me. "Kim, you're not going to be in a gentle rain. And it's not going to be particularly warm." I said as I tried to pull her along. "You're at the top of a mountain. In a few minutes were going to be inside the clouds that are making this rain and what falls is going to feel like liquid ice. Think thawed blizzard." I said, pulling her without stopping. "Oh shit." Kim answered as the first wisps of cloud blew across the landscape in front of us. We were still a ways from the trees when the heavier fog rolled in over us, almost immediately chilling us with its clinging moisture. "Come on." I said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and guiding her to where I knew the trees had to be, even though we couldn't see them for the thick fog. I preferred the fog, knowing what was coming next. I'd been caught in one of these on the lake once, only a short fifteen minutes from the cabin, but it was a miserable fifteen minutes that took hours to feel like I had warmed up from. This time we were a lot farther away and a whole lot less dressed. "You know where the trail is?" Kim asked with concern. "Yeah," I lied, "Just watch your step and we'll be fine." At least I thought I knew where the trail was, I just wasn't positive we hadn't wandered off target towards the cliff or the other direction toward the long slope that would take us eventually down to the lodge a couple thousand feet lower. We'd never even see it in this fog and if we could we'd have hypothermia long before we got there. "Stupid. I should have watched closer." I muttered as we walked, a few small trees appearing in front of us. "You couldn't know it was coming." Kim said as larger trees started to appear though the fog. "My job to watch. You couldn’t know, but I’ve made this mistake before. It’s something you vow to never let happen again. That is, if you survive the first time." I answered, as I turned us a bit farther to my right, hoping to find the trail ahead of me. "I let myself get distracted. I hadn't planned on staying up there that long." "Well, for what it's worth, I'm not blaming you." "But I am." I said, angry at myself. She frowned at me and almost snapped at me. "Knock it off. I'm a big girl. I can make my own choices. You don't have to protect me. I didn't ask for you to protect me. I asked for you to share something with me. Something I wanted and something I enjoyed. So we get a little cold on the way home. Deal with it!" Kim’s Hypothermic Therapy "Keep that thought." I muttered as I finally found the gap in the trees that heralded the trail. Forty minutes later we walked out of the woods into clearing of the cabin, both of us shivering uncontrollably in the torrential downpour of icy drops. Kim had been stumbling for the last half mile, her legs losing their coordination, the first sign of serious hypothermia. I carried her the last 200 feet to the cabin. We stumbled into the cabin and I dropped her into one of the chairs and grabbed a towel from my bag and moved to her, rubbing her body all over and then grabbing the heavy wool quilt and wrapping it around her. Still shivering myself, I used the sticks in the firewood box next to the fireplace to build a small fire, my hands almost shaking too hard to get the match struck. The small flame grew in the sticks and I carefully fed larger sticks and then small pine logs onto the fire, allowing it to quickly grow so that I didn't have to huddle over it to feel its heat. With the flames growing larger I stripped off the wet clothing that was robbing my body’s heat. I stepped to the chair and scooped Kim from it, drawing her with me to the bearskin rug in front of the fire. I peeled the blanket from around her shivering body and pulled her to me, pressing her bare skin against mine. I sat on the thick fur rug, then reached a hand up to Kim, to come lay on my chest. Then I wrapped the wool quilt over the two of us and lay down across the front of the fire, letting the heat slowly warm the quilt and the two of us inside it. I closed my eyes, my arms wrapped around her, holding her chest against mine, our legs tangled together in the blanket as we shivered together. The shakes soon turned into drowsiness. Her kisses woke me. Soft, gentle, caring. Soft sweet tender kisses on my cheeks, my nose and my lips, each one slow and unhurried. As I became more awake I could feel that we had warmed, no longer feeling the cold of the rain but the heat of the fire still seeping through the blanket. She’d slid over to my side, with one of her naked legs slung over mine. I could also feel her hand between us, wrapped around my cock, gently, slowly, tenderly stroking me as she kissed me. "Kim." I started to say, as I rolled a bit to face her. "Shush," she whispered before planting another soft kiss on my lips to quiet me. I felt her push with one leg, gently returning me onto my back, leaving her partly on top of me. She continued her kisses, softly and seductively kissing my lips as she teased my cock harder by the moment, finally using her knees to lift her hips up from mine, her soft tits still pressed against my chest. I felt her slide herself up my body as she pushed my dick down between her legs, guiding my engorged head to her wet lips. I felt emotionally safe with her. She’d become a completely different person in less than 24 hours. "Kim." I whispered as she straddled over me, then pushed herself back, letting go of my shaft and sliding her arm up my body to rest on the furry rug next to my body. "Shush," she half whispered, half moaned as she pushed herself back down my body, lowering her mouth to mine and pressing her lips to mind as my cock was slowly enveloped by her hot cunt. "Yum" she moaned as she lifted her chest from mine, and worked her knees up next to my hips. "Oh damn." I moaned as she lifted her lips from mine, her hips slowly rocking up and down, sliding her pussy on and off my rigid dick, working me deeper and deeper into her tunnel. "That's it. Just enjoy. Let me do this, please," she whispered. She was making love to me. Not just desiring sex. She wanted to please me. I was beyond wanting to stop her. Between her attentions on the mountain top and her attentions now, my body was more than ready to let her have her way. I let my hands slide up her hips and sides, reaching for her breasts. She grinned down at me and one by one, reached for my hands and pulled them away from her breasts, moving them to next to my own head and holding them there, clasped with her own as she slowly rocked on me, her rock hard nipples grazing back and forth across my chest with each stroke. "Does it feel good Adam?" "Very!" I groaned back as she continued to stroke on and off of me, the heat from the fire and the heat from our bodies making us both sweat in our loose cocoon. I could feel her soft tunnel stroking my shaft, teasing my engorged head with her tight confines. On and off she slid, her big tits dripping sweat onto my chest and sliding around, her nipples rubbing against mine. "Oh god," she moaned as she rocked on and off of me. "Oh god," she moaned again, her hips rocking and trying to grind her clit against the base of my cock with each new stroke. "Oh god, Adam. Oh god I'm going to come!" She gasped over and over as she continued rocking on me, her legs trembling and making it harder for her to continue rocking. "Oh god, Adam," she cried softly, practically whimpering, but refusing to let my hands go to participate in any way. "Come for me Adam. Come for me!" She practically begged. "Oh yeah. Almost." I moaned back at her as the tingles radiated out from my cock through all the reaches of my body. Her spasming pussy, already so tight, seemed to try and grab and milk me like her hand had done, trying to draw me into her as she stroked on and off of my fat shaft. "Gonna come." I grunted, knowing that I couldn't hold back any longer, even if I wanted to. "Oh shit!" She cried as my body bucked, jamming my cock deep into her and pumping a huge gush of cum up into her pussy. "Oh, Fuck Yes" She cried loudly, dropping onto my jerking body, her hands pushing mine farther over my head. Her big soft tits smashed flat against my chest, her mouth lowering to mine, her lips trying to kiss mine between gasps and moans. My body continued to buck several more times under her, adding more cum to the load already poured into her from within me. Finally I stilled under her, only an occasional jerk still showing my fading climax, my cock twitching within her as it started to soften. She lay on me, her breathing easing, but her lips still erotically working against mine. "God that was incredible." I whispered between kisses. "You liked it?" "Very much." I whispered. “You made love with amazing insights into my soul.” "I'm glad," she said as she let go of my hands and slowly pushed herself up off of me. She tossed the blanket off of us and sat up on my hips, trapping my cock inside her as I softened. I reached for her hips and gently stroked my fingers up and down them before she reached for my hands and pulled them to her breasts, pressing my palms against her still hard nipples. "You know. I don't know what it is about your hands, but i want them on my body all the time for some reason." "Oh?" "Uh huh. Ever since you made me come, up there. I just want to be naked and have your hands all over me." "Not that I'm complaining, because I'm not. But why?" I asked. "If I knew, I'd tell you. Why did you do what you did up there?" "I don't know exactly. I just wanted to." I admitted "Me too," she answered with a smile, still sitting on me, her hands on mine, encouraging me to squeeze her breasts. "Thank you. For letting me do that." "Trust me, it was my pleasure." I answered with a smile. "I think we need something to eat though." "You don't want me sitting on you anymore?" "I'm not minding one bit." I chuckled. "But I do have a question." "Yeah? What's that?" she asked, leaning down against my hands sliding off her chest as she lowered her tits to my chest, her face inches from mine. "Why aren't you always like this?" "Like what?" "Soft, sweet, sexy, intimate, wonderful, caring, alluring, sensual, did I say incredible yet?" "No, you didn't." "Well. Incredible. Since I hadn't said it yet. I've never known you to be like this. What happened? What changed?" "You did the one thing that was required of any man who wanted me to be this way. You earned my respect and you treated me with respect. No one else deserved this side of me." "How did I earn your respect?" I asked a little confused. "Well, throwing me in the lake the first day was a start. You showed me that you set limits and that you weren't going to let me push you around. Second, you showed me skills. You showed me you believed in me. In my abilities that I hadn’t yet discovered. Not just how to get around town or do your job, but skills in many things. Not only could you do things, you weren't afraid to teach me how to do them as well. And the third thing, maybe the most important, you showed me compassion and respect when I clearly didn't deserve it. Those are the hallmarks of a man worth working to keep. Those are the things I've been looking for in a man for the last fifteen years." "I think you over estimate me." I answered. "And did I mention that you are an overly modest man?" She asked with a giggle. "Now, we only have one problem." "Yeah?" "Well, two actually." "Okay, what two problems?" "First, I know you like Amy. The question is can you treat her as well as you treat me, because we do come as a package deal. She's like a sister to me and we share absolutely everything." "Everything?" "EVERYTHING!" She answered emphatically, wrinkling her nose before she smiled. "What's the second problem?" "How do we call her and tell her to come out here and join us? There's a lot of the two weeks left to find out if we can make this work." Cryptic Messages In some ways it wasn't quite fair. I mean I've never been one to be deceitful, but in this case it seemed like the right thing to do. Kim was waiting back at the Rocky Mountain cabin and my job was to get Amy there without any argument. I stood by the plane as the car door opened. "Adam! What's' going on? Your phone call was more than a little bit cryptic," Amy asked as she practically ran across the tarmac at the Chicago DuPage County Airport, pulling the wheeled suitcase behind her. "Oh. Kim is having an absolute fit. She's demanding that you come at once and refusing to come home until you come get her," I said with a scowl. "You so owe me for screwing up my vacation!" I said pretending to be angry as I took the case from her and stuffed it into the hold under the cabin of my twin engine turbo prop. Truth be told I'd had a bit of a crush on Amy since I started flying her and Kim around the country. I'd of course told her about it, sorta, but been shut down cold every time I'd tried to entice her into anything personal. As Kim had told me, Amy was the perfect professional personal assistant. She was a whiz at keeping her schedule in order, able to handle a myriad of details without bothering Kim and in some cases, was as adept at running the lingerie business every bit as good as Kim. The only real difference was that Amy wasn't a super model. In her own right she was good looking. Five and a half feet, not skinny but not fat, modestly large chest, creamy white skin and short cut auburn hair. To me she looked damn sexy, no matter what she was wearing. Today, in a tight fitting, short skirted dress, she looked even more so. I followed her up the stairs to the plane, closing the stairway door just in time to watch her bend over and thread her way into the right hand co-pilots seat of the plane, her skirt pulling up far enough to show me that she had on pink lacy panties under the powder blue dress. "I'm so sorry. I know I pushed you to take her. I'll make it up to you somehow," she said as I stepped over the center console and settled into the left seat. I handed her a pair of bulky headphones with a microphone attached and then picked up my own somewhat slimmer designed headset and mic. I remained silent as I flipped through the startup procedure, spinning both turbines up before keying the microphone. "Dupage tower. X-ray Alpha Gulf Foxtrot Seven ready for departure." "Roger X-ray Alpha Gulf. You are cleared to taxiway W William to Runway 2 Left. Hold at the ramp." "Roger. Taxiway W William to 2 Left and hold," I answered as I throttled up, the only aircraft at the moment on the tarmac with an engine running. In moments we were bouncing along the narrow strip of pavement that would take us all the way south to the very end of the seventy-five hundred foot runway. It was well more than we'd need with the light load I had on board, but I wasn't going to complain. I stopped just before reaching the end of the runway and checked both engines and props, making sure everything was working properly before radioing the tower back. "Dupage tower. X-ray Alpha Gulf holding at two Left." "Roger X-ray Alpha Gulf, you are cleared onto the runway. Depart turning left and contact Chicago flight following at five thousand." "Roger that tower. X-ray Alpha Gulf rolling," I answered. Taking off from a smaller airport like this one was always more relaxing than trying to fight the big boys at someplace like O'Hare or Midway. I let off the brakes and rolled onto the end of the runway, turning the plane to line up down the center line before pushing the throttles full on. "So how long?" Amy asked over the headset as the plane launched itself up from the pavement and I snapped the landing gear handle into the stow position. "About four hours, sooner if the wind doesn’t fight us, and we can avoid any August storms." I answered, letting my voice soften, no longer having to maintain the fiction that I used to get her here and on the plane. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the envelope that Kim had for her, an envelope I wasn't supposed to give to her until we were in the air. "What's this?" "A note from Kim," I answered. "What's it say?" "I dunno. She told me not to read it," I answered with a shrug. "Chicago center, X-ray Alpha Gulf Foxtrot Seven climbing to fifteen thousand." "Roger X-ray Alpha Gulf Foxtrot Seven. Climbing to fifteen thousand." "And you didn't? Read it I mean?" she asked as she unfolded the paper. "Nope. I guessed it wasn't my business. I'm just following orders to get you on the plane and get you there anyway I can." Amy frowned and looked down at the note, reading it slowly. She flipped the paper over and back again, as if looking for more information. "And you have no idea what this is about?" "All I know is that I have specific orders from her highness to fetch you. She said everything else you needed to know was in the note." "But it doesn't tell me all that much." "Well, she was adamant. She wasn't coming home until you got there. I couldn't very well leave her there forever, could I?" "Well, no. But what triggered this? I mean did you do anything to her?" "Besides throw her ass in the lake the first day? Not really," I answered. "You really threw her in the lake?" "Yep. Picked her up, hauled her ass over my shoulder to the end of the pier and threw her right into the water. She was none too happy about it either." "I don't imagine she was," Amy answered quietly. To be continued. By m storyman x, for Literotica.

We discuss Campbell's cream of mushroom, Dorkus Riley, and the genesis of green bean casserole

The Time Riders: Part 14 Visiting old friends, and Nanu discovers hot sauce. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 16 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Novels. A certain bedroom. If she'd been worried about feeling alone, she wasn't noticing at the moment. There were so many fascinating things around here, all requiring her examination. There was an entire world to explore, after all, and it was apparently much bigger than the one she'd left behind. It was hard to conceive of, really; a world larger than Rome, than the empire, but according to her Mistress, Re-be-kah, she was not going to run out of things to be stunned by. So far, Mistress had been right. Nanu was kneeling on the bed, minutely examining the fabric that made up the soft sheets they'd been sleeping on. She tugged at the material, noticing how it was so tough that she needn't worry about tearing it. She tugged and tugged, giggling with delight when she couldn't wreck it. How clever the people of tomorrow were! She clambered off the bed and walked over to the window. She had only briefly put on any clothes, and that was to see her Mistress to the door as she left for work. Becky had made sure Nanu understood how the front door lock worked before she left. Nanu was only wearing the burning cock-sack garment, the one with the symbol of the musical group Let Zeppli on it, but the second Mistress was gone, she'd shucked it off and scampered around naked, laughing in delight. She'd been so tempted to stand in the window wearing no clothes and shake her nude body at the world, because she promised Mistress she would stay out of trouble, because she didn't want the vigiles coming for her since she'd only just gotten here. Mistress' 'free country' wasn't as free as it sounded, at least in her opinion. The tiny Egyptian girl walked up to the window of the bedroom and leaned on the frame, sighing dreamily as she rested her chin on her arms and gazed out at the world beyond the glass. Trees were starting to be green, and the grass of Mistress' lawn was visible, along with plants that would apparently become lovely flowers. High up in the blue sky, a strange bird flew. It barely moved, just gliding along, and seemed to have an almost cruciform shape. It left a weird trail of white cloud behind. What strange animals there were in the world of tomorrow. She left the window and went into the bathroom, plunking herself down on the commode and peeing, giggling at the sound produced by the material the bowl was made from. Once she was done, she headed downstairs, feeling a mite peckish. She went up to the fridge and opened the door, fascinated by the chill she felt as she leaned in to see what was available. Re-be-kah had left food for her to eat, all prepared and with her name on it, so that she knew what was safe. Seeing as how the ba-lo had made her almost shit herself to death the day before. The parfait was sitting in a bowl, with yummy-looking red and black berries swirled into it, along with a cereal that Mistress had called 'granola'. She took that and then retrieved a few slices of homemade bread from a little wooden container on the counter. Mistress had left some utensils and butter on the table, and even the peanut butter! Nanu loved the peanut butter; she couldn't wait to have it licked off her cunt! Sated some minutes later, Nanu wandered around, examining little things about the house that she hadn't noticed yet. She was careful to not mess with any switches, because she didn't know what all of them did. Apparently they weren't all just for the lights. She jumped up and down on the sturdy long chair, which was apparently called a 'chesterfield', rolled around on the comfy rug, and diddled herself in front of a mirror, cumming loudly and shamelessly. She loved looking at herself while she masturbated, she was so beautiful! Nanu flopped back on the rug, breathing heavily after a lovely climax. Her whole body tingled, and wonderful images of herself and her Mistress fucking floated through her mind. The house was warm, in a way she'd never felt before. Living in the slave quarters, and wearing what amounted to little more than a poorly made sack for clothing, she had often been cold, and rarely warm enough to suit her. This was; wonderful. This new world confused and frightened her, but she also knew she would acclimate, and then she would be warm, well-fed, and she could fuck to her heart's content. She was going to love her new life, she was sure. She hoped Re-be-kah was having as wonderful a day as she was. The Education of Nanu, as 'The Gods Will It'. Mooredale Secondary. Becky sat behind her desk, trying to conceal the way her eyes were spiraling with exasperation and boredom. While not every student in her Physics class was a dunce, only a few of them truly cared and paid attention. Most were just doing what was required to pass. Even if they got great grades, they weren't interested in retaining the material. And then there was one young dunce in particular. She tried not to scowl at Mark, who was zoning out at his desk, looking out the window. She could see even from here that his notes were inadequate. He couldn't claim to be memorizing the material; he had the memory of a goldfish crossed with a sieve. How had he made it into this prestigious high school to begin with? She was ultimately happy he had, of course, since that meant three months from now (from his point of view), he would be taking her on adventures with the Holmes Field Device. But this twerp sitting in front of her wasn't that time traveler yet, was he? He was just some lazy kid who was going to fail her course. Then he'd come back in time to fuck her, and convince her to not fail him. She'd agree, as long as he showed her the time machine and took her on adventures. Looking at him now, she couldn't believe she'd made the agreement. But she had, and now she was stuck passing him. She couldn't get out of it if she tried. She'd solidified her personal future. Fating, as people in the time travel community called it. Once you knew for certain that something factually was going to happen to you down the road, there was nothing you could do to change it, no matter how hard you tried. You might even hurt yourself doing it. Time lock. It was a thing. So if you enjoyed feeling like you were in control of your destiny, then you did your best not to find out what was to happen to you in the future. Loose talk stops clocks, and all that. She looked at Mark again, still trying not to frown. It was so strange to think that this boy, who was weeks away from being eighteen, was the same knucklehead who would be her time-travelling companion. She'd be having sex with him, and they'd be sharing girls in the time stream, including Nanu, who was waiting for her back at home. The Mark in front of her was seventeen, almost eighteen. Time travel made the rules seem so arbitrary, and even dumb sometimes. She couldn't have sex with him right now. She couldn't sext him under her desk right now. It was illegal. Yet somehow, magically, in a few weeks, on a particular day, Mark's upcoming birthday would make him an adult, even though functionally nothing was different about his biology. This Mark didn't know that they were lovers. That they would be lovers, in any event. Like all the other dumb boys in the school, he talked about her being hot, and what he'd do to her, childish boasting and hormonal nonsense. They talked about how she tended to dress rather conservatively, but clearly she had a rocking' bod underneath her clothes. They'd seen her in the school gym a few times. Becky didn't know why she dressed so conservatively, now that she thought of it. There were certainly less attractive teachers on staff who dressed more sexily than she did. Connie Marangos, the English Lit teacher, was shaped like a pear and had a face like a foot, but she somehow managed to dress sexy. What was Becky's excuse? She didn't want to give the horny students any more masturbation material than they already got. Horny teenage boys were annoying. Even Mark was annoying. Would he get better by the time she caught up with him in the future, three months from now? She could hope, but she doubted it. He hadn't exactly proven so thus far on their adventures. Another quiet sigh escaped her as she glanced for a moment in his general direction. She wanted to pin that boy down right now and fuck him, hard. She couldn't, but she wanted to. It bothered her that she was starting to feel a tingle in her needy cunt, and there was nothing she could do about it. She'd have to wait to get home and take out her horny frustrations on Nanu. Not that the Egyptian girl would mind, of course. She thought back about what she and Mark had experienced so far in the time stream. They'd gone to seventeenth century France, gotten in several brawls, and Mark had been fatally shot, only surviving because he wasn't meant to die yet. She'd been kidnapped by Cardinal Richelieu and made a lady-in-waiting to Anne of Austria, and she'd met her own ancestor, the gorgeous, brilliant, and deadly noblewoman Alexandra D'Assaut, who had helped Mark rescue her from the Louvre, and out from right under the nose of the Sun King. Becky might have shot Porthos And might also have kicked Richelieu in the nuts. That sounded so weird, but it had happened. She was there. That, or she was on the world's longest and most intense acid trip. They went to Rome, to participate in a genuine orgy, and they'd met and bought the beautiful slave girl Nanu. The intent had been to set her free, and Becky had even paid gold for her; but Mark screwed everything up by getting arrested for fucking a Vestal Virgin, one of Rome's most sacred priestesses. One thing led to another, and they'd had to rescue him from being skewered by gladiators in the Colosseum, mostly by dropping the roof on the emperor. Mark, or 'Bonosus' as he was known in ancient Rome now, was probably the most notorious criminal in the empire not named Spartacus. It didn't surprise Becky that even in the time stream, everyone wanted to kill Mark. He had that effect on people. They'd finally brought Nanu forward in time with them, since she was hopelessly devoted to them, and leaving her on her own in Rome was dangerous for her, even if she had proof of her manumission. It had been an eventful few days since their arrival back home, with Nanu getting a crash course in the fact that everything wanted to kill her. At least to hear Nanu talk about it. Even common household items were absurdly dangerous for her, and noises that modern people just took for granted drove the younger girl nuts. Food was a big gamble with Nanu. Modern preservatives and nitrates wreaked havoc on her digestive tract, something she couldn't possibly have built any immunity to. To Becky's surprise, Nanu wasn't lactose-intolerant, because as a slave, she'd been given cow's milk, something peasants and slaves subsisted on and normal people were too good for. It was strange to Becky that bovine milk and beef had been considered low-class food back then. They'd probably change their minds if they'd ever had a filet mignon or a good porterhouse. Dumb ancient people. At least Nanu ate everything she possibly could. A yawn from Mark's direction brought her out of her reverie, and she restrained another scowl in his direction. It was nowhere near the first time he'd annoyed her with his lack of interest, but she was getting more irritated with it of late, because she knew what was coming. She had to put up with this. She had to fail him. Because his future self would come back in time and convince her to change his grade. She couldn't just give him a passing grade now to speed things up if she tried. Something would make her fail him. Which he so richly deserved. Why the universe gave this kid a time machine was beyond her. A retarded chimp would have deserved it more, and probably been less of a menace. She couldn't fuck him, not yet. But that didn't mean she couldn't fuck with him, right? "Mr. Simmons," she called in his direction, raising her eyebrow and getting everyone's attention, including his. She called him 'Mark' so regularly now that saying 'Mr. Simmons' seemed strange. "Since you are clearly well ahead of the curriculum, what with having time to yawn and stare out the window, I thought maybe you could explain the differences in the scalar and vector measurements to the class?" "I, uh;” he fumbled, looking worried now. "I;” "Well, go on," she said, gesturing with her hand. "We spent the entire second half of last week on the model, after all. The copious notes you took are still fresh, yes?" "I; that is; uh;” he said, going pale. "Dumbass," laughed one of the other boys from nearby. Several other students laughed, and Mark got pelted with crumpled-up balls of paper for looking like a dolt. Becky didn't bother feeling bad for him, since this had to happen in order for things to work out in the future. That, and the brat deserved it. A girl near the front, one Gina Felton, put her hand up, looking smug. She seemed to have the answers, generally. Becky restrained a sigh as she allowed the brown-haired girl to answer. Gina dutifully recited off the material they'd been given, even offering some explanation along the way to demonstrate that she understood what she'd been taught, not just parroting the lesson. She wasn't as smart as she thought she was, and she'd never be a physicist, but she came from a wealthy WASP family type that was so common in this neighborhood, and she was a kiss-ass to the faculty. Becky would give Gina her passing grade and get rid of her. If only were so easy with Mark. "That's, uh; that was I was gonna say," Mark added once Gina had finished her singsong response. More laughter and mockery was hurled his way. "Okay, enough, people," Becky announced, standing up to get their attention and put an end to the paper projectiles. "Miss Felton, well done. Mr. Simmons, you can stay after class and clean up the room, along with my chalkboards." Becky liked using chalk boards, because one of her two favorite professors in her university years had insisted on using them. It had seemed like magic to her when he'd used them, all these wondrous equations laid out for her, explained thoroughly, and then they were gone, replaced by more fascinating numbers, a guided tour into how the universe worked. Only he could- "Ma'am?" a voice called. "Miss Fischer?" Becky blinked, coming out of yet another reverie. She was beginning to think that maybe she shouldn't be giving Mark shit for doing it, since she kept zoning out during class, thinking about the profs. She and Nanu had a playdate with them later this week at Blackwell Manor, so she'd just have to keep it in her pants until then. "Sorry, I was remembering a lesson," she said, recovering and sitting down again, just in case she leaked through her slacks. Thankfully, they were moments away from the period ending, and she'd be free of these yahoos for another day. "Tomorrow, we'll stick our toes into the concept of Fleming's Left-Hand Rule and its application in electromagnetism. Whether you're working on the Large Hadron Collider, or your grandfather's ancient lawnmower in the future, this is a good thing to understand. Go ahead and get ready, just wait for the bell. Mr. Simmons, the chalkboard awaits your attentions." Yet more razzing at Mark's expense, while Gina just sat at her desk looking smug. As annoying as Mark was, Becky simply did not like Gina Felton. She was eighteen now, and Becky had good reason to suspect that the skinny little broad was carrying on with the History professor, Mr. Browning. The less she knew, the better. Kind of like about her own future. Ah well, she thought as she watched Mark dully begin wiping off the chalkboards and then pounding out the erasers. Not much longer to put up with this, and then the real fun begins. Just show some patience, girl. She somehow refrained from subtly taking a picture of Mark's ass with her phone. "Mistress, you're back!" Nanu chirped as she skipped up to the door, quite naked. "I didn't break anything!" "The fact that you led with that statement makes me suspicious," Becky sighed as she closed the door behind her. She then hung up her blazer on a peg and allowed the Egyptian girl to take her hand and pull her into the house. "Did you eat?" "Yes, Mistress, everything you left for me," Nanu announced proudly. "Nothing left. Did I do well?" "You ate everything I left you for you?" Becky asked, raising an eyebrow. Nanu dragged her into the dining room and gestured grandly at the table. The top was covered in plates, bowls, and containers, along with utensils. Even the peanut butter jar, which had been mostly full this morning, was seemingly licked clean. "Holy shit," Becky mumbled in English, gazing at the table. "You ate absolutely everything." "Did I do right, Mistress?" Nanu asked. What did Becky tell her? That Nanu had eaten the food she'd prepped and was meant to last for a few days? She hadn't exactly been that explicit, because she hadn't thought to tell Nanu that. She'd overlooked how voracious Nanu could be. A lifetime of slavery saw to it that Nanu ate every meal as if it might be her last. Well, that was on Becky. She'd just start again and be more concise next time about her expectations. "I'm proud of you for looking after yourself," she said finally, making the tiny girl beam with delight. "Did you have problems with anything I showed you?" "I played with the water makers a little bit, and practiced washing my hands," Nanu said, waiting impatiently while Becky started removing her work clothes. "Your soap is very different from what my masters used. It smells nice, not like piss." "Maybe because we don't use urine in our soap these days," the blonde observed as she tossed aside her skirt and then began undoing her bra. Nanu, predictably, just watched intently, almost salivating at the thought of her Mistress' tits. "So now you know how to keep yourself clean. Tonight, I'll let you try to work the shower, that way you can use it if I'm not home and you need to wash up." Nanu nodded. "It was awkward trying to get the peanut butter off my cunt. I am very flexible, but even I couldn't reach it all with my tongue. I used a cloth finally. But I tried, Mistress, I really did." "Nobody made you smear the peanut butter on yourself, silly," Becky laughed as she shucked her bra, revealing her lovely tits to Nanu. Then she bent over and peeled off her underwear. "But I'm glad you fed yourself and know how to get clean, my love. It sounds like you had a good day." "There were so many things to do, Mistress," Nanu breathed, enjoying the sight of Becky's hairless cunt. She'd never seen a more perfect cunt. "I was amazed by how strong your sheets are. And I glided up and down the hallway in my socks, and I listened to music and danced;” "I'm so pleased that you worked out the controller for the stereo," Becky cooed, caressing Nanu's cheek. The smaller girl closed her eyes, enjoying the touch before turning her head a little to kiss her Mistress' palm. "What music did you listen to?" "But I am proud to be your lover, and that you're my Mistress," Nanu protested. "And I am proud of you, Nanu," Becky assured her, giving her hands a gentle squeeze. "But just trust me on this, okay? Hearing people called 'Mistress' will be very weird to some of them. I want tonight to be fun, not awkward." Nanu sighed somewhat despondently and nodded. "So I must call you Re-be-kah tonight?" The blonde pondered the matter. "Can you say 'Becky'?" Nanu pursed her lips. "Beh-kee." "That's what all my friends call me," Becky said, pulling Nanu into a hug. It was weird to have their jackets in the way and not be able to feel their tits squashing together. "Except for M-ark," Nanu pointed out, enjoying the hug, even if she couldn't feel her mistress' tits. "He called you 'Beks'." "Well, Mark's an idiot, and he's lucky he's the one with the time machine, or I would flunk him into eternity," Becky muttered, preferring to not think about the bane of her academic existence. "Asshat." "Ass-hat;” Nanu repeated. "Mark is an ass-hat?" She's like a toddler, Becky thought, making a note to watch her language. She retains all the naughty words she shouldn't know. "Let's go, Noah Webster," Becky sighed, standing up again. "Your chariot awaits;” The Gardiner Expressway, heading south. Nanu was indeed turned sideways in her seat, despite the seatbelt, her face plastered to the window as she gaped in awe at the scenery that sped by. Aside from the endless metal monsters that were running with them or in the opposite direction, there were also tall buildings and houses, bright lights on tall posts, and even giant bridges that they went under and didn't fall on their heads! Nanu was too astonished to remember to be frightened of everything. Becky smiled as she drove, pleased that Nanu was distracted and not cowering in fear. Not that she would blame her. It had taken some convincing to get her into the car at all, but once she discovered how comfy the seats were, she warmed up to the idea quickly enough. Becky buckled her into her seat and even let Nanu honk the horn once before they pulled out. Nanu yelped in shock at the loud sound, but then clapped in delight, realizing that she could (if allowed) control the beast's roar. She took it slow at first, driving at a virtual crawl through her neighborhood, letting Nanu get a feel for the movement of the car. She was going places, but her legs weren't doing any of the work. It was like being in a palanquin or a chariot, only completely enclosed. The roar of something called an 'engine' surrounded her, replacing the clatter of iron-bound wooden wheels and horse hooves. It was almost twilight, and the lights on the tall posts glared brightly, making Nanu shield her eyes occasionally. She could see people in their own metal beasts, men and women, often with children riding along in the seats behind. She smiled brightly and waved back at one little girl who had seen her and waved to her. "We are going so fast," she breathed, almost wrenching her neck as she tried to watch cars whip by in the opposite direction. "Nobody in the world has ever gone as fast as this, I'll bet." Becky thought about that, realizing Nanu was probably right. She was going just over seventy kilometers per hour at the moment, but that was faster than anything had ever gone until locomotive engines came on the scene, once again in the mid-nineteenth century. It may have seemed slow to her, but it was light speed to Nanu. "Oh, we can go a lot faster than this, Nanu," she said casually, enjoying her lover's innocent wonder at everything. "Go faster!" Nanu urged in excitement. "Go faster than all the other metal beasts! Shame them!" "; except for maybe that one;” she added in a faltering tone as a red Ferrari whipped by, the roaring noise of its engine filling the interior of Becky's car. "How do you make the beast go faster, Mistress? I do not see reins or a whip." "It's not alive, remember? It's just a machine, a bunch of parts put together to make a mechanism," Becky answered, knowing most of this would go over Nanu's head. "I control its speed with the pedals at my feet, and which way it goes with this wheel in my hand." "Can we go faster and leave all these other beasts behind?" Becky smiled. "Not right now, my love. There are laws about how fast you're allowed to go when there are lots of other cars around. It prevents accidents." "But what could hurt us?" Nanu asked. "The beast is metal, we are surrounded by all this metal. We are invincible." "If we hit or got hit by another car, the metal won't protect us entirely," Becky pointed out, thinking that maybe she'd show Nanu some car crash safety videos, put the fear of the car gods into her. And if we hit a person, we'd pretty much kill them at this speed." Nanu thought about that. "But we'd be okay, right?" Becky sighed and resisted the urge to turn the car around. The Malted Cat, thirty minutes later. "Hi, everyone, sorry we're late," Becky called out, waving as she headed to the table where everyone was already gathered. "You know this time of night on the Gardiner, traffic was a bitch." "Bitch;” Nanu parroted, but was too far away still for anyone to hear her aside from Becky. Nanu was looking around at the establishment, which didn't remind her of any tabernus she'd ever seen before. This was loud and chaotic, with people everywhere and what might have been music blaring. People were wearing so many different outfits, some of which were almost nonexistent to Nanu. They walked up to the table, where five other people, three women, and two men, were already sitting. A few of them had the same straw-colored hair as her mistress. Two of the women were skinny, one was rather fat. One of the men was skinny and balding. She doubted he got fucked very often. Becky stopped at the table, with Nanu beside her. "Everyone, this is Nanu, she's staying with me." "Hi," Nanu said, holding up a hand and remembering the greeting word that people used in En-gush. "Hi." "Hello," they all said back pleasantly, smiling at her. She liked the fact that they greeted her and hadn't noticed she was a slave. Or at least, had been. Sometimes she worried it clung to her like a stench she would never be rid of. At least they'd brought her manumission documents with them from Rome to this world of tomorrow, just in case she had to prove it. "Nanu, let me introduce my friends and co-workers," Becky said in Latin, before pointing to people. "This is Kay, that's Shirley, this is Annie, that's Steve, and this is Ed." "What were you speaking to her just now?" Ed asked, seeming curious. He was the balding one. "Latin," Becky replied as room was made for them at the table, with Steve pulling up two more chairs. "She doesn't speak English, and I don't speak her native language, so we communicate in Latin." Becky's friends all looked at one another quizzically, but then realized that none of them spoke Latin. Becky would be interpreting all night. Frankly, that was just fine with Becky, since it allowed her to control things where Nanu was concerned. "Nanu-nanu!" Steve said to the new guest, holding his hand out sideways, fingers splayed apart in twos. Nanu seemed confused before she spread her own fingers tentatively and then slid them into Steve's, who grinned and began shaking up and down gently. "Good to meet you!" "Steve, I'm not drunk enough for Mork and Mindy jokes yet," Becky sighed, settling Nanu in a chair while the smaller girl looked at her hand curiously, still held open the way he'd shown her. What was that supposed to mean? Was it one of the standard greetings of this age? Then she started noticing small details, both of her new associates, and around the place. Her eyes widened when she saw a tattoo on the arm of the fat woman, Shir-lee. Then she noticed one on Steve. She looked around and saw that many people around this club had tattoos. She looked at Becky with concern. "So many people," she said quietly, hoping only Becky heard her. "They have stigma (tattoos). Some of your friends have them! Are we surrounded by criminals?" Becky thought about that for a moment and then shook her head. "No, Nanu. In my world, tattoos are just art. There have been times in the past where criminals or people considered undesirable have been branded, but this isn't a thing anymore. People wear tattoos because they mean something to them, or they're just art." Nanu sighed in relief. "I somehow avoided getting a tattoo or branded as a Flavian slave, I was lucky. Most of the other slaves had them, I found it humiliating." "Is she okay, Becks?" Annie asked curiously. "She looks a little spooked." Becky smiled and nodded. "The tattoos all around her freaked her out. Where she comes from, tattoos are brands on slaves or criminals and law-abiding citizens don't get them." "Well, I like to think I'm a bad girl," Shirley said in a sassy tone and wearing a wicked smile. "And I've got another tattoo in another place that'd prove it, for sure." This drew laughter from her friends, and she rolled onto one cheek subtly and patted the other one. Annie popped Shirley on the ass, making her squeak and more there was laughter around the table. "So, Nanu," Kay began, smiling across the table at her. Becky was on one side of Nanu, and Ed was on the other. Nanu almost needed a booster chair to sit at the table. Thankfully, the bouncer at the door had accepted her identification, even if he seemed skeptical at first. No doubt having Becky there helped. "Do you want a beer, honey?" Nanu knew she was being asked a question and looked at Becky, who translated. "Cervisia. Do you want one?" Nanu wrinkled her nose in distaste. "That is a barbarian's drink! I am civilized." "You thought cow's meat was barbaric until the other day too," Becky pointed out. "Now I can't keep you out of it. Your ancestors made beer before they discovered wine, you know. At least try it, it's polite. Do you remember what I told you about how to respond if someone offers you something?" Nanu looked at Kay and spoke slowly. "Please an-du fank you." Kay looked delighted and ordered beers for Nanu and Becky. The Egyptian girl settled in and just listened quietly while the conversation picked up around her. Becky had told her that she was free to simply listen, or look around the bar. If someone addressed Nanu, Becky would tell her. Nanu was more than happy to just sit quietly and observe. Beer arrived, with a tall pint glass for Becky, and a half-pint for Nanu. She frowned at her smaller glass. "Why did I get the child drink?" Becky almost laughed while Nanu seemed to glare at the golden liquid and the tiny bubbles. "First of all, children aren't allowed to drink beer because of the alcohol. Second, I got you a smaller glass in case you don't like it. Less goes to waste." Nanu glanced at Becky now. "So if I don't like it, I don't just smash the glass on the floor and demand a different drink I like?" Becky blinked. "No, darling. We are very respectful to our servers at all times." "But they are nobody." "Nanu, just; trust me on this, okay?" Becky almost pleaded. "Always be polite, always. When it time to not be polite, I'll let you know, I promise." "Fine," Nanu sighed, picking up the glass with both hands and tilting it so that she could take a sip while everyone watched. Her eyes widened and she put the glass back down on the table, her cheeks bulging as she looked at Becky in panic. "Swallow," Becky instructed. "It's fine." Hesitantly, the tiny girl swallowed and then gasped rather loudly and dramatically. "It is so cold, but it burns!" "You didn't mind when the pop was fizzing in your mouth," Becky said. "The pop was sweet. This is; why is this beer? It doesn't taste like beer at all!" "It's beer, I promise you, just that we make it differently than they did in your time." "Is she okay?" Steve asked, watching Nanu curiously. They all were, in fact. "She's never had beer like that before," Becky explained. "She only just tried pop for the first time the other day." "You said she's from Egypt?" Shirley queried. "Is she Muslim and she's not allowed to have alcohol?" "Trust me, she's not Muslim," Becky assured her co-worker while Nanu eyed her beer suspiciously. "She was a slave most of her life, and she has very limited experience with, well, just about anything. We're taking it slow, but I want her to see what her new life is all about and has to offer." "Would she like wine instead?" Kay asked. "No, let her figure this out," Becky replied, going back to her own beer. "I have yet to find anything she won't eat or drink, so give her a bit." Becky knew she'd have to get some food in Nanu before long, because Nanu's alcohol tolerance might be perilously low, especially on what was essentially an empty stomach. She'd let Nanu pick whatever sounded good, and just deal with the consequences later. There was only so easy she could make this for her. Her body needed to adapt to modern cuisine sooner or later, right? The conversation began again, mostly everyone venting about their stupid students and the idiotic things they said, did, or turned in. Every once in a while, someone asked Nanu something, and Becky translated, letting Nanu respond as best she could. But mostly, they simply adhered to Becky's rule of letting the new girl observe and listen. "I swear, this one girl is a complete moron," Annie groused. "Any of you have Angie Staples in any of your classes?" Nanu heard several of them moan and roll their eyes, almost slumping back in their chairs. They began griping about something or someone, repeating a word that sounded like a name. It reminded her of how her mistress complained about M-ark. "Hey, she's not a bigger dolt than Simmons," Becky pointed out. "That boy is hopeless in my class. If he made any less effort, he'd forget to breathe." "At least he's cute," Kay said, making Annie and Shirley laugh. "I'd totally fuck Mark if he was legal." At the mention of the name 'Mark' and the word 'fuck', Nanu perked up just slightly and then looked at Becky. And this was not lost on the other women. "Why did she just look at you when I mentioned fucking Simmons?" Kay asked, looked at Becky now. "I; no; Fischer, no;” "What?" Becky said rather defensively. "Rebecca Fischer, are you doing things with that boy?" Kay pressed, smiling slyly. Annie and Shirley's eyes lit up excitedly, whereas Ed and Steve remained silent, trying to not look put out. "Are you nuts?" Becky said rather more loudly than she should have. "He's my student!" "He's all of our students, and the only thing he's good at is Phys Ed," Annie laughed. "He's turning out to be a hunk, I saw him running track in the gymnasium with no shirt the other day. Kay's right, none of us would blame you if you were getting it in from him." "I assure you, I am not getting it in from that dough-head sitting in my classroom," Becky said firmly. It was technically true, if only because the Mark sitting in her classroom hadn't fucked her yet. "So why did Nanu look at you so suddenly?" Kay pressed, not willing to concede the point just yet. "She's heard me complaining about how abso-fucking-lutely useless he is in my class," Becky explained, which was also technically true. "He's failing harder than a SCUD missile. Makes me crazy." "I'd go crazy on him," Shirley quipped, smiling slyly behind her beer glass while Kay and Annie burst out laughing again. Becky sighed and shook her head, but at least she seemed to have deflected that particular line of inquiry. Despite Kay's contentions in private about her proclivities, most people believed Rebecca Fischer to be a prudish nun stuck in a porn star's body. Only this small crew ever saw her let her hair down, like tonight. Garlic bread, mozzarella sticks, and wings arrived at the table as an appetizer, and Becky encouraged Nanu to try everything. The teachers all watched in astonishment as she tried each of the items and then began devouring them in rapid succession. "Guess I'm buyin' this round of appetizers," Becky said, shaking her head as she watched her charge annihilate the food. "I'll buy the next round too, just to make sure everyone gets something." "Oh, I'm buyin' her a round as well, just to keep watching," Annie said in fascination while Nanu mowed through the appetizers like the Tasmanian Devil. "Do you ever feed her, Becks?" "I told you, she was literally a slave in her old life, and she eats everything in sight as a defensive measure," Becky sighed. "She's not being rude, I promise. I've literally watched her eat a pound of bologna and empty a full jar of peanut butter." "Ba-lo;” Nanu managed to mumble through a mouth full of biomass as she kept storming the appetizers. Everyone was enjoying watching, even if they had to wait for their own shares to arrive again. She also kept sipping at her beer, seeming to have dropped her objections to it. Becky realized she might actually need help from the time stream to keep this girl fed. Nanu had pretty much polished off all her food when the second round of appetizers arrived. She eyed Steve's basket of wings hungrily. He saw her staring and gestured to the steaming heap of saucy poultry. "Want to try one?" "Nanu, darling," Becky said, holding up a hand to interrupt. "You might find that' But Nanu had already stripped most of the meat off the tiny bones of one wing by the time Becky had begun to object. She was chewing away when she paused on her eyes went wide. "Steve, you jerk," Becky said, scowling at her co-worker while Nanu started trembling while still chewing, her face turning red and her eyes starting to water. "She doesn't know what suicide sauce is." Nanu had her forehead pressed against the table and was thumping her little fist against the surface, still resolutely chewing, even as she whimpered and moaned in pain. "Gotta admire her pluck, though," Kay mused, watching the tiny girl try not to writhe. "I didn't know she couldn't handle it," Steve protested. "Don't they have hot food where she comes from?" "See if I ever sub for you the next time you need a day off," grumbled the blonde, patting Nanu on the back gently while calling over a server. Fifteen minutes and a gallon of milk later. "I can't believe she ate all my wings," Steve murmured, watching Nanu polish off the last wing while staring directly at him defiantly. "A whole pound, I got like, one." "Serves you right," Becky grunted, making sure Nanu had lots of wet wipes and used them regularly in case she tried to rub her eyes. Milk wouldn't help then. "I can't believe she's still eating them," Annie said, watching with morbid fascination. "I mean, you can see they still hurt her, but she won't quit." "Now that she knows milk dulls the fire, she doesn't have to," Becky sighed, also watching while eating her own honey-garlic wings. Nanu had stolen half of those, too. The only reason Shirley and Kay's food was (mostly) safe was because Nanu was too short to reach across the table. "And she's mad at Steve, so she's making a point." She knew that she and Nanu could both regret this in a few hours, that Nanu might be up all night again in the bathroom, but apparently she was willing to risk that to get the message across; don't fuck with Nanu Tehemet. Nanu polished off the wings and then knocked back several glasses of milk Becky had lined up for her, followed by her beer. She put the last down and let out a thunderous belch that echoed around the area. Everyone's eyes widened at the noise, except for Becky, who just shook her head. People at other tables looked over, perplexed that someone so small could release such a giant noise. Annie cleared her throat. "Well, I; I hear that in some Middle Eastern cultures, burping is a sign that a person appreciates the food they were served." Nanu patted her chest with her little fist and sighed happily. "Nanu," Shirley said, getting her attention directly. She gestured to her shirt and then at Nanu's. "I like your shirt." Nanu realized what the fat woman was talking about and then beamed happily, thrusting her chest forward and thumbing at the logo. "Let Zeppli!" "Do you like them, honey?" Shirley asked. Becky translated and Nanu nodded eagerly. "Let Zeppli!" "I like them too," Shirley said, pleased to be connecting with the exotic foreign girl. "Shirley says she likes Led Zeppelin too," Becky explained, leaning in to be heard over all the noise. The karaoke had begun, and they were near the stage. "The fat one likes Zeppli?" Nanu asked, shocked. "Is she allowed?" "Nanu!" Becky gasped, bursting into snickers. "You can't just comment about people's weight like that!" "What's funny, Becks?" Annie asked, curious. Becky was still snickering as she tried to wave it off. "Pretty sure Nanu thinks only she's allowed to like Zeppelin. And maybe I'm allowed. Pop culture still eludes her." "Well, she's got the hot wings and big tits part down already, I'd say she's halfway there," Kay quipped, making everyone laugh. Shirley had excused herself from the table for a moment. More food was ordered, along with beer or cocktails, and the gripe session continued about what complete morons the kids of this day and age were becoming. And the ones that weren't morons were completely unlikable. "So how long is she stayin' with you?" Kay asked as she watched Nanu attack the jalapeno poppers. "For the foreseeable future, really," Becky answered. "Like I said, she was a slave back home, she has no life to return to, and it was borderline Stone Age subsistence. I can't just let her go, or turn her over to the system, she'll die. She knows nothing. I'm doing what I can to help her adapt and learn about her new world. One day, she'll be fine." "That's really noble of you, Rebecca," Ed stated, getting his share of an onion blossom before Nanu saw it and murdered it. "But it could be years. I'm not trying to make her sound like a pet dog, but this could be a long commitment on your part. How did you even meet her?" "Honestly?" Becky said, having a rehearsed answer already. She'd tried to anticipate as many questions as possible for tonight. "I met her in Rome. That's where I managed to get her out of her slavery life." "Wow, Becks, you have like a whole secret agent life goin' on," Annie said, sounding impressed. "When the heck did you even go to Rome?" "It seems like ages ago," Becky said rather evasively. "Frankly, things have been crazy of late and I almost can't keep track without a time machine." A round of laughter from her friends, and Becky heaved a sigh of relief. She didn't expect anyone to be making inquiries, but the fewer questions, the better. Nanu seemed oblivious, noshing away happily on more pub grub and seeming determined to try everything. She'd just plowed through the calamari Annie had bought for her. "Hey, everyone!" called a voice from the stage, sounding tinny over a microphone. Becky looked up and saw Shirley standing on stage, smiling at them all. "I'm dedicating this number to a new friend I met tonight, I hope she likes it! Nanu, this one's for you!" Nanu looked up at the mention of her name, right before the music began, blaring through the bar's speakers all around them. Her eyes flashed in excitement as she looked at Becky, grabbing her hands. "Zeppli! Zeppli!!!" she squeaked, bouncing up and down in her seat. "Yes, my love," Becky laughed. "Shirley is about to sing a Zeppelin song for you, and it's the one you know already." Nanu clapped and squealed some more, bouncing up and down in her seat as she watched the fat woman begin to sing. "Let me take you to the movie, Can I take you to the show, Let me be yours ever truly, Can I make your garden grow?" "Nanu, you should go up and dance," Becky suggested, bumping and gyrating in her seat. "I'm sure Shirley would love it." "Really, Mistress?" Nanu gasped, his features alight with eagerness. She'd forgotten to call her Mistress by her name, but nobody seemed to notice. "Just make sure you keep your clothes on, okay?" Becky warned, trying to sound serious, but winking at her lover. "Go have fun." Nanu was out of her seat like a shot and scrambling up onstage before she began to dance around, just like Becky had shown her. Everyone at the table hooted and cheered while Shirley laughed, still between stanzas. While Nanu bounced and wiggled around the stage, the teacher started singing again. The pneumatic effect Nanu's movement had on her body held everyone spellbound. Her jeans were snug enough to show off her amazing ass, and her Zeppelin shirt was stretched tight across her ample tits, which jiggled continuously. "From the Houses of the Holy, We can watch the white doves go, From the door comes Satan's daughter, And it only goes to show, that you know!" Becky laughed gaily as she watched, clapping along. She couldn't believe how well this was going! Nanu was having a blast, and even if she was going to be shitting herself all night because of the hot wings Steve had let her eat, it was a small price to pay to see the Egyptian girl absolutely radiant and doing what she did best, dancing. They'd have to do this more often, as long as she kept Nanu safe. Not that this bar was dangerous, of course. "There's an angel on my shoulder, In my hand a sword of gold, Let me wander in your garden, And the seeds of love I'll sow, you know!" Nanu spun and pranced around the stage, lost in the joy of her dancing. She never felt more alive than when she was dancing, even when she was fucking. Or at least very rarely, and pretty much never when she'd been a slave. This new world and new life were going to teach her so many wonderful new things! She stopped dancing for a moment, breathing heavily in excitement as she just watched Shirley sing, standing close enough to understand that she was singing into some little thing that looked like a black cock and made her voice echo all around the room. "So the world is spinning faster, Are you dizzy when you stall? Let the music be your master, Will you heed the master's ca" In her mounting excitement, Nanu had grabbed the microphone out of Shirley's hands and was now closing her eyes and singing into it with all her heart. "Ah; Wa-Oh-Gur-Oah! Or-Nyu-Wo-Ah!" The entire audience was just watching in confused and then stunned silence as Nanu wailed discordantly into the microphone, assaulting everyone's ears with the blistering noise she was making. Eventually, even the recording of the Zeppelin song was halted, and Nanu was screeching to a silent space. Realizing the music had ended, she opened her eyes and then paused, seeing everyone gaping at her. But then a group at one large table right next to the one she'd been sitting at burst into derisive laughter, jeering and mocking her, apparently imitating the sounds she'd been making, and also flailing their limbs about like they were having seizures. Their faces were screwed up, made to look like the cursed child jesters that the Roman elite kept at their courts and made fun of. They were making fun of her! "Hey, someone get the retard off the stage!" guffawed one man, still mocking her by slapping a limp hand and forearm against his chest and making the stupid face. His buddies howled with laughter as he imitated her sound again. Until he was spun in his chair and Becky's fist slammed across his jaw, snapping his head to the right and knocking him out cold. Everyone at the table went very still, not daring to move as Becky glared at them all, her blue eyes flashing menacingly. "Anyone else?" she challenged. The men all stayed silent, not daring to say a word of move a muscle. "That's what I thought," she growled, standing up now and looking down at them in contempt. "Fucking cowards." She looked over at the door and caught the attention of the bouncer on shift, an imposing guy named Jake. She tilted her head at the idiot she'd just coldcocked, and he nodded, knowing he was about to clear out that table and make them take their unconscious friend home. He'd seen Becky drop guys before, and it was always justified. If she hadn't dealt with them for mocking the screaming girl, he might have. Thankfully, it was seen to. "C'mon, honey," Becky said, walking up to the stage and removing the mic from Nanu's hands, while she just stared at her Mistress, seemingly frozen. "Shirley, take over, will you?" Shirley nodded and got another song going, beginning to sing again while Becky led Nanu back to her seat. Around the bar, things had returned to normal. Nanu still seemed silent and very out of sorts. Becky sat her down and took her hands, smiling at her. "I'm sorry, honey," she said softly, caressing the crestfallen girl's cheek. "What they did was wrong. He deserved to get punched, I promise you." Nanu looked up at her now, perplexed. "Am I; am I that awful to listen to, Mistress?" Becky apparently hesitated a split second too long, because Nanu seemed aghast at the lack of response. "I am terrible! Please, Mistress, tell me! How bad am I? Be honest." A deep breath as Becky composed her thoughts. "Truth, Nanu?" The Egyptian girl nodded nervously. "You; well, it; it sounded like a cat getting run over by a chariot with knives for wheels," Becky confessed, blushing while the other teachers looked on, having a fairly good idea what was happening, even if none of them spoke Latin. She smiled somewhat wanly. "Maybe; just stick to dancing, okay? You're so very good at that, after all;” Nanu slumped back in her chair, seemingly in disbelief, even failing to notice the table right next to them getting cleared out by the bouncer. She stared off into space for some seconds, not even noticing the other Zeppelin song that Shirley was now singing. "I'm terrible," she murmured to herself. "Cats getting murdered sounds better than me singing;” She then blinked and looked at Becky, seemingly her normal self. "Oh well. May I have more food and another beer now?" Becky laughed in relief and nodded. No trauma seemed to affect Nanu for too long. She always had food and fucking to retreat to. She ordered more hot wings, knowing Nanu felt she had even more to prove now. An hour later. "So you seemed like you had a good time, hmm?" Becky mentioned as she drove north on the Gardiner, taking them home. It was quite dark out, and she hoped against hope that Nanu wouldn't be up all night in the bathroom, or that she wanted to stay awake and fuck, because Becky had to work in the morning. "I did, Mistress," Nanu replied, nodding as she sat in her seat. She wasn't turned sideways with her face plastered to the window, watching the world race by. In fact, she was sitting rather placidly, her eyes somewhat unfocused. "And the food was all so good. And I think I'm drunk." Becky smiled. "We'll deal with that when we get home. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Should we do it again?" "Can we?" Nanu gasped in delight, seemingly excited. "Let's do it every night!" "Not every night," laughed the blonde. "I can't afford to go out to eat and drink every night. But if you're good, maybe we'll make a treat of it once a week. There are lots of other places to try as well." "As long as assholes don't make fun of me for singing," Nanu sniffed, determined to not get over being impugned. "I hope they dumped him behind the building and people walking by just put their dicks in his mouth while he was sleeping." Becky smirked. Nanu clearly had a vengeful streak in her. Not that she blamed her, mind. Nanu had to simply watch while Becky meted out the punishment. She doubted Nanu was capable of inflicting any real damage on people who slighted her. "Do you think you can teach me to drive this beast, Mistress?" the tiny woman asked. "That's a long way off, honey," Becky replied. Hell, she doubted Nanu could see over the dashboard and reach the pedals at the same time. "Let's conquer walking properly in running shoes before moving on to wheeled death machines, shall we?" Nanu huffed and crossed her arms, looking put out. "I wouldn't run down THAT many people;” she muttered. Becky's home, half an hour later. They managed to close the front door behind them before they fell to their knees, arms wrapped around one another and kissing hungrily. They moaned as they began removing their clothes, swallowing each other's tongues. Earlier, Becky had hoped to make it through the night without any romantic interludes because she had to work tomorrow, but in the car, Nanu had started being naughty, reaching over and rubbing Becky's crotch or fondling her tits. It also didn't help when she shimmied down her jeans and began fingering her cunt, teasing Becky and nearly causing her to drift off the road more than once. A trucker had cruised by them, looking down at them from his cab. Nanu had lifted her shirt to show off her tits, as well as stroking her nether lips plainly for him to see. He'd honked his horn loudly in approval, despite the late hour. And Becky was obviously hornier than she'd been willing to admit, and she couldn't even blame it on alcohol, since she'd only had two beers and one cosmopolitan. No, she just wanted to fuck, and Nanu

Scagz, Cap,Mr B, Dad &  @trillboy15  review GF Brand's "Good Fucking Bourbon" and it does not live up to the name.

Master Rigger, Tunnel Instructor, AFF Instructor, Tandem Instructor...  Fucking over achiever is more like it! Mr Rory Corrigan Started his jumping career at one of the craziest dropzone's on the planet at its peak, and has the stories to tell!  Tattoos, suspension (whoa) and body modification may have been his first stroll down the Lunatic Fringe, but Skydiving has become his life.

Let's help Juan find some excitement in the daily grind!In Episode #501 of 'Meanderings', Juan and I discuss: the shifting meaning of “adventure” across seasons of life, adventure beyond skydiving (think ballet classes, new walking routes, digital art experiments and structured learning), how vicarious adventures through kids or friends can scratch the itch without derailing priorities, a note on podcasting 2.0's KeySend/LNURL Lightning shift and practical ideas to add novelty without burning your foundations.Huge thanks to Petar for the support, much appreciated! Stan Link: https://stan.store/meremortalsTimeline:(00:00:00) Intro(00:01:17) Framing adventure and seasons of life(00:05:21) Reality check: priorities, phases and filtering ideas(00:09:41) Broadening experiences: ballet, novelty without risk(00:15:42) Travel temptations vs relationship goals(00:18:57) Miniadventures and planning around family life(00:23:03) Designing doable novelty: tracks, cafes and small switches(00:29:56) Tiny tweaks to shake patterns: routes, movement, mindset(00:32:38) Routine builds longterm payoffs(00:36:00) Boostagram Lounge(00:41:39) Swapping motivation for systems: dating, friends and classes(00:47:16) Big projects as adventures: the gym dream and obsession(00:53:03) Finding excitement in small stakes: digital art and curiosity(00:54:56) Living history: AI race, power and echoes of the space race(01:02:11) Perspective at the park: Luma Lads, comparison and gratitude(01:08:09) Wrapup: comments, Discord and socials Connect with Mere Mortals:Website: https://www.meremortalspodcasts.com/Discord: https://discord.gg/jjfq9eGReUTwitter/X: https://twitter.com/meremortalspodsInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/meremortalspodcasts/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@meremortalspodcastsValue 4 Value Support:Boostagram: https://www.meremortalspodcasts.com/supportPaypal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/meremortalspodcast

I'm so jealous, because in this week's episode the Duggars get to go somewhere I always dreamed of going: Space Camp! There weren't any space skirts so the older Duggirls had to stay in their regular uniform. The kids got decked out in a jumpsuit, did the flight simulator, and the mission control simulator. Ugh, that was my dream as a child. In this week's Dig, Whitney takes us through Pest's response...to the government's response to his 2255 filing. He definitely tried to spice things up with many creative writing touches. Old Billy G would be proud at the amount of self-aggrandizing and metaphors. Like what you hear? Would you like to directly support a snarking couple (and their cat) from Glendale, AZ? Head on over to ⁠⁠⁠⁠buymeacoffee.com/diggingupthedug⁠⁠⁠⁠***We have Merch! swing on over to https://digging-up-the-duggars.dashery.com/ ***We have episode visuals and Mildred related content on Instagram at ⁠⁠⁠⁠@digginguptheduggarspod⁠⁠⁠⁠Of course we have a P.O. Box 5073, Glendale, AZ 85312

The Time Riders: Part 5 A Labyrinth Palace. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 16 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Novels. The non-descript carriage had indeed made its way through Paris' winding streets, taking well over an hour to finally stop in front of the palace and allowing Mark to get out of the cramped cab before it rattled off. The sun had set some time ago, and night hung over the city heavily, the cloying air of Paris carrying the city's growing pains to his ears. Even at night, the city was not silent. Mark adjusted his outfit and marched toward the outermost gate of the vast palace, its arms spread wide and encompassing a massive courtyard. Two men wearing ornate red uniforms and holding pikes crossed their weapons at his approach, barring his entry. One of them gruffly asked him to state his business. Trusting to the plan, Mark said nothing, but merely held out one of his sealed letters, this one bearing the emblem of Richelieu. The guard examined it for several seconds, consulting with the other guard before handing it back and then opening the gate. Mark shot them both a dirty look for holding him up in his errand and then swept inside, doing his best to look haughty and full of bravado, which is what the Musketeers were apparently renowned for. He couldn't help but reflect that they seemed a lot less heroic than history let on and were more dickbags than anything else. Oh well. Faking being a dickbag was probably significantly easier than pretending to be a hero. He passed through another gate that got him closer to the palace, this one also manned by the Swiss Guard. He arrogantly presented them with the Richelieu missive, which once again satisfied their scrutiny and he was allowed to pass. He forced himself to not look around in wonder at his surroundings, instead heading straight to the great doors that would give him admittance to the palace. Alex once again presented his letter, but this time the guards squinted at him suspiciously. "Qui es tou?" demanded one of them. His throat was dry, but he answered as readily as he could, trying to sound authoritative and even haughty. "J'mappelle Benat de Ferres, of Soule, Second Company of the King's Musketeers under Monsieur de Treville. Let me through." "Fucking Basques and Gascons," muttered one of the guards in irritation. "Why would a musketeer be bringing a missive to his excellency, the Cardinal?" he demanded to know. Mark concealed his anxiety by looking pissed and rattling off one of the phrases Alexandra had given him, hoping it had the desired effect. "I have an idea, why don't we all go ask the Cardinal and you can fucking explain to him why you held up his envoy on an important errand? Does that sound good to you?" The two men looked at one another warily; the visitor was certainly obnoxious enough to be a Musketeer and a Gascon. Sighing and shaking his head in defeat, the one man handed the sealed letter back to Mark and they opened the doors, allowing him entrance. He swept by them, calling them shitheads in Spanish before the doors closed behind him. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help Gawking as he stared at the palace around him; its splendor was beyond anything he had imagined. Walls of white plaster, carved in exquisite shapes and edged in royal purple, along with gold filigree, and incredible paintings and artifacts lined the walls. Endless numbers of servants scurried by, hardly noticing him. He shut his eyes for a moment and composed himself, remembering the details Alexandra had shown him, the way through the palace. He turned and began his search for his teacher. Lisette walked primly through the halls of the palace, bowing her head deferentially to just about everyone who passed her. Wearing an elegant gown, she seemed to almost glide along the hallway, walking with a practiced ease that her mistress had taught her. She had, in three years, only been in the royal presence twice before, in attendance to Lady Alexandra. The king had barely noticed her, but Lisette didn't mind one bit, because this was far more of a life than she ever could have hoped for. She had, of course, spent much more time in the presence of the queen, because her mistress served Anne directly. Anne of Austria seemed mostly amused by Lady Alexandra's quirky servant, but she was kind to Lisette, often sending her home with gifts of chocolate. Her devotion to the queen, while not equal to her fanatic love for Lady Alexandra, meant she would die in Anne's name if necessary. She hoped it wouldn't come to that tonight, but she had made her peace with God and the Lady Mary all the same. Alexandra had set her with the task of removing or distracting every guard she could from the route Mark would take through the palace. She was not to kill anyone, nor was she to be seen in the mayhem, if at all possible. If things went wrong, she was to retreat to the queen's quarters and be seen protecting her. It was the best alibi she could hope for. A guard up ahead. He was a sullen-looking brute, not carrying the long pikes of the gate guards, but a much more practical halberd, along with a short rapier on his belt. She knew he'd be trouble. She ducked into an alcove and pulled a small phial out of her cleavage, drinking the strong red wine from it and sloshing it around in her mouth, to make sure the aroma was on her breath. Replacing the phial, she lurched back out into the hallway and sauntered toward him lazily. "Hello, beautiful," she said drunkenly, giving him a lopsided smile. "You must' be off-duty by now." "No, I am not," he grunted, not looking at her. "Go away, slut." "C'mon," Lisette persisted, leering at him as she leaned against the wall to his left. "We could be having fun. Don' you like fun?" "Duty is not meant to be fun." "But these are fun," she drawled, as she stepped in front of him and leaned forward, using her hands to pull down the front of her bodice and exposing her perky tits to the man, whose eyes went wide at the sight. "These are all the fun you'll need;” He didn't stop her as she sidled up to him, stood on her tip-toes and put her arms around his neck. Her breath was sweet with wine, her dark eyes glassy with the lack of inhibition it brought on. Her tits pressed to his chest, her hips flat to his crotch. "Take me into that room and fuck me;” she breathed huskily, her lips no more than an inch from his. "I want to feel you inside me;” The man was rather pale at her suggestion, but nodded readily and turned around to open the door. The parlor behind was empty, the perfect place for a rendezvous with this slattern. She took him by the hand and led him inside, closing the door behind them. Mark walked down the hallway, trying to not look like he was hurrying, and staying alert. He was entering a difficult part of the operation, because he was no longer in an area of the palace that led to either the king's quarters or those of Cardinal Richelieu. If anyone stopped him now, he would probably be redirected rather forcefully, and he had precious little time to waste. He walked by a door, from which he heard a moaning noise. Then he heard a familiar woman's voice, gasping and urging someone on. His translator bud wasn't close enough to hear what was being said, but he was fairly certain he knew what was happening. He subtly pushed the door open and peered inside. Mark gaped as he watched Lisette, leaning over a small table, panting while a member of the House Guard fucked her from behind, her layered skirt bunched over her ass as he pushed in and out of her. The guard remained oblivious, but she noticed the door open and flicked a glance his way. She gave him an annoyed look and jerked her head, indicating that she had this covered and he needed to keep moving. He nodded and pulled the door shut quietly before heading down the hall again. He turned a corner and then headed up some stairs, leading up to the next floor, which was apparently where Becky was being kept. He was so busy thinking about what he needed to do next that he blundered right into two guards, who grunted and then glared at him angrily. "Stupid shit!" the one man he had smacked into spat. "Watch where you are; who are you?" Mark went wide-eyed, not having expected them. His mouth seemed to work, but no sounds came forth. They blocked his ascent and continued to glare at him. "Who; are; you?" the man demanded again. Mark regained control of his voice and tried to speak. "My name is; my name is Benat;” Fuck, he'd forgotten his last name. "My name is Benat DeFlepard," he managed to say. "I am from Sully and I have' "What sort of name is DeFlepard?" snarled the one guard. "I have sealed orders," Mark interrupted, not liking where this was going. "From the Cardinal!" "Is that so?" sneered the man. "Let's see them!" Mark handed him the sealed missive scroll. The man examined it and frowned. "This is the king's seal," he growled. "What is the meaning of this?” Before the man could finish his query, Mark punched him in the face and then pulled his crème-colored tabard over his head and threw him down the stairs. The guard cursed loudly as he rolled at least two floors. Mark was too late to stop the other man from drawing his short rapier, but managed to grapple onto him, keeping himself from being run through. Mark might have been taller, but the guard was a veteran of many wars, strong and cunning. It wasn't long before he had Mark's back pressed against the wall, both men fighting for balance on the stairs. "Little shit!" he shouted, trying to press the edge of his blade against Mark's throat and slit it. They tussled, and Mark managed to wedge his arm between his neck and the rapier, feeling the sickening cold pain of the keen edge creasing his forearm. His free hand, however, snaked down to the pistol on his belt, twisting the leather until the muzzle pointed down; The stairwell echoed with a thunderous crack as Mark pulled the trigger and discharged the weapon, the iron ball punching a hole in the guard's boot and then his foot. The man groaned and staggered, releasing Mark. His ears ringing, Mark managed to shove the man down the stairs, following his comrade. He shook his head and began sprinting up the stairs, knowing the whole palace would be coming down on his head any second now. Alexandra was concealed in a secret closet in a parlor not far from the queen's quarters, listening carefully. She was wearing the red uniform of the Cardinal's personal guard, her impressive bust flattened and pulled tight with linen straps. Her golden hair was held in a ponytail while a black mask concealed her facial features. Her rapier sat on her hip and three customized pistols were concealed around her person, along with several knives balanced for throwing. She heard the discharge of a firearm, followed by shouts of alarm and fright. She hung her head and sighed. She'd been hoping it wouldn't come to this, but there seemed to be nothing for it. She would see her obligation met. Alexandra crossed herself and exited the hidden space, heading toward the Cardinal's quarters, determined to cause a distraction for Mark as he went in the opposite direction to rescue Rebecca. It was all in God's hands now. All she could hope was that Mark had remembered what his name was. Mark raced down the hallway, ignoring people who poked their heads out of various rooms and parlors to see what all the commotion was, before closing their doors and locking them in panic at the sight of him. He had his sword in one hand, his pistol in the other. Having discharged his shot already and having no idea how to readily and safely reload the damn thing, the pistol was mostly for intimidation purposes at this point. Thankfully, if he pointed it at people, they tended to make themselves scarce. A guard rushed around the corner, his halberd in hand, but Mark smashed the ornate swept hilt of his rapier into his mouth, which dissolved in a welter of blood, lips and gum before he burbled and fell over. Mark kept running. He shoulder-blocked his way past another guard, but then found himself confronted by a small group of angry servant girls, who kept swearing in French and throwing bread rolls and potatoes at him. Covering his head, he sprinted past them, resisting the urge to take a swipe at the uppity wenches. There was the room! He raced up to it and tried to open the door, but it was locked. Given the amount of noise and commotion he was causing, he shouldn't have been surprised. He stepped back and then slammed the heel of his sturdy boot into the door with all his might, knocking it out of its frame and falling to the floor. He rushed inside, looking around for his teacher, but she was nowhere in sight. That's when the heavy vase smashed into the back of his head. He was on his face on the floor, reality swimming around him. He heard someone hissing at him as he was handled roughly by his neck and his tunic. He was turned onto his back and someone was straddling him now, their supple legs on either side of his throat and their heavy skirt bunched up between their legs, allowing him to goggle up at his assaulter. "Becky! Stop! Stop, I; Ow! Jesus! Quit Hitting Me! It's Me, Mark!" The flurry of fists halted and then there was a pause thick with confusion. He felt his cheeks being gripped tightly, immobilizing his face and then his neck pulled up so that whoever was sitting on him could look at him. "Mark?" Becky exclaimed in disbelief. "Mark! Oh my God!" She began smothering him with feverish kisses, still straddling him. Still dizzy, he was in no particular shape to stop her, in spite of the fact the whole palace was on its way to kill him. His eyes finally managed to focus, and he looked up at her. "I've missed you too, Becks, but can you let me up, please?" Becky blinked and then jumped off him hastily, helping him to his feet. She still seemed stunned to see him, not that he blamed her. "How?" she asked, her eyes wide with disbelief and wet with emotion. "You; you were." "Dead? Yeah, kinda." "The how are you here?" she asked, trembling. He shrugged. "To quote Neil De Grasse-Tyson, science, bitches." "Oh, it doesn't matter," she exhaled, crushing herself to him and hugging tight, her body shaking with raw emotion. "You're back, Mark. You came back for me;” He smiled and hugged her back, his hand on the back of her head. "Well sure I did. You're my time-travelling partner, aren't you? Can't leave you here with these smelly savages." She laugh-choked back a sob and look up at him, her eyes leaking tears onto her scarlet cheeks. "And we're gonna get out of here and; Becks, are you, like, really drunk?" Her expression of delight warped into a scowl at his query and she pushed herself away from him. "Well what do you expect? I only spent the past month trying to kill myself with alcohol while you were taking your unscheduled nap, you jerk!" "I'm sorry," he faltered, knowing that this couldn't possibly be the right time to make her angry, on so many levels. "Let me get you out of here and then I'll explain everything." "Hang on;” she huffed, stomping over to a table and grabbing her bottle of wine, tilting her head back and taking a stiff pull from it gulping loudly. Mark made a wan face and fidgeted, acutely aware of the time they were losing. "Becks, no offense, but I'm pretty sure every guard in Paris is looking for me right now, and I' "Sounds like more of a you problem than a me problem," she grunted, attempting to drain the bottle with several loud glucks. "Nobody was trying to kill me while I was here." "No, you seem to have that covered;” he said dryly. She shot him a nasty look, but didn't stop drinking. "Look, we need to go," he insisted. "Pretty sure Alexandra's risking her neck to make sure I can' "Alexandra?" Becky interrupted, stopping drinking to look at him pointedly. "The gorgeous blonde I want to fuck?" "I; sure," Mark replied, trying to keep up. "Pretty sure she and Lisette are' "Who's Lisette?" Becky asked suspiciously, lurching toward him. She was quite a bit drunker than he'd initially thought. "It doesn't matter," he declared, determined to get moving before Richelieu arrested and shot his ass again. "We need to get' Mark winced in fear as she surged toward him, the bottle raised over her head. She flew by him and smashed the bottle down on the head of a guard who had barged into the room. His eyes rolled up into his head and he went to sleep. "Weren't you drunk moments ago?" Mark asked in disbelief. "Looks like you're the one who need rescuing." Becky shot back. "You were half a second away from having an exit wound the size of an airport runway in your chest just now." Another guard sprang around the corner. Becky, who was closest to the door, kicked him savagely between the legs. The man staggered to a stop and stiffened, but didn't fall over, the impact of her foot cushioned by the many layers of baroque skirt she was wearing, not to mention the dainty, padded slipper. As the man gaped at her, she kicked him between the legs again, but her skirt interfered, softening the blow to the place where he merely doubled over from the ache. Becky snarled angrily, lunged in, grabbed him by the neck and DDT him, almost as smoothly as ‘Jake the Snake' did to fellow pro wrestlers. This time he stayed down. "Jerk!" she muttered, glaring at the man. Without a second thought, she used a knife on the man's belt to tear layers of skirt away, leaving herself clad only in the bodice and skimpy underwear, with garters holding up the silk stockings she wore. She knelt on the unconscious man's back and pulled his boots off, replacing her slippers with the sturdier footwear. She then stripped his rapier and pistol from his person before turning to look at Mark. "You ready now?" she asked pointedly, standing there in what basically amounted to negligee and musketeer boots, while holding a rapier and a wheellock pistol. He gaped at her for a moment, unable to say anything. "You have no idea how stupidly sexy you look right now, Becks." Mark managed to say. "I'll believe it when Alexandra says it to me," she sniffed, turning and heading out the door. "Let's go, hero." Mark sighed and trotted after her, leaving the two men lying on the floor in a spreading pool of wine and broken shards of glass. Lisette made sure the guard was arranged comfortably in the plush chair, snoring, his breeches still around his ankles, his soft cock oozing cum all over his balls. She shook her head in exasperation as she rearranged her skirts; no sooner had the man cum than he yawned and began to fall asleep. She'd been nowhere close to climaxing when he'd finished. Typical male. At least the boy from the future liked to make sure she came first, even if he was a naïve school boy. She left the door open, to make sure his shame was on display and then hurried down the hallway, holding her skirt up and allowing herself to run. The palace was ringing with shouts of alarm, anger and panic. Everything seemed to be going as planned, whatever that entailed. She just trusted that Mistress knew what she was doing. Guards from various regiments were racing around now, getting one another's way and shouting orders angrily. She passed through them virtually unnoticed, merely a servant girl looking for shelter. She made a beeline right for the queen's royal apartments, and she was stopped by no one, since she was known to the guards and stuff. She nodded hastily as she passed two guards outside the ornate doors and headed inside the boudoir. Anne of Austria looked up from a book to see Lisette scurry in, closing the door behind herself and then pressing her ear to the door, ignoring everyone else in the room. She then saw the queen, blinked, curtseyed hastily, and went back to eavesdropping on the frenzy of activity outside. The monarch shook her head wearily and went back to reading her book. "You may not pass through here!" shouted the house guard, blocking Alexandra's passage forward. She had identified herself as a member of the Cardinal's guard, using her well-practiced man's voice to give credit to her guise. Thought he believed her, the man remained unmoved, barring her way. "I told you, I need to reach the Cardinal!" she insisted, knowing full well he would not let her through. "That is no concern of mine," he said coldly, glaring at her, his hand on his sword, ready to draw it. "Find another way to reach your Cardinal, because if you come another step closer, I will run you through." "So be it!" she growled as she lunged in, her own rapier flashing in her hand. The man drew his weapon and thrust at her, but she parried and then drove the point of her blade through the shoulder of his sword arm, pinning him against the wall. He groaned as his sword fell to the ground, but then her foot slammed into his face while she pulled her rapier from his shoulder. He was unconscious, but he would live. She had no cause to kill these men. She ran down the hallway, listening all the while to the commotion that echoed through the Louvre. A young guard barred her progress at a juncture in the hallways, and before he was even ready, she struck him across the head with the basket of her rapier, knocking him out. Alexandra continued along the corridor, but then saw several guards rushing into the other end of the hall, outside of an ornate door that led to the king's royal apartments. Upon seeing her, the six men pointed their muskets at her, three kneeling while the other three stood behind. A series of barks shook the area as she ducked around a corner hastily, avoiding their barrage. She could hear them shouting orders to reload. She leaned her head back against the wall and sighed. Idiots. Before they had reloaded, she had pulled a small device made of two pieces of flint out of her pocket, along with a tiny clay pot out of the other. From the hole in the top of the pot hung a thin strip of rigid paper. She held the pot by its flat bottom and snapped the flint pieces against one another, producing sparks that caught on the paper and began to burn. As the flame made its way down the paper wick, she counted slowly and calmly before leaning around the corner, tossing the pot, which skated on its flat bottom along the floor toward the guards who opposed her. She then ducked back, waiting grimly. There were shouts and the sound of boots stampeding, but then an unreal hissing shriek and a bright, flaring white light as the magnesium powder inside the container ignited. Cries of pain followed. Ten seconds later, the light died, and she rounded the corner and strode down the hallway. Four of the six guards had fled before the grenade went off, while two were writhing on the ground, clutching at their eyes from the flash blindness. She stepped between them and kicked in the door toward the king's apartments before turning around and walking away, knowing that this would create additional confusion as they sought to find the assassin in the red tabard who sought to slay the Sun King. There was more chaos to sow. Mark and Becky sprinted down the hall, ignoring the pell-mell going on around them. Inevitably, though, they were confronted by a soldier of the Cardinal, one that Mark recognized. It was the captain who had shot him. Marks teeth clenched as he rushed forward, ready to run the sonofabitch through, but Becky was faster. She threw herself into a skid, sliding along the polished floor, hurtling straight toward the man. He gaped at her in disbelief, but by then, she had slammed her foot into his crotch, doubling him over with a grunt of unreal pain. With a roar, she surged to her feet, grabbed the man around the middle from behind and yanked him over backwards, suplexing his family jewels with zest. Mark had by now skidded to a halt and watched in disbelief while his teacher stood over the supine officer and kicked him in the ribs. "Bastard!" she raged. "Teach you to kill my students!" She knelt and yanked his head up, making sure his eyes were open as she pointed at Mark, her voice dripping with vitriol. "See that? He's alive! You can't even kill something right! Your life means nothing! Nothing!" She smacked his head off the tile floor and gathered up her weapons before looking at Mark, composing herself now. "Sorry," she said with a flush of embarrassment. "You probably wanted him, didn't you? I thought you were dead, so if I ever saw him again, I'd have to avenge you." Mark shrugged. "No harm done. Except to him, and I don't really' Mark stopped talking and stared down the hallway behind Becky. Three men in flamboyant uniforms, trimmed in blue and white like himself were now approaching them. One had a grim, patrician air and about him, the second a handsome boyish charm, while the third towered over the others by a head and shoulders, a contemptuous smirk on his face. "That can't be good;” he thought. Becky didn't even blink. Without turning around, she pointed her pistol backwards over her shoulder and pulled the trigger. The bark of the shot echoed around the palace and the giant staggered backward, eyes wide in shock, before he fell over like a redwood. The other two gaped at her in astonishment as she turned around to glower at them. They hastily took hold of their downed friend and hauled him out of sight, their duty to the king forgotten. "That's right, ladies, run!" Becky called out, her chest heaving. "How's it feel to get beat up by a girl?" "You are so sexy right now, Becks." Mark chuckled, approaching her. She turned back to face him; covered with gunpowder smudges, scratches and the occasional bruise, she'd never looked more attractive to him. Heedless of their surroundings, she threw herself against him and kissed him shamelessly. His hands found her ass and squeezed as he returned the kiss and she moaned into his mouth. If there'd been a rhino horn on his crotch, he'd have been impaled on it. She broke the kiss and looked at him hungrily, her eyes shouldering with desire. "I'm so glad you're not dead, Mark," she breathed. "I can't wait to prove it to you when we get the fuck out of here." Mark took her hand and pulled her down the hallway, breaking into a run. They weren't out of danger yet. "What're you laughing about?" she asked, scowling while she allowed him to lead her through the palace. "I think that was Porthos you shot," he said almost cheerfully. "Becks, you ganked Porthos." "Oh, I did not," she hissed, trying to not feel disgust at her student's lack of historical knowledge and basic temporal mechanics. "Porthos doesn't die until 1670. So if that guy dies, it wasn't Porthos. If it was Porthos, he isn't dead. Read a book, Mark." "Ha, you said bookmark!" he laughed as he pulled her around a corner and down another hallway, trying to reach the point Alexandra had designated. "Uh!" Becky groused. "Why was I so damn happy that you lived? I swear, Mark, I; Ack!" They both whirled in panic and threw themselves back around the corner as a withering hail of musket fire peppered the plaster of the walls where they'd been standing mere seconds before. They scrambled to their feet and began running back the way they'd come, determined to not die in some baroque version of Bullet Hell from the Matrix. "Fucking shit!" Mark yelped, yanking her around another corner as more soldiers appeared and filled the hall with musket balls. "This sucks!" "Ya' think?" she hissed as they kept running, their options becoming increasingly limited. "I'm in this too, Mister Spotlight!" "Yeah, well at least you don't have the Goblin City Battle music from the Labyrinth soundtrack stuck in your head while they chase us around and try to kill us!" "I do now, you fucker! Thanks a lot!" Becky raged. A lone house guard skidded to a stop near them and prepared to fire. Mark flung his pistol at the man, striking him in the head before knocking him aside as they continued down the corridor. "What did you throw your gun away for, dumbass?" she exclaimed, wondering if blood loss after getting shot had permanently damaged Mark's brain. She hoped he could still get it up, if they made it out of here. "It had no ammo in it." Mark grunted, trying to get his bearings, thinking back to the plans of the palace Alexandra had shown him. "Why were you carrying around an empty pistol?" Becky asked in disbelief. "Intimidation purposes? Were you gonna hold it sideways when you pointed it at people, hope you looked all gangster?" "I plugged a guy on my way to find you, okay?" he sighed as they kept running. "The first shot fired that started this whole mess, it was me shooting some jackoff in the foot as I tried to find you." Becky skidded to a stop, halting Mark's flight as well. She looked into his eyes and then hugged him in relief. "Thank you, Mark," she said quietly. "You came for me, after you nearly died, and we both could today. You're very brave." When she ended the hug, Mark found she had put her own pistol in his hands. He frowned in confusion. "Why'd you give me your pistol?" he asked. "Because let's face it, I'm a lot more likely to snag another one than you are," she sighed. "Let's go, I'm done with the Sun King's France." Out of breath, they settled for trotting down a hallway, surrounded by the echoing sounds of chaos. Things had gotten so confused that the guards were all fighting one another now, thinking the enemy in their midst. Panting, the pair stopped suddenly as they came to a major intersection of hallways. Not far away, a confused brawl consisting of house guard and the Cardinal's guard blocked their passage. Upon their appearance, though, both sides paused in their fight and stared at them. Then a captain raised a call to kill them. Without even thinking, Mark pointed his pistol at the huge iron chandelier over the soldier's heads and fired. The plaster ceiling broke as the iron ball struck at and the chandelier plummeted, crashing into the dozens of men before while clouds of plaster dust filled the hall. "I can't believe that worked!" Mark laughed as they ran down another venue. "Yes, it was very impressive, Gene Kelly," Becky sighed, shaking her head. "Next, you'll be swinging from the damn chandeliers or using your knife to ride down tapestries." Soldiers surged around the corner, charging into the couple. Mark shouted in fury as they tried to skewer him while they attempted to wrestle Becky to the ground. He dodged a blade and slashed his foe across the arm before leaping back to try and give himself room. He looked around in a panic and saw Becky kicking a soldier in the nuts before punching another in the face, her eyes flashing with fury. Someone slammed into him from behind and he tumbled forward, scrambling to gain his feet. More bodies joined the fracas and he realized that they were not only trying to kill him but fighting one another as well. It was difficult to breathe. There were too many bodies smothering him. He gasped in panic and strained to find room for himself. His shaking hand gripped a sword and she shoved it forward indiscriminately, feeling something soft give before him. He focused all his effort on crawling forward, finally emerging from the churning pile of men, locked in combat. He dragged himself along the floor but then grunted in pain as something speared into his thigh from above and behind. He turned to look, his eyes watering in pain, seeing a man in red, glaring at him, raising his rapier for another strike. Then a sword point burst through the man's chest from behind. His eyes widened, and he dropped his sword and crumpled to the ground. The man who had killed him was already moving on to another target. Exhausted and dull with pain, Mark dragged himself to a wall and slumped against it, looking around for Becky, but she was nowhere to be seen. No. Not again. He ignored the maelstrom of violence and pushed himself to his feet, limping down a hallway, sword held loosely in his hand as he went to find his teacher. Alexandra strode down the hall with purpose, her senses keen for trouble. She had caused as much trouble as she could, all the while keeping the fray well away from the queen's quarters. She regretted that men would die today, due to their poor judgement, but she understood that the girl Rebecca could not remain here in Paris. A deep foreboding warned her that almost any price was worth paying to see her safely away. Sparring with D'Artagnan. She stopped as a lone figure came into view, blocking her way down the corridor. He wore the blue of the king's mousquetaires, his young face etched with determination. His hand rested on the hilt of his rapier while he observed her. "So," he began, tilting his head. "You must be the cause of all this mayhem, oui?" "I am not who you seek." Alexandra said plainly. "I do not truck with liars and I do not appreciate being lied to!" the young man snapped. "I would have your name before I run you through in the king's. Are you an agent of Buckingham?" "No." "Charles of Spain?" "I have no time for this," Alexandra said testily, putting her hand on the hilt of her blade. "Move aside and let me complete my task, musketeer!" "Then it is death you crave!" he hissed, his rapier flashing in his hand now. "I shall happily give it to you in the queen's honor!" Alexandra drew her blade as her foe rushed forward. She parried his initial thrust and then counter-thrust, which he swatted aside. A flurry of thrusts and ripostes followed, the two warriors measuring one another, vying for advantage in the narrow hallway. Steel rang and flashed. Alexandra's sword point tore a vent in one of her foe's sleeves, and she followed up with a swipe at his eyes, but he dodged away nimbly. He lunged in with the speed of a striking serpent and she caught his blade on hers before it pierced her stomach, turning it aside. They pressed blade-to-blade, moving around one another in a slow, deadly circle, their eyes locked. He danced away again as a main-gauche flashed in her hand, nearly shearing his throat open. He spun around her next attack, and when he was facing her again, a pistol had appeared in his free hand. At point blank range, he pulled the trigger. The thunderous bark of the firearm rattled her teeth as she bent backwards, the bullet passing harmlessly overhead. Alexandra somersaulted backward gracefully, coming to her feet with her rapier guarding against a follow-up attack. A lot of bemusement crossed his face. "Very pretty, good sir," he said. "But it will not save you." He darted in again and another furious exchange of swordplay followed. His blade kissed the top of her thigh, leaving a shining crimson thread on her skin. She paid him in kind with a nick across his cheek, followed by cutting the red plume from his hat. He was nearly as fast as she was, and his recklessness made him dangerously unpredictable, even to one as skilled and experienced as Alexandra. Their blades grated as they strained against one another, teeth clenched and eyes flashing in fury. With a cry of effort, she shoved with all her might and threw him back. He kept his feet and remained on guard, irritated by his foe's grit and skill. "D'Artagnan!" shouted Athos as he and Aramis dragged the unconscious Porthos across the hallway behind the combatants, disappearing from sight. This distracted the Musketeer, who turned to look behind himself in confusion and then disbelief. He glanced back at his foe and then sighed, sheathing his blade. "Until next time, enemy mine;” he said, before darting around the corner to catch up with his comrades. Alexandra waited some seconds after he was gone and then sagged against the wall, sighing heavily. She rubbed her face for a moment before returning her rapier to its sheathe and continuing on. She had to find Mark and Rebecca. The door to the room swung open and Mark staggered inside, panting in pain. His entire leg felt like it was on fire, and it was maddeningly sticky. He had lost his sword while searching for Becky, but it mattered little if he couldn't find her. He tumbled into a sitting position, propping himself up on his hands and trying to breathe. Everything hurt now, and it was getting to the place where he couldn't move. His head throbbed and he was getting dizzy. With extreme effort, he managed to tear one of his sleeves off, and tied it around his leg, hoping it would act as a tourniquet and perhaps staunch the bleeding. It stung like fucking Hell and to his distress did nothing ease his pain. He sat there panting, when a solemn figure in red moved slowly by the door. There was a pause and then the person came back into view, peering at Mark quizzically. Clad in red robes and a little red skull cap, his tight, lemony features creased in recognition and then disbelief. "I know you," the Cardinal murmured, his eyes never leaving Mark. "Yes, you are the boy from the field, the one who claimed to be a Spanish noble and had the pretty girl with him." He stepped closer, still scrutinizing Mark, who tried to move backwards, his body screaming in protest. "But you died," the elderly man stated. "My captain shot you. You died in that field. What witchcraft is this?" Annoyance flashed in the Cardinal's eyes now. "So, you are the cause of all this tumult. The girl I was to give to the queen, she is missing and now I know why." He pulled a pistol from within the voluminous folds of his red robes and cocked it before pointing the muzzle down at Mark's face. "I think it is time I dealt with this problem myself, once and for all." Too hurt and exhausted to fight back, Mark squeezed his eyes shut; "I Kick You In The Nuts, Richelieu!" shrilled a voice from the doorway behind the Cardinal, the shout followed by a sickening thump as a musketeer's boot appeared beneath Richelieu's groin. The man stiffened for a moment in confusion, but then his eyes crossed, and he bit his lower lip as his skin turned a sickly shade of green. While Richelieu slumped forward and then fell on his side, trembling and holding the family jewels, Mark goggled up at Becky, who stood indignantly in the doorway with her hands on her hips, glaring down at His Eminence. "Asshole;” she muttered as she stepped over the Cardinal and came over to Mark, who was shaking with the effort of holding himself up. Her eyes welled with emotion as she knelt next to him. "Oh, Mark," she said in a gentle voice. "Look at you, you got stabbed, baby. I'm so sorry;” "I'll be alright," he managed to say as she hugged him to her. "At least you still look amazing, no matter how badly your ass has been kicked." Becky's laugh choked back her sob and she smiled at him, tears in her eyes. "Smart-ass," she murmured. "C'mon, let me bind your boo-boo properly and then we'll get out of here, before everyone in Paris is dead." She fixed his makeshift tourniquet and then helped him stand. Once he was upright, he took a deep breath and smiled at her. "I think I can walk, I was just in need of a breather, ya' know?" She giggled. "How the Hell are we gonna explain a rapier wound through your thigh when you get home?" "With any luck, Chester will have a little something' to fix me right up." Mark replied. "Let's go. If we are where I think we are, then our ride isn't that far away." They walked cautiously down several smaller hallways, avoiding any and all encounters. They chaos seemed to have abated, at least for now. Alexandra had predicted that if fighting broke out, there was be lots of confused violence, followed by the various guard companies withdrawing to their assigned wings of the palace, to directly protect their charges, such as the king, queen and cardinal. "Bet the Cardinal's guards are gonna be upset," Mark chuckled. "He's nowhere near his quarters, and they let him get kicked in the freaking balls." Becky giggled as she walked alongside him, her arm through his. "You have no idea how good that felt, Mark. A girl could get used to that. Maybe we should visit Berlin, see if I can kick Hitler in the nuts." "One grand adventure at a time, teach;” he said wearily, causing her to laugh. But her mirth was brought up short when a solitary figure appeared in front of them, wearing red and clad in a black mask, a rapier and several pistols on their belt. Becky scowled, getting ready to step in front of her student, when Mark seemed to sigh in relief. "I am glad to see you are both well," said the person, walking forward, pulling their golden hair out of its ponytail and removing the mask. Becky's heart leapt as she came face-to-face with Lady Alexandra once more. "Thank the Lord." She stepped in and embraced them both, all three of them trembling at being reunited. Alexandra finally smiled at her friends and nodded. "We must still get you out of here, before the guards return to some sense of normalcy. Mark, do you still have the place name I gave to you?" Mark smiled wearily. "I; it's in the little pocket in my pants here, but it's probably pretty red and unreadable by now." "It's a good thing, then, that I wrote a copy, non?" Alexandra lilted, pulling a small piece of vellum out from beneath the sash she wore and handing it to Becky. "Go to this place," the noblewoman instructed. "By carriage, it should not take more than three days. It is a sanctum I use on occasion and it will be safe. Lisette and I will find you there a day or two after you arrive." She then handed two small, round jars into Becky's palm as well. "Use these to salve your wounds, until I arrive. I promise you, they will work." "How can we thank you?" Becky asked, staring at Alexandra, enchanted. The French woman smiled and then pulled Becky to her, kissing her deeply and passionately. Becky shuddered and moaned, her arms wrapping around Alexandra and returning the kiss passionately. Mark smiled as he watched the blondes make out for almost a minute before Alexandra reluctantly pulled away. "We need to stop, or we will be fucking right here in the halls of the palace," she breathed, wiping at the corner of her mouth with a finger. "We will see one another soon, and celebrate then." She turned to Mark and smiled before leaning in and kissing him gently. "You are a brave man, my friend. Never doubt it, no matter what travails Heaven provides." She walked them through several secret passages now, until they emerged into a small courtyard, under the cover of night. Standing nearby, a non-descript carriage awaited them. Alexandra wrapped Becky in a cloak and then spoke to the driver while the clambered inside. His instructions were clear, and he would not deviate from them. Becky and Mark looked out a small window, smiling and waving at Alexandra, who held up her hand to bid them farewell. The carriage exited the Louvre via a small gate where the guards asked no questions, and then they were on their way through Paris. Mark sank back into the surprisingly plush seat and sighed heavily. "Try not to get kidnapped again, Becks," he said lazily. "I'm not sure how much more of this my body can take." "But being rescued by you is one of my favorite reasons to use tawdry sex as a thank you," she protested, turning to smile at him and tracing a fingernail up and down his chest. "You wouldn't deprive me of that joy, would you, hero?" "Perish the thought, teach;” he chuckled tiredly. A time to recuperate. Mark had Lisette pinned beneath him and rocked back and forth on top of her, his cock plunging in and out of her molten cunt, while she groaned in pleasure. It felt so good to have this boy's tool inside her again. Her legs were wrapped around his strong waist and her hips moved in time with his, taking him in as deep as she could. Lisette rarely kissed anyone who wasn't her mistress, but in this case, she was making a willing exception. Their tongues tangled wetly as they fucked, exploring one another. The tingling heat was overtaking her, and she knew it would not be long now. She crossed her ankles behind him and she bit at the skin of his chest, shuddering in delight. Mark arched his back, pushing as deep inside her as he could, before shaking and allowing himself release. Her wanton cunt gripped his cock while he came deep inside her, his whole being awash with unreal pleasure. They moaned through a frenzied kiss and then sagged together, spent and sated, at least for now. Moans, pants and sighs of bliss attracted Mark and Lisette's attention and they looked off their side; also on the huge bed with them, Becky and Alexandra were sitting together, with their arms and legs wrapped around one another, kissing hungrily as they squirmed their slick pussies together. Their matching golden hair was damp with the sweat of their exertions, skin slick and shining. The greedy smacking and sucking sounds their slits made as they mingled made the four lovers shiver in delight. Alexandra and Becky were groping and fondling one another with unreal need, their nails leaving red marks and their fingers gripping tight enough to leave welts. Neither relented, though, desperate to cum together. The moans became groans and they were panting as they gyrated their hips, churning rhythmically in a sensual dance of bliss. They pulled tighter against one another, clenching their teeth and craning their necks as they peaked, then crying out and pressing their molten, gooey pussies as they came. More feverish kissing punctuated the climax and the finally both collapsed backward, chests heaving, their legs still scissored together. Steam seemed to be rising from their bodies, skin flushed pink. The four lovers lay silent for some minutes, just basking in their shared bliss. Mark finally pulled himself out of Lisette and then knelt over her face, allowing the dark-haired girl to slide his cock into her mouth, cleaning their mingled cum from his cock, which she did with great delight. Becky and Alexandra finally clasped wrists and pulled themselves up into a sitting position, hugging tiredly, but not willing to relinquish their most intimate contact. They kissed deeply and contentedly, fondling one another's tits. Lisette looked over at them and giggled. Alexandra looked over at her servant, her eyebrow raised. "What is so funny, girl?" Lisette turned on her side and rested her head on her hand while Mark spooned in behind her. "I was just thinking, Mistress; you and Miss Rebecca look so much alike. What if you are her ancestor?" Becky and Alexandra both thought about that, looked at one another for a moment, shrugged and began kissing again, their tongues tangling loudly. "And if that was the case, think about what we discussed the other day," she continued, smirking mischievously. "You said you had wondered what it would be like to Monsieur Mark's child, yes? Wouldn't that also make him Miss Rebecca's ancestor?" Mark burst out laughing while Becky choked on her shock, interrupting the kiss she had been so enjoying. She looked at Lisette in disbelief. Alexandra just sighed and shook her head, used to her servant's twisted humor. The moment of metaphysical terror passed for Becky and they all cuddled together in the center of the bed, kissing tenderly and caressing. Alexandra had told Becky all about Mark's efforts to find her and reach her, what he had undergone and risked. Becky's eyes shone as she looked at Mark at promised to make sure he was properly thanked until the end of time. "I wish you could stay," Alexandra almost moped, regretting that she had to give her new friends up. "I enjoy your company, and I am not ashamed to say I love you both." "Feeling's mutual, Alexa," Becky lilted, tracing a fingernail across her generous tit. "But maybe we needn't end our association. If we designate a consistent place, when you know you are available, you can leave a message there. Mark and I will check for messages, and when we see one, we can visit you at the appointed time. No conflicts or dangers presented, as long as we're all certain of the clear lines of communication." "I like that idea," Alexandra said, grinning. "And I have a gift for you both." She climbed off the bed and went to retrieve something. She returned shortly with two bottles, which she presented to them. "A new type of wine, invented in my native region of Champagne," she said, kneeling on the bed as they examined the bottles. "Twice fermented and sweet on the tongue, not unlike my darling Rebecca." Becky blushed and Mark grinned. "You'll be glad to know that in our time, champagne is one of the most expensive and sought-after drinks in the world, used in every important celebration." "That does please me, Mark." Alexandra said, nodding her head and deciding to not chide him this time about telling her the future. "And now that I think of it, literally, I've got a present for you, Alexa." Mark mused, getting off the bed. The three women watched as he walked into a large closet, rummaging around loudly. When he returned, he was holding what appeared to be several unusual books, which he handed to Alexandra. "What are these?" she asked, puzzled. "Well, the graphic novel is a pictorial history of Wonder Woman, who you may recall I told you a little bit about," he explained, sitting on the bed again. "And the other three books are all written by a man named Alexander Dumas and are fictional works about the Three Musketeers. I figured they'd be humorous reading for you." She looked up at him incredulously. "But; why were they in my closet here in my chalet?" He grinned again. "Well, just a moment ago, I decided to give them to you. So in a few days, I'm gonna gather them up, bring them here to just before Becky and I arrive, and bury 'em in your closet, where I know they are. That way, I don't run into any of us. And clearly it worked." Becky made a wry face. "Ya' know, I'd say you're getting the hang of this whole temporal travel thing, but I'm pretty sure you're only getting the hang of abusing it." Mark smirked at her and pinched her nipple, making her shiver and bite her lip. He then looked back at Alexandra. "And when you're done with 'em, you can just leave 'em in our drop-off spot and Becks and I'll pick them up. That way, there's no anachronistic copies of nineteenth-century novels or twentieth-century comic books lying around to be discovered by archaeologists." "I take back what I said just now, you're gonna get us all clock-hammered right out of existence." Becky sighed, causing her lovers to laugh. Mark and Becky lay side-by-side in her bed and holdings hands, back in their own time and generally none the worse for wear. They'd learned some valuable lessons and had made some important contacts along the way. "Do' you really think Alexandra's my ancestor?" Becky mused, looking at her bedroom ceiling. Mark shrugged. "You sure look a lot alike, and you're both Hell on wheels. I'm still amused by the notion of me being your great-great-great-whatever grandfather." She sighed and shook her head. "I can handle the notion of fucking and falling in love with my great-whatever grandmother, but the notion of you as my whatever grandfather gives me the jibblies. Just promise me you won't impregnate Alexa and make that come true, Mark." He chuckled. "I promise. I have no idea how trans-temporal alimony or visitation rights even work." Becky giggled and turned in to face him, cuddling close. "So, who're you gonna save me from next, hero?" she purred, nipping at his earlobe and making him shiver. "Oh, God, Becks, can we start out with some really ferocious kindergartners from the Roaring Twenties taking you hostage? I can probably handle that right about now." She giggled again and crawled on top of him, staring down into his eyes and kissing his nose while she squirmed her tits against him. "Take me to New York in the Twenties and I'll show you how liberated a flapper girl I can be," she whispered. "Deal?" "Deal." Mark replied, pulling her down and kissing her soulfully. Count Mark and Becky in! I Think I'm Getting The Hang Of This! Finally home. Mark sat at his dining room table, eating dutifully. His mom had prepared short ribs and mashed potatoes for dinner, one of his favorites. What she didn't know was that Mark had substituted several herbs and spices into her collection, items he'd brought back from his temporal travels. At the very least, this meant they were technically several hundred years old, or sometimes that they didn't exist in the modern era at all. "I'm enjoying this particular batch of thyme that I put in the braise," Dhallyla Pritchard remarked as she gently stabbed some green beans with her fork. "Mark, where did you say you got it for me? The flavor is so; special." Mark shrugged. "Another shop I thought I'd try out," he replied. "Nowhere near our usual places." "Well, keep it up, son," his father said, sitting at the other end of the table. "No offence to your mother's cooking, but the spices we were getting before weren't helping the cause. Now this is flavor." "Such a good little minion," his mom said sweetly, reaching over and pinching his cheek. "First, you did amazingly well on your Physics exam and boosted your overall grade to the place where the university accepted you, and now you're an herbs and spices guru. Talk about an unexpected change." "Yeah," his sister Roxy said, sitting across from him, and trying to keep the suspicion out of her voice. "Unexpected is right." "Now Roxy, be nice," their mom chided. "You should be happy for your little brother, he'll be going to university with you." "As long as she pulls her grades up," grunted dad, pausing in eating to waggle his fork in her general direction. "You promised us you'd keep your grades up and we'd let you live here rent-free as a result, Rox. We're living up to our end of the bargain, what's so difficult about yours?" "Maybe I should study more and party less," she grumbled, scowling at her food. She hated to admit it, but her mom was right, the spices were great. Where had the little trouser-snake bought them? "Ya' know, open my mind more and my legs less?" "Dear!" Dhallyla gasped, looking at her daughter in shock. "Nobody said you were behaving licentiously! There's no need to use language like that!" "Sorry," the dark-haired girl sighed, putting down her fork. "Just been on edge lately. Seems to have been The Mark Show around here recently,

If you've survived the unimaginable, this episode is your wake-up call. You didn't come this far just to keep repeating the same chapter. Every hero has an origin story, and yours? It's written in pain, fire, and resilience. I'm here to remind you. The villain in your story was never stronger than your power to rise. You've got the scars. Now claim the cape.In this episode, I'm calling out the lies that keep you stuck and helping you recognize the truth. You are the main character in this wild, divine simulation. Every fucked up thing that's happened? That was the beginning. Now it's your choice point. Will you relive the trauma or activate your superpowers and write your damn legend?What You'll Hear in This Episode:How to turn your trauma list into your superhero origin storyWhy surviving makes you spiritually qualified to leadThe role of villains and tragedy in activating your giftsWhat Kat Williams and Neil deGrasse Tyson taught me about divine designHow to shift from survival to supernatural manifestationThe truth about choice points and why staying stuck is still a choiceHow to embody your main character energy and finally fucking rise

Jack's partner in ape podcast crime Geoff finally drops in to see what the heck is going on in season 3 of Picard, as Barm and Kev's files remain safely partitioned within the decrepit body of Brent Spiner.  Against all odds, they're still enjoying this movie-like season of Picard and having the gang all back together at last, although certainly not without some caveats, some droid bar talk concerning a star-studded Mando ep, the New Jedi Order, how Changelings in space work, some wild coincidences, and the longest cold open in history.  Pull up a chair, pour yourself a Nepenthe, and dig in.  Fucking podcasters.

The Time Riders: Part 3 What happens when you mix clock-block with priapism? Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 16 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Novels. Ain't Nobody Got Time For That Shit! Mark and Becky sat in the small cottage, looking around in wonder. They were still in Seventeenth Century France, but found themselves surrounded by technologies that they hadn't even heard of. The walls were lined with clocks, some of which were mechanical, some seemed to be digital or binary, while others told time in ways they couldn't fathom. Sitting across from them at the stout, round oaken table, Chester Edgerton smoked a pipe and observed them casually. "How; how can you have this all out on display?" Mark asked, still gaping. "I mean, isn't it against the rules to have this sort of tech from the future lying around where the locals might bump into it?" "That's the beauty of it, my' boy," he said cheerfully, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "They can't see it." "Well, I get it if you try to restrict entry to your house," Mark pressed, wanting to understand. "But what if you're gone and bandits break in? Becks and I can account for banditry in this day and age, for sure." "Mayhap," the man replied. "But I brought you through the door that leads to my actual house. The front door, the one the local peasantry sees, leads into a simple cottage, typical of the period, and owned by a pudgy man of indeterminate nationality." "Your; house is in two places at once?" Mark asked, trying to understand. "No, it's the same place," Chester answered simply. "Two different times, however. We're sitting in my actual abode, Twenty-First Century." Mark shook his head. "That's some weird Tardis shit right there." "Only at first." Chester allowed. "I notice you have all your windows shut," Becky remarked. "You said we're in the Twenty-First Century, but I take from further ahead than Mark and I are from, so you're not showing us?" "Clever girl," mused the man, smiling. "While I won't absolutely stop you from looking or even going outside, I would warn you that if you do and see something you don't like, you're committing yourself to that future, no matter how hard you try to undo it." "We'll stay put then," she said readily. "You were kind enough to bring us here and sort of explain how we might acquire goods in the time stream?" He nodded. "I know it might seem counter-intuitive, but the simple fact of the matter is that if people are going to insist on time travelling, the least they can do is be well-prepared for it so they don't hurt themselves or others." He leaned forward. "The first question you need to ask yourself is, why are you so intent on time-travelling to begin with? Is it simple curiosity? Are you planning to make a living somehow? Are you just trying to get laid?" He looked at Mark during this last question and the young man blushed, while Becky giggled and patted his hand. "Mark was a dud in Physics in his last year of high school," she explained. "Come to think of it, he was in little or no danger of getting into any post-secondary education facility." "Thanks." Mark muttered. "But, then he found his time machine, something called a Holmes Field Device, and he resolved to go back in time a few months and convince me to give him an A in Physics with the promise of earth-shaking sex." "This story sounds worse every time I hear it." Mark complained. "Fortunately, I acquiesced, rather than disemboweling him for breaking into my home, and not only did we become lovers, but now we're adventuring the time stream together." "Hmm, a teacher and a student, eh?" mused the man, smiling at them as he smoked. "Teachers and students are plentiful, of course, but they're usually from the far, far future and on very strictly-controlled excursions into the past. Hands-on history classes, if you will." "That makes history sound kinda fun." Mark said. "Oh, I daresay it is," agreed Chester. "Nothing quite as exciting as going back to the Cretaceous Period and taking a ride on the back of a trained Styracosaurus. Or watching Dromer races." "Isn't that screwing with the timeline?" Becky inquired. "I mean, humans weren't around for another sixty-three million years following the demise of the dinosaurs." "It's all very carefully regulated on remote islands," Chester explained. "It does nothing to mess with the ecosystem and the specimens are trained to interact with humans, for the most part." "Riding one of those big horned dinosaurs would be a kick." Mark mused, grinning. "You've already got a perfectly good horn I like to ride," Becky giggled, squeezing his hand again. "Besides, this is where our host tells us that it won't be possible for us any time soon." "You're a very perceptive young lady," he allowed. "We can't have just anyone mucking up the time stream, you know. It's especially difficult when people who lived before time travel was commonly accepted try to get involved. They inevitably get exposed to technologies they shouldn't be aware of, or events that weren't known during their own time;” "I'll give you a tiny example," he said, leaning forward now, as if he was confiding a secret. "Have you heard of the Tunguska Incident?" "Sure, the Tunguska region in Siberia, 1908," Becky answered, nodding. "A large meteor slammed into the ground, creating a blast equal to sixty megatons and flattening everything for nearly a hundred miles around." "No, that's what you need to think," he corrected, pointing the stem of his pipe toward them. "It was, in fact, an advanced weapon that was stolen from a future date, and before temporal agents could recover it, the thieves blew it up to cover their escape. Granted, there are people in your time who have conspiracy theories about nuclear blast, nearly forty years before the first atomic tests, but they're wrong as well. It wasn't a nuclear device, simply a weapon with an incredibly high conventional yield by your age's standards." "So; why can you tell us this now?" Becky asked. He grinned and spread out his arms in a gesture of farce. "Who would believe you?" "So how did you know that we were time travelers?" Mark asked as they followed their host and guide through the woods. "Well, I heard snippets of your conversation," Chester said as he led the way. "But to be honest, even though your outfits might pass with locals for 'reasonably authentic', you couldn't possibly hide your origins from a fellow time-traveler. Mark claimed to be Spanish, he doesn't look at all Spanish, certainly not from this era. Miss Rebecca is remarkably tall for a woman." "Well there's something I don't hear very often back home!" she giggled. "And you're both in strangely good health, with unblemished skin and full heads of hair," Chester added. "I was relatively certain, and then I heard you discussing your relative inexperience, so I sought to introduce myself." "I'd' have thought that you wouldn't introduce yourself to newbies," Mark stated, helping Becky over a log. "Isn't it safer to keep your chatter to people who know what they're doing?" "It's actually the exact opposite," replied Chester. "The best thing you can do around veteran time travelers you don't need to talk to is to not talk to them. Their timelines are probably very intricate and you don't want yours getting snarled up with them. Newbies, as you call them, probably still have linear experiences that are simple to understand and educating them about what awaits is the simplest way to keep things from getting weird." Getting up to leave the cottage, Mark asked; "So this device the time cops gave me," Mark stated, holding up his chronometer. "It's actually pretty useful then, because it warns me when I'm getting too close to myself or something I've affected." "That was very generous of them," Chester said in a serious tone. "They don't do that for just everyone who shows up suddenly in the time stream. Sometimes they let matters work themselves out, if you know what I mean." Chester's Forest Farewell.  The meadow they stepped into, had a mature lush forest further back. They reached a small clearing in the forest they'd been tromping through and stopped for a bit, sitting on a fallen tree trunk. Chester looked at them both and slapped his hands on his thighs. "Now then, I've brought you here so that you can witness a casual event that is due to happen just outside the woods. Nothing major, but it will give you a taste of what can await you. I have something to attend to and should be back in a few hours. Just stay out of sight and don't leave the tree line." "You're leaving?" Mark protested. Chester turned to look at him. "It might be that the events you will see unfold work better for me if I am nowhere near them," the man replied. "Fear not, I shall return. Enjoy yourselves." And then he walked into the woods and was gone. Mark looked around and finally sighed. "Helluva way to mentor someone," he muttered as he stood to take in a panoramic context. "Take 'em somewhere and then just fuck off? Nice." "He's not your mentor, Mark," Becky chided, sitting on a log and smiling at him. "He's a fellow time traveler who is doing you a favor. He's given you plenty of valuable information free of charge already, something I doubt he does frequently." "Well, okay," Mark allowed. "So, we just wait until we see something happen?" "No idea when that'll be, he didn't really tell us, did he?" Becky pointed out. "Yup," Mark sighed. "So, now what?" Becky tilted her head slightly as she looked at him, like there was something wrong with his brain. "Here's an idea. How about you come over here and fuck me?" Mark was so determined to be bent out of shape for having no instructions that he'd overlooked the completely obvious. He laughed and stepped forward, pulling Becky to her feet. They were holding their hands between them and staring into one another's eyes, smiling. "Now this is what time travel is all about," she purred, her eyes shining with delight. "You're going to fuck me in the woods in Louis the Sun King's France, Mark. For all we know, this is some sort of royal ground and we're trespassing. How many people can say they've done that?" "Just the lucky ones;” he replied, beginning to unfasten the clasps on her dress, freeing her chest from its confines. As the dress fell away, she was left standing on in a low-cut, blouse-like shirt and some panties, having chosen to forego the usual layers of buntlings and knickers. She bit her lip as he pulled her blouse over her head, exposing her glorious tits. Kneeling now, he slowly slid her panties down, feeling a thrill as her hairless, smooth cunt came into view. She stepped out of the tiny thong panties, letting him drink in the sight of her. Yes, he'd been with her for over a week now in France, but he never tired of seeing her beautiful body. "Your turn now, my lord." Becky whispered as she began removing his clothing, peeling away the layers until he was as naked as herself. She stood up again and moved close, her nipples gently kissing against his chest. Unable to hold back any more, Mark pulled his teacher to him and kissed her deeply, making Becky moan into his mouth. Their hands wandered over one another's now-familiar forms, seeking to stimulate, tease and pleasure. His hands found her pert ass cheeks and he squeezed them, causing her to moan again. "Hmm, can't wait to get some grass stains on this dress," she murmured, looking up into his eyes. "And maybe a few on my knees." She slowly knelt in front of Mark, kissing and nipping at his skin on the way down. His swelling phallus was in front of her face now and she licked her lips hungrily before taking gentle hold and kissing it. Mark closed his eyes and shivered, loving the feel of her lips on him. Everything about his teacher was incredible. He was just sorry it had taken so long to realize it. Becky now had the head of his cock inside her warm, wet mouth, swirling her tongue around flicking the tip of her tongue against him. She giggled as his rod throbbed and grew longer and harder. She loved how turned on he could get by her, it made her feel so primal and sexual. She then slid her mouth a little further down his shaft before pulling back, shivering in delight at the sight of his glistening skin. Mark's fingers were in her hair and flexing gently as she began to bob back and forth, taking more and more of him into her mouth. She hummed lightly, vibrating her lips around him and making him groan. Her hand rested on the shaft, pumping as it followed her lips, making a gentle twisting motion on the sensitive skin. Becky loved sucking cock, and Mark's was ridiculously perfect for her, in just about every possible way. She hoped that wouldn't be a problem down the road. She took gentle hold of his hips with both hands and moved back and forth along his shaft, breathing through her nose as she deep-throated him. Mark groaned in pleasure, his fingers flexing into her scalp and tugging her hair. She looked up at him, maintaining eye contact, which she knew he found so erotic. She could feel his skin growing warm and knew now was the time to stop and change things up if she intended to have his cock inside her. There was indeed one good thing about them being out of sync, with her current self three months behind him; they already knew she wasn't pregnant in his current timeline, so he could cum deep inside her as much as they liked. She pulled her mouth off his with a wet 'pop!' and smiling seductively. "I'm thinking maybe my girl wants to say hello too;” she purred. Mark nodded and spread out her dress before lying down on it, his rock-hard cock standing straight up and throbbing. Becky crawled over him, straddling his face, her creamy, wet cunt mere inches from his mouth. She faced down his body, giggling and he snaked his tongue out to taste her, but she kept her prize just out of reach. "So that's how it is, eh?" he said from below her before suddenly wrapping his arms around her thighs and pulling down on them and causing her to lurch unexpectedly (for her) onto his eager mouth. Becky shuddered and moaned loudly as his tongue snaked along and massaged her nether lips, before flickering against her throbbing clit to make her gasp and almost double over. "No fair;” she panted, trying to regain control of herself, but Mark seemed inclined to cheat. He kept her pinned to him, leaving her to squirm helplessly above him while he lashed her with his tongue. "Uh, you bastard; yes, right there; Oh, God, Mark;” Her pleas exhorted him to even greater measures. He was determined to make her cum on his mouth at least once before they fucked. And he seemed to be pretty damned good at making her cum with oral sex, he had to say. Becky squirmed on top of him, playing wither tits, pinching and pulling on her pink nipples, her eyes squeezed shut, because it almost felt too good if she was looking at him. His eager tongue snaked deep inside her hungry cunt, making her wetter still. He had this maddening technique where he formed shapes or letters inside her with his tongue, reaching almost every nook and cranny of her. She whimpered, knowing he intended to make her cum and she was more than happy to oblige. She leaned forward while sitting on his face, reaching out to his twitching cock, caressing and massaging it gently; she didn't want him to cum, she just wanted to keep him stimulated. She felt the thrill of anticipation, knowing it would soon be inside her, pumping in and out, throbbing and finally releasing his creamy essence into her, something she accepted gladly because of the temporal mechanics between them. Mark sucked her clit into his mouth, rolling it around and making her shudder, groaning deeply as something started to build within her. She pushed down onto his face with her hips, grinding eagerly, while her clit throbbed. Then her released it and pushed his tongue deep inside her again, probing and lashing her until she was writhing and panting heavily. "Oh, God, Mark;” she gasped, sweat streaming from her sensual form. "Oh, fuck, yes, please; Uh, so close, baby;” He pushed into her as hard as he could and she jerked and squeaked arching her back. Her whole frame was wracked with pleasure as she cried out loudly, the orgasm crashing through her until she almost couldn't breathe. She shook violently, her eyes rolling into her head before she collapsed on top of him, her body limp and her chest heaving. Her limbs felt like tingling lead, but she managed to lift one to find his cock, determined to keep him hard until she had recovered. She stroked him gently while he kissed at her gooey nether lips, his face glistening with her cum. Fortunately, Becky was insatiable and recovered quickly, slowly rising and then sidling forward down his body so she could look back at him and smirk. "How about it, big boy?" she asked coyly. "You ready for the main event?" Mark grinned and nodded while she slithered down his body, finally hovering over his hips while facing his feet. She took hold of his throbbing cock and teased it against her slippery entrance before sinking down, making them both sigh in relief. "Hallelujah;” she moaned as he bottomed out inside her, filling her completely. "Oh, that's exactly what the doctor ordered." Mark nodded and took hold of her silken, pert ass cheeks and gripped them firmly, making his teacher purr. Becky loved having her ass played with, and while she began to sink up and down slowly on his cock, he massaged the peach-like orbs, eliciting moans from her when he spread them wide, giving her a delicious stretch. "Hmm, get me nice and ready back there," she cooed as she moved up and down on him. "Because once you're done in my cunt, I want you in my ass and I want to feel your cum in it." Mark nodded eagerly, because he loved fucking Becky's ass. Her cunt was incredibly tight, but even that couldn't match her exquisite back passage, which gripped him so strongly and always made him cum so hard he thought he might faint. His fingers teased against her little puckered, pink knot, sending the most divine tingles through her luscious body. Becky undulated on him, picking up the pace and counting on Mark to control himself until her was in her ass. She bit her lower lip, working herself on that thick, throbbing tool, pulling up until it was almost out of her and then sinking back down in one long stroke, filling her completely. Her heart was strumming in her chest as she thrilled to the notion of the oncoming climax. She was hissing now, struggling to hold on just a few seconds longer, to draw out this wonderful pleasure for them both. But then she felt the point of no return and willingly stepped over it, moaning loudly as her cunt fluttered and she began to cum, hard. She wailed and rocked on her lover, bathing his middle with her excitement. Her head lolled for several seconds as she came down from her orgasm, but she remembered that she still had Mark inside her and needed him, promised him, that he would be cumming in her ass. Slowly, lethargically, she raised herself until his cock fell out of her, still rock-hard and yearning for more. For such a young man, he had exceptional control. She inched forward, until she felt his pulsing head teasing against her notch. She reached underneath herself and took hold of the shaft, holding him steady while she pressed down, slowly but surely. She heard him groan as the head popped through her tight ring suddenly and then he was sliding inside her. It was Heaven. She sat still for several seconds, just reveling in the feel of him filling her ass. She felt the need to be sensual, and she leaned backward, until she was resting her back on his torso, her head next to his. But her knees were still bent and she groaned like she was going to burst, the angle of his penetration in this position more than she could bear. Whispering for him to wait patiently, she slowly, sinuously slid her legs out from beneath herself and straightened them, relaxing in pleasure as they rested on Mark's thighs. "Sorry, that would've downright killed me right now," she whispered to him, her glassy, heavily-lidded eyes looking into his. "And I wanted to be down her to kiss you and let you fondle me as you fucked me and came in me." "Sounds like a plan," he agreed readily, his strong, but gentle hands coming up to rest on her opulent tits. Her began caressing and massaging them in circles while Becky started moving her ass on top of his cock, squeezing him inside her tight confines. "God, I love your ass, Becky." "Umm, it loves your cock, Mark," she purred, undulating on him, the throb of his tool being felt through her whole body like another heartbeat. "You always make me cum so hard;” They squirmed and ground together, with Mark tilting his hips up to push inside her while Becky squeezed him, the lovers shuddering as they kissed feverishly. His hands were squeezing her tits now, pinching and pulling on the nipples again to make her groan with the delicious sting. But Mark felt his climax approach and he knew it wouldn't be long before he was pumping his cum inside her. Becky moaned into his mouth as she felt his cock swelling and twitching erratically, a sure sign he was about to cum. She squeezed him tighter, feeling the buildup inside herself, yearning to share that unreal ecstasy. The groaned into one another mouths at first, but then the kiss was broken as they panted, fighting for air, their voices carrying around the woods they were in. He pushed up hard inside her, pulling down on her tits while she squeezed with all her might, his cum almost searing hot inside her, filling her up. Mark went limp, breathing heavily and clearly spent, not that he minded. Becky could barely move, bound in ropes of silken bliss that kissed every nerve in her body. Her own heartbeat plus the relentless throb of Mark's rigid cock, still oozing inside her, almost meant she didn't know how to center herself. But they relaxed together finally, kissing gently, eyes closed while they clasped hand on top of her tits. Tongues softly tangled, tasting one another while they let their rapture slowly ebb. Minutes passed and they lay silently, waiting for Mark's cock to soften so Becky could sit up. Finally, she giggled, squeezing his hands. "Feels like somebody doesn't wanna go to sleep," she said cutely, wiggling her ass on him, feeling her ass refusing to relinquish its hard-earned prize. "What're we gonna do?" "Iono," he said drowsily. "We just wait, I guess. If I try to have another orgasm right now, I'm pretty sure he'd just spontaneously combust inside you." "Alas, poor cock," she cooed, stroking his cheek. "I guess we happily wait, then." They closed their eyes and relaxed, waiting for Mark's erection to subside so that they could get up without difficulty. Their hands remained at rest on her tits while they nuzzled their cheeks together. Then there was a 'click!' sound. Arrest in Flagrante delicto. Becky's eyes snapped open and she goggled up at a man dressed in rather colorful and opulent period clothing, staring down at them as he pointed a flintlock rifle at their face. Looking around, she now saw they were surrounded by men carrying pikes and muskets, all of whom stared at the naked couple with varying level of interest. The man directly over them moved his musket muzzle, indicating they should sit up. Mark's eyes were open by now and he glanced around in confusion as well, clearly not understanding what had happened. The man's eyes narrowed and he moved the musket muzzle again. Becky, sensing the danger they were suddenly in, tried to move, but shivered; she was still impaled on Mark's solid cock, which had shown no signs of softening and kept her pinned against him. She couldn't get up. "Great time to develop priapism, Mark;” she said sourly. "Maybe Louis the Sun King's France just isn't for us after all," Mark sighed as he hiked along behind Becky, who had been stuffed hurriedly back into her dress while he was allowed to put on his breeches again. Neither of them even had shoes on as they followed the soldiers. Their hands were tied behind their backs. "This is twice now that we've;“ "I know, Mark, I was there," Becky said somewhat tersely, wondering if Chester Edgeworth was now someone she had to add to her shit list. She hated adding names to the shit list. "I guess we were so busy fucking that the event our host meant for us to witness has found us." "Tais-tois!" one of the men guarding them said as he walked nearby with a musket. "Vou ne pouvez-pas parler!" Becky scowled at the man and continued trudging. She wasn't really embarrassed about being caught fucking, it wasn't the first time it had happened to them here in France. But at least this lot had the decency to let her have an orgasm first before taking them prisoner. She couldn't even enjoy the grass stains on her clothes! They had exited the woods and were now tromping through a field, heading toward a much larger cluster of soldiers. Mark couldn't help but notice that a lot of them were wearing red. "Shit;” Becky muttered as she saw them as well. "That's all we need." "Huh?" Mark asked, but he was silenced when a soldier shoved him roughly from behind with his musket, indicating he was to stay quiet. They approached the encampment and Mark soon realized there were several hundred soldiers. The tents were spread out around one rather illustrious red tent of grand size. He then saw a cluster of cavaliers milling about and they seemed to be headed in that direction. Soldiers stared at them as they entered the perimeter of the camp, usually at Becky. Mark and Becky found themselves hauled in front of the cavaliers, who parted, making way for a single man on horseback. He was at least middle-aged, with a somewhat grey pallor to his skin and thin, hawk-like features. His expression was a rather lemony one, as if he felt inconvenienced by this entire incident. For all that, though, his dark eyes glinted with intelligence. He was wearing the flowing red habits of a high-ranking member of the Catholic church, although he had a burnished breastplate on his chest as well. "You stand in the presence of his Eminence, the Cardinal Richelieu," announced the captain of the troops that had taken them prisoner. Mark's eyes went wide. He didn't speak French, but he'd seen enough Three Musketeers movie reboots to know who Cardinal Richelieu was and exactly what sort of deep shit they were suddenly in. "Show respect!" Becky dropped to one knee and bowed her head, looking at the ground. Mark rapidly followed suit, since she probably had a better grasp of the situation than he did. He could feel everyone's eyes and on them and it was beginning to weigh heavily, like a yoke around his neck. His face flushed, but he said nothing. "Who are these persons?" the cardinal asked finally. "Your names, my children." "My name is Rebecca, your Eminence," Becky said humbly, still not looking up. "And you, good sir?" the Cardinal asked, looking over at Mark now. "M; me llamo Marco del strade, tu Eminencia." Mark stammered. "A Spaniard," mused the Cardinal, pursing his lips. "In the presence of a peasant girl. And you both have unusual accents, I admit." "Your Eminence," said one of the captains, looking at them suspiciously. "This man, why is he here traipsing about Champagne like this? With this peasant girl? We found them in the woods, doing unspeakable carnal acts to one another." The Cardinal's eyebrow arched and he looked on in seeming distaste. "You don't say." "Very likely he is a spy for King Phillip, your Eminence!" said the captain, almost sneering. "No, your Eminence," Becky said suddenly, her voice full of concern. "I assure you, he is no spy!" Mark hadn't heard or understood everything the Frenchmen were saying to one another, but he understood 'espion' and his teacher's reaction indicated that he was in some kind of trouble. Go figure. "And what grounds can you give me to believe you, child?" the Cardinal asked with feigned interest. "Please," she begged, her head still bowed. "You have my utmost assurances he is no spy, he's an idiot!" This made the men around them laugh and even Richelieu grunted in amusement. "Both of you rise." Mark saw Becky get to her feet and he did the same. All around them, men with pikes and muskets were watching them warily, some of them levelling weapons at the pair. Clearly they took the Cardinal's safety seriously. Richelieu observed them with interest. "The girl is very unusual," he mused. "Tall, very healthy and very beautiful. Very, very beautiful. I know only one other of such unmatched attractiveness." Mark wasn't sure where this was going, but he doubted it was good. The Cardinal's interest in him was waning. "And yet you say you found her acting in a most carnal and un-ladylike manner in the woods, hmm?" Richelieu continued. "Well, it certainly won't do for her to be out here alone in the countryside, rutting like a nymph, would it? Perhaps her majesty could make use of the girl, once we fix her atrocious accent." "My what?" Becky snapped, looking offended now. "Put her in the cart, we'll bring her to the capital, with regards to the Queen." Richelieu declared, turning his horse about and riding off. Men began to try and wrangle Becky into one of the carts, many of them laughing and leering as they took the opportunity to grope her. Gut shot. "Hey, stop that!" Mark said angrily, surging forward, but he suddenly found himself confronted by a captain, who stared at him impassively. There was a sudden and frightfully loud 'crack!' sound and Mark halted suddenly, his eyes wide. Becky's head snapped around at the noise and her eyes went wide. Blinking, Mark slowly looked down and saw there was a very red puncture hole in his abdomen. Sounds slowed down, taking on an almost syrupy quality and he started to feel confused. Becky screamed and tried to force her way to him, but she was being hustled away by many guards. The man who had shot him wandered off, sliding his flintlock pistol back into a holster, clearly no longer caring about Mark. Everyone seemed to be wandering off now. He felt cold, and vaguely nauseous. The ugly red wound in his stomach pulsed, blood welling from it slowly. He felt himself toppling over, white light bathing the field around him. He could still see things, but they seemed distant. He tried to focus on something, finally identifying Becky's voice as she screamed for him. He could just make out the soldiers wrestling her into a cart while she struggled and kicked savagely, her face contorted in rage. "I'll Get You For This, Richelieu!" she roared as Mark's world was absorbed by the soft white light. "You Just Made The Shit List Of High Doom!! See If I Ever Dance A Sarabande For You, Pal!" Mark bolted upright suddenly, gasping. His eyes were wide and he was covered in sweat. His heart thundered in his chest and he fought to control his panic. The white light was slowly replaced by close walls of grey stone. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing. His hands bunched against sheets that were covering him. Finally, he could breathe normally and he tried to organize his thoughts. He still felt confused, everything a total jumble. "Calm yourself. Think!" He'd been fucking Becky in the woods. Apparently they were waiting for Cardinal Richelieu to go by, which he guessed passed for a historical event, seeing the man. But the Cardinal's soldiers heard the two of them and took them prisoner. Then they took Becky and Mark tried to stop them and got shot in the stomach; His eyes snapped open and he was frozen in place. He forced himself to look down at his middle, seeing that he was still covered in a sheet. His hand was trembling as he moved it slowly toward the heavy, dun-colored blanket, sweat trickling from his brow as he felt fear rise in his throat. He flung away the sheet suddenly, unable to bear not knowing. He wasn't bleeding. There was no puncture wound, only a strange, round scar about two inches in diameter. Eyes wide, he slowly lifted his head and looked around, now noticing his environs; he was indeed in a small bedroom, the curtains drawn to keep out the light and very little in the way of décor. Just a chair and a table in one corner, some other surfaces with candles spaced around the room. His bed was solid and comfortable. "Ah, there you are," Chester Edgerton said as he came through the door. "I was beginning to think you had no intentions of waking up." "Where;” Mark said somewhat feebly. "Back at my place," Chester answered, sitting down in the chair and settling in for what was no doubt going to be a long and perhaps trying conversation. "I found you lying in the middle of the field nearly a kilometer from where I'd left you and you were very close to dead." "How did I;” "You should have died," Chester continued. "But ultimately you wouldn't have, due to a time lock, I'm assuming. You weren't meant to die there in that field. Luckily for you, there are still plenty of ways to get yourself killed for doing absurd things." "Why did you leave us in the first place?" Mark asked. "I've been around Richelieu and several of his captains at various points in the time stream, and it's getting difficult to manage," Chest replied, shrugging. "Best way to deal with that issue is to simply not be present." "So why leave us there?" "To see Richelieu, of course," the man said simply. "One of history's truly great men, certainly more so than that twit of a king he serves. I was just trying to ease you into the idea of witnessing historical events. It never occurred to me that you'd be found because you made your teacher yodel like a Swiss Miss when you flagranting the delicto with her. I admit I hadn't planned for that nonsense." Mark blushed. "So, what, I wasn't meant to die here, so my body just healed itself?" Chester laughed. "Oh, no, dear boy, nothing of the sort. I came back to the woods, as promised, as when you weren't there, I began noticing the tracks of many solid shoes and boots in the vicinity. Not to mention the clothes you left behind." "Yeah, sorry, I was kinda tied up at the moment." Mark muttered. "In any event, I followed the tracks, noticed that Richelieu had broken camp and then found you. You'd been lying there for nearly three hours, you should have been dead from blood loss, but you weren't. I brought you back here, removed the ball from your stomach and then healed you." "You can do that?" Mark asked. "I thought you said you were a dealer in chroniques." "It helps to have a few irons in the fire and some hidden talents if you're going to mess around in the time stream," Chester replied. "But I was under no obligation to complicate my life and save you." "I guess I'm glad you did," Mark sighed. "Thanks. But wouldn't I have healed anyway?" "Yes, but maybe not fully," replied the enigmatic dealer. "You might've been found by some local peasants, brought back to their hovel and spent life as a weakened vegetable until you died of the Plague. People die in the past all the time, Mark, and everyone in their own era thinks they just disappeared and mourns them. It's frightfully common." "Can I; can I see the tools you used to heal me?" Mark asked hopefully. "Nope," Chester replied, shaking his head. "They're from your future by a few hundred years, the only reason I used them at all was because you were out cold." "Uh, how long was I out, anyway?" "Almost a month," Chester answered, smoothing a corner of his pencil moustache. "I had you fully healed and ready for action by the next day, to be honest, but you just refused to come to. So, I just left you to it, figuring you would wake up when you felt like it." "Oh, shit," Mark breathed, realizing something. "Where's Becky?" Chester raised his hands. "Why would I know? I wasn't there. What do you remember?" Mark tried to concentrate while Chester got up and poured a glass of water. Mark drank it thirstily and placed the glass on the table. He found himself wishing that he'd taken French instead of Spanish in school. He'd thought Spanish might be more useful, but all it did was get him shot. Fuck that. "I don't really speak French, so this is hard. Umm; they thought I was a spy because they thought I was Spanish." "Because you've been presenting yourself as Spanish while you're here," Chester mused. "In spite of your outrageous accent. France has been at war with Spain on and off for some time now." "Whatever," Mark grumbled. "They seemed really interested in Becky." "To be expected, she is quite lovely. I dare say I've only known one woman in this entire era to match her beauty." "Well, I think I heard them say 'capital', and then I think 'la reigne', which means queen, right?" "Indeed it does," Chester agreed. "My bet, then, is that your teacher has been taken by the Cardinal to be presented as a gift to her majesty, Queen Anne, to serve as one of her ladies-in-waiting." "Why would he do that?" Mark asked, frowning. "I've seen enough Three Musketeers movies to know that the Cardinal and the Queen hate each other." Chester smiled. "It's a game he plays with her. As the years go on, Anne is, sadly, getting 'a little long in the tooth', to borrow a phrase. She remains dignified and regal, but her best days are behind here, where attractiveness is concerned. Richelieu now takes great delight in surrounding her with women of magnificent beauty, seemingly a gesture of devotion, but really meant to hurt the queen's feelings." "What a dick." Mark muttered. "You have no idea," Chester said dryly. "If they got her back to the city roughly a week after she was taken, then she's been with the royal court for three." "Meaning that she's either loving life as a lady-in-waiting, or she's killed and eaten them all," Mark said heavily. "I guess I have to go get her." "I can't imagine this not being amusing," Chester said, smirking. "But out of morbid curiosity, how, exactly, will you affect this rescue?' "I dunno," Mark said, shrugging. "But I can't leave her. She'd kill me." "She probably thinks you're dead, I feel obliged to point out." Chester mentioned. "She saw you suffer a mortal wound at point-blank range. You should be dead and only an as-yet undetermined temporal snarl has kept you alive. I wouldn't count on that again if I were you." "Well I can't do nothing!" Mark insisted in frustration. Chester tilted his head, observing his guest for a moment. "Do you love this woman?" Mark blushed furiously. "I; no, I don't love her, or if I do, then I'm not in love with her. There's a difference, ya' know." "Well and truly said, Boccaccio," Chester chuckled. "Well, if there's no stopping you, then I'll see what I can do to discretely help you." "Why?" Mark queried. "I've got a friggin' time machine. All I need to do is get there, zip in and zip out." "Correct me if I am wrong," interjected his host. "But did you not tell me, early on in our association, that your current self is from three months in the future of the Miss Rebecca that I know." Mark nodded. "And you plan to add another layer of temporal travel on top of that wedding cake of disaster?" Chester mused. "Rebecca could be subtly altering the timelines in Paris now with her very presence, involuntary as it might be. Your oh-so-carefully laid plan could simply not work because of a slight temporal consideration." "So you're saying no time machine." Mark stated flatly, not impressed. "I'm saying the idea is bad. Atari Jaguar bad," Chester replied. "If you intend to do this hare-brained thing, allow me to assist you in what moderate ways I can." "What, you've got some funky tech or weapons you can loan me?" "We'll see about that, but more importantly, I guess I'll call in a favor. A certain person who moves in the circle of the royal court owes me a small boon, and I can use it to assist you. They happen to be an accomplished master of intrigue and getting out of sticky situations, with a blade if necessary." Mark's eyes lit up. "Is it D'Artagnan?" "Only if you want to get Clock-Hammered out of existence," Chester laughed, shaking his head. "Everybody wants to meet Charles de Batz, thinking they're going to see D'Artagnan of Three Musketeers fame, and then it just turns out he's a bad-tempered Gascon who loves to punch people who bother him. He's punched more time-travelers than Jesus, I'm pretty sure." Chester then went over to a drawer and rummaged around inside it, finally pulling out a yellowing envelope that was sealed with wax. "I assure you, the agent I am referring you to will be much more effective than D'Artagnan. I will send you with instructions about where in Paris to meet them and offer them this envelope. Warning, though, if they see it is opened, they will simply refuse to help and go away to where you cannot find them. Are you strong enough to keep from opening the letter?" Mark nodded. "Well, then," Chester announced, opening a bottle of wine and pouring two cups. "Shall we drink a toast to your success, o Macro del Strade of Seville?" Palace Mission. Mark was sitting on the back of a hay wagon, wondering if he could really pull this insane plan off. In addition to the letter, Chester Edgeworth had indeed furnished him with a few small devices and curious that they hopefully would help him, though it cost him almost all the rest of his money. Chester pointed out he was a businessman and didn't intend to take a loss just because some idiot created a time crisis for himself. Fair enough. Mark tried not to play with the little bud that sat deep in his ear; Chester had sold it to him, saying that it could translate languages, speaking into Mark's ear whatever he was focusing on. It could also possibly formulate phrases; if he spoke in English, it could tell him the closest translation to what he was saying. This model was old, though, and only spoke the French of this period. Chester didn't want him getting any clever ideas with a more powered-up version, since if something bad happened, it might come back on him. The reasoning initially annoyed Mark, but the more he thought about it, he reminded himself that he was here to rescue Becky. Nothing else. He thought about the conversation he'd had with their host while drinking wine and planning his initial move, heading to Paris. "So why did you begin time-travelling at all?" the man had asked. "Well, I;” Mark started saying, unsure of how to answer. "I found a time machine. Seems perfectly logical to use it." "Granted, but what's your personal motivation, Mark?" he asked. "Is it to see glorious historical events, are you a treasure hunter, a thrill-seeker who wants to run with the Dromaesaurs?" Mark blushed now. "Honest? I thought it'd be cool to have sex with women from history." To his amazement, Chester didn't laugh uproariously, he simply smiled and shrugged. "More common than you would think, especially amongst men your age, who are full of hormones. Let me ask, then; was getting laid in your own time-period difficult?" "Not really, no." "Well it's not any easier in the time stream, just so you know," Chester pointed out. "In some periods of history, it can be even harder, where religious fervor runs rampant and sexual repression is the law of the land. I assume you wouldn't go as far as to rape a girl." Mark shook his head. "Lots of men do when they find out that having sex in the past is harder than they anticipated," Chester said almost sadly, shaking his head. "You're one of the better ones. But for all that, the problem remains; getting into bed or a rug with Cleopatra is pretty much next to impossible. You might as well hope to seduce Scarlett Johansson when you're no one in particular." "Hey, I got Becky, didn't I?" Mark had protested. "Dumb luck, really, and she's a remarkable woman. Have you had sex with any women aside from Becky since you came to the Sun King's France?" He shrugged. "A few, I shared 'em with Becky." "Peasants, I assume?" "Mostly, yeah," Mark admitted. "There was one sophisto girl, but Becky did the talking and charmed the knickers off her for us." "If it weren't for Becky, you'd be completely out of your league here, boyo," Chester said simply. "And trust me, it won't get easier. Even history buffs who think they know everything get caught and pay the price. There's the history you know, the history you don't know, and the history that you don't know that you don't know." "What?" "What year did World War Two end?" Chester asked. "Simple. 1945." "So you know that. What year did the Crimean War start?" "I've heard of it, but I don't know anything about it." "Something you know that you don't know. Okay, tell me about the League of Ages Twelfth Nicean Temporal Council." "The what?" "Exactly," Chester had said emphatically, leaning forward and pointing with his wine glass to make a point. "An incredibly important historic event that you've never even heard of, but it happened all the same. Can you imagine trying to do something that conflicted with that? You wouldn't even know what clock-hammered you, or why; because only a practiced temporal traveler would be aware of the event at all. Time travel can be tedious." "It's certainly becoming less and less fun by the moment." Mark grumbled. "Probably the smartest thing you've said since you found that Holmes-Field Device," Chester agreed. "Life would be a lot easier if casual nitwits like yourself walked the other way when a time machine appeared in their path." "But don't you make a living selling to people like me?" Mark asked. "Hardly," Chester almost snorted. "Nitwits like you rarely have anything to even pay me with and usually require drastic amounts of assistance. No, my friend, the majority of my income is derived from customers who hail from the far future where time travel is an established industry and carefully regulated. Now those people are my bread and butter." "Did Becky and I really stand out?" Mark asked somewhat dully. "More and more with each passing moment," Chester answered. "You're too tall, too healthy, you have all your teeth, and your accents are absurd." Mark said nothing. "And by the way," added his host. "Those little packets of Airborne that you both carry in your pockets? The little Vitamin C boost things to ward off the sniffles? I can guarantee you that those will in no way, shape or form protect you from illnesses in this era. Only thing it'll do is turn your piss such a bright yellow that people will think you're possessed and the Inquisition will burn you." Mark ended up leaving the packets as a curio that Chester could sell to people from the future who wanted to snicker at how dumb people from the turn-of-the-millennium were. Carting to Paris. He had arranged transport to Paris with the wagon he was now on, making sure the farmer put some extra perk in his horse's step by offering him twice as many sou as was normal. The journey, which would normally take a week, with good weather, was promised to six days because of the extra money. Whatever the difference was between six-day speed and seven-day speed, Mark sure couldn't tell it. His communication with the farmer had been sluggish, certainly, mostly on his end, because he would try to say exactly what his little translator bud told him and he probably sounded like he'd had a stroke when he was speaking. The farmer laughed at his speech, but still did as he was asked. Mostly they slept at the side of the road in the piled hay, but one night they stayed in a roadside inn. Mark's funds were running out fast, even though the food he ate was paltry and rather unappetizing. He had to reach Paris. They then trundled through the town where Mark and Becky had first come to; and Mark hid himself in the straw, figuring it was best to not be seen by people whom he might be familiar with. Even if the innkeeper's two daughters would no doubt readily fuck him again. He fought the temptation to ignore Chester's instructions and simply go get his Holmes-Field Device and use it to rescue his teacher. But he disciplined himself and refrained, he was in enough trouble as it is.  Then he meditated; Known knowns. Known unknowns. Unknown unknowns. Fuck. The days and nights passed with Mark trying to keep himself from growing crazy by practicing his French and thinking of his plan. He had no idea whatsoever about what to do once he reached Paris. Get inside the royal palace? He couldn't exactly Google the plans for it, could he? "Regardez la!" the farmer said finally, calling back to Mark and pointing toward the west. As the sun was rising behind them, he could make out a sprawling sea of darkness in the distance, the silhouette of which prickled the sky. Endless plumes of smoke hung over the city as deep grey gave way to dawn behind them. He thought it might actually be pretty. And then the wind wafted over them from the west, bringing the unique scent of fabled Paris. "Jesus!" Mark croaked as he turned green, leaning over the side of the wagon and puking his guts out while the farmer roared with laughter. They entered the city. Mark wandered through the choking maze of streets, gaping at the chaos of architecture around him; houses seemed to almost be built on top of houses, to the place where some of them were leaning over almost drunkenly. The cobblestones of the road were wet and sticky with effluence, there was no way to avoid it. The stench was beyond belief. How had people ever lived like this? He had asked on repeated occasions where he could find La Rue de Grenuie, the place Chester had told him he would find the agent he'd referred to. Mark was reasonably certain most people were being helpful, even if they stared at him like he was an alien. He might as well have been, he was a head taller than just about everyone, clearly well-fed and had all his teeth. Mark had seen jack-o-lanterns with more teeth than most of the denizens of Paris' infamous streets. He took many wrong turns, because where he thought people had told him to go was often a dead end. Eventually, by divine providence, he found himself on the street he'd been asking for, evidenced by an ancient, worn rectangle of wood that said the name in faded green letters. Certain he was on the right track, he headed down the crowded street, stuffing his purse into the front of his breeches, since Chester had told him Paris was home to countless scoundrels who could remove his wealth without him even noticing. The crowds began to thin out somewhat, and the street got narrower, as if that was possible. The cobblestones were also surprisingly dry, not sticky or running with the sewage of the city behind him. Before long, it was barely wide enough to accommodate one person and he felt very uneasy about the rickety buildings that loomed over his head, almost blocking the sky. He then stopped in front of a black iron fence, pitted with age and with a chain wrapped around it. He tilted his head and unwrapped the chain, finding that the gate now swung open freely and with decidedly little noise. He stepped in, closed it behind himself and then fixed the chain back in place as best he could. He found himself walking through a tunnel, the buildings about him now made of stone. Dank and foreboding, he resisted the urge to run, not knowing what lay ahead. Eventually, he came to a small, bare courtyard. It might have been thirty feet by thirty feet and was devoid of almost all decoration. High brick and stone walls concealed it from the chaos of Paris. It was surprisingly quiet, as if the city dared not disturb the austere serenity. There was a single, grey stone bench in the middle of the courtyard. Facing away from him, clad in a great cloak, was a person, the hood thrown over their head to keep the merciless sun off them. Mark swallowed and took a deep breath before beginning to move forward. Was this Chester's agent? If he was, Mark had to be careful, because he'd been told the man was dangerous. He approached slowly, finally coming to a stop some five paces away, still facing the stranger's back. "Hello," he said faltering French. "My name is Mark. I have; sent; to you; today; for big help. I is need big help." "That you do, my friend," replied the person in a strangely lyrical voice. Then closed a small book of devotionals wwhich had clearly been studied and stood, still facing away. "That much is obvious, because your French is painful." Mark blushed in embarrassment as the translator bud told him what the person had said. Still concealed beneath their voluminous midnight-blue cloak, the mysterious person turned around and approached him. He resisted the urge to take a step back as the shrouded presence stood right in front of him. He couldn't help but notice the person was on the taller side, strange for a Parisian. Gloved hands pulled down the hood and Mark's eyes widened in amazement. Shining golden hair spilled in luxurious tresses down the person's back. The eyes were a dazzling blue, glinting with intelligence. The smile was serene, the teeth within white and perfect. Lady Alexandra. <

CW:Self HarmSuffer with us through this surface level rehash of the graduate that every 25 year old (male) film school grad feels like they have to make. We talk F*R*I*E*N*D*S, Funerals, and Fucking, and the early career of JJ Abrams

The Time Riders: Part 1 The Timeless Art of Shagging. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 16 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Novels. Give A Monkey A Gun. Mark's bedroom interrogation. Mark sat in the chair in his bedroom by his computer desk, trying to look chastised, but he was worried that a tiny hint of an evil smirk was crossing his lips. He hung his head in the hopes it would be less noticeable. Standing in the room with him were two stone-faced men in black suits and dark glasses. They stared at him silently for several minutes before glancing at one another. Finally, the shorter one sighed. "Okay, Mark," he said heavily. "Once more, from the top. I want you to give us as detailed an account of what happened as you possibly can. Leave nothing out." "Everything?" Mark asked quietly. "Everything." "Well, as long as you think you have the time." Mark quipped, sitting up straight and leaning back in his chair somewhat casually. The tall man frowned. "Was that a joke?" "Not a very good one, apparently," Mark muttered. "Stick to the facts," the man said firmly. "We hate jokes." "No kidding," Mark mused, settling in to relay the events he had already explained to them twice that evening. "Alright, let me start at the beginning." "Not funny, young man;” growled the shorter agent. "I found the thing in the park. What did you say it's called?" Mark asked. "A Holmes Field Device." "Right," Mark agreed, nodding. "I found the Holmes Field Device in the large lilac bushes over in Grosvenor Park." "Why were you in the bushes?" interrupted the tall man. Mark gave him a wry look. "I was making a drug deal. I was supplying uranium to Libyan terrorists. I was hiding the body of a transvestite hooker I killed. What does it matter? It's not your worry or jurisdiction, if you're telling me the truth, is it?" "Fair enough," said the shorter agent amicably. "Please proceed, Mark." Mark nodded. "It was really small and compact at first and I didn't know what it was. But it kinda gave off a hum and it almost had a glow, I dunno. I pulled it out of the bushes and over to a secluded area where there was still some light from nearby lamps. Anyway, I must've tripped a catch or something on it, because the thing folded out on itself into what looked like a platform and grew these weird-ass frames with displays and dials and buttons and shit. It was like something out of Star Trek." "I can see how it might appear advanced to you," the shorter agent said, nodding. "To my partner and I, it's rather primitive, but that's not your problem. Please proceed." "Once I was sure that no one was around or likely to come through, I began fiddling around with the dials," Mark continued. "At first I was confused, because it didn't seem to do much, except spit up weird numbers on the analogue screens, but then I thought about it and realized they were dates. They were just; off." "Not off," the shorter man said. "Just dates set by a different calendar, if you will. The Holmes Field Device was developed by Ashleigh Holmes, the younger brother of the more famous Sherlock and Mycroft, but he was perhaps even more brilliant. He modified the Gregorian calendar to account for leap years and Daylight Savings, changed the accounting of seconds, minutes, hours and so on to eliminate the need for such inconsistencies. The Holmes Calendar will be adopted eighty three years in your future, but it is so accurate that it won't need to be modified until the year 12,645 AD." "Huh." Mark said in response, not caring much. "Oh, and he also invented the temporal displacement device you found," the man added. "Although it'll be another two hundred and eight years before that comes to light." "Anyways," Mark continued, killing the history lesson. "Once I figured out they were dates and times, I tried setting the time back a few hours. After that, I started pushing some buttons. Things got blurry for just a split second and then the sun was blinding me. I was still alone, but I stepped off and looked around, still in the same spot, but obviously at a different time of day. I looked at the clock on my cellphone and it seemed to have adjusted to say it was six hours earlier, just like I'd set the dials." "Your phone adjusted accordingly. Electronics will do that." "I was really excited to look around but realized I didn't want to be caught and I suddenly thought I should be careful." "What a novel idea," the tall man said dryly. "Go on." "Well, I went back to the Holmes Field thing and set it to take me back to the time I'd come from. And it did. Then I began thinking about what sort of things I might be able to do if I was careful." "And this is where it got interesting, yes?" the shorter agent remarked. Mark explains his connection to Becky. Mark nodded. "Maybe I could change things. Not big things, but little things. It suddenly occurred to me the D that Miss Fischer gave me on my Physics exam earlier in the semester had kept me from getting into the university of choice I'd applied to. So I decided to see if I could fix that somehow;” Mark crept through the bushes under the cover of dark, oddly certain than no one was going to see him. He couldn't explain why, but he felt a confidence that he would not be discovered because he hadn't been there before. It didn't make sense, but maybe that was a good thing. He knew where Miss Fischer lived, he'd seen her pull into the small, stand-alone house in her Rav4 on many occasions. He slipped onto her property through her back yard, instinctively knowing that her rear door would be unlocked. It was already ten o'clock, but there was no school the next day so she was still likely to be up. A stick snapped in the yard one lot ever. His head snapped around to see if he'd been spotted, but he didn't see anything. A dog began barking. Stupid animal scared the shit out of him. He moved quietly across the lawn to the back door, opened it slowly and found himself in a small kitchen. It was dark except for a small night-light and he paused, listening for movement, hearing no one nearby. He stared in bewilderment at the sheer amount of organic cereals and grains that lined the counters around the room, along with fresh fruits and other nutritious snacks. No wonder she always seemed so perky, even if she was shy and retiring. Beyond the kitchen, he could see the living room and small dining room were still lit. He padded across the linoleum floor silently, hearing nothing. He peeked into the dining room and through it into the living room. No one. There was a yoga mat on the floor in front of the long, flat-screen TV. The decor consisted of low tables and beanbag chairs others. Damn, this woman was crunchy. He heard water running upstairs and some off-key singing. He crept up the steps to the second floor, preparing himself for what would no doubt be an awkward situation, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to do this, whether he liked it or not. There was a shower happening and he now recognized Miss Fischer's voice. She seemed to be alone and her vehicle had been standing by itself in the driveway. If she was already showering, she wasn't going out again. Mark approached the bathroom, noticing the door was wide open. He guessed that made sense, since Miss Fischer had told the class more than once that she lived lamentably alone. She took the teasing from her students good-naturedly, but now he could confirm it. She was a bachelorette. She was singing and he could hear the shower water splashing off her body as he hid beside the door. He couldn't believe he was doing this. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, calming his nerves before subtly peeking around the door and into the bathroom. There was no tub, just a walk-in shower. His eyes went wide when he realized that her shower stall was composed of fog and steam-proof glass, giving him an almost completely uninterrupted view of the activities within. Except for the droplets of water that trickled down the treated glass panes, he could see his teacher in all her naked glory. Miss Fischer was facing away from him, running her fingers through her long, wet blonde hair, swaying her body back and forth, her amazing ass glistening wetly. He tuned out her rather painful singing of a Beyoncé song and let his gaze travel up and down her womanly form. His heart thundered in his chest, to the place where he was worried she might hear it. Miss Fischer always dressed rather modestly at school and he was shocked to see what a rocking' bod she had. Clearly she hadn't been lying about the yoga and the CrossFit she claimed to do. Her skin was fair, but not pale. Her shapely back tucked into a small waist, which in turn blossomed out into fit hips which were anchored by her amazing ass. Her long legs tapered down to tiny ankles. If he hadn't been so astonished and exhilarated, he would have had a massive hard-on by now. "C'mon, turn around;” he found himself urging her silently. Miss Fischer obliged and Mark thought he might faint. She'd always been pretty, of course, but Mark doubt that anyone at school would have guessed what a sex-pot their Physics teacher was. Where the hell had she been keeping those tits? Did she fucking strap them down? They were large, yet perky. The tiny pink nipples sat atop them proudly, announcing the arrival of their mistress right behind them. Her stomach was flat, but still soft, begging to be kissed. He forced himself to look lower and saw that her cunt was shaved except for the small strip of trimmed hair above. The nether lips were even and not quite plump, but still dismissed any worries of a bony thigh-gap. Her clit hood barely peeked out over the top. "Fucking fuck;” he thought, his mind racing. "Who knew Miss Fischer was so insanely hot?" He watched rapt, utterly forgetting that she might see him if she happened to look his way. The blonde seemed to have no interest in life beyond those glass panes, however, as she caressed her body slowly, making sure she was cleansed of her organic craft shower gel. Her manicured hands glided up and down her lovely body while she closed her eyes, letting the water from the showerhead rinse it away. As Mark watched, she kept her eyes closed but bit her lip gently, one of her hands moving up to slowly and gently caress her tits while the other snaked its way down her stomach and between her legs to begin playing with her cunt. A quiet sigh escaped her mouth and Mark felt his cock rapidly swelling inside his jeans. The teacher pressed her forehead against the glass, her eyes still closed. Her hand massaged her ample tits while the hand between her legs moved up and down slowly, massaging the lips. Mark swallowed and adjusted his cock inside his pants as he watched intently, unable to believe he was being treated to this incredible show. Another moan escaped her lips as she pleasured herself and began pinching one of her nipples. It took all of Mark's willpower to not pull his cock out and begin stroking it on the spot, because he had other plans. Miss Fischer, not so constrained, continued to finger her cunt until she was panting. She stopped suddenly and reached up to pull the detachable showerhead off its arm and brought it down to her body. She hummed as she let the stiff streams beat against her shoulders and then her tits. Mark could see her already hard nipples getting ever harder. She then slowly moved the showerhead down her sensual form, over her trim stomach and between her legs. She let out a loud sigh as the water battered her lips and clit. She turned herself around again, pressing her ass cheeks against the glass while she put the showerhead under her cunt to continually stimulate it. Her cheeks squirmed rhythmically around on the glass pane as she jet-fucked herself. Mark watched in disbelief as one hand came back behind and spread her cheeks to play with her little, puckered knot. Miss Fischer let out a grunt as her middle finger slid inside her ass while the showerhead continued to bombard her cunt with its tiny jets. Mark gripped the front of his pants again, unable to resist, giving himself a squeeze. He sincerely hoped she wouldn't last much longer, because he wasn't sure he would if she kept this up. Fortunately for Mark, his teacher did not seem terribly interested in delaying her reward. The squirming became more pronounced and she groaned as her body began to tremble and then shake. Her finger was working itself in and out of her ass faster and faster while the showerhead was almost crushed to her cunt lips. She let out a gasp and a cry before falling to her knees, her body almost spasming as she came. Mark gritted his teeth as he watched, desperately willing himself to not massage his cock and join her in autoerotic bliss. The restraint would be worth it. He removed his hand and settled for squeezing the doorframe while watching his teacher. Miss Fischer slowly leaned forward until  her head was on the floor, her ass in the air. She moved the shower jets slowly up and down over her molten sex while her finger teased her ring. He listened to her panting and sighing as she started to come down from what was a clearly badly-needed orgasm. Mark couldn't wait much longer or he'd lose his nerve. He quietly stepped into the bathroom and started to head toward the shower. Miss Fischer had finally moved up back into a kneeling position, still facing away from him and taking slow, deep breaths. She then got to her feet and replaced the showerhead back in its arm above her. She rinsed her face and body again before turning off the water. Silently, Mark waited off to the side while she slid open the door and stepped out somewhat awkwardly, trying to get her long, wet hair out of her face. She groped around blindly for several moments and Mark realized she'd forgotten where she put her towel. He handed her a hand towel which she absently took and wiped her face with before pushing her hair back. Mark meanwhile handed her a full-sized body towel. "Thank you, Mark," she said pleasantly. "I'm always; Mark!" This last bit was exclaimed loudly and she slammed herself back against the opposite wall from him, her eyes wide with utter shock. Both towels she'd been holding flew from her grip, leaving her naked and dripping wet. He had no idea why, but he tried to maintain eye contact with her. "Uh; hi, Miss Fischer," he said somewhat awkwardly before swallowing. "Uh; nice shower you've got there." Some of her wits seemed to return and she realized she was standing naked in front of one of her students. She moved her hands about haphazardly, making several comical attempts to cover herself, eyes still wide and mouth agape. "Wha; wha; y; you;” she stammered. "Yeah, I didn't exactly expect to be here either," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "First of all, don't scream or anything. I'm not here to' "Then why are you here, you little pervert?" she hissed, finally regaining control of her vocal chords. "Get the fuck out and I'll possibly consider not calling the police!" "I; can't;” he admitted weakly. She frowned and looked down at his legs, choosing to ignore the rather obvious bulge in the front of his pants. "Your legs work just fine, young man, but I'll tell you what's not going to after I've kicked you there if you don't get out of my house." "No, I;” he began but then realized he didn't quite know how to articulate what he wanted to say. What the hell had he been thinking, doing any of this? He finally bent over and picked up the large body towel she'd lost and handed it to her. "Maybe; I guess you should put this on first;” She snatched it away from him and wrapped it around her body, but if he'd been hoping this made her more amenable to his presence then he'd been wrong. What did happen was her eyes began to blaze with fury as she composed herself. "So help me, Mister Simmons," she growled as she advanced on him menacingly, her near-nudity forgotten. The towel did very little to conceal her buxom figure. "If you don't tell me right this instant what the hell you are doing in my house, watching me take a shower, I'll show you exactly what CrossFit has done for me, along with the jiu-jutsu classes. You'll be wishing I'd called the cops." Mark held up his hands, hoping to calm her. "There's no need for that, teach, I' "Don't call me that off school grounds," she snapped, still moving toward him until it was Mark backed up against the wall. "Ex-plain your-self;” Mark swallowed again, fearing for his well-being. He'd been so much smoother when he thought this over in his head earlier. "You; you failed me on the Physics exam." She paused in her menacing advance for a moment and raised an eyebrow. "Your exam isn't for another two months. Irrelevant. Why are you creeping on me?" "I know it isn't," he said hastily. "But; you're going to fail me." "Then maybe you should be back home studying instead of breaking into my house," she snapped, getting ready to beat him senseless. This wasn't like him, but that was no excuse for endangering her. "Last chance and then it's night-night time with my fist in your brain." Mark squeezed his eyes shut, trying to compose himself. His heart was pounding so hard that he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to get another erection again. "It; I can't explain it if I think you're going to kill me! Please stop threatening to kill me and I'll tell you." She stopped cornering him and paused, looking annoyed and skeptical. "This'd better be good, because you're either going to find yourself punched unconscious by a girl or talking to the cops. Explain and then you get your choice." "It's; actually really good," Mark breathed. "I'm not me. I mean, I'm me, but not the me you know." "A doppelganger?" she asked dryly, not amused. "Lay off the sci-fi and anime, Mark, it's making you too stupid for physics." "No, I;” he paused and took another deep breath. "I'm Mark from this coming up summer." "Oh, you're a time-traveler now, are you?" she mused snidely. "So tell me, since you already know; do I eat your heart or your liver tomorrow with my afternoon salad?" "Look, look;” he said, trying to keep his voice from pissing itself in fear as he reached into his wallet. "Look, here's my new voter ID that I got just after my birthday." He held it out for her to look at. She glanced at it and then up at him, clearly not impressed. "Ya' know, other kids fake their ID's to say they're old enough to drink. This one just says you're now eighteen. No wonder you're failing physics, you can't even fake an ID right." "Uh, no, I;” Mark stammered, frustrated with how badly he was fucking up. "I can't help when I'm from, I'm from three months in the future." "And you're here to tell me I'm secretly pregnant with the man who will lead us to victory over the AI machines?" she sneered. She cracked her knuckles. "It's a pity, you actually were a pretty good-looking kid before I did this to you;” "No," he blurted out. "I came here to convince you to change my grade because the university I wanted to go to rejects me over that grade!" She paused for a moment. "Okay, so why didn't you just study?" He shrugged nervously. "I don't know. I can't do anything about that now. Except like this." Miss Fischer stopped and closed her eyes for a moment. This was the weirdest home invasion and rape she'd ever heard of. "What?" "Maybe; it was stupid of me to fail," Mark said. "But that's my past. I can't change it directly. But I was hoping to come here and convince you to let me pass anyway." "If for some reason I were inclined to believe that you were from the future, which I don't, by the way," she stated. "Why would I change your grade if you don't deserve it? Maybe you shouldn't be going to university next year, maybe you need to, oh, I don't know, quit doing juvenile shit like this and grow the fuck up before you go out into the world?" "Can we; can we talk about this somewhere else?" he asked nervously. "No, I think we're good right here," she said flatly. "You're backed into a corner and can't escape. But if I let you live, clearly you might have a job as a science fiction writer. Tell me more and keep it good." "No, you'll kill me." Mark said, sweating profusely. "I'm definitely going to kill you," she pointed out. "But if your lie amuses me, I might make it quick and painless. Your choice. And go." Mark didn't know if she was kidding or not, but he decided to treat the threat as real. "I; I came here to seduce you and convince you to change my grade." Miss Fischer paused, her eyes widening. She said nothing for several seconds but then mirth creased her pretty features and she began to snicker. Seconds later, she was laughing loudly and uncontrollably. "It's not funny." Mark grumbled, scowling darkly. "Yes, yes it is;” she wheezed, her outrage clearly giving way to utter amusement. "Oh, God; I almost wish this was true. There'd be so much less blood to get out of the grout on my floor;” She stood up and looked at him again, her eyes shining with tears. "So let; let me get this straight; you came here to sex me up so good that I'd give you a passing grade you don't deserve?" She burst out laughing again, leaning against the sink to hold herself up. In spite of his predicament, he noticed her magnificent cleavage down the top of her towel. Miss Fischer seemed to have forgotten. "I was a lot smoother in my plan for all this." he muttered. "Oh, I'm sure you were, Mark," she said almost sympathetically as she looked up at him again, tear stains on her cheeks. She smiled and he couldn't help but notice she was beautiful. He really had no idea of how to proceed, even if the was committed at this point. "So how's your plan working out so far?" "Fairly rotten," he said. "I didn't know where I'd find you when I came in and then I saw you in the shower and just; well, I couldn't help but watch." What he was saying slowly dawned on her and he could see she was getting irate again. "You stood there and watched me masturbate?" she hissed, her eyes flashing. "You little pervert!" "Take it as a compliment!" he said hastily, wincing. "You're really really pretty!" "And this is where you tell all the other boys at school, right?" she growled. "No," he said, shaking his head. "I don't think anyone at school has any idea what sort of a knockout you are, miss. I mean, you dress pretty conservatively. Any of the girls who saw what I just did would be really jealous." "Well, thank you for that, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to creep on me!" she shot back. "Honestly, why am I still letting you live, you little felon? Are you hoping the courts will take it easy on you because you're not eighteen yet?" "I am eighteen," he insisted. "I'll prove it." "You're going to let me cut you open and count the rings?" she asked. "No, I;” Mark began, his mind racing. "Your dresser!" "What?" "Your dresser in your room," he said, nodding. "In the back of the third top drawer, there's hand-written note from you to yourself about tonight. And to prove to yourself that it's true, you wrote down something only you know about yourself." She paused and frowned at him for several seconds before stepping aside and allowing him out of the corner. She pointed out toward the hallway. "March, mister. I'm not letting you out of my sight." Mark exited the bathroom and walked down the hall to one of two bedrooms, which was currently dimly illuminated by a small Himalayan rock-salt lamp. She made him stand in the middle of the room and wait quietly while she began rummaging in the drawer he had mentioned. She seemed to have forgotten she was only wearing a towel or had stopped caring. "You're mother's going to weep at your closed casket funeral after I bite your eyeballs out for staring at my ass." Miss Fischer said as she kept digging around while bent over. Mark coughed and looked away from her ass. She finally stood upright, holding a small envelope she'd withdrawn from the back of the drawer. She frowned as she examined it for several seconds, as if she didn't recognize it. She looked at him again, her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You swear you've never been in my house before?" He nodded, placing one hand over his heart and the other in the air. "Never, miss." She considered and then unsealed the envelope, pulling out the single, folded page and began reading. Whatever she red caused her to sit, almost flump very suddenly on the edge of her bed, her eyes wide with disbelief. She looked at him and held the letter up in a trembling hand. "Is this true?" Mark shrugged. "You wrote whatever is in there, I have no idea. The only thing I can tell you that's true is what I already told you, Miss Fischer. I'm Mark from the summer and I've come back in time to convince you to change my grade so I can go to university." She sat on the bed, looking dumbfounded. She said nothing for several seconds, staring off at the far wall blankly. She then looked back at him again and held up the page. "I wrote this. I wrote this after I; after you and I;” He nodded. "I'm assuming you did it to prove all this to yourself." "How is this possible?" she asked, still lost. "How are you even here, if you're from the future and I'm not just bug shit nuts and hallucinating all this?" "I; I have a time machine." Mark replied. "Really," she said, nonplussed, her shock fading rapidly. "Just like that. A kid who can't pass high school physics has a time machine and can operate it." "Well, yeah, that's how I ended up here." Mark reasoned. "Show it to me." "I will," he said, nodding. "But first, I need to make sure you're going to pass me in that exam. Otherwise, all this means nothing." "What, so let you fuck me and give you a passing grade?" she asked, scowling. "Why should I do all the work?" Mark frowned. "First of all, you wouldn't be doing all the work, miss, thank you. Second, it's supposed to happen this way or I wouldn't be here." "Bullshit," she snorted. "For all you know, I sent you home with your dick in your hand and no passing grade." "Then what was written on that paper that shocked you so much?" he countered. Miss Fischer said nothing for several seconds but then looked back up at him. "You're; you're sure you're eighteen right now? Because you aren't eighteen in my class." He nodded. "And you'll show me this time machine," she pressed, desperate to convince herself. "After we;” Mark nodded again. Miss Fischer exhaled heavily. "Give me a moment, this is a lot to take in." "How so?" he asked. She scowled up at him. "I'm about to fuck one of my students who's apparently a time-traveler and trade a passing grade for sex. What do you think is weird about this?" He shrugged. "My whole evening's been weird, miss. I found that thing that turned out to be a time machine, then I' "You just found it today?" she exclaimed. "And the first thing you did was decide to come back and fuck your physics teacher?" "Yeah, I kinda need that grade." Mark admitted. She scowled again. "So you came back in time and the principal reason isn't even to fuck me?" Mark pulled at his face for a moment as he tried to explain. "It's like I said earlier, miss. No one at school knows how hot you are because you never show it. If you did, every guy and bi girl in the school would want to fuck you." "Maybe I dress like that so I don't have a pack of little horn dogs lusting after, oh;” she murmured, catching herself and realizing she just defeated her own argument. Fluid time was rough to argue against. She sighed again. "So, uh; how do we do this?" Mark scratched his head. "I dunno. Nothing about this evening has gone the way I planned it, but we still ended up here. I guess we need to improvise." Miss Fischer considered. "Well, you've seen me naked and doing myself, so I think we need to redress the scales," she sighed. "So strip down and let me see what I'm selling my academic integrity for;” Mark felt an uncomfortably warm flush of embarrassment at her suggestion, but proceeded nonetheless. He had planned on getting naked with her anyway, even if had been under more sensual and controlled circumstances. Clearly he'd flopped at being the Casanova he'd intended on for seducing her and getting that perfect grade. He started by removing his t-shirt, pulling it over his head while watched impassively. Mark was proud of his body, since he played sports, but was suddenly very self-conscious now that he'd seen how stupidly hot his teacher was. He put a hand against the wall and steadied himself while he used his feet to pull his sneakers off. Then he undid his button and unzipped the fly on his jeans before letting them drop slowly, revealing his black boxers. "Well, at least you're not wearing tightie-whities," Miss Fischer mused. "That would've been a deal-breaker, for sure." Mark paused, blushing as he realized he was about to pull down his boxers and fully expose himself to his teacher. He had to admit, this had never occurred to him before tonight. "Well don't wuss out now, Don Juan," she said somewhat impatiently. "This was all your idea, after all." Mark squeezed his eyes shut, hooked his thumbs into his boxers and pulled them down. All she heard was silence for several seconds. Finally there was a whistle from Miss Fischer. "Okay, I can work with that. Come over here, Mark." As he walked toward her, she stood and allowed her towel to fall away, revealing her body again. Mark's eyes went wide as she willingly revealed herself to him. He was no longer spying on her, this was something completely different. Miss Fischer stood directly in front of him, her body scant inches from his. She could see in his eyes that he was bewildered by her sudden change in attitude. "Well, obviously I'm not going to tell you what the secret thing only I would know was, but the note also said I should just throw caution to the wind and enjoy myself," she said lightly, walking two fingernails up his chest and over his shoulder. "And I try very hard to take my own advice." "So," she declared, looking up into his eyes, her blue ones glinting. "We are going to fuck. A lot. In return, I'm giving you an amazing grade on your exam, no matter how bad you do and you're showing me this time machine my letter confirmed exists. Do we have a deal?" He nodded. He was still nervous, but things seemed to have worked themselves out, even if it hadn't at all gone as he expected. But maybe that was time at work or some deep shit. "My note also said I had such a great time that I insisted we keep fucking," she purred, her palm now running down his chest and over his stomach, perilously close to his nether regions. "How does that sound." He swallowed again. "That; sounds great. So, do I keep travelling back here through time to meet you?" "Well, yes," she said rather obviously. "I can't fuck the underage Alex in my class and I can't even give away that I know, right? He has to remain a blissfully unaware fuck-up." "Yeah," Mark said somewhat awkwardly. "Stupid kid;” "Oh, don't be like that," she said cheerfully, teasing her fingers over his cock and making him shudder. "If you hadn't been a lazy grot this semester, you wouldn't have needed to come back to change your grade, wouldn't have seen me in the shower and known that I'm secretly a hottie and then fucked me and got an amazing grade, right?" "Yeah, I; I guess." Mark admitted. "So we just need to set it up so that I keep coming back to meet you and we do this until we catch up with real-time in the future I come from?" "Yep, you're my new fuck-buddy," she said sweetly, now moving closer to him so that her nipples caressed his skin. "Speaking of, you've got some work to do;” With that, Miss Fischer moved back to the bed and laid on it, her legs still over the side. She looked up at him seductively and spread her legs, exposing her cunt, which was glistening wet. "You may not have earned that passing grade all semester," she said in a husky voice. "But you're sure going to work for it now;” Mark moved forward, aware of the fact that his cock was swelling rapidly and knelt by the bed between her legs. He leaned in close and was instantly enchanted by the sight of her slick snatch, which she now spread open with two fingers. Mark leaned forward and pushed his tongue against his thick, slippery lips, guessing that she was not in the mood to be teased. His tongue snaked up and down before slithering over her clit, causing her to shudder and press her hips against his face. "Uh, yes!" she gasped, grasping his hair with the free hand and stroking his scalp. "Thank God, you're not a virgin." "No miss," he murmured as he kissed his way around her cunt, his tongue lapping at the lips. She tasted almost sweet and floral, such a big change from that slag Brenda. "I know my' "Call me Becky, darling," she sighed, slowly undulating her hips rhythmically against his face. "If we're going to be lovers like this, save the 'Miss Fischer' stuff for roleplay." "Yes miss; I mean, Becky." he replied from between her legs. He now put his hands on her thighs to brace himself and began licking her in earnest, for once looking forward to earning perfect marks on an exam. He could feel his hard-on pulsing and moved her leg slightly so it pressed up against him, causing him to shiver. Becky felt it and moved her shin back and forth slowly, teasing him. "Oh, yes, Mark;” she moaned, her fingers gripping her hair. She was sitting up on one elbow so she could look down at him and her leg that was not brushing against his cock was now on the bed, bent and spreading her wide. He couldn't believe how wet she was. It wasn't water from the shower, she was really turned on. Whatever she'd said to herself in that note had released a sex demon in her. He swirled his tongue around her clit before burying it inside her cunt hungrily, eager to drive her into a frenzy. Becky clenched her teeth and ground her hips against his face now with a dreadful eagerness. Her skin was warm and getting moist as he tongue-fucked her. One hand snaked underneath her snatch and the middle finger began teasing her tight, pink knot. "Shit!" Becky gasped, shuddering as he slid the finger into her tight back tunnel. "You saw me fingering my ass in the shower! Uh, fuck yes! Do it!" Mark sucked on her cunt while he wriggled his finger in her ass, feeling her shin massaging his cock eagerly. As angry as she'd been earlier, he was also thinking about her rather shy and retiring persona at school and decided to take a gamble. Without saying anything, he stood up, bringing his face away from her crotch and his finger out of her ass. She gasped and whined, looking up at him in needy confusion, but he then reached down to take her arm and pull her off the bed and set her on her knees in front of him. Becky took his cock in her hand and still slid her tongue around the throbbing head while looking up at him through heavy-lidded eyes, glassy with desire. She teased him for a few more moments before sliding her lips all the way down his shaft, taking him completely inside her mouth. Mark groaned and clutched her wet, blonde hair, shivering. Becky began slowly bobbing back and forth, her mouth forming a perfect, wet seal around him. Her hand followed her mouth along his length, stroking and twisting the glistening skin gently. She hummed and moaned, vibrating his cock with her mouth and making him shudder again. The fingernails of her free nails gently grazed over the skin of his thighs, tingling. "Jesus, Mi; Becky;” he gasped. "You're amazing at sucking cock!" "Umm, I would hope so," she purred, pulling her mouth off him long enough to smile up at him while her hand pumped his shaft to keep the rhythm. "I watch a lot of videos and practice on some pretty life-like dildos, I'd like to think I'm doing something right." "You are." Mark sighed as she attacked his cock again with her mouth. "You're the best one I've ever had." She made an 'Hmm' sound around his cock, clearly enjoying what she was doing. She teased his sac with the hand that wasn't massaging his cock and reached around to caress and squeeze his ass cheeks. He couldn't believe what a libertine she was turning out to be, and he was the only one at school who knew! When she pulled her mouth off him again and looked up at him, he could see there was a deep and smoldering lust in the blue eyes, a need for deep sexual pleasure. She squeezed his cock with her hand and her voice was almost molten with lust when she spoke to him. "I'm getting on the bed again and you're going to fuck me," she said huskily. "You're going to make me cum real hard if you want that perfect exam score." She clambered back on the bed, lying on her back and spreading her legs for him again. Mark followed her onto the mattress, kneeling between her legs. She massaged her cunt eagerly with one hand while he lined himself up with her nether lips. She spread them wide open, revealing her glistening inner pink. "Fuck me, Mark," she purred, eyeing his pulsing cock. "Fuck me good and hard;” He pressed the mushroom head of his cock against her pliant lips, sliding it up and down, teasing her for a moment and brushing over her clit. She sucked in her breath and hissed, her fingers stroking along his length as he toyed with her. Then she groaned loudly as he pushed his hips forward and slid deep inside with one solid push. Her inner walls gave way around his iron-hard shaft but squeezed him tightly. She felt great around him, as tight or tighter than any other girl he'd ever fucked. "Yes," she hissed, her hand pulling him down to lean over her while one leg slung over his back and hooked itself there. "Hmm, that's a solid cock you have there, Mark. Now fuck me stupid;” He leaned forward and put his hands on either side of her body while keeping his weight suspended above her rather than pressed down. He looked into her eyes and began to push back and forth, moving his cock in and out of her. Becky bit her lip as she looked up at him, her fingernails digging slightly into his waist. She clenched her cunt around him as he pushed in and relaxed as he pulled back. "Oh, God, I've missed the real thing;” she moaned, her head falling back as she let the feelings of pleasure flow over her. "Yeah, speaking of," Mark said, remembering this important point. "I'm not using a condom here, so I'll need to pull" "No you don't," she panted as she thrust her hips against him. "You've got a fucking time machine, Mark. Think about it! Was I pregnant when the semester ended?" He thought about that as he kept thrusting into her, having a hard time concentrating on anything other than how tight and wet her cunt felt around him. "N-no, I don't think so;” "Then cum in me!" she gasped. "I'm already better at this time stuff than you are! Now fuck me harder if you want that grade!" Mark nodded and thrust harder and faster against his teacher, watching her glorious body shake as he fucked her. Her incredible tits wobbled and she squeezed one of them, moaning loudly. Her soft bed barely made a sound beneath them as he pistoned his hips up and down. After a disastrous beginning, his evening was going better than he could have possibly imagined. "Uh, now from behind," she breathed, starting to turn over. "Fuck me from behind;” Mark grabbed her hips as she slithered around into her new position on her hands and knees and ground his cock against her cunt and ass, gripping her tight. Becky groaned shamelessly and squirmed her ass back against him, biting at her knuckle. She arched her back as he found her cunt and slid back inside her. She clearly wasn't interested in any slow buildup, because she began grinding back on him eagerly, getting him in as far as she could. He could feel the wetness of her cunt dripping on his thigh. He kept his firm grip on her hips and began pounding against her, shuddering as she squeezed and clenched around him with fervor. "Definitely tighter than Brenda!" he thought as he thumped his hips to her ass cheeks. Becky was panting heavily as she buried her face in the pillow, her ass arched in the air. She gripped the pillow cover between her teeth almost tearing at it. A sheen of glistening sweat had formed on her soft, creamy ivory skin. She squeezed him with each thrust, his cock feeling bigger and bigger each time she did it. She'd missed this so badly, sacrificing her personal pleasure for the job. Maybe now she didn't have to. She almost snarled in delight as he reached forward and wrapped her hair in his fist, pulling back and craning her neck. For an eighteen year-old boy, he was being marvelously assertive now that they'd found their rhythm. Becky loved having her hair pulled, but her favorite part was yet to come. She pushed back hard and forced Mark onto his haunches. She straightened herself until she was sitting on his lap, facing away. Becky began bouncing up and down, panting as she sank onto his cock, taking it deep inside and squeezing it. Mark moaned and his hands came around to clutch her tits, squeezing them hard. Her hands joined his in massaging and molesting them while they fucked. She had him pinned in one spot beneath her and she alone controlled the tempo now. She moved her long blonde hair to one side and he understood immediately. He began kissing and biting at her neck, causing her to shudder and sending slivers of pleasure down her spine. She writhed and bounced on his lap with abandon, reveling in the sensation of a real cock deep inside her after all this time. She resisted the very strong urge to turn her head to the side and kiss him. Not just yet. When she felt the inklings of deep pleasure building inside her, she moved off his cock and pulled him around onto the bed, lying him on his back. Her eyes were fairly blazing with lust as she straddled him, lining her gooey cunt up with his throbbing hard-on. They both moaned loudly as she sank down onto him, his cock burying itself up to the hilt. Her fingernails dug into Mark's shoulders while she pinned him and she hissed as his hands found her tits again. "Yes, darling;” she grunted as she began grinding herself down on him, shuddering at how deep he was inside her. "Fuck me, thrust that cock up inside me, Mark. Fuck;” Mark pumped his hips up dutifully, matching her pace. He loved the cowboy position and clearly she did as well, but he knew he wouldn't last very long at this rate; she felt too good and was too tight for him to not bust before long. His hands fondled and mauled her lovely tits before he pulled her down closer and took one of the pink nipples into his mouth, sucking on it greedily. Becky keened and shivered in delight. Mark sucked and rolled his tongue around the pink bud, even biting and tugging on it, much to her pleasure, seemingly, because she got even wetter and tighter around his cock while they fucked. He could hear the wet sucking sounds her cunt made as it swallowed his cock, feel her warm, sticky wetness on his thighs. He'd never imagined it would feel this good. He'd been certain earlier that most of his time would be spent conning his shy teacher into doing this at all, forget the grade issue. But Miss Fischer was a sex-starved fiend, seemingly, and she was going to make him cum harder than he ever had before. Her golden hair fell around her lovely face, which was mere inches above his. Her eyes were closed as she concentrated on working her hips against him, up and down, his cock nearly all the way out of her before she took him back deep inside her steaming, slick tunnel. They were both covered with sweat and ragged gasps were all they could manage as they gripped one another and writhed lustily, desperate to cum together. Mark gritted his teeth and was squeezing her tits again while Becky pushed down harder and harder on his cock with each thrust. She began whimpering and shaking and Mark could feel her cunt clenching tighter and tighter with each moment. "Oh, shit;” she gasped, her whole body shuddering now as she pushed down feverishly. "Oh, God, Mark, I'm' She sat up straight and arched her back, teeth gritting as she fought to hold on for those last few precious moments; Becky almost screamed and Mark moaned loudly as the floodgates burst. His throbbing cock began pumping cum deep inside her and her cunt spasmed around rippled around him. Everything went black for Mark as he was enveloped by a tingling warmth of an intensity he'd never known before. He could feel his cock and even his balls spilling his entire offering into her slick, tight depths, both of them still thrusting against one another madly. Becky finally collapsed on top of Mark, her chest heaving. Her body was limp, almost like a wet dishrag. Mark lay beneath her, equally exhausted. His still-hard cock was buried in her cunt, and they could both feel their mingled essence oozing out of her and trickling down his shaft. Her soft, warm body felt divine against his. Slowly, sluggishly, he wrapped his arms around her and she hummed contentedly at the embrace. She finally opened her eyes and smiled before kissing his nose. "I think you earned that perfect exam score," she purred. "Definitely earned it." "That's good to hear," he mumbled, still lost in lethargic pleasure. "I'd better start failing all your quizzes too." Becky giggled and hugged him close, sighing. She finally brought her head up again, resting it on her elbow and looking at him. "We'll be laying here for a bit yet, but we also need to talk about doing this again. A lot. The letter said so." Mark nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that, Becky. Then it's up to you to make sure my past self doesn't suspect anything." "I'm sure I can work that out," she mused. "He's pretty annoying, unlike your sexy self." He smiled. "Hard to believe how much difference three months and a time machine can make." "Hmm, and you still have to show it to me before we part ways for the night," she said lightly. "The letter says you kept your word and showed it to me. So let's shower up and then you can take me to see it, okay?" Mark nodded. This was, thus far, the best evening ever. They were walking back to Becky's house, arm-in-arm, laughing and talking like lovers. Not only had Mark shown her the time machine, he had actually shown her how it worked by bringing her back to earlier in the night. They'd hidden in the neighbor's yard and watched Mark's earlier self creep to her back door. Becky had stepped on a stick that broke loudly and caused Earlier Mark to look around warily, but a barking dog covered the mistake. "I was wondering what that sound was," he chuckled. "Never would've guessed it was you and I." "Yes, but you need to be careful, Mark," she said, trying to sound serious as they said on a quaint swing in her backyard, holding hands. "I don't know how all this works, but getting that close to your earlier self can't be good. You need to remember where and when you've gone to avoid yourself." He nodded. "I promise to not visit you more than once a day, at night. You'll clear an area on your basement floor where the Holmes Field Device can show up undetected by anyone else, away from prying eyes." She nodded. "We'll need to fine-tune the dials and so on to get exact coordinates, but I think the device moves somewhat slowly against the earth's rotation, so you can actually travel physical distances as well as through time if you're extremely careful." "Wow, Becky," he said, shaking his head. "You're already better at this than I am by a factor of a thousand." Becky smiled. "I want to say it's because I'm a physics teacher, but that'd be a lie. It's just solid math and common sense, really." She turned in to face him in the loveseat of the swing and brought his hands up to rest against her heart. She stared deep into his eyes, the darkness of night protecting them from prying eyes. "You have my word, Mark, that you'll receive that perfect test score," she said quietly. "In return, you'll do extra studying with me on the nights you come back and fuck me, so that just maybe you'll actually deserve any offer you might get." He nodded. "And I promise I'll find some way to take you on a time excursion." She smiled and brought his hands to her lips, kissing the fingers gently. "We're going to be fucking so often, Mark. We'll be sick of each other by the time the semester ends." He smirked. "Doubt that, teach. You're the best fuck a guy could ask for. And I can't even tell anyone." Becky giggled and lowered his hands, letting them linger on her soft tits beneath the shirt she now wore. She sighed at his touch and then leaned in to press her lips to his, finally kissing him. They rocked slowly on the swing beneath the moonlight, kissing silently for several seconds before Mark gently pulled back and smiled. "I'd better get going," he said, his voice tinged with regret. "Couple of more seconds of that kissing and I wouldn't have been able to leave." Miss Fischer nodded. "I know. See you tomorrow night?" He grinned. "That's the plan. Have a good night, teach." "It already was, thanks to you, Mark." Becky said, blowing him a kiss and then waving as his silhouette retreated out of sight. Silence. Becky leaned back into the slowly rocking swing and stared at the stars overhead for some time. Finally she giggled and stood, skipping back into the house cheerfully. She had a letter to write. Back to the interrogation: The two agents were silent as they assessed the young man, who waited stoically for some sort of reaction from them. He found himself waiting several minutes, which he was not surprised by. "So?" Mark said finally. "Totally hot story, right?" "Yes, we're both agog and atwitter," the tall man said dryly. "Young man, the Temporal Enforcement Agency takes a dim view of using any device, registered or otherwise, being used for reckless personal reasons, forget showing such anachronistic technology to anyone from a time period not acquainted with time travel." "Well, why the hell would I know that?" Mark retorted. "I'm not the one who left a Holmes Field Device lying around in the bushes in the Twenty-First Century where any shmuck could find it. You're lucky it was me and not some deranged criminal." "Be that as it may," the short man interjected. "There are consequences for reckless use of a temporal device." "Imagine that," Mark said somewhat petulantly, having a sinking feeling he knew what was about to happen. "So, what, you're just gonna take it away from me?" Neither man answered immediately. Something occurred to Mark and an evil grin spread across his face. "You can't take it away from me," he concluded, seeing the dismay in their expressions as he figured it out. "I'm meant to have this Holmes Field Device or you already would have. You know I'm going to be using it in the future so there's no way to keep it from me." "Well, your personal future," the tall man admitted. "Much of your personal future is still the past for my partner and I, but this past you're in right now is completely new to the two of us." "So, my future self is in your past but my now self is just happening?" Mark asked. "Wild. How do you keep it all straight?" "By doing as little as is humanly possible," the short man said very firmly. "Even trained experts in quantum and temporal travel can get confused when the timelines gets cluttered." He now pointed to his partner's ear. "You see his bionic ear?" Mark nodded. "I accidentally shoot it off six years from now and there's nothing either of us can do about it. It's his past, because it's already happened to him, but it's my personal future. All I can do now is apologize in advance." The tall agent grunted and looked away, clearly displeased. "That's really deep." Mark mused. "Yes, it is. It's not meant for idiots. And whether you like it or not, certain things can never, ever happen. Time will prevent paradoxes from happening." "Like what?" Mark asked. "For instance, you cannot go back in time and kill your own grandfather before he gives birth to your father, because that would mean you never existed and therefore could never pull the trigger to kill him. A paradox." Mark shrugged. "Okay, but how does it stop me?" "Who can say?" the short agent replied. "All I can tell you is that you simply won't succeed in killing your grandfather, no matter how hard you try and meticulously you plan. If you try to shoot him, the gun will jam. If you try to poison him, it'll turn out he is immune to it or you used tap water by mistake. If you try to strangle him, you might have a heart attack before you finish the job. You; will; be; stopped. The Temporal Enforcement Agency spends most of its time making sure nitwits like you don't get clock-hammered every time they get a dumb idea." "Huh," Mark said, still trying to wrap his brain around all this mumbo-jumbo. If he hadn't fucked Miss Fischer earlier, he still might not believe this was real. "What else can't I do?" "People usually find it's hard to get close to significant historical events," the tall agent mentioned. "Alexander cutting the Gordian Knot, the Crucifixion, the Yalta Summit; Time doesn't like it when people who shouldn't naturally be somewhere try to crowd in and get involved or snap a few pictures. They'll find that the technology fails to get them there, generally. We call it 'The Limelight Effect'. Do yourself a favor and don't try. We've seen people get stranded and die in the wrong era because of the Limelight Effect when the batteries or power source on their device go suddenly dry." "Well; what if I wanted to; ya' know, get with a girl from another time period?" Mark asked. The agents looked at one another and sighed in despair. "You kids and getting laid," muttered the shorter one. "Same principals as before; get too close to a famous women you want to have coitus with and Time will push you away. Try to become yo

Allt från Prag. Det är huvudfokus i senaste numret av Fredagsklubben. Jocke och Teo har varit i Prag och kollat Slavia v Arsenal. Det är det stora samtalsämnet i veckans podcast som även tar upp att Arsenal Sweden passerat 9 000 medlemmar.

You're blaming the planets, but it's you. You're the one who built the broken machine and now Mercury is holding up the mirror. This episode isn't about some fluffy astrology forecast. This is your wake-up call to stop gaslighting your own intuition and start fixing what you've been avoiding.Mercury retrograde isn't here to punish you. It's here to reveal the truth. The glitchy tech, the miscommunications, the falling-apart plans... they're not coincidences. They're cosmic course corrections. And it's time to take radical responsibility for your reality.What You'll Hear in This Episode:Why Mercury retrograde is a mirror, not a curseHow your brain's confirmation bias is sabotaging your manifestationsThe truth about reticular activation and your filtered realityWhat to journal about to reveal the cracks in your foundationThe 3 steps to reclaim your energy: Review, Revise, ReconnectHow to use this energy to clean house and call in your highest timeline____________________________________________✨ SECRET SOCIETY OF MANIFESTORS NOW OPEN✨Your Gateway to Manifesting Wealth, Love, Joy, and Freedom.Join now: www.manifestingmiracles.thinkific.com/pages/memberships⬆️ Try it out for free for one month! Just use code FREE1SSOM____________________________________________Looking for more ways to connect and work with Michelle?GET STARTED FOR FREE:

Lesley Logan brings a little Halloween magic and a big reminder that progress isn't always linear. From 58-year-old record-breaker DonnaJean Wilde to community member Kelly Nyhan's confidence win, Lesley celebrates the power of showing up, shifting plans, and staying grounded through change. She shares how unexpected pivots can become proud milestones and closes with an affirmation to help you trust your gut and lead with heart.If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co mailto:beit@lesleylogan.co. And as always, if you're enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.In this episode you will learn about:How DonnaJean Wilde's plank record proves that strength has no age limit.Why Kelly Nyhan's win celebrates consistency, connection, and self-trust.How Lesley turned unexpected pivots into proof of her resilience.The mindset shift that helps you see change as progress.Episode References/Links:Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questionsDonnaJean Wilde Guinness World Record: https://shorturl.at/lhnvoFeatured DonnaJean Wilde - https://www.instagram.com/p/DNVz3tqt_ik If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSIDEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipmentCheck out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper's Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipmentBe in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlistBe It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-surveyBe a part of Lesley's Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/Resources:Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-gLesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQProfitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/Follow Us on Social Media:Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-gFacebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilatesLinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses Episode Transcript:Lesley Logan 0:00  It's Fuck Yeah Friday.  Brad Crowell 0:00  Fuck yeah.  Lesley Logan 0:02  Get ready for some wins. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. Lesley Logan 0:44  Hello, Be It babe. Happy Friday. Happy Fuck Yeah Friday and Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. I don't, I do not decorate for Halloween. I actually, I don't like to be scared, but I have to say that I really am some, like, somewhat excited about this holiday, mostly because I just, over the last year, I feel like I've learned a bit more about the holidays. And, like, what I was told was, like, paganism and like weird, like, witchy stuff. And, you know, because I grew up in religion, and now I can look at this holiday and go, I love all the witches. Yeah, I love them all. They were like the all knowing women. Often they were fucking doulas. And I just love it. I really wish this holiday had been, like, kept alive from the history of it in a different way. But, you know, it's good. So we celebrate things that are on our hearts and our minds. Wins of yours you send in, a win of mine and an affirmation. Lesley Logan 1:42  So this is really cool. I saw this online. 58-year-old Donna Jean Wilde set the Guinness World Record for the longest abdominal plank held by a woman. Okay, so this is insane. 58, when they're telling us, oh, women after 40, good luck building muscle. Blah, blah, blah. Well, 58-year-old Donna Jean Wilde from Alberta, set a Guinness World Record in March 2024 for the longest plank held by a woman holding it for, ready, four hours, 30 minutes and 11 seconds. She also holds the record for the most push ups in one hour by a woman, 1,575, I don't even know why we need to know, like, have these records, like, I'm actually not sure that it's even like necessary, but I love that she did this, and I love that she's 58 and I love that she's a grandmother, and I love that she's, is she a grandmother? At least she, they said, did I read that wrong? Anyways, I freaking, maybe she's not, but she's still a kick ass woman, whether or not, she is in my book. I also like, look at some of these things and just go, how do they have the time to practice? How would you even know you could hold it for four hours? Like, I don't know what else you're doing in the day to get her things going on. But I fucking love this for you. And I love, oh no, she has a grandchild. In fact, she has 12 grandchildren. I didn't think I made that up. Okay, there we go. I'm like, my memory is pretty good. Anyways, I'm impressed by that. I just think, like, this is proof that we can be it till you see with anything we want, anything we want, you don't you don't just, like, show up one day and do a four hour plank. I don't even know if I can be with myself for four hours. You know, that's a long time, but she fucking did. So anyways, you can do whatever you want. I'm not saying you can do that too, because I don't know that you need to, but I I'm happy for her, and I'm happy to share with you that you can build muscle and kick ass at 58 years old or older. Lesley Logan 3:32  Here we go. We have an amazing win from Kelly Nyhan. We love her and love her from Chicago. We've experienced her. We got to see her a lot in different places in the world. I love when we get to see what's going on in the wins of people's lives. She has listened to this podcast for years. So her FYF is okay, I'm feeling really great about my practice and teaching these days, and I've had to really pat myself on the back, LL and Brad and my fellow eLevators on the fact that I am keeping some type of practice in my day and week, increasing my movement what feels good in my body for right now, and diving deeper into the exercises with the flash cards, which are a game changer. Complement with YouTube videos I signed up for OPC and committed to watching and doing each video. I feel good about watching the video sometimes at 2.0 speed before I do the class. That feels good to me right now, but maybe in the future, I'll just go for it. A couple more fyfs. I signed up for a day at Balanced Body Chicago's Pilates On Tour, purchased a Contrology Wunda Chair to pick up, signed up for LL's mat class at a local studio, Rachel from eLevate, and, of course, the happy hour, oh, and I helped facilitate LL's current eLevate group for part of chairs weekend, chairs, oh, I want to master you. And sorry this is long, but I have a loose system for really showing up for the things I want to keep me connected to my Agency eLevate and OPC community. Feeling great and more connected in every which way. And it shows in my teaching. I'm getting more confident every day. Woohoo. Kelly, there's a lot of wins in there, babe, which I, you know I love. I love that you're giving yourself permission, like you're like, okay, I need to watch the class first. Like, we all have different learning styles. And instead of us, like, going, oh, I, like, I have ADHD, and I have to catch myself like, sometimes I say it like, I was like, like, I'm annoyed by it, right? Instead, it's like, well, I have this, and so because I have this, I do this, and I'm going to celebrate that. So I'm celebrating you, Kelly, that you are like, you know what? Right now, I need to watch the class at 2x speed so that I can see what's going on, so that when I do the class, I know what I'm modifying so you can honor your body. I love that. That's so great for you. And like all the different things you're doing, to be in community and to make sure that you get to prioritize that that's huge. It's not easy to do, so, it's not easy to make time for other people all the time, and you're doing a great job. So thank you for sending your win in. Kelly, who's next, who's gonna send their win in? Lesley Logan 5:46  A win of mine. So this win is a little long time in sharing, because I've had other things I want to celebrate with you, but I wanted to still celebrate this with you. This is my year of, like, pivot, which, like, who knew we would all thought that would've been 2020 and I'd be, like, gone and done with it, but I actually don't think so. I think 2020 was, like, the transformation year that I planned it to be, and it just looked a little differently, and everyone else was pivoting. This has been the pivot year. So we had to pivot in the summertime with the Canada thing to virtual. And then literally, 10 days later, we had something going with our AC. We had a bunch of people the house for an eLevate workshop. We had a pivot to another place, made a pivot back I should have done another pivot that I've had to do. And I just want to say, like, I'm pretty freaking proud and celebrating that, like I actually have practice what can I do so freaking much that I can just pivot in minutes on any massive project, and it can include many people, and I find a way to make the actual thing that I wanted to happen, and then I'm able to execute on it, and I can feel so good at the end of the day going even though I'm tired, even though whoa, I planned for X and I ended up doing y. Why did I have to plan for X for so many months to only do Y in so many minutes? But I'm celebrating that, because I think a lot of times, we would just focus on all the shit that went wrong, and I got, I by being like, celebrating that I was able to pivot like, to celebrate all the things that we got right and we got to do and the experience and the community that we had because of it. And I'm just so proud. And so anyways, there's probably a skill set you have that other people don't, that you probably don't even realize it's a skill set. And I'm telling you, it's time to celebrate that you did those things, that you're doing those things, because it's really easy to take our strengths for granted and not just take a moment to celebrate. Oh my God, fucking great at that, right? Fucking great at that. All right, anyways, pivot queen over here, who hopes that next year is a different kind of year. Lesley Logan 7:39  All right. Your affirmation to leave you for the weekend. Oh, this one's good. I make decisions based on a good gut. I make changes based on a growing heart. I make decisions based on a good gut, and I make changes based on a growing heart. I make decisions based on a good gut and I make changes based on a growing heart. How much abundance is that? Fucking great. Yeah, all right, go Be It Till You See It. See you next time. Lesley Logan 8:06  That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.Brad Crowell 8:49  It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.Lesley Logan 8:53  It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.Brad Crowell 8:58  Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.Lesley Logan 9:05  Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.Brad Crowell 9:08  Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/be-it-till-you-see-it/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This week Elle and Vee chat about rough oral play: aka face fucking.What is face fucking? What is the difference between fellatio and erumatio? (00:34)Do you like rough oral sex? How our relationship with it has evolved. (4:11)Running mascara as marks. (11:04)CNC. (12:24)Roman showers: throat sex to the point of throwing up. (14:25)Things to think about for the giver/top. (17:52)Tricks and tips for the receiver/bottom. How to deal with gag reflex. (21:30)The best positions. (25:45)Safety precautions. How to communicate when you're being bottoming. (30:56)Breath: listening to the breathing cues of the bottom. What makes you “tap out” when you're in the bottom position? (33:17)Blow jobs vs F.F.: the origin of the phrase “blow job”. (36:12)Listener questions and comments: “Am I supposed to suck or just keep my mouth and throat open?” (38:30)Spit: does your spit taste ok when you deep throat? (40:30)How do you suggest this to your partner? (41:28)Do guys like to be deep-throated, and how many people can? (45:46)Where to find us, and how you can support us:Instagram: @girlsgonedeeppod Merch: girlsgonedeep.com/shop Woo More Play Affiliate Link: Support us while you shop! WHOREible Life: Get 10% off your deck with code GONEDEEP at whoreiblelife.com Instagram: @wlthegameContact: girlsgonedeep@gmail.com © 2025 GGD Alchemy, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

"Magnifying glass examining colorful crypto coins labelled 'Ponzi,' one golden Bitcoin standing out as genuine, cautionary warning icons..." ROI Podcast® episode 496! In this episode, entrepreneur and writer Alexander Svetsky shares stories from his wild ride through the crypto world. He talks about co‑founding one of the first Bitcoin‑only savings/exchange platforms and why dealing with regulators made him say "never again." Alexander also explains why he's building Satlantis, a Bitcoin‑powered ticketing app, and how his writing on economics and philosophy has influenced his entrepreneurial journey. We dive deep into Bitcoin's fundamentals—what makes it different from "shitcoins," why sound money matters, and how bad incentives distort economic behavior. Alexander breaks down how Bitcoin is backed by energy and how mining can even stabilize the power grid by flexibly using surplus renewable energy - cryptoforinnovation.org - and providing load‑balancing services - cryptoforinnovation.org - You'll hear why he believes decentralization beats trust in institutions and what industries could look like in a Bitcoin‑standard world. If you're curious about energy debates, Ponzi‑scheme cryptos, or the myth of Satoshi Nakamoto, this episode delivers fresh insights. We also get personal—Alexander reflects on mistakes, shares advice for his 13‑year‑old self, and discusses being a new dad. Hit like, subscribe and ring the bell if you enjoy these deep dives into business, tech and philosophy. Share your thoughts and questions in the comments. Listen to ROI Podcast® on your favorite podcast platform for the full experience! Episode sponsored by @Flodesk -50% off https://flodesk.com/c/AL83FF @OpusClip: https://www.opus.pro/?via=7bd356 @Incogni remove you personal data from public websites 50% off https://get.incogni.io/SH3ve @SQUARESPACE website builder → https://squarespacecircleus.pxf.io/sweatequity @CALL RAIL call tracking → https://bit.ly/sweatequitycallrail @LINKEDIN PREMIUM - 2 months free! → https://bit.ly/sweatequity-linkedin-premium @OTTER.ai → https://otter.ai/referrals/AVPIT85N Hosts' Eric Readinger & Law Smith

Send us a textFall tastes better when the first pour surprises you and the second one lingers. We kick off spooky season with a road trip to Dented Keg in Clearfield, PA, where river views meet a flight that actually teaches you something about the brewery's range. The standout is a cherry-driven sour that nails the beginner's balance—refreshing, not too tart, and clean enough to sip all night. We talk price shock on giant tots, why some pumpkins go “perfumey,” and how to spot the one you'll want to bring home.Then we pivot hard into High Wire's 10W40 Pumpkin Spice Latte imperial stout. It opens with chocolate, settles into roast, and keeps the pumpkin spice in check so flavor leads and gimmick fades. Coming off a sour, the bitterness needs a moment, but patience pays off with a smooth, seasonal stout that clocks a confident eight out of ten from both of us. If fall to you means richer pours without sugar fatigue, this one slides right into your lineup.Along the way, we share how to actually listen via voice on Spotify if your device blocks explicit shows, shout out our Buzzsprout “buy us a beer” link, and trade road tips on Mars, PA and quick brewery runs. By the end, you'll know which beer to start with, which to finish on, and why pacing your palate makes all the difference when the shelves flip from pumpkin to Christmas overnight. Hit play, rate your own pour, and tell us your favorite fall beer. If this ride made you thirsty, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a quick review so more beer lovers can find us.Support the showwww.anotherreasontodrink.com

Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 14 Wagers In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.             An army is one man's courage and a thousand men's discipline    "Oh! Pay up, pay up," Opal called out. "Damn," bitched Rio. "I keep hoping my boy Zane will develop some standards, but oh, well." "They were betting on you bringing me back for sex?" Paige whispered, but her desire was glowing bright. I shook my head and chuckled. "Don't worry about it; I still see you as a whirling vortex of passionate lust," I assured her. We passed around the Chinese screens that separated my area from the rest of the floor and I was relieved to see everyone but Barbie Lynn had left, and Barbie had curled up on the near side of the bed and was still asleep. As we moved around the bed, Paige's resolve began to falter. "Sit down, let's talk," I said softly. Paige was clearly confused. "The most powerful tool in sex is the brain," I continued. "I want to know you a little better first." "I should be great at this," she replied. "How many boys have you kissed?" I asked as we sat down. She looked surprised by the question. "Two," was her curt response. "Zane, I want you to take my virginity." Now it was my turn to be surprised, but I was only put off for a moment. "Tell me about those two times," I persisted. Paige had started tugging her shirt out from her skirt and was clearly not pleased with my request. "Zane, didn't you hear me? I want you to pop my cherry, break me in, fuck my cunt, whatever you want to call it," she told me. "Yes," I nodded, "and I'm looking forward to that, but answer the question please." "I, I've been kissed by two boys, one kiss per boy," she replied, but I could tell there was more to it. "Do I have to play twenty questions with you?" I gave an exasperated sigh. Paige flushed with anger. "Fine, damn it," she growled. "The first boy, I paid to kiss me on the lips. He did so, and he looked at me like he wanted to throw up." That looked like it hurt her to admit. "The second time, it was a joke, a dare. I closed my eyes, he kissed me on the lips, and then I heard the applause. They congratulated him for kissing the freak," she recited with anguish. "They laughed at me while I ran away." She looked furious and miserable at the same time. I tilted her head up toward me. I let my first kiss barely brush her lips. I let her study my reaction, and then I kissed her again. The third kiss pressed our lips together, and on the fourth, our tongues touched. The fifth saw her wrap her arms around me and hold me tight for nearly a minute. She was panting for breath when we came up for air. I used that moment to pick her up and place us both farther into the bed. "Eep!" she exclaimed, then she started to giggle. I straddled her and dove in to nibble her neck. Paige beat at my chest with her fists but couldn't stop laughing. "That tickles!" We fell back into kissing for a while; Paige didn't need to rush into sex despite her declared desires. "Shouldn't we take our clothes off?" I responded to that by sitting up, grabbing her shirt in both hands over the breasts, and ripping it open. Buttons went flying everywhere and Paige's eyes expressed her shock. I reached for her bra but Paige's hands flew to mine. "Wait," she gasped. "It unsnaps from the front." I even let her open the bra for me, exposing her ghostly breasts and pale pink areolas and nipples. I shifted down Paige's body and latched my lips to her left breast, causing her to cry out in pleasure. "Oh, damn," she purred, "this is so much better in real life." I wasn't sure I knew what that meant, or that I even wanted to know. I feasted on each nipple and breast in turn until they were fully engorged and bright, rosy pink from my attention. She'd spread her legs wide open and was humping her hips up against me. I pulled away long enough to get my shirt off before descending on her for kisses once more. In the midst of that, we rolled over where she grabbed me by the side of the head and covered my face with butterfly kisses. "I've always wanted to do that," she beamed pure joy at me. I moved my hands down her ribs, waist, and hips until I was able to pull up her skirt and grab her ass. Paige aggressively humped me in response, smiling at me and breathing heavy. Without any urging, Paige pushed up my body until she dangled her breast against my lips. I greedily sucked one in, teasing her nipple with my teeth. Paige yelped but followed me down without comment, cradling my head into her chest and rocking me back and forth. "Careful, Honey, he's addictive," Barbie Lynn sleepily intervened. "He's going to take my virginity," Paige exulted. "Is he now?" she grinned at me. "She's asked; I'm considering it, but I want to know she's really ready for it first," I mumbled back between mouthfuls of tit. "Wait," she panted, "you promised me." "Paige, Rule #7 for guys: when sex is involved, we lie," I informed her. "Oh, what lie did you tell Barbie Lynn?" Paige inquired. "He forces me to orgasm so he can bask in my post-orgasmic bliss," Barbie Lynn sighed dreamily. "Besides," I said, as I ran my hands through her fine white hair and tucked a few locks behind her ears, "I am not saying we won't do it, but you are an incredibly tough read and we aren't going to do something I don't think you need." "How come you get to decide?" Paige sounded annoyed. "I'm the only guy you've approached who you didn't find on an escort service website; we are in my bed; and, oh, yeah, I've had sex hundreds of times and you are in all ways a virgin," I listed off the reasons. "Paige, you only get to do this 'first time' once, and I would like it to be something you love and want to do again and again." "Well, I know what I want. I am in your bed and you're half-naked already," she emphasized by grinding her pelvis into me. "I'm also on top and I don't think you can get rid of me that easily." "This one is a little firecracker," Barbie Lynn chuckled. "She's that," I commented, "but you should always be leery of someone who thinks they are always right." My words didn't stop me from pressing my cock up against Paige's twat. "We could always have a little butt-sex instead," I teased. "No!" Paige squeaked. "You are huge and my asshole is tiny." "Oh, God," I laughed. "You actually looked at your ass in a mirror." Paige blushed furiously. "Listen, Paige, trust me on this. You can go into town and find some college guy who will jump at the chance to screw you. What you have to wonder is how much he'll care about you and your needs as well as how good he is at sex. Let's get naked." "Finally," Paige mocked. She rolled off and shed her clothes so fast they left angry red tracks down her legs. I took my time but Paige didn't seem to mind. She reached out and ran a hand over my bicep and shoulder. "He's real enough," Barbie Lynn assured her quietly. "How did you know what I was thinking?" Paige mused. At least she only implied Barbie Lynn was stupid. "Paige, sweetie, how many of us FFU girls expect to be able to choose our man, much less one worth having? And don't you be disparaging of Zane, now, either. I can smell your arousal from here," Barbie Lynn said with a sexy curve to her lips. Paige was thinking of her retort when she gasped as I caught her distracted and slipped two fingers along the folds of her cunt. When her razor sharp focus latched onto me once more, I pushed her onto her back and mounted her. Her legs splayed out to either side and the location of her hips against my stomach reminded me of how narrow her hips were, narrower than even Iona's. She still did her best to wrap her legs around me as she placed her hands on my shoulders. "Are you going to make me scream?" she asked nervously. "Every girl is different so don't worry about it," I grinned. "Besides, I can tell you'll be really good at this." "How can you know I'll be any good at sex?" Paige snapped. Yes, that was the sore point I was looking for. "Your eyes sparkle when you touch me, you react instinctively to my touch, you are in good physical shape, and you're very sensitive all over your body," I explained. "What you saw as fooling around was me mapping out how your body works and where your erogenous zones were. No two women are the same and I love exploring. Now I'm getting back to it." I began placing kisses along her sternum, down toward her navel. Her stomach pulsed when I kissed the belly button. "Oh, aha," Paige moaned. I licked and stroked the area around her navel, causing her torso to gyrate from the sexual stimulation. "Umm, that feels nice." Unlike previous encounters with other women where I avoided the cunt while I worked around it, I instead placed one hand immediately to the area, squeezing two fingers into her cunt and wiggling them around. I left the clit alone for now because I was encouraging a slow boil, not a flash burn. I wanted Paige in an erotically charged high before I challenged her vaginal virginity. Paige's skin had this false translucent quality to it that was exciting to watch. You could track the arousal of a touch by the blood rushing to the skin around the excited area. Physically, she could conceal nothing, and she was far from sexually experienced enough to stifle her vocalizations of pleasure. "I just want to be fucked," she moaned," I just want to be fucked, aha, oh." Her words said one thing but her body expressed its desire for more excitement. "No, she groaned as she ground her hips against my lips. When I stabbed my tongue to her clit, she acted like a jolt of electricity arched through her body. Now, when I've performed cunnilingus on a girl, I expect a bit of movement; I'm doing something wrong if she lays there. Paige was all over the place, pulling away then thrusting back as well as rolling her hips rapidly side to side. At the moment her thrashing turned into trembles, I withdrew my lips and fingers, causing Paige to whimper and look down at me. "Huh?" she pleaded. I gave her a mischievous grin, then blew on her clit. Paige hiccupped, then threw her head down on the bed violently. I began sucking on the inside of her thighs for about one minute, letting her settle down, then leapt on her clit with my tongue once more. "Oh, God!" Paige squealed. I moved my tongue off, trading off with two fingers parting her labia and flicking her clit with my thumb. I alternated back and forth over five minutes until I noticed Paige was sobbing and tearing up the sheets with her fists. "Have mercy, Zane," Barbie Lynn whispered. I gave a quick nod before placing my lips around Paige's clit and sucking on it with growing intensity plus twirling the tip of my tongue along its tip. I also made tiny fucking motions with two fingers into her cunt. She didn't last thirty seconds. "Oh, my, God, Zane!" she growled. She wasn't loud but she rumbled her orgasm from deep in her chest. It was kind of surprising, coming from such a lithe, ephemeral being. Paige was sucking down further sounds internally so that they were merely sobs. I crawled up to her side, rested sidewise, propped up by an elbow, and placed a hand on her stomach as I watched over her. When she started gasping for air, her eyes locked with mine once more. Paige feebly pushed on my chest so I let her push me on my back. She struggled to rise over me, then collapsed on my chest. "I, that was, you still didn't fuck me," she wheezed. I sighed in frustration, pulled Paige on top of me, chest to chest, and then began playing slap-happy with her ass. "Ow,ow, ow, ow, ow," she squalled. "Stop that; I bruise easily," she added, with tears in her eyes. "Damn it, woman, is it going to kill you to accept that I know what I'm doing?" I responded angrily. "Since you are clearly clueless, what we just did was foreplay. I wanted to relax your body before we moved to the next step." Paige had enough common sense to look embarrassed but not enough to keep quiet. "Well my ass still hurts," she pouted. "What?" I questioned. "Did you say you wanted me to hurt your ass?" I grabbed each ass cheek and pulled them apart. "No!" she squeaked, "You are too big." She grabbed my hands in her smaller grip and tried to pry them off. We rocked back and forth until we rolled over. She struggled but I soon ended on top of her, Paige on her stomach, and my legs prying hers open. "No, no," she pleaded as she felt my cock resting on her ass cleft. "Relax," I whispered into Paige's ear, "have you ever heard of doggy style?" "You aren't, going to have anal sex with me?" she gulped. I pushed my body up and after a moment, Paige followed, pressing her back against my torso once more. "I'd never do anything to you that you didn't want me to," I assured her, "though I am going to have you begging me to bugger you before this semester is over." "Uh-uh," Paige assured me, "not going to happen," but she did wiggle her ass against me playfully, testing my resolve. I balanced on one hand so I could use the other to pull her hair away from one side to the other. Her neck, ear, and the side of her face were now revealed. I sucked on her shoulder while I repositioned my cock so that it slid down her ass, past her anus and cunt, so that it pressed along her pubic mound from below. Paige began humming pleasurably and gyrating her hips against me. I put my free hand on her breast and massaged it as well. "Promise me you won't keep me waiting this time," she murmured. "Promise you'll take me." "Of course I will, Paige. You have to relax and enjoy yourself and not get worked up about us having sex," I comforted her. She rocked against me and I pushed back. "Nice and slow," I cautioned her. "I'm not going anywhere." With a little effort, she did as I requested. I kept running my hand down from her breast to her stomach, each time going a little farther down. She'd tilted her shoulders and neck so that we could kiss but she also found my lips on her neck to be tantalizing. I was tricky enough that I had my cockhead parting her puffy lips before she realized it. In fact, I had three separate penetrations that elicited moans, then she looked up at me. "Don't be afraid," I told her sympathetically. "Remember the faces of all the girls you've seen me with while we are having sex and know that it is going to be just as good for you." Paige looked down at the mattress and nodded her head. She pushed back but it wasn't easy. Her entrance felt like a vice restricting my entrance. Even totally wet, her vaginal muscles were blocking my progress initially. I patiently kept at it, incrementally advancing with each coaxing touch. When I brushed against her hymen, Paige didn't even recognize the moment had come. I subtly brought my arm down to her stomach and wrapped her up in my arm while teasing her ear with my teeth. "Yip!" Paige exclaimed as I pierced her virginity. "Oh, God, it burns," she sobbed. I gave her a few seconds to adjust before penetrating even deeper. "No," she moaned, and tried to pull away, but I didn't let her. "Zane," she pleaded for me to let her go. "It hurts." I kept at it. "I never thought it would hurt this bad, please." She gave one final gasp as I pressed the final inch into her, then we remained there, locked in sexual congress while she wept and trembled underneath me. I considered it a minor miracle Paige had remained on her hands and knees as we reached this point. Now I had to get her past the stage where pain dominated pleasure. "We'll move when you feel you are ready," I instructed her. Paige nodded, then nothing else for some time. She caught me off guard when she flexed her grasp on my cock. "Umm," she purred. "Did you feel that?" My groan was my reply. Paige pulled away a tiny bit until the pain kicked in and she stopped. Seconds later she repeated the process, withdrawing several inches, then reversing the procedure and allowing me deeper in once more. "It hurts less," she admitted. A moment later as she shifted to a faster rhythm, "it is really quite nice." "You might want to ask Zane how he is doing," Barbie Lynn chided Paige. "But I honestly don't care," Paige noted. "If you want to do this again, you might want to start caring," Barbie informed her. I winked at the blonde sex angel. "Zane, do you like having sex with me?" Paige asked in a much kinder tone than normal. She must have been truly appreciating the lovemaking she was receiving. "It feels like you are trying to rip my cock off," I ground out. "You are damn tight, then you are adding those contractions on top of that. I may not be able to have sex for a week." "Paige, I like you, but if Zane is telling the truth, I going to seriously rearrange your anatomy," Barbie Lynn promised with dangerous intent. "I apologize," Paige pouted. To prove how sorry she wasn't, Paige rotated her hips down then back up several times rapidly. So that's how she wanted to play it. I placed both hands on her shoulders and let her make a few more tentative moves before slamming my member all the way in. "Oh, fuck," she gasped. I slowly drew back my full length, then rocketed back in time and time again. Paige was sweating and panting from earlier exertions but now she was barely hanging on. Slap, slap, slap, my hips mashed against her ass. Paige gave a breathless grunt each time I drilled her, and that was followed by a relieved sigh as I pulled back. By the desperation in her voice, I knew she wouldn't last much longer. "Oh! My! Fucking! God!" she growled loudly. I now knew what it felt like to have put my cock in a fire hose and had some asshat turn the water on. Paige's cunt juice had been plentiful the first time she had an orgasm. This time they were copious and forceful, and my cock was simply in the way; what got past stung the hell out of my ball sack. Normally I have really good control over my sexual climax but I was being sorely tested. Worse, I couldn't simply pop out of Paige because that would cause her pain. The odds of her using birth control were next to nil and none, so it fell to me to find something to center my mind and not ejaculate. "Zane, are you okay?" Barbie Lynn said in a hushed, worried tone. I could only nod. Paige was erratically pushing up and down on my cock, to the point where I grabbed her hips in order to not have a nasty accident when her muscles relaxed and my overstimulation ended. "Don't, move," I panted painfully to Paige. Paige didn't quite comply but I didn't blame her because her arms gave out and she slumped forward. I held up her rear by my hold on her hips. I carefully let her slide off my cock and finish splaying out on the bed. I sat back on my heels, breathing deeply and fighting for control. "Come here, Baby," Barbie Lynn ordered, picking up on my distress. I moved over Paige's leg toward Barbie and she joined me by turning around, meeting me half way. "I've got this," she purred, as she wrapped my cock in one hand and placed her lips over the head. Despite Paige's vaginal fluids and some blood, Barbie loved it. She bobbed up and down twice before my resolve finally crumbled. "Cumming," I gasped. Barbie Lynn shot me a quick grin, then pumped and sucked with renewed vigor. When I started ejaculating, Barbie Lynn made some half-hearted swallowing efforts but I knew she was holding something back. I smiled at her as I ran my hand through her honeyed locks. When I finished unloaded into Barbie Lynn's mouth, I pulled her up, she leaned into my body, and we kissed. I tasted my semen on my tongue as we swapped fluids. Barbie Lynn licked her lips in a highly sensual manner as we broke our kiss. She gave me a little wink, acknowledging how much I'd changed her in our short time together: kinky, sexy, and beautiful. "Whoa," whimpered Paige as she opened her eyes and looked in our direction. "That was intense." She sighed and took a deep breath. "I should have mentioned this earlier, you didn't need to pull out. I had, issues when I was little and my ovaries were removed. I'm never going to have children." I switched back to Paige and kissed her on the forehead. This was probably time for some sympathy, if Paige had been anything approaching a normal girl. "You fucking wait to tell me this now?" I chided her. "Do you have any idea the panic attack you put me through? I was stuck inside you and you were so damn hot I nearly lost it. I was trying to figure out what I was going to tell your father, damn it!" "Father?" she seemed confused for a second, then, "Oh. Why would I ever marry you?" "I'm a billionaire philanthropist genius playboy," I joked. "You are Iron Man?" she mocked me. "Or Batman, your choice," I volleyed back. "If you hadn't made me feel so fantastic right now, I'd recode your computer to operate in Mandarin," she snickered. "Iron Man is one of my heroes and I will not have him mocked by the likes of you." "Clearly, the first round of spanking didn't work, but I'm nothing if not persistent," I glowered. Paige's hands flew to her vulnerable and still rather red backside. "Don't you dare," she threatened. I pivoted, she flinched, then I leaned down and kissed her ass cheek. "What?" she murmured then I kissed her again and again. I slowly pried her hands away and soon had planted little signs of affection all over her tender, sore flesh. "Kiss ass," Paige teased. I had to wonder if she was taking social lessons from Rio. "Tell me something: how did you get to be so quiet? I'm normally pretty good at not letting anyone sneak up on me but you have done it to me twice already," I asked. "That's not a totally stupid question," Paige answered. "I have been basically friendless most of my life, if you don't count the internet. I was small, different, and was picked on. I learned to be quiet and go unnoticed," she explained. "I admit to having a harder time with you than with most people." "Because I lived out in the jungle and became more observant?" I queried. "No," she sighed in exasperation. "Because I've wanted to grab you and drag you back to my room since I first laid eyes on you, Zane. Mentally, you are unremarkable, but physically, you scream out 'Sex, sex, sex!'" That observation made Barbie Lynn laugh out loud. My pained and confused expression only caused them to laugh louder. Someday I'm going to come out on top of one of these exchanges. Then I'm going to run away from school because I want to leave on a high note and I'm not likely to ever win a second time. Girls, Relationships and the Chancellor too. "Zane? God Damn it, Zane!" Raven screeched at me as she barged into my room. What could I say? Barbie Lynn was halfway under the sheets but her tumultuous breasts were clearly exposed. Paige was totally naked, face down on the other side of me but had clearly been fucked thoroughly and her tight pale ass spanked hard. Oh, yeah, and I was kneeling between the two, totally naked as well. I vaulted over Barbie Lynn (who was closer to the entrance and Raven) because I didn't want to hurt her injured knee, snatched up my robe, and put it on. "Very complicated, long story, we can laugh about it later," I dazzled Raven. I took her by the elbow and headed her out of my bedroom. "Why don't we study on the far side of the main Solarium?" The look of betrayal in Raven's eyes destroyed any doubt that she was crushing on me in a big way. For the love of God, I really needed to find some lesbians to hang out with because these straight chicks were driving me crazy. Before we could leave, Iona nearly piled into us. "I'm sorry, Zane. She slipped past me," Iona apologized. "I only wanted to talk with him and, and he was in bed with yet another girl," Raven bitched. "I'm still ready to study with you," I offered. "How can we study if you are always having sex with other women?" she stomped her foot in frustration. Iona shot me a worried look. I put a hand on Raven's shoulder and made eye contact. "Raven, I promise you we will get this project done, you'll get your good grade, and I'll carry my part of the project. I'm here for you," I assured Raven. "You, you aren't giving any thought about us, our project together," was her accusation. "What do you want me to do?" I asked evenly. "I, I think I should go to Ms. Goodswell and request another partner," Raven sighed. I looked to Iona who looked to the living area past the Jacuzzi. "Ms. Goodswell is right over there," Iona indicated our teacher who was sitting with Dana and five other teachers who had come in while I was, busy. "Your place has controlled access," Iona answered my unasked question as to why I had so many other educators in my place. "Bazz's people can 'accidentally' step in." Raven was not deterred by the other teachers hanging around Virginia as she made a beeline across the room. At least she was polite enough to wait while Virginia disengaged from the others so she could talk to us. "Raven, Zane, how can I help you?" Ms. Goodswell inquired, yet I had a sneaking suspicion that she was way ahead of the situation. "Ms. Goodswell," Raven started, "I really need to get a new project partner." "Why is that, Raven?" Virginia asked. "We simply aren't working out," she sounded exasperated. "And, I think the other girls were right; I don't feel safe around him," she tacked on. I lowered my head and sighed. This sucked. "Very well. Zane, do you want a new partner?" Virginia turned to me. "Sure, whatever. If Raven doesn't feel safe, she deserves someone new," I shrugged. "Alright, then, but I want you two to know a few things," Virginia began. "First off: Raven, I don't like being lied to." She held up a hand to forestall Raven's protest. "You were so uncomfortable with Zane's presence that you came up to his dorm uninvited, asked his whereabouts, and went into his bedroom unescorted. At what point in time did you feel unsafe?" "He was in bed with two girls, Barbie Lynn Masters and Paige Zeller," Raven said angrily. "Did you ask Zane what was going on or did you simply assume something and storm out?" Virginia stated. Raven opened her mouth, then shut it. "Now, do you think I assigned you to Zane solely because you answered one question incorrectly?" "You mean why I didn't want Zane as a partner initially?" Raven suggested. "Precisely. Raven, you scored the tenth highest placement score for English. That is why you are in my room, I have the top twenty freshmen in my class. Do you know what Zane's placement rank was?" "I don't know," she finally admitted. "He was second," she informed Raven, and me. I had no idea and really, such things don't interest me. "Raven, I didn't place you with Zane to help out Zane; I put you with Zane to help you." "Oh," Raven said in a small voice. "I didn't know." "What you have committed is reverse discrimination," Virginia explained. "Everyone assumes that since Zane is attractive, that he's not too bright. It is the same way most guys perceive bubbly blondes with big breasts, mentally insignificant." "Finally, your real problem with Zane is not his intelligence, his self-control, or the time he is willing to spend with you; it is his libido," Ms. Goodswell instructed. "You may want to ask yourself why you are upset with what Zane does with other students in his spare time and discuss this with him. He is standing right next to you, after all, and he could be elsewhere if he desired." "Very well," Raven conceded, "I'll work with Zane as long as he agrees to not get distracted while we are together." She looked to me for confirmation. "Agreed, I mean, I will try," I responded. Raven didn't seem totally satisfied but she allowed my promise to stand. "Let's get started." "Good," she said, but then she hesitated while she looked around at the other girls in various groups in the Solarium. "Let's go back to my room," I suggested. Seeing her skeptical look, "I need my tablet and then we can pick out a place and start studying." "Why do I need to come with you?" she glared. "With you, I'll be safe," I informed her. "Sometimes the ladies can forget I am here to get a degree and you help remind them of that with your seriousness." Raven shrugged and followed me back to my room. When we got there, Barbie Lynn was sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling up her socks. She was otherwise dressed. Paige was spread-eagled on the middle of the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Hey, Zane," Paige smiled. "Are you finished?" "We came back for his tablet, Paige," Raven growled. "We haven't started yet. Stay where you are; we have work to do." Paige's mouth dropped open in shock and outrage (Raven is a freshman, after all). I was happy Raven didn't call Paige a slut because I knew that was actively on her mind. I grabbed my backpack, retrieved another bathrobe from the wardrobe, and walked over to Paige. "Here you go. Take a little time in the Jacuzzi," I suggested. "I have nothing to wear," Paige rolled her eyes at my stupidity. "Go naked; you have a beautiful body that's a pleasure to behold," I told her. Paige studied me, weighing my dare to her. Barbie Lynn shot me a smile and a wink for me pressuring Paige. "Zane, we need to go," Raven insisted. She took hold of my elbow but didn't try to move me. "As you wish," I bowed to Raven. As we turned to leave, Paige called out, "The Princess Bride!" she laughed. Raven looked at me to make some sense of that. "It is a movie I like; it's old," I explained. We trecked out but I deviated from our course long enough to grab Rio, who was publically molesting Mercy. "Take it to an alcove, you two," I said softly. Rio challenged my stance but then we both started chuckling. "I can't promise to keep it quiet, Bro," she winked. "Stuff your panties in her mouth," I suggested. "I'm not wearing any," she grinned. "Put her panties in her mouth, then," I told her. "She's not wearing any either," Rio teased me. "Fine, I give up," I threw up my hands and continued off with Raven. "Was it like this for you, before you came here?" Raven asked me once we sat down in an isolated area. "It was different but similar. After a few weeks everyone knew everyone else, so it wasn't like us kids weren't aware of one another," I explained. "So you've always lived like this?" Raven sounded incredulous. "Raven, how would you describe your relationship with your parents?" I began. "I'm not sure what that has to do with anything but my father died of cancer when I was twelve and I have been raised by my mother ever since," Raven explained. "We are pretty close and we've both worked to raise my brother, who is four years younger than me." "So you had a partnership of sorts," I filled in. Raven nodded. "My parents and I were very close; we did almost everything together, and I was a part of their lives for as long as I can remember. When they died, I went to the far side of the globe to guardians who didn't want me hanging around, yet expected me to act in a very restricted moral way with no training or incentive." "My Uncle only had enough time for me to punish me for not living up to his moral code while my Aunt parroted his beliefs. I guess it was only natural that I formed my own code of ethics and relationships. I had a strong sexual curiosity and personality that drove me to express it," I added. "Where is this going?" Raven sighed. "It means I have no serious understanding of monogamy outside of marriage. Worse, I have little respect for restrictive authority. Mindless discipline strikes me as unnatural. Don't get me wrong, though; I don't really care how you, or anyone, choses to live, as long as you respect that right in others." "Couldn't you have conformed to what the rest of us want at this school?" Raven countered. "This is a Christian Girls School and we shouldn't be having sex." "I think we have a fundamental misunderstanding here," I nodded. "We both accept that I want to have sex, but why do you assume that some girls here don't?" "That is not what matters," Raven declared. "What matters is that they wouldn't be succumbing to temptation if you weren't here." "That, I have to agree with you there," I admitted, which stunned Raven. "I doubt any of the girls I am with now would go trolling the local college for guys to score with." "So you see what a problem you are and how you shouldn't be at FFU," Raven concluded. "Belief without temptation has no merit," I quoted. "A promise to abstain from boys is nothing more than empty platitudes if there are no boys around." "Zane, we came here because no boys are allowed. Our pledge is a declaration of solidarity with our fellow students," Raven stated. "But the pledge is voluntary so you should respect their decision to do something else if the situation changes," I suggested. "A lot of girls here treat me nicely but aren't jumping my bones, girls like you." Raven didn't comment for several seconds. "I only wish more girls felt like I did," she said weakly. "Well, I'm glad you feel that way about me," I told her, as I pulled my legs up to a lotus position, adjusted my robe, and got ready to work, "because I find you very attractive and that would make things difficult." "Yes, that would make things difficult," Raven muttered sadly. It didn't really matter how Raven ended up beside me, her legs curled up under her and her head poised at my shoulder looking over our choices of works to read through. She didn't have Iona's insightful genius but she had a dedication to detail that was remarkable. She was apparently impressed with my ability to link Irrelevant Detail A with Curious Reference B. In two hours, Raven was excited over the progress we'd made. "Of course you are happy," I teased her; "you expected nothing from me so everything you get is a bonus." "I apologize," she said softly. "Don't worry about it," I chuckled, "you are hardly the first girl on this campus to think I'm an idiot." No sooner had I spoken those words than Paige hopped over the seat behind me and took the armrest of the chair opposite Raven. "You are a moron, not an idiot," Paige corrected me. "Now, it has been two hours and I've finished my homework. Let's go." "Hey!" snapped Raven. "Excuse me, but did we have plans?" I addressed Paige crossly. "You have been sitting over here for two hours with this bimbo. If she hasn't finished working with you by now, she's even duller than she looks," Paige informed us. "Bimbo!" responded Raven as she stood up to confront Paige. "Paige," I cautioned, "why are you doing this? This is way beyond your normal anti-personnel skills." "I don't like her, and I like her spending time with you even less," Paige declared. "At least I didn't have to spread my legs to make him spend time with me," Raven retorted. That seemed to upset Paige so I intervened. "That's not true," I told Raven. "I hang out with Paige because she is intriguing and smart, like you. Anything else is a private matter between her and me." "I don't like her," Raven replied. "You suck up oxygen that would be better used by mewling infants," Paige countered. "Enough!" I snapped. I turned, cupped Raven's jaw, and kissed her on the lips, leaving her shocked. I turned to Paige and with my countenance, I let her know she'd gone too far. I walked off, looking for somewhere else to be, but the floor was pretty occupied by freshmen now, in their little groups studying and relaxing. I even caught sight of Rio playing pool with Valerie and enjoying herself. Iona was with a group of students I recognized but Barbie Lynn and the teachers were gone. Only Dana remained, an isolated island of calm, watching her television and drinking her beers. I slouched down on the seat next to my former coach. "You are not getting a beer," she told me. "Do I look like I want a beer?" I sighed. "No, you look like you need a beer," she chuckled, "which is worse." "Man, that is a sad assessment of my situation," I groaned; "accurate, but sad." "You need to say 'No' occasionally, Zane," Dana observed. "Since I can no longer keep these girls safe from you, you need to keep yourself safe from them. If you don't set some boundaries, there is going to be trouble." I digested that for a minute. "You are laughing at me on the inside, aren't you?" I remarked. "Pretty much, yes," Dana winked. "This is some twisted plot of yours to make me take some responsibility, damn you," I continued. "Yep," she quipped. "You would think that having so many girlfriends, or potential girlfriends, would be a great thing," I stated. "My problem is that there are so many wonderful girls to meet and I want to get to know them, and it isn't like I get to know someone in one hour, or one day, or even one year, really." Dana laughed out loud so hard she started to cough. "Who would have thought you were a romantic," she snorted. "If you limited yourself to one-night stands, your life would be far easier." "I frankly don't think that is a possibility for me," I shrugged. "Even Paige?" Dana asked, "I know she annoys the crap out of you and she's a total stalker." "She is not," I defended Paige. "She's different but I like her intensity." Dana smirked and a set of arms wrapped around me from behind. Paige rested her head on my shoulder and kissed my ear. "I came back to bitch you out for taking Raven's side over mine," she said softly, "but now I think I'll simply forgive you and be done with it." "Damn it, Paige," I snapped nervously, "would you stop sneaking up on me?" "No," she responded after a moment's introspection. "I want you to be somewhat afraid of me." "Paige, you might want to consider what the hundred and some other girls are going to do to you when they learn you want exclusive rights to Zane," Dana grinned. "We don't have to be exclusive," Paige informed her, like I wasn't even there (this happens to me way too much). "He only needs to be available when I need him. We'll work out other arrangements for us by the end of the semester." "Paige, you accept me on my terms or we don't get together at all," I warned her. "Part of your appeal is that you do so many other things so well," I continued. "You don't need me." "Zane, I gave you, she reminded me with a mixture of anger and sadness. "Paige, you were my first, too," I enlightened her. "I've never taken a woman's virginity before." "It was special to me," she whispered. I turned my head and shoulders far enough around to kiss her. "It was special for me, too, but I know it meant more to you. What I did can't compare to what you went through," I related. "It is not meant to. I haven't forgotten my first time; that doesn't change the fact that I love someone else and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. It has nothing to do with you or any of the other girls. I feel she is the one for me and it doesn't make rational sense," I explained. "I respect that, Zane," Paige allowed. "You are an idiot and a moron; I'm going to need to train you to accept what is best for you, which is me. I became a woman through your exertions and I'm not willing to surrender that glorious feeling to anyone." Dana laughed uproariously while I groaned in despair. "Fine, I'll let you deal with Christina and company," I grumbled. I stood up and disentangled from Paige. She followed me around the sofa until she was cuddled up against me. "Do we have some time?" she inquired while rolling her hip along my pelvis and getting a response from my suicidal cock. "Dinner first, but I wouldn't be opposed to some bedroom time with you," I grinned to Paige. "I'm thinking a hot oil massage, then some cowgirl action." That definitely excited her. Food did end up taking precedence over sex because I was desperately hungry. The meal time was tense, with bandaged members on both sides of the aisle. The big news was that the Board of Directors was meeting tomorrow morning in an emergency session. No mention of the fates of Coach Gorman or Heaven was made. When I got back, I borrowed Gorman's phone and I gave Heaven a call. She exploded all over me when she realized it was me and not the Coach. "I was afraid something had happened, damn you," she snapped. "There is a little thing known as caller ID." "Um, Heaven, you didn't let me get a word in," I pointed out. "How are you doing?" "I'm going nuts," she groused. "I think it is worse, being so close and not being able to help." "Being here isn't all that great," I related. "We are all stuck in our rooms, pretty much. The Coach was fired so she's over here, drinking beer and watching TV." "That has to be weird," Heaven noted. "Are you okay?" "Actually, all my problems are solved," I told her. "Paige Zeller has decided she owns me." "Zeller? That little albino Science Club geek?" Heaven muttered. "When I get back, I'll fix her ass." "Gee, thanks," I chuckled, "but I think I can handle her. The important thing is that we are going to get you back, and as soon as we do, " The TV went dead. "What the, a few of the girls working at the computer stations and at their laptops exclaimed. Our answer was twofold. Ms. Marlowe and five security guards came up the stairs and stared out over the room. My 'room' was a lot to take in the first time around. The arrival of campus security explained the loss of outside access. When the guards entered the security code for the door, it had alerted the system the Science Club had put in place and stopped security from finding our illegal hook-ups with a cursory search. "Ms. Gorman," gawked Ms. Marlowe, "do you have beer up here?" Dana raised a half-drained beer up, examining it intently. "Yes, that would seem to be the case, Edith," Dana responded. "Do you want one? I have five left." "No! This kind of behavior is not allowed," Ms. Marlowe declared. "I'm not employed here anymore, or did you miss that outburst this morning?" Dana chuckled. "You can't kick me out of my room for a month, or so my contract states. I'm not letting any of the students have any, if that makes you happy." "Are you drunk?" Edith inquired. "Not yet, but I'd like to be," Dana sighed. "How about you get on with the security sweep you are here for so I can get back to it." Edith Marlowe shook her head in disgust, then dispatched her guards to look around. There was blatant hostility being generated their way by the present student body. On any other day, that anger would have been the end of it, but one girl started handing out pool cues and girls lined up to get them. "Put those down right now," Ms. Marlowe commanded. "Get stuffed," Vanessa Hutchins, a freshman, shot back. She'd been particularly impacted by Rhaine's actions, having been propelled twice down different stairwells. "Zane," Dana cautioned me. I stood up and walked over to Vanessa. I took the pool cue from her hands gently and placed it on the pool table. "Come on, ladies, the sooner we let them get done, the sooner we can get back to ignoring them," I said to the students. Slowly the sticks were put aside and the guards returned to their search. "Ms. Hutchins, you are coming with me," Ms. Marlowe stepped forward. I turned and looked down at her. "Don't press your luck," I told Marlowe evenly. "We aren't resisting this search but tempers are high and only going to get worse if you push things." "Edith, try to remember that you not only have to get out of this room, you have to get out of the building," Dana pointed out. "I underestimated these students so I'm now sitting here drinking beer and considering my job options." Ms. Marlowe looked down her nose at Dana, who didn't appear to give a crap about her opinion, then motioned the guards to resume looking around. Campus Security hadn't been gone five minutes before Rio came running up to me. "Hey! I heard that there was almost a fight here," she asked me. "Nothing much to it," I shrugged. "Vanessa over there decided that Ms. Marlowe should become familiar with the grain of a certain pool cue and I had to put a stop to it." Valerie and Iona came up in time to hear the explanation. "I guess it was too much to hope that the Chancellor would leave you alone," Iona moped. "People with her personality type don't let go easily," Valerie commented. "I've met more than my share in law enforcement. Their power over other people is how they define themselves." "Therefore, we need Zane to keep her preoccupied," Paige gloated. Mother Fucking God! "I'm going to have to get you a collar with a bell, damn it, Paige," I growled to my albino ghost. "Of course," she hugged me, "I'll wear a black velvet one with an electronic chime on it and you get to wear a shock collar so you can keep your limited intellect on the important things." "Important things?" Valerie grinned. "Yes; important things like obeying me," Paige grinned triumphantly. "Paige, could you please walk this way with me," Iona said sweetly. "We need to talk." "Not right now, Iona; I'm busy with Zane," Paige dismissed Iona. "Paige, come with me right now or I will inflict such painful force upon your person that even Rio will blanch at the damage delivered," Iona stated with a terrible resolve. Paige regarded Iona with disdain. I was about to break things up but Valerie held me back with a small shake of her head. "I'm not afraid of you, Iona Becket," Paige remarked. "Then you haven't studied the implications of our fight. You will win, and Zane won't have anything to do with you anymore. Rio and I are his first friends here and you understand how he weighs such things," Iona told her calmly. "Hurt me, and kiss him goodbye." Paige's face grew grim. "Now let's take a walk and talk this over, Science Clubber to Science Clubber." "I accept the validity of your socio-dynamic theory. Let's talk then." Paige nodded her acceptance of Iona's statement and with a tiny bit more respect for my diminutive friend, the two geeks walked off. Valerie found the exchange to be both confusing and amusing. "Zane, the girls and I were looking over my ride and talking about taking a few weeks off after the spring semester ends and riding out in my territory," Valerie informed me. "I figure I could teach everyone to ride; I could teach Iona basic mechanics; and Rio could learn to fight." "What do you need me to do?" I asked. "Honestly, you are learning to shoot guns and bows, plus you have martial arts training, so you should do fine. I also heard a rumor that you know something about outdoor survival, which is also handy," Valerie continued. "As long as we can keep you away from the other ladies, we should be okay." "That sounds great. Maybe we could put in some rock-climbing once we get there," I suggested. "Didn't, didn't your parents die in a rock-climbing accident?" Valerie asked. "Yes, so? It was something they loved to do and something they taught me to love," I responded. "I won't give up that part of them over one bad memory." "I can't tell if that's cold or touching," Valerie smirked. "I'll let you figure that one out," I grinned back. "Some things you tell the world, some things you tell your friends, and a few things you keep to yourself." "Is that why you don't pry?" Valerie noted. "Rio says you've never asked her about her history, which makes you pretty unique. 'What were you in for?' was my first question to her." "It is my business to know who you are, not who you were," I told her. "I have to live with you in the present, so that's my business." "My Mom is going to love you," Valerie grinned. "How about your Grandfather?" I inquired. "Touch me in a sexual manner and he'll break out of Maximum Security to kill you," Val winked. "I'm not afraid," I boasted. "Oh?" Valerie arched an eyebrow. "Yes. I have a passport and am not afraid to use it," I joked. "Wow," Dana observed, "so this is what Zane is like when he has blood flowing to his brain; he actually makes sense." "Why am I being nice to you, again?" I questioned Dana. "I haven't a fucking clue," Dana shrugged, "after all, I kicked your ass and beat you to unconsciousness." "You knocked Zane out?" Valerie asked. "If you ever have to teach Zane, you'll end up feeling the same way I did," Dana sneered. "It was an accident," Rio informed Val. "Zane threw his face at her fist and she was forced to defend herself." "What really happened, Zane?" Valerie inquired. "I haven't a clue. I heard 'Ready, set,' and I woke up staring at the ceiling thirty seconds later," I answered. "I punched him, but to be fair, he'd knocked me down with a kick in our previous encounter," Gorman admitted. "I was actually surprised he went down because Zane can take a beating." "That's the second nicest thing you've ever said about me," I commented. "What was the first?" Dana said. "You told Ms. Lane I wasn't a total waste of effort," I related. "Speaking of which, you did her, didn't you?" Dana asked. "I like keeping my relationships discreet, I started, then several girls around me groaned, ", if that is what they want, so no comment." "Let's just say that I've seen teeth marks on Zane's shoulder that have a slight gap on the left like a certain someone we both know," Rio snickered. Dana snorted. Before I could respond, I saw Iona coming my way and Paige angling for the door. I nodded to Iona and mouthed a 'thank you' to her, then angled to cut Paige off. "Where are you going?" I questioned her. "I get it; I'm not wanted, you have better things to do, and I am not going to get what I want so I'm leaving," Paige sounded hurt. "Did I say I didn't want you around?" I asked. "Iona said that you spending time with me was something the other girls wouldn't allow. Even Cordelia feels that way, apparently," Paige informed me. "I think you misunderstood," I clarified. "I want to spend time with you but I can't simply kick other girls aside because I do." "So now you want to spend time with me, but why should I spend time with you?" she countered. "I don't know," I replied. "Why did you come over and hassle Raven and I?" That brought her up short, not because she didn't know the answer but because she didn't want to admit it. "I was jealous," she said softly. "You don't need to be," I told her. "We are study buddies, nothing more." "You are a moro

Vi har tagit oss till slutet av denna, vid det här laget, djupt oseriösa serie. I det tolfte extra långa avsnittet av vår Love is Blind-bevakning pratar vi Alis ytliga vänner och falska morsa, ”cold-hearted fucking bitch”-kommentaren från Antons vänner, Edmunds sorgliga familjesituation och fantastiska femte-klass-lärare, präster med hatt och Megans oklara uppbrott med Jordan. Vi fortsätter även vårt tjafs kring KB och Edmund samt frågar oss om svårigheterna att skapa fungerande par beror på dålig casting eller att denna generation singlar inte förstår hur relationer fungerar, vad kompromisser innebär och vad kärlek är. Enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Et si le fist fucking était un art ? Découvrez une pratique qui allie plaisir intense et connexion spirituelle.Juan Carlos Garcia Berrio est le cocreateur de La Fistinière, sexotherapeute, praticien en massage californien, organisateur des soirées, formateur, coach et professeur à l'Ecole des Arts Sadiens.Dans cet épisode, vous allez nous entendre parler de :De ce qu'est le Fist-FuckingLes orifices utilisés Comme ça se pratique ? Et pour qui est-ce destiné ?Quid de l'anus. État et IncontinenceLes mises en gardes et risquesL'intégration du fist-fucking dans une relation Les bénéfices et les apportsLes sensations ressenties Pour retrouver mon invité.e :lafistiniere.comjuancarlosdelafistiniere.com empab.fr (site de bien-être)Ressources pour aller plus loin :Mon TEDx : Sexualité: existe-t-il une norme ? Pour prendre RDV, c'est ICI

Perhaps consumerism is the product of and the fact that most people now cannot afford to own a home, or a house or single property, single-family properties, and as a consequence, pours all of their time money and resources towards recurring objects, kind of like the low testosterone version of Tyler David, who just spends his whole life occurring the ideal little old furniture objects from IKEA or whatever to complete him himself? Fucking c'est la vie!.I suppose one of the biggest innovations in grand things about bitcoin is that, 99.999% of people could never afford a single family home, a single-family house, a single-family home home ownership. As a consequence, people pour all their money and resources into superfluous stuff like materials, material objects, iPhones, shrink it gadgets and wizmos, etc. I also wonder them, as a consequence and offshoot, what does then promote also is drugs, and alcoholism because once again, people have no other way of expansion, and as a consequence, seek escape and escapism from this otherwise cramped and depressing life.Something that's actually kind of shocking to me is that, I think the whole time I actually had no idea but, it does seem that the honest truth is that having a big ass house, a big ass plot of land, a single-family home, with a big ass backyard, with room to expand grow develop and build, is in fact, a quadrillion times better than renting an apartment. Especially if you have a young kid.Also for me as an adult, it's kind of shocking because I never thought that I would actually like only a single-family home, sweeping up the home, etc., and as a consequence, I think the big thing that I learned is the reason why you should never take peoples advice or ask them for their opinion is because they are not the same shoes as you.For example, like almost 100% of people are employed by somebody else but not themselves.Honestly it is extremely rare for me to ever meet anybody who is successful and also self-employed, ideally a sole proprietor, kind of like my friend Todd Hata, and more recently, a guy I bumped into named Codey,,, who apparently does set design for T-Pain, and also design for Shaquille O'Neal.  I think the wrong thing that people tried to chase is Security stability and perhaps some sort of like arbitrary notion of a big income? And as a consequence, people end up making the wrong life decisions because .Your thoughts shape reality AutomotonManly.aiHow to become more manly .Perhaps the purpose of having had is to just keep your head warm, you don't actually need to block the sun? Then ironically enough, once the sun is out, take off your hat? .Men, standing men, are superior to cars, stationary, short carsIt is true that the Germans, have superior craftsmanship, attention to detail.For example the Audi, Audi Q7 is like 1 trillion times better than any Tesla car.Then the question is, what is better quality, Audi, Lamborghini, Porsche Ferrari or Lexus?Also a bold idea, is it possible that Lexus could create some sort of new sub brand, or even more of an elite brand, which is like, the Rolls-Royce version of Lexus? Like imagine making some sort of like Lexus Rolls-Royce phantom?,The virtues of bark for a backyard… It's good at absorbing moisture?.Inefficiency is a virtue I guess getting my film Leica MP was a good idea it's kind of amazing because even after all this time, it still works amazing! Even going through major technological changes like AI etc. 

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Avsnitt elva i vår Love is Blind-bevakning är här! Vi börjar självklart med att snacka om You're-not-serious-people-Joes dumpning av Madison, KB och Special Eds fight-with-a-view, Anton som kom sent till träffen med Alis mamma, Megans numerologi vid husköp, Special Eds ursäkt, Jordans trötthet, vikten av att båda parter anpassar sig i en relation + mycket mer. Enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.