Pick up the Phone

On today's episode, I start by sharing a magical ability I think I might have and why "normal" superpowers are better than flashy ones. Then I discuss why I find the vampire obsession on TV shows overdone and all the ways I think supernatural shows could be more interesting. All those love triangles but still only vampires and werewolves? Really?? Finally, my take on the one thing Karen's get right (I promise it's not as terrible as it sounds). In the new year, I'm hoping to be 5% more annoying, but only when it's warranted. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today's Desk Chair Expert is Brendan, another friend from my college comedy days. We catch up on what he's been up to in the years since, particularly what it's like to try and pursue acting on top of a full-time job. Brendan shares his honest and helpful advice on how to meet other entertainers, what to look for in an agent, and what to expect if you're not super wealthy and/or a nepotism baby. He also does his best assessment of how I would be typecast in the film industry. On top of that, we share our hot and mildy warm takes on the Real Housewives, "theater kids," and overdone comedy bits. Bonus: enjoy watching Brendan die a little inside every time I don't get a movie or TV reference. As a reminder, this series is called Desk Chair Expert because the guests are regular people talking about subjects they find interesting. Please understand that they are discussing the extent of their personal knowledge and expressing their individual opinions.

We're starting out strong this week with a tale of what happens when dads let their wildest opinions out while shopping. Then I detail my extremely academic research into How to Tell if Your Friend is Secretly Super Rich (data doesn't lie, folks, and neither does their faucet). I share why I think the Wolf of Wall Street actually has a lot in common with sugar daddy DM's on social media and then recount some weird moments I've had being the only girl in a group of dudes.

What happens when you combine two Recovering Former Tryhards? You get this week's podcast with our Desk Chair Expert, Paolo. He gives us all the info that Queen's Gambit didn't, including which kinds of chess boards are the most annoying to play on, who caused the latest chess scandal (because apparently those exist), and what the heck a "gambit" even is. Then we turn to his time as a Resident Advisor (RA) at university. Paolo and I swap stories of getting in trouble with RA's and then he shares his approach to being a good role model for people your own age. We also compare which of us had the nerdier childhood and talk through some ways we're trying to get past our tryhard habits. As a reminder, this series is called Desk Chair Expert because the guests are regular people talking about subjects they find interesting. Please understand that they are discussing the extent of their personal knowledge and expressing their individual opinions.

Coming in hot, I tell everyone about my childhood envy over not having a celebrity lookalike but why I actually think that's kind of a good thing now. Then I admit why I think I'm too privileged to go camping (I swear it's not as controversial as it sounds) (someone please tell me if you can wear contacts on a camping trip). Closing it out is a recent conclusion I've come to about the official worst job a person can have. Beware. PS if you hear sirens in the background, no you don't.

You ever have that one friend that is always turning anything small into a Whole Big Thing? For me, that person is this week's Desk Chair Expert, Agustin. We get to hear about this summer's Big Thing, biking across the USA (featuring billboards, bar crawls, and a North Dakota monastery). Then I ask Agustin to reflect on his own mindset and we share our thoughts on how to make your own fun and how to deal with the pressure to race through life. We also spill some stories about the curse on our friendship AKA how we've managed to cause some trouble in every city we visit. Finally, Agustin talks about some of his other favorite adventures, including farming in Norway and making wine in a dorm room. As a reminder, this series is called Desk Chair Expert because the guests are regular people talking about subjects they find interesting. Please understand that they are discussing the extent of their personal knowledge and expressing their individual opinions.

First things first, I do my best impression of the absolutely crazy way American TV anchors read news headlines. Then I discuss all the reasons I think I might have died if I lived in an earlier time period (is it weird that I think about this topic a lot?) and I share what I believe to be society's true equalizer. Finally, I unpack some seriously bizarre stories from my childhood that gave me a healthy fear of commitment before I hit double digits.

This week's Desk Chair Expert, Audrey, comes on the show to offer us some of the cringiest and creepiest dates she's been on, all for the sake of a good laugh. Audrey and I try to guess what other people find annoying about us, and Audrey exposes her "toxic" astrology chart. We share our thoughts on dating in diffferent cities and how dating apps mess with our minds. Then we get into what the worst things to see on a dating app are (besides a photo with a fish) and debate if men have more problematic behaviors than the rest of us (no, we all suck). We take turns rating your submissions and airing out our worst dates, which include an audio message enthusiast and a secretly sappy drug dealer.

If you're wondering why I missed two weeks of podcasts, I... uhhhhh... was busy having COVID. Here are some audio files from the dark days of my quarantine, including how I found out I had it and why I never miss my parents more than when I'm sick. Plus, why does everything seem to go wrong at the same time? As if COVID wasn't enough, huh? Be warned, this is 20 minutes of me brain dumping about being sick.  

FANTASY/ADVENTURE/MYSTERY - 1:10 NONFICTION/MEMOIRS - 10:13

First up in today's episode is me trying to puzzle through some weird advertisements I've been seeing around the city. Do we really need marketing for public goods? Then I share what I think men missed during the "Me Too" movement and critically analyze serial killers through a feminist lens. Later, I'm taking everyone back to my childhood, where I tried and failed to be trendy in any way. I come up with some unorthodox parenting strategies -- I'll be giving my kids a prehistoric childhood and no one can stop me.

Wholesome episode alert!! Today's Desk Chair Expert is one of my closest friends, Jillian, and we're talking about our thoughts on what makes a strong friendship. Starting with the story of how we met at a culty/nerdy summer camp, we recount how we ended up friends (we're not actually sure) and how we've stayed friends despite never living in the same place. We discuss some of the highlights and most difficult times in our friendship and how we worked through them. Jillian shares her tips on how to vocalize the support you need, what the value of female friendship is, and when it might be time to take a step back from a friendship that isn't fulfilling you. As a reminder, this series is called Desk Chair Expert because the guests are regular people talking about subjects they find interesting. Please understand that they are discussing the extent of their personal knowledge and expressing their individual opinions. 

We're getting meta this week and I'm giving all of my best tips, tricks, and mistakes to avoid about starting a podcast. After three months of doing this, I've learned a lot, so I'm taking you all through that journey -- complete with a lot of late nights designing and editing. In part one, I'm focusing on how to even come up with a "good idea" and then how to turn that idea into a fully formed brand that is compelling to new listeners. TIMESTAMPS: 1:59 - generating ideas + finding your niche 8:13 - hosts, guests, length + other details 12:34 - coming up with a good name 19:12 - designing cover art 24:00 - writing a description 27:52 - intro, outro, theme music

This episode is honestly just me uncovering my guilt. First I try to recount some Biblical stories (aka my church guilt). Then I discuss what our treatment of bugs says about us as humans (aka my ant guilt). Am I one step away from being a dictator? Maybe. Finally, I tell everyone about my recent coffee-related purchase and how it's made me accidentally BFF's with a CEO (no guilt, just regret). 

Today's Desk Chair Expert grew up in San Antonio and moved to Houston and I'm absolutely taking advantage of him being my only Texas friend for this episode. I ask Jacob to walk us through the evolution of the Texas music scene, from the Geto Boys to Chopped & Screwed remixes. We also talk about what counts as "the South" and how rap changes across Southern cities. Jacob and I try to answer some of Texas' biggest mysteries, including: what does the phrase "Dirty South" mean? What's better, the San Antonio Spurs or actual spurs? And is Scarface a fan of this podcast? As a reminder, this series is called Desk Chair Expert because the guests are regular people talking about subjects they find interesting. Please understand that they are discussing the extent of their personal knowledge and expressing their individual opinions.

Personality tests are just us projecting our idealized selves into a BuzzFeed quiz, you heard it here first, folks. After hashing that out, I tell everyone why I think "cancel culture" is something we've been doing since our playground days. Then I reveal my favorite current "cancelling," which teaches us that drug-fueled sex parties have a lot in common with Fight Club. Later, I imagine what it would be like if I went to court and consider switching careers to become a famous scammer.

FICTION - 2:24 ROMANCE - 16:18 SHORT STORY COLLECTIONS - 21:54

Get ready, 'cause I kind of came for everyone in this episode. First I unpack the mystery of "ugly cute" celebrities and why they're popular with women (here's a hint, it's being a nice person). Then I get frustrated with adults that give BS advice to younger people -- someone tell your Aunt Patty that we already know how to pay rent. Then I ponder an age-old dilemma, Are We Millenials or Gen Z? Later, I talk about some of the best and worst parts of having to interact with so many people because I live in a city and describe a store that I'm convinced is a portal to another dimension.

Today's Desk Chair Expert, Maruf, is a PhD candidate in Virginia Tech's Translational Biology, Medicine, and Health program (and yes I did copy that from an article about him). On top of his research, Maruf has served in several leadership positions working to make changes that positively impact graduate student well-being. He is also the only person I know who uses "moreover" in casual conversation.  Maruf shares with us his thoughts on the COVID-19 pandemic as a person who actually understands viruses and vaccines, and we reminisce on the weirdness of early pandemic days. He shares how his path changed from never considering graduate school to, you know, getting a PhD. Then he gives some seriously helpful and honest thoughts on how to evaluate if graduate school is a good option for you. We get into our shared history as "student leaders" and talk about fun times working together as well as what schools can do to better support graduate students and how difficult it can be to actually make these changes happen. You can find more of Maruf on Google Scholar, Instagram, and Twitter. As a reminder, this series is called Desk Chair Expert because the guests are regular people talking about subjects they find interesting. Please understand that they are discussing the extent of their personal knowledge and expressing their individual opinions.

Today I pitch my dream reality TV show, which involves locking my extended family in a house together (sorry, guys). Then I shed light on some of the lesser-known problems that overthinkers face and the surprising amount of similarities between strippers and waiters. Finally, I trash talk all of the mispronunications of my name that I hate and confess to the worst time I've messed up somebody else's name.

Please give a warm welcome to today's Desk Chair Expert, the person who has to put up with me 24/7, my roommate Zoe. In this episode, Zoe and I expose each others' weird habits and commiserate about our many years of awkwardness. Zoe talks about how she got started on her curly hair journey and we break down advice that has helped our hair. Then we discuss how mixed race people are perceived differently in different spaces and other aspects of having multiple cultural identities. Later, Zoe schools us on why anime is better than "real people TV" and gives show recommendations.  Curly hair resources: r/CurlyHair, r/WavyHair, wavy hair routine example, curly hair routine example, hair porosity, Zoe's preferred brand, Camellia's preferred brand  As a reminder, this series is called Desk Chair Expert because the guests are regular people talking about subjects they find interesting. Please understand that they are discussing the extent of their personal knowledge and expressing their individual opinions.

Welcome back to our regularly scheduled programming. This week I recount maybe my most embarrassing moment ever, which happened in front of the World's Most Attractive Man. Then I explain how I go through all five stages of grief while trying to buy new clothes without breaking the bank or killing the earth and wonder why some jobs look so cool on TV even though they're boring in real life. To find out more about the ethics of the brands you're buying from, check out Good on You. 

Please give a warm welcome to today's Desk Chair Expert, Grant, who brings his experience writing, performing, and directing comedy. Grant and I break down how to joke about serious subjects, discuss being relatable vs. being specific, and find out how many times we can say “truth” or “honesty” in half an hour (spoiler alert: it's a lot). Grant gives us actionable suggestions for how to generate ideas and get started with creating comedy that evokes emotions and makes a point. You can find more of Grant's work on the SPAP Sketch Comedy YouTube page. References mentioned: How to Write Funny, Scott Dikkers; Truth in Comedy, Charna Halpern, Del Close, Kim “Howard” Johnson; George Carlin; Lysistrata, Aristophanes; Joe Pera Talks With You; Fraggle Rock, Jim Henson; Nanette, Hannah Gadsby As a reminder, this series is called Desk Chair Expert because the guests are regular people talking about subjects they find interesting. Please understand that they are discussing the extent of their personal knowledge and expressing their individual opinions.

Today I sort of kind of proposition the senate, reveal my Obama-related form of insanity, and discuss if I'm doomed to always set off airport security sensors. Also, I dish on why DC residents love to hate on Arlington, the capital of Virginia.

Today I try and fail to understand manifesting, trash talk stores I think would get big and forget where they came from, and spend a disproportionately long amount of time yelling about tortillas. Oh, and rumor has it I'm still waiting to be let in to see my gynocologist.

Welcome to the first episode! Today I talk about moving to a new city, recount my failed attempt to become a kid rapper, and share a tried and true way to psycho-analyze men based on their interior decor.